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imagine--if · 2 years

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(A/N: I don't know why I didn't do this sooner because I love this boy so much and he made season 3 🥺️) also this is pretty long, like 2.1k words long, so enjoy 😁)

｡ₓ ू ₒ ु Jason Todd Dating Hcs ू ₒ ु ₓ｡

♡ₓ This is gonna be a long one 😂 Jason may seem like a cocky, playful kickass teenager, but inside, he’s a little broken up and just needs a hug 🥺

♡ₓ You either met him as a new Titan, picked out and taken back to the tower with Dick, or someone that Jason saved as Robin. He won’t tell you yet, but you are honestly the most beautiful person he’s ever seen… and stumbles over his words when you’re introduced.

♡ₓ You become really great friends - or so you think, not quite noticing the lingering looks and smiles he gives you like the rest of the Titans do. Jason’s pretty protective and defensive of his friends, and seeing as the rest of the Titans aren’t super friendly with him, he doesn’t make as much of an effort with them as he does with you.

♡ₓ Which leads to him getting annoyed when they try to befriend you too and take you away from conversations you were having with him. If you’re a Titan and there’s a dangerous mission Dick wants you to go out on, Jason won’t let you leave unless he can come to. He knows full well you can defend yourself, but he doesn’t want to lose you like he’s lost others in the past.

♡ₓ When Robin fell from that rooftop, somehow you managed to catch Superboy’s attention and make sure he didn’t die. Jason could only watch, still stunned by the fall and now by you, as you check he’s not hurt and ask if he’s okay. He’s not used to anyone caring that much, and so he can only nod and hug you as a response. It’s all he needs to know for sure that he’s absolutely in love.

♡ₓ After that, the PTSD and bad thoughts really started getting to him, and you were the only one who could pick up on that and try to help. I mean, you've seen the series, the rest of the Titans are either pretty oblivious or don't deal with it well at all *cough*dick*cough*

♡ₓ So quiet times, just sitting and listening to music, or working out in the training room - where he took every opportunity to show off and try to catch your attention - helped him drown out the poison, as he calls it. Jason tries to be and is a lot more open when it's just you and him than the others, and immediately gets defensive when Dick attempts to ask if he's okay.

♡ₓ When he was getting singled out and blamed for the crosses on Rachel’s mirror and the rest of the chaos in the tower, you were the only one to try to stand up for him and pointed out to Dick that he’d run off. It meant so much to him, seeing you carefully make your way to the edge of the roof and look up at him with pleading eyes. Jason has never felt that wanted before, which is the main reason he got down, and held back choking sobs when you gave him the tightest hug ever. ‘He’d keep trying, for you,’ that’s what he’d told himself.

♡ₓ One of the best memories you had of him before you managed to get separated was when Jason showed how much he trusted you by taking you to the high school where he watched the play they did and admitted his love for theatre. You didn't tease or mock him at all, which was a huge relief but expected from you anyway, and right then and there, he wanted to tell you everything. About how you're a thought that makes him want to keep going every day and how he wishes he could hug you a little longer than your friendly ones. But Jason can't make the words come out of his mouth then but can pretend as much as he wants as you walk back with his arm around your shoulder, you not knowing any better.

♡ₓ I'd like to stress that he hasn't said all of this yet, because he won't stop later on, I promise 🥰️

♡ₓ But near the time of Donna's funeral and Rachel leaving the city, you somehow get split up because of carrying on Titan work with Nightwing while Jason needs to talk to Bruce and do some stuff back in Gotham. Even so, you still receive plenty of texts from him, checking up on you while you aren't near each other, wanting to hear your voice again and see that heartstopping smile of yours through FaceTime.

♡ₓ Then Robin really comes to an end, because Jason Todd apparently dies at the hands of the Joker. His friend Molly tells you (which leads to you becoming great friends if you weren't already), and you're devastated. It slowly but surely starts to click into place for you. Those longing looks from him back at Titans Tower, the way he quickly got protective whenever there was the slightest threat you felt uncomfortable with, warm hugs he'd only give you, shoving off Gar with a questioning look when he jokingly tried to get in with you once. Jason had always been a great, understanding friend, but the thought of you possibly having the opportunity to be something more and missing out on it makes you cry 😢

♡ₓ So when you get a call from Dick telling you about the new Red Hood threat, and how he thinks Jason might still be alive and affiliated with the Scarecrow?? You're terrified for him hanging around with such a dark and dangerous person, but you know in your heart that Jason can't have changed so much, reborn or not, from how you knew him before. Dick isn't convinced, especially after Hank's death, and even though you're just as upset as the rest of the team are at the loss, you feel like Jason must be under some kind of influence, and he'd never do anything like that alone.

♡ₓ When you come with Dick to confront him, Red Hood has everyone in Gotham convinced that he's some sort of hero. When Nightwing has him on the floor with a gun pointed, you run over and pull it out of his hands. The shocked, emotion-flooded expression on Jason's face makes you forget everything for the moment as you go in and give him the tightest hug ever, while Dick tries calming down the crowd around you all. Jason slowly, shakily returns it, a million doubting thoughts rushing through his head. Don't you know what he's done? Can you forgive him that easily? You deserve so much more...

♡ₓ Dick gets shot though, and the situation escalates rapidly. You notice Jason hesitantly retreating into the crowd, not wanting the Scarecrow to get to you, his only weakness. But you manage to grab his arm and give him the same pleading eyes as the ones from the balcony he stood at the edge of all those months ago. You ask him to come back home, to stay with you, that you miss him. At the moment, it's difficult, since Crane hasn't been dealt with yet, but Jason promises that he'll see you again soon before he has to run for it, and you tend to Dick.

♡ₓ When you convince Dick to let Jason help the Titans defeat Scarecrow and make sense of the drugs and being brought back to life, Jason doesn't want to let you out of his sight again. He was terrified that he'd never see you again, that you'd hate him because of all that's happened. He's in mild disbelief as you rest against him in the car while Dick runs you over the plans, but Jason isn't afraid to show he cares in front of people (I'll get to PDA more later 😉) and he delicately runs his gloved fingers through your hair and against your cheek, grounding yourself and him at the same time.

♡ₓ Needless to say, Scarecrow gets his ass rightly kicked, and Bruce comes back with his house wrecked and the city recovering from the attack. When he asks Jason which life is next after he turns down living in Wayne Manor again, he looks over his shoulder at you, with a soft smirk that makes warmth spread throughout your body as he simply says, "one with them."

♡ₓ He's not kidding in the slightest either, because now you're reunited, Jason is pretty clingy and in need of a bit of reassurance from you, but is the best boyfriend ever. Everything he struggled with saying before comes out in a mess when you have your first kiss after leaving the Manor and Dick goes with Rachel to visit Crane in prison. This boy's a complete whipped simp, I do not exaggerate.

♡ₓ Like, if it was the middle of the night and you wanted some random drink or fancied going out to get food or ride his motorbike, sure, he's up, where to? Sleep can wait 😊

♡ₓ With PDA, Jason Todd is not shy, and in public, he's just as loving as he is in private. He has no fears of confrontation too, so god forbid anyone that tries to make a move on you or makes you feel bad. He does get jealous sometimes, but more in the insecure way, not at all in the way of not trusting you. You waste no time in telling him that he's the only boy you want in your life and give him a bear hug, and he'll get over it just like that.

♡ₓ On the subject of cuddling, he can't get enough of it. Whether it's lounging around at home or in bed, Jason will draw them out. Vulnerably if it's just after a nightmare, when you wrap your arms around him sleepily and he cradles you to him protectively. Playfully if it's getting late in the morning and he's not ready to get up yet. Sometimes it's just really randomly when you're doing your own thing, he just sweeps you up off your feet and doesn't put you down until you're laughing ridiculously hard and kicking around helplessly.

♡ₓ I can imagine him being all silly and saying that he "won't let you go, angel, till you tell me you love me more than anything else in this world," and then gets all wide-eyed and soft when you actually say it so earnestly. Jason also loves it when you play with his dark curls, he'll happily rest his head on your chest, playing around with your hands and kissing your fingers absentmindedly as your own fiddle with his locks.

♡ₓ You're the only person that can truly calm him down when he's annoyed with someone that's trying to get to him, or on one of his bad days. If you insist on staying at home with him to watch movies and eat junk and cuddle in bed, just to make him feel better, he will literally cry and mumble endearments into your shoulder. Don't for a second doubt that he won't do the same for you, because it will literally break his heart if he sees you upset. If its a person, Jason will gladly deal with them, but if it's just life, he'll hold you tightly, pressing gentle kisses on your forehead and reminding you that he'll always be there for you 🥲

♡ₓ He's honestly a bit possessive - not in a toxic way though - so seeing you in his hoodies or t-shirts makes him all proud and bashful. Jason compliments you for every little thing, or stares in adoring wonder, maybe if you're just doing a hobby or nothing in particular. Or maybe you're his partner and anti-hero like him, or still a Titan, able to defend yourself and save others so effortlessly.

♡ₓ He also trusts you with his life. If you didn't give him any explanation to do something crazy, Jason would assume it's important and you'll explain when you can, taking your word for anything.

♡ₓ Jason will do anything to make you happy and keep that smile on your face. You've been through so much together, and he doesn't care what he goes through now, as long as you're in on it together.

♡ₓ "You're my whole world, princess. I love you so much..."

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polyhexian · 5 months

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Since expanding the Jasperverse is apparently my current hobby let's try this on for size: The Collector decides rather than tattling to Philip that his current Grimwalker is stealing the new Grimwalker, it'd be WAY more entertaining to see Philip's face in the morning when he realizes what happened, and thus keeps quiet about the whole thing. Jasper makes a clean getaway with baby Hunter, but for plot reasons doesn't end up running off to some other Titan, and spends the next several years raising his son in hiding and on the run.

Fast forward to Darius finding a 6/8/10-year-old Hunter on his doorstep (or figurative doorstep, your Darius doesn't have a house so maybe it's his mom's doorstep, or Hunter corners him in Bonesborough or something), and this kid informs him that he's gotten separated from his dad, but his dad told him that if things ever went south, he could go to Darius for help.

Darius is just, like, bluescreening, because this kid looks exactly like Jasper, and admits that his dad's name IS Jasper (when it isn't something like Onyx Bloodwilliams or whatever), and is also speaking of Jasper in the present-tense, so like, 1) Jasper is alive??? and 2) JASPER HAS A KID???

A kid who is apparently relying on Darius to take care of him now. And the kid, Darius is disconcerted to learn, KNOWS Darius - he keeps asking him for his version of stories his dad has told him, like is it true that you - and can you tell me about the time you and my dad - And Darius is just like, oh my god, I never considered having kids and I was barely able to consider being in love with Jasper, but Jasper has a kid and has told the kid all about ME, and I need to be the best guardian figure possible to this child until his dad shows up and I can ask him WHAT THE HELL???

(Where's Jasper? Idk, maybe he told Hunter to split up while he goes and lays a false trail elsewhere, maybe he's dealing with bounty hunters who aren't even after them for Golden Guard stuff because who knows what Jasper's been getting up to for the last few years, maybe he's gotten in with the rebellion and is running a mission or something, who knows.)

Also Hunter is, like, a weird kid with a number of worrying skills. He's not a child soldier in this 'verse, more like a child spy. He goes through life like he's playing the world's most intense game of hide-and-seek. He squints suspiciously at everyone and everything. He can pick a lock in 6 seconds. He recreationally pickpockets and thinks it's doubly fun to reverse-pickpocket the item without his mark even realizing it was missing. He can cry on command and make for a good distraction. He knows how to break someone's instep if they try to grab him. He eats bugs.

Bonus irony points if this Hunter still has all the issues Canon Hunter has, but he has those issues because he's loved, not abused. He's very good at doing exactly what he's told…because he knows his and his dad's survival depends on doing everything Jasper says when he says it. He's scarily good at fighting for his age…because Jasper's trained him to be able to defend himself. He's got PTSD and anxiety…because he's spent his whole life worried that people will hurt him and his father. He doesn't have any friends…because they've never been able to stay in one place for very long.

Idk where Darius would stash Hunter for safekeeping. I mean, for HILARITY and SUSPENSE it'd be great to see him trying to sneak the kid around the castle. Hide him in his apartments. Shove him under his office desk whenever some other Coven Head comes in for a chat. Hunter takes it upon himself to explore the castle's fantasy ventilation system and maps out every vent and secret passage in the place to pass the time and give Darius a heart attack. Darius finds a tiny scout uniform and insists that this is totally just a small demon that's been assigned to Darius as an escort. Hunter is scarily good at maintaining a disguise, and Darius doesn't have time to unpack all that. Hm, we know nothing about the covens themselves, could there be some sort of masked Abomination Coven uniform? That'd be better so no one could try to reassign Darius's random scout escort.

The castle might not be feasible though (and Darius would realize that getting Hunter anywhere NEAR the castle would be the EXACT OPPOSITE of what Jasper would want him to do) so the other options are stashing Hunter at his mom's house or recruiting Eda into the situation.

