#also trying to live with all the awfulness in the world. anyway-

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HIII THABK U FOR THE TRIVIA AND ASHE SONG before i take forever 2 answer those or forget here is a blank ticket to please please talk about prime defenders and their AWFUL emotional literacy and processing skills i would literally love to read that essay so much ive also been thinking about it incessantly. big eyes staring up at u.png. ok ok peace out GOODNIGHT !!!! <33

i lied actually im not going to bed im judt thinking about this ans listening to St. John on a loop now. hello catkiss.gif i forgot how youve filled me with so much joy. that cat is so fuckign cute

anyway. hi :) prime defenders huh. this is gonna be less of an essay and more of a sleepy ramble but ohhh i have so many thoughts. they all process things so differently and none of them are good at it they all need therapy so bad. ms.g where is the hero therapy why didnt you build that into w.a.t.c.h ma'am

vyncent is probably the best at actually processing things out of all of them, he just internalizes everything to the point where he wont talk about it unless hes pushed past the breaking point. vyncent is actually very.. emotionally intelligent? i want to say mature but that feels like im singling him out because hes the oldest. i just feel like because he grew up on Fauna and had to be in basically survival mode in a world full of monsters trying to kill you.. that makes a person grow up quicker than they should. i think vyncent had a good childhood and for the most part his parents took good care of him but just.. living in that world doesnt seem like it leaves room for a whole lot of expressing emotions. vyncent is good at quick analysis of a situation, but unless a problem directly interferes with the current goal he doesnt externalize it to everyone else. but bottling up his feelings and emotions just builds up pressure over time until something like the lich makes him blow up and let it all out at once, usually in a dramatic monologue format bc condi is really good at those god damn it. also they played off the fact that vyncent said all of that to the lich and then missed his attack as a funny thing but i like to think of it as. he got too overwhelmed w his emotions and lashed out too soon it made his fighting messy. vyncent is so angry and honestly after what hes been through he deserves to be !!!!

william wisp. my boy. god hes just like me fr so much so that it physically hurts sometimes. anyway. i always think back to the scene where theyre all in the cabin talking about themselves/sharing backstories and william keeps desperately trying not to talk about himself. the fact that hes so ashamed of his powers he hides wisp form every time. two of his powers are LITERALLY a) turning invisible and b) turning intangible, usually as an excuse to leave whatever situation hes in ("accidentally" falling through the floor at opportune moments in season 1) . theres. a thing that happens at the end of episode 13/beginning of epidode 14 that youre really close to and i wont spoil yet but god it has to do with this so extremely much please come back to my inbox when you get there. youll know what it is trust me. um. yeah. so anyway. i think a lot of this comes from a place of. he doesnt want anyone to be scared of him. williams not stupid hes incredibly smart and insightful he knows his powers are objectively SCARY. hes scared of himself constantly, he doesnt want anyone else to feel that way about him, so he shifts focus whenever those aspects of himself are brought up because if someone were to think about it for any amount of time theyd realize the truth that hes scary and dangerous to be around (<< william logic. hey remember how one of the reasons he originally left deadwood was because the monsters there were attracted to the wisps and therefore Him so he left to keep his friends/family out of danger)

i think a lot about williams death and the immediate aftermath, i dont know how much you actually know and how much of this comes later but . how does he go home after waking up from that. his parents know about his powers, so they MUST know what happened. what do you think he told them when he god home muddy and dirty and broken and probably bloody after being missing for. god knows how long. how does he look his mother in the eyes and tell her her little boy is dead. but hes also not because hes standing right in front of her. how the fuck do you think he felt the first time he went into wisp form and saw his body laying there !!! of course he wouldnt want to talk about that!!!! youre gonna have to pry william wisps emotions from his cold dead hands !!!!!!!

dakota's response to the ashe situation was to run away in the woods and do nothing but train for 10 months. he didnt think about it for 10 months. i dont even have a whole lot to say about dakota other than like. stunned silence whenever his inability to process trauma is brought up because grizzly does such an incredible job at being like "you ask dakota how hes doing and his face is just blank" << paraphrased actual quote from an episode i cannot remember which one. either 11 or 12 ?

also because im thinking about him im including ashe in this. we didnt get to see a whole lot of his canon reactions to extreme emotional situations so a lot of this is just coming from My Mind but ashe seems like hed be the type to repress a lot of his emotions too. being alone in your house/in your room for extended periods of time will do that to a guy. i think he feels a lot of things and will probably very openly cry/scream/get angry when hes alone but as soon as he knows another person is there he can immediately flip the switch to turn it all off like nothing happened. very much a deadpan "im fine." if someone asks how hes doing, even if hes got like. the remainder of tear tracks down his face. cannot physically express his emotions in the presence of someone else

#very tempted to add a thing about the greats to vyncents section but i am not going to #anyway do u think it was weird for him to have the people he idolized in his brain. they knew things he thought #they felt things he felt they probably talked about it its no wormnder he keeps his emotions close to his chest etc etc etc #anyway. #im projecting a little bit on all of these can you tell. dont take any of this as canon i am fully like. #oh boy how can i put aspects of my godawful mental health practices on my favorite little superhero teens. #especially ashe be he has not a whole lot of canon basis . sorry ashe you get my emotion switch #asks #intertexts #friends!!! #jrwi pd #um!!! sorry i went off on the second william paragraph i think about the early stages of him gaining his powes a lot. #its the danny phantom in me #also that last sentence was especially mean of me sorry. i did yhat on purpose :) i love to be evil #OKAY. im going to bed for real now. i had 2 get this out of my system before i slept on it and forgot all the thoughts fresh in my mind

[shy-mama]

The Dream

There once was a girl who grew up with a family of immigrants, the youngest out of the bunch with memories of blue and confusion. Since young shed looked up at the sky and make wishes, having complete blind fate it would happen. The young girl was beaten by life backstab after backstab, her audacious smile was gone. Turned into a edgy pre teen who was just trying to take it day by day. The dreams were still there but wrong encounters with the wrong people cut the strings of the balloons and made them float into space. Then there was nothing, nothing but love, so she clung onto the little she could conjure up, and there was so very little so she turned desperate. Drugs and visions, visions and drugs. visions inside and out. The love that she had summoned started to consume her until she couldn’t even tell who she was or what, or why. Then after several dark nights of the soul. She sat up. she remembered the wishes she made to the sky. In fact she didn’t just remember, she had always remembered, this time she FELT those wishes once again. She was going to do what she wanted to do because what the hell with it. What she desired was what will make her happy and thats all that mattered to her at that point. She wrote down a list with the cadence of a kindergartner. Become model aka prettiest girl in the world, get cute and popular boyfriend, travel. And for the first time in a long time all of these seemed possible. She just had to get the ball rolling. That day she had completely gained trust in herself. She started with the weight loss she did a juice cleanse which jumpstarted her weight loss. Then got a juicer and would mostly drink juices. Then she applied for about 10 modeling agencies and was accepted to the one she was most hoping for. She knew she would get in since this is what she had been destined to do since she was 3. Thankfully she had the right encounters with the right people and quickly moved up in the modeling world. Her skills and looks were also a testament to that. She was traveling the country and world doing photoshoots and runways and drinking hot chocolate in a cafe with Bella Hadid. First part of her list complete. She had a fashion award ceremony to attend to in Seoul, south Korea. She had been informed from her agent that she would be winning a big award. After she had received her award. Thats when she met the 2nd part of her list. Boy A, he approached her and was visibly in awe of her. The two love birds hit it off immediacy and started dating. Things were moving fast between them, they said its because they feel like they knew each other in several past lives. After a few months they had been caught on one of their outings together. The photos were posted all over and boy A’s fans were outraged, some were sad, and some were happy for him. The blogs were all talking about boy A’s mystery girl lover. She was thriving with this, reading all the jealous and shocked comments had her vibrating she had craved this. It was one of the reasons she wanted a popular and cute boyfriend anyway. Oh and for item 3 on the list that was already accomplished. Because of work she had to travel frequently, she had also gone on friend trips and lover trips as well. 

So the sum of the story is just sit up, you don't have to stand up just start somewhere. Make a list of what you want and I mean truly want. If thats hard for you to find out try to pretend a genie came and gave you three wishes. Then break down those wishes and how to practically get there. honestly along as you start on wish 1 the other wishes will come rolling easily to you, why? Because the universe loves when we have desire. Because love and desire is the creators one true will. And also drill into your head that its impossible to fail. Because the universe has a billion safety nets on every side of you. And if you are like me and really hate this universe talk just remember the universe is closer then you think. Ps the universe is you!, yes when all those manifesters on YouTube are talking about trust in the universe they mean trust in yourself. I don't want to get into the whole quantum physics, astronomy, and spirituality logic of it but I had a hard time trusting the uni. Primarily because it was a source outside myself. Then I learned that universe is literally inside everyone and myself and things got some much easily to understand.I know that at the end of the day if no ones got me I got me. Ive only been alive for 22 years but I, myself, has brought me, myself, out of some much chaos and darkness. So I really have no other choice but to believe in myself and make shit happen.

#self growth #it girl #life skills #becoming that girl #dream girl #girljournal #self love #glow up #glow up tips #it girl energy #manifesting #early morning #healing #healing journey #self awareness #hyper feminine #just feeling #motivation #my diary #inspiration #wonyoungism #pinkcore #dream life #creator of my reality #girlblogging

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

It never gets any fucking easier does it

#bitch bout to do smth very stupid here #i've kept my distance for what already feels like forever n i really thought by now i'd be. at least on the way to functioning on my own #i can ignore it when i'm doin ok but the pull never goes away it's always there #then i get low n i just. can't think of a reason to fight it anymore #i feel like i got sold just another lie. that if i just stay strong n don't go back then i'll start learning how to live w/o him but #did anyone actually tell me that? did i just lie to myself? he makes me feel awful most of the time but if i feel awful anyway then why not #sometimes it helps for a moment or two #that's if he even wants me around anyway. could you go either way #cause i'm sick n weak n suicidal just the way he likes me but also he might be too focused on doll to feel like playin w/ me rn #i feel like everyone told me it'd get easier but maybe they didn't. or maybe i'm doin smth wrong. #honestly it might be my fault he's gettin worse again in the first place cause maybe he was right n i just need a villain in my life #someone to blame when everything's too hard #i guess i wouldn't know what to do w/ myself if he really changed like we supposedly want him to so..... #i hate how i'm realizing he was right about more n more things all the fucking time #i can't do this on my own. i need someone to go to someone i can rely on someone to hold me #others in this system got someone who actually cares about em n what do i get? fucking val #i try not to go there cause it's not healthy but lately it's been hard to convince myself this life isn't a punishment #hell was too cozy so they put me here instead. i don't deserve to be looked after. i only deserve to be used #i don't know what exactly it was i did that was so awful but. i can't make sense of it any other way #so there must be something. this is just me gettin my due. #why else would i have been made like this? wired wrong for this world in so many ways always needin too much #so stop bitching n whining about it n just take it like a good boy #i'm still a good boy if i rly put myself into it right? #spdrvent

[lovebugism]

hi!! shy!reader with eddie and love confession???

ty for requesting xoxo — eddie tells you he (doesn't) have a crush on you at a party (shy!fem!r, friends to lovers, 0.8k)

The local freak is greeted with thunderous applause.

Eddie’s late, fashionably so. His hair is wild, his eyes are smudged black, and his smile is lopsided. He makes the rounds across the dimly lit living room, acknowledging just about everyone he sees, and gets handed a drink along the way.

You feel strangely honored when he decides to settle next to you.

He plops down on the couch beside you — where you’ve been alone for some minutes now — with enough vigor to jostle the cushions below you. He doesn’t bother to leave anything more than an inch of space between your thighs. He throws his arm over the back of the couch and flashes a crooked pink smile your way.

“Hi,” Eddie greets, all cool as he sips from the plastic cup in his ringed hand.

Your face burns with his attention. You duck your gaze to your lap and fight back a too-big smile. “Hi.”

“How’s it going?”

“Fine,” you hum, peering sweetly beneath your lashes. “You?”

“Awful,” he quips. Then he beams. “Until now, anyway. ‘Cause I missed you.”

His words set your skin ablaze — you think you’d burn him if he touched you just now. Your chest swirls with the billowing flames. You couldn’t hide your giddy smile if you tried. “Missed you, too, Eds.”

The boy huffs. He rolls his eyes, hardly serious, as he says, “I bet you say that to all the boys.”

You shoot him a half-hearted glare, too pretty to be threatening. “There are no other boys, Eddie,” you murmur, visibly shy because he knows that. It’s why he’s smiling so damn big. 

“Good,” he hums with a lazy grin, letting the tension between you linger for a moment. He brings the cup to his mouth for another taste of bitter alcohol. It shines on his rosy lips before he licks it away. After a second or so of silence, he confesses, “‘Cause I kinda like having you all to myself.”

A weird ache settles behind your ribcage. “I bet you say that to all the girls,” you murmur with an averted gaze, anxious hands fidgeting with the solo cup you hold between them. It’s a joke — mostly — but it comes out more serious than you mean it to.

Eddie scoffs. “There are no other girls. You’re the only person in Indiana willing to give a freak a chance, turns out.”

“Is that why you’re sitting here?” you squint, still impossibly sheepish. “Because I’m the only one who’ll give you a chance?”

“I’m sitting here ‘cause you’re the only person in Hawkins I can stand for more than five minutes,” he answers without missing a beat. Then he tilts his cheek to his shoulder and smirks. “So you having a big, fat crush on me was just fate.”

Feeling seen and half-embarrassed, you turn away. “I don’t have a crush on you.”

“Oh. Right,” Eddie says with a slow, sarcastic nod. “The same way, I don’t have a crush on you either, right?”

And it’s so like the both of you — to confess something so deep by not confessing at all.

His grin widens when you roll your eyes. He knocks his leather-clad shoulder against yours but doesn’t try to move away. Still leaning against you, he continues. “Then it might also make you feel better to know that I haven’t been in love with you since tenth grade, either.”

You peek at him, just barely. “Really?”

“Yeah,” he nods. “And, you know what? I actually want other girls lookin’ at me.”

“Do you?” you hum and face him fully. 

With your chin to your shoulder, Eddie’s much closer than you thought he’d be. Your noses are mere inches apart. You can smell the whiskey-mint-nicotine concoction on his breath. The proximity makes your head swim.

“‘Cause I don’t see you at all,” he jokes with a dramatic inflection, obviously teasing.

The rest of the world is invisible when I’m with you, he’d say if he weren’t such a coward. It could be falling apart right now, and I wouldn’t even know it.

“Not even a little bit?” you press, lips quirked in a shy smile.

