#also you can tell i have no idea how to phrase the first warning | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fiber-optic-alligator · 4 months

Text

Desperation vs. Domestication

Pairing: IDW Drift x Human Reader

WARNING: This story contains soft vore. If this makes you uncomfortable, please do not read this story.

Word Count: 3161

Summary: Trapped aboard the Lost Light and chosen by a certain red-and-white samurai mech as the perfect sapien companion and tasty snack, you decide to form a rudimentary plan on possibly escaping your robot captors and finding your way back to Earth…while also realizing that spending months living as a pet has messed with your judgment on a greater scale than you previously realized.

This is based off of an ask I saw on Relic’s blog about what might happen if a human trapped aboard the Lost Light tried to escape via an escape pod, and I liked the idea so much that I had to write something based off of it. This is my first time writing for the Tasty Au and the First Contact Au and I must say I am quite happy with the result. This is inspired by Callsign-Relic’s Tasty Au, obviously, and I am so utterly fascinated with the whole concept, as well with First Contact scenarios in general, that this certainly won’t be my last time writing about this sort of thing. Thank you all for reading and thank you to @callsign-relic for giving me permission to write about it!

Also available to read on AO3!

Here is the link to pt. 2!

Sticky globs of synthetic saliva coat your shivering body as you are carefully slipped out of the massive mech’s cerulean mouth. The red-and-white bot nuzzles you gently with his nose, cooing to you in soft alien words. You don’t understand his language; to your ears, he speaks with the purr of a car engine, the rumble of machinery, the smooth hum of something distinctively much, much bigger than you. And yet, after months of being trapped aboard this titanic starship, surrounded by these massive extraterrestrial robots that have turned your life upside down, you’ve come to comprehend some simple, short phrases your mech typically only says to you: Good. Proud. Love you.

You hate how you lean into his touch. You hate how you cling to these few words you can translate. You hate how your heart softens for him as he sets you down on his desk and begins to clean you up, rubbing his saliva off of you with a towel. You protest softly when he smushes you gently with both hands, struggling feebly before you reluctantly give up and go still. He chuckles deeply and shushes you. “Shhh, shhh….Safe…Safe.”

After a few minutes, he nods to himself, satisfied with his work. You stare at him with the deadpan look of a cat who was just dumped into a bathtub while he retrieves a fuzzy blanket from his bed and wraps you up in it snugly. The part of you that still clings to your autonomy wants to scream and shove his fingers away when he slowly rubs your scalp. It wants to curse him out and tell him you despise him, how you are traumatized because of him and the rest of his kind.

And yet, you can’t.

You know he won’t understand you. You know you’ve developed feelings for him in your weak, pathetic heart. Your bot cares for you. It is obvious in the way he treats you, and you can tell it’s gone beyond seeing you as a pet. He calls you sweet. Little one. He’s never hit you, never yelled at you, and actually respects your boundaries when you express them…sometimes. There are some days where you have clearly shown you don’t want to be eaten. He listens. Those days are few, but they happen regardless. You can’t help but sympathize with him. Call it Stockholm Syndrome, call it delusion, but you are at war with yourself, one side begging you to resist, the other side wishing to submit and accept the role you have been forced into.

Your mech scoops you up. For a good minute, he simply holds you, purring deeply while he traces circles against your back with his thumb. It feels good, and you hate that it does. His heavy rumbles are soothing. Despite what one might think, being eaten, massaged by a mechanical stomach for hours, and then regurgitated is an exhausting experience to go through. You find fatigue tugging at the back of your mind while your eyes flutter shut and you yawn.

The mech coos. “Sleep,” he whispers to you, his voice smooth as honey. “Sleep.”

If this were your first time, you would have fought it. But it’s not your first time, and you know resisting will get you nowhere closer to escaping. Darkness pulls you into its embrace with the glow of his eyes flickering in the background until it too fades away. It doesn’t take long for you to give in.

His name is Drift. That’s the first thing you think when you wake up. His name is Drift, and he saved you from the first set of robots that plucked you from your home and carried you off into space, saving you from one personal hell and thrusting you into another. It did not matter if this particular hell was a rather comfortable one. It was hell regardless. To have your sense of self snatched away from you, to be reduced to nothing more than a pet and a snack, to know you are possibly light years away from Earth and you are utterly alone here is enough to drive you insane.

You sit up slowly and groan, running a hand through your tousled hair. You're still wrapped up in the blanket Drift gave you, and you're resting on his berth. It’s covered with more blankets and even pillows, all courtesy of the mech who has done what he can to make your life here as comfortable as possible. The lights are dimmed. Drift is nowhere to be seen. He must have had some other matters to attend to and decided to give you a moment of solitude while you were resting. It was considerate of him. The sympathetic side of you feels appreciation. All that’s left is relief he is not here to stuff you back into his maw.

Drift does not understand you. In his eyes, you are simply an adorable little creature he has adopted. He cannot speak your language, and you cannot speak his. No level of displaying your intelligence will ever prove to him that you are worthy of being considered a true person by him or the other mechs. Oh, he cares. You know he does. He’s not a bad guy. You’ve seen bad, and he’s a welcome change from it. But he will never view you as an equal. You are simply just an animal in his mind’s eye.

Your fists clench with subdued rage without you even realizing it at first. The frustration bubbles up and leaves a foul taste on your tongue. You’ve screamed. You’ve begged. You’ve done everything you can to show them that you do not belong here. But they don’t listen. He doesn't listen. You're too cute, too tasty. For the first time in your life, you truly wish you had it in you to be a violent person and live up to the horrible reputation humans have given themselves on their own planet. Maybe if you had the power to destroy like the rest of your kind can, the mechs would finally learn to respect you. But human beings only destroy what is theirs. And here? Not even you belong to yourself anymore.

“Damnit,” you whisper under your breath. You haven’t felt this level of helplessness in a long time. Your chest tightens, and hot tears trickle down your cheeks and drip off your chin. You close your eyes and grit your teeth as a low sob heaves up from your throat.

“I want to go home,” you say to no one in particular. There’s no one to hear you. Even the gods of your world are too far away to listen to your prayers. “Please. Please. I want to go home. I just want to go home.”

So why don’t you?

Your eyes fly open.

Wait.

There are escape pods on this ship.

You’ve only seen them once. Drift usually keeps you perched on his shoulder when he travels around the ship and tends to his duties. He’s walked by them before. They’re towards the middle of the vessel, all lined up in single file.

What if you were to steal one?

A plan begins forming in your mind. It’s stupid. It’s risky. It could cost you your life. But you're so scared, and you’ll do anything to relieve that fear. You could return to Earth…you could go home.

You look around Drift’s room, taking in how absolutely massive everything is compared to you. The escape pods will be the same. One single little human will have a hard time piloting it. But what other choice do you have? Sit here and live the rest of your life as a pet?

A part of you actually finds it tempting. But you can’t let that side of you win. You cannot allow yourself to slip into the stupor that is slowly breaking your spirit. You must keep fighting. You must take back what was stolen from you: your life.

Drift is not a stifling owner. He does not demand your attention 24/7. He understands you need your space, and usually, if you protest enough, he will simply coo at you understandingly and leave you in his room for a few hours while he leaves.

You come up with a plan. It’s not a particularly stable one, and there are way too many points where it could go horribly wrong. But you will go through with it anyway, because you don't know how much longer you can take this. You're desperate for release, frantic for an escape from this nightmare reality you are in. You will find a way back home. You can’t give up. You refuse to give up. You are a human being. You belong on Earth.

As much as your plan relies on Drift leaving you alone, it also depends on his presence too. It’s impossible to traverse this starship by yourself. To be seen without your mech companion would lead to some robotic stranger scooping you up and bringing you right back to square one.

So, you will have to trick Drift.

You will use the advantage of your harmless appearance and have him bring you to the escape pods. You could blast away right under his nose and he won’t even know it because his belief that you are just an innocent, adorable little thing who can barely think for yourself is just too strong.

Guilt flashes through you.

He has no way of understanding, a tiny voice whispers inside your mind. It’s not his fault there’s a language barrier between the two of you. He’s trying his best. He’s trying. Can’t you appreciate that?

He views me as a pet, you think back. He thinks I’m an animal. A snack. Is abandoning my will as a human being worth it if it means I please him?

Yes.

The realization makes your heart sink.

Are you really that far gone? Have you become that accustomed to your life here? Have…have you truly been broken in?

The soft whoosh of the room door opening interrupts your thoughts. Drift slips in on silent feet; you still don’t know how such a large mechanical creature can move so quietly. He doesn’t look at you, and instead trudges to the mirror attached to the wall opposite his berth with his shoulders slumped and his head hanging low. Through the reflection of the mirror, you can see him staring at himself with a complicated expression. His mouth tightens and his hand rises to slowly begin tracing the metal beneath his eyes. You watch, with growing concern, as he just…looks. He’s observing his features, taking in every scar, every dent in his armor, every sign of age.

He vents out a soft exhale. With a surprising amount of weariness, he takes his swords and places them on their display stand.

“Drift?” you call out to him.

He turns to focus on you. His eyes immediately soften, and his grimace uplifts into a tired smile.

He looks so much older than he really is.

Your heart twists painfully. All of your previous foul thoughts towards him vanish as your empathy takes over and you raise your arms to make grabby hands at him. This is a language anyone can understand: Pick me up please?

He wastes no time in obliging. Swords and reflection forgotten, he makes it to you in four long strides. Gentle fingers push the blanket aside and free you from your fabric burrito. They curl around you, holding you in his right palm while he slowly lifts you up and slips his left hand under to support you. You no longer feel the queasy flip of your stomach turning circles from the dizzying experience of watching the floor grow further and further away. That reaction was long lost with your time here.

He presses you to his chest. The metal is warm, and deep within, you can feel the steady beat of his heart. It thrums through your entire body and causes you to shudder with awe. This is an alien being, one you hardly understand. Yet, he has a heartbeat. It connects the two of you, in a way. As your heart begins to beat in tandem with his, you feel so small. Yet…it helps you feel for him all the more, because it proves he is alive.

After a few minutes of hugging you, Drift lifts you higher. The soft blue glow of his eyes washes over you as the mech observes your tiny face. There’s a moment when he pauses, and then his thumb caresses your cheek, lightly running over the stains decorating your skin from your previous bout of tears. His smile falls into a concerned frown.

“Little one?” he whispers. He knows what tears are. You’ve heard him cry himself to sleep some nights. So he must understand you are not in a particularly good headspace right now.

“Drift,” you whisper back. He whines when he hears how your voice trembles. With great sadness weighing his expression down, he brings you close and presses his lips gently to your forehead.

You automatically freeze, and your eyes widen in shock as you feel the slightly plush metal against your skin. It’s so…intimate. All too quickly, you melt into the embrace, closing your eyes as a fresh wave of emotion washes over you and threatens to unleash the waterworks again. You sniffle and cling to him. “I hate that I’m enjoying this,” you quietly say.

He hums in response and slowly pulls away. The smile he offers you is so sweet, it makes your heart skip. You feel like a foolish schoolgirl in love. It’s the wrong emotion for the wrong person in the most wrong scenario you could ever imagine, but it feels so right.

He leans back in, and you think you are going to receive another kiss. But then his mouth opens wider and you have a full display of the squishy segmented tongue that’s shifting in eager anticipation for the taste it desires: you. Strings of saliva connect between metal teeth as large as your head. Inside, there’s light that softly pulses with the same color as his eyes, and it runs all the way down into his throat, illuminating the journey you know you are about to take. Fear jumps through you. “Drift,” you say, pushing frantically at his fingers. “Drift, wait!”

“Shhhh,” he murmurs. There are some incomprehensible words that, to your ears, sound like the garbled slurs of a broken radio. Your mind works overtime to comprehend. “Little one…safe…comfort…”

Oh.

He wants to comfort you.

You feel absolutely disgusted with yourself when you bite your bottom lip and contemplate his request.

Unfortunately, Drift doesn’t give you a chance to decide whether to accept or not. Apparently, your tears are really worrying him. With one last reassuring purr, he delicately pushes you into his mouth. You yelp when his tongue curls around your little body to begin slicking you up for a smoother ride. Drift rolls you around carefully, tasting every inch of your exposed skin with happy hums of pure pleasure.

You want to fight off the large muscle and demand he open his mouth to release you. However, you know there is no point. He’s not listening to you today. He believes this is the only way to bring you the reprieve you need. So, you give in. You go limp and allow your mech to toy with you.

He presses you to the roof of his mouth and suckles gently. A low moan rumbles up from within him. You are delicious. You know you are delicious. The way he savors you both terrifies you on a raw, existential level, and also makes you feel…wanted, in a way. He wants you. He cares about you. This is just another way of him showing it.

Eventually, his tongue lowers, and everything goes tipsy as Drift tilts his head and begins to push you towards the back of his throat. You instinctively scrabble at the base of the biomechanical muscle, but you cannot stop yourself from sliding back. When you look behind you and see the pulsing metal waiting to slurp you down into its dark, wet confines, you want to scream.

“Glk.”

One gulp.

That’s all it took for Drift to swallow you.

It is extremely unnerving to be reminded of how small you are.

You are sucked into Drift’s throat with no resistance. The glow of his mouth sticks with you while you are squeezed downward from all sides by the soft, moist walls of his esophagus. You wriggle as much as you can, but it is virtually impossible to move due to how tight the passage is. You find yourself holding your breath as you close your eyes and try to remain calm while you listen to the steady sounds of his internal systems working to keep him alive: the heavy thudding of his heart. A rhythmic intake and outtake of air that is eerily reminiscent of human breathing. There are other low whirrs and hums you cannot identify as well. All consuming. All just for you to hear.

Space opens up beneath you, and you drop into his stomach with a wet plop. The organ gurgles, welcoming you back like an old friend. You bounce a little as the floor jiggles, then you find yourself sinking into the mesh metal. The walls close in, squeezing you, kneading at you, all while a melody of rumbles and groans fill the space. You pant, taking a moment to catch your breath as you lay on your back and stare up at the soft biolights all around you, filling the stomach with a comforting hue.

Something presses against you from the outside: Drift’s hand. Above you, the mech says something. His voice is soft, yet loud at the same time. You are utterly, completely surrounded by him. Locked away behind all of this metal, you truly feel like you are his.

For some reason, this is not as scary as it usually is.

You sit up and try to wipe saliva off of your face, but only succeed in smearing it all over you even more. Drift speaks again. “Little one?” His tone is urgent, worried. The stomach growls with nervous trepidation.

You crawl on your hands and knees to the organ’s wall. Sitting up, you press your hand into the wet muscle, watching as your fingers sink into the squishy grooves. “I’m okay, Drift,” you murmur. “I’m okay.”

You feel him relax all around you. Drift presses his hand right over where yours is and rubs you tenderly. You cuddle up against him and close your eyes, listening to your mech’s happy purrs, enjoying the feeling of being constantly massaged by his stomach.

It is warm.

You are warm.

You no longer want to cry.

Maybe…maybe you can put off your escape plan. Just for a little longer.

200 notes · View notes

beskarandblasters · 5 months

Text

Release Your Inhibitions

Inexperienced!Din Djarin x F!Reader

Main Masterlist | Din Djarin Masterlist

Author’s note: Inspired by this beautiful piece of art by @immarocketman!! If you want to, you could imagine this is in the same universe as Uncut, Grasp & Tug, Oral Fixation, and Bare It All! But reading them is not required to read this! :)

Summary: Shortly after revealing his face to you, Din’s worried about the faces he makes during sex, since he’s never had to worried about that before. You suggest something that might ease his worries; a blindfold.

Word count: 1.5k

Warnings: reader is able-bodied, canon divergent, established relationship, Din is insecure and inexperienced, helmet comes off, blindfolding, oral sex (M receiving), vaginal sex, light biting, creampie, super romantic and loving sex, use of Mando’a words/phrases (Cyar’ika = sweetheart, Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum = I love you, Yooba solus mesh'la = You are beautiful), no use of y/n

Fic notifs: @beskarandblastersfics Fic recs: @kelbellsficrecs

“Would it be alright if I left my helmet on this time?” Din says softly.

You’re at a hotel on Coruscant, a place that was a bit out of Din’s price range. But the bed is nice and big, a luxury you don’t get when you’re in the confines of the Razor Crest. You made the first move, palming the growing bulge in his flight suit. A groan escaped his lips underneath the helmet. He’s missed you today, spending most of his time chasing after a particularly difficult bounty. But once you heard the knock on the hotel room door you knew what that meant; time with him between the sheets.

He’s got you on your back and legs spread apart. Half of your clothes are strewn about on the floor and he’s down to just his flight suit. But now you’re stopped dead in your tracks, wondering what in the galaxy would make Din ask that.

“Of course, it’s alright, Din. But… why?”

He doesn’t answer right away, moving to sit at the edge of the bed. He rests his helmet in his gloved hands, slouched forward and sighing to himself. You move to sit beside him, running your hand up and down his back.

“You can tell me anything,” you remind him, feeling how his body reacts to your touch, even through all the layers.

“I’m just… insecure?” he says, unsure of his own feelings, unsure of where it’s coming from.

“Okay. Is that why you want to keep your helmet on?” you continue, dancing around this topic delicately. Taking off his helmet and showing you his face is a relatively new thing for the two of you. Not only it is a huge sign of the trust he has for you, but it’s also opening him to a world of insecurities. Under all of the beskar, he’s confident, never having to worry about what he actually looks like. But when he showed you his face many rotations ago, a nagging voice became a fixture in the back of his mind, telling him “She hates the way you look. This was a mistake. And you’re stupid for ever thinking this would go well,” despite all the love and words of affirmation you gave him. It breaks your heart knowing he feels that way about himself.

“Last night when were, uh, doing it, I caught a glimpse of what I look like, in the mirror.”

“I see,” you say, glancing at the mirror hung on the wall beside the bed.

“And I just think the faces I make are… stupid? I don’t know. It’s silly.”

“It’s not silly, Din. Everyone worries about that kind of stuff.”

“I’ve never had to before.”

You rack your brain for ways to help him out of this. He deserves to have sex without his helmet off. He deserves to be completely encapsulated in your scent or to feel your lips against his. And selfishly, you want him to keep it off, of course. There has to be some sort of solution, a temporary fix.

And then it dawns on you; a blindfold.

“I have an idea,” you say, moving off the bed and walking to a chair in the corner of the room, where Din’s medic kit is sitting. You rifle through the medic kit and pull out a white piece of fabric, one Din would use for dressing a wound.

You return to the side of the bed where he’s sitting, lifting the helmet slowly off his head and setting it on the nightstand.

“What about a blindfold?” you say, holding the fabric in front of his face.

“A blindfold? Why?”

“Half of your face will be covered,” you shrug, “And you won’t have to look at yourself in the mirror.”

“Oh, okay,” he says.

You take off the remaining layers of your clothes while he slips out of his flight suit, cock springing free from the fabric. He sits back down on the bed and you wrap the blindfold around his face, tying it at the back of his head.

“But now I don’t get to see you,” he says, almost complaining.

“Yes but…” you start, bringing your head beside his ear, “Your other senses are heightened,” you whisper, sending a shiver down his spine.

“Kriff,” he curses under his breath.

You sink to the floor, running your lips along his groin, and feeling the goosebumps on his skin beneath your fingertips. He shudders as you get closer and closer to his cock, only to pull away once he’s holding his breath and expecting you to take him in your mouth.

“Cyar’ika, please. Don’t tease me,” he whines, aching for your mouth around his cock already.

“Fine. Fine. I won’t,” you giggle, kissing his groin and moving closer to his cock again. You wrap your hand around the base and slip your tongue between his head and his foreskin, still teasing him a little. He groans some more, his hands finding each side of your face and caressing it lightly. And just when he’s about to beg again, you take him in your mouth as far as he can go, stroking the part you can’t fit. His hands move to the back of your head as you suck him off, head bobbing up and down and your tongue flat against the underside of his cock.

“Kriff, cyar’ika,” he curses again, “You take care of me so well.”

You hum in response, sending a vibration down his shaft. He shudders again, head thrown back in pleasure while your other hand inches closer to his balls. And once you cup them he’s about to lose it, shaky breaths working up to full-blown panting.

“Cyar’ika, I’m gonna cum if you don’t stop,” he pants, voice dripping with arousal and pleasure.

You hum in response again, as if you’re telling him that you want this, that you want to make him cum. Your tongue returns to the head of his cock, swirling around the tip and in between his foreskin, while your hand continues to stroke his length. You feel his balls tense up in your hand and almost immediately after, he’s coming down your throat, moaning out a string of curse words in Mando’a you don’t quite catch. You swallow his release, stroking him through his orgasm before taking him out of your mouth and rising from the floor.

“You’re amazing,” he says, voice still breathless and coming down from his high.

“I’m not quite done with you,” you chuckle, pushing his shoulders lightly so he’s lying down on the bed. His cock is still hard and glistening from just being in your mouth.

“You’re not?”

“Nope,” you giggle, moving to straddle him. You sink down onto his cock, feeling him stretch out your walls as you take all of him. But instead of staying upright with your hands flat against his chest, you lean forward, placing your head beside his ear again while grinding against him.

“Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum,” you whisper. Although you couldn’t understand the curse words he used earlier, you made sure to learn how to say I love you and a few other things with the help of your data-pad.

All he can do is moan in response as your cunt envelopes his cock and your hips grind against him. So you take his earlobe in between your teeth and tug on it lightly before whispering again.

“Yooba solus mesh'la,” you tell him, wanting him to feel all the love and admiration you hold for him, wanting him to know that he’s desired.

He whispers back that he loves you, too, his voice jumping an octave as you cum around his cock. You take his earlobe in between your teeth again while you ride out your high, feeling the pleasure originate from your core and spread outwards. Your orgasm triggers his own and soon enough he’s coming inside you, cock pressed up against your cervix. The movement of your hips eventually slows to a halt and you’re left there just resting against him with his cock still inside you.

You poke your head up and untie the blindfold around his head, looking deep into his eyes with a smile on your face.

“Did you like that? The blindfold?” you ask.

“I did… Maybe we can do that more often?” he asks, his words delicate like he’s afraid of your response.

“Of course,” you say, leaning down and pressing a kiss against his lips.

He kisses you back, needy and passionate, but only because he knows that out of all the people in the galaxy, you’re the only one who will ever see him like this.

“Thanks for being patient with me,” he says softly.

“Anything for you,” you whisper back.

Banners/dividers by @saradika-graphics

Gif credit unknown, please let me know if this is your gif or someone you know!

#din djarin x reader #din djarin smut #din djarin one shot #din djarin fanfiction #din djarin x you #din djarin x f!reader #the mandalorian fanfiction #the mandalorian #star wars smut #star wars fanfiction #starwarsficnetwork #pedrostories

236 notes · View notes

queenimmadolla · 2 years

Note

NEED MORE PENNY AND DAD!EDDIE ITS SO CUTE

yeah, this little family kind of owns my ass now so i’m glad you love them! and thank you for being my first request, i literally dropped everything i was doing cause i wanted to get this out tonight! sorry if the formatting is shit, posting on mobile is weird for me. will tweak any mistakes tomorrow!

Look Who’s Talking

𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

summary: eddie takes his three year old shopping. obviously, cuteness ensues. **sequel to Penny for Your Thoughts**

warnings: none, i think. oh, except PREGNANCY WHAAAAT.

gif by corrodedcoffins

“We’re gonna get you some cool new threads, pretty girl. I’m thinking slacks.”

The look Penny gave him made him snicker, her eyebrows furrowed together as she eyed him like she regretted not being able to opt out of this. Sure, she had no idea what slacks were, but clearly she was not fond of the word.

Penny was in need of some new clothes, the now three year old was beginning to outgrow most of her wardrobe. She even had little high waters, and that made his eyes water. His baby was growing, and he didn’t like it one bit.

Normally, shopping was a family activity but you were incredibly irritable lately and Eddie figured you could use some alone time to relax. You hadn’t protested too hard when he offered to take Penny to pick out a couple of new toddler ‘fits. Now that she didn’t demand a nipple every once in a while, it was easier to take Penny places with him.

Like the outdoor shopping center, a recent addition to Hawkins.

“Can we get snacks, too?” Came her cute little voice as he unbuckled her from her carseat.

She’d always been a bit of babbler from the moment she started trying to communicate, was speaking a couple of broken phrases here and there a little after she had turned two but it wasn’t until after her third birthday that she figured words out. Like really well. Scarily, well.

Penny went from baby talk and referring to herself in third person to asking him if he could sit down with her on his lap so she could tell him about how ‘tiwed in the hawt’—she still had trouble with her ‘r’s—she’d get when she spends her day making a city with her building blocks before her bedtime only to wake up and find the city back in her toy box. All her hard work gone.

From just ‘Daddy, no eat Penny’s toes! Penny’s toes not fo’ eatin’ to ‘Daddy, why awe you twying to eat my feets foe? Thewa not vewy yummy, not wike ‘spetti.’, all within the span of less than a year. Broke and warmed his heart. She immediately clung to him like a baby koala as he pulled her entirely out of the van and shut the door, letting her dad press a multitude of kisses into her still baby fat filled cheeks. “Yeah, we’ll grab something on the way out.”

“You got a big nose, daddy.” She also had no filter, something you both had to be incredibly cautious about because it wasn’t a matter of if she would repeat something. It was when. And Penny had already told Wayne how ‘fuckin ‘cited’ she was with her approaching promotion.

Eddie smirked at the memory of last Christmas and the way you’d immediately disappeared into the kitchen—because it had totally been you that fucked up—as he made his way to the kids clothing store you bought most of Penny’s clothes from. The bell above the door sounded as they entered, and Eddie crouched down to set Penny on her legs.

He loved holding her, but he wanted to get her comfortable with walking around in public, and a confined setting—while she had a lot more of her impulses under control, the need to immediately run free and wild when her parents put her down in most settings was still hard for her to ignore—such as a store was the perfect opportunity. He just couldn’t take his eyes off of her or he’d have a heart attack.

