#also we do not talk about my other depressive shows and songs i apply yo my life.

[percy-the-diet-coke]

Therapist: You should do things that make you feel okay. It's self-care.

Me: self-care?

My self-care:

#i do really be like that #Julie and the phantoms #race to the edge #Netflix #she ra spop #percy jackson and the last olympian #also we do not talk about my other depressive shows and songs i apply yo my life. #k. bye #julie and the phantoms #how to train your dragon #rick riordan #she ra spoilers #miraculous les aventures de ladybug et chat noir #miraculous ladybug #miraculous lb #the neighborhood

[forehead-enthusiast]

A Buncha Tag Games (and yet not all of them)

tagged by: @eggyukhei mwah

tagging: this is a LOT of games so i’ll only tag @atinyphobe @nsheetee and @veonjun for the SECOND (2nd) game. if they or anybody wants to do any of the other games, absolutely go for it and say i tagged you <3 i’d love to see what you guys say!! (also, tk if you felt like you wanted to answer my questions from the second game i’d be interested to see!)

One:

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

ok SO the song that probably got me into rv 100% (also yes ik this blog is 99% nct but rv is my forever fave no question) was probably ice cream cake!! i had been a casual listener of many groups up until that point and had never really stanned anyone, but icc was so infectious i found myself watching it over and over. i had heard happiness and be natural before but hadn’t really listened too closely, so icc was the song that captured me. after that, dumb dumb only cemented my love for them more, and the red is still one of my favorite kpop albums to date. rv attracted me primarily because of their incredible vocals and their versatility in genres and concepts. i still get so excited wondering what they’ll tackle next!! they’re just soooo unique and have one of, if not the best discographies of any group. i cannot stress enough, I. Love. RV!! also they’re funny and gay so. anyway stream monster once it drops uwu

Two:

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

1. what is your favorite song that’s been released during quarantine? ooooo honestly??? probably something off of Sawayama. literally every song bangs so hard i highly recommend that album to anyone!! i can’t pick a favorite off it but who’s gonna save you now is awesome and xs is just,,, chef’s kiss

2. what is your greatest mishap when you tried cooking? (or something you’ve witnessed) one time, while making soup at my late grandmother’s house on her like gas stove, i put a lid on a pot and somehow that led the pot to be engulfed in flames. IN MY DEFENSE i was like 7, and i’m great at cooking/baking now

3. what’s your go-to outfit or article of clothing? oh i love a nice dress. they can be casual or formal, and you look like you put effort into your outfit except i didn’t because i didn’t have to match anything yo!!!! also shorts have trouble fitting me cause i’m a weird body type so dresses tend to be very comfy for me

4. what is your comfort food? am i allowed to say like all food??? eating in itself is comforting,,, that sounds depressing but also i just like eating yummy food. i guess i’d say like my dad’s fried rice?? its my fave and no one makes it like him soooo

5. what singular moment in your life would you like to relive? i couldn’t tell if this meant like, a good moment you want to re-experience or go back in time and redo a moment and fix it. it’s kind of a hard question so i might cop out and go with a bit of a silly answer: i want to relive the hi touch with astro...... i wanna look at rocky’s beautiful eyes and touch moonbin’s hand ok,,,,

6. what is your favorite line and/or character from a movie, show, or book? i got a bunch but a few off the top of my head are genie lo (the epic crush of genie lo), ty lee, suki (atla), klaus, and ben (umbrella academy) 

7. if you could only choose one ice cream flavor and pizza topping/style for the rest of your life, what would it be? ice cream flavor: this very specific one from a local store that is banana ice cream with strawberries and oreo mixed in. it is heaaaavenly. as for pizza topping, i love a breakfast type pizza with an egg on top and like sausage and stuff!!!

8. what is the worst injury you’ve ever had or witnessed? funny enough, i’ve actually gotten badly injured quite a few times, and always on the face!! god hates me. the worst was probably when i hit a metal bench with my face and it took a chunk out of my cheek. i still have the scar! as for “witnessed” i accidentally broke a grown man’s rib once as a child, so i guess that would count.

9. would you rather explore the unknown of space or the bottom of the ocean? oceaaaan!! i answered this in some other game, but i like how mysterious and yet close the ocean is. like proximity wise it’s so near, yet there’s an insane amount we know nothing about. that’s so frightening but so intriguing

10. if you could be any cartoon character, who would you be? my first thought was literally “kirby. eat fast” GOD my followers are gonna think i’m just a glutton and they’re not even gonna be wrong im dying. but uhh idk mulan or smth?

my questions:

what is your go-to feel good movie?

are you the type of person who’s indecisive about buying, or the type to impulse buy once you see something you like?

do you prefer chocolate-y or fruity candy?

what idol do you think is most similar to you? (not your bias necessarily)

do you have any silly dealbreakers? if so, what are they?

what do you do to unwind?

what is a small thing you like to do for people you love? (be it sending memes, remembering their favorite shows, etc)

what’s/who’s your favorite myth/mythological being?

what is a non-typical pet you would want to have?

do you say pronounce data as day-ta or dah-ta?

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people. 

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

FOUR

the ultimate tag: answer whichever ones you want to because there are a lot and then tag a few blogs you’d like to get to know better! 

PERSONAL

name: sarah

nickname: bells

birthday: april 17th

zodiac: aries

nationality: chinese american

languages: english, some spanish, some korean

gender: female

sexuality: baby bi bi bi~

height: 5′10

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: i suppose nct since i write for them the most?? but i feel like sometimes i come up with the idea before i think of a member so sometimes the muse is just my own fantasies oops

meaning behind my url: i made it at a time where loads of idols were getting bangs and honestly i believe most of them look infinitely better without them, thus i was and still am enthusiastic about foreheads.

blog established: like winter of 2018...?? i think

followers: over 2.5k but most deactivated/left during my hiatus lol

FAVORITES

favourite animals: sharks, chickens, snakes, cats, penguins

favourite books: the epic crush of genie lo and then iron will of genie lo, PERIOD

favourite colour: pink and purple!!

favourite fictional characters: lol, again, genie lo, ty lee, suki, klaus, ben, and just a few more: richard and evelyn o’connell (the mummy), dave (dave), michael (the good place)

favourite flower: sunflower

favourite scent: baking chocolate, heating butter, blackberry, wisteria

favourite season: probably spring! i like warmth but not HEAT

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: ugh idek i sleep horribly

cats or dogs: both, but unfortunately i’ve never had either

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: tea but then hot chocolate

current time: 5:29pm

dream trip: go to paris and eat loads of pastries and enjoy the fashions and beauty of the city, and also learn to bake better maybe?

dream job: actress

hobbies: making jewelry, drawing, singing, reading comics

hogwarts house: according to the quizzes, all of them. people who have just met me think slytherin or gryffindor, people who i’m friends with think ravenclaw or hufflepuff, people who know me really well know you can’t box a person into oversimplified archetypes :’) in my assessment of myself, it varies by the day, but i think perhaps gryffindor today?

last movie watched: hot fuzz (a classic)

last song listened to: summer breeze by sf9

no. of blankets you sleep with: like 2

random fact(s): i won lego building competitions as a child, one of my dream roles is anastasia from the musical named after her, i played violin for a very short time, i bake the cakes for all my family and friends’ birthdays, i have strangely strong grip strength

SIX

10 songs i can’t stop listening to:

love me 4 me- rina sawayama

cherry- rina sawayama

in & out- red velvet

crush culture- conan gray

manic- conan gray

the king- conan gray

summer- pentagon

told you now- jeremy jordan (originally sung by sam smith)

fuck this world (interlude)- rina sawayama

someone who loves me- sara bareilles

#these were sooooooooooo fun!! #thank you for tagging me eggy #i feel like i maybe exposed myself for being a gluttonous fool tho #lmaoooo #fr tho try these games out!! so fun #sarah.tmi #tag games

[worrywirt]

The music video for There There by Radiohead is a masterpiece and here is why

So, as many of you might know already, There There and Nude are my two favourite songs by my favourite band, Radiohead. They are two very unique songs that move me in different but equally intense ways. But what makes There There extra special to me is the video, which managed to combine basically all the things that I love: spooky forests, little animals in clothes, hollow trees with winding roots, references to fairy tales and literature and a dream-like, voyeuristic atmosphere. I am first going to analyse the song itself, then how combined with the video, it is one of my favourite pieces of media I have ever seen.

Lyrics here. As the song starts off, it already feels like the listener is dropped inside a weird, intense primal world. I love percussion-heavy music and when I first heard it, the use of tom-toms and alienating, hardly recognisable sounds already reminded me of one of my other favourite artist’s best-know song: Björk’s Human Behaviour. I can’t really explain it if you don’t hear it, but both have this hypnotic, primal quality that beckons you in right off the bat. Then Thom’s mournful voice sings: “In pitch dark/ I go walking in your landscape/ Broken branches/ Trip me as I speak”. Not to go all A-Level English on his ass because let’s be honest, Thom’s lyrics are often nonsensical and vague, but I love this verse so much. It goes perfectly with the instrumental, starting off in a way that is like the start of a story; the words painting you a picture that is both dreamlike and frightening. To me, it describes falling in love in a way: “I am walking in your world, and I don’t know the way, and it’s all new and confusing and dark and sometimes I say the wrong things but I am still exploring, and it’s beautiful”

After this start that frankly hits you in the chest like a basketball in year 9 PE, we are treated to a combo attack with the lines “Just 'cause you feel it/ Doesn't mean it's there”. In classic Radiohead fashion, all the perceived optimism from the first verse is denied from us, basically saying “just because you feel a connection, it doesn’t mean it’s real”. Trust issues central. But it can also be interpreted to mean emotions in general, which is usually how I (a very emotional person) interpret it: feelings technically aren’t real. And the way you perceive the world while you are Going Through It™ is not always correct. No, everyone doesn’t hate you because their world isn’t centred around you: stop obsessing. It’s okay. There, there. (This is also reinforced later on with “someone on your shoulder”, basically saying it’s just your brain playing tricks.) Additionally, some think it’s referring to a dream, which would fit thematically with the music video.

The next verse to me is about the temptation of a bad decision while Going Through It™. Yes, it would be very easy to do the wrong thing, to go off this path that is making it really hard to get up in the morning: but it would also ruin you. I also interpret “don’t reach out” as coming from the siren (i.e. surprise, surprise: depression) – it wants you to self-destruct, to be a “walking disaster” but that, however tempting, is the wrong thing to do. The use of “we” also works with the “someone on your shoulder” line, and to me (however cringy that sounds) it means that music will always be there for me and help me work things out. It can also be applied to the relationship angle: the couple are in the same boat (/ship), and if one of them does something self-destructive, it will affect both. Both of these options work with the “Why so green and lonely? (…) Heaven sent you to me” lines. It’s interesting because the religious interpretation on Genius always annoyed me – Radiohead are the least religious band ever! This is the only religious reference I can think of from the top of my head, minus “angel” in Creep – but because it’s so rare, maybe it has a reason to be here? Maybe it IS about God after all, but I don’t really think so. Also, to me the imagery of “green and lonely” and the nautical “siren” and “shipwreck” have a much bigger weight visually than “heaven”, so they negate the religiousness in my eyes. I think it’s about two broken people finding each other, but also finding it hard to figure out how to fit together. They’re thinking that it might be a lost cause and destruction is right around the corner, but the best they can do (is good enough) is try and be there for each other while they head towards their ultimate end. Very comforting in a twisted way, which is Radiohead’s specialty.

So, let’s talk about the VIDEO!!! I’m writing this after an HQ version was FINALLY released on their website, so I’m going to use screenshots of that because oh my god, it’s beautiful. 

We start off with the “pitch-dark landscape”, more-or-less just as I imagined it while listening to the song. Although it is kind of drab and boring at the start, this only emphasises the magical quality of what it becomes later, as our protagonist Thom (I’m going to call him by name but I’m obviously referring to the character, not the real person) heads deeper and deeper inside. Oh, how I love forests in the dark. Nothing else has the same perfect ambiance.

Thom is walking in a way that matches the rhythm and the dreamlike atmosphere of the song, i.e. somewhere between an alien who just learned the way the Earthlings walk and the exaggerated, slightly sped-up movements of a silent movie star. We already know he has an affinity towards both bowler hats (Lotus Flower video) and pantomime-like acting (ANIMA) so this is truly on brand. He then sees dark clouds pass at a breakneck pace (again, the dreaminess of it all... chef’s kiss), then confused and lost, heads back into the forest which this time looks a lot less boring and “real” then at the start. The dark clouds can be interpreted as a warning of things to come (“stay out, not safe”), which he ignores or just a sign that something is off and we’re not in Kansas anymore.

So as he turns back, we’re treated to my first Favourite Moment: Thom finding the beckoning yellow light and deciding to follow it. The way he is acting suggests both curiosity and sneakiness, like he suspects the thing emitting the light is much better than his original destination (if he had a destination at all). 

I love the way the light is illuminating his eyes here, it again reminds me very much of old movies (and Morticia Addams in the 90s movies, but probably because the filmmakers also took inspiration from the same well)

Oh my god, just look at this shot. Beautiful. Lothlórien who?? I only know magical glowy Radiohead forest. Because yes, we’ve obviously crossed the path between realms the minute Thom decided to pursue the yellow light (which can also be connected to the “siren singing you to shipwreck” in the lyrics). This is now the land of magic and fairy tales, and strange things are afoot. 

