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nukyster-blog · 10 months

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Adrift Chapter 20) Charge

.-.-.

The Morvan was a mountainous area that had a rich flora and fauna. Wild flowers bloomed, primroses, figwort, wood anemones, wild daffodils. Raspberries and strawberries were widespread. Birds found it a paradise, buzzards, hawks and falcons preyed on the much smaller sparrows, magpies and swallows. Small hunters such as foxes and badgers kept the rabbit, hare, and squirrel population under control. Deer were also frequent visitors of the beautiful area.

For the first time since Ivar had been dragged through the walls of the castle of de Haar, food was abundant. It was bittersweet, because every bite seemed to turn to ash in his mouth.

As the last ember of the campfire diminished, he chose the solitude of the forest, crawling far away from their camp once dawn spared him enough light.

Truth was; he could not stand to be in the presence of the maidens. It was like an avalanche; the thickness of the air as he dared to think of either one of them. It choked him as he submerged himself in his own flagellating thoughts. He had to face the fact that one maiden would never trust him again if she knew what he did with the other.

Ivar hadn’t feared much in his life, but he’d rather drown than read this betrayal in Piglet’s dark eyes.

“I know Utstott, I fucked up,” Ivar agreed with a deep huff as his faithful companion nipped sharp at his earlobe, digging his claws into his shoulder. The white raven hopped a little aside, agitated.

It pained Ivar to confess; but there were moments he missed being locked inside the walls of the castle of de Haar. Life had been cruel; but simple. Everything wore either the color white or black; everyone was simply the enemy. His days were mundane and well-organized; survive, endure, feed the pigs, eat as many scraps as you can. He did not need to think nor feel, simply because he lacked the strength, and hunger occupied every inch of his being, too much to care about anything or anyone else.

Now that those cherished walls had crumbled, everything else started to grab him by the throat. There wasn’t any pain nor hunger to occupy his mind, body and soul. And in all honesty, he’d love to trade places with his former self locked inside that dingy shed; because he struggled so dearly with coming to terms with these feelings.

“Oh Utstott, if I could trade bodies just for a day,” Ivar reminisced to the white raven and swallowed a large lump in the back of his throat as he watched the bird lift itself atop the wind and leave him all alone in his solemness.

The guttural distraught cry of Piglet made all the hairs of his neck and arm bristle. His entire body snapped toward the sound and into fight-mode.

Following Utstott’s rushed caws, Ivar dragged his lower body forth as fast as he could. At the camp, he spotted Valeríe huddling underneath the ox-wagon, both animals bucking and bolting at the forestline. “Where is she?!” Ivar shouted in panic, crawling agitated underneath the wagon once he did not receive an immediate answer. Dragging her palms away from her face he gave her a harsh shove. “WHERE IS SHE?!” he repeated, screaming this time as Piglet’s scream echoed through the maze of trees. “I don’t know!” Valeríe cried out, “there was a wild boar, it attacked the oxes, she tried to distract them and it went after her.” The muscles in his arms tightened and for a moment air evaporated from his lungs. A damn boar. He let go of Valeríe immediately, trudging toward the immediate danger. A damn boar, his nostrils flared and he shouted out: “PIGLET, FIND A TREE, HIDE UP HIGH!” The head of a wild boar could take up a third of its body. They were unpredictable, once they started to charge it was almost impossible to outrun them. Their razor sharp tusks could do a lot of damage, if not be lethal.

In blind panic Ivar pushed himself through bushes, crushing ferns, hitting his knees over tree roots until he finally spotted Piglet.

Of all damn trees she could have picked she’d taken refuge into a gaunt elm tree of not even ten winters old. Screaming at the top of her lungs she only agitated the four legged furry monster, who was growling and charging the tree trunk over and over again.

Ivar had the advantage of being on higher ground, and was given the bird's eye view of the situation. He would have had a clear shot, if he’d possessed a bow and arrow, or any other weapon. But Piglet’s distress call had casted all logic from his system and so it was time for a rash decision.

