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chrliekclly · 6 years

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do you think charlei and dee had sex because they mistook their genuine platonic bonding as attraction? (serious question, steming from thatlesbian dee post). I never thought of it that way, and I'm interested to hear that side !

YES that’s actully smthn i lose my sht abt !! iv blown up ppls mssgs with this kinda talk like, im a mess. ok lemme type right nd lemme type A Lot Again Anyways cz thos 2 giv me Way too many feelings (im spposd to b working on a final rn christ…)

okay…i scrolled back up after finishing nd turns out i went…literally insane…aka Much too far…so i need to under-the-cut it. mobile…viewers…i’m rly so sorry. swipe hard to leap ahead…hell im sorry fr computer viewers too. my theme is rough.

to start, my HCs surrounding chardee are rooted in charlie being on the ace spectrum and dee being gay (or like @ least bi, but imo all the men stuff is straight up compulsory heterosexuality).

i will always cling tight to the deleted scene wherein charlie says he thinks sex is gross and will genuinely get sick when he thinks about it unless he thinks about it with one specific woman. i know he shows sexual interest a decent amount of times throughout the show and has canonically had sex (on camera too, yeesh) but i see each time as very out of the blue moments (coming onto dee @ multiple points while worked up, agreeing to bang tatiana cuz she says to, that kinda thing) or relating to his long standing and delusional obsession with the waitress. in that vein, he’s also canonically enjoyed sex, and I don’t try and blind-eye any of it, because ace doesn’t always mean sex can’t be enjoyed in the moment. charlie definitely has a libido, and bodies be bodies. hell, sex-repulsed can sometimes even flip 180 in the right conditions. shit is one fun spectrum i’ll tell you that…but either way, to start with him, i think him going forward with banging dee was very much a misjudgment of what feelings are and being extremely caught up in a moment where he felt real, genuine, closeness with someone else who he was having a damn good time making terrible poetry with.

as for dee, i, first of all, just agree with everything in that post. in the context of chardee, as much as i will lose my mind in tags about how hard i ride or die the ship, it’s mostly my obsession with their dynamic. i don’t think chardee is meant to be endgame. i absolutely 100% believe that dee, too, is misinterpreting her feelings. i think part of it is her consistent comp het, and the other is she’s never been close with someone the way she has been with charlie, and she doesn’t know what she’s meant to do with it. i think she was similarly caught up in a moment in which she showed her own vulnerability, opening herself up to someone who could easily just ridicule her as she’s used to (”right now? i’m scared”), and she receives support from him instead (”you’re not gunna bomb, you’re gunna do great”). we’ve seen how much dee craves validation, thats her entire thing. i’m not shocked she dropped her pants in this moment lmao. she probably felt her damn heart flutter cuz she got told by someone who she at least somewhat trusts that she really is good, even if she doesn’t think so. the only rational explanation for the feeling associated with that person is that he’s The One right? pretty big leap

just…basically i dont think either of them know what a relationship is.

charlie’s lived nearly his entire life deluding himself into thinking that, 1. he and the waitress have a relationship that is anything other than creepy, and 2. that the warped-ass mess of an image he’s created in his brain for what he and the waitress are to each other is what love is. he thinks he’s making progress in getting close to her when the only thing she’s Ever done pre-s12 is ask him to leave her the fuck alone. he’s never even attempted to look past the waitress before, and the only time he shows interest in other people it’s purely his libido talking. he doesn’t pursue romance, and the one time we’ve seen him do so he was using her to get to, who else?, the damn waitress.

dee’s lived her entire life having to prove herself to every single person she interacts with, and its familiar to her to getting ahead by using men, usually as sexual objects. i’m hesitant to bring this up on a post wherein i speak on dee’s sexuality because i don’t want to link this trait to it in any way as if its related, but to be fair, dee is as much a serial rapist as dennis is in that regard. the gang are shitty people, we know that. she will get men drunk to have sex with them, or pressure them into it, or trick them into it. she’s not having sex with these men for pleasure, she’s literally doing it for power. it’s absolutely fucked up, but so is she.

