#also what’s up with the fact that jin ling always calls his uncles ‘uncle’ but they never put that in the subs??

[mxtxfanatic]

Jin Ling and the Curse of Escalating Abuse

Seeing the complex nature of the relationship between Jin Ling and Jiang Cheng, I wanted to cover the topic of escalating abuse of the uncle towards his nephew, as Jiang Cheng is abusive towards Jin Ling throughout the entire story but that abuse shifts as the story goes on. Note: this is not an essay about how abusive people can love their victims still. I know Jiang Cheng loves his nephew, but that love means nothing in the face of him continuously being the force that drives the young boy to danger. Love does not absolve abuse. Moving on: though many of the scenes I mention are gone over in multiple translations, I will only be using one source per scene for my argument, as none of them are worded radically different. I will, however, include the other translations under the cut for anyone who wants to see them for comparison.

In the early section of the novels, we learn two important bits of information about how Jin Ling views his maternal uncle, Jiang Cheng:

From as early as Jin Ling could remember, he had never seen Jiang Cheng’s face make the expression it was currently making. His uncle, who had led the distinguished Yunmeng Jiang Clan alone since the man had been young, had been cold, severe, and gloomy for years and years on end. Not a single lenient or merciful word left Jiang Cheng’s mouth if he could help it, nor was he ever willing to offer charity and kindness.

–Chapt. 23: Malice I, fanyiyi

Angrily, [Jin Ling] leapt onto his feet and pulled out his sword on the spot. “How dare you hit me! Even my uncle’s never hit me!”

Surprised, Wei Wuxian said, “Really? But doesn’t he say he’s going to break your legs all the time?”

“He’s just saying that!” Jin Ling raged.

–Chapt. 24: Malice II, fanyiyi

From Jin Ling’s perspective, his maternal uncle is always acerbic and never kind, but he has never been physically abusive to Jin Ling. Plus though he often threatens Jin Ling with physical abuse–threatening to break his legs or use Zidian on him–Jin Ling considers this all talk. In fact, Jiang Cheng’s abuse of Jin Ling stays firmly in the realm of verbal and emotional for most of the story. His most common insults to throw at his nephew are about Jin Ling appearing unworthy of his position as Jin (and Jiang) heir, in almost a mimicry of how Madam Yu would tell him that he was unworthy of being the Jiang heir in comparison to Wei Wuxian:

Frowning, he said, “Jin Ling, how much time are you going to waste? Do you need me to go over there and invite you back? Look at your sorry state—why the hell haven’t you gotten back up!?”

–Chapt. 7: Pride II, fanyiyi

“‘Fine’?” Jiang Cheng said. “You look like you took a tumble in a muddy ditch—you call that ‘fine?’ Aren’t you embarrassed to be wearing your clan’s uniform? Go back and change immediately! Out with it—what did you run into today?”

–Chapt. 23: Malice I, fanyiyi

He is also shown to have a bad habit of lashing out instead of expressing any emotion that could be considered nice, just like Jin Ling says:

Upon seeing that Jin Ling was fine, Jiang Cheng’s heart crashed back to earth like a boulder. Immediately furious, he said, “Didn’t you bring a signal? Don’t you know to fire it if you encounter something like this? Don’t try to show off! Come here!”

–Chapt. 10: Pride V, fanyiyi

And because of Jiang Cheng’s outward lack of concern for Jin Ling’s health and safety–prefering barbs over comfort–Jin Ling refuses to be vulnerable with him, keeping his fears, concerns, disappointments, and even positive emotions like relief to himself. Outwardly, he lashes out, just like he has learned to do from his maternal uncle:

Since Jin Ling hadn’t caught the soul eating maiden, he was also angry. “Wasn’t it you who told me I had to take the thing down no matter what?! You told me if I didn’t get it, I should never come see you again!”

–Chapt. 10: Pride V, fanyiyi

Annoyed, Jin Ling said, “I already told you, I didn’t run into anything! It was just a fall. The whole journey was a waste of time.”

–Chapt. 23: Malice I, fanyiyi

The one who called was Jiang Cheng, who stood near the edge. Still teary-eyed, as soon as Jin Ling saw his uncle, he immediately wiped his face, sniffing. He looked here and there and finally made up his mind to fly over, landing at Jiang Cheng’s side.

Jiang Cheng grabbed him, “What happened to you? Who did this to you?!”

Jin Ling rubbed his eyes roughly, refusing to speak up.

–Chapt. 84: Loyalty, exr

Who can blame him, though? Almost every life-threatening situation Jin Ling finds himself in is a direct result of Jiang Cheng’s cruelty towards him: from attempting to fight to goddess statue without calling for help, to ending up almost suffocated in the walls of the Nie Clan Saber Hall, and even to him winding up in Yi City:

Jiang Cheng’s next words were wrapped in thorns. “Why are you still standing there? Are you waiting for prey to rush toward you and stick themselves on your sword? If you can’t capture whatever’s living in Dafan Mountain, don’t ever come see me again!”

–Chapt. 8: Pride III, fanyiyi

It seemed that the boy hadn’t come to Qinghe alone. No surprise—at Dafan Mountain, Jiang Cheng had come to support his nephew, so why wouldn’t he come this time too? Only it seemed that the uncle and nephew had gotten into an argument in Qinghe Town, which caused Jin Ling to set off for Xinglu Ridge on his own.

–Chapt. 23: Malice I, fanyiyi

It turned out that, having tricked his uncle and released Wei Wuxian several days ago, Jin Ling had been worried that Jiang Cheng would actually break his legs, so he had decided to sneak off and disappear, intending to reappear in front his uncle only after Jiang Cheng’s temper had cooled.

–Chapt. 35: Flora III, fanyiyi

As much as Jin Ling wants to assure everyone that “that’s just how his uncle is” and show us how unbothered he is by Jiang Cheng’s behavior, he does actually fear the man. And with good reason to! Now let’s address the elephant in the room: Jiang Cheng very much so does want to be physically harm Jin Ling, and this almost always correlates to Jin Ling talking back/not listening to him. Take this scene from right after the juniors survive the goddess statue and Jin Ling reminding Jiang Cheng that he was the one who told the boy to either catch the beast on Dafan Mountain or never return to him:

Jiang Cheng wanted to slap the stinking brat so hard he’d fly back up his mother’s birth canal—but he did actually say those words. Since he couldn’t very well embarrass himself, the Clan Chief could only turn to sarcastically mocking the cultivators scattered randomly over the ground. “So what exactly thrashed all of you into looking so dignified?”

–Chapt. 10: Pride V, fanyiyi

The thing stopping him from slapping Jin Ling is the fact that Jiang Cheng publicly told the boy not to come back if he was not successful, and he has been publicly called out when trying to take Jin Ling to task. Being unable to swipe at the boy as he wishes, he then turns his attention to his disciples to punish, as they are lower than him in rank and therefore no one can chastise him on his unbecoming behavior. But once we get to the scenes where all social hierarchy and propriety break down–the second siege and Guanyin Temple–all hands are loosed:

Jiang Cheng forced himself to walk over to Jin Ling, grabbing him at once, “Did you get hurt?!”

Jin Ling’s breaths even smelled like rust, “I didn’t. I...”

Jiang Cheng immediately slapped him onto the ground, scolding, “You didn’t?! Then I’ll make you get hurt and teach you the lesson! You damn brat turning a deaf ear to my words?!”

–Chapt. 81: Loyalty, exr

Jiang Cheng shoved Jin Ling, who’d been holding him up helplessly, out of the way...

...With panic, Jin Ling stood in front of Jiang Cheng, “HanGuang-Jun! My uncle’s hurt...”

Jiang Cheng slapped him onto the ground, “Let him come! Am I scared of him?!”

–Chapt. 102: Hatred, exr

Social etiquette no longer exists in a life-or-death battle or hostage situation, so Jiang Cheng has no face to maintain in front of anyone else. But by this point in the story, Jin Ling has spent a considerable amount of time with two role models who do show him kindness, care, and support. He begins to crave that parental love he has been deprived of, starting from the second siege:

A few sect leaders clutched onto their sons, cautioning them, “When the corpses rush inside all at once, protect yourself and try to get out. Stay alive no matter what! You understand?!”

As Jin Ling heard this, he felt himself cringe, but somewhere deep down he hoped that his uncle would say something similar as well. He waited for a while, but nothing came from Jiang Cheng...

–Chapt. 81: Loyalty, exr

And when Jiang Cheng finally hits him for the first time, Jin Ling’s only reaction is to look towards wangxian:

He sat down, catching his breath as his eyes turned to the two sitting at the side of the Demon-Slaughtering Cave closest to the outside.

Both Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi were a mess.

–Chapt. 81: Loyalty, exr

Finally, all of the dysfunction in Jin Ling and Jiang Cheng’s relationship comes to a head in Guanyin Temple, the climax of the story. Jiang Cheng’s behavior escalates into physical violence towards his last living relative, while Jin Ling is no longer lashing out at his uncle in place of being vulnerable but is also no longer able to brush off Jiang Cheng’s cruelty as acceptable. He has had his entire worldview turned on its head, and out of that, realizes that he does not want to continue the cycle of abuse and hatred that Jiang Cheng tries to force him to inherit, but would rather follow the path of love and kindness that Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji have shown him is possible.

Jin Ling on Jiang Cheng’s personality:

For as long as he could remember, Jin Ling had never seen Jiang Cheng with such an expression. His uncle, who had single-handedly led the Jiang Clan of Yunmeng at a tender young age, was always cold and gloomy. He was merciless and never kind with his words.

–Chapt. 23: Malevolent Part 1: Running into Gunpoint, taming wangxian

From the beginning of his memory until now, Jin Ling had never seen such a look on Jiang Cheng’s face before. This uncle of his who led the prominent YunmengJiang Sect ever since a young age had always been cold and dark. When he spoke, he was willing to neither show mercy nor do good.

–Chapt. 23: Malice, exr

Jin Ling saying Jiang Cheng has never hit him before and is all talk:

Jin Ling stirred awake after a while. He rubbed his neck, which was still hurting, then angrily drew his sword and sprung up. “How dare you hit me! Even my uncle has never hit me before!”

Wei Wuxian was shocked. “Is that so? Doesn’t he frequently say that he will break your legs?”

Jin Ling raged, “He had never meant what he said!! You fucking cutsleeve, what do you want? I ...”

–Chapt. 24: Malevolent Part 2: Escape, taming wangxian

He was so angry that he jumped up and unsheathed his sword at once, “How dare you hit me! My uncle hadn’t even hit me before!”

Wei WuXian exclaimed, “Really? Doesn’t he say that he’ll break your legs all the time?”

Jin Ling fumed, “He’s only saying that! You damn cut- sleeve, what on Earth do you want? I...”

–Chapt. 24: Malice, exr

Jiang Cheng’s insults to Jin Ling:

He scowled, “Jin Ling, why are you wasting so much time? Do I have to come over to invite you back? You look like a mess now; why aren’t you getting up?”

–Chapt. 7: The Prideful Part 2: Wangji Finally Makes his Appearance! taming wangxian

He frowned, “Jin Ling, why did you linger for so long? Do you really need me to come and pick you up? Look at what a terrible situation you’re in right now, and get up!”

–Chapt. 7: Arrogance, exr

Jiang Cheng said, “Safe and sound? You look like you’ve been rolling around in the gutters, how is that ‘safe and sound’? Aren’t you ashamed to be wearing your family’s uniform? Hurry back now and get changed! Spit it out, what did you encounter today?”

–Chapt. 23: Malevolent Part 1: Running into Gunpoint, taming wangxian

Jiang Cheng, “Nothing wrong? You look like you just rolled around in a muddy ditch, and you say there’s nothing wrong with you! Don’t you think that it’s an embarrassment to be wearing your sect’s uniform? Hurry back and change into something else! Speak. What did you run into today?”

–Chapt. 23: Malice, exr

Jiang Cheng lashing out at Jin Ling in place of concern:

Jiang Cheng was greatly relieved when he saw that Jin Ling was not harmed. He immediately began to reprimand him. “Didn’t you bring the signals with you? Why didn’t you release it even though you were up against something like this? Were you trying to show off? Come over here now!”

 –Chapt. 10: The Prideful Part 5: I’m Bringing This Man Back to the Lan Estate, taming wangxian

Seeing that Jin Ling was safe, Jiang Cheng finally calmed down. Quickly afterward, he scolded angrily, “Didn’t you bring signal firelights with you? Don’t you know to use them when you meet something like this? What are you pretending to be strong for? Scram over here!”

–Chapt. 10: Arrogance, exr

Jiang Cheng’s behavior pushing Jin Ling into danger:

Jiang Cheng then said in a scathing tone, “Why are you still standing there? The prey’s not going to stab themselves with your swords! If you can’t capture whatever’s on Dafan Mountain, don’t look for me again!”

–Chapt. 8: The Prideful Part 3: Discovering His Good Looks After Cleaning Up, taming wangxian

Jiang Cheng turned again, his words covered with thorns, “Why are you still standing there? Waiting for the prey to come and throw itself onto your sword? If, today, you don’t catch the creature hunting Dafan Mountain, don’t come to me ever again!”

–Chapt. 8: Arrogance, exr

It turned out that Jin Ling didn’t come to Qinghe alone. That wasn’t surprising; previously, Jiang Cheng had also provided him with back-up on Dafan Mountain, so why wouldn’t he be here this time? However, from the looks of it, the uncle and nephew probably had an argument in Qinghe, hence Jin Ling had trekked up Xinglu Ridge alone.

–Chapt. 23: Malevolent Part 1: Running into Gunpoint, taming wangxian

It appeared that Jin Ling didn’t come to Qinghe alone. Well, no wonder. Last time, at Dafan Mountain, Jiang Cheng had been there to assist him, so why wouldn’t he have come this time? However, looking at this now, it seemed that the two had a quarrel in the town of Qinghe, which was why Jin Ling went up the Xinglu Ridge alone

–Chapt. 23: Malice, exr

It turned out that a few days ago, after Jin Ling had sent Jiang Cheng away on a lie and released Wei Wuxian, he was worried that his uncle might really break his legs this time around. Hence, he decided to sneak out and disappear for a couple of weeks, then reappear when Jiang Cheng’s anger had subsided.

–Chapt. 35: Foliage Part 3: The Paper Effigies Shop and Glutinous Rice Porridge, taming wangxian

Ever since a few days ago, after Jin Ling lied to his uncle and let Wei WuXian go, he had been worried that this time Jiang Cheng would really break his legs, so he decided to sneak out and disappear for a few days, not appearing in front of Jiang Cheng until his anger subsided.

–Chapt. 35: Grasses, exr

Jin Ling refusing to be vulnerable with Jiang Cheng/lashing out:

Jin Ling was furious that he failed to capture the soul-eating fairy, and retorted, “Didn’t you say I had to capture it at all costs? And that I shouldn’t return to you empty handed!”

–Chapt. 10: The Prideful Part 5: I’m Bringing This Man Back to the Lan Estate, taming wangxian

Jin Ling was also angered from not capturing the soul- consuming goddess, “Weren’t you the one who told me that I have to catch it? And, if I don’t catch it, I shouldn’t go see you?”

–Chapt. 10: Arrogance, exr

Jin Ling said impatiently, “I’ve already told you that I didn’t encounter anything. I slipped and fell. It was a wasted trip. Ouch!” He yelled, “Don’t you drag me around like this! I’m not three years old!”

–Chapt. 23: Malevolent Part 1: Running into Gunpoint, taming wangxian

Jin Ling replied impatiently, “I already said that I didn’t run into anything. I tripped, and it was a waste of time. Ow!” He shouted, “Don’t tug on me like that! I’m not three-years- old!”

–Chapt. 23: Malice, exr

The voice that had called out earlier had belonged to the man standing at the head of the ship, none other than Jiang Cheng. Between tears, Jin Ling peered out and upon seeing his uncle, he abruptly stopped crying and quickly rubbed away his tears. Sniffing slightly, he looked around, clenching his teeth as he quickly flew over to Jiang Cheng’s side. Jiang Cheng grasped Jin Ling’s shoulders in alarm, asking, “What happened to you? Who bullied you!”

Rubbing his eyes forcefully, Jin Ling remained silent.

–Chapt. 84 Loyalty: Little Friends, chiaki_himura

The voice earlier had come from Jiang Cheng. Jin Ling’s eyes were misty with tears. Hearing his uncle’s voice, he immediately wiped his face clean, sniffed his nose, looked back and forth between the two ships, and then finally decided to fly over. The second Jin Ling landed besides him, Jiang Cheng had his hands on him, “What’s wrong? Who bullied you?!”

Jin Ling wiped at his eyes hard, but refused to speak.

–Chapt. 84: “Core” Part 6, boat-full-of-lotus-pods

Jiang Cheng wishing violence on Jin Ling:

Jiang Cheng wanted to slap this kid so hard that he would be forced back into his mother’s womb. However, these were his very own words; how could he take them back?

–Chapt. 10: The Prideful Part 5: I’m Bringing This Man Back to the Lan Estate, taming wangxian

Jiang Cheng seriously wanted to slap the rotten brat so hard that he went back inside his mother’s stomach. However, he really did say so himself, and he shouldn’t prove himself wrong.

–Chapt. 10: Arrogance, exr

Jiang Cheng physically harming Jin Ling:

Jiangcheng limped quickly towards Jin Ling, grabbing him his shoulders with both hands as he said angrily, “Are you hurt!”

Breathing heavily, Jin Ling murmured, “No, I......”

Jiang Cheng had landed a slap on Jin Ling’s face as he berated, “No?! If you’re not hurt then let me give you something to hurt about! You rascal, turning a deaf ear to my words now, aren’t you?!”

–Chapt. 81 Loyalty: Corpses of the Burial Mound, chiaki_himura

Jiang Cheng limped towards Jin Ling, grabbed him and yelled, “Are you injured!”

Even Jin Ling’s laboured breaths were tainted with the smell of blood, “No, I…….”

Jiang Cheng immediately slapped him onto the group, “No?! Then take this as a reminder for what you just did! Do my words mean nothing to you, you little shit!”

–Chapt. 81: “Core” Part 3, boat-full-of-lotus-pods

Jiang Cheng pushed away Jin Ling who had been supporting him, and despite having lost so much blood, his face remained flushed with anger as he roared, “How could you?! Wei Wuxian, how could you?!”...

...Lan Wangji stood up furiously as Jin Ling leapt in front of Jiang Cheng again, trembling as he begged, “HanGuang-Jun! My uncle is injured......”

Jiang Cheng struck a blow on Jin Ling, causing him to stumble to the ground.

–Chapt. 102 Hatred: I’m Sorry, I Swallowed My Words, chiaki_himura

Jin Ling wanting to hear kind words from Jiang Cheng:

Several sect leaders grabbed onto their offspring, urgently directing them, “When the corpses rush in, you have to protect yourself and find a way to escape. You must stay alive no matter what! Do you understand?!”

Hearing the desperation in the parents’ voices, Jin Ling felt a pang of sadness. Deep down, he had hoped that perhaps Jiang Cheng would also say this to him, but however long he waited, nothing came out of it...

–Chapt. 81 Loyalty: Corpses of the Burial Mound, chiaki_himura

Various Sect and Clan Leaders had grabbed their own sons, warning, “When the corpses rush in, you will protect yourself, and find a way to escape! You must survive no matter what happens! Do you understand me?!”

Hearing this, a sourness churned within Jin Ling. A part of him longed to hear those same words from his own uncle. But after waiting for a few, long moments, Jiang Cheng showed no sign of speaking up.

–Chapt. 81: “Core” Part 3, boat-full-of-lotus-pods

Jin Ling looking to wangxian for comfort:

After taking the blow, Jin Ling couldn’t stand any further and sat onto the ground heavily, breathing deeply as his eyes travelled to the silhouettes of the two people sitting closest to the entrance of the cave.

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were a mess.

–Chapt. 81 Loyalty: Corpses of the Burial Mound, chiaki_himura

Yet Jiang Cheng* himself had no energy left to stand after giving this slap. He sat down heavily, breathing hard as he glared at the two figures closest to the mouth of the Demon-Crouching Cave.

Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi were a mess.

–Chapt. 81: “Core” Part 3, boat-full-of-lotus-pods

*boat-full-of-lotus-pods is the only translation of the three I have of Chapt. 81 that says that Jiang Cheng is the one who looks at wangxian. Both exr and chiaki_himura say that this is Jin Ling.

#human reads mdzs: take 2 #human metas mxtx #omfg this was long #also i thought about using every jl/jc interaction #but that is just too goddamn long #if you want to know how many times jc threatens jl with physical violence #you'll have to look that up on your own #i only took pertinent info from major arcs

[ibijau]

It's @veraverorum 's birthday, and like every year they get a custom fic to celebrate. This year, it's twisted fem!xisang and it comes with a bunch of warning, so I'd advise to check them on AO3 before reading (also it is somewhat long at 18K, so maybe AO3 might generally be comfier to read)

Nie Huaisang looks up from the corpse, her still innocent eyes reddened by the many tears she’s spilled over the night. She seems so small, so young, an impression made worse by those men’s robes she’s wearing that are, as always, too big for her.

“What if Jin-furen came to Qinghe?” she shyly whispers, flinching when everyone present turns to look at her. “It’s just… you’ve said she can’t stay in Lanling, and it might look bad if she goes home to Gusu, so I thought… well, and Da-ge and her used to be friends, right? And… and since Jin-furen had nothing to do with this…”

The attention becomes too much for that little mouse of a woman, and with an embarrassed squeak she hides behind a fan, half apologising for daring to speak at all.

“If the child is a boy, it’ll have a claim to Lanling Jin,” Lan Qiren muses. “The only direct claim left that sect recognises, in fact.”

Jiang Cheng nods, one arm protectively wrapped around his nephew’s shoulders. Jin Ling, all clad in bright purple, huddles closer to his uncle, his gaze fixed on the body on the floor. 

His other uncle, who had firmly usurped his birthright. 

His other uncle, who the boy had loved in spite of politics. 

His other uncle, who had threatened to kill him in a desperate bid to escape the consequences of his crime.

It would hardly have been Jin Guangyao’s first time killing a child.

“Nie-zongzhu, do you really understand what you’re offering?” Lan Qiren asks, in the gently condescending tone people can't help using when talking to Nie Huaisang. “My niece’s husband killed your brother.”

“I know, I know,” Nie Huaisang pitifully whispers. “But that was him, not her. And she killed him now, didn't she? And we’ve been friends for so long, and… I can’t just do nothing, can I?” she sobs. “I’m always useless, but at least this I can do. Lan-zonzghu, please let me protect my friend!”

A few tears spill on her pale cheeks, her expression a perfect mix of weakness and determination. Lan Qiren is fooled, which does not surprise his niece. Stern as he wants to appear, he’d always had a secret fondness for pitiful children. Besides, he arrived when everything was finished already. 

He doesn’t know.

It is more surprising when Jiang Cheng notes that it might not be a bad idea. He was there. He heard Wei Wuxian make his accusation. Perhaps he’s thinking ahead, wondering if he can seize Lanling Jin for his nephew, or at least some of its territories. Jin Ling has long been declared a bastard, barely allowed to keep the name Jin at all, but it’s no weaker a claim than Jin Guangyao himself had, especially if Wei Wuxian confirms the rumours were wrong. With the right support…

And Lan Xichen knows too well the importance of support in those things. Without her, Jin Guangyao would likely never have become sect leader. 

Lan Qiren, after some hesitation, takes his niece by the arm and leads her aside. He tried to take her hand first, until he noticed the blood. It stains her dress, too. Her round stomach caught so much of it. Lan Qiren, kindly, does not speak of it. They need to decide together what is to be done, he tells the others, but that is a lie, whether he knows it or not. 

Lan Xichen knows her uncle has already decided, if that can even be called a decision. There is no choice. Gusu Lan could already so easily be accused of covering up for Jin Guangyao’s crimes, after their long closeness with the Jin sect. So if they welcome his murdering widow, his son perhaps… and as for staying in Lanling, it can’t be considered, not unless Lan Xichen wants to be poisoned alongside her daughter and her unborn child before the week is over.

There is only one option.

If he were there, Lan Wangji might have objected to this plan. Wei Wuxian would have anyway, and Lan Wangji would have followed his lead. Wei Wuxian would have said something, although whether that would have swayed Lan Qiren or made him more determined to send his niece to Qinghe… but it’s pointless to wonder. Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian disappeared long ago, to enjoy their hard-earned happiness. 

Lan Xichen is alone, and she can only blame herself for it.

Still she smiles at her uncle, trying to comfort him, trying to convince herself that he’s more worried about her safety than about politics.

“Shufu, I will go to Qinghe,” she says. "It's the best option."

Her voice hardly trembles, something she wonders at. 

She doesn’t want to go to Qinghe, and that too amazes her, when it was once one of her favourite places, where the two people dearest to her lived. 

Perhaps this is part of her punishment, for helping her husband, for killing him.

She can’t imagine anything worse than living in Qinghe, now that Nie Huaisang hates her.

-

Nie Huaisang’s skin tasted like the juice of the mangoes she’d been eating, sweeter than a sugary candy. Lan Xichen licked her friend’s chin, her cheek, and then into her mouth where the taste was sweetest.

Somewhere on the back of her mind, Lan Xichen knew this was not something she was quite allowed to do. She’d been sternly warned against kissing boys, against giving in to their desires. But Nie Huaisang wasn’t a boy, so it was fine, it did not break any instruction she’d been given. 

Besides, Nie Huaisang was the one who had started this. 

They'd been having a snack together, enjoying a warm afternoon of late spring in Lan Xichen's room. Nie Huaisang, who was a bit of a messy eater apparently, had licked her own fingers in a manner that made something boil in Lan Xichen’s stomach. She must have noticed Lan Xichen's expression and taken it for disapproval, because she had then grabbed Lan Xichen’s hand to clean her fingers in the same manner. 

It had just been a joke, a way to tease Lan Xichen.

The first time, it had been just that. Then Nie Huaisang had eaten a few more pieces of mango, sucking languorously on them while looking Lan Xichen in the eyes. Her hands had gotten messy again, worse than before, and…

Lan Xichen was more serious than most girls her age, but she’d wanted to prove she could be teasing too. She’d been the one to suck on Nie Huaisang’s fingers this time, eliciting the most amazing sounds from her friend. It had brought Lan Xichen’s attention to Nie Huaisang’s mouth, so pink and shiny from juice, messier than her hands, and…

It was just teasing, nothing more, Lan Xichen told herself as she straddled Nie Huaisang and kissed her deeper, chasing the flavour hidden under the mangoes’ juice, the taste of Nie Huaisang herself. Any moment Nie Huaisang would push her away with a laugh, and complain that Lan Xichen was messing up her pretty dress.