He threw himself downhill, making as much noise as was humanly possible. Once his body rolled into view it stunned the wild boar for a mere moment. And then the animal did what Ivar hoped it would do; it focused on a new target. Him.

The collision was so powerful it nearly knocked him out. The agitated squeals of the feral animal kept him conscious and, instinctively, he covered his face in his arms. The speed of the animal was incredible, before Ivar could brace himself for another attack the animal charged at him again. His body scraped over the uneven terrain, curling into fetal position; the third charge was the worst; the animal trampled over him. His view started to turn black and Ivar sensed that if he did not fight back the mauling would not end.

Reacting out of sheer willpower, Ivar managed to sit up and block the forth collision by grabbing the fierce sharp tusks. The animal squealed high and in pain. Although his sight started to fail him, Ivar caught a glimpse of Piglet bracing herself atop the animal, stabbing her dagger inside the boar’s broad neck over and over again. At the sight of her, Ivar managed to draw in one long breath and steady the vigorously bucking animal.

It was Ivar’s last image; Piglet's trembling hands, chin and lips, covered in blood before collapsing.

.-.-.

Valeríe had seen her fair share of maladies, but the sight of the massacred boar left a bad taste in her mouth and an everlasting image for her nightmares. The unrestrained weeping from the bloody maiden would be the soundtrack of said nightmares.

Lifeless, the cripple lay on his side, the boar's tusks had ripped the skin of his face open from his lower lip, over his upper lip all the way up to his cheekbone. He must be bleeding from other places too; Valeríe had watched in horror how the wild boar’s hooves had stomped all over him.

“Hamar, hamar!” Piglet whaled, shaking the unconscious form by the shoulders, “hamar, don’t leave me, hamar!” Quivering from head to toe, she pressed a hand to his throat, bringing her face close to his chest.

Their eyes met and locked, it took a lot of effort for the veiled maiden to repose her venomous tone to address her.

“He’s breathing, barely, go get water, clean clothes, hurry!” Valeríe found herself reacting obediently to the barking commands of the other young woman. Once Valerie returned with the requested items, the two of them performed a small miracle; the cripple opened his eyes. He clutched his chest to gasp for air and heave, blood stained saliva drooling from his slack jaws.

Piglet shouted at him to breathe, he gurgled up more blood, face shaking from side to side, pressing into the dry terrain while trying to inhale. But it was hard on him, chest rising and falling with rapid breaths. His breathing quickened and he gasped as if he was choking on his own breath.

‘He is’, Valeríe realized, she’d seen it happen once or twice before when customers drank themselves into near oblivion. She got down on her knees and clasped her hand over his mouth, cutting off the airflow. She had to brace her grip around his face, eyes snapping open in blind panic and head twisting and turning.

Piglet must have known what she tried to do, because objectively it appeared she was trying to smother him. The unrelenting glare she gave to go forth told Valeríe she trusted her as far as she could throw her, but she did not stop her when she pressed both hands on the cripple’s mouth to prevent him from squirming out of her grip.

“Hamar, breath! Slow deep breath, from here” Piglet shouted, pressing her hand down below his ribs. Both flinched once the cripple let out an awful moan followed by a lot of gurgling, bloody bubbles foamed up from Valeríe hands and the gasping started all over again.

It dawned on Valeríe that she had no idea what damage might have erupted on the inside and in horror she stared at her bloody hands and her grip eased for a mere moment.

He was fast, given he was in such a state. He gripped her palms with both his hands and started twisting them. Valeríe cried out and was about to let go, not wanting both her wrist to be broken.

“IVAR!” Piglet exclaimed at the top of her lungs and he jerked his head into her direction.

“Don’t fight, breathe, please, breathe!” She exclaimed, bracing both her palms on his temples. For a moment Valerie thought Piglet was going to kiss him, leaning in until the tips of their noses touched.

“You are viking Ivar, breathe!” She pleaded, keeping his head firmly pressed into the dirt. His grip around Valeríe’s wrists eased, his animosity of her hold evaporated and changed, instead of fighting her he clung to her, like a small child did to the skirts of his mother. He drew in a sharp breath and gasped and of all of the things she could do, Piglet started singing.

