#also we’re pretty much just school friends and im terrified whatll happen next

[brightbluekicks]

the like shitshow ordeal of having a conversation with someone that i was in love with and finding out they have known that i had feelings for them this whole time. lovely.

#IT IS SO EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL #this is making me relive everything i repressed when i first had feelings for him #hes gay and i knew and i just felt so fucking guilty the whole time #for things i couldnt control #and the thing is like. i love him i love him i love him #so much #and i knew that no matter what i do he’ll never love me in that way #so i tried to get over it #and at least finding out today that like even though hes always known he never liked me less because of it #but i still feel so unbearably shitty #i feel like ive hurt him somewhere #and im also just humiliated beyond belief like omfg i cant believe i had to talk about the feelings that i had for you and the fact that #youll never feel them back #i thought we were DONE WITH THIS #also we’re pretty much just school friends and im terrified whatll happen next #is our friendship strong enough to last this summer please tell me it will. please say you still love me #I WROTE DUCKING POETRY ABOUT HIM #i wrote the goddamn line ‘he makes you feel like who you are isnt such a wretched fate’ #and now i have to deal with the knowing that he knows #this hurts more than any rejection ever had