He shakes his head. The wild strands of his hair tickle your jaw. “Not at all,” he answers and prays you understand him in his sarcasm.

You purse your glossed lips to the side of your mouth and turn away from him again. Your cheeks feel on fire as you duck your gaze to the hardly-sipped cup in your lap. “Well, that sucks,” you quip after a few moments of silence. “I thought we had something going here.”

The boy scoffs. He drops his arm from the back of the couch to wrap more fully around your shoulders. The musky scent of his cologne swaddles you the same way his touch does.

“Oh, c’mon,” he croons with a lazy smile. “You know you can’t deny our chemistry.”

Your eyes narrow at him. “Didn’t you fail chemistry?”

His lips jut in a soft pout. “I don’t see how that’s—”

“Twice?”

You bite back a grin when he glares playfully at you — the roles now sufficiently reversed.

“Stop being mean. I’m already in love with you,” he grouses with a feigned pout scrunching his flushed features. “Now you’re just rubbing it in.”

#published by bug #eddie munson x reader #stranger things x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson #stranger things #stranger things imagine #eddie munson imagine #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fic #stranger things fanfiction #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fic #st drabbles #eddie spaghetti drabble

[helen-with-an-a]

I need to be perfect

Hi. So I kinda don't like this, but I kinda do at the same time, and I wasn't quite sure how to end it. It was also a really good request so I might use the prompt again in another way. Anyways, I hope you enjoy.

Barca Femeni x Reader ; Alexia Putellas x Reader (Platonic)

Description: R needs to be perfect and doesn't know how to stop.

Word Count: 2.4k

“When I say ‘jump’, you say ‘how high, coach?’ Got it?” The overweight, middle-aged man with an awful comb-over had shouted to you when you were just 9 years old. His methods were basically abuse, but he produced superstars. And that is what you were going to be. A superstar. It didn’t help that you already had perfectionist tendencies, and your parents were pushy – always expecting brilliance. No, not even brilliance. The best, you had to be the best. Perfect. Flawless. Faultless. Textbook. There was no other choice.

It was no surprise that Barca had come knocking when you were barely 16. You had mixed emotions: elation that Barcelona wanted you, happiness that you could leave the cruel atmosphere you lived in, fear that you weren’t as good as they may have thought, and nervousness that you needed the horrendous conditions to thrive.

Again. More. That wasn’t good enough. You’re not trying. You need to be better. Again. Again. Again.

You had seen the media asking how Barcelona could have signed a 16-year-old rising young talent from a lower league club. The world expected you to be great, Barca expected you to be great, and your parents expected you to be great.

But you didn’t feel great. Not at first. You had turned up to pre-season and noticed how far behind you were from your teammates. You hadn’t considered that it was because they were almost double your age and had been at the club or other high-level ones for years. You were struggling slightly to get the drills – Catalan was the preferred language, and you were still barely competent in Spanish. When the season started, you weren’t used as a sub very much, making your debut in November about 85 minutes into the match. You didn’t get your first start of the season until February. You had gone from being the best in the team at your old club to being a mere blip on the team sheet.

You are useless. You can’t even make it as a sub? You are a waste of time and money. All the effort we spent on you.

Your parents weren’t helping the situation. You already had the voice in your head telling you you weren’t good enough, and the constant barrage of texts, voicemails, and phone calls after another match where you weren’t used was starting to get to you.

So, you started to push yourself. After a season of being on the sidelines too much, you knew you needed to start working harder. You didn’t realise that Jonatan had been hoping to use this first year to let you get accustomed to Spain, the style of play and build your fitness. At first, it was nothing major. You stayed late a few days a week to work on drills, set pieces and technical skills. But then it was staying late every day you had training. And then coming in early. And then you began to run to training, leaving your bags in the locker room overnight for you to go and get changed. And then you began to run back from training, too. And then you added extra at-home workouts (nothing too crazy in the beginning; mainly yoga that turned into Pilates, which turned into an additional 2 hours of bodyweight exercises). For some strange reason, you had been allowed to live by yourself. You think that it was because so many of the girls lived nearby. Ingrid and Mapi lived in the same building as you. Lucy lived on the same road as you, as did Keira, Ona and Aitana. Alexia lived less than a ten-minute walk away, and you were within easy driving distance of everyone else. But because you lived alone, no one noticed how much you were putting your body through, even on your days off and mid-season breaks.

But the hard work was paying off. You started the next season well; pre-season had gone fantastically, and your name appeared on the Starting XI for the first match of the season. It stayed there throughout the year. You had also broken into a constant starter for your national team.

Again. Again. Again. Be better. Do better. Worthless. Poor. Again. Again

You couldn’t see a problem with it. You were fast, strong, technical, good, and great. You were going on two years at Barca, thriving, and playing your best football. You were barely 18, yet you had already been nominated for the Ballon d’Or. Everything was brilliant football-wise. You had to keep going. You couldn’t stop.

Do better. Awful. Again. Be better. Shocking. Rubbish. Useless. Horrible. Again

It was your day off after an intense few weeks when the truth came crashing to the ground. The Champions League had started up again, and a series of away games took place in a short space of time. It was hard with long days away from the comfort of your own home, and your daily routine was not helping the situation. Everyone could tell you weren’t ok – but they assumed it was from the travel. Lucy had picked up a cold or something, Keira was tired, Aitana and Pina were a little achy, and Alexia and Frido were more vigilant over the needs of their bodies. Everyone was exhausted. But you had to keep going. You couldn’t stop.

In your constant pressure to improve, you failed to notice Alexia’s troubled stares, Marta’s questioning looks, Patri’s concerned glances, and Irene’s worried gazes. They knew how hard you pushed yourself … almost. They knew you stayed every day after training, and they were a little concerned. But they didn’t know the extent of it. Not in the slightest.

It was El Clasico. Real Madrid vs Barcelona. A historic rivalry. You wanted nothing more than to lie down and sleep until May, but that wasn’t an option. Everything was fine. You were on the score sheet, winning and playing great football. And then Athenea slid in for a tackle, catching you on your ankle in precisely the wrong spot. You tried (successfully) not to cry, but you couldn’t help the pained gasp that escaped your mouth. Alexia had been by your side instantly, ushering the medics over and holding you in place with her Captain’s stare.

“It’s your ankle, sí?” Alexia knew it was a matter of time before an injury came for you. If only she had stepped in sooner and helped you from overworking yourself. She helped you to your feet and walked you to the dugout.

“What? No! Ale, I’m fine. See,” You stood on your sore foot to prove your point. It hurt like nothing else you’d experienced, but it was fine; you just needed to walk it off.

“No, you sit the rest of this game out, get re-assessed back home and then we see if you can play.” She said with a note of finality as you huffed, turning around and walking off before you could comment.

Terrible. Awful. Be better. Dreadful. Terrible. Hopeless. Incompetent.

You knew it was silly. Your ankle was not ok, but you needed to train. It had been 2 days since El Clasico, and you were forced not to train yesterday, but it had been a travel day, so there wasn’t much you could do. It would be fine; you had trained on injuries before. You had waited until you knew the team would be out on the pitch as you snuck into the gym. Your ankle was heavily taped, but that was fine. You could put some pressure on it – that was all you needed.

You were determined to get at least a little run in. Just a gentle jog, really, barely above walking. Just a quick 5km. Nothing too crazy. You couldn’t afford to stop training, not after everything you have worked for. With your face in a determined expression and the idiocy of a terrified teenager, you got to work. You started on the bike. The movement was a little painful, but it raised your heart rate and got blood flowing. As you moved across the equipment, the door to the gym flew open.

“Qué crees que estás haciendo?” Alexia roared, making you jump out of your skin. Your first thought was that you hadn’t spent enough time on the bike, that she was angry at you for not working hard enough. For stopping. For taking a breather. “You are injured! Why the fuck are you not resting?” Alexia stormed over to you – she seemed angry. Her eyebrows were furrowed, her eyes were dark and stormy, and her mouth was a hard line. She was angry at you. Why was she telling you to rest? Rest? You couldn’t rest. You had to be better. Keep working harder. Push yourself to be the best.

“I …” You couldn’t answer her, you couldn’t make her angrier. You couldn’t disappoint her. “I’m sorry. I just needed some water. I’m starting again in a minute.” You rushed to get your explanation to her. She needed to know you weren’t stopping. You were just moving to a different exercise. You weren’t slacking.

“Again? What have you done already?” She wasn’t calming down. If anything, you were making her angry. With the lack of sleep, the mental exhaustion, the injury, it was becoming too much for you. Tears clouded your vision, Alexia becoming foggy as you tried to stop the emotions from bubbling up.

“I was just moving from the bike. I’ll start running now. I’m sorry. I’m not stopping, I promise.” You were a mess as you moved to start the treadmill.

Alexia stopped to look at you. Really, look at you. Your tired eyes, your dark circles and your sickly skin. The fatigue was evident in the way you stood; your body seemed too heavy for you to hold up. You also looked terrified. She couldn’t work out why, though. Yes, she was angry. A trainer had come into the medical room wondering who had cleared you for exercise. Alexia knew no one had done so; they had told her after the match that it would be 2 weeks or so before you could rejoin training at any level (after the string of injuries, the medical staff were also over-cautious in their assessments of minor injuries). So, she knew you were doing this against their advice. And that made her mad; it was one thing to push yourself in training despite coaches telling you not to overdo it but another to actively go against medical advice. But looking at you, she knew you hadn't asked for medical clearance. You were just a scared little girl.

“No, Chiquita. No, running.” Alexia was a lot calmer now, seeing your lip wobble and your eyes blink rapidly—clearly holding back tears.

“I have to. I can’t stop. I need to be better.” You whispered, ashamed of your perceived weaknesses.

“Cariño,” she cooed, reaching out to you. You flinched, not used to kind touches. Any touches you had received from coaches or captains were ones that would push you into running more, doing more drills, and practicing more set pieces. “Pequeña. You’re injured. You need to rest, mi amor.”

“I can’t rest. I need to train. I need to be better, do better.”

“No, Chiquita. You don’t. You need rest; you need to get well again.” Alexia stepped forward. She could see the war raging in your head – the desire to stop but the need to keep going. “Cariño?” Her kindness made you break. You launched yourself at her, arms wrapping around her neck as you cried into her. “Oh, amor. You’re ok. Está bien. Todo está bien. Prometo. Usted puede parar.” You sobbed into her shoulder, tears dampening her shirt as you howled. Everything was too much. You hurt, you needed to sleep, you wanted to stop, and yet you couldn’t. The voice in your head told you to keep going. Your parents and old coaches told you you weren’t allowed to stop. It was far, far, far too much for you.

“Neña, deep breaths. In … and out … vamos … in … and out.” Alexia instructed as you were becoming hysterical. She made her breaths exaggerated, slow and obvious, helping you to match hers. “Bien hecho, pequeña,” she pressed gentle kisses to your head as she eventually slowed down. “Y/N, I am not angry at you; no one is. But I need to know why you are in here and not at home resting.” Alexia implored, her hazel eyes looking directly at yours.

“I can’t stop,” you said meekly, slightly ashamed of your outburst.

“No entiendo. You can’t stop what?” She spoke slowly, like you would to a child or a scared animal.

“I can’t stop training. I need to be better. I need to do more,” you said, getting agitated—at her lack of understanding or at yourself. You weren’t quite sure.

“Amor, why do you need to be better?” Alexia was truly at a loss. You were so talented; you didn’t need to be better.

“Because everyone says so. They say so.” You looked so fragile and nervous, eyes darting around the room, your fingers twisting around each other.

“Who is ‘they’?”

“My parents … my old coaches.”

“Chiquita, listen to me. You do not need to be better. You are more than enough. You are so, so talented. You work so hard. But pushing yourself will not be good for you, the team, or anyone else. You need to rest, slow down, and allow your body to heal.”

With Alexia’s kind questioning, she soon got to the bottom of everything. You had told her about the harshness you had experienced from a young age, the disappointment and anger your parents had expressed during your first season at Barcelona, and the voice in your head telling you to keep pushing. She knew you had a way to go, but with gentle reminders and constant check-ins, you learnt how to quieten the voices. Training became easier, your home was no longer a place to get more workouts in, and you finally stopped listening to the devils in your life and started paying attention to the angels.

It wasn’t much, but it was a start. And that was all they could hope for.

I hope you enjoyed it. It was kinda short and I don't know if I really like the ending but yeh.

#barca femeni #barca femeni x reader #fc barcelona #woso blurbs #woso community #woso imagine #woso x reader #alexia putellas #alexia putellas x reader #woso fanfics #woso fluff #woso oneshot #woso #womens football #woso angst

[moonlightspencie]

bloodmoonlit

Description: Six years of friendship with more simmering beneath the surface. They thought they had no chance (but that’s romance).

Pairing: Dean Winchester x fem!Reader

Warnings: drinking (a lot of it tbh), both of em being massive dorks, 18+ pls bc it gets mildly spicy at the end

Word Count: 5.4k

A/N: glitch is one of the best songs on midnights & nobody can convince me otherwise. anyways i didn’t proofread this sorry but i’m selfish

She was a hunter. He was… Also a hunter. Classic meet-cutes get a lot less cute when you’re meeting over the corpse of a wendigo.

Dean looked at her with awe and wonder after watching her use a flamethrower to take down a few wendigos that had started in on him. She lowered it like it was nothing after they stopped screeching into the night.

“Hey,” she greeted with a little smile. “You’re one of the Winchester boys, aren’t you?”

“Dean.”

“You’re like a modern-day folklore story, you know that?”

He chuckled, sure to make a comment about the flamethrower at the first chance. He got her number at the second chance.

They made fast friends at that point, both relentlessly flirting. Both never quite sure to what degree the other meant it.

Dean always found himself making trips towards wherever she was more often that what may be considered necessary. She never intentionally ran into him, but if she saw that impala roll up to a case, she always obliged her time. Especially if that meeting happened in a crowded bar where she could relish in the feeling of his attention being placed on her rather than anyone else who would immediately say yes to a night at his motel. Those green eyes sparkling as he chatted her up like they were the closest of friends.

Until they were the closest of friends, of course.

“How’s, uh…” Dean trailed, trying to think. “Was it Matthew?”

She snorted. “Didn’t last long.”

“Why not?”

“Never do,” she said curtly, sipping at her drink. “Non-hunter relationships don’t exactly work for me. They end up with too many questions too quick.”

He hummed, looking down at his own drink. She watched him for a moment, letting herself take a moment to admire the way neon lights bounced off his face. He always seemed to look extra pretty that way.

“Situationships,” she stated as a start, “That’s what pretty much everything I get into ends up as. Whatever works in the moment, no real strings.”

