#also yikes please ignore how bad the quality ended up

[belovedfi]

inspired by another post that i saw but can’t find rn, i sent my friend who has no zelda knowledge images of all the links! and uhhhhb these were his thoughts. 

please enjoy!! (i spent too much time putting these images together)

(my favorite reactions were prolly time and legend. also a couple other friends jumped in too, see if you can spot the wind waker stan lmao)

#linked universe au #linked universe #lu #lu time #lu legend #lu warriors #lu twilight #lu wild #lu wind #lu four #lu hyrule #lu sky #also yikes please ignore how bad the quality ended up

[parachutingkitten]

Y'all suck at dissecting Kai's character, so I guess I have to do it.

And I'm not even a Kai stan. He's a bottom tier ninja for me, which I guess means you can trust me, cuz I'm not biased, but also why am I the one doing this? I don't know about y'all, but recently on my dash, the method by which Kai fans try to make him sound good is... saying the writers hate him, ignore him, and that he isn't written well? Which... I mean there is a little bit of truth to, but like yikes guys, is this the best you got? Kai is a wonderful character with plenty of attention from the writers, a meaningful piece of the cast when put in secondary rolls, fairly consistent character writing with actual progression and valuable qualities that help the team without having to be the smart one- despite what some posts might tell you.

Let's get one thing cleared up: Ninjago isn't the best written show. By high level Hollywood standards, most the character arcs are kinda weak or too heavy handed, character consistency can be iffy, and most things serve the plot rather than the characters. There is no character you can point to and say "wow, this character is written so well! No complaints!" Nya and Jay were butchered by their weird love plot, Cole's one season doesn't actually give him an arc, Zane's been nothing but the robot numbers guy for like 10 seasons now, and Lloyd seems to be incapable of doing anything but relive the same one piece of dad angst for depth. Sorry, it's true. All the characters suck when you look at it from a large scale writing perspective. So when I say Kai is well written, I mean by ninjago kids show standards- cuz that's the scale we're working on. No, you couldn't drop Kai into a well written drama, but as far as ninjago goes... he's got a lot going for him, and by no means is he the biggest victim of poor writing.

(fair warning, wall of text below)

The title is a bit disingenuous. There are plenty of good Kai character break downs. What I am presenting here is a more positive perspective. On the whole, I will tend to give the writers the benefit of the doubt, and credit for what they do right writing is hard guys. That's what I'm doing here. I don't see much sense in getting mad the writers on behalf of Kai, or any other character. Ninjago is a simplistic ensemble show that works because of the identifiable simplicity of its main characters with some deeper layers hidden underneath if you keep watching. They've given us a damn good show with some damn enjoyable characters, so here are some criticisms I feel are a little flawed:

First, let's get the 'focus' thing out of the way. Apparently there are people saying Kai doesn't have a season yet? Which... what? I mean, I get that the pilots aren't a full season, the first two seasons, though he is the central protagonist, aren't "Kai seasons" as we've come to define ninja focus seasons, season 7, though he gets majority focus, he shares with his sister. But like... did y'all just forget about season 4? You know, the season where he had the title card, was on the box sets, got the love interest, and the majority of the A-plot? not to mention it's the best season don't @ me Like... if season 4 isn't a Kai season, I can make a damn good argument that season 3 isn't a Zane season, and I doubt anyone wants to go down that rabbit hole. I really can't wrap my head around this one. And I get that the fandom hates season 11 for some reason, but like you can't just pretend it doesn't exist. Kai has a consistent arc across 30 episodes in which he takes his powers for granted, loses them, and learns that, not only does he have value within the team without them, but that his element is intrinsically a part of him that he reclaims, bringing them back more powerful than ever, and with new respect for them. That's one of the most solid arcs in the whole series- the location is even thematically connected to his element. That's some good stuff right there! (Quick plug for season 11 if you haven't watched it in a while. Give it a rewatch, you might be pleasantly surprised)

Not to mention the writers give him fun side stuff all the time. Lots of fears of tech and water to overcome, a deep protective streak with Lloyd, becoming a chancellor, having a true potential actually relevant to the plot as a whole, blacksmith responsibilities, befriending dragons, hanging out with his dad. Not to mention actual focus stuff we haven't talked about yet, like his whole "my dad is evil" phase, and his "I might be evil" phase with him and Skylor. And on top of that, even when he doesn't have an explicit side plot, he's always just a fun and dynamic side character to make jokes or give exposition.

Now, into character stuff. Let's start with Kai's hot headed-ness. Some people say he's been loosing this quality, and I will admit, that's true! But those that claim this makes him inconsistent... I strongly disagree. In early seasons, Kai's temper would lead him to snap at his friends or make stupid decisions that set the team back (see episode 2 Zane freak out)- these are bad things. These are character flaws, yes? Now, in newer seasons, people say that he's inconsistent, cuz sometimes he'll be hot headed, and sometimes he won't. I'd say, this is exactly how being hot headed... works? It flares up without warning, and as an individual gets control of it, it'll pop up less and less often because they're channeling it into productive things - like say directing the anger towards an enemy (see season 11 end freak out). Kai has gained control of a character flaw, and though it still pops up on occasion, the fact that it's a once in a while kind of thing speaks to his growth. I have a little brother who has this exact personality, and watching him grow up, I can tell you, this is how it is. He used to snap all the time, and he still does sometimes, but much less frequently, because he's a more mature person with better control of his emotions. This is a good thing. This is overcoming personal flaws. This is progression we're seeing.

And while you're hyper focused on this one aspect of him, things like his cocky confidence haven't changed a bit. I mean, that season 3 bit between him and Pixal, and his season 11 "fire maker" streak have the exact same energy. You can not convince me otherwise.

Another adjacent quality that hasn't been dampened is Kai's impulsiveness. This can be a good quality of his, he'll get into a fight without thinking, getting the jump on the enemy. Good stuff. But, this has become such a well defined trait of Kai's that it has been used in a comedic capacity. This is what happens when a character is extremely consistent to the extent that both the audience and the characters in universe would be able to predict their actions. Kai's impulsivity used to be a more serious quality that put himself and others at risk, and was a big power move whenever he did something rash, but it's become such a staple of the show that it's now being used for comedy. That isn't Kai's impulsivity going away, that's Kai's impulsivity being recontextualized for the sake of the show. The season 9 "Who's stupid enough to jump on that thing" isn't a joke at the expense of Kai just for being dumb, it's a joke at Kai's being so predictably impulsive that everyone already knows he'll be the one to put himself in an insane amount of danger without thinking twice (you know, something stupid that might get him killed). But because in this instance, the danger is warranted, this is bravery. It's a complement to his character- it's what ends up defeating the colossus. Why are some people so bothered by this joke?

Oh right, cuz for some reason people want to peg Kai as the smart one? Look, Kai isn't stupid, none of the ninja are. All of them have smart moments (all of them have dumb ones too) and Kai can certainly handle himself, but "smart" is definitely not one of his defining characteristics- I think some people are confusing smart for his actual strength. Connected to his impulsivity, Kai has very good simplistic instincts. He sees the big picture and looks at the most surface level solution- which when the situation calls for it, that does indeed make him smart. But the same logic that led him to think "This snake has a glowing target on its head, lets hit it" also led him to think "I'm in a video game, therefore I am immortal." Are you really going to look at me and say he figured out Lloyd was the green ninja through logical deduction and a careful consideration of the facts? No. He had a gut feeling, and he trusted it. Instincts- instincts paired with his impulsive following of said instincts is what leads him to solve problems- and sometimes, that can be extremely effective. This goes for other ninja too. Jay isn't the smartest ninja- I would really only classify Zane and Nya as having intelligence define them (hence their ship name). But Jay is extremely creative and crafty. He also knows his was around mechanics, and as such, this will lead him to come up with creative tech based solutions which are smart. But, idk about you, if I had to point to another ninja as being 'dumb' it would 100% be Jay. Kai is a lot of things. He's passionate and determined and confident and persistent. He's a good improvisor, he's powerful and he's charming! These are all wonderful qualities, he doesn't also have to be the smart one. I am the worlds biggest Pixal stan, and she's a smart, sassy, powerful character, but I'm not gonna sit here and tell you she's also hilarious and adaptable and strong willed. She's a straight man to all the ninja's antics, extremely tied to her samurai x suit, and lets people push her around all the time. That doesn't mean she can't be funny, or self interested, but when she does act these ways, it stems from her other more prominent qualities. That make sense?

And while we're clearing up what Kai isn't, please stop characterizing Kai as an overly protective brother - especially romantically. The only two times he's been romantically protective to Nya are in Wu's Teas which I mean, come on and in the pilots when Jay is literally a stranger. For crying out loud, by the end of the pilot, he's smiling when Jay and Nya hug. That's not overly protective, that's just normal, any reasonable person would react this way, protective. And it's such a great stereotype break for a kids show like ninjago, having an older brother who actually trusts his younger sister to be her own independent person who can make her own decisions. I mean, I guess it's fine if you HC differently but like... idk, I don't buy it.

Now, is there still room to criticize the writers? Yes. Hell yes. But not to an extent greater than any other character. Could he have had more of a defined reaction to events of the most recent season that I won't name for the sake of spoilers? Yes. But could Zane have reacted for more than .5 seconds at being an evil war lord for apparently 60 years? Yeah. Has Kai taken a back seat in the past 4 seasons? Yeah. But so has Lloyd- and he's literally the main character of the show. Not to mention two of those seasons have gone to people who had to wait over ten seasons to get one to themselves, and one of them is a 40 minute special. Kai's doing just fine.

Anyway. Kai is great. He's a fun, stereotype breaking, impulsively driven, ball of energy and confidence who gets a good amount of screen time and some fun side plots.

One last thing to clear up: no hate to anyone. This isn't targeted at anyone specific, this post has been a long time coming, I've just seen some weird overblown claims on various platforms over the past few months and I finally sat down to write about it.

I like the Kai content we have. After all, if the writers were really that bad at writing him, then no one would like him.

Wow this was so much longer than I thought it would be. Um... if you have other long winded rants you'd like to see from me... let me know I guess?

#ninjago #kai ninjago #kai smith #parachuterants #analysis #lets add this tag: #/lh

[kuroopaisen]

per auda ad astra. (tendou satori)

➵ latin. “through hardships to the stars.” you and tendou have been through everything together. so of course you’ll lend him a hand when he needs a date.

wc: 2.5k

warnings: references to bullying

“I have a favour to ask,” Tendou smiled, tilting his head at you.

You raised an eyebrow at him. Tendou had popped over for a ‘quick visit.’ But, while you were preparing yourself a tea for what would inevitably be a long conversation, he’d decided to spring the real reason for his visit on you. “Mhm?”

“Would you please come to dinner with my parents?” Tendou pursed his lips together. “Pretty please?”

“Why do you say that like you’re asking me to run a marathon in nothing but my underwear?” You bit back a smirk. “It’s just dinner with your parents.”

“Well,” Tendou took a deep breath, his eyes fluttering closed. “I need you to pretend to be my partner. Just this once.”

Your entire body froze. “Excuse me?”

“I know!” Tendou waved his hands at you, his face a strange mix of alarm and confidence. “It’s just for this one dinner!”

“Why though?”

“My parents are a trifle miffed that I haven’t found someone to settle down with.” A whisper of a blush graced his cheeks. “They’ll start taking matters into their own hands if I’m not careful.”

“Yikes,” you murmured, turning back to tend to your tea.

“And I was thinking,” Tendou hummed, propping his chin on his hand, “you already know them, right? We just need to get our little lie straight, and it’ll be easy sailing.”

“Worried someone else’ll think this is unethical?” You raised an eyebrow at him, biting the inside of your cheek.

“Maybe,” he drawled, tilting his head at you. “But c’mon, it’ll just be dinner with my parents. All you’d have to do is hold my hand and tell them you’ve had a thing for me this entire time.”

You laughed, ignoring the strange tightening in your chest. “You’re really scared of them setting you up with someone, huh?”

“They will!” He groaned, laying his arms across your kitchen counter. “They’ve already sent me a list. Do you know how awkward that is?”

“Anyone I know on it?”

“There’s no way in hell you’ll ever find out,” he grumbled, crossing his arms and propping his chin on them.

“Really?” You grinned. “Will you tell me if I pretend to be your partner?”

Tendou glared at you through narrowed eyes. “I thought I could trust you to have my back.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “It’s really this much of a big deal?”

“Look, every time I’ve gone home alone, at least half of dinner is spent talking about my marriage,” Tendou groaned, rolling his eyes. “I’d like to avoid that for once, you know? And hopefully stave off and awkward dates arranged by my parents.”

“Fine, fine,” you laughed, waving a hand at him. “But you owe me one, okay?”

--------  

You’d known Tendou for pretty much your whole life. He’d been your next-door neighbour growing up, and you genuinely couldn’t remember a time before he’d made a lasting impression of you.

You were young; you didn’t know what the world expected from you. You didn’t know how people could be cruel. All you knew was that you liked the little red-headed boy from next door, and you enjoyed spending time with him.

You didn’t have many specific memories of your past together, but you remembered what it felt like; free, comfortable, full of possibility. The feeling that you could do absolutely anything, so long as you believed hard enough.

Afternoons drowned in the fading sunlight, chasing one another down the street as you embroiled yourself in some fantastical game. June days spent in the mud, making cakes or starting fights.

You remembered the stars best of all.

On an evening when your parents were feeling particularly lenient, you’d be allowed to pop over to Tendou’s for a sleepover. And an absolutely vital part of that was clambering up to his roof and looking out at the stars.

And, with the sense of surety only afforded to children, you’d named them yourselves. There was a dragon, of course, and a witch. According to Tendou, the dragon had the potential to swallow the entire earth – and if it weren’t for the efforts of the witch, we would all be doomed. He also insisted that the witch was quite a looker. You’d been too young to really care.

The witch also had a kitsune as a sidekick, whose nine tails seemed to spread out into infinity. Tendou insisted that a new tail grew every one hundred years, and that soon enough the sky would be drowned by those stars.

You’d snorted at that. But the thought stuck with you, resurfacing a couple of years later when you learnt of how stars were born.

Primary school had been as awful as you’d dreaded it would be. You managed to escape it more or less unscathed; you’d managed to slip into relative anonymity. But Tendou?

It was the first time you’d noticed that he was different. Unique. And everyone else noticed, too.

But they didn’t see things the same way you did.

You remembered some days with uncomfortable clarity; sitting behind the school, his scuffed knees brought up to his chest, face buried in his legs to hide it from you. You, knowing nothing other than holding his hand.

You’d wanted to do something. But you’d felt nothing but fear. And for many years after that, you’d carried the shame with you.

Tendou knew. And, bless his soul, he insisted you had nothing to feel bad about. But words weren’t enough.

Middle school had been easier. Tendou’s modus operandi changed; no more tears. No more submission. He didn’t fight back so much as guard himself. It seemed as if he’d gained some confidence.

You knew it was a lie; a cloak he’d put on to guard himself from the cold. But it worked, to some degree.

And better yet, he’d gotten quite good at volleyball. That, more than anything, was his armour.

You’d always be grateful for the volleyball team. For how they’d accepted him. They, more than anyone else up til that point, seemed to see him as you did. As someone full of virtue. Warmth may not have been the defining quality of those relationships, but they’d given him support in a way others never had. And they’d valued what he could give them, too.

He still spoke to some of them, even after all this time.

It was all you could’ve asked for. And even though they didn’t make it to nationals in your third year, you knew that he had no regrets. That even if he wouldn’t continue on with the sport, he’d done himself proud.

And even in the midst of all that, you two still found time to climb onto that roof and look at your stars. And every year, the witch’s chest seemed to grow more and more ample.

You’d ended up at the same university by some stroke of luck. It certainly wasn’t planned, and you’d both been preparing yourselves for what would inevitably be a painful goodbye.

But, it had continued like always. You and him, arms linked and heads thrown back in laughter. And he’d flourished at university in ways he hadn’t before. He’d really found his feet, and grown into someone he could be proud of. And you’re proud of him, too.

And through all your own hardships and successes, he’d been there. Cheering you on, lending you a hand… whatever you needed, you knew you could rely on Tendou for it.

You simply couldn’t imagine your life without him.

And all that’s running through your mind as you sit there at the dinner table, doing your absolute best to appear the adoring partner.

“Well, I thought you and Satori would’ve been married years ago,” his mother laughed.

You blushed at that. “I…”

She, in particular, had been the most delighted when you’d shown up at the door. Tendou hadn’t told his family who is ‘partner’ was; surely a tactic meant to simplify the web of lies.

“Love is blind, mother,” Tendou sighed, giving your hand a little squeeze. “And deaf. And mute. And it has a tendency not to realise itself til it’s too late.”

Confound and distract. Good tactic?

“I don’t think you used that idiom quite right,” you mumbled to it.

He shrugged.

“So, when are you getting engaged?” There was a twinkle to his grandfather’s eye that you didn’t like.

You cringed.

“All in good time,” Tendou said. You almost envied his total lack of anxiety. “You can’t rush this sort of thing, you know.” He tilted his head at him, lips curling into a smile. “Besides, you’re just trying to embarrass me.”

His grandfather chuckled, but said no more.

“Now, tell me darling, what have you been up to recently?” His mother had turned her kindly smile to you once more. And even though you felt awful for lying to her, it was comforting.

So, you told her. And as you were talking, you began to realise just how comfortable Tendou’s hand felt in yours.

You’d started your trip holding hands, in an attempt to ‘get in character.’ You weren’t going to pull this off if you couldn’t show casual affection to one another. But something about holding his hand felt… right. His fingers may be long and lanky, and still calloused from his stint with volleyball, but they fit so nicely with yours. You were doing your best not to think about it.

There was plenty of talk about the old times. Not that you were surprised by that in particular. What did surprise you was how many damn stories his family had about times they’d suspected the two of you were dating.

