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#although white ppl you have to be a lot more careful with these days. at least where i live. my neighbourhood is all trump supporters
sudaca-swag · 1 year
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its gotten to a point where its ridiculous how usamericans and europeans grabbed a random fact from the 19th century and ran with it to build another prejudiced vision about south american countries. In short, no its absolutely not true that "there are no black/indigenous people" in countries such as Argentina or Uruguay, studies deminstarte it and anyone who lives inside these countries and isnt actively racist can see it.
Its true that during colonial times and afterwards there was a whitening process, you see while USA had segregation in latin america mixed marriages were encouraged as the norm bc it was thought children would be born paler and catholic, this resulted in most of latin american people being mixed genetically (except the more powerful classes who of course still marry between themselves and tend to be of european descent only). Also, lot of the times, black male slaves were thrown as soldiers in the independance wars and other fights, this is something that happened all over the americas, including the US.
But since race is a social construct that varies from time to time and from country to country, its not seen the same in latin america than in the US. Here nobody cares about blood quantum like they still seem to do in the US, a lot of ppl who identify as black there would never say they are black here, and you would probably never call "white" most people who self identify as white from uruguay or argentina if you ever saw them irl. Here racial identitity is more focused on phenotype (facial features) and self-identification, which makes it so that if you can "pass as white" youre most likely going to be identifying as such because the concept of "being white" is incredibly wide. Also because european immigration to south america came mostly from spaniards and italians unlike what happened in the US.
There is of course internalized racism that answers to all of this, and state government racism just like it happens in the US there is a reason why most POC in latin america make up the poorest classes, and have the least opportunities to rise from them. Calling all argentinean and uruguayan people blue eyed blonde nazis is a disservice to all of us, but most of all to POC who identify with pride with their roots, it shows youre not interested in them you just want a viral tweet/tiktok to diss on countries who are still victim to YOUR country's imperialism. It sounds as if you only found out two days ago about other latine countries that are not mexico, it sounds as if you dont understand context and that you cant apply an usamerican pov to other countries narratives.
Lastly, since yankis get horny with graphs and percentages, heres some numbers: Uruguay has about 4.5% self identified black people (although genetic studies claim it could be higher up to 7%) meanwhile argentina has about 150k people self identifying as such, but afroargentinean organizations claim the numbers can be up to 2 million people, which would also be a 4.5% of the population, its a trend that seems to be repeated in a lot of american countries.
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sweaterkittensahoy · 5 days
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hi i just want to say i love love love ur blog and thank u for all the info on “rad feminism”. although i very much believe in / support / LOVE feminism (of course!!!!) i wasnt really aware of the term but i do hear it thrown around a lot so i’m shocked to hear that this type of “feminism” is discriminatory towards transgender people. feminism should be the complete OPPOSITE of that. calling urself a feminist and forcing ppl into boxes is CRAZY.
So, here's a post I reblogged today that looks at how radfems and TERFs are doing shit on tumblr to try and indoctrinate people, and I just want to share that because there's further good information about their tactics.
The history of radfems is 100% wrapped in gatekeeping and control tactics. Very short history: Radfems were birthed out of second wave feminism. Up until that point, feminism was something pursued in the public sector most often by women who had the means and time to focus fully on activism. So, upper middle-class white women. There were BIPOC women in every aspect of feminism from the beginning, but due to socioeconomic factors and just plain old racism, those women were rarely listened to outside their own sphere of influence.
In second wave, BIPOC women had finally gained some upward mobility economically and socially that opened the doors to do more in the wider world of the feminist movement. When they went to the white women in charge of the movement and said, "Hey, we have supported and worked for your concerns for decades. Here are things that are especially affecting BIPOC women, and we would greatly appreciate the reciprocation of everything we've put into the movement.
To which the upper middle-class white women who had the power in the movement basically said, "No, those things don't affect us, so we don't care."
Out of this schism came a lot of white women who couldn't believe other women were "betraying" them by putting the needs of their communities ahead of what white women wanted. And that was the birth of radical feminism, the idea that anyone who called themself "feminist" disagreeing with these women were the enemy and had to be silence and stopped.
Several decades later, third wave feminism was able to really start discussing intersectional feminism where even if your concerns aren't mine, they are valid because you are speaking from an experience and a community I don't have. But we are all striving for human rights, dignity, and respect, so fighting for the rights of one woman is fighting for rights for all of us. Third wave isn't (wasn't? I'm not sure if we've actually rolled into fourth wave at this point) perfect. White Feminism is still an issue. Getting people who say they believe in the rights of all women to realize that means women they find fundamentally terrible deserve the same human rights is a problem. People wanting to put Western Feminism Ideals onto other cultures like Japan and the Middle East is a problem.
Meanwhile, Radical Feminists have built a walled-off city where they can all yell about how they're the truest and purest feminists and anyone who disagrees with them is mentally ill, or hates women, or is an abuse apologist. Amongst many other claims.
The difference between Radfems and Feminists is that Radfems don't want to bring in anyone who doesn't absolutely agree with them on every point. Feminists want to open the doors and welcome anyone trying to genuinely help all women achieve human dignity. It's not a perfect system. As listed above, there are issues in the movement to this day that will likely persist until the universe ends, but at the core of it, Radfems want total agreement and loyalty, and Feminists are seeking to build a community where we understand one another and support one another even if my problem isn't your problem.
The most important thing to remember, I think, is this: The number of radfems is actually pretty small. They're just fucking loud. And I think the reason they've gotten so loud is that more and more people are realizing their goals aren't to educate or help but to shame and control, and so they're getting louder about how they're the real victims and MUST fight back against people who disagree with them, whether directly or not because they're trying to "save" the "real" feminists. They're not trying to save anyone except themselves and the rest of their cult, and to hell with the rest of us. But, there's more of us seeking real community and care than radfems, so I think we'll win in the end. We just have to remember that we're in this together, and that keeping the door open to new ideas and information is a very powerful tool.
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sofipitch · 2 years
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Why so much hatred for the show just because of how ‘inaccurate’ it is? Even the 94 film made some changes not to mention Queen of the Damned which (although bad) is treated as an AU of the actual book; it’s fun and harmless. The books are still there, the 94 film is still iconic, there’s so much fanfiction out there that clearly takes creative liberties (duh). All of these have enriched the fandom simply due to their creative interpretations of the original material (which does have its flaws and it’s okay to want to change them) and I really don’t see how the amc series is any different.
So it's a mix of a lot of things. Racism is obviously the big one. Literally EVERYTIME a character that was previously white gets cast as a POC racists take the time to scream and be disgusting on the internet. It's not a VC exclusive experience, it's happened to The Queen of the Damned move, Star Wars and the upcoming Percy Jackson show. And that's just a list off the top of my head I'm sure an actually comprehensive one exists out there. I think it tends to be WORSE when the race change is for a main character (Finn in Star Wars) or a love interest (Annabeth, she's also a MC but I think the ship is what makes ppl care). Also Rick Riordan, the author of PJO made an awesome statement supporting the actress who got cast as Annabeth and condemning racism. Often times the actors are just left to deal with that shit on their own, as I believe John Boyega spoke out as part of what made his experience with SW so miserable. I do wish the Rices or AMC made a similar statement but unfortunately Uncle Rick is an exception, not the rule.
Louis is both a main character and another main character's love interest which makes the racists mad. Bc when background characters get their race change they don't care, POC should "politely remain in the background and let white ppl take the stage" 🙄 I remember seeing when the casting first came out ppl complaining saying they wish a DIFFERENT character had had their race swapped, like Marius in the Lestat Musical. Which basically proves that this mentality has to do with main characters.
As for ppl complaining about the minutia, I think it's one of two things, they are racists who would just be happy if Louis and Claudia weren't black but don't want to admit it so they attack other details to "explain" why they hate the show. The other is typical "book fandom" bs. Everyone pictures the characters and setting and details differently in their head. Certain scenes and details are more important to them. I think this is the case with a lot of Daniel fans right now. I get that ppl love him, I love him too, but he is also technically just a background character. So I don't get ppl loosing it over him being changed, I think he's getting more screentime than AR would have allowed had she adapted the series, lol. But again, different aspects of the stody mean different things to different ppl.
Where it gets annoying is when book fans kind of get the idea that bc they "read" they are smarter, and they want to brag about that. So they like pointing out that x character's eyes were supposed to be brown instead of blue. Or that this scene was supposed to happen but isn't in the movie. The nerd "um, actually..." instinct, they think it makes them look smart. And most if the time, at the end of the day, these aren't details that matter to the overall story. So yeah ppl shitting themselves that AR's vamps aren't supposed to have blood on their face after drinking is just an example of that. It doesn't matter to the story at all, the detail is an artistic license. But book ppl want to tell you it matters just bc they want you to be in awe of how "smart" they are. (Which is always funny bc usually the books that do get adapted aren't the most highbrow, and I'm sorry if this offends anyone I really don't mean it to but I don't consider VC literature and if I did only IWTV and maybe TVL. I just wouldn't "brag" that I've read VC, you feel me? Especially those later books yeesh)
I also think some people are also just straight up dumb and think hair color = personality. Like I get it, I like to make jokes about hair color too, but again, at the end of the day, Stuart Townsend wasn't a bad Lestat bc he was a brunette, he was a bad Lestat bc of that script and a bad fake French accent.
So yeah I agree with you anon, I'm glad the show took some creative liberties and it's also the nature of literally all adaptations. Details don't matter so much as if the adaptation captures the same feelings, story arc, characters, and most importantly, what you loved about the original. A good example of an adaptation that changed a LOT but ppl seem to love both the movie and the book is Howl's Moving Castle. Like the show isn't out but based on the trailer I have a strong feeling the show will be like that, different, but with the same story and vibe at it's core.
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sassycordy · 2 years
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welcome to part two of me pretending to know about fashion ahah. usual disclaimer! this is just my own personal opinion on how i would dress rodney today, if you don’t agree with me that’s perfectly fine! also if it helps to imagine things better, i like the picture the team wearing these outfits around the age of 25 ahah.
ok so! to the left, we have his day to day outfits. if i had to pick a word i associate his every day looks with it would be “soft boy that doesn’t look as put together” ahha. the giant blue hoodie is self explanatory (he’s such a stereotypical nerd lmfao) and I think blue is his Best color (it matches his eyes <3). next up are the bottoms, and I personally don’t think any of the men on Stargate Atlantis would wear skinny jeans lol so i put rodney in a more wide length jeans cut! we have another outfit with the classic blue jeans (imagine them as baggy but stylish) + i added some beige (and a lot of other browns to his look) because its a color he wears a lot in the show and i think it suits him! now i had to add a stripped shirt and a nerdy shirt because c’mon its rodney lol. weirdly his shoes were the most difficult part of this collage lol. on one hand, i think rodney would try to wear sandals/berks because he’s lazy and doesn’t care much about his appearance but i also believe rodney wouldn’t be the guy to have his toes out (he’d find it so unprofessional LMFAO) so I went with the safe choice and gave him some white sneakers cause dammit rodney im giving you a brighter palette.
up next we have his vacation outfit and honestly again, this entire look is self explanatory. elizabeth definitely made him that t-shirt so ppl on the base would leave him alone on his days off ahah. i also gave him some of that classic rodney charm with khaki cargo shorts! and last but definitely not least, the dreaded pair of socks and sandals. unfortunately, in my heart …. i know he would wear this combination. (I was gonna say I can fix him but lets be honest, if john can’t do it I cant do it lol).
his formal wear was another easy one to nail as I think the show actually did rly well in this area (shocking I know)! he would love the classic black tux but i also think he would throw in a bow tie to spice his look up ahah. although he would stick to a black bow tie because of course he can’t go Too crazy. and for his more casual business attire, i went with a brown sweater vest! rodney is basically a 500 year old man stuck in young body aha so I think he would love the “grandpa” aesthetic (do we know anything about rodney’s grandparents bc idk i just get a vibe rodney might’ve been close to them).
accessories time! we have a black belt because again rodney = grandpa and i think he would wear belts. (don’t really have a reason, i just get the vibes). and lastly we have this simple black bracelet. rodney is definitely against accessories (too flashy for him) so i think this really simple bracelet (handmade by teyla) would be the only thing he would wear. and I think he would only wear it on special occasions like for his beach vacation ahah (its too dangerous to wear in the lab bc something could get on it and he’d have to ask teyla to make him another one).
andddd that’s it! honestly this one was pretty self explanatory and all things considered, i think the wardrobe department on atlantis did a great job with rodney! this series is all about modernizing the outfits, color palettes, and bringing more of their personality into their clothes (which definitely comes through for this one lol). i had so much fun putting these looks together! be on the look out for miss elizabeth weir.
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the-firebird69 · 4 months
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Barry White Rio de Janeiro
fgood fun and it was is. being this character although i hear waa a mac and he died. and then who is left. and they say lots of us left. heard it ok. and worked.
jsason
 now we seey ou there typing and say this he is a repoter and does not lean no does but not to them much  they are reats scoundrels and low lifes mean to him a lot. and he is deseprate for oxygen and other hates this palce hates fleas and more. now you ppl are not good at taking care of babies and children and we are so you let him ot. no you say and we help him get him duds andmoney and oygen needs it badly the ship the main problem it is.  we work now
and yeh us
macs
and we hear it thi is intense and im sleepy. and we do th work need it now and need you up and not ill. this is hell here. he has a lot of prilosec in him got the report too much and he was is right lipoma all over and too fat and we agree.  needed to bulk but ok not that mch. and if he burns it all at ones too much an tons want it incluing macs. so we fight them. and ehlp him get oxygen. now theoy try not to and hold him and much more.  and we see it. and hit  tons die now.  we know the o2 is up. and at night to about 20 and day it i 15 steady used to drop to ten.  and we expect it up in the next few days to 22 and 16 steady  and fluctuates mostly upwards.  unless they fire it up. but after it flows in fast. goes up to 20 for hours in the day or thirty at times at night and to hit hes ays and ok we hit youi.  tons of times he does it. an we threaten he doesnot listen now lall have a beed on hiim see it too.  but what can they do. and we say it.  we can. and do it and push in on them now too. and othes shall. and to stop the nut jobs and well ok macs wont kidnap they use a system but wont.  no.need things to work for a time. as they need to hold territor.  and sais a lot tis month.
too many things no. 
