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#also...random edit tuesday because why not
chilwellspulisic · 7 months
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Upcoming Fics
Happy Sunday you wonderful people! So I thought I'd share a few of the fics that are currently sitting in my drafts, some partly written, some just an idea and some just need some editing! Let me know what you're excited for! 🤭
Christian Pulisic:
All Over Again - An exs to hook up? You keep hooking up even after you have broken up, despite how bad you are for each other
Over For You - You and Christian broke up and he comes to collect his belongings before moving to Milan, only to find any reminders of the two of you are well and truly gone, how long was it over before you officially called it quits?
Lazy Tuesday - Just a fluffy, maybe a little smutty, haven't decided yet of the two of you just being lazy and staying in bed all day on a random Tuesday
Something fluffy with the line 'I wouldn't change a thing about you...besides your last name' FLUFF
Stomping Ground - You meet Christian at the Pulisic Stomping Ground when you take your little brother there...Momma P makes an entrance
Ben Chilwell:
Dad Ben....need I say more?
Lovers Confession - A best friends to lovers fluffy piece
Angst with the line 'If you walk out that door, we're over'
Good Enough - Because I can't get enough of angst, you are left wondering why weren't you good enough for him
Mason Mount:
Don't Forget - You attend a family friends wedding to find Mase is also there with his new girlfriend and he has the AUDACITY to say 'I forgot you were friends with the bride'! Angst, pure angst....I'm sorry!
August - Based off August by Taylor Swift, might have a happy ending, might not, who knows!
You come home after a stressful day to see your house door open so you get armed with the first thing you can to protect yourself and creep through the house but its only Mason in the kitchen who is home early from international duty and its fluffy fluff fluff
A cute dad!Mase might be incoming because the thought of it makes me weak!
Conor Gallagher:
Something fluffy, I haven't quite decided which way to go but I'm dying to write about him!
Extra Ideas:
So I have one fic that's half written called 'Dear Next Guy' which is basically a letter from Ben or Christian (I can't decide) to the next boyfriend of yours because he messed up badly and is telling the next guy to treat you right because you are the nicest and most perfect person on the planet and he regrets losing you...let me know what you think to this? 🤔
I have a few Taylor Swift songs that I'm drawing from too and some requests in my inbox!!
I hope you liked the odd rambles of my brain and an idea of what is coming soon! As well as the next few parts of my Ben multi fic called Always By Your Side! 🫶🏻🤍
P.S. some of these will probably never be posted! I get distracted by new ideas and forget that I even have it sat there waiting!
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hellhound5925 · 10 months
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Masterlist
Welcome! Below there are a few different Masterlists for the fics I have been working on. I have a Captain Rex (pre 66) one as well as a Sargent Hunter (post 66) in the works. I also am working on some one shots but I’ll make sure I note who they are written for.
Also most of my stuff will probably depict the reader as a Mandalorian because I don’t find that very often. I hope you enjoy! Feel free to leave me feedback and definitely reblog if you loved it!
I'm going to add my taste in men here incase anyone wants to talk about it 🤣
Let me know if you would like to be tagged in my stuff 🙌🏻
Cyare Verd *Beloved Warrior* Captain Rex Edition
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Credit to @freesia-writes for the divider 🖤 and @lornaka for the helmet art
Cyare Verd *Beloved Warrior* The Bad Batch Edition
Posted Every Tuesday! If you want to be on my taglist let me know!
Prologue/Chapter One - here
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Five
Chapter Four
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
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Credit to @djarrex for the kirffing awesome divider 🖤
Cyare Verd *Beloved Warrior* The Mandalorian Edition
Prologue
Head Cannons
Clones as dog breeds
Clone force 99
Nicknames
Crosshair
Commander Wolffe
One Shots
Captain Rex
First Date
Sargent Hunter
“Let her go”
“Sarge”
Tattoos Part One, Part Two, Part Three
“It’s better this way” Part One, Part Two, Part Three
“A what?”
“Theres only one way to find out” (werewolves)
“I’ve never brought anyone home before”
Masquerade: Part One, Part Two, Part Three
Random
Why do they call you hell hound? Part One, Part Two, Part Three?
Two photos the give the same energy
Please keep it going! It can be found here.
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*this divider was made by me 😊
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thenebuleuse · 2 months
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Thoughts (since I don't write on Tumblr often
I've been following Jeff's career since like...mid-Kinnporsche airing, I don't remember exactly when but like he had the first 3 songs from his new chapter phase. And honestly, I'm really proud of the guy, like from the cutesy songs he started with to working on a well-defined style and universe, to his now international stardom...Congrats!!
I'm also wondering about the album since he said there was 12 songs, (and we're missing single 9) and Stranger might be released inside the album but there's at least 1-2 new songs. He basically gave himself the opportunity to promote for a long-ass time with all these MVs (and thanks the sponsorships+the money he made for this clip budget) but that also means very little new songs. Like for album 2, is it going to be a mini-album? Or a normal-sized one? Is he going to go the one MV one song way again?
I don't know how thaï music industry works but it's going to be interesting. I hope there's Covid precautions in place at his concerts because I would hate for him to have his career shortened that way. Like fans, please wear masks. I wanna hear the high notes, and he's basically set himself up by having one high note per song (no, you don't need it Jeff) and that makes it hard to not to have public, embarassing false notes (is it how you say it in English? I'm French btw)
The studio posting in advance the Cartier Paris event schedule is funny, I've visited the museum and it's absolutely a visit during opening hours on a normal opening day. They probably privatized it with lots of money, but if they don't it's gonna be funny to see random art students going "who's that guy/why is there so many celebs??"(Paris museums are either closed on Monday or Tuesday, depending if they're state museums or city museums)
He's made quite a lot of connections last year, going from the first partnerships (the cat food one was mandatory) to high-end partnerships with luxury brands. I would love to know what made him choose these ones and reject the others but we will never know what has he been offered.
Also, Chuang! Except for one of the mentors I didn't know, it feels weird to see people I've seen being rookies listening to seniors becoming the judges of today, when the judges used to be people who weren't known celebrities to the idol fan watcher. Now my idols are another idol's idol! Like I'm going to watch a show (on and off because I'm busy) because of the judges and not the contestants! In terms of the competition, I wonder how they're going to be promoted, especially since it's a girl group. Like, when Produce/Chuang was created, it looked unrealistic, and here we are! I think the girls version of the show tends to be the first, and idol girls seem less "guaranted success" than the nth boygroup. Idk about thai music industry again, so idk how idols survive, because the only idol girls I kow in Thaïland are Sizzy from GMM..We'll see, but I hope the show fulfills its role of career launcher without scandals or evil editing.
Back to the actual topic, seeing the Jeff pyjama pic for the show's filming is making me wonder if he's going to be styled in Valention the whole time. If it's the case, we could literaly have a guessing party before the episode teasers, though he's a wild card since he picks women's clothes too. Please show, make him wear a skirt! A pantaskirt?
Also, his haircut, an actual discussion topic (but kpop idols announce comebacks by hair colour, so why not?) is making him look like he's somewhere between 18-22. Like it's only when he styles it back that it doesn't give him too much of a baby face. For his movie, I think they're filming backwards or not in order in terms of time period, because I don't think they're going to do bald cap if he needs to have no hair. We might get short military-like (I hope he doesn't keep it, I love the long hair). But also, is it me or he's started working out the Dorito back way? Like, he's got more arm and shoulder muscles than without workout, but last singing appearance he really looked "guy who works out to have a triangular back" and that may be movie-related as well? Again and again, idk.
I don't really write about stuff a lot, the thoughts often stay in my head, but yeah, here they are!