Again, I gotta stop analysing for a moment and just note that the amount of serotonin this gives me would fuel 10 people for a year. For anyone who doesn’t know me well enough, animals in little clothes living in little well-arranged dwellings inside a tree are in the top 5 things that make me happy, and combined with Thom Yorke Radiohead peeking in the window like an innocuous tourist… and the warm light illuminating the miniatures… perfection. Okay, moving on.

Thom is exploring this strange world of anthropomorphic animals like an awkward giant, without seemingly anyone noticing him. This adds to the alienation seeping from the music: this is a weird and wonderful place but you don’t belong here (sorry for the Creep reference, swear it was not intentional). He first saw a pair of squirrels, chilling in their house; then a big banquet; then a cat wedding (power of 3, the fairy-tale number). If we are going with the dream metaphor here, these might be alluding to things happening in real life, especially the wedding as he actively walks away from it, but this is just a speculation. Mostly it just shows that these animals are living in a happy little community and we love that for them! But it also make me feel like this is a coping mechanism for our protagonist here. Apparently Thom (the real one) got the idea for this video from a children’s TV show called Bagpuss: I had a look and it’s the tear-jerkingly comforting and nostalgic stop-motion series that everyone needs one of in their lives (I have several, both English and Hungarian). The subtitle “The Boney King of Nowhere” refers to a song in episode 2 about a king who wasn’t comfortable on his throne: according to this link, this resonated with Thom, who found himself on a pedestal he never wanted. (It’s kind of funny that a little kid’s song about a king’s bony ass has such a sick name though). He also wanted the original creator of the show (Oliver Postgate) to animate the video but he declined. Anyway, the "fifties East European genre animation, overlaboured and naïve” aesthetic, to me, symbolises comfort and warmth that our protagonist doesn’t feel at home in.

So off he goes, into the dark heart of the forest. Also, important to note the patch of fog that keeps showing him the way: is this the siren’s song physically manifested, pulling him away from the warmth of community? (”don’t reach out, don’t reach out”)

He then climbs up and sees a golden coat on a tree inside some kind of ancient ruin. This to me immediately brought to mind the Golden Fleece from Ancient Greek myth, which was the fleece of a magical ram that hung on an oak tree. It signified kingship, linking back to the subtitle. Thom sneaks to the tree, looks up at the ravens (7 of them: another fairy-tale number) and when he sees they are sleeping, tries on the coat. I found it interesting how at this point the coat looks quite ordinary, drab and brown – possibly a metaphor for a decision that you know is bad but you do it anyway; and by the time you realise it actually didn’t feel as good as you thought, it is too late - he listened to temptation (the sirens). He even takes the boots from inside the tree, which reminded me of SO many of the folktales that I grew up on: it’s not enough that the bad sibling did this one bad thing, they even did ANOTHER bad thing, which cements the listener in believing them to be irredeemable and worthy of the awful fate the tale has in store for them. The ravens (birds of death and in this case agents of justice) wake up – Thom has a little “oh shit” close-up and then start running for his life in his new attire.

Addition: another theory I found interesting among the comments is that this place is Limbo -  “

The gothic look of the ravens chasing Thom with the rising full moon is such a huge contrast to the warm, comforting glow of the stop-motion animal town, but it makes sense with the crescendo of the music and it’s dark and menacing cacophony: “we are accidents waiting to happen”. This was Thom’s mistake: and now there is no turning back. (Quick note: his running here reminds me once again of the Human Behaviour video – I am working on another similar essay that concentrates on how Radiohead and Björk are mirrors of each other so look out for that). 

He thinks he is saved for a moment by the magical seven-league boots (another folktale reference) but it is only a false hope. He gets his punishment and turns into a tree by what we can assume to be a painful and terrifying process (I love his facial expression so much). The ravens arrive and we realise that this is most likely how the previous tree met his or her fate. The cycle continues. He is now the Boney King of Nowhere.

One of my favourite mental images is people taken over by nature: not in a decomposing way but more like a Hanahaki disease way. Thom turning into a tree reminded me of a couple of things: one, my other favourite piece of entertainment Over the Garden Wall, which is very similar in tone to this video (if I ever meet Thom, I genuinely only want to ask him if he’s ever seen it and if yes what his thoughts are on it). SPOILERS for OTGW: the Beast turns lost children into trees and uses oil from the trees to keep his lantern alive, which is basically his life source – in this case the tree-person seems to be the living beating heart of the forest. The way the tree-curse is transmitted also reminded me of how the lantern was (nearly) passed down to Wirt. Basically, it is an inheritable burden. Two, and this isn’t my interpretation but I thought I’d mention it: Daphne & Apollo, wherein Daphne hides from Apollo’s sexual advances by turning into a tree. This doesn’t really fit the tone of the scene in my opinion, because Thom’s transformation is an involuntary punishment; but it kind of connects to the other reference to Greek myth, Odysseus and the sirens (both chasing after women, or the impossible dream). Three: Dante’s Inferno, in which the second ring of the seventh circle is the Wood of Suicides where “the souls of the people who attempted or committed suicide are transformed into gnarled, thorny trees and then fed upon by Harpies, hideous clawed birds with the faces of women; the trees are only permitted to speak when broken and bleeding”. Whomp whomp, it was a suicide metaphor :/ And it wasn’t a dream, it was Limbo - a thematic preoccupation of the band, so not impossible.

A comment I found relating to this: “After death you have to cross over. He got distracted by the nice and shiny shoes and jacket (don't reach out), hence the siren that leads you to shipwreck (Odysseus). When you want to enter the spiritual realm you have to be able to leave the material world behind or you shall not pass. He was distracted, got caught and changed into a worldly tree (he was still to attached to the material realm). The so-called reality we live now is the dream. (Just 'cause you feel it doesn't mean it's there). He remembered that he died and came back to this illusion. We are stuck in a lift....” I really like this interpretation of Thom’s downfall being too attached to materialism/ fame & fortune. I wonder what he meant by “came back to this illusion”? Also, who are the animals in this scenario: aspects of Thom’s life or other people, stuck in Limbo/ every-day oblivion?

This wouldn’t be the first or last time Radiohead explores the concept of death, so I don’t think it’s far-fetched. And it fits with the lyrics too, as I’ve discussed briefly above: this is what happens when you listen to the siren (the fog, the light) and stray away from the cute animal town, Thomas! I’m joking because it is kind of a bummer to end it on this, but I just love how dense and layered this video is. Most of their videos are top-notch but this one just hits a really sweet spot for me, so yeah! 2500 words! I’m glad you came along, pardner! Goodbye till next time!

#radiohead #thom yorke #there there #the boney king of nowhere #bagpuss #otgw #sorry I didn't go into the sonic side of things I just don't know anything about it #music theory is a scam

[ra-lek]

Hi! I know you’ve touched on the topic briefly before, but if you don’t mind I’d love to hear any more in-depth thoughts you have on autistic Elliot. It’s one of my favorite headcanons and it’s always fascinating to see other people’s thoughts on it! (Also I just wanted to say that you have a really interesting way of analyzing the show and you seem like a such a genuinely chill, kind person, thank you for being awesome)

heya, i don’t mind at all!! this headcanon is great and there’s a lot of material to work with and analyze so i’m absolutely on board with elaborating more; 

but first i gotta establish a few things:

i am not a professional and can’t talk about autism the same way i’ve talked about body language or dissociative identity disorder. mainly because i’ve done essays on the latter and am more educated on the subject, unlike with this specific disorder.

but yo that doesn’t mean i don’t know anything cause psychology is my sHit- i just felt it was necessary for you to know that i’m not as confident in my analysis as i usually am; so feel free to correct me!!

next, in canon, elliot is diagnosed with clinical depression and social anxiety disorder. with a couple of ’delusional’ mentions thrown here and there. however, we most certainly know he suffers from DID as well- and the fact it’s his MAJOR problem and hasn’t been properly acknowledged by the show leaves us with room to speculate.

and finally- i’ve been diagnosed with and am being treated for clinical depression and anxiety disorder. so i will point things out from my perspective here as well, since people with anxiety have similar symptoms to people on the spectrum and/or people with ADHD/ADD. (sometimes even OCD)

alright now that that’s all clear we can finally start looking at his behavior!!

first and foremost, autism & ad(h)d are developmental disorders because the symptoms for them can generally be noticed in early childhood; as opposed to anxiety which is a mental illness. so it’s entirely possible to have a cocktail of disorders in your head.

i’m bringing ADD up a lot because i’ve been speculated to have it & am supposed to take some tests- but am not officially diagnosed yet. now that we’ve got my entire family history, blood type & credit card number laid out, we’re ready to go.

anyway, these are the symptoms:

1. difficulty with communication & interaction with others

this is probably where anxiety, add and autism collide the most. though in very different ways- and they’re not exclusive to people with one of these diagnosis only. 

for example, eye contact. i’m terrible at it. people with autism & anxiety are also pretty darn bad at it, and elliot might seem that way at times; he hides a lot- but not as often as he tends to hold an intense eye contact, instead? which can also be seen as an ‘odd’ thing to do in social communication. as in, not noticing if someone’s uncomfortable under such gaze, let’s say.

that brings me to the next topic which is uh, coincidentally, communication.

he is quite blunt when it comes to it, has a distinctive ‘flat’ #elliotvoice tone. @mototwinkclub pointed out a few instances last time this topic was brought up, such as saying “i’m okay with it being awkward between us” to matpat ollie or “not at all, actually.” with gideon- and he doesn’t do it to be rude. doesn’t really realize it’s ‘bad’ to say it like that, either.

i mean i know he said he’s trying to work on his social anxiety but that’s not quite how you’d go about it? i firmly believe he suffers from generalized anxiety. obviously, that includes social anxiety as well; but this way you could explain why he’s way more concerned with…everything else. and is pretty straightforward in conversation.

since i referenced the pilot, one of the first lines he says about himself is “i don’t know how to talk to people. the only person person i could talk to was my dad- but he died.” which brings us back to the developmental aspect of this disorder. since he’s indicating he didn’t know how to talk to people even when he was a kid. which is true, in every flashback we see he either doesn’t talk at all or talks very little.

what’s interesting though- although he’s bad at reading 'conversation’- he’s extremely good at reading people. and the fact he 'looks for the worst in them’ contradicts the usual aspect that’s brought up when it comes to an autistic thought process, which is made out to be like “if i wouldn’t do this, then why would anyone else?” and it’s not the way he thinks at all.

instead, he feels empathy on a moral level if that makes sense? people on the spectrum are said to either be too empathic or not at all. and it’s hard to pinpoint elliot? because, clearly, he cares for people as much as he doesn’t trust them. use an example the reason he leaked ray’s information. he literally said “but then i keep thinking about those people.” but we haven’t seen him empathize with, for instance, vera- even when he gave a pretty tragic backstory. he can tell who the bad guy is. 

when it comes to spacing out, he does it all the time. people on the spectrum do it all the time, i certainly do it all the time. but we have to focus on what he is thinking about when he does it- because that is our indicator. 

we usually see his thoughts filled with paranoia, over-thinking, analyzing, etc,.. which i associate with anxiety disorder mostly? but, we have to take into account something he suffers from the most and it’s dissociative identity disorder. so not only does he space out, but he tends to dissociate, as well. perfect example for this is when he mutes the world around him. or just doesn’t listen.

once again, from the pilot, when angela tells him “stop thinking about something else while i’m talking to you!!” he isn’t actually daydreaming or spacing out in the usual sense- he’s recalling the night (mostly for the viewer than for himself let’s be honest) she’s talking about and we see that he was too anxious to go in. he doesn’t tell her that.

now let’s talk about his no-touch policy for a second. that’s something a lot of people on the spectrum have in common. i think it’s, once again, one of those cases where one could be either completely touch-starved or aversive. though we can’t ignore the fact he’d been abused when he was young. 

as i was going through the pilot for most of my evidence here (as you can notice) there’s a very small detail at the beginning when ron leans in to ask “are you blackmailing me!?” and we can see elliot flinch in genuine fear. this is not the only instance where he seems afraid to get hit. breaKs my goddamn heart.

but he’s also the one to initiate contact sometimes- and he often misunderstands the situation. shayla told him not to ask, he kissed darlene, tried kissing angela on the train that time when she denied him- he does it cause that’s what he thinks he should do. 

2. restrictive or repetitve behaviors

he’s absolutely all about those routines- he doesn’t want anything destructing his ’perfectly constructed loop’ anytime he has one. (season 1 starbucks, season 2 jailtime, season 3 ecorp) but it’s important to point out that in all of these scenarios, he’s been to one to break the loop himself. by realizing they weren’t making anything better.

there are a couple of nervous ticks he has, general fidgeting with his hands/hair/hoodie- all of these apply to every disorder we’ve mentioned here.

comfort item/food is a very good one!! since we’ve only ever seen him eat fries, he has a “crying corner” in his room, he’s constantly 'hiding’ under the hoodie. probably the main comfort item.

he’s also insanely hyperfocused on technology and numbers and hacking, obviously- he has a clear routine every time. burn the disc, delete the folder, write a song over one of the cds, shove them under the table. same goes for when he thinks he’s fucked up- throw stuff in the microwave, destroy it, you get the image.

speaking of those cds though, if he can remember exactly which song he wrote for each person he’s got data on; that could be a damn good indicator of it!!

all of this could be a combination of whys and becauses which is super fun if you ask me. elliot is complex and, although i share 2.5 disorders with him, i can’t relate to his actions/coping/thoughs completely all the time.

it just tells you how different everyone’s brains are, you can’t restrict a disorder to a specific pattern and only consider that when diagnosing somebody.

so, in conclusion, elliot could very possibly be autistic!!