A small shadow circled over their heads and the white raven Valeríe had seen before landed on Piglet’s shoulder cocking his head from side to side to watch the cripple slowly catch back his breath. In and exhaling through his nose his breathing went from shallow to deep, gasping every few breaths.

The troublesome gasps eventually dissipated, but Piglet never stopped singing. Not when she rose up to fetch water and rip apart pieces of clean clothing, not when she pragmatically started to tear open his tunic to locate more damage.

There it was again, that intimacy in their actions. Although Ivar still held Valeríe’s wrist in a dead grip his focus lay on Piglet and although his body was in pain his gaze was at ease, exhausted but relieved.

As Piglet tore away layers of fabric, a blotched path of hoove shaped bruises came into view. The large animal had run over his chest.

Piglet’s song paused once she worked her way down his legs. There were two skin deep tissue lacerations on his thigh. Before more blood could flow from the wounds, Piglet pressed the clean rags over them and started bandaging them further up.

Piglet refocused her attention back at Valeríe imposing the same utilitarian tone: “this needs stitches, I can’t do it here,” evidently asking was too much effort. Instead, Piglet nudged toward Ivar’s shoulders.

As the pair of maidens dragged the cripple, Piglet resumed her sweet song.

.-.-.

A/N: Did I spend half a night on ‘wild boar attacks?’ You bet I did! Ok, can I just say how utterly devoted Ivar is to Piglet? It did not take him a second to throw himself into battle to keep her out of harm's way. Now can we rewind back to tv-show-Ivar? Who claimed to love a certain maiden, then beat her and eventually murder her child? Yeah, adrift-Ivar is so rocking this redemption arc. And isn’t it wonderful that it takes just about a violent death to make Piglet pick up speaking again? This maiden and her grudges…

Love to read what you think,

Xoxox Nukyster

The kickass beta: @sarahh-jane

The tagged ones:

@youbloodymadgenius

@xbellaxcarolinax

@saldelys

@shannygoatgruff

@pieces-by-me

@apenas-mais-uma-pessoa

@readsalot73

@lauraan182

@conaionaru

@sarahh-jane

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@adhdnightmare

@khiraeth

@funmadnessandbadassvikings

@ dekusdante @neondragons7

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@noway4u

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#ivar the boneless #ivar ragnarsson #ivar lodbrok #ivar the boneless fanfic #ivar fluff #ivar imagine #ivar #ivar fanfic #alternate universe #historical fanfic #vikings #Vikings History #vikings au #vikings fanfic #vikings edit #vikings fandom #alex hogh andersen

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abelunwilling · 2 years

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kayama shuuji did several things wrong, BUT –

or, “i can’t believe how many people missed the point of this character”

We need to talk about Kayama Shuuji.

To say that Shuuji is a controversial character is putting it... mildly, to say the least. Some of the first posts I saw in this fandom were some pretty visceral reactions to Shuuji’s abuse of Lopmon, his grisly fate in most routes and his character in general. However, I can’t help but feel like a lot of the criticism of this character is borne of kneejerk discomfort rather than a fair or genuine effort to understand him. Of course, you’re completely welcome to like or dislike any character for even the most arbitrary reasons--I just personally feel that there is much more to Shuuji than many care to explore.

So... what is going on here?

( This meta post contains spoilers for Digimon Survive.

TW: heavy discussion of self-harm, suicidal ideation and abuse )

Shuuji’s relationship with his family

Firstly, we should consider that the only information we have about Shuuji’s family comes from a biased source: Shuuji himself. His family does not physically appear in the story of Survive; rather, he tells the other characters about them, and they feature in a long nightmare sequence at the beginning of part 5. This nightmare is incredibly loaded–watch it again if you need a refresher. It is evidently based on an actual memory which provides important context for this complicated relationship. Let’s go through the major beats.

Shuuji’s father accuses Shuuji of hating him, which Shuuji desperately denies. His father counters that if Shuuji didn’t hate him, then he would “demonstrate the ability expected of a Kayama boy”.

Shuuji’s brother interjects, telling Shuuji not to bother; he’ll just work hard enough for both of them.