Any moment…

But instead Nie Huaisang’s arms wrapped around her neck to pull her closer. Lan Xichen felt her friend’s chest pressed against her, the soft warmth of her breasts, their movement every time Nie Huaisang gasped or whined into the kiss. They were so close, closer than Lan Xichen had ever been to anyone, and yet not close enough. Not until Nie Huaisang stretched her legs and rearranged them so one of her thighs was rubbing between Lan Xichen’s. 

It was Lan Xichen’s turn to whine into the kiss, the sensation so intense that it gave her pause. She pulled back as much as Nie Huaisang’s hands on her neck allowed, and watched the younger girl.

Nie Huaisang, her face red, her lips redder, looked back at her with a smile that made Lan Xichen’s blood boil no less than the leg between hers did. It was an innocent smile, without a trace of guilt. Surely if what they were doing were wrong, Nie Huaisang wouldn’t have looked so happy? And no one had ever warned Lan Xichen against this, so it couldn’t be forbidden.

Lan Xichen kissed Nie Huaisang again, rubbing against her, chasing pleasure, letting Nie Huaisang chase her own when Lan Xichen pressed a knee between her thighs, certain that nothing which felt so good could be bad.

When it was all over, when Lan Xichen, breathless, lay draped over her friend on the floor of her room, trying to grasp what had happened, only knowing she’d soon want it again, Nie Huaisang laughed.

“Jiejie, we are in such a state!” she exclaimed. “My dress is all wrinkled, and yours is even worse!”

Lan Xichen nodded, floating too much for words. Blindly she reached for Nie Huaisang’s hand, and when she found it she held it tight, never wanting to let go. 

Her dress was a mess, stained with mango everywhere Nie Huaisang had groped her, damp from her pleasure, from Nie Huaisang’s. She’d have to try and wash it herself, or the servants might report to her uncle that she’d been up to mischief. He'd scold her, and maybe send Nie Huaisang back home. 

Her uncle could never know. 

Lan Xichen never wanted to be apart from Nie Huaisang again. 

“How did you know how to do that?” Lan Xichen asked when her voice returned.

In the midst of everything warm and pleasant, she couldn’t contain a spark of ice at the thought that someone might have shown Nie Huaisang how to play like that. But Nie Huaisang merely shrugged and laughed.

“I don’t know, I just thought it would be fun. It was, right?”

Lan Xichen hummed, and sat up to press a brief kiss to Nie Huaisang’s lips, squeezing her hand gently. 

“Do you want to play like that again someday, A-Sang?”

Nie Huaisang couldn’t nod fast enough.

“If I have to be stuck in the Cloud Recesses, we might as well have fun,” Nie Huaisang said. “Especially now that your uncle has recognised me and kicked me out of his lectures on the boys’ side.”

“He’d have tolerated it better if you hadn’t only gone there to joke around with the students,” Lan Xichen gently scolded while tucking a strand of hair behind Nie Huaisang’s ear.

Nie Huaisang shrugged, perhaps because she couldn’t see what the fuss was about. There were not many girls in the Nie sect, so she’d more often played with boys, though she wasn't boyish in the least. Now that her brother had sent her to Gusu to keep her safe in case the Wens tried something, Nie Huaisang struggled a bit to adapt to life among women, since she was used to running wild and doing as she liked. Lan Xichen was her only female friend. 

Before, Lan Xichen had felt sorry for her. Now, she was glad. 

She didn’t want Nie Huaisang to do what they'd just done with other girls.

“Anyway, this is way more fun than the lectures,” Nie Huaisang said with a grin. “I really want to do it again. But next time, let’s undress, so we don’t dirty our clothes.”

Lan Xichen fell breathless. Her eyes went to Nie Huaisang’s breasts, who had felt so soft before through the fabric of their dresses. She thought of touching them, of licking them maybe, the way she’d done with Nie Huaisang’s fingers and tongue. Just that idea made her stomach heat up with the same flames as before.

“Actually, we should already undress,” Lan Xichen said. “To… to put on something clean. I’ll lend you something.”

Nie Huaisang smiled, looking as pleased as she’d been when Lan Xichen had offered her some mangoes, an eternity before. Then, without waiting, Nie Huaisang started fiddling with the ties of her dress, as if she couldn’t wait to be nude. The ties were a little too tight though, Nie Huaisang a little tired from their game, so Lan Xichen had to help her.

When she touched them, Nie Huaisang’s breasts were even softer and warmer than she’d imagined.

And when Lan Xichen took one in her mouth, Nie Huaisang’s gasps were more beautiful than any piece of music she’d ever heard.

-

The small house that Lan Xichen is given in the Unclean Realm is simply decorated, little more than a peasant’s cottage really, hidden from the rest of the sect by some high bamboo. A few flowers and bushes constitute its garden. 

Perhaps Nie Huaisang means to punish her by refusing her the luxury to which she has become accustomed during her ten years in Carp Tower. Unless she remembers how Lan Xichen used to complain against that excessive luxury forced upon her, and how she longed for the simplicity of the Cloud Recesses.

Jin Yan finds the change harder to process than her mother does, but of course Jin Yan has never known anything except Carp Tower. She’s been crying a lot since Jiang Cheng gave her back to her mother, having rescued her from Lanling. She cries about her toys, about her dresses, about the pretty things she misses.

She cries about her father too. Every night on their way to Qinghe, she's asked when he will come home. She’s been told he’s dead, but she’s not quite six, death is hard to understand. Lan Xichen indulges her at first, until one night Nie Huaisang comes into their room at an inn just when Jin Yan is begging for her father.

That night, Lan Xichen scolds her daughter and forbids her from ever speaking about her father.

“He has done great evil,” she sternly explains to the sobbing little girl. “He has hurt many people, and he was punished for it. He was a very bad man, and you must not miss him, nor speak about him. Do you understand?”

Jin Yan nods, sweet and obedient even when she doesn’t understand things.

Jin Yan still cries. Sometimes she will say why, whining about dresses and trinkets. Others she won’t, and Lan Xichen knows her daughter misses her father, because all the evil he caused cannot matter to a child who adored him. If she could, Lan Xichen would explain a thousand times, comfort her daughter a thousand times, let the child babble about the man who always treated her well, no matter what he did to her siblings.

Lan Xichen can’t do that.

Not in their position. 

She has to protect her daughter, even if that means scolding her for something as natural as missing her father. 

Nie Huaisang warns her, when they reach Qinghe and she brings them to that cottage they must now live in.

“This is a prison, not a home,” she tells Lan Xichen. “If you don’t follow my rules, if you are not grateful enough, I will make you regret that the Jins didn't poison you.”

“I’ll be on my best behaviour,” Lan Xichen promises.

“Make sure of that. Or else your children…” Nie Huaisang pauses, and laughs. “Ah, but perhaps threatening them won’t do much? You’ve been so willing to let the others die, perhaps you care as little as he did?”

She laughs and laughs, as if Lan Xichen’s misery were the height of amusement to her.

Lan Xichen can’t even hate her for it.

She wishes she could hate her.

It would be easier to hate her, if she didn’t remember loving Nie Huaisang more than life itself.

Nie Huaisang was a different person then, a sweet and pretty girl who lived for pretty dresses and kisses. And yet when Lan Xichen watches that woman who hides behind fans as she sets the world on fire, she can almost glimpse again at the girl who owned her heart.

-

It broke Lan Xichen’s heart to return to the burned ruins of her home. Everything once familiar had become foreign, making her feel unwelcome in the place she’d been longing for during those harrowing weeks away.

She had missed her father’s funeral, which she minded less than she ought to, and her uncle’s coronation, which mattered more to her than it did to him.

She had nearly died, more than once, and although she was coming home, she knew she would soon risk her life again. Her uncle wanted her to help him in the Cloud Recesses, he’d said as much, because a girl’s place was at home. However Lan Xichen had already borrowed some male robes so she could disguise herself and join the Sunshot Campaign. She was as strong as any man in their sect, stronger than most, in fact. Why shouldn’t she fight for their freedom too?

She knew her uncle would forgive her, someday. 

She hoped she would survive to be forgiven.

But before she could throw herself into harm's way, Lan Xichen needed to sleep. All those weeks on the run, she'd barely slept. Luckily the women’s side of the Cloud Recesses had been less damaged, and her room was still there, nearly intact. The shadows of night helped her pretend she couldn’t see everything that had changed there too. Exhausted and hopeless, Lan Xichen dropped her ruined dress for the last time, knowing when morning came she would put on a disguise.

But as Lan Xichen stood in the cold air, nearly naked, she realised she was not alone. There was someone in her bed, curled under her blanket, with just one shapely leg sticking out. Had it been anyone else, that would not have been enough to recognise this person. But Lan Xichen had spent so much time between Nie Huaisang's legs, she would have known her by touch alone. 

Poor Nie Huaisang, sent there for her own protection once more, Lan Qiren has said, though he had not informed his niece that her friend had made herself at home in her room. Perhaps he didn't know. She must have been so bored. Nie Huaisang hated everything about the Cloud Recesses, except for the game Lan Xichen and her played behind locked doors. She must have come there to find some comfort, in this place where they had been so happy.

The night was not warm. Lan Xichen, staring at that exposed leg, was moved by pity and longing. She knelt down next to the bed and pulled gently on the blanket, trying to cover Nie Huaisang without waking her. In spite of her efforts the other girl quickly stirred awake, even sitting up and grumbling against waking so early.

Nie Huaisang’s grumbling ceased as soon as she recognised Lan Xichen.

“Jiejie, are you a ghost?” she whispered.

“I don’t think I am,” Lan Xichen replied, offering her hand for Nie Huaisang to touch so she could find out for herself.

Nie Huaisang ignored that hand and instead threw herself in Lan Xichen’s arms, pressing their lips together. She was still warm from sleep, and the heat of her skin almost burned Lan Xichen, making her realise how cold she’d been.

“I was so scared for you,” Nie Huaisang sobbed against Lan Xichen’s mouth. “I thought you were gone, I thought they’d killed you! Jiejie, I love you so much and I thought you were dead.”

Freezing at those words, Lan Xichen tried to pull away, but Nie Huaisang only clinged to her more tightly.

“No, I don’t care what you say!” Nie Huaisang insisted, glaring through heavy tears. “Other girls aren’t like that with their friends! You know it’s something else! You can’t keep saying I’m not really in love with you, not when… jiejie, if you’d died… I love you so much, if you’d died I would have died too!”

“Girls can’t love other girls,” Lan Xichen whispered, trying to convince herself more than Huaisang.

“Why not? You said one time that Wangji is in love with a boy! Isn’t it the same?”

“It’s not. Men are… boys are… they can…”

Men could be trusted to fight for their families when their home was attacked, instead of being sent running for fear they’d be captured and raped. Men could live their lives as they pleased, break any rules they wanted, as long as they were confident enough. Men could love whoever they wanted, and never be shamed for it.

Men could do everything.

Lan Xichen ached with envy.

“If you were a boy, would you love me?” Nie Huaisang asked, pressing a kiss to Lan Xichen’s jaw. “Would you take me as your cultivation companion?”

A shiver ran through Lan Xichen. Something like that… if things were that way… and yet even with all the pain it caused her to be dismissed, she did not wish to be other than she was. In the morning she would wear men’s clothes and borrow a man’s name to go to war, but only as a last resort.

“I wouldn’t want to be a man,” Lan Xichen said.

“What if I were one?” Nie Huaisang stubbornly suggested. “Would you love me then?”

That sounded wrong too, for some reason. Lan Xichen didn’t want Nie Huaisang to be anything but the sweet, plump girl she was. She wanted to love Nie Huaisang as they both were, even while being unsure it was possible at all.

“If you were a boy, we’d be married already,” Lan Xichen still retorted. “I could be yours, truly yours.”

Nie Huaisang kissed her again, gentle and devouring in turn, slowly but steadily dragging Lan Xichen in bed with her.

It was stupid, when Lan Xichen desperately needed sleep, but she needed this even more.

They stayed awake until dawn, sometimes exchanging caresses, other times trading tales of their time apart. Lan Xichen told Nie Huaisang things she’d kept hidden from her uncle, gave her a truer account of events, even when it would scare Nie Huaisang, simply because to lie would have been unbearable. She talked about Meng Yao, who had hidden her in a brothel, the safest she’d been that whole time. Nie Huaisang in turn confessed what she hadn’t told her brother about her time as a prisoner of the Wens with other juniors, boys from both sides trying to touch her just because she was an easy target, how Wei Wuxian had gotten in trouble sometimes to protect her and other girls.

Wei Wuxian was likely dead now, and Meng Yao had disappeared back to his ordinary life, but they agreed they both owed these men a debt, one they hope to repay someday.

As they watched the night sky colour with the first shades of sunrise, Nie Huaisang clung tighter to Lan Xichen, knowing light would bring new separation. Lan Xichen almost wanted to reconsider her plan and stay in the Cloud Recesses to steal what happiness was still to be found in the world.

She had to go, though.

To help her family, to uphold their ideals, certainly. But she now had more selfish motives as well.

If she could prove she was as good as any man, would she be allowed to keep Nie Huaisang at her side, the way men’s passions for other men were tolerated if their reputations were great enough?

“I’d be a good husband for you,” Nie Huaisang whispered against her neck. “I would let you do as you pleased. You’d still go on Night Hunts, and I wouldn’t force you to stop cultivating, like other husbands do sometimes. I wouldn’t care that you’re more powerful than me. You’re stronger than anyone, anyway. Well, except Da-ge, maybe.”

“I’d love to be your wife,” Lan Xichen replied, tracing patterns on Nie Huaisang’s back with one finger. “I don’t think anything could make me happier.”

She felt more than saw Nie Huaisang’s smile against her skin, and sighed.

To be married, to be together forever, with no one ever able to separate them…

She would cling to that dream, when she was fighting the Wens.

-

It takes Lan Xichen a few days to realise what has changed in Nie Huaisang since they’ve arrived in Qinghe. She thinks at first it is merely that the other woman no longer plays her pitiful comedy around her. Nie Huaisang still hides behind masks where others see her, but she lets herself be as vicious as she likes around her prisoner. She knows how worthless Lan Xichen’s word has become, so why bother hiding?

Why she still visits Lan Xichen at all is apparently the topic of much gossip among disciples of Qinghe Nie and servants. Some think it is pity, others suspect Nie Huaisang still desperately needs advice to rule her sect. The truth is more simple.

Nie Huaisang likes to see Lan Xichen suffer.

That is why she comes so often. It is why she will play with Jin Yan with sincere affection one moment, and the next subtly threaten to crush the girl’s eyes like ripe grapes.

Nie Huaisang has always been passionate. If she cannot love, she will hate, there is no middle ground.

Lan Xichen would sooner die than admit she’d rather cause hatred than indifference. That is her secret to bear, another one to add to the pile. This particular secret she hopes to take to the tomb. If Nie Huaisang knew, she would make herself indifferent, just out of spite.

So Lan Xichen bears with Nie Huaisang’s disdain as well as she can. She hears her daughter threatened, her choices mocked. Even her unborn child is used against her.

“If it’s a boy, I’ll drown him myself,” Nie Huaisang cheerfully remarks one morning, as they sit together in the garden around Lan Xichen’s cottage.

Jin Yan is playing far enough that she can’t hear them, or Nie Huaisang wouldn’t dare to be so openly cruel. She takes too much joy in making the little girl love her, perhaps so it will cause greater pain when she kills the child. Dozens of times, Lan Xichen has thought of warning her daughter against sect leader Nie. Dozens of times she’s decided Jin Yan is safer if she doesn’t know, if Nie Huaisang can be entertained by her innocent trust.

“I can let you have girls,” Nie Huaisang goes on, shuffling closer so she can nuzzle Lan Xichen’s neck as tenderly as she used to do. “They’ll be weak willed, like you. Easily sent to a man’s bed and bred for children like their mother, should they start to pose a problem. But a son you might raise to want revenge, and I can’t tolerate that.”

Lan Xichen’s hand goes to her stomach, already round enough that it makes everything difficult. She has a month more to go, give or take, and she does not know what sex her child will be. People always told her that mothers knew these things, but every child she’s given birth to has been a surprise.

“What a mother you are,” Nie Huaisang sneers, covering Lan Xichen’s hand with her own, the way she’d done when Lan Xichen was expecting Jin Rusong, trying to feel the movement of a son that wasn’t hers, a son she often said she wanted to claim. “You cry for them, but you’ve never protected a single one of them. If it were me…”

“But you always said you would never bear children,” Lan Xichen replies without thinking. “You used to say you didn’t have the temper for it.”

“I don’t,” Nie Huaisang agrees, pulling back and sitting a little more stiffly. “I’d argue that after letting four children of yours die with hardly a tear, you hardly have the temper for it either. But of course you’ve always been so desperate to lie to yourself, to think you could be normal. How has that worked out for you, jiejie? Is normality worth the price you paid for it?”

It isn't. 

It never was. 

Even when she agreed to marry Jin Guangyao, Lan Xichen had known she was making a mistake.

She’s only now realising how great that mistake was, though. Because being here, as Nie Huaisang’s prisoner, exposed to Nie Huaisang’s hatred… living like this is still better than what her life with her husband had become.

Inside her cottage, within her garden, Lan Xichen is the only mistress of her life. She doesn’t need to worry about Carp Tower’s endless gossip. She doesn’t have to mind Jin Guangyao's reputation, the threats against his position. There are no parties to oversee, no sect leaders' tempers to mollify. She gets to play with her daughter, to teach her as she likes. Jin Yan is thriving, too, eager to learn, curious about everything now that she’s allowed to be.

For this, too, she paid a terrible price.

But Lan Xichen minds Jin Guangyao's blood on her hand less than she once minded the loss of everything dear to her.

“If you had any dignity, you’d find poison for yourself and your bastards,” Nie Huaisang says as she stands up. “Or you’d have used your sword to end it all. But if you had any dignity, you wouldn’t have ended up like this in the first place.”

Lan Xichen says nothing. 

She does not say that Nie Huaisang had every poisonous flower torn from her garden the day she arrived there, right in front of Lan Xichen, taunting her the whole time that she would not so easily escape. She does not say that Nie Huaisang has confiscated her sword and only allows her to train with it under supervision from her disciples, that there are no sharp objects in her cottage, nor even any pottery Lan Xichen might shatter to use their shards as a knife.

Lan Xichen doesn’t understand this new game they’re playing. 

She doesn’t think she’s meant to understand.

All she can think, as she watches Nie Huaisang leave the garden, is that she’s finally realised what felt so different about the other woman.

For years now, Nie Huaisang has taken to wearing men’s robes, as do the few other women in Qinghe Nie. Because she is small, because her body is plump, those robes never fit well, somehow too big and too tight at once, making little sect leader Nie a ridiculous sight for the decade she’s been ruling.

Today, though, the robes are perfectly tailored to fit her. 

-

Jin Guangyao's visit was unpleasant to begin with.

But no, Lan Xichen couldn't think that about the man who had saved her, the man who had saved Nie Mingjue too, and ended the war for everyone. His visits could never be unpleasant. 

A little ill-timed then, maybe. 

It had been a lovely morning up until then. Nie Huaisang had arrived at the Cloud Recesses just the day before, intending to stay there some weeks, as had become her habit since the end of the Sunshot Campaign. Lan Xichen and her had made love all night, and were now nestled together on a sofa while Nie Huaisang read aloud a book of poetry she'd brought. 

Life couldn't get better than that, Lan Xichen had thought several times that morning. They were so happy together, and lucky enough to be left to their happiness. 

Marriage, the one threat to their lives, was no threat at all these days. Not when Nie Mingjue had already proclaimed he would respect his sister's choice to remain an old maid. Not when nobody wanted to marry Lan Xichen, the reputation she'd earned as a hero of the Sunshot Campaign making every man fear they'd end up chained to a new Madam Yu. 

They were happy, and with this being their first chance to be together since the death of Wei Wuxian, they were determined to let no one come in the way of their joy. 

But Jin Guangyao was not just anyone. When Lan Xichen was informed she had a guest, she reluctantly made herself presentable and forced Nie Huaisang to do the same. 

Jin Guangyao looked to be in a pitiful state when he arrived. Makeup couldn't quite hide the black eye which  his cultivation wasn't good enough to heal. But he still smiled as he greeted his two friends, and after some polite small chat, explained the reason for his presence. It was an awkward request, one he looked truly sorry to be making, one he made with the certainty it would be denied, and yet his circumstances since the death of Jin Zixuan had become so dire that he had to try even this. 

When he was done explaining, Lan Xichen asked for some time to think about it. She sent him to the men's quarters, where her uncle would welcome him like a guest while she made up her mind. 

As soon as they were alone again, Nie Huaisang exploded. 

"I can't believe he dares to propose again! Does he have no self respect?" 

Lan Xichen, who until then had been too shocked to know how to feel, couldn't hide a small grimace. At least this time Jin Guangyao hadn't tried to first ask Nie Huaisang, perhaps because she'd turned him down so rudely when he'd done that after the Sunshot Campaign. His father would probably have preferred to see him married to Nie Huaisang though, because that would have given Jin Guangshan something to use against Nie Mingjue. 

If he had asked Nie Huaisang, Lan Xichen might have suspected Jin Guangyao of trying to please his father. But he had asked her instead, and that meant Jin Guangyao was just desperate for help and protection, now that his half-brother's death was somewhat blamed on him. 

"His position is a difficult one," Lan Xichen remarked. "He's the heir but only barely. He's Jin Guangshan's best option, but that man is so set in his ways he'd rather let his sect collapse after his death than allow A-Yao to rule. But like A-Yao said, if he had support…" 

"You're not thinking of accepting, are you?" 

Lan Xichen guiltily looked away, fearing the anger that was sure to show on Nie Huaisang’s face. She didn't want to accept, but she owed Jin Guangyao so much, she had the power to help, and he'd looked so desperate… 

"You already have a husband," Nie Huaisang hissed. "You can't marry him, you're married to me!" 

"You know it's not the same," Lan Xichen sighed. "Our marriage isn't… Even your brother wouldn't count it as binding."

Nie Mingjue had watched them take their bows, certainly, and he was supportive, allowing his sister to run to her wife as often as she pleased. But at the end of the day, Nie Mingjue was a practical man. He knew their marriage was a game of play pretend, just as Lan Xichen knew it.

The only one who refused to see things that way was Nie Huaisang. 

"I married you!" She cried out, breaking into tears. "I'm your husband and you're my wife! How could I let you go to some man, let you bear his children…" 

"I won't!" Lan Xichen protested, taking her hands. "You heard A-Yao, he said he wouldn't ask anything of me in private. I would stay faithful to you!" 

"But having children isn't a private thing," Nie Huaisang sobbed. "If this marriage is all about saving his image, he'll need at least one son!"

"He promised," Lan Xichen insisted, though she was less sure now. 

But they were friends, Jin Guangyao and her, and aside from a proposal at the end of the year and this new one right then, he'd always treated her the way he'd have treated a man. He didn't want to marry her out of love or lust, so surely he wouldn't want to sleep with her. She couldn't conceive of taking to bed someone she didn't adore (she couldn't conceive of taking anyone who wasn't Nie Huaisang) and surely a man as gentle and respectable as Jin Guangyao had to be the same. 

Nie Huaisang and her argued a while longer, until Lan Xichen had to leave for a lesson to some of the younger girls. Nie Huaisang refused to kiss her before she left. She was too busy crying her heart out, her pretty round face made blotchy by the strength of her tears.

Those tears had dried by the time Lan Xichen returned, but Nie Huaisang still didn’t come to meet her wife at the door. She remained sprawled on the sofa, her face hidden in the book of poetry from which she had been so lovingly reading that morning.

There was no point in talking to Nie Huaisang when she was that angry. All Lan Xichen could do was weather the storm, and show how sorry she was.

Without a word, Lan Xichen went to fetch her guqin and set it up. That alone was already a plea for forgiveness; when she played for herself she favoured the xiao, but her husband preferred the sound of the guqin. In case the message wasn’t clear enough, Lan Xichen also picked a melody Nie Huaisang particularly loved.

That song finished without so much as a glance from Nie Huaisang, as did the next one. By the third piece, though, the poetry book finally lowered and Nie Huaisang stared at her wife with a pensive expression.

"Do you think his father would really kick him out?" Nie Huaisang asked during the moment of silence that followed the third song.

"I think that's the least cruel thing Jin zongzhu might do," Lan Xichen honestly replied, stretching her fingers before starting another melody. A simpler one this time, so she didn’t have to think about it too much as they spoke. "You know how he is. You've seen how he treats A-Yao. If he really wants to blame him for Jin Zixun and Jin Zixuan going to confront Wei Wuxian alone that day… A-Yao will probably be killed, and no one inside the Jin sect will dare to protest, not even the allies he's made."

Nie Huaisang waited for the end of that song to speak again.

"He saved Da-ge," she mumbled hesitantly. "I probably owe him too for that, don't I?" 

That particular debt was less clear than Lan Xichen's own. Nie Mingjue resented having been saved by a man he'd grown to despise, and seemed to consider that merely allowing Jin Guangyao to live in spite of certain things he'd done during the war had erased his debt.

"I don't want you to marry him," Nie Huaisang went on, while motioning that Lan Xichen should continue playing. "You're my wife. But… I don't want him to die either. He's so nice, when he's not trying to propose. And you'd be dead without him. Just for that, I have to like him. And if I like him… I should want to help, right?"

Lan Xichen frowned, and stared at her own fingers to avoid seeing her husband’s expression.

"Choose whatever you want," Nie Huaisang said at last. "As long as you don’t break up with me, I’ll accept anything.”

Lan Xinchen’s fingers struck the strings too roughly, producing a dissonant note that hurt her ears.

Why did Nie Huaisang have to choose that moment to be selfless? She never cared about the lives of others, never paid politics any attention, why change now, when Lan Xichen had been counting on her lover’s selfishness to give her an excuse to turn down Jin Guangyao? If Nie Huaisang had gone on crying, if she’d begged Lan Xichen to refuse, of course Lan Xichen would have done anything to please her. Jin Guangyao’s friendship wasn’t worth risking her cultivation companion.

But if Nie Huaisang gave in to reason, Lan Xichen’s only chance at selfishness vanished.

If Lan Xichen had to choose alone, of course she had to be kind, of course she had to help her friend the only way she could.

She did not want to be kind.

She wanted to stay like this forever. She wanted to help her uncle by being his voice and ears in the female half of the sect, comfortable in the home she had known all her life, the home she had fought so hard to defend. She wanted to teach juniors of her own sect during the day, and spend her night with her true husband, the woman she loved. 

Lan Xichen wanted and wanted and wanted.

But she was lucky to have had that much already. Compared to her father, to her brother, she’d been happy for so long. And Jin Guangyao had been so desperate earlier, he’d only bothered her because he had no choice, because he feared for his life, because he was scared of what would happen if he was no longer around to desperately push the Jin sect toward more righteousness with what little power he had.

