#alter: riku

[system-of-a-feather]

Hey my sister's favorite bookstore burned down on the 4th of July and they lost their entire inventory. The place is owned by a really sweet Asian lady in Chinatown and they hosted all sorts of really good and fun events. She asked me to pass this on and forward it if anyone is willing to pitch in to help restore it ^^

No pressure regardless, but felt I'd pass it on cause damn that's so unfortunate.

#alter: riku #fundraiser #gofundme

[system-of-a-feather]

Fellow autistics hear me out,

Allistic people do small talk for the same reasons we randomly make random screeches, meows and otherwise nonsensical noises at people we like - its to acknowledge the other persons existence and presence in a positive way

The only difference is that theyre accustomed to doing it in social norms and rules where you have to speak where as we, or at least I, see no point in forcing myself to come up with arbitrary things to say when I have verbality issues and could just make a bird noise.

#alter: riku #just an observation #cause I realize I just communicate with my fiance chronically like thar #unless there is something To Say #actually autistic #actuallyautistic #autism #dont take this for fact #just an observation fr

[system-of-a-feather]

BTW if you think calming corners, sensory rooms, and other forms of dedicated spaces to handling overload, anxiety, or intense emotions in your house is something only for kids - or even worse - only neurodivergent kids, you are largely denying yourself a very helpful resource based on social norms.

Having a space dedicated to being safe and with easy access to things to help lower overstimulation and calm intense internal experiences is something that everyone can benefit from having

Not just kids

Not just neurodivergent kids

Not just neurodivergent adults

Not just mentally ill adults

Everyone - even the hypothetical person with no mental illness or physical disability

There is nothing "immature" about having spaces organized to make your difficult times easier to handle and I think everyone should consider dedicating maybe even just a shelf or corner in their place to having an abundance of self care resources

Self care is not a limited resource and not something that you have to be "bad enough to have"

If you think its a good thing for parents to provide their kids with rooms / spaces dedicated to different ways they can self regulate, then you should agree that if you are also dealing with any levels of difficulty self regulating, that it should be a good idea and good thing to provide yourslef with rooms / spaces dedicated to ways to help you self regulate

Children and adults both have emotions and life experiences that are hard to regulate / handle and both need ways to relax and calm down

Self care, sensory rooms, and coping / calming corners are resources that can help both children and adults with those difficult moments

#alter: fei #alter: riku #as someone who just realized that I don't need an office (ie the socially normal safe space that I used to have) #and instead could just have what all my neurodivergent kids have #and even just young kids have had in their classrooms and theraputic spaces had #and that it worked much better and there was no reason - other than the implications of mental illness and thus social stigma of having one #as to why I didnt just have one #and i am zero percent regretting it this is so much better for my mental health #actuallyautistic #autism #adhd #actuallyneurodivergent #actually neurodivergent #actually did #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #ptsd #self care

[system-of-a-feather]

Tell me a thing about your childhood that isn't inherently super traumatic but is sus and kinda indicitive of the environment you grew up in.

I'll start, my childhood favorite movie series from when I was under five was the Final Destination series.

#alter: riku #shitpost #trauma dump tw #<- in case but this is meant to be light hearted

[system-of-a-feather]

You know though as someone with DID I do have to say the world obsession with the multiverse trope is very over done but never not appreciated

#spiderman #spiderman across the spiderverse #alter: riku #dissociative identity disorder #actuallydid #did #osdd

[system-of-a-feather]

My 74 year old grandpa who is in hospice care that I never met and was probably part of organized crime in America from my mom's suspicion apparently told her that if I "ever want a dick (trans), I can have his when he dies" in a serious manner

And Im like damn

It don't work like that, but if my 74 year old mobster grandpa who I never met is that cool about this then whats all these transphobes doing

#alter: riku #shitpost #trans #transgender #ftm #ftn

[system-of-a-feather]

People are allowed to hurt others.

Clickbait phrasing aside, I think it is an important thing in life to acknowledge that people - including you - are allowed to hurt people, especially if you are a survivor of trauma. It's one of the things I have to verbally restate to my fiance who relatively recently got hit with the trauma bus after repressing it for a while, but you ARE allowed to hurt people.

Of course, intentionally hurting someone is a dick move.

