hm. thinking about racial identity and how muddled my own understanding of myself is because i dont know where i fit in tonight
Hermitcraft on r/place - Superfast Repair Mode (4/4/2022) LAST DAY PART 1
aka. WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE GOT VOIDED 30 MINS AFTER I WENT TO BED
Day 1 Day 2 Day 3 Part 1 Day 3 Part 2 Day 4 Part 2
Hiii [twirls hair], your GMT timezone running-on-caffeine-and-adrenaline reporter Ria here <3 with mildly scuffed summaries of whatever's happening on the final day of r/place
My sleeping schedule has been annihilated like many of our fallen allies LMAO
For disclaimers and introductions, please read Day 1 and 2. Link to discord is here, it is preferable if you join or else your efforts might be seen as from rogues :D (also they know more than I do!)
1. The End Is NOT the End / Xisumavoid without Xisuma
RECAP from cassberry who was present during the time!!
XQC, a streamer, decided to start a void near us. Fuck no. The void came in through SpaceX and stabbed through our logo. We were not targeted, we were just in the way as many other voided murals before us.
(Screenshot from Coalshower from HC discord, the time at the bottom is a bug)
In the middle of all the panic, Mumbo Jumbo discord people asked for help with settling their logo above Argentina's flag because they thought Argentina had a lot of area already, but was staunchly refused because we were allied with Argentina. It's very interesting to see where our loyalties lies. If they had asked on Day 1, we probably would have joined forces.
r/Technoblade came by to help (their very pretty mural is right next to DSMP corner which was built after the second canvas expansion). r/LoveLive was panicked and also came to help. Argentina was apparently botted because a streamer with 40k viewers attempted a void but failed (Argentina's botting was not news, LL and Argentina attempted to draw LL's logo there but also failed due to bots). People were yelling to HOLD YOUR PIXELS and wait for the void to pass because we had a complete master reference of the area.
Brazil was contacted as the beloved bird was also destroyed, but it was 1am in their timezone. GME's line was brought up because we NEEDED it as a border. However, GME line was not under control of Superstonks discord, so we might have to fight rogues again- and again- and again. Taiwan, being midday for them, also kept an eye out. It was agreed the void attack could've been much worse like the one over MCC, and the chat was spammed with KEEP CALM. Pixels were called to HOLD THE HEADS.
This is when you can see the strength of being allied with neighbours. Although ideologically we were with Mumbo Jumbo's discord, diplomatically we were with Argentina / Love Live and they helped us in return for helping them. Alliance with Brazil was also important because they could coordinate to rebuild. While rogues might disrupt peace, what mattered was that the central headquarters kept communications open.
Funny thing is that some people in XQC's chat was like "do flags, not small communities" and his response was that flags were botted and small communities couldn't fight back, which is just a dick move tbh lol. After a bit of chatter, the storm rose again. People were asked to be patient and calm because the void would move over, plus we had support from our neighbours and they would not coordinate invading us. It also worked vice-versa and we wrangled people into NOT shifting the logo to the left because we would be going against MCC, whom we had both ideological and diplomatic ties with since the beginning of time. After all, MCC was with us against the initial fight against the GME line. Restoring what we placed (for historic purposes) became very important. Hermitcraft would not be seen as an aggressor.
(Screenshot from CWG from HC discord)
Brazil was apparently spared (good, you don't want to fight against them). However, as you can see, Brazil filled in where half of the logo used to be. Negotiations were held with Brazil and they agreed to our previous truce but it would take some time to cede it back. The area they had taken up was botted, and they would have to write a new script to give it back to us. Imagine if the void happened merely 2 days ago when ties with Brazil were shaky.... we would likely lose that half. We can see that PEACE and ALLIANCES are IMPORTANT. Touhou also popped by and offered help, somebody reached out to r/celeste also with success. Names that hadn't been really aligned with HC before came by to fight against the void, which was very nice and reassuring. MCC came by to advice us to hold our pixels and leave a path for the void so they wouldn't be further aggravated.
With the storm calming down, in came another storm- between HC discord and HC rogues. Ahh, a tale as old as time.
2. Herm Her'n vs Hermitcraft - the Hermitcraft Civil War
Of course rogue redditors decided to take advantage of the void and rebuild the logo to the left <3 they were uncontrollable and I'm half-certain some of them who post on Reddit are trolls <3 We gave MCC full permission to blast on the rogues lmao, and we also fought against our rogues. While this was an awful battle because we were endangering relations with both MCC and Brazil, it also made for hilarious spelling mistakes.
Hermitogami? Hermitcramift? Hermitcrafiiit? The idea you had of me, who was she <3
Presumably other HC groups were working on the logo and HC discord was outnumbered. People started asking for support on Hermitblr, since we're famous for being the majority hahaha. Quaranmine has some posts here (Quara if you're reading this hiiii <3) HC was afraid we might lose to our own rogues, and called for allied support. This majorly sucked because it looked like we were betraying MCC, PLUS we had to tell Brazil we were not moving. Way to create tensions with our two closest allies with one stone. I know lots of people were unaware of the coordinated effort, but it was still frustrating.
Did I tell you I was trying to cut down my bias? I gave up, much like the rogues should-
After a long struggle, the logo and everything else was finally replaced. Big thank you to everybody that helped and coordinated to keep the status quo! :D
(Screenshot from Ely in HC discord)
Look at how quickly we rebuilt after the void! <3 We can only hope the void won't attack last minute :O
3. Back and Forth
SOR came to ask if we could help build their logo over Dimden dev. However, we were allied with Dimden dev and we were not seeking to replace existing stuff with new stuff, even if they were for our allies. This is the same situation as Mumbo Jumbo discord, with alliances + need for peace > our shared MC roots.
Omori was allied with us now (or allied with our allies, I can't tell). NA based r/CalgaryFlames asked for our support overnight. We also agreed to help out SpaceX. Touhou, after helping us, asked for our help with building. Udub, the W on top of MCC, and Indie corner also asked for help. Hermitcraft's allies kept on diversifying and solidifying <3 In my opinion it's because we're a rather international fan community :D
3L also decided to shift their murals a bit to connect better with Portugal. I think the BrazilxHC and 3LxPortugal means Something <3
Sausage was also being relocated along with many other tinier projects. Wynncraft asked for assistance with their logo. The cat collars were made to be bi and nonbinary to represent our LGBT hermits <3
At the time of writing, it's 3 hours before 5pm GMT aka. predicted time of ending. There appeared to be something going on with Dutch and nether portals but I want to get this out soon soooo
Hermitcraft was once again stabilized thanks to our allies and Superfast Repair Mode, and we were distributing help to our allies. Good luck for what appears to be the final stretch! :D
hello hello, its time for the French GP which means its time for a new update
also, you can read part 3 here
Cruel Summer | Charles Leclerc imagine | part 4
im pretty positive that when taylor swift wrote cruel summer she wasn't actually thinking about joe, but how cruel summer is in france, for the love of god, and im used with the brazilian summer, and trust me, brazilian summer is petty much a spoiler from hell, but france were trying really hard to steal that from brazil.
as the usual, i arrived in france a couple of days before the team, one of my best friends lives in toulon, but we take the first day to go to paris and have our precious moments just being tourists, izzy and i studied together the last three years in high school but we kept contact and she became one of the people i trust most in the world, so it was really nice to have her these days.
i haven't spoken to charles the last two weeks, i was take that time to go back to my home country and enjoy the short time i had with my grandparents and the time different make quite impossible for me to talk to anyone on the team, but i was confident things weren't to change, we are both adults and we can kiss and remain friends. and im pretending he didn't say anything about ruining me, if i think too much about it i could faint and it wouldn't look nice.
the time in paris make me realize that from france i like the wine, the cheese, the accent and the desserts, and one or two french people, and thats all. izzy and i went back to her parents house and used the last two days we had together before i had to join the team to spend as much time as we could in beach, and also for us to kick some people at beach volleyball. by the time i was back with ferrari i was glowing with happiness and the summer sun left a little kiss on my skin, it make me look way more the old me.
i went to the circuit on wednesday, i was working together with carlos engineering team to fix the car in time, we would switch everything so he would go straight to the end of the grid, but we want to see how the peace would go. we spent the whole day working on the car, and when thursday arrived the drivers came with it.
i was analyzing some things about strategy and charles car, we would take the day to take a deep care on his throttle and make sure everything was ok, i wasn't sure about the chief thoughts about it, but i didn't want anything to went wrong, we have a solid chance to close the points difference to red bull and verstappen and i want to grab it and close it as soon as possible. i was sitting away from the people and didn't notice the boys arriving, carlos scared me when he snapped his fingers in front of me, give me a high five and went to his garage, i waited i little to see if charles would pass by, but he didn't and i went back yo my job. later that day when i was fixing some things on the tool box he came silently behind me and give me a shoulder kiss, it was way more intimate than the club kiss.
"hello to you" he saind and moved to your front so his gaze could be leveled up with yours
"hello to you too" you were pretty aware about the heat on your cheeks
"how was your home time?"
"do you remember?" he nodded and smile to you "well, it was ok, i went to my grandparents house, back to my own bed for a couple of days and spent a long time just holding my cat, it was nice. how was your week?"
"it was nice, went home to my family" he was toying with your fingers; you've never expected charles to be the kind of person who likes physical touch, but apparently he was, and you like that.
"we are working on the throttle, so we don't expect more issues, but were gonna wait to see during free practice" you said, keep it the limb between what happened and the professional life was safe
"ok, i trust you, but let me know" he chuckle a little bit on the past part
"i will, don't worry" both of you stand in silence for a couple of minutes, you knew charles wanted to say something "ok, what is it?"
"can i ask you something? you don't have to answer" he looks so cute when he's shy about something
"yes, you can, just ask"
"so... girls?" you laughed, the club girl, you were expecting them to forget
"well, yes, girls" you didn't want to ask that, but you kinda have to "does it bother you?"
"no. absolutely not. i couldn't care less, honestly, i just wondered because we were all drunk and i kept thinking that maybe you weren't into girls but just to, i don't know, keep pierre from making any move... honestly, i don't know, but it doesn't bother me in anyway"
"oh, ok, thats really nice from you, but i do like girls, ever since i was 16, so it wasn't a big deal, it's just something i like to keep to myself at least at the beginning, until i got the trust feeling" you weren't trying to explain yourself, just came naturally to talk about it with charles
"so you trust us?"
"i trust you because its my job, im pretty positive they're not gonna say anything, but if they do its not a secret, i just like to keep my life private" he nodded to you and give you a small smile, just the dimples showing up
"so you trust me, that's nice"
"well, charles, i have to trust you, it's a both hands driveway, for us to do our jobs we need to trust each other, but yes, i kinda trust you to talk about my personal life, does it make you happy?"
"yes, it does, and just for the record, i trust you too, and trust my car to you and your hands, anyway, do you want to go eat something after? i owe you a tour"
"definitely, im starving, i need to finish some things but i think im free in 45 minutes"
"ill pick you up than" he said and walked away, winking at you
"god i really need to teach you how to wink" you said and both of you laughed
after press conference and media stuff, you and charles left to a walk around the city, he showed you incredible food and take you to an incredible wine store.
"the car is feeling amazing, you're doing a good job" he said after he finished his icecream
"im putting effort into that, and thank you, it means a lot but..." he cut you
"your just doing your job, i know, i know"
"i got a gift for you" he give you that half surprise half curious look and turned his whole body to you
"it's an amulet, naples one, my parents lives there so... its a curniciello" you gave him the small box and he immediately opened it, it was just a pendant, he could tie anywhere, you just want yo give him something to hold into
"y/n... thank you, really, thank you" he hugged you for the third time - not that you were counting
you spent the rest of evening talking while the icecream man kept feeding you with a bunch of different combinations, once you couldn't take another sip you went back to the hotel, tomorrow would be the big day.
qualy day, saturday, france
the team was apprehensive, we knew carlos would start from the back, but the team work was there, during the q3 carlos give charles the vacuum, it was what give him the highest possible to win the pole position, and after austria you knew how much the pole meant to him. the team went loud, we were happy and there was that euphoric feeling on the air, something good was about to happen and that got the team tighter than the usual.
"I've said earlier but i want to say again, it was a great lap, so congrats on pole"
"carlos helped me a lot, grande grande carlos"
"im always confused if your speaking italian or trying to speak spanish, but yes, grande carlos"
"it was supposed to be spanish, is it wrong?"
"no, its right, and the italian help a lot, latin languages usually complete each other"
"how many languages do you speak after all? you said your parent lives in italy"
"portuguese, spanish, english and italian, and yes, my parents lives there for the last 5 years"
"why don't you speak italian with the team?"
"i got mixed together in my minds, its really similar with portuguese and spanish and when i realize im speaking three languages at the same time, so i keep with english, its easier"
as the day before, you sit there the whole afternoon, you talked about a thousand different things and nothing at the same time, every times you got to know a piece of him you liked charles more and more.
sunday, race day:
if your life had a narrator, the narrator voice would be echoing "and they has absolutely no idea on what was about to happen".
the lights went of and charles did the most incredible, amazing, shining start. he was doing amazing until lap 11, i saw in slow motion as he spin and hit the wall
"are you ok?" i asked on the radio way before he collided with the barrier
"i dont got throttle" he answered and his voice was already completely different, he kept going into the barrier and couldn't reverse, when you were about to say sorry his radio exploded with a huge "no", his breath was so heavy, you were so worried about a injury or him getting hurt. he stayed inside the car a couple more seconds and when he got out he didn't take his helmet off, you were so sorry and so upset you couldn't hold the gasp and the tears that followed the minutes after. the win was on his lap, we just need to do good pitstops and he would win again - and good know how much we needed that victory.