Shuuji’s father asks why he’s giving up, and suggests Shuuji isn’t really his son. Shuuji immediately starts trying to appease him; his father is unresponsive.

Shuuji lashes out, accusing his family of not understanding him. He then has a few lines aside to himself which are quite interesting, including: “From the start, I didn’t want to do it. I couldn’t do it...” (Put a pin in this, we’ll come back to it.)

Panicking, Shuuji starts simply pleading not to be abandoned.

Even the most surface-level read of the text here is pretty cut and dry: Shuuji is traumatized enough by his relationship with his family to be having nightmares about them, and his father (if not the entire family) is incredibly emotionally abusive. If we assume the wording used in the dream is exactly as it was in the real conversation, then the phrasing Shuuji’s dad uses here is extremely calculated. Shuuji’s failures aren’t just bad because he failed; they’re bad because they mean he hates his father. This deliberately emotive language paints Shuuji in the role of an aggressor in a scenario where he is actually the victim.

Perhaps because of conversations like this, Shuuji does not appear to recognise that he is being abused; directly after waking from the nightmare he even says that his dad “had to” abandon him. First of all, this establishes that, at best, he simply feels abandoned by his family–but, at worst, he may have actually been literally disowned or otherwise cut off from them. Second and more crushingly, he seems to actually believe that abandonment is a proportionate and justified response to his perceived inability to succeed.

We don’t really know enough about Shuuji’s brother to make any real judgment on him; Shuuji calls him “an incredible person” but does so in relation to his own poor self-esteem (“much better than me”, he says), and in his Recollection anticipates being mocked by him. His brother’s only line in the nightmare–offering to “work hard enough for both of [us]”–is interesting, though. The most charitable read could suggest he is trying to defuse the situation but it seems slightly more likely that he’s simply validating his father’s lack of confidence in Shuuji. This is common in families where only one child is abused by a parent or parents; siblings sometimes become involved–or at least complicit–in the abuse, so as to protect themselves.

A quick note: Digimon Survive on its own can make it seem as if maybe Shuuji is doing badly academically, and that’s why his father is angry with him. However, we now have the additional context of the Recollection stories (translated here) which explain that he isn’t just a good student; he’s actually ranked first in his class for grades (@digital-survivor has made an excellent post explaining why this is so significant.)

If he’s doing so well academically, then although grades and college entry are what Shuuji often refers to when he’s talking about living up to his father’s standards, it’s more likely that the problems between him and his father are based around Shuuji’s personality and the harsh style of leadership his father expects him to demonstrate.

Essentially, Shuuji just isn’t like the rest of his family, and they are trying to force him into their mold. And when it comes to Shuuji's own feelings, think back to: “From the start, I didn’t want to do it. I couldn’t do it...”

It's not just that Shuuji is struggling to meet his family’s expectations; he literally doesn’t want to do the things they’re asking, and doesn't think they're even possible for him. But, by his own admission, Shuuji is obsessed with his father’s approval, despite clearly believing–and basically being told–that he can never actually get it without compromising his own identity. Either way, it’s clear that his father has incredible power over him, and wields that power cruelly.

Shuuji’s trauma response

We can see hints of Shuuji’s troubled mental state pretty much from the outset. From the top of the game he’s established as a somewhat awkward, bossy person, who seems socially isolated; he doesn’t appear to have existing bonds with any of the other campers, and you can even find some NPCs making fun of him in the prologue chapter.

Once in the other world, besides a (frankly normal) level of distress and anxiety in their newfound situation, it also becomes apparent that Shuuji has a lot more going on. He has an almost compulsive need to feel independent, as he becomes strangely uncomfortable and upset when others offer him help. He also clearly has issues with control; although it’s spurred in part by the other kids looking to him as the eldest, Shuuji frequently tries to take control of situations. He’s usually outvoted; however, while he often folds oddly quickly (interestingly, you see him stutter a lot in these instances, a characteristic Lopmon shares), later he more consistently doubles down and lashes out verbally at others when they don’t listen to him.