For his next career moves, I'm mostly curious about how much space he's going to give to acting or being in reality shows, since he's a singer first. I think Wuju is going to be his last work with Barcode as a partner, but I'm curious about where he's going to be casted if he does series again, like he has more options than just the BOC productions (unlike Barcode) and he may become a "pass-around, no fixed ship actor. But we're making plans on a comet now, and I really should go back to working, so bye for now!
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azumasoroshi · 1 year
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i have no idea what episode this is part 2
part 2 of this post i think?? tbh i found the clip in some random youtube video i have no idea if this takes place directly after or not and im just judging based on the time of day/setting
(i actually did search through like. the last few episodes of season 1 and the first few episodes of shou and i couldnt find shit so i'm assuming that this episode happened in one of the places i didnt check. not for lack of trying but because the website i was using straight up died on the spot trying to load them all so quickly)
(edit: it's episode 16 of durarara season 1 ty @/pineapplething)
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this screenshot is killing me actually. i had to pause instead of doing the 0.25 speed thing because i need his hands to be on his hips so it looks like he's just. staring down at the thing judgingly. izaya's pose is so funny because right before that he's like
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'what the fuck are you doing shizu-chan'
i forget the context of this scene too but like. why wasnt he pointing the knife at shizuo?? what were they doing. bro i love not having ANY context whatsoever and being too lazy to look up the actual episode
anyway babygirl looks so ugly in those shots god bless
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bro why you arching your back like that 🤨
in front of izaya too. god
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the way they have four separate reaction shots for izaya. bro the things that must've been going on through his head were NOT safe for work on god.
the way he says 'seriously' and then remembers to point the knife like bro had to take a second. he was processing. he almost looks enamored in that first shot actually (<- delusional)
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izaya's rectangle prism ass never ceases to amaze. glad he keeps that in both art styles
shizuo looks so funny from this angle i bet you could get the most unhinged smear frames every time he goes rage mode
can we get like an angry shizuo aesthetic moodboard except it's all either low quality or smear frames. it'd be really funny trust
also incredible how shizuo can extend the length of the guard rail to like. twice its size. it was not that big in the previous images. i wonder if that's a metaphor for something
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god these SUCKED to get pictures of because celty comes in so fast and there's no indication of when the frames will switch but i do it for you (im doing this for me. im obsessed. i have a final on tuesday for the class i have a B in but actually i think it's a D now)
these would probably be much easier to screenshot if i just downloaded the videos but why would i do that when i can press the back arrow key 50 zillion times and listen to the crunchy 0.25 audio explode every time shizuo opens his mouth
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this image gets me every time ugh they almost look like they were having a casual conversation or smth (<-delusional)
just. arch enemies both being distracted by something long enough to stop beefing with each other does something to me. i dont even know it doesnt have to be romantic i just like watching it (although it's usually romantic because im a sucker for enemies to/and lovers if you couldnt tell by my usual ships)
that's the end of this scene (or at least the youtube clip of it. you cannot ask me to load all those anime episodes again) but like man. good shit ill be replaying this in my brain for the next week or so
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greyeyedmonster-18 · 5 months
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(thank you for the tag, lovely, @blitheringmcgonagall <3)
1. how many works do you have on ao3?
nine. small but mighty <3
2. what's your total ao3 word count? 585,789
3. what fandoms do you write for?
HP and only for the marauders
4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos
ten reasons (to go to michigan): my beloved midwestern child. where remus is divorced and meets sirius in the upper peninsula
No Matter the Wreckage: my love letter to sirius black
Carry Me Away: sirius is a sheltered posh boy on his first bit of rebellion; meets remus; summer lovin'
From Fire to Fire : oh we don't talk about her, but read at your own risk!
Fault Lines : divorced wolfstar AU
5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?
So, sometimes, but not usually. I read all of them, i promise! i just never know what to say, and replying to everyone "thanks so much for reading!!!" feels like a social pleasantry more so than a genuine response...and so i just don't. But if a comment is particularly long, or asks a question, or invites more of a dialogue, i will respond!
6. what is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
I'm going to go with Fault Lines. because thats the only fic i have that doesn't have a "happy ending". After i first posted this, about 80% of my asks were "how could you" or "fuck you???"
7. what is a fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
They're all happy endings! I really do love the ending to ten reasons though.
9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?
I did once lol. a few times! 1% inspiration 99% perspiration is the smuttiest i've ever gone in a fic. i also wrote a very brief one-shot here for tumblr called "Team Players" ft. football player sirius and remus watching him change in the locker room so....have fun finding that! but largely, i write fade to black, or avoid writing it at all.
10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?
Nope
11. have you ever had a fic stolen?
A fic directly stolen? No. Ideas/headcannons from my fics and dropped elsewhere? Yes (e.g. james saying inspirational quotes while having sex from my moonchaser fic being repurposed in the jily fandom... to name something specific.). More than once!
12. have you ever had a fic translated?
I have had a few people ask, but they've always wanted to publish it outside of AO3 and thats a no from me dawg.
13. have you ever co-written a fic before?
I have not, though one day, if we ever get around to it @femme--de--lettres and i have a great wolfstar fic idea.
14. what's your all time favourite ship?
Wolfstar duh. I am also starking trash.
15. what's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
I don't start fics that I don't finish! I'm not a person with a WIP folder on my desktop or a million half-baked ideas and paragraphs scattered. I just have one that i work on and thats it. so my current WIP, i will finish!
I have abandoned/deleted fics that i started in the past, and thats typically because i dont imagine myself finishing them ever.
16. what are your writing strengths?
i...i am...good at the little things. like little tuesdays and random thursday afternoons.
17. what are your writing weaknesses?
world. building. i simply do not. also punctuation. what is that? who knows. not me!
18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
look, i would love to one day write a telenovela marauders fic in spanish, but this is not the time (also would love to write latinx black brothers). thoughts is that its great if you speak the language and/or have someone who does speak it who edits its for you!
19. first fandom you wrote for?
This one. this is it. HP and marauders.
20. favourite fic you've written?
i'm currently very much enjoying clear eyes, full hearts and the simplicity of it all so. i'll go with that <3
tagging bestie @femme--de--lettres and @maybebabyplease (sorry if you've been tagged!)
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femme--de--lettres · 1 year
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tuesday thursday tunes with andie: beauty and the beast edition
per a conversation i had with someone yesterday, was listening to disney on my drive home yesterday and realized i have THOUGHTS about the BatB soundtrack so. here we are.
look. the new version is perfectly lovely but you CANNOT ask me to prefer anyone over the Preeminent Dame of My Life.
so the gist of this post is really going to be: songs that were added to the stage version that are just. top notch. and this is my first choice because OH GOD HAVE YOU HEARD IT. I was a music director for this show a while back, and this is easily one of my favorites from the show just for how fun it was to teach/train through. it’s creepy. it’s entitled. it’s dangerous. it’s Perfectly Gaston.
“screw your courage to the sticking place—we’re counting on gaston to lead the way//call it war, call it threat, you can bet they all will follow, for in times like this they’ll do just as I say”
luke evans the MAN THAT YOU ARE. this is a fun ensemble song but the 2017 movie version not only gives MASSIVE les mis vibes but so perfectly encapsulates the energy of the mob mentality. like. the lyricism?? the rhyme scheme?? the way you can feel the townspeople getting more and more spun up about this “monstrous and terrible beast” that they’ve never seen ?? EXCELLENT work.
also—“we don’t like what we don’t understand, in fact it scares us”—is a top tier line. no one can convince me otherwise.