“Alright, lucky Penny. What colors are we thinking about for your fall wardrobe?” He asked, pulling something tan and fluffy off of a rack for her to inspect.

She reached a little hand up to scratch at her head, fingers gripping the curls for a moment as she tried to figure out a way to convey to her daddy that what he was holding up was very ugly.

“Uhm, I dunno. Not that. Maybe Gween? I wike gween, and yellow. And pink. Owange is a hawd colow, huh daddy?” He had no idea what she meant by that, but he agreed nonetheless. His baby was always right.

Eddie put the ugly article of clothing back, letting Penny wander around to whatever caught her eye.

Except, she just kept walking, didn’t even bother looking at anything. “What about this one?” He asked, pulling a random little green sweater out for her in an attempt to catch her attention. Before he could even get a good look at it, she was letting out the most dramatic of little screams.

“DUCK! WOOK! WOOK, DADDY! ’S A DUCKIE!” She pointed at the embellishment on the front of the sweater, and sure enough, it was a duck. And not even a cute little cartoon one, it was an embellishment of an actual duck. Eddie knew it was her latest obsession, along with city construction, but he hadn’t realized the form of it didn’t matter to her.

“Alright, we found our first pick.” He double checked to make sure it was the right size before letting her hold onto it. The way she cradled it to her chest, mumbling gibberish to it reminded him a lot of Gollum. Two minutes later she got tired of holding it, so it ended up thrown over his shoulder.A blue blouse, a pair of pink overalls, pink sweats, pink pants, three pairs of little jeans, an orange sweater, two care bears shirts, three packs of socks—those she wanted to hold, cradling them like babies despite the fact that Eddie knew how much she hated socks—and the green duck sweater later, Eddie was pretty satisfied with their little shopping haul.

Penny had kept up a continuous stream of commentary ranging from her opinions on the selections to fleeting thoughts she had a couple of ‘yestertimes’ ago with absolutely no relation to their bonding time, but it was still endearing to Eddie. Everything she did, was. Eddie absolutely adored how random she was. She’d be going on and on about how ducks aren’t scary like chickens, how you promised her you’d protect her from them forever, then she’d remember he existed or something because she’d turn around and hug his leg—and she put her all into hugs—giving his jeans a kiss before looking up at him with those big, beautiful brown eyes. His eyes looking up at him through a face so similar to yours.

Fuck, you guys made a whole, perfect little human together. That’s all the proof he needs to know magic is real.

“I wuvs you, daddy.”

His heart wouldn’t ever not melt for her.

“I love you, too, baby.” He choked out through the emotions making his throat feel tight. “Daddy loves you so much.”

“Yes.” Is all she said, leaning up on his leg for a few moments before she was off again. Eddie followed immediately after her, eyebrows pinching together in confusion for a moment. Something didn’t feel right. Something was missing.

“Penny.”

“Yes?” She responded, curls bouncing as she felt the need to start trying her hardest to hop along instead of walk.

“Where are the socks?”

“Yes.”

After they’d double backed around the store and found the pack of socks—Eddie only needed to watch her glance nervously at a certain shoe box a couple of times—he figured it was check out time.

So did the woman who rang them up, only it wasn’t just the clothes she was checking out, her blue eyes raked over his frame with lust clouded eyes.

“She yours?” The blonde asked, folding all the little articles of clothing before placing them into a bag.

“Yeah.” Eddie’s response was bleak, doing his best to mask his annoyance. He had gotten used to being hit on when it was just him and Penny, but it didn’t mean that he liked it. The thought of any women thinking they could take your place—whether they know you existed or not—in his and Penny’s lives made his blood boil.

“Figured. She’s cute. Must have got it from you.” And he really hated it when they did it right in hearing range of his daughter.

He glanced down at your little mini me, relieved to see her distracted by something in the display case that was eye level with her.

“She looks more like her mom,” Eddie took great satisfaction in seeing how red with embarrassment her face got. Served her fucking right, hitting on guys with babies with no knowledge of whether or not they’re going home to someone.

“O-Oh, she must be really beautiful then.” She didn’t look back up at him as she rang him up, and before Eddie could hand her the money, a chubby little hand started tapping at the glass display.

Eddie popped down in a squat to Penny’s height, mouth breaking out into a wide grin when he realized exactly what it was Penny had decided she wanted.

Oh, you were gonna lose your shit.

“Honey, we’re home!” Eddie announced as he unlocked the front door, the bag of clothes in one hand, and Penny in the other arm.At the sound of their arrival, you put the ice cream you’d been eating straight out of the carton back into the freezer and made your way towards the living room to greet them.

The overwhelming amount of cuteness stopped you short.“Oh my god.”

Eddie had his sunglasses on. Paired with the dark long sleeve and his leather jacket, it was a dangerous combo. You would have jumped his bones if it weren’t for the real attention grabber in his arms.

“Imma medohead, mama!”

Penny’s curls were significantly more wild when compared to how they were before the two of them had left, she had what looked like cinnamon smeared around her mouth and all over her pink ‘Girl Power’ shirt. But it was the mini pair of sunglasses on her face that did you in.

Identical to her dad’s.

They were fucking matching.

If you weren’t already waiting for the current bun in your oven to be ready, you would’ve been setting it to preheat for tonight.

But wait, there’s more.

Eddie leaned forward to give you a thorough—but kid-viewing friendly—kiss before he pulled out another small pair from the pocket of his jacket.

“For whenever our little guy decides to make his entrance.”

May whatever God is around help you.

“Don’t move, I gotta get the camera.”

3K notes · View notes

selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs · 6 months

Note

I got a good idea, what if the reader became aware that the bsd characters are self aware. So they stop reading and watching it, and playing the game because they think their hurting the characters.(this would happen before the bsd characters got into our world)

I am aware that you are aware

Self-Aware! BSD Characters x GN! Reader

Description: You liked BSD Mayoi Inu Kaikitan game. So many features, so many cards and story up to fourth season. You still baffled, that the game not that popular.

Why others think that your new cards is a fanart? Why people tell, that you can't get multiple SSR tickets from Marble Shining? Why The Internet tell, that game only describes two seasons and part of Dead Apple? And why people can have different nicknames in game, isn't it supposed to be your real name?

Warning: OOC. English is my second language.

🐾 You just wanted to show, how lucky your pulls were in current scouts "Casino - Rats in the house of the Dead" and "Casino - Decay of Angels"

🐾 You made a screenshot of 2821 Fyodor D. "Casino", 3711 Pushkin "Casino", 5243 N. Gogol "Casino" and 1638 Sigma "Casino"¹ and post it on BSD Mayoi Subreddit.

🐾 You got comments. Lots of comments, praising the fanart... Or asking, why did you post an April Fools' joke now, not on First of April?

🐾 Fanart? Joke? What do they mean? It wasn't a fanart, it's an official card! You clearly remember doing a daily free 11-scout! And getting them!

🐾 But, a tiny seed of doubt appears in your soul. Was it possible, that so many people didn't get the cards? Or... Didn't see the scout?

______

🐾 Next strange thing happened, when you Shine the Marble for Ranpo. For this week it was a Campaign "10 shines for one click". The Marble Turned prismatic, and you exchange it for SSR Scout Ticket. Well, for a few SSR Tickets. You got lucky again and win "Detective Chance". A familiar phrase appeared in a text box near Ranpo's chibi:

"Great Job, [Y/N]! You deserve a little bonus! Let's collect more cool marbles later!"

🐾 You smiled. It was cute.

🐾 Unfortunately, one of your fellow students saw everything you were doing.

🐾 And they blamed you for playing a hacked game.

🐾 You snarled at them. If they are playing BSD Mayoi and were unlucky with Marble Shining today, it's not your fault. You aren't cheating. Besides, they were looking on your phone screen without your permission. And what if you were texting some private information during that?

🐾 They spat at you, mumbling something about 'there is no marble campaign right now' and 'never they gave you five tickets for a marble'.

🐾 They were rude, yes. They were in the wrong by looking at your phone screen. But... They won't gain too anything by lying. Especially, to you. You also play BSD Mayoi, you could check.

🐾 Could you?

🐾 You didn't notice, that chibi Ranpo opened his eyes. And his look wasn't the friendliest.

🐾 The next day you learned, that yesterday's student got some serious private information leaked. Something about blackmail and stealing other students projects. They will face some trouble.

🐾 ... Quite an interesting coincidence...

_______

🐾 You don't know, what made you do it, but, when your grandma asked you to download an app, that will remind her taking her medication, you decide to look up BSD Mayoi Inu Kaikitan game in app store.

🐾 Different icon. Not yours. Different screens. And comments...

🐾 Asking, when third season will be added... For more Fyodor cards... For adding Gogol cards... Asking for a Dead Apple Scout rerun... That was up last time almost five years ago.

🐾 This comment was from two days ago. But, Dead Apple Scout was just one month ago! You got Dazai's, Fyodor's and Shibusawa's cards!

🐾 They were wrong! Or... You were wrong...? Or no one was wrong.

🐾 You download necessary apps for your grandma.

🐾 And start thinking.

_______

🐾 You spend two hours in the library, using the university's computer.

🐾 Search information about BSD Mayoi in any language you could think of.

🐾 Online translators might not be the most accurate, but they let you understand the main idea.

🐾 There was no more story in game outside The Dragon Head Conflict. And the situation didn't change for years.

🐾 Aya, Rimbaud, Flags, Adam, Verlaine, Karma, Katai, Oda's orphans, Pushkin, Goncharov, Oguri, Gogol, Sigma, Tetchou, Teruko, Fukuchi, Jounou and Bram didn't have any cards on any server. And Tachihara didn't have a Hunting Dogs version of his card.

🐾 Some Scouts didn't have a rerun for ages.

🐾 Marble Exchange can give you one SSR Ticket for Max Level Marble.

🐾 There were never Junchirou's menu with daily recipes. Or Katai's menu with tips for keeping your phone safe. Or Mori's with fashion tips.

🐾 Devs never gave away SSR Cards as present for Maintenance end.

🐾 Characters never send notes with gifts to Players, thanking them.

🐾 Players could choose any nicknames, not their real names.

🐾 Either you get a special version of an app... Or... Characters were... But, it's impossible, right?

🐾 Were there any way for you to prove it?

______

"I love BSD for using small Easter eggs for people, who liked literature. But, I wish, they would do it more often. For example, real-life Junchirou Tanizaki and Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald were friends! They even play shogi together. And in BSD Tanizaki and Francis are barely interacting with each other."

After you finish talking with your friend, Ango immediately rushed to get the camera, and Junchirou and Francis start to set a scene. Tomorrow you will get a card you want! Card, that reflects their other world counterparts.

[Next Day]

"Oh! SSR card with Fitzgerald and Junchirou playing shogi? And it's called "Old friends"? Good... So Devs knew about that... story..."

Your voice sounded... Off. And Little Light trembled for some reason.

"Story, that I made up two days ago to test my theory. You... All of you can hear me, right?"

BSD Cast feel, like they were struck by lightning. They wanted to make a surprise to you and reveal, that they are self-aware, only when they got into your world.... Well, doesn't matter, they could try to speak to you, now...

Why are you crying? Who have hurt you?

Your voice were pleading. You sobbed.

"I am sorry! I am sorry for not realizing it sooner! I am sorry for every hit you got, when marble hit spikes or poison, or when enemies hit you! I am sorry, for reading about your lives, for learning your secrets without permission! For... Making you relive your lives... And for... Hurting you... Killing you..."

At the end, you were hysterical. You were the reason for Rimbaud's, Flags', Oda's, his kids', Gide's and Shibusawa's death. You were the reason, they got hurt. You howl, remembering that time, Kunikida lost his arms.

"I am sorry! I am sorry! I am so sorry!"

BSD Cast were in distress. You misunderstood the situation! They weren't angry! They liked you and will never hate you!

But with next words their world shatter.

"I... I won't read about your lives anymore. Or watch about it... I... won't play the game anymore... I won't delete it, because I am not sure, if this won't hurt you... I am sorry!"

You close the app.

Little Light fall on a floor, sobbing.

_____

Few days later you got an email from yourself. And from them.

"Dear [Y/N],

Please, listen to us. You didn't hurt us in any way! We aren't angry, we promise! You... Your love and understanding let us through our darkest times. We were lost, confused, we didn't know who we are. But you, you were here. You treat us and our emotions like we were real for you.

Please, open the app... We add chat, we want to talk to you.

BSD cast"

You re-read the letter a few more times. Then again. And again.

After some thinking, you opened the app.

______

You were chatting for a long time. You asked about how they became self-aware, what were happening, when you read new chapters. You asked about deceased ones, whose cards you got (you have never been happier in your life, after learning, that they were alive. Because of you). You asked if they felt pain, when they loose HP in game.

And BSD Gang asked you about your life, your interest, if they can add something else in the app that you need.

And about wanting to get into your world. About wanting to live in reality. And be your friends.

You have a feeling, that it was a beginning of something unique.

______

🐾 You keep your decision about not watching and reading BSD. They weren't characters anymore. They were real people.

🐾 You also stopped cleaning Battle Stages in Mayoi. Instead, you were chatting with the gang.

🐾 Slowly but surely you learned more about each other.

🐾 So, when they finally appeared in your world, you greet them like old friends.

______

¹ Something interesting about numbers:

2821 - "The Gambler" by Dostoevsky was the author's 28th work. And it was written in 21 days, because Dostoevsky lost all money he had by gambling and need money as soon as possible.

3711 - In "The Queen of Spades" by Pushkin the winning combination in the card game were three, seven and ace (considered 11 in some games and in the novel)

5243 - "The Gamblers" play by Gogol was played on stage for the first time in 1843, on 5 of February.

1638 - Year, when the first Casino in Europe was open.

#self-awareau #self-awarebsd #bungou stray dogs au #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd anime #bsd x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader

184 notes · View notes

muneca-lemon-steppa · 7 months

Text

Interviews for New Beginnings: Part 1

Alfie Solomons x Fem!Reader, Fluff

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Swearing, Period Era Sexism

A/N: Hi guys! This is my first fic in over a year, but I dont know I just wanted to have fun! Also lets be real... i needed these ideas out of my head. Please enjoy, have fun! Have an amazing rest of your day! Hi everyone!!! So this became a multi chapter story! This has been so much fun and I am so excited to see where this story goes! If you are interested in continuing this story, go to my tags and click ‘Interviews for New Beginnings’ there all parts will be together! Eventually I’ll put together a master list for it! Love you guys so much, I’m so glad you guys are having fun!!

You had heard about this job from your cousin Eli. And maybe that should’ve been the first clue that perhaps this may not have been a completely legal or safe or upstanding or above the table or whatever good adjective your parents could come up with position. But you had told Eli that you needed a job! And he did find you one! And your parents should be overjoyed that you will be working in the same “bakery” as a male cousin. It’s not proper for a woman to be working without a family member’s presence… especially where there are other men in the office.

“When you go in there be sure to look strong, but not too strong, emphasize that you’re docile and you want to please him.” Eli had been quizzing you about your skill sets and how you were to behave in the interview the entire walk to “The Bakery”. And while Eli was so sweet and more of a brother than a cousin… you couldn’t keep your irritation at bay.

“Tell me Eli… am I interviewing for the position of personal secretary or personal wh-“

“And don’t be so quick with that mouth of yours! Listen… Mr. Solomons is one of the most important men in Camden. This could be a really big opportunity for you. Being the personal secretary of one of the biggest names in the city can give you a steady income and some real independence! But that means you can’t be so…”

“Myself?” You say with a cocked brow and a bumped hip.

Eli’s eyes lit up as if a child he had been teaching finally understood arithmetic, “yes! Yes exactly! Listen while you’re in front of Mr. Solomons, it’s ‘yes sir’ and no questions asked. Got it?”

You sigh and roll your eyes. It felt like you had had this conversation so many times in different ways. Why did your parents care to educate you so much if you weren’t allowed to use your mind? You had asked your father many times, if God gave you a mouth and brain, why shouldn’t you be allowed to use them? And he was never really able to answer beyond a couple phrases talking about the ‘role of women’. You had just been fired from a doctor’s office due to talking back to an unruly patient. Truthfully, this was your last shot to get real independence. It was either this job… or letting your parents begin the process of finding a husband.

You finally reach the door of the bakery, and Eli turns you toward him to fix your hair and straighten your sweater, “Ok ok. Here we are dearest. Now just follow me, don’t make eye contact with everyone and just… be good.”

You chuckle out a, “Yes mum.”

With a laugh he shoves your arm, and gives his name to the young man standing by the door. With a nod he opens the door and lets you in, quickly following Eli’s steps.

While Eli said you couldn’t make eye contact with anyone he never said you couldn’t look at the bakery. It didn’t take you long to notice that while all the men were wearing aprons… there was a distinct lack of… bread… or anything to do with bread. Soon after this you began to feel that memorable tickle in your nose. Rum you thought to yourself. With a smirk you ran up behind Eli and whispered, “Wow quite the bakery Eli. Does the family know about your little rum house job?”

His face was pale, and he was clearly in no mood to joke. With a huff you returned to your previous pace, and you see that the office is just ahead.

Suddenly you feel the flush in your neck, and begin to steel yourself. You had of course heard about Mr. Alfred Solomons. The King of Camden. The Brave War Captain turned Ruthless Gangster. Eli was not kidding when he said that Mr. Solomons was one of the most important people in the city. He ruled the community. This was not the time and place for your mouth to act up. This was the time to behave and play it safe.

Eli rapped the door of the private office gently, and was met with a gruff, "What now!?"

Eli with a shaking hand opened the door, "Mr. Solomons? It's me Eli I..."

"What the fuck do you want eh? Come on now yeah you interrupt me and just stand there acting like you've been struck dumb by God. Come on!!"

Eli kept stammering, basically useless, so you stepped up, "Mr. Solomons, I'm Eli's cousin. I'm here for the secretary position."

Mr. Solomons eyebrows furrowed, looking you up and down. You couldn't help but feel like a child in front of his stare. Fiery, discerning, and just plain terrifying. "You said you're here for what?"

"The secretary position. My cousin said you were in need of a secretary."

Mr. Solomons looked at Eli and looked at you, "And you think you're qualified for a secretary position?"

The heat in your chest started to grow. And you could feel your temper begging to be let out. But you had to make a good impression. You needed this job. You needed to be sweet and to behave.

You nodded, "Yes sir, I can assure you I am I-"

"I'm sorry treacle but this simply will not do." Mr. Solomons cut you off. "What I am doing here right? I'm running a legitimate business. I am running something very difficult that little girls like you simply could not deal with yeah? Now run along and go do whatever young girls do yeah?"

"Mr. Solomons I-"

"Treacle now you're making me a little frustrated right, I said run along now."

You could feel the heat rising and rising, and Eli tugging at your sleeve, "Mr. Solomons if you will just listen-"

Mr. Solomons rose from his desk, "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE I SAID LEAVE."

"I AM YOUR NEW SECRETARY DAMNIT."

The room went silent. The entire bakery went silent. And from the corner of your eye you can see different men pausing, waiting to see what would happen next.

Alfred Solomons, for the first time in his life, was left speechless. The last woman who had yelled at him was his mother. Usually, women run and hide from him upon the first interaction. Men have wet themselves from his bellowing. Yet... this little woman is standing here, screaming at him, demanding to be heard. He did not know what to do, he could only stare at her.

You tried to be good. You really did try! But it was too late now. Mr. Solomons was just staring at you, and you had a point to make.

"Mr. Solomons, I am the most capable secretary that you will ever have walk through these doors. I am fluent in Russian, Yiddish, Hebrew, and French. Not only can I read and write, I was the best in my class in maths. I am a damn good baker, though clearly you do not need my services there. I am incredibly punctual and polite and am able to talk to anyone. And to top it all off, I make a very good cup of tea. Now I put on my best dress and shoes and I walked 45 minutes to get to your ridiculous office and I will be damned if I will leave here without a job! Do I have your attention now sir?"

While you were speaking Alfred Solomons had slowly lowered himself into his seat, with a smile on his face. He was stroking his beard, considering your fiery eyes, and the shape of your lips while you yelled at him. He began to laugh to himself, "Come sit down treacle. Eli, get the fuck out, stand by the door."

You turned to look at your cousin, but he had already closed the door behind him. You walked to the desk where Mr. Solomons was sitting, and took a seat directly in front of him. Where he had been leaning back in his chair, he was now leaning forward on the desk, resting on his elbows on top of a thick layer of papers. His eyes twinkled, and a handsome smirk played on his lips. Your rage was still simmering, and it was hating you for staring at those eyes.

"You can read and write?"

"Yes."

"How fast can you type?"

"80 words per minute."

"You're good at math?"

"You want to put a slate in front of me and have me recite a King's speech as well Mr. Solomons?"

He barked out a laugh, "Fuck me. You've got a sharp tongue on you don't you?"

"I have language why not use it."

"Fucking hell...alright listen here you little viper. I want you here every morning at 8 o'clock. Ready to work. You will have many a late night in this job. You will be my personal secretary, which means when I say "come here", I better see you before I finish that sentence. You'll need to write letters for me as well as manage my meetings alright? You will be my shadow. Any questions?"

"What is my salary?"

He paused, staring at you, seemingly trying to see how low you would take, "4 pounds a week."

"6"

"Good Lord what do you need 6 pounds a week for? 4 and a half and thats generous."

"Mr. Solomons I'm not stupid I know what you do. You need me. You want to become a respectable businessman you need someone like me to make sure your affairs are in order. I know you are working with many different people, and you need my abilities. I am the best you will ever have. 5 and a half."

Alfred keeps stroking his beard...wondering how the hell Eli could be related to someone so strong... and how much it was going to cost to keep you, "5 pounds a week. And I will give you a Hanukkah bonus."

"...And Rosh Hoshannah off."

"Done."

You stood to shake his hand, firmly, though he kept smirking as he shook yours. "Alright my little viper, I will see you tomorrow. Bring ink and a notebook. We start at 8."

"Thank you Mr. Solomons. You won't regret this!"

"Alfie. You will call me Alfie from now on."

The way he said it while staring into your eyes brought a heat to your cheeks, and you prayed that he couldn't see any change in your demeanor. "Alfie." You whispered as you nodded and walked away.

He couldn't help but linger there in that moment, watching you walk away, speaking animatedly with Eli. Never had he ever felt so... struck by a woman before. He had women before of course, but no woman had captivated him the way you just did. He needed you. He needed you with him, in any way that you allowed him to have you near. Maybe this was a mistake, but he highly doubted it. How could a mistake be so beautiful?

"OLLIE!" He yelled, "WE NEED A DESK AND CHAIR NOW!"

#alfie solomons x reader #alfred solomons #alfie solomons #alfie solomons x y/n #alfie solomons x you #peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinders #this is my new hyperfixation #i just love him #daddy i love him #Interviews for New Beginnings

299 notes · View notes

in-my-feels-probably · 10 months

Note

Hi, could you write a Nikolai X Shadow Summoner!Reader with the songs "mirrorball" and "the archer"?

You can that would be cool but if not not that's fine also🙂

Holding Onto A Mirrorball

Request: Hi, could you write a Nikolai X Shadow Summoner!Reader with the songs "mirrorball" and "the archer"?

Hi! I’m so sorry for the wait, I was busy for a while and then I had writer's block. I had some fics I needed to post new chapters for, but I’m ready to start doing requests again. This turned out to be really long, I just kept writing and writing and it got a little out of hand. Sorry, hopefully it was worth the wait to get to this length. Thank you again for being so patient, and I hope you enjoy!

Just wanted to warn you first, I don’t know how to translate things, and I don’t know how to speak or write in these languages. I used as many already translated words and phrases I could find in Ravkan and used them where I could, but sometimes I had to use Russian where I couldn’t find the right phrasing. And I'm not sure if it’s correct, sorry if it’s wrong, it’s just little things here and there I thought it would be cute to use it for.

Also, I made the reader the Darkling’s sister. It was easier for me to write that way, so hopefully that’s alright with you. If not, and you want me to alter this or write you something else, I’m happy to do so :)

(Warnings: swearing, shitty translations, death, mentions of Genya’s assault, let me know if i missed anything)

—

I'm a mirrorball

I can change everything about me to fit in

I never grew up, it's getting so old

Help me hold onto you

I've been the archer

I've been the prey

You have lived a thousand lives.

Your Mother was Baghra, the daughter of Morozova, and your older brother was Aleksander, otherwise known as the Darkling.

Like your brother, you were a Shadow Summoner as well. Merzost created your powers, but unlike him, you weren’t an amplifier. You were strong enough against other Grisha, but against him, you couldn’t hold your own.

In your early life, you didn’t need to be capable of beating him.

You loved him like any sister would love their brother. And he never would have hurt you with his powers, knowing that you’d never do anything to hurt him with yours.

In the early days, he hardly used his powers at all. Grisha were persecuted more in that age than any other time in history, and your Mother warned you both never to use your powers in front of the otkazat’sya. You lived a nomadic lifestyle, never staying in one place for more than a month at a time. You could recall one instance where you had to leave earlier than normal—enduring your Mother’s wrath—because your brother accidentally let another Grisha child touch him.

It was a single moment of forgetfulness on his part. But it nearly ruined your family.

You had to be no older than ten, and he was a few years older than you. A pretty girl fell and scraped her knee at the bank of a river on the outskirts of a village you were staying at, and Aleksander offered his hand to help her up. He had no idea she was a Squaller, she had kept quiet about it herself. But the second he took her hand in his, the gentle breeze around you picked up into a storm’s gust, strong enough to take down the nearby trees.

She had ripped her hand away, eyes widening in fear. Aleksander stood in shock, unable to get his feet to move. The world had yet to harden him, and he lived in constant paranoia of people discovering his secret. Despite being the younger of the two of you, you had to be the one to save him.