Darius: I need you to house this kid. Eda: Do I LOOK like a babysitter?? Darius: He can pick a lock in six seconds and he's pickpocketed you twice since we started this conversation. Eda: …Intriguing.

Either way though, Darius knows he has to be there for Hunter. He knows that Jasper is relying on him to be there for Hunter. It's like, here Darius, have a universe where you DON'T shoot yourself in the foot and hurt the people you love! He barely understands what's happening and he never wanted kids and he doesn't know if he and Jasper would ever have been a thing so maybe he's not the stepdad but by GOD is he gonna be the dad that stepped up.

Hunter is a good kid despite his upbringing and is really excited to finally meet Darius after everything his dad told him about the guy, but he also really misses his dad and is worried if Jasper's okay. Darius is like, come on, we both know your dad is the strongest witch in the world (even if APPARENTLY NEITHER OF YOU HAVE MAGIC WTF??) he'll be fine. And Darius is maybe not cut out to be a father, but Hunter's a weird kid anyway, so they make it work. Granted Hunter gets REALLY irritated by some things, like, Darius doesn't know how to be as attentive to his infodumps as his dad is, and Darius can't teleport, and one time Hunter skins his knees really bad and Darius slaps on a healing patch and Hunter is REALLY UNIMPRESSED to learn Darius can't just HEAL IT HIMSELF and Darius is like HUNTER YOUR STANDARDS ARE SUPER HIGH AND A LITTLE SKEWED, OKAY???

Jasper might show up again out of the blue perfectly normal, but we all know Jasper's an overdramatic bastard so it's more likely he shows up at some climactic moment while Darius and Hunter are surrounded by enemies that Jasper blasts to kingdom come, or Jasper shows up missing approximately half his blood like "Hey Darius, do you have my kid?" before passing out while Darius is like WTF and Hunter is like "he does this sometimes."

Btw if you wanna make things even MORE complicated, throw in a new Golden Guard who's an adult Grimwalker but only a few years younger than Hunter. He could be an evil asshole or Jasper 2.0 or idk whatever the plot demands. Lol maybe he's an adult version of Will who doesn't have active decomposition issues. Literally no idea what purpose he'd serve in the plot beyond possibly existing tho.

Eberwolf thinks Hunter is great and thinks the whole situation is a riot and is generally very unhelpful except for when he's actually extremely helpful. Darius would like Eberwolf to stop feeding the child bugs. Maybe at some point Raine gets involved (surely they are doing work IN the Bard Coven long before they become its Head Witch, yeah?) and is like "Darius why do you have a child??" and Darius is like "Don't ask and don't say anything" and Raine watches Hunter lockpick his way into a file cabinet of restricted info and just kinda melts because it reminds them of a certain OTHER miscreant chaos child…

Darius and Hunter's relationship has its ups and downs because on the one hand, Hunter is excited to meet this guy, but on the other hand Hunter is a young kid under a lot of stress and Darius wasn't expecting Hunter to exist let alone be his responsibility and also Jasper probably left some stuff out during storytime. Hunter was NOT prepared for Darius to be this…stuffy. Darius is like "Here I got you some new clothes so you don't look like a streetrat" and Hunter is like "I understand the importance of blending in but why is it so fancy-looking" (Hunter thinks anything with a single frill is fancy) and Darius is like "look at all the extra hidden pockets I sewed in for you" and Hunter is like "SOLD."

Basically tho it's a Jasperverse Dadrius AU where Darius gets to be the good guy and Hunter is messed up in all the same ways for completely different reasons, lol.

WHY DO YOU KEEP SLAPPING ME WITH THESE FUCKING BANGERS???? EXCUSE YOU????

I imagine hunter is also very independent... He probably HAS been left alone before, more than jaspers wishes he was. But it's either bring him somewhere dangerous or leave him behind.

I'm going to imagine he still HAS his old GG staff but because it's so old now it's sort of... Like dying batteries, it's way past its warranty. He uses it extremely sparingly and only when there's literally no other option. So generally neither of them are using magic.

Belos must KNOW he got away. And I actually think he wouldn't put up wanted signs for him or anything- jasper hasn't exposed any of his secrets because he's in hiding. But if he's shoved out of hiding he's going to have to go scorched earth to survive. So theyre on the run... But only certain people know to look for him. Coven scouts all know they're looking for a tall blonde man with four scars on his face. Higher level members of the emperor's coven know way more about him. People like Lilith and kikimora know he was the previous GG.

But only the next GG know who he REALLY is..the next one knows he's a Grimwalker past his warranty, and so is Hunter. He is HUNTING them. Actively.

Man what could split jasper and hunter badly enough that he would pull the trigger on going to Darius after all these years and expose the huge secret that he's still alive? That he has a kid? He obviously hasn't gone to Darius yet, so he considers this a risk. What would put him at greater danger than leaving him to find Darius by himself?

I think jasper would legitimately have to be in serious danger. Maybe he gets seriously wounded fleeing coven scouts and he knows he can't protect Hunter like this so he sends him running the opposite way while he keeps them busy, so Hunter doesn't... Actually know if he's okay or not

OH! Omg hang on... They got caught by the new GG and jasper got seriously wounded like. He's bleeding everywhere. And he sends hunter away, get out of here, go find Darius. I'll find you. And hunter doesn't know for SURE if he's okay or not but he's soooo sure his dad can handle anything, nobody could ever REALLY hurt him! And Darius isn't so sure, but... Nothing HAPPENS. Like there's no big petrification ceremony or anything. If he's dead he was killed quietly. He has no idea where jasper is or if he's okay but he's got his kid now and hunter is CERTAIN his dad is fine, he will be here soon. He keeps saying stuff like "when Dad comes back" like when Dad comes back he can show you x thing or when Dad comes back you can tell him y! And Darius doesn't... Know what to say and he's terrified of when the ball might drop that.. it's been days and he's not here yet. It's been more days and he's not here yet.

ONLY HES NOT DEAD because the next GG isn't nearly as loyal as Jasper was. He's caught him and is basically holding him hostage secret from Belos trying to get his OWN answers on what's going on and what's true.

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lestappenforever · 1 month

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you mentioned in an earlier ask that you were disappointed with charles' mentality. do you think he has the mentality to become a wdc at some point?

I absolutely do think he has the mentality to become a WDC at some point. In fact, there is no doubt in my mind whatsoever that he does because Charles has one of the most impressive mentalities out there.

Let me clarify that when I answered the ask you're referring to, my mind was still reeling from the race. I'm usually rather calm and collected during and after races, but I'm also someone who relies heavily on getting the sleep I'm used to getting. (I'm usually in bed and asleep by 21:00 most days because my soul is actually 92, while my body is 29.) I slept awful this entire past weekend and not nearly enough, and waking up for such an early qualifying and race did impact my emotional state quite a bit. And, well, answering asks in that state is not always the best idea.

So when I said I was disappointed in Charles' mentality, which I was at the time and I stand by that because that's how I felt in that moment, it was mostly due to the team order he was being given and obeyed to hold his position and not fight Carlos. @thearchercore answered an ask of mine last night where she said "the binotto era left this insane ptsd in all charles fans to the point we are questioning all team orders (we have to admit 2023 had some odd ones, too) so it will take time to regain confidence in them." And that's exactly it.

I know quite a lot of new F1 fans weren't around during the Binotto era and therefore don't have that same PTSD (I envy each and every one of you, by the way), but those of us who were there and watched it as it was happening? I'm honestly not sure I'll ever fully regain confidence in Ferrari, and not just because of the Binotto era.

There is a reason Ferrari hasn't won anything in 15 years. Historically, their strategies and decisions haven't exactly been the best since the end of Michael Schumacher's incredible reign of domination in the early 2000's. When I started watching F1, Ferrari and Michael were in a league above everyone else. They were the shit, the team to beat, the duo nobody else could really measure up to. But, after Michael's final title in 2004, they've won 3 titles: two constructors championships (2007 and 2008), and one driver's championship (2007). And the Ferrari I got into F1 knowing, fearing and admiring hasn't really been around since.

The Binotto era was honestly just the very horrible cherry on top for me, and I will gladly admit that I am probably quite negatively biased towards Ferrari because of all this. Which isn't exactly ideal when one of your favorite drivers is driving for them and does have what it takes to become a WDC. Like I said, I'm not sure I'll ever regain full confidence in the team after so many years of them being, well, Ferrari, and especially the Binotto era. This will lead to me questioning team orders and strategy calls more than I probably should, especially immediately after a race. I really hope that this will change in time, and I'm cautiously optimistic Fred can be the one to help turn some of that around. But after so many years, it's going to take some time and consistency from the team as a whole.

But I digress:

Prior to Charles, only one of my absolute favorite drivers have ever driven for Ferrari, and that was Kimi Räikkönen, coincidentally the last Ferrari WDC. So I haven't really been as invested in Ferrari's and their drivers' success until Charles joined the team, as I'm a 'driver-over-teams' kind of person. And unlike Charles (and Max), Kimi was never "predestined" or "inevitable", or anything of the sort. Kimi's WDC caught me and a lot of others completely off-guard, if I'm being completely honest. He definitely didn't have the same impressive mentality that for example Charles (and Max) have. Hell, the guy was notorious for really treating F1 like his side hustle; retiring and coming back, almost bankrupting Lotus while he drove for them by scoring too many points, and flat-out saying: "It's more like a hobby for me, so I don't have to do it if I don't want to." I could talk about Kimi forever, but I'm not going to because that's not the topic of this ask.

But, an aspect of Kimi's mentality that did appeal to me, that three-time WDC Sebastian Vettel (who I was always fond of, but who was never one of my absolute favorites) also had, was that they both went against team orders time and time again because they didn't agree with it being the best for them. And that's what I mean whenever I mention wanting Charles to be more selfish.

However, F1 today is different to what it was in the 2000's and the 2010's. Ferrari is different to what it was in the 2000's and the 2010's, and Charles is part of a whole new generation of drivers. And I think something that newer fans are a bit better at than "old-timers" like myself, is not letting your thoughts and reactions be as clouded by history.

It's easy to briefly forget that, no matter how long you've watched F1 or how much research you have done, at the end of the day, none of us have any idea of what's going on inside any driver's heads, including Charles'. We can speculate and analyze and assume until the end of time, but not a single one of us will know for sure why he makes the decisions he makes. Why he chooses to follow some team orders and disobey others. But what we can know for sure, no matter what, is that Charles is a highly intelligent and calculated driver. Every decision he makes has been analyzed extensively in his head. Sometimes he makes decisions that don't pan out the way he had thought or hoped, like all humans, but I am absolutely certain that each decision he makes is made with his own future best interest in mind. And that is what gives him that WDC mentality.

Sometimes, we'll disagree with the decisions he makes. We'll be upset and scratch our heads trying to understand, which is fine. And we can draw our own conclusions as to the why's and the what's and the how's. It's part of the sport, and you can and absolutely should sometimes disagree with, disapprove of or question things, even if it's your favorite driver and/or team.

After the race on Sunday, I was disappointed with his mentality for listening to yet another team order that prioritized his teammate. And that's a valid emotion to have. But now, when my emotions have stopped running high from lack of sleep, the horrid memories of the Binotto era, the questionable team orders from last season, and Ferrari's less-than-stellar track record of making decisions over the past 15 years, I'm able to look back and understand that, yeah, he made a calculated decision and followed the team orders because that's what he thought was best. And I am in no way, shape or form going to pretend or act like I'm smarter than him or that I know what's best for him because I have no fucking idea. None of us do.

I pride myself on being able to admit when my emotions have gotten the better of me, which was the case this weekend. I also pride myself on being able to look back at something I thought or felt at one point, and realizing and admitting that I wasn't being entirely logical, which I'm doing now.

I will contine to believe that Charles could benefit from taking a page out of Kimi's and Seb's book, and telling his team to fuck off a bit more often than he has done. But I will also admit that it's mostly because of my own desperate desire to see him suceed; to see him realize the potential the entire world of F1 has seen for so many years, and achieve his dream of winning a WDC with Ferrari.

As an F1 fan, I have the luxury of being impatient for his success, which is a luxury he as an F1 driver does not have. F1 drivers carry the curse of having to be patient, to bide their time and make just the correct amount of decisions at just the right time, while F1 fans bask in the luxury of wanting our favorite drivers to succeed now.

#Asks #Anon asks #Charles Leclerc

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thestalwartheart · 1 year

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care

Rating: Mature/Explicit Words: 1,376 Relationship: James Bond/Q Tags: Hurt/comfort, PTSD, sex, allusions to cbt (and that scene in Casino Royale). Summary:

In bed, things don't go exactly to plan. Inspired by the following anon prompt I got from this list forever ago: one person turning the other off. [Read on AO3.]

Like most men, it’s right on the edge of an orgasm that Q lets slip his stupidest thoughts.