Of course, unintentionally hurting someone is a sucky situation for them and not a cool and fun thing

Of course, hurting someone is not the ideal but even then

You are allowed to hurt people. It is not this horrible moral failing or evil behavior or completely reprehensible thing to hurt someone. Intentionally or not, if you hurt someone, it is not something that makes you unredeemable or tainted or unlovable or a horrible person.

It is part of human nature - part of life - to every now and again make poor decisions - intentionally or not - that end up affecting another person poorly. May that person be a stranger or a close friend or what not, its just part of life experiences to run into these situations and it is OK to hurt others.

You don't need to be punished. You don't need to grovel. It's not the end of a relationship in any inherent means.

And while it is okay to hurt people, whats the MOST important thing is that when you realize you've hurt someone is to acknowledge it and - if its someone important to you - do what you can to apologize and try not to repeat the mistakes made

But everyone hurts people every now and again.

Expecting yourself and the people in your life to live their entire life without ever getting a speck of dirt on their hands (for those that struggle with analogies, "live their entire life without ever hurting anyone") is something that just won't work out in the long run.

Hurting someone is a singular action that does not have to define your life moving forward.

What does matter is how you handle and respond to it.

#alter: riku #boundaries #relationship advice #relationships #recovery #trauma #ptsd #c-ptsd #self esteem #depression #anxiety

[system-of-a-feather]

Honestly, real talk, I feel like people largely do not understand just how much characters within those who are maladaptive daydreamers and/or were maladaptive daydreamers literally are "parts of them" and how both healing and destructive that dynamic can be and I find that a bit visible with how people in DID communities talk about maladaptive daydreaming as a "form of plurality"

Its an absolutely different experience but that doesn't mean that the label of "plural" isn't equally suitable. Since that topic has come up on our radar like way back half a year or year ago, we honestly have been thinking about it as someone who is considered "recovered" from DID and has recovered from maladaptive daydreaming but still has a brain that functions creativity and imaginative worlds with the same semi-autonomous functions whether I like it or not

And honestly? My characters are very much not "my creation", nor are they "just my OCs" - the very way all of my character are made and at this point the only way I know how to write and make characters is by taking a part or aspect of myself (conscious or subconscious) and throwing it out there with a name and face. That part of myself engages with the world I created and develops within the narrative and impacts the world itself.

I repeat and do this for all my characters and the world that I have created serves as a hypothetical exploratory way to understand, engage with, and explore very complex topics with exaggerated and isolated parts of myself. I have never really "planned" a character of given them traits or really anything other than a basic premise of a name, MAYBE a gender, and a vague role and I let them define their own story. No real character arc planning. No real likes and dislikes. No real narrative or secret message.

The function and means of which that I "created" these OCs and the level of which I don't control the way they form and grow is extremely similar to how I "create" alters, albeit one is far more voluntary and intentional than the other and one is physically sharing my life with me and the other is sharing a mental world with me.

((Additionally I don't engage in the mental world I made for them beyond the half joke that I'm the god of the gods of that world and they dont know))

The dynamics I have with my characters is WAY WAY WAY different than my parts / alters but BOTH my characters (maladaptive daydreaming) and my alters (DID) are equally fair to call "parts of me" and "parts of a whole" in a very literal not "Oh yeah Im a writer and this character means a lot to me theyre a part of me"

With my writing partner (who does this as well) we regularly use our characters as well to explain what we are going through / how we are feeling to help facilitate real talk and venting a lot because we have a mutual understanding that while this is a story and these are our characters, both of us have "built" this world by literally giving very specific aspects of ourselves the ability to explore, grow, and learn in a world and that while some have grown SO far from who we are now, they represent an aspect and potential part of us that could have been should something have gone one way in a specifically extreme way in a specific environment.

With that in mind, I absolutely feel its fair to compare DID and MaDD "plurality" with some obvious understanding that while there are similarities they are also different (AND THATS OK).

Cause honestly? If I actually talked to my characters (like a lot of people with MaDD tend to do) I could see myself calling and feeling as though they were a system and I don't think it would be all that inaccurate and wrong. I don't have that experience as my MADD and DID are mostly entirely two seperate dissociative coping mechanisms, but I know for a fact the line between the two is a lot less clear and its just food for thought

-----------------

[SYSCOURSE AND DEBATE WILL BE BLOCKED.]