His bossiness with the others and his harshness with Lopmon (we’re getting there, don’t worry) is also easily associated with his desire to please and emulate his father. This is common in abused children, who often try to appease their abuser by acting in whatever way they think is least likely to result in further aggression, even when they aren’t there.

In case that was too lowkey, you see Shuuji doing this overtly in the nightmare scene; notice that he is not actually arguing against the way he is being treated, but trying to convince his father that he will behave in the way he wants. The only moment in which he expresses frustration (“you don’t understand me”) is not responded to by the other characters in the dream, suggesting that it’s a feeling he has not actually voiced. (In the true route, Shuuji says that his family has never really had a direct conversation with each other, which would support this.)

At this point it’s also worth saying that not everyone’s trauma response is good, healthy or rational. It would be nice to believe that all victims of abuse simply cry quietly in the corner now and then without otherwise causing trouble, and that may be true for some. However, for many survivors it is not that simple, especially if they have avoided treating or even acknowledging their trauma for some time.

Besides fear and sadness, many survivors may also feel anger; towards their abuser, towards their own powerlessness or even toward people/things that seemingly have nothing to do with the trauma. They may struggle to trust others or form healthy relationships. They may act in ways others consider unusual or inappropriate. None of these things make them less worthy of empathy or compassion.

However: when people cope with abuse–or any other kind of trauma–by perpetuating it on others, that’s where it gets sticky. So, let’s address the bunny in the room.

What is going on with Lopmon?

I’d like to first draw your attention to Shuuji’s treatment of the other characters–including the other Digimon–besides Lopmon. He does have a tendency to be bossy, but this is not exactly inappropriate given the situation; he’s the oldest of all the Survive kids, and the others specifically look to him for guidance (even if they often disagree with it).

Even Shuuji’s official bio describes him as "gentle and peaceful”. Significantly, Shuuji is also specifically shown soothing others, even when he himself is distressed. Of particular note is the fact that, after Ryo’s death, it’s Shuuji who calms the group down and takes them back to the old school; right after, he also talks Kaito out of immediately going after Miu.

At his rock-bottom worst, when Arukenimon tempts him with the promise of the group going home in exchange for one child sacrifice, Shuuji still offers himself with very little hesitation to spare the others–he does panic when it comes to sealing the deal, but he still doesn’t throw any of his friends under the bus. Although the other kids are pretty frustrated with him at this point, after he dies they’re quick to note that for all his shortcomings, Shuuji always had the team's safety in mind. So. What is it about Lopmon?

When it comes to Shuuji’s relationship with Lopmon, there is an additional layer of nuance to be considered, beyond even “they are two separate characters in a piece of media”. Digimon Survive operates with the idea that each partner Digimon is literally a part of their fated child’s soul, a concept that was also true for the original Digimon Adventure anime and its sequel.

At a glance, Lopmon and Shuuji might not seem particularly similar. However, they actually share several notable qualities. Like Shuuji, Lopmon dislikes fighting and conflict in general (in group discussions, Shuuji almost always advocates diplomacy or retreat instead of fighting). He’s also determined to contribute and be of use to those he cares about, and prefers to do so without help from others. Most significantly, Lopmon has a strong desire for approval and praise–and sadly, like Shuuji, it is frequently to his detriment.

But Lopmon also embodies several of Shuuji’s less obvious qualities–ones that are less obvious specifically because Shuuji is trying to suppress them.

Lopmon is very visibly sensitive, often crying, stuttering or trailing off when he’s emotionally affected. He has trouble asserting himself, and can be clumsy and slightly awkward. Another quality of Lopmon’s that’s relevant to Shuuji is that he is not very good at articulating his feelings. When Takuma finally decides to mediate between the two, Lopmon only manages to say that he “needs to be with him” but can’t express why, leaving both him and Shuuji frustrated.

Lopmon’s vulnerability mimics Shuuji's own internal state; his innocent but deeply wounded inner child, who has been made to feel worthless through emotional abuse. In short, Shuuji doesn’t like Lopmon because Shuuji doesn’t like Shuuji, and is specifically cruel to him in ways he is also cruel to himself.