She owed him that.

Do not be selfish, the rules said, and she owed Jin Guangyao so much.

That night, she told him he could talk to her uncle about marrying her. Jin Guangyao looked both relieved and sincerely sorry when she gave her answer. It comforted Lan Xichen a little, she took it as proof that it would really be a marriage of convenience and nothing else, that they would live together as good friends rather than spouses.

And yet, just as Nie Huaisang had predicted, on their wedding night Jin Guangyao started arguing for at least one child. Lan Xichen gave in, feeling shamefully naive for having believed she could stay faithful to her true husband. Just one child, she made him promise, and he assured her he’d never dare to ask for more.

She almost cried when she felt Jin Guangyao inside her, though he tried to be gentle. Her reaction, combined with the fact she was no longer a virgin, caused Jin Guangyao to try to comfort her after. Things happened during a war, he said, and he promised he wouldn't pry into what happened to her.

Lan Xichen tried to feel grateful for his kindness. 

She only was truly grateful when he finally left her bed.

-

Rainy days are the worst in the little cottage. The rest of the time, it doesn’t matter that this place is small. If Lan Xichen wants some quiet, she can go in the garden with Jin Yan and let the little girl run among the bamboo. But when the weather turns bad, and it often does in the Unclean Realm, the little house really feels like the prison it is.

It doesn’t help that Lan Xichen has been feeling unwell since yesterday. It started lightly, some vague aches in her limbs last night, and something like the threat of a headache in the back of her skull. Since this morning her entire body has been feeling heavy, enough so that she can barely move. She’s managed to do her normal chores until lunch, taught since childhood to push past any temporary weakness, but once she sat down to eat, she found she simply couldn’t get up anymore.

Jin Yan still has plenty of energy, though, and keeps asking her mother to play with her, to tell her a story, to sing her a song. Instead, Lan Xichen offers to give her a cultivation lesson.

It’s what her uncle used to do, when Lan Wangji and her were young and he wanted them to stay quiet. Lan Qiren had known how much they wanted to become great immortal heroes, so he always had their complete attention. And while his niece and nephew meditated, he was sure to have a moment of quiet to rest or take care of sect business.

Just like them, Jin Yan is an eager student. She’s desperate to do good, maybe thinking her mother will be less sad if she works hard. At least, Lan Xichen vaguely remembers having thoughts of that sort once she started realising her uncle and her mother weren’t very happy people (neither was her father, she supposes, but him she hardly ever met).

The lesson goes well at first. Jin Yan controls her breathing very well, better than Lan Xichen thought she did at that age. The little girl is getting into the flow of meditation when Nie Huaisang comes into the cottage, drenched from the heavy rain and dripping everywhere on Lan Xichen’s floor.

“I wanted to make sure you weren’t cold,” she said with a charming smile. “Oh, you’ve lit a fire, wonderful! I was worried… it gets so much colder here than it does in Lanling!”

Of course Jin Yan is delighted to have a visitor. She runs to Nie Huaisang, radiating pride.

“Nie-jiejie, mommy is teaching me cultivation!” she announces. “I’m very good at it!”

“Fancy that,” Nie Huaisang says with a pout. “My little Yan-er, already cultivating… But is that really useful?”

“Yes!” Jin Yan replies with a grin. “I will be a great cultivator! I will help people and be strong! I’ll have a sword, and I’ll kill bad people! Just like mommy!”

Nie Huaisang smirks. Lan Xichen blushes.

She’s not the one who filled her daughter’s head with stories. It’s just things Jin Yan picked up, hearing people talk about the Sunshot Campaign. Lan Qiren might be to blame as well. As stern a parent as he was for his brother’s children, he’s always gone soft around his great-niece and has delighted her many times with tales of her mother’s youth, how she went to war for her people.

Someday, Lan Xichen will have to let her daughter know what sort of a person she really is.

Not today, though. She prays to any god listening that it doesn’t have to be today. She doesn’t have the strength to face Jin Yan's reaction to the truth. 

“My oh my, is your mother some sort of a hero, then?” Nie Huaisang asks, to which Jin Yan can’t nod fast enough. Nie Huaisang laughs, and smiles at Lan Xichen. “And now you’re teaching your daughter. But I must repeat my question, jiejie. Is this all really useful? I can’t imagine you did much of that in Lanling.”

Lan Xichen looks away.

She used to complain to Nie Huaisang about how much she missed the way she lived in the Cloud Recesses. The woman married to a sect leader is not allowed to live as she pleases, least of all when his reputation is perpetually one misstep away from destruction.

When she unsheathed her sword to kill Jin Guangyao that night, it was the first time in years that she’d had a chance to use it.

“Maybe you should teach your daughter more useful things,” Nie Huaisang muses. She crouches next to Jin Yan, and pokes her gently in the rib. “What does my YanYan say? Should she give up on cultivation and learn something useful, like how to bow elegantly, or how to balance a budget?”

“What’s a budget?” Jin Yan asks, even as she already shakes her head.

“Oh, it’s a very terrible thing,” Nie Huaisang assures her, poking her again. “The very worst. It’s deciding if there’s enough money for sweets, and then buying cabbage anyway, because sweets aren’t allowed for grownups. Do you want to learn that, instead of cultivation?”

“No!” Jin Yan shrieks, laughing. “Nie-jiejie, I wanna learn to be like mommy!”

“But your mother did more budgeting in her life than she did cultivation,” Nie Huaisang assures her with a falsely severe expression. “If you want to cultivate, you can’t count on mommy at all. But maybe if you went to class with my disciples… wouldn’t you like that, YanYan? And then, you’d be Nie Yan, how cute would that be!”

Of course Jin Yan just laughs and laughs, delighted by her dear Nie-jiejie’s nonsense. If Lan Xichen were not so unwell, she’d pick up her daughter in her arms and beg Nie Huaisang to leave them alone. But her body feels so heavy that just the thought of getting up makes her want to cry.

Maybe it’s not just the weather after all.

“Well, jiejie, will you let me give my name to your daughter?” Nie Huaisang asks with a cruel smile that turns into a frown when she turns her eyes to Lan Xichen. “What’s wrong with you now?”

“I’m just a little tired,” Lan Xichen replies as lightly as she can. “I’ll be better tomorrow.”

Unconvinced by that lie, Nie Huaisang gets back on her feet and comes closer to press a hand to Lan Xichen’s forehead. Her skin is freezing, when it always used to feel so warm.

“A slight fever perhaps,” Nie Huaisang notes. “And you looked off yesterday too. I’ll have someone come check on you later.”

“It’s fine,” Lan Xichen protests. “I’m fine,” she insists when Jin Yan trots to her and clings to her skirts. “Mommy is just a little tired from making a baby, it’s normal. We’ll continue the lesson tomorrow.”

“Yes, mommy is working so hard,” Nie Huaisang sneers. “Making babies is what she’s best at. It’s all she’s good at, maybe.”

Jin Yan turns to stare at Nie Huaisang, a puzzled expression on her face, as if she can feel her mother’s pain, but can’t quite understand that her funny Nie-jiejie is the one causing it. Nie Huaisang is soon back to the more charming version of herself anyway, advising Lan Xichen to rest, ruffling Jin Yan’s hair and kissing her cheeks. When she leaves, she promises again to send a doctor their way, because she would hate it if anything happened to Lan Xichen and her unborn child.

She might even mean it.

-

To Lan Xichen’s immense relief, she fell pregnant almost immediately after her marriage. Jin Guangyao kept his word, and stopped visiting her at night. As for Nie Huaisang, she immediately flew to Lanling to be with her wife. 

It was unwise to announce that pregnancy to anyone so early. But Lan Xichen refused to keep any secrets from Nie Huaisang. A wife shouldn’t hide these things from her husband, she told herself, and Nie Huaisang was still her husband, in a way Jin Guangyao would never be.

More than that, Lan Xichen desperately needed the company.

Life in Lanling was so much worse than she had expected it to be. Madam Jin couldn’t go a day without insulting the bride of the bastard who had taken her son’s rightful place. She didn’t dare to hit Lan Xichen the way she still did sometimes with Jin Guangyao, because the Lan sect would never have borne with such an attack, but words could do worse damage than blows. And Jin Guangshan did not help the matter, with the way he sometimes looked at his daughter-in-law. Lan Xichen tried to avoid him, especially on nights when he’d had too much to drink.

But with Nie Huaisang at her side, none of that mattered anymore. With her cultivation companion helping her, Lan Xichen found renewed strength to defend Jin Guangyao when others attacked him where she could hear, until no one dared speak openly against him except for his father and his father's wife. Not only that, but Nie Huaisang’s presence initially felt like an implicit message that Nie Mingjue too supported his former deputy.

That impression was maintained for the first few months of Lan Xichen’s pregnancy, when Nie Huaisang came to see her every week, spending more time in Lanling than she did in Qinghe. But during the fifth month of Lan Xichen’s pregnancy, there was an incident caused by a guest disciple of the Jin sect, an unpleasant boy called Xue Yang. An entire sect had been slaughtered, Lan Xichen was told, and Nie Mingjue was demanding justice.

After this, Nie Huaisang was not allowed to visit Langling anymore.

She still wrote, of course. She wrote many letters that Lan Xichen had to burn after reading, lest they be discovered by the servants she doesn’t quite trust and used against her or Jin Guangyao. Nie Huaisang’s letters were full of tears, full of love, full of desire. More importantly, they carried concerning news regarding Nie Mingjue’s health, whose temper had been degrading in a manner that could only mean one thing for a leader of Qinghe Nie.

Back in the Cloud Recesses, no one would have batted an eye at Lan Xichen travelling to the Unclean Realm to play healing songs for her oldest friend. But Carp Tower was not the Cloud Recesses, and Lan Xichen was no longer the First Jade of Lan. She was merely the Young Madam Jin, a wife, a future mother, a walking womb. Jin Guangshan and his wife might not care much about the child she was carrying, the unwanted offspring of an undesirable bastard, but they were quick to take its existence as an excuse to restrict her liberty. Lan Xichen was discouraged from practising with her sword, or to improve her cultivation until the child was born. She could not be allowed to be alone anymore. Her meals were closely watched. And, naturally, she was strictly forbidden from going to Qinghe.

“Those things are not your concern anymore,” Madam Jin said when Lan Xichen begged her to intercede in her favour. “A girl your age has no place in politics. Not to mention Nie zongzhu is a dangerous man, one who has positioned himself as an enemy to your husband’s father. If you went, people would say we are selling off our daughters to appease that man.”

“I am grateful that Jin-Furen now sees me as her daughter,” Lan Xichen had replied, much to Madam Jin’s displeasure who must not have intended to grant her that title. 

A pitiful victory, and one Lan Xichen would use someday.

Until then, she changed her plans. If she couldn’t play Cleansing for Nie Mingjue, someone else would have to do it. It was lucky, then, that Jin Guangyao was a gifted musician, that he had been tasked with dealing with Nie Mingjue on account of their former collaboration.

Jin Guangyao learned the melody.

Nie Mingjue’s temper improved, as did his patience.

Nie Huaisang returned to Lanling, almost as cheerful as she used to be.

Lan Xichen was happy again, or as close to it as she could hope to be these days.

It did not please Madam Jin, the way her daughter-in-law would sometimes disappear with her dear friend Nie Huaisang. Of course Lan Xichen tried to be serious and dependable, because Jin Guangyao was counting on her. But sometimes the rules and habits of Carp Tower felt too ridiculous, too pointless, so she exaggerated the aches her pregnancy caused, just to steal an afternoon in bed with Nie Huaisang when she visited.

Like this, with her true husband curled against her side, hidden in a comfortable bed, Lan Xichen thought that life wasn’t so bad. Nie Huaisang and her talked about the child, pretending it was theirs, that no one else had been involved in its conception. Lan Xichen hoped for a boy, so she wouldn’t have to go through that again. But Nie Huaisang thought a girl would be nice too, a pretty little girl that would look like her mother and be just as brave and clever. A boy would belong to the Jin sect and be closely watched by everyone, while a little girl wouldn’t matter as much and thus could go on extended holidays in Qinghe with her mother. Lanling was fine and all, but Nie Huaisang missed having her wife in her own home, and Nie Mingjue often complained that letters were not the same as seeing his friend in person.

Soon, Lan Xichen hoped.

Everything was fine now, she told herself. It had been no small sacrifice to marry Jin Guangyao, but she was glad she had done it, because it had solved so many problems.

That contentment lasted a few more months, until Lan Xichen was nearly ready to give birth. She’d been sent into confinement for the last two weeks of her pregnancy, with no visitors allowed except close family, not even Nie Huaisang. Madam Jin, who’d never been fond of that close friendship, had firmly ordered that Nie Huaisang in particular wouldn’t see Lan Xichen until after the birth. 

Lan Xichen, isolated from the world, had no idea what went on behind the walls of her room. She thought sometimes that the servants looked at her funny, that Jin Guangyao was oddly nervous. He assured her that he was not, and although Lan Xichen recognised that as a lie, she assumed he was worried about the birth to come, as many fathers were. Even among cultivators, it was not without risks.

Perhaps that was why nobody shared any news with her. They had to fear a shock would harm her and her child. She wouldn’t find out anything had happened until the hundredth’s day celebration. Only then did Madam Jin and Jin Guangyao finally sit her down to explain what was sure to be on everyone’s mind during the party, just so she wouldn’t be caught by surprise when other sect leaders asked her what she thought of those events.

Even when they finally told her, details were sparse. Madam Jin stuck to the official version, because that was all she knew, all she wanted to know. Jin Guangyao, who had seen it unfold, would have known more, but he was reluctant to talk about those events.

There could have been the option of asking Nie Huaisang at the party. She would have known, too.

Lan Xichen loved Nie Huaisang too much to ever ask her any questions.

All she knew, then, was that after weeks of peace, there had been a new argument between Jin Guangyao and Nie Mingjue. It concerned Xue Yang, once again. But this time their argument had taken a turn for the worse when Nie Mingjue had suffered a Qi deviation in public. It shouldn’t have been possible, not with Jin Guangyao playing Cleansing for him every week, and yet it still happened. Nie Mingjue had attacked blindly all those who’d been in his path as he tried to kill Jin Guangyao, even wounding his own sister. His rampage only ended when he finally dropped dead.

Jin Guangyao, out of friendship and pity for Nie Huaisang, had stayed at her side after the incident. He would have preferred to return to the woman he’d married, who would soon bring his first child into the world, but Nie Huaisang needed his help too much. She might have been Nie Mingjue’s heir, chosen by him years before, her support within the Unclean Realm was limited, and she might have been ousted if Jin Guangyao hadn’t been there for her.

And so it was that the new sect leader Nie buried her brother on the same day Lan Xichen gave birth to her son Jin Rusong.

-

Having become a mother five times already, Lan Xichen recognises the first pangs of childbirth as soon as she feels them in the middle of the night. She should wake Jin Yan and send her daughter to fetch the Nie sect’s doctor. This pregnancy, unlike her previous ones, has not been proceeding easily. In fact, she’s been forced to keep to her bed for the last two weeks. The Nie doctor says it must be the shock of everything that has happened in the past year finally catching up with her. Nie Huaisang, less kindly, has accused her of taking poisons, and had the cottage searched, the servants interrogated.

Lan Xichen took no herbs to get rid of a child she never wanted in the first place. But as he feels the ebb and flow of pressure against her back, she considers staying silent and letting herself bleed to death on her bed, her fate never discovered until morning. But it would be Jin Yan finding her, and that is too cruel for a little girl whose life already won’t be happy. Lan Xichen can’t do much for her daughter, but she can live, and protect her a little longer.

Jin Yan wakes up quickly when Lan Xichen shakes her. She grumbles at first, but when her mother explains what’s going on, when she is given a mission, Jin Yan cannot hop out of bed fast enough. She’s desperate to meet this new little brother (“Nie-jiejie said to pray for a boy!”) and barely throws on a coat before she runs out of the cottage to warn whoever she can find.

For what feels like an eternity, Lan Xichen is left alone. She controls her breathing the way she’s learned to, but very soon the pain is too intense for that, worse than anything she’s ever felt. 

She really might die like this.

She might die and Jin Yan will be left at Nie Huaisang’s mercy, which is no mercy at all.

She can’t let another of her children die.

Overcome with fear and pain, Lan Xichen bites down screams of anguish. Even when the doctor finally arrives, followed by Nie Huaisang who carries Jin Yan in her arms, the terror does not abate. Not when the doctor takes one look at her and advises that they send for a midwife in Qinghe, an old woman who knows better than him how to deal with a difficult birth.

“We’ll see about that,” Nie Huaisang replies, and through her agony Lan Xichen can pretend she hears concerns in the voice of the woman who once loved her. “Just do what you can for now.”

In her arms Jin Yan is crying and begging for her mother. Nie Huaisang ignores the child’s cries and carries her away.

Nie Huaisang always hated the sight of blood. Even for the joy of watching Lan Xichen die, she won’t subject herself to something that disgusts her.

It is a long and difficult birth. Lan Xichen is too weak. The child is not presenting itself right. She has lost too much blood. She hears the doctor mutter to his assistant that even if she manages to give birth, she’s likely to die soon after.

But at last the old midwife arrives, much sooner than anyone would have expected. Nie Huaisang must have sent someone flying to get her. In a moment of delirium, Lan Xichen imagines that perhaps Nie Huaisang went herself, that she still loves her enough for that.

It would be a pretty delusion to die with.

But Lan Xichen doesn’t get to die just yet. She has to survive and hear her child’s first cry, weak at first, then loud enough it seems to drown out every noise around her.

Another child she never asked for.

Another child that is taken from her immediately after the birth, though she begs with all the strength she has left to see it, to hold it at least once.

“I’ll give it to you when I’ve washed it,” the old midwife barks as she leaves the cottage, Lan Xichen’s newborn in her arms.

It’s a lie Lan Xichen has heard before. They said the same about the daughters that came after Jin Yan. Back then she had strength, but she didn’t know better, she didn't think a father could order the death of children whose sex he doesn't like, that his orders would be obeyed. 

She knows now, but has no strength to protect her child. 

Even breathing is too much effort after that excruciating birth, and all too soon Lan Xichen feels her mind slip to darkness, still wondering what will become of her children if she dies.

-

Lan Xichen did not cry when her father-in-law died, though she made sure to play the part of a grieving daughter. The last thing Jin Guangyao needed was for someone to point at his too cheerful wife and accuse him of something insane, like having murdered his father somehow.

But really, Lan Xichen, to her mild horror, is glad that Jin Guangshan is dead.

Once Jin Guangyao became sect leader, things changed for the better in Carp Tower. He finally had the power to enact all the reforms he had dreamed of, and he lost no time in doing so. New rules were set in place to help commoners who needed it but couldn’t pay Lanling Jin’s usual prices. Xue Yang, who had been freed after Nie Mingjue’s death, was sent back to a cell and then, at Lan Xichen’s insistence, executed for his crime. She found no pleasure in his death, but she had hoped Nie Huaisang would, when Xue Yang’s crimes had been the reason her brother’s health degraded so quickly.

Poor Nie Huaisang didn't react quite the way Lan Xichen expected when her wife shared the news. She just blankly stared at Lan Xichen, miserable and pitiful in her ill-fitting men’s clothes. 

"Just think," Lan Xichen insisted. "Da-ge can rest in peace now."

Her mouth twisting into a monstrous grimace, Nie Huaisang started sobbing so heavily that she hardly seemed able to breathe. 

She’d always cried easily, but never quite like that. Worse still, she wouldn't let her wife hold her or comfort her in any way, just crying harder every time Lan Xichen tried something. 

After that day, Nie Huaisang's mood turned more sour than it had ever been, causing her friends to worry that she might try to kill herself out of grief and despair. 

Of course Lan Xichen came to Qinghe as often as she could, once Jin Rusong was old enough to be left with a wetnurse for longer periods. She was Madam Jin now, her mother-in-law having all but left public life after her husband’s death, knowing she was not loved enough to stand against the new sect leader. Lan Xichen was Madam Jin, and she could do as she pleased… within reason.

What pleased her was to go the Unclean Realm to see her true husband.

She went every week when she could (she rarely could). And even when she was stuck in Lanling for one reason or another, trapped by the duties of a sect leader’s wife, she would ask Nie Huaisang to come visit her. 

Those invitations were seldom accepted these days.

It just wasn’t possible, when Nie Huaisang struggled so much with her new position.

Both Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao tried to be there for her. They advised her on how to lead her sect. They guided her on dealing with other sect leaders, who were so unkind to her. They comforted her every time another disciple left the sect, tired of her weakness.

Two years after Nie Huaisang rose to power, no one would have called the Nie sect a great one anymore.

Four years after Nie Mingjue’s death, and his sect might as well have died with him.

It broke Lan Xichen’s heart to see her friend’s legacy so ruined. It hurt also to see Nie Huaisang so pathetic. Sometimes Lan Xichen could hardly believe the little fool she would hear tales of was truly the same person as the passionate and clever girl she had secretly married, all those years ago. She would have taken it for mere gossip against one of the world’s few female sect leaders. Yet whenever Jin Guangyao went alone to help Nie Huaisang, the stories he brought back made it clear she really was as stupid and clumsy as others said. She only made an effort if Lan Xichen was there as well, and even then it was shocking to see how her mind and heart had been broken by loss.

Lan Xichen’s son would have made a better sect leader than Nie Huaisang, and he was four.

But the comparison was unkind, because Jin Rusong was an exceptionally bright little boy. He did not speak much, didn’t play well with other children except for his cousin Jin Ling, but he could read simple characters already, and kept asking to start learning sword fighting. Every day Jin Rusong reminded his mother a little more of her brother, who had been an equally serious little boy. Lan Wangji must have noticed the resemblance as well and he doted on the little boy. Sometimes the two of them would sit in silence together, never saying a word, and yet apparently having a great time.

Whatever other regrets she had about her life, Lan Xichen was glad she had her son.

Jin Ruson was such a sweet child that even Nie Huaisang, who never found joy in anything these days, loved him as much as if he were hers. Nie Huaisang called him her son, on those rare moments when Lan Xichen and her still stole time to be alone. She certainly spoiled Jin Rusong the way Nie Mingjue had once spoiled her. There were no trinkets too pricey, no clothes too expensive, for the child of her wife.

Sometimes, Lan Xichen felt compelled to protest against those gifts. Nie Huaisang’s sect wasn’t doing well enough to afford such extravagance. It brought too much attention to their close relationship. It was just too much, and Lan Xichen’s education was horrified that anyone could spend so much on anything so frivolous.

Lan Xichen certainly protested when Nie Huaisang came to a discussion conference held in Lanling and brought a colourful bird in a pretty cage. It was an important conference, one that hoped to finally determine whether all the sects would come together to build a series of watchtowers to make it easier for isolated areas to be helped. This was not the time and place to force Jin Rusong’s parents to think on how to accommodate a pet they’d never asked for.

“But jiejie!” Nie Huaisang whined, her lips already trembling as if she might cry. “I just wanted to be nice…”

“Mama, please,” Jin Rusong had begged as well, pulling on his mother’s robe, pointing at the pretty bird with the other. “Please?”

Lan Xichen was already weak to either of them on a good day. When the two people she loved the most attacked together, she was powerless. She’d asked a servant to watch over Jin Rusong while Nie Huaisang and her went to find a place to put that bird until it could be dealt with, preferably somewhere quiet where they could steal a few kisses.

Lan Xichen would never see her son alive again.

He would be found, a while later, his little throat slit. The servant girl who’d been watching him laid on the floor, stabbed multiple times through the chest. 

Lan Xichen remembered screaming and gathering her son’s corpse in her arms, begging him to wake up.

Her child, her son, her precious Jin Rusong. Her little boy who was so much like his uncle, who smiled so rarely but was always happy when she played with him.

Her child.

While the guests of the conference gathered around her to witness this tragedy,  Lan Xichen distantly felt Jin Guangyao’s hand on her shoulder.

“We will find who did this,” he hissed through tears of his own. “Whoever killed my son will learn that my mercy has limits.”

It was a promise he immediately set out to make true. Before Jin Rusong was even buried, Jin Guangyao was following some leads regarding possible murderers. He never rested, hardly ever saw Lan Xichen, hardly spoke to her either, desperate to avenge his only son. He owed it to Jin Rusong, he said. He owed it to Lan Xichen, too, because no mother should have lost her child that way.

Abandoned to her grief by Jin Guangyao, at least Lan Xichen had Nie Huaisang to comfort her. Her true husband had stayed in Carp Tower even after all other guests had left. She couldn’t bear to leave Lan Xichen to deal with this alone, she’d told her wife. Not when she knew too well what loss of such a magnitude did to a person.

Without Nie Huaisang at her side, Lan Xichen might have gone insane, or she might have let herself die. But her husband made sure she ate and drank, that she slept when she needed to sleep, that she washed sometimes, that she was never alone with her grief.

Nie Huaisang who didn’t stutter or cry so much during the days she spent comforting her wife. Suddenly she was no longer the little fool they’d all grown used to, although she hadn’t quite reverted to the gentle girl Lan Xichen had fallen in love with, either. A coldness of heart sometimes pierced through even her best attempts at taking care of her wife, like a storm raging under the surface.

If Lan Xichen had been less broken, she might have wondered about that. 

But by the time she had recovered enough to notice something was wrong with Nie Huaisang, Jin Guangyao was ready to reveal what he had found about his son’s murder.

He would announce it that day, he’d told Lan Xichen and Nie Huaisang over breakfast. The entire sect was to be present, so an offensive could be immediately launched against the culprits. Lan Xichen too had to be there, but it brought her little comfort. It would not bring her back her son to kill the murderer, and revenge on the scale that Jin Guangyao was planning went against her Lan education. She did not like that her presence at his side would be taken as support and approval on her part. She did not like that to be absent would have weakened Jin Guangyao’s position too much to be considered.

She was combing her hair, getting ready for this new ordeal, when Nie Huaisang joined her. She’d gone to check on the bird she’d gifted to their poor son, a bird she would now take home with her whenever she left. It was the only time she ever left Lan Xichen alone, and when she came back her eyes were always red. It seemed for the first time in her life, Nie Huaisang wanted to keep her tears to herself.

That morning, she looked to have cried a lot as she leaned against the wall near Lan Xichen’s mirror, but under the wetness still clinging to her eyelashes, there was an air of determination.

“It was Jin Guangyao who killed him,” Nie Huaisang said. “Your husband just wants to blame Wang-zongzhu to get rid of him.”

Lan Xichen’s hands froze in her hair and she turned to stare in shock.

“Is that what people are saying?” she asked. “Are the servants gossiping? Is that… are they really accusing him of…”

She broke into tears once more, sick with horror. Even after all this time, even after everything Jin Guangyao had done to bring peace and safety to the world… would gossip never end?