"you cant do this now, not here" xavi came to me and said, it wasn't a lecture, but i was charles engineer, i couldn't break with him. i grabbed the leave of my jacket and whipped the tears away, got up and went to wait for him. charles passed through everyone and locked himself inside his motorhome.
"charles, please, let me in" he didn't answered any of my calls, so i sit there, on the floor, in front his door and waited. i could hear his heavy breaths, i wasn't sure if he was crying or having a crisis, so i tried again "charles? im here ok, im here if you need anything and im not leaving" i listened a sound coming from inside, it was the lock, he didn't opened the door, but he unlocked it, it took another rounds of minutes so i could finally hear the door open, he was sitting side by side with de doorframe, we were back on back, just a wall between us "can i came in?" he didn't answered, again, but he opened the door, giving me space.
i got inside and lock the door again, he didn't need anyone around, i didn't even know why i was there. i sit down, giving him to his personal space, it look like an eternity, but he looked at me and i could see everything, the sadness, the anger, the frustration... all of that.
"im so sorry, charles, i should have checked the system, im so sorry i didn't"
"it wasn't the car" was the only thing he said, "it was on me, it wasn't the car" his breath didn't became lighter, slowly i put my hands on his right arm, i was expecting him to pull away, but he didn't, he gasped and let his head fall on his knees
"can you give me deep breaths? i know its hard, but can you try it?" i had plenty of time to learn how to deal with crises, every kinda of, the way charles was reacting got me so worried that i could barely think "i promise it will get better, you just need to deep breath" after a couple of minutes i could hear his breath a little clear, it was starting to calm down "do you want to be alone?" he grabbed my hand and for the first time in what feels hours he spoke clearly
"please don't let me alone, i can't"
"that's ok, im here, im not leaving until you tell so, there's anything you want me to do?"
"can you time travel? because if you can i would like to go back to two hours ago" he stayed in silence and continued "i failed with them, the team, myself, jules family, everyone, i keep failing with them over and over again, i don't deserve the championship, i don't deserve to win, i don't" all the times before he had hugged me it was nothing compared with this time, he held me like his life depends on it, it was desperate, the only thing i could do was hold him back, and i did it, i held him against me tighter than i could
"listen to me, you don't have to say anything or answered me, i just need you to listen what i have to say, its ok to commit mistakes, you're not a machine, you're not perfect, you're an athlete and no athlete can be 100% at everytime, no one can do that, your pushing yourself on you limit and once you fell its gonna hurt, but just like loosing is a shitty part of the process, falling is also part of that same process, i know your taking everything on you right now, and im not telling you not to, but im telling you that the mistakes you commit doesn't define you, you are bigger than this, you are bigger than the championships and i know you want to win, i know you hate to loose because when we win we want that feeling again and again, and we lost, because you cannot always win, but life isn't made just by loosing, winning is great, its worst than any kind of drug, but we as human beings need to learn how to deal with the defeat because you're not a superhero, your not unbeatable, you're human charles, and humans commit mistakes"
"but i keep commenting mistakes..."
"imola was on you, even i can tell that, but after imola? you're not the responsible for spain, the car died, monaco was a strategy mistake, azerbaijan was another power unit issue, montreal you had to go all over the grid and silverstone we don't know how that happened, you are doing your job, giving all of you to this team, we are the ones failing you, and im deeply sorry about it"
"you dont have to cheer me up or came with excuses about today" good, he was talking again
"its not a excuse, mistakes happen, were moving on, tomorrow is a new day" he deep breath and let me go, he was visible calmer than half an hour ago, we stayed in silence, it wasn't needed to fulfill that with small talk, it was just a knock on the door that take us out, charles needed to do media duties, that was the most cruel part about the defeat.
"can you came with me, i want to go back to the hotel and i don't want to be alone" he asked and got up
"yeah, sure, im gonna let mattia know youre ok, meet you outside" i got up and left the room before he could say anything.
charles changed his racing suit to a most comfortable one, talked with the team and mattia, did his press duties and once he was done the race was over and i could say congratulations to carlos, it was a shitty weekend last race but he managed pretty well today, i also talked with mattia and let him know i was going to drive charles back and if he needed anything he could call me, after today we would probably went back to maranello to work things better.
charles was driving a pretty common ferrari this weekend, way easier to drive than you imagined his pista spider would be, he got into the passenger seat, put his sunglasses on and rested his head on the glass, you drove him back to the hotel all the team were staying and once you parked he didn't left the car.
"i hate to see you like that" you said quietly, your voice barely higher than a whisper
"the most difficult part its gonna be sleep tonight, I'll be fine tomorrow and im gonna work harder in budapest" he was sure of it, and god help you, he better win something next week or you would have to take him to your grandma
"there's anything i can do to make you feel better?" that was a question you made more than once today
"can you stay with me?" he had taken his glasses off and was looking straight to you
"yes, i can" your mind was a spiral of things to make him feel less miserable and there was only one thing you could do.
charles went to his room to shower and talk to his mom and arthur and you went to yours, you did pretty much the same thing, shower, called your parents and went to find your secret weapon, a tangled dvd from jesus know how many years and your movie notebook, it was a common notebook, just a old one that had the entrance to dvd player, you also called anna and ask her to pass on the closest bakery and bought happiness emergency supply, cake, pie and a huge package of popcorn.
charles texted you a little bit more than an hour after, you had everything you need and when he opened the door he was way more relaxed and calm than an hour before. both of you make the room comfortable and you pinky promised him you would work out with him during the week.
once you turned you notebook on he look at you with one eyebrow raise, or at least he tried:
"how old this is?" he pointed to the dvd compartment
"younger than you and me, just for your information"
"your wallpaper is one direction, so i would say ten years?" he was joking again
"ha ha, not funny leclerc, but you're gonna like it" you put the dvd and started playing on the screen, the tangled music went up and charles immediately got happier, he laid down, his head close to yours as the screen reflected on his eyes
"your right, i like it, thank you for today, for everything, for being there, for what you said and for being here right now"
"i told you in silverstone, im your girl, you'll jump I'll jump"
you spent the whole night watching disney movies and at some point you got him into the idea of watching volleyball and put a match from the turkish league for him to watch, but the tiredness from the day caught him, he was sleeping in the middle of first set, his breath was calm and low, his head was on your shoulders because at some point you got closer.
you got a text from carlos asking how things were, you answered and he immediately thanked you, for taking good care of his car and his teammate, charles cellphone lighted up a couple of times, you just turned off and let him sleep, that was the most peaceful moment of his day and he deserved that.
next part here
hey guys, im just so sad that all i think about is how Charles must be feeling right now and all i want is to hold him and tell him everything is gonna be okay, anyway, hope you enjoy this one
anna i love youu dont you worry your pretty brilliant little head the hype hasn't died at all❤️❤️I'm practicing restraint by not reading the extended demo so i can read all of it when the full game gets released haha but its difficult🤧idk if you've been asked this before but what are your favorite books? like real books.
It's very hard for me to pick a list of favorite books, I love so many of them! My interests and obsessions tend to shift over time, but looking back, some titles have always stayed with me. For different reasons and with different depths but these books, no matter how fresh they are in my mind, left an impression so I suppose these are my top 5.
I'll put them under a read me more because, by God, it got extremely long! 😄
In no particular order:
I love dystopian books, and out of the ones I've read, this is the one that I always come back to. It's not a feel good book - it's the very opposite. There are scenes in it that made me physically uncomfortable, scenes where I wanted to stop reading, and characters that deeply disturbed me.
But that's exactly the point. It's a dark, harrowing tale where the main character isn't a hero, and it's a tale that perfectly encaptures what George Orwell lived through and witnessed. You can feel the claustrophobia, the control that Big Brother has on every single thought of his subjects, and the narrative is so well written that I felt afraid whenever Winston did something that he wasn't supposed to. I felt as paranoid as he did.
Just a masterpiece of dystopia, and I can see why it's considered a classic. It's not a horror in the traditional sense, but what could be more terrifying than the totalitarian empire of Oceania?
One Hundred Years of Solitude
I'll admit: I've tried reading other works of Gabriel Márquez, but I didn't enjoy them very much. This one though... this one, I have a hard time putting into words why it marked me as it did. But damned, it really did.
The story follows not a character but a family. We accompany the Buendía family from the first generation when they settle in Macondo, to the very last descendent. And we feel the years and time move forward while eerily, oddly, staying exactly the same. Time is not a line but a circle that is bound to repeat itself - fate acts on the grandpa in the same way it does on the grandson. And each person, each generation has its struggles and victories, but they're always connected to the ones who came before. It's so hard to put into words the fatalism of this tale and how it makes you feel - and think of your own history, your own family, your own culture.
It's been a while since I last read it, and many details of the story are blurry in my mind, but I will never forget the ending. I remember I couldn't see the words, for tears were spilling out of my eyes and I could barely breathe because everything leading to that last page is a masterclass on how to write. I don't know how Márquez did it, but he wrote one of the best, maybe the best, endings I've ever read.
The book is also a window into life in Latin America, for the town might be fictional but it's obviously influenced by Latin countries. The House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende (another book that I love, but doesn't make the top 5 by a tiny margin) or, to be fair, any book by Allende, is the only other piece of media I can think of that gives such a raw and clear account of Latin America.
Memorial do Convento
José Saramago is my favorite author, I think I've read all his books, and let me tell you, it was very hard not to fill this list with his works. But if I must choose only one, then it's a no-brainer: it's this one.
The story follows the making of the Mafra monastery, a construction only made possible by the gold and diamonds the Portuguese crowd imported from our colonies in Brazil. It has both a macro scope - the monastery's construction - and a micro one; the love story of Baltazar and Blimunda, the novel's "protagonists".
Like pretty much all of Saramago's books, it deconstructs and critiques the rich's exploitation of the poor, the sacrifices and importance of free speech and freedom of thinking, and, especially, the corruption of the Church. All written in his unique style that always has me reading with a smirk on my face and endlessly in awe of the masterfulness Saramago has of the Portuguese language - there's no one like him. The man makes the Portuguese dictionary his personal toy.
There's a chapter I particularly love. It's called The Epic of the Stone, on which a group of 600 men and 400 oxen carry an enormous stone from the quarry to Mafra - a journey that took 8 days and cost the lives of several men. This was done because the king wanted a beautiful balcony, and they didn't want to cut the stone into several, smaller parts - it had to be one big, magnificent piece.
There's not a better metaphor for how the rich are built on the back of workers. For how, despite History saying that it was King João V who build the monastery, it was actually the hundreds of unnamed men who did it.
I could go on and on about this book. It's beautiful and tragic and perfectly satirizes the darker side of not only my nation's history and government, but Europe at large.
The Lord of the Rings trilogy
I know, it's cheating, but I really can't separate the books! It's LOTR, on its whole, and I'd go as far as to throw in the Hobbit too because I adore it almost as much.
To be honest... what can I say about them? I love, love, love fantasy - I've spent so many hours in my childhood devouring fantasy books - and of all the ones that I love, none can quite reach Middle Earth. It's magical. I have a hard time explaining it, Tolkien's work feels like home to me.
I love the theme of perseverance, of believing even when you're in the darkest of nightmares. Of having hope that the sun will always rise, and if it doesn't, then you'll face death not without fear but refusing to lose yourself to desperation.
An army of merciless, grotesque orcs is coming, and there's so little hope, but you still pick up the sword. It's a lesson that I try to take with me - maybe not apply it in such a dramatic way, of course, but in my own daily struggles and my fears. A little hobbit made it to Mordor, despite all the odds, despite all the pain - and he saved the world.
Maybe there's some hope for me too?
The Graveyard Book
I... adore this book. If One Hundred Years of Solitude has the best ending I've read, then this book has the absolute best beginning.
"There was a hand in the darkness, and it held a knife."
I'm getting chills from it. The book is a treasure, both in the way it's written and the story itself. It's whimsical and light, even as it touches subjects as heavy as mortality and what it means to be alive. The main character and all of the characters, even the villains, are so well written. I am a massive fan of Neil Gaiman, and I think this is one of his best works.