#real long one y'all #lemme know what you think though!! #elliot alderson #mr robot #/mine #shutupneil #sjdhjsjs thank you for the compliments tho💕💕💕

[waldowski89-blog]

Tumblr Written Return.

So, I’m back here doing my usual routine. Hello, I guess… you guess? In any case, I enjoy these don’t get me wrong. My abrasiveness is just something acquired, I think. Or not talking to people, I don’t know. Okay, that started off on a wrong foot, left or right you decide… god this is rubbish. So I’ll split this into 3? I didn’t say that last time. I think three segments is enough for 1,000 words… enough for anybody.

I think I’m at the point where most people give up [Edit 20-02-19: I kinda wanna.]. I want to be relentless with this. This notebook seems like it may take longer to fill. Anyway apparently there’s a point where people quit or feel like it but it comes just before take off as it were. Not that that was ever the plan of course. I always felt if it made one person laugh or happy or entertained etc. then it was worth it. I’ll take regular in writing this or these [Edit 20-02-19: I seriously don’t know what that means… oh breaks I think I meant.]. I won’t include times though just dates. All that was probably only interesting to me anyway. I don’t really know.

Wow, can you believe I’ve been here on and off for about two years now? Does it seem like that? I don’t know. Don’t roll your eyes at that. It really has been a while, hasn’t it? Do you look forward to another two years? I’m smiling so I must be. I never cared about popularity or getting paid… hint hint. Eurgh, all that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I just want to entertain but one has to make a living too. Can one really trade in blood… that’s overly creepy. I meant metaphysically. I don’t always talk about positive subjects. Also I was about to talk on where I’ve been this past month. The thought is conflicted… who really cares anyway. Why am I so grim and grey? Cue Bohemian Rhapsody. Actually that’s interesting that’s a nonsense song and Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland is a nonsense story. I really want to get around to reading that. I want to do a reading on a new channel of mine. It’s not set up properly though and I have nothing to post there yet. Just a few maybe dumb outtakes of Jane Eyre. I wanted to read that first… for an old friend. I LOVE YA BUB! BUB. Hey that’s a point, I forget to do ending ideas on my streams. I shall begin that again too… I mean I already started streaming again but I meant the Ending Ideas™ IN ANY CASE! (My talents are wasted) (What talent?)

Where I’ve Been? been up to?

Right hello again, next section. So I’m not going to go into depths as to where I was and what I got up to. Suffice it to say that it was an education. An ongoing education. Also one that technically started years ago. There’s no need for me to go into great detail anyway. Clearly there’s something wrong with my mental health. I have been determined to have a mental disorder. That is or it has been observed that way. I don’t disagree. Oof, I don’t like talking about it. It always brings the mood down. Put short I am depressed and this could be due to anxieties I have. Fear not though for I am getting help. Deers. Should I call my audience deers? Jeeze why the fuck do I have an audience for this? It’s not fun. Hopefully talking helps. Openly or at least as openly as one would like. I want to move on already. With life, with everything. Again, fear not, for I will stay here as I can. It’s too dour. Let us move on shall we? I’ve barely broached the subject though. However I feel I’ve said enough. I hope.

In any case, hope is a good tool in these situations. Hope that things will get better and that it just takes time… it’s taking a pretty fucking long time, huh? That’s about all I’ve got on this subject for now. Oh, except that there was an app about all this. Link! Hey you! Yes you! Got crippling depression? Feel anxious all the time? Yes? Then there’s an app for you.

Okay, now that was overly facetious (I’ll have to edit in whether I spelt facetious right or not later) [Edit 20-02-19: I did.]. Anyway I’ll link (spelt tink wrong it’s early… and I did it even wronger just then). I’ll link it at the end. I haven’t used it myself (fear perhaps) but I will in time. It sounds very helpful bringing each other hope in depressing times/situations/circumstances.

I’ve always wanted to help people. Entertain people. Keep people smiling. It’s nice. Like Psycho Mantis in Metal Gear Solid: “I’ve never used my powers to help people before… It feels… kind of… nice…”. I can still hear that in my head. Gosh, I played Metal Gear Solid a lot as a child… David Hayter in that Christmas message about it was like: “Yeah, well it’s a dark world.”. That was epic where he just dropped into The Voice™: “Brother” and Cam Clarke too: “Dear brother.” I FUCKING LOVE THAT GAME AND ALL THE VOICE ACTORS AND CREATORS AND EVERYONE! … In any case… FFFOXE DIE DIE DIE… calm down Andrew. Counterintuitively I’m listening to the Hitman Blood Money Soundtrack.

Been Looking at Microphones.

Anyway, time to move on. I wrote the above title a few days ago. I’ll read back this thing to get a better idea of where I am. I usually write these in bits over a few days.

Okay, so that seems like a waste of time. It’s just my usual pontificating. So the microphones. I don’t know or remember why I wanted to dedicate a whole section to that but hey ho here we are (I’m listening to the album Hollow Bones by Rival Sons by the way. More Links!). Um basically I was thinking of investing in a much more expensive microphone. That’s it really.

So moving on from that… jeeze it feels like one of these mission constraints in Assassin’s Creed. “Write only about buying a professional microphones only” Well I’ve broken that constraint but there’s no checkpoint here.

In any case, that was it. Interestingly though I found the album Hollow Bones by chance or by how I usually find music and that’s through the recommended on iTunes. I actually do usually judge an album by it’s cover and this one is cool. It has what could be an arctic fox on the front. I’ll put a pic in here.

[Edit 22-02-19: Nice vape, yo.]

I found this album from the recommended in Victorious by Wolfmother. That album gives me nostalgia (what doesn’t?) for a few years ago. It was when I was in the grip of psychosis I think (That’s brave? Don’t post this) I thought I was in a TV show or something. I can’t be the only one to ever have felt this way… Derren Brown more specifically anyway. That’s all over with now. I wasn’t it turns out. I thought the music was a message to me directly as if created for me… I know it’s or may be narcissistic of me. Anyway I tried to listen and applied the lyrics to my life… ANYWAY… I guess I finish this by linking a Jack White video: “Let the music tell you what to do” I haven’t even watched it yet. I will now but alas we are at the end of another Tumblr. I look forward to working with you again friend… The Internet. My name’s Waldowsky (with a ‘y’ why? for now) and thank you to every single one of you who read. My hand hurts (Stop complaining, Andrew).

Just watched it. Well I was going to say I can write a bunch and keep it all. I hardly delete anything. I’ll link Death Letter too… I really love that track. Curiouser and curiouser, I just realised it’s from De Stijl… what a coincidence that he should mention that song.

[Final Edit 20-02-19: A lot of this made no fucking sense.]

[Final Final Edit 22-02-19 or P.S.: The app was called Wisdo. Still haven’t tried it yet.]

Links

Wisdo

Hitman: Blood Money Soundtrack [Edit 22-02-19: I nearly forgot to add this. I need to find a soundtrack for Metal Gear Solid too. I have some music from that game, so don’t you worry.]

Hollow Bones - Rival Sons

Victorious - Wolfmother

Jack White - Speech: "Let the music tell you what to do" | Producers & Engineers Honoree | GRAMMYS

Bonus

Bonus Bonus [Edit 22-02-19: There ya go.]

[darling-in-the-fandom]

tag game

i was tagged by @i-am-steve-rogerss -- thanks babe ❤️❤️❤️❤️

LAST...

drink: coffee

phone call: my mum

text message: to @mrvelunvrse “fetus” ksdjfksjdf

song you listened to: iris // goo goo dolls is playing atm 

time you cried: other than right now because iris makes me emo?? uhh yesterday. because i went a whole 24 hours with no sleep and i was just a fucking wreck lmao.

EVER...

dated someone twice: i haven’t dated someone once

kissed someone and regretted it: nope

been cheated on: no. but uh. i think i was technically “the other woman” once but. that was a) online and b) the most fucked up situation i’ve ever been in so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

lost someone special: yeah

been depressed: depressed is my constant state yo i don’t remember what it was like to not be depressed

gotten drunk and thrown up: i mean, i drink a lot so i’ve been drunk, yeah, but i haven’t thrown up.

favourite colours: black, grey, green, blue, red, pink.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU...

made new friends: yess!!! @ragnarokbarnes @shegavehersunflowers @transmaschawkeye and i love them bunches

fallen out of love: nah

laughed until you cried: lmao yeah a few times

found out someone was talking about you: nope

met someone who changed you: nope

found out who your friends are: yeah

kissed someone on your facebook friends list: nope

GENERAL

how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: all of them, except one guy who i’ve been bffs with for a couple years and met him through WoW but we’re talking about hanging out irl one of these days

do you have any pets: i have an italian greyhound called texas who is very cute and cuddly and energetic as fuckity and i love him a lot

do you want to change your name: nah, i fucking love my name.

what did you do for your last birthday: mum and i went and bought me some jewellery and then we went out and had pizza for dinner. then with my dad i pulled the “it’s my birthday i get to choose the movie” card and made him watch a marvel movie. we got tipsy. it was great.

what were you doing at midnight last night: getting some much need sleep after being awake for 24 hours.

what is something you can’t wait for: avengers 4 skdfjskdf

what are you listening to right now: rule the world // take that ((one of my favourite songs))

have you ever talked to a person named tom: yeah--my uncle, a family friend, and one of the boys in my weekend acting class

something that gets on your nerves: my dad being pissed that i’m listing sebastian stan as an inspiration on my acting school application because “you’re applying for acting school!! they’re going to be movie snobs!! they won’t know who he is!! pick someone who can act!!” it’s my application and i’ll name whoever i please as an acting inspiration thanks.

most visited website: tumblr 

hair colour: brown

long or short hair: long

do you have a crush on someone: nope

what do you like about yourself: i guess i like my eyes and my hair. maybe my humour?? skdfkdsf idk

want any piercings: no thanks

blood type: i...have no idea

nicknames: my name is saskia so i get called: sass/sassy, super sassy, sassy sausage, sassmatass, saskia violent, sassykins...and then my gaming buddies call me twinsie/twinsay and specialfred ksdjfksdjfksd

relationship status: forever alone

zodiac: cancer

pronouns: she/her

favourite tv shows: daredevil, outlander, game of thrones, buffy the vampire slayer, angel, gossip girl, skam norway, riverdale

tattoos: nope but i’d like to have one 

right or left handed: right

ever had surgery: nope

piercings: nope

sports: i played hockey at a club for a year, did swimming for 3 years, and did a little bit of football, soccer and volleyball at school.

vacation: idk if this is asking for dream vacation?? the last vacation i went on??? so uh. dream vacation would be new york ((thanks romcoms!!)) and last vacation was to my family’s holiday house in metung with my dad for a week back in january.

eating: just ate last night’s leftovers which were chicken wings

drinking: coffee

about to watch: nothing. if i was, it’d probably be “push” or “gifted” because i want to watch more of chris’ movies.

waiting for: 2019 because avengers 4

want: ...to get into acting school

get married: i kinda do but also no thanks

career: student

WHICH IS BETTER

hugs or kisses: hugs. definitely. i’d kill for a nice hug rn

lips or eyes: eyes

shorter or taller: eh either’s good

older or younger: older

nice arms or stomach: nice arms for those cuddles please

hookup or relationship: uh. i have no experience with either so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

troublemaker or hesitant: hmm. troublemaker

HAVE YOU EVER...

kissed a stranger: nope

drunk hard liquor: yes

lost glasses: yes

turned someone down: nope

sex on the first date: nope

broken someone’s heart: nah

had your heart broken: yeah but not in a romantic way

been arrested: nope

cried when someone died: yes

fallen for a friend: yepp

DO YOU BELIEVE IN...

yourself: yeah, i guess. 

miracles: nah

love at first sight: sure

santa claus: lmao no

kiss on a first date: why not

angels: uhh no

OTHERS

best friend’s name: @brooklynbabybucky i love you best pal 😘😘😘

eye colour: hazel

favourite movie: before we go, captain america: the winter soldier, stardust, terminator 2, interview with the vampire, the mummy, it (2017)

favourite actors: sebastian stan, chris evans, robert downey jr, noah schnapp, millie bobby brown, sam heughan, catriona balfe, charlie cox, sigourney weaver, winona ryder, david harbour, david boreanaz 

tagging: @brooklynbabybucky @shegavehersunflowers @ragnarokbarnes @transmaschawkeye @thegirlnooneknows5 @mrvelunvrse @bizexualrosadiaz

#tagged #about me #i'm boring as shit yo

[uclaradio]

Interview with SpaceGodApollo (11/2/18)

Interview occurred on “No Pulp Radio Show” with DJ Odyssey, Ishaan Pota and Lily Frankel

This interview has been edited and transcribed for concision with some questions edited for clarity by Lily Frankel

DJO: So for those who don’t know you are, like where are you from?

SGA: Oh shit, alright, so I was born in Houston. And then honestly my childhood roots were all based in Pasadena, my grandparents, and like my sister and shit. And then, uh, shit, after that, that’s when I started living with my dad, uh, in Missouri City. And uh, yeah, shit was kind of rough in the beginning though, cause when my parents got a divorce, I didn’t see my dad for like, four years. So I was with my grandparents and like shit was always rough over there cuz like my family, like, they kind of fucked up. And there’s some shit I had to go through and I had to see and it fucking sucks, but if I didn’t go through that shit I wouldn’t be where I am today, representing my grandparents the way I am today.