“And yet you always talk about wanting to be tied down,” he said with a smirk.

“Always is a big word,” she replied with a laugh. “I think someday I’d like that. Just don’t think it’s compatible with who I am right now.”

“You think you’re gonna change?”

“I’m always changing. That’s life, right?”

He shrugged. “I don’t think I’ve changed much.”

She laughed.

“I’ve known you for a year, and even in that time you’ve gotten a little different.”

He quirked a brow. “How so?”

“Laugh a little less, but still seem a bit happier. More accepting of life as it is, I guess.”

He sat with that for a moment, then nodded.

“I’ve had to. Every time I get stubborn, I end up screwing everything up.”

“Hey,” she said softly, pulling him out of his own head before he dug too deep, “You’re always learning. Always growing. Don’t beat yourself up.”

He smiled softly, letting her words carry him out of that out. They tended to do that more and more as he faced everything the world threw at him. His affection slowly morphed into more, and he tried not to panic about it. He did what he always did best: buried it as deep as it could go.

She realized her own feelings shifting, but her realization slammed into her like a truck. They were supposed to be just friends.

It all started with little chance meetings which turned into weekly calls which turned into “Do you want to stay with Sam and I? We’ve got a permanent place now”.

She ended up moving in shortly after the boys did. Three years of knowing them, she never expected to be living with them. Especially after all they’d gone through.

Granted, she helped with some of it. She was there when they had to cram Sam’s soul back in his body. She was there for the rise and fall of Dick. She was there when Dean came back from Purgatory.

She just wasn’t constantly with them. Only a kind of side-character in their grand adventure. Now, however…

“I think that’s all,” she said, dropping a few bags on her bed.

“Oh, right, because this isn’t over-doing it at all,” Dean said, humor lacing his voice.

She narrowed her eyes at him, then looked back around the empty room.

“I just— I’m excited to feel at home. I haven’t had a real place in…” she stopped, sighing.

“Yeah, I get it,” Dean spoke up, slinging an arm around her shoulder. “I was so excited to have my own bed, you have no clue.”

“I have some clue. You sent me like fifteen messages about it within the span of ten seconds,” she laughed.

“I love that memory foam, what can I say?”

“How about you get useful and help me set up shop here?” she asked, smiling at him as he already started pulling items out of the bags.

The bunker was like a hunter paradise in her eyes. She got the chance to have a place to call home. She got her own room, a million lore books, Dean, a place to do some baking, her favorite mug…

Wait. She couldn’t find her mug.

“Dean, where’d you put my mug?” she called out before he even got to the kitchen

“Stop calling me out before I’m even in the room. It’s creepy,” he said with a chuckle, walking in.

“Can’t help it. I know how you sound walkin’ around in here.”

She turned from the kitchen counter where the coffee was brewing. He watched her for a moment, smile still stuck in place.

“So?” she asked.

He raised a brow. “So…?”

She sighed. “My mug?”

“Oh,” he exclaimed, walking further towards her to open the fridge. “Made soup the other day and didn’t have any clean bowls.”

He pulled out the soup-filled mug, handing it in her direction. She quirked a brow, looking inside of it.

“I ain’t cleaning that out.”

He sighed dramatically, walking towards the sink.

“Guess I’ll do it. Princess can’t handle a few chunks of chicken in her precious mug.”

She smacked his arm lightly, scoffing.

“You’re the one who put chicken in it in the first place. You know that’s my favorite mug.”

He smirked, silently cleaning it out for her. When he was finished he turned, handing it off as he leaned against the counter.

“If my coffee is soup-flavored I’m going to have Cas smite you,” she mumbled, pouring it full.

She filled up another mug she’d pulled down in the meantime, sliding it to Dean.

“And yet, you still get me my coffee,” he said, pressing a kiss to her temple.

She hid a smile, shaking her head as she prepared hers.

“You know you love me,” he sang to her, heading towards the library.

She followed after, not even realizing what she was doing until she was halfway there. It was like they were attached at the hip.

They practically were over the following months, never not wanting to do everything together.

“Come on, Sam,” she whined. “You’re no fun.”

He smirked, attempting to leave the kitchen.

“Not all of us want to get plastered on a Tuesday night.”

“Speak for yourself” Dean said with a sparkle in his eye. He looked at Y/N. “You love getting screwed by me, right? Oh, sorry, with me.”

“Oh, yeah. My favorite activity, actually,” she said back with a smirk.

Sam sighed, rolling his eyes as he stood.

“I think I’m about done listening to you two flirt, anyways.”

“Aww,” she started, leaning closer to where he stood. “You gettin’ jealous, Sammy?”

“I’m getting grossed out,” he laughed. “Goodnight.”

The two at the table said a quick goodnight, turning back to their drinks and their jokes in an instant.

“Maybe we just need to sweat it out,” he jokes, brows dancing suggestively.

She laughed. “In your dreams, Winchester. We’ve gone almost six years without a slip-up, do you really think now’s a good time to break that record?”

He contemplated for a moment, fully believing it was a good time to break it. He couldn’t think of a better time with the exception of five-and-a-half years ago. But, he decided to actually use his brain.

“Guess you’re right.”

She smiled, pretending not to be thinking about the fact that she definitely thought she was all wrong. She really though that he should have known better than anyone that she believed records were made to be broken.

“I’m always right.”

“Now you’re dreaming,” he said with a chuckle, tossing back the rest of his drink.

He poured two shots, sliding one to her.

“Here’s to almost six years— what, like, five years and ten months? Something like that?”

She nodded. “July 7th.”

He stilled a moment, not thinking about the fact that of course she would remember the day they met.

“How many days is that?”

She hummed, playing into his little game as she pulled out her phone. She typed away until she got her answer:

“2119 days if I did the math right.”

“Nineteen or ninety?”

“Nineteen.”

“What do you say we have a special celebration if we get to twenty one ninety, then?”

She snorted. “What do you constitute as special?”

“That’s for me to know and you to find out,” he winked, tossing back his shot.

She mirrored his actions, then quickly typed away again.

“What do you know? 2190 is exactly the six year mark,” she smirked. “Alright. Deal.”

Weeks passed, and life was shockingly normal in that time. Well, normal for their standards, which still included all the things that go bump in the night. After a particularly long hunt, getting back to the bunker was a relief.

All three of them went to their respective rooms to get some rest, but, as had become a pattern, Dean went knocking on Y/N’s door. She opened with a tired smile, inviting him in.

They sat around, talking about whatever topics came to mind, listening to music playing in the background. When conversation fell quiet, an idea struck her like lightening.

“Come on, Dean. A little dancing wouldn’t kill ya,” she said, moving a little to the music.

He laughed, watching her from her bed. She held out her hands, and finally took them after a few seconds. She could be very convincing, he thought.

They jumped around the room in an un-choreographed, ridiculous, messy dance that left both of them giggling and out of breath. Her music wasn’t always his style, but he sure didn’t mind listening to her sing every word with a passion as if she’d written them herself.

“See? You love this,” she exclaimed as the upbeat song faded out.

“Only because you’re making me,” he smiled.

She laughed again, starting to turn when a slow song started going. He didn’t let her get far, however, pulling her back into his chest by the hand. He played it off all nonchalant at first, ignoring the smile on her face as a bit he always liked to play anytime he started being affectionate in an unconventional way.

“Really?” she asked.

She reached up, fingertips brushing against his jaw so that he’d look at her again. He smiled softly when she did, just watching her for a few seconds.

“You wanted to dance. We’re dancing,” he said, swaying along to the melody.

“Such a gentleman.”

He smirked, not letting up in the dance. She gave in, resting her head against his shoulder as the music played. He closed his eyes, resting his cheek against her and letting the smell of her perfume lull him in the dance more than the song could. Her gentle humming put a smile on his face that he was grateful she couldn’t see: he was certain he’d look like a lovesick puppy.

As the song faded out, she finally pulled away enough to see him again, both of them still moving as another faded in. She looked at him with a glimmer in her eyes. He took in a slow breath, watching her face for a few moments, their movements slowing. He wanted to kiss her more than anything. So, he took an action:

“I’m gonna grab a drink.”

He untethered himself from her, quickly making an exit to leave her alone and deeply confused.

She sat in the library a few days later, reading a book she found on werewolf mating habits.

“What do ya got, there?” Sam asked, walking into the room.

She glanced up, a brow raised. “You don’t want to know, trust me.”

Sam snorted. “Alright.”

“You need something?”

She closed the book, setting it down on the table.

“Yeah. Do you want to hang out? I just hooked up a new TV in my room.”

“Sure,” she shrugged. “When?”

“I’m making popcorn right now.”

She laughed, agreeing as she got up. She got comfortable in his room, back against the headboard of his bed. He walked in a minute later, handing over the bowl of popcorn as he settled in.

“Is Dean coming?” she asked.

“No. He went out for the night.”

“Ah,” she said softly after a beat.

Sam straightened up, looking at her.

“He didn’t invite you?”

She shook her head. “Nope.”

“He always does. Why not now?”

She sighed, settling into the cushions, still looking ahead.

“I think I freaked him out. We were in my room the other night, and I asked him to dance with me. He did, but then… I don’t know,” she shrugged. “After a couple songs he left fast and he’s definitely been pulling away from me since then.”

“Hey,” he called, grabbing her attention. “Anyone who doesn’t appreciate you isn’t worth your time. You know that, right?”

“Thanks, Sammy,” she smiled, looking down again. “I just keep getting in my own head.”

“When aren’t you?” he joked.

“You jerk,” she said, tossing a piece of popcorn at him. “I’m trying to be, like, open right now.”

“I know,” he drawled, leaning his head against hers.

She brushed a few pieces of his hair off her forehead.

“Maybe I just need to go out and have some fun myself,” she said after a moment.

He perked up.

“Dude, yeah!”

He stood abruptly, holding out his hands for her. She took them, standing slowly, and looking around the room for some stray confidence so that she wouldn’t back out.

“Tell you what,” Sam started, giving her the hope she wanted, “You go get ready, and we’ll head out together. I’ll be your wingman.”

She smiled. “That sounds great. I immediately wasn’t sure about heading off by myself.”

“I could tell,” he laughed.

She got ready in record time, putting on her favorite dress for good measure. They left the bunker, hitting a nearby bar that didn’t have an impala parked anywhere close.

“They’re just… giving me nothing,” she said with a sigh, slumping in the seat next to Sam at the bar.

“What do you mean? That last guy looked really into it.”

“He was. He was also into talking about his ex-girlfriend within the first few minutes of conversation,” she snorted. “I think I’m asking too much. I should just find someone and make out with ‘em.”

“You sure about that?”

She looked at Sam again, a smile breaking out.

“No. But if we do another shot, I might be.”

He sighed, obliging her only because he knew she’d do it without him anyways. They threw back the shots, and he wished her luck as she went off in search of someone who wanted nothing but a good time.

Well, kind of a good time. She wasn’t sure she really wanted to take some dude home.

She went onto the dance-floor, deciding she’d let someone come to her rather than prowling for herself, and got her wish pretty fast. A moderately attractive man caught her hand as she swayed around by herself, asking for a dance. She plastered on a smile as she agreed, letting him take the lead.

“What’s your name?” he asked over the music.

“Do you really want to know?” she teased.

He smirked. “Guess it’s more fun not to know, huh?”

She smiled again, pulling him down to her lips as they moved to the music. She closed her eyes, appreciating the ease at which she got what she wanted. The only problem is that she couldn’t help imagining it was Dean instead of Unnamed Bar-Goer.

Regardless, she justified that they were merely using each other, so who cares if she let her mind run a little wild?

She only backed away when he started getting a little handsy for her tastes. She thanked him for his time, walking away and back to Sam. He raised his brows when she came back.

“Hey, looks like you got it,” he said, watching her sit. “Also looks like you aren’t too happy.”

“Still giving me absolutely nothing,” she said with a sigh. “Not a damn thing.”

He chuckled. “Maybe this plan didn’t work out so well.”

“Still got to drink with my favorite giant,” she noted with a wink and nudge.

“Ha ha. Real flattering, thanks.”

He rolled his eyes, but let himself smirk when she wasn’t paying much attention. They sat talking at the bar for another hour or so before Sam decided to call it a night. She linked an arm around Sam’s as they walked out of the bar, definitely a little more drunk than she intended to get.

Dean walked into the bunker, spirits effectively dampened. His attempt to get his mind off of his I-almost-kissed-her moment didn’t work in the slightest, and now he was in a sour mood as a result.

His mood only worsened when he saw Sam and Y/N stumbling into the kitchen, the latter a drunken mess in an outfit he liked a little too much. He watched as Sam helped her into the room, practically propping her up against the counter.

“What the hell?” Dean asked as his brother got a glass from the cupboard.

“What?” Sam defended, filling up the cup with water.

“For one, why is she laughing at herself against the kitchen counter?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “We went out.”

He walked over to Y/N, handing her the glass. She sipped at the water, then set it down just as quickly.

“Done,” she cheered.”

“No, you’re not,” Sam said, picking up the water and giving it right back to her. “Come on, you’re going to be hungover tomorrow.”

She refused the drink, kicking off her shoes. Then, she turned to level her gaze at Dean as he sipped on a beer.

“And where did you go run off to?”

He raised his brows. “Does it matter?”

“Yeah,” she stated with finality.

“Out.”

“Get lucky?” she asked, more bitterness in her tone than she meant to let out.

“No.”

She rolled her eyes, then glanced at Sam again.

“Wanna go hang out and read? I found a book about how werewolves get it on,” she said, giggling as she ended the sentence.

“What?”

Dean spoke up again. “Since when do you go out and get drunk without a reason?”

She snapped back to him. “Since I was celebrating me. I’m done chasing after guys who don’t want— What was it, Sam? Like if they don’t appreciate me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dean asked back, setting down his drink.

“Sammy, I wanna talk to Dean by myself,” she managed to say, hardly looking at him.

“I don’t know—”

“Sam,” she cut him off, watching him.

He put his hands up in defense, walking out of the room. She watched until he left, then looked at Dean again. He glanced sideways at her as she swayed slightly while she stood.

“You know, those six years are coming up real soon, De,” she said, staring from across the counter.

“Are they?” he asked, wondering where this was going.

“Mhm. One more week I think,” she hiccuped. “Sorry.”

He furrowed his brow. “You’re drunk.”

“I tried kissing someone today,” she said, words tumbling out fast like she couldn’t control them. “I hated it.”

He paused, unsure why she was saying this. His heart hurt more than he thought it would, hearing her admit that.

“Why?” was all he could manage.

“Why’d you go out without me?” she countered. “You never go out without me, not since we met.”