If Tendou had brought someone else home, would his family tell them stories of you?

But all that aside, it all flowed very naturally. His parents believed you; no need for them to get involved in his private life. You didn’t have to think up some lie to keep track of; you just told the truth, with a little embellishment. It felt so easy.

You finished dinner without a slip-up. His family had been completely fooled; and some part of you felt bad about the fallout to come. You could envision the look on his mother’s face quite clearly.

While this had been easy for the two of you, you had a feeling that made it much harder for everyone else.

You tried not to think about it as you lay on the roof, looking up at the stars you knew so well.

It’s fairly easy to see the stars in Miyagi. Easier than it is in the bigger cities. It’s probably the thing you miss most about your hometown – people aside.

You still can’t identify any of the major clusters. The only constellations were the ones you’d made together. Truth be told, the outlines you two had drawn were tenuous at best. But they were yours, and you cherished them for that.

And on that roof, you felt you might talk the night away. Something about being under the stars made you feel vulnerable. It made you feel ready to bare your soul. Some of your deepest conversations had taken place up here; the trading of fears and hopes, of those feelings you dare not show anyone else.

And to think, you were back here because Tendou needed to get his parent’s off his back.

“Thank you,” Tendou mumbled. “For doing this.”

You smiled at him. “Not a problem.”

You were laid out on his roof, maybe a hand’s width apart. It was a bit more difficult to fit, as adults. But that hadn’t stopped you when you were teenagers.

“Tell me, Satori,” you smiled, your eyes wandering the skies, “what does the witch look like again?”

“I’m not letting you bait me like that,” he grinned.

“Oh? Is that… shame that I hear?” You turned to look at him. He was already looking at you through the dark. The moonlight looked quite flattering on him.

Even after all this time, things with Tendou are so… easy. So relaxed. You never have to worry about being anyone other than yourself. And nobody celebrated you the way he had.

You wanted him to stick around. It was a gentle realisation; one the came as a relief.

“You know, this almost went too well,” he chuckled, looking up at the sky again. “We’d’ve almost fooled me, if I wasn’t so careful.”

You felt his hand brush yours. Was that intentional?

Maybe it would be better if you’d been fooled. Maybe that’s how things should be.

“Hey… Satori?”

“Mhm?”

You fought the urge to take his hand. “When we get back, would you…” You took a deep breath. You had to say it. You wanted to. “Would you like to go on a date?”

His eyes were wide and bright as he stared at you.

“I mean…” God, this was a bit awkward, wasn’t it? You hadn’t even given him time to reply and you were already trying to fill the silence. “If you’re not interested, please pretend that I didn’t say anything.”

Tendou laughed. “Oh, don’t think I’ll be forgetting this any time soon. I’ve gotta take the few boosts to my ego I get.”

You bit the inside of your cheek, torn halfway between smiling and decking him in the face. “I was being serious!”

“I know, I know,” Tendou grinned, taking your hand in his as he looked back at the sky. It’d been so smooth and natural that you hadn’t really noticed it. “How does tomorrow sound?”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “Keep the momentum going.” He flashes you a look, grinning. “Gotta make you fall for me before you decide this is a terrible idea.”

“See, when you say it like that—”

“Please don’t take it back,” he blurted.

“I wasn’t going to,” you laughed. “You’re…” You wanted to say that he was the most important person in your life. But you didn’t quite have the words for that, yet. “You mean a lot to me, okay?”

Even in the dark, you could see his face turning as red as his hair. “Geez… you can’t just say that to a guy, you know?”

“What? I can’t be honest?”

“Well you can be honest, you’ve just… gotta prepare me for such a hit.”

“Pft,” you shook your head, looking for the dragon in the stars. Maybe it was all a bit sudden. And maybe you were being a little too honest. But it felt right. And you felt that if you didn’t say something now, you’d just come to regret it later.

“You mean a lot to me, too.” His voice is quiet, and there’s a slight tremble to it. But it’s honest.

You squeezed his hand in response. For now, there didn’t need to be any more words. Just the two of you, hand in hand, looking up at the stars. The way it had always been.

“Hey.” He tapped your hand with his thumb.

“Hm?”

“What are we gonna do about the bed?”

#haikyuu x reader #tendou x reader #tendou satori x reader #tendou satori #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu scenarios #friends-to-lovers week #haikyuuwritersnet #i love him this one's eh but he's a good kid #THIS IS THE LAST ONE I CAN'T BELIEVE

[elvhenfaer]

Would you like to do this:

15 OC associations

Please 🙏😊

OKAY!

For my lil Mr. Amheotil Lavellan.

Color:

I’m gonna say green. Such a stereotypical elf color (and I almost said gold because of his eyes) but the mf really does love nature. Nothing calms our resident angry boy down like a mossy forest or a vast open expanse of grassy plains. His best friend’s and his niece’s eyes are green, too.

Song:

For the meme I chose ‘Home’ by American Authors and I’m gonna stick with that for multiple reasons.

“I’ve got these letters tattooed on my arm that remind me each second of the place I come from and the long, hard road to guide me back home.” - The first line in the song just makes me think of how Amheotil feels about his Vallaslin and how it keeps him rooted to his people. The Inquisition is a necessity but he’d really just like to save the world and go back to his Clan.

“I've been gone now, for too long, I'm not trying to stop a hurricane, I'm not trying to shake the ground below, I'm just trying to find a way to make it back home.

I'm not trying to part the ocean waves, I'm not trying to overthrow the throne, I'm just trying to find a way to make it back home.” - Amheotil is not power hungry and he sort of hates everything that the title of ‘Inquisitor’ has put on his back. Sure, he’d like to make the world a better place but he never forgets that he’s just a man, the status never goes to his head.

Animal:

Fisher Cat because they’re ragey little bastards. Amheotil is an insomniac and fishers are nocturnal. They have no predators other than humans (fishers are only hunted when they are old or ill and therefore don’t pose a threat, but until then no one want to mess with them) and even though they’re only the size of a large house cat, they’ve been known to take on Lynxes and win and are one of the only animals known to hunt porcupines (a.k.a. they’re tenacious little fuckers). They prefer a forested environment and are not known to attack unless provoked. Also, they like mushrooms.

Element:

Earth. Amheotil’s morals are like stone, they are hard set and firm. But if you know how to navigate the earth then it can protect and shelter you, and Amheotil is very much a protector.

Smell:

Probably like Cedarwood, Pine Pitch, Patchouli, Pali Santo. Real earthy scents. Amheotil is not a flowery guy.

Month:

August. The long days when summer is coming to an end and you just lay out in the sun and let it warm you and breathe the fresh air and you’re just glad to be alive on this magnificent planet.

Day or Night:

Yikes idk. Night. Night might be when the bad dreams come but it’s also when everyone leaves him the fuck alone and he can just cuddle up with Dorian and ignore the fact that he’s the Inquisitor for a while.

Plant:

Lotus. Cliché but the Lotus grows from the muck at the bottom, through the darkness, to bloom beautifully on the water’s surface.

Food:

Mushrooms. Til loves em. Yum.

Drink:

Whiskey. Idk I just feel like he’s a whiskey man.

Astrological Sign:

Part of me says Aquarius, very idealist, unafraid of people thinking he’s weird, part of me says Aries, very ‘fight me bitch, I will cut you.’

Place:

Uhhhh do I choose a real place or….? I’m gonna say any old growth forest. Untouched kinda places. Til’s greatest regret is having to send people into the Arbor Wilds after Corypheus because it disturbed the ancient wilderness there. So in the real world he would love any bit of the planet that man just sort of leaves in peace, where nature can be nature.

Gemstone:

Grandidierite (can ya tell I’m a geology nerd?) it only comes from one place in the world and it’s rarely actually gem quality, but it’s gorgeous. Amheotil is sorta a unique boy, different.

Season:

Summer. Amheotil can be a breath of fresh air and a bright, sunny presence in your life or he can roast you to death.

Number:

Man, I do not know.

#oc asks #amheotil lavellan #15 oc associations #dragonage #my inquisitor

[not-close-to-straight]

Random Wanda Vision Thoughts--

Episode 1: I am an emotional bitch crying at Wanda and Vision saying “i do” at the end of episode 1, like can these babies please catch a break? they just want to be happy. 

Also Agnes and the 70′s show mom are my favorite wtf. 

STARK TOASTERS I SEE YOU. 

WHO IS WATCHING THEM WTF 

Episode 2: 

Dottie should die, she seems like the type who needs gently run over by a bus

WHO IS IN THE RADIO

Elizabeth Olsen is so cute in this, absolutely adorable 

IS THAT DAVID SCHWIMMER PLAYING THE PIANO

Vision is drunk from getting gum in his gears, I’m actually cackling right now. 

Tiny bit culty with the “for the children” thing, huh? Yikes

BABY BUMP! 

Some creepo decides to get in on their world and Wanda literally went “i think the fuck not, let’s try this again and this time in technicolor” 

is that the cop who asked out Ant Man on the radio?

The difference in “sitcom” Wanda who is happy in her world and “real life” Wanda when she realizes something isn’t right is honestly astonishing and Grade A Face Acting. See what happens when they let women do more on screen then walk around in tight clothes with full lips parted in a sexy pout? 

Episode 3: 

Seventies Vision’s hair is ENDING ME, I can’t even deal with that. 

IT HAS TO BE DAVID SCHWIMMER except he looks like “russ” from friends instead of “ross” 

Poor Vision is not handling impending fatherhood well 

COMIC BOOK NAME DROP BILLY AND TOMMY I LOVE IT 

Poor pregnancy fritzing Wanda. DID WANDA JUST GLITCH A TIME ERASE AND NOT MEAN TO? Listen, I did not expect to love them as a couple this much. EW HER WATER BROKE OMG 

A STORK 

Oh Wanda, poor baby she’s so afraid, I write way too much fan fiction about how all these characters are secretly terrified to go through life alone to be okay with this. 

Why did I start crying immediately when the babies were born, I’m too emotional for this. She is so beautiful and Vision is so soft meeting his son as himself, oh my gosh. THE TWIN SCREAMS while the other twin comes omg this is Grade A Sitcom bullshit. 

The doctor knows something is Up and so do Herb and Agnes. *don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious*

...have we actually seen Ralph and I’m just blanking on it? WHY DON’T THEY LIKE GERALDINE? WHO IS SHE?

Oh no i’m crying again over pietro and the sokovian lullaby. Don’t let me watch this while I’m PMSing wtf this is torture. GERALDINE KNOWS ABOUT ULTRON

OH SHIT WANDA IS PISSED LOOK AT THAT DANGEROUS LADY. that head tilt is fucking lethal. 

I love agnes oh man. I know because of spoilers she’s something of a bad guy? but I love her

WHAT HAPPENED TO GERALDINE OMG DID WANDA KILL HER

Oh no, not dead. Just kicked tf out of the bubble. I just realized the symbol is for Sword. Is this some sort of experiment to keep Wanda contained post Endgame? I should have read more spoilers, I’m fucking confused. 

Episode 4: OH HOLY SHIT IT’S MONICA RAMBEAU AND IT’S POST EG SNAP OH MY GOSH SHE HAS NO IDEA SHES BEEN GONE FOR FIVE YEARS MY HEART IS BREAKING MY HEART IS BREAKING I CAN’T TAKE IT 

It IS the cop that hit on Ant Man! WHAT DO THEY MEAN WESTVIEW DOESN’T EXIST 

Oh it’s Darcy! Damn straight it’s Dr. Lewis. How very shocking, a woman was the one to show a room full of Ridiculous Men what’s going on?

ZOMBIE VISION OH MY GOD “no we can’t” oh man she is starting to CRACK and Vision knows something is wrong OH NO 

At this point I should point out that I am 1000% surprised at the quality of the show and 1000% pleasantly surprised by how much I’m enjoying it. The bar for Wanda’s character development was literally subterranean, but this is has been frankly sort of amazing?? 

Episode 5

Agnes asking about “taking it from the top” WHAT. I love so much the way the characters “break character” it’s so interesting and well done! WHY IS WANDA LYING TO VISION. 

WHERE IS RALPH

oh my god the babies are children now?? why isn’t agnes noticing?? THEY’RE SO CUTE I COULD CRY ALL OVER AGAIN 

I do not. trust. hayward. Why is he asking about Wandas nickname? Monica knows whats up-- she knows Wanda is grieving and hurting. 

THE VISIONS CORPSE WHAT? WHAT IS WANDA DOING OH MY GOD SHE STOLE VISION. Vision has a living will? Don’t you have to be human for that? Are you telling me the woman that loved Vision would straight up ignore his wish to not be turned into a weapon after his death? I have a hard time with this. 

Oh no Vision is starting to worry me. He’s onto Agnes, he’s noticing Wanda getting careless...the boys are adorable though. Good on Agnes for not even flinching. 

DAMN RIGHT WANDA COULD HAVE TAKEN OUT THANOS LETS HAVE SOME RESPECT PEOPLE. Also, why is Monica being sketchy about Captain Marvel? 

EMAIL ALERT EMAIL ALERT “none of it is real.” oh my god what is happening?!?!

“Is this yours?” OH MY GOD. “This will be your only warning” she is so unafraid and I love her for it. I love her accent coming back when she breaks characters LOOK AT HER TURNING ALL THOSE MEN AROUND I LOVE HER. 

“Fix the dead” oh my god the shock on her face. The absolute irony of her trying to tell her boys there’s rules when she’s writing the playbook as she goes. Oh my god. “Can’t I?” Jesus, then the credits start rolling because she wants the episode to be over but Vision won’t let her OH MY GOD. My heart is breaking

WHAT DOES IT MEAN SHE DOESN’T KNOW 

SHE RECAST PIETRO

Episode 6

OOOOH look at the classic costumes! Pietro is slaying me. I mean, it’s the wrong pietro but its still very funny. The way Vision calls her out and then plays it off is.... spooky. She is fully aware thats not her brother. “Be good.” holy shit. 

Look at me not liking Hayward again. “which one is the sassy best friend” i feel like that’s....racist. “don’t use the last five years as an excuse to be a coward” DRAG HIM SIS 

Listen Uncle Pietro being a little shit head is my favorite. I use the OG Pietro in my fics but this one is hilarious. 

Vision lied about being on duty? Yikes. The one house where people are stuck in a loop? YIKES. Its crazy how everyone is starting to be super aware of Wanda pulling the strings--MAGIC CHILD OMG. 

Whats past ellis avenue? Is that the limit of Wanda’s powers? I don’t super understand how Vision has his powers if he’s technically dead. HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THE AVENGERS ARE she really just gave him enough life to exist just barely. Agnes knows he’s dead so she wasn’t snapped??

Agnes’s witchy laugh while dressed like a witch is legit awesome. We call that FOREEEEEEEEESHADOWING! Oh and there’s Ellis Ave. Got it. 

Monica’s blood is changed?? Idk how to feel about Black Character willing to die for White Charaxter? I mean I know Wanda should be Jewish but still. Uncomfortably close to icky tropes but maybe I’m reading too far into it.

YIKES where was she hiding the kids till now? How’d she do all this? “I’m not a stranger or your husband” YIKES.

OH MY GOD DEAD PIETRO

OH MY GOD VISION STAY IN THE BUBBLE SOMEONE SAVE HIM SAVE HIM OMG BILLY CAN HEAR HIS DADDY DYING SAVE HIM

“The people need help” oh Vision you are truly Worthy

She literally expanded her world to save him omg

DARCY WHERED YOU GO geez look at power of this girls mind it’s about damn time we got a glimpse at just how intense her powers are

Season 7

Ok is this like a reality show? Oh man she is GLITCHING.

Oh no it’s just Wanda not Wanda vision cos she feels alone? So sad. She really is losing it isn’t she and not in a “lol how awkward” sortnof way but in that truthful hard to watch way that so many of us feel when we’re at the breaking point

“I actually did bite a kid once” I literally ugly laughed right there

I KNEW I COULDNT TRUST HAYWOOD

It’s so nice to see Darcy used in a real way. Her character was totally wasted in Thor

The way Wandas little interviews get more and more sad :(

Uhhh what does that mean Agnes is quiet on the inside? Again with the Ralph thing. I’m starting to think there’s no Ralph at all??

LOOK AT THIS GIRL WITH HER SPACE ROVER . She’s got that same look of determination her mama had. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HER WHY ARE HER EYES BLUE

“....soooo Wanda killed me?” I’m ugly laughing again and I shouldn’t be but the comedic delivery is excellent. The whole “office” vibe with the cameras is making an otherwise devastating episode fairly funny

LOOK AT THIS GIRL STANDING UP TO WANDA we love a sharp cheekbones beauty

“Maybe I already am” I mean, I would have loved to hear that post Ultron when for some reason everyone blamed Tony for everything?? But hearing it now is just horrifying and I hate it

Oh vision deciding to go get to his wife is beautiful.

WHERE ARE THE BABIES WHERE ARE THE BOYS OH MY GOD IM FREAKING OUT WHAT BASEMENT THATS NEVER GOOD

Uh hey what the fuck is up with Agness creepy basement of horrors??

AGATHA HARKNESS OH MY GOD

This song is a BOP wtf she deserves an Emmy for this shit

Snoopers gonna snoop what?

Episode 8

Of course it’s Salem, where else would a witch story start

“They simply bent to my power” What a queen

lmaoooo THAT ACCENT COMES AND GOES Agatha really said what we’ve all been thinking

Wait so Wandas power drew Agatha in? I thought maybe Agatha trapped her here?? SHE DOESNT KNOW WHAT WANDA IS

THE BABIES

Oh ouch this trip down memory lane is gonna hurt me isn’t it?

Oh no her mama I’m dying inside send help. The TV sitcoms. Oh my god is this her last memory before her parents died. HELP ME I CANT WATCH THIS

Oh my god, she had powers when she was little?? SHES NOT AN EXPERIMENT???

Listen I generally think telling a story retroactively is lazy writing? Just give us a well developed story the first time?? But this is BRUTAL and brutally well done.