DJO: Would you say music is kind of like an escape for you?

SGA: Definitely, man. I think music, for anyone that’s like depressed out there and they don’t have an outlet where they can seek help, it’s like, music is something that can be personal to them, and only them. And they can carry that with them for life. And it’s like, there’s artists that have affected me, that are going to affect me for life. And I’m always going to be so grateful that... God put them along my path, because it truly did help me and guide me as a person.

DJO: So when did you decide that being an artist is what you wanted to do as a career?

SGA: Damn, man. I remember when I was like 11, 12, I started DJing, and I wanted to make like dubstep because skrillex was hype. And I made like a badass, like, remix of Ellie Goulding, her cover of “High for This” by the weekend. That shit was fire, bruh [laughs]. And I was like 12. And I actually got it up on youtube right now, to this day, but uh, shit after that I was like uh, no, what am I doing, I’m young as hell [laughs], like I’m trippin’ thinking I’m finna be some kind of DJ. And then uh, I started getting really into RNB Music, and I really really started getting into like, just vocalists in general, that shit, it just amazed me how some people’s voices could be so powerful that it can affect millions and millions of people. And that shit really inspired me and it made me want to do something in my life that would benefit, like, more than I could ever imagine. And It was probably around like eighth grade, freshman year that I was like, yo, like, I want to be involved in music. I’m not sure how yet? But I’m going to start trying. And I spent a good ten to like, twelve months, just writing every single day song, song, song after song. I missed days of school cause I kept getting in trouble just sitting on my phone with earbuds, like writing lyrics because I was fucking addicted. And uh, I’d miss school and like, literally the whole eight hours of school that’d be going on? I’d be in my room just going off writing and writing and writing perfecting my craft. Studying wordplay, rhyme schemes, all the cadences, everything. And eventually I was like, yo, like, I’d never sing in front of nobody but when I was young my sister used to get singing lessons? And so I would always, you know, that’s my sister, I looked up to her, I would want to hang out with her and see her do her shit. And uh [laughs] I actually learned a lot from it. I would go, like, my own private, when I’m in my room, like really young, I’m talking like five or six? And I would take what she would learn from her instructor and like apply it to myself, but in secret, for so many years. And uh, shit, that’s when I met Christian, freshman year, like first day of school, and like, we just became boys. He tells me he wants to be a photographer, I’m like bro, like, I kinda want to be like, some kind of artist, whether it be singing or rapping, I don’t know yet. And then he was like bet [laughing], I’ll be your photographer, let’s do it. And I was like... It just naturally came together.

DJO: So my next question is, with the music scene so saturated with new up and coming artists, what do you do to separate yourself from everybody else?

SGA: Listen to all types of different music and find a way to respect it, and each its own. Like I will pull up, like, 40s, songs, from like, the war. And sad songs that were like, made to be sad, and try to understand what attracts people to sad songs. And it’s like, when it comes to me, I feel like every song I’ve put off out the jump has been extremely different from the other. And I feel like for me it’s all been, like, just how I’m feeling in the moment, how I’m feeling in my life. I take time dropping my tracks because I want to live different chapters of my life before I put out something that’s like, my baby, you know. That baby is developing while I’m developing as a person too. And it’s like, forever evolving. But then it’s also just like my sound is just like, forever evolving. I’ve got songs coming out like, if you want to find something that sounds like that, there’s only one place you can go. And it’s like, that’s what I’m trying to make the gold-standard for all my shit. Every song, I want it to be unique and where it’s one of a kind.

Ishaan: Who are some artists today that you draw inspiration from?

SGA: Artists today I draw inspiration from, man. Alright, like, no particular order, but like: of course, Kendrick Lamar, King Kendrick pulls true to me and a lot of like where my... my work ethic comes from, I see his wordplay and I’m like, man, this guy is a monster, he’s a freaking beast, he’s not from here [laughs]. Like, how can I compete with that. And I’m like, the only way I can compete with that is focusing on myself, keeping to myself and working fucking hard. But along with Kendrick Lamar, shit, I got, Future. Young Thug. Travis Scott of course. Shit, he went to, we went to the same school, uh, knew him way back, my sister was tight with him way back. And uh, one of the big things, also, about, you know, staying lengthy, is like, I could have been that person, you know, knowing his siblings and stuff, and been like, hey, please show Travis Scott my music, we went to the same high school, we’re friends, blah blah blah. But it’s like, I ain’t ever do that. I ain’t ever tell my parents about my music, I ain’t ever tell my sister about my music. I wanted this to be something that I accomplish on my own. And it would really make me feel complete in my life and everything and it’s something I love and want to do forever. And uh, Travis Scott definitely showed me that music can definitely be more than a hook and a verse. You know, he showed me the future and the way sounds are evolving, and you know, the way softwares and things like that, midis, are evolving, shit can get ridiculous [laughs] in the future. And it’s like, I just want to become one of the greatest artists of all time, that’s definitely the ultimate goal.

Lily: Do you think that, for you, that comes from lyrics?

SGA: For me? I think a lot of it—I feel like it’s all one big, not necessarily formula, but everything has to like, it has to fit, it has to make sense. It’s like, if I’m going to have a beat that sounds like it’s retro, it sounds like I’m taking you back to a different time, I’m going to rap in a way, or sing in a way, that’s from that time. I’m going to pay homage to that and respect it, and also put my own swagger to it and my own... my own generational sound to it and really make it my own. And like I’ve done covers of songs by like, Billie Eilish, and I’ve like completely altered them and changed them and made them completely different.

DJO: So you’re performing at Complex Con this year. How did that even go down? How did the booking go down, what are the details behind that if you can elaborate?

SGA: Yeah, basically, this past year, like, my dad, uh... He had gone to a Jamba Juice and like, in the nearest town center, and he had heard my song playing in Jamba Juice. But he didn’t know it was me. But he liked the song. And so he had the workers, cause he goes there, he’s like a daily person, and so he had asked the workers, like, what song is this? I’ve never heard this on the radio. And they were like, oh, it’s this guy named Ricky Apollo, he graduated from Elkins recently—my school—and he’s like twenty-something, but he makes really cool music. And my dad was like, Ricky Apollo? And I’m sure he like was like, that voice sounds familiar, there was no autotune or nothing. And just so everyone knows, it was my song “Feel.” It was actually my second song I had ever written... yeah, ever written, ever released, ever. And uh, thankfully, by like, the graciousness of God, XXXtentacion had found that song before everyone, and he had reposted it, and that’s when I got, like, my first little spark of exposure. [...] So my dad had asked about how that song, where that song came from. And he calls me and he’s like [affects a slightly older, higher-pitched voice], “hey do you know, uh, who Ricky Apollo is?” he goes, “is that you?” And I’m like, “yeah.” And then he’s like, your song is... you make music?” And I’m like, “yeah.” And he’s like, “it’s playing in Jamba Juice.” And I was like, “really? That’s cool.” And he was like, “what? Are you joking?” And I’m like, “nah.” [laughing] “I guess you had to find out sooner or later.” And then he immediately told my sister. And my sister freaked out because, you know, like I said, when she was younger she always wanted like, to sing, and she wanted to be a singer. And she’s a fucking incredible singer. And I’ll never be at her level [laughing], but uh, no yeah, her vocals are... she’s blessed for real. Like she’s... if you think my voice is good, it’s like... her shit’s on steroids. Like she could do opera. But uh, so my sister found out about it and whatnot. And of course, she’s my sister and she loves me, and as much as I wanted to do it alone, she was like let me help you. I want to be a part of this, I want to do this together. Because I feel like [voice breaks]... our whole life it’s like... It’s really just been me and her... And like... for her to like, feel that way? And want to help? It means like, it means everything, you know. And so she, actually, her boyfriend is a DJ. And uh, he performed at Voodoo just last weekend. His name’s Swaylo. SwayloNights on Instagram, shoutout him. Shoutout my sister, Lizzie Aguirre. So they’re actually both managing me at the moment. So Noah, who is my sister’s boyfriend, the DJ, he has a friend who is the event coordinator at Complex. And so he was like, hey man, this kid’s got a lotta talent. And I want to help him so badly and I want to reach out to as many people as I can, is there anything you can do. And the guy was like, yeah, I’ll check it out and see what I can do. And he listened to it, he got back to him. He said, yo, this is crazy, I’m gonna let the higher-ups get a listen to it. And uh, play him, like these songs, that, you know, I had chosen that I wanted them to listen to? And uh, they had all loved it, and they were like, yo, we have an open slot, let’s fly him out here, let’s get him the hotel, let’s get him the whole package, let’s feed him. And I’m so grateful for that man, it’s crazy. I remember he was like I’m gonna get back to you in a week, I don’t know if it’s for certain.

DJO: Yo that must have been the longest week.

SGA: Oh my god, you have no idea man, I was like, I was hitting the sauna and the sweat room like every fuckin day, just trying to keep my cool, tryna stay relaxed, I was like, it was definitely going to be, I knew it was going to be the biggest moment for me, and I knew it could definitely jumpstart. literally. Everything. And there’s endless possibilities, but uh, yeah, that’s really how it all came together. And after that, it’s like, I’ve got Forbes in my email, because they’re like, dude, you’re young as hell, how did you get on this line-up, and it’s like, we wanna know more about you. And it’s like, they wanna talk too. And it’s gonna be after my performance, and I’m the first one? Starting the weekend? Of all of Complex Con? And, oh my god, am I so ready, to fucking set everyone’s mind ablaze, bro. I want everyone to be hype as fuck and get ready to fucking rage all weekend, get fucked up, and have an amazing time that you won’t remember.

Can you walk us through your creative process?

SGA: Yeah, so, definitely, see when it comes down to my creative process, it’s like, okay, I’m driving a four hour drive from Austin to Houston, like whatever, like I’m bouncing around, and it’s like all of a sudden [snaps] shit just hits me, out of nowhere, a concept, and I’ll quickly take out my phone, open my notes, write a concept, it’s like, this is the type of song I want to put together. [...] And then, uh, later I’ll go home and reflect on that, or maybe I’ll spend two months, like just living life, and then I’ll come back to that and be like damn, I really want to talk about that now. And then I’ll just go to writing, for hours on hours, days on days, and then when it finally comes down to a studio sesh, Imma get like five, six hours for that one song, and I’m gonna fully, uh, invest myself into making that song fucking incredible in the best way I can possibly make it. [...] When I get like in the studio it’s really all about like, we’re all gonna be there, you know my engineer, Matthew O’Neil, he’s a huge part of the creative process. Me and him, we really, we have a like, unspoken chemistry that we just... we don’t even need to talk about, it’s just laughable at this point. We bounce off of each other’s ideas like, like at the speed of light, it’s crazy. I’ll just be in the booth, I don’t have to exit for like eight hours, we just, we know what we’re talking about, we know what we want to do, and when it’s time to experiment, it’s like, I really let him show me, and like show me what we can do with pro tools and stuff like that. And I’ve taken the time to have studio sessions where I simply just learn about the plug-ins and like learn about shit I can try to experiment later, you know, and like sit on and think about. And I feel like that’s really important, I feel like a lot of people think they can just write a verse and a hook, go to a studio and record it and that’s it, but then it’s like, you realize you just made a very boring song, you know. And I feel like, my music, I try to have a different dynamic, a more exciting dynamic, it’s like, Imma keep the same core vibe the whole time, but I’m gonna keep you on your toes with what’s about to happen next, whether the beat’s gonna get chopped and screwed, fuckin Houston style, or like, shit, we’re gonna come in with a like a choir of like my voice, or I’m all of a sudden gonna hit a falsetto, that you have no idea I can even hit that range, and it’s like, it’s really, I really like surprising people and I feel like that’s why, all my releases, I’ve always released it like boom [snaps]. Surprise. Something completely different. And they’re like damn, like, people will be like, oh, make more RNB, make more—do something jazzy, do something trap. And I’m like alright, I’m gonna mesh it all together. I’m gonna get a jazz beat, I’m gonna sing it in RNB, but then my words are gonna be about the trap [laughter]. And then I’ll take that from like, real-life experience, like obviously my parents don’t know this but like I’ve been trappin for a minute. And like that’s how we gotta make a lot of shit happen. Because I can’t be working a 9-5 and think I’m gonna be fucking inspired to make some music that’s gonna touch people’s soul. I’m not gonna do that sitting behind a fucking counter, scanning barcodes. I’m gonna do that from being out, with my friends, experiencing life, experiencing adventures, taking trips and like, going, getting one-way tickets to fucking LA for Complex Con.

How do you stay centered? Because the life of an artist, it has so many ups and downs and unpredictabilities, what do you do to center yourself and just keep sane, and keep the team sane? SGA: Shit, man. [laughs.] When it comes to keeping the team sane, you gotta be more insane than everyone else combined. You have to be able to deal with your own demons and your own negative thoughts extremely well, by yourself, in order to take care of other people, I feel like. I feel like—and that also transitions to relationships. It’s like, I can’t take care... of another girl... if I’m not right with myself. And it’s like, if I’m not good, and if I’m not in a good mental state, and I can’t even get myself in control, if my girl is hurting or she’s going through some shit, how can I be there for her if I can’t be there for myself. So I feel like a lot of keeping the team sane is really just like me keeping my composure when shit get crazy, and when shit get wild, when like, things go south, whatever, I really like, you gotta be a leader sometimes, you gotta be like a red power ranger. [DJO laughs.] Like you got the whole team, you got the whole team, but like, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta have some guidance in there.