“Think about it,” Nie Huaisang insisted. “What did Wang-zonghu have to gain from Rusong’s death? Nothing. What does Jin Guangyao have to gain? Everything. Now everybody who opposes him will be siding with a murderer. He’ll get his towers. He’ll get anything he wants. And all he had to do…”

“Stop!” Lan Xichen cried when she realised her husband wasn’t merely warning her of rumours. “A-Sang, don’t tell me you think he’d do something like that? A-Yao isn’t… he’s not… Do you have any idea how much he cried? Do you know how much it broke him? He’s been blaming himself so much…”

“Rightfully so, since he organised it,” Nie Huaisang coldly remarked. “I know he did it. I cannot prove it, but I know it.”

“You cannot prove it because he would never do that.”

Nie Huaisang pinched her lips and glared at Lan Xichen, her disgust apparent.

“So you trust him more than me?”

Lan Xichen hesitated, but eventually nodded.

“Yes. About this, I trust him. That was his son, Huaisang. His son, his only child! What sort of a monster would…”

“The sort who knows he owns a womb that can give him more,” Nie Huaisang said with a shrug. “He convinced you once. He’ll convince you again. Maybe it’ll be easier now. Maybe he can breed you like a mare, one new child every year. You’ll need more than one, from now on. After all, they could die, right?”

Lan Xichen’s hand clenched on her comb, letting its teeth dig into her palm.

“Stop that!”

“I should not have let you marry him,” Nie Huaisang mused. “If I had known he’d turn you against me, I’d have fought harder to keep you. I trusted you too much. I won’t make that mistake again.”

“I’m not against you,” Lan Xichen objected. “You’re against us! I don’t know how you can say such things against A-Yao, after all he’s done for you… you wouldn’t be in your position, without his help!”

Nie Huaisang flinched, and twin tears rolled down her cheeks.

“I know that,” she hissed. “Better than you do. And if this is your choice… fine. Enjoy your life as his prized bitch, Xichen. But don’t get too attached to the children you give him. Who knows how long the next one will live, right?”

The comb in Lan Xichen’s hand flew toward Nie Huaisang’s face before Lan Xichen knew what she was doing. She must have put all her strength into it, because Nie Huaisang yelped in pain. She brought one hand to her cheek and found it bleeding.

“A-Sang, I didn’t mean…” Lan Xichen started to say, only to stop when her husband glared at her.

She’d never seen Nie Huaisang so angry before.

She hadn’t even known that Nie Huaisang was capable of such wrath. Not her Huaisang, her sweet little husband, who laughed easily and cried easily and never let anything bother her for long.

Without another word, Nie Huaisang left the room. Immediately, Lan Xichen knew the woman she had called her husband would never come back to her. 

She was not sure she would have wanted her too. 

Not after Nie Huaisang had said such awful things. Not after she’d wounded Nie Huaisang.

Lan Xichen just finished getting ready, and went to join Jin Guangyao so he could demand the extermination of the sect that had killed their son. She listened as he rallied the Jin sect against those murderers, and decided she would never tell him the horrible things Nie Huaisang had accused him of. Poor Jin Guangyao would be too hurt, if he knew what their dear friend thought of him.

As for the Wang sect, it never stood a chance. Every man in it was slaughtered. Every woman and children, too, as an example. It was no less than what they’d all done to the Wen sect after the war, and it would send a message that crime would not be tolerated. Lan Xichen knew her brother and uncle thought less of her for having allowed this, when it went against the principles of the Lan sect. She thought less of herself as well, but she convinced herself she had to support Jin Guangyao, that it was the only way the world would ever know peace.

A month after their son’s death, Jin Guangyao started hinting that they couldn’t stay without an heir, not when his position remained more fragile than he’d believed. He hated to ask this of her, he knew how the loss had affected her, he wasn’t ready to be a father again, not so soon after tragedy, but it simply couldn’t be delayed too long.

Bred like a mare, a new child every year, Nie Huaisang had said.

Lan Xichen did not want more children. She had not even wanted Jin Rusong, no matter how much she had grown to love him.

When she agreed to Jin Guangyao’s request, after a few weeks of nagging, it was less to please him, and more out of spite against Nie Huaisang.

-

A girl.

It’s a girl.

Lan Xichen almost wishes it had been a boy, because the world has no kindness in store for children of Jin Guangyao, because an early death might have been kinder. She cries when the newborn is finally given to her. Another child she never wanted. Another child she’ll have to teach herself to love.

But Jin Yan smiles when she’s introduced to her new sister, as happy as if the baby is a present just for her, and Lan Xichen remembers that she’s done this before, that she can do it again.

“Will this one stay?” Jin Yan suddenly asks when the new baby’s little hand clenches on one of her fingers.

Lan Xichen says nothing. What can she say to her daughter, who saw her pregnant three times, who only got to meet one of her siblings, and then only for such a short time? Two little sisters who were dead at birth, or so Lan Xichen was told at the time, and a boy who died less than a week after his hundredth day celebration.

In Jin Yan’s experience, siblings aren’t meant to stay long.

But Nie Huaisang, sitting on the bed with them, smiles at the little girl.

“Don’t worry, Yan-er, I’ll make sure nothing happens to this one,” Nie Huaisang promises, ruffling the child’s hair with affectionate warmth. “There is a good doctor here, better than you had at home. And I know you’ll be a good sister. You’ll have to help your mother, you know. Being someone’s jiejie is a big responsibility.”

Jin Yan promises, and she gets to hold her new little sister, with some help from Nie Huaisang. And then Nie Huaisang too holds the baby, rocking it gently, the same way she once did with Jin Rusong.

The way she did to Jin Ruan, the day he died.

Lan Xichen has been wondering about that day since the moment she’s understood who Nie Huaisang really is. She is now wondering again, watching her still nameless daughter in the arms of a woman who maybe killed her second son.

There are questions Lan Xichen will never ask.

Questions she doesn’t need to ask.

She can sleep more easily if she pretends she doesn’t know the answer.

The month after the birth of the child who Lan Xichen eventually decides to call Jin Xiu is a peaceful one. The Nie doctor visits daily to make sure she’s recovering well, and the old midwife comes twice because she says she doesn’t trust cultivators of the Nie sect to know the first thing about newborns. Nie Huaisang too comes to the cottage every chance she has. Sometimes she plays with Jin Yan, who now adores her. Other times she takes both Jin Yan and Jin Xiu in the garden so Lan Xichen can sleep. On occasion she dumps both children with the wetnurse she’s hired and sits on Lan Xichen’s bed to feed her sweets and chat about inconsequential gossip or the latest poem she’s obsessed with.

Nie Huaisang is so good at playing the part of a perfect husband, even though she hasn’t called herself that in over half a decade. Sometimes Lan Xichen lets it fool her. She allows herself to pretend this is truly their life, that they’re raising children together, that Nie Huaisang loves her, that she loves Nie Huaisang.

Nie Huaisang never lets her pretend too long.

“Why didn’t you give your daughter a different last name?” Nie Huaisang suddenly asks one day while cutting a mango in a bowl for Lan Xichen.

Lan Xichen stares at the fruit, bright yellow, shiny with juice. Nie Huaisang’s fingers are sticky with it already, just as they had been on a happier afternoon, half a lifetime ago.

“Yan-er wouldn’t understand if her sister had a different name,” Lan Xichen replies.

“You could always change her name too,” Nie Huaisang points out, smiling as her knife slices through a piece of mango. “Or are you so attached to the legacy of your husband?”

“I married him. That never made him my husband.”

Nie Huaisang raises one eyebrow. Once, she used to smile when Lan Xichen said this. It was a promise whispered between kisses, a reminder that Jin Guangyao was her friend and nothing else, that her heart only belonged to the woman she truly counted as her husband.

Once, they used to be happy.

Lan Xichen doesn’t even know why she said this.

“Open your mouth,” Nie Huaisang orders, pressing a piece of mango against Lan Xichen’s lips, who immediately obeys.

The fruit is sweet and melts against her tongue, leaving Lan Xichen wanting more.

It tastes like love used to taste.

“Another?” Nie Huaisang asks softly.

Lan Xichen nods and opens her mouth again.

Nie Huaisang smirks, and empties her bowl on the floor. Yellow pieces of fruit fall with a wet noise. When Nie Huaisang stands from the bed, she makes sure to step on them.

“You’ve ruined the taste of mangoes for me,” Nie Huaisang says. “I don’t see why you should still get to enjoy them. And as for those Jin daughters of yours…”

Lan Xichen takes a sharp breath, fearing the worst.

“From now on, they’ll be named Nie,” Nie Huaisang announces. “I find that I like them well enough, which is more than I can say about you. I’m letting you keep them for now, but once they’re old enough they’ll join my other disciples and only visit on special occasions. I understand it is something of a tradition for murderous wives of your family?”

“Huaisang…”

“Maybe next time you’ll think twice before invoking the past,” Nie Huaisang says with a smile. “You’ve chosen who you wanted as your husband, now live with it.”

She leaves soon after that, but the smell of the mango linger in the room, and its taste haunts Lan Xichen's mouth.

Maybe for her too that taste has been ruined. 

-

Jin Yan’s birth had brought Lan Xichen’s little joy. A boy would have been better, everyone made sure she understood that. Jin Guangyao couldn’t completely hide his frustration over that child that was of so little use to him, and that frustration infected Lan Xichen as well, who had disliked this pregnancy more than the first. Without Nie Huaisang’s visits to distract her, without her sweet husband’s letters between those visits, she had been left entirely at the mercy of Jin doctors and Jin traditions, bored out of her mind. And now, because she’s been unlucky enough to give birth to a girl, Lan Xichen knew she’d have to go through that ordeal at least once more. 

She did learn to love her daughter, in time, but only out of desperation.

The child after Jin Yan was another daughter, who died after being taken away to be washed. A weak heart, Jin Guangyao told her as they both cried over this unexpected loss. Lan Xichen hadn’t even had a chance to hold that baby, had never even seen her face. She didn’t get to mourn, not really, not when Jin Yan needed her, not when she had so many duties as a sect leader’s wife, not when as soon as she had recovered from the birth, Jin Guangyao started hinting that they should try again.

Their third daughter too had a weak heart, and also died on the day of her birth. Lan Xichen, who during the whole pregnancy had monitored the baby’s heart out of fear something like that would happen, didn’t know what to think. Checking the pulse of an unborn child was no easy task, she might have done it wrong. She had to have been wrong, or else it meant someone had killed her daughter. Lan Xichen refused to let her thoughts linger on that possibility. 

She didn’t want to accuse… it was only Nie Huaisang’s poisonous words clouding her judgement.  Jin Guangyao would not. He’d always dreamed of a large family, he’d told her so.

He’d told her, also, that he dreamed of having sons, legitimate sons, so his succession wouldn’t be marred by the sort of tragedies that his father had encountered when his only heir died prematurely. One girl was fine, for alliances, but what they needed was at least two sons to be safe, though Jin Guangyao was willing to settle for just one, if Lan Xichen felt he had already asked too much of her.

Some nights, during her fifth pregnancy, Lan Xichen found herself plagued by dark thoughts. She remembered Jin Guangyao’s carefully concealed irritation when she had refused to have another child until Jin Yan was a year old, how even then she’d complained how difficult it was to balance a pregnancy and a toddler. She had warned him they’d need to wait longer next time, that no matter how many wetnurses they hired, it took too much out of her. But with those undesired girls out of the way, she had no excuse not to start trying for a boy immediately.

How convenient.

Terrible thoughts indeed, which she blamed on Nie Huaisang, the woman who wasn’t even her friend anymore, and on the heightened emotions her pregnancy caused.

Jin Guangyao would never.

He mourned both little girls.

He was a good father for Jin Yan.

He was an even better father for Jin Ruan, when finally Lan Xichen gave birth to another boy. He doted on the baby, bought all manners of toys for him, and made sure he was dressed in the finest silks. Jin Guangyao had done the same with Jin Rusong, of course, and Lan Xichen had never questioned it, but now she couldn’t help noticing he wasn’t nearly as doting with little Jin Yan.

But of course, that was natural. Boys just mattered more, Lan Xichen’s whole life had been shaped by that fact.

And Jin Guangyao wanted only the best for his son.

That, apparently, included the certainty that Jin Ruan would inherit the Jin sect.

But no, even that was an unkind thought. Jin Guangyao hadn’t wanted… he’d had no choice, the elders of his sect had left him no choice. It wasn’t his fault.

It had been something of an open secret for years that Jin Ling had probably been conceived a little before his parents’ marriage. The dates didn’t quite make sense otherwise. And these things happened of course, especially for couples as deeply in love as Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan had been.

But around the birth of Jin Ruan, a new rumour spread, one much darker than an engaged couple's indiscretion. People spoke of Jiang Yanli visiting Yiling, around the time Jin Ling would have been conceived. She’d met Wei Wuxian there, while wearing a bride’s dress, and stayed several hours with him inside an inn, while his fearsome Ghost General guarded the door for them, threatening all those who dared approach.

It would have been nothing more than a rumour, but a former disciple of Yunmeng Jiang swore that he had accompanied Jiang Yanli on that day. Worse still, several current members of Yunmeng Jiang gave weight to those accusations when they tried to explain what had really happened, which backfired when it only confirmed the reality of that visit.

After Jin Ruan’s hundredth’s day celebration, Jin Guangyao advised Jiang Cheng to take his nephew to Yunmeng for a while, for his own safety.

Two days after Jin Ling had left, a group of Jin elders pressured Jin Guangyao into declaring his nephew illegitimate. Jin Guangyao was heartbroken, and assured everyone that he did not believe those rumours against his nephew, but those elders had threatened secession if he allowed a possible child of Wei Wuxian to rule over their sect. To protect Lanling Jin, to protect Jin Ling himself, Jin Guangyao had to remove him from the line of succession.

Three days later, Jin Ruan died in Nie Huaisang’s arms.

It hadn’t been Lan Xichen’s choice to spend any time with Nie Huaisang. But for years already, Jin Guangyao had been working on a reconciliation, even when neither of them would explain why they’d fallen out, nor indeed admit that they no longer got along. It saddened him, he would tell Lan Xichen, that his two dear friends had argued, that they even avoided each other’s company. More importantly, it made his friendship with Nie Huaisang suspicious to some, especially when she relied so much on him to rule her sect. Lan Xichen knew Nie Huaisang too well to think she’d ever take a man as her lover, but others couldn’t know that, and she hated that people would think Jin Guangyao capable of betraying the woman he married. To protect his reputation, Lan Xichen agreed to make an effort to be more cordial toward Nie Huaisang next she saw her.

And she saw her next right after that business with Jin Ling was dealt with.

Poor Jin Guangyao had only just been forced to exile his beloved nephew, and now he had to deal with Nie Huaisang’s most recent series of problems on top of that. He’d been eager to help, as always, which impressed Lan Xichen a little more with each passing year, when everything she had once loved about Nie Huaisang now irritated her. Once Nie Huaisang had explained the problem, Jin Guangyao had offered to write some letters on her behalf, and he’d gone to do so, leaving Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen alone.

Nearly alone.

Little Ruan was in his mother’s arms, while Jin Yan hid in her mother’s skirts, at once fascinated and worried by this stranger who dressed so oddly. Even after all these years, Nie Huaisang still hadn’t fixed her men’s robes (another source of irritation, how hard could it be to not look so silly?) and little Jin Yan was trying so hard not to say anything rude. But it wasn’t just the children with them. Jin Ruan’s wetnurse was never far. Female disciples came at one point, to complain that their favourite teacher was thinking of defecting, now that Jin Ling had left for good. A number of servants were coming and going to ask for instructions, to check how to deal with the last remains of the hundredth day celebration, or notify that they weren’t sure how to finish packing Jin Ling’s things to send to Yunmeng.

Lan Xichen wouldn’t have known how to behave, had she believed alone with the woman who thought she had married a murderer. But in public it was easier to act with grace and politeness, to chat with Nie Huaisang as if she were one of those wives of sect leaders who Lan Xichen often welcomed in her home. In response, Nie Huaisang was indecisive and whiny, just as expected.

Later on, Lan Xichen couldn’t remember why she had handed Jin Ruan to Nie Huaisang. It couldn’t be that the other woman had asked for it, not when she’d never hidden she wasn’t comfortable with children until they were old enough to walk and babble. It must have been Lan Xichen’s own idea, then. Maybe she had hoped that Nie Huaisang would stop snivelling for a moment if she was busy holding the baby. But then there had been an issue with Jin Ling’s things, yet again. Jiang Cheng had just sent a letter containing a precise list of every possession of his nephew’s that should be sent to Yunmeng.

With another guest, Lan Xichen would have set the letter aside for later. But she felt Nie Huaisang had lost the rights to her attention, and this was urgent business.

She’d made it halfway reading through the list when Nie Huaisang started panicking.

“Jiejie, there’s something wrong with the baby!” she cried.

Lan Xichen elected to ignore her.

There had been ‘something wrong with the baby’ four times already that afternoon, usually Jin Ruan blinking too little, or salivating too much.

“Jiejie, he’s not breathing!” Nie Huaisang shrieked, and this time Lan Xichen did look up from the letter, more irritated than worried.

Had it been anyone else holding her son, anyone else screaming like this, of course she would have reacted faster. But Lan Xichen had grown immune to those antics, and tended to assume Nie Huaisang’s mood changes could be safely ignored.

But the wetnurse rushed to Nie Huaisang’s side and took the child from her. It was only when that woman too cried in anguish and went pale that Lan Xichen truly understood that something terrible had happened.

By the time Jin Ruan was given back to her, his face and hands were already blue, his limbs limp in a way sleep would never have explained.

They never really figured out what had killed him. 

The doctors who inspected his little body found nothing wrong with it. It appeared he had really just stopped breathing all of a sudden. Babies could be so fragile, as Lan Xichen knew too well. And yet, while he had taken the death of their daughters in stride, Jin Guangyao immediately started throwing accusations of poisoning now that it was a son who had died.

Nobody accused poor little Nie Huaisang of course. She’d cried and cried so much when she’d understood that Jin Ruan had died, blaming herself for what had happened, threatening to kill herself because surely it was her fault, surely she must have held him the wrong way. 

No matter how many times everyone told her she’d done nothing wrong, she tried to use this new tragedy for attention and Lan Xichen, forced to control her grief and guilt, hated her for it.

Nie Huaisang was annoying and self-centred, as she’d always been, but that did not make her a murderer. Besides she had nothing to gain from such a death, Jin Guangyao quickly pointed out, nor did she have allies who could have pushed her to it. In fact, Jin Guangyao himself was her only ally, the only reason the Nie sect’s territories hadn’t yet been fully devoured by ambitious neighbours. Nie Huaisang was an idiot, but even she wasn’t stupid enough to turn against her only friend. She could have been manipulated into taking part into a plot perhaps, but she had been thoroughly interrogated about the events of that day and Jin Guangyao was convinced of her innocence.

Instead, accusations were aimed against Yunmeng Jiang, which had been given some reason to dislike Lanling Jin and whose sect leader was renowned for his cruelty. Meanwhile, Jiang Wanyin rightfully argued that there was a history of infant death among Jin Ruan’s siblings, proving it must be Jin Ruan’s parents who just couldn’t give birth to a healthy child. This, combined with Jin Ling’s eviction from his father’s sect, permanently soured the relationship between Lanling and Yunmeng.

After this new tragedy, Lan Xichen informed Jin Guangyao that they would not have any more children. There was only so much grief her heart could take, only so many children she could lose. Jin Guangyao was disappointed, but he respected her choice and he promised he would never ask again.

Jin Guangyao kept his word, too, and for a little while they merely focused on raising Jin Yan.

Jin Guangyao never complained whenever people whispered that it was his rotten blood that caused his children to die. He tried to spare Lan Xichen whenever people worried about the future of the Jin sect, now that its only heir was a girl, in a sect that did not allow them to lead. Jin Guangyao endured all this and more. Sometimes Lan Xichen would find him crying alone in his office, but he always put on a brave smile, always told her she did not need to worry, that he would find a solution, that he had already asked so much of her, that he couldn’t possibly demand more than she had already given.

Lan Xichen could only see her dear friend suffering for so long before pity became stronger than her broken heart. Two years after Jin Ruan’s death, she offered that they try for a child again. Their last one, she said, and maybe they would be lucky this time.

They would have to be lucky.

Odd rumours had started reaching them when Lan Xichen made that new concession. Stories of Wei Wuxian returning to life, scouring the countryside with his Ghost General once more. Someone even swore to Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao that Wei Wuxian had called onto Wen Ning specifically because Jin Ling had been in danger, and wasn’t that proof Jin Ling had to be his son? It had to be why Wei Wuxian had killed Jin Zixuan, so many years before, that person said. He must have wanted to steal his son back from the Jin sect… and then didn’t it confirm they’d been right to kick that orphan boy out, that son of a monster, who had probably cursed his little cousin Jin Ruan as revenge, using his father’s methods?

It was nothing but gossip, the whole lot of it. Lan Xichen eventually learned the truth when her uncle wrote to give a more accurate account of the situation. The Ghost General had been spotted indeed, but Mo Xuanyu, who had controlled him, had been firmly proven to not be Wei Wuxian, even Jiang Cheng himself had confirmed it. And besides, that was almost the least interesting part of the story. Lan Xichen was more curious about the cursed arm her uncle mentioned, as well as Lan Wangji’s new friendship with Mo Xuanyu. Jin Guangyao’s half brother was not someone Lan Xichen knew well, but she knew what he’d tried to do to Jin Guangyao. And yet if Lan Wangji had decided to involve him in his investigation, it had to mean Mo Xuanyu had used his years away from the Jin sect to redeem himself.

How very interesting..

But all of that interested only her. Everyone else focused only on the sensational tales of Wei Wuxian and his secret child.

Lan Xichen was almost glad when she very quickly realised she was pregnant.

With everything going on in the world, at least here was some good news for Jin Guangyao, who was so worried about his nephew’s future, and all these horrible rumours he had to deal with.

And who knew.

Maybe they’d be lucky, and finally the Jin sect would have a male heir once more.

Poor Jin Guangyao deserved that much, after he’d suffered so long.

-

Nie Yan is in class with other children her age, and Nie Xiu has been sent to the garden with the wet nurse. Having isolated Lan Xichen once more, Nie Huaisang closes the door of the cottage.

Lan Xichen braces herself, unsure if she’ll have to endure kindness or cruelty this time. Unsure which is worse.

“Jiejie, don’t look so scared,” Nie Huaisang purrs, stepping closer. “I’m not scary, am I?”

She’s terrifying. Or at least, Lan Xichen is terrified. Not just because of the things Nie Huaisang is capable of doing, the things she’s capable of saying.

Lan Xichen is terrified because for the first time in years, Nie Huaisang isn’t wearing men’s robes. Instead she came to the cottage wearing a flowy dress in the style she so loved as a youth, decorated with pretty embroidered flowers and birds. Her hair is done up in the fashionable style that her brother once complained was unpractical.

Nie Huaisang was pretty as a girl, but today she’s beautiful enough to make Lan Xichen’s heart ache.

This outfit is for her, she knows.

She’s not sure if it’s meant to please or torture her.

She’s not sure there’s a difference anymore, when it comes to Nie Huaisang.

“Jiejie, won’t you tell me I look nice?” Nie Huaisang whines, in exactly the same tone she used once, when fishing for compliments was one of her favourite games.

Lan Xichen feels a decade younger when she looks at Nie Huaisang.

She feels like the girl who secretly married her true love, with only her best friend as witness.

A girl who thought that she’d already experienced all the hurt the world had in store for her, because surely nothing could be worse than the war she’d just survived.

A girl who still believed in happiness.

“Jiejie, won’t you touch me?” Nie Huaisang begs so prettily. “Jiejie hasn’t touched me in so long, don’t you want me anymore?”

Lan Xichen isn’t a girl of twenty anymore.

She’s given up on happiness, on love.

She knows no matter what Nie Huaisang lets her have now, it will quickly be soured by hateful words.

She still takes Nie Huaisang in her arms, still presses her lips to those of the woman she once loved. Nie Huaisang’s mouth opens to let her deepen the kiss, the taste of her unchanged by tragedy.

It’s dizzying, how little has changed. The way Nie Huaisang’s breasts feel just as soft, her sex just as wet. Her moans still sound like a melody. Lan Xichen, after a decade of giving, allows herself to take and take everything she can have.

She’d forgotten how good it can be, to be in bed with someone who knows her body better than she knows it, someone she wants as she’s never wanted anything else.

Lan Xichen doesn’t know how she survived without this.

When it is over, they lay entwined and sweaty on a ruined bed. Lan Xichen had forgotten how good that was, too. She’d never allowed Jin Guangyao to stay with her, after their attempts for children, and he’d never asked. But Nie Huaisang is wrapped against her side, her skin burning and soft, and she’d missed this more than she’d missed making love.

“My wife is thinking too much,” Nie Huaisang yawns cutely. “What can she be thinking about, I wonder?”

Something in her voice is… off. A warning that the time for joy is over, that she’s getting ready to hurt Lan Xichen again. Lan Xichen has learned to recognise that shift over the weeks of her imprisonment in Qinghe.

And if she must hurt anyway…

“This wife wonders when her husband stopped loving her,” Lan Xichen replies, gazing at the ceiling above them.

Nie Huaisang chuckles lightning, nuzzling Lan Xichen’s shoulder.

“But jiejie, two girls can’t be in love,” she says. “That's what you always used to say, don’t you remember? You must have been right. I must never have loved you, if I can now hate you so much.”

That’s a lie. Lan Xichen can doubt many things, she’s been wrong so often, but she knows that Nie Huaisang loved her, that she loved Nie Huaisang. In a world of shadows, this is one absolute truth she can cling to.

“Are you going to kill me someday?” Lan Xichen asks.

“If I wanted you dead, I’d have left you in Lanling,” Nie Huaisang replies with a grin, stretching to kiss Lan Xichen’s throat with tenderness. “Death wouldn’t be nearly enough for what you’ve done to me, to Da-ge, to the world. No, this is the only appropriate punishment, jiejie. Everything you’ve ever wanted, and yet none of it.”

Shivering, Lan Xichen finds that she really can’t think of anything worse. Losing her daughters maybe… but she’s not much of a mother, she’s survived so much loss, she’d survive again.

“Isn’t it a punishment for you too?” Lan Xichen wonders “When you hate me this much?”

Nie Huaisang bites her in answer, hard enough to make Lan Xichen moan.

“It has its rewards,” Nie Huaisang chirps. “I like knowing that you’re so pathetic, you’re happier with me now than you ever were with him.”

Lan Xichen hums, and lets her fingers run through Nie Huaisang’s hair.