The girl tried to run back to the village, no doubt ready to tell everyone what she had seen, but you wrapped her in a cloud of darkness before she could leave. Not enough to hurt her in any way, just enough to temporarily blind her so she couldn’t see which way to run. By the time the cloud disappeared, you had grabbed your brother’s hand and frantically dragged him halfway home.

Your Mother was furious, but far more scared for you than she was angry with you. You fled that evening, not stopping till you were miles and miles away.

That night, Aleksander sat you down after your Mother had gone to sleep. “I’m sorry. I should have been more careful. You shouldn’t have had to do that for me.”

“You would have done it for me,” you said quietly, not taking your eyes off of the embers of the fire he had built.

You were freezing, but you couldn’t afford to make the flames any bigger. Someone could see, and if they were hunting you, it would make it that much easier for you to get caught.

Sighing, he took off the outer layer of his coat, wrapping it around your shoulders.

“You’ll get cold,” you said, trying to take it off.

But he stopped you, shaking his head. “I’m warm enough. Just take it. Consider it a token of my gratitude for what you did today.”

You finally relented, staying silent. He grinned at his victory, turning himself back to the fire. You both were quiet for the rest of the evening.

It was the last time you talked about what you did for him.

As the years passed, the world hardened him. It hardened you both, but it affected him far worse than it did you. He began to shut you out, not confiding in you as much as he used to. You knew he was lonely, but his pride wouldn’t let him open himself back up to you. And as years turned into decades, you stopped pushing.

The worst day was the day he created the Fold.

His experimentation with darkness was one you didn’t condone, but there was nothing you could do to stop him. And while you blamed him for the Fold’s creation, and could never forgive him for it, you also understood. You felt pity for him, even.

The King’s Army killed his love at the time, and he could no longer turn a blind eye to the horrors committed against Grisha. In a blast of fury and grief, the Fold was created. Its drastic effects weren’t anticipated, even by him, and so you couldn’t truly blame him for it.

What you could blame him for was his plan to weaponize it.

But in order to do that, he needed a Sun Summoner, and that type of Grisha was nothing more than a myth, at least to your knowledge. In all your lifetime, you had never come across one, or even heard a whisper of one’s existence. So, you had to wait. And waiting meant living, your life dragging on.

It was exhausting, never growing up.

You reached maturity, and practically stopped aging. Despite your growing resentment for your family and your powers, you stayed by your brother’s side. Leaving him would mean being completely and utterly alone, and you didn’t think you could handle your existence on your own. You struggled with your powers as is, and only having two other people alive with the same powers as you meant that you had no choice but to stay with him.

You did try to leave, once. It was drastic, and you were emotional about it, and you had almost convinced yourself to go. But in a rare moment of vulnerability, your brother practically begged you on his knees not to go. He promised to do better, and shocked from his cracking resolve, you begrudgingly believed him.

Every so often, you’d have to reinvent yourselves. Throw people off your scent before they could realize that you never aged. You took on dozens of aliases, and eventually, you were detached from yourself. From your old life.

It was a blessing and a curse.

Eventually, you made it all the way to the Little Palace. Slowly but surely, the Second Army full of Grisha was formed, and your brother took the head position as General to rule over them all.

You stayed and trained, eventually finding peace with being around people who were like you. Grisha, who were loved and wanted for their powers. Feared, but because of what they could do, not because of who they were. You grew into yourself, and so did your brother.

You were foolish enough to believe he had changed.

But when the Sun Summoner finally came along, you knew just how wrong you had been.

He collared Alina, enslaving her to his will. He took her powers, controlling her to do his bidding. In one day, he decimated an entire city with the might of the Fold. You tried to fight him and help Alina and her friends, but he was just too strong.

When he was supposedly killed, you were devastated.

You didn’t think you’d feel so strongly about his death until the day it came. You watched Mal fight him. You watched the Fold—a creation of his own making—take him. And when it took him, you fell to your knees. You thought the grief would swallow you up whole.

But then you felt a hand on your shoulder, and you looked up to see Alina.

And with her came hope.

One day, she would be strong enough to destroy your brother’s creation, and you vowed that you would be by her side to help her. You had spent far too much of your life standing by while Aleksander made people suffer, and you wouldn’t let the Sun Summoner—a powerful but innocent girl barely of age—be one of his victims any longer.

—

Combat, I'm ready for combat

I say I don't want that, but what if I do?

I know they said the end is near

But I'm still on my tallest tiptoes

Spinning in my highest heels, love

Shining just for you

The mix of emotions you felt when your brother appeared to you out of the Fold hit you like a punch to the gut.

You had returned to the Little Palace to help the First and Second Army rebuild.

The King and Queen were left in shambles, along with their eldest son. Their youngest had yet to return, and you hoped he would be more competent than his family was when he finally made the choice to come home.

But more than anyone, you came to help your Mother.

She was distraught after what happened to Alina, wracked with guilt under the weight of what her own blood could do. She was glad to have a daughter who wasn’t like him, but she had a difficult time with you, too. If she had trained you better, or spent more time with you, maybe she could have made you stronger. Maybe she would have felt like she could trust you enough to tell you earlier what her plan with Alina was, and maybe you could have stopped your brother before he did what he did. Now he was gone, and all she had left was you.

And she wasn’t sure that was enough.

You had barely returned home before you heard the news of the sightings of your brother. You didn’t believe the reports. You wouldn’t believe anything unless he was standing in front of you, and you could see him with your own eyes.

And in his usual fashion, he made quite the entrance.

Despite your hatred for what he did, you couldn’t help but feel just the slightest bit of relief that he was alive. He was family, and there was nothing you could do to change that. And part of you could still remember the sweet little boy he was, always kind to you and protective over you. You wished you could have that back, and you couldn’t let go of the possibility that maybe that piece of him was still somewhere inside, buried deep.

You couldn’t help yourself the second he knocked on your door, rushing into his arms like a scared little kid.

“It’s alright, little sister. I’m here,” he murmured, holding you tight.

You asked him how he managed to stay alive, in shock at the trail of events that happened after Alina pulled the skiff from the Fold. You noticed the scars along his face as he spoke, a sick feeling settling in your stomach.

It slowly dissipated as he told you how he saved a band of Grisha including Genya, one of your only friends you had at the Little Palace. While your brother was feared, he was also respected. You were just feared. And making friends didn’t come easy to you, so you were quite alone until Genya came along. She made everything better. People didn’t like her much either, so the two of you were isolated together.

Knowing he saved her showed that there was a small part of him that was still good.

Of course he had to crush any bits of hope you clung to when he tried to turn you to his side. He preached about his cause, wanting you to pledge your loyalty.

“We can start over,” he pleaded, holding you by your shoulders. “We have all the time in the world. Join me. Help me find Alina. We can do extraordinary things if we work together. We can take our country back.”

“I knew there was darkness in you, but I never could have imagined you’d fall this far. Is our country worth the lives of thousands upon thousands of innocents? Is the Fold really so precious to you that reducing Alina to nothing but a weapon is justifiable? Is it worth it?”

His eyes darkened, his grip tightening. “If it means liberating our people, I’ll kill every last one of them myself…and I’ll use Alina to do it.”

“Have you learned nothing over all these years?” You asked, ripping yourself out of his hold. “They’re people, Aleksander. Just like Grisha. Alina is not a pawn for you to use. You’d think after all these years that you would have learned a little compassion.”

“Compassion? You want me to have compassion for the girl who just tried to kill me? For the tracker, who wants nothing more than to see me dead? And all of the miserable insignificant people who would sooner watch me burn at the stake than try to make peace?”

You scoffed, shaking your head. “You don’t want peace. You want to win. You want everyone pinned under your thumb, so you can bend them to your will. Don’t speak to me like your heart lies with our people’s interest. It lies with your own.”

“It used to lie with you,” he said softly, his jaw clenched. “And it can again. I saw the little girl in you today. The one who was missing her older brother. The one who cried for him when she thought he was gone.”

“Don’t—” You choked out.

He interrupted you, taking your hand. “Come back to me. Stay by my side. Help me find Alina, and I promise, we’ll do great things. And when it’s done…we’ll go. Just you and me. We can start over and live the life we were supposed to live, not mourn the one that was taken from us. Join me. Please.”

You couldn’t stop the tears from welling up, clouding your vision. You squeezed his hand, taking a breath, before you let it go. A tear slipped down your cheek as you dropped his hand, bringing yours back to your side.

“I love you, brother. Probably more than I should. But I will not be a part of this. I won’t watch you destroy yourself like this, and I most certainly won’t help you do it.”

“Y/N—”

“Do what you must. I can't stop you. But I’m praying to the Saints that Alina can. And if you’re forcing me to choose a side, then so be it…I choose hers. I’m sorry.”

And then he did something you thought he’d never do. Something that—despite all his evilness and wrongdoings—you never would have expected him to stoop so low as to utter with nothing but pure hate in his voice.

He called you nichyevo.

Nothing.

Ironic then, how you’d later discover that the shadow army he created from the Fold to guard himself was called the nichevo’ya.

Nothings.

You gasped, taking a wobbly step back as you spoke through gritted teeth. “How dare you? After all that I’ve put up with for you. I’ve stuck by you! And you can’t find it in yourself to treat me with an ounce of love?”

He remained quiet, his face stone cold. You shook your head, backing up to the door.

“I’m going,” you said, fighting back tears. “To somewhere I’m wanted. Somewhere I’m needed.”

His laughter was dark. “Nobody needs you, little sister. Do you know what the townspeople call you? Koroleva Nabresh. They’ll always fear you for what you are. They’ll never see you as anything else but a weapon.”

Queen of Shadows.

“Then I’ll be her weapon,” you spat, opening the door. “I don’t know where Alina is, but I swear to all the Saints, I’d rather die trying to find her than live to see her fall.”

He was angry now, but there was a glint of fear in his eye. “She’ll never want you. There’s no one in the world out there who will ever want you. I’m all you have.”

“I’ve heard enough! Goodbye, Aleksander…I hope that after I’m gone, you’ll realize that you’ve just lost the one person who has ever truly cared about you forever.”

—

You by some miracle found Alina a few weeks after you left the Little Palace.

You knew she was looking for amplifiers, and there were whispers that the Sea Whip had been found. The next step for her would be to regroup and figure out what to do next, including researching where another amplifier could be found. You knew your brother would be looking for her as well, so you had to think strategically about how to find Alina.

One of the few perks of being centuries old was knowing all the potential locations battered and bruised Grisha would gather in times of war.

The Spinning Wheel was the first place you looked.

After all, you were alive when it was built, and you knew that it started as a Ravkan base. Now, although technically part of Fjerda, it was abandoned and unpatrolled, open to anyone who needed to claim it. And a band of Grisha and First Army soldiers who knew of its existence would know that as well.

You were right, arriving soon after Alina did.

And who else would she be backed by other than Nikolai Lantsov, second son of the Ravkan Throne? Otherwise known as Sturmhond, an infamous privateer whose name you had heard over the past few years numerous times. Whispers of him stretched all the way from Novyi Zem to Ketterdam.

Nikolai and his crew, Tolya and Tamar, seemed quite protective over Alina, as was to be expected. It was still a shock though, to have a sword, axe, and pistol pointed at your face all at the same time.

“She’s Koroleva Nabresh, Alina,” Tamar warned.

“How do we know you aren’t with him? You're his sister,” Nikolai asked, keeping his gun raised.

Alina was quick to step in front of them. “She won’t hurt me. Y/N hates him as much as I do. She wouldn’t have come all this way unless she was on our side. She fought with her life in the Fold, and we couldn’t have beaten him without her. Stand down.”

“She’s right,” you said, but you kept your hands raised in surrender to help prove your point. “If I wanted to kill any of you, I could have done it the second I reached the gates—”

“Not a good start, love,” Tamar said, but she was slowly lowering her axe with a curious look in her eye.

“Just hear me out, please…I promise, I will never use my powers to hurt any of you. I’m not like my brother, I swear. I hate what he’s done, and if I was as strong as him, I would have tried to stop him sooner. But now…he’s gone too far. I see that now. And I refuse to stand by any longer while he leaves chaos and devastation in his wake. I’d rather die fighting for the right side than live another day under his control. And Alina, I’m so sorry it’s come to this. I should have come to you sooner. But if you let me stay, I will fight for you. I’ll do whatever you ask of me, and whatever it takes to make sure my brother can’t hurt anyone ever again. I have intel on him, I know how he thinks, and I know how to fight him. Alina, please…let me help.”

Alina didn’t know what it was about you, but she knew she could trust you. Nobody had been more manipulated and betrayed by your brother than you had, and if you had finally left him, it was for good. Alina and her friends watched you silently, before they all turned to her for an answer. It was up to her to decide who she wanted protecting her, and they would respect any decision she made. They could offer advice all they wanted to, but in the end, it was up to her.

And when she placed her hand on your arm, giving you a sympathetic smile, they respected her choice.

“Welcome,” Tolya greeted politely, offering you a hand to shake. “You’re making the right choice.”

“I know,” you agreed, trying to ignore the guilt and sorrow that was building up in your chest.

Later that evening after an introduction to everyone—and a debrief on what they had done so far and what they were planning to do next—you found yourself alone with the Prince himself. He was in the observatory, looking through a telescope when you walked in the door.

“What are you doing up so late, Your Grace?” You asked, lightly chuckling when he jumped at the sound of your voice.

“I could ask you the same question,” he mused, taking a calming breath. “And don’t call me ‘Your Grace.’ Nikolai is quite alright with me.”

You chuckled awkwardly, nodding. “Nikolai it is, then.”

“Are you alright? Settling in?”

You shrugged, fidgeting with your sleeve. “I guess so. I couldn’t sleep. I’ve never been on my own this long, and certainly not this far. I just…don’t really know what to do with myself right now.”

Nikolai nodded, grinning. “I know the feeling. I get it every time I return to court. Out at sea, I’m in my element. But back home? I was raised there, and yet it is the most foreign place I’ve ever been to.”

“I’ve heard of your adventures at sea. Sturmhond is quite the character.”

“He’s alright. A bit cocky for my taste, but he’s dashingly handsome and charming, which I think makes up for it,” Nikolai mused, his grin widening when you smiled.

“Clever,” you grinned.

It was quiet for a moment as he kept his gaze on you, leaning over his desk. He finally stood up straight, stepping around his desk to come stand next to you.

“You’ve very brave, aren’t you?” He finally said softly, giving you a look of genuine adoration.

You flushed, raising a brow. “What do you mean?”

“For leaving your brother. You say you hate him, which may very well be true, but he’s still your brother. You’ll always care for him in some way. And I know how old you are—well, generally speaking, I’m not actually sure about the exact number—and I know you’ve been with him a long time. It took a lot of courage to leave his side. He could have reacted harshly—”

“He did,” you interrupted, internally berating yourself when you realized you had said that out loud. “I mean, uh…well, I told him I was leaving for good. To find Alina, wherever she was. He tried to convince me to join him, but I told him I wouldn’t help him or stand by while he wreaked havoc. And…he called me nichyevo.”

Nikolai’s eyes widened in shock. “Nothing.”

You nodded, casting your eyes to the floor. Taking a deep breath, you willed yourself not to cry. Crying over your brother wasn’t worth it, and you had already mourned him once. You wouldn’t mourn his loss a second time, even though he was still alive. You were pulled from your thoughts when a warm hand rested on your arm. You looked over to see Nikolai, smiling warmly.

“I know we’ve never met, and I don’t know much about you. But I can say with absolute certainty that you aren’t nothing. He’s wrong. I promise you, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. As far as I can tell, you are quite far from nothing.”

You smiled. “Actually, we have met once. Well, I met you.”

His eyes widened. “What? When?”

“Aleksander made us return when your brother came of age. The King was looking for a new General, and my brother was ready to take over the position again. We attended a party for your brother, and you were there. You looked positively bored to tears, and ready to escape the first chance you got. But your Mother was watching you, and I could tell she wouldn’t have been kind if you misbehaved in front of all her guests.”

Nikolai smiled at the memory, suddenly realizing. “I remember! Saints, you’re the girl who slipped me a drink. I had to choke it down—Mother always did like the strong stuff—but it made the evening more bearable. I tried looking for you later, but you must have already left.”

“I left soon after my brother talked to the King. And by the time we returned to the palace, you had already been shipped off to the other side of Ravka, and then you joined the First Army. I never got another chance to meet you, until now.”

Nikolai stood up from against his desk, offering you his hand. You hesitated, but eventually his warm smile pulled you in, and you let him take yours. He gave it a squeeze, running his thumb along the back of your knuckles.

“I must say, it is nice to meet you…again,” he chuckled, letting your hand go. “I’ve heard stories. I’m glad to know that most of them aren’t true.”

“Stories? Do people actually talk about me?”

He shrugged. “People talk about the Darkling—”

“And Koroleva Nabresh,” you finished, sighing. “I guess that’s my fault for staying with my brother. I can’t blame them for assuming I’m the same as him.”

Nikolai shook his head. “You’re not like him. Like I said, I know I haven't known you long…but you’re not him. And if Alina trusts you, I trust you.”

“How optimistic of you,” you mused, making him smirk.

“Unfortunately, it’s who I am,” he grinned, huffing out a laugh. “Anyway, since we’re both awake…I wouldn’t mind getting to know you better. And before you say no, I promise I won’t ask you how old you are. My Mother would skin me if she found out I inquired about a lady’s age.”

You didn’t know what it was about him, but he was incredibly easy to open up to. You had spent the whole day—and the past few weeks—feeling incredibly guilty about leaving your brother. It was the right choice, but that didn’t mean it was an easy one. And you had felt completely and utterly alone…up until now.

For whatever reason, call it boredom or loneliness, you couldn’t say no.

“Well, since we’ve got that question squared away…I’d like that. Ask away.”

—

Who could ever leave me, darling?

But who could stay?

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost

The room is on fire, invisible smoke

And all of my heroes die all alone

Help me hold onto you

Over the next few weeks, you became good friends with Nikolai. And eventually, you became more than friends.

He was one of the only people that made you feel welcome.

Tamar and Tolya were nice enough, but they were often busy. And Mal was always by Alina’s side, never gone for long. He was nice too, but wary. Alina was perhaps the most understanding, but she was by far the most busy. Training took up most of her days when she wasn't attempting to look for the Firebird. Zoya—the one person other than Alina that you actually knew beforehand—had traveled to Ketterdam on Nikolai’s orders, and you had yet to see her again. Everyone else didn’t know you personally, and they seemed angry at you or afraid of you, steering clear.

If it weren’t for Nikolai, you’d be entirely alone.

You spent your days avoiding other people. One in particular was Nikolai’s Mother, the Queen. She wasn’t too fond of being in forced proximity with yet another person she considered a traitor to the Crown. It took Nikolai a week to get her to stop hurling insults, trying to order her guards to seize you at every opportunity. And while your days were spent in isolation, your nights were anything but isolated.

At night, you were plagued with nightmares, haunted by every mistake of your past.

The first few weeks, they’d come every night. And—unfortunately for you—Nikolai’s room was right next to yours. Although his crew became more and more trusting of you with each day, they still wanted to keep an eye on you. And they thought the best way of doing that was by keeping you close. Ten feet away from his guards at all times, to be exact.

Most nights, you could manage them yourself. You’d wake and pace around your room, distracting yourself until you fell back asleep or the sun came up—whichever came first. And you’d ignore them every morning, forcing yourself to forget about them until the next night. But on other nights, you couldn’t ignore them.

And neither could Nikolai.

Apparently, you had a habit of shouting in your sleep. For a week, Nikolai ignored the sounds, choosing not to talk to you about it the next day. Eventually, he started asking his guards to knock on your door and make sure you were alright. You thought nothing of it, assuming the people protecting Alina were just keeping an eye on you.

That is until Nikolai showed up at your door himself, wanting to make sure you were safe with his own eyes.

You stumbled out of bed and answered the door like normal, expecting a guard, when you took a step back in shock when you saw the Prince of Ravka standing in front of you. Cautiously, you opened the door, allowing him to step in. You desperately tried to ignore his lack of dress, pushing the image of his open shirt to the back of your mind.

“Nikolai? Are you alright?” You asked, turning to sit on the sofa in front of the fireplace.

You still marveled at the room they put you in. While your brother’s quarters were fit for a king, yours weren’t even in the same wing of the palace. You had forgotten how absurd the decorating in these types of rooms could be, but even you couldn’t deny how comfortable a couch in front of a roaring fire on a cold evening was.

“I’m fine, darling,” he said, sitting down next to you. “Are you?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

He grimaced, letting out a sigh, as if breaking the news to you was just as hard on him as it would be on you. “Well…you were screaming. In your sleep.”

You tensed, sitting up straight. ��Was I?”

“Don’t be coy,” he mused, though his tone was still gentle. Cautious. “You know as well as I do that my guards have looked in on you at least three nights this week.”

“Shit,” you sighed, rubbing your eyes.

“Didn’t think anyone would notice?”

“Didn’t think anyone would care,” you corrected, raising a brow when his eyes softened on you. “I didn’t realize that was what they were doing.”

“You think I don’t care?”

You shrugged. “I wouldn’t expect you to. You hardly know me.”

“You’re on our side now,” he explained, looking you in the eye. “For better or for worse, that means something to all of us. To me. I may not know much about you, but no one deserves to live their nights in fear. Trust me, I know. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.”

“Not even my brother?” You asked, and Nikolai was silent for a moment as he pondered your question.

“No,” he finally said, shaking his head. “Not even him. It’s strange, but I don’t wish them on him at all. He’ll pay the price for what he’s done, and that’s enough. Nightmares…those kinds of dreams haunt anyone. And—with all your brother has done—I imagine his nightmares must be quite the show. I want him to suffer, that’s true…but not like that.”

You were at a loss for words. Nikolai possessed an amount of empathy that shocked you, even after all that he’d endured. His love for people and his compassion to make life better for everyone around him was one of his most endearing qualities, as you’d learned in your short time together.

Nikolai laid a hand on your arm, dragging you from your thoughts. “Is that what you were dreaming about? Your brother?”

You sighed, nodding. “He was part of it, yes. I won’t bore you with the details.”

“No, no…I want to hear. Seriously, you can tell me, I'm here to listen. If you’re comfortable telling me, that is,” he said.

His hand slipped down your arm into your open palm, intertwining your fingers. The action was innocent, but you could feel your cheeks flush as he gently squeezed your hand. You took a breath, preparing yourself.

“Well…it always starts the same. In the village my Mother brought us to when I was a child. We were on the run again, trying to find somewhere we’d be safe—at least for a little while. Anyway, Aleksander was trying to teach me to use my powers. He was always better with them than me. Quite the natural. It’s weird, every time I have this dream…it starts out good. Must be some sick little joke. Karma for sticking with him for so long.”

“I don’t think so,” he said, shaking his head. “Please, continue.”

You nodded, taking a breath. “You know what the Cut is right? Alina has been practicing her version of it.”

Nikolai’s face grew grim. “Yes…your brother seems to have been using it as of late. Officers of the First Army have been sending in reports of—how should I put this—uh…how remains have been found.”

“God, I wish Mother hadn’t taught him how to do that,” you said, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Anyway, he was the one who taught me to use it. Mother figured it was better I didn’t know how to.”

“And let me guess. He thought otherwise?” Nikolai asked, making you nod.

“He taught me in secret. I was always…I don’t know…afraid of it, I guess? And then Aleksander showed me that I controlled it, and that it didn’t control me. I control all of my powers, and I can use them at my own will. It’s my choice.”

Nikolai squeezed your hand in his, running his thumb along the back of your palm. “I’ve never seen you use it. I’ve never seen you use your powers at all, actually.”

“I don’t use them unless I have to,” you replied, watching his fingers that were still intertwined with yours. “The last time I did was in the Fold, against the Volcra. Against him.”

Nikolai nodded, giving you a look of sympathy. “Did you use the Cut?”

You nodded silently, flinching at the memory. It had been weeks now, but it still felt fresh. Raw. You took another grounding breath, letting it out slowly.

“Yes. You didn’t meet them, but there was another group there from Ketterdam. Zoya may have mentioned them. Aleksander had cornered them in the back of the skiff while he stayed up front with Alina. He tried to take out the sharpshooter—I think his name was Jesper—and I stopped it. I aimed right for my brother just as he raised his hands. He barely missed Jesper, but thankfully he did. He had to step out of the way to avoid the Cut, and it threw off his aim I guess. Saints, you should have seen his face. It was like he’d never seen such betrayal. He didn’t think I was capable of doing that to him.”

“Tell me about the dream,” he coaxed gently, trying to get you not to dwell on that memory. “What is it that has you so scared?”

“Like I said, he taught me to use the Cut. The dream always starts out with the first time I did it right. I chopped down an apple tree that was growing in a nearby field. We took the apples home and Mother made some sort of hot cider with cinnamon.”

Nikolai smiled gently, his grip on your hand never wavering. “That sounds lovely.”

“It was,” you murmured, smiling sadly. “But that part of the dream is gone nearly as soon as it begins. Then it suddenly cuts to the first time I saw Aleksander use it on a man. A Fjerdan…Drüskelle. We had joined other Grisha by then, and we were attacked. And just as quickly as he kills that man, he turns to me. And it’s like I’m floating above my body. I can hear myself, and I know I’m screaming myself hoarse. Pleading with him to stand down, begging him to let me go. I’m his sister, he has to let me go. And—despite how hard I try—it always ends the same. There’s nothing I can ever do to change it…it feels so real every time. Every night.”

“What happens? Does he kill you?” Nikolai asked softly.

You could feel your vision clouding. You blinked rapidly, forcing yourself to calm down. You wouldn’t cry over your brother, not again. He had already inspired enough of your tears.

“No,” you finally replied. “No, he doesn’t.”

Nikolai gave you a look of confusion. “What happens then?”