It’s even worse after he’s been denied, as he has been now. He and Bond have been in bed for an age. A long, languid, wonderful age full of teasing and laughing and kisses like treacle, as inescapable as the sticky tree sap Q had worked with in the lab last week.

And now Q is cresting, burning. Falling. He feels like he’s being entirely undone until—

Bond’s fingers circle like a vice around the base of Q’s cock, putting a vicious and immediate stop to the wave overcoming him. Q makes a sound that, in the light of day to come, he will never ever admit to making.

“I’ll have your balls for that,” Q gasps, incensed. “I should have brought a whip. I’ve got one, you know.”

(Never mind that he’d got it as a gag gift when he was promoted to Quartermaster — from Tanner, of all people — and that, even if Q had any real intention of using it, the thing probably holds no sting at all. Bond needn’t know that.)

Q expects a joke in turn. At the very least, a pithy comment. A sounds delightful, or a you’re welcome to try your hardest, darling, but Bond says nothing. It takes a moment for Q’s brain to return to full awareness, and when it does, something doesn’t quite feel right.

Q is no agent, but he hopes he’s considerate enough in bed that he knows when his partner is having a bad time. Bond is doing a very good impression of someone who wants to keep calm and carry on, but there’s a tightness in his that Q is only used to seeing after very bad missions and in meetings with Mallory that aren’t going his way. Never has he looked like this in bed. At least, not in the dozen or so times he’s occupied the same one as Q.

“Ah. Was that terribly unfunny?” asks Q. “I suppose cock and ball torture is a bit of a niche subject for comedic relief. The crown jewels are probably in enough danger out in the field.”

“Yes,” replies Bond carefully. His hand lets go of Q.

There’s a look Bond usually gets when they talk about things to try in bed. It’s a cheeky, heated spark that usually sets Q’s brain (as well as one other, far less cerebral organ) into overdrive. After all, Bond has an extensive back catalogue of lovers and, at nearly forty, Q’s no blushing maiden either. So the look happens fairly often, and it usually leads to an hour or so of furious passion where they try to outdo their own imaginations or memories as much as each other.

That look is nowhere to be found now, which must mean—

Oh. Oh, God.

Q wonders if it was a mission, and if so, which one it was, and whether it was in bed or during some less overtly sexual horror show outside of it. Stupidly, he also wonders whether it was a woman or a man. Would that have mattered to Bond at the time? He imagines it probably didn’t — getting one’s cock and balls smashed to smithereens probably shuts down most higher brain functioning related to things like gender. The thought of it happening at all turns Q’s stomach. Even before they’d started sleeping together, he’d never been very good at witnessing Bond in agony.

Before he can move off Bond’s lap and ask any more questions, Q finds himself being flipped until he’s under a wall of muscle. Bond wastes no time in kissing a path down Q’s neck. It’s usually one of Q’s very favourite things, particularly now that Bond seems to have memorised every sensitive spot, but now, it’s a lost cause. The delicious burn of earlier has faded to ash.

“James—”

“Relax.”

The affected smoothness of that voice is nothing but a front. Q only knows it is because Bond never talks to him that way, not anymore.

“No. No, you’re upset.”

“I’m not.”

Q swears as Bond licks around his nipple. It feels much too pleasurable for the moment. “You are. I’ve upset you.”

“I don’t get upset.”

“Oh, bullshit. You have a tell, you know.”

Bond huffs incredulously into Q’s chest. “You’re hardly one to be talking about tells.”

“You don’t have to be good at hiding them to recognise one. And yours is—”

“Shut up, Q.”

Bond’s tongue snakes over his other nipple. At any other time, this would feel luscious. Now, it only provokes an unpleasant shiver.

“Stop. Just stop. I’m not…” Q can feel his cock lolling against his leg. He’s not even half-hard anymore. “I’d really rather talk about this.”

Bond looks up at him with a bit of cold steel in his eye. “I wouldn’t.”

“I understand that, but…”

He trails off as Bond sits up, his thighs framing Q’s skinny hips, and gives him an awful look — a kind of sardonic smile that speaks volumes about how much he thinks Q understands. Q’s mouth goes dry at the sight of it.

“No, you don’t.”

“All right, then. I don’t.”

Bond’s fingers dig in around his wrist, where they’ve been playing pleasantly since Bond flipped him over. It’s no longer very pleasant.

“You’re hurting me,” says Q, even though Bond isn’t, really. Not physically.

The pressure on his wrist abates. Bond looks towards the door, and Q thinks about all the times they’ve mapped exit points from missions gone wrong. He makes a sound low in his throat.

“Wait,” he says, shifting over so there is space to the right of him. “Here, just…I won’t make you talk about it, but I don't—”

I don't want you to leave.

“You don’t want to fuck me anymore.”

Q sighs. “There’s no need to pout. I’m sure my resistance will last all of fifteen minutes.”

Bond tries a smile and a quip about what danger MI6 will be in if Q is ever pressed for information, but his humour is short-lived. As he lies down beside Q, his muscles are tight. Q kneads at them gently, feeling the handful of bicep sitting in his palm; the mole on the meaty part of Bond’s shoulder blade, which, paired with the thin scar from a knife, forms the dot to a gruesome exclamation mark; the tight band of muscle stretching over the radius bone while Bond’s fist clenches in between his chest and Q’s.

One by one, Q loosens his fingers from that fist and twines them with his own.

He longs to say something helpful, but he isn’t sure anything he says would help at the minute, and Bond is a man who seems to prefer the language of touch. So he keeps his mouth shut and his fingers moving in slow motion and breathes a little sigh of relief when, eventually, Bond tilts his head forward and grunts into his shoulder.

“I don’t enjoy pain, Q. Not anywhere, but especially not there.”

“That’s fortunate, then. I don’t enjoy seeing you in pain.” With a touch to Bond’s bottom lip, Q whispers, “I apologise for the terrible joke. And it was just a joke. Unlike some people, I try to be gentle with the equipment in my care.”

“And I’m in your care, am I?”

Ah. Right. Q worries his lip between his teeth. They’ve never ventured this far into the realm of feelings and emotions. But there’s a smile tugging at the corners of Bond’s mouth, one that wouldn’t be there if he were completely allergic to the idea of Q caring for him.

“Perhaps since we sat down in front of that Turner painting,” says Q, feeling as if he’s standing on the edge of a rooftop. “Are you, erm—is that—?”

Q’s answer is a long, insistent kiss that Q feels down to his toes. A few very pleasurable hours later, it’s also a “thank you” whispered in the dark that Q isn’t sure he was meant to hear at all.

He presses a kiss to Bond’s shoulder and makes a mental note to throw out the whip hidden at the back of the bedroom cupboard.

#00q #00q fic #my fic #james bond

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trekkele · 3 months

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You mentioned in one of your tags that you'd like to write a fic where the batkids find out Alfred wasn't so awesome a parent to Bruce and I wanted to ask if you'd like to share some ideas and directions where you could imagine it going?

Would it change the way the kids think and act around Alfred? Or Bruce? And what are some Major Mistakes Alfred made that in retrospect make a lot of sense regarding Bruce's parenting? And what sent the boulder of realisation going in the first place?

I know it sounds like I'm asking for spoilers or the actual, complete plotline which you probably haven't thought out yet, but I'm just curious about various versions of situations and realisations you think could happen. Or things that you'd like to work into your fic but it just wouldn't fit.

Basically, I love your writing and I love this kind of DramaTM within the Batfam and I'd cherish any crumb of information you would like to share.

Thank you and have a wonderful day! <3

Ok so this premise does rely on good dad Bruce, not because shitty parents cant come from shitty parents (they do, usually) but because i think seeing Bruce not do the things Alfred does would be how the kids (specifically Dick) realize what kind of parent Alfred is.

And this is really a reaction to the “Alfred is a saint for putting up with Bruce” fandom attitude because if you, as a parent or a guardian, are incapable of parenting a kid, no matter how difficult that kid is, it is your responsibility to either find a way to become what your kid needs or find someone who can. I know a lot of us had shitty parents but a traumatized nine year old shouldnt be “put up with” or “handled” they should be parented. At the very least they should be loved, and they should know they are loved. (Gets off parenting soapbox, climbs onto fandom soapbox)

Also every time i think about this fic i start thinking “maybe Alfred deserves some more grace” because he was put in a pretty impossible situation immediately after losing two people he deeply respected, if not loved, and lets be reasonable the 80-90s were uh, not an ideal time for difficult parenting, and the therapy available for children back then would have probably made things worse if not outright given Bruce ptsd (if he didnt already have that), so theres that. On the other hand, Alfred is also fairly consistently shown as being deeply unkind about idiosyncrasies, and unwilling to admit when he’s wrong.

And theres only so many times you can call your adult child an idiot, and imply that you believe every one of their choices to be invalid or wrong, before it turns out that you are Part of The Problem, or at the very least, A Bitch.

Anyways.

The thing is, i dont think it would change much. I think they might stop taking Alfreds word as gospel, especially in regards to Bruce, and i think they might be more forgiving towards Bruce when he messes up in the long term, but the truth is that whats it going to change? How do you apologize to someone for that? What are you apologizing for?

Because ultimately i dont think Bruce is ready to admit that Alfred is, or was, wrong. Bruce knows he was a bad kid, a difficult kid. His teachers and his family and the newspapers, and even Alfred, have admitted that Bruce was a hard kid to raise. Probably harder to love. He’s never surprised when people leave him, after all.

He does know his own kids don’t deserve that style of parenting though. But thats because they’re better than him. He has to do better because they deserve better, because he chose to be there for them. Alfred never really got that choice, did he? Bruce’s parents trusted Alfred, and Alfred stayed out of his respect for them. Not the bratty kid who cried for a year and refused to speak and would hide under the bed instead of sleep.

And thats another thing - if Bruce admits that Alfred wasnt a good parent, if he admits that Alfred made some terrible mistakes, does that mean he’s betraying the trust his parents placed in him? Is he casting blame onto two people he can only idolize, because to do otherwise is to admit he doesn’t remember much of them anymore?

As for how the kids find out, i think Dick realized in his own. I think Jason realizes because Dick stops him from walking in and interrupting a conversation between the two and before he can ask whats going on he hears Alfred slap Bruce. Im not sure about the rest.

*i started answering this, got distracted, finished writing it in my head, and then forgot i never answered it in reality. But i think thats most of what i wanted to say.

#asks #but feel free to ask me something specific #i think hitting your adult child is a Big Deal #i think hittinh your child child is a Big Deal #but the batkids wouldbt be around to see it #and to answer this before it comes up #no i dont think alfred hit bruce. i think the slapping is a. like once a year thing #but it does display a level of comfort with that behavior that Jason would recognize #also once is too much lbr #i love alfred i do but WOW fandom refuses to engage with any of his more complicated behaviors #that man did a decent job with bruce but he absolutely fucked up in some way #cw abuse mention

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kitkatt0430 · 1 year

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2, 7, 14, 23 and 27 from salty ask please

2.) Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?

KillerVibe, aka Cisco/Caitlin. I do get why it's a popular ship for those two, but I just can't. Their platonic love for each other is so lovely and I think I happened upon them right as I was feeling a bit burnt out on the 'men and women can't be just friends' trope. So these two being bffs and never a hint of anything else no matter how much they clearly loved each other?

Beautiful. Why would I want anything else for them?

Colette/Lloyd from Tales of Symphonia (which was just re-released on the latest consoles, if you haven't played it before and are looking for a new game to play... pick this game up, it's so good!!!!) - it's not enough to turn me off a fic for there to be Colette/Lloyd going on but I just... read them as having a sibling relationship. There's nothing really romantic about their interactions - honestly the only person who really says anything shippy about them is Genis. And Lloyd sounds like an exasperated older brother telling Genis to shut it when he does. Like... Colette is in many ways Lloyd's person - he does love her and he pays closer attention to her than the others do because he knows she's got a bad habit of not admitting when something is wrong. I just don't read what's there as romantic.

7.) Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?

Olicity. Oliver and Felicity had some really cute ship teasing going on in the early seasons. But when they actually acted on it... I can't really say they brought out the best in each other. Felicity struggled to trust Oliver but would paper over that with complaints about Oliver doing the same to her. But Oliver's issues were, at least, born out of ptsd and a lack of mental health self care. With Felicity's character, it just seemed like the writers were Flanderizing her to some degree and her character suffered a lot. Most irritatingly, Oliver grew further away from his comic book self instead of closer as was initially promised. I think their lowest point was hijacking the Westallen wedding, where Felicity made someone else's big day about her and Oliver just... went with it. But she also made a scene at the rehearsal when she'd thought Oliver was re-proposing to her and he wasn't. It was very uncomfortable to watch.

They were a lot better at dealing with other people without each other, but... *waves hands in a resigned fashion* together they were just kind of obnoxious in the end.

14.) Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

I guess that depends on the part of the fandom.