It’s not untrue that she’s happier now. She’s a prisoner certainly, but back in Lanling her actions were also constantly restrained and questioned too. Here she is allowed to cultivate as she pleases. Nobody sneers if her hair isn’t perfect, if she dresses more simply because it’s practical. Here, her daughters are allowed to play in the dirt and stain their clothes. She can read cultivation books without being accused of neglecting her other duties, she can read novels and not be taken for a bad example. And Nie Huaisang, cruel and vicious and hateful, Nie Huaisang who killed her son, Nie Huaisang who made her kill the man she married, is still the person whose company makes Lan Xichen happiest.

Lan Xichen would rather be hated by Nie Huaisang than loved by Jin Guangyao.

Maybe that is why she lowers her head to capture the lips of the woman who was once her husband. She kisses her while her hands start wandering again on that adored body, ready to steal more pleasure, for as long as Nie Huaisang’s cruel games  will allow it.

#xisang #nie huaisang #lan xichen #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #seriously check the tags on ao3 #jau writes

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

So I was reading this manhwa 'who made me a princess', idk if you know about it so brief description of it is a modern girl transmigrated into a book after her death, and its a princess who is disliked by her emperor/king? (forgot title) father and was eventually executed, anyway what i was trying to get at is that to show how terrible the father was there was entire scene where he killed all the concubines in cold blood after his wife's death (in webcomic there is no reason or readdressing of this fact afterwards, idk about the novel) so some of the fans were discussing that to show he changed as the comic was trying to portray, how powerful it would have been if he bowed down in front of those he killed, if he at least tried to make up for it. And idk looking at that discussion made me think if an attempt at post canon jiang cheng redemption (idk man maybe jiang yanlis ghost came to haunt him or some other reason where he tries i guess, maybe an older jin ling who is now stable in his position as the jin leader is the one who breakdowns and yells how much of a murderer/blood jiang cheng has of innocents on his hands after being approached by some poor family member of someone jiang cheng killed, the person is an old grandmother who asks 'my grandson was taken by sect leader jiang as a disciple he hasnt been back since, i hope he is well' and poor woman doesnt know the kids been tortured and killed and so jin ling says unless you apologize to them, unless you at least try to face your actions, dont call me your nephew again/i wont call you my uncle) jin ling (and just to be safe he tells wei wuxian all about the dates when they are going in case something goes wrong cause he trusts wei wuxian to help if things go south with jiang cheng) goes with him to prevent jiang cheng from lashing out if the families dont want to do shit with him, and to make sure he tells the truth of it and maybe its a finally wake up call for jiang cheng, because any time he even thinks of blaming wei wuxian he remembers how much of a clown he is ALA the temple scene and has no other choice but to face his actions if he wants to keep a relationship with jin ling. What are your thoughts on it?

I do think, in regards to Jin Ling and Jiang Cheng's relationship, his love for his nephew is to show that it isn't too late to show in actions, his own dedication to someone. Admittedly, I do not think Jin Ling has the heart to disown or think his uncle is a monster, as many do reasonably view him as readers. As he had said with his narration:

Somehow, there didn’t seem to be anyone he could blame or anyone he could hate. Wei Wuxian, Jin Guangyao, Wen Ning—he should hold every one of them responsible for his parents’ deaths. He had good reason to loathe each of them. But they all seemed like they’d had their reasons, and it left him unable to hate them.

But if he didn’t hate them, who could he hate? Had he deserved to lose both parents at such a young age? Was this how he would be forced to live—unable to seek revenge on his enemies, but also unable to loathe them without qualms?

He couldn’t take this lying down. He couldn’t help but feel aggrieved. How he yearned to perish with them and be done with it!

For many I don't think they see as Jiang Cheng being served enough of his own retribution. But not all of it is always putting someone in the worst possible situations to be reaped. The world of "demonic cultivation" is the realm of Xue Yang, not of Wei Wuxian, and is something that has been in underground existence even before Wei Wuxian. But don't know if Jin Ling would technically by these stories, as everyone has their reasons. It's about the healing over anything else that he eventually tries to grow with and become less ignorant through. This is already seen as he chooses night hunts with Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji mentoring with no mention of Jiang Cheng kicking up a fuss. It is a very small thing, but small things are all that can be used to achieve a better world and life. Jin Ling, I feel at least, does not want anything to do with further condemnation that will only cycle a hate that will not be satisfied unless you as a person decide to move on from it.

Jin Ling does know what his uncle is like, horribleness and all, but, love is also trying to stay with them and having the fortitude to stay with that person to hope they can be for the better. Jiang Cheng, will never be kind or fully capable of initiating remorse, but his actions are enough for Jin Ling to comfortably and finally be allowed to flourish, without the weight of self-doubt. Support, in that, is really what Jin Ling needs over wanting further condemnations for those that he loves and cares for.

A lesson ironically learned from Wei Wuxian a man he stated to hate so much, yet learned to love.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #jin ling #the end of the book is meant for healing and care #a turn of what made the characters that grew up in condemnation and rumors dealt with #the younger generation has the chance to choose to let that go #forgiveness and support is always harder to offer than retributions

[fantasiavii]

When subtitles are purposefully inaccurate....why....????

Like I just watched a video of an Indian man speaking in English and he said something about having someone for a coffee or chai and the captions said “tea or coffee” like??? I guess some people might not know what chai is but it is entirely possible to caption it “coffee or chai [tea]” or “coffee or tea [chai].”

Like remember that one scene in Your Name where Mitsuha is using the wrong first person pronouns for herself in Taki’s body but there’s not an English equivalent except “I” so when she’s guessing the correct one, they wrote “I— [watakushi] I? [boku] I! [ore]” or something similar? It didn’t distract at all or take much longer to read and it meant all the English speakers in the audience learned something about Japanese. Gold-standard for subtitling imo.

Anyway, the point is: there’s not excuse for inaccurate or lazy subtitling, whether translating or captioning in the same language.

#subtitles #captioning #i strongly believe the untamed should have done something similar with titles and other forms of address #like put ‘er-ge [second older brother]’ the first time it was used and then use er-ge in the subs from then on #then we could all get the heartbreak moment where lxc tells jgy to stop calling him er-ge but he keeps doing it #also what’s up with the fact that jin ling always calls his uncles ‘uncle’ but they never put that in the subs?? #uncle is a word that exists in english y’all #like for that one if they were really resistant to doing something like ‘jiujiu [uncle jiang cheng]’ #then they could at least put ‘uncle jiang’ or something?? #or just ‘uncle’ like i know the english lacks differentiation the way mandarin does it but context clues exist #we can tell who jin ling is talking to even if you just put uncle #sorry i have so many thoughts about shitty subs

[sneakingpasta]

Mdzs but WWX doesn’t die and is there as Jin Ling grows up with his parents and his uncles

Alright so WWX actually gets to celebrate Jin Ling’s one month celebration with his family

Brought him a spicy pepper or something because we all know that that’s how one accepts another into their family Yunmeng style

Jiang Cheng and him start fighting because babies can’t have spices until they’rs six months (Always gotta have a fight in a family reunion, you know how it goes)

Baby Jin Ling won’t go to sleep until Uncle Xianxian plays a little flute song just for him (absolutely spoiled rotten, this baby is) (WWX doesn’t mind spoiling him)

Once Jin Ling can actually have spicy foods you Know that wwx is cooking up a motherfucking call-the-ambulance lava melting meal for initiation

Jin Ling’s crying but is a stubborn boy who will eat every drop of this poison to assert dominance

After the meal is finished, the rest of the family members are dying while rinsing their mouths out

Meanwhile Wwx is holding Jin Ling like he’s the baby Messiah

“THIS IS MY NEPHEW” “THE BLOOD OF YUNMENG RUNS THROUGH HIM” “THIS IS MY NEPHEW”

Wwx keeps cooking and Jin Ling actually develops his level of spiciness

Wwx starts teaching Jin Ling how to destroy kitchens and people’s mouths cook and now they’re both disasters in the kitchen who can make food that will kill a man

WWX teaches Jin Ling some sick flute solos that he can now perform like it’s nothing

However, the best and most incredible thing Jin Ling has learned from both Wwx and JC, is how to swear

The first incident happens when Jin Ling is four

It’s a nice day, disciples are playing with the younger children, parents are setting up picnics on patches of grass, a gentle breeze is blowing through, filling everyone with peace

Then, like a discordant note swinging through the air, a resounding “FUCK” is heard

Everyone whips their heads around

Little Jin Ling is trotting at very fast speeds towards his two uncles, looking as though he had been treated with utmost discourtesy and unfairness, drenched in water

His face is red with anger and wwx and jc ask him what’s wrong

“The mudafucking wind threw me into the damn lake”

There is silence

Then, wordlessly, JC and WWX look to each other

And they can’t help it

Wwx “Pfft” is all it takes to send the both of them wheezing

Then they pick Jin Ling up, tears of laughter still steaming down their faces, as they go to fight the wind

Flash forward a couple of years

Jin Ling has become a master archer (Gotta thank Uncle Wen Ning for the lessons) and an amazing sword fighter

However, having been raised by two dramatic ass uncles, he is also a Drama Queen

And when Wwx starts showing signs that he’s got a fuckin big crush of Lwj, that’s when Jin Ling is like “Alright Showtime Motherfucker”

At this point, he knows for a fact that lwj is also helplessly in love (Jin Ling is repeatedly exasperated and annoyed at how dumb two of the smartest people can be. Like seriously. It was embarrassing to watch)

So he gathers all of the Lan disciples and recruits them into the “Getting my dumbass uncle his soulmate because he won’t stop whining about it over dinner and I am this close to snapping his neck” Team

With the crew together, they put together what might be the most extra plan to get two people together (including fake investigations)

With Jin Ling, Lan Jingyi, Lan Sizhui, and Ouyang Zizhen at the helm of the ship, they somehow execute the dumbest and most idiotic plan in the history of plans and make it work

Then, after months of preparation and build up, the day arrives

They send out a distress signal

Wwx and lwj enter a dark forest clearing

Hidden in the trees, the juniors are making hand signals at each other

From the darkness, thousands of lanterns float up into the sky (They spent two entire sleepless nights making them and transporting them here)

Beautiful white birds gently drift through the night sky

Flower petals seem to fall from nowhere (Are actually being thrown by frantic juniors who are so worried about making the plan go wrong if they don’t perfectly toss them)

Not a single cloud is in the sky, as the moonlight perfectly lights up the area (The Juniors swore to slice every cloud in half if it came to it and Heaven wasn’t bout to test them)

BUT since they forgot they lured them here with a DISTRESS CALL, wwx and lwj are stressing out about where the ducklings are and their safety and what type of creature was doing this and-

“HOLY FUCK JUST KISS ALREADY” Jingyi shouts from his spot in the tree

Similar shouts echo from the the forest as lwj and wwx finally understand the situation

Bada bing bada boom PG confession time

By the time they kiss a lot of juniors are rolling their eyes or gagging because “ew, kissing”

After the kiss, Jin Ling descends from a tree like a God, flute in hand, as he begins celebrating their win with the most epic fucking flute solo the world has or will ever hear

#Jin Ling’s uncles #jin ling #lan sizhui #lan jinyi #ouyang zizhen #wei wuxian #wei ying #lan zhan #lan wangji #the juniors #Wangxian #the untamed #mdzs au #mdzs #au where wwx can be the doting uncle I KNOW HE COULD BE #mo dao zu shi #Yunmeng bros

[sepia-mahogany]

Does Wei Wuxian ever cause trouble tho? I see everywhere in fics or otherwise where he is criticised for so but I don’t think he ever does? He’s playful, yes, he’s lively and friendly, yes, but troublesome? annoying? I don’t think anyone other than Lan Qiren (who doesn’t like anyone breaking even smallest of rules) Jiang Wanyin (jealousy issues ahem) and Yu Ziyuan (again jealously issues) no one really calls Wei Wuxian annoying? (well that and other people like Wen Chao who mind Wei Wuxian thwarting their evil plots lol)

In fact they quite enjoy his company? He’s literally the popular kid among his peers, the one that brings smiles to their faces? 

He’s soft and kind to Wen Ning who was so shy and nervous and encourages him to stand up for himself, and takes his side in front of everyone else? Wen Ning in turn saves his and his martial brothers lives when they’re on the run, and shelters them? 

And based on that kindness of his towards her younger brother (and also because Wen Ning encouraged her and she’s a just person) she risks her entire families lives to save Wei Wuxian and his brother? In turn Wei Wuxian later on saves their family?

Luo Qingyang also known as Mian Mian, Wei Wuxian saves her from her face being burned horribly, who later on stands up for him in front of the cultivational world and leaves her hard earned position because she refuses to be part of condemnation of an innocent man, one who saved her life, and later on the two meet, needless to say things are good between them.

Nie Huaisang and Wei Wuxian are on friendly terms, Wei Wuxian is his friend who doesn’t pressure him to be someone he’s not, instead compliments him and cause mischief together (said mischief being innocent actions of children not something ‘shameful’ that ‘brings bad attention to the sect’ none of that!). Nie Huaisang is one of the people who doesn’t see status while talking to people, enjoy’s the freedom that Wei Wuxian brings and later on brings Wei Wuxian back to life (though also fuelled by his revenge)

Lan Wangji well, 33 whips, committing treason do i need to say more. (that its a whole another essay that’s gonna be written another time) all that needs to be said is Lan Wangji adores him and loves him unconditionally (something Wei Wuxian needs thank you) and Wei Wuxian too, loves him back with all the love, 

The juniors who include Lan Sizhui (Wen Yuan), Lan Jingyi, Jin Ling,and Ouyang Zizhen, all of who deeply care for Wei Wuxian, all of them appreciate Wei Wuxian’s guidance and loved him;

Wen Remnants as a whole are found family for Wei Wuxian, they care for him and he cares for them, like a family, they love each other. Wen Ning, Wen Qing, A-yuan, Granny Wen, Uncle four, all the uncles and aunts love him, and he loves them back.

None of the people who Wei Wuxian is close to and loves and who love him back find him “annoying or troublesome” at all, they enjoy his lively nature, it puts them at ease, they can easily communicate with him and he with them, sooo the notion of anyone being annoyed by him in general isn’t true unless you’re talking about the whole ‘worried because they know Wei Wuxian would put himself into risk for them and may end up hurting himself’ for which they might try to offer him comfort and bandage his wounds, but never scold him because they ARE grateful for him saving them, if he hadn’t they would be heavily injured or dead or worse.

 They love him, if he throws himself in front of a car to save a child, they will be worried for him yes, they will scold him to take care of himself, they will never demean him or tell him ‘you shouldn’t have saved the child’ because they know he was in the right, what should he have done? 

So when I come across any of the fanon writing any of Wei Wuxians loved ones (other than canonically abusive characters like Yu Ziyuan or Wen Chao) being degrading or abusive towards him (even the narrative being like its fine to do so), its so irritating like No! These are people who would fight for Wei Wuxian! Not insult him! They absolutely love him okay.

Why is Wei Wuxian considered to always cause ‘trouble’ when the so called ‘trouble’ is a carefully calculated action that only harms himself (not his family or his sect, just himself)and saves other people (people who are grateful to him) causing ‘trouble’ implies he doesn't care about others, he cares, ‘trouble’ implies he causes others problems, he doesn't, why did this become such a far spread fanon anyway?

#mdzs #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #wei wuxian #wen ning #wen qing #mian mian #luo qingyan #nie huaisang #lan wangji #wen remnants #wei wuxian is a cinnamon role okay #they care for him and he for them #let them love each other in peace #let them live in peace #canon and fanon troubles #look every single action of wei wuxian has always helped others at the cost of himself #not his sect or his family or whatever else #it never has #he deserves the world #wei wuxian protection squad #wei wuxian appreciation #charas like nie mingjue and lan xichen would have absolutely adored him if not for the circumstances of their meeting #look wei wuxian is best boy #yilling trio #yiling trio

[bloody-bee-tea]

Get Together

This fic was also inspired by this prompt from @mingcheng-prompts​

Jiang Cheng stares at the letter in his hands.

“You can’t be serious,” he says, but when he raises his eyes at Nie Mingjue he seems deadly serious.

“Of course I am,” Nie Mingjue replies and pushes a scroll towards him. “My courtship gift.”

Jiang Cheng blinks but doesn’t move.

He knows he can’t say yes—could never, not with everything that happened—but he wants to.

Jiang Cheng learned to appreciate Nie Mingjue over the course of the last few gruesome weeks, learned to rely on him and trust him to have his back in battle—and yes, maybe even fell in love with him—so of course he wants to say yes.

But he can’t.

“I have nothing,” he tells Nie Mingjue and doesn’t make a move for the scroll. “My Sect burned. My parents died. My people are scattered.”

He’s not even sure he still has Wei Wuxian.

“There is nothing I can give you.”

“Good thing then, that I’m here for you and not your Sect or for what you can give me,” Nie Mingjue easily replies and doesn’t seem put off in the least.

“No,” Jiang Cheng tells him, though the word barely makes it out of his mouth.

Nie Mingjue observes him in silence for a few minutes, before he sags with a sigh.

“I respect your wish,” he says but he still pushes the scroll closer to Jiang Cheng. “You should still take this. Consider it a gift from one Sect Leader to another, if you must.”

“I shouldn’t take this,” Jiang Cheng replies as he gets up.

If he accepts this, and finds something thoughtful, something useful, something he would like, then his resolve will crumble.

And he can’t afford that. They are still at war. His Sect is still barely more than ground into dust.

“Nie-zongzhu,” he bows low, before he walks out of the tent, away from Nie Mingjue, without looking back.

Jiang Cheng wonders not for the first time when fate will stop taking things away from him.

~*~*~

Jiang Cheng has to admit that he thought things would change between him and Nie Mingjue with the rejected courtship, but they don’t.

Nie Mingjue treats him the same as before, except that now Jiang Cheng flushes whenever Nie Mingjue comes close or smiles at him or is simply nice to him.

Jiang Cheng is flushing a lot, even though the war is still raging.

He really wishes he could have said yes to Nie Mingjue.

~*~*~

Fate does not stop taking things from Jiang Cheng. First his brother-in-law, then his sister and to top it off his brother as well.

The only thing left is Jin Ling.

And—inexplicably—Nie Mingjue.

“What do you want?” Jiang Cheng asks, a shade of desperation to his voice, because Jin Ling won’t stop crying and Jiang Cheng is inevitably going to fuck him up, just like he fucks up everything else.

“I’m here with an offer of courtship,” Nie Mingjue says and puts another letter and the same scroll on the table.

Jiang Cheng wonders if Nie Mingjue lost his mind.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he hisses, allowing the anger to take over instead of giving in to the want and hurt.

“Nothing. I simply have made up my mind about what I want. And what I want is you.”

He sounds completely serious as he says it, too, and Jiang Cheng wonders if Nie Mingjue lost his sanity on the battlefield.

“Look around you, Nie-zongzhu,” he snaps out, aware that Jin Ling flinches at his tone and Nie Mingjue at the title.

Jiang Cheng tries to calm Jin Ling down and tries to ignore Nie Mingjue and his reaction as best as he can.

If he calls him anything but Nie-zongzhu then he’ll crumble and give in. And he can’t do that.

“I have nothing left in my life,” Jiang Cheng belatedly finishes and Nie Mingjue frowns.

“That’s not true. You have your nephew and your Sect. That is not nothing. And you have me, too, if you accept the courtship or not.”

“Why are you so—” Jiang Cheng wants to say ‘good’ but the word chokes him up.

Nie Mingjue seems to understand it anyway.

“Because you deserve it.”

“I don’t,” Jiang Cheng says over Jin Ling’s head, the boy still crying and Jiang Cheng woefully unprepared to deal with him.

“I think you do,” Nie Mingjue softly says and then stands up to correct Jiang Cheng’s grasp on Jin Ling.

It doesn’t immediately calm him down, but Jiang Cheng feels more secure holding Jin Ling like that and the small kindness is enough to bring tears to his eyes.

“I can’t,” Jiang Cheng whispers, and hides his face in Jin Ling’s baby hair. “I can’t.”

There’s a brief silence where Jiang Cheng thinks that Nie Mingjue will simply storm out on him, but then he feels lips pressed against the crown of his head.

“I’ll be here when you can,” Nie Mingjue promises him right before he leaves.

Jiang Cheng can’t bear to watch him go, and it’s only much, much later that he realizes that while Nie Mingjue took the letter with the official courtship, he left the scroll behind.

Jiang Cheng doesn’t touch it.

~*~*~

Jiang Cheng is shaking as he steps off Sandu and if he’s not careful he’s going to crush the scroll in his hand.

Maybe it would be better anyway.

“Where is Nie Mingjue?” he demands to know from the first disciple that has the guts to step close and to their credit, he is immediately led to a study room.

“What the fuck is this?” he hisses as he throws the scroll at Nie Mingjue. “What the hell are you up to?”

It seems like he caught Nie Mingjue off guard because the scroll hits him square in the chest but when he lowers his gaze at it, understanding crosses his face.

“It’s a gift,” Nie Mingjue slowly says and picks the scroll out of his robes to put it on the table.

“A gift,” Jiang Cheng hisses. “Preparing me for the fact that you’re planning to invade us?”

It’s—just the thought makes Jiang Cheng sick, because he barely had time to build Lotus Pier back up again. He only managed the most necessary buildings so far.

Not to mention the fact that he trusted Nie Mingjue, that he thought he was in love with him.

“It’s nothing like that,” Nie Mingjue reassures him and Jiang Cheng has to give it to him, he stays remarkably calm.

“Then explain what it is!” Jiang Cheng demands and Nie Mingjue sighs.

“I mean, I guess it was intended that way, once, when we first started? But it’s not anymore. We keep track of the layout of all the Sects. I know you all thought us stupid but Qinghe Nie always expected a war ever since Wen Ruohan first came into power centuries ago. We made it a habit to sketch out every Sect’s layout so that in the case of a war we could help them rebuild. None of you are as sturdy as we are.”

It’s a sensible explanation and it makes sense, Jiang Cheng guesses, but the hurt about the perceived threat from Nie Mingjue of all people still sits deep.

“Why give it to me?”

Nie Mingjue stares at him as if he’s stupid, and Jiang Cheng thinks that’s probably fair.

“It was supposed to be a courtship gift; my gift to help you rebuild Lotus Pier like it used to be if you wished it so. You rejected me, twice, and I thought it cruel to keep this from you despite that.”

Jiang Cheng can’t keep Nie Mingjue’s eyes any longer and so he stares down at the scroll again.

He had looked at it, of course, and he had studied it very carefully; there were paths and buildings on that plan that even he didn’t remember.

“Show me the other ones,” Jiang Cheng says, because he needs the proof that this was not simply to attack him again, now that Yunmeng Jiang is weakened beyond belief.

Nie Mingjue simply nods and leads Jiang Cheng to a huge library. It seems like Nie Mingjue knows his way around here very well, because there’s no hesitation as he makes his way over to a shelf and gets three more scrolls out.

“We even have one of the Wen Sect, in case someone more sensible ever took over once Wen Ruohan inevitably destroyed everything,” he says as he hands the scrolls to Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng opens all three of them, just to be sure, but they are what Nie Mingjue promised.

“You wanted to help us rebuild,” Jiang Cheng whispers and Nie Mingjue shrugs.

“Qinghe Nie always wanted to help in the case of war,” he agrees and before Jiang Cheng can snap at him that he is deliberately misunderstanding him, he goes on. “But yes. I specifically wanted to help you rebuild.”

“Why?”

“It was supposed to be a courtship gift, remember?” Nie Mingjue asks with a sad smile and takes the scrolls back from Jiang Cheng.

“But why?” Jiang Cheng asks again, because that’s the part he doesn’t get.

Everyone left him alone; his family is dead, Lanling Jin is just waiting for him to die or move a toe out of line, Gusu Lan is too busy rebuilding themselves and for all that Nie Mingjue tried to court him—twice—even Qinghe Nie didn’t so much as offer help.

Well, Jiang Cheng guesses he has to rethink that part, because clearly Nie Mingjue did want to help.

“Why me?”

“Because you’re fierce and beautiful and strong. You’re a natural leader, you’re a good Sect Leader, a good uncle. Because I admire you and I’m in love with you,” Nie Mingjue easily says as if it means nothing to him to say all of that out loud, about Jiang Cheng of all people.

It means the world to Jiang Cheng.

“Ask me again,” he whispers, begs almost, because he’s tired of keeping himself from this.

He’s tired of rebuilding and of raising Jin Ling and having to do it all alone and if Nie Mingjue wants this, still, after Jiang Cheng was already stupid twice, then he’ll take it.

He will allow himself at least this happiness.

“Jiang Wanyin, will you let me court you?” Nie Mingjue asks without hesitation and just the thought that Nie Mingjue waited even though Jiang Cheng rejected him twice, that he still wants him, brings tears to Jiang Cheng’s eyes.

“Yes, please,” he breathes out and Nie Mingjue doesn’t waste any time before he pulls him into a tight hug.

“Thank you,” he mutters into Jiang Cheng’s hair as if he’s the blessed one here, when really, Jiang Cheng can’t believe that he should get this lucky.

“I’m sorry I was stupid,” Jiang Cheng says into Nie Mingjue’s shoulder.

“You weren’t. There was a lot going on, and I understand,” Nie Mingjue reassures him and Jiang Cheng slings his arms around his middle.

“I like you, too,” Jiang Cheng belatedly says, and even though he’s not yet ready to tell Nie Mingjue that he’s in love with him, too, it doesn’t seem to matter to Nie Mingjue.

“That’s good to hear,” Nie Mingjue gives back, and pushes Jiang Cheng away from him, just far enough to duck down and press a light kiss to his lips.

“We’re going to take this slow, okay? Rebuilding first.”

Jiang Cheng has difficulties swallowing around the lump in his throat, so he simply nods, grateful that Nie Mingjue seems to understand what he so desperately needs.

His Sect back to a point where he doesn’t have to fear for their simple survival every night, and a reassuring, steady presence at his side.

“Thank you,” he says again with feeling and Nie Mingjue smiles at him.

“Always,” he promises.

And for once in Jiang Cheng’s life, someone keeps that promise.

Link to my ko-fi on the sidebar!

#bt writes #mingcheng #mdzsbingo #the untamed #mdzs #getting together #hurt/comfort #courting #misunderstanding #first kiss

[robininthelabyrinth]

For prompts, I'd really like to see your take on Wei Wuxian being summoned back by Qin Su instead of Mo Xuanyu. It's an idea I've only seen done once very briefly, and I've wanted to see more of it since.

Untamed verse

Being summoned back to replace a woman was, while odd, not the biggest problem in Wei Wuxian’s life.

The women’s clothing he could deal with, thanks to some very specific dares in his youth due to hanging out with Nie Huaisang, that deviant; the make-up was something he had helped Jiang Yanli out with before; and the hair...