when she Is romantically involved, she’s shown to leap headfirst into those relationships and blow them out of proportion on 0 grounds for it. she buys a promise ring for a guy who didn’t think they were dating, it’s implied she’s going to actually go ahead with the brad fisher marriage thing after the episode ends, she gloats about how important she is to a stripper who was literally shame-crying during sex (also? she says “we BOTH wept,” and she can say that’s because it was that good, but i really doubt it). i mean the woman GAGS when talking to men she’s “nervous” around, something she takes as meaning she’s attracted to them? lmao uh???

at this point i’ve probably repeated myself over and over, my brain is on backwards and my train of thought went off the rails years ago. but i’m still gunna retype an old set of tags i found:

i hc that neither of them end up together but they do go through a relationship-ish phase, but dee’s gay and charlie’s okay with that (and always ace in my mind) because they finally move on from their own irrational drives to adhere to what they think is expected of them. i dont think either of them have any idea what a relationship is meant to be and they pathetically grasp at each other because they’re kind-ish to one another and that feels safe for once. chardee may be my main ship but i purposefully backtrack on myself because i know they’re two people who barely know love and have found each other, both as underdogs in their environments, and feel an electrifying Something that they Cant Name wen theyre together, and that something just so happens to be friendship and they don’t realize it cuz they’re doofuses who’ve led really unfortunate lives where friendship and hatred are always intermingling.

i’ve never brought it up here, but i often imagine a timeline of their relationship, because i enjoy the idea of them figuring themselves out through each other, just because they are genuinely amazing (platonically) together, and they get into some of my favorite shit. the thought of late night talks and confessions about their worries and confusion about their feelings while lying in bed, just close because they feel comfortable that way, realizing they can keep loving each other and not force it to mean something it doesn’t, the relief that comes with that, a final kiss that really doesn’t mean anything but thank you, not losing what they had but rather gaining a whole new kind of intimacy, and still getting into absolutely ridiculous situations. maybe dee realizes shes, ironically, found herself with a crush on the waitress and it cracks charlie up. he doesnt mind. he’s finally learned that if he Is going to be with someone it should definitely be with someone who makes him feel at Least half as comfortable as the way being around dee does, and knowing he doesn’t have to make himself look for that, but when he knows he will know. plus, he cant imagine dee pulling that one off. but maybe one day she does. dees gentler around the edges, and she gets butterflies when talking to women, but she never gags. charlie’s a terrible wingman but he keeps convincing dee to let him try. she brings a girl home for the first time and charlie all but backflips in an empty pool that day. they’re still shithats but they’re learning to let that go. people can get better. AA would probably help.

iv gone too far goodbye

#chardee #charlie kelly #dee reynolds #maybe this is sort of #meta #ramblings #headcanon #rape ment #im so sorry this was not wat u askd for flnsjkfgh #anon #ask

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critique-that-art · 6 years

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critique me bb

hey there! (btw i have another submission of yours waiting and i cant see how old it is because tumblr is stupid.. how old is it? like do you still want that critiqued or is it too old for me to bother)

okay on to the actual pieeeece:

first off, i just wanted to say i love the design of this character a lot. the mouth is cool as shit & it has a cool mood going on :D

uh because of this nature of this piece, im guessing you want primarily an anatomy critique? so ill deliver.

as i like to do, i’ll start with the face, and work my way down methodically.

the main problem, as i see it, is the skull shape and neck length. this part looks decent because of the hair obscuring it, but if you cut away the hair, the neck looks too long and the chin tucks in too much.

there are two ways to fix this:

way 1- draw a head in a way that follows the original jawline and neck placement.

the problem with this is that you’d lose the tucked in head tilt thing that you have your facial features aligned with. this leads to the second possible correction:

way 2- draw the head in a way that follows the original chin and the facial feature placement.

this preserves the original expression better, but if this was the position you were going for, the neck would not comfortably work at that angle, unless she was intensely tucking her chin down (which looks unnatural, and also still would make the neck too long)

also, if we assume this is how you want the head, you drew the skull too large and the forehead not protruding enough. if we add hair, it should look kind of like this:

one of the eyes was still a little bit low, even with the head tilted like that. i wasn’t entiiirely sure what the mouth was doing, but the main point of this was to show how far out the hair should extend imo (which is to say not very far)

time for body anatomy.