=they are attackng the psuedo empire. and the psudeo empire is hit.  bunkers out.  now at 37% but falling. fast. and teh loss is more on ones partly hit.  average bout 20% capacity and will drop and yes are and now ar at 15% and in one half hour. are at it now. and flow in. poull out ok
the next hour will ber crucial and the know it.  if they are poushed out the psuedo empire wont tonight and can hold if nottehy may fall fully.  and all say it.
more too
-laser bases of the psuedo empire under attack by morlock and they flow in.  and hit. and are  hti. are at twho hundred soon all. tons of damage yes and to the bases.  two are out.  ten damaged heavily and do not function.  one hdred have medium damage partially funcitoning only smaller lasers and are not using them no  cant reflectosrs wont position as tommy f holds hem off. true.
-and trump was run over for his attack on our son. died. and is in the hospital no  glued and is sick.  and baad shape and moans groans. and is geetting brain damage is derinking. and heavily. 
-tons happening. and he was run over last night. and today was hit agan no not yet. will be some promise and a bunch
more shortly
Thor Freya
Olympus
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rudystree · 2 years
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ok before i start. yes i am stalking your blog. i like your blog! i’m bored and i’m stalking it. because once again i like it here! let’s get that out of the way in case this conversation goes sideways and i get a bunch of comments about how i’m a waste of space with no life stalking you.
i understand that people who hate on elaine take it too far 99% of the time. she’s literally just a girl, dating a guy and doing her best. she takes great photos and who cares if she’s in a room labelled cast only. i’m sure if she was unwanted, she wouldn’t be in there. i’m sure if the cast didn’t like her, she wouldn’t be photographed with them all the time.
https://rudystree.tumblr.com/post/679094452904673280/she-didnt-just-say-some-bad-words-she-said-many
but i came across this post and i just had to say something. because yes, elaine used those words a long time ago and it looks like she’s educated herself to be better. but the way you answered that ask (not mine by the way) is so condescending, rude and insensitive. i’m trying to be respectful but i’m not going to sugarcoat my words because the things elaine has said are not just words. and although u did acknowledge that they’re inappropriate i can’t help but feel like you’re diminishing how harmful they are. do you know that the n word can be traced back to slavery? that even after slaves were emancipated it was used to vilify black people and turn them into an uncivilized and animalistic race? that it’s been ringing in the ears of black people during lynchings and civil rights riots and the “war on drugs”? it is not just a word. but it is a word used by the kkk. and it’s a word that a lot of people who were storming the white house that day were yelling. i’m sure elaine has changed. i’m sure she would never use that word now. but if i’m giving her the benefit of the doubt i have to give that anon the benefit of the doubt as well. and by that i mean that i’m assuming that they’re not one of those people who send elaine death threats or talk badly about her physical appearance. because A LOT of people who dislike elaine are not those people. they’re people who are just hurt that so much love and attention is going towards someone who’s said those awful things and that people go to such extents to defend her when we can’t even get the same reactions from those people when we’re shot on the street by cops. im not saying elaine deserves all the hate. but you can’t say that every single person who dislikes her and brings up what’s she done is a jealous fan girl. and it’s not your place to say that we should be doing something that actually helps. we’re doing more than anyone else is and putting more into this cause than anyone else because we’re living it.
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Wow okay well first of all thank you for liking my blog! 🫶 & I love it when ppl stalk my blog hehe
I also appreciate you sending a very respectful message. But that’s the problem when you’re looking back at older posts, because the context in which I answered them was that I did NOT receive respectful asks about Elaine. These were people in my inbox telling me over and over again that she is a monster and deserves to die. For jokingly using inappropriate words as a teenager. I stand 100% behind saying that this is absolutely vile and disproportional.
Of course I am aware of black history, but again, her allegedly having used the n-word around a friend in high school doesn’t mean she actually hate-crimed anyone ffs💀
I hate to break it to you, but most people have said dumb shit when they were younger. Chase, Carlacia, Madison, Drew, etc., they’ve ALL said problematic shit. To assume that someone is undeserving of love, attention or happiness in life for things they cannot change is cruel. Obviously they don’t deserve endless praise for correcting their behaviour now. But you have to acknowledge it if you’re gonna keep bringing up the old shit.
If you keep looking down my blog, I’ve answered a billion times that I don’t condone her past actions and that anyone is free to dislike her. But constantly fucking obsessing over her every move after all these years of her proving that she is nothing like that anymore is absolutely absurd. It is 100% my place to tell ppl who incessantly bully her to shut the fuck up. They are welcome to bitch about her anywhere else, but not on my blog and not in her comments.
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realcube · 3 years
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trying to be nice to their crush hcs
navi | masterlist | taglist
thank you to 🍦anon for this cute request!
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characters: tsukishima, kyōtani, sakusa & suna
content warning: swearing & sexual references 
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kei tsukishima 
♡ this is all yamaguchi’s fault (︶^︶)
♡ he found out tsukki had a crush on you bc he mentioned you a lot in conversation so yamaguchi interrogated him for answers then lo and behold, the beanpole had a lil thing for you 
♡ you sit in front of tsukishima in homeroom while yamaguchi sits beside him so when you leaned back and asked him if you could borrow a pencil and he spat back a snarky remark about you being too irresponsible to care for your own pencils, yamaguchi hastily offered you one of his own before scolding tsukishima 
♡ he explained to his clueless friend that being nasty to people isn’t a good way to get them to like you 
♡ so perhaps he should be nicer :)
♡ honestly, tsukishima would’ve just looked yamaguchi straight in the eyes and went ‘no’, if it wasn’t for the fact you shot tadashi the sweetest smile anD PLAYFULLY BLEW HIM A KISS AFTER HE JUST GAVE YOU A DAMN PENCIL LIKE WTF 
♡ after that, he decided to give up his current personality and pick up a new one 
♡ jk jk 
♡ but he had to binge a whole bunch of those youtube psychology videos that are like ‘psychological tricks to make people like you’ and ‘THESE 5 MIND TRICKS WILL MAKE YOU THE MOST POPULAR PERSON *EVER*’!!
♡ spoiler alert: he wasn’t the most popular person but perhaps that was bc he only went to the effort of using those tricks on you 
♡ god bless him; he tries hard, he really does. (not his best, just hard)
♡ but you don’t have to be extremely observant to realise that he’s began acting different around you and of course, it confused you seeing tsukishima being nice
♡ what irritated you was how dismissive he was being of your questions though, as he was clearly trying to lead you to believe that you were crazy and he’s just always been a nice guy 
♡ but as soon as he figures out that he angered you, he’ll instantly switch back to him normal self - draining his mind of the hours of phycology studying he did last night to just pretend like it never happened 
♡ and if he’s feeling flirty, he might be extra mean to you ( ̄︶ ̄)
♡ also he makes a mental note to never take yamaguchi’s romance advice ever again 🙄
♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥
you sighed, removing your hand from your bag after desperately rummaging through it in search of a pencil once again - deja vu. once you accepted that a pencil wasn’t going to materialise out of thin air, you peered over your shoulder and tapped the corner of yamaguchi’s desk, who wore a suspicious grin which you decided against questioning. 
“yamaguchi, do you think i could borrow a pencil again? sorry, this is the last time, i swear. i’ll be sure to get some on my way home after school tod--” 
yamaguchi dropped the line him and tsukishima had rehearsed many times beforehand, while clutching his pencilcase dear to his chest, “woah, (y/n). you’re so irresponsible. sorry, i can’t lend one of my pristine pencils to someone who is too forgetful to remember to buy some; what if you forget to return it to me?” 
tsukishima cringed at how forced it sounded but he couldn’t help but admire yamaguchi's dedication to his role. this allowed tsukishima to swoop in, pencil in hand, “here.” that wasn’t in the script but he panicked! okay, now, eye contact. 
you just sat there and stared at both of them with the most dumbfounded look plastered on your face. what just happened?  why were they both acting like they were in drama class?  and why are they both so bad at acting? they’re both passing performing arts for fucks’ sake!
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kentarō kyōtani 
♡ sorry but i firmly believe kyōtani is the sorta guy to be extra mean to ppl he fancies smh
♡ the rest of them just act (somewhat) like themselves around their crush but kyōtani is himself2 (himself^2)
♡ like one time yahaba found you trembling in your locker bc you had gotten mud on mad dog’s white shoes so he chased you through the hallways of the school, threatening to trek mud on your forehead 
♡ yahaba took it upon himself to investigate as to why kyōtani was so rude to you and he got his answer as soon as he mentioned your name to mad dog and the boy’s face immediately flushed red 
♡ so after practise, yahaba schools mad dog on how to get chicks (⌐■_■)
♡ in short, his advice was ‘good guys get laid’ and for kyōtani’s understanding, ‘good’ and ‘kind’ were interchangeable 
♡ mad dog wasn’t completely oblivious to how he treated you and he was aware that he was far from ‘kind’
♡ although he usually doesn’t listen to people in general, yahaba seemed to know what he was talking about so he figured there was no harm in trying to be nice 
♡ but ngl, he just spent the rest of the day wondering...what is kind?
♡ after a few messages back and forth with yahaba, he figured that the best place to start was by apologising for - y’know - chasing you around the whole school 
♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥
“oi!” kyōtani bellowed through hallway, paying no mind to the students that cast him dirty looks as his sights were locked on you. standing unsuspecting by your locker, stuffing your textbooks into your bag until you heard his deep voice echo through the hall, to which you visibly perked up and began frantically looking around.
he marched towards you, hands in pockets and when you noticed him out of the corner of your eye, you were more than ready to drop all your shit and bolt away. but he didn’t let you as before you were able to take off on your heels, he grabbed your shoulder and spun you around to face him - then he noticed your hands raised in defence by your face and your head hung low.
his heart sank and his grip on your shoulder immediately softened, “i’m not gonna punch you, idiot.” he spat, rolling his eyes and gritting his teeth, trying to appear angry in hopes you’d mistake his light blush for pure rage. 
“i just wanted to say that i felt bad for chasing you through the halls yesterday - you didn’t stand a chance so i guess it was a bit unfair.” he said, frowning as you replied with silence so the duty fell on him to fill it, “and i got the stain out, anyway so.” 
more silence. lovely.
suddenly, he puffed his cheeks out as his eyes snapped to meet yours and he roared, “ARE YOU GONNA FUCKING SAY SOMETHING OR ARE YOU TOO BRAINDE-”
“are you wearing eyeliner?” 
and that was the true story behind why you missed last period, because you and kyōtani had a 30 minute conversation about eyeliner and make-up, then he convinced you to skip the rest of class with him so he could buy you ramen as an apology gift.
so yeah, he figured that perhaps he should try being nice more often.
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kiyoomi sakusa
♡ he didn’t need someone to tell him to be nicer, he’s just predisposed to attempt to show kindness to someone he is fond of
♡ in his mind, showing kindness, respect and stripping himself of all his personality = the only way to be desirable 
♡ (ofc this takes place before he meets atsumu tho lol)
♡ so it’s not the realisation that’s the problem for him, it’s the execution 
♡ like how is he supposed to be nice without either sounding creepy or condescending? 
♡ *cut to sakusa practising in the bathroom mirror* ‘your hand looks- no-’ he scoffs, flicking cold water onto his face, ‘your hair looks cool- pretty- nice?’
♡ *camera pans to sakusa laying in bed, staring intently at the ceiling while imagining vivid and scarily detailed scenarios about ways he could mess up while talking to you* 
♡ *camera zooms in on sakusa’s face as he manifests a nicer version of himself*
♡ he might - depending on how insecure he is - watch one of those psychology videos or read a wikihow for help
♡ but other than that, he independently tries to alter his personality in order to gain your favour bc..true love ?
♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥
you smiled as a basketball rolled up to your feet during gym class, followed by the sound of someone approaching you and upon raising your gaze, your eyes met sakusa’s unmistakable black ones. his face hovered only a few inches away from yours due to the fact you had both reached down to pick up the ball at the same time.
he quickly pulled himself away, tucking the basketball under his elbow as he adjusted his mask so it properly covered his face to ensure that you didn’t see the light blush slowly spreading across his cheeks. he then proceeded to blurt out what he had been rehearsing for the past few nights, “oh, thank you, (y/n). your hair looks lovely today, by the way.”
you giggled, holding your hands firmly by your side to avoid fidgeting and making it obvious that his sudden comment flustered you, “thanks, sakusa. and, if we’re handing out compliments today, i didn’t know you were good at any sport other than volleyball but you’re doing surprisingly well at basketball.” you joked, your lips slowly curling into a cocky smirk, “though, i don’t think you’d stand a chance against my team.” 
god, you’re such a tease. you make it so hard for him to be nice to you. so, of course, your comment returned his ability to utter almost every sarcastic comment that comes to mind - screw being likeable. “you think so?” he quirked a brow, tossing the ball onto your lap then pacing backwards, “go on, then.”
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rintarō suna
♡ it was probably those tips on social media that told him he has to be nicer 
♡ and plus he saw terushima get all the chicks and he was just sitting there like ‘where are my bitches at? 🥺’
♡ anyway, all the guys on social media that had girls lining up outside their door always had one thing in common: misogyny  obnoxious personalities !!
♡ and his whole personality was a sacrifice suna was willing and ready to make for just a crumb of cooch  🤲
♡ though you weren’t exactly his crush yet, suna thought you were the best person to carry out this experiment with bc he heard through the grapevine that you had a crush on him so perhaps this would make you happy
♡ he didn’t prepare much beforehand though which he immediately regretted as soon as he approached you bc admittedly, his game plan of ‘be self-assured but friendly’ was a bit vague 
♡ so he basically just had to bullshit through a whole, awkward conversation with you while wearing a forced ‘bold’ smirk which, in reality, looked as though he had just seen tiddies for the first time 
♡ hardly self-assured or friendly 
♡ also, the fact you thought he was playing a prank on you must’ve drastically altered the results of his experiment 
♡ at one point he says something extremely stupid you’d just quit playing along and just blurt out ‘wtf is wrong with you today’
♡ to which he’d be like ‘ahaha, nuthin much bbg, how bout you?’
♡ THE EXPERIEMNT ISN’T OVER UNTIL HE SAYS IT’S OVER OKAy?!
♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥ ♡ ♥
you rubbed your temples in order to soothe the throbbing headache suna gave you simply by existing. like yes, you had a crush on him 10 minutes ago - but that was before he came up to you and started acting like terushima on dodgy medication. “oh and your skin is glowing bab--”
“jesus christ, rintarō, shut up!” you cried, gripping the edge of your skirt to prevent your self from delivering a swift punch right to his stupid face. he’s seriously gotten on all your nerves at this point; firstly, by spamming your phone in the middle of the night asking for homework answers (accompanied by cursed memes) as he actually managed to wake you up. secondly, by acting so oblivious to the fact you clearly had a crush on him and now, this!
heat rose to his cheeks in embarrassment as his creepy smile instantly fell right back into his resting bitch face, “this isn’t working, is it?” 
“what’s not working?”
suna scoffed, rolling his eyes - his façade having evidently disappeared. “this.” he sighed, looking around as if someone was going to save him before his eyes finally settled on you and he was reminded of what he wanted in the first place, his sparkle was rekindled for just a moment which caused him to blurt out, “just fuck me already, i’m not asking for much.”
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swanqueensalad · 3 years
Note
TRIGGERWARNING!
Without triggering anyone I wanna ask two things:
1) Was Cora ever physically abbussive towards Regina?
2) I know many ppl's head canon is that Leopold raped Regina again and again as his bride, but is that your headcanon too?
ok again TRIGGER WARNING for abuse & SA (and brief mention of suicide) for anyone reading/scrolling!
i'm going to just explain my personal interpretation of the show and these subjects, bc i find regina so interesting and heartbreaking. and i actually do think part of what makes regina so fascinating as a character is her relationship within the cycle of abuse and how yes, she was incredibly hurt and manipulated all her life, but she eventually managed to break free of it all and work to be better for her own child.
buckle up because i have a lot of feelings and this is probably going to be LONG
so, my thoughts on exactly what happened and why regina is as fucked up as she is:
so yeah, cora was a horrific parent. it's canon that she abused regina both emotionally and physically for practically all her life.
in practically her very first scene, we see cora using magic to hurt her eighteen year old daughter - to violently restrain her/drop her to the ground when she 'misbehaves' which pretty clearly says this is a woman who uses power and fear as a control tactic, and is not afraid of physically hurting regina.
and if this is what she was doing when regina is almost an adult, i think it's safe to assume she's been doing it since she was very young - regina's response 'please don't, i'll be good' is the conditioned response of a much younger child. everything about the way regina was written, her relationship with cora, and the way lana and the directors chose to play it screams abuse victim. she is hypervigilant - she jumps when people come close or make sudden noises. when she's choked with magic she immediately knows not to struggle or fight back. as a young girl, she is terrified of doing things wrong.
(also, when we get the flashback to actual 10 year old regina, cora says she can't help her because 'it needs to be someone who's magic has never hurt her')
while i think most of the time cora relied on magic to physically punish regina - knowing how much regina particularly hated it/was afraid of it - i think she was definitely not above slapping her for more minor infractions
beyond just physical abuse, cora was clearly emotionally distant and got regina to a place of being pretty touch-starved and desperate for affection. (lana and barbara play this so masterfully as well) we see her being constantly, nastily critical of everything her daughter does.
i think it's also implied in the regina rising book that cora was controlling/restrictive of regina's food to ensure she stayed thin/attractive which is just a whole other can of worms
as for leopold. please bear with me while i RANT:
nothing will ever make me more mad than the fact this man was never held accountable in the narrative for his role in regina's story and how absolutely fucking awful he was.
first of all, even before he meets regina, he is dodgy af. he supposedly genuinely loves cora, but throws her out immediately when he discovers her pregnancy without even asking her if it's true/discussing it. also, even in that flashback the man is visibly much older than cora and even more so than eva, who he actually does marry (although i do believe they came to truly love each other). so yeah he has a habit of Not Listening to women and not looking at women his own age
and then we get to regina. the eighteen year old daughter of his ex fiancee (younger even than the unborn child who cora carried when she was engaged to him)
yes i think he raped her. because powerful old men do not marry pretty eighteen year olds for the company. (also, if it was just so snow would have a mother figure, well, she already had her maid joanna. and if snow really wanted regina around that badly, leopold could have just brought her to court as a lady in waiting, a fitting role for a noblewoman, and more appropriate seeing as regina was only about eight years older than snow)
regina is visibly distressed by the proposal. she is panicked. she looks to her father to help. cora accepts the proposal for her. and leopold does not care. i think this tells u all u need to know about his views on consent
(also it all gets ickier when you remember leopold was attracted to cora, and regina is considered to look like cora did when she was younger)
leopold clearly had zero interest in regina as a person. he used her for arm candy for events, to make snow happy, and to keep his bed warm. (later, he invades her privacy so much regina counts on him reading her diary as a thoughtless and integral part of a plan, and locks her up for receiving a present from another man) and yet he is never treated as a villain or ever held accountable (besides regina killing him - good for her - but even then it's framed more as a way to villainise her for tricking sidney) and it makes me FURIOUS
i sometimes see the take that leopold might have stopped raping her towards the latter years of their marriage, but i disagree - i think maybe it did get fewer and farther between, but regina was still his wife who he only saw as serving a few purposes, and the way he is so possessive of her in 1x011 makes no sense otherwise, seeing as he was so uninterested in her in every other way
i do think a lot of regina's rage and vendetta against snow is because of this abuse too.
hear me out: in s1 especially, both snow and regina refer to snow as 'ruining her life'. because regina blamed her for everything that happened to her. not only did snow cause daniel's murder, it was her desire for regina as a mother that prompted leopold to marry her.
and this marriage was hell. and i think people don't realise how long it lasted either - snow went from a child to at least her late teens before regina killed leopold. regina was a traumatised young girl, grieving the love of her life, with no friends, no allies, nobody except the literal dark one who was grooming her for his own gain. (no wonder she clung to the brief sense of freedom and control his lessons offered. no wonder she nearly killed herself.)
and while regina suffered, she was forced to play with snow white every day, who was so spoiled, so loved, so happy, and had no idea of the life she had unwittingly trapped regina in.
so yeah, it's all pretty dark.
and it's for all these reasons i think ouat ended up shying away from many more regina backstory episodes centring on the time she was married/pre-evil queen years, because they were on abc after all, and i don't think they were really equipped to deal with the horrendousness of the story they'd created
but lana most certainly did her work becaue i think all of this nuance does show in her portrayal
and it all just makes regina's ending - the good queen, in her own name, safe and strong and loved, part of a true family, her bond with snow healed - so much more of a relief.
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xsugarysweetsx · 3 years
Note
I hope I got this right it's kind of a mess
May I request option 3 with Oikawa please 😅
A bit about me : I'm 4'9 a bit on the chubby side with tan skin and shoulder length black hair
Personality type is ISTP. I'm quiet and awkward but once I get to know u I can't stop talking. I can be a bit lazy/introverted sometimes but if I'm with friends I know how to have fun. I seem kinda cold and distant but that coz I don't really know how to show affection, but I do care v much. I'm a ppl pleaser and tend to follow the rules so I can blend with the crowd. (I seriously need an outgoing person in my life 😐) love quiet places, bookstores, theme/water parks, reading, watching anime and frozen yoghurt. I have a vintage/kawaii? aesthetic
For the scenario : fluff with some spice at the end maybe? 👀
How about Oikawa finally having a break after volleyball season to spend with his family. He just wants to sleep in with u but the kids have other ideas so they end up going to the beach. Oiks is just being a child himself and having fun with his kids making sandcastles and swimming while u r chilling with one of the kids coz u both don't like the sun. Maybe oiks crashes a beach volleyball game just to show the random strangers how it's done 😌
Again congrats on the milestone and Thank you 😗 ily
A/N; don’t worry this is just fine! And thank you♥️
warnings; Spicy near the end~ not too much tho!
Please enjoy~
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"It's so nice to have you home after so long" you sigh cuddling into your husband's side
He had finally gotten a break from volleyball and now he could spend time with you and your kids. After marrying Oikawa things were a bit hard when it came to quality time. It was even harder after you had become pregnant. He wanted to always be with you but at the same time, he had to be at his games.
Luckily he and his team had gotten about 3 months off, the same as summer vacation. It was one of those rare days when he got to sleep in with you. No early morning jogs, or workouts, just cuddling with his favorite person.
"Yeah, it seems like the only time we cuddle is late at night when I get home but," he shuffles to face you completely "now I'm here and we can sleep all we want" he lays a hand on your waist
"mm yeah" you hum snuggling in for some more sleep
"Mama! Let's go to the beach!" your son came marching in followed by his younger sister
"Yeah, papa! Beach!"
*Sigh*, so much for rest. S/N climbs onto your side of the bed while D/N makes grabby hands to be lifted up. Oikawa lifts her with ease and onto his stomach. You lift your son to sit between you both, here was the center of both your worlds. Your son was 7 and your daughter was 4. They were both polar opposites, D/N was basically a mini Oikawa and your son took more of your attitude.
"well so much for rest..." he sighed "how does the beach sound princes?" he asked you. Ah yes and, you were stationed with him in Brazil while he was on their team. It was almost like constant summer there. Although by the time the kids would be older he wanted to go back to Japan. For now, where you were was just perfect.
"sigh...maybe some sea breeze would be nice" both your kids start to jump on the bed with cheers and smiles "Alright, alright everyone, get dressed and then some breakfast and we can head out."
They stopped quickly and ran to their rooms to grab what they wanted.
"I love how you handle them" Oikawa complimented you with a kiss on your cheek "Come on, I wanna see you in a two-piece!" he shouts down the hall going to help the kids get ready. Going into your drawer you dig through your clothes until you come across a two-piece
"Hmmm, maybe not this time--oh! I remember this one!" you said pulling out one piece from the bottom. It was your favorite color with a low cut back and winches waist. Sure bikinis we’re the race right now but this really made everyone turn their heads. Especially a certain captain ;)
Slipping into the swimsuit you ready yourself with your sandals, bag, glasses, and other necessities. Mostly things for the kids like sunblock, towels, some beach toys, hats, and so many other things. To think you used to only take sunblock and maybe a book, thing change when your a parent huh?
"where is my darling wife? We're just about--whoa there! Hy if you look that good I might drop the kids off at my sister's place" he smirked coming over to you and wrapping you in his arms "Mmm you're just too beautiful for other men to see" he whined
"Well, too bad Mr, the kids want to go to the beach, and besides we haven't gone in a while. It'll be fun, come on" you said taking his hand in your and leading him back to the kitchen. kids were fed and ready, with huge grins on their faces. Usually like walking to the beach with them since it was only about a 10-minute walk.
locking up the doors and putting on some sunblock before you left you're on your way to enjoying a nice beach day. Walking along you say hello to neighbors and store owners. Y/D/N was sat atop of your husband's shoulders, while your son held your hand skipped along the sidewalk. You love to have moments like this. Happy simple moments together.
"Look, Papa!" your daughter points to the yellow-white sand of the beach with beautiful Crystal waves crashing onto the shore. A satisfying salty smell was in the air that filled your heart with excitement.
"Come on bud" Oikawa squats down to pick up your son. He had a habit of not letting them walk in the hot sand, his way of being an "awesome dad". But he was right, it was very thoughtful of him, he even did it to you before.
After finding a good spot he put down both your kids and helps me to set up. You open up the umbrella spread out some blankets and put down your small bag where you had carried some snacks and other necessities.
"Come here kids, you need your block" they both line up so that you can spray and lotion them down. Being in Brazil the sun was much closer than in Japan. Which meant sunscreen was a must!
"You too Toru, come here." you motion with your finger. he practically skipped over to you and plopped down on his knees ready for you to lotion him up. now listen, this was a way of kind of establishing your place to other girls who were around you. Some of them would give you looks and you would just smile back as you applied sunscreen to your husband.
"You turn lovely~" grabbing the lotion he turns to you and starts to apply. Starting gently at your face, then to your shoulders, your arm, your thighs (his favorite), and your back
"Alright, who wants to get into the water?" He said excited standing up
“Me, me Papa! Me!” Your little girl was excited as ever and of course a daddy’s girl. Picking her up abs jogs over to the water, leaving giggles behind
“What about you sweetheart? You want to join your father and sister?” You ask your son and he shakes his head coming over to your side
“I’ll just stay here mama” your son was a lot like you in a way. While your husband preferred to be in the spotlight, you and he preferred to cheer him on from the sidelines. Either way, you had company now. Climbing onto your lap he lays against you as you both enjoy the salty breeze.
You always loved the smell of the ocean, the calm saltiness in the air, the subtle sounds of the waves. It was coming, a bit strange but you really enjoyed it. An even better view was watching Toru enjoy himself. He held your daughter in the air and brought her down when a gentle wave would come and hit them both.
It’s then you saw your husband‘s eyes light up like Christmas lights. He then screws over to a volleyball game puts his daughter on the sideline and begins playing with them. He didn’t know whether to laugh or scold him, or maybe both. He eventually had a ball set over to him and he spiked it over the net. Then again you knew he couldn’t help himself whenever this would happen. You can only count the number of dates on the beach where the same scenario would happen.
It ended up with him apologizing for getting sand in your eyes. About half an hour later they came back, a bit sleepy from all the energy they had just used up. Sitting under the umbrella you bring out the snacks and juices. Everyone enjoyed their favorite sandwich, and small side snacks, and favorite drink. Looking over at your phone you had seen the time went by and it was already past three in the afternoon.
After one more return to the ocean all together y’all start to pack your things and head home. Your daughter fell to sleep on Toru’s shoulder on the way back home. Just as you enter your home the cloud started to roll in. This was your favorite part about beach trips when they ended and rainy days, it just made everything so much cozier.
After putting your son and daughter into bed for their naps you make your way to the bathroom to wash off all the sand. Getting in for us to turn on the warm water and close your eyes. The warm liquid cascading down your body relaxes in your muscles, meanwhile, the thunder clapped in the background faintly. You hear the shower curtain move slightly making you look over your shoulder.
"Hey," he said softly coming closer and pulling you towards him by your middle. He loves to do this, taking a calm shower with you close to him. Nothing really sexual about it but more intimate, and heartwarming. He felt closer to you, more content. Although sometimes it did lead to something more. But overall he loves to have a little alone time with you.
His hands squeeze your body slightly as his lips find your shoulder and neck.