Eobard Thawne was massively mishandled post S2. He should have remained a posthumus character. All his interactions with Barry's future should have been in Eobard's past. Either with Barry traveling to the past to interact with EoWells or Mattobard showing up from points in his timeline that predated killing Nora Allen. S2 set that up really nicely, but unfortunately there was no follow through and they went in a different direction.

We'll never know for certain that Iris chose Barry because she was truly in love with him and not because everyone was saying it was her destiny. Even their E2 counterparts were married. If everyone tells you that something you aren't sure you want is the best thing for you ever and you'd be foolish to not do that thing then... if you do what you've been told by everyone in your life, is it actually because you want to? Or because you think you're supposed to? The show did, finally, sort of kind of not really acknowledge this. But... S9 when they've been married since S4 was... not the time to do that.

In S3 Future Barry should have been the one with the facial scars and Savitar with the ridiculous Emo!hair.

I... actually really enjoy Zoom coming off S1 with all the parallels that Team Flash is so oblivious too. It's only because of Savitar (and not to forget the Rival and Trajectory) that I feel like the show got overloaded with too many evil speedsters in the first three seasons. There were five - that was about three too many. (That said, Zoom probably should have been the S3 villain with S2 centered on the Rogues. Give the team some breathing room after dealing with Eobard.)

23.) Unpopular character you love?

Eobard Thawne. I will complain about him being overused and misused all day if prompted, but there's a reason why I gravitate to him as a lot as the main villain in my own writing. S1 Eobard on the Flash in particular is just such a fascinating and compelling villain. And Matt's take on him over in S2 of Legends is really great. His exasperation with his co-villains makes them all such fun.

Julian Albert. He was very unlucky in love, falling for Caitlin who clearly just... was not interested in return. And very unfortunate to have whatever was going on with Savitar and 'Alchemy'. But he gave Barry a much needed coworker at the CCPD. (Barry cannot be the only CSI in the entire CCPD. He just. Cannot. But it certainly seems that way sometimes, doesn't it?) If they'd followed through with making the not-Caitlin-not-Frost character in S4 the way S3 seemed to clearly intend, then perhaps Julian might have become the new team medic? Alas, we just get a single brief mention of him in S4 and not even a proper send off for him.

27.) Least shippable character?

Hmmm... Bart since I just haven't seen enough episodes with him to get a good read for his personality at all. And since most of the characters I have seen him interact with are either his parents, his grandparents, his honorary grandfather (Jay Garrick), or members of Team Flash who are presumably honorary aunts and uncles... who would I even ship him with? Certainly not Godspeed.

Sherlock and Joan from Elementary both read as different identities under the arospec umbrella that while I ship them as a QPR together, shipping either of them romantically with anyone - including each other - just feels like it'd make them out of character. They say they love each other in canon without it being automatically romantic. (big deal to me!!!!) So they're equally least shippable to me on that show. And it bewilders me that people do ship them romantically. (Did we not watch the same show? Did people not see how aro they are and how their friendship defies amatonormativity? *heavy sigh*)

#kitkatt0430 answers #kitkatt0430 rambles #salty writers ask #writers ask game

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icecoldwilliams · 2 years

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|| 𝑨𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔 💜 ✲・*:･ﾟ✲･ﾟ:* ˚ₓ

! Tw for discussion of PTSD, scars and insomnia. !

If Nina would ever bother to visit a therapist, she would 100% be diagnosed with PTSD and PTSD related anxiety over both the cryosleep situation and being brainwashed by Ogre. – She does her best to keep every so called "weakness" in her book below that glacial mask, but she still has her unwilling moments where that fear manages to pry itself to the surface. One example being she ironically can't stand even semi-harsh cold temperatures without her anxiety getting to her in little ways. Said ways becoming more obvious the longer she sticks around the frigid air. It's near torture for her. (in my devil verse for her this is actually a method of getting her devil side to wakey wakey ;; but I'll go more into that another time~)

^ She would also be diagnosed with episodes of insomnia. Specifically the informal term sleep maintenance insomnia would describe what she deals with the best. The main issue being she often has difficulty with staying asleep during the night due to persistent nightmares and her own hyper vigilance. – She would take medication to help her sleep through the night, but unfortunately her career comes with the risk of intruders seeking to kill her 24/7 😔

Based off of how she's depicted in an old T2 comic, Nina's body is ripped and practically riddled with scars. Most small nicks here and there from stray bullets or her sisters knives, but she does have one along her abdomen that stands out. Likely around or slightly under 16 stitches. – She has no recollection of what caused it or when she got it, whether before the cryosleep or during one of the Zaibatsu's experiments. But it is particularly sensitive, leading her to be extra protective of the area in and outside of fights. She's also all but mastered the art of covering it and the others up with makeup.

Nina is a through and through chaotic neutral at heart. For the most part she doesn't do anything unless it benefits her or someone / something she cares about, and on the surface she's a cold blooded murderer who views the world through a cynical jaded lens. But officially she is still inclined towards fighting for the good of the world. – Check her extensive list of victims, her favorite targets are actually either scum of the earth guilty of more heinous crimes than her, or corrupt politicians, business leaders and their associates.

In tweets Harada listed Anna as the best chef on the Tekken roster, saying in another it was because she learned how to impress Richard growing up and outdo Nina in one skill, he told her "what's the point in learning a useless skill? The only thing that matters is contributing to the family business." — Meanwhile, he listed Nina under "doesn't cook / unknown". So I absolutely headcanon Nina almost never cooks, but when she does - while she's not the worst on the roster - she is prone to under or overcooking *cough* burning *cough* food. She's good with a knife, but otherwise she has no idea what she's doing, and has too much pride to ask for help. Thus more often than not, eating what she makes is akin to ingesting poison 🙃

^ She'll never admit she's a bad cook though. She avoids cooking when she can, when she has to her go to excuse is always "the oven / stove / microwave is faulty."

Thanks to her job, and her sister, her son, and who knows who else always on her heels, before and after her time at the Zaibatsu, Nina spends most of her time globetrotting. New country almost every week. – But even she needs time to rest. When she needs a place to lie low, she owns a few high rise condos around the globe. Paid in full via blackmailing some of her loyalist and richest customers, all elegant and sleek in design with a mix of art deco and modern contemporary themes, filled with shades of grey, black and purple, and all typically used with rich privilege as a place to store weapons, clothes and occasionally crash.

She has a secret passion for expensive cars and motorcycles. She's also a fan of breaking almost every road law there is so, the faster the better, use caution when riding with her if you get road sick easily. Otherwise, catch her pulling up to the tournaments in a purple Hennessy Venom F5 or a MTT Turbine Superbike Y2K 🏍💜

#⁺˚*𝐹𝑒𝑒𝓁 𝒻𝓇𝑒𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝒾𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝑜𝓊𝓉*˚⁺ - 𝕋𝕎 #⁺˚*𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝓂𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒷𝑒 𝒿𝑜𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔.*˚⁺ - Headcanons #tw: ptsd #tw: insomnia #ptsd tw #insomnia tw #scar tw #tw: scars

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bortbytingen · 2 months

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I'm currently suffering from Autistic Burnout and I've been trying what I can to get some kind of support for months. I wasn't sure if I should write anything about this here, but decided that I need to word some of my frustrations with being sent around and no one really willing (or able) to help.

26 Sep 2023 - Medicine review at my Community Mental Health Team (I'm diagnosed with autism, adhd and ptsd, and take adhd medications). This was my first time to this specific CMHT, so the doctor went through a questionnaire. While there, I mentioned to him that I've had many bad experiences in the past and that it takes a lot for me to open up. The doctor apologises and hopes I'll find it better here. When the question comes about hurting myself or self-termination, I'm honest and tell him about my exhaustion, decline in abilities and that I've had "dissociative walks" (I walk around and I'm aware, but also not, I don't feel anything and I can't control where I'm going and so on. I usually can't speak then either) and that one of them almost ended with me jumping off a cliff. To this, he just hummed and then continued with other questions. This plus some other things didn't make me feel very seen or listened to.

28 Sep 2023 - Appointment at my GP surgery to ask for help and get a sick note. The GP I met was great and seemed to understand me. She was the first one ever thanking me for giving her a letter and didn't mind written communication or my way of experience emotions in colours. I got a sick note and a date for a follow up appointment.

12 Oct 2023 - Follow up appointment. The GP I met was sick and I got to see another who literally made me cry. He might be good with other things, but he absolutely do not know how to handle autistic people with mental health issues.

16 Nov 2023 - Appointment with my GP surgery's Mental Health Nurse. The meeting in itself was ok. Got a referral to the Primary Mental Health Support Services and to some course by Mind. I was supposed to get an email with link and notes of what we had talked about, but I never did (and yes, I checked spam and that they have the right email address).

3 Jan 2024 - Triage appointment at Primary Mental Health Support Services (PMHSS). They are a resource aid and doesn't have any support themselves, but the triage nurse at least acknowledge that autistic people require adapted support and adapted therapy for it to work and not risk being harmful (first time someone ever admitted that to me). I later got a letter that summarised the meeting and with links to help: online CBT, online self-help resources and contact details to the Integrated Autism Services. Online CBT: My symptoms is too severe to be accepted and I was told to contact my GP for more correct support (so back to square one). Online self-help resources: Very basic. Nothing new and nothing geared towards autism. NHS Autism Services: Eventually e-mailed them, although they seem to prefer phone calls, which I'm unable to make. Another Autism Service: I've contacted them before and they never answered.

23 Jan 2024 - Meeting with Mind. They were uncertain what to do help me, so the person I met wanted to talk to their supervisor and then we'd meet the next week. Due to me later realising I already had two big meetings that week, I emailed and asked if we could rebook that appointment. I still haven't received and answer from them.

20 Feb 2024 - Got an email from the NHS based Autism Services (AS) and all it contained was links to National Autistic Society and to their own website. Both being places I've checked several times before.

As of today, 21 Feb 2024, I still haven't received any actual support. I have no one that can help me. I've tried to find an advocate, but have so far not succeeded. All that has happened is that I feel completely ignored and unseen, and I seem to keep having a decline in my life skill abilities as well as my abilities to speak. I live with a friend, but she isn't doing well herself and can't join me for meetings due to her working, but she does make phone calls for me now and then. Unfortunately, our relationship is a bit strained atm due to her new roommate (a friend of hers) that I don't get along with. AS was basically my last hope and that didn't go exactly well, so now I'm not sure how to proceed. I don't even know if I have energy to proceed at all anyway.

#personal

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thelongwayhume · 7 months

Note

Hi I saw your post about NUIG did you end up getting accepted? I was curious about the application process and everything.

it is. so funny that this is maybe the first anon I’ve gotten in my tumblr time. Anon, you did not ask for the amount of information I’m going to post, but my experience with NUIG was BAD

Last year, I was accepted into a two year program with NUIG and left after six weeks. The program was simply not for me — there was a lack of interdisciplinary analysis in the psychology courses that felt irresponsible and which led to ableism and other forms of prejudice in the information that was taught in most of the classes I was in. One of the classes taught ABA, or Applied Behavioral Analysis, which is often used as a type of “conversion therapy” for autistic people in order to try and force them to learn how to mask. It ends in ptsd.

The program I applied to told me I’d hear back within four weeks, but due to the usual person who reviews applications being on leave and some resulting technological problems, it took the university four months to get back to me. During those four months, I also continuously reached out to the university asking what was happening, and things only started moving once someone in the marketing department started advocating for me. All of this process was made even more stressful by the fact that I was going through the process of changing my name and updating all of my documents, so I was rushing to get my passport changed in time for travel without knowing if I’d even be traveling in the first place.

NUIG does not have enough housing for the number of students they admit, and while there are people at the school who try to help those looking for housing due to the housing crisis, the college itself does not help. They should not be admitting more students than they can provide rooms for, and only do so in order to make more money. I knew people who were commuting from Dublin! To Galway! Every day! I was an international student and was unaware of the fact that everyone applies for housing before they know if they’ve been accepted, and only found out on my own after every single student housing location in the city had been filled. I was able to find housing through a facebook group, but the university’s housing practices are bewildering and desperately need to change.

I met plenty of wonderful students who I still follow on Instagram — there are plenty of clubs and socs that help with finding community. I loved the city itself and the fact that I got to walk by the ocean every day. I miss my favorite cafe and some of the views and the atmosphere. But the University failed to provide me with the necessary supports an international student needs and the program itself was unfortunate. I might’ve stayed longer if I’d been in a different program, but I’m not sure. I was coming from having graduated from an unconventional, non-standardized college where I’d never had a standard lecture class, and then suddenly all of my classes were lectures and we weren’t encouraged to talk to each other and everything was standardized and the information wasn’t interdisciplinary. I had no culture shock in regards to being in Ireland, but I had immense culture shock academically. It might be a better school to you if you’re used to that structure and can exist within it, but I wouldn’t recommend NUIG. I picked it because it was a big name in a city I wanted to live in, but if I ever studied again in Ireland I would go somewhere else.