SHE SAW HERSELF IN THE MIND STONE???

Would it have been so difficult for them to give us even a PEEK at this version of wanda vision in CACW? Marvel has the worst habit of just popping up like “oh hey these two love each other all the sudden with no real reason for it” but this is wonderful. So much character development.

Oh listen to this woman begging to be able to bury her husband omg. WAIT SO SHE DIDNT BREAK IN AND TAKE HIM?? WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO VISION?? DID HE PUSH HER INTO THIS PSYCHOTIC BREAK?? HE TOTALLY PLAYED HER INTO RECREATING VISION SHE JUST WANTED CLOSURE. He literally showed her visions dismembered corpse and said “say goodbye” I will kill this dude wtf

“I can’t feel you” guys I have to pause this so I can cry for a minute

“I can’t feel you” and then she leaves. Totally alone in the world. My heart is an empty husk.

Why the house though? Why west view?

OH FUCK ME UP ARE YOU KIDDING ME VISION WAS GOING TO BUILD THEM A HOUSE I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE

It’s not even real vision? Just the projection of her broken heart? “Welcome home” I am broken. Physically broken.

CHAOS MAGIC

SCARLET WITCH

I CANNOT

OH MY GOD WHITE VISION??? NO NO NO

#WandaVision

[cybernaght]

Guardian rewatch: episode 10

The tone of this recap is going to be the crackiest so far. The production quality plummets dramatically here, in a way which is as unintentionally hilarious as it is endearing. I have very little of import to say on events of this episode, and there is nothing much for me to hyper focus on, so a lot of this write-up are snark and bad jokes. Apologies in advance. I would not be getting annoyed at a show I did not care about. 

Day two of the Road Trip starts with Zhao Yunlan waking up with a splitting headache and his own jacket draped carefully over him. I choose to believe Shen Wei left it there. 

Zhao Yunlan wakes up - and discovers that Wang Zheng had slipped a sedative into the party’s water, effectively knocking them all out. He even discovers that she left her doll-body behind as a decoy; thankfully, it’s still Li Siqi and not the blow-up doll from the previous episode. 

With the daunting realisation that he’s been betrayed, Zhao Yunlan instantly spirals into hurt and anger, and this is the moment Shen Wei chooses to appear out to nowhere. He enters offering comfort, his entire focus on making Zhao Yunlan feel better by assuring the man that his subordinate is not one of the bad guys, but rather one of the self-sacrificing ones. How SID manages to function when it’s full of people with non-existent sense of self-preservation is beyond me. 

“Professor Shen, why are you okay?”

Zhu Hong narrows her eyes. Zhao Yunlan’s look is the one of vulnerability, not suspicion, almost as if he is silently asking to please not be betrayed by his newest partner.

“I didn’t drink the water she gave me.”

Another thing I would like to question here is the reasoning behind Shen Wei waiting until the morning with this. He knew that Wang Zheng was about to do something, since he refrained from drinking the water she offered. Everyone else being unconscious would be a perfect opportunity for him to go full Hei Pao Shi on her, or follow her quietly, or do literally anything but wait for the morning. 

“What is your purpose of coming here?” Shen Wei asks because he needs to know how much Zhao Yunlan knows. He does so with a perfect set of puppy eyes. 

We cut to Wang Zheng entering the chamber which houses the pillar/totem, and witness the absolute devastation of her hearing her love’s voice for the first time in a century, as he mistakes her for the enemy and calls her a rat.

I should say that while I’m not always on board with Li Siqi in this show, props to her for acting her heart out opposite a literal pillar. Her reunion with Sang Zan is incredibly touching; she really is wonderful here.

Flashback 1. The execution of Ge Lan. 

This method of execution seems so inefficient, I actually tried to find if it has any legs in history. As my research yielded exactly no results, I am guessing this is the producers showing hanging without actually showing hanging. They kind of accidentally made the whole affair infinitely worse. People are weaker than gravity, the angle offers no possibility of the neck being broken, so this would be a very slow, and very painful death. Yikes, is all I can say. 

Flashback 2. The montage. 

Sigh.

This imagery is so carelessly contemporary it’s killing me. I’m not saying it’s completely impossible for the heart shape to have been known to represent love in this fictional tribe on a fictional planet. I’m just saying it’s a boring shorthand for romance, made worse by the fact that so much of the show’s imagery is otherwise fairly intelligent. I am not angry, I’m just disappointed.

Wang Zheng and Sang Zan’s reunion triggers another earthquake, which is felt all the way back in the village, and shortly thereafter Zhu Jiu interrupts the couple, knocking Wang Zheng out. This - her being knocked unconscious - cuts to Zhao Yunlan wincing while clutching at his temples, which almost implies that he can feel it when his people are in danger. Which would be very cool if true. 

Shen Wei, in the meanwhile is remarkably good at keeping his Professor’s mask on the whole time, offering enough information without betraying his own knowledge or motives, but it is clear by now that Zhao Yunlan starts to see right through it. 

The chief sprints into action when Chu Shuzhi and Guo Changcheng arrive, instructing the two to join him in investigation. Shen Wei opens his mouth to volunteer to come with, but ends up hesitating before saying anything out loud. 

Zhu Hong, too, makes a move to go after the three men, but is firmly instructed to say behind and look after Shen Wei. She proceeds to loudly explain that this is the wrong time and place to be fussing over this guy. 

Shen Wei looks like he has no idea what to do with this display of emotion. 

Zhao Yunaln whispers to Zhu Hong to watch the professor for him: which could equally be him manipulating the Yashou into staying, or a sinking realisation that Shen Wei will actually try to join them either way, or genuine desire to find out what the professor will do next. Or, indeed, a combination of the above. Zhu Hong will attack her task with conviction. 

Sure enough, Shen Wei finally voices his desire to go with the group. Zhu Hong reminds him that he has his own people to look after and instructs him to return to the house with barely contained resentment. 

Shen Wei will predictably try to sneak out very shortly afterwards, and will be, equally predictably, caught by Zhu Hong. Why the man who can teleport would not just teleport out of the house before proceeding on foot is anyone’s guess. 

“He surprisingly views you as a good friend”, says Zhu Hong when she stops Shen Wei from leaving. “You surely noticed it, right?”

He certainly did, although he will always have trouble realising that he is actually cared about in a way which is anything but casual. 

Shen Wei obediently sits down and follows Zhu Hong’s instructions as she attempts to hypnotise him. Those instructions are anything but subtle. 

“Professor Shen, look at the flame closely”.

Meanwhile, the other party has successfully deduced the location of the Hanga tribe cave/shrine, and heads there, only to find no visible entrance. Thankfully, gaining access to the mountain is not particularly hard for the party. Mostly because this part of the mountain is made of foam.

This is where I want to metaphorically pat Guardian on its non-existent head, cooing, “Oh, Guardian. Baby. What have you done.”

On the bright side, this is also where Guo Changcheng accidentally shocks Zhao Yunlan with the Fear Stick, and Chu Shuzhi literally gives him a thumbs up. Those two are a duo for the ages. 

Youchu appear to fight our heroes, and after the first wave is eliminated, Zhao Yunlan decides to go inside, leaving the other two fend them off near the entrance. Considering that the beasts are all hiding inside the cave, rushing in without backup seems incredibly ill advised. Zhao Yunlan instructs Chu Shuzhi and Guo Changcheng to run away if the danger becomes too great. Which he must know surely that they would never do: his department does not leave people behind, and his subordinates will never abandon him. 

To no one’s surprise, the cave is crawling with Youchu. Zhao Yunlan goes on the offensive, kicking the feet out of the monster, but failing to incapacitate it. I am going to do my best to ignore how the scale of the beast fluctuates as it falls down, and focus on Bai Yu’s excellent reaction when his character realises that he is about to very much die.

Luckily for our protagonist, Hei Pao Shi sends a ward his way with a note, warning him of the danger ahead and ordering him to return. Zhao Yunlan makes no move to do as instructed and uses the upper hand he’s gained on the Youchu to get out his gun. Before he can fire however, he once more experiences the painful flashback of the devastation this gun carries, and freezes.

This is when Shen Wei shows up in person, jumping in front of the gun and gutting the beast.

The jumping in front of the gun part of the action is sweet, because it indicates, albeit indirectly, the absolute trust Shen Wei must have in Zhao Yunlan’s instincts, knowing that the man will not accidentally shoot him in the back. 

The gutting itself happens in reverse grip, with Shen Wei being easily within reach of the beast’s long stabby claws, and as such really questionable to me in terms of logic. I would have not minded it if he had been moving through the space in front of the beast, slicing it while passing through. That would be at least an indicator of both speed and dexterity enough to make me believe Shen Wei made a clever avoidance of the claws. But he doesn’t: he just materialises dead-on in front of the monster and the later just.. lets itself be killed. 

Let’s just say that maybe the beast is supposed to be deliberately slow here, and park the long essay in regards to the bladework until the next episode. 

“Chief Zhao, are you alright?”

Everything about Hei Pao Shi in this moment screams of Shen Wei-ness. Well, maybe not the sword. But the obvious concern, the tone of voice, the general air: it’s all Shen Wei. It’s remarkable that Zhao Yunlan does not see it. Or maybe, I suppose, he does, without even realising it. His cheeky grin suddenly appears; the corners of his eyes crinkle, as he goes into a very long-winded, almost flirtatious away about thanking Hei Pao Shi, teasing him for not always arriving on time. 

Unperturbed, Shen Wei chides Zhao Yunlan for not listening to his warning, and Zhao Yunlan defends himself in a very playful kind of manner, adding that he’s not leaving his people behind. To Shen Wei, this is to be expected, so instead of arguing he goes into a lot of detail on how the road ahead is dangerous, as if he is not really expecting Zhao Yunlan to accept help. 

He is wrong of course: proud though he may be, Chief Zhao knows when he is outgunned and outnumbered, and only grins, happy for the Envoy to join him on his mission. 

Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan exploring the cave is interspersed with pretty damn harrowing scenes of Zhu Jiu torturing Wang Zheng as her trapped lover screams for mercy. It’s a lot; in fact it’s so much even the cave ghosts attempt to intervene, because while they may be very much pro-murder, they are evidently anti-torture. 

As the two keep exploring, they bump into another three of the beasts, which Shen Wei slays in three slick moves. It’s actually pretty cool, despite slightly sketchy teleportation effects.

“Wow!”

(Apparently, this “wow” made Zhu Yilong corpse so much he nearly laughed his mask off. Which sounds adorable)

Shen Wei proceeds to inquire Zhao Yunlan about the gun, party to confirm that it is indeed the dark energy weapon he knows, and partly having noticed that the other man failed to fire it. I wonder how many times Zhao Yunlan froze in the past, considering how easily he once again slips into his mask of playful deflection, claiming that he never planned to fire the gun at all. It’s almost tragic how this person keeps feeling like he needs to prove his own capabilities over and over again. 

Interestingly enough, in this particular case Hei Pao Shi actually does own up to a weakness. It’s calculated: he knows this is something Zhao Yunlan must already be aware of, but still, “full disclosure” is not something Shen Wei usually does when it comes to his own capacities. 

What he admits to, on the other hand, does not seem very consistent with the rest of the show. He says that he can only use half of his power above ground, which - okay. But he also states that he can’t spend a lot of time here, and I am a little bit… confused? He lives above ground. He spends absolute majority of his time here. I really don’t want to think of this as a writing inconsistency, so please let me know what I have missed; I’ll appreciate it. 

Hearing the admission, Zhao Yunlan grows serious for once, asking which they they should be going next. Shen Wei barely smothers a smug smirk seconds before he scries the surroundings with unbelievable panache.

Show off

Unfortunately, his search does not yield any result, as whatever readings he is getting are muddled by the Hallow. Luckily for them, and to Shen Wei’s great dismay, Zhao Yunlan has the Dial on him which he is uses as a compass. 

Shen Wei’s wordless reaction conveys a million questions from “what the hell?” to “are you completely stupid?”

Instead of asking any of those things, he settles for a more neutral “I’ve told you not to use the Hallows.”

“You are very much like a friend of mine”, remarks Zhao Yunlan. 

Which is, incidentally, also the title of this episode. 

Even behind the mask it’s clear to see Shen Wei’s blind panic as he realises he may have just blown his cover sky high. Fortunately, Zhao Yunlan reads the reaction as bashfulness rather than existential despair, and laughs it off. 

Now that they know which way to go, they finally make it to the chamber which houses the pillar/totem, which now has Wang Zheng tied to it. 

This show sure does like tying their characters to totems containing souls of people significant to them, huh?

In all seriousness though, as parallels go, this one is… uh… unparalleled. 

(I am so very sorry.)

Zhao Yunlan makes a move towards his trapped subordinate, but Hei Pao Shi, again in a way which is extremely Shen Wei-like, grabs at his arm, stopping him in his tracks. 

Zhao Yunlan obediently halts, and calls Zhu Jiu out, correctly guessing that the Undergrounder lured them here deliberately. Shen Wei, on the other hand, relays in a hushed tone information what he had observed so far: namely, that the Hallow stored here is the Dire Awl, and that something is incredibly fishy about Wang Zheng.

As he does so, he is staring at Zhao Yunlan’s lips. It is neither the time, nor the place, but hey, I’m not complaining.

They have a brief discussion about the next moves, in which Shen Wei just says he would like to try something, and Zhao Yunlan nods, letting him do it without asking for any details. 

Flashback 3: the Backstory. 

We hear the full tragic tale of Ge Lan and Sang Zan: how they met, representatives of the warring sides of the conflict, two people from two different worlds; how their love did not stop the awful bloodshed; how it could not be enough to overpower the politics; how it lead to Ge Lan’s death, and, finally, how Sang Zan could not bring her back to him. They hear how the man changed once he lost the only person he cared about. 

Zhao Yunlan is visibly moved by this story, recognising echoes of it in himself. 

“The most basic dignity of a man is to ensure that the person in his heart stays safe. If the person I love gets destroyed in my own hands ruined under the system I established myself, it’s very likely I’ll hate these people more than I hated the former tribe leader.”

How much did he harden after his mother was taken away from him? How much of his initial hatred of all those from the Underground stems from that day? And, of course, how much will it break him when he will not be gifted this dignity in his own future? 

Shen Wei is near vibrating with how much his very soul resonates with the tale he has just heard. He, who has met someone from the other world, who was lost that person, is visibly weighed down by his own memories.

“That’s right. Even if they’re cut into a myriad of pieces, the hatred would be hard to dissolve.”

Zhao Yunlan stares at the other man, astounded, wondering what hardships and losses the Envoy endured in his long and eventful life, as the episode draws to a close.

And I am left here trying to soothe my aching heart, bruised once more by this show’s relentless fatalism. 

Next up, episode 11: Oh Boy Do I Have Sword Opinions 

---

Notes. 

Look. It’s been a long week okay. Besides, I am basically marathoning my way through Zhu Yilong’s entire filmography. 

The normal service in terms of analysis will hopefully resume next week. 

#guardian #shen wei #zhao yunlan #recap #rewatch #sometimes my brain is like this

[the-worst-fe-player]

Dimitri for the character ask thing? :)

Sorry this took a while tumblr decided to crash instead of posting it right when I was almost finished sorry

Favourite thing = everything. But for real probely how much he try to do his best even if it isn’t the best thing. Like take the end of azure moon when he was going to spear el only killing her after it was clear there was no saving her and like honestly there was no real reason to save her yes dimitri rembers there childhood but it’s clear at that point el doesn’t and even then she invaded his homeland and is the reason god knows how many people died and had that meet up which was just a big fat yikes across the bored yet he still wanted to save her. the there his supports with flayn ingrid Ashe Mercedes I could go on the further show how amazing of a quality it is and how it will make him an amazing ruler and I think the end of am Murl shows that with him with the children and many others

Least favourite thing = probably the byelth worship but tbh I have that problem with pretty much all house leaders I just don’t get it mabey because I never had to beat real ships with my teachers but yeah

Favourite line = “I am certain I will be hearing them until the day I die. But I will not cover my ears. I will go on living... and their voices will serve as a warning”

I love this line while it’s sadly looked behind a s support it shows dimitris growth as a character the voices with no longer control him yet they will also never go he goes on the live an successful life dispute it all and it’s one of my favourite lines because of that. Also on a personal note while the voices I hear and the delusions I face are nothing like dimitris they still scare me and I often don’t feel like I’m in control of myself sometimes so seeing someone even if it’s a fictional character that’s like me still thrives gives hope you know

Brotp = Claude lol. like no offence to those who do iv just never really seen it but I would love to see them just hang out there personality pre time skip are so different that there could be funny stuff and post time skip seeing them re kindle that friendship and help join almyra and fodeln together meaning claudes dream can come true even in am

Otp = dedue I’m a sucker for prince / most loyal dynamic anyway but I think they would be so cute with each other and the ship dynamic can go from angst to fluff (tho I prefer the fluff lol) tho tbh I kind of ship dimitri with a lot of people like I multi ship a lot of three houses

Notp = I got two el even if you ignore the whole is it incest thing I still wouldn’t like it. (Trigger wanring for sexual mental and physical abuse next bit please skip this part if uncomfortable ) felix. My first introduction to this ship was an untaged abuse fic on a03 that had felix rape and physical assault dimitri in an attempt to save him. And so many of these ha ha felix edgey while in love with dimitri isn’t that funny that he’s saying how much he’s hates everything about his husband and wished he was dead or a better persons posts like it’s straight up verbal and mental abuse like as someone that was mental and slightly sexual (I was pressed into having sex) it makes me fucking sick to see it and because of that iv grown to hate that ship and will only look at it if a muatal that I trust reblogs or make the content because it can be good but it scares me you knao. Like I’m not saying wiring bad things is inherently bad fuck iv written stuff about my own experience in a way to vent and we can’t exactly not write about bad things because that can make good story arch it but there’s a fine line between I’m writing this and it’s clearly a bad thing to isn’t it so romantic I’m not gonna tag any of this so suvours will see this and be reminded about how we see the thing that fucked you up cute

Random headcanon = The sort of guy that can wear shorts and sandles in the snow

Unpopular opinion = the pre time skip hair isn’t that bad yall just mean 😭

Song I Associate with them= Achilles come down it’s my favourite song and just listen plz 

Fav pic = this cipher art



#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd

[lonelyghosts-stuff]

Avengers Infinity War-First Time Watching Reaction Play-by-Play (Pt. 2)

Part 1

I wonder how many people Gamora has killed? What made her finally snap to not serve Thanos anymore?