“I kill him. Shadows bleed out of me, and wrap around him tightly. He turns red in the face, struggling against them. He pleads for me to stop, and every time I tell him the same thing. That I’m not doing it, that I don’t know what’s happening. And he tries to get me to control myself, and tells me how strong I am—”

Your voice began to waver, and you choked back a sob. Nikolai waited patiently for you to continue, remaining silent.

“No matter what I do, it ends the same. The shadows hold him tight, and I watch myself raise my hands. I can hear myself crying, but it happens anyway. He’s crying too…and then he’s cut into pieces.”

Nikolai is quiet for a long moment before he comes up with something to say. “Saints, Y/N…I’m so sorry.”

You sniffed, quickly wiping under your eyes. “That’s where it ends. At least, I think that’s where it ends. I always either wake up on my own, or I hear a knock on my door from one of your guards. I have you to thank for that.”

Before you know what’s happening, he’s pulling you into a hug. Squeezing you tight, refusing to let go until you wrap your arms around him. You sit in silence together for a long while, nothing but each other’s shallow breaths reaching your ears. After one last squeeze, he pulls away.

“You’ll come tell me the next time it happens, won’t you?”

You scoffed, shaking your head. “And wake you up? No, I wouldn’t dare. I’m fine, Nikolai—”

“That’s not fine, darling,” he affirmed, making you look at him. “Listen…I know what those dreams are like. I used to get them, too. And I know my nights would have been a hell of a lot better if I had someone there. Someone who understood.”

You gave him a nervous look. “Nikolai, I don’t think so—”

“I’m not asking you to have me at your beck and call,” he grinned, trying to lighten up the mood. “Just on the bad nights. The nights where you know they’d be better if you had someone to be with for a little while. Trust me, it’s no bother. I’m up half the night anyways, I’ve never been a good sleeper. If anything, you’d be saving me from boredom.”

You wanted to say no, but the look in his eye was telling you that he needed this too. Something was stopping him from admitting it—maybe his pride—but he needed someone just as much as you did. And for him, you could force yourself to every once in a while swallow your own pride and get up to knock on his door.

“If you insist,” you finally relented, offering a small smile. “Who would I be to deny a Prince?”

From that night on, you followed his orders. It was embarrassing at first, finding yourself in front of his door, but he was more than welcoming.

He was more often than not still awake at his desk, rummaging through maps and papers. He’d greet you with a smile, offering you a drink. On other nights, he’d have a tired look in his eye, but he’d never turn you away. You’d tell him that he could go back to sleep, but he’d insist on staying up.

You’d find yourself on his couch, and he’d talk and talk and talk until he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer. His head would roll, landing on your shoulder. You never had it in you to disturb him, and you’d stay on his couch the whole night, falling into a comfortable sleep yourself. And in the morning, he’d complain about a pinched nerve in his neck, telling you how you owed him a massage. You’d always laugh it off, telling him how he could always kick you out when he was tired. And every single time, he’d shake his head, telling you he’d suffer through a pinched nerve if it meant keeping you company.

Eventually, your couch sessions moved to his bed. It was a large bed after all, and incredibly comfortable. You tried to decline the first time, but he waved you off, telling you to get over yourself and be an adult about it. You had narrowed your eyes at him, but relented, finding yourself waking up the next morning still curled up in his sheets.

It had been the best night’s sleep you had gotten in years.

You continued on like that for a while, skipping the couch entirely. You’d enter his room with a smile, immediately making yourself comfortable at the foot of his bed as you kicked off your shoes.

He was right, of course, about being an adult about these sorts of things. There was never an uncomfortable moment, or a moment where either of you tried something that the other wouldn’t like. It was entirely innocent sleeping in his bed, and neither of you had even for a second considered going back to your old arrangements.

You’d both been sleeping the best you’d ever slept, and you knew it was because you had each other there.

His guards never again had to knock on your door. They stayed stationed outside of his, happy to have not been scared half to death by a rogue scream in the night.

You both eventually gave up on trying to sleep separately. Even when the nightmares would leave you be, Nikolai most certainly wouldn’t. He’d find himself growing restless without you, marching to your door and demanding you come and keep him company. You were more than happy to oblige him, knowing you slept infinitely better with him beside you. You reached a point where you stopped going to your room, instead getting yourself ready to settle in for the night, only to head straight for his door.

You reached a point where you stopped trying to refrain from touching each other, too.

When your nightmares would return, Nikolai was there. Easing you awake, staying up until you weren’t scared anymore. On the rare occasion when his would plague him, you were there for him too. It didn’t take much to calm each other. An arm thrown over a waist here, an ankle hooked around a leg there. You’d often find yourselves wrapped up in each other in the mornings, having to untangle yourselves when one of you needed to get up. On nights where you were both exhausted from a long day, it was easier just to flop into bed and curl up next to each other.

It was simple. Innocent. Pure.

A light feathery touch had no underlying meaning. You didn’t have to use your words, you could let your actions speak for you. It meant nothing more than wanting comfort, and you both were happy enough to give it to each other.

Any feelings attached came naturally, and neither of you had it in yourselves to turn them away. The alternative—keeping them close, and your hearts open—was infinitely easier.

And that’s what you did.

—

I'm still a believer but I don't know why

I've never been a natural

All I do is try, try, try

Can you see right through me?

They see right through

They see right through me

I see right through me

And when I break it's in a million pieces

When you found out what Aleksander did to Genya, you had never felt more guilty in your life.

You knew he had saved her the day he returned to the Little Palace, but you had yet to find her, and it was too late to when you fled. You kept her off your mind, filling your thoughts with nothing but the goal of finding Alina. And when you found her, your thoughts became preoccupied with a certain Prince. As the weeks passed, you were happier with him than you’d ever been in your entire life by your brother’s side.

You had almost forgotten the battle you were in the midst of until he came to remind you.

He attacked the palace, destroying half the grounds with a band of amplified Grisha. He brought his nichevo’ya, hurting and killing whoever he pleased to get what he wanted. Vasily, Nikolai’s brother and the Crown Prince of Ravka, was among those killed.

You had no plan or course or action, and you didn’t know how to react when once again confronted by your brother face to face. All you knew was that you had to get Alina and Nikolai to safety, and you’d do whatever was necessary in order to make that happen.

And yet again, you watched your brother fall.

Alina brought the foundations crumbling down, and he was trapped under the rubble. And what was even worse was…you helped her do it. Trapping him in darkness until the walls caved in. You knew better than to think he was dead, and it was only a matter of time before he showed back up to guilt you for not defending him. There was no time to think of that as you helped Alina and Tamar to safety.

After you escaped into the tunnels, you were trapped. There was no way out.

Not that you’d want to get out anyway.

You were trapped, that much was true, but being trapped meant being safe—relatively, at least. Aleksander couldn’t get to you, and he would have begun regrouping by now. There were wounded to tend to on both sides, and his attention would be devoted to them. That gave your side enough time to tend to the wounded and come up with a plan.

You found Nikolai pulling a sheet over a dead man in a very long line of dead men, grimacing when you lost count of just how many there were. You pushed the image of them to the back of your mind, rushing over to him.

“Nikolai,” you sighed in relief, offering him your hands.

He immediately turned at the sound of your voice, practically melting at the sight of you unscathed. He grabbed your hands, letting you pull him to his feet. The second he steadied himself, you found yourself wrapped up tightly in his arms. You were pretty sure your feet were no longer on the floor, but you ignored the feeling, wrapping your arms around his neck. You remained quiet, giving him a moment to breathe.

“I lost you in the chaos,” he finally murmured into your shoulder. “I thought he got you.”

You shook your head. “I’m alright, I had Alina and Tamar. Aleksander is down, for now at least. Adrik was hurt, but Nadia is with him and they’re both going to be fine. What about you, love? Are you alright?”

His shoulders fell as he looked around, glancing over to see his Mother, distraught and in tears still surrounded by her guards. First and Second Army soldiers alike were frantically running around, tending to people and arming themselves. Alina was with Adrik and Nadia, asking anyone who passed by if they had seen Mal. Nikolai turned back to you, his own eyes clouding with tears. He took a shuddering breath, his shoulders beginning to shake.

“Vasily.”

You frowned, taking his hands again in yours. “I’m so sorry, sladkiy mal'chik. I should have tried harder to stop him.”

Sweet boy.

“I just—” He wavered, gripping your hands tight.

You shook your head, pulling him to a corner away from prying eyes. “Hey, it’s alright, it’s alright. Breathe…take a minute, I’ll be right here. I’m right here, whatever you need. Saints know how many times you’ve been there for me…let me be there for you.”

Nikolai nodded, taking a breath. He eventually crouched down, sitting on the floor, and you immediately followed him down. You sat across from him on the ground, letting your joined hands rest in his lap as he eased his breathing. It was quiet for another moment as he gathered himself, before he opened his mouth to speak.

“I just—I can’t breathe, I don’t know—I just…he’s my brother. I wasn’t that close to him, and I know he wasn’t a good person—he almost got us all killed just for the sake of his pride, I know that—but…he was my brother. He wasn’t always like this, you know, he didn’t deserve this….he was the first person who tried to teach me to sail when my Father wouldn’t. Father said I was too young, but Vasily showed me anyway. And now, just like my Father, he’s dead. They’re both gone, and I don’t know what to do. My Mother…she’s all alone now.”

You felt the pit in your stomach grow, your heart clenching as you watched him break. He was right. They were both dead.

And it was all because of your brother.

You frowned harder, squeezing his hands tight. “You don’t have to explain yourself, darling. You loved them both, and that’s okay. I hate my brother. I hate what he is, I hate that he’s done this, and I hate that—of all the people in the world—he’s hurt you…but I also can’t help but love him, too. I don’t know why, that’s just how it is. I understand, believe me. You can’t help who you love. And I am so sorry about the King and your brother. I'd give anything to change it and bring them back. I’m so sorry, Nikolai.”

You couldn’t help but choke back your own tears now, the pit in your stomach only growing when you felt his hands leave yours and come up to wipe the tears away when they inevitably fell. Your heart clenched in your chest as you looked up at him through wet lashes, seeing the concern and compassion on his face.

He was so sweet. He was so unbelievably good. And he was in pain.

But here he was, on one of the worst days of his life, trying to make you feel better. Unable to stop himself from trying to help you, because he didn’t have it in him to watch you suffer. He didn’t want to watch anyone suffer. He had empathy and love pouring out of him, radiating through you, and it was enough to take your breath away.

“I’m so sorry—” You whispered again, only to be cut off by his palms cradling your face.

“Stop apologizing,” he said firmly, pausing as he let you reach up and wipe his own tears away. “Stop saying you’re sorry, Y/N. It isn’t your fault. There was nothing you could do. We did our best.”

You nodded, trying to let his words sink in. You reached up and pulled his hands away from your face, intertwining your fingers with his. He swiped his thumbs across the back of your palms, his breathing mirroring yours.

“What do you need me to do?” You finally said, clearing your throat. “You look overwhelmed, and I hate it. I'd prefer you sit down, but I know you, and I know you won’t do that, so…how can I help?”

He offered you a small smile, squeezing your hand. “I’m fine over here, milaya. Ask Alina, and don’t let her take no for an answer.”

Sweet girl.

You smiled back, nodding. You reluctantly let go of his hands, heading off to find Alina. Nikolai was right, she did argue and try and put you somewhere else. But a warm hand on her shoulder and a comforting smile was enough to put a crack in her resolve, and she finally shook her head and accepted your help with all the tasks she had apparently single-handedly taken on.

It felt like days before everything seemed to settle and everyone could take a breath. And of course once things did settle, chaos erupted around you yet again.

You had no idea how anyone managed to find you.

But you knew they did when the ceiling above you started rumbling, clouds of dirt breaking off and raining down on you. The rumble could be felt all throughout the cave floor, and it was enough to send Nikolai running back to yours and Alina’s side, Tamar hot on his trail. You watched in shock as you heard your Mother’s voice, scolding Genya for working too slow.

They appeared out of the darkness together, and you nearly fell to your knees as your Mother came into view.

“Baghra?” Alina asked once they rounded the corner, led by Tamar who had helped them down.

“Not the Grand Palace, but it’ll have to do,” Baghra said, her eyes scanning the room before they fell on you. “Y/N…you’re here. Finally left Aleksander, then?”

Nikolai stood closer by your side as you sputtered and wavered, unable to form a coherent response. You were saved from further embarrassment by Genya, who had slowly rounded the corner just as you mustered up the courage to say something.

Your eyes widened in shock when you took in her face, scarred and marked in the same way your brother’s had been.

You stumbled back, tears once again clouding your vision, the sound of static between your ears. You could hear the muffled conversation happening between Genya, Alina, and Nikolai, but you couldn’t bring yourself to listen. You were too busy scanning all the jagged edges of her scars, something deep in you telling you that there was nothing in the world that could have made these marks other than your brother himself, and his shadow monsters.

“The Grisha who poisoned the King?” Nikolai asserted, pulling you from your thoughts as you heard what he said sharply.

Talks of treason and trials made their way into the conversation, along with the notion that, although Nikolai was now considered King, it was only because of Genya’s role in the first King’s death. Everyone continued to argue amongst themselves, Genya practically shaking where she stood as she let Alina defend her. You couldn’t bear to see her like this, forcing your feet to move as you slowly approached her.

“You can’t blame her, Nikolai,” you murmured, gently cupping Genya’s cheeks as you locked eyes with her. “You can’t blame her anymore than you would blame me. I know Genya, and I know she would never do anything to hurt anyone unless her life and the lives of those she loves depended on it. If you’re looking for someone to blame, blame anyone else but her. Me, the King, my brother, it doesn’t matter. But know this…we failed her, Nikolai. My brother used her for his own selfish ambition…and she endured your Father’s abuse and your Mother’s wrath every single day with a strength I don’t think anyone in this room could ever have possibly hoped of possessing. She is the best of us. My closest friend, and you cannot punish her for this. Please.”

Genya’s hands grappled for yours, and you pulled her into your arms as you spoke. Nikolai’s eyes softened on you as you held her close, and you silently pleaded with him as you ran your hands up and down her arms, her own secured around your middle.

“Did he force you?” Nikolai managed to spit out, preparing himself for the blow the truth would surely deliver.

“I,” Genya started, taking a deep breath as she continued. “I never sought his attention.”

You kept her close, nodding in confirmation when Nikolai’s gaze turned to you. “I am sorry that you’ve lost your Father, but his death was kinder than he ever was. Look at her face, Nikolai. There was no one behind this but my brother, and this was his punishment for her crossing him. The King is no longer alive to pay for his crimes, and my brother will pay for his one day, so please…don’t make her pay for the part she had no choice in playing. What they’ve done to her is more punishment than she will ever deserve.”

You could tell Nikolai was internally battling with himself. But the longer he looked at Genya’s face, the more he knew that he couldn’t punish her. She had suffered enough, and he wouldn’t be the third Lantsov to add to her suffering.

“You’re safe here, Genya,” he finally said, taking a gentle step closer to her. “I will not harm you, and when I am King, I will do all I can to try and make up for what has happened to you. I’m so sorry.”

Genya let out a breath of relief, and you had to hold her tighter to keep her steady. Alina came to her side, easing her from your arms and leading her away, Tamar following closely behind them.

When they were out of earshot, you turned to Nikolai. He looked ready to keel over, and you felt your heart sink as his shoulders fell, the weight of his position pressing him down with a pressure he couldn’t bear.

“I didn’t know,” he whispered, his hands beginning to shake. “I knew my Father was capable of some awful things, but…I didn’t know.”

You quickly shushed him, wrapping your arms around his waist. His arms came up to wrap around your shoulders, and you could feel his cheek resting on the top of your head. He was clinging to you tightly, his breathing unsteady. You pressed your cheek into his chest, gently swaying you both back and forth.

“You know….I’ve always had this sort of false hope that Aleksander would change one day. That he would see all the horrible things he’s done, and choose to change. After all these years, I still find myself desperately looking for something good in him. But I know now that I’m not going to find it. And yet, I disappoint myself every time looking for it. I want to believe in him, but I think it’s time I start believing in someone else. Someone worth it.”

“Like who?” He murmured, his cheek still pressed into your hair. “Yourself? Alina? You’re right darling, those are definitely better choices than your brother—

“You,” you interrupted, feeling him go rigid in your arms.

He pulled away, holding you at arms length. “What?”

“You,” you said again, giving him a small but warm smile. “I know you’re not King yet, but you just showed me how prepared you are for becoming one. What you did for Genya was kind, and gentle. I saw the look in her eye when she realized that you would be different from the Kings before you. You’re so good, Nikolai. And Ravka needs someone good. Someone like you. I’m sorry about the circumstances that led to you becoming King, it’s not fair, but you deserve it more than the rest of your family ever could.”

He shook his head as he listened to you speak, standing up straight. “No, I don’t. Look at this place, Y/N. Your Mother was right. I’ve been away too long, things have changed—”

“You can change things, Nikolai,” you said firmly, taking his hands. “You’ll have the power to, and I trust you to do it. I believe in you.”

He took a shaky breath, looking down at you solemnly. “You shouldn’t.”

You shook your head, squeezing his hands tight. You ran your thumb along the skin on the back of his palm, silently comforting him and hoping that he could feel and know just how much you cared for him and believed in him.

“You’re not going to convince me you aren’t worth following. You thinking I shouldn’t is exactly why I should. You don’t ask for blind faith, and you understand that you have to earn loyalty. You don’t force it, like my brother or the King did. Instead, you show people why you’re worth believing in. There’s no one I’d rather follow, Nikolai. No one.”

Nikolai took a deep breath, looking away from you and towards the ground. He couldn’t handle the way you were looking at him.

Like he was the sun.

He tugged you closer, once again hiding his face in your hair. He couldn’t come up with the right words to say, only holding you tight. His heart was pounding and he knew his palms were sweaty, but you were holding them anyway, smiling against his chest. You stood like that a moment longer, before you both got back to work.

—

'Cause all of my enemies started out friends

Help me hold onto you

The day your brother died, you knew you were completely and utterly alone.

A few days prior, news of your Mother’s death reached you. She died holding Aleksander back, and it saved Alina and Mal. When you found out, Nikolai had to spend the night awake with you, holding you close in silence while you clung to him.

You weren’t with Aleksander when he died. You couldn’t bring yourself to watch him fall again.

You knew Alina would be safe with Mal and Zoya, who had brought back the Crows with her. With Nina and Inej as additional help, Alina would be fine without you. She didn’t need you hesitating when the time to kill Aleksander finally came. So, you went with the rest of the Crows, Nikolai, and his crew, choosing to help them when everyone had to split up. You had mere seconds to decide, but you followed Nikolai into the ruins, leaving you brother behind forever.

Everyone fought with everything they had.

Nikolai almost died, pinned up against a pillar with the claw of one of Aleksander’s nichevo’ya imbedded in his shoulder. You tried to pull it back, but even your powers couldn’t stop it. You had almost lost all hope when it suddenly dissipated, sending Nikolai crashing to the floor.

Tamar rushed to his side, pulling him up. “Kirigan must be dead!”

It was like the wind was knocked out of you, but you forced yourself to keep it together, hooking an arm under Nikolai’s and helping him stand.

“Y/N—” He said sympathetically, but you shook your head, keeping your grip tight.

“Don’t,” you breathed, trying to keep him steady against you. “Just keep going.”

Everyone filed out of the building, the bright sun blinding you all. The Fold was gone, once and for all. It was eerie, seeing the flat open land without the stain of merzost.

You looked around for the rest of your friends. Alina was nowhere to be found, and you assumed she had stayed with Mal—wherever that was.

Inej suddenly came over the hill to reunite with her friends. She was carrying something by her side. You looked down to see that it was the Neshyener sword…and it was coated in black blood. You held your breath, your eyes meeting hers. When her face fell, and she gave you a solemn look of sympathy, you knew whose blood it was.

You knew your brother was dead.

You let out a sob, bringing your hand up to cover your mouth. Your knees slammed into the ground, crunching down against the gravel. You could feel the jagged edges digging into your skin, but it was nothing compared to the ache in your chest that was threatening to rip you apart. You dug your hands into the sand, desperately trying to ground yourself and stop crying over a man not worth your tears while everyone stared at you, having no idea what to say or do to comfort the girl who had lost her Mother and brother all in the same week. As you heaved another sob, you felt two hands on your shoulders. You looked up to see Alina.

She knelt down next to you, pulling you into a hug. “Do you want to see him? I can take you to him, Zoya is keeping watch.”

The thought of your brother’s dead body made you want to vomit, and you shook your head, tears still rolling down your face.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

“He’s gone,” you cried, clinging to the back of her jacket. “He’s really gone.”

“But you’re not. You’re alive, Y/N. We’re all alive and here because you had the courage to leave his side. Ravka is safe from him now. Our future King is safe. We couldn’t have done this without your help. Thank you for helping us.”

You wiped your tears, nodding. “I know it’s for the better. I know he deserved it. It just…it still hurts. It hurts so bad. He wasn’t always like this.”

“I know,” Alina murmured, squeezing you one more time before letting you go. “It’s alright to mourn him. In some ways, I’ll mourn him too. But you’ll be alright. I promise. We’re all here.”

You felt another hand on your shoulder, and looked up to see Nikolai. He had been patched up a little bit, no doubt the work of Genya’s powers. He still had blood caked in his hair, and a tourniquet tied around his leg. The sight of him injured lessened the ache in your chest for Aleksander, and you took a breath, drying your tears.

He offered you a hand, pulling you up when you took it. “Come with me.”

You gave Alina a grateful nod, before turning and following Nikolai. He led you by the hand all the way to his skiff, which was empty. Everyone was still either guarding Alexander, treating the wounded, or regrouping down by the ruins. You let him lead you on board, sitting next to him on a crate on the deck when he patted the spot beside him.

You reached up, wiping away some of the stray blood on his temple with your thumb. “Are you alright?”

“Genya patched me up,” he said softly, letting you momentarily deflect from what was really on your mind. “I’m fine, I promise. Everyone else is too. I expect they’ll be going their own ways soon enough. We have a country to rebuild.”

He slipped his hand into yours, intertwining your fingers. You leaned into his side, your gaze set in your lap.

“And where will you go?” You asked, sparing a glance at him. “Back to the palace, I expect?”

He nodded. “It’s my duty to my country. Like I promised Genya…we have to do better. Things have to change for Ravka. And I need to be the one to do it.”

You nodded, looking back towards your lap. Nikolai frowned, brushing his shoulder with yours as he tightened his grip on your hand.

“What about you? Where will you go?”

His question made you spiral. You shook your head frantically, hopping down from the crate. You paced back and forth in front of him, eyes once again welling with tears.

“Saints, I am so sick of crying,” you muttered under your breath, wiping away the fallen tears.

Nikolai quickly stood, trying to calm you down. He eventually grabbed you by your shoulders, holding you still. He shushed you, trying to get you to look at him.

“Look at me,” he murmured, speaking firmly when you tried to pull away. “Y/N…look at me. What is it? What can I do? Talk to me.”

You finally met his eyes, standing still. “I don’t know what to do, Nikolai. I don’t know where to go. Everyone has someone to go home to, but I don’t know what that even is for me anymore. My family is gone, and half the Little Palace hates me. Where do I go? Who do I have?”

You continued to spiral, Nikolai’s eyes widening in shock as he listened to you speak. You continued, your hands gripping his sleeves as you clung to him.

“I don’t know what we are, Nikolai,” you choked out, embarrassed to even say it. “But…I don't think I can bear not having you in my life. As pathetic as that is, I don’t think I can do it. You’re just about the only good thing I have left, and I don’t want to lose you.”

You continued to ramble, sending an ache rattling through Nikolai’s chest. He could feel his heart breaking at your words, and he finally stopped you, cupping your face in his palms. He held you gently, like you would break into a million pieces if he applied enough pressure. It made him want to burst into tears. He shushed you again gently, his thumbs resting against your jaw.

He had effectively silenced you, and you waited in nervous anticipation for him to speak. His eyes met yours, and he leaned in, resting his forehead against yours as he breathed you in.

“You think you can’t come with me?” He finally asked, his face falling when he realized you hadn’t even considered the possibility of him wanting you to stay. “Of course I want you to come with me. I want you by my side. Yes, everyone else might have someone to return to and a home waiting for them. But you have me, Y/N. You have a home with me. And I want you to stay. It’s you and me.”

You couldn’t wrap your head around his words, absentmindedly leaning into his touch. “Really? You’re serious?”

“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my entire life. You were there for me when I needed you most, and now I’m going to be there for you. I’ll always be there for you. I won't let you let me go. You’re stuck with me. As your King, I’m commanding it.”

You stifled a laugh, breathing him in. “You’re commanding it? I guess I can’t say no, then, can I?”

“It wouldn’t be wise,” he grinned, pulling you closer. “I’m very powerful, you know. Lots of friends in high places.”

You nodded, letting your hands wander up to cup his cheeks. He smiled wide, letting his hands settle around your waist. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of your head, gazing down at you lovingly.

“You’re going to be alright, Y/N,” he murmured, running his fingers along the base of your spine. “I’ll make sure of it.”

You were never going to get over his positivity and resilience, two qualities on the list of his neverending endearing qualities. You couldn’t help but smile up at him, his hopefulness rubbing off on you. You believed him. It was going to get better, and you would be alright. You could feel it.

“And you’re going to be a good leader,” you mirrored, giving him a grateful smile. “We can make sure of that together.”