#nuig #anon #galway is beautiful but nuig was tough #i’ll write about my buckwild time one of these days #good luck with finding a school though!! genuinely!!!

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bigbihatemachine · 10 months

Text

TW graphic ED and fatphobia, esp in a medical setting

Siiigh it's like a running joke at this point that I literally can find the worst clinicians in any nhs facility or just have the worst experiences with them but like every now and then I break bc I can't take having a mental breakdown anymore and dip my toe in the MH services and oh boy. Bc I wanted my meds adjusted and psychiatrists LITERALLY DON'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING I ended up talking to a pharmacist and somehow ended up doing a whole ass mental health assessment bc in the three fucking weeks it took them to look at my referral for a specific antidepressants I wanted and call me back, I decided I also wanted therapy and maybe they wouldn't fuck me over this time

Anyways she fights me over the medication I want and asks me about how I'm doing and as always zeroes in on my weight p fucking quickly. She asks about my eating habits rn and no they're p fucking bad rn and I freely admit that. Like it's ED shit 5sure. Also for ED reasons and general sanity, I ask my drs to not fucking read out my weight when they weigh me for my depo appts. I know I'm getting fatter. I'm not blind. Upon hearing me disclose my eating stuff and without thinking, she tells me exactly what weight I am now and exactly how much I've gained over the last few month and stresses how much it is. I tell her I actually ask my drs to not tell me these things bc they set me off really badly.

She asks if I want a referral to the ED dept and I basically get extremely upset and say I don't have faith they're going to be kind about my weight and I've faced a lot of medical mistreatment and abuse and I can't really take it from an ED dept if they're going to be cruel. She asks again if I want a referral bc it's obvious it's a source of a huge amount of issues and distress so might be worth investigating. I reluctantly agree to hear them out, if they're compassionate.

She's also somehow got hold of my MH files from 2016 (so 7 yrs ago) where I was insisting on medication that didn't make me gain weight. It's worth mentioning I got referred bc basically I'm out of medication I can try through normal GPs and I'm antidepressant resistant. Also have disclosed fucking EDs during the phone call and actually talked about that time period during the phone call when I was in a different form of ED so yknow different priorities. She insisted on putting me on meds I tried fucking years ago bc they'd help me lose weight!! Over medication I asked for and actually worked before we start looking at the heavier duty stuff (that a psychiatrist will actually have to get off their ass and see me for). I nearly fucking lost it arguing with her!!

And now it's a week later and I've gotten the letter through.... And it's fucking disgusting. She's absolutely combed through my medical files and just wholescale invented shit?? Saying I have chest pains?? I might have during A&E visits in years past??? Fucking saying I had ptsd??? I mean I almost def do but I've never been dx'ed with it?? And she sure as shit hasn't had the authority to do so?? And it's never been on a single letter before that I have ptsd?? And yeah she fucking won't shut up about how fucking fat I am. Like horrifically fat. Using the clinical name for disgustingly fat. Again, she knows I'll at least hear this and that I have an ED. Like.... What the fuck.

At the end, even my GP who I was speaking to for the first time was like (multiple times).... Are you sure you want this referral to go ahead????

And like....I'm so fucking frustrating bc I got so used to no one taking my EDs seriously bc I'm fat that I'd openly talk about them bc fat ppl can't have EDs then someone called me out on it and it threw me and I appreciated being taken seriously but..... It's in the wrong way and I'm worried the dept will be the same and it'll be trauma on trauma at a time I really need support. It doesn't help she said she'd handle the referral and she fucking hasn't and left it to my GP.

Frustrating!!! Concept: we just offer respectful, non-judgemental, person-centered care

#personal shit #Liveblogging my breakdown

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blanksbae · 2 years

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A little something I needed to get out...trigger warnings for suicide, PTSD, alcohol use, and infidelity under the cut

Five years ago, I wrote these words (the day after you passed)…they are still so true today.

We were classmates, but more than that, we were friends. I think the thing I'm going to miss most is how friendly you were; you always made everyone feel included. You were so sweet, and your smile was infectious. I can remember many days where you made my day better just by talking to me. It's gonna be hard to know that you're not going to be at any of our class reunions, and that I won't run into you in the aisle at the store anymore. If everything that they said happened is true, I am so sorry. You never deserved that. No one does, but especially not you. Anyway, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I didn't keep in touch more. I'm sorry you felt like taking your life was the only way out of this. One thing is for sure- heaven just got a new angel. Every time I see the bright shining stars, it will remind me of you and that smile of yours. RIP J...you are going to be missed.

J, I miss you so much. You never cared if someone was “popular”, a “geek”, a “loner”, or whatever...you treated everyone the same. You were the glue that held our class together- I can’t believe that it’s now the 5th reunion without you. I know some of us have kept in touch, but I know if you were still here, you’d be checking in with us all.

I still can’t help but go through the store and wish I’d run into you just so we could talk and catch up. You always made time to talk, and I can remember being late to work a couple times cause we lost track of time catching up in the produce aisle at WalMart (oops!). I hate to admit it, but I liked it when it was just you there, and not her too (I always felt awkward trying to make conversation with her, especially when we didn’t have a lot in common, and she looked at me like I was taking you away from something important to do with her).

On the subject of her...I wish I would have never found out that what they said was true. It absolutely crushed me. I’m still trying to get over what she did and said. I can’t believe what she said-you would have been an excellent dad. (And when she came in to the office the first few times after the baby she had with the other guy was born, I had to walk away/ask for a different assignment. I couldn’t do it. I’ve gotten better and can tolerate it, but it still sucks.). You deserved someone better (even though I know you never would have admitted it).

I wished I would have known all the demons you were fighting (the alcohol, the depression, the PTSD issues). I know you would have tried to hide them, but I would have been there for you, just like you were always there for me.

I can remember the day like it was yesterday. It was the day after your birthday, and our classmate, “A”, left me a message saying something had happened to you. She had a new number (which I didn’t have in my phone book yet), and (completely concidentially), I had a cousin with her name and a cousin (her brother) with your name. That’s who I thought it was, so I excused myself to the breakroom and called her. I can remember when she told me the news- I was looking out the back window watching the snow fall. I went numb afterwards. I then picked up the pieces and went back out to the floor (while trying to deny I’d heard what she’d said). I kick myself for not going to your funeral...I was just in a state of shock at the time. I knew that it would be real, and I wasn’t ready for it to be real at that time. I think it took me almost a week to accept that you were truly gone and you weren’t coming back.

I don’t know why it’s hitting me so hard this year, but holy crap, I miss you so much more than I ever have before. Looking up at the stars, I can’t help but pick out the brightest one and say that’s you looking down. I also like to tease that the thunder is you running down that big basketball court in the sky (or doing your famous touchdown dance).

I’m thinking this year for celebrating graduation day, I’m gonna grab a glass of wine and go back and watch our senior video and remember all the good times we had and all the memories. I wish you could have got to live out your dreams.

J, until we meet again, just know, you were one of my best friends, and I miss you like hell buddy. Hold down the fort until I get up there, and we’ll have a lot to catch up on. I’ve got some great stories to tell you. :)

#5 years #RIP J #tw alochol #tw suicide #tw ptsd #tw infidelity #tw depression #god I miss you #It still doesn't feel real at times #high school classmates #please tell those that you love how much they mean to you #I'm in my feels

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schizophrenicfordpinesmoved · 4 years

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A lot of people are sympathetic to the concept of PTSD but not the reality of it.

They expect you to stare off into space or be sad, and they aren’t sympathetic to the angry moments, to strong reactions to triggers, to the paranoia and fear of abandonment, they aren’t sympathetic to the disorders that are often co-morbid like personality disorders, dissociative disorders, or psychotic disorder. There’s more to PTSD than just “being shy” or scared.

#i dont know if this makes sense im about to nap off some of this flare up #ptsd #actuallyptsd #actuallyabused #also: NEVER ask someone who admits they have ptsd where they got it from #like. cmon yall #edit: okay to reblog!

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boldlyvoid · 3 years

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Wheels Up

Characters: Spencer Reid, Reader (Y/N), Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, Derek Morgan, Savannah Hayes, Emily Prentiss, Elle Greenaway, Tara Lewis, Jennifer Jareau, Matt Simmons, Luke Alvez

Summary: JJ goes on maternity leave, Spencer falls in love with her replacement that he's supposed to be mentoring, Emily Prentiss and Elle Greenaway work a case together that brings Simmons and Alvez in for help...

Warnings: Genius!Reader, mutual pining, idiots in love, drinking, star gazing, lots of fluff, mentions of past assault, grooming, drug addiction, spencer's trauma, Abductions, Rape, Murder (typical canon violence)

word count: 9.4K

a/n: this is for @starry-eyed-spence and @simmonsmilf CM fanfiction week, Day One: Favorite Character... only I couldn't pick just one.

To say Spencer fell in love at the least opportune time was a bit of an understatement. Everyone he’s ever come close to admitting his love to has either left him or died. Now he’s stuck with loving someone in secret, keeping it to himself and hoping that one day she’ll love him back.

He fell in love with a co-worker once again… which wasn’t the worst thing, office romances happen and it’s quite frankly all Rossi’s fault that they even had to worry about fraternization policies. The part that makes liking Y/N so difficult is that he’s supposed to be her mentor, he’s 5 years older than her, and if he was to ever make a move she would feel inclined to reciprocate in order to keep her job because that’s the unfortunate truth behind office relationships with significant differences in positions.

And worst of all… she doesn’t like him that way at all. She’s called him the brother she always needed, a best friend, the best mentor ever. She wasn’t interested in him in the slightest.

“And why would she be?” He’s said this to everyone who knew about his crush on her. “I’m old and boring and she’s so cool?”

But he didn’t get it. He didn’t understand that every time she asked him to hang back to help her file something, or when they would buddy up in hotel rooms to discuss cases all night and end up down some star trek rabbit hole instead, every time he talked to her she was falling in love with him right back.

It once again all circles back to Rossi, if it wasn’t for him, Spencer wouldn’t even know her. She wouldn’t have ever been introduced to the unit, he wouldn’t be attached to her at the hip and he probably wouldn’t be as happy as he is with her in his life. Even if she wasn’t his girlfriend.

He’ll never forget the day Rossi asked him to meet her, to help her settle in…

“Spencer, can I talk to you for a minute?” Rossi called him into his office.

He sighed, putting his book down and walking up the stairs to his office. He closed the door behind himself and smiled awkwardly, “what’s up?”

“Sit,” he gestures to the chairs in front of his desk, where Spencer pulls one out and proceeds to sit down, anxiously. “As you know, both Kate and JJ will be out of the field in the next few months to have their babies and we need to bring someone in to fill the void until they return, so I reached out to the academy to see if they have any up and coming Dr. Reid like agents that they could loan us.”

“Why?” Spencer laughs at the choice of words.

“Well, honestly, why get new 2 agents when we could have two Reid’s? JJ will be back after a month or 2, it’s better to have more brains than brawn.”

“So they found someone and you want me to be their chaperone?” Spencer clues in. “Who are they?”

“Y/N Y/L/N, she’s a wonderful agent, but she’s pretty quiet, I don’t know much about her personally.” Rossi prefaces. “She’s a genius, high IQ like yours and just a plethora of knowledge inside that mind of hers. You’ll like her.”

“Alright,” he nods. “When do they start?”

“When JJ’s water breaks, but I’d like you to meet them and maybe even have them shadow you for a day?” Rossi asks, “I’ve actually arranged for you both to get dinner at a friend's restaurant?”

“Is this an arranged date or purely business? Don’t send me in there blind,” he worries. “I need at least a week's prep before I go on a date again.”

“It’s not a date, kid,” Rossi laughs. “She's just a lot like you were when I met you, and I know from watching you all these years that it’s not easy to do it alone, so can you just walk them through it?”

“Of course.”

That first dinner Rossi set up for them was more exquisite than either of them prepared for.

They spent the whole night discussing dissertations and their independent journeys through becoming a genius. He understood perfectly why Rossi and the Academy would think she was a lot like him, she was a genius, but she was awkward. It took a while for her to break out of her shell and open up, but by the end of the night, he already knew they were going to be friends.

“So,” she smirks, “would you mind telling me honestly how hard this job is?”

“Why?”

She sighs, “I’ve heard a lot about Thee Doctor Reid and how you were the youngest hired to the BAU and all the shit you’ve been through.”

“What are the rumours these days?” He awkwardly smiles back, rolling his eyes slightly.

“That you were brain dead in a cemetery from an overdose and yet you’re so smart you came back from the dead to kill the unsub and escape…” she looks more and more disappointed in the rumour as she tells it.

His tongue hits the roof of his mouth as he opens it to speak, making a tsk noise as he shakes his head. “Well, I did OD but it was the unsubs main personality that resuscitated me.”

“Holy shit,” she whispers.

He nods, “what about you? I’m sure you have a reputation based on a rumour?”