How DID Gamora find it? Like, who told her?

How did Thanos capture nebula?

Poor nebula. She’s literally been through hell and back.

Ohhhh she snuck on board...

Thanos you suck so much. You favor one daughter over another.

Oh. Where was said map to the soul stone?

Gosh I feel so damn bad for nebula. She was raised as his daughter too but he tortured her and tore her apart. Nebula never had the chance to be her equal. She deserves so much.

Taught groot as an elective? What about all speak?

Buckle up rocket. It’s gonna get emotional.

Thor is literally all alone. He needs a time to sit alone and cry and break a whole building.

Rocket and Thor friends? Please

1500 years old? Jane, honey, you escaped.

Gotta give it up to Hemsworth’s acting chops here. Especially talking to nobody in reality. Just a bunch of cgi

Ew ew ew eye socket

Should have washed that yikes

Snuck it out by hiding it up your? Huh? You watch too many movies rocket.

Huge title card. Thank you. I wouldn’t have known where we were despite them saying their location many times.

How is that video game battery not dead?

Perceptive rabbit

I LOVE that they used a dwarf to play a giant character!!! This is brilliant! (And that dwarves are giant for some reason lol.)

Soooo again Thanos killed everyone EXCEPT Eitri despite his “morality” supposedly being balance

Poor hands

Poor nebula

Smart nebula

Maybe should have waited to be fixed fully first

Ah crap. SOMEONE PICK UP THE SPACE PHONE

MANTIS

Love how Stark asks for peters help in steering and not Stephen lmao

Nice parking job

Peter, stop popping pop culture refs

Lmao ITS ABOUT TO BE THE ICONIC SCENE

YES PLEASE

Blanket of Death. Capey has a new nickname.

Where’s Gamora

Who’s Gamora

Why is Gamora

What master do you serve?

Jesus?

I mean, yea I do. So does Pratt lmaoo.

LMAO PARKER’S FACE WHEN QUILL SAID THOR WASNT HANDSOME

Storm breaker time baby

“In theory it could summon the bifrost” who theorized this? How do you only theorize and not know?

Oh my gosh mantis is just bouncing around

Mr. Clean lmao

Kick names, take ass

Hey now, these guys saved the galaxy and universe from Ego so lmao

Oh no I know the scene coming up

Poor quill lmao

“I’m half human. So the 50% of me that’s stupid, that’s 100% of you.” “Your math is, blowing my mind.” What’s funny is that Quill’s math was actually completely accurate lol

Stephen having a stroke or a seizure? You good homie?

Soooo if Strange looked to the future and so possible outcomes, what does that mean for the TVA? According to them, there’s ONE sacred timeline, so all other branches are erased (which again messes up what smart hulk eventually says in end game. See kids, this is why you don’t mess with time travel in stories. There’s no way to go back in time without creating a time loop). Ehhhhh I’ll let it slide. Just ignore it... sigh... I can’t help it if I’ve studied paradoxes

Hmmmm not good odds I’ve gotta say...

Watch like, outside of the millions of realities that strange saw, there were like a million or billion more he missed where they won with no casualties lol

Hey Red Skull. Long time no see. How did he get here anyways and why?

Yea you’re prepared all right...

Gotta say, Lord Elrond has seen better days

I’m not ready to say good bye to this Gamora. Gamora and Loki and Nat go down as my favorite characters, gotta say. I know that Tony does and it’s sad, but his feels more satisfying because his sacrifice directly results in them winning. Loki is murdered. Gamora is murdered. Nat died just for a stepping stone for the avengers. She has no idea whether or not they will actually win in the end.

I’m hopeful they may bring Nat back like in the comics, red room clone style.

We got back vision, Loki (kinda), variant Gamora, a new captain America, why not Nat? Yea we have a prequel, but gosh I love her so much.

“You must lose that which you love.” Couldn’t that apply to like an object or something? Could I not throw my Nintendo switch over the cliff? Or my dog? (I would hate that just as much as a person, don’t get me wrong, I’m just curious about the rules)

Yea boohoo sad for Thanos... loses his favorite daughter. I don’t care about him. He deserves suffering.

Poor Gamora doesn’t think he’s willing to do it.. GIRL RUN!!!

Thanos deserves all the suffering.

He does love you Gamora... but that love... it’s selfish. It’s blind... Thanos seems to be a chaotic vigilante who is narrowminded, tunnel vision on his goal with no regards of the cost. But he is evil. If there is ever an alternate route to an end that doesn’t result in the loss of innocent lives, and you know that but you willingly choose the once that costs innocent lives, that is an evil decision. Maybe Thanos isn’t evil, but he’s not good. Far from it. He’s obsessed with this idyllic Utopia but he rushes to one method of getting there. Yes, people suffer. It sucks... it’s unfair... it’s horrible. But it is never the right of someone else to dictate whether or not said person would be better off dead. Who lives, who dies. If Thanos truly was neutral and not selfish, he would have thrown his own life into the mix of the potential 50/50 snap. Thanos is not good. He’s not misunderstood. He’s a murderer. A genocidal cult leader. I have no tears for him. Only for those who suffered more at his hands.

Rant over, time to try not to cry about Gamora...

Her face of realization

Gamora run please

Thanos, I hate you. (Great character her, but not a good person)

Poor Gamora

Oh my gosh the emotion here is great but I’ve heard this sound used as a meme on TikTok too many times aghhhh

Gamora!

What a way to die

I’m crying again. I miss her already...

Who the hell designed this place and put the stone here???? Who did this?

Cry Thanos. Suffer. My only comfort here is that you are sad. You deserve suffering. You really do...

The TVA is laughing here and I’m not okay..

Poor Peter Quill... he’s also lost a lot like Thor, but has had the “luck” of not knowing his family too close.

Wakanda babyyyy

No, you don’t want Starbucks, you want Dutch bros

Lmao I love rhodey. Poor Bruce.

BUCKY BUCKY BUCKY

HUG

NO CMON HAVE A LONG HUG

MALE FRIENDSHIPS ARE SO IMPORTANT.

Yea Shuri show em up.

Okay quick pause, I love love LOVE how Shuri is smarter. It’s a powerful moment for females BUT it’s not done in a way that’s condescending to males! It’s not saying women power because men bad, she’s just good! (And she has had access to technology they never could have but I digress). More of this please Hollywood. Don’t let being a female be the power. I don’t want strong female characters, I want strong characters who happen to be female. Ones who hold their own, have faults like anyone else, struggle, have weaknesses and strengths, but are strong without putting down others. Just a comment, just because a woman character may not be as strong as a man character, that is not saying she’s weak. If you’re the second strongest human in the world, you are NOT weak. You’re just not as strong as the strongest human ever, but that’s nothing against you. LET WOMEN STAND ON THEIR OWN MERITS WITHOUT SEX AFFECTING THEM!

Anyways

I love Shuri

I wish they had more time. She definitely could have done it. But stupid Thanos

Ughhhghhg

I know what many scenes are upcoming... with quill and peter and vision and everyone else

Let👏🏻Bucky👏🏻Have👏🏻Peace👏🏻

Thank you Nat!!! I love that Nat is so protective and selfless.

GET THIS MAN A SHIELD

Bucky needs love please. He’s my stand in, manipulated, greasy, long haired, dark and mysterious, stabby boy. (Also I need Bucky and Loki to meet. But let Loki finish his show (and come out of it alive because if he doesn’t I will sue) and be the antihero hero we need. Please. If he doesn’t get reintroduced into the mcu as a hero I will sue.

Thor, sweetie, are you a masochist?

Back to wakanda

Oh no, bad CGI, floating head Bruce banner. I’ll let it slide... sigh....

Can’t like, you just rain bombs on them forever?

JIBARI TRIBE YEA BOYYYYY

Sorry Proxima Midnight, you look like a frog and your name sounds like a middle schooler’s OC.

How nice. Diplomatic meeting.

“Thanos will have nothing but dust and blood.” Reeeeeeally wish you didn’t say that, T’Challa...

Yay big CGI battle commence! It’s like a really expensive animated cartoon at this point

WAKANDA FOREVER!

Poor Bucky. Forgot this dude doesn’t know much about the modern world.

Ahhhh Kamikazi aliens

I just wanna say that I love that Wakanda still has the artistic culture in their clothing and tradition all the while having badass, super advanced technology.

Why can’t they just rain bombs down the whole fight lol. Rhodey has those super nice bombs, like, do that they he whole time? Please? Why do you not have a barrier around the entire king.

No M’Baku, it’s not the end of wakanda. But half of all life, yea

WAKANDA FOREVER YEAAAAAAA

They should honesty all have nano tech suits like black panther lol. Or iron man suits. Fine maybe the most powerful one with the best quality material for the king, but besides that, yknow.

Wow Steve is hot with a beard.

So much happening at once. Thor, Wakanda, Vormir, Knowhere, am I missing anything?

Okay, but what IS the full force of a star? Like in Newton’s or something? Juls? Is it heat?

What’s this metal? How does it fare with vibranium?

Get off your wooden butt, groot.

“He needs the axe” are you Thor, the god of axes?

Soooo, I thought Thor didn’t NEED the hammer, it just helped him concentrate his powers or act as a conduit. Is that retconned already?

Cmon groot, put down your game. Soooo, is Groot worthy? He technically lifted it. Or is it a technicality because it wasn’t fully finished yet?

Cmon bucky, use that fancy arm of yours.

Wow they’re getting destroyed.

They need wanda to help.

BADASS ENTRANCE BABYYYY

How did Thor know to come to wakanda?

Floaty head Bruce

“BRING ME THANOS!”

Ahhhhhahahaha yeaaaaaa

Cry Thanos. Do it. I hate you.

Much more of a purple grape nutsack.

Oh gosh... I know what Peter Quill is going to do. I still don’t hate him.

“With all six stone I would simply snap my fingers. They would all cease to exist.” Orrrr, now hear me out, I know I sound like a broken record now but... MAYBE DOUBLE THE RESOURCES INSTEAD?? That’s not mercy. That’s not up to you to decide whether or not someone’s better off dead.

Smoosh

Yea quill has experience with the power stone

AIM FOR THE HEAD

Cmon it’s basic zombie tactics

I love peter quill lmao

Go capey!!!

Magic with a kick!

Poor Peter

CAPEY NOOOOOO

Wow he’s OP

Ouch quill just got majorly clotheslined

NEBULA

“Where’s Gamora?” 😭😭😭 SHE CARES AGHHHH

Restrain him! Work it mantis!!!

Why even remove the gauntlet, just slit his throat... kill him....

Quill no... stop being cocky...

Oh no

Quill please don’t

JUST SLIT THANOS’ THROAT

Quill please....

Poor quill. Just lost the person who really really loved him

Okay, I still love star lord. Idc what others think. He reacted realistically. If you hate peter quill for how he reacted, you better also hate Tony Stark for how he reacted to bucky when he learned bucky killed his parents despite knowing for a fact that bucky was brainwashed. Yes it was annoying... yes they were so close, but quill is so human here. I don’t hate him. He gets too much hate for acting like any normal person would have. Distraught, grief filled, he lost his love. Someone who helped him open up and finally move on from his mother’s death and fathers villainy.

Spider man saving mantis gives me life

How did that power stone blast not kill them?

Clearly Thanos has played Majora’s Mask. At least he has good taste.

So close vision.... but I know... I know what happens.

YES BUCKY AND ROCKET GUN CIRCLE.

Lmao give rocket Bucky’s old arm.

“I am Groot.” “I am Steve Rogers.” Comedy gold

Cmon Thor, go after the big one first.

Cmon wanda, save them. We need some scarlet witch magic up here to stop these

Okay that was so cool. AND THEN SHE USED THE BLADES

Oh no but now Shuri is alone

So close yet so far.... Dangit... vision was almost good

Ouch. Bonk to the head

YEA BLACK WIDOW

BADASS TIME

AND OKOYE!!

LETS GOOOOOOO

BADASS WOMEN

Ouch poor vision

Cmon Thor back up vision

Please

Hulk is in his feels

Cmon hulk grow up

Ooooh smart move banner

Aaaaand he’s gone

Giant blade look oit

Corvus, screw off.

YEA STEVE

WHERE IS THOR WHEN YOU NEED HIM

CMON NAT

Oh dang. Nice one wanda. But also, sheesh. Helluva way to go. But no big.

Yea vision. Stabby time.

Now vision and Steve, kiss.

Spider man saving everyone’s lives.

YEA STRANGE

Where was this in New York???

MULTIPLYING

WHY DIDNT YOU DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE????

Oh no

Well then... ouch. Soooo where’s the real stone???

Hey look Tony, you have a fan.

Okay I’m just pissed odd they didn’t just kill Thanos when they had him subdued. Like, worry about the glove AFTER he’s not longer a threat

Oof

Tony is taking a beating

HE WAS STABBED

WHAT

I don’t want your respect Thanos. That’s an insult.

They will remember him. They will remember him Thanos. When he kills you.

DOCTOR STRANGE WHAT?

You really doing this??? I guess he knows what needs to unfold for them to win... dang. I wouldn’t trust him tho.

Peter Quill in berserker mode

Where’d he go?

Name dropping the second movie

Strange knows everything about to go down. Who dies, who lives, what Thanos is about to do... he’s accepting his soon dusted demise because Stark needs to live...

AIM FOR THE HEAD UGHHHHH

Stop teleporting. That’s Loki’s gimmick.

KILL THIS RAISIN LOOKING NUTSACK UGH

Homie way too OP

Poor wanda and Vis...

HER LIP TREMBLE

PHENOMENAL ACTING

SAY I LOVE YOU

I JUST FEEL YOU

AGGHHHH IM CRYING AGAIN

Poor wanda. To have to kill her love... this.. this is a sacrifice Thanos... not your murder....

Wow Steve is holding back Thanos with pure brute

WANDA IS SO STRONG

HOLDING BACK THANOS WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY BREAKING THE MIND STONE

I LOVE YOU

AGHHHHHHHHH

And I know what happens next...

Poor wanda

Piss off thanos you understand nothing

You lost more than she could know? Bull crap. You are causing everyone to lose...

Cruel reality. Wanda has to see him die twice. RIP Vision

RIP half of all life...

AIM FOR THE DAMN HEAD

IF THOR KILLED HIM THEY COULD HAVE USED THE GAUNTLET TO BRING EVERYONE BACK TO LIFE. USED THE TIME STONE TO REVIVE THEM ALL.

How did that not kill Thanos tho. It may not have been a head shot but still.

Lil Gamora

What is this place?

Is this the soul realm?

Thanos, I hope you suffer forever. You deserve all the pain...

Rest In Peace: Vision, Loki, Bucky, T’Challa, Groot, Wanda Maximoff, Sam Wilson, Mantis, Drax, Peter Quill, Dr. Strange, Peter Parker (I don’t feel so good), and everyone else...

Thank you Nebula.

Thanos, you do NOT deserve to retire peacefully—wipe that smile off of your face

Oop, Rest In Peace Maria Hill and Nick Fury too... Motherfu— (so close Sammy boy...)

Yea Thanos you didn’t really think that through. Much more than half will died since other people rely on other peoples lives

Good thing he hit that button last minute huh? I wonder how captain marvel would fare in the TVA? are her powers considered magic? I mean, she clearly doesn’t know everything since she only just learned about Thanos (which is funny because she was supposedly traversing the universe to protect people)

Welp... onto movie two!

[bat-losers-inc]

Kintsugi: Chapter 12

Summary: Final Crisis/Red Robin AU. Dick admits Tim to a psychiatric facility after Bruce is lost in time. Jason finds him suffering at the hands of a Scarecrow-copycat and breaks him out. While safe in Jason’s apartment, Tim still struggles with panic attacks and drug withdrawal. At a loss for what to do, Jason calls Roy Harper.

Pairings: Jason Todd & Tim Drake, Jason Todd & Dick Grayson, Roy Harper & Jason Todd.

Warning: minor mention of self-harm in this chapter.

                                                            - - -

“Okay. House rules.” Roy turned to the whiteboard and started writing with big slanting letters, “Rule number one; no drugs or alcohol inside the safehouse.”

“Now,” Roy pivoted back to Tim, who sat curled up on one end of the couch, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. “I know this is an obvious one for the both of us, but it’s worth mentioning that Jason has also agreed to follow it as a show of solidarity. Right, Jason?”

Jason offered a thumbs up from his spot at the kitchen counter, his attention still absorbed by the computer screen before him, open to Tim’s research into Bruce’s disappearance. The lengthy document was full to the brim with images and news articles pulled from the web, scientific papers on optics, quantum mechanics and archeological sites — not to mention all of Batman’s previous research on Darkseid and his powers. It was going to take him days to read through all of it.

“Rule number two; keep it clean.”

“Yeah, we’re not trying to live a life of grime.” Tim smiled, clearly proud of himself.

Yikes, that peak dad joke knocked Jason right out of the physics of time travel and square into second-hand embarrassment. We’re really going to need to unteach him Dick’s puns.

Roy sighed, “Hang on. I just have to make an amendment.”

The expo marker squeaked loudly and Jason glanced up under his eyelashes to see him crossing out the first line. “Rule number one. No puns!”

Jason choked down a laugh and returned his gaze to his screen.