—

A/N - Hi! Nikolai, my favorite mirrorball, I hope I did him justice with this. It’s SO long omg I’m sorry, but hopefully that makes up for the ridiculous amount of time it took me to write this. It honestly feels a little like I rambled the whole way through this fic and I kinda hate it but I also really like some parts, and I spent too long writing it, so I gotta put it out. Anyway, I hope you liked it! Let me know what you think :)

#nikolai lantsov imagines #nikolai lantsov imagine #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x you #nikolai lantsov x reader #shadowandbone #shadow and bone #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone imagine #taylor swift #the archer #mirror #folklore #lover

279 notes · View notes

klmp11s · 11 days

Note

Fic Idea: MC!Reader who wants to sleep with Rook for the first time. Not as an innuendo but genuinely sleep with him in his bed and get ready for bed together. They're so nervous but also enthusiastic. There's something much more intimate to this than a slumber party.

Lmao I had to re-read the information about Rook and look for what his room looks like 🧍(English is not my first language, sorry for any mistakes)

Summary: the reader spends the night (literally, like just a sleep with him in his bed or sleepover) with Rook Character: Rook Hunt Warning: MC gn!reader, 2,2k words, ooc (And I don’t listen to anyone covers ears with hands/j), fic, hints at feelings (Platonic or romantic, at your discretion), one (1) mention of other students (and Grim), one (1) phrase in French, I'm not sure if it's correct, but I hope so

Rook Hunt

You might have expected your somewhat humorous proposal to be rejected, but surprisingly Rook wasn’t at all opposed to spending the night with you. This idea came to your mind quite by accident when you were once again convinced that your dorm was not the best place to sleep. But, for sure, you have friends from other dorms! At first your freshman friends came to your mind, but you understand that with them you are unlikely to be able to relax normally, at that moment, one particular hunter boy came to your mind. Basically, why don't you take a chance?

You were really glad that he didn't refuse you. Still, this is also a chance to get to know him better, why not? Also, your cat companion said that he would rather go to sleep with the first-years than with you at Rook’s. You decide not to force him; on the one hand, you can understand him. You had also heard a couple of rumors from other students about Rook, but you never gave them much thought. Yes, he's a little weird, but is that such a bad thing? It's much harder to find a student who is NOT weird at this college, so you don't see any problem with that.

Not much time has passed since you found yourself in this world. So you don’t have a lot of things that you might need for the night, quite convenient? You agreed with Rook that he would meet you at the mirror in his dorm, closer to night.

Grim had long been taken away by two first-years of Heartslabyul and you calmly waited for the time of the meeting. For the first time in a long time you are in silence, with all the happenings in this college, you even forgot how nice it is to spend time alone. And it’s true: there was always someone next to you, be it Grim, other first-years or older students. You were almost never alone with your thoughts. While you sit in silence, you realize that you don’t know at all what to talk about with the hunter. You saw each other quite often, but your conversations were almost always “about nothing”. Maybe you can ask him about his family? Friends? Or the times before your appearance in this world? In return, you could tell what you remember from your world. Equivalent exchange.

Your gaze drops to the clock. There are ten minutes left until the appointed time, well, it's time for you to go. You take your bag and throw it over your shoulder, yes, it is too light. If you remember, you used to really want to have sleepovers with your friends, but you didn't expect that one of them would be in another world, did you?

Already in the mirror room you see a familiar silhouette in a hat, waving to you. Both arrived on time, good. You hear the manner of speaking that is already familiar to you and approach your friend. – Oh, mon Trickster! You arrived just in time, so shall we go? – you are greeted by his burning green eyes and his hand extended to you. Well, there's no turning back, right? You take his hand and from that moment on your “first French overnight stay in another world” begins.

On your way to his dorm, you take another look at the building. Yes, sheer perfection. You would also like your dorm to look like this. Majestic and sophisticated - this is how the Pomefiore dorm was. Walking into the dorm itself, you still take in the interior while your companion leads you in the direction of his bedroom. And really, maybe your dorm could someday look even remotely similar to this?

Rook lets you into his room first and comes in behind him. His room looked almost exactly as you had imagined. You turn your head to your interlocutor and see how he silently looks back at you. Staring game? He bows his head and begins to tell you about how his day went. His hand carefully removes the strap of your bag from your shoulder and he places it on the chair. You hear about how he met Leona today, but he was not very eager to maintain a dialogue. His hat rests on the table and he sits cross-legged across the bed from you.

– So what did you want to do, mon Trickster? – His eyes look at you and it seems to you that he is ready to burn a hole in you straight to your soul. You feel a certain nervousness under this gaze and your interlocutor notices this. You look him up and down and answer calmly. It’s already dark outside, it’s time to sleep soon. I think you know what people usually do at sleepovers, Rook. - you look out the window. The sun has already gone down and the sky is starting to darken after the picturesque sunset that happened some time ago. – enlighten me? Of course I know, but many people have different ideas about this, don't they? Tell me yours. – you look into his eyes and sigh. You need to think about, well, sleepovers - conversations, some kind of movie, obviously sleep and? Your idea of sleepovers is not very different from the standard perception of other people. Maybe there are differences in another world?

– any differences? I think we could just go about our nightly routine and talk. Even though we sometimes talk on campus, I barely know anything about you. But I'm not sure, maybe there's something that in your world you usually do at sleepovers with friends? I wouldn't mind hearing from you too. Will this answer satisfy you? – you see how Rook breaks into a smile. His gaze sweeps across the room and back to you.

– I think yes. This answer is in your spirit, Trickster. So, you want to know more about me, right? It would be fair if I also satisfy my curiosity about you, – You see your interlocutor stand up. – night routine? If that's what you want, then let's go. - he waits until you reach him and heads, as you understand, to the bathroom.

Okay, you should have expected this. You haven't seen so many skincare products for a long time. You are more than sure that his dorm leader worked hard for this. You sit on the side of the bathtub and watch as your friend takes out skincare products. You look up at his face and are scared for a second. Does he have to look at you when he is literally standing sideways to you? Do you think it's time for you to get used to this - but the heart still sometimes forgets to beat next to this person. Even such small things on his part may surprise you.

When you finally take your eyes off his eyes, you notice that Rook is without gloves for the first time. Wow? This is actually the first time you've seen his hands without accessories. You watch as he rolls up his sleeves and you swear you feel your face start to burn. Okay, you don’t deny that your friend is attractive in appearance, but this is the first time in your memory that you have seen so much of his skin. You hear people quietly giggling above you and look away. The sound of water fills the room and you close your eyes. A couple of seconds pass and you feel something cold on your skin. You open your eyes and watch as your friend applies one of his products to you. Wants to do all the work for you? Okay, you raise your head a little higher and Rook continues to massage your facial skin. Does the smell sound familiar to you, did Vil recommend it to you? You close your eyes and feel the touch of skin on skin. However, it's not so bad. After a couple of minutes you feel something cool, face cream? The hands finally release your face and you look back at your companion. Jokingly you tell him: – My turn? - your hand pats the empty space next to you and you see Rook smiling at you.

– how nice of you, mon Trickster. How can I refuse you? – now you are in his place. He calmly explains the sequence of application of certain products and looks up at you expectantly. Okay, since you signed up for this, why not?

You touch his face for the first time, as expected of a Pomefiorе member - no matter how much he climbs trees and other places, his skin is really soft. The entire time you were busy with his face, he was looking at you. You don’t even know if you’re just used to it or if you just don’t care anymore. When you're done, you help him clean everything up and the two of you go to his room.

The sun has long gone below the horizon, and his dorm is certainly quiet, but not like yours. You feel the difference - a calming silence after a hard day or a lonely and oppressive silence. You would really like to have magic if only to get accepted into any other dorm.

While you and he were walking back, you decided to find out about Vil and Epel. You didn't see them in or around the dorm. Rook begins to talk about how Vil spent almost the entire day with Epel in etiquette lessons and that Epel, although not happy, is making progress. At that moment, a memory comes to your mind of how Epel once ran into your dorm just to hide from his dorm leader, you tried to hold back a laugh when you remember his hairstyle that day and his angry exclamations about the fact that he was ready to be transferred to your dorm so as not to endure this anymore. Honestly, you'd be glad. The more people, the better, especially if it's one of your friends. Maybe your dorm would be more fun then.

You don’t notice how you are already sitting on Rook’s bed and looking at the clock. It’s approaching twelve o’clock in the evening, you’re really glad that you offered Rook a sleepover for Friday evening, otherwise you’re sure that even in your dreams you wouldn’t be able to get up as usual. You hear the door to the room open and your friend comes in, already changed into pajamas. Oh, you completely forgot about that.

You grab your bag and follow Rook's example, exit and head back to the bathroom. Sometimes you are not even sure that you understand your own thoughts and actions. After all, you really chose a hunter out of all your friends and didn’t doubt it for a second. Yes, he could refuse, but for some reason you were sure that he would agree. You spent several hours with him, but for some reason you didn’t speak for almost the entire time. This silence did not press, on the contrary, you did not even feel the need to talk about something. You would be happy to listen to Rook's stories, but you feel that you will not be upset if you spend this evening in silence. The usually very talkative Rook sat calmly on the bed waiting for your return. He's also not sure why he's talking to you less than usual today. What are you doing with him? You really are interesting. A person from another world, you do not have claws or great physical strength like other students of the same Savanaklo, but other students also respect you and listen to you. How did you manage to become an important variable in this college in so much time?

Directing his gaze to your newly entered silhouette, Rook finally begins to speak. – you don’t mind sleeping in bed with me, do you, mon Trickster? – you glance at his figure. As expected, his purple clothes suited him. Just sleep together for one night, you don’t see this as a problem and agree with your interlocutor. He begins to tell you about how the nights passed in the place where he was born and grew up. Rook really knows the art of oratory, you heard him for a while and even asked him questions. Maybe you can also tell him something about where you are from. You are starting to test the waters. Starting your story first in general terms, until your friend gestures for you to lie down with him. You fall silent for a moment as he lies down on his stomach and rests his chin on his hand. He gestures for you to continue talking, and having made yourself comfortable, you continue talking.

You shared with him some moments before and during your stay in this world and he never interrupted you.

Finally, you begin to feel your thoughts getting confused and drowsiness begins to overcome you. You close your eyes and feel someone else’s hand carefully pulling you towards him and stroking your head. Maybe you'd really like to do it again. Already drifting off to sleep, you wrap your arm around the body next to you and pull him closer to you. Above you you hear a gentle whisper.

– Bonne nuit, mon Trickster.

Maybe you really would like to spend some time alone with him again. Or even invite him to your dorm? Maybe he really can brighten up your stay in this world, but now you really want to think about something else. And maybe he won’t mind brightening up your stay here.

The characters do not belong to me, they belong to their rightful owners, please do not edit, translate, repost my works on other platforms, also without my permission and @

#twst x reader #twst x gn reader #twst x male reader #twst x female reader #twisted wonderland x male reader #twisted wonderland x gn reader #rook hunt x male reader #rook hunt x reader #rook hunt

98 notes · View notes

tragedytells-tales · 1 month

Note

Brooo I love your writing so much!! It’s literally so great😭 can you write the brothers (or just Lucifer and Satan if that’s too much) with a teen!mc (platonic obv) that is VERY gen z. Like if they’re able to have their phone while in Devildom then they would constantly be talking about stupid internet drama while using strange terms. They know the stuff they say is weird but that just encourages them to be even more unhinged and chaotic. I just thought it’d be funny :) thanks if you decide to do this!!

"I hear you loud and clear! My apologies for this taking so long, I was only able to come up with something for Lucifer and Satan."

--------------------------------------

Lessons in cringe culture

Notes - Teen!MC, Headcanons, Shitpost, comedy just pure comedy

Characters - Feat. Lucifer and Satan

Summary - MC has a few ideas on how to make these ten million years old demons more modern. Are they good ideas? Who knows and who cares

Warnings - Not proof read

TW - None

Lucifer:

[ New word to vocabulary - Gyatt ]

- So MC teaches him gyatt. And not actually on purpose, but not on accident either. They had the thought of saying it out loud around him just to see if it would be a good enough substitute for "god" that they could say it without almost smiting the Avatar.

- They had the thought about a week ago and completely forgot about, but they couldn't just sit there silently when they got jumpscared by the newest update to celestialdrop Valley

"You can now drink mayonnaise."

- Either way he is scared of teenagers of MCs variety because he was sitting in pure silence, minding his whole business while MC did something on their phone, until suddenly they screamed from the top of their lungs

"GYATT DAMN?! LEVI YOU WON'T BEEEEELIVE THIS!"

- Not only did they startle him out of his old ten million years aged bones, and dared to swear in his presence, but then before running to show Levi whatever it was that sparked this outburst MC turned to him and asked

"Are you all good?"

"...Yes? Why would I not be?"

- They give him the most evil of smiles before leaving. The smile was so evil that it sent shivers down his spine, for a human it was a devilish little smile that he knew meant nothing but trouble.

- The things he'd give for a single one of his technically adopted family to be normal ( <-- He literally handpicked everyone in the house, and he's no better but he's also the oldest so )

- He asks MC about it later and gets a proper explanation, only thing is that now he can't ground them for the improper use of language because the use of "gyatt" was surprisingly clever and smart

- Damnit MC, stop getting the braincell!

- He genuinely starts using it in secret whenever he wants to say "goddamn", he dare not utter it around his brothers lest they start bullying him

- Jokes on him, he gets drunk and slips up in the group chat!

Satan:

[ New phrase to vocabulary - It's my turn with the braincell! ]

- Speaking of. One would think that because he reads so many things and has so much knowledge and is technically the youngest of his brothers that he would know at least a bit of funky phrases

- He does. He knows Devildom phrases specifically. But he's also stupidly smart, smart stupid if you will, so he takes things MC sometimes says a tad to literal

- So imagine his surprise when they say "Hey, it's my turn with the braincell. I need it for algebra, hand it over!!!" While studying with their friends

- If you imagined very, very surprised then you are correct

- Aka: he's worried about the amount of concussions MC must've had for them to lost so many brain cells that they need to borrow and take turns with them from others

- He would've also questioned where and how they’re getting the brain cells they’re borrowing if he weren't so concerned in the first place

- He genuinely asks them what kind of brain cells are they missing to see how he can help

- They tell him "My brother in christ, I'm simply jesting about" and now he thinks MC is a sickly Victorian child with a lack of brain cells who got cursed

- Congratulations MC, you've tricked the smartest person in the house, but at what cost?

- The cost of him texting the group chat that MC has lost brain cells and needs to borrow some, that's what. All because they're too busy laughing to properly explain, and now Levi and Belphi are clowning on everyone else because they ALL fell for it too

- The price of living with beings who are over ten million years old is a steep one

- He steals the phrase and instantly starts telling his brothers to borrow brain cells btw, he's adapting

- He's been stealing phrases from MC for a while now, but this one is his favorite

- ( They taught him "fuck this thing, fuck that thing, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool-" last week, they’re not allowed to be friends anymore )

AN - The idea of teaching Lucifer "gyatt" made my lungs hurt, but then the thought of Asmo learning "down bad", Beel learning "bussin", and Mammon learning "L + Ratio + you fell off + fatherless" also made me lose it. I just wasn't sure how to go about that. ( Also thanks for the compliment!!! I hold it ever so gently,,, )

#obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me satan #om lucifer #om satan #obey me shitpost #obey me teen mc #[ 📜 ] requests

65 notes · View notes

fluentmoviequoter · 9 months

Note

hii!! if you’re still taking requests could you please do one where the reader can also astral project and reader and dalton see each other in the further but don’t realise the other one is alive until they see each other in the real world or something like that?? i LOVE your writing so much btw 🤍

Thank you so much for the request and the kind words! This is SUCH A GOOD IDEA! Apologies that it took so long, but in all honesty it stressed me out because I knew I was going to mess it up. I hope this is at least on the right track and please let me know what you think! :)

Warnings: goes back and forth between reader and Dalton at first, a lil angst, fluff, lots of flirting, canon-typical (I hope) descriptions of the Further, 3k+ words

Don't Believe Everyone You See

Ten years ago, you watched yourself sleep for the first time. You thought it was a nightmare, so you didn’t tell anyone. Then it kept happening. When you finally shared what was happening, someone made a phone call. You were soon introduced to a woman named Elise, who claimed to know what you were experiencing and promised to help you navigate the ability. Elise told you that some people ventured completely into the darkness, which she called the Further. She said that you shouldn’t go all the way, at least not until you were ready to face what was in there.

You will never be ready. But the Further doesn’t care about whether or not you’re ready. Or whether or not you make it out alive. As you age, you learn more about the Further, take longer and darker trips, learn the triggers that deliver you into the Further, and don’t get as scared when encountering the souls trapped within. Although you have more experience, you still have little control over when you project and how you make it into the darkness of the Further. When it happens in your dorm, you can walk around campus and experience a world frozen in time. Which might be really interesting if there weren’t monsters lurking in every shadow.

After a few weeks of traveling in the dark, you know the campus inside and out, including where the darkest souls live. However, now it is more dangerous than ever to step into the Further; it's like a door was opened somewhere. Whatever the cause of the increase in violent creatures, the problem must be remedied. Perhaps you can be the one to close the door or plug the leak.

Closing your eyes, you count slowly backward from ten. After seeing a video in which surgery patients do so while receiving anesthesia, you tried it, which led to the complete relaxation that delivered you directly into the foyer of the Further. Opening your eyes and standing from your bed, you look down and see your body resting peacefully. Steeling your nerves and planning to find the source of this unseemly invasion, you exit your dorm and venture toward the darkest shadows.

Across campus, Dalton Lambert is trying to stay awake while he finishes an art project. He is settled in a peaceful place to work since Chris is in their dorm “blowing her hooter,” her self-assigned music homework. He releases a sigh as he finishes the last brushstroke, setting down his palette and brushes. Dalton leans back and looks at the complete painting of the house, remembering the time spent inside it before his coma but he has never been to it again. He feels something is missing, so he leans forward to get a better look, groaning at the realization that he is no longer in his body. Astral projecting, a term that Dalton knows due to Chris’ dutiful research, always happens at the worst possible times. Shrugging, Dalton decides he has nothing better to do and begins exploring under the cover of darkness. What’s the worst that can happen? Dalton thinks, then immediately wishes he could take it back. A bad phrase in the real world is usually nightmarish in the Further.

You walk until you can no longer see your dorm before you see an area that might be a gateway. There is a stretch of sidewalk with no streetlights and absolute darkness before you. Taking a deep breath, you walk into the emptiness and remind yourself to breathe as your senses disappear, one by one.

Dalton turns a corner, not paying attention to where he is, and is bathed in blackness. Continuing, he has a distant memory that there is a light somewhere within the Further, and he only has to keep walking. Seeing a faint flicker ahead, Dalton speeds up and follows the illumination until he can see the full outline of the lone lantern sitting on the ground. Dalton turns to look for another light and bumps into something, unintentionally grabbing it to steady himself. As his hands make contact, he realizes that it’s someone he’s holding.

You chase the light, not seeing anything in your path until you collide with it. Hands grab your waist as yours raise to what feels like biceps. Looking up, you make eye contact with what must be a very young soul and a seemingly innocuous one. Your eyes focus, and with the light of the lantern, you can clearly make out the face of a handsome guy, and you wonder how a spirit that looks like this – and saved you from falling – is trapped in a place like this. Suddenly remembering your purpose for coming, you remove yourself from his grip and walk around him, forcing yourself not to look back, scared that you’ll see the opposite of what you want.

Dalton stands completely still, flexing his hands beside him as he analyzes what happened. Taking a deep breath, he thinks about what the woman in the video, Elise, would say. Dalton recalls something about the souls being drawn to the living who cross into their realm. Nodding to himself, he decides it was just some twisted mind game that made the soul appear alive. As he turns to leave, he can’t help but think maybe the Further would have better luck claiming souls if they all looked like that. With one glance back, seeing nothing but the light from the lantern, Dalton heads back to his body and prays to anyone listening that nothing insidious happens along the way.

Waking up, you immediately think back to your encounter in the Further. With that in your mind, it is unlikely you will be able to focus on anything else. Pulling your computer out, you find videos of Elise teaching about the Further. Your research nearly makes you late for class, yet you leave with more questions and no answers.

Someone yells your name as you exit your last class. Your roommate runs up beside you, looping an arm through yours and saying, “I was thinking we go get ice cream then binge watch horror movies. What do you think? Wait, you aren’t scared of horror movies, are you?”

“How could I be?” you mutter.

“Perfect! So, I want to watch this one about a boy who goes to a summer camp and drowns, but-“

Your ears filter everything out as you stop, dragging your roommate backward. Not believing what you’re seeing, your eyes follow a boy exiting the art building across the street.

“What are you staring out?” your roommate asks. “Oh! He’s cute. But we have movies.”

You lose sight of him as you are dragged further down the sidewalk. Looking over your shoulder, it’s as if he vanished into thin air… or the Further.

Dalton is not paying attention where he walks as he sees someone who looks incredibly familiar. He had spent all morning convincing himself that whoever or whatever he had run into the Further wasn’t alive; it was just one of the many souls trapped there. Maybe the occurrence had been meant to keep him in the Further or distract him from reaching the door. Either way, Dalton believes that it was not what it seemed. Now he questions his belief as he sees someone across the road. Chris yells at him for nearly running her over, then grabs his backpack strap as she continues talking about her trip to the housing office. Stumbling behind her, Dalton looks back but sees nothing, just as in the Further. He was right, to begin with; it was never real.

When you finally return to your dorm room, you return to your computer and continue researching the Further. Clicking a promising link, you sigh as you realize it is an excerpt from a book. Skimming the contents, you check for an eBook and see that the book was published years ago and was never released digitally. Crossing your fingers, you check WorldCat and see that the library on campus has a copy. You quickly gather your things and open your door, stepping into the hallway with a newfound hope that you can separate the Further from this realm... forever.

“They just emailed me my new room info,” Chris says as she closes her laptop. “Time to help me move, Dolphin.”

“Please?” Dalton prompts as she stands and begins packing.

“No problem,” she quips.

He shakes his head before standing, immediately weighed down as she places items in his arms. She squeezes everything Dalton isn’t holding into one bag and hoists it over her shoulder.

“The end of an era,” she begins dramatically. “I’ll miss your annoying nightlight and your persistent refusal to let me set you up on a date. I won’t miss some things though.”

“Chris, this is heavy, can we go?” Dalton interrupts.

“Fine. We’re only going up a floor. I’m the room above you, so be warned, young man.”

Dalton rolls his eyes as he follows Chris out of the room, closing the door behind him. While climbing the stairs, Chris rambles about something while Dalton wonders if he should return to the Further for answers. The videos Chris had shown him were helpful when figuring out what was happening, but not much more. The more answers Dalton found, the more complicated the questions became. He stops behind Chris as she pulls a key from her pocket and opens the door.

“Roommate is a transfer student or something, won’t be here ‘til October,” Chris cheers as she enters, pulling her suitcase behind her.

Dalton feels eyes on him but ignores it as he enters the room behind Chris. He drops all of her stuff on the bed and then collapses next to it.

“Need anything else?” Dalton asks, crossing his fingers that she says no.

“Nope,” Chris answers, popping the p sound. “You are free to go. This isn’t goodbye though, Dolphin, someone has to keep forcing you to have fun.”

Dalton stands and walks toward the door. “Yeah, yeah, go blow your hooter.”

He closes the door behind him and rubs his eyes. Once again sensing that someone is looking at him, he takes a deep breath and prepares to explain his presence on the girls’ floor of the building, but doesn’t get a chance to.

You look up from your phone as you lock your door, seeing someone’s back walking into the once-empty dorm beside yours. The boy looks familiar, but you can’t place why based on what little bit you can see before he closes the door. Clicking the phone number for the library, you stand outside your door as you wait for an answer. When the line connects, you immediately begin speaking.

“Hi, I’m looking for a book for a research project,” you explain, then provide the book's name and author. You hear someone typing on a keyboard, then a moment of silence.

The librarian speaks again to say, “We’ve got that one. It’ll be at the front desk when you get here.”

“Thank you so much!”

You end the call and smile, hoping the book provides some answers. It has all the keywords you are looking for, but the Further isn’t known for its consistency or any way to crack its code. Slipping your phone into your pocket, you turn toward the stairs to go to the library when the door beside yours opens again. The boy steps out and leans against the wall as he rubs his eyes. You watch him, feeling like your heart is in your stomach as you recognize him. Looking down the hallway, you see other people moving and confirm that what you see before you is real.

“Hey,” you say quietly, watching as he turns toward you and his eyes open.

You can tell he recognizes you because he does the same thing you did, looking for other movements and signs of life. Once he confirms he’s awake, he takes a step closer to you. As you get closer, you both begin to speak at the same time.

“I thought you were,” you both say together. Smiling at one another, you finish, “So did I.”

“I, uh, I’m Dalton,” he introduces, extending a hand to you.

You smile as you shake his hand and tell him your name. “There’s a book at the library that has a ton of information on the Further and how to contain it. I’m on my way to check it out, if you want to come with me?” you offer.

Dalton nods and quickly says, “Yes.” He clears his throat and tries again, “Yeah, I’ll come with. That sounds… helpful.”

You chuckle and walk down the stairs with him. He holds the door for you as you exit the dorm building. The silence grows awkward as you steal glances at one another as you walk.

“So, how long have you been projecting?” you ask.

“About ten years. You?” Dalton replies.

“The same.”

Dalton stops and runs his fingers through his hair. When you stop and face him, he smiles and shrugs. “Why is this so awkward?”

“The first time I saw you I thought you were a spirit trapped in the Further. Or some kind of trick to trap mine there. We didn’t really have a meet cute,” you answer, smiling.

“You don’t think that’s a cute story?” Dalton gasps sarcastically, placing a hand over his heart.

“What was your first impression of me?”

“Pretty much the same. I mean, I questioned it though. Never seen something that looks like you in there.”

“Thank you? I think,” you respond with a laugh.

Dalton opens the library door and follows you in, standing beside you as you check the book out. Walking back into the daylight, you hold the book out.

“Do you want to read it? Together, I mean,” you clarify quickly.

“Absolutely. I don’t have a roommate right now, so we can go to my dorm if you want. So, your roommate doesn’t see,” he looks at the book and reads the title, “The Further We Go. Seriously?”