(oh boy)

this is the anatomy you had going originally. as close as i can see, anyways?

the immediate problems i saw were that the feet were Tiny, and that the upper thighs/hips were too thick if we assume the weight you gave the character from the neck, arms, and legs. also, the torso was a bit skewed? hard to explain exactly how though

your legs and torso were also a tiny bit too long, so i shortened both, added more of an arch to the back, and made the beet bigger and the hips/upper thighs more proportional to the rest of the body.

next up are the add on parts that overlapped too much for me to include them in that, so i’ll do them separately: chest & arms.

the arms are pretty good! i only really redlined the parts i see a problem with.

all i can say with this is, tiddies arent perfectly oval straight down. they can be perky or squishy idk just give them more form. for the arm, I kind of made one part a bit thicker, and broadened the shoulders slightly.

yeah thats all i have really. i know you tagged this as character design, but idk if that meant you wanted it critiqued?

pls specify in the future kthxbye

-mod mars

#full body #character design #anatomy #submission

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transformationstuck · 7 years

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8etta than )(er

Vriska carefully crept through the red halls of Her Imperious Condescension's palace, looking for anything of value to steal. She had gotten it into her head that it'd be an excellent way of gaining fortune and prestige, and that the Empress would never be able to stop or catch her.

As of now, she had found her way into the respiteblock of the fish queen, and was rummaging through her personal effects for anything of value. And boy did she find lots. She'd have a lot of work cut out for her just trying to cram all this gaudy jewellry into her sylladex. Just to lighten that load, she worse some of it, even if it was far too big for her.

The Condesce was surely in for a sight when she made it into her respiteblock, only to find some young cerulean blood wearing lots of her gold.

Alternia's leader was briefly stunned, unable to believe that anyone would have the outright audacity to steal from her. Astonishment quickly turned to rage, however, as she stomped up to the comparatively tiny troll rummaging through all of HER precious belongings.

"an just what the S)(-ELL do you think you doin you little blue blood BITC)("

The entrance caught Vriska by surprise, and she turned to shoot a shocked expression at the Empress. For about eight seconds, she didn't even know what to do, simply kneeling in stunned silence, partly at the fact that she was even still alive. Then, she got what was either the best or the worst idea she had ever had, save for the one to rob the Empress, of course.

"Uh. I'm ro88ing you? What do you THINK I'm doing????????"

Vriska hoped refuge in audacity would save her life today.

It wouldn't.

The Condesce reached down to grab Vriska by the neck, effortlessly plucking her off the ground even with all the heavy jewelery she was wearing.

"i bet you think you funny huh, little mindfang jr here think she pullin a fast one on me"

The Condesce tightened her grip around Vriska's throat, ready and willing to snap her neck and just be done with it. Until...

"you know i got a better idea, somefin i been wantin to try for a while"

With that, HI)( promptly turned around and marched out of her block, Vriska still held in a vicegrip.

Despite being briefly flattered at the allusion to her ancestor, Vriska was far more panicked, struggling against the Empress and her grip, working frantically to free herself.

It was only after the Condesce had decided against killing her, at least on the spot, that Vriska realized she still had something at her disposal.

Coughing and attempting to get enough air to pull off a badass one-liner, she shot a strained grin at the Condesce and put her hands to her temple.

"Actually, I think you'll 8e putting me down now."

Was it beyond cocky to think she could use her mind control to bust down the will of the Empress of all trollkind? Maybe.

Did Vriska care?

Not even in the slightest.

Without breaking her stride, The Condesce glanced in Vriska's direction, her eyes briefly flashing as she easily deflected Vriska's attack, and just to show her who was in charge, shot off a psychic shockwave of her own at Vriska's.

"you aint got S)(IT on me"

Vriska screeched. She hadn't expected the attack to be very successful, but she hadn't expected such a powerful backlash, either. What the fuck had the Condesce even done to herself to be able to do that? Or was she always this powerful? It sure as shit wasn't public knowledge, either way.

"F8CK. Okay, point t8ken. G8ess that's wh8t I get for trying."

Striding through the hallways of her enormous sanctum, HIC finally arrived at what appeared to be her destination. A strange laboratory environment with all kinds of mechanics and fluids sprawled around the area.