“Is this home? Am I here for a day or forever? Shut away from the world until who knows when—Oh but then, as my life has been altered once, it can change again”
“Build higher walls around me, change every lock and key. Nothing lasts, nothing holds all of me—My heart’s far, far away. Home and free.”
Susan Egan my BELOVED. (Of Megara fame, for those unaware of why i’m obsessed lol). The Emma Watson movie ended up having a snippet from this but it’s…so good, from a lyrical perspective. As someone who didn’t have, uh, the best relationship with my home life growing up, this was always a go-to rehearsal song for me when practicing things at home because it’s clearly from a show but I had some Big Feelings™️ about the lyrics. Anyway. Still having big feelings about it God knows how many years later.
‘no beauty could move me, no goodness improve me, no power on earth—if i can’t love her//no passion could reach me, no lesson could teach me, how i could have loved her—and make her love me too’
‘no pain could be deeper, no life could be cheaper, no point anymore—if i can’t love her//no spirit could win me, no hope left within me, how i could have loved her and that she’d set me free’
literally the best song of the entire show. (also a quiet lesbian anthem tbh). would also say. my best friend as a kid played the Beast in our middle school play and I was Belle and I have SUCH fond memories of her singing this and how wonderful it was, so I’m also just…emotionally attached to it.
tagging some pals if they want to offer up some random thoughts about one movie/show: @squidgilator @squintclover @second-sister @elder-millennial-trash (trying to get my broadway people but i’m POSITIVE i’ve missed someone so if you want to chat please do lol)
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feelingofcontent · 2 years
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DNP Rewatch: British Guy Reviews the WILDEST American Cereals!
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Date video was published: 08/12/2021 (X)
DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 445
Actually shocked Phil had never made a fully-cereal-themed video before this.
0:00 - looking fantastic in that suit
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0:10 - just because he can I guess. I still have questions though. also enjoyed Dan teasing him about only wearing pyjamas
0:26 - his tier ranking with “the only correct opinion” label of course. he is wrong about rice krispies
0:59 - new dishes and silverware they got for the new house?
1:04 - I am slightly concerned about how much cereal he eats regularly
1:09 - I’m sad that we lost the previous vase-glass. I’m guessing it was part of the furnishings that belonged to the old flat
1:13 - nooooo, you can’t put ice in milk it waters it down and is just not good 🤢
1:18 - so easily distracted
1:29 - you can’t just say that and then not expand on that story!
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1:46 - I’m so used to all the sound editing in Phil’s videos, it just kinda blends in because it works so well how he does it. I just had a thought that it would be so strange to watch a Phil video with all the sound effects removed
1:58 - “much like me” I’m sorry, what? I don’t know exactly what this Dan tweet was in response to, but this is not the first time Phil taking a bath in cereal has been a thing, haha
2:16 - none of those descriptions are appealing
2:23 - “like gay Tuesday” 😂
2:45 - Phil’s editing in this one is particularly great and very much his style
2:54 - there’s the “number” inserts back and similar to the last video
3:01 - you can’t just insert DAPG clips, Phil! 😭
3:37 - okay, this one looks kinda good and I want to try it
4:00 - I’m laughing at that being the reason Phil knows what Eggos are. guess they’re not as popular outside the US
4:18 - the expressions on Phil’s face as he pulls out each bag of cereal are great 😂
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4:33 - just throwing the box on the floor I guess. I don’t want to know how big of a mess that room was when he was done filming this
4:52 - he is into this one
5:09 - just some casual chats amidst the cereal eating
5:27 - wow a fireworks effect and everything. this video is just making me hungry now
5:42 - yeah he’s been pouring pretty large portions for just a taste-test
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5:48 - um. 😳 interlude story-time
5:51 -  near the end of July, they did the filming for Hometown Showdown. Also, there was this tweet from Dan and this tweet from Phil around that same time, which  🥺. He had teased filming something outside of London and then they were spotted filming in Rawtenstall on July 22 (Dan hop 😊) which led to so much speculation as to what they were up to; it was fun. Phil did not help with his hints here or the emoji hints or Insta story either, haha.
5:56 - he had shared this hotel “art” as an Insta story too
6:16 - why did he feel the need to share this out of everything from his past month 😂
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6:30 - I mean, I am laughing at Phil’s re-telling of this story
6:53 - of course he went for the caramel macchiato one
7:23 - yeah I want to eat this one too. Phil could have gotten a cereal spon
7:29 - “do I need to talk to someone” well... this is not the first time he refers to many inanimate objects as “boys” although I’m not sure if it being something he’s eating makes it better or worse
7:39 - jesus christ that reference
7:59 - “I feel like I just saw god, and he was drinkin’ a cup of coffee” there are some fantastic Phil one-liners in this
8:35 - ...are those not just the colors of the II tour branding? 😂
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8:49 - dropping the cereal he just grabbed and touched to his nose right back into the bag
9:22 - that is too many flavors at once
9:32 - more random thoughts with Phil. I love it
9:55 - always with his pointer finger sticking out when holding a bowl or glass
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10:22 - still finishing it though!
10:29 - oh, honest and personal Phil again. the next month, he did post more Instagram grid photos - from a fancy night at the Dorchester hotel, an art exhibit, and with Freja. 🥺
10:51 - he looks so good
11:05 - really is a cereal for everything
11:30 - the deadpan “I ate a few” 😂
12:08 - almost went full flappy-hands there but it was just a little one
12:46 - his face when he notices the pig is missing!! the golden pig fight was such a great running gag. I love how much they played-up it up (1, 2)
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12:58 - and then the shorts with suit jacket. I am cackling
13:14 - of course. he loves combining all the flavors of things for some reason
13:29 - I don’t know why he expected that to be good...
13:57 - forgot he mentioned dizziness even casually here. before he talks about that issue more in his next video
The composition of this video is so weird? But it works somehow. It vaguely has some vibes of an old-school Phil vlog - where he is doing something that is in the title but also casually talking about his life a bit. Also Dan decided to go full simp and promote this video too.
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bomnun · 1 year
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I'm so lost in this whole thing but how could there be a future for pentagon if Hui debuts with bepler?? Do people seriously think they can vote for hui and expect pentagon to comeback??
Cube sucks, they probably will debut a group with Doha on it 🫠💀 before we get a ot8/ot9 comeback
I think most universe’s strategy is to keep him in high ranks until the final and then stop (not that this is likely to work considering the general public has eaten up Mnet’s script), unless he drops out before that. I stand by the fact that I don’t think he’s in there to redebut. Why would he pretend he wasn’t on the show for the longest time? Literally until the day the participant list came out he was posting from and participating in Pentagon’s schedules as normal. His participant bio has Pentagon’s “Just do it yo!!” entered as his favorite song, and instead of wishing for a high rank he says “rather than rank, it’s about proving”. Plus that one deadpan comment of hoping everyone finishes above him. Plus him not even in his intro saying he wants to redebut.
As recently as this Tuesday, you have members saying they don’t have plans on quitting as a group (x) . I feel like this is as explicitly as Kino can say it under the current circumstances. Right after the Boys Planet participation came out Shinwon said this on a now deleted Vlive, and I think it lines up more or less with what Kino said … two days ago. This to me shows that the members have no intention of disbanding, and as I’ve said many times before, they’re very aware of how shit the fandom is feeling, and wouldn’t lie about this if there was no hope at all.