“What do you expect from two guys named Tucker and Specs?” you counter, laughing and leaning against him.

“Wait, the Best Buy guys?” Dalton exclaims.

You grip his arm to stay upright as you laugh. “They do look like the Geek Squad!”

A passing student sends a slightly concerned look in your direction, and you try to compose yourself, letting your hand stay on Dalton’s arm as he leads you to his dorm.

“Before we do this,” you begin as you set the book down and sit on the bed across from Dalton. “What is this? Are we working together, or do we go our separate ways and probably never see each other again?”

“We’re in this together,” Dalton states. “We may be the only people in the world who understand one another.”

“You’re right about that.” you grab the book and sit next to Dalton, opening The Further We Go and spreading it across both of your laps so you can see. “Chapter One: Determining if You Have the Gift.”

“I think we can skip that,” Dalton states.

“Buzzkill,” you whisper, chuckling when Dalton nudges his shoulder against yours.

“Chapter 2: When You Meet a Really Cute Guy in the Further.”

“It does not say that,” Dalton argues, bending down to get a better look.

“No, but it tells me you weren’t paying attention to the book,” you point out.

Dalton turns his head and sees the smirk on your lips. I should kiss it off, he thinks.

“We should be able to skip to chapter five,” you say, eyes on the book again.

“You think I’m really cute?” Dalton asks, still distracted by you.

You look into his eyes and smile again. “You don’t pay attention very well do you?”

“To you,” he counters, his smile matching yours.

“We can’t read and flirt at the same time, Dalton.”

“Fine,” he groans.

After reading several chapters, you plan on how to enter the Further, find one another, and locate the source of the dangerous souls together. Dalton insists on escorting you upstairs to ensure you get home safely. When you reach your door, you turn and smile at Dalton.

“Thanks for coming with me. I’m glad we got a chance to actually meet.”

“Of course. I’m not hanging out with you ever again though,” Dalton says, his smile absent.

“Oh. Uh, can I ask why?” Your heart is in your stomach again but for a new reason.

“You wouldn’t let me flirt with you while you read.” He finally smiles as he finishes and dodges your hand as you try to punch his shoulder.

“You’re such a jerk.”

“Me?! That was cruel and unusual punishment back there.”

“Next time, you can flirt while I read,” you promise.

“I don’t know if that’s good enough.”

You roll your eyes and stand on your tiptoes, kissing his cheek before stepping back again.

“What about that?”

“One tiny kiss for two hours of not flirting? I think that’s a war crime in some countries.”

“Are you always like this?” you ask with a laugh.

“I’m never like this,” he answers honestly. “Just really glad you’re alive, I guess.”

“That sounds weird,” you tease. “But I’m glad you’re alive too.”

“I wouldn’t want to close the door with anyone else,” he admits. “Goodnight.”

“Me neither. Goodnight.”

Just before Dalton enters the stairwell, you yell his name and run to catch up to him.

“You were right.”

“About what?” he questions.

“It is a war crime,” you state.

Before he can speak, you fist his shirt in both hands and pull him down, bringing his lips to yours. His hand grabs your waist as he moves his lips against yours. The kiss is far too short, and Dalton leans into you as you pull back, smiling at him as you smooth out his shirt.

“Go get some sleep. Or don’t. Maybe I’ll see you in the Further.”

“You’ll see me either way,” Dalton points out, referring to your plan to meet the next day.

“I better. Or I’ll commit real war crimes.”

Maybe the Further has its perks after all, you and Dalton think as you return to your dorms.

#dalton lambert x reader #dalton lambert fluff #dalton lambert fic #dalton lambert imagine #dalton lambert #insidious #insidious the red door #requests

260 notes · View notes

1moreff-creator · 9 months

Text

Everything We Know About Mai Akasaki + So Many Theories

AKA, me going insane over a character with exactly nine seconds of main series screen time so far. I checked.

At this point, it's probably fair to say that Mai Akasaki is by far the most mysterious aspect of DRDT. A character we only learn about in short, cryptic bouts of information, yet one which seems intrinsically linked with the series' plot and characters. We know extremely little about her, and what we do know, it's usually speculative.

However, it's still really interesting to talk about this funky little woman, and try to figure out what exactly her deal is. Join me in insanity land, as I compile everything I could find about her, and speculate on her story! I can practically guarantee that you'll learn something new.

WARNING: Insanely long post. I reached the 30 image limit, to give you an idea of how crazy this is.

Wait, Who?

Her! <3

(A lot of what I'm about to say come from this post by despairing-disaster and this one by akemiai, huge shout out to them!)

For the uninitiated, Mai Akasaki is the secret seventeenth student of the DRDT cast, hidden somehwere in this school wait no that's Mukuro. Her name can be found in the hidden quote in MonoTV's character profile, which itself is found by doing "inspect element" on said page.

Her name is Mai Akasaki

(I am such a hacker)

Typing in https://danganronpadespairtime.tumblr.com/maiakasaki (or clicking there) takes you to a pretty empty page, with this text:

All you have to do is ask for my hand, and I'll give it to you. Ask for my life, and I'll give it to you as well. Don't apologize for asking, I'll give you my forgiveness too.

As you'll see later, this quote is probably something Mai would say.

And this hidden quote:

"Are you still searching for a secret? For some explanation that will satisfy you? There's no answer I can give you that will make you happy. Maybe I should have lied instead. I'm sorry."

Note the quotes, which as far as I can tell, aren't in any of the other hidden phrases. That said, spoilers, I don’t have any idea what this means.

You may aso have noticed some highlighted letters in that first quote. Typing those in, https://danganronpadespairtime.tumblr.com/aoaviepkro, takes you to the most important page for our purposes:

(Also, you can just look it up on google nowadays)

Mai Akasaki's character profile. And yes, it's the girl Teruko remembers after being stabbed by Xander, in episode 6 of chapter 1. After that memory, Teruko thinks:

It's strange I would remember her now, of all times. What was her name again? It's on the tip of my tongue, but I can't remember. Xander always reminded me of that girl. Perhaps that's why I'm thinking about her now. They looked similar, with that same red hair and smile. And... they both wanted to help, didn't they?

Teruko and her clearly have something going on, but we'll get to it later (take a shot every time I say something like that). For now, we have to dive into the profile.

Profile of Someone Dearly Loved

Basic Info

She's listed as the "Ultimate ???", likes phone charms and dislikes silence. She's 5'8'' tall, weighing 124 lbs and with a chest sie of 30 in. I doubt anyone cares about the latter. Her birthday is February first, which you may want to keep in mind for later.

The Subtitle Quote

As every character does, Mai has a quote right under her name. In her case, "There's a way for you to be happy". Keep in mind these quotes are usually things the characters would say, and as you'll see in a moment, that fits.

However, what's interesting is that this quote was not the one originally there when Mai's page was first found. It changed. It used to be, apparently, "Anything, anything at all..."

What I don't know is when it changed, or why. The earliest reference I can find to the change is this post by stfu-sage, the 20th of March, 2023. This is just three days after the release of Ch 2 Ep 8, but that feels like quite a strange time for it to change, especially since we don’t know how many days passed without anyone checking the profile. I feel it makes more sense if it had changed either with the release of Ch 2 or with the BDA on chapter 7. Regardless, the exact time doesn’t matter much.

What do these lines mean, though? Well, starting with “Anything, anything at all”, I believe it’s related to line from the Mai Akasaki URL. You know, “All you have to do is ask for my hand, and I’ll give it to you…”, that one. When you read them together, it makes sense:

All you have to do is ask for my hand, and I'll give it to you. Ask for my life, and I’ll give it to you as well. […] [You can ask for] Anything, anything at all.

Considering the code for Mai’s profile is in the “ask for my hand” line, I think it makes sense.

Then, the changed quote, “There’s a way for you to be happy”. Considering the general time for the change, is it possible this is something Mai said to Arei, during their time at Hope's Peak? It's the best I have for now, but I feel we may need more context to know what this is about.

In any case, I can't gather much more from the subtitle quote. Although I do feel like pointing out, Mai’s quote is somewhat unique in that none of the words are highlighted. All the other characters have one or a few words highlighted (eg: Arei - secret, Teruko - no matter what), except MonoTV and Mai. Don’t think it means anything, but it’s there.

Hidden Quotes

And here we have it. The most important part of Mai theorizing. Whenever you refresh the page, a new body of text appears, which is related to a specific character via the code of the website. You can see in the screenshot I took, it says “A girl with many friends”. But here’s a full list of all the possibilities:

Teruko: Some years ago, she was searching for someone named ‘Teruko Tawaki.’ Charles: A girl who loves her family. Rose: She remembers everything that is important to others. Arturo: A girl who sees the beauty in everyone. Levi: A girl with a floral tattoo on her arm. Whit: A girl with many friends. Eden: She kept calling the number, even though no one picked it up. J: She kept it a secret, and told no one. Hu: A girl who wanted to keep everyone safe. Nico: Everyone confided in her. Ace: A girl who had a bright future. Arei: She doesn’t like it when her friends fight. Min: An average girl with nothing special at all about her. Xander: She couldn’t stand to do nothing. Veronika: A girl who didn’t foresee the consequences. David: She forgives everyone. MonoTV: It’s all your fault.

You may notice the order is somewhat peculiar, and it's for a good reason. It's the order the "bios" (name of the variable in the source code... I think that's how that works) are laid out in the source code of Mai's page.

... I know you can barely see and not all of them are on frame, but just trust me. If you want to check for yourself, you can go to the profile's source code (Ctrl U), and either scroll to almost the bottom, or just search (Ctrl F) for a word like "average" or "confided" which only shows up in the "bios". There's probably easier ways to go about it, but this is how I got there. I'm telling you this because it took me like an hour to find out where the hell the order came from. I am not good at computers.

However, for now, let's just ignore the order (and the tenses of the sentences, I swear I'll get there) and focus on the main points for now.

+Mai is extremely well-liked by the other members of the cast. In particular, some of the quotes compliment her based on faults the character attached to them has.

>Arturo is extremely judgemental based on ugliness, but Mai "sees the beauty in everyone".

>Charles forgot his dead brother, but Mai "loves her family".

>Rose is absentminded and often forgets things if she doesn't see them, but Mai "remembers everything that is important to others".

>The hidden quote on Ace's page has him saying "I don't know what to do with myself anymore", suggesting a lack of control over his future, but Mai "had a bright future".

>Arei constantly causes altercations between the cast, but Mai "doesn't like it when her friends fight".

However, plenty of quotes are simply good qualities, such as Hu's "A girl who wanted to keep everyone safe". The point is, everyone seemingly adored this girl.

+Mai is good at keeping secrets, as implied by J's and Nico's quotes ("She kept it a secret, and told no one" and "Everyone confided in her", respectively). Those same quotes actually seem to imply Mai likely knew those two's secrets, and possibly a lot of the others.

+Among other things, Mai is compassionate, forgiving, friendly, and generally a positive presence.

+Mai and Teruko have a particularly strange relationship. We'll come back to this.

+Mai seemingly did... something, and it brought consequences. This is implied by the quotes of Xander ("she couldn't stand to do nothing") and Veronika ("A girl who didn't foresee the consequences"). But, what was it? Well, to get a better idea, we need to take a look at... the Bonus Episodes.

A Not-So-Unnamed-Classmate

Technically-a-Theory: Mai is the Unnamed Classmate

I say "technically" because I'm pretty sure no one actually disagrees with this. Yes, technically it's never been confirmed, but it seems likely Mai is the Unnamed Classmate who shows up in both of the Bonus Episodes we have so far. The PoV character in both of those episodes has the same voice, which sounds like a girl's, and their personality seems to fit with the very little we know of Mai.

Additionally, as you’ll see, the text boxes in the Bonus Episodes are surrounded by flowers which look very similar to the ones in Mai’s tattoo, further connecting them.

It's not much, but since we don't know anyone else who could be Unnamed Classmate, they and Mai are likely the same person.

With this clarified, let's talk about Unnamed Classmate.

Bonus Episode #1

This episode is mostly focused on Min and the history of Hope's Peak, but we can still start to grasp a bit of Mai's personality. She seems generally upbeat and somewhat bubbly, and we can see glimpses of her kind and caring qualities when she comforts Min near the end of the episode.

There's also a few lines which actually tell us a few more concrete things about her, though. I won't post them in chronological order, btw.

Min: Hey! Put your textbook away! Don’t cheat!

Seemingly an insignificant joke, but it does help establish Mai as slightly mischievous/cheeky, which will be expanded upon later. Other indications of this cheekiness include Mai comlimenting Min and trying to distract her by talking about the sky and her backstory, presumably to procrastinate. I may be reading too much into it, but I really don't think Mai is as easily distracted as she makes herself out to be.

Mai: Auughh, the test is too soon, there’s no way I’ll have enough time! I’m totally going to fail!

Mai: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you to help me study--

Mai: I see. That's how you got your talent. I'm ashamed that I'm only now learning something so important. I'm sorry.

(Yes, I had to bunch a few of these images together because I ran into the Tumblr 30 image limit)

A few lines which seem innocuous at first, but when paired together, they hint at something. Essentially, I believe this implies Mai doubts her abilities and actions, and may even have a self-deprecating streak. She's at the very least much harsher on herself than she is on others. It sounds like a stretch, but I swear it's not as farfetched as it seems.

Mai: You're somebody who buys fish-shaped pastries and saves the chocolate-filled ones for me, because you know that those are my favorite.

Mai likes chocolate-filled pastries. Hey, when I said “everything we know about Mai”, I meant everything (that I could find).

Min: I suppose for someone like you who doesn't care too much about Hope's Peak and who, no offense, would never be eligible for the [Ultimate Contest for Eminent Students] with such average grades...

Min: You might not do very well in school, but you're quite sharp.

Put simply, Mai has average grades, but is still considered smart by Min. Her intelligence is visible throughout the episodes, mainly in the form of emotional intelligence and a hint of deception (that's where the mischieviousness comes in).

However, perhaps it’s the first phrase which is most interesting. Mai “doesn’t care too much about Hope’s Peak”. Which is only reiterated by the following lines.

Min: Maybe someone like you who never cared about Hope’s Peak Academy wouldn’t understand. But it’s everyone else’s dream to be an Ultimate.

Mai: Ultimates aren’t everything. As if I’m only friends with you because of your talent. There’s more to you than that.

Mai seems to have a much more laissez-faire approach to the concept of Hope’s Peak and Ultimates than what Min considers normal. By itself, this isn’t too strange, as we know there’s other people not too attached to their status as Ultimates. However, this actually may have something to do with the incident implied in Xander’s and Veronika’s quotes. I’ll get to it later (overused phrase of the day), but for now, keep this in mind.

Nevertheless, there is one more theory affected by this nonchalance towards Hope’s Peak. Except, it’s a theory I believe is actually harmed by this attitude.

Good Theory I Don’t Believe: Mai is a Reserve Course Student

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a cool theory! I just don’t think it works all the way.

Essentially, this theory is what it says in the tin. Mai is the Ultimate ??? because she’s actually a Reserve Course student, a la Hajime Hinata. There are many good posts on this theory, like this one by delightfullydiscordant, and I recommend you read them since they’re well put together! Some of the main points of this theory include:

>Min’s quote for Mai is “An average girl with nothing special at all about her.”, which could imply she doesn’t have a talent. However, there are other interpretations for this line, so it’s far from conclusive.

>Mai seems to be wearing a Japanese Hope’s Peak uniform (check out this post by laly-481), but the jacket around Mai’s waist is darker than the one worn by Ultimates in DR 3. Instead, it seems closer to a Reserve Course jacket. The issue I have with this is that… well, we know very little about what the Japanese Hope’s Peak in the DRDT universe looks like, so this feels a bit vague.

Mai: You’re not nobody. Even if I pretend that you’re not an Ultimate and that we’re not both students in Hope’s Peak Academy, you’re still somebody to me.

I’ll ask you to ignore the lesbians for a moment and focus on the beginning of the quote. If you look at it closely, it seems to imply both Mai and Min are Hope’s Peak alumni, but they’re not both Ultimates. Thereby, Mai must be a Reserve Course student.

However, I actually have a different interpretation of that quote, one which, you guessed it, I’ll get to later. But for now, if we’re going to get involved in semantics, we also have to look at this line:

Mai: The US Hope's Peak Academy takes in college-age students, and there's two of them, and we have this really weird curriculum, and there's a bunch of other things, and...

Min: Remember that we’re East Class 27, so that means that Hope’s Peak is how many years old?

Min: Look at what our classmates are doing now. They're Ultimates too. They're all doing things relevant to their career, if not actually out working.

Min saying “we're class 27" could be interpreted as her simply referring to herself and the other Ultimates, but even then, referring to "our classmates" while talking to Mai implies they're in the same class. Also, Mai saying "we have" a weird curriculum feels odd unless both she and Min have the same curriculum, meaning both of them likely attend the same classes, thus again, both are Ultimates.

But that’s only a minor problem. In truth, there are other reasons I believe Mai has a talent, and I even have a guess of what that talent may be. But the main one is what we just established: Mai never really cared about Hope’s Peak.

I admittedly may be missing some context, since I’ve never watched DR 3, but from what I know, Reserve Course students are usually characterized as people who desperately want to be Ultimates and are obsessed with Hope’s Peak, which doesn’t fit Mai at all. You could argue maybe she went to Hope's Peak to search for Teruko as Teruko's quote implies, but the problem with that is that Teruko remembers Mai, at least a little bit (see: dream sequence), which means they should have reunited before Hope's Peak, since the last thing Teruko remembers before the "amnesia zone" is going to Hope's Peak's entrance ceremony.

Not to mention, we… can’t even be sure the Reserve Course exists. For as much info as we got from the Bonus Episode #1, that course was never even mentioned. And seeing this is a post-Tragedy world, the Reserve Course may not even exist. Especially when Min also says that actually being an Ultimate is considered more important than going to Hope’s Peak in the US.

So, final verdict on this theory? While it’s quite interesting and I definitely think it’s more plausible than many of the other things I’ll bring up, I don’t find it to be the most likely, again because Mai’s disinterest in Hope’s Peak pushes her away from the standard Reserve Course student, and because I prefer a different theory about her talent.

And with that, we’re done with the first Bonus Episode for now! Let’s see what the second one brings.

Bonus Episode #2

This one, surprisingly, has fewer lines which gives us info about Mai. However, what it does give us is arguably some of the most important intel we have so far.

Mai: No, it’s fine. Don’t think you’re making me come with you. I'm here because I want to be here.

Mai: [Xander reimbursing her for the trip]'s silly. I can pay for it myself. Besides, you're letting me stay at your place for a week, so if anything, you're doing me a favor.

The first just reiterates that Mai is compassionate and wants to help whenever she can. As for the second, it seems to imply Mai doesn't struggle too much with money, which is info I guess. However, she also says Xander is doing her a favor by letting her stay over. I think that just means the expenses of living wherever she's living for a week exceed the expenses of the trips? I don't see any other reason that would be considered a favor in that aspect. I considered maybe Mai could have a bad home life, but in the secret quotes:

Charles: A girl who loves her family

So, I don't think that's the case. I think it really is just a money thing, and we don't have to overthink it too much.

Mai: 'Oh, speaking of Hope's Peak. I need to ask Xander if he found that document I asked him to look for.'

Mai: 'I didn't want to unload the work on him, but he's much better at digging up stuff than I am.'

Mai: 'But it's definitely not something I should bring up in a public place. I'll remember to ask him later'.

And here we are. The single biggest Mai-related reveal in the Bonus Episodes. Her and Xander were involved in some sort of secretive operation related to Hope's Peak. In particular, seemingly during their trip to visit the graves of Xander's family, Mai asked Xander to retrieve a document related to the Academy, a document they shouldn't discuss in public. In fact, right after this, Mai changes the subject to Xander's eyes so as to not talk about it, again showing she can be somewhat deceptive when she needs to.

This might be related to Teruko's claim that "[Xander and Mai] both wanted to help", but it seems impossible for her to remember anything which happened during HPA (Hope's Peak Academy, got tired of writing it out) time, so I still don't know what she actually meant by that.

Nevertheless, it's pretty obvious that whatever this is, it would be bad news for HPA. I mean, if Xander's involved, there's no way it's good for an institution. But it also ties back to Mai's critical view of HPA and the Ultimate title.

However, messing with something as powerful as HPA could be pretty dangerous. Thus, I believe this little operation is likely what's being referred to in Xander's and Veronika's quotes.

Xander: She couldn’t stand to do nothing. Veronika: A girl who didn’t foresee the consequences.

(By the way, Xander's quote in particular is why I don't quite believe the theory that the document mentioned here is only to get Teruko into HPA somehow. It's a cool theory, but Xander's quote feels a bit too dramatic for that to be the end goal of Mai's plans)

I mean, for one, it's Xander saying Mai did something, and messing with HPA could have quite drastic consequences, from what we know. Thus, from now on, I will henceforth call this vague action against HPA "the HPA Operation", because saying "that thing Mai did which Xander's and Veronika's quotes allude to" is gonna get tiring.

What exactly the HP Operation was, I obviously don't know, we're on chapter 2 of the series and this is quite clearly a mystery which may last until chapter 6 (assuming a standard DR formula).

However, I can tell you one thing. It may not fully be Mai's idea.

Mai: If you set out to do something, then never give up on that, no matter what obstacles may stand in your way. Even if it's risky or against the rules, as long as it's for a good cause...

Mai: I'll trust that you know to do the right thing.

Xander: Yeah, of course (NOT PICTURED)

Xander: That's why I've come to Hope's Peak, isn't it?

The lines about the HPA document appear right after this, although Mai does seem confused at first by Xander's claim that "that's why [he's come] to Hope's Peak". So although Mai is the one who asked Xander to find the document, it's possible the basic idea to go against HPA came from Xander. After all, remember. Mai never cared much about HPA, so it seems unlikely she paid enough attention to it to notice its flaws as quickly as Xander would. Ultimate Rebel, and all that.

However, even if Xander was the one who planted the idea of revolution in Mai's head, she's clearly invested in it. She tells Xander to never give up on anything he sets out to do, even if it's risky or against the rules.

So, there it is. So far, what we know about the HPA Operation is:

>Mai and Xander were heavily involved.

>It may have originally been Xander's idea, but Mai seems to have taken the role of tactician at some point.

>HPA likely wasn't too happy with it.

>It likely had horrible consequences for Mai.

And that's all we had for a while, as Chapter 2 Part 1 didn't add anything to the conversation. Well, except maybe a thought Teruko has when Arei starts crying after her breakdown in the playground:

That pitiful crying... It reminds me of... Of...

That could be about Mai, but I really don't know what it could mean, so I'm sorta ignoring it for now.

So, yeah. Nothing new.

Until it came out.

Going (Literature Girl) Insane

Yeah, the David MV. Mai is listed in the cast list as a secondary character, though her name is crossed out. This likely refers to the portrait of her seen in the background.

The portrait of Mai is labeled "portrait of someone dearly loved", while Teruko's is labeled "portrait of someone dearly unloved", the words flipped. This is one of many things which seem to imply Teruko and Mai are meant to be opposites of each other.

There is also that one image of a girl whose identity is unclear.

It doesn't look like Mai, but maybe that's my prosopagnosiac ass assuming different hair = different person. Generally, people assume this is "Diana Chiem", if she even exists, though I somewhat lean on it possibly being the mysterious name out of frame in the cast list. You know, the name which vaguely looks like "Ms Naegi". However, I'm showing you the image to get a second opinion on something.

You see the hand Mystery Girl is holding? Doesn't it look like it's wearing a glove? Because of the white line in the wrist. Maybe I'm going insane, that could just be a bend of the wrist, but... I kinda don't see it? It makes a bit more sense to me as a glove. And since it doesn't seem to be cut off at the fingers like Xander's, it would have to be Mai's. Other characters also wear this type of glove, but they’re not on the cast list.

The counterpoint is that it looks like you can see the nail of the PoV person's thumb, but I'm not sure that's the case? That part of the sprite is really strange and seems to be different in all three of the Mystery Girl images, so I can't tell. Anywyas, if any of you have ideas, tell me. Again, it's most likely I'm overthinking and that's just a bend of the wrist.

Anyways, enough dillydally, let's get to the big stuff.

The Roman numeral

As you may or may not know, during the MV we’re shown a crossword puzzle which is solved with the characters’ names, and this assigns each character with a different Roman numeral. This numeral later shows up attached to some kind of phrase, which in turn relates that character back to the phrase. I made a post talking about all of them, but I'll go more in detail about Mai's in this post than I did in that post.

Solution by raspbeyes

In the crosswords, Mai intersects Arei and Levi. I don't think this means much by itself, since the way the names intersect doesn't seem to be too important in general. Like, yes, if you squint you can see things like Whit only intersecting Charles, but there's also things like Min only intersecting Arei, Eden only intersecting Rose, Veronika intersecting everyone and their morther... My point is, the exact position in the crosswords doesn't tend to matter much.

What's more important are the numerals. Mai's is XI (11), a number which, from my research, is related to leadership and bringing out the best in others, as well as nobility or higher conciousness and spirituality and knowledge and new beginnings- Okay, the point is, I found mostly inconclusive stuff, but a lot of this sort of relates back to Mai, so we take it.

And the phrase itself:

XI. God is dead

What could this mean? Well, in philosophy, the phrase "God is dead" refers to the breakdown of ethical and sociocultural structures as christianity and religion in general became less universal. So, loss in faith in an institution leads to changes in the status quo. One way to interpret this in the context of this numeral is that Hope's Peak is the "God", and Mai's actions involved a loss on faith on HPA, and everything which comes with it. This could even be related to the phrase which directly follows this numeral in the song, "become brainwashed: go do it!". If HPA's propaganda which makes everyone love Ultimates can be considered brainwashing, anyways.

...