Most interestingly for these two, the creators of the game stated they would use the “Digimon are part of a person’s soul” concept to explore darker themes, with Producer Habu giving the specific example in a stream that “hurting your Digimon is a form of self-harm”. This suggests that the intention of the creators is, in presenting Shuuji and Lopmon’s relationship, not just to show the cycle of abuse that Shuuji is part of but to metaphorically depict a person struggling with self-harm.

Shuuji & Lopmon as a self-harm metaphor

Shuuji calls Lopmon things like lazy, useless, stupid–words that, either directly or by implication, have also likely been used against him by his family. He rejects Lopmon’s efforts to bond with or please him and holds him to unrealistic and unfair standards, much as his father does with him. Interestingly, Shuuji directly compares himself to Lopmon right after having the nightmare about his father, saying that Lopmon is “like he was” back when his father “chewed [him] out and had to abandon [him]”.

This wording is important. Shuuji still believes himself to be the problem in his family situation and that his father’s harsh methods are justified–so he uses them on Lopmon, in whom he sees his weaknesses reflected, not only to punish him but to try to “fix” him. However, much as Lopmon functions symbolically as an extension of Shuuji, he is still technically a separate person. Thus, by forcing Lopmon to be held to these same unattainable standards, Shuuji simultaneously perpetuates the cycle of abuse in two ways; by revictimising himself, and by inflicting abuse on another vulnerable person.

You can see this in action when Takuma finally convinces Shuuji to “teach” Lopmon. Shuuji responds by trying to make Lopmon do muscle training like push-ups, which turn out to be physically–perhaps even anatomically–impossible for him. Takuma points out that this isn’t how Digimon gain strength, and Shuuji immediately becomes angry and defensive.

But the things Shuuji’s father expects of him are similarly unachievable; Shuuji literally can’t get results by trying to be the harsh disciplinarian his father wants, because he just isn't one. Like his father, he is asking things of Lopmon that fundamentally contradict who Lopmon is as an individual.

Physical abuse is a whole other issue–but it’s important to note that Shuuji’s abuse of Lopmon does not become physical until he reaches his absolute lowest point; he’s literally been mentally tortured, and has become completely desperate and delusional.

It is interesting that right as Shuuji crosses the line to physically harming Lopmon–metaphorically, escalating from negative self-talk to physical self-harm–Wendimon appears, initially appearing to help Shuuji only to ultimately kill him. This could be considered a grim allegory for how self-harm, though it may seem to provide temporary relief, is a dangerous and unreliable coping mechanism. Furthermore, it shows that Lopmon is even more like Shuuji than we’ve realised up to this point; a gentle person who can nonetheless be driven to great cruelty under harsh enough conditions.

It also doesn’t occur until right after he offers himself to die for the others.This is not purely a noble move–Arukenimon points out, probably correctly, that Shuuji is terrified and wants his suffering to be over. Other dialogue during the Wendimon fight suggests that Shuuji also suffered from suicidal thoughts, stating that he doesn’t deserve to live, though we don’t know if they are recent or if he has harbored them for some time.

Shuuji has some really interesting dialogue in this sequence; he actually expresses pride in Lopmon for the first time upon seeing how powerful he is, and expresses a desire to use that power against people who have hurt him–specifically including his family. This moment is not about Shuuji becoming powerful, though–rather, it shows us how powerless he is, and how desperate he is to have some sort of strength to assert himself.

This act of destruction also unifies Shuuji and Lopmon for the first time; not through acceptance and trust but through pain and suffering. After eating Shuuji, Wendimon speaks with the voices of both characters as it fights the others, crying openly as it expresses their agony. And their most despairing thoughts are also the same; guilt over their actions, despairing over what they could have done instead, as well as hatred toward themselves.

It gets better (thanks Ryo!)

I know this has been really heavy so far... so let’s talk about the true route for a little bit.

Ryo is the character who Shuuji’s fate hinges on, and this makes good sense for a few reasons. Firstly, in all but the true route, Ryo’s death is a major factor in Shuuji’s own downward spiral; he feels incredibly guilty for failing to protect him, which you do see him attempting several times, trying to calm Ryo and keep him with the group. It’s not the only reason he breaks down, but it’s an important trigger.