DJO: Just turned nineteen, so for you to already kinda be encompassing this leadership quality, and just being like hey, I’m grounded, I’m centered, and you know, because, I understand the team kinda feeds off that.

SGA: Honestly, it’s like, as much as it sucks, that like, cause like I fuckin, honestly, honest to God, like I fucking hate my childhood, but if it wasn’t for my childhood, and me and my sister just being, like, by ourselves, going through our shit, it really helped us mature a lot faster, and I feel like that’s why I didn’t fuck with a lot of people in high school, and even in middle school, because I just had, I’ve seen a whole fucked up world that these kids at the time hadn’t seen. And I was, like, different in the head, but like, you know, obviously, like, I wasn’t going to make a big deal about it, it was just, Ima just keep to myself and worry about myself and my fam and making sure my sister’s good, my momma’s good, my dad’s good, my friends are good. Everyone. You know.

DJO: If you feel comfortable sharing, like, what’s one of the most fucked up things you’ve seen. Or, the most fucked up thing you saw.

SGA: Shit. One of the most fucked up things I’ve seen, is... my uncle, coming home, one day, uh, to my grandparents' crib, and like, I got other uncles there, at the time, and like, they.... You know, they, they, they could be fiends back then and they would be fightin, over like crack, because one of them would be like selling crack or have crack and [takes a deep breath] they fuckin, they get fucked up, and then they fight each other over it and then my grandparents tried to get involved, get them out of it, and they’re like in their fucking late eighties, nineties, and, and then, my uncle, beat my grandmother.... [voice breaks] and my grandfather, you know, like..... right in front of me, and it’s like... when you’re that young, and [crying] you care about those people, that shit hits different. And that’s when I would, have to, realize I can’t do anything. And then uh... I’ve never talked about this [laughs weakly]. [A moment of quiet. His friend rubs his shoulder.]

DJO: I mean, we could stop if it’s getting a little bit too deep, man.

SGA [his voice is quiet. He’s still crying. His friend is still rubbing his shoulder.]: Nah, it’s cool, it’s just... it’s just hard to dig back. I try so hard to like.... not think about it, but... it’s tough. And like that uncle, he’s, you know, he’s rotting in jail [crying], and... you know, he’s my uncle, but... he’s made his choices, and so, you know? [Exhales.] He’s got to pay for that shit I guess, bro. Nonetheless, like.... just gotta keep moving forward. Keep doing what we’re doing.

L: You talked about earlier, a little bit, meditation on the plane and spirituality, that kind of stuff, do you think that’s something that’s helped you and translated into your music at all?

SGA: Yeah, just like I’ve said, you know my sister, you know, she lived through the same fucked up shit, and so she’s actually a fuckin professional yogi, like, instructor. And she’s very spiritual and she found her own way to cope with what she goes through, through her lane, and I found mine, and I feel like we really help each other as a [voice breaks] family, and it’s... and keep each other strong, and she really showed me how to [voice breaks] keep my sanity, and keep myself... together, even though I have so many regrets... growing up, but. [Takes a breath.] Yeah, on the plane I really just had to get in touch spiritually and realize that... I’m doing this all for a greater purpose, personally. And it’s like... I feel like the reason that I could give a fuck about fame or fortune is like why I try so hard. It’s cause like, it’s really, it’s really for everyone around me. [Crying.] And I got so much love for the people around me. Real talk. I’d kill—I’d kill for my people.

DJO: So let’s get on a little bit lighter note, why don’t we talk about the track we just played for the people [“Hol’ Up”]? What was the process going behind that track? I remember when we were in the living room, we were talking about how it was one of your favorite tracks to develop.

SGA: One of my favorite tracks I’ve ever made, man. Uh, this producer, out in like... uh, I think he’s Norwegian... hit me up, like, didn’t even know English, like, talking through google translate, and he’s like, yo, I heard your shit, and like, it’s crazy. Check it—I do old school rap beats, I don’t know if you’ll like it, but fuck with it. And so I’m like, dude, I love old school rap, and I’ve always wanted to go down that lane, it’s just no producers right now, that I can get in touch with, are doing it well. And he sent me this beat and I knew, like, the way it had me moving? With no lyrics? I just knew, like, if I felt that way about it, I-I don’t have to write shit. Ima go in there and Ima go off my vibe and how I feel and when people hear it they’re gonna feel what I’m feeling and feel how I was in the booth. And when I had booked that session, me and Matt were like, let’s fuck around, let’s just re-spark the inspiration, let’s get back into, like, our hard-core work ethic, and we get like a 10-hour studio session, and we just... get a couple beats, put them together, free-style for hours, and we had put together like a 16-minute long freestyle. And it’s like, between my closest friends—it was never released, but between my closest friends, they still tell me to this day, like, drop it. And I think, uh, it’ll be something that’ll go on Soundcloud like years from now, just as something to look back on. And uh, cause that was my way of just like furthering, learning more about myself and my voice, and trying to hit extremes, in a completely, like... when you’re just high as hell, and a beat will literally move every fucking nerve in your body and it will just come so naturally. And so after I had literally done that for hours, like eight hours, and I’m like, damn, like, I’m tired as hell, let’s just chill bro, I’ve got this nice-ass old-school beat, let’s throw it on. And so Matt throws it on, immediately he’s like—he loves old school rap—and he was like, yo, like, this is fire, go get in that booth. And I was like bet, let’s get it. And then uh, we honestly knocked it out in probably like 25 minutes flat. Like, no autotune, ran through that shit. I had one thing written, and it was “hol’ up, wait, let me go out to your estate.” And we just ... ran that hoe. And that, I feel like that’s why it was so amazing to me, cause I thought like, I was so exhausted and like done for the day, nothing would come out, and it’s like—I had made the best song to me that I had ever—it was the most rewarding song to me, honestly. I feel like it was just: the ad-libs were perfect, my melodies were perfect, the vibe was perfect, and to me—it made me happy. And if it’s like, it makes me happy? I know if I can get the exposure, and get it out to millions of people, a good portion of them will like it too. And that’s all I need, to like, you know, want to keep going.

Listen to the full interview here and check out “Hol’ Up” and other SpaceGodApollo tracks on Soundcloud and Spotify!

#spacegodapollo #space #music #apollo #ucla radio #soundcloud #new music #college radio #interview #student media

[silhouetted-beauty]

My BTS Concert Experiences!!🎇🎆

Hello fellow readers! I just wanted to shared my concert experiences as well as my favorite highlights of the night. I ended up going to both Chicago concerts (Oct. 02/03) and let me just say... IT WAS LIT!!! The boys really put on a show and all their hard work definitely was shown. FYI: This post will be LONG so I will install a ‘keep reading’ tab.

But anyways, let me start off saying how I was a nervous wreck knowing I was going both days because I didn’t know what to expect. This was my first BTS concert and I’ve been dying (not literally lol) to see them since 2015. I pretty much followed other people’s experiences from earlier tour dates and went off that and honestly, it didn’t help. It ended up kicking my anxiety into overdrive because lot of people were talking about post concert depression lol. In my mind, I was thinking, “holy shit! If they are THAT good live, would I even be able to walk out of the arena with a sane mind?!” To put it short, I was spooked. Even as I type this out, my hands are shaking lol. Oh! and excuse my crappy video footage, I was kinda zoned out watching them, people were knocking into me, and I was low key dancing lol

October 2nd...

-The Merchandise-

Thanks to my bf (you know who you are HOE!!!😂😂), she had bought us both tickets for this day as a birthday present to me. Since she bought tickets, I felt the least I could do was buy us merch. So I arrived that morning at the venue only to find the line for merchandise wrapped around two corners. So I began the dreadful task of waiting in line. Thankfully, I met two other girls who I quickly connected with and made the process, somehow, quicker. The line moved faster then I thought but as we gotten closer, we noticed items were selling out due to people buying bags of shit! The ‘Love Yourself’ shirts, both white and black, were the first to sell out. I was in shock because that was the shirt I was getting us so I had to call her up and decide on either another shirt or another item. Thankfully, none of the other merch I wanted sold out so I was able to purchase what we wanted without any problems. So in total, I was in line at 9:40 and didn’t leave until 12:50. My advice to anyone trying to get merch for a concert... order online! I believe it’s more convenient, especially if you may not have the time to wait in line. Preordering or ordering ahead of time is definitely less stressful.

-The Concert-

After I left merch met up with my best friend and we went back to my place to get ready. Lol I’m gonna be honest and say that even though I was going to see BTS, the main highlight of the day was my blue hair. I had recently dyed it and was ready to show it off. Thanks to her, I ended up wearing a pink dress, my black leather jacket, and black Killstar ‘vendetta’ boots, which I bought specifically for the concert for the next day. We kept cracking jokes because it looked like I was dressed to “kick somebody’s ass” (her words not mines😂😂).

So we get to the arena, paid for parking, then waited in line, which was pretty short. Our seats were in section 103 and we had the perfect view of the stage and audience. While we waited in our seats, my best friend turns to me and suggests we get some drinks lol (Note: I’m starting to believe that is the norm when we go to concerts). Hell! I was down for drinking but then I remembered how I didn’t eat all day so I was worried about getting drunk especially since we were drinking Bacardi rum. It wasn’t that I intentionally didn’t eat, I was just too hyped to do so. BONUS!! We both thought I’d be the one to cry since I’m the bigger fan than she is but guess what? Yo gurl held strong!😆 In fact, SHE was the one who cried and I’m never letting her forget it. Lmao! Anyways we were drinking, cracking jokes, sitting back and looking pretty while waiting on the show to start. And when it did... when it did... it was a fucking PARTY!!!!

We stood the entire time, and I basically sang/screamed my heart out. Made sure to capture her on video while ‘Singularity’ played because that is her shit lol (Great job, Tae!😘). They performed Setlist A (I believe) which was LIT. We danced to every song. I REALLY loved the vcr footages as they changed for the next song. It was really unique and some were playful, sexy, and bold. But as the concert came to an end, each member said a solo goodbye. All of them were nice especially considering how they tried to speak English to the best of their ability. What they couldn’t say, they spoke in Korean and the translator did a great job relaying the message. The speech I remembered the most was Yoongi’s because I low key feel like he tried to go in on us. Like tried to straight clown us lol. Here’s what I mean...

Yoongi: “I have one question.”

Us: *screams* “yes” or “what”

Yoongi: “this is Chicago. The Windy City, right?”

At this point, I’m thinking what is he getting at?

Us: “Yes.”

Yoongi: “Then why is it so hot?”

...

...

...

My reaction:

Anyways, It was so beautiful! Seeing all of the lights from the lightsticks and seeing people bond together; no wonder the boys get all teary eyed at each concert. It really is a beautiful sight. Later on, we left the arena at around 11:00, kinda danced to the street drummers before headed back to the car. As we drove away, I felt this overwhelming sense of calming sadness. You know, when you go out and have fun, literally the time of your life, you don’t want that feeling to end but you know it has to. It felt weird and we ended up having like this deep conversation, it was mostly me rambling lol.

October 3rd...

-Earlier in the day-

I woke up, quickly showered and got dressed because I knew I was going to be at the arena all day because I had GA standing...

Quick note, I did give my Uber driver a lesson on BTS and his reactions were priceless especially when I informed him of all their hard work and achievements. It was full of “shit!”’s And “aw damn!”’s Because he couldn’t believe it lol. The more I thought about it, the more I smiled to myself. I felt proud for stanning such an amazing group.😭😭

Anyways, I made it back up to the arena at around 9:40 and this time I had to stand in the GA line, which also wrapped around two corners. Fucking A!!!! It didn’t seem like it was that many people and I guess my number would be between 500-700 but I was hella wrong because I was number 1,019 in line by the time I got my wristband. Lmao! FUCK!

I was supposed to meet up with people I had met the previous day but didn’t and it was all good because I met people not only in line but also once I gotten my wristband. Shoutout to y’all! ✌🏾✌🏾

Crazy enough, there was someone in line who gave away two extra GA tickets for free! I should have taken it and gave it away to one of the girls I met who didn’t have a ticket. (My first regret of the day).

While waiting until lineup time, which was at 4, I hung out with two other girls who were really sweet and kind, SUPER funny, and multi fandom. They shared concert experiences and are even planning on traveling to New York for their final U.S tour date. If one of you see this post, HAVE FUN, GURLS! I HOPED Y’ALL TURNED THE FUCK UP!!! ✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾

The weather was beautiful. It was around 86/87 and the WIND WAS BLOWING! WHERE THE FUCK WHERE YOU, MIN YOONGI?! WAS IT STILL HOT THEN?! (Actually it was but at least we had a breeze, which technically was blowing everyone and everything away lmao.)

We even spotted video crew, interviewing fans about an upcoming “documentary”. 😏🤫 I have my own theory as to what this footage is going to be used for and I’m gonna wait until it drops to prove it. Word on the street, they were asking the arena staff members for more people to interview.😁

I met a lot of people and it brought me so much joy hearing how excited they were especially if it was their first time seeing them. I ended up waiting inside the arena while charging a friend’s phone and we heard BTS rehearsing! We assumed it was soundcheck but it wasn’t because the soundcheck line was still outside so that was a bonus. We even kept spotting BTS crew members walking in and out of the area where they were singing😫.