Whatever. His maids would live with his hair done up a little more casually than they might have expected.

No, the biggest problem was that he was masquerading as the wife of Lianfeng-zun, Chief Cultivator. And that actually wouldn’t be so much of a problem, except that said Chief Cultivator was apparently an absolute psychopath with a collection of grisly trophies that said wife had apparently found right before deciding to end her life in favor of revenge.

Revenge which Wei Wuxian was massively underqualified to undertake.

Demonic cultivation or not, he’d probably need an army to undertake it, she wanted him to kill the Chief Cultivator, but if he didn’t do it, his soul would be forfeit.

Great.

“I need help,” he decided.

Qin Su, as his summoner was apparently called, was very fond of veils, which Wei Wuxian now greatly appreciated as a fine trait in a woman, and had a low voice, which he also appreciated; no one questioned it when he asked for ink and paper for correspondence. Something he was allowed, apparently, unlike the ability to leave – that had been the first thing he’d tried, of course. 

Unfortunately, Qin Su had apparently lost a son (her husband had killed her son, to be clear, there’d been evidence aplenty in the treasure room Wei Wuxian had woken up in, and honestly the “summon an evil spirit for vengeance” thing would be totally understandable if she hadn’t chosen to summon him) and she’d taken it sufficient badly in public, or was said to have, that her husband had decided to restrict her to the inside of Koi Tower out of fear for her safety, and to enforce the restriction with guards.

Fucking psychopath. 

Wei Wuxian sat in front of the paper and stared at it.

The simple fact of the matter was, he had been dead for sixteen years.

Wen Ning, who’d been his right hand, had died before he had, and resentful energy, while still available (and how, that treasure room was reeking with it), was no substitute for a person. The cultivation world had turned against him, leaving him without friends or allies to call on...was there someone who he might try to write to? Someone who would  still answer his request if absolutely need be? And if so, who was it? 

The Jin sect belonged to Lianfeng-zun, who he was trying to escape, and he had no idea if Jin Ling had survived the man’s apparently bloody reign since there was neither hide nor hair of a fifteen year old anywhere he could see. The Nie sect had once been reliable, always determined to destroy evil and enact justice, but Nie Mingjue was dead (a fact Wei Wuxian became aware of once he found that his head was in the treasure room sans body) and who knew the state of the sect now - especially since if he remembered correctly, Nie Huaisang had been fairly close to Meng Yao before he became Jin Guangyao, and might be close to him still. No, asking him was too much of a risk.  

The Lan sect…  

Lan Wangji would believe him, he thought. Lan Wangji had believed in him back then, and tried to help him, even at the end of it all. But it was Lan Xichen who was the sect leader, not Lan Wangji, and Lianfeng-zun was Lan Xichen’s sworn brother. Who could tell which of the two Jades of Lan would receive his letter?

No.

There was only one option.

Wei Wuxian took a deep breath beneath his veil, closed his eyes for a moment to gather strength, and wrote –

Jiang Cheng, I need your help.

-

“Why are we rushing?” Jin Ling complained, though he looked more bemused than anything else. “Jiujiu, you don’t even like to go to Koi Tower, you never go to Koi Tower –”

“I go twice a year and you know it,” Jiang Cheng snapped, his fingers still tightly clutching the letter that had been delivered by urgent post.

“Yes, twice a year, the absolute bare minimum you have to visit,” Jin Ling said. He wasn’t wrong, either. “Who’s the letter from?”

“I already told you, it’s from Madame Jin.”

“I didn’t realize you were serious,” Jin Ling said. “I’ve never known you to be close to her. Just – tell me this isn’t like the Mo Xuanyu thing, okay? She’s pretty, sure, but she’s not that pretty…”

“Mo Xuanyu?” Jiang Cheng asked, only half paying attention. They were almost there. Soon, he’d know the truth, he’d know if – but how could it be anything but the truth? Who else would know to use those old codes, the ones they came up with as children, giggling together in their rooms at the Lotus Pier? No one yet living could know them, only him –

Soon.

“You know, my uncle, the weird one – turns out he was a pervert that became fixated on Madame Jin –”

“What does that have to do with me...” Jiang Cheng trailed off and turned to glare. “Don’t be absurd!”

Jin Ling didn’t have the courtesy to look abashed. “I was just checking –”

They walked in through the doors of the Fragrant Palace. Qin Su was seated in her normal place, delicate as a flower in a dress of pale rose and a dusty veil hung over her face with a diadem, matching earrings, everything a proper noble lady should be, and at first Jiang Cheng thought that he must have been mistaken, hallucinating, something –

And then she turns to look at him and above the veil he saw those eyes and he knew.

-

“I’ll write to Lan Wangji once we’re back at the Lotus Pier,” Jiang Cheng said.

“Good idea,” the carpet they were currently smuggling out of Lanling said. “Lan Zhan will definitely help! I just couldn’t guarantee he’d come for Qin Su, you understand…”

“It’s a good thing you didn’t,” Jin Ling said, kicking his heels. He’d had rather a nasty shock, finding out firstly that Wei Wuxian had been summoned back, secondly that it was his aunt that had done the summoning, thirdly that she’d done it to stop his little uncle, who was apparently evil, and lastly that his beloved jiujiu was responding to Wei Wuxian’s return by helping him rather than killing him – but he was young and recovered easily from shock, and by now he was more caught up in the drama and adventure of it all. “Hanguang-jun never comes to Lanling. Not once.”

“That’s true,” Jiang Cheng said. “Not even for discussion conferences. It would have been noticed.”

“Why? Does he know about Lianfeng-zun –”

“No, he would have said something, he’s stupidly righteous like that,” Jiang Cheng said. “It was because of you, you idiot.”

“…oh.”

“Why does no one ever tell me these things?” Jin Ling complained.

-

“Why did you come help me, Jiang Cheng?” Wei Wuxian asked much later. “You didn’t ask any questions, you didn’t doubt, you just – you hate me. For what I did at the Nightless City, to shijie, for abandoning you…I know you hate me. Why did you come?”

“You asked.”

#mdzs #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #jin ling #my fic #my fics #echodoctor

[ouyangzizhensdad]

Do you think LWJ took the advantage of being a Young Master of a prominent clan to publicly display the people he hates? (We know who that is) I saw someone claim about it and It's haunting my head.

Hi anon,

I’ll start first by saying that I think the novel does, to a degree, understand that there are people who have, to use Bourdieu’s terms, forms of ‘capitals’ that others do not and integrate that into the narrative and character dynamics. LWJ has not only capital due to his position as a gongzi and the son of a Leader (then later, as heir-in-line) to one of the prominent clans, but also due to his stellar reputation and fighting abilities (and to a degree, the fact he is a man). All this allows him to have a wider range of actions that are considered ‘acceptable/legitimate’ versus another person with different or lesser forms of capital--think for instance of the reaction and consequences when LWJ challenges what powerful men are saying (making up) about WWX versus when daughter-of-a-servant MianMian does the same. However, I find it weird to frame that as LWJ “getting away” with something--with his character, it’s more like he is able to have an opinion or stand up against injustices with less chances of getting punished and ridiculed for it.

Now, if it is about Jiang Cheng, it is kind of a myopic argument to be saying that LWJ “gets away” with “publicly hating JC”. First because by that point JC is technically even higher in the social hierarchy, being a literal Sect Leader. But it’s also weird to phrase this as “publicly hating JC”: LWJ is not running around badmouthing JC or the Jiang sect--the pettiest we see him is when he doesn’t silence LJY when he engages in gossip about JC. Instead we see LWJ standing up against JC when the situation calls for it, which is not the same. Of course, as JC does, it can be considered as an inherent ‘insult’ since it makes JC ‘lose face’ but I think there is a difference. And it’s not like JC does not get away with being impolite towards LWJ and the Lan sect, something we see at Dafan Mountain.

We know with the MXY altercation that JC was ready to kill him on sight for using modao (”Do you have any last words?”/“Break his legs? Haven’t I told you? If you see this sort of evil and crooked practice, kill the cultivator and feed him to your dogs!”). After LWJ intercepts, we have this exchange showing JC being impolite to a degree that prompts LJY to call him out for it, only bringing more disrespect for the Lans from JC:

He raised one brow and spoke, “Hanguang-Jun, you sure live up to your reputation of ‘being wherever the chaos is’. So, you had time to come to this remote area today?” [..] Right now, Jiang Cheng really didn’t seem too polite as he said the words in such a tone. Even the juniors who came following Lan Wangji did not seem comfortable hearing it.

Lan Jingyi spoke straightforwardly, “Isn’t Jiang-zongzhu here as well?”

Jiang Cheng replied grimly, “Tsk, do you really think that you should butt in when your seniors are conversing? The GusuLan Sect has always been known for its respectful conduct. Is this really how it teaches its disciples?”

It is imo more true to say that, due to LWJ’s higher and respected position in society, JC is not able to use his usual means of responding to someone challenging his decisions and thus making him lose face.This is again something we see during this altercation.

LWJ silences JL after he dismisses his mistreatment of other cultivators with the deity-binding nets. LWJ destroys the entirety of the diety-binding nets JC and JL were using to give JL an advantage over the other cultivators competing, something they were only able to do because of the Jiang and Jin sects considerable power and wealth. Is it daring of LWJ? Sure. Would he be able to do so without consequences if he was someone else? Probably unlikely, especially when we’re talking about JC. But is that ‘getting away’ with something? It’s literally the opposite scenario: LWJ is using his own status and capital to make it so that JL (and JC) are not getting away with what they are doing (although there are, in actuality, no consequences for their behaviours; they are just forced to give up on JL’s unfair advantages. Hell, LWJ even offers to pay for the nets he destroys, which I guess can also be taken as a baller move). What’s more, the novel even takes the time to point out that, if LWJ were not such a strong cultivator, JC might have pushed aside the risks of offending LXC and physically confronted him (let’s appreciate how this also serves as well-integrated exposition for their weapons).

Jin Ling’s grim expression was exactly the same as his uncle’s, “What can I do? It was their own fault for stepping into the traps. I’ll solve everything after I finish capturing the prey.”

Lan Wangji frowned. Jin Ling was about to speak again, but he suddenly realized that, shockingly, he could neither open his mouth nor make any sounds.

[...]

The man spoke in a low voice, “Not long ago, a blue sword flew over and destroyed the deity-binding nets that you had set up.”

Jiang Cheng glanced at Lan Wangji harshly, his displease plastered all over his face, “How many were broken?”

[...]

Although four hundred deity-binding nets were a whopping price, it wasn’t too much for the YunmengJiang Sect. Nonetheless, losing the nets were a small matter, but losing face was not. With Lan Wangji’s actions, Jiang Cheng felt a whirlpool of anger at the bottom of his heart, rising higher by every second. He narrowed his eyes, his left hand casually stroking the ring on his right hand’s index finger.

[...]

However, after stroking it for a while, Jiang Cheng compelled himself to restrain his hostility.

Although he was displeased, as the leader of a sect, he needed to take more things into consideration, which meant that he couldn’t be as impulsive as Jin Ling. After the fall of the QingheNie Sect, among the Three Great Sects, the LanlingJin Sect and the GusuLan Sect were quite close due to the personal relationship between the two leaders. By leading the YunmengJiang Sect alone, he was already in an isolated situation among the three. Hanguang-Jun, or Lan Wangji, was quite a prestigious cultivator, while his elder brother Zewu-Jun, or Lan Xichen, was the leader of the GusuLan Sect. The two brothers had always been on good terms with each other. It was best to not openly dispute with Lan Wangji.

Also, Jiang Cheng’s sword, “Sandu (三毒, Sāndú),” had never made actual contact with Lan Wangji’s sword, “Bichen,” and it was not yet decidable whose hands would the deer die on. Although he owned the powerful ring, “Zidian (紫电 Zǐdiàn),” a family heirloom of his, Lan Wangji’s guqin, “Wangji”, was also known for its abilities. The thing that Jiang Cheng hated the most was to be disadvantageous during a fight. Without complete confidence in his success, he would not consider fighting with Lan Wangji.

Now if it is about Su She, again what does LWJ truly do?

He silences him in the Demon-slaughtering cave? Although we’d be hard-pressed to believe LWJ respects Su She after what he’s seen him do in the Xuanwu Cave, the guy is literally trying to get everyone there killed and being a smartass to WWX while at it. And if it had been extremely disrespectful of him, LQR could have lifted the spell--something once again that the novel points out. When it dissolves into a game of calling out between the MolingSu sect and the GusuLan sect, LWJ does not say anything, even if, as LJY points out, Su She was imitating him. It’s only when WWX starts going that LWJ takes part by acquiescing to the truths WWX lays out (which are, yes, damning for the Su She and the MolingSu sect). But again, there are layers to what WWX is doing: he’s not only trying to expose what is going on, but anger Su She into revealing he still has his spiritual powers as proof of what he has worked out. So while WWX and LWJ are being by some measures disrespectful, there is a point to how they are going at it.

Touching his chin, he grinned, “Well I was worried that you’d get mad if I asked him too many things in front of you, wasn’t I? But since you’ve told me to ask him already, I’ll go ahead and ask. Lan Zhan?”

Lan Wangji, “Mn.”

Wei Wuxian, “The MolingSu Sect was a sect that branched off from the GusuLan Sect, right?”

Lan Wangji, “Mn.”

Wei Wuxian, “Although it branched off, the MolingSu Sect’s techniques still used the GusuLan Sect’s techniques ‘as reference’, right?”

Lan Wangji, “Yes.”

Wei Wuxian, “One of the GusuLan Sect’s techniques, the Sound of Vanquish, has the effect of exorcising evil. Amongst them, the seven-stringed guqin was the most powerful, and so there is the greatest number of people who cultivate through the guqin. The MolingSu Sect did the same, and the guqin is the most common in their sect as well, is that correct?”

Lan Wangji, “That is correct.”

Wei Wuxian, “Although the MolingSu Sect’s leader left the GusuLan Sect with knowledge of its techniques when he founded his own sect, is own guqin skills weren’t anything special, and the disciples he taught often make many mistakes too, right?”

Lan Wangji answered with honesty, “Yes.”

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji went on back and forth, speaking as though nobody was around. More and more people realized that they weren’t only mocking Su She, but rather taking something apart. Thus, they began to listen more carefully.

Next, Wei Wuxian slowed down, “… And that means, even when a section of the battle melodies that the MolingSu Sect played when killing corpses on Mass Grave Hill was wrong, the GusuLan Sect wouldn’t find it unusual, and only think that they made a mistake because of their inferior techniques and remembered the sheet music wrong, not taking the time to notice whether it was an accidental mistake or a mistake on purpose. Is this the case?”

Hearing the last question, Su She’s pupils shrunk. The hand he placed on the hilt of his sword was suddenly lined with veins. The blade of the sword was already half-an-inch unsheathed. On the other hand, Lan Wangji lifted his eyes at the same time. Both Wei Wuxian and he saw the sense of understanding in each other’s eyes.

He stated one word at a time, “This is the case.”

Su She unsheathed his sword with a clang. Wei Wuxian moved the blade of the sword to the side with two fingers and smiled, “What are you doing? Don’t forget. You’ve lost all your spiritual powers. Would threatening me like this do anything?”

Sword raised in his hand, Su She could neither attack nor put it down. He clenched his teeth, “Aiming at me for so long—just what are you trying to imply?”

As much as we love to talk about LWJ’s hidden sass and pettiness, he does not seem to ever be disrespectful without a reason, and it’s usually in the process of standing up for others. Reading his character as an illustration of a man in a position of privilege and power getting away with things is a little bit of a reach--particularly when JC is literally right there. 

#mdzs meta #lwj #jc #mdzs

[featherfur]

I posted 3,134 times in 2021

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#like yeah they’ll be polite because they won’t shame jc but they’re also going to make it clear they’re no ally and they’ll watch the other

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

HONESTLY Jin Ling being like *eyeroll* “yeah well your personality caused these problems UNCLE” and Jiang Cheng’s only response being *glare* *mutter* is a HIGHLY UNDERRATED INTERACTION. That’s how you know they are so comfortable and familiar with each other! That is the interaction of two people who know each other’s flaws and still love each other! And I love them.

These two heckle each other so much out of love! Jin Ling has absolutely no fear of his Jiujiu except for the one moment he does something really fucking bad and even then he’s just like “but Jiujiu… I’m baby 🥺. Shushu tell him, I’m baby.” And Guangyao says “look at him, he’s baby” and Jiang Cheng goes “…. yes okay, I forgive you. You’re a shit I love you so much” except with an eyeroll and not getting on his case for lying and escaping with a criminal

So many bad takes are about “Jin Ling is actually terrified of Jiang Cheng! He’s abusive and doesn’t love him! Once he keeps seeing Wei Wuxian he’ll realize he doesn’t want anything to do with Jiang Cheng! He doesn’t actually like being around him!”

Like… they’re each other’s favorite person in the world! Jin Ling feels so comfortable with him that he even just blabs that “Not even my Jiujiu has hit me! He just says that!”

Jin Ling starts crying publicly and Jiang Cheng just pulls him close, makes it clear that anyone who says anything will face his wrath. Which is NOT something either of Jiang Cheng’s parents would have allowed, something that Jiang Cheng would be within his right to say ‘Hey, clean yourself up. You’re an heir, wipe your tears.” And what he does instead is go “come here, tell me what’s wrong… you can’t speak? Okay let’s go somewhere private, no one will say anything, no one will hurt you, you’re safe’ with his actions of calling him over and pulling him close to carefully comfort him alone.

Jin Ling openly snarks and talks back to Jiang Cheng and even when Jiang Cheng snaps at him for being a dumbass and running into danger at the temple, Jin Ling still feels immediately safe by his presence and the fact that he actually let Jiang Cheng take care of him after being so horribly betrayed by Jin Guangyao speaks volumes. The only time Jin Ling is actually afraid of Jiang Cheng is after the most traumatizing event of his life involving one of his caretakers being willing to kill him and nearly doing so and Jiang Cheng does what he always does and the moment Jin Ling shows fear, Jiang Cheng backs down and takes him home instead.

I have so many emotions about these two I could write an essay

449 notes • Posted 2021-11-13 22:52:00 GMT

#4

Thinking about little baby toddler Jingyi who never quite manages to stop running once he figures out how to stand and manages to full on tackle Lan Xichen into the ground atleast three separate times and each time Lan Xichen laughs, almost a little too free (because honestly after the war? Such liveliness is a blessing he can’t curb) as he stands himself and the little gremlin up. He grins, just barely skirting that ‘don’t be too joyful’ rule, and reminds Jingyi not to run for his own safety… before sending him after Sizhui and Lan Wangji who are walking past. When Jingyi manages to tackle them both down, Lan Xichen turns away to hide his smile but it still lingers as he looks at the others

Every Lan disciple in the vicinity suddenly forgets about the no staring rule and wonders if they can convince Jingyi to knock him down again to make him laugh again.

512 notes • Posted 2021-09-13 23:12:08 GMT

#3

Do you ever think Wei Wuxian forgets that Jiang Cheng is now 36+ and is absolutely bewildered when Jiang Cheng complains about his back or says his knee aches when it rains because?? Brother is baby?? Brother is baby brother??? He shouldn’t be old?? What??

Jiang Cheng meanwhile is just like “IM NOT FUCKING OLD I JUST WENT THROUGH A WAR AND DON’T HAVE A FRESH BODY YOU FUCK ASS! IM ONLY 36!”

Jin Ling agrees that Jiang Cheng is indeed Old. Lan Xichen and Lan Qiren both try to ‘helpfully’ offer Jiang Cheng some helpful herbs or remedies while Lan Wangji is eternally smug that he has the Cold Pond and gets to avoid it.

Jiang Cheng regrets mentioning his back hurts one fucking time because “I am not old you shits! Put up your sword I can still kick your ass!” But his juniors just keep insisting he shouldn’t strain himself and he can’t tell if they’re just being brats or genuinely think that 30’s are old and either way he’s not having fun.

589 notes • Posted 2021-11-20 22:09:01 GMT

#2

I am Thinking about Nie Huaisang who doesn’t care. Nie Huaisang who honestly doesn’t know if Wei Wuxian is actually evil or not, if he actually became a demon. Nie Huaisang who willingly took a gamble being well aware that Wei Wuxian could come back wrong and twisted and lay death on Jianghu and decided that was fine.

So many thoughts seem to hinge on NHS being almost completely certain that WWX isn’t actually evil, didn’t actually lose his entire soul to demonic cultivation. I’m here for Huaisang who’s spent the last ten years in absolute terror of being killed because he’s not obedient enough, in absolute terror of being found out, in absolute terror of never being able to even just find his brothers body.

Who’s pushed to the brink because of that terror, because of that anger, that heartbreak, that agony. And he decides he doesn’t give a fuck how Wei Wuxian returns.

If he’s still the Wei Wuxian that Nie Huaisang remembers then great! Wonderful! His plan will work perfectly, probably! But if he’s not? If he’s a tormented destroyed soul of resentful energy and absolutely nothing else? If he really is the mass murderer everyone calls him and comes back with that same killing instinct?

Then Nie Huaisang will dump the oil in front of him to lead that fire straight to Koi tower first and accept his fate of being burned with the rest of the world. Because he is Tired, he is Scared, and he is so very very Angry.

One way or another he will burn the world that Jin Guangyao created at the expense of his brother. He will burn it down to the ground with rivers of blood and the flames of war if he has too. He has nothing left, he is not adored by the Nie Sect, his only other friend is a broken man on the other end of Jianghu who spends his time only with his nephew, his second brother doesn’t care to look at Jin Guangyao with anything but affection, and the man who he once lived beside has his hands coated in the blood of Huaisang’s big brother. He has nothing, he has nothing. And he will make sure Jin Guangyao dies with nothing too.

830 notes • Posted 2021-10-02 20:18:08 GMT

#1

Not to say that Jiang Cheng has definitely semi-raised half the disciples of Yunmeng Jiang via Jiujiu energy but Jiang Cheng has semi-raised every disciple more than two years younger than him via Jiujiu energy

He knows every single disciples name, their history, their likes and hates. He can rattle off every punishment they’ve received in the last four years, what he got for their birthday, how many times they’ve fallen in the lake, and how much time they’ve spent going through classes because physical punishment does nothing for these dumbasses.

At any given moment he is thinking about the disciples who were injured, tracking the ones who went out on missions, assigning lookouts for the ones who have taken too long to return home, and planning what he’s going to yell at them for making him worry.

He has been called “shushu” or “jiujiu” by them more times than even he can count, he rages every time but it’s a mark that the cultivator is Officially Jiang and he sighs and turns a blind eye (and occasionally slips funds in for) when they throw a party to ‘welcome’ the poor embarrassed cultivator.

He has kept every item ever given to him by his people, yes even the horrible scribbles passed over by four year olds who don’t even know who he is they just think he’s pretty. His bedroom is just covered in knickknacks and occasionally if he gets one he really likes he will put it purposefully at the end of his table over dinner and it’s an internal fight every time to get something he’ll like enough to show off.

(YES it’s ridiculous, YES it’s childish, but this is still Yunmeng Jiang and these cultivators, these members of the family Jiang Cheng dragged from the ashes of his home and made anew have given him everything they have and more so yes when they’re home they can have their little jokes and their little trinkets and he will let it all happen because it means they’re happy and they’re safe and they know they will always always have their sect leader at their back. When they’re outside they’re standing behind their sect leader, they will never falter. But when they get home? Their sect leader stands behind them and watches over them in all the million tiny ways only a sect leader can so they have their freedom in safety)

870 notes • Posted 2021-08-14 22:18:49 GMT

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[neverdoingmuch]

hello! I just wanted to ask, which do you think in the mdzs novel has the most questionable morality? like they have done more bad things but they still had kindness in them somehow (?)

oh!! this is a hard one for me anon! i’m always bad at ranking characters but i’ll do my best!  i’m not sure if you were hoping for like a quick answer or a long one but i’m gonna go with a long one bc that’s always fun and i’ll do a tldr if you don’t want to read through all that? yeah that seems like it’ll work because holy shit i didnt mean for it to get so long (and kind of away from the point of your ask too so sorry about that!)

okay! So, the three main contenders for morally dubious characters are, as far as I’ve seen, Xue Yang, Jin Guangyao, and Wei Wuxian. Not a big surprise, I’m sure. While they’re the more obvious options, they do have a lot of parallels and exhibit a lot of the themes and ideas that MXTX was getting at. I mean, I love looking at Jin Guangyao and Wei Wuxian as foils, and even other combinations of the three, so my answer will probably be heavy on the comparisons. I do think it’s worth touching on Jiang Cheng as well though. Also, I’ll try to stay as unbiased as I can because there’s a few characters on this list that I just don’t like … like at all.

Jiang Cheng tends to get brushed over a lot when it comes to some of the horrible things he’s done. From promising to protect Wei Wuxian from dogs only to immediately use them as a threat whenever he wants to to leading a siege on a group of people he knows are completely innocent of any crimes to torturing and killing people for thirteen years, he’s definitely not a good person. His concerns lie first and foremost with himself and his. That doesn’t seem like a horrible thing at first – he should owe his loyalty to himself, his family, and his sect – but it does mean that when the Xuanwu’s cave situation happened, his response was to get mad that Wei Wuxian helped Jin Zixuan and Lan Wangji. (And that’s why Jiang Fengmian got mad at him!). Later on, when pressure comes from the sects regarding Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng chooses not to stand with him, which, while understandable, isn’t exactly a kind move to someone who called Jiang Cheng his family and was trying to repay the debt the two of them owed Wen Qing. There’s no denying that he does care about Wei Wuxian, but when forced to make hard choices, he picks what’s easiest for himself. In general, I’d say that his sense of morality is selfish and somewhat flighty, but not necessarily questionable, so I’ll move on!

For the usual suspects, I’ll start with Xue Yang because I’m just going to immediately eliminate him from the running. I’ve seen people interpret his character sympathetically or try to justify some of his actions or the way he turned out, but I honestly just can’t. While you could feel sympathetic towards him because of his childhood, we have Wei Wuxian as a direct contrast to Xue Yang, as well as, to a certain degree, Jin Guangyao. Both Xue Yang and Wei Wuxian were street kids who had a horrible time in their youth, but Wei Wuxian was able to leave that behind him. That’s a lot easier to do when you’ve been adopted into a major sect and afforded comforts above your station (and also have terrible coping mechanisms), but even Jin Guangyao’s revenge isn’t quite as wide-spread and malicious. I know it may seem a bit obvious, anon, but some people really do try and treat Xue Yang like he’s morally dubious which confuses me a lot because how?? Even if we do say that he has suitable cause, one of the messages of the novel is that your past experiences don’t justify your future actions, so even within the context of the novel – a novel which is concerned with highlighting the grey areas of morality – Xue Yang isn’t afforded any sympathy. So, there’s really no way to construe him in a positive light. His only moments of kindness come with his time spent in Yi City with Xiao Xingchen, where Xue Yang doesn’t change much – he may have cared for Xiao Xingchen, but Xue Yang still tortured him as he did so. I never quite read that arc as Xue Yang learning to care or being allowed to be kind again so I’d just say that he lacks both morals and kindness. On that basis we can boot him from this competition. 