He sighed, eyes closing as he braced himself against the counter. He heard her as she got closer, eventually leaning her head against his arm.

“I’m glad you didn’t go home with anyone today.”

He swallowed, unable to look at her. “Yeah. I— I was gonna try, to be honest, but…”

“I’m gonna throw up,” she said, suddenly moving to the sink.

He followed after swiftly, helping her as best as he could. He pulled her hair back gently as she emptied her stomach into the kitchen sink.

“You’re okay, sweetheart,” he said softly, rubbing her back with the hand that wasn’t holding her hair. “Get it all out.”

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, sniffling.

“I’ve seen you worse,” he said with a smirk. “That upset about what I said?”

If she had been a touch more sober, she might have realized he was joking. Unfortunately, she took it completely literally.

“I didn’t mean to. I just thought about you and some—”

“Whoa, whoa. Hold on, I wasn’t—” he paused as she stood again, running the sink to clear it out. He turned it off again, impatient. “What are you talking about?”

“What?”

He watched her as she straightened herself out, pulling down the skirt of the dress she was in where it had ridden up.

“You threw up over me mentioning—”

“Dean.”

“Why?”

She sighed, leaning down to rest her head on the counter.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“You kissed someone. I didn’t even get that far.”

“Why do you care?” she asked, standing again, and nearly falling over.

He caught her gently, but kept his hard tone as he responded to her.

“Why do you?”

“Because I just do, Dean.”

“You’re so freaking stubborn,” he muttered, rubbing his eyes with one hand.

“You’re one to talk. This is all your fault anyways.”

“Excuse me?” he asked, annoyance in his voice.

“It’s your fault,” she said, punctuating the phrase with a slap to his chest.

“Yeah? And how’s that?”

“You should’ve just kissed me instead of chickening out and running away like a little boy.”

He was stunned into silence, his anger dissipating and then quickly returning.

“If you hadn’t made me dance with you, I wouldn’t have been all in your face in the first place,” he shot back.

“You’re such a dick,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Six years of not chasing anyone but you, and for what? You’re acting like a bitch.”

“Well, jokes on you, sweetheart,” he exclaimed, opening up his arms. “Hasn’t even been six years.”

“Great! Let’s hope we never get there, then!”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“I’m not the one who ran off to get a hookup because I couldn’t handle my feelings.”

He scoffed. “Yeah, you just ran off to make out with someone because you couldn’t handle your feelings.”

“Why do you feel the need to make everything so difficult?”

“Because you’re the most difficult person I’ve ever met,” he said, voice raising to an octave you didn’t often hear. “How else am I supposed to deal with you?”

She groaned in frustration, pushing past him to leave. She stalked out of the kitchen, only making it so far as the hallway before she was getting pulled back.

“Stop it, Dean,” she all but yelled.

He rolled his eyes, pulling her closer and leaning down to kiss her. One hand found her face, a surprisingly gentle touch in comparison to how intense the kiss was. She felt like she couldn’t catch her breath, a smile on her face as he finally gave in. He pulled back a moment later, though not without an internal struggle.

“The douchebag at the bar kiss you like that?” he mumbled against her lips.

“Not exactly,” she sighed. “What took you so long?”

“You weren’t making moves either, loser,” he said with a laugh.

“You didn’t exactly make yourself out to be available, De.”

“And you did? You literally told me I wouldn’t get you in my wildest dreams a few weeks ago.”

She paused, a smile spreading to her face.

“Touché.”

“How about now?”

She quirked a brow. “You propositioning me, Winchester?”

“If I was, what would you say to that?”

“I’d say that I think there must be some technical malfunctions in the universe for me to get that lucky.”

He smirked, slowly backing her until she was pressed against the wall.

“Early celebration?”

“Only if we still celebrate when we hit twenty one ninety,” she said with a smile. “Gotta safeguard, here. Easier for me to make sure this doesn’t become a one-time thing.”

“You think I’d be able to stop after one time? It’s you,” he said, moving in closer. Her arms wound around his neck. “I’ve been holding out for six years.”

“Not quite.”

“Mm. Close enough.”

He leaned in to kiss her again, this time slow and soft. She kissed back, glad to finally know what his lips felt like against hers. He let his hands wander, holding to her hips and sliding down further.

“You look real pretty in this dress,” he mumbled between kisses.

“Was hoping you’d see it and like it,” she smiled, nipping at his lip. “Just don’t rip it if you decide to take it off me.”

He smiled against her as he leaned back in. He kissed her, deepening it immediately as one hand dragged down her leg. He slotted his own thigh between her legs, adding a little friction that had her gasping into his mouth. He started hiking up the skirt of the dress further. Slowly, purposely teasing her with it. Teasing himself just as much.

Then, heavy footsteps started coming down the hall. They separated quickly and ducked inside the kitchen, hoping Sam would walk past. Unfortunately, they were wrong.

Dean stood behind Y/N quickly, concealing a problem he didn’t exactly have time to fix.

“Hey,” Sam said softly, seemingly not noticing a thing. “I didn’t hear yelling coming down and needed a drink. You two all good?”

She nodded. “Great.”

“Awesome,” Dean said at the same time.

Sam nodded, giving a tight smile as he walked past.

“We were actually about to head to bed, so…” she said, looking at him as he stood at the fridge.

“Okay,” he nodded, nonchalant. “Night.”

“Night.”

Dean waved a quick goodbye, following after her quickly. They broke into his room, giggling like a couple of drunk toddlers.

“He didn’t hear yelling,” Dean said, closing in on her once the door was shut.

She reached for his belt, quickly undoing it as they got closer to the bed.

“He didn’t.”

He grabbed her by the waist, tossing her down on the mattress, slowly climbing on top of her.

“Wanna test and see if the walls in here are just as soundproof?”

She looked up at him as he finally tugged her dress up around her hips.

“I love a good experiment.”

She laid back in the early morning hours, not even bringing herself to be annoyed that she was being suffocated by a large man on top of her. Mostly because if Dean killed her that way, it certainly would suck, but what a way to go.

She sighed, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead as he rested against her chest. She ran her fingers through his hair until he eventually woke up with the sweetest sleepy smile point at her.

“Hey,” he said, adjusting himself to see her better.

“Hey,” she greeted, accepting a soft kiss. “I think we should’ve done that forever ago.”

“I don’t know. Might be like a wine situation. We let it sit so long that it got even better by the time we actually got some.”

“Very poetic.”

He smiled, a hand coming to rest on her side as he kissed her again. It was slow and lazy and altogether too sweet. She was almost embarrassed that she had to be there to witness how mushy that moment was, if not for the fact that she was on the receiving end of the mush. She pulled away from him first, leaving him to whine.

“You’re so dramatic,” she said in a whisper. “Whining?”

“You were doing plenty of that last night,” he smirked.

“Okay,” she rolled her eyes playfully. “Why don’t we get some breakfast. I’m starving.”

His hand started moving downward, inching up the shirt of his that she was wearing.

“I could eat.”

“Dean,” she warned.

He started scooting down the mattress slowly, not giving up.

“Come on. Kitchen.”

“Ooh, kinky.”

“Cut it out,” she laughed. “Kitchen for actual breakfast. I don’t waste time when it comes to breakfast.”

They made it to the kitchen for that breakfast successfully! Twenty minutes later, anyway.

“Hey,” Sam greeted, not looking up.

“Morning, Sammy,��� Dean said, going straight towards the cabinets for cereal.

She realized suddenly that there may have been something she forgot in his room.

“Is that Dean’s shirt?” Sam asked.

She looked down, realizing that it was clothes she had forgotten. Sam paused, raising a hand.

“On second thought, I don’t want to know. Glad to know you’re at least not fighting. Just— Maybe some pants next time.”

She laughed, following Dean to the table as he set down two bowls of cereal. They all sat eating in a comfortable silence. Then a slightly less comfortable silence as Dean grabbed her thigh halfway through breakfast. Sam quickly excused himself after that, a knowing smile on his face as he left.

“So… We’re in the kitchen,” Dean said, leaning towards her. “I don’t think Sammy’s comin’ back anytime soon.”

After definitely not doing anything weird in the kitchen and then totally not feeling bad and scrubbing down the entire room for the day, things fell into a new rhythm. It was comfortable and surprisingly less of an adjustment than they were expecting. All of those years of relentless flirting must’ve made for an easy transition.

Dean cleared his throat a few days later, grabbing her attention as she lounged in the room he’d set aside for TV-watching (with the fun new addition of a couch).

“Yeah?” she asked, looking away from the screen to see him.

“Guess what?”

“Hm?”

“2190 days.”

She smiled. “Yeah? Is that today?”

He hummed, giving a nod.

“What were those special plans of yours?”

He raised a brow. “You really wanna know?”

She merely nodded. He paused the show they were watching.

“I, uh— I was gonna tell you how I felt if I didn’t chicken out.”

“You’re kidding,” she replied after a beat.

“I’m not,” he said with a chuckle.

“Man. Almost twenty two hundred days of a blackout before we finally lit it up, huh?”

He laughed. “That’s one way of putting it.”

She paused, turning to put her feet in his lap. He immediately, started rubbing her leg, enjoying the uninhibited ability to touch her.

“Wanna know something funny?”

He raised a brow in question.

“Years ago someone told me they knew we’d end up together.”

“Who? Bobby?”

She shook her head. “Garth.”

He rolled his eyes as she laughed, poking him in the arm a moment later.

“Got to give it to him, he’s always been perceptive,” she noted.

“Guess so,” he nodded, reluctant to admit it. “Freakin’ Garth.”

She watched him a moment, then retracted her legs. He looked at her, almost hurt with those big puppy-dog eyes.

“Oh, poor baby,” she cooed. “Don’t worry, I’m comin’ closer.”

She crawled over to him, settling in his lap. He ran his hands up her legs, a small smile returning to his lips.

“I can think of a few other ways we can celebrate today, you know?”

“Yeah?” he asked, leaning into the cushions.

“Five words: apple pie in the freezer.”

“Oh, baby, you know how to talk dirty to me,” he groaned, pulling her down for a kiss in a fit of laughter.

FULL MASTERLIST | BUY ME A COFFEE

—————

dean winchester taglist:

@deanwithscissors @hyunjaebaby

#dean winchester one shot #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester spice #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x female!reader #dean winchester #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fic

[bunni-v1]

Okay so the traumatised!reader not forgiving Jamil was absolutely fantastic!

Would it be alright if I requested the same premise but for Riddle after his overblot (he did insult us, attacked us and was the very first to overblot)?

Overblot Trauma: Riddle Edition

TW: Mentions and discussion of PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Childhood abuse, and most things in that vain!; Swearing!; Mostly un-edited, this took too long to write lol

Info: Ace, Deuce, Grim, Trey, Cater, Riddle x Reader (platonic (especially in grim’s case)); gn!reader, unless I managed to fuck up!

🍓Hi. Yippie, new writing, I did it! Anyway, I went for a different approach than Jamil's part simply because... well... Riddle's whole scenario is completely different! Btw, I wanted to make it clear that I ADORE Jamil, and me giving Riddle forgiveness isn't a bias thing! I simply believe that this is how this scenario would go! Love you all, mwah!

Tags: @kitsun369 @bloomstruck @squidsailing @roseinbloom02

Jamil Part

This year was going to be yours, at least it was supposed to be. You were the top of your class, the best in your field of study, and you had nothing but the best opportunities in your grasp. For once in your life, you were exactly where you wanted to be… until you weren’t.

A horse-drawn carriage wasn’t too big of a shocker for you. You knew that some farmers would try to socialize their horses by taking them through town. Maybe a bit odd for where you live, but you could accept it. Until it started coming straight at you, whinnying as it clomped toward you at Mach speeds. 

You tried to outrun it, you really did. You ran as fast as your legs could carry you, but this horse was determined to ruin your life. And, oh god, did it. 

When you woke up, it was dark and you could hear voices muttering outside your… box? You were convinced you had died, and this was your judgment day in the afterlife. 

But no, it couldn’t be that simple, of course not. Instead, it was inter-dimensional travel, and you were now stuck in a Hogwarts-esque world with no way back home. You didn’t have any ruby red slippers to click you back home, not Toto to keep you comfortable. No, you got stuck with Grim who was anything but a comfort. 

You wouldn’t let it ruin your perfect year, though.

You’d decided to make the most of your shitty situation. You cleaned up your awful dorm, befriended the little troublemaking cat, and even fitted your janitorial uniform so that it was more comfortable to wear. 

Then… you meet Ace, and everything spirals. Again.

Statues caught on fire, chandeliers were broken, giant sludge monsters were fought, and unfair punishments were dished out upon you. That was fine! You could handle that! The monster in the mine was scary, but whatever, magic was going to be scary to you regardless. You could do this! You were going to handle everything life threw at you!

What you couldn’t handle, however, was Ace and Deuce’s tyrannical Housewarden: Riddle Rosehearts.

He was a selfish, entitled crybaby who had a stick shoved so far up his ass you wondered how he could walk without limping. All of his dorm members seemed terrified of him — except Ace, who also had the entitlement stick shoved up his ass, but this isn’t about him.

Riddle caused more than a handful of issues for you by kicking Ace and Deuce out — over a tart. Well, in Ace’s case, it was a tart. It was ridiculous, and it was more trouble than it was worth for you. More mouths to feed, more whining to hear, you couldn’t put up with it.

So you rush Ace and Deuce back to the dorm to find a way to apologize and end up meeting their far more responsible upperclassmen, Trey and Cater. The two of them were far more sympathetic to your position than Ace and Deuce ever were. You wished you’d managed to attract them instead of your bumbling idiots.

Still, they help you, and things are looking up for the idiot quartet… until they aren’t. 

The tarts that Ace and Deuce worked so tirelessly on were mouthwateringly delicious. Marron tarts with extra chestnuts! If they weren’t for Riddle, you would’ve torn into those things!

Things were looking good, especially when Riddle seemed more than pleased to accept Ace’s forgiveness gift…

Then, Riddle, stick somehow shoved even further up his ass than before, blows a gasket because of some stupid arbitrary rule. Something about no tarts on the billionth day of the month… ugh. So stupid.

He tore into Ace, he tore into Deuce, he tore into you. He just kept going and going on and on like a little child. You can’t even blame Ace for punching him, you were about to do it yourself if he hadn’t.

But.. something was wrong. You expected Riddle to just scream louder, but this time he didn’t. He was quiet, and you could see that his face was twisted up in a mix of anger and pain.

The first thing you noticed was the smell. It was thick and suffocating, crawling down your throat like it wanted to rip your lungs out. Only when you saw the black sludge leaking from Riddle did you realize it was ink invading your senses?