-The Concert-

When the time came, I had to get back in line in the order of the wristband to enter inside the arena. Idk if this applies at future concerts but if you get a large number, don’t assume you will get in line to enter the arena early. Security was strict to tell people to either get in their numerical spots or go to the end of the line. I was told this was because of the Wings Concert lineup was a mess last year so they’re trying to be fair and restore order. We lined up at about 4/4:30 but the doors didn’t open until 5:30 (at least for us, i think). We all tried to keep ourselves busy while we waited and everyone at least got some free shit in the process. Someone handed me Hoseok photo cards of him and his hands.😁

I had my boots in hand because I wasn’t gonna put those bad boys on and have my feet hurting all day (good thing too because I didn’t get into the arena until 6:40). In fact, I planned on putting them on just before going inside because I wanted to annoy security and set off the metal detectors like I did the previous day. It brought my trifling ass great joy watching three officers trying to figure out what it was until I told them it was the boots, thus them giving me the name “boots”. Lmao!

They scanned my ticket, gave me another wristband, and I entered into the arena listening to thousands of fans scream and cheer for our boys. It was really a sight. Turns out, despite my number being so high, I was still pretty close to the end of the stage. But the bad part was that, while standing there, my feet were starting to hurt. On top of that, people started fainting left and right and the concert didn’t even start. I was beginning to worry because being in GA isn’t ideal as people think. You are jam packed in a crowd. It’s hot, people are screaming, some are angry, you will get shoved and pushed around; all while trying to get closer to stage.

But once the lights went out and the opening started, everything turned around. Some of my time was spent trying to free up storage on my phone which I hated😤😤. My phone made my videos appear farther than what it actually was. Thanks Apple.

OH! Let me just warn you guys! Even though we watch them on our phones, televisions, and computers; nothing compares to seeing them up close and personal. I was shock to how close I was to them and couldn’t help up stare up at them with my mouth open. THEY ARE BREATHTAKING!! But the two members who really caught my eye were Namjoon and Hoseok! FUCK! They look 1000 times better in person. I couldn’t even think for a period of time. I kinda zoned out lol. Yoongi mostly stayed over by our side of the stage with his fine ass which was fine by me and Tae, Jungkook, Jimin and Jin!... my god! They all look so good!😩😩😩

You know, I’m not a fan of musicians jumping into the crowd of audience members. But after that night, I was counting on them to. Lmao! In fact, I’m disappointed that they didn’t.🤣😂🤣😂 jk... maybe😏

The boys performed effortlessly and PUT ON A SHOW (*hinting at all the other fan videos lol*). The solos, rap line, and vocal line performances were, hands down, memorable. I loved for Trivia: Love, Namjoon brought the other members back out to dance with him.😍😍 This time go round, they performed Setlist B! So you know what this means?! They performed bapsae and YALL KNOW I HAD TO GET IT ON VIDEO!!!!

And of course, the moment everyone dreaded... the ending.

*Sigh* it was an amazing experience overall and I was glad I was able to experience it. It gave me insight on what to do differently and plan for next time; and they did said that they would come back next year and I plan on holding them to that lol.

Message to the boys:

I want to say thank you. Thank you for being who you are and being open to sharing a part of your life with us. I know being an idol, especially international superstars, is difficult at times but you guys never complain. In fact, you push through and your determination is front and center. Even while you performed both days, I couldn’t help but take the time to look around at all the people you’ve brought together. People from all walks of life, different cultural backgrounds, people of different age groups; all brought together because of you. Together we are here to support you! “We are the same.” Thank you! And thank you for the experience! I am thankful and grateful I was able to see the love a group shares with their fandom. Keep up the great work and I look forward to your return and seeing you all again. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💜💜💜💜

[lightsandlostbells]

Druck episode 9-10 reaction

If they don’t renew this show I’m going to boycott Germany. 

a huge thank you to everyone who translated Druck and made the clips accessible to the international viewers! I know it was a lot of work and the geoblock was a pain. I really appreciate the continued effort.

Episode 9

Clip 1 - Hanna comes for Matteo

Jonas is really closed-off in their conversation; he’s not that warm to Hanna, which is kind of interesting since I’d say the other Jonases were a little less frosty in this scene. Especially because German Jonas and Hanna have such strong chemistry. But I get why he’d still be upset, I think less time has passed since he and Hanna had the talk about him not understanding her? He hasn’t had much time to work through it so he still seems really wounded.

Clip 2 - Hanna and Jule

Hanna appropriately has a “stronger together” shirt for a scene in which girls commiserate over how boys are such dicks.

Jule and Hanna’s conversation didn’t really have the meat to it from their previous interaction to set up how friendly Jule is here, I would’ve preferred a little more hesitation and maybe an apology from Jule. A little initial awkwardness just to acknowledge that they didn’t leave off on a cozy note.

I do love the initiative Hanna is taking and that she’s the one to extend the invitation/olive branch to Jule. It’s a nice mark of maturity. We’ve seen some scenes of her gradually gaining confidence and being proactive so we can chart how her character is slowly but surely moving forward.

Clip 3 - Fight on the stairs

I dig this artsy paint-splattered stairwell. I felt like it also made the scene a little more tense and awkward (in a tonally appropriate way) - instead of them running into each other in a warmly lit stairwell or hallways with lots of light shining through the windows, they’re in a closed space (very awkward) with cool coloring and no sunlight. There really is no way to avoid this conversation once they run into each other, and there’s still ice between them, unlike with Eva and Jonas where you could tell they did enjoy seeing each other despite the awkwardness.

Nice details are added to Matteo’s family story, that the dad wanted him to come along but Matteo chose to stay behind and take care of his mom. Oh baby :(

Jonas got rougher with Samuel than I expected, like he seems dead inside talking to Hanna but he came alive to slam Samuel up against that bar.

To be fair, Samuel was kinda asking for trouble with that comment, which was unprompted and meant to provoke. You guys are also in a tight enclosed space, you can’t really avoid each other. 

And Jonas doesn’t tear away from her grip, he firmly removes her hands. He is not happy with her at all.

Lmao, these random students staring at Hanna. She was just a bystander to that male aggression, yo.

Clip 4 - Drink your way out of obligations

Is it just me or did Sam’s hair get even bluer? Or is she just that radiant?

Nice that Mia acknowledged that Kiki behaved poorly even while expressing that they should include her. Because yeah, I feel bad for all the Vildes/Kikis knowing what they’re going through, but they also were nasty to their friends.

L O L Sam’s brilliant plan to get out of supervising the party - get drunk, get fired, go to the party. That’s kind of amazing. And they’re all like sure, we’ll roll with it.

Good that Amira mentions that Leonie and Sara called Kiki a slut previously and there’s a bit of a challenge between her and Kiki. Not a great look that Kiki wanted to disregard that incident at least in front of Amira, her defender.

You know, Kiki is one of the bigger jerks of the Vildes, but … I still kinda like her, I’m sorry! It’s not that she’s a great person, it’s that the way she’s acted and written feels very realistic. She feels like a clear social climber/popularity seeker but is messy enough to alienate people. Compared to the way that say, Kelsey is portrayed in Skam Austin, she’s also a jerk, but the depiction often veers into something cartoonish and broad - like a definite TV character. Kiki feels like a ton of people I’ve known in real life.

Sam is drawing an alien in her notebook to illustrate how her pal Kiki has gone to space. She also appears to have doodled a flower and a unicorn.

Clip 5 - Karaoke emotions

Okay, now THIS karaoke scene is exactly what I wanted from karaoke in S4 of OG Skam. Lovable scamps wailing their hearts out to beloved pop tunes.

Sam doing Wannabe by the Spice Girls!!! I'm not imagining that she dressed and styled her hair like Scary Spice, right?

YES AMIRA “DA QUEEN” IS NEXT! Dedicating it to her favorite Germans! Everyone cheering Amira :D :D :D Amira doing Rolling in the Deep!!!! We are blessed.

Are they all wearing pussy hats? Also love Hanna and Mia’s blatantly feminist shirts. Truly a ladies’ night.

It’s hilarious that Carlo and the other dude (do we know him?) are wearing matching pussy hats. Honestly from what I remember of him way back in the Dark Ages of March/April, he didn’t seem like a terrible dude. A bit obnoxious, but not rude or bad on Elias levels.

The Hanna and Matteo confrontation? My soul will never be ready.

Oh man, Matteo openly acknowledges his mom is going insane. There’s no feigned attempt to keep an optimistic attitude about his parental situation like with Isak. And he’s not putting in any effort to seem cheered up, except for having a drink.

Hanna doesn’t even toy with her food before eating it, she just lays it out for Matteo and confronts him directly about telling Jule.

And he looks so sad and depressed when she asks the reason. Worth noting that he doesn’t directly confirm her hypothesis that he has a crush on her, he just looks downcast and awkward.

He looks honestly near tears when he asks her how she couldn’t get it. Because as we know, he’s not really talking about him liking Hanna, he wants to know how she couldn’t understand his BLATANTLY OBVIOUS crush on Jonas. 

A drunk Kiki appears! Does she have a tattoo on her arm??

And she gives Matteo a hug … have they met before? Lmao.

Kiki staggering in just in time to steal Amira’s spotlight, scream a thematically appropriate song about how she and Alexander could have had it all, and then collapse is the most Kiki-ish thing I can think of. Yeah, that’s exactly how it would go.

Also I thought “we could have had it alllll” could apply to Amira and Kiki’s relationship , heh. Especially because it ends up getting downgraded a lot from Sana and Vilde’s relationship? It was so important that Sana was the one carrying Vilde and sticking her fingers down her throat and letting her puke down her front, and that their relationship in particular was affirmed. 

They just dragged Kiki to the nearest toilet and had her puke on some dude’s shoes (that’s Matteo’s friend, right?) which I will admit, more practical than carrying her like a romance novel heroine as a divine hymn plays.

Wow, so it’s just Mia tending to Kiki and we don’t get the girls all lying in bed together. On the one hand that’s a little disappointing; it’s one of the most iconic scenes of S1 and probably the whole show, and it’s a moment that really solidified the girl squad as a ride or die group of friends. But I also like them to try new things and not just redo big successful moments from the original show. I did like seeing Mia go through all these little steps of tending to Kiki, getting her dressed, sending a text to her mom. 

Pretty big difference that it’s Mia and not Amira taking care of her, though; as mentioned above, the Amira-Kiki relationship is downplayed. Not super keen on that because Kiki was quite nasty to Amira and visibly hurt her feelings on several occasions, such as the bus stop incident and the disastrous group meeting. Sana was better at adopting a harder attitude and not letting the hurt show. But then again, Kiki is the one who really needs to grovel, not Amira.

Also ...HUGE break in POV since Hanna isn’t there but lol I’ve accepted it’s a losing battle even if I’m still not super fond of it. You win, less-than-tight third person POV. I surrender.

Mia has a text from Alexander, because what is truly desirable in a man you have rejected is him texting you about changing your mind close to midnight while you take care of your friend who he fucked and then ghosted passed out beside you in bed.

JONAS PLAYING THE GUITAR AND SINGING FOR MATTEO WOW WOW

while wearing a pussy hat lmao, BEST REMAKE JONAS

I’m sure Matteo loved Jonas playing and singing a song dedicated to him, only for Jonas to slow down and get more serious once Hanna entered. Not to mention shifting that eye contact from him to Hanna.

Lovely scene of Hanna and Jonas, I’m a broken record but they have SUCH good chemistry. They just seem so into each other, and overall I would say they felt so much that they liked each other.

NOOOOOO don’t break up! Please!

Episode 10

Clip 1 - Honas and Janna

Honas and Janna fucking ADORABLE.Them snuggling… you’re hurting me, Druck.

He took her nose! Goddamn!!!

I love all this backstory and delving into the beginning of their relationship. This honest conversation that takes its time and really lets them talk ... what Skam does at its best, man.

Jonas looks so heartbroken in this flash forward where he’s holding onto Hanna.

And that painfully raw moment where he asks if she regrets choosing him and the answer is an unspoken yes, owwww

All this emotional soul-baring, such as Hanna talking about how once she got with Jonas, she was only happy when she was with him, and dependent on him for happiness. And that she became paranoid Jonas would cheat on her and thought she deserved to get hurt. And that she changed her personality so he would like her and wouldn’t have a reason to leave her. Really happy how plainly Hanna stated the truths, even the raw and uncomfortable ones.

I know they just laid out all the reasons Hanna should be on her own and they should break up, but I don't want them tooooooooo

The way they hold each other and cry and draw it out for so long because they don’t want it to end!

“I still got your nose.” “You can keep it.” FUCK YOU, DRUCK!!!!!

You realize that we need this show to run for many more seasons and eventually Jonas will casually mention to Hanna that he’s still got her nose and she says, “I hope you’re taking care of it.”

And then one day he gives her a fake nose like on one of those Groucho Marx masks and she puts it on and IDK, this is all a buildup to them kissing again.

Hanna as an independent woman, wearing her Femme Future shirt. Nice.

They’re honestly up there with original Eva and Jonas for me. Round of applause for the director and actors for making this couple as likable and believable as they are.

Clip 2 - Mia and Kiki in the mooooorning

Oh jeez, this is a TOTAL break from the POV, I wonder what the logic behind it was?

I guess they're setting up S2. Or who knows, maybe there were scheduling conflicts with the actors and they couldn’t have everyone together.

Seriously, what’s Kiki’s tattoo? I’m sure it’s just because the actress happens to have one.

Kiki saying she wants to die, oh no. She looks miserable.

Although how dare you show Mia’s flat but not her roommates.