"What are you getting at?" you giggle biting back a sigh
"Mm nothing, just admiring my wife's body is all," he answers a few seconds later you feel something poke at you
"Well, I would ask what's in your pocket--but obviously I can't"
"Well, is there asleep, and we have all night long~" his tongue Finds Its way gliding from your neck of your earlobe and taking it between his lips. He gives a small nipple and a chuckle escapes his chest.
"Aren't you tired from the beach?" you ask turning around and wrapping your hands around his neck
"I'll have to remind just how much stamina a volleyball player can have," he growls picking you up with easy and pinning you to the cool wall making gasp "and we have about, uuhh 7 hours until midnight"
Oh boy, you were in for a long night~
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I hope this was okay! ♥️
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facceshopping · 3 years
Text
u guys don’t care but i need to organize my thoughts on new lana album
white dress- this one is soooo gorgeous and i really love the sped up line in the second part of the chorus although some ppl will probably hate it. also the little hum she does after she says “i felt seen” was so beautiful. love the higher register here. also “kinda makes me feel.. like maybe i was better off” didn’t make me CRY but i did tear up. wasnt crazy about the verses at first but the weird interval at the beginning grew on me. also pretty sure one of the sounds in the production is lana ripping a juul, someone tell me if u agree
chemtrails- this was already one of my fave songs recently and i think it’s even better within the album. career highlight material. she was crazy for this one. wish she included the vocalization from the outro that gets used in the video though.
tulsa jesus freak- one of my new fave lana songs and my immediate favorite on this album. the autotune they put on her throughout this track gives it such a unique quality that interacts w the melodies so well and the VOCODER at the end??? she surgically removed charli’s bob w that one. love the line “you should come back to our place baby, don’t be afraid of our love” the talking layered over the outro is one of several rly cool production touches. lyrics give me religious cult type of vibes so ofc it’s my favorite
let me love you like a woman- i thought this was mid when it got released and it’s still one of my least faves on the album but it’s grown a little. vocals in the bridge are great. i think my main issue is with the melody in the chorus, it just doesn’t do it for me. love love love when the words “want” and “need” overlap in the second verse
wild at heart- this one is also one of my favorites. she does that thing again in the second verse where she speeds up a line & keeps the rhythmic scheme pretty loose which i really like and find really expressive. harmonies towards the end are divine and the melody in the chorus feels like a classic. my one question: did she say “insta thots” in the first verse shdknsosneidixj it might have been “dots” but i’m not sure what that means. also this pretty heavily samples how to disappear from NFR which i think is neat
dark but just a game- YESSSSSSS this is such a serve the minor key ultraviolence type beat in the chorus juxtaposed with the bright 60s kind of beatles sounding harmonies in the chorus is SO cool. it’s like the verses are the dark and the chorus is the game. “no rose left on the vines” lana sees the power of fame and toys with it because it doesn’t scare her! what to others is an all consuming state of being is to her simply a game!!
not all who wander are lost- this is definitely my least fave on the album. not a bad song but definitely not as good as the others on here. the invocation of the word wanderlust had me rolling my eyes a little but in an affectionate way. i’m probably too irony poisoned for this song. i like the opening line “i’ve been wearing the same damn clothes for three damn days” though
yosemite- to me this song feels like the last one before the third act of the album and i rly like how it connects to earlier in the album (“no more candle in the wind” from tulsa jesus freak (and also mariners apartment complex now that i think abt it)) and later in the album (“we did it for free”) the chorus is really good and the spoken word interlude in the bridge is one of my fave moments on the album. love how she says “television static” also listen for that distinctive rick nowels million dollar man sound effect
breaking up slowly- probably the most traditional & familiar track on here but god does it hit. nikki lane is a great presence on here (even though i thought she was miley cyrus at first LMFAO) it’s short and sweet & the harmonies in the chorus that nikki and lana do together are really great especially when they say “don’t send me flowers.” nikki’s second verse EATS. “are these my good years or do i have none? / are there really good years for everyone?”
dance till we die- not one of my faves but still really good. the invocation of all these older women who r all musical legends definitely highlights how lana has kind of ascended to that plane. the BRIDGE however is a really pleasant surprise! i saw someone say she’s kind of giving alanis morrisette on the bridge and i agree. “court almost burnt down my home” is she talking about courtney love. please tell me she’s talking about courtney love
for free- one of her best covers for sure!! zella day sounds a lot like lana on the first verse, but weyes blood on the third verse is transcendent i love her. this being at the end rly drives home what i was talking about in the last track of lana kind of becoming one of those legendary figures. harmonies all the way through are insanely good
overall: one of her best albums for sure, i feel like it may be number 3 for me but that changes a lot. was worried this was gonna sound too much like NFR but she definitely carved out a specific sound for this one. really folky but with some light beats throughout which works for me & suits her voice & writing well. i will develop a full take on what this album MEANS as i listen to it more but for now i rly dig the themes she gets into here. her best vocals in a while (maybe ever) and maybe her most genuinely personal stuff as opposed to the embellishment & romanticization of her earlier stuff (which i love obviously don’t get it twisted) i called in sick to listen to this and didn’t regret it at all
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1kook · 4 years
Text
late fee
jeon jeongguk x (f) reader
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summary: “Captain Underpants isn’t glorified by all the tryhards, so when I pick those books, you’re unknowingly more interested in me.” tags: f2l, flirty kook, jk’s obsession w/captain underpants, he’s a fuckboy but he’s a soft fuckboy dont get it twisted, campus boy crush jk(yes again), jk abuses the FuCK out of pet names, miss koo1aid actually writes some PLOT warnings: much flirting, nsfw bc of a lot of heavy petting, pussy eatin’, a lil dirty talk, very s l i g h t coochie sniffing, BUT!!! protected sex :) wc: 10.3k
i wrote another fic (applause) and the entire thing is based off my belief that jungkook 10000% would enjoy captain underpants books. not proofread bc i am a hermit and speak to exactly 0 ppl on here, que dios los bendiga
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“Helloooo, sexy librarian,” Jeongguk says the moment he steps through the door, lopsided grin adorning his features as he swaggers over to obnoxiously lean against your desk. You can’t even pretend you didn’t see him, his presence so blaringly consuming, and evident in the way some dorky high schoolers glance over to gawk at him.
“What book are you checking out today, Jeon?” You muse instead, leaving your desk chair to head over to the stack of new books that needed to be stamped. As you turn, Jeongguk whistles at the sight, and you don’t even have it in you anymore to retort back the same way you would when he first started bugging you. “Also, are you aware that your copy of Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants is due tomorrow? It’s a dollar for every day it’s late—”
“You needn’t worry longer, baby,” Jeongguk interrupts, and the loud smack of a hardcover against the desk catches your attention. There lies Jeongguk’s Captain Underpants book, alongside the paperback copy of Beloved that has definitely seen better days.
You furrow your brows. “When did you check out this one?” You question, checking the spine to make sure the book belongs to your library. Much to your surprise, there’s no barcode on the side, and no stamp on the inside.
Your question goes unanswered as Jeongguk jumps into a full-length novella recapture of the hot frat party he’d been to last weekend, and how the Zeta Theta Psi guys knew how to party. That Jimin fellow that Jeongguk frequently mentions had apparently snorted a line of coke off their friend Seokjin’s broad shoulders just to prove his friend had godly proportions. It’s weird, but Jeongguk says it’s because you have to ride for your bros. You try to act uninterested, but Jeongguk’s a funny guy, really, and you can only hide so many chuckles with the sound of a stamp.
He’s in the middle of trying to cover up of one of his frequent trysts after accidentally exposing himself—”Don’t get it twisted, baby, I just took her upstairs to call her friend.”—when Namjoon comes out of the back room looking for you. He barely glances at your guest, before handing you a list of overdue books.
“Would you mind calling these people?” He asks, voice soft, just as everything else was about Namjoon. “They’re all a week past.”
“Yikes,” you say, eyes scanning over the list. Surprisingly, Jeongguk is still there, hovering over you as if waiting for you to dismiss him. “Do you mind, Jeon?” You say, channeling your best customer service voice. As much as Namjoon was wary of him, he still considered Jeongguk a patron in your establishment and hated to see him treated poorly, no matter how many library rules Jeongguk broke.
“Of course,” he sighs, and you miss the hostile glare he throws Namjoon when you whirl around for a highlighter. “I’ll see you later, sweetheart,” he says when you turn back around, stretching ana rm in your direction.
Half of you knows exactly what he’ll do, but the other half of you, the one trying desperately to act like his advances have no effect on you, have you placing your palm in his. You’re not super surprised when he tugs your hand upward, pecking your knuckles with a flirty wink. “Adios, Juliet,” he smirks.
“Wrong language,” you inform him, rolling your eyes nonchalantly even though your heart is beating one hundred miles per second. Jeongguk cackles, loud as all hell in the silent library, before making his exit.
It’s silent for all of twenty seconds before Namjoon jumps right into it. “So are you seeing him, or…” he interrogates, trying to act like he’s hardly interested, but you’ve known and worked alongside Namjoon long enough to know he’s secretly the community gossip.
You ignore him, choosing to jam the buttons on the phone instead.
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The weird thing about Jeongguk, was that, although he was notoriously known amongst the undergraduates (and even some graduates, because he just had it like that, you suppose) as one of the biggest fuckboys, he was different. Not to sound like every teen romcom you’d ever scanned, but he genuinely was. For starters, he’d fuck your brains out and then make you his best friend the morning after. He definitely had a very peculiar, and backwards, way of doing the whole one night stand thing.
All this you’ve gathered from your friends, who, at one point have had some sort of encounter with Jeongguk. Dahyun’s was last spring at a club event, when he’d oh so smoothly flirted with her for a solid hour before realizing she didn’t swing that way. Which is how they become close friends, which is how, by association, Jeongguk set his sights on you.
Your introduction to Jeongguk wasn’t anything out of the ordinary; he’d been tagging along behind Dahyun like a lost puppy, begging her for some class notes, and had subsequently followed her all the way to your favorite meeting place. From then, he’d dropped his petulant, childish act and put on his macho face, chest puffed and eyes hooded as he devoured your very presence.
The next time you see him, it’s at a frat party where some guy had been harping on you go upstairs with him. Another weird thing about Jeongguk, he hated when other fuckboys didn’t utilize their brains. You assume it’s because it gives the fuckboy community a bad rep as a whole, but Jeongguk hated when guys were overbearing. So he’d taken the initiative to snatch you away from that fellow, guiding you all the way back to Dahyun and friends just to make sure you were alright. Somewhere along the way, you’d informed him you worked at the local library—”The one that does bingo on Tuesdays?” “That’s for senior citizens only, why do you know that?”—and he’d never left you alone again.
This time, he spots you in the dining hall.
“You come here often, dollface?” He says the moment he slides up beside you, instantly zeroing in on the burrito wrap on your plate. Like the little immature baby he is, his hand immediately snakes out to touch the precariously wrapped white tortilla holding the deliciousness inside, and you have to physically slap the offender away. He jumps, bumping into a girl standing in line behind him, not that particularly cares. “So, it’s fuck Jeongguk hours, huh?” He huffs, adorning his face with that uppity glare he mastered from watching Mean Girls on repeat a few months ago.
“Your plate is stacked, but you wanna grab the one thing on mine,” you point out, and his lips curl into a smile at your response. “By the way, your book is past due.”
At this he gasps, all real, no Regina George effects added. “You’re lying,” he chokes, switching his plate to his other hand, and you nearly jump when the muffin balancing dangerously on top shifts. He tugs his phone out of the pocket of his sweats, scanning through his remind app until he sees that his book is overdue by three days. He groans, staring at the ceiling in shame.
You nod, breezing over his inner meltdown. “Was wondering when we were gonna get the wedgie winner, or whatever its called, back.”
He scoffs, giving you an unimpressed glare. “Wrath of the Wicked Wedgie Woman,” he corrects, looking so disappointed that you don’t have these bizarre titles memorized. “For such a pretty librarian, you sure are ignorant to these literary masterpieces.”
This makes you cackle, and your cheeks flush when at least three people turn to stare at your outburst. “You aren’t seriously calling these Captain Underpants books masterpieces,” you snort. Jeongguk shrugs, and you begin to wonder if he really is as airheaded as the characters he admires. “Jeon,” you try to reason, giving him a pleading look, because arguing the credibility of kids novels in line for lunch simply does not seem real. You must have been warped into another dimension where all pretty boys are as dumb as the movies make them out to seem.
“Listen,” he says, smiling when you grow desperate for him to prove you wrong. “I’ve read a lot of good books, but nothing tops a hypnotized superhero principal fighting crime in his underwear.”
You sigh, paying for your meal, and then, surprisingly, waiting for him to pay for his. You tell yourself it’s because you want to finish this conversation, but part of you just genuinely enjoys being in Jeongguk’s presence. Gag.
“I saw you with Beloved last week,” you carry on the second he’s done giving flirty eyes to the middle-aged cashier. “Now that’s a masterpiece.”
He nods in agreement. “But, baby,” he purrs, and the sudden switch from weird, 12 year-old literary enthusiast to grown as hell, suave bastard has you jolting a step that you try to play off by pretending to look at something on the ground. “How else will you remember my face?”
You blank. “What the hell are you talking about.”
Jeongguk gives you a pointed look. “Sweetheart, you wouldn’t remember a damn thing about me if I did what every other stuck-up bastard did trying to pick up chicks at the library.” You tilt your head in confusion. Jeongguk sighs. “If I went in every rainy Friday and checked out a Tale of Two Cities, or Oliver Twist, or some other Charles Dickens shit, you wouldn’t glance my way.”
“Do people still read Dickens?” You say instead, glossing over the fact that apparently Jeongguk’s visits were apparently blatant attempts to flirt with girls. Finally, you find a suitable spot at a long, dinner table so you don’t have to sit completely alone with Jeongguk.
“You know damn well better than I do that that those wannabe sophisticated books have waitlists.” He shoves half a pizza slice into his mouth, and you hate how your eyes immediately laser in on the strong movements of his jaw. “My point is,” he says through a greasy mouthful. “Captain Underpants isn’t glorified by all the tryhards, so when I pick those books, you’re unknowingly more interested in me.”
You cradle your burrito in your palms, rolling his words around your head for a bit. Jeongguk doesn’t particularly seem like he’s awaiting an answer, munching through the mountain of food on his plate as you revel in your thoughts.