“Seriously, Roy?” said Tim, “You know, it’s going to take us all day to get through these rules if you keep—”

More marker squeaking. “Rule number three!”

“I’m still talking!”

“And now I’m talking.” Roy grinned. “Isn’t it funny how that works?”

“Jason!”

“I’m not here,” he called into the other room as he scrolled to the next page. Ooh, pictures… picture he could do. “Also, respect your elders.”

“Unbelievable,” Tim grumbled, just loud enough for Jason to hear.

“We’ll have weekly meetings every Sunday afternoon. We can use this time to talk about what’s been going well, what we’re struggling with that week, any routine changes that need to be made. Etcetera.”

Silence from Tim. That was good. At least there was the hope that he wasn’t going to fight them on every point. Reassured by that, Jason glanced back at a picture of Batman’s symbol painted on a cave wall and... let’s just say it wasn’t a case of everyday graffiti. Unless Batman had a lineage all the way back to early human civilization that Jason didn’t know about.

Jason tilted his head, squinting. “Hey, Tim? Got a question about that picture of the cave drawing in your research. C’mere.”

“Jason!” snapped Roy. “We’re clearly in the middle of something.”

“I’ll only be a sec!” He turned the laptop around as Tim slid off the couch and walked over.

“What about it?”

Jason tapped the screen with his fingernail. “There’s an annotation in this section with a number listed. What’s that for?”

Tim stared at it for a long moment.

“Oh, that?” He picked at a patch of dry skin on his elbow. “Nothing, just a contact for a consultant.”

“A consultant? Were you working on this case with someone before you got locked up?”

“No, not really. It was more of a one-off situation. He was the one who brought the cave painting to my attention in the first place and sent me the picture.”

“A one-off.. But you kept the number?” Jason eyed him.

Tim smiled tightly. “You know me. I keep a record of everything.”

“Except the name of your consultant.” Jason spun the laptop back around to face him. “Spell it for me, I’ll put it in.”

“What?” asked Tim.

“What’s the name of your consultant?”

“It doesn’t matter. Really.”

Jason’s eyebrows hiked their way into his hairline. “Your reaction is telling me otherwise.”

Anger flashed across Tim’s features. “Just leave it alone, Jason.”

Seriously? Tim couldn’t really have expected him to just ignore the glaringly obvious tension in the room. Honestly, it was like the kid didn’t know him at all.

He turned to head back into the living room but Jason caught his arm. It was slick to the touch under his fingertips. The sweating had started two days after they’d done the first taper— the first, and most mild, of his body’s reaction to doing without his usual dosage. “The fact that you don’t want to tell me means whoever it is, they’re probably bad news —”

“Hey, look at me. ” He gave Tim’s arm a shake until Tim’s gaze finally wandered the expanse of the kitchen and locked back on his own. “I can’t protect you if I don’t know who I should be protecting you from.”

Tim’s eyebrows and the hair at his temples were dark with perspiration. It added an extra intensity to the glare he leveled him with.

“You really think I would work with someone who was out to get me? I might be going crazy looking for answers, but I’m not totally stupid.”

“Of course not, but you’re not the same person you were a week ago either. You’re weaker, more distracted, more—”

Tim yanked his arm free of his fingers, his forearm streaked with bands of red where Jason had been unwilling to let go even when he felt Tim starting to pull away. “No, what ‘I am’  is late for my first NA meeting.”

Jason clamped his teeth together and tried not to grind them. Well, you sure fucked that up.

Roy stepped in before he could make a bigger ass of himself. “Tim, get changed. We’ve gotta hustle if we want to make it there by one.”

“And throw on some extra deodorant.” He added. “All the sweating’s making you smell ripe.”

As Tim took to the stairs, Roy flashed Jason a look. “How's that helicopter parenting serving you long term?”

“Oh, please, I’m the furthest thing from a helicopter parent!”

“Prove it.”

Jason shut the laptop and rubbed at his forehead. “Admit it. This mystery consultant has you concerned too.”

Roy rolled his eyes.“Yeah, a little. But, maybe it was just a one-time thing. People make choices that they’re ashamed of later. This could be Tim’s, but he’s not going to tell you until he trusts you to treat him right.”

Jason swept his arm out wide so Roy had a chance to glance around the apartment at all the little spots where Tim had already made himself at home — the rumpled blanket in the corner of the living room couch, the post-it note with Jason’s wifi password taped above his workspace, and the plate with leftover toast crumbs sitting on the counter — just to name a few. “Uh, I am. He can trust me.”

I made a fucking home for him when he felt like he couldn’t go back to his real one. What more do I have to do to prove it to him? What the hell happened to the old saying ‘actions speak louder than words?’ Apparently, Tim was the greedy sort that wanted actions and words.

Roy cut him a look like he could read Jason’s mind. “Trust goes both ways, Jason. And You’re treating him like a child.”

“He is a child!”

“I’ve only known him for a few days, but I can already see that Tim’s got more intelligence and perseverance than I ever did at his age.”

“Which is why I was being honest with him,” Jason countered. “Just like I would have with you if you were back in his position and doing something stupid.”

“There’s a difference between doing something stupid and doing something you don’t agree with.”

God, was this the kind of mental minefield that Dick had to navigate when dealing with Damian? It was tiring as fuck and endlessly confusing. He was honestly never sure if he was making the right decision. Roy wasn’t one to be tired out easily however.

“Right now that contact is just some numbers on a piece of paper. If they’re bad news Tim’s doing the hard thing and steering clear of them, even if it means forgoing easy answers about Bruce. You want to be honest about something? Be honest with yourself about that.”

Jason was still trying to think of a reply to that by the time Roy herded Tim out of the apartment. When he heard Roy’s car pulling away, he went back to cleaning the bike parts in the garage. He always did his best thinking when his hands were busy with some repetitive task. Hopefully, he could miraculously sort out his shit before Roy and Tim came back.

                                                                 - - -

Tim hadn’t realized that when Roy said they’d have to hurry, it had more to do with the fact that they were driving all the way into Old Gotham than it had to do with mid-morning traffic. When he’d made a comment about it on the way over, Roy had simply said, “I think you’ll like the group at this place. They’re good guys who aren’t afraid to call you on your bullshit.”

“Oh, is that a valued quality in NA group members?” He’d ask, mostly sarcastically.

“At times, it can be.”

Tim didn’t know what to say to that, so they drove the rest of the way in silence. By the time Roy pulled up to the curb outside the Church of St. Jude and cut the engine, Tim’s nerves were even more on edge. It could’ve had something to do with the name of the church — St. Jude was the patron saint of lost causes — it struck Tim as an odd and ominous choice that Roy would favor this place.

“Ready to go in?” Roy asked as he unbuckled his seatbelt.

Lacking an answer to such a simple question, Tim stared out the window at the church. He took in its brick facade, the small courtyard hidden behind metal fencing, and the long-limbed trees that were just starting to bud. On a warm spring day like today it had the look of a small haven amidst the terrible giant that was Gotham City.  

So, why was he so scared to leave Roy’s car?

“If you’re wondering when you’ll feel ready, the answer is probably never.”

“No… it’s not that. I know that.” Tim stared down at his lap. “It’s just…”

He struggled to find the right words, aware all the while that this was the first heart-to-heart that he and Roy were having that wasn’t within Jason’s earshot. They were venturing into uncharted territory.

Just breathe, you can talk to him.

This morning, he’d lingered quietly at the top of the stairs, like a child listening in on a conversation that they were too young for, and heard the way Roy had stood up for him. As long as it wasn’t endangering anyone, it seemed Roy was going to let him have his privacy, whether Jason liked it or not. So he knew that this conversation would be something that stayed just between them.

“What do I say to them?” he asked finally.

Roy hitched a thumb toward the church. “What, in group?”

“Yeah, I mean…” He shrugged. “Don’t you have to go around in a circle telling everyone how you started using and how long it’s been since you’ve last used?”

“It’s not mandatory, but yeah, that’s usually the way these things go.”

“Well, how am I supposed to tell them that I started using because some wanna-be villain experimented on me with fear toxin and tranquilizers?”

He threw out his hands like his frustration was something he could physically beat into submission. Instead, all he managed to do was accidentally punch the glove compartment and scrape his knuckles.

Ow. Universe 46, Tim still 0. Or at least that’s the way it felt.

Once he let one of his worries slip, it seemed he could stop it turning into a flood, his words spilling out like a tidal wave into the quiet space of Roy’s car. “ Hell, how do I tell them it’s been zero days since I last used? That I’m in fact still using. I can’t go in there and stare at a bunch of people who are actually clean and pretend to know what they’re going through, I mean—”

“Hey— hey, Tim,” Roy waved his hands. “Fuck that shit. All of it.”

“But—”

“No, I mean it. Fuck it, it means nothing to anyone in that room. Those details— the fear toxin, the mental hospital, your tapering regimen— they’re irrelevant. You think I had to dive into my shitty backstory with Green Arrow and vigilantism when recovering from heroin? Hell, no, I just told the parts of my story that mattered. You can do the same.”

Tim pressed his fingers harshly against his eyelids. “But I’m still using benzos!”

Roy laughed and tucked his long hair behind his ears, “Who told you being completely clean is a requirement for going to an NA meeting? If that was the case we wouldn’t have nearly so many attendees.”

Tim stared at him. That couldn't be right.

“I’m serious,” said Roy. “Most of us have been on and off the wagon more times than we can count. We come to the meetings anyway because it’s supposed to be the one constant lifeline that we don’t abandon. The only thing that matters to the people in there is that you’re trying to get clean.”

He leaned over the center console to look him in the eye. “Okay?”

Tim nodded, “Alright.”

Roy led the way down into the basement level of the church which served as the meeting room. It was much like Tim had pictured it. Fluorescent lighting; a scattering of folding chairs; coffee, water, and boxes of donuts laid out on the tables along one wall. A small group mingled around one of the tables, pouring steaming coffee into styrofoam cups before the meeting started. Tim instinctively tried to skirt around the group, eying a pair of metal chairs on the other side of the room. He was about to slink away when someone recognized Roy and gestured them over.

Roy glanced at Tim and jerked his head. “Let me introduce you to a few people.”

He had no choice but to follow, trailing a few paces behind Roy and hoping to hide behind his tall frame. Now he really was acting like a child. It was no wonder Jason was having mixed feelings. Get it together Drake! You’ve taken down super villains but you can handle some small talk?

“Roy!” A woman pulled Roy in for a hug, her dark curls spilling loosely over his shoulders. “How’ve you been?”

“Yeah,” The man at her shoulder smiled. “It’s been a while.”

Roy shrugged and offered a sheepish smile. “Sorry, I don’t get to Gotham nearly as much as I used to.” Tim took the last couple of steps forward, drawing the eyes of the group on him. “This is my friend, Tim. I’m gonna be sponsoring him for a bit. Tim, I’d like you to meet Rene and Dominic.”

“Nice to meet you.” He offered them a small wave, but nothing more. The last thing he wanted to do was draw more attention to himself during this meeting. It would be enough to just hang around in the background and go unnoticed while he got his footing.

It was a relief when the start of the meeting was called and everyone picked up one last donut and cup coffee before sliding into their seats. Roy pulled Tim over to sit next to his friends as a man stood up and addressed the group.

“Hi, everyone. Most of you regulars know me already, but for those of you new here my name’s Antonne Mays. I’m the group leader.”

He pulled a folded piece of notebook paper out of his back pocket and cleared his throat. “I’d like to start off with some general announcements. For those of you here by court mandate, come see me at the end of today’s meeting and I’ll validate your attendance cards. Also, Jessica can you stand up, please? Today is Jessica’s birthday so let’s raise a cup in her honor for staying strong and sticking around with us for another year!”

The people around him raised their styrofoam cups of coffee and tapped on them enthusiastically with their plastic stirrers. For a moment the room was filled with whistles and cheers before subsiding back into order. Tim shifted restlessly in his seat as the meeting went on, his attention going in and out of focus as the announcements transitioned into a round-robin discussion.

Roy bumped his foot with his own. “Pay attention.”

Tim nodded. He was trying to pay attention to the accounts from the other members but recently he’d been having trouble focusing on much of anything.

Focus, Tim. He rubbed at his thighs and rolled his shoulders. Just relax and breathe.

He closed his eyes and let his hands rest loosely against his legs, focusing his attention on drawing a deep breath in and then out. In and out.

“Will you relax and stop fidgeting? You're gonna drive me insane with that.” Roy hissed in his ear.

Tim opened his eyes, ready to shoot Roy a glare. “I’m not—”

His fingers were trembling, creating a spasmodic tattoo against the fabric of his jeans. He clenched his hand tight into a fist hard enough to feel his fingernails in the soft skin of his palms and sucked in a breath. It was just another symptom of the tapering.

It’s fine. You’ll be fine.

A hand covered his clenched fist from wrist to knuckles and applied gentle pressure. Tim looked up at Roy and read the unsaid apology that was written all over his freckled face.

He pulled his hand free and crossed his arms, stuffing his treacherous fingers in the crook of his elbow where no one could see them tremble. The minutes ticked on and Tim was only half listening now, the current speaker’s voice a dull white noise compared to his own thoughts. The trembling came and went in waves but Tim’s fingers lingered near his arms, circling the rough pattern along the skin of his inner arms. The bruising had faded but the raised skin from the needle marks still remained. Roy and Jason had told him he should be prepared for that and it really shouldn’t have mattered so much. It’s just a few more scars. Still, he couldn’t pull his eyes away this morning when he caught sight of himself in the mirror — the pearlescent marks peaking out right under the hem of his t-shirt sleeves.

They know. They all know just from looking at you. Sometimes that feeling was so strong it made him just want to pick up a hot poker and press it to his skin… to burn a brand big enough for those little scars to disappear into.

“I hope you’re not thinking those track marks are an excuse for you to slack off while you’re here. Because I’ll let you in on a little secret, kid; those are nothing special around here.”

Tim jerked his head up to find Antonne and half of the circle staring him in the face. “No- I wasn’t—”

“Mmhmm,” Antonne nodded, his fingers working diligently to roll up his shirt sleeves. When he’d cuffed them above his elbows, he held out his bare arms under the fluorescents. He traced one finger along his inner elbow, where tiny scars stood out in a dark mauve against the darker brown of his skin. “Look, I got them too. As does Antonio, Katey, and even your sponsor, Roy.”

“I’m just not used to them,” Tim said in his own defense. “They’re just so… public.”

Roy leaned forward in his seat, his hair spilling over in a red tangle that hid his expression from Tim’s view. “Sorry, Antonne. He’s new, this is his first meeting.”

Antonne waved away Roy’s explanation. “Ah, I see. So you’re still at the stage where you think those scars will define what others think of you.”

Tim shrugged. “Well, yeah… I mean, scars are permanent.”

That got a full-body laugh out of Antonne.

Tim stared at him confused. “Is something funny?”

“If you don’t like them so much, wear long sleeves, cover them up with concealer, hell you can even turn them into some hipster geometrical nonsense tattoo like Antonio did for all I care.”

“People are always going to stare, it’s in their nature,” Roy said before extending his left arm across Tim’s leg.

On the outside of his bicep was his Wyvern tattoo, a large winged beast with a reptilian tail that zig-zagged all the way down his bicep before ending at his elbow in an arrow-shaped point. But as he rotated his arm, Tim saw that the inside of his elbow was marked not with ink but with old track marks. He’s never even noticed them, his eyes always drawn to the colorful black and green ink, forever trying to figure out it’s meaning. “But, you can choose what they see when they look at you. Got it?

Tim’s hands dropped back into his lap. He felt a strange mixture of relief and humiliation all at once. “Yeah.”  

“And here’s another pro-tip, on the house.” Antonne leaned forward in his chair. “The best way to change what people think of you… is to participate in group discussion.”

 His face heated up as laughter erupted around the circle. Thankfully, it all seemed good-natured based on the smiles that some of the other members directed at him and the way Roy gave his hair a quick ruffle.

“What’s your name, kid?” Antonne asked.

Tim sat up straighter in his chair. “Tim.”

“Alright, Tim. Next meeting, you’re speaking first.”

#kintsugi #Jason Todd #Tim Drake #roy harper #batman #batman fandom #batman fanfic #tw drug problems #tw drug addiction #tw self harm #hurt comfort #emotional whump #bat-losers-inc #LittleDarlingXOX #myfic #fanfic #red robin #red hood #Arsenal

[abbyfreemansmind]

Let’s talk about Hazbin Hotel

So, I finally sat down and watched Hazbin Hotel. I’d heard so much about it and felt the need to launch myself headfirst into having my own opinions about it instead of just listening to other people talking about it. This is gonna be a long post, so I’m gonna put it behind a neat little read more. Please note that this is coming from someone who genuinely enjoys adult humour and edgy humour and themes. I’ve got no problem with something that’s all swearing and raunchy jokes. It just needs to be done right.

Point 1 - The Plot The plot is describes as the Princess of Hell trying to open a new hotel to rehabilitate sinners so they don’t get exterminated during the yearly heavenly extermination to deal with Hell’s overpopulation problems. This plot is quickly undone through a few things that anyone can notice during the first viewing. 1 - Overpopulation? WHAT population? The scenery is most often noticeably devoid of any signs of life, outside of when background characters are called for. The scene where Charlie’s doing her news presentation is the most notable example of background characters. After this scene, we see almost nobody outside of the main cast and those weird little egg things. There are a few throwaway demons but outside of that, the streets are devoid of people. There aren’t even the corpses we had just seen during that opening scene. 2 - Charlie may as well be a total nobody what with all the power being the Princess of Hell holds. Just look at how the other characters treat her. You’d think the Princess of Hell would have some kind of benefit that would sway people towards agreeing with this whole idea. Instead, she gets mocked by just about everyone for reasons I can only guess involve winning her sympathy points from the audience. 3 - At no point does she give any proof that redemption would work. She basically says, “Hey guys! I hate seeing you all die, so I have this idea that has no backing evidence, that may or may not work, to try and get you guys into Heaven! Let me sing a song about it where I insult you all!”