Jin Guangyao may have been one of the antagonists of the novel, but he wasn't a completely bad person or like The Worst. His main crimes involved getting revenge for slights against him or his mother – being from Nie Mingjue, Jin Guangshan, or any number of other cultivators. I think that, to an extent, his actions are justifiable. While you can contrast this to the way Wei Wuxian gets called a servant's son, they do differ in the fact that Wei Wuxian is afforded a higher level of protection due to him being favoured by Jiang Fengmian. Additionally, when Wei Wuxian does have his birth used against him, he's usually the person who acted out first anyway. Jin Guangyao was insulted for doing little more than exist and was never the person to act out first, yet still faced a near constant onslaught of insults. I'm not saying his actions were justified by any means, but the reasoning behind his actions is sound. The one thing I will note is that he doesn't let go of his grudges – even when everything is all done and dusted and he has everything that he could possibly want from life, he still holds onto that hatred. I remember seeing a post where someone mentioned that characters who were able to move on and change for the better were able to get their happy ending in MDZS, which isn't relevant here but definitely applies to Jin Guangyao when thinking about why he got the ending he did. I don't agree with the degree to which he enacted his revenge against certain characters and I loathe the whole Qin Su situation. I don't care how much he cries about it, he could've at least told her, but I mainly just pretend that part didn't exist. So, he has suitable cause for at least some of his actions, and his other victims can just be classified as necessary collateral rather than being intentional innocent targets, if that makes sense, but he's definitely vindictive and spiteful.

On the other hand, he did a lot of good, too. He's a side character for the most part so Jin Guangyao didn't get the most screen-time, but we do hear of some of the good things he's done. The main example would probably be the watchtowers. One of the interesting things about Jin Guangyao and Wei Wuxian is that while both of them are capable of kindness, the breadth and scope of Jin Guangyao's is much broader – the watchtowers are an idea that not only showcase how Jin Guangyao's upbringing allows him to see flaws in the cultivation world that the other privileged cultivators can't, but also show how he does care about the people. I've seen a few people try and play it as a spying technique but I don’t really believe that in the slightest. I mean, the point of the towers is to cover the areas where the sects aren't, so I have no idea what Jin Guangyao's people would even be spying on. Anyway, setting up those watchtowers really didn't benefit him any specific way – unless you consider him endearing himself to Lan Xichen and garnering a good reputation with the common folk something that outweighs the absolute nightmare it would have been to make the sects participate in the project to begin with. In a more specific case, Jin Ling's dog was given to him by Jin Guangyao. It's interesting that, despite Jin Ling spending the novel being trailed by Jiang Cheng, the gift that he obviously cares for deeply is from Jin Guangyao. In the Guanyin Temple scene I definitely got the sense that Jin Ling had loved and trusted Jin Guangyao before the truth came out so I'm firmly convinced that he would've been a wonderful and conscientious uncle to him and just generally good to the people who worked for him and/or the commoners.

Okay, now Wei Wuxian!! As far as I've seen, people are relatively good at staying true to his questionable sense of morality. Like with Jin Guangyao, we know that he can be vindictive and pretty excessive when it comes to getting his revenge, but I'm not going to deny that I was definitely rooting for him when he went after Wen Chao and his little gang. The main issue with Wei Wuxian is probably the demonic cultivation – the stigma against it tends to get reduced to it being bad for the user and their temperament etc. etc., but there's more to it than that. I'm no expert on Daoism by any means, but from my understanding desecration of corpses and disturbing the dead is a significant cultural taboo. This isn't just Wei Wuxian doing something no one else can do (though it certainly is true), it's also him doing something no one else should do. I've seen the massacre at Nightless City being added as another tally to his list of crimes, but I honestly think that that isn’t a crime worth adding – he needed to defend himself so he did, simple as that. 

As I mentioned above, Wei Wuxian's kindness is a bit more specific – where Jin Guangyao cares for the people, Wei Wuxian cares for individuals. We see his kindness more clearly, be it because he's the main character or be it because actions are clearer and stronger when it's for a single person or a small group. It's a bit easier, in my opinion, to care about people when you don't have to live with them and face them every day, but Wei Wuxian does. Even though Wei Wuxian led a lot more comfortable life than Jin Guangyao, we never really see Jin Guangyao get his hands dirty in the same way Wei Wuxian does. When a sacrifice needs to be made, Wei Wuxian’s the one who makes it. He doesn't relegate, he does it himself. We know that he would do absolutely anything for those he cares about and that's why he's able to commit a lot of the atrocities he does.

When it comes to deciding between Jin Guangyao and Wei Wuxian for most questionable morality, I think we need to look at the reasons behind their actions. Wei Wuxian’s sense of morality is definitely nowhere near that of the Lans but he has always been driven by his sense of justice and his love for those around him. In that sense, I've always read him as having a flexible sense of morality rather than a questionable one. I'm not sure how much of it ties in with his sense of duty, but it's definitely a lot. Wei Wuxian is, and always will, fill the role that is required of him – be it the childish and sweet younger brother, the talented but flippant older brother, the monster that wins the war, or the fierce protector that gives his all, Wei Wuxian will twist himself into whatever position he's needed in at that moment. Obviously, he went after Wen Chao for his own benefit, and the corrupting influence of the resentful energy does need to be factored into this, but at his core, Wei Wuxian will always value his duty (to his sect, family, friends, and innocents) and doing what is right over anything else. He may have stumbled along the way, but he did manage to form his own path to uphold all the values that he wanted to. Jin Guangyao, on the other hand, is similar to Jiang Cheng in how he's driven by his own motivations for betterment and revenge, albeit with more grace and intelligence. Jin Guangyao may masquerade as being motivated by any number of causes but he will never do anything at his own risk, and he will always be his top priority. So, while it's a close call between Wei Wuxian and Jin Guangyao, I'm going to have to go with Jin Guangyao on this one!

tldr; the fandom favourites for questionable morality are xy, jgy, and wwx so i mainly looked at them. I included jc as well but neither xy or jc demonstrate the dichotomy needed so they got eliminated from the running. Jgy and wwx both commit and are willing to commit horrible crimes as well as being capable of caring for others and being kind. but, where wwx is driven by his sense of justice and love for others, jgy is driven by his own motivations for betterment and revenge, making for a more questionable morality (as compared to wwx's more flexible morality).

#mdzs #mdzs text #mdzs meta #dfgrgt i was like hm but what if this post isnt good enough to tag as meta #modao zushi #wei wuxian #jin guangyao #xue yang #jiang cheng #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #asks #legal talks #i figured that since i wasnt giving a very interesting answer i might as well throw in some discussion too #i hope this answers your question anon!! #thanks for asking me i had a lot of fun answering this #in case you couldnt tell from the uhh 2k i wrote #Anonymous #but if you want to send any more asks please do!! i love discussing things like this

[stiltonbasket]

but ALSO okay so first of all thank you so much for the ficlets so far they are Adorable and i love them so much. second of all i am so glad you opened prompts again bcuz. i have. smth ive been wanting to read for a WHILE. so. prompt: junior generation post-canon, they all have super high standards for romantic partners cuz they spend time with Super Lovey Dovey WangXian. not like jiang cheng's List but smth a la Tenille Arts's Somebody Like That iykwim

i hope its not too late to insert a detail to my prompt!!! (i ran outta chara space in the og prompt message and then forgot ^^" ) but theres just one thing!! i really wanna see!!!! in the wangxian spoiling each other bit!!!!! (and the juniors being all That is Love Why Should We Settle For Less) -- i want lan zhan walkin around at one point with his hair in a braid and flowers braided in!!! and if asked he gets all soft and looks at it and is like "wei ying did it" ahhh i love the image <3

can anybody find me (somebody to love)

by stiltonbasket

“Wei-qianbei, we’re getting old enough to go courting now,” Jingyi says eagerly; but he’s a horrible liar who lies, because he and Sizhui are only nineteen, and Jin Ling doesn’t come of age until early winter. “What do you think we should put on our list of requirements?” 

(Or, the one where Jin Rulan visits the Cloud Recesses, contemplates his love life, and gets a new point of view on the Lan sect's taxation policy.)

Jin Ling is seventeen the year his dajiu marries Hanguang-jun, and finally gives Jin Ling the right to call Lan Sizhui his cousin. Sizhui’s always been his cousin, of course—they’ve been cousins since Jin Ling was born, even if neither of them knew it—but he couldn’t say so, because that would mean telling everyone that Sizhui was born a Wen. And telling everyone that Sizhui was a Wen would lead to terrible things, so Jin Ling keeps his mouth shut until after his dajiu’s wedding.

“You could just say that he was born to us during the Sunshot Campaign!” Wei Wuxian laughed, when he finally heard why Jin Ling wanted him to hurry up and take his three bows with Hanguang-jun. “Half the cultivation world already thinks he’s ours, anyway.”

But regardless of whether he could call Sizhui his biao-ge in public, Sizhui is first and foremost a very dear friend; and so are Lan Jingyi and A-Qing and Ouyang Zizhen, though Jin Ling’s best friend is probably Zizhen, just like Sizhui’s is Jingyi. He visits them in Gusu as often as he can, since all of them save Zizhen live there, and even Zizhen hangs around the Cloud Recesses more often than not. 

“Don’t you have a clan of your own?” Jin Ling frowns, when he visits his dajiu around midsummer to find the younger boy eating xiaolongbao in the jingshi’s new kitchen. “How come you’re still here, A-Zhen? The lectures ended weeks ago!”

“I’m almost sixteen,” Zizhen yawns, reaching for a shallow dish of black vinegar and soaking a salted mushroom in it. “Father says I’m old enough to go where I like, and Lan-xiansheng said I could keep studying with the Lan disciples as long as I stayed.”

“You’re just here for the food,” grumbles Jin Ling. His dajiu is a good cook when he doesn’t cover everything in chili peppers, and Jiujiu once told him in confidence that Wei-dajiu’s food was the closest Jin Ling would ever get to having his mother’s. But a steaming plate of xiaolongbao lands in front of Jin Ling before he can really start thinking about that, and then his baby cousin crawls into his lap and steals one of the soup dumplings.

“Ling-gege pays taxes,” three-year-old Lan Yu says serenely, poking a hole in the xiaolongbao and sucking out the broth. “Xiao-Yu can have one more?”

“Taxes?” Jin Ling stares at him. “What in the world does he mean?”

Wei Wuxian laughs and comes back over to give him another succulent soup dumpling to replace the one Xiao-Yu stole. “He’s pretending to be the sect leader,” he explains, ruffling Jin Ling’s hair on his way back to the stove. “And he found out about tax management this morning, since Lan Zhan and Xichen-ge are thinking about lifting the luxury tax on goods from some of the minor sects. But A-Yu thinks taxes are presents for the sect leader, so…”

“One more bao tax for xiao-Lan-zongzhu!” Xiao-Yu says imperiously, holding out his chubby hands. “Ling-gege give, please?”

“That is not polite, Xiao-Yu,” Hanguang-jun scolds, sweeping into the kitchen with A-Yuan and Jingyi behind him and A-Qing bringing up the rear. He lifts Xiao-Yu into his arms and sits him down on the bench next to Zizhen, and then he reaches up for a stack of patterned bowls and passes them around to the others. 

Jin Ling still hasn’t gotten used to eating at the Chief Cultivator’s table, even if Hanguang-jun is technically his uncle now. Sometimes Hanguang-jun even does the cooking, and feeds Wei-dajiu with his own chopsticks while everyone else watches, and then Jin Ling tries to choke himself to death on the bamboo shoots in his yan du xian before deciding that Lanling can’t afford to lose the first decent zongzhu it’s had since his great-grandfather’s time. 

“I wish I was married,” Ouyang Zizhen sighs dreamily, resting his cheek on his hand as Xiao-Yu tries to steal his dumplings next. On his other side, A-Qing’s cheeks flush crimson, and she stares resolutely down at her hands while Hanguang-jun offers her a plate of savory vegetables. “It looks so nice, Wei-qianbei.”

“It is nice,” Wei-dajiui winks—and oh, gross, because Hanguang-jun is blushing now, and staring at Wei Wuxian as if he’s the most amazing thing in the world. “Marrying Lan Zhan is the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Mm,” Hanguang-jun says quietly, putting a heaping spoonful of potato congee into his husband’s bowl. “Wei Ying is the best thing that happened to me, too.”

Ouyang Zizhen wails. 

“Wei-qianbei, we’re getting old enough to go courting now,” Jingyi says eagerly; but he’s a horrible liar who lies, because he and Sizhui are only nineteen, and Jin Ling doesn’t come of age until early winter. “What do you think we should put on our list of requirements?”

“What, you want an arranged marriage?” Wei-dajiu frowns. “ I never went through the process myself—” and Hanguang-jun reaches out and squeezes Wei-dajiu’s waist, as if even thinking about Wei-dajiu seeing a matchmaker was too much— “and I don’t really know anyone who did, since Yunmeng’s a lot freer about these things. Are you sure, Jingyi?”

“I’m not asking for a matchmaker,” Jingyi says, tossing his long ponytail over his shoulder. “I want to know what to look for if my love of a lifetime comes along. So what were you looking for?”

“Nothing when I was your age, A-Yi. I thought I would spend my whole life at Lotus Pier, and marry one of the shijies or shimeis who liked me. But then I met Lan Zhan, and…”

And then his ideal became Hanguang-jun, Jin Ling finishes, chewing on a mouthful of mustard greens. Everyone knows that, Jingyi!

Unfortunately, the conversation doesn’t end there. It goes on for the better part of an hour, and all through the course of coconut pudding Hanguang-jun made for dessert, and Jin Ling can’t even leave because that would be rude, and the food is too good to pass up even if Ouyang Zizhen wants to ask about kissing now.

“How old is old enough to have your first kiss?” he inquires, while Lan Sizhui giggles into his hands and elbows Zizhen to make him stop. “I’m sixteen, so is that too young?”

“I was thirty-eight when I first kissed Wei Ying,” Hanguang-jun says dryly. “I would advise patience, unless Ouyang-gongzi already has a beloved one in mind.”

Jin Ling wants to die. Why is his extended family like this?

“Pudding tax,” Xiao-Yu announces from his lap. “Ling-gege, can A-Yu have a bite?”

“I’m Sect Leader Jin, though. I don’t have to pay you taxes.”

Xiao-Yu gives him a serious little nod before turning to Sizhui. “Yuan-gege, pay pudding taxes.”

“You’ve had enough pudding,” Sizhui scolds; and indeed, the dishes are mostly empty now, except for the serving bowls in the middle of the table. “Come on, A-Yu. Let’s go visit the rabbits.”

They end up at the rabbit field about ten minutes later, after Jingyi and Sizhui help Hanguang-jun with the dishes. Jin Ling thinks it must make a very strange picture: after all, one doesn’t often see three Lan juniors, one Ouyang sect heir, one Jin sect leader, and one Lan baby lying in the grass with bunnies climbing over them. But the peace and quiet is beautifully welcome after the political unrest in Lanling and the dog food in Wei-dajiu’s tiny kitchen, so Jin Ling closes his eyes and settles down for a nap with a small white rabbit on his chest. 

“I think Shufu was right,” he hears A-Qing say. “There’s no point in having a list of requirements. Look at what happened to Jiang-zongzhu.”

“His first list was terrible, though,” Zizhen objects. “And he’s going to be married by next spring, so it worked for him in the end. After he fixed his requirements, I mean.”

“Gossipping is forbidden in the Cloud Recesses,” Sizhui says tranquilly. “And what Father meant was that having a list means you might miss your fated one when they come along, so it’s best to think about what you want, instead of what your beloved should be.”

“I’d like it if my wife liked to eat my cooking,” sighs Zizhen—he’s an excellent cook, too, and Jin Ling knows for a fact that A-Qing’s favorite food is the shrimp and water spinach Zizhen’s mother taught him to make. “Then I could cook, and she could wash our children’s hands and bring them to the kitchen when I was done, and we would all eat together.”

“I think I’d like a husband who knew how to do my hair,” A-Qing says, not even trying to be subtle. Jin Ling has seen the combs Zizhen keeps giving her, even if they’re far too young for a courtship, and Zizhen is always the first to offer assistance whenever A-Qing’s hair falls out of its bun. “Even a plain bun is too hard for me, since my hair’s so bushy.”

Zizhen nearly drops his rabbit. “Oh,” he whispers, blushing so hard that his neck turns red. “That’s good!”

Jin Ling wants to die. He can’t stand visiting Lotus Pier because his jiujiu is obviously courting, even if he won’t say he is, and now he’s going to have to watch A-Qing and Zizhen flirt until Zewu-jun and Ouyang-zongzhu give them permission to get married. 

“What about you, Jingyi?”

“Huh? Oh, I want to marry someone who won’t mind how loud I am,” Jingyi shrugs. “Or someone even louder than me, so we can make trouble together. A-Yuan?”

“I haven’t really thought about it, actually,” Sizhui sighs. “I’m Zewu-jun’s heir, so I have to get married, but I’m not sure if I want to.”

A moment of silence. 

“Then you won’t have to,” Jin Ling says. Everyone stares at him. “Zewu-jun didn’t get married, and Hanguang-jun wouldn’t have if Wei-dajiu didn’t come back to life. You can just choose an heir born to one of your cousins, since Jingyi was going to inherit the sect before Hanguang-jun adopted you.”

The others swoop in to assure Sizhui that no one’s going to make him get married, and Jin Ling folds his arms behind his head and wonders if his biao-ge could possibly be like Zewu-jun: a yi xin yi shen, whole in heart and body, who eschewed marriage in favor of cultivation. It would explain a lot, Jin Ling thinks, because even he knows what it feels like when someone makes his heart beat fast and his face turn pink, and Sizhui’s never felt that way. 

(Jin Ling tries not to think of Nie-zongzhu’s hot-tempered archivist, who knocked him into the dust with her saber the last time he visited Qinghe and then told him he had pretty eyes. Nie Shiyong is a few years older than him, and he usually ends up nursing several new bruises each time he meets her, but Jin Ling is man enough to admit to himself that he likes her. Maybe.)

“Xiao-Yu is sleepy,” little A-Yu says, interrupting his embarrassing train of thought before it can go any further. “Yuan-gege, I have a nap?”

“You can just sleep here,” Jingyi suggests. “The grass is soft enough, right? And you can use one of us for a pillow.”

“Jingyi,” Sizhui chides, and Jin Ling hears the long grass rustling as his cousin gets to his feet. “Come on, A-Yu. I’ll take you home to A-Niang.”

“No need,” someone else says; and that’s Hanguang-jun’s voice, coming up the hill from the direction of the jingshi. “I am here. A-Yu, come.”

Jin Ling scrambles up to greet his uncle by marriage (sect leader or not, jiujiu would kill him if he greeted the Chief Cultivator from the ground) and then he reels back and blinks in surprise, because Hanguang-jun’s hair is up in a loose braid instead of a half-topknot, and somebody seems to have decorated the braid with a row of half-bloomed lotus flowers. 

“Wei Ying did it,” Hanguang-jun says, with a small, soft smile that makes Sizhui and the others gasp. “He will do the same for your hair, too, if you ask.”

And then he lifts Xiao-Yu up into his arms and carries him away, leaving Jin Ling still frozen mid-bow with Jingyi and Zizhen gaping behind him.

“I think what Hanguang-jun meant is that the first requirement for marriage is love,” Lan Sizhui remarks, when Jin Ling finally snaps his mouth shut. “And that no matter what we want, or think we want, we shouldn’t settle for less.”

(Jin Ling is the first of his friends to marry, and he never forgets his biao-ge’s advice until the end of his days.)

#wangxian #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #jin ling #my fic

[ibijau]

40. Pride parade. Wangxian go, Jiang Cheng (and juniors?) go to be supportive, and may or may not enjoy themselves. --HLS (resend to sign it)

Oops, this ended up being pretty much 0% about wangxian, and 100% about Jiang Cheng and his litter of adopted nephews!

Jiang Cheng leans against the kitchen counter, arms crossed on his chest.

“I just don’t get why I have to go. Wei Wuxian and his giant ice cube are already going, can’t they keep an eye on the kids?”

Jiang Yanli gives him A Look from over the snacks she’s preparing, and Jiang Cheng can’t help a small grimace.

“Ok. Point taken. But that was ten years ago, I’m sure he’d be more careful these days.”

“Would he, now?” Jiang Yanli retorts as she starts putting the snacks into individual little fabric bags, alongside small water bottles. “He’s going to his first Pride since coming out, with his brand new boyfriend who he’s been in love with for over ten years… an even that is loud and bright, might I add, and you think he’ll stay focused enough to keep an eye on the kids?”

Jiang Cheng grunts, refusing to acknowledge defeat, and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Why do the kids have to go anyway? I’ve seen Pride on tv, it’s hardly child friendly. There’s all those…”

He starts miming for breasts, then remembers who he’s talking to and quickly drops his hands. Jiang Yanli, damn her, bursts out laughing at his embarrassment.

“Jin Ling is fourteen, if he can’t see breasts without thinking they’re sexual, I’ve done a poor job of raising him.” She looks at the table, and nods with satisfaction at the little care bags she’s prepared before turning her entire attention to Jiang Cheng. “Listen, they want to support A-Xian, and I think that’s wonderful of them. I also think they’re all at a questioning age, and it’s good for them to see there’s a whole community out there, should they need it.”

Jiang Cheng sighs, but nods. Jin Ling is… Well, Wei Wuxian is probably not the only bisexual in the family, that’s for sure. And then, there’s Jin Ling friend from school, the one who now asks to be called Zizhen but only where her (his? their?) parents can’t hear it.

That whole little group is frequently crashing at Jiang Cheng’s place, because he is, apparently, the cool uncle. What that mostly means is that he’s got a big tv, several consoles, and too much soda in his fridge, which Jin Ling and his friends love. But he’s also the first adult who was brought into the Zizhen situation, and while he doesn’t get that stuff, he knows Zizhen always had that small smile when someone says that name instead of the old one, and Jiang Cheng has come to hold the odd belief that kids should, in fact, be happy.

“It’s just for a few hours,” Jiang Yanli says, handing him one of her little care bags. “And who knows, maybe you’ll have fun?”

-

For the hundredth time this afternoon, Jiang Cheng does a headcount. Jin Ling, Lan Sizhui, Lan Jingyi, Ouyang Zizhen… 

They’ve lost Wei Wuxian and his iceberg boyfriend a little while ago, but that’s not Jiang Cheng’s problem. Those two are grown adults, and Jiang Cheng is sure they can take care of themselves. Knowing them, they’re either making out somewhere or fighting with some homophobic assholes trying to ruin everyone’s good time.

Quite possibly they’re making out in front of homophobes, because Wei Wuxian does love to multitask like that.

But that’s not Jiang Cheng’s problem. Jiang Cheng’s problem is to keep an eye on four excited teenagers who look like they want to run off in different directions, and keep chatting with strangers just so they can get a collection of flyers about different identities, like they’re window shopping for a label.

“Can’t you kids stay put for five seconds?” Jiang Cheng growls, grabbing Jin Ling by the collar when he starts darting to the side.

“But that’s the people from Aven!” Jin Ling retorts, pointing at some weirdos in purple, grey and black. “Sizhui, didn’t you say someone from your club mentioned Ace people a while back?”

Lan Sizhui suddenly gets that very intense look on his face and nods firmly while staring at that group in purple. That actually surprises Jiang Cheng. Lan Sizhui is a good two years older than the other kids, though he’s still in the same class as the rest because of health problems when he was little. He’s a quiet kid, who doesn’t make any waves, and in spite of being Lan Wangji’s son, Jiang Cheng likes him and thinks he’s very reasonable. He wouldn’t have expected Lan Sizhui to be shopping like the others for an identity, but if he is…

“Then we’re all going to go there,” Jiang Cheng barks. “As a group, like you guys promised. Nobody runs off on his own!”

Everyone nods, trying to look guilty but ultimately too excited to mind the scolding. Ouyang Zizhen has a particularly wide grin on his face. But then, he’s been like that since someone gave him a little blue, pink and white sticker with a ‘male’ symbol on it which he stuck on his chest. He looks so proud of himself, and Jiang Cheng kind of sees the point of this whole parade now.

So they all head toward the purple people, and Lan Sizhui gets to ask a few questions while Jiang Cheng browses the flyers for this newest of identities he’d never heard about before.

It says “An asexual person does not experience sexual attraction – they are not drawn to people sexually and do not desire to act upon attraction to others in a sexual way. Unlike celibacy, which is a choice to abstain from sexual activity, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are, just like other sexual orientations.” and Jiang Cheng forgets how to breathe for a second because that’s…

He didn’t expect there was a word for that.

He’s always figured he’s just picky, or that he’s weird. He’s dated a few people here and there, women mostly but a few men as well, just to see if that was what didn’t feel right, only to always break off when his partners started asking for more. He’d tried that whole sex thing even, only to find that even if it was nice, he’d rather have been cuddling in front of a movie, or playing a video game. He’d thought there was a problem with him, but…

But there’s a word for that.

There’s a word for it and maybe Jiang Cheng isn’t a weirdo after all, no more than Wei Wuxian who used to feel so guilty about looking at other men as well as women, no more than Lan Wangji who only likes men (though Lan Wangji is definitely a weirdo for other reasons).

There’s a word for how Jiang Cheng is, and there are other people like him, and…

“Jiujiu, are you ok?” Jin Ling suddenly asks.

Jiang Cheng startles, the little purple flyer crumbled in his hand, and finds four pairs of eyes staring at him with open concern.

Good kids, all of them, and Jiang Cheng feels so light all of a sudden that he nearly tries to hug them all.

“I’m fine,” he says instead, before waving the flyers he’s holding. “That stuff, that’s… is there anywhere I could read more about that?” he asks the volunteer handing out the papers.

The young man smiles.

“We’ve got a website for information,” he explains, pointing to the back of the flyer. “And it has a forum attached if you want to ask questions or chat with people. Are these your kids?”

“He’s the communal Jiujiu,” Ouyang Zizhen announces proudly. “Jin Ling shares him with all of us.”

They all laugh at that, even Jiang Cheng, though Jin Ling complains he never agreed to this.

They stay a little longer with those Asexuality people, because Lan Sizhui has a few more questions, then eventually move on because there’s more identity window shopping to be done.

For the rest of the day, Jiang Cheng keeps touching that flyer which he shoved in his pocket.

There’s a word for it, and he’s not alone.