She presses her lips together the way he always did, just as awkward. She sighs, huffing the air out of her nose and looking fed up. “I was groomed and assaulted by an older boy who then told kids I had a stalkerish crush on him so if I was to ever tell anyone what happened, then no one would believe me.”

“I’m so sorry,” Spencer knows the words don’t make up for what happened. “I’m guessing that’s why you wanted to get into profiling?”

She nods, “I got away with some PTSD and trust issues, most girls go through much worse… they deserve someone who gets it to look into their cases.”

Spencer nods. “That’s how I felt after my kidnapping too. It took a while for me to look at crime scene photos and not think about how they felt, and wonder why I lived when so many die?”

“I’ve never been a religious person,” she prefaces. “But I do believe we are here for a reason. Whether you choseto be here after your last life or this is some learning opportunity, or God is actually real? And you’re supposed to do good.”

“In narcotics anonymous, they reference god a lot, it’s helpful for the addicts, but I never get into it,” he opens up with her more than he’s ever opened up with any friend. “If my Devine purpose is to suffer in order to relate to those I’m supposed to help that’s a load of bullshit… honestly, I can get pretty angry thinking about why I’ve gone through what I’ve gone through doing this job, but it’s not as bad as what happened to me growing up, and it leads me to believe that I probably wouldn’t have had an easy time no matter how I live.”

She nods, “I know, I get that.”

“Sorry,” he snaps out of it. “I didn’t mean to trauma dump on you.”

“It’s exactly what I asked for actually,” she reminds him with a soft smile. “If you can still come to work every day, after all that, you must be incredibly strong— and if I’m anything like you the way people say I am, I guess I can do it too.”

He had no idea she would end up being his best friend.

She shadowed him just once in the office, picked up everything right off the bat and immediately made a name for herself in the unit. Derek tried multiple names on her before one stuck, and they knew it stuck when even Hotch called her Baby Genius.

She brought a different knowledge base to the team, similar to Spencers but visibly younger. She fit in with the crowds of kids they had to interview, she understood why kids reacted the way they did to trauma and abuse, and she was still a kid at heart. It was the reason Spencer fell for her.

She allowed him to feel free again. They went out together outside of work, going to events he always wanted to go to with a partner but never had a chance. She loved all the same things as him, and she takes him to places he’d never imagine enjoying before her.

Like laser tag… that was an afternoon he’ll never forget with her.

When JJ went into labour, that’s when Y/N started full time and Hotch hired Tara Lewis in the same week. The team barely had time to adjust to being undermanned before they were restocked.

Joining Spencer every morning for every case, she waited out front of her apartment for him to pick her up most mornings, sticking to his side throughout the long days and nights until he drove her home again. Even at work, they were partnered up for everything: heading to the M.E. together, bouncing facts back and forth at the precinct, playing good cop bad cop with perverts, and her personal favourite… Making the geoprofile.

And Spencer liked doing that part with her as well. Because it typically meant they were completely alone in a room, spreading out a map and leaning in close to each other as they placed every sticker and marker. Brushing hands, bumping shoulders, longing glances as they made connections… he also just liked to watch her hands move.

She was delicate and careful and precise… and he was falling in love with everything about her as the days went by.

Everyone on the team had noticed. It was really hard not to when they’ve all known Spencer for almost 11 years now. He was so different with her in his life, he was happy and giddy and dressing even better than before. His hair was perfect and he was glued to Y/N’s side. Or she was glued to his.

Even though they were mentally similar, physically they were polar opposites. Y/N wore all black and was a lot more outgoing than they expected. Rossi thought she’d be quiet… But she was constantly talking. To Spencer, to other officers, to witnesses, she never stopped talking and starting conversations, and thank god she did because she’s cracked 4 cases that way.

The biggest surprise the team learned about her happened on a case in Florida, a shooting in a local park in broad daylight with lots of witnesses meant the whole team was on the boardwalk asking questions. She went out to do her thing, talking to the local skaters, asking them if they knew anything but they didn’t want to cooperate.

They were too cool for the feds.

“Can I see your board?” She asks, “if I do some tricks will you answer some questions for me and Doctor Reid?”

“Knock yourself out,” one of the boys laughs as he hands her his board.

She hands Spencer her gun and shoots him a wink before taking off to do a few tricks. The whole team watches in awe then as Y/N showed off. Cruising along the halfpipe effortlessly like she was a professional.

“Okay Tony Hawk,” Morgan teases her, “where did that come from?”

“Skateboarding is easy, it’s just physics,” she shrugs. “I can figure skate too…”

“What do you want to know?” The boy takes his board back. “We always see some sketchy guys around here.”

Morgan pats Y/N on the back with a smile, applauding her ability to get anyone to open up before leaving her to take the statement.

“Agent?” One of the girls pulls her aside just before they are about to leave, “how did you do that kickflip? I’ve been trying to learn and the boys won't help me.”

“Sure thing,” she takes the girl's board and demonstrates a kickflip first.

“So, you see as I start the kickflip I bend my knees?” She shows her another kickflip all while explaining it. “Much like the with an ollie, I’m building pressure so I can apply it to the tail, making the board pop. The one thing that makes this trick different from the ollie is that instead of sliding my foot up, I just flick my toe out to the right of the board, by doing this, the board flips in a 360-degree motion.

She demonstrates again and it’s another flawless kickflip, and a huge smile on her face as Spencer watches her.

“How fast the board spins depends on how much force I put into it when I flick it out. As soon as the board flips in a full 360, your feet should connect and drive the board back to the ground.”

She hands the board back to the girl, “your turn.”

She takes a deep breath and shakes her nerves out before taking off on her board, looping around and carefully bending her knees, she follows every step and it’s a flawless kickflip.

“Flawless!!” Y/N claps. “Those boys better watch out, you’re a natural.”

“Thank you,” she wraps her arms around Y/N and gives her a hug, “it’s taken me so long to be able to do that, you’re so cool.”

“You’re welcome,” she smiles. “Good luck out there.”

She waves as she takes off on her board, leaving Y/N with a smile as she turns to Spencer. “I miss being that age and thinking everything is so cool.”

“You are really cool,” he agrees. Smiling softly as a blush fills his cheeks. “You’re always surprising me. Is there anything you can’t do?”

She laughs, “yeah the one thing I want to do the most.”

“Which is?”

She sighs, “maybe I’ll tell you someday.”

—

He’s sitting beside Penelope and Savannah, watching Derek and Y/N get drinks for what’s left of the group as the night drags on.

“When are you going to tell her?” Savannah asks.

“What?” Spencer pretends he doesn’t know what she’s talking about.

“You have a crush on the new girl…” she pokes his cheek as he blushes and gives it away. “Tell her, what’s the worst that can happen?”

“She could feel forced to say yes because I’m a supervisory special agent and she isn’t and she wants to keep her job so she feels like she needs to,” Spencer worries. “I want her to like me back because she fell for me and I want her to initiate it because then I’ll know it’s not just a power dynamic issue.”

“Have you tried asking her, genius?” Penelope teases. “Because if you asked her then you’d know she has a crush on you and she’s afraid you’ll turn her down because you’re an SSA and she isn’t.”

“When did you hear that?”

Penelope pretends to lock up her lips and throw away the key, making Savannah laugh loud enough to get Derek's attention at the bar. When he and Y/N return, that’s when the questions start.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” Spencer gets up and leaves the booth, walking out towards the smokers' exit at the back of the bar, getting a moment of semi-fresh air to think about what Penelope said.

“Spence?” She calls to him from the door, “are you okay? Can I come out here?”

“Yeah,” he nods. “Sorry, I needed some air, it’s nothing.”

“Do you need a hug? I read it helps the most when people are stressed out,” she plays it off with a shrug.

“So you do have a crush on me?”

“She told you?” Her face lights with fury, “what the fuck, Penelope?”

“She didn’t mean to,” he tries to cover it up. “It was only brought up because I have feelings for you as well.”

Her eyes widen, her brows raise and her mouth slowly opens as she freezes.

“Y/N?”

She blinks a few times and shakes her head, “impossible. There’s no way.”

He laughs, “I’ll take that hug now?”

She lunges for him and wraps her arms around him so tight. Breathing him in, her hands wander his back as she takes in every second if it and he does the same. He can’t believe she’s that close to him, her hair smells nice and she’s so soft in his arms.

It’s quiet outside, they can hear the music behind the door, the people in the ally talking and the crickets in the night. It’s just them outside, holding each other in the smoking section with smiles on their faces, amazed that it’s finally happening.

“Can we keep this between us?” She whispers into his ear. “Just for a bit? I don’t want to go through all the paperwork and have to separate in the field if it doesn’t work out?”

“Wait,” Spencer pulls back. “Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?”

She nods, “well yeah isn’t that what happens when two people have a mutual crush? They date?”

“Okay,” he smiles, staring at her lips and then flicking his gaze back to hers with a blush. “I have more than a crush on you, I really, really like you.”

“Prove it,” she teases, “let's go on a real date soon?”

“You know what, let’s get out of here. I have something I want to show you,” he takes her hand and waits for her to nod.

“Take my lead okay? You don’t feel good and you’re going to wait outside while I say goodbye,” she has a plan right away

“After you,” he holds the door open for her and lets her inside first.

—

“I’m taking Spencer home, he’s not doing well,” she’s a much better actress than Spencer expected, patting his back and watching him leave the bar before her like she asked him to do. “He’s really anxious?”

Penelope looks worried, “oh no, I fucked up. I told him you like him.”

She just shrugs, “if he didn’t know that already then I guess he’s not as smart as he pretends to be.”

“See,” Derek looks at Savannah. “I told you everyone else also thinks he’s faking being that smart.”

“Shut up,” she shoves him and turns her attention back to Y/N. “Go make him feel better, he’ll like your company.”

“I’ll see you guys at work on Monday,” she waves them goodbye, surprised they bought it as she rushes her way back outside to Spencer.

He’s already in his car, engine running and waiting for her with a smile. “Come on,” he hurries her inside and is taking off down the road before she even has her seatbelt on yet.

“What’s the rush, Spence? It’s only 1 in the morning I’m sure tones of places are open still?” She teases.

“You’re going to like this, I used to go here all the time when I started with the bureau,” he explains, leaving the main road to take a back root, and eventually they’re driving on gravel.

“If you’re taking me here to murder me this is a dumb way to do it because they all know I left with you,” she teases. “At least when you go to get rid of me, do yourself a favour and dig 6 one-foot holes instead of one 6 foot hole…”

He laughs, “would you really give your murderer tips?”

She nods, “my goal would be to piss him off so much he either lets me go or murders me quickly. I don’t want to go through all the pain.”

“It’s not fun, that’s for sure,” he shrugs it off but she knows it hits too hard.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, reaching her hand out for his to hold by the gear shift. “I think you’re like the strongest guy in the world, you know that, right?”

“Why?” He asks as if that's a preposterous thing to say.

“I think if I got kidnapped and tortured at 24 I wouldn’t still be working in the FBI,” she admits. “I barely made it through the academy, I know this job is intense but I don’t think I could handle being in that situation.”

“If it’s up to me,” Spencer squeezes her hand tighter and brings it to his lips for a kiss. “You’ll never experience anything like that.”

He’s so good at making her feel safe that she almost believes he has the power to do that. He would do anything and everything to move fate for her safety.

He turns down another back road then, around the edge of a lake and towards a clearing. He follows old tire tracks and parks by the dock. “I found this spot one night on a random drive to clear my head.”

“I thought you hated driving?” She quizzes him.

He shrugs, “I like to drive at night when no one else is on the road because then I don’t really have to worry about anyone else. I hate driving because I can’t always anticipate other drivers' movements. If I could read minds, then I’d drive more.”

“Valid,” she nods, “now why is this such a special spot that you needed to show me right away?”

“Well, I have a telescope and it’s been in my trunk for the last 13 years so that every time I come here, I can look up at the moon…”

“You brought me here to look at the moon with you?” She swoons, “that’s so cute.”

“You think?” He looks like his heart is doing the same swelling as hers.

She gets out of the car before she can lean over and kiss him the way she wants to. In his trunk, he does have a telescope, and a blanket, which they set out on the dock and sit upon.

The sound of the lake, the loons in the distance, frogs and crickets and music travelling from somewhere down the lake. The moon was big, the stars were amazing, and this was the closest she has ever seen them. It's amazing, and of course, it was Spencer showing her everything.

He was everything to her.

And it didn’t take long for him to become everything to her either.

Joining the BAU was a dream to many at the academy, but Y/N never thought that she would get the job, overjoyed that she did. They were a family unit; they got the job done, they protected each other, and it was a wonderful environment to be a part of. She obviously liked Spencer the most out of everyone. He took her in, he made her feel comfortable and safe and she opened up more with him than she has with anyone she’s labelled a “best friend” in the past.

She liked everything about him. The way he talked with his hands, how his sweater, vest, shirt and tie always match, his gun looks a little out of place on his belt, like it’s too big for him, but it’s cute. His hair’s been getting longer too, sometimes he wears glasses and sometimes if she’s lucky, he doesn’t shave every day.

