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autistickitten · 5 years

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(urgent/before Friday if possible) Sorry this is kinda nsfw/not strictly related but I'm 18, a trans guy, and in my first relationship. My bf knows I'm trans and that I have social communication issues and sensory issues. He's been great. We're planning to have sex, and I sort of don't know the protocol/what in doing? We've talked about it and stuff but even so. I feel very much I do not know anything really. Thanks

I’m gonna put this under a cut in hopes the Tumblrbots don’t come in and pixelate the blog for being Too En Es Eff Double-ewe :P I’m also gonna get super personal and uhhh descriptive in here so this is also a way for folks who’re squicked out by sex talk to avoid it.

So it’s good that you’ve talked about it a bit already! The most important thing I think is to keep talking about it the whole way through.

When I first had sex with my ex, we talked about it a bit beforehand, specifically (and since you mention you’re a trans guy this is super apt) where I was and was not comfortable being penetrated. (And also since you mentioned that you’re trans but not that he is I’m gonna assume he has a penis but if not and you’re using toys or strap-ons or whatever feel free to ignore my aggressive insistence on condoms! Although if you plan on switching between orifices or sharing toys then still use condoms on them, makes clean-up a breeze to boot!) Make sure you both know where the other stands on things like PIV, anal, oral, and also make sure you’re both comfortable with the idea of changing your mind. It’s always okay to change your mind after you’ve started!

Oh and before I forget: CONDOMS AND LUBE (water-based ONLY, silicone-based lube destroys latex condoms EDIT: Silicone-based destroyed silicone toys, OIL-based destroys condoms (shoutout to @hylianderp, ‘twas I who derped out there). Water-based is still the all-around safest but do note it has to be re-applied more frequently as it absorbs into the skin faster!). We didn’t use condoms, and even through we didn’t do PIV it still could have ended very badly. Semen loves to wander. Make sure you have both and that they’re used properly - condoms always get changed between orifices and between ejaculations. And don’t go stingy on the lube, especially if you’re doing anal. Applying lube is a bit like gathering firewood: Decide how much you think you need, and then double that amount. Re-apply it halfway through if things start to hurt. There’s no such thing as too much.

Also, I suggest you lay down a towel or something, and keep washcloths or tissues handy. Messes happen! And also, for that matter, funny sounds happen, and clumsiness happens. Sex can make you laugh and that’s a good thing.

Now, some people say your first time’s “supposed” to hurt, some people say it’s “never” supposed to hurt, I say there’s a middle ground. See, the first time I had sex with my ex was The First Time I Had Sex, and even though I’d masturbated with toys before, and even though we spent, gods, a solid 15, 20 minutes on foreplay with a lot of, ehh, finger action, fact of the matter is he was pretty well-endowed and yeah, when he put it in me, it hurt! The important thing, I think, is I made sure he knew it hurt, he took it out, we spent some more time with fingers, we added more lube, and the next time he put it in it didn’t hurt. Success! It’s a balancing act your first time, there’s no way to know for sure if it’ll hurt beforehand, but the important thing is that, if it hurts, you stop, redo some steps, and try again in 5 minutes.

If you know you may well have issues communicating verbally, make sure your partner knows he’ll have to be extra attentive. At one point my ex moved me into a position that really hurt but I couldn’t make myself speak so I just sort of.. made some urgent squeaking sounds? Which was enough to make him stop and ask if I was okay, and without that sensory bombardment I was able to answer and we found a different position that felt good.

And that’s the main thing, it should feel good, for both of you! You should both check in on the other regularly, but especially whoever’s in control (which isn’t necessarily the person penetrating depending on position). If it hurts at any point, for either of you, slam on the breaks, back up, figure out where it went wrong, and turn left at Albuquerque.