You watched with your mouth agape, body trembling, as his body morphed in front of your eyes. The clean, well-presented Riddle you knew changed into a disheveled beast who could hardly be described as human.

He looked dead, with skin so sickeningly pale, and his body moving in a way that it really shouldn’t be able to.

He kept moving, and he kept talking and screaming, so he wasn’t — but no one's skin should be that grey. No one should be leaking ink in the first place. 

The battle against him was a blur, you were simply running on instinct the whole time. Dodging, running, and throwing whatever you could to keep yourself safe. Still, you ended up with quite a few new scars and spent a sizable amount of time in the nurse's office.

Sure you got studentship for yourself and Grim, and yeah you helped Riddle overcome his trauma. You felt for him, you did. He was a good person at heart, and you wanted him to better himself and heal from the scars his mother left. 

But what about you? What were you supposed to do now that you’ve been through that? What about your scars? What about the scars he gave everyone else?

Surely you couldn’t be expected to pretend that everything was fine?

Ace and Deuce

-Ace and Deuce hadn’t seen you in a good few days since the last tea party Heartslabyul held. -You being reclusive wasn’t much of a shocker, you spent a lot of time alone, to begin with, but disappearing for this long…? 

-Now, it’s not like the three of you were absolute best friends at this point, but you had become pretty close up until now. 

-Plus you’ve survived a lot of very scary experiences together… surely that meant something?

-It meant something to them.

-Still, you’d practically ghosted them and it was out of character for what they knew of you.

-Even when they were annoying the shit out of you, you still gave them a place to stay and helped them take care of themselves. You were kindhearted.

-Ghosting your (tentative) friends wasn’t exactly a good sign.

-So, them being themselves, they decide to come to pay you a visit at Ramshackle and wrangle some answers out of you.

-They were not expecting you to answer with tear tracks down your face and eye bags so dark they almost looked black.

-Ramshackle wasn’t any better either. 

-You normally kept it so neat and tidy, but it was messy with clothes and dirty dishes scattered about. 

-It was so weird to see you in such a state since you were so happy and full of life and determination before this.

-Then again, it did sorta make sense. You’d been through a lot in the past few weeks, expecting perfection wasn’t fair for anyone in your position.

-All of you had been through a lot, Ace and Deuce were just better at putting up with it than you.

-Grim didn’t seem to be much of a help either, clearly lost on how to handle human depression.

-Luckily, Ace and Deuce are willing to help.

-By help, I mean to annoy you, but they’re doing their best!

-Ace definitely pokes and prods at you a lot, and complains that you have to get up and go to class.

-It’s annoying, but you know he’s right. 

-If he does take it too far Deuce is right there to put him back in line and assure you that you can take it at your own pace.

-The two of them are so sweet though, seriously. They help you clean up the place so that it's mostly back to its former glory (as much glory as ramshackle can have, of course).

-They walk you to class together every morning, even if you have ungodly eight ams. (You do hear Ace complaining a lot, though).

-They eat with you to make sure that you’re eating — and if you don’t eat with them, they come to your dorm with a full meal that they picked up for you.

-Most importantly, they keep you distracted from thinking about how horrifying the whole overblot was.

-The two of them need the distraction too, though they won’t admit it to you.

Grim

-Grim watches you go through everything firsthand.

-He lives with you, of course, he’s gonna see the rough stuff.

-He could tell something was off at the tea party, you just didn’t seem as involved as you usually were, but he brushed it off.

-He was more focused on eating as much food as possible.

-When you got back to the dorm, however, is when he noticed something was really wrong.

-Normally you’d take a nice long bubble bath, and the smell of your soaps would fill up the whole of your bedroom, but not today.

-You just fell onto your bed without a word.

-Still, it was a long day! Grim was pooped too, he wouldn’t wanna make up a bath either.

-Then you started to cry. You cried and cried and cried until you fell asleep.

-He didn’t know what to do, he never dealt with a crying human before!

-All he could do was curl up next to you and let you cry into his fur.

-You’d be better tomorrow, he told himself.

-But, nothing changed the day after that, nor the next, nor the next.

-By the third day of you laying around he was getting antsy. Would you ever cheer up, and could he help you at all?

-He’s grateful for Ace and Deuce coming around when you didn’t make it to classes that day.

-They explain to him, vaguely, what human depression is and how he can help more.

-Really, he isn’t able to do more than he’s already been doing, but you don’t need much more from him.

-He’s the perfect companion for you, and you wouldn’t trade him for the world.

Cater

-Cater doesn’t know you, okay.

-He would love to get to know you! You’re quite a treat to be around, and you keep his pesky freshmen in line, so he does like you.

-Again, he doesn’t know you.

-He does, however, notice that at the little celebratory tea party, you are not doing too well.

-What he’s seen of you, you were a spunky bitch who didn’t take shit from anyone.

-But, here, now… you were quiet. You didn’t seem like you were really here with anyone in the room.

-He decided to keep a close eye on you, just in case.

-He noticed your symptoms, he’s lived your symptoms, so of course he’s looking out for you.

-Besides, the overblot scared more than just you — you just had a lot more to be afraid of than them.

-When Ace and Deuce wander back to the dorm complaining about how you skipped your classes for the day, a million alarm bells go ringing in his head.

-“Go check on them.”

“Cater- you were listening?”

“Hush, just go check on them! Now! GO!”

-Cater is not your friend at this point, the two of you are acquaintances at the very most, but he knows that you need someone there for you.

-Please excuse him for assuming, but he doesn’t think Grim would cut it.

-He also talks to Trey and Riddle about it all too.

-He knows that you and Trey are closer than he is with you and that he’s more likely to be of help than Cater is.

-Tells Trey to make you sweets that Ace and Deuce can give to you. Also give him advice on what to say in case you seek him out — especially since he’s closer to Riddle, you’re more likely to go to him with your worries.

-However, Cater does not expect you to seek him out.

-He was so busy working overtime behind the scenes keeping everyone together that he didn’t even think that he was part of the equation.

-You sought him out simply because he wasn’t Trey or Riddle.

-Trey would be more sympathetic to Riddle and Riddle was the core of the issue. But your reliable Senpai Cater? Surely he’d be more logical about this.

-You figured that he had something to do with everything since Ace and Deuce don’t seem emotionally intelligent enough to help you with something as sensitive as trauma.

-First you really just want to thank him for his help, but as you talk to him both of you just break.

-You, because you hadn’t really been able to talk about what you’ve been through. Cater, because he put everything on his shoulders as if it was up to him to fix it all.

-It’s therapeutic, to just cry with someone over the horrible things that you’ve been through together.

-You sort of become each other's rock when it comes to recovery.

Trey

-Trey is the backbone of Heartslabyul.

-I know we give him shit for being boring and normal, but he’s the reason anything keeps functioning around his dorm.

-He needs to be normal, because if he can’t keep a level head, who will?

-Sevens, he’s having a hard time now though.

-Riddle is going through his own issues, coping with the fact that he confronted his traumas head-on and hurt so many people doing it.

-Ace and Deuce were the core of the issue, and he could tell that neither of them was ready to deal with whatever feelings they’d been feeling.

-He can’t even lean on Cater like he normally does, because Cater is running around like a madman trying to ignore his own trauma.

-So… It’s just Trey, and he’s having a hard time figuring this shit out because he needs time to cope.

-He doesn’t get the chance to, though, because he has to be there for Riddle more than anyone.

-It’s not like he doesn’t want to be there for him, they’re best friends, but Sevens Trey is exhausted trying to get things back to where they were.

-You don’t even cross his mind in the chaos until Cater asks him to make you those marron tarts you seemed to love so much.

-You must be going through it.

-As he bakes them up for you (making some extras for his dormmates), he thinks about how hard this must’ve been on you.

-You’re not even from here. You were just trying to help out, and you nearly lost your life because his best friend couldn’t control his temper.

-You didn’t deserve that. No one did.

-He was supposed to give the tarts to Ace and Deuce, but after his thinking, he figured it was better he went to see how you were doing himself.

-The older brother in him couldn’t stop the worry from taking over now that you were on his mind.

-He knew that Ace and Deuce got you going back to your classes, and you weren’t so scared that you never came to Heartslabyul, but he wanted to make sure.

-When you open the door you look tired, but light up at the sight of the treats in his hands.

-While you and Grim are chowing down on the snacks he made, you two talk.

-Trey finally, finally, gets to talk about how he’s been feeling — because you are so sweet and so kind that you want to hear how he’s been.

-He gets to tell you how tired he is, how he feels as though he can’t allow himself a moment to deal with his own thoughts, how worried he is about everyone. How angry he was at Riddle, and how happy he was that Riddle was changing.

-It’s cathartic to get it all out, but he feels guilty for dumping it all on you.

-He was here to check on you, not pour his heart out.

-But, you tell him that you wanted him to talk to you about it. Ace and Deuce pretend like it never even happened, so to hear someone else be just as angry about it as you felt good.

-The two of you spend a lot of time together that night — Grim is there too, but this isn’t about him — and both of you feel like a weight is lifted off your shoulders afterward.

-Both of you make plans to bake something together later that week.

Riddle

-Riddle is going through it, okay.

-Not only is he dealing with the physical ramifications of his body twisting around in ways that it really shouldn’t, and the long-term lung issues he’s going to have thanks to all the ink.

-He’s also dealing with the fact that he acknowledged how awful his mother — whom he’d idolized — truly was. 

-How awful he was because of her, and how many people he hurt because he wouldn’t face the music soon enough.

-Still his life didn’t stop. He still had to ensure that he was fulfilling his duties as a houswarden, and he also had to continue tutoring and running the equestrian club and his own coursework.

-His way of coping with his issues is that he works himself to death.

-Sure, he does take time to tell Trey how he’s feeling, and he has spent many sleepless nights in his room crying, but he’d rather be working than doing that.

-So he does. He works and he works and he uses his work as a punishment for himself because he does not deserve a break after what he did.

-He has to make up for the horrible things he’s done to people who simply did not deserve it.

-He’s so busy working that he forgets to make it up to the person that matters most.

-You and Riddle aren’t exactly avoiding each other, but you certainly aren’t seeking each other out.

-You know that Riddle was going through a lot and you’ve already forgiven him at this point, but you haven’t found the strength to seek him out yet.

-The both of you just happen to bump into each other in the kitchen of Heartslabyul. (Courtesy of Trey and Cater!)

-You were waiting on Trey (he promised he would make some sweets with you today), and Riddle walked in (he was also promised sweets).

-It was… awkward, to say the least.

-What do you say to the guy who traumatized and nearly killed you and your friends?

-What do you say to the person who you nearly killed?

-Well…

-“I’m sorry,” Riddle finally said, snuffing out the awkward silence, “I allowed myself to become so angry, and I hurt and scared not only you but myself. I don’t know how anyone could ever forgive me, but I am truly sorry.”

You stayed quiet, mulling over his words. You knew he was sorry, from the way he’d looked at you since his blot. You could only begin to imagine what he was dealing with in his head this whole time. How harsh he must’ve been on himself since the incident — and isn’t that what started this whole thing in the first place? His unnecessary harshness? He shouldn’t be so hard on anyone, especially not himself.

So, you being you — forgiving and understanding — you sigh and place a hand on his arm. He looked at you, shocked at your gentleness.

“It’s alright, Riddle. Sure, you really scared the shit out of me, and yeah I’m still kind of scared of you, but I know you’re a good guy. It’s not your fault that you’ve been through such awful things.”

-You made him cry.

-Good tears though! Happy tears! It’s the first time he felt seen in a very long time, and he promises you that he’s going to change for the better.

-To his credit, he does start to make those changes, and he does so very quickly.

-He begins to be more open with his friends, and he’s more relaxed about the very stupid rules that he used to enforce.

-He goes out of his way to talk to you specifically at this time too. He offers to become your tutor (which you desperately need, since Crewel is well… cruel.), and you two grow surprisingly close!

-You bond over how much stress Ace and Deuce cause you, and Riddle learns how to socialize like a normal person from you.

-(You surprise him with just how popular you are, despite being essentially bottom of the barrel at NRC. He has much to learn!)

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #x reader #bunni's treats 🧁 #riddle rosehearts #cater diamond #trey clover #ace trappola #deuce spade #grim twst #ace trapolla x reader #deuce spade x reader #cater diamond x reader #trey clover x reader #riddle rosehearts x reader

[thenightfolknetwork]

Hello. I'm, um, not entirely sure how to talk about this. I hope it's okay if I misspeak. I'm a human, right, so I think that needs to be clear more than anything, but I've been very involved in the creature community for years now. I live by a great big lake and I always liked to walk down the shore late at night or early in the morning, you know, just to try and get out of my own head, and one night ages ago I accidentally tripped over someone's jacket and twisted my ankle. It was a gorgeous fur jacket, too, not like any kind of fur I'd seen in a jacket before, but just stunningly soft and thick as Hell.

Now, of course I didn't take it, that'd be awful, but also I had just hurt myself in kind of a nasty way and so it wasn't like I had anything else to do but sit by the shore next to the jacket and waited, and yeah, a few hours later one of the lake seals popped its head out of the water, looked at me for a good long while, and then...well, I mean, you know how the rest of the story goes, I'm sure.

Anyway, it's been a few years now and I've become really close to this family. I didn't really know anyone in my town before meeting them and I'm not on speaking terms with my own folks, so in a lot of ways these people have become my family, and it's an honor that they trust me to keep guard of their cloaks and such when they go out. But I've got this problem, right, and it's just...over the years it's felt less and less like I fit in with other humans. All my friends are nightfolk now, my family hates me even more because they're bigots--in this night and age, can you fucking believe it--and it's just like every night I get further and further away from the shore.

I'm just scared because...I don't *want* to stop drifting away. I've had dreams of joining them down there in the lake, practically every night for months on end. I've tried doing research into methods of joining the community but I don't want to become a vampire, I don't fancy any lunar-aligned nonsense, nothing has felt right except selkies, but I can't decide if I'm just self aware enough that I need a push from an outside viewer to try and accept something I already know full well...or if no, actually, that little voice in my stupid head that won't go away that keeps calling me a fraud, an invader, an appropriator--what if the reason it's not going away is because it's right and I really don't belong?

Just...please be honest with me. Am I a complete asshole for spending hours every day trying not to just outright beg my family--sorry, chosen family--to help me sew myself a cloak, or is there something to this?

First of all, reader, please rest assured. As long as you are speaking from a place of kindness and a willingness to learn, you don't need to worry about using all the correct terminology. I always try to listen generously when people come to me in need, and I encourage our followers to do the same.