This book is deceitfully simple, but it's one that I think about from time to time. Maybe because it's about themes that have always fascinated me - and I've always feared too. Life and death, seizing the moment, and, most importantly, the importance of moving on. I don't know, it's a story that I carry with me.
help me get a breast reduction!
hello! my name is andrea and i’m a mentally ill & disabled 25-year-old bi woman living in brazil with my nonbinary partner who is studying veterinary medicine. i recently moved from the usa and as such we have had a lot of expenses with immigration, school, and medical appointments. i have been catching up on years of neglecting my health and could really use some help.
i have very large breasts (and upper arms) that cause me a lot of discomfort and severe dysphoria. in addition to problems with my mental health caused by my body, i have trouble doing everyday tasks like hanging laundry and washing my hair. i am basically in pain all of the time. i am also very weak due to years of neglect and not realizing the cause of my issue. (my family were neglectful towards my health and went out of their way to keep me dependent on them, including not teaching me basic life skills while gaslighting me about being useless for not knowing how to do things because of neglect, or not being able to physically do things because of my chronic pain.) i have undergone extensive emdr therapy to address the traumas and regularly do pilates to build core strength, but it is still very difficult due to the extent of the neglect.
i have saved half the money money to get a breast reduction but it’s not covering the whole thing between travel, consultations, recovery time and more. plus with economic crises the costs of everyday necessities like gas (not just for driving but for cooking) and meat/milk/cheese/etc have risen a lot here. this surgery is a medical necessity that will vastly improve the quality of my life that should have been done years ago but was prevented by my abusive family. my partner also needs gender-affirming surgery so any money we save at all is going towards our medical procedures.
the us dollar is worth about 4.5 brazilian reais, so a little bit goes a long way!! just one consultation was 300 reais and the next one will be 500, so just $100 USD would be a big help.
ko-fi link - i can also take writing commissions, you can see my ao3 for examples
From 1.05:Sweden’s Euro’s preparations moves from Båstad to Stockholm and the dress rehearsal against Brazil. I’m meating Magdalena Eriksson, the 28 year old who has had the most playing time out of everyone under Peter Gerhardsson, she’s getting ready for her fifth senior tournament. She has two olympic silvers and a world cup bronze But actually, she also knows what it’s like to win gold at the Euros, she did it with the U19 girls a little over 10 years ago. This is something of a jubilee. And this tournament is a little bit like playing at home for the Chelsea captain, who has lived in London and England since 2017. We’ll talk about her extremely nerdy interest, the support from Pernille Harder and of course, the Euros. But first, we’ll hear what really happened during the national team’s midsummer celebrations. What are we waiting for? Let’s go!
Anna Rydén: Magdalena Eriksson welcome to the podcast Femme plus
Magdalena: Thanks so much
A: How are you?
M: I’m good, very good, we’re enjoying life here in Båstad and are training hard.
A: What’s it like to be in camp for a Euros preparation and knowing that you’re preparing for a tournament?
M: I don’t think it (the circumstances) could be much more motivating than this to be a footballer. I’m feeling so “taggad” (ready/motivated/hyped) and I’m also feeling mentally rested, my body is fresh, I’m so ready, it’s a really good feeling.
A: During a Euros preparation like this, what do you when you’re not practicing?
M: Right now it feels like we hardly had any spare time, but of course we have some. We’ve done a lot of media, market, photo shoots, yesterday we had some activities since we had the day off, yesterday on midsummer, and that was a lot of fun, to do something not to do with football, some team bonding.
A: Did you compete?
M: We competed.
A: How did it go?
M: Well.. it was a real debacle I woud say. It was cheating on a high level.
A: Who cheated? I want to know more.
M: We were two teams who actually managed the task to keep our eggs, we were shooting up rockets as high in the air as possible and the egg should go in a parachute, but the team that won had managed to sneak in a new type of plastic bag, with thicker plastic, which of course had better air resistance, and of course they won. So we had a discussion about that yesterday, but they didn’t seem to really wanna realise that it was cheating.
A: weren’t there any referees?
M: Yes, but they weren’t good enough.
A: No video assistance?
M: Yes we watched a lot of video, we looked and said this material is thicker, but, no, I will just have to take this and move forward.
A: How do you handle losses?
M: I’m better now, but I get very grumpy. Even if we win but we let goals in, or we win but I’m not happy with how I played, I’m grumpy for a while and it takes a while to digest. I need to work through it in my own tempo and see, analyze, see what I could have done better, that process, before I can be myself again.
A: How quickly do you start watching the clips?
M: It depends, but right now I’m so motivated and ready, so if we get a video from training or a training game I sit and watch it directly. But during the season there can be times where I feel like, I can’t do it right now (too tired), when we have really intense games, so I’m not completely manic, only half way.
Can you write an angsty one with Kylian Mbappe.
A secret affair, a fling - Kylian Mbappé x Reader
summary: In which the reader is left alone on vacation in Brazil with her fiancés best friend Kylian. Based on Billie Eilishs „Billie Bossa Nova"
Love when it comes without a warnin’
‚Cause waitin‘ for it gets so borin’
The music was blaring through the club as you felt your body giving in. Swaying your hips, feeling his hands run up and down your body, stopping at your throat before he pulled you back. Teasing you as he placed kisses down your neck before whispering into your ear.
„Thanks for showing me this.“
You moved your body against his to the familiar sounds of the Brazilian Bossa Nova. Everyone around you on the dancefloor being taken over by the rhythm. Including the french boy that was currently grinding against you.
This felt wrong. No, this was wrong. But you were both too drunk and taken over by passion to think clearly.
It was unexpected, yet it seemed like you had secretly already hoped for it too happen.
Showing Kylian around Rio had been incredibly fun. You had taken him to all the good spots, where locals would hang out. Knowing the city like the back of your hand as you had grown up there.
A lot can change in twenty seconds
A lot can happen in the dark
It was a big city though. And you were both lonely. With your fiancè being in Europe, having left early because of some job. Cutting your vacation short and leaving Kylian and you behind in the big city.
„It’s gonna be fine. You should stay and enjoy Rio.“
If he saw you right now, all sweaty and grinding against his best friend in a dark night club, he probably wouldn’t have told you to stay. But he trusted you. He trusted Kylian.
Love when it makes you lose your bearings
Some information’s not for sharing
Kylian pressed you against the stone wall, making you giggle as you put your hand against his chest. The outside of the club way too busy to be doing this but both of you too drunk to care.
Kylian bit your bottom lip before pulling away and breaking the kiss. You stared at him, trying to catch your breath.
„What?“ you asked, tracing his eyebrows with your index finger.
He held up a polaroid camera, that he had brought with him everywhere, as you leaned against the wall and smiled. It only took a few seconds before the flash appeared and a picture came out the camera.
Kylian grabbed the small photo, shaking it a few times before putting it into his blazers pocket. As he did so, you noticed his expression change.
„I think I lost my wallet.“ he slurred, his french accent stronger as he also had way too much to drink „But I don’t really care right now.“
You giggled as he pressed his lips against yours again. Eagerly trying to push his tongue in before you allowed him entrance.
„Carlos?“ Kylian asked, his hand on your leg as he traced circles against your skin „Can you please bring us to a hotel a little out of the city?“
Kylians driver looked at him with furrowed eyebrows before nodding, understanding exactly what was going on. He had been driving Kylian and you around for the past week, knowing very well who you both were.
Carlos didn’t say anything though as it wasn’t his place to ask any questions. He started the engine of his black Mercedes before driving off through Rios busy streets.
You dimmed the light on your phone, as Kylian looked at you from the side. Clearly reading the text your boyfriend had sent you.
Meu amor: how was your day? Did Kyky enjoy the beach at Copacabana?
You felt guilt washing over you but before you could even think Kylian grabbed your phone and turned it off.
„He doesn’t need to know everything.“ the french boy then exclaimed, making you nod in agreement. Maybe some things were better left unsaid.
You better lock your phone
And look at me when you’re alone
The drive was taking longer then expected as there was always a lot of traffic in Rio. You stared out the tinted window of the car, watching all the different people just live their life. Making you wonder what each of them was like.
Kylian spent the whole drive staring at you as he whispered how pretty you were from time to time. You knew he was just very drunk.
You tried the best you could to contain yourself and not give into his charm, knowing that Carlos could not talk about anything he didn’t clearly see. If nothing happens, he has nothing to tell.
Although you were pretty sure Kylians managers already made him sign an NDA. They always did.
You bit your lip and held your breath when you felt Kylian slowly slip his finger under the hem your red dress. The dress that had made him go crazy all night as it hugged your curves perfectly and was way too short. All he wanted to do was rip it off.
Won’t take a lot to get you goin’
I’m sorry if it’s torture though
You closed your eyes as Kylians fingers ran up and down your thigh. His hand moving dangerously high. Just as Kylian tried to push your underwear aside, you grabbed his hand as you sent him a shocked look. His face only lit up by the flickering lights from outside.
You pressed your legs together, making it impossible for him to move his hand any further. Carlos clearing his throat in the front seat as you hoped he hadn't just seen that.
Kylian sent you a mischievous grin, satisfied with the effect he had on you.
„I like it when you lose control.“ the french boy smirked, before freeing his hand from your grasp and readjusting his black blazer.
Use different names at hotel check-ins
It’s hard to stop it once it starts
„One room for two, please.“ you watched Kylian lean against the hotel counter, all suited up as the nightclerk typed something into the computer.
The hotel was nice and quite luxurious. It was about half an hour from the city, so there were almost no people around at this time. As you watched Kylian through the glass door that separated the lobby and reception, you couldn't help but think about what it is that you were about to do. What you had already done.
„Jean Laurent.“ you heard Kylian lie to the nightclerk, as he looked back at you standing in the lobby with your arms crossed.
You felt uncomfortable and the more time that was passing you realized what a stupid idea this was.
„Let’s go.“ Kylian walked over to you, holding a hotelroom keycard in his hand.
The two of you walked through the hallways of the hotel. The lights were dimmed as you strutted over the red carpets. Tracing the wallpaper with your index finger. Kylian following close behind you, both of you not saying a word.
The elevator music filled the awkward silence as it took you all the way to the top. Kylian looking at his phone, avoiding your gaze while you just held on to your clutch.
You arrived at room 201, Kylian opening the door for you. You entered the pitch black room as the door was closed behind you. And only a few seconds later the room was lit up by a big chandelier, revealing what seemed to be a full blown suite.
„Wow…“ you said, looking around the massive room that looked more like a apartement. The big king sized bed being the center of attention.
The lights were also dimmed as you made your way over to the big windows, that led to a balcony. You left the room through the flowing curtains and a beautiful skyline of Rio revealed itself. Although it was quite far away the city looked absouluety stunning from here. All the lights flickering and the sight of your hometown making your heart warm.
You felt two hands wrap around your waist as Kylian hugged you from behind. Resting his head on your shoulders, feeling his chest move up and down.
„It’s nice, huh?“ he whispered, as you finally relaxed into his embrace. Feeling the warmth from his touch.
„It’s amazing.“ you smiled, putting your hand against his cheek „Thank you so much Kyky.“
You felt Kylian sigh, as he buried his face into the crook of your neck „I’m relieved you like it.“
You raised your eyebrows as you turned around, Kylians hands still on your waist only now with you facing him. „Relieved?
„Yeah…“ he took a deep breath, as you looked at his face that was being lit up by the moonlight „For a minute there… I thought you regretted us coming here.“
You put your hand onto his cheek before planting a soft kiss onto his lips. Kylian immediately giving in.
„I don’t regret it.“
I’m not sentimental.
But there’s somethin’ ‚bout the way you look tonight
Kylian pushed you onto the bed as he hovered above you, not disconnecting your lips for a single second. He eagerly took of his blazer before you helped him unbutton his white shirt. Reaching the last button you pulled away from the kiss.
Kylian now kneeling over you, his trained body revealing itself. You looked up at him as he licked his lips, not believing he was about to do this.
With a slow motion, Kylian started to unzip your red dress before sliding it off of you in a smooth motion. All you did was lay there and look up at him with a weak smile, now only wearing black lace underwear.
Just when your hand reached out for his belt Kylian grabbed it, making you look at him confused.
„Wait…“ he now said, before getting up and walking over to the nightstand. You watched him grab his polaroid camera, not daring to say a word as he pointed it at you. You looked up at him, knowing that this wasn’t a good idea. But something inside you made you let him take that picture.
Kylian threw the camera onto the bed, the photo still stuck in it. „Don’t worry. It’s just for me.“
Nobody saw me in the lobby
Nobody saw me in your arms
You walked out the hotel, already seeing the black bus parked there.It was still super early and you hadn’t rested all night.
The nightclerk watching you leave, not saying a word as he also understood what kinda situation this had been.
After you had slept with Kylian, you immediately realized what mistake you had made. You had layed awake with Kylians arms wrapped around you as you started out the big window. Tears rolling down you onto the pillow while you silently cried, feeling your naked bodies against one another as all you could think about was your fiancé.
After a while you couldn’t handle just laying there anymore. Your guilt was eating you up from inside. So you got up, collected your underwear and dress before silently getting dressed.
You made your way down the hallway, getting ready for the walk of shame. The power of your phone being just enough for you to call your hotel to send you a driver and pick you up.
The rest of the time you spent standing there, silently crying as you stared at the floral wallpaper.
The whole ride back all you could think about was how Kylian would feel when he’d wake up without you there. After all you had spent an amazing night together and he was gonna think it meant nothing to you.
It did in fact mean something to you. But you just couldn’t handle the feeling of guilt when you thought about your partner. You did know; you were in deep trouble now.
It might be more of an obsession
You really make a strong impression
When you arrived back at your hotel, you took a shower as you tried to clear your head. Your mind running wild as you thought about how Kylians lips felt against your skin and how his hand would run up and down your body.
It felt like his smell was still on you even after you had showered. You plugged in your phone before laying into your own bed again.It was already ten and you were about to get your first minutes of sleep since over 24 hours.
As you wandered off into dream land you could still hear his words and his whispers. Until you finally doze off.
„Serviço de quarto!“
You were torn from your sleep by a loud knock on the door. Groaning as you sat up, startled by the harsh awakening. The sun shining through your blinds, making you squint your eyes as you reached your hand out for your phone on the nightstand.
Great, you had literally slept the entire day. You pushed away the bedsheets with your feet. The room felt hot and humid as you had forgotten to turn on the air conditioning.