The Condesce casually chucked Vriska into the center of the room, before locking the door behind her. Then she walked over to one of the operating tables, looking for something.

Onto the floor Vriska tumbled, as if she were a discarded ragdoll. She was still pretty hard though, and scrambled back up to her feet with little effort. To the door she went, attempting to suss out how to unlock it before the Condesce finished whatever she was doing. Surely it had to be possible, since she locked it from this side. Right?

Unconcerned, by whatever Vriska was attempting to do, HIC finally found what she was looking for. She held up a rather nasty looking syringe, filled with a greyish liquid, and grinned. Time for a little experiment. Turning to face Vriska, she slowly advanced on the troll, cackling.

"ayy blue girl you about to help me learn a lot about science, dont you go nowhere"

Vriska's frantic fiddling with the door only intensified as she heard the Condesce approach, until at last she gave up on the door and decided to do the next best thing.

She decided to run around the room and throw whatever she could get her hands on at the Empress.

Really, there were probably better things to do, including submit, but she was too panicked or too proud to consider them right now.

"oh i know you aint running when i told you not to"

Unflinching, HIC knocked aside everything that Vriska threw at her as she walked forward, drinking in the panic she could feel emanating off of her.

She entertained the chase along through the lab for a bit, enjoying toying with her prey, until she decided she had had enough and quickly seized Vriska's body with her telekinesis, forcing her to slowly float towards the queen.

Vriska thought she'd at least be able to keep up the game for awhile longer. Might've tired out soon, and definitely first, but she expected to be reduced to pulling shit out of her sylladex before she was captured. And when she was, it was via... Telekinesis? Since when could the Empress use telekinesis? This bitch had secrets up the wazoo, apparently. Not that Vriska could blame her, but she still hated it.

At length, she struggled against the psychic hold, to no real avail.

"Ugh, fuck! H8w are you DO8NG this???????? And what 8s that? Some kind of n8w super poison?"

"psh if ida wanted to kill you youd be dead already, naw think i can use you better when you alive"

With Vriska floating just in front of her, HIC held the syringe just up against her neck, to taunt her, to take in as much of her fear as she could.

"i hope you ready for a brand new you"

Though there was fear, Vriska attempted to mask it with a sneer and a glare. Still she struggled to move, struggled to reach out for a nearby mind, struggled to do ANYTHING.

"8rand new me? What the fuck are you 8la88ing a8out?"

"you just wait an see"

With that, she plunged the syringe directly into Vriska's thigh, injecting all of whatever the strange fluid was.

She dropped Vriska to the floor in a heap, her legs shaking from... something.

Down to the floor Vriska went again. She was getting pretty sick of that.

"Stop DROPPING me like that!!!!!!!! Yeesh."

Grumbling, she attempted to pull herself to her feet, hoping she could at least do this with dignity. Simultaneously, she attempted to steady her legs, and watched them carefully for any further developments.

A silence fell over the room as both trolls stared at Vriska's legs. Nothing seemed to be happening, even after a minute of the standoff.

The Condesce sighed. Another failure. Guess she'd just have to kill this little thief after all.

She lifted her hand to grab Vriska by the throat again until she heard a small crackling noise and looked down again. Vriska's comparatively little legs seemed to be... expanding.

"W8, hold on, l8ts talk a8out this!"

Vriska reeled back, too little too late, and held out her hands defensively. Only for her to notice that her legs were... Changing? She looked down at her expanding limbs and blinked.

"........Wh8t."

That was all she could say at the moment as confusion and fear wracked her. Where was this even going?

The Condesce cackled.

"oh we done talkin, now i get to play wit my new toy"

She grabbed one of Vriska's outstretched arms and yanked her up to the air yet again. Suspended in the air, she watched as Vriska's legs continued to grow, not just in height, but also changing shape, becoming tight and curvy and shapely, not unlike HIC's own. The legs were about twice as long as Vriska's torso by this point, having shredded her pants and giving her a bizarre set of proportions.

Vriska didn't really struggle much anymore. Perhaps realizing the futility of it. Or, perhaps, she was far more concerned with how her legs were developing, going from short and lanky to thick, long, shapely legs. Not too dissimilar at all to...