Unfortunately I can well believe that bigots like your biological relatives still exist. I'm glad you've been able to extract yourself from their hateful society, and have found comfort, support and kinship among the nightfolk.

You say there is a little voice in your head calling you a fraud, casting doubt on the validity of your feelings. As much as you might want to push it away and stop your ears, I want you to listen to that voice, just for a little while. Pay attention to the language it uses and what ideas it seems to have about the world.

And then ask yourself: is this my voice? Does that sound like me? Or does this sound like a last, desperate, wriggling remnant of the people I've worked so hard to distance myself from?

Every one of us is raised with a narrative, a story about the world and our place in it, and how we should treat the people around us. We're told that story by our parents, by our teachers and schoolmates, by television and books and a million other sources. The story is so vast and so all-encompassing, it takes an enormous effort to be able to see any single part of it clearly.

Imagine, then, how hard we have to work to realise some of that story is untrue, or harmful, fed by hatred and fear. To start untangling ourselves from the rotting, strangling roots of the story we've known all our lives, and start planting something new and fresh and honest.

It sounds to me like this little voice is one of those lingering strands of the story you were raised with – one where liminality is nothing to admire or strive for, and where you cannot be trusted to know your own mind, and your own needs. It's time to tell yourself a better story.

You've found people who honour you with their trust and who make you feel supported and loved, as you deserve. You admire them, and want to be like them. None of this sounds “stupid” to me.

This is not a decision to be taken lightly. By all means, take your time, and talk your feelings through with your family. But I think you already know what story you want for yourself, reader – and for what it's worth, I think the world will be better for its telling.

#answered #the nightfolk network #monstrous agonies

[rosepascal]

Put On a Brave Face | Joel Miller x Reader

summary: Joel Miller almost loses you the same way he lost his baby girl.

warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, blood/gore, standard tlou stuff, reader gets shot, graphic descriptions, kinda softer!Joel so a little OOC

a/n: I got this idea and honestly idk if i like it that much but im posting this anyways. Also this is for the besties who would be absolute crybabies if they got shot bc that is 100% me lmao. I get a papercut and im in tears fr.

The universe must really hate Joel Miller. For all the shit it’s put him through, it just has to add more. It’s not his fault, something that you really really hope he understands. He heard the gun fire but it sounded like white noise. He didn’t feel any pain so he knew it didn’t hit him.

A blur of gun fire and the men around him are dead. Jackson was mostly a safe place but lately there’s been a gang of people who were attempting to infiltrate the commune.

They were easy work for Joel, he wasn’t thrilled that you tagged along on patrol but he trusted you and if he had to have someone he’d pick you to watch his back.

If only he paid a little more attention.

It was like a punch straight to the gut. You felt a sudden pressure as you shot at the bandits. You were too busy focusing on keeping Joel safe to notice you had been hit by a stray. When the chaos stopped is when the pain set in.

Everything feels fuzzy. Like something ain’t quite right. And everything was hot. It’s the middle of winter but it feels like your whole body’s on fucking fire. An ache starts to burn in your stomach, you set your hand on it without thinking. Only to be met with a red stained hand.

“J-Joel?” His world stops.

Panic claws at his heart as it beats louder and louder in his ears. He turns around to face you. Sweat runs down your face, a small smile on your lips as you try and stay calm for both your sakes. His eyes fall to your stomach and that's when he sees it.

One of the bullets from their gun went clean through you. The blood, there’s already so much of it.

“Joel.” You whimper as you fall to the ground. Staying upright becomes the least of your worries as it becomes harder to breathe.

You’ve lived through twenty years of this shit and yet this is the first time you have ever been shot. Those who survived always said it’s either nothing or the worst pain in the world. Joel’s been shot before.

You were there once. The bullet went into his arm and it was awful trying to get it out. He was strong as hell though. Kept his calm and walked it off a few days later.

You always admired how strong Joel was. Not just in the physical sense but he always seemed to be calm even in the worst situations. Maybe it was all a show. But right now you wished you could do the same.

You wish that you could look up at him and tell him you were okay and crack a joke but you can’t. It hurts so bad, it’s burning and pain is tearing through your whole body.

“I got you baby.” Joel falls next to you. He tosses his gun to the side and wraps you in his arms. One hand under your back to try and get you upright.

“It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay.” He wants to puke. A sob crawling its way up his throat.

“It hurts!” You cry, clawing at his shirt. Fingers digging into the soft fabric of his flannel.

“Joel!” It breaks his damn heart to hear you cry out in such pain.

“I know, fuck I know baby.” Jackson isn’t far and right now it’s your only hope.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbles as he stands you up and irritates your wound. Your scream makes him flinch. It’s raw and full of fear and so much pain.

Why couldn’t it be him? Why did it have to be you?

“Please, please I don’t want to die Joel.” The words tumble out of your mouth without thinking.

“Please please.” You bury your face into Joel's chest as he half drags and half carries you to the gates of Jackson.

“I don’t want to die!” You wail loudly and Joel tightens his grip on you. It’s pure agony. Every minor step or bump sends waves of pain through you.

“You’re okay, we’re so close, baby, just a few more steps.” Joel closes his eyes as you cry out for him.

It’s a sickening sense of deja vu. Bleeding out in his arms by a bullet he didn’t see. He needs to focus. It feels cruel but he has to zone out. The gates are so close and that’s all that matters.

“Help!” Joel screams till his throat is raw as he gets closer. The gates open too damn slow as someone rushes out to help. Together they bring you inside the walls and rush you to the doctor.

“What the fuck happened?” Joel tenses up when he sees Ellie running towards him. A panicked look on her face. Worry written all over her face when she sees you being carried in.

“Joel?!” She tries to run in but Joel grabs her arms.

“Stay outside.” He commands, not wanting Ellie to witness you in such a bad state.

“Fuck no!” She tries to push past him but he’s stronger than her. Your pained scream makes Ellie stop fighting, tears welling up in her eyes.

“Don’t worry.” he says unconvincingly as he turns and runs into the room. You’re lying on a table, your shirt already torn so they have access to clean the wound. Joel rushes to your side and grabs your hand.

“I’m here baby.” He brings your hand to his lips and lets you squeeze it tight. The medic opens a bottle and looks at Joel before pouring some of it onto your stomach.

“FUCK!” You seethe and try to squirm away but someone holds you to the table.

“Make it stop! Please!” Sobbing, you squeeze Joel's hand as tight as you can.

“Joel please! It hurts so bad!” Your vision is blurred by the tears and the tiredness that your body feels right now but you can still make him out.

You can’t leave him, you can’t die. It hurts more than the bullet did as they start to patch you up. Spots of black cover your vision and you start to cry more, you just want Joel to hold you and make it better. Your eyes flutter closed and you feel a hand tapping harshly on your cheek.

“Stay with me baby, come on.” Joel opens your eyes and in pure panic snaps at the medic.

“DO SOMETHING!” Joel is an intimidating force but right now he’s utterly helpless.

“We’re doing everything we can.” The medic says calmly. Keeping your eyes open becomes too hard, you just want to sleep.

“No no, come on. Wake up!” His voice fading out as darkness and peace consumes you. 

- - -

Two centimeters. According to the medic you were two centimeters away from dying. The bullet entered and nearly missed a major artery. If it had hit you there then you would have been dead in minutes.

You’re lucky to be alive.

It doesn’t feel lucky. It feels like shit. You’re stuck at home while on recovery and with Joel as your caretaker that meant you couldn’t even leave. After the doctor left he took one look at you and you know there’s no argument here.

When you woke up Joel was there. He wouldn’t tell you much. Just that you were shot and that you were okay. He doesn’t think you remember much of anything after the bullet hit. But you do. Somehow you remembered everything up until you passed out and all you could feel now is guilt.

You wished you were stronger. That you didn’t scream and cry for him to help you even though you know he couldn’t. There’s nothing he could have done and you made it worse. You weren’t in the right headspace but it felt cruel to beg for him to save you after everything.

After...Sarah. He doesn’t talk about much. He opened up to you once in the middle of a sleepless night. You don’t know every detail but from what he told you, you put a few pieces together.

Shot by a soldier with a bullet that should have hit him instead.

A situation that felt too similar to this one. How could you do that to him? How could you look him in the eyes after all of this? Being in recovery meant you couldn’t do your chores so Joel took them. Great, first you remind him of his dead daughter and now you’re making him work even more. At least Ellie was here. She rarely left your side. 

“A book just fell on my head, I only have my shelf to blame.” Ellie looks up from her pun book with a smile. It’s just after dinner and Joel still isn’t home. So she has taken it upon herself to be your entertainment.

“That's four outta ten.” You say and she rolls her eyes.

“No way that one was funny.” She flips the page and reads another one.

“Okay okay, you wanna hear a joke about pizza?” Resting your face on your hand you nod.

“Sure.”

“Nevermind, it was too cheesy.” You snort and she laughs.

“Alright, that one is pretty good.” She punches the air in success. You notice her eyes keep darting down to your side where the bandages are.

“You know Maria told me about the school sleepover, bunch of kids your age are going.” You say and Ellie shrugs. It makes you feel guilty that Ellie’s here and not out with people her own age.

“I don’t know, not really my thing.” She’s lying. You know she is. That girl she’s grown quite close to will be there and you don’t want to stand in the way.

“I’ll be okay Ellie, I want you to go and have some fun.” She looks hesitant but after a little bit of pushing she caves. Hugging you tight before leaving.

Sighing you try and get comfortable on the couch and wait for Joel. He comes back late. You must have fallen asleep because next thing you know you’re being shaken awake. Joel's tired eyes stare at you, only meeting them for a second before looking somewhere else.

“Where’s Ellie?” He asks.

“Sleepover.” You answer sleepily.

“You shouldn’t be sleepin’ on the couch. It’s not good for you.” You hold back a laugh as you recall the many times you’ve found Joel passed out on the couch. You try to sit up but you move too fast. Squeezing your eyes shut as you feel a sharp pain in your stomach.

“Careful,” He places a hand on your back to steady you. Silently he guides you upstairs to bed. He’s given up the extra pillow and blanket to make you as comfortable as possible.

“Coming to bed?” You ask hopefully as he helps you in. He shakes his head and your face falls.

“I will soon.” He kisses your forehead before turning out the light.

He hasn't slept easy since the incident. He knows you’re alive. In his brain he sees you breathing and talking but sometimes when he closes his eyes he can only see you lying on that table.

He comes to bed a few hours later. Being as quiet as he can so he doesn’t wake you, but you aren’t asleep. The guilt has been eating you alive for days now. You put him through so much and now you feel like dead weight. He’s pulling away to protect his heart and it’s killing you. You know he’s asleep when he starts to snore. He swears he doesn’t but he does.

Carefully you throw the blankets off, resting the extra one back on him. The floor underneath creaks with every step. Sleep isn’t coming and you need a drink. Opening the cabinets you see the bottle of whiskey all the way in the back of the top shelf.

“Dammit Joel.” You huff as you blindly reach to the back.

It’s just out of reach and you feel anger start to seep in. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a glass of whiskey. You should be able to do this without anyone's help. Pain starts to blossom in your stomach as you put one knee on top of the counter and stretch the stitches. When you finally wrap your fingers around the neck of the bottle you feel your foot slip.

Glass shatters on the ground around you as you land hard on your back. You let out a whimper of pain as you sit upright and look at what you’ve done. Shards of glass surround you and the amber liquid pools on the floor. Heavy footsteps come running down the hall. Joel looks frantic as he holds his gun out, looking around for intruders. When his eyes land on you, you look down in shame.

“What the hell happened?” His voice booms and you feel like crying.

“I-I’m so sorry. I just. I thought I could..” Without thinking you reach to clean the glass.

“Stop!” He kneels down and grabs your hands before they can touch the glass. He doesn’t say a word as he cleans the shards of glass. You could feel how angry he was.

“Wanna tell me what was so important?” He crosses his arms and stares down at you.

It’s like you're a little kid being scolded for stealing a cookie. You feel angry and sad and so guilty and your stomach really hurts. Digging your nails into your knees you start to cry. Small sniffles snowball into sobs that make your whole body shake.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” It’s all you can say as you bury your face into your hands.

“Baby..” Joel’s voice is softer than you’ve ever heard it. He falls to his knees and wraps his arms around you. Tears shining in his eyes as he feels you tremble in his touch.

“I-I’m so sorry.”

“Shh, what are you sorry about?” He rubs your back and closes his eyes.

“I remember everything Joel, W-When I got shot. Fuck the things I said.” You bury your face into his chest as a fresh wave of tears fall. They just won’t stop.

“What are you talkin’ about?” He gently pushes you back so he can see your face. Wiping those tears from your cheeks.

“I shouldn’t have..I made it so much worse.” He’s confused. Really confused.

“Baby, There’s nothing to be sorry for,” He runs his thumb across your bottom lip, heart cracking as he looks into your broken eyes.

“I begged you to save me when there was nothing you could do.” He grimaces at the memory of your painful cries, but you were dying and you were scared. He could never hold that against you.

"I wanted to be strong for you but I couldn’t a-and I hurt you." You rip his hands off of you and curl into a ball.

“It's not your fault baby. None of it.” He rests his hands on top of your knees. It baffles him that you think any of this is your fault.

“You were in so much pain. " His voice cracks slightly and it gets you to lift your head.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you baby.”

“Joel…” You start but he silences you.

You never should have been in that position in the first place but it's not about him right now. He gently pulls you into his lap, hugging you tightly. He closes his eyes, feeling your heartbeat.

“I shoulda noticed sooner. I..." He stops himself from going down that path.

"You’re so strong baby. You fought like hell and didn’t give up.” You don’t say anything. The guilt is still there but it won’t go away anytime soon.

You’re living in a fucked up world and you’re just two fucked up people trying to survive. And somehow you survived.

“Can we go back to bed?” You ask softly, tired from the crying.

There's more to say but its too late now. Tomorrow Joel will tell you over and over that it's not your fault. He'll tell you every damn day until you believe him. He’ll pray for your forgiveness for putting you in danger, for letting you get hurt and you’ll read him like a damn book and tell him it’s ridiculous. Maybe then you’ll both realize their’s not guilt to be had on either side.

Watching you bleed out on that table, it really did remind him of the day he lost Sarah. That fear and pain never really goes away but right now he can hold you in his arms and feel your heart. He can see your eyes and hear your voice. That’s all he needs right now. He’s not going to lose you. Ever.