Point 2 - Presentation I applaud the animators. Must’ve been hard, especially for Charlie’s overly fast song that really didn’t need to be nightcored, or literally any time Angel Dust was on-screen. Frame by frame. No rigs. All those stripes. All those colours that blend if you stare at them too hard or squint even slightly while watching. All that unnecessarily constant movement. It’s no wonder the thing took four bloody years to animate. Outside of animation, there are too many unneeded details and not enough needed details. Seriously. 1 - The turf war. We didn’t need this. We didn’t need this at all. If you take out the entire opening to it and the entire actual fight scene here, the episode still flows smoothly and we get the same amount of information and worldbuilding. In a pilot/first episode, you should only give the audience necessary details. Leave them wanting more, yes, but make sure they actually know what they’re getting into from the first episode. Make every scene count. Make it mean something. Don’t just shove every detail you can think of together and call it a day, especially if you don’t actually give the audience much information from it. 2 - Why is Hell overpopulated? Why isn’t Heaven? Why can angels go from Heaven to Hell, but demons can’t go from Hell to Heaven? Why does nobody care about being redeemed if Hell is so overpopulated that Angels annually come down and kill people because of it? Why does everyone treat the Princess of Hell like she’s worthless? Why doesn’t Angel Dust know about Alastor if they got into hell within 10 years of each other? Where is this supposed overpopulation problem? Would redemption even work in the first place? Why should I care about most of these characters (who are mostly complete jerks with no redeeming qualities other than “PROTAGONIST”, especially when two of the fan favourites repeatedly sexually assault other characters and, in one case, is both sexist and racist at one point)? Why are there turf wars? I should not be having to ask these questions. Don’t hold the audience’s hand, but don’t leave every single question you present in the show unanswered. Some of the questions presented make absolute sense to leave unanswered. Why does Alastor want to help with the hotel? Why are characters like Vaggie and Niffty, who do nothing all that bad, in Hell? These are questions that make total sense to leave unanswered for now. 3 - What crime is too terrible to be redeemed for? Charlie seems to think that literally everyone can be redeemed. That means murderers, rapists, abusers, tormentors... Certainly her song holds some kind of key to figuring it out! “Inside of every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac” Hmm... Okay... “All of you cretins, sluts and losers, sexual deviants and boozers” Uh... “So, all your cartoon porn addictions, vegan rants, psychic predictions Ancient Roman crucifixions end right here All you monsters, thieves and crazies, cannibals and crying babies" Oh... Also, did she imply that mental illness, alcoholism, drug dependency, plant-based diets/lifestyles, rabies and enjoyment of sex were sins in that song?

Point 3 - Edgy for the sake of edgy Hazbin Hotel tries to be an adult cartoon, but comes off as something a mentally disturbed teenager wrote during their emo/scene phase. 1 - The swearing and sex jokes. Oh boy. I’ve worked with children under the age of 15 who swear and crack sex jokes better than the adults in this show. The swearing and sex jokes are the only reasons this show couldn’t be aired as a Cartoon Network show aimed at edgy teenagers. It’s so poorly done that it in and of itself takes away from the quality of the show itself. Also, we have a character who’s name is an actual sex joke itself. Vaggie, full name Vagatha - a lesbian sex worker, of course. Fun fact for those who don’t know, but all of her previous character drafts had her name as some form of joke on the word vagina. This isn’t an accident, this is blatant and intentional. Also, here’s a pro tip for you! You can make an adult-oriented show without having swearing, slurs and sex jokes taking up a solid third or more of your script. 2 - The... “Representation”. Yes, Hazbin Hotel has LGBT+ characters! Yes, it has biracial and Latina characters! Charlie is bi, Vaggie is a Latina lesbian, Angel Dust is a gay man, Alastor is ace and biracial, Husk is pan, Niffty is Japanese (YIKES). Except none of it actually matters. No, really. Vivziepop was all like, “btw you can ship w/e, idc! also, i rlly like the fanon version of human alastor (who is whiter than marshmallow fluff even though he’s supposed to be half black)! :)” and threw all that out the window because... Who knows at this point. Now, if you look at the connected series, Helluva Boss, you get Moxie and Millie - an extremely obvious and loving couple. In Hazbin Hotel, you get Charlie and Vaggie who you probably couldn’t tell were a couple without somebody telling you that in the first place, what with all the loveydovey-ness going on with them. In fact, the biggest hint we even get is literally one line. “Life ain’t a musical, hun.” But then again, I’d be more apt to believe Charlie and Vaggie are friends, or Vaggie is pining after Charlie. Also, Charlie is a really bad girlfriend! She lets Vaggie get abused by practically the entire cast without so much as a single word in her defense and ignores everything Vaggie says. It came as no surprise when I remembered hearing about how the only reason these two are a couple is because one of the people on the team thought they were during storyboarding and Vivziepop just went with it. Also, fun fact, Vaggie fits both the angry lesbian and fiery Latina stereotypes. Charlie fits the stereotype for the bisexual cheater, what with how she seems to actually like Alastor more than her own bloody girlfriend. Alastor is canonically ace because he’s too full of himself to be with anyone else. Speaking as somebody who’s ace... WHAT?! As much as I don’t like Charlastor, it’s partially more popular than Chaggie because Vivziepop actually made them act like a couple for an entire musical number. Also, he’s annoying. He not only kept telling Vaggie to smile (heck you dude), he also smacked her butt, which is a form of sexual assault, people. This was all played for laughs, along with Vaggie’s (actually very reasonable) anger. Niffty is Japanese. A yellow-skinned demon who’s boy crazy and obsessed with cleaning... Big yikes. Finally, Angel Dust. The kinky gay man porn star/drag queen/drug addict/prostitute who verbally sexually assaulted two guys. Where do I begin. When it came to this guy, Vivziepop must’ve been like, “Imma throw every stereotype for gay men on this guy and call it a character!” If you look a Helluva Boss again, you get Stolas, who verbally sexually assaults Blitzo over the phone and also cheated on his wife with him in the first place, so this isn’t a one-off. Also, he was originally AFAB, so that whole line about “Why are you all women?” is more than a little heinous and in extremely poor taste.

In conclusion, this show is terrible. Everything about it. It needs some serious reworking, because as it stands, it’s really truly not that great of a creation.

tl;dr: Needs a lot of work and “ThEy’Re In HeLl!!1!!one!!!eleven!!!11″ isn’t even remotely an excuse for the genuine problems in it. Remember, at least one actual human being on Earth, not in Hell, wrote this garbage fire. Also, the animators deserve a higher wage than whatever they’re getting to deal with these designs. I shudder just thinking about animating them, with or without a rig.

#hazbin hotel #hazho #hh #vivziepop #helluva boss #longpost #long post

[etudier-avec-bella]

My First Term at University

Hello! If you’ve been following me for a while, you may have noticed that this blog has been pretty dead for the past few months. Like, literally no new posts have gone up from me since results day. Yikes. Where have I been, and what’s been going on? That’s what I’m here to clear up. Because I have a lot to talk about.

I am going to be touching on three main topics: Life at York, my course and how I’ve been studying, and- finally- my mental wellbeing.

So, grab a hot drink, get cosy, and prepare for what is possibly the longest piece of writing I’ve ever produced in my life. Seriously. It’s huge.

**Disclaimer: In no way is this post supposed to reflect the ‘real’ life of the average student at York, nor am I making any comment on the quality of education or student life at York. I am aware that I’m extremely lucky to be a student on one of the best Chemistry courses in the country, and this post is simply detailing how I found the transition from living at home to living independently as a university student. York- I love you. Even if you weren’t my first choice, I am so glad I ended up here. I’ve met some wonderful people and learned so many incredible things just in this first term alone. Please don’t take this post as me hating on York or something, because I really, really don’t lmao**

Life in York

Let’s kick things off by talking about what it’s like to live in York!

Contrary to what I initially assumed about moving to a university in the middle of the countryside (i.e. that there would be nothing to do), York is a beautiful city, and I’m so excited to get better acquainted with it over the next three years.

The high streets here are jam-packed full of hidden gems- I seriously think that you could go to a different coffee shop every day for a year, there are so many of them dotted around. I’ve loved being able to wander around and see where my feet take me, and there’s always somewhere new to discover; bookshops, cafés, museums, the castle walls, art exhibits, concerts… Oh, my!

Some of my favourite places that I’ve discovered so far are:

●      Drift-In- my favourite little coffee shop! It’s never too busy if you go before midday, making it the ideal place to crack out some work in a more relaxed studying environment. They also offer a 10% student discount, and have a wall of polaroids of the dogs who have visited the café. Incredible.

●      Lucky Days- the perfect place to take your friends for lunch! They also do really good cakes if you ever feel like treating yourself after submitting an assignment.

●      The Little Apple Bookshop- There are lots of cute little indie bookshops on the road leading to the art gallery, but I think that this one is my personal favourite. Stock changes frequently, so it’s worth popping in every once in a while, and they have classic novels at much lower prices than the likes of Waterstones (for all of you English Lit students out there!)

As for the University Campus, it’s similarly wonderful. The River runs right through Campus West, making itself home to lots of ducks, geese, and other waterfowl. We also have wild bunnies outside the Biology greenhouses, and I always see them hopping around in the dark when I walk home from my French classes. Campus West isn’t too big- you can walk from one side to the other in about 15 minutes- so the student community is super tight-knit. I have friends from loads of different colleges who I’ve met through mixers, societies, and my classes, and it’s really easy for us to link up and do stuff together because we’re all so near to each other.

There are also some pretty cool places on campus, if you don’t feel like leaving to go to the city centre- the Sir Jack Lyons Concert Hall are always putting on lunchtime concerts with cheap tickets for students, which is a nice way to wind down after working all day AND show support for the music students, and there’s also a student-ran supermarket in Wentworth College called Scoop, where you can bring your own containers and buy spices/grains/pasta in bulk for much cheaper than you can in other similar supermarkets. Scoop also sell boxes of locally-sourced produce, making it easy to support small businesses on a budget!

Honestly, there are still lots of places on campus that I’m yet to visit. Whenever I get fed up of working, I like to go for a little 30-minute walk to the other side of the university grounds and see what I can find (there’s a really lovely garden behind Derwent College, it has a big stately manor house and lots of fancy greenery). It’s a nice way to get some fresh air and change up the scenery when I get stir-crazy from being in my room for so long.

My Course/Studying

As many, many people have told me in the past- university-level Chemistry is hard. And you know what? They were right. However, I like a challenge as much as the next overachiever, and as a self-confessed science nerd I’ve got to say… My course is a dream.

I know I’m only one term into my first year, but the way I look at basically everything around me has already changed so much. The fundamental knowledge you gain just from first module covers all of the main bases, and I’ve found that the way I think about and approach scientific problems is already very different to the way I would have looked at them during my A-Levels. You’re encouraged to think a lot more openly, and apply relatively basic concepts to solve really tricky problems instead of just learning the answers to a syllabus- it’s a great chance to utilise your all of your skills.

In terms of how I’ve been studying, not a lot has changed. My exams don’t carry any real credit this year, but I’m still aiming to achieve high grades. Over the Christmas break, I’ve been focusing a lot more on resting rather than working- so I whilst I haven’t done a LOT, the revision I’ve done has been productive. I still use flashcards and Quizlet, but I’ve recently introduced summary posters onto the scene as well, which has been working well for me. I’ll make a post on how I make these in the near future!

Overall, the first term has been pretty good academically. I feel stretched and challenged, and things are at a manageable level of difficulty. Which brings me onto something that has not been at a manageable level of difficulty this term…

My Wellbeing

Mental health. Something of a taboo topic within the study community. It’s something we all will deal with, and something most of us will struggle with to some degree at times. So, why don’t we talk about it more?

I won’t go into super deep, personal detail in this next section. Mostly because there are some things I’m not comfortable with sharing on the internet. However, I do think it’s important for me to use my small platform of followers to talk about my own experiences and attempt to tackle the stigma about being a student and struggling with mental health, so I am going to be as honest as I can about what’s been going on.

Before coming to university, I was already having a difficult time with my mental health, and had been for a few years. This summer was a particularly bad one for me. A-Levels left me completely exhausted, results day was a bit of a sticky one, and thinking about life as I knew it coming to an end was terrifying. I knew that, once I moved to uni, I was going to feel even sadder, lonelier, and more out-of-place than I already did. And I had no idea how to deal with it.

I believe that one of the biggest contributing factors to my sudden and sharp decline in mental wellness after arriving in York was the fact that, even two months later, I still hadn’t gotten over my Durham rejection. Ignoring my initial disappointment was a bad idea, though I didn’t know it at the time.

As someone who has been a high achiever their entire life, rejection and failure aren’t things I’m used to dealing with at all. Not on this scale, at least. Academics was the one thing I could always rely on, the one thing underpinning all of my successes. The one thing within which I had manifested almost my entire personality. Before, I was always Bella, the smart one. Bella, top of the class. Bella, the straight-A student; set to do great things; capable of going anywhere… But, now, here I was. Bella, just got rejected by her dream university.

Trying to settle into student life with a completely secure sense of self is hard enough- trying to settle in whilst struggling to cope with all of these new, conflicting feelings? It was so, so difficult. WAY more than I would ever admit to in real life. Stupid me was too proud to admit that I was upset to ‘only be going to my second choice’ so I told friends, family, and everyone else that I was perfectly happy to be going to York instead of Durham, and that I wasn’t sad about it at all.

(I want to clarify that I am in NO way trying to diminish the hard work and achievements of anybody who got into their second choice university, or anybody else who got into York. Only now have I realised that it’s nothing to be ashamed of, and if anything you should be proud that your efforts got you into whichever school you ended up in. I’m just sharing with you all how much I struggled to accept this rejection, and how it affected my mental health).

I knew people who had gotten in, and I saw them posting on Instagram about matriculation and other social events at the university. This completely broke my heart. I was happy for my friends who were studying there- they worked hard and more than deserved to be there… but I couldn’t help but feel jealous. I wanted to be there with them. The place that I had worked so incredibly hard to receive an offer for.

Although it’s embarrassing to admit, I did actually cry a bit after seeing these posts. I didn’t know how to process my feelings, because for those first few weeks after rejection I absolutely refused to let myself mope (looking back, I’ve got no idea why I did that. Wtf Bella?). I was determined to be strong about it and try to force myself to be happy with the situation I found myself in- despite the fact that, deep down, I knew it wasn’t where I wanted to be. Not at first, anyway. Pair the bittersweet pain of first-time rejection with my consistent struggle with self-esteem and low moods… Things got ugly fast.

If I had to put a finger on when I started to feel things getting really bad, I’d trace back to somewhere near the first month mark. Freshers week, whilst it felt awkward and drawn-out, wasn’t too bad in terms of my mental wellbeing. I think I was so caught up in trying to adjust to this crazy, new life I had that I didn’t have a lot of time to stop and wonder how I was feeling. Those of you who also struggle with mental health issues will know that they never really go away. They always at least linger in the background, if they aren’t in the forefront of your mind. So I suppose you could say that I felt my strange, healthy-but-unhealthy version of ‘normal’.

I hadn’t yet adapted to life as a York student, but that wasn’t much of a concern at this point. It takes a long time to adjust to change, and I had only been there for a few days. I thought I just needed to wait it out. But, after the first few weeks passed by, I started to notice something weird.

I still didn’t feel settled in. In fact, I didn’t feel like I was there at all. Nothing felt ‘real’. After years of dreaming and wondering what life would be like at university, I suddenly found that the situation I was in wasn’t what I expected it to be at all. I didn’t ‘feel’ like a university student here, even months into this first term. Or, rather, I didn’t feel what I had decided that being a university student ought to feel like.

For my whole life, I’ve attached so much of my identity to my intelligence and educational aspirations. To reach the highest stage of my academic career thus far- the place I’ve been working to get to my whole life- and find out that it was possible that this wasn’t where I wanted to be caused me to completely lose my sense of identity.

The conflict between feeling ‘too good’ for here, but simultaneously viewing my rejection as me ‘not being good enough’ for Durham left me drifting somewhere in the middle with all aspects of my life. University was a big deal for me, and had been for as long as I could remember. I attached so much of who I was to my work, and ergo the university I was going to go to. Having failed to prove to myself that I was who people had been telling me I was for years, I didn’t have scraps of personality left to hold onto.

I felt as though I didn’t belong here, but also that if that were true I didn’t really know where I did belong. I knew that I was smart, and that I was capable of achieving the A-Level grades that I needed to meet my offer requirements for my first choice. Things just didn’t go to plan in my Maths exams. But, at the same time, whenever I struggled with the work here in York, I would say to myself: ‘Oh, look. You can’t even manage the work they give you here. How did you ever think you were good enough for Durham?’

As you can imagine, this made my mental health quite difficult to manage properly. My inability to cope with rejection, trying to live independently for the first time, facing a whole new series of academic challenges, and missing my friends/family ALL took its toll on me in more ways than I care to say. But, stubborn old me tried to make the best of an unexpected, difficult situation. I decided that I wasn’t going to be ungrateful.

I had been accepted into one of the best schools for my subject in the country. I was going to try and make the most of life here, even if it wasn’t what I had wanted in the beginning, and even if it was proving to be a lot harder than I thought it would be. I wish I could say I was able to move past the sadness I felt because of my rejection and because of all of the other things going on in my life (my already poor mental health, trying to live independently…), but that just wasn’t the case.

To keep it short and sweet, student life was kicking my arse.

The dip in my mental health began to affect my ability to work and take care of myself. I was struggling with this sudden and total lack of motivation to keep up with just about everything.

Independent study was completely forgotten about. I skipped countless music rehearsals, and rarely spent time with my flatmates and friends. I didn’t cook properly- I relied on foods that took less than five minutes to cook or didn’t eat at all. I didn’t put as much effort into looking after myself and looking presentable as usual; I usually love dressing nicely, carrying out elaborate skincare and makeup routines- but all of that immediately went out of the window. I rarely left my room, and I would stay essentially completely by myself for days at a time.