Well, that didn't scan at the moment. She didn't imagine the Empress would do anything like that intentionally. A length, she could only imagine she was being made older.

"Okay, lemme guess. Some kind of growth acceler8ion thing? Real effective at skipping over that childhood 8ullshit. I can sort of understand it. Not really liking it, 8ut fuck, not like you care a8out my opinion, right?"

"why would i wanna older version of you inna first place, you already a knockoff a mindfang an i damn sure dont need another her"

HIC reached another hand to wrap around Vriska's waist and hips, which paradoxically, both seemed to be expanding and shrinking at the same time, growing outward to match her legs, yet tightening up into an hourglass figure. Vriska felt the squeeze both from the change and HIC's hand.

"Sides, im way hotter then she eva was"

The pieces clicked together with those last words, and Vriska shook her head.

"What. Seriously? You're making me some shitty 8ody dou8le of you? I mean, not like I'm not flattered, really! 8ut that seems really stupid."

She was hardly flattered, of course. She didn't mind the new figure, and honestly, she kind of enjoyed the feeling of her flesh expanding and contracting. It was almost sensual. Exotic. But everything that came with it? Fuck no.

She only hoped the body would be all there was to it.

"you undaestimate how useful you gonna be to me, imma busy troll i cant do everyfin myself,

you gonna be a good me an help out, but dont get any ideas, im still the bass around here"

That said, it was getting harder to hold Vriska as her size continued to increase, but Hic managed to cup her hands around the blue-bloods tits and ass, squeezing and prodding them as they inflated out to match her own endowments.

Being let loose, if only slightly, Vriska redoubled her efforts to wriggle free. This didn't come before her chest and rear were enhanced, however. The feeling of flesh expanding, well disposing of what was left of her clothes, and growing all the more sensitive, brought a small moan to her lips.

"Oh my G8D, The whole 8ody dou8le thing was one thing 8ut this is just getting perverse!"

The slightest change in her tone went, for the moment, unnoticed to her.

"its all part a the show for me, you comin along just fine"

As Vriska continued to grow, she finally got too big for for HIC to carry in her hands. The Condesce once again dropped her to the floor, although this time she had less length to fall. Vriska's still oddly-proportioned frame scrambled slightly, only to stop once more as her arms stretched out on either side, growing into strong slender copies of HIC's own appendages. As all this continued, Vriska only grew taller and taller, as well.

Now on terra firma, (Alternia firma?) Vriska slowly pulled herself to her knees, looking over her new arms, slim and soft, but muscled and bearing strength. The stretching and cracking in her body was almost empowering, really. She could feel her physical strength mounting by the minute. She couldn't help but feel over her naked body, admiring the contours and size of it.

"I mean I GU-----ESS you're right, Though... Ugh, get O8T OF MY H8AD!!!!!!!!"

Feeling a creeping specter of the Empress passing over her, she sets her hands to her temples again, now applying psychic pressure to... Herself? Unorthodox, but it seemed to fight things back, if only temporarily.

"ayyy you likin that new power huh"

The Condesce grabbed Vriska by the mouth and forced her to look at her. HIC had to admire the Serket's determination. None of her other experiments had fought even half this hard against their fate. Still, the inevitable would come eventually, and she would be consumed.

"you gonna like bein me"

Vriska's horns, still relatively tiny on her much larger body, suddenly shot straight up matching the massive prongs that HIC proudly displayed, as her body continued to bulk up.

Their eyes met, and despite herself, Vriska couldn't look away. There was a strange twinge of familiarity in that gaze. Like looking into a mirror. Indeed, as her horns reshaped and grew, that'd only amplify. The pressure on her scalp, the dull ache of her muscles as they grew and strengthened.

All this culminated in a series of grunts and groans, as Vriska's control over herself began to rapidly decline.

"I........ yeah i guess youre right, its feeling nice already, not too different actually, but different enough, where it counts"

Vriska's already bushy hair grew out in a flash to resemble The Condesce's billowing mane. The Condesce grinned, as Vriska's face was all that remained.

