#also w the sensory stuff i def have a weird thing with touch partly bc i had this one friend who was like waaay too touchy and seemed to lik

[pipskippy]

thimking. doing some researches. ive been wondering this ever since i got diagnosed w sensory input makes you think you’re gonna die sometimes disorder.. i may be autistic.. it would make a lot of sense :^]

#pip speaks #it would explain the eye contact thing and the sleep problems and the not understanding when ppl are making jokes if i don’t know them well #and the anxiety partly and the needing things to be the same routine or feeling overwhelmed and disconnected/detached when things change #also w the sensory stuff i def have a weird thing with touch partly bc i had this one friend who was like waaay too touchy and seemed to lik #e making me feel uncomfortable/embarassed but even other than that like...touch is REALLY hit or miss for me lol also my startle reflex is s #o out of control and it seems like it’s only getting worse it’s just rlly funny at this point bc ill just be sitting and then my mom taps on #the door and suddenly ive lost control of my limbs and i like skip consciousness for half a second and then I’m like wtf just happened to me #i don’t know. i don’t know but i mean maybe it’s just the sensory stuff plus the anxiety. but maybe it’s not and ive learned to mask. bc i k #know thats really common esp with girls. im just scared to ask abt it bc the place i went to for the sensory stuff was absolutely AWFUL and #i never want to go somewhere like that again #tldr the environment was hot and stuffy and loud and scented like something i forget and im 99% sure they had this all to test how i respon #ded to it because another worker came in the door with a kid during the intake and was like rlly fakely oh oops this room is taken :) and th #en on the report it was like no she doesn’t have any sensory issues because she didn’t have problems with eye contact or staying focused #[despite all the noise and other awful stimulus there] so we don’t reccommend any therapy :) like god. i was on the brink of tears and tryin #g to make eye contact to make a good impression bc she rlly seemed to be watching me and it was freaking me out and I didn’t want to be rude #and seem distracted bc i didn’t realize they were trying to observe me ????? (wtf) so i tried rlly hard to pay attention and not let on how #overwhelmed i was feeling. yknow like i a #always do. bc if i didnt id be having multiple breakdowns at school everyday. so yknow i was like fuck you to that place and my current #therapist actually has sensory sensitivity so um its quite a lot better :) than that evil place. im pretty sure they also do ABA therapy the #re which based on how they treated me is not surprising but i really do want to commit evil acts whenever i think about it #anyways idk why i typed all this i should sleep now. if anyone skips to the end bc i cant imagine anyone reads all this have a WONDERFUL day #/night i love you so much you did a great job today and i appreciate all the things you bring to the people around you. you deserve good and #you will love and be loved i promise. im here with u. good night :]