There was no part of my life that didn’t take a blow as a result of my poor wellbeing. It was like I’d given up and decided I would just settle for the bare minimum and float aimlessly until the winter break arrived. I didn’t care anymore. Not about appearance, not about my work, and not about me.

Now is probably the time to mention that I didn’t actually tell anyone that this was going on, spare one of my closest friends who I knew for sure wouldn’t judge me. To this day, most people still have no idea that I was having such a bad time, and that I’m still feeling the residual negative emotions from the last few weeks of term. There are a lot of reasons why I didn’t talk to anyone about it, but the main two were that I’m a very private person, and that my family isn't always the most understanding when it comes to helping each other deal with mental health issues. I desperately wanted other people to know what I was going through, but the thought of coming out and telling them straight-up petrified me. I knew I couldn’t do it. So, I chose to hide all of it under the façade of being exhausted from my busy timetable. Or whatever excuse was most convenient at the time for whoever asked me what was wrong.

Another reason I didn’t tell anybody about what was going on kind of plays into the problems I’d been wrestling with before coming to uni (they’ve been an issue for much longer than just this summer, just to point out). I won’t talk about them in detail, because I’m not ready to discuss a lot of what I went through and what I’m still going through, but I’ll say that part of it is that I have a pretty crippling fear of being judged by other people. For my physical appearance, for my academic achievements, for my personal opinions and preferences- for everything. Everything. I don’t really talk about myself to anybody, so even just writing this post feels a bit odd. As you can imagine, admitting I’d been having a terrible time with my mental health to my close friends and family was out of the question.

I had basically reached my lowest point ever. I felt lonely, isolated, and completely lost. I wasn’t living the life people were expecting me to, and I wasn’t

Maybe this seems silly to some of you out there reading this who are dealing with a much bigger and more painful situations than my own. I recognise that there are much worse things I could be going through. And no, of course not every day of the past term was awful. I’m not trying to say that being rejected from my dream university caused this- rather that it fed into what was already a significantly complex problem. But, for someone like myself who pinned all of their self-worth on their educational goals and achievements- for someone who had never really ‘failed’ at something like this before- I was pretty fucking crushed. Enough to make me lose track of basic things I’d never usually had a problem managing before.

My problems had engulfed my life. I was miserable and couldn’t stand it. I was fed up of sticking it out alone. Desperate to let someone else take the burden for a little while, I finally, finally decided it might be worth considering getting some help.

I made an appointment to go and visit the University mental health services, and they signposted me to the local NHS mental health services. The waiting list for an assessment was surprisingly short- it only took me 2-3 weeks to get an appointment where I could receive an initial diagnosis and learn what treatments were available.

It was at this point I found out that I had an anxiety disorder.

This wasn’t particularly shocking news- I struggled with social anxiety as a young teenager- but it made me quite emotional to finally hear someone tell me that what I was feeling WAS part of a bigger problem. It wasn’t just me blowing things out of proportion.

So, that brings us to where I am now. Currently on the waiting list for group therapy. I haven’t really decided if its something I want to talk about on this blog yet, but I feel like even just sharing with other students that I took the step to go and seek help from my uni will hopefully encourage more people who are struggling to do so as well. Most universities have decent mental health services, or at least someone who can point you in the direction of the appropriate resources to help you, so it’s definitely worth looking into in my opinion.

But, right now, I’m feeling okay. This term has been challenging for me and my emotional wellbeing, but the knowledge that I ploughed through and (for the first time in my life) asked for help when I knew I needed it makes me feel proud of myself. A month away from halls has definitely helped me, and I’m actually looking forward to going back with a new, rejuvenated perspective on student life- which leads me onto the final section of this long, waffly post...

What have I learned? How am I trying to make changes? What are my plans for the future?

Well, aside from developing my Chemical knowledge through some pretty fantastic lecture courses and practical sessions, I’ve discovered a lot about myself this term. For example- I’ve realised that I place too much of my personal value on academic achievement and the prestige of the institutions I’m a member of. I should learn to accept that I am so much more than my grades, and that it doesn’t matter where I go to school. Sure, it would have been nice to enjoy all of the things life in Durham has to offer, but does it really matter when I’m living in a beautiful city, studying the subject I love with people who are just as excited about it as I am, and watching myself change and blossom into a completely new person? Not at all.

The most important thing, and the most difficult, was to admit and accept that I wasn’t having a good time here. And that it was okay to feel like this. I could lie to everyone around me about it and say that I was happy, but I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. In fact, it took being honest with myself for me to actually start to feel a little bit happier about where I was- literally AND mentally.

I suppose this begs the following question: would I consider transferring? Surely, after all of the emotional chaos I went through trying to get over what felt like the biggest setback of my life so far, I would take the ‘easy way out’ and re-sit my Maths papers so that I could re-apply to Durham and live the life I was convinced I needed to be living?

Honestly… No. Partially because the heartbreak of being rejected was kind of enough to put me off potentially going through it again by re-applying, but also because I feel like this is an important life experience for me to have.

I need to learn healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with rejection and being in situations I didn’t initially want to be in. Obviously, there are lines and limits with this kind of thing, and it differs from person to person and situation to situation, but I’m in a good place for me, I think. It isn’t perfect, but it isn’t meant to be. And I know that if I work hard to make the most of everything my life has to offer me, I’ll reach a point where the struggles I’m dealing with now will be but a distant memory.

...

So, that’s all I want to mention for now! I hope this explains why I’ve been so absent from this blog. Being productive was something I really struggled to do this term, so I didn’t have much going on that I could really post about. However, I’m looking forward to showing more of what my life as a Chemistry student at York looks like when I move back up for term two.

 Talking about this has really helped me to reflect on my experiences and gain a little bit of closure from what was a pretty wild and confusing 11 weeks. I might post more content like this in the future, because I think it’s important to show other students that they aren’t alone and more people are dealing with things like this than they realise, but I won’t make any promises just yet.

I hope you are all having a lovely winter break, wherever you are, and I hope you are all looking forward to the next term of school, college, university, or even just the New Year by itself!

See you soon.

Bella <3

#studyblr #mental health #student mental health #anxiety #coping with anxiety

[iolitewitchcraft]

Can you explain why jewelry is a bad investment?

So it's not really that jewelry is a bad investment - it's just that if you plan on investing in it to make money, you REALLY need to know what you're doing.

Jewelry is art the same way a painting is art. People invest in jewelry thinking "well, it's gold and diamonds, those have value, right?" A canvas and paint also have (admittedly much lower) value. But it's when you put them together that the magic happens - you get a lovely piece that you can keep in your family for generations!

When you buy jewelry, the average person goes to a regular retail jeweler. But the jeweler rarely mined the stones, cut them, mined the gold, refined it, designed the piece, cast it, set the stones, and finished the piece - most of the time, they only do the last 1-2 of those steps, if that! Each of these steps requires specialized, skilled professionals, and all of those people need to pay their rent too. So by the time the piece of jewelry reaches that retail jeweler, they have to pay the miner's salary, the cutter's salary (larger diamonds often have 3+ individual cutters working on the same stone at different stages), the refiner's salary, the designer's salary, the caster's salary, etc etc etc. Plus they need to make money themselves. So you can see how the price of jewelry from a retailer is going to be a bit higher than just the value of the metal and stones!

A lot of folks buy high-purity gold jewelry thinking "well, diamonds are worthless, but this is GOLD. At least it'll hold it's value and I can sell it for the price I bought it!" But sadly, it isn't the 1500s anymore - it generally isn't wise to carry the entirety of your wealth on your person. A major culprit of this is solid, heavy 18K gold chain. It's still only 18K (75% gold, 25% base metal) and it still had to pass through the hands of miners, refiners, manufacturers, polishers, and retailers before getting to you. While markups on chain and "basic" items like it are generally lower, everyone along the way still has to keep the lights on.

There are a few cases where jewelry CAN be a good investment, though!

You're able to buy the jewelry below spot metal price. This usually is only a possibility if you're a gold buyer, since you'll need to send it to a refiner to get any money out of it. For example, if gold is at $45.46/g (July 25 2019), 14K gold would be $26.50/g, so you'd need to buy at roughly 75-80% of that.

You buy jewelry at or near spot price, and resell it as a finished piece. Usually you can find good deals at auctions - I do this occasionally - but selling the piece again is a long process and you have to know what you can realistically get for it.

You buy a REALLY large, REALLY expensive piece. The more valuable the piece, the lower the markups get. On very large diamonds, retailers often only make 10% of the price or less! But "very large" doesn't mean a carat or two here - think more like ten. If you can invest at least a few hundred thousand into an item, you can pretty reliably expect it to increase in value over the next 10-15 years. At this point you can ignore the gold and any side stones (seriously). The value is all in the large diamond.

You buy a one-of-a-kind, high-end designer piece. Watches are big for this - a rare limited edition Rolex can double in value over a relatively short time. But again, don't spend only $1,000 expecting to get more than that back.

You manage to predict the Next Big Thing with total accuracy. Did you know that just 20-30 years ago, spinel was selling for dollars to a carat? Today, fine spinel can rival the price of sapphire and ruby! If you bought a bunch of nice spinel back in the 90s you'd be in a pretty good place today.

And I'll also note a few places people lose money on their jewelry "investments":

Pieces with a TON of small diamonds. It's easy to see a piece and think "wow, five carats total?" But when the individual diamonds are just a couple points each... yikes. Gorgeous piece of art, sure, but not an investment piece.

Large but low-quality pieces. Sorry, but a six-carat diamond that's pale greyish-yellow and has loads of eye-visible inclusions is pretty much never ever going to increase in value.

Smaller, nicer quality pieces. You might get lucky over a long period of time, but don't count on it.

Cruise ships. Oh my gods, just... please. Their high-pressure sales techniques focus a lot on perceived rarity and increasing values of metals and gemstones, but seriously, that 2-carat diamond? I can make a few phone calls and have twenty nicer ones shipped to me by tomorrow. They're plenty rare, but not THAT rare. Cruise ships also have huge markups on their pieces and tend to take advantage of people who are in a good mood, intoxicated, etc and more willing to spend.

Mall jewelers. These fall into the above categories for the most part. Just be cautious.

And back to the art analogy - you don't buy a painting from Etsy expecting it to go up in value, you buy it because you love it. You don't buy jewelry from your average jeweler expecting it to go up in value either.

If you want to invest in something a) consult an investment advisor and/or b) be VERY educated in the market you plan on investing in. No, the jewelry "education" you get on the cruise doesn't count. Neither does chatting with a salesperson for half an hour.

P.S. Bullion is a much safer investment than finished pieces and is what many people THINK they're buying when they buy finished pieces but forget that a finished piece is not the same as a brick of pure gold

#this is so long I'm so sorry

[novarasalas]

Second Look Review: Shadows

I love a good villain origin story, especially one that doesn’t feature the heroes in any way, except mentioned in passing and with disdain. And this episode certainly delivers.

This piece is actually coming off as more meta than review. Also, there’s a lot about Honerva and Lotor that I’ve talked about in the past and reference here. Click through my “Honerva” tag and you should find all of it, mostly in the form of answered asks. (psst..is Tunglr still fuxing with links? I want to direct link to things, but...you know.)

This one's for you, Honerva anon. Please never change.

Let’s get started.

-

Bringing on the Heartache

Once again, I have to say, every time I see pre-corruption Honerva and Zarkon, it breaks my heart.

These two loved each other so much.

And Lotor was so wanted.

What a tragedy.

- -

Blood Sacrifice

And here we have flashbacks.

This whole sequence isn’t very clear, actually. It moves from the present and into flashbacks without much preamble. On my first watch-through, this threw me a bit, taking me out of the moment as I struggled to figure out what was going on.

Given this these disjointed transitions, and the fact that it’s never explained, it took me a bit to figure out what was happening, what Honerva was doing.

At first, I thought that as she was draining people’s Quintessence, she was getting glimpses of her past as Haggar, but now I've realized that the flashbacks were only for our benefit.

Her actions at the Kral Zera were twofold: she meant to undo the Empire by killing the remaining warlords vying for the throne, and also to gather enough Quintessence to connect with Lotor to find him.

And the last thing she needed for that, I’m assuming, was to sacrifice something that meant a lot to him.

Goddammit.

This is continuing with the idea that Honerva is willing to sacrifice everything to save Lotor. And entire planet, her husband, even her cat for god’s sake...no one is safe.

Also, I just realized that she’s taken the flame Lotor lit at the Kral Zera. His cat and his flame, then..the only two things left of him.

Also, we’re solidifying the fact that the Galra, or at least the Empirical Galra, are as vampires. And it’s still meant to contrast nicely with the Alteans, who are said to be “life-givers.”

…...that felt really bad to type out.

- - - 

Deification of the Son

Can I admit something?

I’d forgotten that the Alteans on the colony were said to have worshiped Lotor. It seems like so long ago at this point, and so much has happened in the meantime.

Romelle: And over time, the Alteans came to worship Lotor as their savior.

-

Romelle: [This was the world I was born into,] one of unquestioning devotion to a supposed messiah.

But this brought it all back to me.

Honerva:[speaking of the Galra] Your ways weakened a god.

Now this? This is interesting.

I get that the Alteans may have felt this way about Lotor. For generations they’d been told about how he’d saved them, protected them, cared for them. And given that he’s been alive all these years...yeah. I can see why they’d see him in a godly manner.

But why would Honerva feel this way? Why deify him herself?

Well...it’s not actually about Lotor. It hasn’t been since she entered the rift.

Lotor’s feats of alchemy are impressive, if you completely ignore the fact that he’s not the one performing them. He didn’t “pierce the veil”, Allura did. He didn't give Sincline it’s powers, Allura did. He only orchestrated it.

But by elevating Lotor to a god, she elevates herself further. In her speech to the gathered warlords at the Kral Zera, she says:

This flame represents Lotor, son of Zarkon, prince turned emperor, emperor that pierced the veil.

And my Altean blood coursed through his veins.

What a statement.

You see, Lotor is her’s. She created him. And if he’s a god, than she is the creator of a god. A flawed god, but one who’s best qualities he most certainly got from her.

Don’t get much better than that, huh?

And I feel like the Alteans of the colony agree.

Merla: We pledge our allegiance to you, Honerva, mother of Lotor.

And that statue was there in Lotor’s time. He knew that they worshiped him. I guess he had no problem wit that. Like mother, like son I suppose.

Ya know, it’s kinda weird watching an actual cult being formed.

Honerva: May the light guide you.

Yikes.

- - - - 

The Exile

It’s hard having the father that refuses to be happy with anything you do. When you grow up like that, you waste so much time trying to please them, to get them to love you. And it’s usually all for nothing.

We all learn this the hard way. It uh...it’s not typically as hard a lesson as Lotor learns here.

By all accounts, he’s done everything right. He’s done what his father wants, and exceeded all expectations. But he didn’t do it the way his father wanted it done, so he may as well have done nothing at all.

It’s..a familiar feeling. This scene got me real good.

The rush of adrenaline you get as you stand up to your asshole dad for the first time is nearly intoxicating. You know, deep in your heart, that you’re right. You know that he’s being unreasonable. And you’ve had enough, so you say your piece.

And then, as it all comes crashing back down, and you realize how much power this man still has over you, and how your retribution is swiftly coming...well, it’s enough to make you sick.

But it’s no good. The damage has been done. You face your punishment.

Yeah...this still gets me real good. Added bonus of enabler mother, too.

….I keep feeling like I’m telling you all too much, but I really want you to understand where I’m coming from.

I feel for Lotor, I really do. He tried so hard, but there was no getting through to Zarkon at this point - there really hasn’t been much of Zarkon left since the rift incident. He’s only base instincts at this point, all power mad and unfeeling.

And now I”m going to say a few things about Lotor because, well...he doesn’t really show up again, does he?

My first point is that I wanted so desperately to see him come back, to start making up for the things he’d done.

He’d obviously picked up on his parents worst habits. In season 3, he was very much a threat; maybe not as much as Zarkon had been, but he was certainly far more clever.

I wanted to see him acknowledge these things in himself and work to rid himself of them once and for all. It would have been cathartic for me, because that’s something that I had to work on myself.

So to that end, I’m very upset that I didn’t get to have that; that neither of us got to have that.

With that said…

Lotor did some terrible things. He wasn’t some soft, baby; a poor, helpless abuse victim. He’s been an adult for a long time now. And when you’re an adult, you have to begin taking responsibility for the things you say and do.

I spent so long with my bastard dad that, even though I tried very hard not to, I picked up some of his personality traits. For a while, I was just the worst. But eventually, I came to realize these things in myself and I had to decide to make the change. I found my own redemption.

When we meet Lotor, he’s conniving. He has no problem torturing Throk. He has no problem luring Voltron into a situation where they might be killed.

He killed Narti.

Now, I do have to say, watching him do that, I was thinking “I understand the impulse”. I was surveilled too. My father's been know to show up where I am when I’m out with friends. Cameras in the house were not an impossibility. It makes you crazy, being watched like that all the time.

But he killed Narti. That’s, ya know...not ok.

I don’t think, in the end, that he was just using Allura. I’m not ever sure that at the beginning of his time with them that he was just using her. But he was keeping secret the fact that he had an entire colony of her people out there. Her people that he was using for energy production, against their will if Bandor was to be believed.

These things are not ok. I’m not sure if you can truly be redeemed from some of these.

I’m not here to judge, though. I just wanted him to have the chance to realize these things and do better, just like I had to.

I say this because, as I’d mentioned, I’ve written quite a bit on Lotor. I keep seeing all these other posts about how he’s done nothing wrong, and as an abuse victim, he can’t be held accountable.

That...has not been my experience, and it’s not a good way to look at things.