"i wanna get a close look at this"

Lightly, being gentle for the first time of the whole experience, HIC used her telekinesis to bring Vriska to a standing position.

"i wanna sea 'you' fade away"

Vriska's face, the last vestige of her former identity, began to morph and reshape before the Condesce's eyes.

Slowly but surely, the change took place. Vriska's bone structure cracked and shifted. Lips plumped out. Eye color changed. Soon enough, her face was a mirror image of the Condesce's. A familiar smirk came to the clone's features.

"Whale, hope you enjoyed the show o g me, cause blueblood thief bitch is outta here"

The Condesce crossed her arms and laughed. What a success! Now she had effectively double the muscle behind her throne.

"good shit,turns out imma genius and beautiful as fuck both, good thing you know who the alpha whale is round here tho, wouldnt want us havin a problem"

The new Condesce scoffed, as if the suggestion were absurd.

"bitch please, you dont go makin another one a yourself an not expect her to turn into competition, fortunately i got the perfect cure for this predicament, sea not all a this bitch is gone, some thinkpan shit is still sittin around, and guess what i can do with it"

With a wicked grin, she combined Vriska's psychic acumen with her own, and attempted to force her way inside the alpha article's mind.

Old school HIC reeled back, not expecting the power that suddenly slammed into her brain. This was impossible! She was the real deal, not this copy she made herself.

"fuckin slick ass glubberfucker, thinkin you can take M-E!? you gotta nother, thing….urk"

Despite the psychic energy she was expending to fight back, The Condesce was being slowly surrounded by an unfamiliar feeling: helplessness.

The cloned Empress grinned, slowly moving toward her soon-to-be thrall, hips swaying almost hypnotically.

"shhh its aight gill, its ocray to admit you fucked up, youll be mine to do whatebber with soon, and youre gonna LOV-E it"

A well-manicured hand was put to the original's chin, and her gaze was tilted to meet her creation's.

The original stared at her oppressor as she struggled to maintain control of herself. There she was, herself, in the nude, taunting her, forcing her down in a way she had never even thought possible.

Reduced to begging as she felt her body fail her, she gave off one final plea:

"Please… stop… this aint how it was sposed to be"

Said oppressor simply shook her head and tsked in disapproval at this.

"man how pathetic, thought we were betta than this, ah whale~. ILL be betta than you ever were, dont you worry"

With a final kiss on the forehead, she gave her progenitor the final push into total obedience.

Drained of her power, and overwhelmed by her opponent, The first Condesce stood silently at attention. Internally she was screaming, agonizing over the fact that she had lost everything because of her own stupid pride. On the outside, however, she was stoic, waiting for her next order.

With that, the new Empress of Alternia snapped her fingers authoritatively.

"aight slave, first order a business is gettin me some jams to wear, cant go out naked like this no more, then were gonna plot out makin this empire bigger and betta than eva, or i am, you just be a good slave an do what i say"

With that, she confidently strode out to meet her new future.

-Discord Writers (an RP log between one of the discord users - transcribed.)

#homestuck #vriska serket #the condesce #identity death #mental tf #personality tf #physical transformation #tf transformation #hourglass expansion #homesmut #discord writer

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bolt8826 · 7 years

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Two-hundred and sixteenth letter received

A sequel to Letter two hundred and sixteen, it’s a bucket of angst

This is my first long fic. I’m a bit nervous. I hope you all like it!

Tagging all these lovely people: @catchthespade @maidofstars @2bedroom-baddestbidderlove @revance-official @atinykawaii

5:00 AM

*BEEP* *BEEP* BEEP* All too soon the familiar, shrill tone of my alarm jolts me out of my sleep. Getting out of bed is always hard. But day by day, it just gets harder. A few months ago I’d still be fast asleep at this time. I’d be curled up next to him. I sigh.

My room is a mess, I can barely find my uniform in the clutter. I see it wadded up in a corner. I must have thrown it over there last night. I’m too exhausted these days to worry about keeping anything neat. I grab it, giving it a quick shake. It’s wrinkly and slightly dirty, but it doesn't really matter. Its not like I'm working around celebrities and the high class anymore. I laugh, “I cant even begin to imagine anyone from the IVC, ever stepping a foot in the motel.” When I left the Tres Spades I grabbed a train, not giving a damn where it went, just so long as it was far away. And that’s how I ended up here. It’s a small town, almost painfully small, despite having a university nearby. I work at one of the two motels here. Unfortunately, it’s the infinitely more seedy establishment. It’s often used as a rest stop for bikers, and wanderers. Those who wish to forget their stories. I guess I fit then. I work as a maid there. Of course. It’s hard to escape the past I guess.