Kylian had left about a thousand messages and calls, asking where you where and if everything was okay.
What did he think? Of course, everything was not okay. You had cheated on the love of your life last night.
Another knock, followed by a guys voice appeared „Serviço de quarto!“
„I don’t need it!“ you tried to yell but your voice was way too weak. So you decided you just get up and send him away.
Rubbing your eyes, as you groaned making your way to the door. You were still half asleep when you opened it with one big swing.
„I said…“ you stopped in your tracks, seeing who was standing there as you felt like you were gonna have a heartattack „Oh my god!“
„Hello meu amor!“ Neymar smiled before wrapping his arms around you and connecting your lips.
See what you maybe forgot to mention was that Neymar was you fiancè. That’s why this whole thing was a little complicated.
Being Neymars girlfriend, you had gotten quite famous yourself. Not that you wanted any of that. No, you would gladly have back your privacy. A lot of people knew who you were and they knew who your partner was. So just the thought alone of anyone having seen you last night gave you anxiety.
„I missed you so much.“ Neymar mumbled, pulling away before wrapping his arms around your bare waist as you were only wearing a croptop and some shorts.
„I missed you too…“ you fake smiled, standing there awkwardly as you almost couldn’t look him in the eyes „What are you doing here though? I thought you weren’t gonna be back...“
„I know, I know…“ he sighed, pulling you closer as he looked you in the eyes „I actually cancelled some stuff so I could be back earlier. Plus I wouldn’t wanna miss your birthday right? “
„Right.“ you grinned, completely having forgot about your birthday being tomorrow and also feeling bad that Neymar had travelled all the was back from Europe just so he wouldn’t miss it.
"But meus Deus, why are you still asleep at this time? Did you and Kylian have a rough night?" he chuckled, as you ran your hand through your tangled hair.
„What?“ you asked with furrowed eyebrows, panic immedieately settling in.
„I mean Kyky told me you took him to a bar.“
„Oh…“ you said, not trying to sound relieved „Yes it was fun. Not as fun as it would have been with you though. You talked to him?“
„Yeah, yeah…“ Ney nodded, still holding you close to him as you both stood there in the doorway „He knew I was coming.“
The rest of the day only one thing circulated around your mind; He knew? He knew he was coming. He knew it. He had possibly risked Neymar catching the two of you if you hadn’t been smart enough to leave early. He had possibly risked ruining your realitionship.
You were mad. But of course you couldn’t show it as Ney was completely head over heels to be back again. He took you out for dinner and he spent the whole evening talking about the birthday party he had planned for you tomorrow. You at least tried to seem happy about it.
When Ney left, to go to the toilet for a second, you took the opportunity to let out your anger. Aggressively typing a message into your your phone, ignoring all his other texts.
What the hell Kylian? Why did you not tell me that Ney was coming?
The waiter refilled your glass of wine as you gave him a small thanks, waiting for Kylians response.But nothing came. In fact Kylian ignored you for the rest of the evening as you spent time with his best friend, pretending everything was completely normal.
When in fact nothing was normal.
You slept horribly, dreading your birthday and the party that Ney had planned for you. He on the other hand slept like a stone as he was a obviously little jet-lagged.
The whole night all you could think about was that less then 24 hours ago you were laying in Kylians arms. You remembered exactly how it felt, how he smelled and the way he would breath against your neck.
And the worst part was, that you missed it.
You missed him.
I’m not sentimental
But there’s somethin‘ ‚bout the way you look tonight
The party was already in full swings as you walked around greeting all the people. Your silver gown sparkling in the dark, Neymar attached to your hip the whole night, with his hand on your bare back.
This felt like a football event. You didn’t remember ever meeting half the people, most of them having some kind of connection to football. You had to admit you didn’t have many friends as you spent the past years travelling around the world with Neymar.
That’s exactly why you didn’t want any of this but Neymar of course insisted on throwing you a huge party.
Everything being completely over the top, with it being at Rios most expensive hotel. Chandeliers were hung all throughout the big hall, three different bars where you could get all sorts of drinks and food were set up, the most beautiful white rose wherever you looked and a big dancefloor with disco lights in the back.
You didn’t deserve this. And that’s what heavily layed behind your fake smile as you greeted manager after manager. All of them handing you gifts that where probably way too expensive.
„Oh Y/n… Look it’s Veratti.“ Neymar pointed toward his Paris teammate, who was sipping some champagne with his wife in the corner „Let’s go greet them.“
You did wonder why Neymar had invited basically all of his friends to what was supposed to be your birthday party. But then again, you felt bad enough already so you wouldn’t every say anything.
„Ehm… I’m just gonna get a little fresh air and then I’ll come after you.“ you smiled weakly, moving closer to your fiancé as you felt suffocated by the mass of people around you.
Neymar, dressed in an all black suit looked at you worriedly „Everything alright, meus amor?“
Guilt, that’s all you could feel when looking at his face. So you avoided eyecontact and just nodded, pressing your lips together „Yeah, everything is perfect. Thank you so much for all of this Ney.“
Neymar had obviously noticed something being different with his girlfriend. And now that you had called him Ney, he was convinced something was wrong. But he decided to let it go for the moment as he watched you, make your way through the crowd towards the balcony.
You felt tears, fill your eyes as you fought your way through the mass of people. Forcing a smile anytime any of them would greet you.
And just when you thought it couldn’t get worse; he stood there.
All suited up, holding a small gift in his hand as he stared right at you. For a moment it felt like everyone around you stopped and it was just the two of you. The memories of the past week flowing through your mind.
A tear rolled over your cheek as Kylian gave you a weak smile.
Standing just a few feet away from you as people started to push past you. Making you distance yourself from him until you couldn't even see him.
Makes me wanna make ‚em jealous
I’m the only one who does it how you like
You tried not to sob as you walked into the darkness. Only a few people on the balcony, all of them too distracted to notice a crying woman walk towards the railing.
You leaned yourself against it as you tried to breath normally, feeling like you were gonna run out of air any time now. Today was supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life. You were in the city you loved with the man you loved and he had thrown you a party that any girl would kill to have. But there was just one problem; You had fallen for another guy.
„I’m sorry…“ the voice apperead behind you as you turned around to look at Kylian „I shouldn’t have come.“
You pressed your lips together, trying to stop yourself from crying as you turned around to look at the beautiful view of the endless ocean. Lights reflecting on its surface, as a cold breeze blew over your face.
Kylian now made his way up to you, standing there also looking at the view.
„I…I just…“ you chocked, getting frustrated with yourself „I can’t look at him anymore. I mean…“
You looked at Kylian, who looked down in shame before meeting your eyes.
„I can’t look at him Kylian.“ you sobbed, now looking at the french boy „You know what that means?“
There was a moment of silence, both of you knowing the answer to your question very well. Both afraid to say it. Him knowing this was gonna break his best friends heart and you knowing it was gonna break yours. But you couldn't do this anymore, Neymar deserved better.
„It’s over?“ Kylian then asked, his voice quiet as he looked at you from the side.
„Yeah, it has to be.“ you nooded, wiping away your tears wit the back of your hand as you stared at all the lights „I mean look what he did for me… I don’t deserve any of this. I’m a horrible person... So it’s over. It has to be.“
„You’re not a horrible person.“ Kylian now spoke up, putting his hand onto yours as you flinched. Pulling it away and immediately seeing the hurt in his eyes „I think Ney also kinda did this for himself Y/n. I mean these are not your friends. You barely know most of them.“
„But he still….“
„No, Y/n!“ Kylian said, sounding almost angry as he turned his body towards you „For the past year your life has revolved only around him. You supported him in all of his decisions and were always by his side. You’re not a horrible person! You are just a girl who was left alone on what was supposed to be a vacation with her fiancé!“
"Why didn't you tell me?" you then asked, looking at his confused expression "Why didn't you tell me that he was coming? If you had just told me then none of this would have happened!"
"So what you think if I told you, you would have just left me alone at the hotel that night and gone back to the city?" Kylian asked, clearly offended by how little this seemed to have meant to you.
"Yes, that's what I would have done!" you yelled, looking at him coldly before hissing „I think you should go.“
„What?“ Kylian yelled, completely frustrated with your stubborness.
„I really think you should go now.“ you bit your lip, in order to stop yourself from crying.
Kylian looked at you, not believing any of this was actually happening. He had thought that if you cheated on Neymar it would have at least meant something. Because it had meant something to him.
„Alright. Fine.“ he hissed, reaching into his pocket as he pulled out the small gift he had held before. Kylian forcefully shoved it in your hand before looking at you one last time „Happy Birthday Y/n!“
With that he turned around and walked away, leaving a heartbroken you behind. Tonight you would not only lose your fiancé but you had also lost your friend.
It took you a few minutes to recollect yourself. And then, even though you didn’t want to your hands slowly untied the bow. You carefully opened the small box, the inside making your heart wrench.
It was all the polaroids Kylian had took of you during your trip together. At the beach, in the car, in the club on the night you had kissed for the first time, on the balcony at the hotel, laying on the bed in only your underwear and finally a picture of the two of you together that he had taken while you where asleep.
His arm wrapped around you as he kissed your cheek.
And on the back of it. It was written;
I’m not sentimental
But there’s something about the way you looked that night, that made me wanna take a picture that I knew we’d have to hide.
Happy Birthday Y/N. Love, Kyky.
Even more death note headcaons.
Y’all really like this huh? 😭 Well it’s fine with me I’ll happily make more of these if they make you all happy.
If you want to get into a relationship with L or if you at least want to start it off, I feel like you’re gonna have to know that he’s in love with you. With him having like no social skills it’s very unlikely that he’ll ask you out first so you’re gonna have to do A LOT of things in the beginning.
Matsuda listens to Doja cat and Megan Thee Stallion￼. 🥱
None,and I mean it when I say none, of the death note characters can handle extremely spicy shit EXPECT Near, you could literally give him a cup of lava, ask him to drink it and when he’s finished he’ll probably rate it a 6/10
You know how some people will randomly bite their partners out of nowhere? I feel like Mello would do that to you (if your his s/o) like the two of you could be alone sitting on our couch in your apartment watching Tv and all of a sudden he’ll dig his teeth into your arm for no reason.
Light uses chapstick but you can’t see it from far away your gonna have to get close, not that he would let you, but if you are able to his lips are gonna be a light pink/peach color
Sayu and Misa’s favorite game is animal crossing, whenever they get the chance to they’ll play together all day. Light tries to join them but they won’t let him bc he plays it like it’s his full time job and never has fun with it.
Misa has had multiple crushes on her girl best friends but she was too scared to ask them out, however…there was this one girl who she met in Brazil. They grew close and she asked Misa on a date and they were together for quite a while (probably the longest relationship she’s had before she met Light) but since they lived in different countries they weren’t willing to to move to a different place, so they broke up, but Misa has feelings for her and thought about her A LOT.
Near has chubby cheeks and, just like any person with chubby cheeks would, hates when people pinch and pull at them.
Aizawa definitely corrects people younger then him when they say “yeah” instead of “yes” Matsuda has been a victim of this many times, he is tired. 😔
While Matsuda’s favorite game is Minecraft he also really really really likes the walking dead, his favorite character is Lee and he cried during his death ( I did too lmao)
Sayu Misa and L are pansexual 🥱
Misa likes fnaf her favorite characters are Mangle and Funtime foxy
In middle school light didn’t read a lot of comics however he did find Miles Morales extremely attractive along with Green Lantern and Batman. No one will ever know though….
Matt thinks Mikasa Ackerman is hot and I don’t blame him because look at her.
He has also been kicked out of Mello’s room multiple times for eating white chocolate in front of him, yeah Mello hates white chocolate THAT much.
Some of Mello’s favorite games are sally face, rusty lake hotel or any game that involves murderer and puzzle solving.
I know that kinda sounds more like Near but near prefers actual puzzles and board games then video games, mostly because he likes to actually feel and touch everything that’s around him.
We all know that Misa isn’t the brightest person and that really comes out to play when it comes to money, of course it’s not like she doesn’t know the basic crap like paying bills and taxes, it’s just when she has literally nothing else to do her mind wanders to a darker place and then she’ll remember that she’s rich then the next day you’ll see someone driving her around in some goofy ass looking car like this 💀
Connected by the red thread|| Headcanons pt2
Suna, Oikawa, Kuroo
Argentina was a beautiful place to be but it was so hard to get used to, he learned the language so quickly but something was just missing.
So he decided to go visit Brazil and to his luck he bumps into Hinata.
After making so many bets and arguments of who won, they sat down on the beach, near the shore, watching as the sun sets.
“You seem so sad” Hinata smiles weakly, bumping shoulders with Oikawa. “Do I really look sad?” he sighs shakes his head, “I’m trying to feel fine, I’m trying to ease my pain”
“So you left..” “This is not about her, I kicked her out a long time ago” Taking a sip from the bottle, Hinata seems to understand, “so Y/n?”
Oikawa stops drinking for a moment to think, “Makki sent me a picture of them going to Osaka, but I saw Y/n and Iwaizumi holding hands….I didn’t realize that Iwaizumi came back home”
“Then why are you so sad? Didn’t you once mentioned that you wished Y/n to live her own life” Hinata was so confused, “I….I didn’t think that I would miss her this much” Oikawa turned to Hinata, his eyes cloudy with tears. “I put her through so much only for me to run away, to make her feel like she was my second choice”
No matter how much he tries to let you go, he can’t seem to...