However, in the true route, Ryo’s survival of the bridge incident gives us a chance to see one of his most important and positive qualities: he’s very observant. In the waterway incident, this really shines through; not only does he escape Arukenimon’s illusions the fastest, he’s not affected by them at all. In similar fashion, he’s able to analyse the situation with Shuuji in ways the others can’t; by immediately drawing parallels between Shuuji’s delusional behavior and his own in the past, Ryo is the only one capable of identifying both the problem and the solution.

The problem? Shuuji is traumatized, and the enemy is exploiting that. Not only does Ryo state this directly, he even admonishes the others for not being more sensitive to it. The solution? It’s a little bit weirder, but I’ll explain why I think it’s effective.

Punching Shuuji–while not the most elegant response–is the first step in eliciting a physical reaction that unifies him with Lopmon in that moment. Notice that Shuuji instantly loses his aggression after Ryo does this; not only that, but (though I’m not sure if this carries over in the original Japanese or other locations) even his speech patterns almost immediately start to mimic Lopmon’s own.

The way Ryo calls him out verbally also unifies Shuuji with Lopmon. He points out the lengths to which Lopmon has gone for him even though Shuuji never appreciated it, and that harming him is cruel and unfair–though unknowingly, he’s also directly summarized Shuuji’s relationship with his father. It’s entirely possible that Shuuji has never considered this with regard to his own situation, not just Lopmon’s, and Ryo’s words give a whole new context to the way he has been taught to view the world.

Then Ryo does something very important: he tells Shuuji that he has friends who will support him through what’s happening right now. He holds him accountable, but he also makes it clear that he will still be helped and cared for.

Following this, Shuuji’s apology to Lopmon is genuine, emotional and incredibly humble; and this time around, Lopmon’s evolution into Turuiemon is triggered by empathy, not rage. @digital-survivor (again, haha) has made a great post about how Lopmon’s evo line in the true route represents Shuuji’s positive character development should he let go of his need to please his father and trust in his own decisions. I wholeheartedly agree with this post so I will not analyse these scenes too much further, but I will add the following:

The Turuiemon evolution scene is particularly significant because it signifies the turning point not just for Shuuji's relationship with Lopmon, but his relationship with himself. From that moment on, when he praises or validates Lopmon, he’s also praising and validating the parts of himself that he previously saw as weak or useless, slowly healing the damage that has inflicted on him over the years. One of the things he says to Lopmon during his apology is “I have to heal you”; and, yes, he does need to make up for the things he’s done to Lopmon! But Shuuji also needs to heal, and to show the same patience and gentleness to himself that he is willing to show others.

However, the Cherubimon evolution scene is the one I really want to focus on because, besides being a culmination of Shuuji’s gradually increasing self-worth–and, of course, his bond with Lopmon–it is also a direct inversion of the Wendimon evolution scene.

As I mentioned earlier, the Wendimon evolution occurs right after Shuuji offers himself to Arukenimon as a sacrifice to save his friends. In this moment Shuuji’s motivation is not pure; he does want to save his friends, but he’s also desperate, miserable and wants his pain to end. The way he says it–“it should be me”–also indicates he feels it’s the ‘correct’ option that he is obligated to choose, not something he is fully willing to do.

Wendimon's evolution happens only because Shuuji forces it to through abuse; and, though Wendimon is incredibly powerful, this power cannot be controlled and backfires horribly, symbolizing Shuuji's self-destruction.

The Cherubimon evolution happens in a similar (though not quite as high-stakes) situation; Shuuji and Lopmon are facing off against a powerful enemy, and Shuuji tells Takuma to leave them and get the others, despite knowing they might not make it. In this instance Shuuji is not acting out of fear or panic; he’s assessed the situation and consciously chosen to shield the others, because he truly believes it’s the right thing to do.

In this instance, Cherubimon's evolution is triggered through Shuuji's conviction and his deep bond with Lopmon, their combined power manifesting exactly as Shuuji intends it to–symbolizing his self-acceptance.