I look around as I get dressed. My eyes land on the group of photos on my dresser. The first is one of Chiasato, Sakiko and I, our arms are around each other. We’re at a our favorite band’s concert, all decked out in merchandise, grinning our fool heads off. The second is a snap shot of Ota, Baba and I. In it I’m frowning with my arms crossed, though it’s obvious I’m trying not to laugh. Baba and Ota are both covered in paint, making a mess of epic proportions. I get a head ache even thinking about it, the cleaning took hours. At least Eisuke…At least he made them help me clean, although Ota complained the entire time. That brings me to the third of the group. My eyes trail over the turned over frame. I don't have to look at it to know exactly what’s there. It’s evening. The sunset coats the rooftops, painting Eisuke and I in vibrant colors. We’re at one of the thousands of parties he used to take me to, I can’t say who hosted it, all I know is that we were on the rooftop of some important business building. We were waltzing, I was doing it poorly, but he made up for it. Of course he was an amazing dancer. As we danced it felt like it was just him and me in the world. Like we were infinite. But It was one of the last times I felt close to him, before the break up. This picture marked the beginning of the end for us. i honestly don't know why I don’t just throw the picture away. I can handle all the other photos of the bidders and my friends at the Tres Spades, but, I don't know…this one is just especially painful, and yet, I still can’t bear to part with it. With him.

He’s still got his hold on me.

Why can’t he just let me go?

Doesn’t he know that those letters are a constant reminder of what is lost?

Of what can’t be fixed?

It hurts.

All I want it to forget. I swallow loudly. My heard hurts.

My stomach rumbles, breaking me out of my painful reverie. I plod over to the kitchen and make myself some coffee. It’s funny, I was never fond of the taste, but recently I’ve been craving it.

Leaning sleepily against the counter, I wait for the caffeine buzz to kick in. I hear the soft patter of feet as my roommate, Suzu, walks in looking just as tired as I feel. We share a quick nod of acknowledgement. I wonder idly as I stir the remnants of my coffee, if the exhaustion is from pulling an all-nighter studying, or from a hang over. I don’t know. We don’t talk much. One might think that we would get along famously, after all, I’m only a little bit older than her. But we just don’t. It’s not that we hate each other or anything. She’s not awful by any means, but she’s just content with her school friends, and I’m swamped with work. As I watch her groggily pour herself cereal and grab a cup of coffee, I find myself, not for the first time, missing my old life. I miss Sakiko and Chiasato. I even miss Erika and the twins. I miss having a place where people care to ask how I am, or even remember my name. The staff at the motel is certainly not as tight knit as the Tres Spades. The closest thing I have to a work friend there is Shika who works the front desk, and even then, it’s pushing it to call her a friend. All I know about her is that she just showed up in town one day -like me- got a job at the motel, and she's been there ever since. But that was ages ago.

Shika isn’t much of a talker, she's really fiercely private. It took me weeks to even learn her first name, and I still don’t even know her last name! I guess I should count myself lucky to know her backstory at least.

Suzu’s voice breaks me out of my train of thought. “Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask, who’s the person who sends you a letter everyday? I see you get a letter written on the same stationery everyday, but you always return them.”

I’m slightly surprised, “You noticed that, huh?

She leans back on the counter grabbing what seems to be her second cup of coffee.

“Late night?” I ask.

She shrugs “Paper due, anyways, what’s the whole deal?”

“It’s…..complicated.”

“Well who ever it is, and whatever the situation may be, you should at least answer once, maybe it’ll make them stop. When ever I check the mail I always think its either my pay check or taxes, I can’t handle the emotional rollercoaster, and from the looks of of it, you can’t either” She looks at me as she takes a sip of her coffee, looking contemplative.

“Hey, doesn’t your shift start soon?” she asks.