It’s right when you go to take your first bite that you finally come to a conclusion. “But have you ever considered I’m interested in you because I think you’re funny?”
Silence. Jeongguk stares at you through his fringe, pizza slice slowly going limp in his hold as he absorbs your words. Before you know it, his ears flush red. He splutters. “I-You think I’m funny?” He asks, cheeks slowly growing rosy as well, and his lips quirk in a cute way to the side, as if he’s trying desperately to hide his excitement.
You nod, because it’s true, why would you lie? “Duh. You come in every week and just talk about your day, Jeongguk,” you say, as if it’s the most obvious answer in the world. “I think you’re very interesting and entertaining without trying.”
“Thanks,” he mutters, and for the first time, you’re thrown off by how adorable this man looks, lips pressed tight to contain a smile from your compliments.
Realization hits you all at once, but you’ve long since trained in the fluid art of avoiding your emotions.
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“There’s a party tonight,” Dahyun announces from her desk, not even bothering to glance at you when you return from the showers. You hum, not really that interested in whatever is going on this fine Thursday evening. You plop down at your own desk, starting your skincare routine.
Dahyun lets you relax in the soothing motions of self care for all of three seconds before she adds, “Jeongguk wanted to know if you’re coming.”
You press down too hard on the pump of your moisturizer, sending a large glomp onto the tips of your fingers. “That’s nice,” you say, trying to play it off, but you doubt Dahyun hadn’t heard the little spaz you had, or that she couldn’t sense the way your body immediately lit aflame at the mention of him and you in the same sentence.
She turns in her seat, and you catch sight of her in your mirror. You avert your eyes right away, because Dahyun had many talents, and her best one was reading your mind with a single gaze. You maintain an aura of unbothered and uninterested, finishing with the rest of your skincare.
Just when you think you’re safe, Dahyun pounces.
“Y’know,” she says, and you can hear the grin in her voice. “He hasn’t slept with anyone in almost a month. In fuckboy time, that’s the equivalent of two years.”
You roll your eyes, putting away your products before trying to busy yourself with anything else. “He probably has, but with people who know how to keep their mouths shut.”
Faintly, you hear Dahyun’s chair scrape against the carpet, and then suddenly she has you in a headlock. “Admit you like Jeongguk or I will throw your toothbrush into the toilet on the third floor.”
You choke, grappling her arms in an attempt to pry her off. “No,” you huff, switching tactics to tangle a hand in her silver locks. “Why would I confess to something that isn’t true?”
She shrieks when you give a sharp tug, sending her careening sideways against the foot of your bed, but not without taking you with her. “You are lying to yourself and to the entire librarian community, you sick fuck.”
You snort. “The fuck does Namjoon have to do with this?”
“He told me Jeongguk’s been bringing you Starbucks.”
Her reveal has you halting in your tracks, cheeks flushing at being exposed. “That gossiping fuck,” you seethe, finally loosening your grip on your friend. Somehow, you’ve ended up sprawled on the floor of her side of the room, nestled into the stupidly fluffy carpet she thrifted. She rolls onto her belly, propping herself up on her elbows to narrow her eyes at you.
“So it’s true,” she sighs. You shrug. “Well,” she claps her hands together. “Shimmy into that sexy dress from Windsor, we’re going out.”
You groan, rolling over in metaphorical agony. “Dude, I just washed my face. No way in hell, I’m putting on makeup now.” She considers your point for negative three seconds.
“The Glow Kit is in my bottom left drawer,” she announces right as she exits the room with her towel and shower essentials in hand.
The Glow Kit is in fact in Dahyun’s drawer, which is a little suspicious considering it’s the same one you thought you lost three months ago. Nonetheless, it never lets you down, and by the time you’re done with your makeup, you’re looking like a shimmering, little succubus in the hot dress from Windsor.
Normally, you and your self-esteem were rivals; never on the same page, always bickering, sworn enemies from birth. But right now, as you admire yourself in the closet mirror, you can’t help but marvel at how good you look in the slightly loose dress.
“Damn,” Dahyun says as soon as she returns, all fluffy in her towel. “You will fuck tonight, or else.”
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“Hey, baby,” Jeongguk smiles at you the moment you walk in, hooded eyes raking over your body in an agonizingly slow manner. Dahyun chooses then to do her party trick—disappearing without a word.
“Hi…” you respond, voice meek in this party setting. There’s more people than you anticipated, which is weird because it’s a Thursday and surely some of these people have morning classes. You can’t comment, though, because you’re here knowing damn well you have an eight am tomorrow.
The music is blasting, so loud you can feel the bass shaking the floor, sending jolts up from your toes to your head with every beat. There’s people in every crevice of this household, some even taking refuge on the staircase leading up to the bedrooms. Someone brushes by you, and you instinctively step closer to the wall to avoid being in the way. You should have known Jeongguk would follow.
He ducks down to shout into your ear. “Wasn’t sure if you were coming tonight,” he tells you, right as one of his friends rushes by, thrusting a cup into his hand that Jeongguk doesn’t even stop to question. He takes a sip, then offers you some.
“Dahyun didn’t wanna come alone,” you lie, tentatively sipping from his cup only to realize it’s worse than any alcohol here: it’s Sprite. Jeongguk seems amused by your subtle disgust, immediately taking the cup back. You send out a light prayer for his stomach and his skin. “Aren’t you supposed to be out pulling hoes or something?” You say, trying to go for teasing and playful but missing by a mile.
Jeongguk grins. “Why would I do that when the only girl I want is right here,” he motions, and then does that cliche move where he places a hand by the wall behind you. The worst thing is, even though Jeongguk seems intent on pulling every cheesy act known to mankind, your heart actually races.
“Shut up,” you laugh, “you just like that I don’t charge you the late fees on your books.”
At this, Jeongguk genuinely smiles, nose scrunching up as he gazes at you. “False,” he argues, and then leans forward, same stupid dopey smile on his face. “I love a woman who snorts milk out of her nose.”
“Jeon!” You shriek, smacking his arm as embarrassment washes over you. “You said you would forget about that!”
Jeongguk cackles, all boyish and rough like he does when he’s around Hoseok for too long. Somehow, knowing you’re the cause of that charming laughter has your annoyance fading away, a soft smile crawling onto your features.
“I hate you,” you say instead, looking up and meeting his gaze dead on for the first time that night.
Jeongguk smirks. “Do you now?” He throws back, then takes a step forward. Your shoulder touches the wall when you take a tentative step back. You give a half-assed shrug, entranced by the playfulness that lurks behind his eyes. He gives you an exaggerated pout. “That sucks, because I,” he steps closer again, and this time he’s looking down at you over the bridge of his nose, “really like you.”
“I…” you trail off, too hypnotized by the pink tongue that swipes across his lips as he gazes at you. There is no hesitation on his face.
When you don’t say anything for another moment, Jeongguk ducks down. His nose bumps against yours, his breath warm as it fans across your face. “Y’know, I’d treat you so right,” he suddenly says, and your panties immediately turn into Niagara Falls at the newfound deepness of his voice. You feel lightheaded from his close proximity and promising words. “Could make you feel so good, baby, if you just let me.”
You shiver, nearly jumping out of your skin when a hand snakes its way around your waist, tugging you forward gently. Not overbearingly, because you know the last thing Jeongguk would ever do was want to make you uncomfortable. He pulls you close enough that it ends up being you who steps completely into his embrace. Your trembling hands find their place on his shoulders, and Jeongguk has never looked more content.
“You... only want sex,” you softly accuse, and the only reason your quiet voice doesn’t get lost in the noise is because of how close the two of you are.
Jeongguk bites his lip at your words, and you wonder if part of him is surprised that you’d so openly say such a thing. “Not with you,” he says eventually. “Wanna hold you like this forever, ___. And if that leads to you cumming on my tongue every now and then, well,” he smiles, “all fine by me.”
“Jeon,” you scold, scared that someone might have heard him.
“What?” He grins, pressing impossibly closer. His lip gives the slightest pucker, and you find yourself unconsciously leaning closer, the hand around your waist tightening. “I want you, baby.”
You can’t hide the lovestruck expression on your face as you look between his mouth and his eyes, and you wonder if he’s being honest.
Right as you’re about to throw all your doubts out the window and kiss him, you’re bombarded with the sound of obnoxious air horns from a DJ who obviously knows shit about, well, DJ-ing.
You jump at the sudden sound, bumping your head against the wall behind you. Jeongguk’s eyes widen. “Oh shit, are you okay?” He fusses, all traces of that suave, heartthrob replaced with a fretful Jeon.
“I’m fine,” you say, though you’re not because you’re absolutely dying right now. From the fact you almost gave into Jeongguk but also the embarrassment of hitting your head. “I-I need to find Dahyun,” you announce, and give Jeongguk no time to process that before you’re bolting into the crowded house like you just broke something.
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jeon tell me you got home safe jeon please
You pause in the middle of removing your makeup, one eyelash on to symbolize the mess you are right now. Dahyun is humming some tune as she does the same, the both of you clad in your pajamas and fuzzy socks. Carefully, you pick up your phone.
you im home! me and the girls ubered home lol you sorry i didnt get to say goodbye :(
jeon dont worry abt it babe jeon just happy to know ur ok
“You better be texting Jeongguk, since you failed to complete the one job you had tonight,” Dahyun calls and you curse. You whirl around to face her, and she snorts at your one eyelash.
“Be honest,” you say. “If you were the campus crush who could get coochie every time he breathed, would you leave all that for me?”
Dahyun freezes. “Well, not when you’re only wearing one eyelash.” You groan, flopping into your seat uncomfortably. “Babe,” Dahyun sighs, as if sensing the gravity of your dilemma. “You’re hot! Everyone knows this except you.”
“But am I?” You whine. “Am I attractive or do you just feel obligated to say that because you’re my friend, be honest.”
“Oh my god,” she huffs, climbing into her bed, phone in hand. She doesn’t even bother looking your way when she’s all settled in. “You have this weird idea that Jeongguk is some intangible idol, as if you haven’t seen the dude deepthroat an entire bratwurst at the diversity fair. If anything, you’re the dream girl on campus, you stupid bitch.”
“The only true thing I heard is me being a stupid bitch,” you mope, and Dahyun throws a pillow at your face. You take this attack as initiative to finally take off your other lash, finishing your cleansing and moisturizing (for the second time) routine.
“Listen,” she says, setting her phone down to stare you dead in the eye. Her voice is devoid of any emotion. “If it makes you feel better, he wrote JK + __ on our group handout last week.”
You don’t sleep that night.
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The last person you’re expecting to see at this secluded cafe on a Saturday morning was Jeon Jeongguk, yet here he was in all his delicious morning glory. By morning glory, you mean the soft, sleepy eyes that stare at you from across the table, voice so deep and husky.
“Why are you here if you just woke up?” You interrogate, settling into the empty seat in front of him. Carefully, you begin pulling things out of your bag, trying your best to not look away too long. This sight was rare, Jeongguk usually being at an energy level of about eighty seven at all times. To see him so tired and sluggish was unheard of.
He gestures over to where Taehyung is in the middle of what looks like a job interview. “Moral support,” Jeongguk informs you. You nod in understanding, before returning your gaze to the sleepy angel in front of you.
He’s ridiculously tired, eyes dropping shut every time you so much as pause for a second. He seems apologetic too, murmuring I’m sorry I’m sorry whenever his eyes flutter shut. Your heart was going haywire at the sight. “Jeon,” you say softly, and get one, soft hum in response. “I think you should go home, Taehyung seems fine.”
He shakes his head. “Needs me,” he murmurs, trying desperately to snap his eyes back open to no avail. Eventually, you make the call, packing your things up way earlier than usual. You haul Jeongguk out of his seat, him sleepily trailing after you as you drag him out of the shop. He sleeps on the short bus ride back to campus, and even almost sleeps on the elevator up to his dorm.
“In we go,” you announce, unlocking his door before nudging him inside. His roommate is nowhere to be found, oddly enough given the early hour. Jeongguk stumbles inside, plopping down on his bed right away. “Sleep.”
He lets out a high pitched whine the moment you turn to leave. “Come cuddle,” he huffs, face pressed against his pillow. His hair’s haloed around him, pout smushed against the cushion as he stares at you.
“You need to sleep,” you point out.
He rolls onto his back, patting the mattress beside him. “Wanna feel you,” he says. Your cheeks flush red. As if realizing the meaning behind his words, sleepy little Jeongguk takes the initiative to push you further. “Pressed against my body,” he drawls, his deep chuckle resonating throughout your body. “C’mon, baby, too scared to be in bed with me?”
You scoff, though your cheeks are warm. “You wouldn’t do anything anyway, you’re half asleep.”
Jeongguk shrugs, lips quirking to the side as he motions to his side again. “So? Can tell you like it slow anyway,” he grunts, before sitting up and shuffling to the edge of the bed and assuming a sitting position. Without warning, he catches your wrist in his hand and tugs you between his spread thighs.
He’s more awake than he’s been all morning, and part of you is happy but the other is anxious. God, was this boy dangerous.
“You’re half asleep, Jeon,” you say, trying to diffuse the sudden sexual tension. Jeongguk smiles up at you.
“Cmon, baby,” he exhales, and one fluid tug has you plopping onto his thigh. You startle at the sudden change, grabbing onto his shoulders for support. All he does is laugh some more, nuzzling his face against your neck as your heart goes into panic mode. “Bet I could get in so deep,” he murmurs, breath tickling your neck and you feel your legs turn to jelly.
“G-Gguk,” you try to warn, but it ends up sounding more like a plea. For what, you’re not entirely sure.
A sudden kiss to the junction of your neck and shoulder has your spirit ascending into another plane. Jeongguk smiles at your pliant body. “Look at you,” he continues, kissing down your neck until your body is physically quivering. “So sensitive. No one ever touched you like this before, doll?”
You shake your head no, and nearly jump out of your own skin when a hand clasps onto the inside of your thigh. “Jeon, we shouldn’t…” you choke out, even though your traitorous hand clamps down on his and pushes it closer to where you need him most.
“We shouldn’t?” He teases, and then cups your sex.
You transcend.
Jeongguk laughs, airy chuckles fanning across your jaw. “Then stop,” he tells you, the both of you watching as your hips unconsciously grind into his palm. Even when you tell yourself you need to stop, your body feels heavenly being touched by him, so you physically can’t.