“Why don’t you go back, make things right?” What Hinata didn't know if he ever went back, he would just make things messier, maybe try to take you away from Iwaizumi, make you run away with him, or maybe just beg for you to be with him. So he rather stay put and be away from you. It wouldn’t be fair for you or for Iwaizumi. The two people that he cares for the most.
He always knew Iwaizumi had feelings for you but never acted on it for Oikawa and also Iwaizumi was protecting his own heart knowing so well you were in love with Oikawa
“I put them through so much, so I’ll just stay here and just continue playing volleyball”
He won’t go back to Japan anytime soon, so he’ll just hang around until he can fully move on from you, but at the moment he will just drink his pain away.
“It’s not like she’s waiting for me, so I have to accept the fact that our chapter closed”
Thinking to himself, he will let you live your life your own way and he will too, and just maybe the universe will lead you two back together, but the moment he will just stay behind.
It was hard to understand the circumstances, the awkward glances and the cold shoulder. Everything that he did to ignore you or to avoid your existence was too painful. Kicking him out of your life was even more painful.
Him reappearing again in your life once you met someone new was not a ideal. Maybe it was awkward to see him again but your feelings for him never resurfaced again.
Invited to an after party with your current boyfriend, you weren’t aware of your surroundings, you were too busy tending to your boyfriend, sitting on his lap as both of you drink, singing to ever song that was played. That negative energy kept stinging your neck for some reason, not knowing why you feel so bleh, you turn around to only make eye contact with Suna.
It was the first time in a year that you saw him in person. His eyes bores into yours, almost like he wanted to say something or some type of disappointment or sadness. It was difficult to describe it. Neither broke eye contact before your boyfriend turned your head to him and kissed your lips.
“Pay attention to me” he smiles, you go back paying attention to your needy boyfriend
The party was getting more chaotic to the point you needed time for yourself.
“God damn it” A silent auction whisper caught your attention as you see Suna struggling to turn on his lighter. “Here” you hand him yours, “Thanks” he sighs trying not to even make eye contact with you
“So…I heard” he puffs out some smoke, away from you of course.
He looks different from few years ago, being in the national team does make you change.
His hair is way shorter and he’s well built but it seems that hasn’t stopped smoking.
“Yea….” You look away from knowing what’s going to happen, “it’s around the same that I decided to cut our friendship” he closes his eyes and dips his head down. “I’m happy to see you doing well” you smile and nod “I’m glad to see you well Suna”
“But I’m not saying it as a friend but rather as a lover y/n…..I regret so many things but I know you love him” He drops his cig down on the ground and stomps on it. “I won’t comment on it” you smile, “I know you tried to contact me a year ago” he shakes his head and smiles weakly “I’m glad you knew”
“I wish you the best okay” you smile and quietly went back in.
Without even noticing that Suna exterior broke down. Yea he did love you and was too late to realize it.
His hand trembled a bit, he suppressed the urge to pull into his arms and beg for forgiveness.
The only thing he can hold onto was the lighter you gave him
You were put into a difficult situation because of Kuroo, even though you were both college he made things rough and rocky.
After so many years of not talking, you two stood by each other in one party, you didn’t even mind or even gave a slight of evidence you were uncomfortable being next to him and him he was self conscious for some reason.
But life was too short and you gave up, without acknowledging￼ it, Kuroo was by your side 24/7 almost.
Parties you to go to, he was your date
Need to study, he was your study buddy
Need someone to help release stress, it was him
Neither of of you talked about your feelings for each other or even mentioned the past once. So to your knowledge he was just a buddy you slept with and were your best friend.
Because of that you never really had feelings for him like before, so for you it was easy to navigate through your life without any worries
But for Kuroo, it was so different, he was in love with you to even hinting to you about it but yet you didn’t even acknowledge his feelings for you
“Hey Y/n are we going to study together?” Kuroo comes into your room holding up English books, “oh sorry Tetsu, not tonight, I’m going out for a bit with Akaashi”
“Aren’t you hanging out with Akaashi too much?” “Mmmm no, I don’t think so”
After you put on your shoes, you walk pass him with a smile “well you are” He says under his voice.
Lately you had always avoided his advances towards you or never answer as much anymore, ever since you had that project with Akaashi, you spent more time with him.
At parties you spent your time talking to Akaashi, at group dinners, you and Akaashi would always have something to laugh and talk about.
The sad thing is Kuroo is watching you fall in love with someone that hopes that it was him.
And his suspicions were right….
“Y/n you’re too drunk” he sighs, dragging you into your apartment
“I’m not” you slur tiredly to the point that you fell asleep in his arms. Kuroo just laughs and takes to your bed. “Ugh what am I going to do with you” he gently smiles, brushing your hair off of your face.
“Mmm Akaashi” you sigh
Stopping his movements, he slowly takes his hand away, smile vanishing.
“Of course” he smiles weakly, the only thing he did was pull your covers and tucked you in.
“What was I thinking” he shuts off the light and closes the door. “You never thought of me as something more”
Not knowing why but he can’t stop crying once he made it out of your apartment
Myriad of Colours and Flowers: Ch 3
Kanata: Fufu. I actually consider that to be a ‘happy memory’ for me. On that day, I became a part of Ryuuseitai.
I became a hero, just like you.
Season: Winter (Previous year)
Character: Kanata, Madara
EN Proofing: @ryuseipuka
Kanata: —That’s right. I could not perform any ‘miracles’. I could not save your ‘little sister’. I wasn’t any kind of ‘God’ at all…
And so, for me to have to live and die like a ‘God’, was ‘strange’—
You were the one who told me that, Mikejima.
Madara: … … I reeeally wish you wouldn’t get the wrong idea, but—
I didn’t move to help you because I took pity on you or anything like that. I am taking action for me and myself alone.
I want to escape the shackling obligations of my parents. If I do not take any action about it, I will eventually have to inherit my parents’ positions—specifically, that of my father’s—and be forcibly enlisted into a life that I do not want…
—That of a parasitic blood-sucking force of darkness who lords over the lives of others, while wearing a mask of justice.
Kanata: You would absolutely ‘hate’ that, wouldn’t you? After all—
—you have always wanted to be a hero.
Madara: Be a hero, huh… … As someone who couldn’t even protect the ones I love the most, there is no way a wish like that would come true for me now.
But at the very least, even though I’m unqualified to be a hero, I do not want to end up as just a villain—
—I do not want to end up as my mother and father.
That’s why I’m taking a course of action to sabotage and undermine my parents, all for the sake of escaping their influence. What’s happening here is just a part of that plan.
There is a high-ranking officer in the police force, a good and honest man, who also happens to be my father’s rival. In order to let him bring the hammer down on my father, I’ve sent him all sorts of evidence exposing my father’s misdeeds—
—and together with it, a record of the accumulated crimes committed by that vile local religion, one of the cornerstones of my father’s power.
Kanata: Now, look here! Ple~ase do not use words like ‘vile’ to describe that. If you go around slandering the ‘faith’ of others, ‘divine retribution’ will come down upon you.
That is something that you must never do. I am not telling you this because I used to be ‘God’.
To denounce the things that others hold “dear” is akin to violating their “hearts”—
—it is committing murder upon their souls. Those who have experienced such an attack will neither forgive nor forget such an action for as long as they live.
Madara: I will brand your words on my heart. … … In any case, thanks to that, that organization of yours will be raided, and a comprehensive criminal investigation will be forced upon them.
If it isn’t handled properly, there will be lots of arrests, and the whole thing will probably devolve into a public bashing disaster.
Before that happens, your organization will disband of its own accord. Those who were weak in their faith from the start will deny any and all affiliation to the religion and return to being non-believers—
—while whatever key executives and holy relics which are considered vital to your organization will take on new identities, move their base of operations, and go into hiding.
Kanata: Yes. I have heard discussions about relocating to ‘Brazil’ or something along those lines before. I have heard that that is where our entire clan ‘originated’ from.
Madara: Oh maaan. Brazil, huh? This is probably because of everything that has happened, but my memories of that place aren’t good ones at aaall.
Kanata: That’s right. You were in ‘Brazil’ during the ‘Battle of the Sea God’ (1), weren’t you?
Madara: I reeeally wish that you wouldn’t bring that up. Knowing that you were in great distress, and yet not being able to do anything about it, is still a very bitter memory for me.
Kanata: Fufu. I actually consider that to be a ‘happy memory’ for me. On that day, I became a part of Ryuseitai.
I became a hero, just like you.
Madara: Can I really be considered a hero at aaall… …? All I’ve done so far has been to simply destroy everything around me.
To the world, your religion will cease to exist. The organization will scatter to the four winds and you will be set free. I’ve forcefully hammered out a deal with the organization's leaders and executed all the necessary actions to ensure that end.
Kanata: Fufu. That’s the kind of unprincipled work that you never see the heroes performing in ‘tokusatsu programmes’, huh?
Madara: Geez! In reality, that’s all it really is. Negotiations, subterfuge, intimidation, persuasion, deals...
There’s no such thing as an evil that can be defeated with special kicks or hero beams, no chance of giant robots appearing to save the day.
Kanata: Yes. But even so, it is all thanks to you, that I’ve managed to even gain the smallest grain of ‘freedom’ at all.
I have escaped the ‘destiny’ I was born into, and I will be able to ‘live the way I wish to live’ from now on—
—As a hero, just like the ones we both aspire with all our hearts to be.
Madara: And, as an idol too, hopefully. I am in the delicate position of not being able to tell others the truth about my circumstances too... If it’s revealed to the world that you were once the ‘Living God of a religious organization’ or something like that, it’s gonna seriously hinder your future activities.
If you limit your activities to the local area, you might be able to avoid encountering any serious complications at all. And if all goes well in the future, you’ll be able to expand your horizons even more—
—so that when it’s time to move onto the next stage, you’ll have left your dark past behind.
Kanata: But… Hasn’t your ‘status’ become much worse, for the sake of letting all that come to pass?
You betrayed your ‘father’ and committed the ‘action’ of allying yourself with your ‘father’s’ enemies—
You betrayed your ‘father’. No… You stabbed the ‘parents’ who loved you in the back—
—all in order to help… me.
Madara: Hahaha! If anyone were to ask whom I would prioritise between my dear childhood friend or my despicable parents, it would definitely be the former by faaar!
If anything, I’ve been biding my time and waiting for the opportunity to sell my parents out to present itself—
—so, please do not make that face, Kanata-san. I’ve said it many times before, haven't I? Everything that I’ve done, I did it for my own sake.
I never intended for it to appear as if I sacrificed myself just to fight for you at aaall.
You know this very well already; I am a selfish person.
If you were truly a ‘selfish’ person who would refuse to lift a single finger for ‘anyone but himself’—
—you would never be able to make beautiful ‘flowers’ such as these bloom so vibrantly.
How ‘difficult’ a task it is to care for ‘flowers’ till they bloom, and to carry out all the ‘hard work in the fields’—
—I understand all of that now.
You were the one who told me that, Mikejima.
—————-To be continued——————-
Chapter 2 | Chapter 4
‘Battle of the Sea God’ is the name of the execution-style live in Meteor Impact where Kanata was supposed to face Akatsuki alone and lose.
Oh hell it’s time for therapy session 2 electric boogaloo. But monster-Doctor-mirror gets to have a go with the Master this time:
‘You have power over people when you know their secrets.’
K’vo stirred the drinks with a glass rod [vodka martini it’s not breakfast on Gallifrey], and passed one to the Master. ‘What are yours?’ she asked, as the cocktail moved from her hand to his. ‘Are they about … mushrooms?’
The Master laughed. ‘Mushrooms, yes!’ he boomed.‘Oh you’re good, you’re very good. You’ve seen right into me. You should do this professionally.’ He took a sip of his drink and sank back on the chaise longue. ‘Take notes if you like.’
K’vo fetched a pencil and a spiral-bound pad, then sat on the floor with her back resting against the wooden frame of the chaise.
‘There’s this man, you see,’ said the Master. ‘Old school friend of mine. He’s on the other side of Europe. The Doctor. He has a laboratory and an assistant and a position in a top-secret United Nations military taskforce. He likes velvet cloaks and fast cars and gorgonzola cheese.’
‘And you admire this doctor,’ said K’vo, matter-of-factly. ‘You want to be like him. So you made a copy of his life.’
112 I’d like to report a murder.
Also…not entirely unsure that the Doctor’s ginger problem isn’t just straight up alcoholism in Dhawan!Master. (Martini stirred, not shaken - I see you Sweet, I see you.)
K’vo paused. ‘What is she like, this assistant?’
‘Loyal. Brave. So brave. I’ve seen her courage overturn the world. Banish demons.’
‘You sound envious,’ reflected K’vo.
‘Perhaps I am.’
‘Have you ever inspired such loyalty?’
It was a blunt question. The Master stayed silent.
‘What’s her name?’ asked K’vo.
‘Miss Josephine Grant. Well, she was back then. She’s married now. To a professor. They left England and went up the Amazon together. Exploring in the jungle. Hacked their way upriver in Brazil, I understand. They’re still there.’
‘What are they looking for?’ she asked.
‘Mushrooms,’ said the Master.
Now we don’t have time to unpack all of that.
‘I knew there was a reptile base under Sakhalin Island. So I persuaded the authorities to let me build a garden under the snow. I made them a promise. Mushroom steaks for everyone. It’ll be a key policy of the next Five Year Plan. Russia is going to win the mycoprotein war. It’s only a little revision to history. Enough to spoil an expedition. Wreck a marriage.’