But that's not what any of us first thought when we read that, is it?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Is Mai Dead?

Yeah, we gotta talk about the elephant in the room.

You'll have noticed, lots of the hidden quotes on Mai's profile speak about her in the past tense. This already had people thinking she was dead since it was first found, but the MV really drove the point home. Considering how the characters think about Mai, it's not impossible to imagine Mai is the "God" here, and "God is dead" has a far more literal meaning.

But, let's hold our horses here, no need to kill her so quickly. There is a chance she's alive.

Coping With the Quotes

Like I said, some of these quotes speak about her as if she's dead, but some of them actually talk about Mai in the present tense. Here, I sorted them out.

Referring to a past event:

Teruko: Some years ago, she was searching for someone named ‘Teruko Tawaki.’ Eden: She kept calling the number, even though no one picked it up. J: She kept it a secret, and told no one. Xander: She couldn’t stand to do nothing. Veronika: A girl who didn’t foresee the consequences.

These are phrases which can't be used to determine Mai's status, since they talk about a specific thing which she did. Even if she's alive, these would still be in the past tense. Teruko's is explicitly talking about years ago; J and Eden are talking about things Mai probably did during her time at HP; and Xander's and Veronika's talk about the HPA Operation. These are inconclusive.

Miscellaneously inconclusive

Whit: A girl with many friends. MonoTV: It’s all your fault.

MonoTV's line doesn't refer to Mai at all, so it's not useful here. And I put Whit here because... frankly, I wouldn't trust him to tell us even if Mai really is dead. "[His] mother is dead, [he] omit[s] this truth", and all that. Though his quote does seem to imply she's alive, for what it's worth.

Present Tense

Charles: A girl who loves her family. Rose: She remembers everything that is important to others. Arturo: A girl who sees the beauty in everyone. Levi: A girl with a floral tattoo on her arm. Arei: She doesn’t like it when her friends fight. Min: An average girl with nothing special at all about her. David: She forgives everyone.

Admittedly, some of these don't actually have verbs, so putting them in "present tense" is a bit of a misnomer. Still, all of these seem to imply Mai's alive. Notably, David's line is right after Xander's and Veronika's in the code, so he might be saying this after the HPA Operation fell through? Take that as you will.

Past Tense

Hu: A girl who wanted to keep everyone safe. Nico: Everyone confided in her. Ace: A girl who had a bright future.

I was surprised by how few of these lines actually speak of Mai strictly as if she's died. They are all together, too, and separated from Xander's and Veronika's by Arei's and Min's in the code. But what's even more important is that these are still inconclusive.

When Hu says Mai "wanted to keep everyone safe", she could be talking specifically about the HPA Operation, and the phrase would be in the past tense even if Mai survived that.

When Nico says "everyone confided in her", that could mean everyone at one point or another told her their secrets, and again, it would be in the past tense even if Mai is alive.

And although Ace says Mai "had a bright future", we don't know why she no longer has one. It's possible the consequences Veronika speaks of only ruined Mai's future, but didn't get her killed.

With all this in mind, it actually seems like the quotes lean on the side of Mai being alive! That's still inconclusive, and MonoTV's quote is a bit too ominous for me to say they definitively confirm her status.

Especially because... well, the quotes aren't the only part of this discussion.

The MV Killed the Hope's Peak Star

Let's start with the biggest issue, the flowers of an unknown species.

As pointed out by delightfullydiscordant in this post, those flowers appear to be the same ones on Mai’s tattoo and Unnamed Classmate’s text boxes. And as the comments point out, they seem to be camellias.

The issue is that the MV confirms they’re white. And white camellias, in Japan, are popular funeral flowers and are associated with death. Yeah.

Now, let’s not bury the girl yet. White camellias also represent adoration and respect in a more platonic way than, say, red camellias, for example. They can also represent purity, beauty, and even hope. Yeah, we’re dropping the H word.

I also tried looking for literary references with white camellias, in the spirit of the MV. However, the only thing I found was that they show up in “To Kill A Mockingbird”, a book which if I recall correctly is never mentioned in the MV. And it’s a good thing, too, since they apparently represent racism in that book. I don’t think that’s related to Mai, frankly.

So, good news! It’s still not conclusive! Well, but there’s more. In particular, take a look at footnote 20.

This shows up directly after Mai's numeral and the brainwashed phrase I mentioned earlier. It’s a definition of the model of the five stages of grief, with the footnote itself simply claiming it is considered by many to be outdated. Also, there’s an emoticon of someone sticking out their tongue. Don’t know what else that would be, and I don’t know what to make of it.

But the fact it’s a model of how people deal with grief, usually related to death, and that it shows up directly after Mai’s numeral, seems to imply Mai’s dead.

And then there’s the problem of her numeral! Mai has one of the only ones numerals which is colored, in this case gray. The others are mostly just white, with the only other exceptions being Xander's (translucid, "(the world of abnormal sentiment dances)") and Min's (pink, stylised as the X of a death portrait, "democratic-ly" and the rules of class trials). It doesn't bode too well for Mai to have something in common with 2/3 of all confirmed dead people, I have to say.

However, it being gray specifically could be a direct reference to her death as well. Color theory (don’t question it for now) connects gray with the depressed persona of David, though, so this isn’t very conclusive.

And finally, edging into more “confirmation bias-y” territory, you remember how I said the position in the crosswords doesn’t really matter? Well, yeah, but. Mai’s name, as it goes over the A in Arei, also happens to cross the Roman numeral IV (4), a number related to death as per footnote four. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s why Arei has it. You know, the third dead person. Nevertheless, again, crosswords positioning is usually not important, so take that with a massive grain of salt.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, what’s the conclusion? I think it’s still up for debate, but I lean more on the idea of Mai being dead. The flowers and the model of stages of grief are pretty damning, and I don’t think most of the quotes being in present tense can really be trusted.

Anyways, let me continue a bit with the idea of her being dead.

Sub-Theory: Shot Through the Heart, Xander’s to Blame

You remember how the MV claims there’s six bullets around? But it also tells you it’s impossible to find them all? I made a post about it, where I found the five bullets which I think are the only ones which i can be found.

My conclusion in that post, which I sort of stand by, is that if there’s six bullets, but only five are visible, the last one is likely loaded in the gun. It’s labeled “(not) a prop gun”, so it’s apparently real, but still connected to Xander.

The issue? That gun is sorta pointed directly at Mai’s portrait.

This kinda fits with the pieces I’ve been putting together. Mai (possibly) died because of the HPA Operation, but Xander may have been the one who originally planted that idea in her head. Or at least enabled her plans by finding documents. In that sense, one could argue it’s Xander’s fault Mai died. So, it kinda fits! I’m going with that.

The question now would be who blames Xander for Mai’s death. After all, I sorta doubt he’s the one who actually killed her. My original instinct was David, since that’s the guy the MV is about, but that doesn’t quite fit. David idolizes Xander a fair bit, so it feels odd to think he’d blame him for this.

Instead, if this theory is true, I think it makes more sense for Xander to blame himself for Mai’s death. Survivor’s guilt is a huge part of his character (see: the Bonus Episode and the quote on his page), so if he survived the fallout of the HPA Operation when Mai didn’t, he’d be quite heartbroken by it. And thus, he may end up blaming himself for dragging her into the whole mess.

So, that's about it for what we know about Mai's status. But would you believe it if I told you we're not done with the MV yet?

Color Theory

Color theory in the context of the MV refers to this post and reblog by accirax, where she went over every colored lyric in the MV and assigned each color a character based on the characters' color scheme and the lines themselves. I recommend checking out her whole post, it's really good and I won't talk about everything she brought up.

For our purposes, the important color is Mai's. And I agree with accirax that Mai is likely black (the color, not the skin tone). Although the color doesn't show up much in her color scheme, she's a generally cryptic character with a generally cryptic color. But the lines work with Mai better than practically anyone else:

>"You" x3: As pointed out by accirax, everyone is obssessed with Mai, so it sorta fits.

>"The track to the ideal country ->" The arrow points to a passage from "Utopia", btw. This makes sense with the HPA Operation. It's a vaguely revolutionary operation which seeks to improve the world, so you could consider that "the track to the ideal country."

However, we have to talk about the elephant in the room. Her color scheme would still set her up to be red. Maybe yellow if you count her eyes, but red is an important color for her. It wouldn't be unheard of for an important character to have two colors, since David has two. But red is a special color for color theory... because it's completely nonsensical.

Red is by far the most overrepresented color in the MV, having practically double the amount of lines any other colors do. And considering the color, you'd imagine it would either go to Mai, Xander or Veronika. However, no character fits all the lines that well, as explained by accirax in her posts. I explained in this reblog what I believe about this in detail, but essentially, I believe red is intentionally ambiguos, and any given red line can belong to any of the three characters I mentioned.

I'll quickly go over the way I would assign the red lines, but I'll only explain the Mai lines, since I already went into detail on the other ones in that reblog I linked to before. Keep in mind some may apply to multiple characters.

Unassignable: Aa, ah, isn't it?!

Veronika: whatever; go mad x3; broken; go insane?; won't change; original; you've killed so many; medicine; self-denial confessions; self-delusion.

Xander: are all just idiots (final verdict); Bye x2; Goodbye; escape!; together; are all just idiots!; ignorant; great applause!!!; won't change; original; and disappear!; 1; medicine; revolutionary; idiot; self-delusion

Mai: Bye x2; Goodbye; broken; God; and disappear!; medicine; revolutionary, self-denial confessions

I will mention, you can also give her all the "idiot" lines Xander has, as well as "won't change; self-delusion" and all that, since David (the guy presumably "singing") may be somewhat skeptical about Mai and her revolutionary ideas.

>Bye x2, Goodbye, broken, and disappear!: She's probably dead, so. I also inexplicably think "broken" works with her death, but not Xander's. I have no idea why.

>God: The biggest reason why Mai has to be included, the others just aren't as God-ish as Mai (hey, it's like that song!). Not much to say; it's connected to Mai via numeral XI, and I already explained why she could be "God" here.

>Medicine; revolutionary: She's a revolutionary thanks to the HPA Operation, and you could argue that means she's the "medicine" of society.

>Self-denial confessions: Mai works better with this line's original context (revolutionaries being coerced into going back on their ideals) than Veronika, but it still leaves behind the question of what exactly she's denying. Maybe denying the ideals of Ultimates, when she herself is (probably) an Ultimate? Something like that. I guess that could also work with Xander in hindsight.

So, there we go! Full interpretation of Color Theory as it relates to Mai. Wow, that was a lot for very little new info!

We're almost done with the MV, but first, we have to talk about the man himself.

David's Relation to Mai, and his Potential Involvement in the HPA Operation

But first, a side note.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Does David remember Mai?

There's a theory floating around that David might remember parts of his time at HPA, including Mai's existence. Check out this post by anderscim and reblog by xmicrophonyx if you want a full explanation, but I'll cover the main points here. It's a really good theory, and it's not any less plausible than some of the other theories I'll mention later in the post, but I don't quite believe it.

See, the main evidence for this theory is that the Literature Girl MV includes Mai's face in the portrait and an image of Xander with two eyes, as well as things like the morse code and possibly tally 5 which seem to reference David and Xander's relationship during HPA time. And that's my first issue with the theory, I just don't think the MV can be used for this.

Of course, it comes down to interpretation, but the way I see the MV is as an abstract form of storytelling, not a completely 1:1 view of David’s mind. Essentially, while a lot of it is spoken from the perspective of David, it’s not actually a reflection of his real mental state, but rather a representation for us the audience. It’s hard to describe :v

The main thing that I want to bring up in support of my interpretation is the youtube comments scene, I hope you know what I’m talking about. There’s no way David would be aware of these comments, such as the one referencing the J and Arei swap theory. In particular, the comment talking about (presumably, the names aren’t explicitly written) Teruko as a protagonist is impossible for David to conceive, since there’s no way he would know we see her as the protag; and the ones that namedrop Byakuya, Nagito and Kokichi are practically impossible as well, as Veronika has claimed not to remember any other killing games before the one in DRDT. Kokichi in particular would be problematic depending on your interpretation of V3.

What does this mean? This means that the MV isn’t beyond showing us the audience things outside of David’s own mind, for the sake of storytelling. It’s not hard to imagine, then, that the scene with Xander having two eyes is meant to show us that they had a good relationship in HPA, even if David doesn’t remember it. Same with calling Mai “someone dearly loved.”

There’s also a few things about other characters which don’t quite match what David would know about them in the killing game. For example, Rose’s numeral: II. Ego cogito ergo (turbatus) sum. (I think therefore I am disturbed). This only really makes sense in the context of Rose’s conversation with Teruko and Nico, where she admits to having trouble separating reality from her memory and her dreams. But David wasn’t there for that. Another example is Teruko’s: XIII. or not to be? Which seems to reference her suicidal tendencies, implied in that one thing she said to Arei. Again, that’s not something David would be aware of during the killing game.

Either David remembers way more about HPA than implied in the theory, or those are also examples of the MV going beyond David’s mind to continue telling us things about the story.

In xmicrophonyx’s reblog, she also brings up the pre-chapter dialogue as possibly being David’s. I… don’t see it, frankly. The pre-chapter 1 dialogue seems to fit Teruko more, imo.

“Half-remembering is worse than forgetting. Her name, his face…”

We know Teruko doesn’t remember Mai’s name based on the CH 1 EP 6 dream sequence from before, and the “he” could be her brother. Prosopagnosia, and all that.

And while the chapter 2 dialogue could fit David and his feelings towards Xander better, there’s nothing which explicitly implies he remembers anything about HPA before the killing game.

I still miss you. I miss you so much that I wish you had never been part of my life. The worst part is, even though you left me like this, there’s nothing I can blame you for.

Also I think that’s Eden but that’s besides the point.

And finally, now that you understand why I don’t think the evidence for isn’t very good, we have to address the evidence against. Mainly, the fact that David doesn’t seem to recognize Xander during his introduction. At all. He even explicitly says, “... I don’t believe we’ve met before”, and calls Xander “sir”. There was no indication at that point that they’d be missing memories, so David has no reason to pretend he doesn’t know who Xander is. In fact, I imagine that if he did remember Xander as having two eyes, and he sees him with an eyepatch, he would react to it in some way, right?

In conclusion, although I like the theory, I don’t think it’s very likely that David’s kept any memories from HPA time.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyways, back to my speculation. There is relatively little reference to Mai in the MV, so it's not like we can get much here, but there is still one thing I want to talk about. And that's the morse code at the end of the MV. As translated by dav-suburbiia:

“YOU STILL BELIEVED IN ME DESPITE EVERYTHING I’VE DONE.” “BUT THAT’S JUST FANTASY, ISN’T IT?” “I SIMPLY CHOSE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU DID.” “AFTER ALL, I’M INCAPABLE OF BEING SOMEONE WITHOUT YOU.”

Now, most people assume this is about Xander, which is perfectly understandable seeing the context of the MV. However, I think there's an argument to be made that this is actually about Mai.

The main thing here is the apparent contradiction which rises if we assume this is about Xander. The "you" in this code knows what David "has done", but they also seemingly aren't around anymore. If we assume the first is referring to David's "manipulation" thing, then this would have to be about HPA Xanvid, since we've never heard of David confessing his issues to killing game Xander. However, if the "you" really isn't around anymore, this would have to be for killing game Xanvid, since Xander only died in the killing game. Am I making sense?

This isn't conclusive, mind you. You could say the code never explicitly says the "you" is actually gone, just that David can't be someone without them. Or, alternatively, that David did reveal "everything [he's] done" during the killing gmae. But it's still an odd way to phrase all this.

So, is there any evidence this is actually about Mai instead? Well, if you squint. The code is directly followed by footnote 22: "The rest is silence". Silence is the dislike stated in Mai's profile. Word association coming in clutch.

But perhaps more interesting is the phrase "You still believed in me despite everything I've done", combined with:

David: She forgives everyone.

The "you" in the code forgave David, and Mai evidently forgave him as well. It's not conclusive either, but it could be a connection.

Under the interpretation that this is about Mai, it would be related to HPA time. Mai still believed in David, or at least, at one point David believed Mai believed in him, and apparently gave him a purpose in life.

The worrying part about this code is actually the middle. "But that's just fantasy, isn't it? I simply chose to believe that you did". Apparently, it's possible Mai never actually trusted or forgave David, another reason I believe it's possible this isn't actually talking about Xander. As established, Mai can be deceptive when she wants, so it could work. We're missing a lot of information, so what exactly this all would mean is up in the air.

But in any case, it's possible that if David was given purpose by Mai or Xander, he would be involved in the HPA Operation, though how exactly is obviously impossible to know. I know this is really weak, but...

Okay, can we talk about Tally 5 yet? I kinda have to talk about Tally 5. Don't worry, I won't actually post the image.

!!!TALLY 5 SPOILERS (NO IMAGE)!!! SCROLL IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ ABOUT THE CONTENTS OF TALLY 5!!!

If you've been living under a rock under the past month or so, Tally 5 refers to an image you get to by solving a code related to the "correct/incorrect" code in the David MV and inputting it into a webpage accessed via the QR Code in the MV's books. I won't talk about the puzzle itself here, so if you want to solve it, maybe go do that or just scroll past this part of the post.

Anyways, as I imagine you know by now, Tally 5 shows David holding Xander's jacket with the following quotes under it:

I became a villain in pursuit of your dream.

I threw away my humanity for an ideal that I couldn't understand.

But I don't regret it. To "regret" is to imply that I could have done anything else.

I never told you, but the truth is, I wasn't capable of ever becoming human in the first place.

So in the end, you're always-

Listen, I'm not gonna pretend I have some sort of infallible exaplanation of what this means. I have several theories about it, and to give you an idea of how insane it is, one of my theories involves quote 3, the one about regret, being said by MonoTV. Don't ask. I might have to do a completely different post about all this, but I'm sorta waiting until I can read some other peoples' thoughts about it.

But for the purposes of this post, this, to me, heavily implies David was involved in the HPA Operation. He's probably talking about Xander here, and Xander's dream would be the HPA Operation, since as I said, it may have been his idea in the first place. That's the ideal David can't understand: an ideal to change a world David sees as immutable.

Now, the lone jacket would imply this isn't the case. It would seem David is saying this in the killing game, after Xander's death, as holding his jacket seems to imply he's gone. However, I don't know what the dream would be in that case. Killing Teruko? It's possible, but I find that unlikely.

So, yeah. Combined with the morse code, here's a full interpretation of what this could mean in relation to Mai:

Mai or Xander somehow learnt of David's true feelings and the way he sees his own actions. She/he forgave him, or at least pretended to forgive him, and this gave David hope. Mai/Xander then introduced David to the HPA Operation, and asked him to do something which would turn him into a villain, asking him to throw away his humanity for an ideal he couldn't understand. What exactly that would be is obviously impossible to know. David accepts, and even when the plan fell through, he doesn't regret doing what he did, because he feels he couldn't have done anything else.

Am I confident in this interpretation? Not really, but it's a plausible interpretation which is related to Mai and the HPA Operation, so I wanted to bring it up. There's a lot there which is probably wrong, but it's what I have for now.

!!!TALLY 5 SPOILERS OVER!!! YOU CAN START READING AGAIN IF YOU WERE AVOIDING THEM!!!

And with that, we’re officially done with the MV! I mean, I may reference it later, but now the bulk of it is gone. Surely this means we can get to some lighter theorizing and-

Teruko Tawaki

Yeah, we gotta talk about the other elephant in the room. Mai and Teruko are clearly connected in an important way.

The first thing to note with them is that they’re generally set up as opposites. Of course, the most straightforward thing is the “dearly loved/dearly unloved” portraits in the MV, but it goes much deeper. Also in the MV, Teruko’s numeral appears right after Mai’s, if that counts for anything.

Another thing is their color scheme. Teruko is mainly associated with green, while Mai is mainly associated with red. And these colors are complimentary; they’re opposite in the color wheel. Not to mention, taking Teruko’s redesign into account, one could associate her with black and Mai, thanks to her uniform and the white camellias, to white. In particular, it’s notable white camellias actually have a white flower, but a black stem. They’re even the same height, at 5’8”! It’s so they can kiss each other in the lips more easily

Additionally, their attitudes from what we’re seeing are also opposite. Mai “forgives everyone”, which means she’s really trusting, while Teruko is (for now) very distrustful. That one’s a bit looser, but eh. May I even go so far, as to say that right now, Teruko represents despair while Mai represents hope? Alright, now I’m reaching, but it fits. Teruko is someone resigned to her horrible fate (luck), while Mai constantly fought for a better world. In fact, Xander, someone Teruko associates with Mai, calls our protag out on her hopeless view of fate… right before stabbing her.

Hell, practically all good things said about Mai? Not true of Teruko (at the moment).

Charles: A girl who loves her family.

Teruko’s an orphan, and doesn’t remember her brother.

Rose: She remembers everything that is important to others.

Well, you could consider people’s faces something important to them, but Teruko has prosopagnosia.

Arturo: A girl who sees the beauty in everyone.

If you watched chapter 2, you know this isn’t true of Teruko.

Honestly, I could keep going like this, but I feel you get the point. There’s no reason for me to dwell on this further when you can just read the quotes and figure out how Teruko isn’t described by most of them.

Well, one possible exception is Levi.

Levi: A girl with a floral tattoo on her arm.

Yeah, time to talk about this theory.

Theory I Absolutely Believe: Teruko and Mai are Tattoo ‘Bud’dies

(Get it? Because flowers and buds- Yeah, no)

So shoutout to cider-est for first pointing this out in this post, but it’s true. Teruko’s left arm is always fully covered, either by bandages or by her jacket sleeve. Which is especially odd, considering her right jacket sleeve is always rolled up.

And it’s especially odd, because her left arm is covered even in the jacket-off reference picture.

And yes, there is a suspicious question mark next to Teruko’s left arm. It ain’t even subtle.

But if there’s still any doubt left in your mind, let skulemojee dispel it in this post, where they point out this image from Ch 2 Ep 2:

Yep, you’re seeing that right. Those black lines on Teruko’s left arm look a suspicious lot like the stems of Mai’s tattoo. It's not perfect, since we can't see any flowers and that may just be scars, but we never get a good enough look at the back of Mai's left arm to know if the flowers are tattooed on the forearm, or if only the stems reach that far.

(Also, Teruko in this scene says she doesn’t remember that scar in her back. Part of me thinks it’s related to Mai and the time of the missing memories, but the more rational side of me tells me I need to chill and stop seeing Mai everywhere)

It's also worth noting this would explain the choice of camellias for the tattoo. Remember, although they represent death in Japan, they mainly represent platonic adoration and respect. A very pretty thing to get matching tattoos with your bestie. But since they're not colored they could be interpreted as red and thus romantic for the shippers

So, yeah. I believe they share a tattoo. Which gives a whole lot of context to the quote.

Teruko: Some years ago, she was looking for someone named 'Teruko Tawaki'

In case it wasn’t clear before with the way Mai smiled at Teruko in that dream sequence, or the way Teruko associated Xander with Mai before she got stabbed by him, the fact they possibly share a tattoo implies they knew each other for a while and had a good relationship with each other. Another indication is that Teruko's favorite color, in the latest Q&A, is stated to be red by association. Sorry Xanruko shippers, that's clearly about Mai, since Teruko associates Xander with Mai in the first place.

What exactly the timeline of this mess is, is... complicated if the tattoo thing is true. Because that would require Teruko and Mai to have gotten the tattoo when at least Teruko was 18, both in Japan and the US. In some states of the US, she would be able to get it at a younger age if she got parental consent, but... what parents? She's an orphan.

In fact, when does that dream sequence take place? Is it Hope's Peak time? Can't be, because Teruko wouldn't remember it. Actually, why doesn't Teruko remember Mai's name is Mai had been searching for her for a while?

Yeah, I can't pin down anything specific about their relationship. Obviously I can't, this is a big mystery and we're only in Chapter 2. The best I can give you is that their relationship was clearly very positive, even before HPA.

...

Which is what makes this line so weird.

Mai: Hang on, "real Ultimate talent?" You're the Ultimate Student! I mean, it's not like you're a "Lucky Student" who was picked by lottery.

This line is really odd, isn't it? It seems uncharacteristically mean for Mai, to dismiss someone else's talent so readily. And Teruko's in particular, when again, they clearly liked each other well enough before HPA. This almost reads more like something Mai would say about herself rather than someone else...

Huh.

Theory: Mai, the Second Ultimate Lucky Student

As established before, Mai has a slight self-depricative streak, where she says things about herself she would never say about one of her friends. So, the fact she's so quick to dismiss the Ultimate Lucky Student as a concept could imply she is the Ultimate Lucky Student. (ULS)

Of course, the first question is how this would work with Teruko. A HPA class only has one ULS, and Teruko's there. I've seen others suggest perhaps Mai was the ULS at Japan's HPA, which is apparently still a high school, so it's possible for her to go there and then go to US HPA, which is more like college.

However, I actually think there's an easier explanation. Mai and Teruko both went to US' HPA at the same time. They just went to different ones.

Mai: The US Hope's Peak Academy takes in college-age students, and there's two of them, and we have this really weird curriculum, and there's a bunch of other things, and...

Yeah! Did you forget there's two HPAs in the US?! Because I sure did! I swear, I rewatched that Bonus Episode like 5 times before I caught that. How does this thing keep spawning in information?

I believe this is why Min specifically calls their class East Class 27. Seeing as this is in the US, I imagine there's likely an East Coast HPA and a West Coast HPA. But what would be the point of splitting the school like this? There's no reason the dev couldn't just keep them as just one HPA... unless there's a reason.

Because with two classes of the same age, there has to be two ULS of the same age.

Now, of course, it's possible West Class 27 is completely irrelevant to the story, but if you assume Mai is East Class 27's ULS and Teruko went to west coast HPA, a lot of things start to make sense. Have you ever wondered how Mai could have been in the same class as everyone else, when HPA usually only have 16 students? Well, it's because one (or more, possibly) just went to another class.