I take responsibility for the things I’ve done and said. Occasionally, someone will try to tell me that I wasn’t so bad, not really. But I was, and accepting that is part of the healing process. You have to break the cycle, and there’s no other way to do it.

Lotor didn’t get that chance. Everyone should get that chance, should they need it.

- - - - - 

Well, that got needlessly personal. Let’s get to the stuff that didn’t fit elsewhere.

This guy is Macidus, Keith’s biggest fan.

I only noticed this time around because I have the subtitles on. This show really has a problem with that. Merla is named in the subtitles in this episode as well, even though her name is only spoken once, and in the second to last episode I think.

-

This is something I enjoyed.

Through the flashbacks, we see that it took a long time to build Zarkon’s base.

Here, before the scene with very small Lotor.

And here, with grown up Lotor.

-

I’d seen somewhere someone post about how Haggar was wearing the same cloak she was in when she was dead. I believe they said it was her funeral clothes, probably something about how metal that was.

Well, I’d like to offer a different idea: She’s been wearing her maternity clothes the entire time.

-------------

In Summary:

Well, that was an episode. Things got explained fairly well, and we got some good backstory. Honerva has gone off the rails and has convinced the other Alteans to follow her.

What did you think? Did I miss anything important? Was I amazingly wrong about some things?

Sorry for all the...personal stuff up there. I wasn’t going to write all that at first, but it’s been on my mind. And hey, what’s the point of having a blog I you don’t use it as your own, personal confessional?

Next Up: ….wait, that’s it?

#second look review #voltron season 8 #honerva #haggar #lotor #romelle #zarkon #voltron #voltron legendary defender

[bogwithanlforluck-blog]

Stalker Songs, for Your Valentine

Although folks have posted online their favorite “stalker songs” from the pop/R&B category before, I don’t think we can ever get enough of these treasures. So here are some more. A lucky #13 of them, at that. 

This list evolved after I heard a certain song in the car while driving recently (2019). I thought, “This is a perfect stalker song.” Of course that thought led me to ponder what other songs might make the list of “Greatest Stalker Songs” in pop/R&B music. I enlisted the support of a friend of mine, Scott (known here as “headonaplatterboy”), and together we compiled a completely incomplete list of stalker songs, which I have decided to rank according to my own thoughts, experiences, and tastes. Thus, what you see here is the work of two people who know a smattering of good music, and a whole lot of not-so-good-music, but we both believe that stalker songs happen to fall on the “good music” end of the spectrum. We both also happen to agree that this list is a perfect Valentine’s Day gift for any of you Valentine’s Day cynics out there, like Scott and myself. What do you think? Please consider the list — go online and listen to any ones you don’t know — and then add your contributions if you so desire. You can even re-order my list according to your own tastes.

13. “Hungry Like the Wolf” — Duran Duran: Here he comes, with a “howl” and a “whine,” he’s “after you”! Yes, that’s Simon LeBon of Duran Duran doing his best to nab his object of desire. Good luck, wolfman. I’ve heard that when the band originally tried to pitch this song, DJs and the like were like, “Meh,” but in the end, it became Duran Duran’s first hit, and a top 10 hit at that. The predatory nature of the song helps — it relentlessly pushes towards its goal, ever on the hunt; just like the song itself, it does not give up, stinky and all (“smell like I sound”), in its quest for the Top 40. And it made it.

12. “One Way or Another” — Blondie: Girl power, my friends! And girl-with-an-agenda-power, at that. Deborah Harry stands tall as one of the premium women in rock, and she has left a definite, blonde-colored imprint on rock history. However, in this song, she simply rocks, and she gives her listeners an idea of how determined she is. This song even has a snarky little side-bit about catching the object of her prey only to “give [it] the slip,” because she can chase it down, play with it, then dump it. Great stalking technique and certainly a plus for women turning the tables on creepy guys.

11. “I Want You” — Elvis Costello: Ouch. This one starts out as a beautiful ballad, then a couple minutes in, a jangly guitar chord changes the scene entirely. That ballad turns into a nasty, twisted, ever-obsessive rant on a love gone astray, and the singer’s need to get that love back. The chorus line “I want you” sounds so desperate and hostile towards the end that it’s hard to hear without cringing. Costello knows all the tricks on writing great songs; he does not fail here.

10. “I Put a Spell On You” — Screamin’ Jay Hawkins: Love this — perfect stalker material. The lyrics contain almost what I would think of as the FBI profile for “stalker,” but never mind that. Hawkins sings the song with sorcerous mastery — no escaping the voodoo magic here. His voice draws out the menace and the all-encompassing, Halloween-like “I’m Coming To Get You” vibe. In short, this one gives me chills, so the stalker threat is real, my friends.

9. “I Will Possess Your Heart”— Death Cab For Cutie: This song has a repetitive assuredness that kind of jangles one’s nerves (mine at least). Ben Gibbard sings nearly every line of the song as an address to his “love,” so that the song takes on an almost hypnotic effect: a siren tune that impels the listener to “believe me,” in a magical sense. The bass background tells a more sinister story — it has an ominous quality, and with the addition of the piano — the minor keys playing on top of that bass — well, something wicked this way comes, no matter the reassurances the singer conveys. Good freaky-factor there, and the band name helps.

8. “This Tornado Loves You” — Neko Case: A song that has all the innocence and earnestness of a crush behind it, except for the fact that the crush is literal: it’s a tornado that chases down the object of the singer’s favor with one of the most destructive forces on the planet. Bodies, houses, fields, livelihoods are all sacrificed in the search for that hidden someone. Case does a nice job of playing the nice girl, but in the end, she’s a tornado. One heck of a destructive stalker, there.

7. “Run For Your Life” — The Beatles: No pop/R&B “best of” list can contain a song without the Beatles, because the Beatles covered all the bases, and because they covered them expertly. John Lennon sounds utterly monomaniacal in this song — no room for argument or stepping out of line, because if so, “That’s the end, little girl.” The “little girl” characterization does not escape me; definitely Lennon weakens his prey by reducing her size and power. And the death threat that pervades this song gives it that extra “ooh, scary stalker!” edge, so kudos (yet again) to the Beatles for making the Stalker Chart with a quality entry.

6. “Don’t You Want Me” — Human League: This duet between lovers on the quits gives us the movie-version of a possessive maniac much like that in “Run For Your Life” who cannot conceive of the fact that his girlfriend is hitting the high road. A whole story appears here: the woman admits that the stalker helped turn her from a waitress into a star, but in her attempt to leave him and “live her life on her own,” her onetime savior turns stalker. He sings, “You know I don’t believe you when I hear that you won’t see me/….You’d better change your mind/ You’d better change it back or we will both be sorry!” The man’s hysteria increases as the song goes along, and as listeners, we get a bit frightened for the young woman’s future. Good stalking here; well done in duet-form — also a great, classic dance-tune that reached #2 in the U.S.

5. “Little Red Riding Hood” — Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs:  This song gets a hundred gold stars for various moments of glory throughout. Sam the Sham goes for high drama in his delivery of the song, for one thing. At first, he sounds just like a cool guy on the street seeing a pretty woman pass by — “You sure are looking good” sung to a slinky, Kool Kat beat — and he goes on to warn this lady that a big, bad wolf might try to snatch her. Then Sam goes on to inform her that he’s not the bad wolf, at least not outwardly: he’s got his sheep-suit on, until he can be trusted. And then, somewhere thereafter, he turns ‘Baaaad” (sung like a sheep). C’mon, people, this song is genius, and a near-perfect example of stalker self-delusion in its proud revelation of the creep’s expert methods.

4. “(I Am) Superman” — REM: Admittedly, this is the song that started me doing some stalking of my own: i.e., finding the best stalking songs I could imagine (with the help of Scott). So, REM gets a relatively high ranking here because their stalking prowess is readily evident in this song. Every phrase of the music ends in a full stop, with the effect that listeners just cannot deny the dominance of this self-professed Superman. Written and delivered with such confidence and finality, I find it hard to argue that Michael Stipe is not Superman here. And he can see everything, the stalking madman. That’s a strong declaration, but I believe it.  

3. “Vehicle” — Ides of March: You want a stalker song that has it all? “Vehicle” is your Uber, no pun intended. This song includes a go-for-broke introduction with a fantastic horn blast, plus a beat to get down to, but don’t forget: there’s danger here. This song brings us the “friendly stranger in the black sedan” (sounds like a hearse to me) who’s putting on the breaks beside you, rolling down the window, and trying to get you in that car with “pictures, candy” and the “lovable man” driving. Yikes! However, let’s be reverent. This is a religious stalker, because, as he puts it, in near gospel-like vocalization: “I want you; I need you; I want to got to have you child: Great God in Heaven you know I looooove you!” Bang!

2. “14th Street” — Laura Cantrell: Ha! Do not be fooled by the sweetness and shyness conveyed in this song. Despite the beautiful melody and Cantrell’s gentle, charming vocals, listeners cannot ignore the fact that “14th Street” is about a woman following her object of desire stealthily down the road. Sounds like stalking to me. The song makes it all the way to #2 on my list because it describes the potential stalker in all of us: at some points in all our lives, we just want to know what those whom we love are doing, but we don’t want them to know that we want to know.

1. “Every Breath You Take” — The Police: This is the G.O.A.T. of stalker songs because it is so sneaky. Sting may not have written it as a veiled love song, but it came out that way, to the extent that the public in 1983 snatched it up as one of the most romantic pieces of all time. Frequently played at weddings, unendingly played on the radio, one would not believe, perhaps, that this song is about a jealous lover surveilling his ex. Because the stalker’s guilt is so completely masked by the beautiful melody and seemingly loving, protective lyrics, this song ranks as the #1 stalker song on my list — it is the most successful stalker song, because to this day, it remains undercover as a favorite love song.

NB: I have left out several great songs -- some music-expert friends suggested a couple of George Jones songs, though since I am sticking to Pop/R&B, Ol’ Possum isn’t on my list -- but his stalking expertise is worth notice. Just let me know what you think of the list; what you’d add. It’d be great to cue up all these monsters on Valentine’s Day to provide the soundtrack for the holiday!

[meepface]

these questions seem very therapeutic and i have been havin a week so im gonna do em, please ignore me

1. What can you do today that you were not capable of a year ago?

say no to people!! post selfies and not feel ashamed of myself for doing so!! stand up for myself without immediately crying!! 

2. What has been on your mind most lately?

well this week i’ve been in kind of a negative headspace so i have sorta thought about how much easier dying would be than dealing with any of my problems, but i have also thought about how much i don’t actually wanna kill myself also so i’ve been feelin sorta trapped between ‘mannnn if i would just fucking do it’ vs ‘but i don’t wanna my mom would be sad’, so that’s a real fun time!

3. Right now at this moment; What do you want right now?

i wanna feel myself again honestly. i’ve felt super weird n distant from who i used to be and who i wanna be and i feel like im just floatin. i feel super dissociative and i don’t feel genuine in how i behave anymore like idek myself. another super fun time!

4. In order of importance, How would you rank: Money, Happiness, Love, Health and Fame?

love (not strictly the romantic kind), happiness, health, money, fame

5. What would best describe the way you have spent your time in the last month?

feel like i’ve been wastin a lot of time bein super unhappy. buuuuut i spent a lot of time with people i love last month so that was good. kinda mixed, neutral feelings about it

6. What is the #1 motive in your life now?

to learn how to live for myself more

7. In one sentence, who are you?

i would say i am an extreeeeemely sensitive and compassionate person who’s always tryin to do the right thing and make a few people laugh when i can

8. What do you want to be known for?

being good and kind and gentle and positive

9. If you had to move 3000 miles away, what would you miss most?

my family, my dogs, my girlfriend, my friends, my grandma, this local restaurant that has amazing pancakes, my university bc i really like it there, the general atmosphere of downtown Austin, my therapist, my bedroom. in no particular order

10. In one year from today, how do you think your life will be different?

hopefully i’m taking care of myself well, am happy in my current situation and if i’m not i am actively working to do what i need to do to fix that, maybe i’ll have finally gotten another job and have moved out possibly. who knows. just hope im doin well

11. Who makes you feel good about yourself?

my friend Stein, my mom, my girlfriend, my therapist, a few of my internet friends

12. What are the top 3 qualities you look for in a friend?

someone who makes me laugh, someone who is a good listener, someone extremely supportive and non-judgmental

13. What has fear of failure stopped you from doing?

joining a club and being more social in college, getting another job, moving out, making videos, volunteering at this abuse center i’d really love to volunteer at

14. What is something you have always wanted since you were a kid?

a golden retriever

15. What stands between you and something you want?

fear of change

16. What do you do when nothing else seems to make you happy?

i find something to calm me down and distract me, like a game or something i can play so i stop thinking too much. also talking to someone helps but whenever i’m not in the mood to talk i try to do something to distract myself, or go to sleep if it’s a good time to

17. What do you need to spend more time doing?

being with friends and family, writing

18. When did you first realize that life was short?

i mean i had a few near-death experiences as a kid but none of em i was like “wow i could’ve died and that would’ve been the end” bc i didn’t really process them like that when i was that young. one of first times that i can remember feeling really deeply anxious about how short life really is is when i saw a bad car wreck just last year that had just happened and (TW ahead) i saw a person dead on the road with his head smashed. that was so scarring for me and now wrecks make me uncomfortable and i used to drive kinda recklessly as a dumb suicidal thing but now i would never ever drive the way i used to. another time i can think of is when a girl in my grade who i had actually been close friends with all throughout middle school up until freshman year died in a car wreck and our whole school was devastated

19. What issues do you continually refuse to confront?

honestly i want to confront and fix or work on all of my issues lmao so

20. What is something a lot of people do that you disagree with?

there’s a lot of homophobic and transphobic people in the small Texas town that i work in and a lot of em say super offensive things really casually and i hate it so much. also a lot of people enjoy jolly ranchers which i will never understand

21. What is a common misconception people have about you?

i’m shy, i’m straight, i’m lazy, i don’t work hard

22. What is something no one can take away from you?

no one could pull me away from my mom tbh that bitch knows everything and no one can tell me not to tell her what they tell me bc she’s gonna know in the next hour

23. What is something you would hate to go without for a day?

ummm chicken probably. it’s all i eat

24. When you look into the past what do you miss the most?

how cheerful and happy i was in 2015 and some of 2016!!!!!! the fuck happened!!!!

25. What memory from the past year makes you smile the most?

hmmm probably the times my gf and i spent hours making out n stuff in parking lots bc we finally got over our fear of havin our first kiss w each other and went all out

26. What is the number one change you need to make in your life within the next twelve months?

hmmm don’t wanna share it but i know in my head the answer to this

27. If not now, then when?

when i’m ready and when i know for sure that it’s what i want. because right now i don’t know what i want with my life but i just know that right now i am not happy. baby steps

28. What have you done that you are truly proud of?

i gained soooooo much confidence after graduating high school. came out to everyone, told my mom i wanted to finally try to go to therapy which has been a blessing for me

29. What is something new you have recently learned about yourself?

i’ve learned where my dependency issue that i used to have super bad stemmed from. i’m kinda growin from that though. i still have residual anxieties that were caused by it but nothin i can’t work through

30. What do you want to remember forever?

hmm. probably that one quote that’s like “anything that costs your peace is too expensive”. either that orrrrr that one scene in the office where Jim gets drunk and crashes his bike into the bushes

31. What could society do without?

religion (yikes yikes yikes) (don’t hate me, just hear me out) - this doesn’t mean the spirituality of it but like..... the whole rules and order part of it. the ancient outdated books and everything being taken so literally in today’s world. everyone could have their own takes and believe in their own things and they can just be without feeling like they either have to go to church or celebrate a religious holiday or be a certain way bc ‘god’, whoever they may be, wants them to. idk i like to believe there’s a higher power that just represents love, in its purest form, and that’s it. that’s all you gotta know about them. there’s no rules to that, you just do with that what you will, learn from that what you can. does this make sense at all 

32. What is the one thing right now, that you are totally sure of?

right now i am totally sure that i shouldn’t have started doing this survey bc i am exhausted and i have work in the morning but i’m definitely gonna finish it

33. If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would you say?

be kinder and gentler, thank you

34. What is something that you said you would never do, but have since done?

this is uhhh super emo but i didn’t think i’d live this long and here the fuck i am

35. What is something you changed your mind about when you grew older?

my feelings about The Gays, since i grew up to be one and when i was little i was terrrrified of that idea. i didn’t care if other people were but when it came to me i was like noooo way jose. also? the concept of marriage? i’ve become super apathetic towards it. i don’t care if i end up married or not anymore, i will commit to someone for life regardless and i don’t need a ceremony and anything official to prove that. buuuuut that being said, if my future partner wants to be married, i’m 200% there and i’m already starting to think about our wedding color scheme. man. idk if i’d rather wear a suit or a dress at my wedding

36. What didn't last forever, but was still worth your while?

hmmm maybe my current therapy stuff?? i know one day i’m gonna stop going to therapy but man have i learned a lot and man have i grown. i truly think everyone needs to go to therapy at least once in their life, you learn things that are valuable in every aspect of life

37. If you could go back and time and tell the younger version of yourself something, what would you tell?

you’re not stupid, you’re allowed to make mistakes, maaaybe ask for the braces that aren’t clear bc those just made your teeth look massive and you hated yourself while they were on and you can’t look at pictures with them even years later. aaaand they made you super insecure about your mouth and smile even years down the line so, please dodge that bullet if ya can. also you’re super gay!

38. If you knew you were dying in the next 60 seconds, what would your last words be?

finally

39. When it is all said and done, would you have said more then you've done or vice versa?

hmm i’ve probably said a lot more than i’ve done, which i wanna change. if i’m understanding this question right

40. What question do you often ask yourself?

what do you want? what do you need? which of the two is more important?

#this was as expected.... very therapeutic #i recommend answerin these #helps u figure urself out #anywho #like if ya read #about me #long post