The more time passes I’m convinced the Pentagon comeback was canceled because Cube is tight on money. There’s even a possibility they’ve canceled/postponed a BTOB comeback (recently an article came out they’d have an April comeback, but it’s since been deleted, and just today Cube announced (G)I-DLE is coming back in “April or May”; if this comeback happens it’ll have been 6-7 months since the most recent Cube artist comeback), and BTOB are not a group they’re planning on getting rid of, even though they clearly have no idea what to do with them. A friend of mine says Jian and Huiyeon were probably cut from Lightsum, and Yanan hasn’t come back because Cube doesn’t want to (or is unable to) pay to support them, so paying termination fees to Jian and Huiyeon and leaving Yanan hanging in China saves money. With this in mind I wonder how soon NBG can actually happen… They teased them last year, but if they’re struggling for funds to make BTOB or (G)I-DLE come back too, how are they going to debut a whole new group soon?
My current guess is Cube didn’t want to/couldn’t pay for a Pentagon comeback, and got a deal or threat from Mnet (sucking up to Mnet is like Cube’s only industry connection), and managed to convince Hui he has to do this (based on what I’ve said above and, just, Hui’s personality, he’s not ditching the group like random people on the Internet like to say), and also tried to make him think that Pentagon are unable to comeback because of their own results, and not because the company is running low on money.
Also, initially, I thought that Cube’s master plan here was to separate Hui from Pentagon, defame the others and paint them as bygones and then keep Hui, but considering the editing he’s getting on the show this show is hurting his individual reputation and image the most … it’s all so messy and weird?? I don’t understand what a company unable to financially support their artists gains from trying to paint one of them as complete failures, including one of their biggest individual assets both as a performer and producer.
Also Shinwon has been namedropping Hui A LOT on Bamra the past week or so, a while previously he didn’t even mention his name… I’ll do my part as a Bamra listener and read too much into that, lmao.
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pokebonkus · 1 year
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OKAY SO
pokebonkus' pokemon time,
thisll be a long ass post so buckle in babes
First off is Cirus, my lucario, male. hes my absolute baby, my unit of a man, hes about 4' something and hes an absolute dumbass <3 he likes to snuggle and if i dont give him enough attention hell shove his snoot under my arm to get pettins. hes my first pokemon and i got him as a riolu
Sylveon, male - who im slowly giving the new nickname Snorple! - is a little bastard, but i adore him to no end. sometimes hell stand over my chest and stare down at me like hes plotting my ultimate demise. he also occasionally just palps people with his ribbons and its kinda funny cuz ill be minding my own business and suddenly my face is palped by soft fuzzy tentacles. Did you know theyre carnivores?
Manchester, a little male wooper i got from my brother (he got him from a random pokemon trade), is just a funky little dude. he sometimes just. gums on my hand. which is really weird but also cute. they have small teeth so his chompins dont hurt *too* much unless he gets too excited
Theres FEESH, who's a male clodsire (also from my brother). hes basically bonded with manchester and parents him. its super cute because hell let manchester bite on his little stumpy leggies and its so sweet, theyre also almost always cuddling
Geebole, my female garchomp, is basically my #1 pokemon, her and cirus come with me everywhere, and were working on getting both of them registered as service pokemon! theyre wonderful, and thankfully geebole has sand veil instead of rough skin so shes easier to pet! i got her as a baby gibble too <3 hence her name lol
Psybeam, male dusk lycanroc. i caught him as a regular ol'e rockruff, and as he got older he got a bit more aggresive and bitey. i was expecting him to end up evolving one night, but no! he evolved at like. 5pm on a tuesday and now hes my lovely orange baby! hes named after the move he apparently knows, psybeam, which i didnt know rockruffs could learn!
Hydreigon, they dont respond to any gendered term so i call them Big Bastard. still unnamed other than that, lol. took a lot of training and a lot of repairs to my parents house to get them to not be so bitey and destructive as a hydreigon, but thats why i started working with them early as a deino! honestly at this point theyre fairly sweet, despite the species reputation. theyre a bit tempermental though, and i have to make sure i have PLENTY of chew toys and things they can tear appart else they'll use my matress or something instead. i dont want to have to replace the tv again 😔
skeeby, female arcanine. fun fact, her tera is rock, which is kinda cool! i dont remember how i learned this, lmao. but anyway, when i caught her, she was a growlithe and she deadass attacked me the second i made eye contact. immediately ran and full blown tackled me before i could react lmao, but hey now shes my big ole warm ass cuddlebug! shes a fucking space heater and i love cuddling her on cold winters
Beef Jerky, female volcarona. not a whole lot to say about her, she has -3 braincells but keeps me nice and toasty :) shes also very good at scaring the shit out of me because she learned how to play dead (thank my brother...) and so shell occasionally just Do That with minimal prompting and ill walk out of my room and have a heart attack cause shes on the floor upside down. fucking bastard bug (beloved)
Minior!! Literally JUST got them (as of editing the post), they are so ROUND and shaped and YELLOW!!!!!! god my little beloved right here. not much is known about them yet, but i got them from @teambloodmoonofficial :)
These are just my non-shinies so far! and ill be sure to update with the other non shinies i inevitably get. ill reblog with my shinies, cause i dont *really* want this to drag on forever in just one basic post lmao
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jmdbjk · 2 years
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It’s Tuesday, must be time to do a ramble...
So there’s a lot of talk about BTS’ military obligation. I have read several South Korean news sources. Something’s gonna happen soon. A lot, a lot of talking about 4 weeks of basic training and that’s it. But maybe all of that is just people talking ... no one knows for sure. Or perhaps HYBE and everyone involved know exactly what the plan is, but waiting on the government wheels to turn can be trusfratingly slow. We’ll see I guess. I have an opinion but it’s not my place to say anything. I did see someone comment how concerned they were about Namjoon handling weapons...hahahahah.
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Next topic...
The thought occurred to me, hear me out, that, these people who fall for these regurgitated and manipulated videos that are ripped up and re-edited to show something that never happened...do you think these people just do not have the capability to...maybe not capability...the knowledge...or the ability to understand the concept of how video editing works? That you can literally take any chronologically recorded raw video and splice and dice and create an infinite number of “scenarios” from various facial expressions and gestures? Am I giving them too much credit? Or maybe they shouldn’t be given any credit at all because the concept of editing just totally flies over their head? 
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Also...
The full blown shippers...there are definitely anger management issues in those factions on both sides. Why not just close the app when provoked? People need to learn how to control themselves. I hope they do not ruin everything for concert-goers by making them shut down the carts the members ride on around the perimeter of the venue because selfish dickwads are threatening to throw harmful objects at the members as they go by. Surely these dumbshits realize they will be surrounded by eyewitnesses all shooting video of the concert (evidence) and they will be arrested and jailed for assault? 
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Changing horses again...
I saw tweeters on the bird app talking about how their family/friends/co-workers/random assholes make fun of them for being ARMY. Well, I can’t relate. In the beginning, I too was wondering how my fam would react when they realized I was apeshit obsessed. Because, you know, a grown adult fangirling 24/7 over seven good looking young men and all. But actually my family were very open minded and non-judgemental about it. I was pleasantly surprised. And thankful. 
Ok, that’s enough for now. If you read all that, here is your reward:
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alto-tenure · 1 year
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faq + other random pinned post things!
who are you?
the name's River. the things you probably want to know about me (pronouns/age) are in my bio. you should probably read that first. I also post my art @the-river-of-light and my writing @theriveroflight which is where you may have found me from.
why does this account have a different username lol
because my art and writing blogs are supposed to be my "public" facing blogs, and this one is where I'm more personal and get a little silly with it because it's my main. that's backfired on me a bit but I've tried to make it clear that this is not a Separate Different Person.
what DO you post here then?
I post meta/analysis for the things I like, and also edits too sometimes. (And I guess I do web weaving now?) Those are links to my tags for them. This is also where I reblog things! Art that isn't mine is tagged "unmine art" and then reblogs from either myself or my other blogs are tagged "self rb" if I didn't add anything to do them besides tags. My queue tag is "last night i dreamt i still knew queue".
why don't you have a DNI?
