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#also to any pro-forced-birthers who try to start shit on this post– im not engaging with you here
cisthoughtcrime · 3 years
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I know I've posted about my abortion before, but I really can't say this enough:
abortion isn't a fun process or a first resort. my abortion was the single most physically painful experience of my life. they gave me the same opioid pain medication that chemo patients take and it was still mind-shatteringly painful. I almost never vomit even when sick but my abortion made me vomit just from the sheer pain. I passed blood clots the size of small fruits. I writhed on the floor of the bathroom naked and weeping and jerking around trying to find a single position that hurt less. I begged my little sister to kill me to make it stop. I eventually blacked out after hours of this.
and I'd do it again without hesitation if I got pregnant again.
I'm not sharing this to scare anyone out of getting an abortion and I know not all are as painful and miserable as mine was. I'm sharing it to illustrate the desperation that can motivate an abortion and that it's not something anyone does for fun or on a lark. it's not a desirable experience. it's not something I would sign up for if I had any other options.
I had to wait two weeks between finding out I was pregnant (I was abroad when I took the test) and actually getting the abortifacient pills from planned parenthood. i don't know if I've ever been more terrified or felt more out of control than I did in those two weeks. there is a reason forced pregnancy is recognised by the Geneva Convention and the Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court as a crime against humanity. it is a harrowing experience. oh, and that wasn't changed by the fact that I was able to afford the abortion to begin with-- financial restrictions to abortion resources are a serious issue, but that doesn't mean that abortion is a non-issue if you can afford it.
I had always been pro-choice but in a very theoretical bioethics way; in the 'no one has a right to use someone else's body to stay alive without their consent' kind of way, in the 'if you need a kidney transplant to stay alive you can't just forcibly take someone's kidney because of your right-to-life' kind of way. That's still a good argument that I agree with, even if the fetus were 'alive' in a way that mattered, it doesn't have the right to leech off my body without my consent and endanger my life and permanently change my body for its own sake. My pregnancy and abortion experience grounded my stance so much more in the overlooked humanity of women and the trivialization of the extremity of pregnancy and its risks.
I wouldn't wish an unwanted pregnancy on anyone. If I hadn't had access to a safe abortion I would have done just about anything to seek out any way to terminate the pregnancy. I think I would have rather died than been forced to carry to term.
my heart is with the women of Texas and everywhere else that underestimates the gravity of forced pregnancy.
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