Clip 3 - Doctor visit

So only Mia went with Kiki? They’ve really downplayed her relationship with Amira, and the other girls as well. I mean in a way, it’s nice it’s just the two of them, and I presume Mia will keep this incident a secret. I hope this will affect their S2 dynamic a little.

I got so hyped for this scene, though. I adore this doctor.

Did she tell her she was pregnant at first just to mess with her??? Omg. 

I doubt that’s the most professional approach but who cares, my love

Mia saying that the pregnancy was “Unplanned of course, she’s 17” and the doc mentioning the 5-year-olds in Peru or Chile who gave birth … I mean, 5-year-olds who get pregnant are the victims of rape, so hardly planned.

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away” but I want to see more of you! Can the whole cast just get like incredibly sick and have a reason to stop by?

Not only did she have an apple, she gave Mia a banana too, lmao! She just keeps fruit in her office for wayward teenagers not getting the proper nutrition.

We need this show to get to S3 so I can see this doc talking to Matteo.

Clip 4 - Mia giving Kiki the talk

I guess Hanna told Mia about hearing Kiki puke at school.

This is pretty direct referencing to Kiki’s ED when I think it’s been more or less implied before, in other versions. I mean it’s pretty obvious, it’s just not spelled out quite this much.

There’s also a more direct reference to Mia also having an eating disorder … “I know exactly how you feel.” That’s very pointed. Noora having an eating disorder was understated and mostly subtext in a lot of ways.

Again, a shame that Kiki and Amira’s relationship was downplayed, but hopefully the focus on Mia and Kiki in these scenes will add more to S2.

Clip 5 - Hero party

This was just a heartwarming clip so don’t expect commentary other than 😍😍😍.

Hanna and Mia and Amira just hanging out!!!!

Amira eating during Ramadan, though... the remakes are really bad at remembering this. (I’m not Muslim so if I’ve made a mistake in understanding when she can/can’t eat, let me know. And I do know that she can eat during her period, it’s more like in the absence of other acknowledgment of Ramadan, I tend to think it was an oversight.)

Amira giving Hanna a hug and telling her she’s strong … GOSH. Although she calls Hanna out on the similarities between what she did with Leonie and what Matteo did to Hanna, which I mean ... fair.

Amira encouraging Hanna to talk to Matteo .... I know this is for Hanna’s benefit, not Matteo’s, but man, I can’t wait for Amira and Matteo friendship. They’re both vulnerable kids with lots of buried feelings.

Oh my God, them putting on their security uniforms and being ADORABLE, ahhhhh! We get another slow motion power walk on the way to the party, Druck gets the essence of Skam.

Of course the power walk was just to lead up to them standing/sitting outside awkwardly.

Are they for real going to get drunk to avoid their responsibilities? Maybe not the best life choice, but in this situation, sure, why not.

Amira getting “high on Allah” was precious. GIVE ME S4 ALREADY.

Mia is drinking, which is quite a character divergence from Noora. 

Was that a peace offering of beer from Leonie? Love it. 

OH GOD JONAS AND MATTEO AND THAT OTHER DUDE ROLLING UP IN A CART

Sam is so magnificent. Her hair is a beautiful blue tower!! 

And she and her brother are too cute! She brought him and his Bass Bus to liven up the night!

SHE TOLD HIM TO DRIVE INSIDE. THE BEEEEST

Matteo and Hanna <3333 She said she realized she’d done as wrong to her friends, and she asks if they can stay friends. It seems like a really genuine moment, guys. I wouldn’t blame her for keeping him on her shit list for a time but it feels like they might not drift quite as much as Eva and Isak did, since there’s maybe a bit more comfort between them here.

Mia says she’s worried that Kiki is drinking too much again and that’s why she’s not there, suggesting that she hasn’t told Alexander to apologize to her and that’s not the reason she wants to call her.

OH GOD THIS AMAZING ADAPTATION OF THE “FUCK, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL” MOMENT

Mia tells Alex he’s creepy for that whole “no means I want you more” thing. She tells him it was blackmail to pressure her for just one date and then he’ll leave her alone. He tries the “fuck, you’re beautful line on her” and she turns around to make out with Hanna. Then she calls him a massive asshole and tells him she’s not her type, wink wink. She and Hanna walk away laughing.

This is the best remake, guys.

ALSO LET’S TALK ABOUT THAT HANNA AND MIA SMOOCH, A REMAKE FINALLY GAVE ME NOOREVA

On a more serious note, there’s absolutely reason to be concerned this is just queerbaiting. I doubt Hanna and Mia are going to be a couple, Mia and Alex are almost certainly going to have a romance arc, and the whole “two girls kissing in a bar so a boy can witness” is definitely enough to give off “barsexuality” vibes and make it seem like just a gimmick.

However, the production team has confirmed that Mia is bi, so hopefully that will be acknowledged in the show itself (other than “I don’t like labels” which is not actually an admission of bisexuality, and tbh which suggests that she won’t call herself bi on the show). But even if she doesn’t want to label herself, there are ways to address her interest in women and incorporate it into the story. And I hope to God they don’t make Alexander all “girls kissing is hot” or trying to pursue Mia even though she’s indicated she’s a lesbian (even if she’s really bi, her comment to him suggests she’s a lesbian), because that character does NOT need another reason to make me dislike him.

For real, Alexander better leave her alone after this, because Mia has told him she is not only not him, but not into dudes, and whether that’s true or not, he needs to accept it as truth. If they get together Mia has to make the first step in pursuing him.

Damn, this this makes me want to go back and rewatch S1 through shipper-tinted goggles. So was Mia really trying to hit on Hanna at the bar? I don’t know if that’s what they meant but I’m declaring it canon in my mind.

Plot twist: Toilet Sam pats Alexander on the shoulder here as foreshadowing for their upcoming love affair, Mia will be free to get together with a nice girl in S2.

Another plot twist: That awkward yet smoldering Jonas/Toilet Sam eye contact.

You know, if Alexander apologized to Kiki without any incentive - if Mia’s like “I’m gay” and then Alexander apologizes to Kiki anyway - then that makes me approve of him more, since he doesn’t think Mia is an option now. Unless he’s thinking, “Well, time to convert the lesbian!” But otherwise - a MAJOR step in improving Winterberg.

Kiki got a little sarcastic with Alexander, too. ”Wow, you know my name?: GOOD FOR HER. 

Group hug! I still feel that the girl squad is a little disjointed, mainly on the Kiki angle, but that’s to be expected.

Mia giving Kiki a slice of pizza … very nice to work that in, nice. And Alexander apologized so that may have something to do with it, that her image-related insecurities stemming from his comment have been soothed.

Also, props to Mia for waiting until the other girls left to bring up Matteo’s gay porn to Hanna.

L M A O it only took Hanna 10 episodes to realize Matteo’s deeply gay looks and feelings for Jonas. That’s impressive because of all the m/m Isak/Jonas pairs, Matteo was by farrrrr the most transparent about his 😍😍😍😍😍 

Speaking of, excellent smitten look Matteo gives Jonas there. Some of the remakes have been toning down the 😍😍😍😍😍 but no, Matteo is bringing it.

Awww, the cast dancing during the credits <3 <3 <3 Was this from their audition tapes or something?

General Comments:

This is my favorite remake. My ass will be so bitter if Druck out of all of them doesn’t get renewed. It’s the one that most captures the spirit of the original, has an age-appropriate and charming cast for the most part, great chemistry between the characters, and did a decent job of adapting the storyline while giving the story its own personality.

Moreover, Druck really captures the vulnerability of the characters, which is essential to Skam’s storytelling. A Matteo or Amira season really excites me because those actors have already displayed capacity for fragility in this season, and I think they could do decent jobs in their own seasons. 

Plus, Jonas would be SO amazing in a Matteo season! If I already loved him in S1, when he’s at his worst, imagine how awesome he’ll be supporting Matteo during his coming out process! 

Give me that Amira and Matteo friendship. Or Amira falling in love, jeeeeeeez. Matteo falling for a boy who can match him in longing stares.

I’ve had some reservations about Mia’s acting but she has honestly grown a lot on me as a character, I like how she’s written, and so frankly? Even S2 kinda has me excited. My personal feelings about the central relationship aside, Druck deserves a chance to have its S2 as much as any of the others.

IDK, it’s kinda frustrating that the geoblock and random production issues seem to have cut off a lot of the potential fanbase, so I hope the show gets another chance, and that they fix whatever lingering issues. 

They definitely could do better with social media output and overall keeping the interest in the show flowing between clips.

Anyway, for the most part, I actually enjoyed Druck S1 quite a bit, and I truly hope I get to see more of these characters. 

I don’t speak German, so if I missed some context, feel free to correct me.

If you got this far, thank you for reading! 

#druck reactions #this is a week late bc i got busy with life stuff #but i enjoyed these last clips so much that i did want to write something

[hyyunjinn]

get to know me tag 

anD TAGGED BY THE TALENTED EM @realstraykids YO iLY

rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people no one because I don’t want to to be tagged.

🌙 LAST Drink: water Text Message:  “also who’s your bt21 bias LMAO MINE IS CHIMMY BUT SHOOKY IS WRECKING ME GAHAHAHHAHA i said this out of nowehrre and thiught it was pretty funny” - me to my cousin who is crying abt svt  Phone Call: uhh my friends were struggling with tying a tie and I just left them to photograph other friends in my leadership class and was like “call me when they figure it out so we can practice” when i was probably only 100 ft away lmao Song you listened to: "thanks” bY SAY THE NAME SEVENTEEN Time you cried: pfft yesterday because for some reason I was feeling really depressed about everything :’)

🌙 HAVE YOU EVER Dated someone twice: nopE WHAT IS “DATING” Kissed someone and regretted it: nope Lost someone special: no  Been depressed: yes Been drunk and thrown up: no

🌙 IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU Made a new friend: yEE Fallen out of love: um maybe? idk tbh  Met someone who changed you: yeah Found out who your true friends are: um, I’m not quite sure? I thought we were and I’m hoping this is just a dry spell because of life but  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ like we’re still really close but hmmmM Found out someone was talking about you: nah i’m too boring :) unlessyoucountthestraykidznetchat

🌙GENERAL

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: 8? my cousin who got me into tumblr, my younger sister who recently got one, 2 other cousins, and 4 friends. i think i know a couple more classmates having one but i could care less lmao and i’d rather they not know about mine Do you have any pets?: no  Do you want to change your name?: not really? like my legal name isn’t cecilia and it would make it so much nicer if it is, but I really like my viet name so What time did you wake up this morning: 7:06am (like really woke up. i woke up at 5:30 for like 20 minutes lol) What were you doing last night: tRYING to do psych notes but I ended up giffing hyunjin and then going to sleep lol Something you cannot wait for: GRADUATION AND GETTING OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL AUGUUHHHHHH Have you ever talked to a person named tom?: don’t think so What’s getting on your nerves right now: school >:( Blood type: I actually don’t know but my mom says it’s probably A laskjdflasdf Nickname: kn, cici/cc, chi  Relationship status: single Zodiac sign: libra Pronouns: she/her Favorite show: uhhhh i don’t really watch shows and I’d automatically say Pokemon when it’s not, but a couple of my favorites are: Austin & Ally, Miraculous Ladybug, Strong Woman Do Bong Soon College: not in college yet but I got accepted to 1/4 schools i applied too :’) Hair colour: dark brown that looks red in the sunlight ohohoho people think i dyed it but it’s been like that since forever haha Do you have a crush on someone: ifyoucounthyunjinwhoops  What do you like about yourself: uhhh--hard question because i don’t really like myself. my smile? that I’m blunt? I learn quickly? 