This also explains why we have to get this particular detail from a Bonus Episode. Although all the characters have talked about going to HPA, no one ever mentions which HPA they were invited to. It seems like a weirdly specific detail to omit, unless there’s a reason for it. Because if most of them were part of East Coast HPA, and one of them wasn’t, it would immediately stand out as strange to the cast.

And Mai does have some connections to luck. I mean, of course she does, her story is closelly intertwined with Teruko. For example, remember her birthday? February 1st? I told it'd be relevant, right? Well, as pointed out by fuji-iri in this post, on that day, there's 333 days left of the year. 3 is a number associated with bad luck, but there's also associations to "parting ways" and the three stages of life (birth-marriage apparently-death), again explained in the post I linked. That works with Mai and Teruko splitting up... whenever that happened, as well as Mai possbly dying, but the luck thing in particular is notable.

Now, the main reason I believed this before was just that "it's not like you're a 'Lucky Student' line", but as I researched this, I may have found something else? Except, it may just be me being horrible at code and getting really confused. If anyone can confirm or deny this, it'd be great.

Here's what happened. I noticed that when you look up Mai's name in Google, the text under the link to her page had Teruko's hidden quote: "It is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust no one at all." So I went into the code again.

First, I right-clicked on the title (Mai's name) and clicked "inspect". I expanded the "<head>" section (God I'm bad at this), and found this under <meta name>.

meta name="descripttion" content="Mai Akasaki Ultimate ??? "There's a way for you to be happy." It is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust no one at all. The protagonist. Despite having the Ultimate title of "Lucky..."

Now, at first, I assumed this was just a coding quirk where for some reason, I was seeing the text of the next character or something.

But, I checked some the other characters, and none of the ones I checked have the same style of text. Look, I'll transcribe some.

Teruko:

meta name="descripttion" content="Teruko Tawaki Ultimate Lucky Student “I will survive this, no matter what!” The protagonist. Despite having the Ultimate title of “Lucky Student,” it seems like the only luck Teruko has is bad luck..."

Xander:

meta name="descripttion" content="Xander Matthews Ultimate Rebel “Screw the rules!” Loud in both voice and personality, Alexander “Xander” Matthews earned the title of Ultimate Rebel through his consistent tendency to go against the..."

MonoTV:

meta name="descripttion" content="MonoTV “Ultimate TV Show Host” “I’m the most beloved character in the cast!” A strange robot with a television for a head. MonoTV claims to be the “Ultimate TV Show Host” who is in charge of an..."

I also checked Veronika, Whit and Nico, but didn't check any more since the pattern's easy to see.

As you can see, usually this section of the code just has the name, the subtitle quote, and part of the body text. None of them have the secret quote, unlike Mai's, which has the quote which is supposed to be Teruko's. But Teruko's name or subtitle quote is never brought up in Mai's "meta name" thing.

Again, maybe I'm missing something, but it really looks like that is meant to be some kind of description of Mai.

It sort of fits. Teruko's quote about trust can fit Mai, hell, is completed by Mai. Teruko usually shows the failing of trusting no one, but Mai may be meant to show the failing of trusting everybody. Mai is also important enough that calling her "the protagonist" is fitting enough.

And, if that really is about Mai, then the final portion is confirmation. "Despite having the Ultimate title of "Lucky..." If this is about Mai, then Mai is unequivocally an ULS.

Again, I don't consider this conclusive because I am an idiot and could very easily be wrong. The wording is exactly the same's as Teruko's, so again, it may be a coding oddity. But with all the other stuff I mentioned, I can at least say this is the theory for Mai's talent I believe the most: She's East Class 27's ULS, while Teruko went to West Coast HPA as their ULS.

Anyways, anything else about Teruko? Oh, yeah, a final sub-theory on her.

Sub-Theory: Shot Through the Heart, Teruko's to Blame

Take a look at the 2nd Anniversary picture.

[The three frames of the 2 year anniversary "video"]

Okay, I know you can't see shit here, but I'm running out of the 30 image limit. Check out lacunasweven's post where she discovered this (to my knowledge), and stfu-sage's reblog where he solved the code.

When solved, that code translates to “It’s all your fault”, which you may remember as MonoTV’s line about Mai.

So, Teruko reaches out for Mai, then “it’s all your fault” appears for a frame or two, and then suddenly Mai’s gone. It’s not exactly hard to imagine that this means Teruko is at fault for Mai’s death, or at least whatever consequences the HPA Operation had. How exactly is impossible to know, because again, it’s a mystery we’re not meant to solve yet. I have a gut feeling it’s probably related to Teruko’s luck, but that’s all it is, a gut feeling.

This doesn’t conflict the “Xander’s at fault” idea, if you’re curious. It’s possible for multiple people to consider themselves at fault for Mai’s death. Xander for bringing her into the HPA Operation, Teruko for her luck or whatever else happened.

Although… yeah, we gotta talk about that right? The scene before the prologue.

I can’t say anything definitive, because again, not something we’re meant to figure out at the moment. But I can tell you what I think.

First, the PoV character is probably Xander. There’s a bloody fork there, and while I’m not the one who came up with the idea, (see: anderscim's post about this) that’s likely the weapon which was used to take out his eye. His wounds do look suspiciously fork-like, though I struggle to explain it without images, and I’m already stretching thin to make the image limit. I’ll have to ask you to look it up yourself.

Anyways, that may be Xander, and this may be the incident where Xander lost his eye. The reason I’m bringing it up is that, since Xander is involved, there’s a chance this is somehow related to the HPA Operation. Here’s a full transcript of what’s said:

... Fuck!! Fuck, fuck, fuck, this really hurts... Ouch... I really wasn't expecting her to attack me like that. I made a massive mistake to trust them. I can't rely on anyone. All by myself... I have to end the killing game. And even if I can't do that... I have to kill Teruko Tawaki. No matter what.

So, a woman attacked Xander unexpectedly, managed to overpower him and stab his eyes out with a fork, then presumably ran away. And this all seemingly happened in some form of killing game. And Xander already wanted to kill Teruko.

I doubt Teruko was the one who attacked Xander. Because Xander calls her out by name at the end, and also because, how would Teruko be able to overpower Xander? Unless you “divine luck” your way into an explanation, I just don’t see it. In any case, it’s probably a different woman. Without knowing anything about the previous killing game, we can’t know much about this situation.

However, the fact that Xander already wanted to kill Teruko here is notable because it seems to imply this killing game happened after Mai's death. After all, Mai and Teruko had a good relationship, right? So Xander wouldn't have a grudge against her until after the HPA Operation fell through. The final conclusion here is that Teruko somehow caused Mai's death, which somehow led to the pre-series killing game. I think? Obviously, it's impossible to say anything conclusive here, and I don't even know what exactly the connection would be between Mai's death and the previous killing game.

And with that, we finish discussion of Teruko.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quick Side Note: The Mai-stermind Theory

I’m not funny.

So, in case it isn’t clear yet by the fact I keep assuming she's dead, I don’t think Mai is the mastermind of the killing game. I’m aware it’s a possibility, seeing as she’s very mysterious and all that, but frankly, I just have never seen anyone seriously bring up this possibility, since there’s essentially no evidence. It’s also important to note, even if she is a mastermind, she can’t be the only mastermind, since we know one of the participants of the killing game is a mastermind as well.

To be fair, I did notice some connections to MonoTV while researching. Like I mentioned at one point, they’re the only characters without any highlighted words in their subtitle quotes. And the secret quote in MonoTV’s page is “Her name is Mai Akasaki”, but frankly that feels a bit too… unsubtle. Also... no, actually that’s kinda it.

I’ve also seen some people attribute the “teacher” speech to Mai, but I really don’t think that’s her. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s the text in the code of the About page for DRDT on Tumblr. Here’s a post about it by delightfullydiscordant. I won't go into their theory on it, since it's unrelated to Mai. As you'll see, there’s nothing intrinsically relating the speech to our girl, and nothing in the text suggest she’s the one speaking, so I don’t think it’s related.

With what we know of Mai, I don’t think it makes sense to call her the mastermind. I’m only bringing it up now to be thorough, and because I didn’t know where else to put it :v

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Other Characters, Miscellaneous Connections

Essentially just me talking about all the characters I haven’t covered yet, to see if any of them could have a connection to Mai or the HPA Operation than what may seem at first.

Already talked about: Xander, Teruko, David

No Evidence of Connection Beyond ‘Classmates’: Rose, Arturo, Levi, Hu, Nico, Ace, Arei, Min

What this means is that while it’s technically possible these characters are related to Mai and the HPA Operation, right now we don’t have any indication of it. Sorry. That doesn’t mean I don’t have things to say about them.

Arturo is usually so mean that, honestly, the fact he says anything positive about Mai at all makes me wonder if he may actually be related. Reminds me a bit of David’s quote, I guess. But maybe I’m just biased because I want this guy to be plot-relevant.

I guess Levi mentioning the tattoo in his line could be important, but unless he has the tattoo too (which is possible I guess, but I don’t quite see it), I don’t know what it could mean.

I could actually see Hu’s and Ace’s lines implying a connection to the HPA Operation, honestly. Seeing as they’re some of the only people who actually talk about her in the past tense, I think it’s possible they were involved. Hu would want to help Mai if she felt she “wanted to keep everyone safe”, for what it’s worth. I sorta hope Hu is plot-relevant too.

Even if Mai is talking to Arei in her current subtitle quote, I don’t see much evidence Arei would be involved in the HPA Operation.

You may be wondering about my old theory about the Sleepy MV and how it could tie back to Mai, and while I still think it's a possibility, I frankly don't believe it anymore. It requires a very specific reading of the song which I don't think is entirely accurate, and there isn't actually much connecting the MV to Mai. I still think Min's line being so overly insistent on Mai being "an average girl with nothing special at all about her" could imply their relationship may have broken down because of the HPA Operation, which makes sense. If Xander engineered the plan, obviously Min will dislike it on principle. But that's probably me trying to make Min more plot relevant than she actually is.

Only Connected via “Original Killing Game” Theory: Charles, J, possibly Ace and Arei

What the hell am I talking about? In the Color Theory reblog I mentioned earlier, I described a wild theory that quite a few of the characters we know were actually involved in that pre-prologue killing game, and we can learn who those characters are thanks to the word "original". Sound insane? It is. I won't go over the reasoning here, I'll ask you check the reblog I linked.

This is the "Original Killing Game" Theory, and it's one of the most far-fetched theories I've ever enginereed. But since it's sorta connected, I thought I'd mention it. The characters involved are Charles, Veronika or Ace, David, Teruko, J/Arei, Xander, MonoTV, Whit. I’ve already talked about some of these, and don’t think MonoTV is worth talking about, frankly.

So, why am I only bringing up Charles and J for now, as well as potentially Ace and Arei since they could actually be part of the theory depending on how you interpret the colors? Well, these are the only ones in the “original killing game” theory who I don’t think have any evidence of being connected with Mai any further. Since that theory is already insane to start with, and it’s possible Mai was already dead when that killing game started, I don’t think it tells us anything.

Although sometimes I wonder if J’s quote is talking about something other than Mariabella, but at the moment, I have no clue what that would be. So that’s still the likeliest possibility.

Eden: Eden

Eden, huh? In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been sorta dancing around Eden’s line a bit, because… like, what in the actual fuck does it mean.

Eden: She kept calling the number, even though no one picked it up.

It’s such an odd line. It’s nothing like the other ones, which you’d think would make it significant, but it’s just… cryptic. I’m sorry, but while I think this probably means something, I don’t have a good answer of what it could be.

… Well, there is the one thing.

——————————————————————————————————

Crack Theory: Mai the Girl Kisser

This theory states that Mai is the girl mentioned in Eden’s secret, the one the Clockmaker kissed.

See? Theorizing’s easy! Just grab a random character we don’t know anything about, and slap Mai on top of it like a bandaid!

I’m aware the dev has sorta poked fun at people like me who see an unknown face and instantly jump on Mai, but at least this one has a bit more reasoning. Mainly, that I just don’t know what else Eden’s quote could be referring to.

Consider this concept: Eden and Mai kiss at some indeterminate point before HP, and Eden freaks out. She gets extremely worried about how Mai’s going to react, and she runs away. Mai tries to contact her afterwards, but Eden was avoiding her. Still, “[Mai] kept calling the number, even though no one picked it up”.

Is this essentially just fanfiction at this point? Practically, yeah, but I have nothing else.

On the insane off-chance this is true, it would come with certain implications. It would mean Eden and Mai had met before going to HPA, which is… uh, something. If it helps, that would mean their relationship would have a “new beginning” at HPA, and Eden’s character has some themes of new beginnings. Her birthday is on December 31st, so New Years, and her favorite color is daffodil yellow, when daffodils represent new beginnings. It’s small, but it’s there.

(And if you know who I am, you know I believe Eden killed Arei to reunite with the girl of her secret (long story). Mai helps here because of course she would have enough rizz to make a good girl go bad, have you seen how everyone talks about her? She would get all the bitches!)

Anyways, again, this is extremely silly, but it’s sort of the only thing I can think of for Eden’s line, so for now, have it. If anyone’s got better ideas, I’m more than open to hear them.

——————————————————————————————————

A Connection is More Plausible: Veronika, Whit

In no particular order, these are the characters, apart from Xander and Teruko and David, which I think have an actual chance of being involved with Mai and the HPA based on what we know so far. Let’s go a bit more in depth.

Veronika’s Peculiar Problem of Popping Up Fucking Everywhere

It is insane how many times I’ve brought up Veronika in this post without being able to pinpoint why exactly she keeps appearing. She shares the color red with Xander and Mai in my version of Color Theory, though admittedly that may just be her hair. She’s in the “original killing game” under that theory. Hell, she’ll show up again when I talk about Whit.

But by far, the most concerning thing about her is her line in the Mai page.

Veronika: A girl who didn’t foresee the consequences.

I’ve mentioned this line before, of course, because it’s clearly related to the HPA Operation’s fallout. In fact, it’s the only line apart from Xander’s and MonoTV’s which explicitly reference it. This could easily imply she was involved somehow, either as someone helping Mai and Xander, or actually going against them in some way. Whatever is more entertaining for her, I imagine.

There are two issues with this. One, I cannot discount the possibility that Veronika got that creepy and ominous line because she’s the creepy and ominous character, and it doesn’t actually mean anything for Veronika herself. It’s a very real possibility.

Two, even if she is involved, there’s nothing we have which could help narrow down what she did. Again, she’s too unpredictable.

In other words, while I’m putting Veronika here with the vague idea that she could be connected to it all, I don’t have any concrete theories.

Though maybe I should address the one Veronika-Mai theory which exists, for the sake of completion.

——————————————————————————————————

Crack Theory: Veronika Is Mai

To be clear, I don’t believe this. It’s pretty clear to me that Veronika is her own character with her own backstory. But I still want to point out some connections to show you how insane I’m going writing this.

+They’re both the same height (5’8”) and have long red hair. This is enough for my prosopagnosic ass to confuse them if they change hairstyle. Their weights and birthdays are different, but weight can change and birthdays can be lied about. Their chest sizes are different, though, so I’m pretty sure that rules out this theory already.

+Speaking of birthdays, August 7th, Veronika’s birthday, happens to be 7 months away from Teruko’s birthday on January 7th. 7? Lucky number. Lucky Student. Word association -> Mai.

+Veronika covers both her arms, so no tattoo would be visible.

+Veronika asks Teruko if she would recognize her were she to wear contacts, a wig and different clothes. This could imply she is, and would therefore be Mai.

+Her pose in the character profiles is vaguely similar to Mai’s, but flipped. This is interesting because no other character’s pose is even close.

+She wears a small earring given to her by someone named “Alyssa Belyaeva”. This by itself means nothing, but the earring is a small green triangle she considers a good luck charm. Luck?! And triangles have three sides. 3?! That number we said was unlucky and related to Mai before? And green. Green?! Teruko! Auasfruryg- <- short-circuiting from thinking too much.

+Veronika has plain brown eyes. Come on, have you seen this cast’s eyes? Those are absolutely contacts.

+Her hidden quote about people being broken could refer to the hopeful Mai being broken into Veronika as a result of the HPA Operation’s consequences.

Yeah, most of this is pretty silly, but again, I don’t think this theory is very likely, so I’m just poking fun at how suspicious Veronika can be at times.

——————————————————————————————————

Whit and Tetraphobia

At first, it doesn't really seem like Whit is too involved in this. I mean, his quote is pretty inoffensive:

Whit: A girl with many friends.

And sure, he is the Original Killing Game Theory, but even if that's somehow true, it's no guarantee he's involved in the HPA Operation or anything. Nothing really seems to connect him to Mai...

Except the one thing.

XV. Remaining ignorant, isn't that "happiness"¹⁵?

XV is Whit's Roman numeral, and again it isn't too strange on its own. Other than being the only numeral to ever show up alongside another numeral, in this case Veronika's because of course it's Veronika's.

The issue is the background text. It's hard to see, but there's faint pink text saying "subtract 4, due to tetraphobia⁴". Footnote 4 simply defines tetraphobia, which is the practice of avoiding the number 4, as it's considered a number related to death, and is seen as unlucky. Of course, the fours themselves are colored green for Teruko, presumably.

But the important part is, what does this mean? The most straightforward idea is to subtract four from the numerals on screen, or perhaps the footnote?

For the footnote: Subtracting 15 - 4 = 11, quick math, and that's the footnote which talks about being an only child and that (presumably) Diana Chiem never existed. I... don't think that makes too much sense for this scene, frankly.

For Veronika's numeral, subtracting XIV (14) - 4 = 10. That's Min's numeral, which shows up in the part of the MV most directly tied to class trials. This could simply imply she enjoys the trials and the bloodshed, and it also looks somewhat mastermind-y, but that's not really new for Veronika. You could also do this one more literally, taking out 4 from 14 and ending up with 1, connecting her to Xander, and at this point I'm not surprised.

But, of course. The tetraphobia line only shows up when Whit's numeral does, and it's colored in the pink associated to him via Color Theory, though of course, being background text, the tetraphobia line isn't actually included in that theory. That would seem to imply it's about him, right?

Well, in the same vein as before, if you subtract XV (15) - 4 = 11 (XI). And... that's Mai's numeral, attached to the line "God is dead". So, uh-

Sub-Theory: Shot Through the Heart, Whit's to Blame

The idea that maybe Whit was somehow involved in Mai's death. By the end of the series, I'm gonna end up blaming half the cast for this, apparently.

So, the tetraphobia thing is the most straightforward piece of evidence towards this possibility, but there's a bit more. For one, in the recent Q&A, it was stated that Whit's least favorite color is gray because it's boring, and that's the color of Mai's numeral. Remember how I pointed out it's actually one of the only numerals to be colored? Yeah.

Furthermore, Whit's numeral appears right before Mai's, but that may just be the way the song works out, since LGI wasn't made for DRDT. However, remember that "become brainwashed: go do it!" line I said was directly after Mai's numeral? Yeah, the word brainwashed is color coded pink, connecting it to Whit via Color Theory. And, if that wasn't enough, in the section for footnote five, the one with the Japanese characters? The word blood shows up, in pink, as the song speaks about revolutionaries. Yes, DR blood is pink usually, but there is red blood in the MV (near the snake), and the characters canonically see it as dark red (since that's the stated reason why dark red is Xander's and Charles' least favorite color). My point is, the dev could have made the blood red there, and/or just written the symbol for blood in red, but since it's pink, Color Theory ends up connecting it to Whit.

All of this could point to Whit as another culprit of Mai's death, but don't jump to conclusions. For one, since we have no clue about the circumstances, perhaps he only accidentally caused the death. We've seen that Teruko is also likely to blame in some way, probably in a similar fashion. And because it may have been accidental, this also doesn't mean Whit has to be the mastermind. It makes him look oddly suspicious, sure, but nothing too damning.

And of course, there's a huge chance I'm reading too much into things. There are other explanations for brainwashed and blood, and it's still totally possible that the tetraphobia thing refers to Veronika or even the footnote.

A Summary of Her Story, So Far

To end things off, I'll go over everything I've concluded with what we know so far, though of course I know we're missing a lot, and that a ton of this is also probably wrong. Here's how this is going to work.

Regular text means this is something we pretty much know for sure.

Italics means it's a theory I'm quite convinced of.

[Brackets mean I'm relatively unsure about something]

*Asterisks mean the theory is insanely unlikely, and it can probably just be assumed false*

{Braces are for flavor text, you can ignore this for theorizing purposes}

Closing Argument

>Mai was born February 1st, 20--, to a nice family she loved. We know little about her childhood, but [it's possible she was friends with or somehow got interested in a girl named Teruko Tawaki. However, fate kept them apart for years]. But Mai was not easily deterred, she would search for and find Teruko, no matter what.

>*As she searched for Teruko Tawaki, she met a girl named Eden Tobisa. They kissed, but Eden freaked out and ran away. Mai tried contacting her, she kept calling the number, even though no one picked it up.*

>At some point before Hope's Peak, her and Teruko reunited. *Even when Teruko couldn't recognize her and even struggled to remember her name*, Mai still remembered everything that was important for Teruko, as she always did.

>Mai and Teruko, loving each other so much, decided to get matching floral tattos on their arms. White camellias, a symbol of adoration and respect.

>{But fate really didn't like to see them together.} Soon, Teruko received a letter, teling her she was chosen as the Ultimate Lucky Student of Hope's Peak's [West Class 27]. This was uncharacteristically good luck for Teruko, who before had to hop around schools, always stealing uniforms, just to get an education.

>{The problem?} At the same time, Mai received a letter that she was invited to join Hope's Peak's East Class 27 as their Ultimate Lucky Student, on the other side of the country. Mai never really cared much about Ultimates or Hope's Peak, {but Teruko insisted it was too good of an opportunity for either of them to pass up. They decided to keep in contact,} as Mai headed to East Coast Hope's Peak.

>Alexander Matthews is scouted as the Ultimate Rebel. David Chiem is scouted as the Ultimate Inspirational Speaker.

>At Hope's Peak, despite being an average girl with nothing special at all about her, she quickly became a girl with many friends. She saw the beauty in everyone, and everyone agreed she had a bright future. Everyone confided in her, J even telling her about her mother, something which Mai kept secret, and told no one.

(Okay, maybe fitting in all the quotes isn't as easy as I hoped it'd be)

>*She even reunited with Eden, and they decided their relationship would have a new beginning*.

>However, she also met a very interesting boy: Xander Matthews. He had gone to Hope's Peak with one goal in mind: revolution. He confided in her, as they all did, his issues with Hope's Peak and the system it was built upon. Mai was revolted by the truth, and asked what she could do to help. She couldn't stand to do nothing. She wanted to keep everyone safe.

>With that, the HPA Operation started.

>They started small; stealing a few documents here and there. [But their plans grew bolder over time.]

>[Along the way, they discovered something shocking]. David, who always spoke of change and hope, was hiding his true feelings. He didn't see himself as human, not being able to relate to his peers as the others did. He saw himself as a manipulative bastard for lying to all the people he gave speeches to. He hated himself, and expected Mai and Xander to hate him, too.

>[But they didn't. Xander still saw the best in him, and Mai? Well, Mai forgives everyone. And to make him see the good in himself, they asked him to help in the HPA Operation]

>He didn't understand it, not really. The world wouldn't change, no matter what Mai and Xander told him. But even though he didn't understand, he still wanted to help them.

>As the popular Ultimate Inspirational Speaker, David had more connections and influence than a simple Rebel or Lucky Student. That meant he could offer things to the Operation the other two couldn't, even if it was through... less than moral means. But to David, that was no object. He would become a villain in pursuit of their dream, throw away his humanity for this ideal. It's not like he could have ever been human, anyways.

>*Not everyone was as receptive, though. Min in particular, after finding out about the plan somehow, got quite angry with Xander and Mai. It wasn't unusual for the Student and the Rebel to disagree, but Mai still didn't like it when her friends fought*

>Mai knew it was risky, she really did. But nothing could prepare her for what was about to happen. She didn't foresee the consequences.

>[When Teruko was visiting], the HPA Operation faced a huge issue. A plan gone wrong, a variable miscalculated. And, with Teruko to blame, [and possibly Whit] *and Veronika, who got dragged into this mess at some point*, Mai died.

>{Chaos ensued. Mai's death broke the class, reverberating through the students like the rumbling of a fallen god's corpse. "It's all your fault!" Xander screamed at Teruko,} hiding that he felt responsible for her death as well. After all, he was the one who had dragged her along. And now, he was once again left alive to mourn a death he himself narrowly avoided. Talk about survivor's guilt.

>[One thing led to another, and a killing game was set up]. Xander and Teruko got stuck in it, with Xander losing his eye as he tried everything he could to end the game, or at least kill Teruko. *Charles, Veronika/Ace, David, J/Arei and Whit might have also present in this killing game, ran by MonoTV.*

>More stuff happened, and finally, the students all lost their memories and wound up in the killing game we follow throuhout the series.

>A shattered dream, a tragic fate, a broken hope. Though mystery continues to shroud her existence and her role in the story, for now, this is my final conclusion on the story of: Mai Akasaki, the Ultimate ???

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Holy hell this was pain to write. I don't want to make another post this complicated for a while. Jesus. This broke my soul.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed my insane ramblings, if you really were strong enough to put up with my madness for this long. I still want to hear any thoughts you may have, since this character is really interesting and cool and fun to theorize about.

But for now, I leave. Thanks for reading! If you made it this far, then just know, Mai would be proud of you! And you should know, because you should practically be a scholar on her by now. Take care!

#drdt #danganronpa despair time #fanganronpa #mai akasaki #drdt theory #xander matthews #drdt xander #david chiem #drdt mv #teruko tawaki #i am so tired

165 notes · View notes