He lifted his head to drain his glass, then bit the olive from the cocktail stick.
‘What’s your diagnosis, doctor?’ he asked.
‘I think you need to live your own life,’ said K’vo. ‘I think you need to be the master of your own destiny.’
NOW WE DON’T HAVE TIME TO UNPACK ALL OF THAT.
The Master smiled. ‘That’s a daring conclusion,’ he observed, ‘for someone who has spent the last few months under hypnosis.’
‘I’m not under hypnosis now,’ she said, turning round and fixing the Master with her variegated eyes.
‘No,’ said the Master. ‘You’re not. It’s no longer necessary. Unless, of course, you want me to put you back under.’
NOW WE DON’T HAVE TIME TO UNPACK ALL OF THAT.
The Master thought he detected a gentle glow in K’vo’s third eye. Was she going to burn him a little?
She turned away, embarrassed, picked up a copy of Pravda from the lab bench and threw it at the Master. ‘I want to go out to the city tonight,’ she said. ‘We can borrow Major Surikov’s staff car. Find us something to do.’
The Master obeyed.
The Blue Angel, he noted, was showing at the Orion. ‘I think you’ll like it,’ he said.
NOW WE DON’T-
I am deeply and genuinely concerned about the current state of the world. We are experiencing a very dark era where humanity is on the verge of a Third World War and facing a global pandemic, but that's not what bothers me the most. Due to nihilism, masses in despair have created their own postapocalyptic, Orwellian bubble to deal with our current existential crisis. It reminds me of the dystopian, absurdist, kafkaesque, and lifeless world portrayed by Terry Gilliam in Brazil. Yet they like to call it an 'aesthetic', when it's in actuality its antithesis. Or please explain to me where is the beauty in the extermination of life, when life itself and this only planet we have are our main sources of beauty?
What baffles me is the fact that many are oblivious of their power as individuals to influence the course of history. We need nihilism to understand that morals are relative and change through time, to challenge and defeat the tyranny of the absolute. However we must also learn to overcome it and realize that even though slavery, mysogny and so many horrid things were moral once, the one thing that has evolved positively is that things continously improve for the wide majority.
The nihilist just stands in a moving train thinking he/she/they is neutral. He/she/they claims to be 'apolitical' inside a system where taking no sides is taking a side, where being apolitical is actually being political. The nihilist cynically refuses to vote, while a collectivity decides how he/she/they will live his/her/their life in an ongoing election. The nihilist is a tool, an instrument of the status quo.
God is indeed dead, but you know what? Now is the time that you stop whining about it and get over it. You might well be alive as you are reading this. What's more, you are privileged enough to have the time to think and reach these conclusions, so why don't you go and find some meaning for your existence? And if you can't find it, build it yourself.
Please understand the fact that there is a lot of suffering in this world, and I'm not referring to the extremely privileged pain of going through an existential crisis, I am referring to poverty, to social, racial, and environmental injustice. You can count yourself as lucky if you have a meal on your table today, count yourself as even luckier for being able to meditate and read this right now, because it is the sole product of people in history finding meaning to their life and joining the fight to make things better for future generations who actually made it possible.
It's sad to be brought to life in such a hopeless world without anyone asking you first, but regardless of what you believe in (or what you don't), it's an even sadder solid fact to go to a deathbed without leaving this world a better place than you found it.
Summary: You met Pierre at the Brazilian Grand Prix and for 3 months you couldn't get in touch.
Warnings: fluff, like 2 swear words
Word count: 2.3k
This one was requested by @jugasly and I know it is not exactly what she wanted but I really tried and I hope you liked it!
Avenida Paulista's Boulevard catches the eye especially through the skyscrapers similar to those in the big North American cities. Brazil's most modern city has much to offer tourists around the world. The most beautiful museums in South America can be found here, the shore is furrowed with lots of sunny beaches. And its nightlife has attracted many tourists.
The largest city in South America makes New York look small. The buses make an unbearable noise and black smoke spreads over the upper floors of the skyscrapers which, through the heat that maintains it during the day, turn the city into a real hell.
I felt myself waking up but I was determined to keep my eyes closed for a little longer but in a few seconds I was awakened violently by the sound of car engines. That's what I deserve for booking the hotel next to the Formula 1 circuit.
You reluctantly got out of bed and went to the window. I saw how the Formula 1 cars are brought on the circuit and I look at my watch. Fuck, it was pre-qualification practice, did I really sleep that much? Honestly, I arrived in the room at 5 o'clock and at 6 I fell asleep so I shouldn't have been so surprised that I slept in.
I was in Brazil with my two best friends to watch a Formula 1 race live and we chose Brazil because we needed a good reason to leave Europe and visit South America for a week, right?
I woke up my friends and in less than half an hour we were leaving the hotel, running, with a big cup of coffee in our hand.
We passed quickly through the front gate, all we needed now was to find our seats.
All around us could be heard the cars speeding on the circuit. My skin was goosebumps and I was looking at my friends who had the same smile on their faces that I think I had.
We find our seats and watch the last 15 minutes of training. We held in our hands the tickets that gave us access to the paddock. We were going to go there after the drivers returned to the garages.
My eyes were searching for Aston Martin Hospitality. I knew that if I returned home from this Grand Prix without an autograph from Sebastian Vettel for my father, I could very well stay in Brazil for the rest of my life.
Being so focused on looking for the green building, I didn't realize that someone was coming in front of me only when I hit a hard chest. I heard my girlfriends gasping. Fuck, I just hope I didn't run into Toto Wolff.
I open my eyes slightly and see a driver's suit, white and blue. Alpha Tauri?
I look up at the driver's face. To be damned. Pierre Gasly. With ruffled hair and a red face, Pierre Gasly was in front of me.
"I'm really, really sorry, I didn't look where I was going. Sorry!" I say and take a step back, stepping out of his personal space.
As I walked away from him, I saw that he was not alone but with Pyry.
"It's okay, I wasn't looking where I was going either," he says, running his hand through his hair, trying to fix it.
I smile at them and then I look at my friends giggling at our embarrassing date.
Pyry motions to Pierre to someone behind me and that makes him take his eyes off me.
"Oh, I have to go," he tells me. "Have fun."
I stood still for a few moments, unable to move. I just met my favorite driver and it couldn't be more embarrassed than that.
"The first meeting with your children's future father was very good." my best friend, Lila, tells me.
The fact that I found Aston Martin Hospitality and managed to get the autograph for my father and I could take a few pictures with Sebastian Vettel erased the embarrassment caused by the disastrous meeting I had with Pierre Gasly.
For a little time.
As soon as we got out of Aston Martin Hospitality Lila pulled us to McLaren Hospitality, hoping to meet Lando Norris and take some pictures with him, about 100, but who's counting, right?
I was with my head on the phone, sending my father some pictures I took with Sebastian Vettel when I came across someone, this time I lost my balance and I was about to fall but two strong arms caught me. Pierre Gasly, again.
"Honestly, we should stop meeting like this, you could get hurt," he says and laughs. "Are you ok?"
"Yes, yes, I'm fine," I say and bite my lip. "I should really start looking where I'm going."
My friends secretly took pictures of us.
"It's the second time we've met in less than 10 minutes, maybe the universe wants to tell us something, don't you think?" he says and holds out his hand. "Pierre."
I hold out my hand and smile wide. "Y/N."
I turn my gaze to Lila and Erica, presenting them to Pierre as well.
"I hope you feel good in the paddock. So far, the world has been nice to you and your friends?"
"Yes, everything has been good so far. We've only been to Aston Martin and they've all been very nice to us. Except for a few people who don't look where they're going, we haven't had any unexpected events." I say and laugh.
Pierre starts laughing too.
"Yes, I will try to look after you from now on and avoid you. I don't want to be the reason you fall. Although, if something happens, I know the medical team and you don't need medical insurance here."
I asked Pierre if he wanted to take some pictures with me and he accepted immediately. At least that's what I can do after I've run into you twice already.
For the next few hours, Lila and Erica, and I walked from one Hospitality to another, looking for drivers. They were all very nice to us and agreed to pose with us.
When it was time to start qualifying, we went to the room provided by McLaren for guests to watch.
I followed Pierre's position in the standings, Lila followed Lando's position and Erica followed Max's position. All three of us breathed a sigh of relief when the three boys passed into Q3.
Lando will leave from the seventh position tomorrow.
Pierre will start from the fourth position.
Max will start from pole position.
The three of us went to the hotel, ready to rest well for the next day.
If the atmosphere for qualifying had seemed charged to me, then the atmosphere before the race could not be described.
Yesterday everyone was behaving nicely and they were smiling. Now everyone was running past everyone, there were many screams and many curses could be heard. And everyone was frowning, not a smile in sight.
We didn't see any drivers, so we headed to McLaren Hospitality to get comfortable for the race. I unwittingly was disappointed. I wanted to see Pierre before the race to wish him good luck.
Although I hadn't wished him good luck, Pierre was lucky. He finished the race in second place, behind Max Verstappen. I was very happy and I wanted to go and congratulate him as soon as possible.
I watched the award from the window, filming and taking pictures which I was sure I would cherish for a long time to come.
"Congratulations!" I scream when I see him and he looks at me. "It was a very good race, congratulations!"
"Thank you!" he says and smiles at me.
I asked my friends to take some pictures with the trophy and champagne and then Pierre left, being shouted by someone from the team.
"Stay here, I'd like to see you one more time before you have to leave."
I could die then and there when I heard his words. Pierre Gasly wanted to see me again.
It's just that it hasn't happened before. We stayed there for another two hours and Pierre could not be found. It was getting late and everyone was starting to leave, so we left.
Monza is the most important economic, industrial and administrative center of the Brianza sub-region, being the third-largest city in Lombardy, with a population of about 120,000 inhabitants. When people think of Monza, the first thing that comes to mind is the famous Formula 1 Grand Prix that is held here every year.
Although many may think that Milan eclipses this smaller city, Monza should not be dismissed, having an absolutely sublime historical architecture, such as the Cathedral and the Leoni Bridge, but also features the huge Parco di Monza and of course the famous Formula 1 Autodromo.
The historic center of Monza stretches over a large area and in this area, you can find most historical sites and a guided tour of the history of cities.
Three months have passed since the Brazilian Grand Prix.
Three months since I first saw Pierre Gasly.
Although I have pictures of the two of us, I can't help but regret the fact that I didn't see him then; I will probably never see him again.
The exams passed and to relax completely my father and I got tickets to the Italian Grand Prix.
What I didn't know was that my father had taken VIP tickets.
That means we're going to the paddock.
Does that mean I can meet Pierre?
I tried not to have too many hopes, in the end, there are thousands of people there, I can't meet him, can I?
I didn't meet him on Friday. It had been the two practice sessions, everyone was as relaxed as possible, my father took pictures with everyone he saw, but Pierre was nowhere to be seen.
On Saturday we were late and did not catch the practice, but we saw the qualifications. Pierre starts from the tenth position. To be honest, I didn't have high expectations for tomorrow's race for Pierre.
And man I was wrong about that.
The whole race I was speechless. I heard my father from lap 23 and to the end cursing the accident that took Charles Leclerc out of the race.
My eyes were only on car number 10. I had the impression that I was blinking only when the camera moved to another car. I forgot to breathe when I saw the overtaking he was doing.
But he won.
Pierre Gasly won in Monza. His first ever Formula One career win and it was my home race.
Before we went out in the paddock looking for Pierre, after the premiere, I wiped away the tears I didn't know I had.
It wasn't hard for me to find him. Where there were a lot of people screaming and chanting, he must have been there too.
And I was right. He is enjoying his first victory with the whole team. Everyone wanted to hug and congratulate him.
As if he noticed my presence among the hundreds of people who were there, Pierre looked at me. I noticed his face light up and he came towards me.
"Y/N!" he says and hugs me.
I'm sure my father was shocked somewhere in the back. I hadn't told him that I had met Pierre, but after this hug, I will definitely have to explain to him what the situation is.
"Congratulations!" I tell him and I smile broadly. "First victory! Wow!"
He shrugs nonchalantly.
"I was lucky."
I laugh and hit him playfully in the shoulder.
"With Hamilton being penalized? You would have overtaken him without that penalty."
He looked into my eyes.
"I haven't found you after the race in Brazil."
The fact that he remembered had taken me by surprise. I was sure he couldn't remember the fact that he had proposed to me to stay on the circuit so that he could see me one more time.
I was sure that the second he left, he forgot what I looked like and forgot my name.
But no. He still knew me. He still knew my name and knew we had to see each other.
"I haven't seen you there before and I left after about two hours, it was getting late."
"I'm sorry, the teamwork had taken longer than I initially anticipated. When I went to look for you, no one was there. Then I realized I didn't even have your phone number. I tried to look for you on Instagram, but do you know how many girls are there with your name?"
"Well, I could give my phone number to the race winner now, if he wants it, of course. Do you think he would accept it?" you ask laughing.
Pierre blushes and bites his lip.
"I'm sure he would accept."
I take out of my bag the notebook and pen I was carrying with me to receive the drivers' autographs and write my phone number. I hand him the sheet just as Pierre is being taken by some engineers to the garage to celebrate the victory.
I laugh and wave at him.
I was at home with my father, watching a boring movie on Netflix. I've been looking at the phone constantly since last night, waiting for a message from Pierre but I haven't received anything.