[Good faith conversation and discussion is WELCOMED and ENCOURAGED.]

[If you don't know the difference, don't add on.]

#alter: fei #alter: riku #maladaptive daydreaming #plurality #plural #conversysion #sysconversation #sys conversation #system discussions #syscourse #<- for reach because I don't think the new tags have gotten well known enough #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder

[system-of-a-feather]

Honestly, in all my time of being on DID tumblr and discords, I don't think I've ever really seen people talk about growing up in an environment where animal abuse was present and thats not me criticizing it, shits hard, but I feel there is so little talk about how depressingly futile it is to grow up watching animals get screwed over and hurt on the regular.

Growing up surrounded by animal abuse is very traumatic and yet I dont see it talked about in many trauma spaces and I only really now noticed it.

It genuinely makes me wonder why and sometimes makes me wonder if significant animal abuse is just... somehow not that common?

Input and discussion is welcome and if anyone is comfortable sharing, does anyone else out there have trauma surrounding animal abuse? Cause Im genuinely wondering if its not common or if its just not talked about

#alter: riku #animal abuse tw #animal abuse #ptsd #c-ptsd #dissociative identity disorder #actuallydid

[system-of-a-feather]

Checking in for top surgery lets go 👀

#alter: riku #top surgery #trans #transgender #top surgery live blog

[system-of-a-feather]

BTW just a reminder to the dissociative folks out there, you aren't writing a story, you have a disorder. It's okay for there to be "continuity errors" or parts just "disappearing". That's not a plot hole or sign you are faking. (Nor is the opposite a sign you are faking) It's okay to just shrug at a revelation / change in dynamic / thing that seems out of place and just let it be weird over there. It's completely normal for your system to change frequently, for there to be 'plot holes' and inconsistencies in your system / recall / collective history, etc. It's part of the disorder. If you were writing a story, perhaps it would be bad writing, but you aren't and your real experiences do not have to live up to a theoretical plot line.

#alter: riku #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder #oddly specific reminder #but i remember being really stressed about this in the past #so if someone else needed this #just putting it out there

[system-of-a-feather]

Man, just a reminder that there is nothing special about refusing to be open to evaluating your opinions, questioning things and changing your mind. I'm not even saying that in a "change your mind to believe me" way, I'm just saying its always a good thing to question the beliefs you have - especially when given alternative information you haven't considered - and see if your current beliefs still are actually what you 1) want to support and 2) genuinely think is true and believe in

Its 100% okay to be wrong, and its 100% okay to be right, then wrong, then right again, and even more importantly, more often than not right and wrong aren't really these black and white categories

I find it very concerning when I see people proud about their refusal to consider changing their minds.

Very little growth comes from a predisposition to simply double down blindly, regardless of any points being made.

#alter: riku #alter: fei #syscourse #discourse

[system-of-a-feather]

Sometimes I forget just how clueless the average person is at IDing birds. I follow the r/whatsthisbird cause its a fun game for me, and these two posts just remind me that most people dont see much other than "predator bird", "duck", "parrot" and "treebird"

Like I can tell hawk from owl from falcon like you can tell a cat from a dog from a horse and so the first one is like someone taking a photo of a hyena and saying "my friend thinks its a domestic short hair, but I think its a wolf or a cheetah"

Like Im not GENUINELY judging because I was there before too and its a huge learning curve, but from my lens I am like "WHAT THATS A REDTAILED HAWK"

The second looks like "Is this a great white shark" when taking a photo of catfish. (Its a common nighthawk (which despite the name is a very very very different type of bird)

#alter: riku #birding #birds #bird watching #bird posting

[system-of-a-feather]

Honestly, one of the large reasons I'm pro-endo is because I genuinely and honestly think that one of the best things for DID is normalizing experiences of consistent inconsistencies and have drastically different parts of yourself that can at times display drastically different which is NOT a disorder specific thing - and regardless of what terms we use to describe ourselves whether thats system, parts, headmates, singlets, facets, aspects, complex multifaceted person yada yada - whatever it is that endogenics experience is also an expression of self/selves that shares that "consistently inconsistent" and "drastically different parts of yourself that can at times display drastically different" that people with DID and other CDDs have.