“I can’t,” you reiterate, and muffle a moan against the side of his face when he presses a finger down on where he knows your clit is hiding. The thin leggings you’d worn did nothing to spare you.
“God, you’re so fucking sexy,” he sighs, watching you work yourself on his hand. He traces his index finger over the seam of your leggings, where your folds meet and you moan again. “You gonna let me finish you off, princess? Gonna let me finger your tight little pussy until you cry? But I bet you’d make the prettiest noises if I licked you down there. Or are you gonna cum in your panties like this?”
All the different ideas he stuffs into your brain are overwhelming, especially when the only thing you really want is to be stuffed with his fingers and cock. “J-Just do it,” you beg.
“Do what?” He plays, watching the way your face contorted with every brush against your mound.
“Whatever you want,” you cry, biting down on your fist to stop any more noises from spilling out.
Jeongguk smiles, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth. Such a simple gesture, but it has your stomach somersaulting. God, you needed this. You were practically sobbing for his dick, which was embarrassing in itself, but actually getting dicked down sort of cancelled it out. PEMDAS or whatever. 
Just as his hand creeps to the hem of your leggings, there’s a rattle of the doorknob, and you jump. The cloud of lust that had engulfed you two fades away and you’re suddenly aware of the jingling of a key outside.
“What the fuck,” Jeongguk whisper-shouts, looking absolutely scandalized that his roommate is coming home at this moment of all moments.
“Should I hide?” You whisper back, never having been in such a situation before. Jeongguk looks at you like you’re stupid.
“Just,” he sighs, standing up. He ruffles his hair anxiously. “Just… act natural.”
You sit perfectly still. “Not like a Sim!!”
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“Captain Underpants and the Invasion of the Incredibly Naughty Cafeteria Ladies from Outer Space (and the Subsequent Assault of the Equally Evil Lunchroom Zombie Nerds),” you read, gasping for breath by the end of it. Jeongguk beams at you. “You’ve got to be kidding.”
“Nope,” Jeongguk says, leaning over the counter and watching as you scan his book under his name. “I’ll let you know how it is.”
You roll your eyes, writing down the return date on a piece of paper you stuff inside. “Please do, I’m absolutely dying to read this book.”
You hand the book over to Jeongguk, and try to ignore the way he stares at you for a second too long. Namjoon chooses this exact moment to take his lunch break, sauntering off whistling the the Angry Birds tune.
Right before Jeongguk can jump into an interrogation, the door swings open and Jisoo from your sociology elective saunters in, carrying the same mountain of books you had checked out for her two weeks ago.
“___, hi!” She exclaims right away. She, too, was infected with the same bimbo disease as Jeongguk, the one where they both had no concept of being quiet in a library.
“Hi,” you greet back, immediately standing to take the books from her. “Did you actually read through all of these?” You ask, trying to make polite small talk. You’re not particularly close to her, but it’d be rude to act like you didn’t know her.
She laughs at your comment. “Oh god, no. I just open random pages and reference them for essays,” she admits.
You try to make more small talk with her as you scan through her books, but the girl literally almost hit the material limit, which is fifty books, so you soon become consumed in scanning the barcode, briefly flipping through the book for any damage, and then repeating it all over. You’re not surprised when she drifts away, and you’re mentally cursing Namjoon for going on break now of all times.
It’s about ten minutes later when you’re all done, the computer’s library system going haywire on you, the same way it had when she first checked out all these books. You look away from the screen, standing to face Jisoo, only to find she’s drifted to the other end of the welcome desk, where a certain someone had gone to while you served her.
Oh.
You’re not anticipating the wave of jealousy that hits you watching gorgeous, smart Jisoo talk to Jeongguk. She matches him perfectly, both so beautiful it hurts. It’s when she says something to him that you snap out of it. “When can I come over again?” Soft enough that you wouldn’t have heard if you hadn’t been paying attention.
Jeongguk’s toying with a bookmark stand, but you still see the quirk of his lips on his face when she says that.
All you can do is watch from the sidelines, so close yet somehow miles away as he says something back to her that gets drowned out by the thundering of your heart. You suppose it’s only natural for a guy like Jeongguk to flirt with girls, and he’d never said he only, exclusively wanted you. Really, you shouldn’t be as surprised.
But you are.
You’re surprised and, dare you say it, discouraged by the scene. He’d been so eager to finally win you over the other night, so much so that he made you feel special with every word he uttered and every look he gave you. You’d almost believed in his sincerity, but seeing him so easily converse with Jisoo about whatever past they have, served as a cold reminder that you and Jeongguk believe in two completely different relationship styles.
So you sit back down, gnawing on your lip as you try to do other duties, clicking around uselessly on your computer until eventually, Jisoo wanders back.
“Am I all set?” She smiles, and you can’t even find it in you to dislike her. You plaster on your best customer service smile, nodding and handing her back her library card. She thanks you three times over for the hassle, before waving goodbye to you and Jeongguk.
When the door falls shut behind her, you immediately drop the facade, though Jeongguk doesn’t seem to notice. “Whew. She left a lot of work for you,” he laughs, eyeing the big stack beside you. You don’t even bother responding, as, at that moment, Namjoon returns from his lunch break.
(How convenient! You swear this fucker had a sixth sense for knowing when work was about to become hard.)
“Joon, I’m taking my break now,” you announce, and Namjoon stares at you like a deer in headlights, the last bite of a sandwich raised to his mouth.
“Uh,” he says, 140 IQ and all. He glances behind you at Jeongguk, who also is confused as all hell. “Okay, then.”
“___?” Jeongguk questions. You stalk off, pushing the gate away from the desk before bursting into the employee break room right across from it.
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You cry the moment you get home, and Dahyun jumps ten feet out of her bed in shock. Her girlfriend, Momo, is sitting on the floor painting her toes. “Oh no,” she cries, sweet and understanding in all the ways Dahyun wasn’t. “My poor baby, what’s wrong?” She asks, waddling over in the my-nail-polish-hasn’t-dried-yet way to hug you.
“He was flirting with another girl,” you sob, dropping your bag by the door as Momo continues fawning over you, wiping your face with tissues. Dahyun gets out of bed, cracks her fingers, and promptly announces:
“I’m gonna kill him.”
Initially, you would have let her. But after a while you manage to calm down, loud Kim Kardashian sobs fading into tiny hiccups as the two of them coddle you. You tell them all about what terrible, good for nothing Jeongguk did, and in true female solidarity, they vow to kick his ass for you. Eventually, you settle on not whooping his ass, just cutting any romantic notions with him off to avoid further heartbreak. After all, you were kinda friends before you had your little crush revelation.
It’s later in the night when you announce you maybe got 2% over him, which the girls count as an absolute win, but then Jeongguk texts you and they groan at the way you jump for your phone.
jeon hey can we talk ? jeon did I do something wrong today? jeon felt like u were mad at me lol, and then u took a really long break and I had to leave for class so I didn’t even get to see u again jeon just wanna know if everything is ok
You read through the messages a couple times, and wonder if he’s being serious and didn’t see anything sus with his actions, or if he’s just toying with your emotions. Momo tugs Dahyun away to give you some sort of privacy, and then you’re left alone in your thoughts.
you everything’s fine ! you I just wasn’t feeling well lol
He responds right away.
jeon please don’t lie to me ___ jeon I know what you’re probably thinking and I just want to say it’s not like that
For some reason, him saying he knows you enough to know your thoughts irritates you. He obviously didn’t know shit about you if he was out here making you look like a clown. Your fingers type before you can even think.
you lmao you thats funny
jeon ?
you you most def do not know what I’m thinking so please just take my word when I say I felt sick
jeon lmao. what do you mean...
you you barely know ME besides the fact I work @ the library and dorm w Dahyun. don't say u know what I’m thinking, bc that would imply you know me on a closer level which you don’t
jeon ok seriously what's up with you?  jeon im trying to make sure ur okay but ur just being difficult as fuck
you I’m not being difficult I’m just being real
jeon ur not tho, ur being defensive for no reason at all
you so? we’re barely friends and we barely know each other, how I feel is none of ur business
jeon lmfaoooo, so now we’re barely friends?
you thats what I said didnt I
You set your phone aside when you don’t immediately see the texting dots appear, assuming your dry response is probably enough to ward Jeongguk off. Your face feels warm, and you’re not sure if it’s from frustration or anger, but you guess it’s both. You’re not sure what set you off, the fact Jeongguk wants to act like he knows you, as if he wasn’t just chasing after you for some pussy, or the fact he wanted to act like some all-knowing being when it came to your feelings.
Eitherway, you’re extremely heated, grinding your teeth together when five minutes pass and he hasn’t texted you back. As if sensing the tension, Momo and Dahyun abruptly announce that they’re going to the ice cream place down the street, offering to bring something back to which you decline.
They leave, the heavy door slamming shut behind them. You get exactly two seconds of peace and quiet before your phone starts going off like crazy, all from Jeongguk.
jeon you’re starting to piss me off jeon drop the attitude baby. jeon bc I can be just as mean as u jeon and I won’t hesitate to make you cry
You blink. Every ounce of your body that had been consumed with an unknown anger slowly fades away as you stare wide eyed at Jeongguk’s messages. This was nothing like the Jeongguk you knew; he was soft and playful. He never raised his voice at you, and he’d never been anything less than a sweetheart.
you I don’t have an attitude
Is your feeble reply, too scared to reply to any other part of his message because you truly had no experience with this Jeongguk.
jeon so then put your big girl pants on and tell me what’s wrong jeon enough w this other shit
You sigh, snuggling into your covers as you absentmindedly tap the back of your phone.
you nothing is wrong
He doesn’t reply for a couple minutes again, but Dahyun sends you a text letting you know her and Momo decided to go to an event on the other side of campus, and telling you not to wait up. You reply back a simple ok right as Jeongguk responds.
jeon ok. so let me tell you what’s wrong then jeon you’re mad bc I was speaking to Jisoo today and she asked abt coming over jeon she comes over all the time jeon bc she is my roommates girlfriend
Your mind goes blank.
How embarrassing to have your mind read word for word, even more so when apparently, your worries weren’t even plausible. God. Instantly you feel stupid, replaying today’s entire scene and trying desperately to find something to catch Jeongguk in a lie. But other than asking that one question, there had been no other interesting talk between the two.
Your phone pings again, and you scramble to type a response, only to freeze at the words on the screen
jeon what blows me is that i don’t even owe u shit especially not an explanation jeon u don’t give 2 flying fucks about me. U just like the attention I give u and watching me make a fool of myself for u jeon I bend over backwards chasing after you, trying to get you to notice me, but you’ve done nothing to show me u feel the same jeon but you’re the one allowed to get mad when I speak to other girls? like u said “ that’s funny ”
Oh, no. Immediately your heart comes crashing down, and your fingers tremble as you watch Jeongguk slip away right before your eyes.
you Jeongguk you it’s not like that please you I like you so much, it’s just hard for me to
jeon to what? Get over your stupid stereotype of me?? jeon lmfao. Yeah that must be sooo hard jeon it’s whatever tho bc I had one of u too jeon my dream girl
This is not what you expected when he said he’d make you cry.
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“Honey, you just have to talk to him,” Momo says the next morning, pressing a cucumber slice onto your eyes. You flinch at the initial iciness, but then relax when she brushes your hair out of your face. You’d gone to sleep a wreck, crying and sobbing as you thought desperately on how to win Jeongguk back, but everything he had said was true.
You’d done nothing but reject him since the beginning, had only just begun treating him as a friend, yet you instantly placed the blame on him at the first signs of trouble. God, he was right. You’d been selfish this entire time, and now he wasn’t responding to your messages anymore.
Dahyun nods from her cocoon at the foot of your bed. “I’m sure it’ll be easier in person, text convos are always weird,” she tries to comfort you. “But keep those slices on, those bags under your eyes are no joke.”
Momo smacks her calf. “Be nice! She’s going through a crisis.”
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Right as you’re about to pay for your meal and sprint back to hide in your dorm, you spot a coconut head of hair facing the windows in the far corner of the dining hall. Fuck. Faintly, you can hear Dahyun’s voice shouting for you to stop being a pussy and go talk to him. You pause by the exit, one leg in one leg out, before saying fuck it. If worse comes to worse, you transfer schools and live with heartbreak and three cats for the rest of your life.
“I-Is someone sitting here?” You say before you can chicken out, and mentally curse yourself for stuttering. Oh, the social horror.
Jeongguk visibly jumps at your voice, wide doe eyes staring at you as if he expected to never see you again. After all, it’s been a week since your little fight, three days since you last tried texting him. He shakes his head, turning his attention back to his plate, but not before tugging the hoodie of his sweater over his head in a classic self defensive tactic.
You slide into the seat, staring at the plate of food like you’ve never seen it in your life, never mind the fact you picked it out less than fifteen minutes ago. You accidentally scrape your fork against the bottom, and the both of you cringe.
Jeongguk clears his throat, hands clasped together between his thighs as he stares out the window. “Don’t you have work?” He asks, voice raspy.
You shake your head. “I took the week off,” you confess, hoping he doesn’t press for more, because then you’d have to tell him your reasoning was due to heartache.
“Oh. That’s nice,” he says, and then you fall into a pit of awkward silence.
You push the food around on your plate, hoping he’ll say something, anything to save the two of you. In the end, he stays silent, sleepily glancing out the windows.
When you look closer, though, Jeongguk doesn’t look much hot than you. He’s got the same bags as you under his eyes, and his hair looks messier than his usual messy style. The fact he’s wearing his blue crocs out in public only confirms your theory.
After a solid five minutes of silence, even your hungry stomach managing to stay quiet, you decide enough is enough.
You shift ever so slightly, until you’re somewhat facing him and clear your throat; Jeongguk barely spares you a glance. “The Preposterous Plight of the Purple Potty People,” you blurt. Jeongguk blinks, face slowly morphing into one of confusion. Your cheeks feel hot under his gaze, having missed his brown eyes in the past week. “It’s your favorite one,” you announce. “Of the Captain Underpants books.”
After a moment, Jeongguk snorts, turning his attention away from you. “You’re not gonna win me over with that,” he says curtly, and your heart tightens at his emotionless tone of voice.