"Ugh, this movie is so boring," I say and take my phone off the table. "Let me look for a more interesting one."
That's when I receive a message from a number I didn't save. I received a picture.
It was the picture with the prize Pierre received.
"The winner of the race has received your number and is wondering if you are free to dine with him."
I bit my lip, unable to control the smile on my face.
"If the winner of the race wants to go out on a date with me, who am I to say no?"
"I'll send you the address right away."
Head Pats | Akaashi, Hinata
Pairing: Akaashi X Reader (gender neutral), Hinata X Reader (female)
Genre: comfort fluff!!!~~
Author’s Note: i’ve said it so many times but OH TO BE Y/N !!! hinata;s is actually kinda angsty ngl sooo ah ha ha
Warnings! implied time skip. No spoilers for Akaashi but spoilers for timeskip hinata!!
Head Pats | Suga, Atsumu
gif from @rivaillerose 💛💛
Akaashi: NOTE - R/N is restaurant name
“I don’t know this.. I don’t know this…”
It was all you could feel in ever bit of your soul as your heart sank after reading question after question, skipping the ones you didn’t know
But doing this only brought you to the end of the test where you didn’t know anything
Everyone progressed through their exam in a timely manner and here you were
It felt like you were the only one who wasn’t moving their pencil in the slightest bit
You stared at the words on the test paper before you, all the pencil sounds surrounding you — you felt like such a failure
Like all the hours you spent, all the effort you put into this course, and maybe others, were all for naught
You took a deep breath as you gathered yourself, pushing through your exam
As you took it, some questions were actually fine, majority was alright but they all made you feel uneasy with your answer, making you doubt everything
Sitting in this lecture hall, how grand and tall it was yet here you were, so small. This room used to be filled with your professor’s voice yet here it was — silence
“Time. Pencils down.” Your professor’s voice cut through eh silence like a blade. “Close your packets, slide them into your envelope and pass them down your row. Students at the end of the row pass the envelopes down.”
The shuffling of papers and whispers made your head dizzy, your heart trembling as you closed your final exam
You were done
It was finally over
“All tests are in, you are all dismissed. Have a great summer break!” your professor smiled
Everyone gathered their belongings, chatting amongst themselves as they shook the professor’s hand on the way out
“It was great to have you in class Y/N,” your professor smiled so kindly as he shook your hand one final time. “Have a great summer!”
“You too, professor,” you forced a smile but as soon as you stepped out of the lecture hall, you could hear all the complaints from your classmates as they complained about the test
“I honestly gave up bro, like I didn’t know anything” a guy commented freely as he walked toward the exit
“Bruh I know like I remember him teaching the material but that was it.”
Hearing all the comments sort of like this eased you just a bit but just knowing that you were going to see such a bad score
It made you sick to your stomach, making everything feel wrong
The warm summer sun welcomed you as you stepped outside of the hall
You felt so miserable, all you wanted now was Akaashi, his hand to pat your head and to shoo everything you felt that made you feel so stuffy
“Y/N,” a voice called
The sound of this voice brought tears automatically to your eyes before you could even look up to see the owner of this voice
Your body seemed to move on its own towards your boyfriend as all the emotions and tears that had built up within you during your exam came rushing out
he smiled to you as if nothing was wrong in the world when everything felt wrong
he wore black jeans with a white shirt and navy blue cardigan with the sleeves rolled up
You wrapped your arms around him, burying your face into his chest and shoulder
“Oh, Y/N, was it that bad?” He stroked his hand on your head
“Mmhmm,” you nodded, stifling all your cries and whimpers the best you could but you knew it was already too late - you could feel how swollen and stuffy your nose were
“I feel like I didn’t know anything and it was so frustrating and depressing to just sit there.” You buried your face into your palms, trying not to break down even more when all you wanted to do right now was to disappear
“I’m sorry, but it’s over, alright?” Akaashi rubbed your shoulders as a way to comfort you as he smiled at others passing and staring at what was going on but he could also hear the others complaining about the exam you had just taken
“Y/N?” he leaned down, carefully parting your hands from your face, smiling once you opened your eyes to him. “I brought you these since I know I haven’t been able to really support you properly while you were studying.”
he handed you a bouquet of your favorite flowers
your lips trembled even more as you cried tears of something else from his loving gesture
“What’s wrong now?” he laughed as he rolled down his sleeves, using them to dry your face, a sound so pure from him, it made life feel alright
“N-nothing, I’m just so happy to see you,” you lowered your head down once again only for akaashi to wrap his arms around you, kissing the top of your head
“negativity begone,” he repeated the words in between every kiss as he gently rocked the two of you side to side
“Come on, let’s go to R/N, hm? We can talk about anything you want and we can do anything you want now or after, okay?”
your sniffles felt like they were never going to end as you sadly drank your drink, letting it refresh you as Akaashi adored you from across the table, happy that your tears and sadness and frustrations from your exam were no longer
The restaurant was empty as cars whizzed by outside
your heart sank hearing the email notification from your professor
upon opening it, your soul left your body as all the tears you thought you were done shedding came bac for round two
“Y/N! What is it?” Akaashi’s brows knitted together as he had never seen you so emotional before
you couldn’t even begin to speak or try to - all you did was show him your phone
“Hi all, I know this semester was very tough but you all know how much I care about the class. This final exam was not an actual exam nor will I actually be giving one. As for your final grade, I have based that on today’s attendance so everyone will be passing. Have a great summer.” - your professor
it was unbelievable but all your worries for the last couple of hours were for nothing
Gif from @rivaillerose 💛💛
Hinata: note - pedro is hinata’s roommate in Brazil and he works as a delivery boy to make money
the door shut behind his body, enclosing him into his dark bedroom, the only source of light coming from outside was from the streetlamp and the bustling night market
he leaned back against the cool wooden door as it separated Hinata from the lively atmosphere of the rest of the house as Pedro watched One Piece on the TV
the floor made a loud thud as his body slid down the door, disappointment filling him up as he thought about what had happened
the new wallet Natsu had gifted him before leaving to Brazil was nowhere to be found in his fanny pack as he ran his deliveries
for once, the human sun didn’t feel so bright
he signed as he looked to his dark room, bits and horizontal lights from the street casting onto his wall through the blinds
the street lift bustling on the street right outside as usual
a sinking feeling felt like it was only getting deeper and deeper inside his chest as he hugged his arms with his knees, a cool breeze from the floor brushing his legs
he really screwed up losing his precious wallet
he had never felt so dumb
his groans and sighs filled the room as he sat in his pool of self disappointment, slowly sinking deeper and deeper
until his phone rang
it rang with his bright ringtone, lifting the mood instantly since this particular ringtone was dedicated for you
everyone had their own ringtone in his phone
and it was like a breath of fresh air when he sighed, grateful he didn’t lose this today
He opened the flap of his case, his face suddenly illuminated by the device in hand
“Shoyo!” you beamed, your bright aura illuminating through his screen even into the darkest places within him, eradicating as much negativity as you unintentionally could
“Y/N, hi!” he beamed, almost completely forgetting his major bump in the road
“How are you doing? How was your day?” you asked, the sun shining on the side of your face from what he could see on his phone
you were clearly still in bed but then again, you did just wake up
“It was alright...” he tried to smile, trying to be okay but there was just something deeper about this hurt inside as it pooled
even talking to you - when you would almost always heal him, right now, he couldn’t feel too much of it
“I uh, lost my wallet today, so that’s bumming...” he rest his phone on his bed as he held it up with his hand, his chin resting into the side edge of his bed
“oh no, the one Natsu gave you?” you asked, hoping it wouldn’t be too serious. “Could you like call the police station and ask if they find it or if it like turns up?”
“No.. it’s not like back home...” he sighed, clearly dejected
your thoughts scurried as you thought of alternatives, thinking of ideas that you could possibly suggest to help him find it
“How’s home? how’s everyone doing?” he asked, his voice light and soft, airy as if he had just woken up from a nap, his question reaching back home, back to the place he longed the most
where he wished he could be right now...
“shoyo, lean forward,” you smiled warmly, able to see his somewhat lagged, pixelated face through your phone
“what?” he asked confused
“just bring your phone to your head. Im gonna pat your sadness away even though I can’t really do it how I normally would, but better than nothing.”
He did as you asked, bringing his device to his forehead, feeling the warmth of the screen, feeling the breeze from his cracked windows open, letting his imagination take flight, imagining it was you that was here with him
you sitting on the edge of his bed, patting his hair, playing with your tangerine as you normally would, his head resting in your lap
“shoo shoo,” you cooed, silly, hoping this would help in the slightest
he could hear the pat of your hand over your phone’s mic
but there was just something
this sudden hit of the real life that was his right now
he was so far from home in a foreign country, chasing his dream when so many others his age right now would be at school, planning a career and their future for themselves
you were so far
his family, his friends, you, god you
his nose sniffled as subtle rumbles sounded in his ears, his eyes blinking, widening with every blink to hide the sudden pink in them, the tears lining his waterline
he kept his phone to his head, subtly seeing the glow of his screen through his closed eyes, wishing you really could reach through the phone or at least he could just be back home soon
but there was quite a great time before this could happen and he knew it vividly
“shoyo? You okay?” you held your own phone, turning onto your side so the sun no longer shined right into your eyes
there was just calm breathing from his end before an airy “mmhm..”
“Tsuki got promoted at the museum and I’m gonna be going out with Yachi later today, and then Yams is gonna join us..” you paused, still not seeing his face
“We’re all doing okay, sho. So is Natsu and your mom,” you chimed cheerily for him. “They miss you just as much but don’t worry. You’re gonna be home before you know it and I just know you’re going to blow everyone away with how much you improved.”
“I know you will, Sho. All the time you’re spending there will pay off..” you paused. “Even Kags thinks so, haha. We hang out together sometimes and he pretty often goes off about how you better be ready to go against him cause of your guys’ never ending battle.”
“Thank you, Y/N,” and that was when you finally saw him.
he smiled brightly with tears streaming down his cheeks, dripping off his chin
this is what he needed
he needed this more than anything to satiate the homesickness that grew within him every single day
he needed to remember these words - that you and everyone are supporting him all the way across the world
bonus: from Chapter 371 - On The Other Side Of The Globe (vol 42/54)
Thanks for reading! Masterlist for more! Please do not repost anywhere else!
Tags (let me know if you wanna be tagged or removed for all my haikyuu posts): @makeusfreefromthisfandom @yams046 @mazey-chan @sunboikyo00 @kara-grayson04 @fortheloveofbakugo @tsumtsumsemi @1-800-wholesome @yamagucci @realityisoftendisapointing @plantisnotplant @pink-panda-pancakes @differentballooncollection @[email protected]
@euphorihan @turquoiselace @macaronnv @oxmaddy @mrkoala4prsdnt @curiouslilbeast @[email protected]
@abcdaichi @oyasenpai @kaaidalupita @lovinnoya @wisepandaslimeland @killuaking @kattykurr @bbymilkbread @tsumtsumland @suunikimchi @woah-there-cowboy-or-cowgirl @amandahh626 @nabisonyeo94 @wntrmn @dai-tsukki-desu @peteunderoos @ohyoumakemelive @aka-a-shii @shinhiromi @wompwomphq @lollypop-lam @isentsworld @blue-melody @u-wakatoshii @moondriplets @lovinnoya @yuueisteria @humanitysbiggestsimp @cjphoenix135 @inarizaki-captain @closetfurrytsukishima @chibichab @kageyama-i-want-tobiors @kuroosbixh @lavearchives @sweet-sour-devil-ish @daichis-kitty @creepyproxies @itsmarziapei @skyh20 @yehetstudies @that-chick212 @proherotheflamehashira @celestair @katiea03 @manga-only @chesirekittycat @ilovecheese08 @amy-yurima @realityisabitch-blr @suga-tofu @ushislittlewife @nabisonyeo94 @aaprilshowers @emotional-ayato @to-move-on-means-to-grow @kellesvt @haikyuu-galaxy @8-eight-8 @xiaoqiji @japanesevenom @cemeiia @pantherhappy @sassyglassesbunny @devilgirlcrybabiey asd
𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝟮 | 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 | 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲
𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 - bisexual!hinata shouyou x gn!reader, hinata shouyou x miya atsumu
𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦 - angst, break up
𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘤 - hinata shouyou is trustworthy - with everything except for your heart
𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 - 2.4k words
𝘵𝘸 - slightly descriptive nsfw?, cheating (i'm sorry to be doing my children hinata and atsumu dirty this way but this got stuck in my head 😭), major angst, break-up, no happy ending, lots and lots of crying, lots and lots of reader's internal thoughts, atsumu is an asshole
𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘴 - this is the result of brainrot i had stuck in my head after reading chapter 18 of SabbyWrites' A Study in Depravity. HAIKYUU BOYS ARE NOT CHEATERS - I REPEAT, HAIKYUU BOYS ARE NOT CHEATERS. BISEXUAL PEOPLE ARE ALSO NOT CHEATERS. i just couldn't resist writing this lmao
also, i'm doing my best to make this a gender-neutral reader, but it might lean more towards AFAB/non-binary readers since i'm both ashelkgjkdlkjf male-identifying readers i'm sorry
thanks @meiansmistress, lou (LouEve_094 on ao3), lena, and emmy (Noisy_Emmy on ao3) for betaing! your feedback helped me a lot
𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙤𝙧𝙨 𝙙𝙣𝙞 - there are some descriptive scenes of smut in here 👀 shoo, shoo
Hinata Shouyou is trustworthy.