I think that everyone - trauma or not - should have the right and ability to be as consistently inconsistent as they feel is natural to them, and if that goes out to having different names, genders, aesthetics, sense of self, whatever thats cool by me.

And genuinely, I think it does help (though anyone credited endogenics for all of the positive changes in the CDD communities is being a clown and erasing the work from individuals with CDD themselves) normalize some of the more stigmatizing aspects of living with DID.

I would much rather be surrounded with a bunch of people who don't bat an eye at having parts that go by different names and identities and have different likes and dislikes because "yeah i know people who have that and its not a big deal" than someone who goes "OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TO HAVE A SEVERE MENTAL ILLNESS TO BE LIKE THAT" cause no? You don't have to have a severe mental illness to express yourselves as you naturally would? Yeah is it a kinda weird expression? Sure. But "weird" is literally only defined by the "normal" person and the idea of a "normal" person can 1) be changed and 2) is often used for more harm than good.

Do I think there are some large issues and problematic behavior that needs to be talked about in the overall community? Sure, probably - I can't say for sure cause I don't involve myself much in the endo/endo adjacent communities, but yeah probably. Do I think there are discussions that have to be made about terms and ways to prevent misinformation about CDDs in those spaces? Yeah of course. Do I think there is a need to talk about means of respecting the inherent extreme PTSD response and therefore disordered and clinical nature of DID without making it something that is a 'lesser' or 'broken' form of what endos experience? Absolutely.

But I really think the idea of denying that people - without trauma - could experience themselves in drastically different ways, experience themselves in a multifaceted form that identifies independently, and use labels that make sense to them, I really think you are denying yourself a lot of what you - as your heal - can choose to be like.

#alter: riku #endogenic #endo friendly #endo safe #syscourse #pro endo

[system-of-a-feather]

"Do CDDs affect all of [different types of memory] or only certain ones?"

It was an interesting question I was asked when rambling about different types of memory, specifically explicit vs semantic memory and how they are two different things when talking about dissociative memory, and it made me curious.

And as a curious person, I figured a survey would be neat. So I made a survey where you can submit your results to a short-term / working memory test and whatever information you are wanting to share.

If I have time I'll write a follow up post sharing if there is anything interesting among the data ^^

This is an entirely "for fun" survey solely meant to reflect those casually accessible through the reach of this blog and should not be taken as anything more.

Feel free to share this around and again, please don't take this too seriously. This is a fun side inquiry, not science by any means.

Any and all people with or suspecting a disorder that might have dissociative amnesia is free to submit their responses - CDD or not.

#alter: riku #actuallydid #dissociative amnesia #survey #fun survey #short term memory and dissociative amnesia

[system-of-a-feather]

Thinking about it, and I do kind of hate that there is this connotation that if two people are talking about their issues over text rather than face to face that is "distant and inappropriate"

Cause honestly? It's kind of assumptive and ableist concept. Like I do agree, in most relationships, that is true.

However as a person with verballity issues both due to trauma and autism ESPECIALLY around high emotion related topics who is in a relationship with someone who struggles with selective mutism due to trauma-based shutdowns?

Sometimes talking face to face and verbally is just completely unproductive and results in far far far more miss understandings and conflicts than it would if we went into separate rooms and texted over time.

And I never really noticed or thought about it because I had a lot of dissociative amnesia, but we have ALWAYS had verbality issues and ALWAYS communicated with our fiance primarily through text - albeit it used to be us typing it on a note on our phone and handing it over.

It's not "less" or "emotionally distant" inherently to communicate primarily non-verbally about deep and personal issues. For some it might be! For others, its the best and only way to effectively communicate and thats more than okay.

Cause honestly? I've realized one of the reasons I have a strong writing skill and written communication is because I've always had issues verbally.

And that isn't inherently "less than" in anyway or form.

Verbality should not be the standard nor should it be equated with inherent emotional engagement with another. Context and the people themselves matter and the broad statements.

#alter: fei #alter: riku #verbal issues #nonverbal #semiverbal #nonspeaking #selective mutism #autism #trauma #ptsd #c-ptsd #ableism #ableism tw