I look at the clock, 5:30 AM, “SHIT!”

She chuckles “Same.”

I shoot her a thankful grin.

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!! Why the hell I signed up for the 6′o clock shift on a Saturday after working the late night shift Friday, I don’t know. Forgoing any sort of substantial breakfast, I quickly drain the rest of the lukewarm coffee from my mug. a I sprint out the door, barely managing to remember to grab my house keys. I continue my frantic sprint all the way to the motel.

When I finally arrive, completely out of breathe. My legs are coated with dust from sprinting down the dirt caked road. I make a quick job of dusting my self off. I once again sigh. “I’m really a mess aren’t I?” Right before I open the door I hear the low grumble of a man’s voice.

“Hey hun, you all right? Some body chasin’ ya? Saw you kickin’ up a dust storm. Do you need me t’be your shining knight?” The unknown man says with clear amusement. I turn around to see my “savior”, “Piss off Arata”

“Ay, not harm no foul, so cool it, babe,” his cocky smirk makes me want to punch him in the face. He’s like a small town Baba, only without the looks, and charm. Just double the punch-ability. Arata is one of my other co-workers, and I only have one maybe work friend, and it sure as hell isn't him.

“Whatever, just leave me alone, and take your smoke break. Also, it’s 5:55 AM, why the hell do you need a smoke break already?”

“It’s never too early for a smoke break sweetheart,” he grins as he takes a drag of his cigarette, leaning against the wall of the building.

I shudder, pushing the door open. Shika is there at the front desk, reading a magazine unconcernedly. While you would be scolded at the Tres Spades for such behavior, nobody here really gives a damn.

“You just made it in time. Manager left already, he gave me this list to give to you,” she says, not looking up from the magazine.

“He’s gone already?”

She looks up and gives me a knowing look.

The owner and manager Yuu, was infamous for day drinking. And drinking in general to be honest.

“You know, he has to get an early start to fit it all in.”

She chuckles, and hands me the list.

“Thanks,” I say as I take the paper.

“Uh huh,” she gives me an noncommittal grunt, already absorbed in the magazine again.

I sigh once more, and look at the task list. First off, laundry. Looking at the mountain of soiled bedsheets and towels, covered with stains I don't even want to begin to imagine the origins of, I think to myself “One thing is for sure, I sure as hell downgraded work wise.” And I soon get to work.

After a ten hour shift fending off creepy guys trying to hit on me, attempting to make conversation with Shika, and bearing the brunt of Arata’s bullshit, I can finally go home. I make the trek back, thankfully not having to sprint the way there.

Suzu is sitting on the doorstep reading a book when I get back. She looks up and sees me.

“Hey, long day?” she asks as she stretches up.

“I’m used to it. What’s up?”

“Not much, just trying to catch up on reading,” she frowns, “and it’s dreadfully boring. Oh and by the way, mail’s here,” she holds up the mail, and there it is. That familiar expensive stationary.

“Here,” she tosses it to me, “and remember what I said this morning. And I know we don’t talk a whole lot, but I’m here if you need to talk to someone,”

“Okay, and thank you. I’ll remember that,” I smile and I walk past her to go inside. She returns to her book.

“Good luck with that,” I gesture to her book.

“Yeah, and you too,” she grins back at me.

I make my way back to my cluttered room. I throw the letter on the desk as I slump down. I’ve been doing this everyday. Every damn day. For two hundred and sixteen days. Closing my eyes, I rest my head on the desk. Suzu’s words echo in my head. I really should deal with this. But I’m afraid. I’m afraid of getting the answer to the questions I ask myself every night

“Why didn’t you try harder to stop me?”

“Why didn't you follow me when I left?”

“Did you stop loving me?”

“Because I never stopped loving you Eisuke.”

I sit up. I take a deep breath, and I reach for the letter. This letter won’t return unread.

#eisuke ichinomiya #kissed by the baddest bidder #kbtbb #voltage inc #voltage otome #voltage fanfic #voltage mc #voltage games #voltage fandom #mamoru kishi #Mitsunari Baba #Ota Kisaki #Soryu Oh #shuichi hishikura #Luke Foster #luke forster #hikaru aihara

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