She can’t take her eyes off him when he’s busy and won't notice, just to then move her focus away when he stared at her. She only wishes she could see the way he stares at her in awe, because if it’s anything like how she looks at him, he must love her.

She keeps her hand in his, trading the telescope back and forth in turns, her face was close to his every time they switched and she kept getting bolder with each exchange. Letting Spencer look, she kept her face close to his, kissing his cheek softly as soon as he was busy peering up at the moon.

He turned to her with a gasp, “what was that for?”

“You’re cute,” she shrugs. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while.”

“How long?” He teases, leaning in closer and kissing her nose to make her laugh.

“Since you dropped me off at my house after that first dinner…”

“So this is me,” she nods out the window, “thank you for the ride, I appreciate not having to be in an Uber all by myself.”

“Anytime you need a ride, you can give me a call?” He asks. “Seeing as we’ll be going to the same place anyway.”

She nods with a smile, “I’d love that, do you live close to here?”

“Just up the street,” he nods. “So we could carpool?”

“I can drive some days if you want?” She asks, “I know you mostly take the subway, and I know that because I’ve seen you reading on there before.”

He can’t help but smile, “so you never thought to say hello?”

“No,” she shakes her head, “you looked peaceful, and I’m sure you don’t get many moments like that in your line of work.”

He sighed, knowing she was right. “If it ever gets to be too much for you, please never feel like you have to pretend to be okay? None of us expect you to be stone cold, none of us are either. The job gets to us, just tell me if it gets to be too much?”

She looks from his lips back to his eyes and over again, “thanks, Spencer.”

He does the same to her, “anytime. Should I walk you to your door?”

She shakes her head, “that’s okay you’ve done enough for me tonight.”

“Fair enough,” he laughs. “Have a good night Y/N.”

“You too, Spencer,” she smiles before she exits his car, smiling at him from her porch before he drives away.

“So it’s been mutual this whole time?” He shakes his head at the absurdity. “I’ve been so lonely for so long and then I found you and you make me feel like I don’t need to be alone anymore.”

“You complete me too,” she makes one more comment before connecting their lips.

It’s like the world stops then. It’s silent and serene and everything she thought kissing Spencer Reid would be.

She pulls back with a smirk, “oh no.”

“What?” He worries.

“I’m going to want to kiss you all the time now…”

“Good,” he mumbles the words against her lips before reconnecting them.

—

At work on Monday, it’s very hard for them to look at each other without remembering that they’ve kissed. Spencer’s practically glowing with admiration for her that he gives it all away. He’s overly happy, offering to do things for others, standing way too close to her and bringing her coffee all morning.

“Okay, pretty boy,” Derek takes him by the scruff of the neck and redirects him into his office. “What’s going on with you today, I know you’re not this happy for JJ’s return?”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you get laid or something?”

Spencer laughs, “no, you know I don’t get laid. You actually remind me of that fact quite often.”

“You’re so happy I’m worried you’ve moved to crack,” he says it. “Okay, you were acting weird on Friday, you missed brunch on Sunday and now you’re waaay too happy.”

“I’m not on drugs again,” Spencer assures him. “I’m just letting myself enjoy my time with Y/N, if she falls in love with me in the meantime that would also be nice.”

“Oh, so you’re doing this to get laid,” Derek teases him again. “That’s good, I’m sorry if I triggered you by asking, but I had to make sure you’re okay.”

“No, no,” he places his hands on Derek's shoulders, “thank you for caring.”

“Always—“

“Guys!” They hear Hotch yelling from the bullpen, cutting the tender moment short, saving Spencer from spilling the truth.

Rushing back, he sits beside Y/N at the briefing room table. “We have a bad one,” Emily Prentiss of all people walks in the door, followed by Elle Greenaway.

“We’ll have time to mingle in a minute, right now there is a woman who needs our help,” he announces.

Spencer quickly reads over the case files, recognizing Elles handwritten notes, she was a private investigator now. “With Penelope’s help, I’ve been able to set up alerts in College chatrooms in the area so that I can help to missing and assaulted women right away.”

“She’s alerted when someone reports a missing woman and she has advertisements for people to reach out to her for help,” Penelope explained.

“I’ve been working on these cases for the last 9 years,” Elle announces. “This morning Aasia Desai called me saying her sister Bahni never showed up for lunch and it’s not like her, we know she went clubbing last night and so far Penelope’s tracked her down an ally and then she’s gone.”

“Her parents are British diplomats so Interpol has asked me to join, luckily I was just in Ontario so it was a short trip over,” Emily adds. “JJ will be here in half an hour for her first day back, and we will celebrate when we can, but I see we have some new faces here?”

“Special Agent Y/N Y/L/N,” she waves, still glued to Spencer’s side. “I’ve heard a lot about you both from Doctor Reid.”

“Doctor Tara Lewis,” she stands and shakes Emily’s hand, and then Elles.

“So it says here that the first missing case was in 2006 just after you left the BAU?” Spencer changes the subject before anyone can pry into why he would be telling her about the women who worked there before her.

“I did,” Elle nods. “I was too late for her, by the time her parents realized she was missing and called me in the case was cold. I started this as a way to get ahead of it.”

“How long has she been missing?” Tara asks.

“She was last seen at 1:07 this morning,” Elle confirms. “We have 25 hours, maybe, to beat the odds.”

“Reid,” Hotch cuts in, “I would like you and Elle to go check out the street she was last seen on, find any private cameras or anyone who might have seen something.”

He turns to Y/N who just shrugs in silence; “it’s fine.”

“Tara and Derek, I’d like you to interview Aasia when she and JJ get here, Garcia can you do a deep dive into Bahni’s spending and academic records?”

“Sure thing,” she starts clicking away on her computer immediately.

“And Y/N,” Elle looks at her. “I need you to go over the footage of the man who followed her to the alley and get familiar with his face. We’re using you as the face of the investigation to hopefully draw the unsub out.”

“How would she be able to do that alone?” Spencer gets defensive, a way he used to with JJ when she was the media liaison.

“If she goes on the news and makes Bahni seem like a person while describing the unsub as someone who can help solve the case, it will draw him out,” Emily explains for Hotch, who is glaring at Spencer for second-guessing the plan already.

“And she’s college-age,” Elle adds. “If that’s who he’s been going after all this time he will want to come in and talk IF he can talk to her.”

She places her hand on his leg under the table, “it’s a good plan.”

“It is,” Hotch agrees.

“What do you not have a saying to replace wheels up when they stay in town?” Elle teases him.

“Wheels away?” Emily joins her, “that works?”

“just get to work,” Hotch tries not to smirk at them.

Spencer stands up to leave with Elle, “can I just talk to Spencer before he leaves?” She carefully asks Hotch.

“Make it quick,” he agrees reluctantly and lets her follow him down to his desk.

Spencer rests his hands on the back of his desk chair, holding it tightly in an attempt to calm himself down.

“I’m going to be fine,” she assures him. “I don’t think the guy on the tape took her, we’d see him leave if he did.”

“Unless he lives in the alley,” Spencer combats. “Can you ask Penelope to do a background check on all the cars coming in and out of the campus and that street between midnight at 2 am?”

She nods, placing her hand on his gently. “Good luck out there, okay?”

He nods, “it’s been 2 days they’re going to know by the end of the week.”

She laughs, “so be it.”

He says fuck it right then and there, wrapping her up in a hug and kissing the top of her head as the team watches in the briefing room. “I’ll see you later.”

“Yes you will,” she smacks his side as he lets her go. “If you’re going to make a scene at least give me a real kiss.”

“Hmm,” he teases. “No cause then I’d have to sign some paperwork and I’ve got to go…” he starts to back away.

“Coward,” she teases.

He just shrugs, meeting Elle by the door and heading towards the elevators in silence.

She doesn’t ask, not even when they get to the garage or inside the SUV. They’re driving down the road for maybe 2 minutes when Elle finally brings it up. “So—”

“What do you want to know?”

“It's that easy now? What happened to you?” She teases. “You’re so different from the baby Spence I left.”

“Well you missed my drug problem, my dad being a possible child molester, getting shot in the knee, getting shot in the neck, my girlfriend dying, and now my mom might have Alzheimer's so you know… I had to grow up a bit,” he lays it all out for her to ask any question she wants.

“Why don’t you ever call me? I would have been there for you through anything,” she reminds him.

“I know that,” he reaches over for her hand, “thank you. But I was a big fan of suffering in silence… and now I have Y/N and she makes me feel normal?”

“That’s good, you deserve some fraction of normal in your life and she’s really cute,” Elle smiles back at him before returning her focus to the road. “How old is she?”

“27,” he smiles. “She’s the best.”

“You love her,” Elle notices it.

He presses his lips together to fend off a smile as he nods, “I think I do.”

“Tell her, you deserve to hear that someone loves you back.”

—

She’s anxiously tapping her foot as she waits for the elevator to arrive with the suspect, Rossi standing just behind her. Only 15 minutes after being on the news, the man that was in the security footage contacted them. Making his way over for a voluntary interview.

He looks Y/N up and down with a smile, “I heard you were looking for me.”

“I sure was,” she plays along with it, smiling and making him think she’s interested as well. “I knew you’d get the message, we just need all the help we can get right now.”

“Of course,” he has his ego stroked so well that they can roll with it.

“Would you mind coming with me and Agent Rossi to talk about everything you saw?” She batts her lashes at him, really selling it.

“Sure,” he follows them down the hall.

Rossi opens the door and lets them in first, letting her get him settled and a glass of water. “So you can tell me everything from that night?”

“Sure,” he nods, explaining his taxi job, his run for the night and his alibi.

“So why did you step back into the doorway?” She asks as she sits in front of him. Straight-faced as she catches him off guard.

“Excuse me?”

“You stepped out of the way to let her pass and then followed her, she made no motion to say she wanted your services, so I’m just wondering why you would follow her before she disappeared?”

“Huh,” he suddenly feels played and his personality switches. “I thought this was just a chat?”

“I’m simply asking you questions? If you don’t have answers that makes you suspicious. An innocent person would have given me an answer,” she fights back.

“She’s right, you got very defensive very fast,” Rossi finally speaks up.

He shakes his head with a huff. “I was going to ask if she needed a ride, she looked pretty messed up. And then some guy came over and wrapped his arm around her and they walked off. They seemed to know one another. I thought she was safe in his hands.”

Only his tone doesn’t match the words. He sounds jealous— It’s not like she would have been a large tab, he wasn’t jealous because he lost a customer. No, he’s jealous like someone stepped in and prevented him from snatching an easy victim.

“Fair enough,” she pretends to believe him. “Thank you for your cooperation.”

“I can go now?” He changes right back to confused.

She nods, “I’ll escort you down if you’d like?”

“Thanks,” he stands and follows her to the door where Rossi stops her.

“Are you sure?”

She nods, “I’ll be back up shortly.”

She catches up with him by the elevators, “did you have to drive far to get here?” She makes small talk.

“Not really,” he shakes it off. “I like your necklace.”

She touches her necklace and her face drops, “thanks.”

“Necklaces are my favourite.”

“You don’t wear any?” She notices in the form of a question.

He shakes his head as the elevator opens at the ground level. “I think they’re nice gifts.”

She nods along, pretending that didn’t set off every ret alert and alarm in her mind, “well here you are. Thanks again for all the help.”

“No problem,” he goes to leave, turning to stop and block the doors from closing. “If you want, later tonight I can show you everything I saw at the alley?”

“Yeah, sure,” she agrees with no plan to go.

“8 pm? At Cafe Linda?”

“See you then,” she agrees and he steps back letting the door close and then she loses her cool.

Feverishly smashing the floor 6 button, and begging to make it back up to Hotch to tell him everything. But she also just wants to cry but she holds it in as she makes it to their floor matching past Rossi and right into the briefing room.

“He may not be our unsub but that man is a creep,” she announces. “He not only complimented my necklace but he asked me to come to the alley tonight so he can walk me through what he saw.”

“You’re not going,” Hotch announces.

“I didn’t plan to,” she snaps. “I think we need to look into him because he’s either giving little girls necklaces to keep them quiet or he’s taking necklaces after he kills women.”

“Kathy’s parents said she was in a necklace when she went missing,” Emily adds. “His connection to this case and being at NYU right before she went missing gives us enough probable cause for a search warrant.”

Hotch sighs, “fine. I’ll call a judge, you and Y/N can go and search his place.”

“So shouldn’t we arrest him before he leaves the building?” Morgan asks.

“He’s still in the garage, I’ve let the security know to stop him and arrest him at the gate,” Garcia adds, listening in and planning in advance.

“Thank you,” Hotch smiles at her, “you’re always reading my mind.”

Garcia smiles back at him, “always, sir.”

“Okay, let’s go,” she looks at Emily and waiting for her to turn to leave the room.

“Let’s,” she motions for Y/N to take the lead and follows.