So god help anything that stands in his way.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller angst #joel miller fanfiction

[candyskiez]

Thinking about ???%/Shigeo as a character today and losing my mind. Like he's so funny to joke about but also he's SUCH an interesting character (especially from a plural angle, ESPECIALLY when you're a system yourself) and he makes me want to explode. Imagine forming to protect a little kid and deciding you love him so so much and you'll always be there for him, and you love his little brother, and you love his best friend, even though the world doesn't love you very much. But you take it anyway because you have those three and your little family so you're happy. And you have powers and they're a part of you and the other kid and it's fine until it very suddenly Isn't, and nobody's explaining why, just that you need to Stop Having Them. And the kid just decides, okay, I'm sorry, I'll be normal. And you get no explanation. You just have to be suppressed that little bit more. You form because he can't handle being suppressed yet he suppresses you. And then one day it all blows up and you make a mistake trying to protect your little brother and suddenly everyone hates you. Everyone thinks every little thing you've ever done is proof you're a monster and you always would've turned out like this, and you have no idea what they're talking about. You made a mistake trying to save your brother. But because you look scary and act different, even though you've always been there suddenly you existing is dangerous. Because you made a mistake, you are now Irredeemable.

That would fuck ANY kid up. But like, think about it. Shigeo had no one except Tsumobi and Mob and Mob's family. And suddenly he has no one. Mob represses him so deeply. He makes one mistake and suddenly he's not allowed to talk to anyone, suddenly he's completely alone and isolated. He has to share a brain with someone who despises him. He has the trauma of the accident AND the trauma of suddenly losing everyone he loves on top of it. He literally had no one for years. No wonder he's so fucking cynical. All of the shit about "I don't trust anyone" in the manga? Yeah, of course he doesn't. The rug was pulled out from under him so fast. In his eyes everyone just hated him for no reason, because he existed, and everyone would hurt him for existing, so he could only trust himself. Yeah, no wonder he's so selfish, he has no one else there at ALL. It's just...holyyyy hell.

And the thing is if you actually look the little things point to him yearning for connection so desperately. He's still so aggressively protective of his family (even though he lost them a long time ago, they're Mob's now, they don't even know he's there. Don't get me started on that from a plural view. I won't shut up and will probably pour my heart out.), and just ...world domination arc. When he's so upset about losing his family. We know he doesn't trust Reigen. Yet he's running to Reigen for some sort of comfort because he's scared and doesn't want his family to die and wants someone to tell him everything's fine. And Reigen DOES and he believes him. He believes him and immediately passes out. The guy who doesn't trust anyone wants to be loved so so bad and wants to believe Reigen more than anything. He really clearly WANTS to be able to trust Reigen. But he can't. More on this later.

And also thinking about why the build up in confession arc broke him like that is just fucking sad, man. Everyone was telling them to change. Shigeo's been told to change and it meant "be normal". Mob isn't even the one who actually likes Tsumobi like that. Shigeo's being completely repressed and Mob wants to live without him completely. Everyone wants to live without him now that they've used his powers to get this nice perfect life (in his eyes, at least.) Everyone's just trying to forget he ever existed so they can be happy without him, when Shigeo never GOT to heal. He never got to move on. He never got to process any of the god awful shit that happened to him. Everyone's telling him, change. Be normal. Be normal so Tsumobi will like you. And Shigeo's so fucking stressed out of his mind because lying about who he is didn't even help Mob make friends, it didn't make him popular, it didn't make anyone like him, it just made them both miserable. He doesn't want to be stuck like this. Of course he's freaking out. We see in his encounter with the body improvement club that being told to go back to normal sets him off HARD. It's clearly a sensitive subject. "Normal" means "Don't exist" to Shigeo. Do you see why this fucked me up as a system yet. Oh my god.

And his breakdown is just...painfully understandable. Like, actually think about it for a second. Shigeo has never been shown forgiveness or compassion or any amount of understanding for his mistakes. He never was taught to mature or see any nuance. He fucked up, so he doesn't deserve any second chance. Nobody ever taught him compassion. He has such a completely black and white view of the world. If someone did something bad once, they are forever The Bad Thing. If someone was kind to him once, they are forever Good and Perfect. Teru was a threat once, so he is now Always A Threat. Reigen was a liar before so he is Always A Liar. Ritsu was sweet and kind as a kid so he is always His Innocent Little Brother. And Tsumobi accepted him as a kid, so now she's the only person who could ever possibly accept him. Teru sees Shigeo at his most terrifying, when he's actively hunting him down, and in the manga looks at him with fucking hearts in his eyes. Ritsu might not be all perfect, but he's trying so hard and understanding no, Shigeo isn't just a scary part of Mob. Shigeo isn't Evil. But because neither of their acceptance is perfect, and because they aren't from Tsumobi, he can't see it's even there. And also, another thing, his response to people acting outside of his perception of him is to get them away. It scares him. Teru isn't acting how he expected? Attack maim. Ritsu isn't afraid of him anymore? Teleport him away so he doesn't have to confront the change. Reigen acts different? Throw shit at him until he hates him.

It's just so...fuck man. Of course he's like that. He's immature and selfish because nobody taught him not to be. Nobody helped this kid when he needed it and this is the result. He thinks he's an irredeemable monster so he acts like one when he's told to just be himself. He doesn't see change as being realistic. He's been treated the same no matter what he does so he assumes this is how the world naturally is. He's just a bitter mentally ill kid who nobody gave any reason to believe that maybe the world is nice sometimes.

Another thing: I think he really really wants Reigen to care about him. Him going "I can't listen to him" is so intense with the context of the fact he immediately passes out to rest and let Mob take care of it once Reigen says his parents are safe. Reigen can convince him like nobody else can. He cares about him and wants to believe him and that's terrifying! He hates him and resents him and wants him to be proud of him and wants nothing to do with him and it's confusing and he just wants something that is (supposedly) guaranteed. He wants Reigen to care so badly and it feels impossible. Why would he ever care? He just wants to use him. The only way to bring Shigeo back from his breakdown was to show him that people can be kind without wanting something back in return. Reigen saying "you don't need me anymore" was the only real way to help him, to show him that he's not doing this for himself, but because he cares about his student(s). Because he cares about BOTH of them. He cares about every version he's seen and interacted with, not because of his powers but because they were them. He had to let go of them to truly help them here, so Shigeo wouldn't have any lingering fear. What helps Shigeo is the display of kindness with nothing to be gained and Mob finally realizing that Shigeo's just...flawed. They both realize that sometimes people are just flawed and fucked up and make bad decisions and just straight up hurt people. And they'll still love you. They'll still be worth saving. But you can't deny their flaws, for Mob, and you don't need to seek the perfect relationship to have someone there, for Shigeo. It just. Agh! God! I am always losing my mind over this story. Fuck. This SHOW .

#mp100 spoilers #mp100 #unknown percentage mp100 #shigeo kageyama #kageyama shigeo #also like. the thing of “hey man you dont need a romantic relationship to be happy” is everything to me“ too #“its fine to not have a romantic relationship. its not the end all be all” is gery appreciated #the whole system loves shigeo. this show genuinely helped us so mucj and.helped me understand myself #and thinking about the finale makes me cry #like i was tearing up so many times writing this post. help. #plural mob

[zeezelweazel]

I would love it if you started writing for Chloe kelly

Chloe Kelly| Lost in euphoria|

______________________________________

My girl is having such a great season, hope we can win the league cuz Chelsea needs to be humbled. Anyway I'm still not over that world cup final so have this.

First Chloe fic let's goo

____________________________________________________

You can't sleep. Of course you can't, the world cup final is tomorrow. You bled sweat and tears to get to this point. With your captain and best player in the world barely back in shape and the federation being full of sexist assholes you feel like you've fought a war to reach the final.

Nerves are normal before matches like this one. The winner takes it all and you have to make sure that you are the winner. You've learnt how to live with it and get over it so you can give it your all on the pitch. This time though it's different, because you're playing England in the final.

You dread the moment you have to step on the pitch. They want this as much as you and they need this as much as you. How will you be able to play against your girlfriend in such a game? Sure, you play eachother often enough, in the league and even the cup sometimes and you're definitely used to the rivalry given how she plays for manchester city and you for united but this is different. This is a world cup final. An entire nation depends on you.

Just as you're about to turn around and try to sleep your phone lights up with a notification. You look at the screen to see a message.

Baby blue 💙

Hey

I can't sleep

You smile when you see Chloe's text, immediately forgetting about the match tomorrow. You grab your phone and text her back immediately. You probably should be getting some sleep before such an important game but it's not like you'd do anything but roll around in bed all night. Plus talking to Chloe always helps you relax, right now it also helps you forget the fact that tomorrow she'd be your biggest rival.

|•••••|

No words can describe the feeling of playing in a wolrd cup final. The atmosphere is electric, your whole body pumbed with adrenaline and nerves that only got worse when the whistle blew. You were equal parts relieved and upset that Chloe wasn't on the starting line up. She deserves to be on the starting eleven, you know this but you can't help but feel relieved that you can prolong playing against her.

The first half is obviously in your favour. England's attacks are disjointed and messy, most of them not leading to anything good. You and Ona didn't let anything get through, closing down every English attack. The forwards are doing their job successfully, as expected with Aitana bossing the midfield and pulling the strings. Sure enough after a stady and good performance Olga manages to open the scoreline with a good shot.

Your first instinct is to turn to Irene and hug her tightly before running to meet the rest of the girls up ahead and join in the celebrations.

After the half time whistle blew you were very eager to finally get the chance to catch your breath. You blocked the annoying drill of Vilda's voice and instead focused on keeping your head clear and your mind set on the target. You know England wasn't going to give up easily.

A few moments later Jenni places a hand on your shoulder and shakes you out of your thoughts. The second half was about to start, but when you get up from the bench and move to the pitch you see Chloe doing the same. Of course she'd be subbed in on the second half, England needed to get better on the final third and your girlfriend was the perfect choice alongside Lauren James.

You took a deep breath and tried to ignore the awful feelings that tried to crawl up your chest. You thought you were used to playing against her but this is different. This is the world cup.

Right before the whistle blows you try and catch her eyes but Chloe's gaze is firmly locked on the ball. You gulp down any last remnants of nervousness and focus.

Chloe and Lauren change the game immediately and England's attacks start gaining momentum but with how well you and the rest of the Spanish defence are playing said momentum is quickly crumbling.

The clock is ticking and even though Jenni missed a penalty England is getting desperate for an equaliser. They've come close a couple times but still nothing and now with the final minutes of extra time it looks like it's over. But of course, life is never that easy.

Two minutes of extra time remain when a fatal mistake is made. England steals the ball in your half of the pitch and with Ona out of position there's a huge open space. The ball is thrown ahead by James and within a second Chloe is on it with you chasing behind. The crowd is already starting to go wild for something that looks to be a certain goal. Chloe is closing in on goal but just as she's about to lift her foot to take the shot you slide on the pitch and manage to knock the ball off her feet in a clean tackle that has half the crowd gasping and groaning in defeat and the other half cheering and clapping wildly. Chloe gets up and goes for the ball immediately, the blonde not one to give up until she hears the whistle but you're on her once more and you cut off her desperate attempt at a last minute cross to the Spanish box.

Once the ball goes out of play the ref blows the whistle and it's all over.

The crowd erupts in a loud roar, players and fans alike jumping in happiness or slumping in defeat. Before you can react half of the team is swarming you, patting your back and kissing your cheeks and ruffling your hair. Alexia pulls you in a tight embrace and you can't help but return it with teary eyes.

"You saved us Y/N. You won us the world cup."

You release a watery laugh and shake your head at your captain.

"No Ale, it was all of us. We did this."

It takes a while for all the girls to spread on the field but when they do your eyes instinctively scan the field for a familiar blonde ponytail.

You see Chloe sitting on the side of the pitch, seemingly not having moved since the final whistle. Lauren Hemp is by her side rubbing a hand down Chloe's back. She notices your approach and leaves the two of you alone. You sit down beside her and for a while neither of you talk. The atmosphere is tense and you feel like if you don't say something soon you'll lose your mind.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry."

You both look at eachother before you burst out in a short fit of light giggles. When you stop laughing your smile falls slightly at the sight of Chloe's puffy eyes and you softly wipe some stray tears from her cheeks.

"I ruined it for you, I'm so sorry I-"

Chloe looked at you with surprise evident on her face. She shook her head and took one of your hands holding it tightly.

"You did what any great degender would've done. That was like, the best tackle I've seen."

You laugh and lean closer to her. You knew that your girlfriend wouldn't be upset about what happened but part of you feels guilty that you stripped her of that moment. A moment of silce washes over the both of you as Chloe plays with you hands.

"We failed."

Her words were soft and defeated, so different from her usual loud and confident attitude, that it tugged on your heart strings painfully. You placed your hand on her face and softly urged her to look up to you.

"You didn't fail Chloe. You finished second in the world cup. I understand how painful it is to get so close to a trophy just to lose it on the last minute but failing is not even making it past the group stage or getting eliminated in the round of 16. You did amazing, I'm so proud of you."

Your insides feel warm when a big grin breaks it's way into Chloe's face.

"God, I wish I could kiss you right now."

You laugh and nod in agreement but there's no rush. You'll have all the time in the world to spent on celebrating your win with your girlfriend. Your little bubble pops when you notice Alexia beckoning you to get up. You guess it's time for the ceremony. You turn to Chloe one last time and smile. She pats your cheek and gets up before helping you rise off the pitch as well.

"Come on world champion, you have a trophy to lift."

___________________________________________

#wlw #female reader #woso imagine #woso #woso x reader #lionesses #chloe kelly #chloe kelly x reader

[elk-scribe]

you know what since I was talking about the rain world ending and i rambled a little about the karma system and how its all fake.

Big spoilers ahead and whatever I will be talking thoroughly abt the game lore (excluding downpour i don't consider it canon).

Karma in rain world isn't real and we've all been tricked to think it matters at all.

Here's a list of things we should consider regarding the information about karma.

We start on the lowest karma, and as slugcat rests it goes up until it caps at 5. Each of these karma levels represent the basic animal urges. Violence, lust, companionship, gluttony, survival.

The ancients are the ones that considered shedding the base natural urges of an animal necessary for ascension.

The ancients are also the ones that proposed the idea of ascension, and declared that the cycle of life, death, and rebirth is so awful that no creature would want to be a part of it.

(light blue pearl, outskirts)

Now, a lot of this game is about religion- and in the case of the ancients it touches upon the idea of the opressiveness of religion and exploitation therein. Anytime I think about how the ancients left behind the iterators to "solve the problem" for the rest of the creatures, it makes me think of how missionaries go to places to try and "save" the people there.

The ancients' religion is a manipulative cult. First, they convince (almost) all of their people that life is awful. Then, they continue with proposing the idea of solving that problem- no longer living. But there's a catch! You have to die correctly. You have to EARN this "blissful" release from the horrible fact of living. Either by rigorous torture (living off of tea and starving yourself) or by paying money.