I also asked a pal who’s a Certified Top if he had any tips on communication, and here’s some very good advice he had to say on the matter:

I mean good communication is good communication. I can only speak for myself but I want to know what feels good for my partner, not just in terms of a “that’s good, that’s not good” but like “that’s good but what could make it BETTER is…”

I think there’s a weird idea a lot of people have that basically if you’re not topping you’re just supposed to… be somehow less involved. That it’s centered around whoever is topping and that’s just untrue and unhealthy.

And you should have fun! If you’re not having fun, there’s no point in doing it. The first few times it’s all about figuring what you like, what’s the most fun for you and for them, what you don’t find particularly fun. I learned that day that I don’t find it fun at all to give blowjobs, and so I did not finish giving that one. You’re very much allowed to not finish what you’ve started.

And finally, two very important points:

You may not orgasm your first time, or even your first few times. That’s fine, it’s normal, you’re still learning about yourself and about each other! It’s very lovely to have one, but it’s not the be-all end-all. The journey should be just as rewarding as the finish.

However, if he comes, you come. End of. If he gets to have that moment he damn well better make sure you get to. The clitoris isn’t an enigma, it has a little 1-2cm shaft and a cute little mushroom head and even gets erect just like a penis and it deserved to be stroked too, gods damn it!

Actually, speaking of that lil mushroom buddy, I have one more tip, as weird as it might sound: Grab a handheld mirror, tuck away in a bathroom, and get a good look at your clitoris. It’s not widely talked about, because sex educators want them to be an enigma, but for such a small thing clitores have quite some variety, and it could play a big role in how much you enjoy that sex you’re about to have. Larger clitores are, unsurprisingly, usually easier to work with, as are ones with smaller hoods (more direct stimulation after all). Get a little self-love sesh in and pay close attention to what motions feel good, what don’t feel like much at all, how that changes as you get more aroused and your clitoris gets engorged, and get ready to relay all that info to your partner.

So that’s pretty much the advice I could think of over the course of a couple hours! Just remember: have fun, communicate in whatever ways you can (but make sure to do it consistently), and if you need to stop for any reason you should always be free to do so. This goes for every time, not just the first time.

-Brother Cat

ETA: Some further good advice in the replies!

@cesium-sheep:

personally I find it useful to have at least one of my hands on my partner, since it gives him that many more signals to pick up on and it helps give me a grounding point. just a little additional thing that may help.

@rattycastle:

If you get like me and go semi or non-verbal with a lot of sensory stuff, good or bad, tell him beforehand. A safe word is good even for vanilla stuff, like letting him know you're ok even if you cant talk

These two tips go hand-in-hand very well! A safe word doesn’t necessarily have to be an Actual Word, it can be a specific gesture, a rhythm tapped on a wall or headboard, a “Squeeze my fingers once for go, twice for stop” sort of thing, anything you can come up with and remember in the moment.

Keep an eye on the notes, I’m sure there’ll be a few more good tips!

#sex ed #do we have a sex ed tag?#I know we've talked about some genital stuff before but I think it was more hygiene-related...#Anonymous #ask

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zingari-mun · 7 years

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The continuing adventures, and paranoia, of a lieutenant engineer who survived the crash of the USS Constitution.

Day 8 - There’s clearly something out here with me. Woke up and found two of my security lights knocked over. They were maglocked to the surface, and while the control button is low enough that wildlife could have knocked it off i haven’t seen any signs of fauna since I landed. So first thing I did this morning was set up a defensive perimeter. Since resources are scarce I opted for an energy weapon. They’re low powered lasers, designed to take out small meteorites before they can hit a ship, but they don’t require ammunition. Plus I don’t necessarily want to outright kill what’s out there, it could be another survivor, and they might be injured, in shock, or deranged.