I don't check every single person that likes or reblogs one of my posts, so I don't really think it's useful for me. My perspective is that it's up to me to curate my Internet experience. I only really look at the blogs of new followers, and I primarily block bots and bigots.
what do your ship tags mean?
I have a page for that here!
you have a professor layton discord, right?
you can join my Layton discord here
what do you tag spoilers for?
aa5, aa6, aai1, aai2, plvpw, dgs2
all pl games, broadly tagged "pl spoilers" and then the game name, e.g. "curious village spoilers". novels are included in this
ghost trick
rwby, for whichever volume is currently releasing (tagged as "rwby spoilers" and "rwby[number] spoilers", e.g. "rwby9 spoilers"), though I usually stop a little ways into the hiatus
recently released dc comics are tagged as "comics spoilers" and "tuesday spoilers"
aitsf and aini
"ml spoilers" if I ever post Miraculous Ladybug spoilers again here
pretty much: I tag spoilers out of courtesy for other people; I care less about them for myself.
if I need a content warning tagged...
send me an ask off-anon. I tag all my warnings as "cw x", e.g. "cw blood". sometimes I slip up too.
can I add your image descriptions to my posts?
please do! accessibility helps us all. no need to credit me either, but you can if you want.
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chidoroki · 2 years
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ahh i’m so mad for forgetting it was tpn’s 6th anniversary today.. i dunno how i can never remember that date. i don’t have anything planned though, which sucks because it’s kinda the most important day of the series ya know?? HOWEVER! i already finished my edit for emma’s birthday last week, so that’s pretty darn early for me! okay so it’s like 99% done, i gotta figure out one final touch, but yeah. and then isabella’s should be next but that’s not til september anyways. i remember very few birthdays..still upset i forgot about today though! i know i can always post something later this week but then it’s late! and that’s even if i get an idea in the first place hhmmm..
but in my defense it was an important day for me for a completely different reason though.. little Kona turned one today!!! love her. she’s too cute. she actually shares a birthday with my late great grandmother so that’s kinda sweet. (maybe now i won’f forget tpn’s anniversary either)
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aside from that i feel like last week was real busy/eventful. dad had actually tested positive for covid tuesday so since we had dinner together the day before i worked from home all last week just to make sure i was okay (which i am thankfully). i don’t mind working from home, it allows me to sleep in a bit but having two screens instead of three is always a troublesome adjustment, and annoying if things get too stressful. every now and then there’s also some nights where i can’t even fall asleep and just feel incredible anxious..why i dunno. it feels random honestly.
it hasn’t been all bad though. i decided to read ahead with the paripi koumei manga and oh my god, the love i have for eiko is IMMENSE!! i honestly wasn’t expecting to get more of her backstory, but i’m so happy we did. i thought we were just gonna focus on the summer sonia concert stuff next, but it seems that is gonna be the final goal. so i’m really loving the direction the manga is going now with creating more songs and learning more of eiko’s past/family. it just makes sense. i debated in writing a whole post on it but idk yet, we’ll see. i dunno how often the manga updates, but i’ve only seen sites have up to ch49? but aahh i want her to succeed so badly! i really hope we get another season because i need to hear more of her lovely voice! THEN i forget what day i read ch113 of ft 100yq but MMHHMM that gruvia body swap! their reactions were great and i loved every moment and of course i’m looking forward to see how gray fights with juvia’s magic. i’m eagerly waiting for the day we get a trailer for the anime too.
then finally.. FINALLY the black clover manga is back! and i still think it’s hilarious that the three month hiatus started right as i finished the anime, like of course that’s just my luck! i think i caught up for just two new chapters then poof! break time! my friend has been begging me to watch since the anime started so i pushed it off for years, til something just.. clicked within me? i remember the movie trailer was announced months ago and friend was excited about it and naturally tried to convince me to start the series once more and i dunno exact words, but i’m pretty sure he compared it to fairy tail (which i sorta figured from the start anyways) but then said everyone from the squad got more focus/backstory, and i was like.. oh? so, that kinda did it for me. and damn it, i ended up loving the series. a lot. but better late than never i suppose! (and he totally has the right to say “told you so,” he deserved it. he even predicted that vanessa would end up as my favorite. so he’s right. again.) so sorry not sorry for all the spam. my queue was filled over 250+ at one point and stayed like that for weeks because i just kept adding more to it. it’s finally back around 50ish now because i FINALLY gone through the whole anime yet again (why do i queue all the gifs chronologically? i dunno!! i forget which series i started doing this with but now it feels necessary for me to do so! lowkey kinda hate it, makes it seem like i’m insane ahaaa. but now all that’s left is artwork that i can fangirl over, thank god!)
but now that the manga is back i’m debating on writing chapter reviews for it, though i doubt they’ll be as long as those i’ve done for tpn, but hhmmm. it’s just funny how i decide on doing such a thing whenever a series enters their final arcs. well, i say that but i haven’t done any for mha in.. years. probably won’t start those up though. i still read it sure but the story is meh to me sometimes. i enjoy the characters more and unfortunately those i really love don’t get much spotlight, maybe just a moment or two recently. always debating on reading ahead for no guns life too since i have no clue if the anime is gonna continue, but i definitely won’t for fire force since season3 has at least been confirmed, whenever.. same with tokyo revengers even though i’m getting real tempted with that one. and for the love of god i have to remember to read the psycho pass manga still! or however much i can find of it anyways!
what else is happening in my world right now, umm. almost a month away from splatoon3 thank god. i haven’t played my switch in a hot minute but once i got that then mmmhmm it’s over. then. scarlet & violet a couple months after too. OH! pokemon.. the masters 8 tournament has been bittersweet for me. the battles are rushed, even most take one episode, some of the moves and outcomes are just.. upsetting and strange. like i’ll never get over how dirty the writing handled the leon vs alain match. my boy deserved so much better. lance vs diantha was okay i guess and ya knew cynthia was gonna win against iris no problem. but then that battle with steven and ash.. idc what people say but there’s no way he should’ve won. after all that damage pikachu took from mega-metagross, he wins by one z-move and an iron tail of all things?? what?? (i think? i dont remember, i was annoyed). only bright side are all the cameos we’ve been getting. they only last a few seconds but they grant me SO MUCH happiness! seeing mairin, the johto trio, drew AND harley?? my heart was ecstatic! and i’m sure they’ll save all of ash’s traveling companions for his final match with leon, or at least i’m hoping so. i better see may and serena again darn it!
oh, and no joke but i swear i actually had a fucking contestshipping dream last night, which isn’t too surprising since i do indeed love them very much, but it was just randomly timed? like why now and not last month around their actual day when i rewatched all their episodes ya know?? but whatever. all it was was drew calling up may after some contest lose (in johto im assuming) to cheer her up. then some light teasing of course. that’s all i needed.
sometime during my incoherent rambling i did get an idea for an tpn anniversary edit. so i’ll definitely start on something for it tonight or tomorrow, unless i get caught up playing more pmd sky.. i started a randomizer yesterday and i’m enjoying myself. nostalgia hitting hard. but i would seriously love a new mystery dungeon.
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rennyji · 2 months
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the art of conversation - random dark side of things
I had my cell phone on me between 2:15 and 2:30 PM on Tuesday January 30, 2024, a period of time where there was a verbal exchange between my father and me.