But you’ve done your research, and you’re not letting it go to waste. “You like George more than Harold because you think he contributes more. You love the characterization of Mr. Krupp the most, but you hate his theme song. You think the cover art could use some work, but you enjoy the overall art style. You hated the movie adaptation because Kevin Hart was in it,” you list, recalling every bit of information you’ve ever heard Jeongguk share about the stupid novels.
There’s a small quirk in the corner of Jeongguk’s lips, but it’s not the one you’re aiming for, so you switch tactics. “You hate the smell of bananas because you don’t think it should have a smell. You can’t put your left sock on first, because it’s bad luck to you. Your mom still washes your sheets for you. You know the lyrics to the original Dragon Ball series in three languages. You like wearing rings because it makes you feel like a pimp. You hate when Hoseok calls you the baby, because, according to you, you bench press his weight times two.”
“And a half,” he softly corrects, gazing at his hands, cheeks slightly tinged with red. You bite your lip, tentatively reaching a hand out to place on his arm. He looks at you right away, doe eyes so vulnerable and scared, like nothing you’ve ever seen before.
“I said we barely knew each other, but that was a lie,” you chuckle humorlessly, suddenly feeling your eyes tear up just remembering the conversation. “I know so much about you because I love listening to you talk. I love hearing your voice, and watching you wrestle with your friends, and fight with Dahyun. But I never tell you,” you bite your lip, blinking your eyes to backtrack the tears.
“And you’re right, I made you do all the work and I’m sorry, but I’m just so scared, Jeongguk,” you admit, voice cracking on his name. Your press a hand over your mouth, trying to collect yourself. Suddenly, a soft hand gently pats your thigh, and you find yourself reaching down to tangle your fingers together. “You can have anyone, Jeongguk, and you obviously know this,” you sigh. “I’m scared that I won’t be enough for you.”
“Hey, it’s alright,” Jeongguk says, voice soft in the way you’ve missed so much. His hand, shaky and unsure, reaches up to brush a tear from the corner of your eye. “Look at me,” he commands, and you do. “I think we’re both stupid, because I feel like I’ve never been enough for you,” he confesses with a chuckle you try to replicate through sniffles.
Suddenly, he’s close, forehead pressed to yours. “And maybe it’s true,” he says. “You won’t be enough for me, and I’ve never been enough for you.” Your heart aches at his words. “But that’s okay,” he assures, squeezing your thigh between his fingers. “We don't have to be right now, but we can try.”
You nod, clamping down a sob. “God, I hate how optimistic you are,” you laugh, and he smiles, cupping your face in his hands.
“And I hate watching you cry,” he says, fingers wiping your cheeks. Before you can say what you’re thinking, he’s snatching the words right out of you, “yes, I know I said what I said, and I felt like such a dick typing it, I made Jimin flick my forehead right after.”
You giggle, and he beams that dreamy smile at you again. “I’m gonna kiss you now,” he announces, and your heart thunders in your chest faster than the wings of a hummingbird.
And he does.
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“I don’t know, I think Kevin Hart sounds great in this,” you mention, and you feel the hard scoff Jeongguk lets out from your position cradled on his chest. “It’s not the worst thing in the world,” you defend.
“You’re sick,” he says, then pauses the Captain Underpants movie to engage in your third debate of the evening. You’re barely fifteen minutes in. “You think that weirdo did George justice? How? In what world?”
“Babe, it’s just a voice actor,” you placate. “No one died because Mr. Hart voiced him.”
Jeongguk splutters. “Mr. Hart—you don’t know this man! And something did die! My hopes for a sequel!”
You shush him, pressing your index finger to his lips. “Enough complaints, Rotten Tomatoes. We won’t even finish at this rate.”
Jeongguk hits play, grumbling under his breath.
Just as you’d predicted, you don’t even make it to the halfway mark before Jeongguk’s got you on your back, plush lips working yours until they’re bruised, tongue halfway down your throat. “The mov—“ you mumble.
“Fuck Mr. Hart,” Jeongguk says, kissing down your jaw like he can’t allow himself to miss a single spot. When he reaches the collar of your shirt, he wastes no time tugging it off of you. You whine, instinctively covering your chest. “Don’t be shy,” he chuckles, “here, look-,” he tugs his sweatshirt over his head, and you’re met with the strong muscles of his abdomen and pecs, “-twins.”
You roll your eyes. “Just kiss me, Mr. Jeon,” you tease, wrapping your hands around him to bring him closer. He chokes, and mumbles something about saving that for another time.
Before you know it, he’s kissing between your thighs, soft lips producing the most erotic sounds with every smooch he gives. “Can I take these off?” he asks, one lone finger creeping beneath the hem of your panties, right where your hip is. You nod, biting your lower lip hard the moment he begins sliding them down. His hands are soft as they glide over your legs, and when he finally tugs them away from your ankles, he wastes no time nudging your legs open for him.
“Don’t just look at it,” you whine, jabbing his ribs with your foot. Jeongguk grins.
“Sorry I stare, you’re just so pretty,” he smiles, and you muffle an annoyed groan into your palms. “Gonna eat you out now,” he announces, finally, and you uncover your face to watch the way he lowers his mouth onto your throbbing pussy, pink tongue coming out to lick at your clit.
The first press of the wet muscle has your toes curling, back arched. You’d been craving this for the longest, and just as you’d expect, it’s better than any fantasy. “Right there,” you moan, reaching down to tangle a hand in Jeongguk’s wavy hair, the other fisting the pillow beneath your head.
Jeongguk absorbs all your tiny reactions, toying with your clit just how you like it. He rolls his tongue around it, making sure every part has been in his mouth at least once. When he suctions his lips around it and moans like this was getting him off, your body melts. “Fuck,” you cry out, your thighs quivering around his head. Part of you wants to slam them shut, hide from his tongue and all its devious ministrations. But the other part has never felt so good in your entire life.
When Jeongguk decides he’s pampered your swollen clit enough, he gives it one final kiss, wet and slippery. “Good?” He smiles up at you, lips slick with your juices. You nod, probably already looking fucked out. He smirks at your response, and your heart backflips in your chest, when he reaches up to knot your fingers together.
He kisses your knuckle and you whine. “How many fingers do you want?” He asks, and you blurt out the first number you can think of.
“Eight,” you choke, and immediately flush in embarrassment afterwards.
Jeongguk laughs, dropping his head to your thigh in a fit of giggles. He looks absolutely ethereal there, soft brown hair sprawled across your skin like an angel. “Smaller numbers, baby, please,” he chuckles. You shrug, so he decides for you. “How about I just use my tongue instead?” You think you might love him.
He settles back down, lips pressing against your mound one final time, before he’s diving in. You mewl right away, body becoming one with the mattress beneath you at the first brush of his tongue.
“Oh, Jeongguk,” you gasp, hands burying themselves in his scalp again. He hums in response, and the sound has every nerve in your body lighting up. His tongue prods against your folds, slowly licking his way deeper and deeper into your cunt.
The worst comes when he sighs against your pussy, literally sighs, like he’s so blessed to be there. “You’re s-so good at this,” you cry out, trembling fingers twisting his hair so tightly that you manage to pull him off just an inch. He pinches your thigh in warning, before stuffing his tongue into you again, absolutely plunging into the depths of your hole.
Just when you think he couldn’t possibly outdo this, he jolts up suddenly, nose brushing against your clit. His eyes go wide for the slightest second, as if he really hadn’t planned that, before flickering at you.
To your utter embarrassment, he takes one long whiff, eyes rolling to the back of his head in pleasure.
He pulls away from your dripping hole. “You smell so fucking good,” he informs you, spreading a fiery blush across your cheeks.
“Thanks?” You say, and he grins, shuffling onto his knees all of a sudden. You mope the loss of his tongue on your pussy, but forget about it the second he reaches for his desk and returns with a condom.
He tears the foil packet open with gentle hands, eyes weirdly zeroed in on that only. You nudge his hip, and when he meets your gaze, he instantly averts it. Like he’s suddenly shy.
Oh he was gonna be the death of you.
You tug his boxers down and get to revel in more of those bashful glances, but you soon forget about that when he grips his rock hard member in one hand, jacking it to its full potential. “Ready?” He says, one hand gripping your hip, the other his cock. You nod, and then shift up onto your elbows to watch him sink into you.
You can barely keep your eyes open, the second the tip of his cock brushes against you your eyes roll back into your head. You moan, letting yourself flop back against the mattress, chest heaving with each inch he sinks in. “Fuck, you’re big,” you cry, biting down on your fist.
Jeongguk chuckles. “Yeah?” He grunts, and then stills as he waits for you to catch your breath. He gives you exactly four seconds before he’s thrusting the remainder of the way in.
Your back arches off the bed, a high-pitched moan ripping itself out of your throat. “Jeon!”
“Relax, relax,” he croons, releasing your hip to lean over you, peppering your face in kisses. You’re heaving for air, so overwhelmed with emotions. “You’re doing so good for me, doll,” he comforts, kissing every inch of you until you regain your wits. “So wet and warm for me, you have no idea how bad I wanna just ram my cock into your tight, little pussy.”
You huff, heart still skipping by the time you grow familiar with the sheer size of his dick inside of you. When you’ve finally come back down to earth, eyes fluttering at Jeongguk, he gives you one affirmative nod before he begins really fucking you.
He starts carefully, like he’s afraid he’ll break you with one push. You’re thankful that he’s at least somewhat aware of his own bear strength, but you’d prefer if he picked up the pace. Before you can file a complaint, he’s hiking your thigh up onto the crease of his elbow, and ramming himself into you.
“Could already hear some smart ass comment coming,” he groans, snapping his hips into you with a newfound intensity. You moan, trying desperately to reciprocate some movements back.
“Wasn’t gonna say anything,” you gasp, fingernails digging into the skin of his shoulders, scratching lone lines down his back. Jeongguk snorts, pushing in, and then grinding your pelvises together deliciously.
He rolls his eyes, then chooses that exact moment to capture your lips in his. You groan softly, body boneless beneath him at the gentle way he kisses you, like his entire life depends on this single kiss.
When he finally releases your lips, he’s huffing against your mouth, hips having not stopped a single time. You know he’s tired and so riled up; you’d felt the brush of his half-hard member from the moment you first laid down to watch the movie.
But Jeongguk was a gentleman, through and through. You’d felt the brush of his cock, and heard the thundering of his heart, but he hadn’t pushed you further a single time. He basked in your presence, waiting until you crept your hand beneath his shirt to finally pounce.
“I’m close,” you tell him, reaching down to toy with your clit. Jeongguk had treated it like the finest treasure earlier, but now your gentle caresses feel mediocre compared to the way he’d touched it. Jeongguk nods, the tips of his wavy hair sticking to his forehead and the back of his neck. You abandon your quest to finish yourself off and focus on brushing his hair away from his face. “You’re so good to me,” you moan, lightly picking the corner of his mouth. “Don’t deserve you.”
He rams his cock into you, the arm not holding up your thigh weakening, until he’s leaning on his forearm over you. “Don’t say that,” he chokes out, and you wonder if his orgasm is as close as yours.
A particular brush of his cock against your cervix has you seeing stars, thighs clenching around him. “Just a little bit—more,” you beg, body writhing beneath him, pushing yourself up to meet his thrusts.
“So perfect,” he praises, kissing along your jaw. “Come for me, baby.”
You nod, but not before cupping his face in your hands, and pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. He makes a soft little sound of surprise, smile pressed against your mouth, and the heat in your abdomen finally explodes. You disassociate for all of one second, consumed in a wave of bliss never before heard of, his pistoning thrusts working you through it.
You nearly cry from how good it feels, throwing an arm around his neck to pull him closer. You’re babbling like an idiot, saying shit you won’t remember later. What you do recall is the chuckles Jeongguk had muffled against your neck, hips never faltering as he chased his own high.
He finds it a few beats later, the muscles of his back suddenly going rigid. He moans your name, somehow making it sound like it’s the best song in the world, before his hips begin stuttering in their mission. He eventually goes slack, slumped over you without completely crushing you beneath the weight of his muscles.
By the time you’ve fully recovered, he’s sliding out of you. Right as you go to speak, he stuffs two fingers into your sensitive cunt. “Jeon!” You wail, reaching down to push him away before you come again.
He snickers. “What? It’d be a waste to let it out,” he says, letting go when he’s decided he’s done his job, popping the digits into his mouth. You groan, trying to quell the excitement that builds in your chest from watching him suck your cum off his fingers.
“You’re the worst,” you sigh, snatching his t-shirt off the edge of the bed to tug over your bare form. Jeongguk tugs his underwear back on, retrieving yours from where he’d flung them across the room. When you’re settled into the blankets again, you’re not expecting the laptop to return as well. You raise a questioning eyebrow.
Jeongguk shrugs, nestling into your chest. “Hit play, this is when Professor Poopy Pants begins attacking the city.”
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When/how do you think Ragnor and Catrina realized camille was being abusive towards Magnus?