The drive to his house is so weird… she doesn’t quite know how to talk to Emily, knowing only slightly about her and her knowing nothing about Y/N.

“So how long have you and Spencer been dating?” Her first question just gets right to the point.

She laughs awkwardly, “3 days…”

“Oh…”

She hums as she nods along, looking out the window and avoiding Emily’s eye contact. “It’s new, we’re both pretty infatuated with each other but we’re taking it slower than most people because I’m afraid to let my feelings change how I do the job.”

“Makes sense,” Emily replies. Her voice is so sweet, she has an aura of calm that follows her and lets Y/N feel safe. She gets why Spencer said she was his best friend on the team before her.

“The necklace comment… why did it make you so wary of this guy?”

“When I was in middle school a guy gave me a necklace while he was grooming me,” she whispers. Looking out the window and pretending it doesn’t bother her now. “It’s fine, I don’t have it anymore, but I knew this guy had that same vibe.”

Emily put her hand out, letting Y/N interlock their fingers and hold it. “I know I just met you, but you’re family now. I’m here if you’re ever suddenly not fine with it anymore…”

“Thanks,” she smiles. “Let’s get this fucker.”

—

By the time the warrant went through, Spencer and Elle had joined them to search the first suspect's house while Emily left to help the rest of the team with suspect two. Tracking all the license plates in the area like Spencer suggested lead them to a Chinese food delivery driver in the area.

That didn’t stop Y/N from destroying her suspect's house. They tore the house apart, searching every nook and cranny for any answer that would make sense. She was tempted to lift the floorboards up, call in SCSI to run ground-penetrating radar and search the fucking walls if they had to.

But then she found it.

A small metal box in the laundry room contained some tools and when she lifted up the fake bottom, she found 5 necklaces.

“Elle!!” She yelled through the house.

They both came running down the hall to her, “is this Kathy’s necklace?”

“Oh my god,” she whispered with a nod.

“I want to kill this guy,” she mumbles under her breath as she places the necklaces back in the box and closes it up.

“Spencer doesn’t need another girl he has a crush on to murder someone and get kicked out of the bureau,” Elle teases.

“What?” Y/N asks.

“Way to go,” Spencer nudges her.

Y/N stands up with the box and slides it into a large evidence bag before taping it up. “I guess he has a type then.”

“I don’t,” Spencer tries to cover up. “I mean, if I do then it’s people who are nice to me…”

She smiles at him, unable to even pretend to be jealous or mad. “It’s hard to be mean to you when you’re so cute.”

“Ew,” Elle announces her disgust as she leaves the room.

“Let’s get out of here before I end up kissing you in a murderer's laundry room,” Spencer teases, taking her hand and leading her out of the house as the rest of the forensics team takes over the bagging of evidence.

“Guys,” Elle rushes back to them with her phone pressed to her ear. “We have a bigger problem than we thought with Bahni.”

They rush into the SUV, putting the team on the speaker to hear the most unthinkable. “So I did what Y/N suggested and searched every single driver coming in and off-campus and the last street she was seen on,” Penelope explains back. “And I came across a man who was delivering Chinese food under the name Tom Larson… and it’s ironic his name is tom because he has a plethora of peeping offences and general creepiness alongside a metric shit-ton of abuse from his dad and dead mother.”

“Okay?” Elle follows.

“Tom Larson lives near Bahni,” Emily explains, “I was just at his house where I found him and his father had been murdered.”

“So we have not 1 but 3 creeps in this case, and none of them are who took Bahni?” Spencer rubs his eyes. “Please tell me we know who was in Tom’s car last night.”

“That’s where it gets tricky,” Penelope says with the doles tones of keys clicking behind her words. “We were just contacted by the fugitive Taskforce because they believe one of the murderers they’ve been tracking took Bahni… but he has ties to a much larger scale global sex trafficking ring.”

Elle flies through the streets with their lights on, pulling back into headquarters and right up to the security check. “So who is this guy?”

“Once you get back up here, Agent Simmons and Alvez will explain everything,” Hotch confirms. “I’m taking Derek to see Cruze, we need to tell him what’s going on.”

“Sounds good,” Elle hangs up and throws the SUV in park.

Y/N hesitates, staying put and taking a few breaths as Spencer watches. Elle’s left the car and is already on her way to the elevator. “What’s wrong?”

“Can I just have a hug real quick?”

“Yeah,” he wraps his arms around her and holds her close. “Are you okay?”

She nods against him, “yeah it’s just good to have at least 8 hugs a day.”

“Hug me whenever you need to,” he whispers against her hair, kissing the side of her head before she pulls back.

“Kisses are helpful too?”

He smiles, leaning in and pressing his lips to hers, mumbling against them, “how many?”

She hums, “10?”

He pecks her lips 10 times and counts each one, making her giggle, it takes so much effort to hold her smile back to keep kissing him but she feels much better.

“Thank you,” she beams and she can swear Spencer's eyes sparkle as he smiles back.

She pulls him into another hug, “I hate that we have to go catch a killer right now.”

“Come on then, as soon as we get him we can go on another date somewhere?”

She shakes her head, “after this case I think we should take a nap together… I’m exhausted and I don’t want to let you go.”

Spencer shakes his head in amazement, “you really like me?”

“Yeah, maybe I do,” she teases him. “You should get used to it because it’s only going to get more intense and I will smother you with love.”

He just shrugs, “it’s about time—“

They’re startled with a knock on the window, “we get it you’re in love, can we go now?”

“Sorry!” Y/N calls back with a giggle, pulling him in for one last kiss before getting out. Spencer follows with a deep blush that everyone will see when they get back upstairs, but it looks cute on him.

Luke Alvez has been trying to catch one criminal for the last 2 years. Simon Garrett has been a pain in the ass for the FBI, the CIA and DEA. He first showed up on their radar when his DNA was found on 14 women’s remains, all of who had been missing for at least 5 years.

His DNA was then traced to his son in the foster system, who’s been off the radar for the last 10 years. Everette Garrett.

“Now he’s interesting because I’ve been investigating his sex trafficking ring between Canada and the United States,” Matt adds. “All 14 women his father's DNA was found on were thought to be in his ring, which means when they get too old he hands them to his father to take care of.”

Y/N shakes her head as she listens, “so if you’ve been looking for them for this long what makes you think we can find them in time to save Bahni?”

“We’ve been tracking him for a while, we knew that he had a new girl on his radar and when we heard it was Bahni Desai we knew it was time to get you guys,” Matt explains.

“So far we know that she has to be taken to this warehouse in Alexandria before she goes any further, we’re going to intercept them before they make it to the warehouse and then use their car to gain access to take the whole thing down,” Luke rolls out a map of the facility then.

“We need to have the place surrounded for any runners, SWAT is getting prepped, we’re going tonight at 3 am,” Matt adds. “Morgan, Hotch, Prentiss, Alvez and Myself will be running a team at each of the 5 exits. Once inside, each team's swat unit will deploy gas to carefully knock everyone out, from there we need someone to cuff everyone at least until we know who is a victim and who is working there.”

“We’re taking everyone alive?” Spencer makes sure he hears them right.

“We need to know what the step after this warehouse is if we want to rescue more victims,” Luke’s voice is gentle yet stern as he explains. “I’ve seen this man take too many women from good homes and ruin their lives, I’m not letting him slip out of my fingers.”

“We’ve had this planned for months, we just needed to wait for the next confirmed drop-off.”

“Who’s driving?” Y/N asks, having a feeling it was her and Spencer.

“He’s Reids age,” Hotch announces from the door as he walks in with Cruze, “so we’ll replace Everette with Reid and Bahni with Y/L/N.”

“Rossi and Elle will be there to apprehend Everette, we’re setting up a fake traffic spot to irritate him and inhibit him from running. You two will be in a duplicate car arriving at the warehouse at the arranged time,” Emily confirms. “We just have to prep SWAT and then we can leave.”

“Alright, let’s get ready.”

—

Pretending to be kidnapped in the back of a car driven by her boyfriend was possibly the weirdest way to spend a Tuesday morning. Driving the exact make and model as their unsub, her heartbeat was loud enough to cover the sound of the engine and distract her from the long drive. She was overly anxious, and rightly so, it was her first sting.

And she was doing it all without coffee. Tired but full of adrenaline, she wanted to close her eyes and drift off but she knew she needed to be ready to apprehend the men at the gate with Spencer.

She feels the large bump, indicating they just went over a speed bump and she knows what that means. The car slows and she can hear the muffled talking before swat steps in, soon enough Spencer is cracking the trunk open and reaching in for her.

“Are you okay?” He helps her to her feet and makes sure her bulletproof vest is on right before handing her, her gun and watching her clip it on.

“Yeah, what happened?”

“The guards are down, Swat moved in as soon as we arrived, now we have to stand here and wait for them to clear the building,” Spencer explains as they walk to the front of her car.

She draws her gun and keeps it pointed low, guarded as they watch the front entrance for anyone to escape. “Do you know if Bahni is okay?” She whispers towards him.

He nods, “they radioed in that they got her, she’s being airlifted to the hospital with JJ right now.”

She nods with a deep breath, “okay good.”

“It’s going to be fine, we have enough SWAT here to take the government,” he tries to joke, getting a laugh from one of the officers… very strange to see someone laugh while holding an assault rifle.

One of the swat side steps towards Spencer, “I’m hearing on the line that they’ve cleared every room. They’re cuffing everyone, you’re free to enter.”

“Thanks,” Spencer replies.

The high-pitched screech rubber gripping asphalt in an attempt to stop draws their attention backwards. Elle and Rossi jumping out with their guns drawn, ready to join even though the exciting part is long over.

“No runners?” Elle asks, holstering her weapon. “Aw man, I was excited.”

“Not a one,” Y/N adds, watching the front entrance for the rest of the team to start funnelling out with the unsubs.

Luke exits first with a big smile on his face, Simon Garrett cuffed and barely stumbling out the door in front of him. He finally got him.

“well done,” Elle congratulates him. “Let me help you get him in SWAT van.”

“I think she has a thing for Luke,” Rossi leans into Y/N to gossip. “she wouldn’t stop asking about him on the drive…”

“Ooo,” Y/N teases, getting more and more tired as her adrenaline drops. Her eyes are heavy and Rossi can tell.

“Why don’t I bring you and the good doctor home, I don’t think they need all of us for the wrap-up,” Rossi pats her back. “You’ve had a long night, kid.”

“Thank you,” she smiles, holstering her gun and turning with him towards the SUV. “I’m so exhausted.”

“Well you’ve been on the job for almost 24 hours now, you’ve officially made it through your first overnight sting op,” Rossi congratulates her like he’s her grandpa.

She turns back when she doesn’t hear Spencer following her, “Spence? Are you coming?”

“Um,” he has something to ask as he follows then but he doesn’t say it. “Yeah, sorry.”

“It’s okay, come sit with me in the back?” She asks, sliding in beside him and resting her head on his shoulder as soon as their seatbelts are on.

“Did you still want to have a nap together?” He whispers, feeling her nod against his shoulder before she pulls back.

“Come here,” she tugs him in against her chest, snuggling in as best as she could in their sitting position. Holding him close and feeling him drift off in her arms. She has no problem following suit.

When she wakes, Rossi is parked outside of her apartment, “here you go, Y/N.”

She hums as she comes to, shaking Spencer awake too, “Spence, come on, let’s get to bed.”

“He’s going with you?”

She nods, “don’t tell Penelope. She’ll have a field day, I just want a nap.”

“You better get more than a nap,” Rossi orders. “You guys need to actually rest before you come back to work on Wednesday.”

“Thanks, Dad,” she teases him. “We will.”

“Bye Dave,” Spencer whispers as he gets out of the car. “Thank you for the ride.”

“Anytime kid,” Rossi waves them off, waiting for them to enter the building before driving away.

“Finally,” she sighs, dragging Spencer down the hall and towards her apartment. “I’m so fucking tired.”

“me too,” he barely says.

He follows her inside like a lost puppy, taking off his vest and shirt, slipping out of his pants until he’s in an undershirt, boxers and his mismatched socks. She’s amazed by how comfortable he is with her, but she has known him for 3 months, it’s enough time to fall in love with someone… right?

She’s loved him since she started working with him. When she realized he valued her opinions, he looked at her as a person and he genuinely loved her company. She felt a real connection with him, not just childish infatuation. He was everything to her.

She slides into bed beside him and snuggles in, wrapping an arm around his middle and resting her head on his chest.

“I guess I really can do everything,” she smirks.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

She pokes his chest and giggles away the awkwardness, “the thing I wanted to do most, the thing that I couldn’t do… that was to fall in love with you, but I did it anyway.”

“Well, then I guess I can do everything too.”

She pulls away to look at him, “I love you, Spencer. I don’t know if it’s too soon, but I’ve loved you for a while.”

He pulls her in for a kiss, shocking her as he breathes her in and holds her there. “I love you, more Y/N.”

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