Day 9 - No issues over night, lights are all up and running, weapons didn’t fire on anything. Maybe I’m just being paranoid? I hope so. But today I ventured down into the wreck of the constitution for the first time, i was weary of doing so because, well, it had been my home and now it’s, gone. There wasn’t much, seems ti was a rear cargo compartment housed near a secondary ion engine array, most of the cargo was destroyed but I found the wrecks of several R5 type recon drones. Captain Shack had a fancy for these old models and right now I’m thanking him, and hoping he’s alive. I was able to cobble together the parts to make a large FrankenDrone, silicon I found allowed me to amplify it’s power capacity with a battery, which it needs due to the extra weight. A.I. cores were damaged, which means it’s only got the most basic remote and autopilot functions but it’ll be helpful for transferring cargo, especially since I also found some extra blueprints in a data storage drive.

Day 10 - So, with the new blueprints open to me I decided to build a fabrication facility, if I learned anything from building my mining ship it’s that your arm get’s tired from welding all day. Obviously I solved this with more welding. Two pistons, some conveyors and a welding assembling make for a simple, but effective 3D printing system. First thing I printed was a fighter, Federation sometimes outsources frontier defense of colonies to third party companies, RCSP is one of those companies. Usually these companies keep their assets close to chest but RCSP shared their Arrow blueprint with the Federation in the spirit of cooperation, or so the news reel told us. I don’t really need a fighter, paranoid as I am, but it’s got good speed and range so i can use it to scout out places for a better base, in case I do need to move. Second thing I printed was a new rover, smaller one, for scouting. The hook up on the back will allow me to attach the R5 unit, and it has a turret for defense, I really can’t afford to use it much, but I’ll have it.

Day 11 - With the addition of the Arrow, and the rover I’ve had to drastically modify my base to allow for more hookups. I’ve also started expanding the base towards the wreckage, I’m hoping I can build a power plant in the crater, keep it away from the main base, and it gives me a platform to hook up cargo containers and pods. If i’m going to be here I want to make sure it’s safe and I’m comfortable. I moved the mining ships’s landing hookup to be closer to the refinery to increase productivity, also named it the Mynock, something I figure Commander W4sted would appreciate, the Arrow now resides on it’s old dock, and I hooked the rover up to a connector near the refinery as well since it might be carrying ore at some point.

Day 12 - 54 days, 19 hours, 23 minutes. At current power consumption rates, thats how long I have, not counting solar panels and battery recharge rates. I still got uranium I can mine, and silicon to make batteries but I do have to think about it, it’s less than two months worth of power. Factor in refinery, assembler, and arc furnace use, plus the fabricator and it might be less time. Tomorrow, I think I’m going to set up a solar farm over the crater, simple rectangular building, walls lined with batteries, and an array of solar panels on the top, should give me a good boost to power, and let me put up more defenses. And cameras, gonna definitely need some cameras.

Note to Self - I figure the Survey ship’s a lost cause at this point, and I should probably break it down. It’s got tons of resources I can use and it’ll be better for me to use them than to just let them sit there. Might even let me build a proper mobile base.

~When I loaded into the world earlier Clang demanded that maglocks fail and two security lights fell over. Clang seems to be my director here, i mean he caused the crater and now is feeding my characters paranoia.~

~So in my version of the survival world I added the Energy Weapon mod by Cython, since I imagine the federation has some laser based weaponry. Also since my character is working out of a re-purposed survey ship from the crash it makes sense that it’d have the pre-fab schematics for anti-meteorite weaponry.~

~My R5 drone is inspired by Clintkraushaar’s R5 drone which is of course inspired by the Shackologisp4ce R5 drone. Since I’m hoping to actually have someone join me in the game soon I went with something utilitarian and made it into a cargo drone.~

~I built the Arrowhead as a test of the fabricator, intended to break it back down but then figured it made sense to have it as a scout since my character shares W4sted’s paranoia. Plus I love Venom15′s designs.~

~The rover is by BlackArmor, it’s simple and effective and gonna be useful for moving things around as I scout for ore deposits. Can also do surface mining and send that back with the drone and then do more mining.~

~The monstrosity of a mining ship is my own design, as usual my designs are pretty utilitarian. Base is also taking shape.~

#W4stedspace #Captain Shack #Morphologis #Space Engineers #Paranoid Adventures on Planet Bob

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