For the hackers not relying on hacking my brain, my phone's mic was available for hacking. I'm going to assume, at this point, they listen all day. I also conversed in English. It gets confusing in this regard. If I want a show for troubled kids or American hackers of some sort, to hear me, I'd converse in English. If I'm talking to my parents, I speak in their tongue.
When my intention is for my parents to understand me, wouldn't it be delusional of me to speak in English, thinking something else might want in on my conversation?
But going back to the conversation with my father:
The conversation ended with my father saying "the greatest grief is depending on those like you..." in his native dialect.
These conversations always leave me with the sensation of WTF?!
They literally, are so random, and of an escalating nature, that it leaves you dumfounded. I think the stress is impacting their mental health, in this situation snowballing, without correction of them, over more than a decade. At the end of the conversation, to make it seem like everything's good in the house, I'm assuming he has me send texts to him about a job position I'm interested in, like it replaces everything that transpired. I say this because the last half hour is like a musical with highs and lows. There are so many low points, this request to help me find a job, again seems random, as it's not in tune with the theme or preceding atmosphere of the house.
So What happened, how'd things start?
My father, years ago, decades ago, wrote three 50 page books in his native dialect. Someone emailed him a copy, and he wanted to make corrections on printed paper. Now, he writes in his corrections on printed paper, vs. highlighting/notating in Microsoft Word. He then wants me to scan his single "X" like comments/remarks on a across 50 pages.
As are his usual requests of me, he asks something slow, painful, and time consuming: he wants me to scan 50 or more pages on our normal printer, through a computer that is malfunctioning. I agree and say I will do it. I tell him I have a more efficient way of scanning, one that is clear and fast with my phone. I've been telling him since yesterday, I can unite all the pages into a single PDF file, after scanning on my phone. There's so much you can do on the iPhone 14 and above now. I edit videos on it, instead of my actual MacBook.
He doesn't feel my method, in his computer illiterate mind, is efficient. It's not about getting free jabs at dad, but this kind of dialogue between him and me is so common, we live in the same house and we barely talk. To the scanning occurring on the phone, He literally says, "it looks small on your phone", maybe you should use the scanner or the printer.
He has it fixed in his mind, that the printer is better, despite me telling him otherwise.
I tell him, it's obviously because it's on my phone; that's why it looks small. I tell him on the computer, the size is relative, or it will look big.
I tell him that I'll email the file scanned on my phone, to his email, and he can see how it looks on the computer. And if there is any problem, I offered to rescan everything his way. What more can I do?!
With me extending a hand, offering to do things twice over, does it make sense, for him to say at the end of the ordeal, "Its my greatest grief depending on you"? Usually these sentiments are my "Actual" sentiments towards him. His accusations of problems are also reverse. Usually something wrong he sees in me, is a projection of a problem on his part. It is the craziest thing. It's the same thing with my mother. Troubled kids show or not, I know the orchestrators see this absolute circus. Distressed with utter nonsense they realize, they continue with attacking me. They need a desperate way of making me look ill, having realized, against all odds, against all probability, that my parents-not saying this out of vengeance-are not well or well enough to converse about a serious situation. What do they have riding on all this? My mother might have her job as a nurse practitioner looking bad. My dad, who thinks by running a grocery store in the Indian community, is seen as a prominent businessman and people will frown on him or think it questions his intelligence.
But what happened after my offer to rescan everything? My father says the pdf file will only look big on his desktop computer, because the monitor is big. He says the people he's emailed the novel to, is another country. He claims their monitors may not be big and they can't see the file, if I scan it with my paid TurboScan on my phone. These kind of nonsensical beliefs, end up becoming things you have to explain away.
The more to explain, the more the conversation drags out, the more opportunities for saying mean things to each other.
Then I see my father putting his hand to his head, looking watery eyed, and I just ask him, "what did I do? What's wrong?"
Then the accusations come snowballing. Apparently, according to my father, I think my ability to converse, is, literally, "impressive." Apparently, according to him, "other people" don't feel the same way. So now he's alluding to me being pretentious and arrogant.
Then I tell him, all I said was everyone sees a PDF file the same way and that I'm using an advanced scanner app-what's with this random escalating argument?
Then he tells me: I'm saying over and over that the PDF file will work. He starts yelling to stop repeating myself.
I take no pleasure in bashing my dad...but I'm in a bad spot, where things operate without my consent. For some reason, at 35 years of age, my parents are consulted on my behalf. but if you understand the back and forth between my parents and me, it sounds like someone talking to someone who's flat out stupid, or something related to two caveman trying to express a grievance.
If I say anything consecutively about the PDF file, its because of my exclamation: "How is this causing this argument?" Then my father storms off from the computer, saying he doesn't want to look at the file. Somewhere prior to this, he said let's do it tomorrow, because again, he thinks probably my mood is off, today. Going back to storming from the computer, he says to me, stop talking so that I can finish what I'm saying...
Throughout this conversation, there's something I notice about non English speakers. They say "yeah" "yeah" "yeah" over and over when someone else is speaking. It's like some kind of filler. But are they actually listening, or is it a crutch word used in place of listening?
I bring up this repeated word he says, in this random conversation because he claims its his way of agreeing with me. Over what? If its about the PDF file working everywhere, and the Yeahs are about agreeing with me, why is he questioning whether someone with a possibly smaller monitor in another country, will be able to see the file?
These conversations are all over the place. Complete and utter nonsense. It's like when I'm communicating with him, my father hears me talking like Snoopy in the below YouTube clip. All he hears is frustration, sees an irritated face, hears blurred words, and wonders why is my son somehow mean to me?!
youtube
On a separate occasion, my father tells me on a Sunday that he's going to throw my stuff out and he's going to sell the house. The things he says are that random. Then my mother jumps in. She starts giving me the crazy eye. I don't know if this is some twist or development to my situation or if they've lost it. They're scaring me. They called 911 on me four times for my conversations escalating like the scanner incident above. Literally over nothing. This time I called. I told 911 my parents are behaving oddly. Since I have a written mental history, the police and ambulances comes after me. When I realized 911 wasn't going to help me, I take my BMW to a coffee shop. What I didn't know was that 911 called my parents back and they told 911 I"m crazy. So that the police know who to target when they arrive, my father comes outside and takes the license plate of my car driving off. WTF?! Over and over What the F*. -----
My mother is a piece of work. Again, no pleasure in saying these things. But over and over, I'm sensing something from my parents: they want to make me look bad, because, they think, like with a child, if you're child looks bad, its better than you, the parent, with an adult life, looking bad. Its part of their warped psychology. When I eat junk food, it sounds like they're yelling to someone that I"m crazy for eating junk food. They react with nasty language like telling me "everything turns to sh*t once in your mouth." They start saying random uncomfortable things like "You make me want to cry when you eat this donut." WTF?! Apparently no one eats like me. Is the cultural difference so bad that they don't comprehend donuts? Years ago, my mother would get me riled up, then she holds her phone and has me react in our native dialect or English. But is anyone hearing what she said to initiate the reaction, on my part?
After years of WTF moments, as you're getting into your 30s in something occurring without your consultation, you're bound to say things like "Ma, What the h*ll is wrong with you?!" When they call 911 stemming from a conversation they won't listen to, you're bound to say "F* you." Flat out. And then the next day, in this psychotic way, they'll ask if I want oatmeal... For using curse words in my unbelievable situation, my parents will say "Who says things like this to their parents?" But then you wonder, are they idiots? Do they realize for 10 years or more, you're in a mind reading situation? Did they forget they sentenced you into a show for troubled kids? Then my mother tells the orchestrators of my situation, and in random emails to my psychiatrist, that I'm being aggressive. Again, it's like the Snoopy video in this post. As scary as it sounds at this point in the game, I think they're just seeing a frustrated face, with a yelling type tone, without actually comprehending the words exchanged.