🌙 FIRSTS

First surgery: never had one First piercing: DON’T HAVE ONE HAHAHHA i’m too scared First sport you joined: okay, I joined cross country in fifth grade bUT I CAN’T FKN RUN TO SAVE MY LIFE SO LIKE LKAFJSDLAFD WOW REGRETS i hate sports First vacation: honestly I don’t know; my family doesn’t really go anywhere First pair of sneakers: I just remember that it was blue and I learned how to tie my shoelaces with them and I wore them so much it was hella beat up

🌙 RIGHT NOW Eating: i had boba around 3--does that count as food? i guess crab chips tho I’m about to: probably eat dinner haha Listening to: my sister singing “dumb ways to die” Want kids: probably Get married: probably Career: I hope I can work in the film industry in the future alskdfjsd especially for directing or at least editing

🌙 WHICH IS BETTER Lips or eyes: eyes smiles Hugs or kisses: uM I’M SORTA AWK WHEN IT COMES TO PHYSICAL CONTACT SO TBH IDK--kisses? Shorter or taller: shorter Troublemaker or hesitant: trOUBLEMAKERRR Older or younger: tbh, probably same age  Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous!!!! Sensitive or loud: uH both.  Hookup or relationship: relationship

🌙 HAVE YOU EVER Kissed a stranger: no Drank hard liquor: no but i tried beer when i was younger and it’s gr O S S  Lost contacts/glasses: UGH YEAH BC I’M BLIND WITHOUT THEM AND SOMETIMES MY YOUNGER SISTER HIDES IT Sex on first date: no Broken someone’s heart: no  Been arrested: no Turned someone down: no

🌙 DO YOU BELIEVE In yourself: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Miracles: yea! Love at first sight: i used to but not really any more

#i'm a boring person AY #i haven't experienced most of these :)) #tag game

[lillysleepilystudying]

92 Questions Tag

tagged by: @court-ships (now @bujo-ie )

LAST: 1. drink: probs water (tbh i dont like water much but you gotta sTaY hyDrATed) 2. phone call: i ran out of credit ages ago and haven’t bothered to recharge it so i haven’t called anybody recently, but mum has called me, so i guess that counts. (actually thinking about it i can’t remember the last time i called someone) 3. text message: to my best bud (cause i was wallowing in the depths of despair for like 3 weeks cause i felt like she was ignoring me so i finally got the courage to text her about it last night :) i think we’re going to be good) 4. song you listened to: K I’M LISTENING TO TEAM BY LORDE RIGHT NOW AND I LOVE IT FOREVER AND ALWAYS  5. time you cried: tbh like last weekend (see point number 3)

HAVE YOU: 6. dated someone twice: nope 7. kissed someone and regretted it: never kissed anybod 8. been cheated on: nup, thankfully 9. lost someone special: i have lost relatives but i never really knew them? i have lost quite a few pets tho :/ 10. been depressed: not ‘officialy’ but past couple weeks have been bad (once again, see point 3) 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: never been drunk, only ever had small sips of alcohol (i’m way to young)

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: ohh so hard i don’t really have a fav, but i guess all blues (with and emphasis on teal) and like nearly all pastel colours.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. made new friends: yeah, but not like super close 16. fallen out of love: nah 17. laughed until you cried: maybe, but not very much 18. found out someone was talking about you: i don’t know? like this one isn’t very clear 19. met someone who changed you: sort of, i became closer to best bud, who i guess has changed me a bit 20. found out who your friends are: yes, but like also no? one of my few good friends left (for england of all places, but she is coming back), another’s moving schools, and once again see point 3 for other friend 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: no lol i don’t even have facebook

GENERAL: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: see point 21 23. do you have any pets: YESS SO MANY a dog, two cats, like 8 horses (only one’s mine tho), 3 ducks (one i’ve had since i was like 4), around ten chickens... yeah i kind of live on a farm without all the big herds (also a lot lot smaller than a farm lol). fun fact: we used to have like 7 peacocks, they’re actually the coolest birds to have around. 24. do you want to change your name: no way, i actually quite like mine :) 25. what did you do for your last birthday: pool partay! tbh i went way overboard with the decorations, i spent hours making little paper flowers for everyone (they looked pretty cool, actually) 26. what time did you wake up: probs like 6;30, but stayed half asleep until 8:20 (shhh it’s a sunday i can do what ever i want 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: sleepinggg (sadly without my radio on bc mum wanted me to ‘try sleeping without music’ mum how i can i i need it ON 28. name something you can’t wait for: DOCTOR WHO CHRISTMAS SPECIAL #BILLISBACK GET PUMPED!! also PINOF 9 and halloween baking videos from dan and phil, also, any album coming out from any of my favourite artists for the next like 104585 years. ALSO I’M GOING TO MONGOLIA IN LIKE 2 WEEKS HOW DID I FORGET THAT 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: like half an hour ago we were running about in the rain putting the horses back in their yards 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: world peace, there are too many people (and animals) that are a victim of unhappiness they will never deserve

31. what are you listening to right now: A WORLD ALONE AKA THAT LORDE SONG THAT I RELATE TO ON AN OTHERWORLDLY LEVEL 32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeah, there’s one in my grade and he speaks fluent french (at least he did last time i checked which was like 2 years ago) 33. something that is getting on your nerves: tbh like all homework ever, plus this giant self-directed project we’re doing this year, it’s the most stressful thing ever. also, once again see point 3 34. most visited websites: umm i guess youtube, school’s home page, tumblr (although i’m mainly on mobile for that and that’s an app) reddit and ao3 (one my phone)

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. mole/s: nah not really 36. mark/s: nah, but i got beeg stretch marks on the sides of my hips bc i am gROWING FAST 37. childhood dream: i think a vet or zookepper. also i really wanted to publish a book that said ‘new york times bestseller’ on the front bc that’s what all my favs said on them (tbh i still dream of this) 38. hair color: blonde ayyy (but it’s getting darker underneath) 39. long or short hair: i guess medium - long (little below my shoulder blades) 40. do you have a crush on someone: not really i haven’t had one in literal years unless you count that time i sorta thought i had one one on my best friend even though im 98% sure i’m straight 41. what do you like about yourself: my creativity, like i’ve learnt not to say ‘oh i’m horrible at art/writing’ when i’m actually not that bad. also, i’m a total weirdo 42. piercings: confession: i don’t even have my ears pierced yet?? like, i do want them pierced, but i literally can’t be bothered atm lol 43. blood type: idk, although i did get a blood test like last monday, so i should know soon 44. nickname: i don’t really have any (there’s not much you can do with ‘lilly’) although i have one friend who calls me lilpil. 45. relationship status: single and probably staying that way for a while :) 46. zodiac: capricorn (but i don’t bother with zodiacs bc i am NOTHING like a capricorn) 47. pronouns: she/her

48. favorite TV Show: OMG I HAVE SO MANY BUT I’M A FRIGGIN HUGE DOCTOR WHO AND SHERLOCK FAN COME SCREAM ABOUT THEM TO ME also if you ship johnlock that’s even better!! 49. tattoos: none 50. right or left hand: right handed 51. surgery: nope 52. hair dyed in different color: never done, probably never going to (i change my mind ALOT) 53. sport: tbh i hate sport but i do horse riding and with school i do sailing and hockey (bc a summer and winter sport is compulsory)  55. vacation: OK LIKE I SAID I’M GOING TO MONGOLIA AND I CAN’T GIVE AWAY TOO MUCH BUT I DID HAVE TO APPLY TO GET IN AND I’M RAZZED 56. pair of trainers: i’m not to particular, i just have shoes for sport (alTHOUGH, i do have an awesome pair of white sneakers with a bit of gold round the back)

MORE GENERAL:

57. eating: it’s father’s day and we had a GIANT breakfast and lunch so i don’t know if i’m even having dinner 58. drinking: i could KILL for a milo right now (it’s like, my version of tea or coffee) but parents have stopped buying it because ‘there’s too much sugar’ TIM I DON’T CARE I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT 59. i’m about to: idk i need to practice guitar, work on my bujo (bc i’m super behind), keep writing my fic, and i guess other general stuff 61. waiting for: nothing really, it’s sunday night so i’m sad bc it’s monday tomorrow 62. want: lots of things (who don’t amirite) but one is getting my bedroom walls gyprocked and painted (they’re wood panelling and i hate it) 63. get married: tbh whenever i meet the right person :) 64. career: FILM DIRECTOR YO i know nothing about film but i still really want to do it.

WHICH IS BETTER 65. hugs or kisses: OMG HUGS HUG ME PLEASE 66. lips or eyes: eyes, literally everybody’s eyes are beautiful, it’s great 67. shorter or taller: taller 68. older or younger: older i guess 70. nice arms or nice stomach: nice personality ;) 71. sensitive or loud: sensitive, like me tbh i’m so sensitive raise your voice at me and i will burst into tears  72. hook up or relationship: relationship always 73. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant, also like me

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. kissed a stranger: definitely no 75. drank hard liquor: nopeity no 76. lost glasses/contact lenses: don’t have ‘em 77. turned someone down: technically yes? there was this new kid at school and he was literally asking every girl out, i was a bit confused. 78. sex on the first date: definitely no  79. broken someone’s heart: sadly i think so (but we’re like best friends no so it’s all good) 80. had your heart broken: no 81. been arrested: no 82. cried when someone died: yes, aforementioned relative i barley knew (still sad tho)  83. fallen for a friend: sortofnotreally

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. yourself: yes, at least i try my very hardest 85. miracles: in a way, yes 

86. love at first sight: not really

87. santa claus: when i as like 3, yes 

88. kiss on the first date: maybe?

OTHER: 90. current best friend name: ezri, my smol bean (also person from infamous point 3) fun fact: we’re both pretty sure she’s named after her character from star trek, ezri dax (her parents are giant nerds just like ez and i) 91. eye color: blue/gey with a bit of green 92. favorite movie: ARGHHH I CAN’T PICK I HAVE SOOO MANY, LIKE EVERY ONE BASED OFF BOOKS I LIKE, i really can’t pick, but one that is quite special to me is ‘my house in umbria’, my grandma and i used to watch this together all the time

Ok whoa this took me LITERAL HOURS but now that i’m done i just want to tag anyone who wants to do it! :)

#92 questions tag #this took sO LONG #but it was fun #lilly speaks #personal #not studyblr

[marsymckenzie]

92 questions

Tagged by: @shazrystyles (lmao I love talking about myself XD)

THE LAST:

1. Drink: Pepsi

2. Phone call: No one calls me lmao. Except my mom

3. Text message: my friend

4. Song you listened to: Helena - my chemical romance ❤

5. Time you cried: yesterday I teared up a bit while watching beauty and the beast lmao

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: I have been single from the day I was born

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope. Still mouth virgin

8. Been cheated on: nope. (Benefits of staying single yo)

9. Lost someone special: I guess

10. Been depressed: LOOOOL! Its everyday bro

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Black 13. Red 14. White/pastel pink (thats four but who cares)

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Yes.

17. Laughed until you cried: yeah

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah, they arent bad things its just gossiping i guess but idgaf

19. Met someone who changed you: Good luck if there is someone out there who could change the way I think lmao.

20. Found out who your friends are: No but found out how none of the people around me care and we are just friends for the time  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: No.

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Many,

23. Do you have any pets: Pets are so cute but I dont think I can handle them.

24. Do you want to change your name: Maybe? I mean I get to have the nickname of a planet and a chocolate at the same time so I will stick with no.

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Went to school, had a good day there, went back home and slept. My crush at the time had his father dead, just your normal birthday party.

26. What time did you wake up: 1 pm coz I have no life

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Playing hunger games simulator 😂😂

28. Name something you can’t wait for: THOR 3 AND THE AVENGERS INFINITY WAR

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: two mins ago

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: The routine, the boredom, basically everything.

31. What are you listening right now: The sound of silence XD

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I dont think so XD

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: people who exaggerate everything and get offended so easily.

34. Most visited Website: watchfree.to since I am always watching something.

35. Mole/s: I have very tiny ones that are almost invisible idk if that counts

36. Mark/s: Yes but they are starting to fade

37. Childhood dream: Being an actress but that too started to fade. Cause we’ve all learned to kill our dreams  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (why did this turn so depressing suddenly?)

38. Hair color: reddish brown

39. Long or short hair: short hair :D

40. Do you have a crush on someone: No ew never doing that again.

41. What do you like about yourself: having the acting skills of being nice to people I cant stand ✌

42. Piercings: No but I wish I was brave enough 😂

43. Blood type: I…actually have got no clue

44. Nickname: Mars, Marsi, also marsi bar from a close online friend that I miss so that name is quite cute ❤ and miro but I prefer mars lol

45. Status: Single as all shit

46. Zodiac: Sagittarius 47. Pronouns: She/Her

48. Favorite TV Show/s: SHERLOCK SHERLOCK SHERLOCK SHERLOCK SHERLOCK SHER-

49. Tattoos: I DEEPLY WISH!!!!

50. Right or left hand: Right handed.

51. Surgery: If laser, painless surgery on eye counts then yeah.

52. Hair dyed in different color: Not so different but the shade of my hair now is because of constantly applying henna and dying it once… without bleaching… with a shade that was very similar to my hair shade which was really stupid of me XD But anyway I want to experience all colours.

53. Sport: This is a big bag of nope for me

55. Vacation: I wanna roam the world. But dreams are dead and life turns plans upon their heads  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (i should stop XD)

56. Pair of trainers: trainers and sneakers are basically the only things I wear.

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: LOVE IT

58. Drinking: I have a serious addiction to soda. I call it sodaism.

59. I’m about to: sleep.

61. Waiting for: sherlock season 5

62. Want: To experience all sort of things.

63. Get married: I dont really think much about it. I want to get to accomplish what I want first.

64. Career: I really dont know what I want yet :/

65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs and cute snuggles ❤ 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 😍

67. Shorter or taller: Taller coz baby girl needs to feel sheltered. (My sabby side is coming out KILL IT)

68. Older or younger: Older.

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: fuck both 😏

71. Sensitive or loud: idk what that means but neither.

72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship. But yet again I dont do relationships and I dont do hook ups I am a single, independant woman who wa- *someone throws a tomato at me*

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: TROUBLEMAKER. 😃

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: No

75. Drank hard liquor: No

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: If breaking glasses was a sport i would have 100 medals by now.

77. Turned someone down: Yes lolol

78. Sex in the first date: Yo there is a 90% chance I am actually asexual so no lmao

79. Broken someone’s heart: I dont know

80. Had your heart broken: Yeah but wasnt really his fault

81. Been arrested: No but I want to do something crazy and get arrested for it? Y'ALL I AM CRAVING ADVENTURE DONT JUDGE ME

82. Cried when someone died: Yes.

83. Fallen for a friend: No

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: I dont believe in bitches

85. Miracles: no

86. Love at first sight: I guess thats a thing

87. Santa Claus: 😢😢😢

88. Kiss on the first date: depends.

89. Angels: Yes.

OTHER:

90. Current best friend’s name: I dont have ‘friends’

91. Eyecolor: dark brown

92. Favorite movie: TANGLED ❤ 10 things I hate about you and beauty and the beast 2017 because the beast is actually so fucking beautiful and the music is AMAZING!

Now y'all reveal your darkest secrets to mama 😏 :

@princeleolicious @jakemckenzie @playchoicesz @illegallyblonde2 @princessmckenzie @whatchoices

And anyone who wants to do it ❤