#jiang cheng #jin ling #jiang yanli #ouyang zizhen #mo dao zu shi #mdzs #asexuality #jau writes #Anonymous

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

Once again, as a reminder, Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji are the text's literary mirrors to each other, in all adaptions. I am not a fan of the plot shift for CQL so this will mostly just be talking about the novel for this rant.

Lan Wangji is the positive pillar of maturity growth, while Jiang Cheng is the stagnant regressive one. They are the opposing points of moral conflict for Wei Wuxian to choose from and is the classic set up even with choosing the childhood friend (that nice false romantic lead reading) and the Love Interest that beat for beat follows the main character's subconscious yearnings and ideals of morality.

The most blatant tellings of this are the way Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji choose to deal with Wei Wuxian when he is faced with the backlash of the cultivation sect's anger.

“Wei WuXian, have you still not realized what the situation at hand is like? Do you really need me to say it out loud? If you insist on protecting them, then I won’t be able to protect you.”

Wei WuXian, “There’s no need to protect me. Just let go.”

Jiang Cheng’s face twisted.

Wei WuXian, “Just let go. Tell the world that I defected. From now on, no matter what Wei WuXian does, it’d have nothing to do with the YunmengJiang Sect.”

Jiang Cheng, “… All for the Wen Sect…? Wei WuXian, do you have a savior complex? Is it that you’ll die if you don’t stand up for someone and stir up some trouble?”

Wei WuXian stayed quiet. A while later, he answered, “So that’s why we should cut ties right now, in case anything I do affects the YunmengJiang Sect in the future.”

Or else, he really couldn’t make any guarantees on what he’d do in the future.

“…” Jiang Cheng murmured, “My mom said that you do nothing but bring our sect trouble. It’s true indeed.” He laughed coldly, talking to himself, “‘To attempt the impossible’? Fine. You understand the YunmengJiang Sect’s motto. Better than I do. Better than all of us do.”

He sheathed Sandu. The sword returned to its scabbard with a clang. Jiang Cheng’s tone was indifferent, “Then let’s arrange for a duel.”

Three days later, the leader of the YunmengJiang Sect, Jiang Cheng, arranged for a duel with Wei WuXian.

They fought quite a fight in Yiling. Negotiations failed. Both resorted to violence.

Under Wei WuXian’s command, the fierce corpse Wen Ning struck Jiang Cheng once, breaking one of his arms. Jiang Cheng stabbed Wei WuXian once. Both sides suffered losses. Each spat out a mouthful of blood and left cursing the other. They had finally fallen out with each other.

After the fight, Jiang Cheng told the outside that Wei WuXian defected from the sect and was an enemy to the entire cultivation world. The YunmengJiang Sect had already cast him out. From then on, no ties remained between them—a clear line was drawn. Henceforth, no matter what he did, they’d have nothing to do with the YunmengJiang Sect!

Jiang Cheng chooses to exasperate what Wei Wuxian had told him, he chooses to stage a fight in order to display the fact that he is not in connection with him. It is a staged fight but he does go in for a dramatic blow that wasn't needed as Wei Wuxian says later, covered in a jest to downplay Jiang Cheng's violence. Jiang Cheng only secretly visits Wei Wuxian once and with no other's knowledge as he is still committed to staying in favor with the other sect's for his own safety within the cultivation world.

Contrast that to Lan Wangji's stance at Koi Tower.

Suddenly, somebody came from behind him. It was Lan WangJi, who had followed him without speaking a word. Wei WuXian’s reputation had always been terrible, so it wasn’t his first time in such a situation. In this life, his mindset was different from how he was in his past. He could already face these situations calmly. He should get away first. There might be a chance of a counterattack in the days to come. He wouldn’t push it even if no such chance came. If he stayed, all that would come out of it were more than hundreds of slashes from the swords. Saying that he was actually innocent was even more of a joke. Everyone believed with utmost certainty that he’d return to seek revenge sometime in the future. Having destroyed countless sects, nobody would listen to his explanation, especially when Jin GuangYao would be there fanning the flames. Lan WangJi, though, was different from him. He wouldn’t even have to explain, and people would explain for him, such as how HanGuang-Jun had been deceived by the YiLing Laozu.

Wei WuXian, “HanGuang-Jun, you don’t have to follow me!”

Lan WangJi looked straight in front of him, saying nothing in reply. The two left behind them a crowd of cultivators shouting to kill. Amid the chaos, Wei WuXian spoke again, “You really want to go with me? Think carefully. After you walk out this door, your reputation will be destroyed!”

The two had already dashed down the steps of Koi Tower.

All of a sudden, a coldness passed through his stomach. As he looked down, Jin Ling had already pulled the white blade—now red with blood—out of him.

He didn’t expect that Jin Ling really would come at him.

The only thought that passed in Wei WuXian’s mind was, He could have been like anyone, yet he just so happened to have taken after his uncle Jiang Cheng. They even like to stab the same places.

He couldn’t quite clearly remember what had happened next. He felt that he tried to attack. Everything around them seemed frenzied. Not only had it been noisy, their escape seemed to bump and jolt as well. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but when he hazily opened his eyes again, Lan WangJi flew on Bichen, while he was carried on Lan WangJi’s back. Blood had spilled onto half of his snow colored cheeks.

In truth, the wound at his stomach didn’t hurt too much. But it was still a hole in his body, after all. In the beginning, he had managed for a while, as though nothing happened. It was likely, though, that this body hadn’t received many injuries before. As the wound bled, he couldn’t help but feel light-headed, and this wasn’t something that he could control.

Wei WuXian called out, “… Lan Zhan.”

Lan WangJi’s breathing wasn’t as placid as usual, feeling somewhat rushed. It was probably from carrying Wei WuXian while fending off attacks and being on the run for too long.

The way he replied though, was still the usual single syllable, as steady as ever, “Mnn.”

After the “mnn”, he added, “I am here.”

Hearing those words, made something that Wei WuXian had never felt before sprout within his heart. It was like sorrow. His chest hurt, but also felt a bit warm.

He could still remember how, back in Jiangling, Lan WangJi came all the way to assist him, yet he didn’t appreciate that kindness at all. With all kinds of disputes between, the two of them often parted with disapproval.

But what he hadn’t expected was that while everyone feared him or flattered him, Lan WangJi scolded him right to his face; when everyone spurned him and loathed him, Lan WangJi stood by his side.

It is an exact replica of the situation Jiang Cheng had faced with Wei Wuxian. But Lan Wangi neither condemns or speaks for what Wei Wuxian should do. He only wordlessly protects him and stays by his side in support that he does believe Wei Wuxian. His reputation is not worth the continued condemnations against Wei Wuxian and he very publicly solidifies his standing with Wei Wuxian where Jiang Cheng said he stood against him with that duel. Lan Wangji several times even when they had been young tried to stand with Wei Wuxian knowing his intentions were meant well, and Jiang Cheng further alienated Wei Wuxian placing further blame on Wei Wuxian and calling him self-serving with a savior complex.

Years later, Lan Wangji is able to take actions finally for Wei Wuxian that makes him understand that Lan Wangji is fully willing to stay with him and is a safety net. Jiang Cheng has cemented himself as an enemy without the deception for Wei Wuxian's complacency.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #lan wangji vs jiang cheng #don't mind me

[imaginaryelle]

I just re-watched THAT scene and a thought hit me: Lan Wangji just stands there watching Wei Wuxian fall from the cliff... Why doesn't he jump onto his sword and swoops down to at least try to save him? Or is he all out of spiritual power? Or does it simply take to long to start and rev the sword? Not saying it's a plothole, I was just wondering...

I mean, I think this is a fair question and I know I’ve seen it discussed elsewhere. I just can’t seem to find the post or remember if any conclusions were reached, so I’m excited to dive into this. As always if anyone has insights or headcanons they want to add on to this, please do.

Because I like pictures, here’s ep 33 Lan Wangji holding his sword and staring in horror as Wei Wuxian falls (what is Jiang Cheng thinking? Who knows.) 

Why isn’t Lan Wangji doing anything? He just stands there for long enough that Jiang Cheng backs away and leaves him on the outcropping, all alone.

Poor guy.

Okay, moving on. I think there are at least two ways to approach this, and one is from the production perspective (since this cliff encounter is a thing that only happens in the drama) and the other is from the in-universe perspective (aka, Doyalist vs Watsonian), so I’m going to look at both.

For the production pov, there’s really only one scene (I think) where we see anyone actually riding a sword in the drama, and it’s when they’re confronting the water demon/abyss in Caiyi (ep 5). At that point there’s no prep time, everyone just jumps up and then steps onto their swords (which is actually even more ridiculous to me than the image had already been in the novel because I thought they were at least riding on the scabbard but no! Riding the bare blade like a skateboard. I love it.)

How majestic.

Lan Xichen is the only graceful and cool person here. The only other sword-riding shot in this scene that shows more of a person’s body than their head and shoulders is when Lan Wangji drags three people into the air at once and we get a brief glimpse of Su She’s feet kicking wildly.

So, based on this scene’s execution and the general scarcity of other sword-flying scenes (even with the Nightless City confrontation, Lan Wangji just flies in with his quqin, no sword under his feet), my out-of-universe theory would be a combination of budget and aesthetic at play. If the production can get by on wire work with super extra long jumps that don’t seem to require actually riding the sword, they will. It’s logistically simpler, and it frankly looks better on screen. It’s also a staple of the entire film genre, whereas this sword thing is not, so the crew and effects people would have more experience with it as well. (In-universe I have a lot of questions about Wei Wuxian’s retained ability to do those jumps. Do they not use spiritual energy? Does he still have spiritual energy, just not a golden core? Is he using resentful energy instead? How does this work?)

From a more story-side view on the production, they’re working against the fact that they changed the plot to add Lan Wangji’s presence at Wei Wuxian’s death and they want to capitalize on that relationship, so having Wei Wuxian knock himself over the edge as he destroys the seal (or something where he steps back as Jiang Cheng rushes him or any other number of possibilities) no longer fits with the emotional beats they’re trying to hit. Also they really need Wei Wuxian to die here for the plot to function. Having Lan Wangji mount a sword and swoop down to try and save him again just adds extra complications and delays the desired outcome of WWX = dead and LWJ = distraught. In that sense, it really does start to look like a plot hole, because it feels like they’re ignoring the capabilities of a character in order to get the result they need. I do think they try to address this, but since multiple people have this question and I personally had to watch the scene more than once while actively thinking about it to notice all the relevant details… the efficacy of those efforts is maybe questionable. (Also like.. why does Jiang Cheng wait three days to go look for Wei Wuxian’s remains? Why is anyone waiting at all? Why is anyone surprised they can’t find a corpse when the visual we get implies Wei Wuxian is falling into lava? There are many, many questions that can be asked here and for a lot of them the out-of-universe answer is probably going to resemble “because the plot/original source material demands it” without much helpful in-universe support.)

In-universe (and probably more pertinent to your question), yeah, Lan Wangji could be low on spiritual power (and upon rewatch, I think he genuinely is). He could be physically exhausted as well as injured, too. For someone who carried three people in two hands 2-3 years ago and canonically has only gotten stronger since, he sure is having trouble pulling one person up over the side of a cliff. And that exhaustion really isn’t outside the realm of possibility, no matter how strong and powerful he is. He just traveled pretty far! If the theories that he found A-Yuan before coming to Nightless City are true (since he’s not injured in those flashbacks), he likely spent a ton of spiritual power even before getting into this battle where he first confronted Wei Wuxian and then started fighting pretty much everyone on the field by himself. Then, in a moment of fear-induced distraction, he gets injured! He’s actively bleeding! So yeah. He could definitely just be physically exhausted.

All that blood loss is not a good sign, and it actually speeds up (visually) as he expends this effort. We can see his arm trembling all throughout this scene, and then his grip slips (thus the face). Even after that he slips again, not losing his grip, but losing the strength to hold himself up at all. In the end he’s literally just lying on the rock depending on gravity to keep him in place and putting everything else he has into holding on to Wei Wuxian. He can’t do more than glare in Jiang Cheng’s general direction and tell him to stop.

Bichen is right there. If he had spiritual power left, I think he’d probably be sending his sword out to block Jiang Cheng’s angle of attack. That, or he needs two hands to accomplish such an action (It doesn’t require hand motions later/in the future, but maybe he develops that skill precisely because of these events). So yes. He’s physically exhausted. He’s spiritually exhausted. But I think there’s more going on here, too: He’s also at the end of his rope emotionally, and that’s how he ends up standing there, horrified and unmoving.

He’s had a rough time recently: Everyone hates his best and only friend/love of his life, and he has to listen to them call for his death/judgement at fancy dinner party meetings on and off for over a year. No one will listen to him when he tries to present a different view. Even his own brother is (not unreasonably) much more concerned about Lan Wangji’s personal safety than what his silence on this issue is costing him emotionally, and his uncle is distinctly unsupportive of the friendship from the beginning.

I think Lan Wangji spends a lot of time questioning his upbringing in those months (we see him actually verbally do so when he’s punished after Wei Wuxian’s death, but I think it starts well before that). What is right and wrong? Who decides it, and how? When does justice and holding people responsible for their actions turn over into unjust persecution? What is true, and what is a lie, and how much does that matter when weighed against social/political/spiritual harmony? These are concepts that are buried pretty deeply in the Lan Sect’s teachings but the world is twisting all of them before his eyes, and I have to think that takes a toll on him. Additionally, just as things start looking up (they let him write the letter to invite Wei Wuxian to Jin Ling’s celebration! They listen to him, other people support his idea!), he has to deal with the facts that:

1) His best friend who he’s in love with just killed a bunch of people, including Jin ZiXuan and some of Lan Wangji’s own Sect brothers.

2) Wei Wuxian is clearly losing control of his resentment-based cultivation path, and is thus personally in danger on a spiritual level, and

3) Everyone now wants to kill Wei Wuxian again, possibly even more than they did before, and anyone who supports Wei Wuxian is an enemy of the entire cultivation world.

Later in the series, Lan Wangji says he regrets that he wasn’t at Wei Wuxian’s side at Nightless City. That he didn’t support him, despite what we see of him trying to help Wei Wuxian find Jiang Yanli and then, after she dies, stop him from killing himself. To me, this could very easily imply that Lan Wangji is still trying to walk a tightrope in those scenes, or perhaps trying to be a bridge. He’s deliberately not choosing a distinct side, because he refuses to hate and reject Wei Wuxian, but he’s also refusing to declare open support. He’s acting entirely on his own, in a balancing act between friendship and love vs his family, his entire life’s teachings, and all of his society. Certainly I find that sort of situation exhausting, and I’ve never had to do it for something so high-stakes or large-scale.

Then there’s the actual cliff scene itself, where he’s visibly desperate. How intense does an emotion have to be for Lan Wangji to so clearly show it?

Wei Ying, he says, come back. He knows Wei Wuxian is breaking down. He at the very least guesses that he’s going to do something wild like step off that outcropping, which is why he follows him in the first place. But he has no idea what to do, so he tries the same thing he’s been trying for years: Come with me. Let me help you. This is a bridge, and he’s offering to help Wei Wuxian cross it. But just like every other time he’s tried it since the Sunshot Campaign ended, it doesn’t work.

Note that Lan Wangji actually is flying here, without the sword, so if he doesn’t have any spiritual power when Jiang Cheng shows up, this is probably a last, desperate burst to go with this last, desperate act.

I don’t think he really has a plan here. Not a new one, anyway. This is a still a plea of Let me help you. And, notably, Wei Wuxian doesn’t accept his help.

Not once during this whole scene does Wei Wuxian reach up with his free hand or try to help Lan Wangji help him in any way. He smiles, and he says: Lan Zhan, let me go. Because he doesn’t want a bridge. He doesn’t want to go back. Honestly it’s a pretty explicit and heartbreaking message: Lan Wangji’s offer of help is not enough to make Wei Wuxian want to stay alive. Not right now. He needs more than that. He’s lost too much to believe, right now, that anyone is going to choose him and his side, or that he’s worth that effort. And to be clear, Lan Wangji isn’t even offering that in this situation. Wei Wuxian is one slippery handgrip away from death, and Lan Wangji is still not saying “You, I choose you.” From anything Wei Wuxian can be expected to infer, his offer here is no different than it’s ever been: let me show you the way back to the right path. Let me help you fit back into the world the way you used to. And Wei Wuxian can’t do that; he has no golden core, it’s literally impossible even if the rest of the world would let him try. But at this point he doesn’t want to go back either. He doesn’t even want to try. That world hates him, and willfully misunderstands him, and has taken too many people from him now for it to be worth staying in. He wants to die.

And then Jiang Cheng arrives.

Wei Wuxian’s reaction to his brother’s presence is to smile, say his name, and just–accept his hatred. He closes his eyes and waits for the sword to fall even as Lan Wangji calls for Jiang Cheng to stop. The only time he shows distress between stepping back off the cliff and his actual death is when Jiang Cheng twists his sword and compromises the stability of the outcropping so that Lan Wangji is also in danger.

I think it’s possible that if Jiang Cheng had also reached for him and tried to pull him back up, things might have gone differently. Maybe that would have been enough to alter Wei Wuxian’s thinking. But as it is, when Wei Wuxian falls, he falls with his limbs relaxed and a smile on his face. There’s no flailing and screaming like when he was thrown into the Burial Mounds (in ep 33. There’s some arm-waving in ep 1). And I think that moment of him pushing Lan Wangji back and then letting go, more than anything, is what stops Lan Wangji in his tracks, because Wei Wuxian could have saved himself. He had strength and energy left. Enough to push Lan Wangji up and back and nearly to a standing position. He could have accepted Lan Wangji’s help, easily. But he didn’t, because he wanted to die, despite all the effort and inner turmoil Lan Wangji has gone through on his behalf (most of which Wei Wuxian doesn’t know about but, still).

That’s a pretty serious emotional kick in the head. Lan Wangji cannot ignore, at this point, that even if he did have any physical or spiritual energy left, Wei Wuxian doesn’t want to be saved. And that’s when we get this face (actually from ep 1):

He has nothing left. He has at this point spent over a year, maybe two, trying to save someone who, when it came down to the final moment, didn’t want to be saved. There’s nothing more he can do, in this state of exhaustion and despair, and it wouldn’t matter if he tried.

Personally, I think he looks like he’s about to be sick, and I don’t think it’s just the image of Wei Wuxian falling and dying that’s working on him here. It’s also the knowledge that he fucked up. He didn’t do enough, or more accurately, didn’t do the right things, in order to encourage Wei Wuxian to keep fighting for himself or anyone else (I’m not saying this is a healthy or reasonable thought, I just think it’s a thought he’s having). And I think this realization plays directly into how he treats Wei Wuxian when he comes back sixteen years later. He knows that questioning Wei Wuxian on his path of cultivation doesn’t go where he wants it to, so he doesn’t do it. This time is going to be different. He’ll break rules. He’ll drink alcohol. He doesn’t scold Wei Wuxian for making dumb, selfless decisions like transferring the curse mark from Jin Ling’s leg to his own, he just accepts it and expresses concern over Wei Wuxian’s well being. He stops asking if he can help and starts just doing it: Wei Wuxian can’t walk so he’ll carry him. Wei Wuxian needs someone to speak for him, so Lan Wangji will do that, with his brother and with the whole cultivation world. And then we come to this:

This is exactly the same move. Wei Wuxian will protect Lan Wangji, but not himself.

But.

Lan Wangji is no longer trying to be a bridge. He’s not going to hold out his hand for Wei Wuxian to accept or disregard. He’s crossed over to be on Wei Wuxian’s side. And that’s what makes the difference.

#lakritzwolf #cql meta #the untamed #chen qing ling #wangxian #lan wangji #wei wuxian #possibly i got a bit carried away #but this was fun #tw: blood #tw: suicide #in the novel lwj makes that change before wwx dies #and is thwarted by a combination #of wwx's breakdown and his own clan #but the drama cut that scene #so it had to happen after #long post #so long #seriously

[pennyofthewild]

when all is done and settled

could there be something left for us after all?

***

when all is done and settled //could there be something left for us after all? Characters: Nie Huaisang, Jin Ling I Jin Rulan, Jiang Cheng I Jiang Wanyin Word Count: 1,170 Ratings/Warnings: General Audiences, this is really self-indulgent, please don't judge me? (plot, what plot! can't a fic just be a long conversation?) Notes: written for sangcheng week 2021 day 3: grief//revenge but i am horrible at angst so have this mildly hopeful post-canon thing instead? Alternative Reading Link: [AO3]

***

Cultivation conferences have been particularly tedious lately. Truthfully, Huaisang never really enjoyed cultivation conferences – his idea of enjoyable social events does not encompass sitting in on a bunch of stuffy old men arguing pointlessly for hours on end – but lately –

Lately the meetings have been more grating than ever. It is probably because – well. Huaisang used to be able to catch his eye over his fan when Sect Leader Yao was being particularly odious – exchange half-hearted shrugs with a dimpled smile –

He’d won, Huaisang reminds himself. He’d come out the victor. He’d outwitted the cleverest person he’s ever known, so why –

It must be that cultivation conferences were never Huaisang’s favorite places to be, and now he has to endure being lonely on top of everything else.

Why didn’t anyone tell him victory would feel so hollow? How long will it be before he stops waking in cold sweat, the crack san-ge’s neck had made when he’d been dragged into the coffin resonating in his ears?

I never thought you would be the death of me, Nie Huaisang.

Across the room, Lan Wangji is rising stiffly from the chief cultivator’s position, announcing we will now adjourn for the noon meal sounding practically relieved, for Lan Wangji.

Ironic, Huaisang thinks, how he’d brought about Lan Wangji’s eternal earthly happiness and his elevation in the eyes of the cultivation world through his machinations (though he’d also driven his brother into seclusion, to be fair), and had been unable to secure any such joys for himself.

Perhaps if Wei Wuxian were the sort of person to attend cultivation conferences Huaisang might have at least a conversation partner, but Wei Wuxian, like Huaisang, has a particular distaste for this sort of gathering, and unlike Huaisang, is not at all obligated to actually be present.

And then, Huaisang thinks with a slight pang, trailing in the wake of his fellow sect leaders, there is the matter of another erstwhile old friend. The one who is currently several paces ahead of Huaisang, (tall and unattainable), walking with his hands behind his back, head tipped to the side to listen intently to whatever his nephew is whispering into his ear.

See – Huaisang used to have a long-standing agreement with Jiang Wanyin, at cultivation conferences – to meet up after the day’s agenda had been wrung dry – and poke fun at the general state of the cultivation world’s leadership over greasy street-stall food and a several drinks. Late at night and slightly inebriated is when Jiang Wanyin’s dry, sarcastic wit is at its most razor-sharp; their conversations have always been Huaisang’s favorite part of being at a cultivation conference.

Unfortunately, in the months since Huaisang’s decade-long plot had finally run its course, this agreement has quietly fallen through. The worst of it is, Huaisang cannot be sure why.

As far as he is aware, he hasn’t quarrelled with Jiang Wanyin – unless he is mistaken, the Jiang sect leader had been pretty pre-occupied, that night in Guanyin Temple, and can’t possibly have realized the extent of Huaisang’s role in the night’s events. It is understandable, then, that to Huaisang, this new distance that has cropped up between them is especially frustrating. Could it be, he wonders, that Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji had revealed his plot to Sect Leader Jiang? But as far as Huaisang is aware, Jiang Wanyin is still not on speaking terms with the Chief Cultivator or his one-time martial brother.

Lost in his musings, Huaisang runs headlong into Jin Rulan, who has, in the meanwhile, unhooked himself from his uncle’s apron strings in favor of catching up with the Lan sect’s head disciple. As he stumbles backward, Huaisang finds himself on the receiving end of an appraising look from Jin Rulan (he looks down his nose just like his uncle!). He turns away from Lan Sizhui with a murmured give me a moment, A-yuan, and gives Huaisang an appropriately deferential bow, sect-leader-to-sect-leader.

“Sect Leader Nie,” he says, grave, polite (he used to call Huaisang Nie-shushu, once upon a time, Huaisang thinks with a twinge of pain).

Huaisang nods back, crinkles his eyes over his fan. “Sect Leader Jin,” he says, cheerfully. “You look well.”

Jin Rulan takes a step closer, casting a cursory glance around the room. Lan Sizhui is pointedly looking elsewhere.

“I feel I should tell you,” Jin Rulan says, expression frank, straightforward, “I am aware of an obligation I have to return a favor you have done my late uncle.”

Huaisang’s breath catches in his throat. To think he would actually come out and say it, and in such a place! Or perhaps it is because of the place – but if this is a warning, he is doing a horrible job – . The part of Huaisang’s mind that is not absorbed in self-preservation thinks, dimly, that perhaps certain things are in fact passed down, from father to son, like naivety, and a sense of justice.

“I am afraid I must be misunderstanding you, Sect Leader Jin,” Huaisang says, easily, giving Jin Rulan his most innocuous expression, from above his fan.

Jin Rulan smiles. “Rest assured,” he says, a sardonic tone in his voice that, once again, is all Jiang Wanyin, “you are not. But –,” here, he pauses, takes a breath, “ my objective in telling you is to let you know I have in fact decided to let the matter rest.”

Now Huaisang is sure he must be misunderstanding, because none of this conversation is making any sense. “You have,” he says, faintly.

Jin Rulan nods, decisive. “Yes,” he says, “I am not quite sure I will be able to properly forgive you, Sect Leader Nie, but the truth is I have precious few family members left to me. Besides, my jiujiu has assured me that revenge is not a road lightly taken, and that I probably do not have the temperament for it.”

A laugh – rather like a sob – climbs its way out of Huaisang’s throat. “Your jiujiu doesn’t mince words,” he finds himself saying.

Jin Rulan gives him a considering look. “My jiujiu is lonely, too,” he declares, a non-sequitur if there ever was one, “I’d rather he not lose anyone else precious to him, if it is all the same to you, Sect Leader Nie.”

From across the pavilion, Jiang Wanyin – who is caught in what looks like an excruciating three-way conversation with Sect Leaders Yao and Ouyang – turns, as if by some protective maternal paternal instinct. He looks from Huaisang to Jin Rulan, and back. Catches Huaisang’s eye, holds. Gives Huaisang a brief nod. Something bright and painful flares in Huaisang’s chest.

“Thank you, for your magnanimity,” Huaisang tells Jin Rulan – to himself, silently, he adds: perhaps, one day, I will be worthy of it, and then, “and to your point; I think I will go rescue your jiujiu before he embroils us in another diplomatic situation.”

Jin Rulan’s answering smile is blinding.

The feeling in Huaisang’s chest grows brighter.

Ah, Huaisang thinks, this is what it feels like to hope.

#nie huaisang #jin ling #jiang cheng #sangcheng #mdzs #the untamed #jiang wanyin #jin rulan #sangchengweek 2021 #pennyfic