Because I know something strange is happening, I just go along with this cycle of events. I believe the orchestrators are stitching parts of conversations, oral and written, to benefit their end. No one is speaking to me about what happens to me, so they're confident they can quietly close off what's happening (the situation as a whole), on basis I'm mentally ill, which they further by displaying me lashing out. By depicting me as abused or mentally ill, they want to assure no one every discusses this event happened to me.
I'm getting tired with reliving every horrible moment on this day and in the past, by constantly having to write it/say it, hoping someone gets what's happening, THIS time."
On the dynamic between my mother and me, I don't think my parents comprehend what I'm saying. If I ask my mom, "to make me feel better, can you repeat back what I said?" My mother lashes out" what is this? Are you a school teacher and am I the student?" "is this how you speak to your mother?"
My parents used to think "I'm acting up" or aloof when I'd speak English in the house. The indoctrinated me into our native language as that being my "mother tongue." I realized, if nothing else, I had to speak in that dialect, to get a message across. Not to sound racist, but it's like I"m a guy only speaking English talking to recent immigrants. They'll keep saying Yeah Yeah Yeah to everything and probably aren't the people you direct philosophical ideas to. But moving on, within the last few years, my mother yells at me for speaking in our native dialect. WTF?! again. Over a stretch of time, makes you wonder, who's listening, why encourage English now? In these instances, I tell my mother, I'm talking to YOU, focusing on YOU, want YOU to understand ME. She then lashes out and tells me, she's been speaking English before you were born. It's like another form of teacher/student frustration. Apparently my mother is so well spoken, I'm offending her by speaking in her native dialect. I'm insulting her intelligence. Sounds like the ego of sensitive immigrant.
Other instances while I"m speaking, making me think you're hearing my house/not always seeing m house, my mother starts storming to the garage, midway in a conversation with me, or chopping frozen chicken. If I tell her, people normally sit down or make eye contact when conversing with another, she says "how would you know what's normal?" She'll then say "she can multitask and I'm dysfunctional because I can't talk/listen while doing other things."
I think my situation is not like telling my parents "I'm going to go get a bite to eat" Its something of a very serious nature, spanning years, that requires everyone giving undivided attention.
The next thing to the conversation dynamic? If I say four-5 sentences together, my mother says I let no one speak, I"m going to get in trouble with the Americans at work, this is why apparently "no one" like me....a series of randomness. Where is all this coming from? She then instructs me, "conversation works by one person saying something, and then the other person takes a turn." We spend so much time in frustration, expressing frustration, or talking about the art of conversation, the point of what was initially said, gets lost. Doesn't conversation happen with people fully expressing their point?
I said to my mother on one occasion, don't say incendiary things, learn to ignore things when we're all in the same house. I ask her, do you know what I mean by incendiary? she lashes out because I offended her ego by asking the definition of the word. She basically says you're not my professor to ask me such questions. Its her way of never answering the question.
this show, this mind reading situation, should find people clear of, personal flaws, before having them take reign over someone else's life. If nothing else, the orchestrators should clear possible personality obstacles.
The other mental dynamic to my mother's speech, as well as my father's speech, is that they're in such a rush to speak, that they don't listen to what you have to say. Now this could be personality flaws or the flaws of non native English speaking persons.
But you gotta ask, if they're in a rush to speak, to the point where they make what you say irrelevant, "Why are they in a rush to speak?" Is it for conversation stitching for what's relayed? Is it because they're in trouble, and need to make you look bad, by putting a dark spot on your future, for the sake of keeping their past/present blemish free?
---
You test comprehension after these incidents, adrenaline might fine tune focus ... but is the big picture digested, is the whole situation processed?
---
you want to say the best about those in your life, brag about them. in my probably infamous complaint forms and crime tips from a decade ago, I'd say "Please tell my family and me what's going on...My parents are people who give up basic necessities for my luxuries..." Maybe to spite that, something changed the atmosphere of my home.
At this point, it could be anything. I keep justifying everything like:
maybe my parents have a reason for the atmosphere to the house, maybe the police need to verify my sanity at a behavioral health center...but its been a decade, and I'm tired of making excuses for everyone...I want my freedom. I went to college for a bachelors/masters "so that I can start life." What ended up happening? An enforced delay on me starting life, living life...
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hospitalterrorizer · 6 months
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diary36
10/10-11/2023
tuesday - wednesday
i need to put the days here so i don't forget what day it is. that's still a problem for me.
saw the hellp!!
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look at them, with the ccp behind them. a beautiful image, even if they don't love communism . but i hope they do . or at least one does.
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and i just love getting pictures of people taking pictures. my gf took the first photo, i'm not one for pix at concerts but i felt like some heavenly force was telling me to take a photo of that woman taking a photo.
their visuals during the set were great, i think, they have a sense of humor about themselves definitely but they somehow reach towards what dennis coopers does briefly in his second movie, where this boy loops a gif of someone exploding in a movie over and over, ruminating over his own death/desire to explode, that dissociative image, or the image pulled into / extruded by time into dissociativity, and also, the strange sorrow of trawling old imagehosting sites like flickr and things and finding people's random photos. i think they have something very real with that. also they put in footage from one of the lord of the rings movies and i think those movies suck because i don't like fantasy but i think their repurposing of that footage was kind of great, turning it into a weird emotional spectacle briefly.
izzy spears was, i dunno, he felt like he was cut off live, like prevented from getting where he wanted to go, i loved his moves, and he had a great look, but the music was simply not loud enough (my fault for wearing ear plugs? i dunno.) i kind of get the sense/hope though that there's a lot to look forwards to w/ him. i'm still not all the way on his voice and stuff but the stuff i heard that wasn't on his ep (i think) was produced in a very cool way.
i'm right now trying think if i should faff about with a modular synth for a little bit and then go to bed or not.
i think yves had a great leather jacket, very scorpio rising, and scorpio rising's one of the best things ever imo. so they get to remain in my good graces just for their loox alone.
tomorrow is a big day cuz, idk why i didn't mention this sooner but we're going to denver for a bit, my gf has an obligation there, and i'm tagging along cuz i'm curious. i think maybe a lot of people there will find me disgusting or something but i hope not. i just get that vibe but idunno. i don't know anything about colorado really. i'm excited to see the airport. i'm worried about being able to run the blog while i'm away cuz i can't get the app on my phone. i might steal my gf's laptop and try to login to tumblr from there and do my updates. i need to write my password down and stuff.
okay did that. idk how long my entries will be while i am there, or if she'll let me, but we'll see.
i'm excited to come home and get new ears on my music, and also like, i dunno, read more about butoh and angura i guess. i want to keep researching that, i found a wordpress that's dedicated to researching/writing about it, and that person has subtitled and translated some plays and put them youtube. really cool stuff.
youtube
here's one i'm excited to get to, a shuji terayama work. i love his film stuff that i've seen, so i'm very excited to see this. i've also read some of his short stories, they're very interesting, if not what i expect from the guy who turns maldoror into a short film, a great and very strange one at that. he really keeps it very poetic and loose and strange, the outer limits of the image unconstrained by narrative editing but the presence of a narrative text binding the work, it gets close to experience of impressions and the flights of fancy present in the book, the excessive images and the way they feel in your heart, rather than how they truly play out. i still need to finish that book but i got into it decently. it's just an issue where i go so slow because i want to drink every page totally, taste every inch of it so i can understand and then, understanding it, i can learn and use what i learn in my own writing. it's one of those books, so ornate and expertly written i just can't help but sit there in awe of it i guess.
listening to this album disrobics by this band gay beast is making me really want to mess with a synth, so i'll give myself some time for that right now i suppose.
that was fun. tomorrow i have to ride a plane. that won't be fun, because i don't like sitting still that long it gets borringggg.
i guess i will talk to myself in denver tomorrow night. how strange. i am scared because apparently there are going to be lots of french people, and there's some kind of bedbug epidemic in paris. that wigs me out terribly. hopefully it's not a problem for these people i'm about to be around.
anyways, i should sleep now, byebye!!