You know this.
It's the reason you met, after all.
The summer you moved to Miyagi, following your father's dream of teaching in a little town similar to the one he lived in as a child, you were unhappy. Who could blame you, after all? You had a comfortable life back in Osaka, and unlike your father, you were a city dweller at heart. It was also the middle of your first year of high school—who wanted to transfer schools, let alone across prefectures, in the middle of a school year?
It was hot in Miyagi, and when the moving truck broke down on the side of the road, the entire family piled out and sat on the curb. Just your father (who you were still mad at), your mother, and you. That was what it had always been. Sure, you had friends, but somehow the friendships never got too deep. You were willing to bet that within a month, there would be no texts other than the occasional New Year's greeting or "happy birthday" from your so-called friends back in Osaka.
And don't even get you started on romantic relationships. It wasn't that you weren't attractive, or that you weren't easy to get along with—it was just that there was never anybody. Yes, you had liked people before, but nothing had ever come of it.
Your mother piped up, saving you from your dark thoughts about the state of your relationships with other people. "Y/n, love, can you go back down the hill again? I think we saw a konbini a bit that way, please buy some cool drinks." she says, depositing coins in your outstretched hand. Oh well, something to do, you supposed.
You strolled casually down the road, sweating buckets. When you pushed open the doors of the konbini—Sakanoshita Store, you noted, it definitely didn’t look like a konbini—opened, you basked in the cold air of the air conditioner for a bit. As you stood there, looking a bit dumb with your arms outstretched, you felt a weight barrel into you from behind.
With a bang, you fell forward, the weight landing on your back. "Ow!" you cried, rubbing your right wrist, which had unceremoniously made contact with the ground, pain shooting up the limb. You twisted around to glare at whatever had so unceremoniously bowled you over. You were met with the sight of wide, brown eyes and flushed cheeks. "Sorry!" the boy squeaked, getting off of you quickly. "So sorry!" You frowned and got up.
"Watch where you’re going, okay?" You were a few centimeters taller than him, you noted.
He started blabbering, talking about how he needed to get the first-aid kit because a "Stingyshima" had "accidentally" ran into "Bakageyama" and this "Bakageyama" now had a bleeding knee and that he was the fastest runner in their volleyball club (he was strangely emphatic about this point). By the time he was finished rambling, you were chuckling slightly. It was obvious that he hadn't meant anything by running into you, and it was actually kind of endearing how earnestly he was trying to explain himself.
You held up a hand, stopping him from continuing to ramble. "Y-you aren't mad, right?" he asked anxiously. You smiled and shook your head slightly. "It seems your team trusts you to help take care of your friend, so why don't you grab the first-aid kit and go help him?" You suggested gently.
He nodded quickly and darted behind the counter, grabbing a white box. As he jogged away, he seemed to remember something and turned around to holler at you. "My name's Hinata Shouyou! I'm a first year!" he introduced himself in a bright voice.
Just inside the konbini, a small smile slipped across your face.
Hinata Shouyou, huh. He seemed nice.
Hinata Shouyou is trustworthy.
It's the reason you fell in love with him.
The first day of school, you meet Hinata Shouyou again. And again. And again. He somehow seems to pop up everywhere you go—not that you're complaining, he's entertaining and nice—and soon, you think you can count yourself as his friend.
You go to his game against Aoba Johsai, then Shiratorizawa, then you're hugging him as he jumps up and down, celebrating their win. That’s the first time your heart jumps when you look at him, haloed by the lights of the gym.
Slowly, you feel yourself falling in love with him. Not just falling for him, no, because Hinata Shouyou will not let anyone do anything in halves, especially not falling in love. Shouyou, to you, (because by then you were on first-name basis) is someone you can rely on, someone that is always there, like the sun, trustworthy.
And because he is always there, it's also easy to confess to him in your second year. You know him well enough by now to know that even if he doesn't feel the same, nothing would change about your friendship except for the addition of unspoken words. And you think that he might love you back, if the lingering glances and brighter smiles are any indication.
Your guess is right, and by New Year's break, the two of you are a happy couple.
Hinata Shouyou is trustworthy.
It's why you let him go, if only for a little bit.
When Shouyou left for Brazil, you took a break from each other. To be honest, it was your idea.
It wasn't that you didn't think that you couldn't trust him ten thousand kilometers away—it was that you knew you would hold him back. He was going to Brazil to chase his dream, and having a tether to his hometown would only slow him down. It hurt, having to say goodbye at the airport, but somehow the two of you got through it.
You still talked—a little more than "just friends" should—but you were careful not to let him think that you were together.
Shouyou was meant for greater things, and back then, as an insecure, just-barely-adult going into medical school, you weren't sure if you fit into the picture.
Hinata Shouyou is trustworthy.
It's the reason why you let him back in.
When Shouyou returns from Brazil, the first person he visits is you. You, all the way out in Osaka, pushing yourself to your limits as you study for med school. When you open your door and see him standing there, smiling as bright as ever, you fall into his arms—both literally and metaphorically. It turns out, even two years later, you trust him to catch you.
It was all too natural for you and Shouyou to get back together, and by a stroke of luck, he joins the MSBY Black Jackals, right there in Osaka. You move in together, his slightly larger salary allowing the two of you to rent a bigger apartment.
Yes, it's hard work being in a relationship again, but you like having Shouyou to return to every night after your shift is over. You wake up early every morning to make the two of you breakfast and lunch, and Shouyou always has dinner waiting for you when you step back in the door, often also staying up so that you can talk.
Hinata Shouyou is trustworthy.
It's the reason why you think nothing of his closeness with his teammates.
Shouyou has always been a people-magnet. Even back in high school, everyone loved him. Shouyou is bisexual. You know this. He’s always had more than enough love to give back, too, and his bisexuality had never impacted your relationship. Why should it, when you’re every bit as queer as him? Your relationship was strong, and you believed in it. That's why, at every team dinner that he takes you to, when someone else inevitably takes the seats next to him instead of you and you're relegated to a corner, you don't worry about it. Shouyou loves you, and it doesn't matter where you sit for a couple of hours.
Yes, Miya Atsumu is a bit aggressive whenever Shouyou compliments him, throwing a smirk over his shoulder at you triumphantly, but you chalk it to them being good friends and Miya-san wanting to get to know you better by having a little friendly competition, and that's okay.
Yes, Shouyou starts going out with his team more and more, but they're his team. He's supposed to be close with them.
Yes, you start to feel a little neglected, but it wasn't as if you were the most attentive back when you were still struggling through med school.
And anyways, Shouyou always makes time for the two of you on Saturdays, your designated date nights. You have trust in your relationship, in its rock-tight foundation built upon years of knowing each other.
Hinata Shouyou is trustworthy.
It's why you believe his words.
One Friday, after an especially busy shift at the hospital that got cut short for you when a coworker unexpectedly came in to fill in for you, you decide to head home early and get some rest, maybe cuddle with Shouyou while watching those romcoms you both enjoy.
You had told him that you'd be home late that night, and you hoped that you could surprise him with some dinner. So, you swung by his favorite yakitori place and ordered dinner, driving home as fast as you safely could.
As you open the door to your apartment, you hear the distinctive sounds of sex, skin slapping on skin, grunts and moans, high keens. You frown. Maybe Shouyou was watching porn? He sometimes liked to get himself ready (the two of you enjoyed the occasional pegging) before you got home. You drop the food on the kitchen table and put your jacket on the hook.
"Love, I'm home!" you call out softly. No response.
Frowning deeper now, you move towards the bedroom door. Just as you're about to open it, you hear something that stops you cold.
"A-ah, Atsumu!" It's distinctively Shouyou's voice, and suddenly, you can't move anymore.
Shouyou, who told you you could make it through med school.
Shouyou, who made you yakisoba and miso soup whenever you were stuck studying.
Shouyou, who whispered sweet nothings in your ear every morning as the two of you made breakfast.
Shouyou, who is currently in bed with Miya fucking Atsumu.
You want to get up, you want to slam open the door, you want to demand answers, but somehow, you can't get your legs to budge from the spot in the ground they've rooted themselves to.
"Who do you love, Sho?" Atsumu growls.
Your heart skips a beat.
You pray to all the gods you know that what's about to pass Shouyou's lips will miraculously stay trapped in his throat, but it seems like the gods don't feel kind today.
"Y-you, Atsumu, you!" you hear Shouyou cry.
Your heart shatters into a million little kaleidoscopic pieces. Tears start running down your face, hot, involuntary, painful, because they represent the six years of a beautiful relationship down the drain, because nothing will ever be the same, because Shouyou is cheating on you.
Finally, your legs decide to move again. It seems like someone else is controlling your body as you walk towards the door, opening it with a shaking hand.
Shouyou is pinned down by Miya-san on the bed, legs thrown over his shoulder, as he slams into him.
The door bangs against the wall.
Shouyou looks up, and when he sees you, his face floods with guilt.
You don't say anything. You just stand there, tears flooding down your face, betrayal evident in your expression.
"Y-y/n!" he says. "I-I- I swear, this isn't-" he begins.
You cut him off. "I don't want to hear it, Shouyou." you spit.
Miya-san chuckles. "Who are we kidding, this is exactly what they think it is. What, did you think that you would be enough to satisfy Sho? You, with your infinitely busy schedule? You, who has no clue about volleyball?" he says, cutting into you.
"Atsumu, stop!" Shouyou says, frantic. He can tell that he's going to lose you, but he's not going to go down without a fight. "Babe, I love you, please-" he says, getting out of Miya-san's embrace and moving towards you. You sidestep him, holding a duffel bag with a change of clothes.
You stand there, looking at the scene, chuckling darkly inside your head. Just a scorned lover, a man, and his side-piece. You take a deep breath.
"You know, Shouyou, if you fell in love with someone else, you should've just told me. I trust you to be honest. I'm leaving—because even though you might love me, you're in love with Miya-san." you said.
Shouyou looks stricken with guilt, but you know it's from lying, not because he loves you anymore. Your laugh is broken and rough on the ears. "You think I didn't hear you? Oh, Shouyou, I heard more than enough. Have a nice life, and I hope that you remember how you broke me. I hope it fucking haunts you to the day of your death," you hurl at him.
Because even though at that moment you're screaming at him, you know that you still love him, that you’ll always will love him, and that you will carry this scar for the rest of your life. And even though you love him enough to leave now, to let him be with the person he loves—you still have enough love for yourself to hope that he bears some of the weight of this horrible, messy end too.
And with that, you walk out the door.
But you're wrong.
Hinata Shouyou might love Miya Atsumu, but he still loves you more.
Years later, looking back, he comprehends that he didn't just break you. As he stares at his empty apartment, devoid of a lover—because what you said was true, he still carries the guilt, the memory of your tear-stained face, the recollections of your golden time together that ruined any relationship he might have had before it started, the echo of your absolute trust in him,
—Hinata Shouyou realizes he ruined himself too.
© ʙᴇᴛʜᴇʏᴅᴏᴄʀɪᴍᴇᴡʀɪᴛᴇꜱ 2021 - ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏᴘʏ ᴏʀ ʀᴇᴘᴏꜱᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ᴄʀᴇᴅɪᴛ
Does Cassandra have a girlfriend in novitiate?
A girlfriend? Try three at any given time. She's a capital R rake, if you know what I mean (aka you, too, ended up watching Bridgerton).
Jokes aside, Cass is indeed a complete flirt who woos young noble ladies like an Edwardian bachelor with fifteen thousand pounds a year (and therefore is universally known to be in need of a wife), then breaks off your engagement a week before the wedding just so she can be caught in the gardens with her tongue down your sister's throat. Well, maybe not to that degree since marriage is a big deal in her family and she wouldn't get away with pulling a stunt like that, but the idea still stands. She's the opposite of Bela in that she makes women truly fall in love with her in this epic slow-burn of yearning touches and fleeting looks before moving on to the next victim - to the point where Alcina has called her into her study and been like "Tone the womanizer behavior down, yes?" a few times before (while Maria is sipping her tea and pretending she didn't do the same thing back when she was young lol). The excuse she then uses is that she isn't taking her lovers to bed - she's on the ace spectrum, so the sexual part of attraction is a bit of an afterthought to her - and therefore there isn't anything indecent going on, but that stopped convincing her mothers some five decades ago. She and Anne Lister would get along marvelously, I'll tell you that.
(She's also the greatest sadist in the house, so unfortunately the peasant girls she sets her eyes on will tend to suffer a less favorable fate than a broken heart. She's particularly fond of messing with the retainers and playing with that love/fear duality of her relationships.)
I think I mentioned before that I don't think every person must be paired off with a soulmate to live out the rest of their lives, and that some people will be perfectly fine on their own - I imagine Cass to be amongst those. She enjoys romance - especially when she actually means it - but eternity is a long time to be committed to the same person. So she's quite content in having her family to see her through the centuries (and what a clan they are) and to simply enjoy the company of the few interesting souls she finds along the way, for however long they decide to stick around. This stands in contrast with Daniela, who does eventually find her forever companion but their relationship isn't strictly a romantic one (but that is a story for another time).
Since she's originally from Brazil in Novitiate - look, I simply had to sneak some representation in there that doesn't amount to "beaches, Carnaval, and soccer" - I can point you to this quote by Vinicius de Moraes: "Que seja infinito enquanto dure / May it be eternal while it lasts".