(Bright red pearl, farm arrays)

Then, they make it a societal norm- an HONOUR to die in the way They Think Is Correct. But you HAVE to do everything they say to shed yourself of those nasty animal urges and be ready for ASCENSION. And they put a price on it.

But we have to remember, not only did they create a religion that convinced them all that living is horrible...

They destroyed the entire ecosystem that used to be there and replaced it with ruins or whatever managed to descend from purposed organisms.

The ancients were able to alter cells of creatures- the ability to do such a thing at all is described here.

(Gold pearl, Chimney Canopy)

So who is to say that they didn't alter the cells of their own people? That they didn't create all purposed organisms with that idea of karma inside of them? The gates respond to the slugcat, it reads something about its karma. Its a machine reading something within its genetic data. The guardians respond to creatures with karma- and in fact are hostile to anything NOT at karma 10.

But the guardians were made by the ancients to protect their temples. To prevent anyone "unworthy" from going down.

The iterators are forbidden from altering their own karma- how is that something you can do if its not an actual, physical trait somewhere within them? Somewhere within their genetic code that the ancients tampered with?

But most notably-

Cheesing your way past the guardians using flashbangs and throwboosts is an intended feature of the game, and you can go down and into the sea and ascend with no issue. If karma truly mattered for ascension, then why can we ascend without the approval of the guardians?

Slugcats are descendants of purposed organisms, they have this "karma" meter wired into their bodies.

So anyway karma isn't real and the ancients forced a mass suicide of their own kind as Im sure whoever benefitted from exploiting their own citizens had been long gone, leaving behind nations of people desperate to leave the world behind as they have been convinced its the only thing to save them from the horrors of living.

#There's still a lot of questions to be figured out regarding what the hell echoes are #the whole ending sequence #what even are the worms #etc etc. Which im still mulling about but man if there's one thing I am confident about its that karma isn't real. #six grains of gravel is a fucking liar btw #we found a way my ass you're an echo buddy #you didnt find shit #not art #rain world #rw tag #im having big lore thoughts ok leave me alone

[charmedreincarnation]

Hey lovely charm!

I haven’t sent an ask to any blog all this time I’m here because I’m trying to avoid negativity and victim mentality, however I’d like to ask this one thing (of course you can ignore this ask if it’s been answered before or you just don’t want to respond, also I’ll throw a TW but there’s nothing really bad on here)

I read the latest success story which actually almost brought tears to my eyes, I’m proud of this person and everyone that managed to get out of their awful and undeserved circumstances!! My question though is that one thing that drives me crazy all this time and it might sound stupid: how do we actually surrender to our imagination?

Is it just believing everything is going to change? Because I think I might be doing something wrong and I don’t know what it is, I’m just tired of waking up and seeing the same awful and dreadful reality. I’m tired crying every night because I’m being “forgotten” even by friends like I don’t exist sometimes. I’m tired “trying” for the void. Every night before I sleep and every morning, even for the whole day, I’m just thinking as if I got it all already, I’m walking to my dreadful 7-3 work but I’m imagining walking in London going to my actual dream job, wearing my dream clothes and having my dream appearance. The problem is that I feel I’m living on a loop, keep doing the things I did before but kind of “dressing them up” with my mind, in my mind. Any advice you have, I hope it’s going to also help out any other kind soul on here that needs it.

Thank you in advance lovely, I follow your blog with devotion and one of these days I’ll send you my success! xx

Hiii 💓I can only speak for myself, but surrendering to imagination for me looked like letting go of the how and the when my desires would appear. And you know it seems kind of stupid at first, I get that. When people used to say that it made me mad,but that was before I actually understood what it meant. I used to think well “If I wanted it in my imagination I’d just daydream” which isn’t even correct because if you’re imagining of your desires instead of from them, it’s the reason you don’t feel fulfilled anyways. But it’s actually a great thing.

When I stopped trying to change the 3D and stopped trying figure out how/why/when my desired would appear and instead remembered I already had them, it got a little easier. I stopped worrying about if my crying would stop my desires from coming to fruition, bc if I already have it in my imagination why would that matter? just because you’re wealthy does that mean you can’t cry lmfao. it didn’t matter what I did, when I got mad I stopped spiraling, I stopped trying to repress my emotions, it got easier and it became more real. That’s when I understood what they meant when they say you don’t want your desires just to be freed from desiring.

The limitless changes didn’t really start until I was Immersed in my imagination, though I had a good amount of conscious “manifestations” before so. But in truth I've always been a maladaptive daydreamer, creating a different reality within my mind. Despite what others and myself perceived as a bland and middling childhood, my inner world was vibrant and full of possibilities. Then I found myself wondering why these vivid daydreams didn't manifest into reality during my childhood. Idk if it was due to my age or lack of conscious awareness of what I was doing.But again I think it was because I was thinking 'of' rather than 'from'.

It’s the imagination that is limitless and why every creation is possible. It really did free me from my doubts I carried here in this plane. In the grand theater of the multiverse, every dream, every desire you've ever had is playing out already since you can see it in your imagination. You can have your dream life - from your appearance and personality to your family, zodiac sign, and even your perfect partner. you can revise and embody the life you want in every aspect, and wake up in a whole new world tomorrow. You can indulge in every spiritual practice you could ever imagine. You can connect with the energy of the universe on such a profound level that you become one with everything around you. You can become the grass under your feet, the stars twinkling in the night sky.

Why? Because you are a limitless being. You are the universe experiencing itself, a manifestation of its infinite creativity. You're not separate from the universe; you are the universe, yet a human at the same time. So what does the 3D have to do with any of that. Yes you’re here and it is real and you will experience the best of love and humanity because of it but first surrender to imagination because that’s where it begins.

“Consciousness is the one and only reality, not figuratively but actually. This reality may for the sake of clarity be likened unto a stream which is divided into two parts, the conscious and the subconscious. In order to intelligently operate the law of consciousness it is necessary to understand the relationship between the conscious and the subconscious. The conscious is personal and selective; the subconscious is impersonal and non-selective. The conscious is the realm of effect; the subconscious is the realm of cause. These two aspects are the male and female divisions of consciousness. The conscious is male; the subconscious is female. The conscious generates ideas and impresses these ideas on the subconscious; the subconscious receives ideas and gives form and expression to them.”(Neville Goddard)

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:27)

"And have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator." (Colossians 3:10)

In the realm of imagination, boundaries dissolve. Here, we're not just passive observers; we're active creators, shaping our reality with every thought, feeling, and belief we entertain. This isn't about escaping reality but rather embracing a more expansive view of it.

So, why would you ever limit yourself to the confines of the 3D world? Why not tap into the limitless potential of our imagination, where we are the architects of our own promise. I mean your imagination is your superpower. So, harness it. Dream big, unapologetically feel-deeply, and maintain unwavering faith in your creativity that everyone is born with.

#law of assumption #manifesation #manifesting #neville goddard

[bizarrelittlemew]

Hello, I’ve been unable to watch the NYCC panel but I see everywhere that is was awful and weird?!?! What actually happened ? Could you make a little recap for people like me who didn’t get to see it? Thank you!

I'll try my best ✌️ this is just the impression I got though (and sorry this got long lmao)

it was awkward because they weren't allowed to talk about ofmd, which made the whole thing seem more and more ridiculous as it went on. in addition, they had to do a sort of game where they were asked questions like "who is the most likely to do [x]" and then write a name on a board and reveal it at the same time. this could've been fine for maybe 10 minutes but they had them do it for the whole hour.

the issues with this game were that 1) the questions were very "generic corporate ice breaker questions", 2) they spent a lot of time in silence writing down, and 3) when a question finally did lead to stories or conversation, it was quickly shut down in order to move on to the next boring question and writing in silence.

they could've asked them about non-struck work (Rhys even brought up the books he's written several times and it wasn't followed up on), they could've collected and vetted fan questions beforehand, they could've just let them talk idk, they could've found a more fun game or ditched the boards (one of my fav moments was Rhys saying something like "I have a mic, why do I have to write it down?" honestly this would've made it 25% less boring lmao).

adding to that, there were sound issues meaning that Con and Rhys couldn't hear what was going on a lot of the time. Rhys said it again and again and nothing was done about it.

you could just tell how frustrated they all were and what this panel could have been if not for the shitty studios refusing a fair deal for the actors. I think the cast did what they could, and there were some sweet and funny moments. but it was clear that Rhys was pissed about not being able to talk about what they all wanted to talk about (I felt bad for everyone but especially for him).

they did a whole "ha ha we were all in New Zealand at the same time what a coincidence" thing and Rhys said that (paraphrased) if only they could be paid fairly, they could create something great with all the talent in the room, going off on the studios for a bit. it was honestly a bit of a relief for someone to voice it (to me, it felt like someone had to say something lmao and he did).

in the end they got a question about fantasy worlds. Rhys said he already lived in a fantasy world in his head and it was nice, though this was one of the odder moments. Matt and Nathan basically agreed and said it was all very weird (in different words). Rhys then said fantasy worlds are important because the real world is shit right now and there's no denying it; that in fantasy worlds we can all love each other and use kindness; and it's important to keep creating and believing in them until the real world becomes like that too.

and then he said "goodnight" (= "fuck this shit I'm out"), got up, put on his sunglasses, and started beat-boxing and rapping saying "why can't we talk about the show". their time had run out anyway, he said it had certainly been an experience, that he couldn't hear much of what was going on, and they all thanked the audience and it ended ✌️

anyway this is just my take and I hope SAG-AFTRA get a fair deal soon so the cast can celebrate the show with us like they so clearly want to. I also hope Matthew Maher does more panels after this (it was his first I think!) despite it being such a weird experience because he was great to watch!! anyway they're all happily doing photo ops and autographs now I guess 🤸

(if you want to watch there is a way)

#asks #Anonymous #nycc #nycc23 #ofmd

[posebean]

fantasys your alkaloid‼️ ‼️ ‼️ ‼️ ‼️ ‼️ ‼️  ref sheet of alkaloid for my alkakurei fantasy au that i totally didnt abandon crazy:B here (notes abt world+magic system and other stuff on that post)

stuff abt their outfits and etc under read more

hiiro is fresh from his village baby boy left to go find his nii-san with only his clothes and a trusty satchel at his side- he just goes around looking for his nii-san and etcetc idk how long the gap is but he finds tatsumi and mayo and stays with them for some time and during that time tatsun gets him a coat because baby boy literally only has those and hes just been doing work for some guild (idk how to explain bc guilds require education but i guess tatsun pulled strings for him) so he has money to live while also looking for his nii-san and sometimes he has to go to cold places and one time he comes home after a job in a cold place and hes sick and tatsun is like hiiro-san please take this jacket with you :..) so now hiiro has a coat custom-made for him :3! he's good with elemental magic (the 5 core elements water wind fire earth plant) very versatile and a skilled little guy (not as talented as his nii-san but no one is as talented as nii-san!) anyways yadda yadda he gets a message or smth and is preparing to leave tatsun and mayo but (spoilers for meru fic) meru points him towards the town where everyone else is and yea he goes and finds his nii-san and now his goal has changed from find nii-san to convince nii-san to go back home but he befriends everyone else too and i think they do eventually go on some kind of adventure together maybe more the three younger ppl aira hiiro and kohaku

aira is a little silly fellow he dresses nicely (very inspired by fs2 but i cant stop looking at it and thinking damn he french colored......) and loves magic so much he admires all the grand mages and everyone in the upper echelons and loves watching other people cast spells and such unfortunately for him while he has a decently high innate talent, his control is God Awful which results in magic never going well for him- with no control at all, literally negative control, he can try to cast one spell and something completely different will be cast instead- and the skill level varies too it's literally just a roll of a dice for him if he tries to cast a simple flame spell he might end up flooding the room with a wall of water, it's that bad kkshfkj also he acts like he doesn't like it but he actually loves rabuhan-junior so much he secretly spoils the hamster named after him and rabuhan junior loves him back rabuhan-junior likes to sleep in his hat or on aira's head whenever kohaku goes out and leaves rabu-han junior with aira tatsun has very normal clothes bro dresses like a dad (did you know both of his fs have the same color palettes i didnt but using them as reference made me realize, anyways-) his clothes are very comfortable and easy to move around in, especially given his injury from [spoiler event here ]. he also has a cane and his injured leg has pain suppressor sigils and bandages wrapped all over it his leg isn't completely unusable like its not broken or anything its more like. a kind of necrosis like if you unwrapped it there would be a dark mark thats like icky and sometimes it flares up and hurts tatsun so much that he falls over and :( he found the cane one day in the catacomb (wonder who put it there) he added the begonia himself as a reminder of his sin... shiro is his little mouse familiar that he conjured with the help of kaname! she's a sweet little thing, often found sleeping on an open book on tatsumi's desk. she has the tatsumi-colored ears and legs because she was conjured up rather than a pact familiar. regarding magic tatsun is pretty average on both control and power, but that doesnt really matter because most of the spells he uses are passive spells more used for healing/doing work. he likes to garden and has a beautiful garden of all kinds of flowers at the chapel :) he just doesn't dare touch the flowers in the catacomb, because he knows someone else already takes care of those also that purple gem hanging around his neck is a gift from mayomayo it doesn't do anything and has no magic but tatsun still likes it :) mayomayo dresses in all dark colors because he believes that if he always dresses in dark colors no one will ever have to be bothered by seeing his existence he comes from a lineage that practices forbidden magic, not necessarily all dark but some of the more ... interesting spells . something happens in his past and he ends up leaving, taking with him his tome and well. proceeding to get chased by all kinds of monsters out in the wild because for some reason he just attracts all kinds of beasts poor guy magic-wise he does have the forbidden magic from his family but he more specializes in healing and curse removal- he doesn't dare do anything else for fear of (redacted). besides, maybe he'll one day be able to actually save somebody instead of hurting them, maybe his existence would be worth it some day. the ribbon in his hair (the green/teal one) is from tatsun :) he said mayo would look good in brighter colors and mayo disagreed so tatsun gave it to him and now its become part of his outfit and (i combust into a thousand bits ) also because of that mayo feels like he has to give tatsun something back so thats why he gives tatsumi a purple gem he had that used to hang from his spell tome anyways i still love this au very much and i hope you enjoyed now i will proceed to forget about it again /j i still really wanna write kohaku's fic and then maybe one last one for rinne-kun or smth because aghghj there's still so much that's not developed yet but (explodes)

#enstars #alkaloid #hiiro amagi #aira shiratori #tatsumi kazehaya #mayoi ayase #fantasyau #bean art #look at rabuhan-junior he is so small please love him