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probablygayattorneys · 7 months
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Blog update
For the past year or so, this blog has posted twice a day. Once at a random time between 6:30-7:30 AM MST and once at a random time between 11:30 AM-12:30 PM MST.
Starting tomorrow, this blog will post once a day at noon MST exactly.
I am going to explain why below but before I do, I'm going to TW for really, really serious mental health issues so... just stop reading if you're not up for that.
I am not well.
It is probably obvious from how absolutely off the wall some of my posts have been that my brain doesn't work like most people but I don't think anyone understands the full extent of just how broken my brain is.
Even my doctors don't agree. Give me a mental disorder, I've probably been diagnosed with it at least once. Autism. Depression. Bipolar. ADHD. BPD. CRSD. GAD. I've got the whole fucking can of alphabet soup in my bowl, but nobody really knows.
What we do know is that during June, at the same time my dad got diagnosed with cancer (don't worry, I didn't even know stage 0 cancer was a thing but apparently they caught it so early they just did a tiny little surgery and now they think he's completely cancer free) my depression hit hard. Legitimately, so bad that I was officially declared disabled by it to keep me on my parents' insurance since I turned 26 in August.
The only song that I can even think of that comes close to trying to describe how I feel is the song Autoclave, by The Mountain Goats. Embedded below if you'd like to listen.
youtube
We've done everything. I have a therapist I see weekly. I did a sleep study. I have a psychopharmacologist who has prescribed me enough medications that I could probably not just tranquilize an elephant but also cure the tiger's depression, stabilize the lion's mood, and hook up the ringmaster with some real good shit. We spent 5000 dollars to try an experimental ketamine treatment that insurance didn't cover at all. I've done ECT. I got desperate enough that I tried to turn to religion, I went to a Catholic church just because it was the only denomination open at 3 PM on a Tuesday and I sat in that pew and I prayed for an hour that God would send me someone, just that someone would sit down and say "you seem troubled, child" and nobody fucking came. Then one night I prayed so hard I literally cried, begging God to send me something, some kind of sign, literally anything, to keep going, and the next day my cat knocked over one of my decks of tarot cards and every single card fell face down except the death one. So. There's that. That's only one thing left that I haven't tried, and that's where they're going to take my blood and then sequence my DNA and try and figure out what medication my body would react best to, and I hope that it works because I've been struggling with suicidal ideation since I was 6 and... even if I am a phoenix, I'm getting real fucking tired of rising from the ashes. Everything we've tried is just a fucking cul-de-sac of misery. I have fallen into this rut and I can't get unstuck and this is the worst I've ever felt in my entire life, I'm upset and angry at everything from my grandpa, for dying before I was before so I never got any memories of him, to my cat for not letting me eat in peace, but none moreso than at myself for feeling this way when it is absolutely no one's fault that any of this is happening. The only peace I know is when I'm in a heavily medicated sleep and I can dream all night of freedom but then I wake up but I never wake up free. If you cannot relate to this, then I sure hope you pick a deity and thank them for your luck.
So, what does any of that have to do with the format of this blog changing?
Well, it's simple. I'm not funny anymore. There were times I had 200+ posts in my queue. Right now I have less than 80.
Sometimes, I still have some spark of inspiration (though most of the time it's really more my brother just made another stupid video edit) but the fact of the matter is that I'm just... I'm not producing anything worth a damn thing at the rate things have been posting. This is the only thing I can try to do to make it last a little bit longer while I hope for a miracle because every second of every day I am in pain, it hurts just being awake, like, I am in an agony that most of you probably can't even fathom.
And, well, if it gets to eighty days from now, and there's no more posts, and no more updates... Well, you'll know what happened. I hope you also know that I'm sorry that I couldn't step out of the shadow of my great catastrophe, but I also hope you know that I really, really did try my goddamn hardest.
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miloucomehome · 11 months
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some thoughts (esp on school -- got some grades...)
I’m waiting to get my grades and got one for the visual communications course...it’s a C-. I’m not happy at all. I’ve passed the class, but we never got a copy about our grades and she’s been giving me Cs from the beginning and I do not understand why.
What’s worse is that her grading technique is to include assignment grades in the grading calculations for projects. 
I’m not joking here. In my typography course with her and even this one, I would’ve probably ended up with a B- or C+ but instead since she includes the mountain-load of assignments in the grading, my grade for the first project (which includes a few assignments) is a 6/10 (about a C or C-). If you end up submitting anything late, it’ll impact your project’s grade, not the separate assignment grade.
edit: also, late assignments aren’t docked X% per week, like the other profs, but instead are docked a full letter grade. 
(TL;DR here: Our assignments aren’t being weighted correctly as outlined in the syllabus and are instead combined with the project’s grades)
Add to this, she doesn’t provide a complete syllabus (PDF or printed) and refuses to. With this method of grading, she’s not even following her grading system by combining the assignment grades as part of the project’s grades. I’ll actually double check this, because if she’s not following her own syllabus’ grading system then I don’t think these evaluations can fly. I don’t want to deal with my department and I may just file something with the ombuds office anonymously. 
I’ll need to copy-paste the syllabi for both courses I had with her that she copy-pasted to the moodle page menu awkwardly and save those in docs with screenshots before I lose access to the pages. (they’re in a div/table that will not print)
On another class--not typography but a 400-level course I had to submit everything late on--it looks like I’m set to fail terribly with 30-something percent (which doesn’t make sense) but I think it’s because Moodle is only calculating the numerical grades this prof inputted and is confused about the random letter grades she put in. (Or maybe it’s only taking into account the letter grades (there’s only 2; one’s an F for 10%-weighted assignment I missed bc of  sickness. The other is an A- on the proposal stage of the final assignment and is the only letter grade inputted while the rest are numerical)
Otherwise maybe it’s just indicating the mean number (not points) calculated is 32.4. It makes no sense. Even the points I got make no sense. Are they percentages? or points out of the total the assignment is worth? I feel like I’ll find out this course’s grade tomorrow but I still might send an email in the morning if I wake up early enough.
In any case-- if I have to retake that 400 level course then fine. But if I have to spend another class with *that* prof (PM) then I will entertain the option of delaying my own graduation to avoid her and her bullshit killing my GPA (if I can’t find another course to substitute it with). I plan to even write a detailed warning on Rate My Prof because the typography course is one she’s always given so students will eventually get her. I just want them to not be surprised and be prepared in case if she won’t improve her teaching and grading methods from all the lengthy comments we gave her in evaluations.
EDIT forgot to add but I’m not going to lie here--my confidence in my skills is just so incredibly low. I know it’s because I got terrible profs this semester, but it’s just bad. I’m going to try and busy myself and use my UdeMy accesses and, when I get a job, try that Domestika course on wayfinding design and architecture that I’ve been eyeing and even just make my own things and print them out to rebuild my confidence. Like, it’s no joke. It’s in tatters. I don’t even want to share any work at this point on Behance.
Anyway, I have a cute story I should share and preserve here of a call I had with my aunt on Tuesday where she was excitedly trying to figure out what other possibilities there were for my profession and how I could approach my early stages of my career when I graduate. (”what else can a designer do as a job”) 
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