“The Discourse”

Since the original anime, Digimon has always–in my opinion–tended to depict children’s problems with honesty and compassion. Digimon Survive is, at least as far as I know, far darker in tone than any other piece of Digimon media to date, and so it’s to be expected that it would deal with more complex issues. Parental abuse isn’t the only heavy hitter in the main cast’s trauma bag; it also addresses possibly terminal illness and even the stalking/sexual harrassment of a very young child.

Frankly, I commend this game for depicting Shuuji’s trauma in such an unflinching way, showing both the darkest possible outcome as well as a more hopeful path. If it makes you uncomfortable, then that’s probably exactly what the writers had in mind. Child abuse–mental, physical, anything–is a terribly painful subject, and the game is very specific and intentional in showing why Shuuji is the way he is. I think it’s also significant that, even outside the true route, it’s very clear that Takuma and the other characters don’t condemn Shuuji as a bad person who deserved his fate–they simply regret not having the means to help him.

As I said earlier, while of course not all victims of abuse will express abusive, or even just misguided behavior themselves, it is important to recognise that some might. To put it bluntly: if you are willing to retract support for abuse victims because they have made mistakes–especially children, making mistakes that are direct results of how their abuse has mentally impacted them–then I would question if you support them at all. No abuse victim–no person–is perfect, and while of course all people should be accountable for their mistakes, this doesn’t mean they should not also receive support for their problems.

Of course, Shuuji is a fictional character, and so to dislike him is not necessarily reflective of how one feels about real children in his situation. But the fandom response to this character has been so aggressive and unsympathetic that it’s difficult not to wonder if maybe people just really didn’t understand the point of him. In any other piece of media, it’s hard to believe an abused child with a self-harm problem would be judged as harshly.

In fact, even within the Digimon franchise, Ken from 02, whose physical abuse of his partner Wormmon is much more regular and pronounced (people like to say the difference is Ken’s actions are influenced by external forces–actually, so are Shuuji’s) is a fan-favorite. Why is that? Why are people so quick to say that Shuuji “deserves” to suffer, while Ken is generally regarded as having one of the best redemption arcs in the fandom–when the situation is actually not that different? Is it because Lopmon is a cute bunny and Wormmon is an icky bug? Is it because our attitude to consuming media with “problematic” characters has simply changed over time?

Furthermore, what exactly would Shuuji have to do to “earn” his happy ending in the true route? He already apologizes, and immediately modifies his behavior toward Lopmon once it’s fully addressed. He continues to feel guilty for it, right up into the later parts of the game–but even when he brings this up (which is rarely) he never makes it about him. If you want him to have some sort of external punishment, Ryo did tell him off after punching him in the face–and if that’s not good enough, he literally dies painfully in the event that nobody is there to do just that.

The narrative does not condone his actions, nor are they without consequence. So the question is really: exactly how much more do you want him to suffer? And why, when the game has already shown you that suffering more will not fix his behavior or save Lopmon? I think it is important to ask ourselves these questions, especially because, if anything, the entire message of the true route is that by making an effort to empathize with others–including those who have done wrong and seem unreachable–we may be able to help not just them, but the community or even the world as a whole.

If you still don’t like Shuuji, that’s fine; again, he’s not a real person, and anyone is free to think whatever they like. If his actions disgust you and you can’t get past it or just generally hate his vibes, that’s none of my business.

But I think for many people, seeing Shuuji and Lopmon’s story turn from a cautionary tale of self-loathing to one of redemption through self-acceptance is a genuine source of comfort and hope.

In short, it’s a shame to write off this character at his worst, without giving him a chance at his best.

And, for real, fuck Shuuji’s dad.

#digimon survive #digimon meta #shuuji kayama #lopmon #the trigger warnings are there for a reason #alternate silly title:#'if u hate me at my moral/wrathful/harmony route u don't deserve me at my true route'#if i cannot be this kid's new and better dad i will settle for being his fandom attorney #EDIT: something weird happened to this post and deleted some paragraphs/took others out of order #i think i've fixed it now but lmk if you see anything off!

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