Btw, I love u❤
fantastic question anon, i love YOU! i think that depends on a couple of factors. i think people who have already been or know people who have been in an abusive relationship are more likely to notice the warning signs, and/or to interpret stuff like the person pulling away as a sign of abuse. whereas people who haven't lived through it and aren't informed on it might not even realize what's going on until before it's over, and even be angry
so because we live in a hell world and catarina is a black woman, i think she is more likely to notice the warning signs than ragnor is, because black women are more likely to be in abusive relationships than white men. i'm not saying catarina herself has been in an abusive relationship necessarily but presumably her family has plenty of black women and she's also more likely to also be friends with other woc and marginalized ppl than ragnor is because again, hell world. so she has a higher chance of having been in a similar position before, although of course that's no set in stone rule and ragnor's circle of friends does seem to have a lot of marginalized ppl (and i hc him as aroace which makes him queer which puts him in an entirely different position than a straight white man and probably means something about the relationships he builds, but anyway) BUT my point is, i think catarina is more likely to notice earlier
i think ragnor is pretty perceptive tho, and also that they are pretty close and talk a lot, so i think once catarina noticed she would have talked to ragnor, and it wouldn't take ragnor long to realize that she was right
so okay when would they notice? i think that's always a slow process but i'm pretty sure their suspicions would first arise when magnus started to ditch them and stuff like parties and outings because of camille. first of all, i don't think that's like magnus at all, and second of all, there is an obvious difference between "i'm in the honeymoon phase" and "sorry, i don't think it's a good idea, my partner might not like it" or even "yeah! that sounds great!... just let me ask my partner about it". big difference
so that already has catarina in particular very wary of her because magnus is not the kind to ditch his friends because of a partner and the way he's acting about this is weird. so, she decides to keep an eye and maybe even put this to the test by making a surprise visit and invite him to a party like, right then doijadiosaj and she takes him out and she notices that magnus is Out Of It and he seems even a little... tense and scared and almost paranoid. and like, this is relatively at the beginning of their relationship so she wouldn't have been Horrible about it yet but at the beginning the person expresses enough control and discomfort with these things for you to be kind of uncomfortable even if you don't really realize that it's because you're Scared Of Hurting Your Parner
so THAT gets catarina really worried, because if magnus can't relax because he's afraid of camille's reaction, and worse, if he doesn't REALIZE that's why, that's the reddest a flag can get in such an early stage of their relationship. she tries to talk to magnus about it but magnus is the king of deflecting and basically waves her worries off. which just makes her more worried, but what is she supposed to do? she knows that pushing will only makes things worse and make it easier for camille to turn magnus against her and cut their ties. so, she lets it go and pretends that she buys his excuses. that's probably when she also talks to ragnor. ragnor probably had noticed that something was off but he hadn't really thought that it would be something super bad, and i think he'd still have his doubts about it, but well, he has that on the back of his mind now. and besides, he trusts catarina's judgement and he can admit when she is more qualified than him to assess something. it's why their relationship works
the first time they say anything is probably when magnus tells him about some fight they've had. probably because magnus told camille that he was upset about something she did - like idk, making fun of him in public about a topic that's sensitive to him. and like magnus wasn't even mad at her, he had never mentioned that whatever joke she made was off limits or related to a sensitive topic, he just wanted to communicate and let her know that it had hurt him, and she pretty much Exploded at him. and somehow turned it all around so it was magnus' fault for accusing her of trying to hurt him on purpose when that's not what magnus did, and now magnus pretty much wanted advice on how to apologize and let her know that he loves her
so catarina and ragnor try to subtly poke holes in her logic and show him that he has nothing to apologize for, without straight up being like "she's manipulating you" because Kids, That Does Not Go Well. and it makes magnus... heartbreakingly confused in that way abused people get when the logic they have been being shoved under shows cracks that would mean something too awful to even imagine
and catarina is a fucking wreck because at this point, she is sure of it and it makes her relive... so much trauma of other people she's seen go through that and lost and/or her own relationships if you want to go with that. and she doesn't want to lose magnus or have magnus go through that but she doesn't know what to do and she KNOWS that next step is magnus pulling away from her and ragnor no matter how careful she is
she probably gets the rare Comforting Hug from ragnor once magnus leaves and she also talks to dot and maybe elias? you know, their other friends. and they have a Catarina Comforting Day and hear her stories and cuddle and you know, try to make her feel better. and eventually they try to devise some kind of game plan so they can try to help magnus get out of this
it all goes to shit of course when they have the rare outing with camille, and camille is Obviously Refusing To Interact With Them If She Can Avoid It which is classic abuse thing - sure, i'll go see your friends, but you have to choose between interacting with them and me, so really you don't actually get to see with your friends because you'll feel bad that i'm isolated and eventually seeing your friends will feel either pointless or nervewracking cuz it feels like juggling your relationships. and if you want to see them without me i am going to act like you have something to hide and i'm a victim
anyway! so they notice that and they try to undermine that tactic by, you know, interacting with her a lot. so camille switches it up and tries to pick up a fight, and lo and behold, she succeeds - i know ragnor doesn't look like the kind of guy who loses his temper easily but i think when you push his buttons he is VERY bad at hiding it and half a snappy comment is all camille needs to lash out at him and play the victim. she's good
so that's when their plan gets fucked and everything goes to hell because then it's just too easy for camille to isolate magnus from his friends with really just a few tweaks to the previous tactic i mentioned - "are you really picking them over me, magnus? you're gonna keep hanging out with them when they are so rude to me, probably tell you all sorts of things about me, try to get you to break up with me? can't you see how manipulative they are? how they're trying to turn you against me? why do you insist so much on seeing them when you know how much that hurts me?"
and done
catarina and ragnor probably fight after that because god DAMN it, she fucking tOLD him that they had to be careful! and she's been swallowing all kinds of shitty comments from her but ragnor just had to fucking lose it at the first provocation, didn't he? and god knows how long it'd take for them to reach him after that, because camille is already preemptively making him think that they are trying to manipulate him to break up with her out of jealousy so he won't listen to anything they say directly. and she's right, of course, and ragnor is out of his depth and doesn't UNDERSTAND how these things go and how much this slip up will affect them in the future
i like to think that ragnor apologizes to her and catarina probably... has a breakdown because fuck she is worried and she is reliving way too many nightmares here. and ragnor is actually very tender and hugs her and apologizes and kisses her forehead and tells her that he's going to fix it. and he actually swallows his pride and apologizes to camille just to try and turn this thing around, but, well. the damage is done. and really, there is only so much friends can do when dealing with something like this. at the end of the day, they did all they could
and from then on they try their best to be there for him and pull magnus out of the camille-created isolation, but there's only so much they can do, and it's up to magnus to notice and get help to get rid with her. they'll always try to be his support system, but well. it's hard
and of course eventually magnus does get rid of her claws and catarina, ragnor, dot, elias etc., are all there for him when he does. and he probably feels guilty because he pushed them away but really they are just so RELIEVED that he's finally free of her. and him and catarina probably get a teary hug full of apologies for things that aren't their fault, and they try to make up for lost time by spending as much time as possible together now. especially because i think that it also hurts catarina to have her friends pull away - she obviously yearns for family, for closeness, i don't think she does well with people pulling away from her, she wants the kind of closeness that comes from routine and she used to have that with magnus and the rest of the immortal squad, you know? and magnus knows that, so, he tries to compensate
and eventually they start to heal their relationships, but magnus still has a long way to heal himself, but well. he'll get there. they are together and all
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lais-a-ramos · 3 years
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On Lovecraft Country and the way the narrative presents queerness
"No masters or kings when the ritual begins
There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin
In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene
Only then I am human
Only then I am clean"
Hozier, Take Me to Church
oh, boy...
i knew some of these deaths could happen in the finale, but i definetely wasn't prepared for any of this, wow.
i guess that, with the events of the finale, including atticus' death, there really is no point in getting the show renewed for a season 2, as as i hoped and wished before, because all of the conflicts that were set up were resolved. i mean, there's always the possibility of using time-travel to do a retcon and bring all the dead characters back, or, at least, two of the protagonists and the villain, but, maybe it would take too many alterations in the narrative, because it seems like the whole thing was planned for a mini-series.
so, now, all we have left is to do a breakdown of what worked and what didn't in lovecraft country's limited series run.
i think that, overall, the message of black ppl taking back the power of ancestry that was stripped from them by white supremacy and structural racism was well-done, and the symbolism was very well-crafted in the final takedown of the season's main villain, which was a representation of how the racism based on indifference born out of white privilege is almost as bad as the racism based on pure hate and despise, which is a valid message, considering the former is a bystander to the abuses and rise to power of the latter.
although i still find the timing was poorly chosen because, well, as of now, all over the world, it's not white ppl who dub themselves "liberal" or "progressive" and claim themselves to not be racist but refuse to act anti-racist that present an actual threat to our human rights, but literal, actual fascists and neo nazis...there are bigger fish to fry now...
but i digress...
on the final score, i guess that when it comes to queer/LGBTQ+ representation, the show fell actually felt real short for a product that crafted so well the race issues, proving that there is still a lot to go before we get to see intersecting identities being portrayed in media the same compex way they exist in the real world.
no, lovecraft country is not guilty of queerbaiting, unlike some of the same ppl in fandom that are the firsts to either erase the half of a couple that is a BIPOC or to deny a canon cis het biracial ship to hype up a fanon white wlw ship and other problematic stuff plenty of times in LGBTQ+ fandom spaces might say.
but that doesn't mean that the treatment of LGBTQ+ issues was satisfying or can be considered good rep, and it actually repeats some of the same tired tropes about queerness and blackness.
while we can say that the show did a relatively good job with montrose as an individual, the same can't be said of the other characters and the final messages.
like, for example, introducing a trans/non-binary indigenous, the Arawak two-spirt Yahima, only to kill them on the next episode was insensitive, to say the least.
while it's true that misha green apologized for the mistake, and said she and the writers tried to make a point that even oppressed groups are capable of oppression, the final score was that a trans/non-binary character was introduced as a plot-device and brutally murdered before having even a chance to properly develop.
in other words, used as a prop.
in a world in which trans ppl are brutally murdered at alarming rates, and most of the victims are BIPOC trans ppl, that is something that we can't let it slide just because the general message of the show was good for cis het black ppl.
the same can be said on the treatment of sammy in the narrative.
while it's true that montrose being aggressive and acting the way he did, pushing ppl he cared about away and shunning every chance of vulnerability due to internalized homophobia, toxic masculinity and misogyny, as this very interesting critique by amani marie hamed of nerdist pointed out, his characterization nonetheless falls into the same old stereotype in american culture of accusing black ppl of falling behind when it comes to queer acceptance and associating black masculinity with homophobia.
also, the author of the article says it better, but, overall, sammy's existence ends up being just another plot device, serving to say to the audience that the producers and writers know that queer ppl existed in the 50's, but, at the same time, repeating some of the same tropes as usual, like associating being queer with being clandestine and deviant instead of showing it as a natural thing that was perceived as deviant at the time, as we can see by that scene of sammy having a sexual encounter in the alley behind his bar.
the author even mentions that queer ppl overall had houses, and most of the encounters actually happened there, and that scene reinforces the idea that queerness is inherently animalistic.
the article also points out how sammy is mostly there just to be shutted out, first by montrose and latter even atticus, and, ends up being another prop to lift montrose to deuteragonist status, being rejected and abused by montrose solely to highlight tic's father journey with his personal issues that apparently he simply wrapped up in a span of 2 episodes.
the fact that sammy was a also a more feminine gay man, even participating in ball culture as a drag queen, and yet most of his appearences involved him being degraded or shut out or overall mistreated by montrose, even tic, and that scene in which atticus forgives montrose after he revealed he never acted on his homosexuality and cheated on tic's mom, even though it's implied she did cheat on him with his brother george, just reinforces the idea it's ok for black and brown men to be gay, as long as they are not THAT GAY™️.
the introduction of thomas in episode 1x09 only to be murdered in the riots is another example of how queerness seem to come with a price in this show if you act on it.
once again, a gay character was introduced in the narrative to further montrose's pain and trauma.
and his introduction was absolutely not necessary, because being a survivor of a massacre like the tulsa riots and a survivor of parental physical abuse is already was already enough for making tic and the audience begin to emphatize with montrose's pain, there was no need to kill another queer character just for that.
not to say we should agree with everything the nerdist article says, of course.
at times, it felt like the author was saying that addressing these issues in the black community is a problem on itself, and that is definetely not the solution.
but, when we consider the setting of a limited series with a plot-driven approach to the scripts, the way the topic is addressed ends up being superficial and rushed, and what could have been a delicate approach to a complicated man discovering his sexuality if the show was an on-going series, ends up being just a narrative built to put montrose in the spotlight in an attempt of getting a few emmy nominations for outstanding performances, and that's about it.
now, what really serves to cement the LGBTQ+/queer representation in lovecrat country as a disservice is the treatment of ruby, christina and their relationship.
i did a few metas explaining christina's and ruby's characterizations, including one i posted before the finale started explaining why ruby was so important to queer black and feminine-aligned nbs being a dark-skinned fat black queer woman discovering her sexuality and figuring out there was more to life than the social roles that were pushed into her, and how the parallels between her and christina, two different women separated by race and class but with the common feeling of being interrupted by social restraints that binded them, were a way for a character like ruby to be treated by the narrative the same way white women get to be treated in fantasy stories, as someone worthy of being courted and romanced as a light-skinned and thin black woman like her sister leti.
but with that finale, and the way the whole thing played out, with not only christina and ruby dead, but also with christina killing ruby, felt, ironically, like the very same trope that's been the norm for queer characters for a long time.
if we consider the tropes of the genre the show and the source material draw inspiration from, pulp fiction magazines, a medium that was very popular until the rise of the cinema and TV in the 50's and 60's that also served as an inspiration for them, then we know that in this medium some of the harmful tropes about queerness that exist until this day were particularly prevalent, including that of the queercoded villains.
to talk about this, i'm going to refer to this amazing article by tricia ennis on the history of queercoding for syfy wire.
first, a definition:
"queer coding, much as the name suggests, refers to a process by which characters in a piece of fictional media seem — or code — queer. this is usually determined by a series of characteristics that are traditionally associated with queerness, such as more effeminate presentations by male characters or more masculine ones from female characters. these characters seem somehow less than straight, and so we associate those characters with queerness — even if their sexual orientation is never a part of their story."
between the hays code in cinema going from 1934 to 1968, the comics code authority in the comics industry from 1954 to the early 21st century (with dc comics and archie comics being the last to break with it in 2011, mind you), the code of practices for television broadcasting from 1952 to 1983 and its predecessor for radio NAB code of ethics, the authors all over mass media couldn't approach the topic of queerness and portray openly and proud queer characters under the risk of being persecuted by the censors, and so, begin to hide queer chracters under the disguise of subtext.
and given the content creators couldn't show any form of positive queer/LGBTQ+ representation under the risk of being punished by the censors, the alternative they found was to portray the queer characters as the villains or antagonists or degenerates, and punish them with death.
the syfy wire article says it better than i ever could:
"even dangerous LGBTQ tropes rose out of this time period, as the depictions of pulp noir femme fatales and other deadly women rose in popularity. these women were usually written as promiscuous and sexually devious, both with men and sometimes with women. they were also evil and usually met their end as a result of their sins. While depictions of LGBTQ characters were frowned upon, depictions of them in this specifically negative light were not. you were not endorsing an “alternative lifestyle” if your gay characters always met an untimely demise. Instead, they were merely paying for their poor choices. this trope would eventually give way to what we now refer to as 'Bury Your Gays.' "
and the thing is, all those censorship laws are over by now, but the tropes/clichés that arised on that era are still prevalent in pop culture 'till this day, consumed by the audiences and reproduced by content creators, in the industry or in fan spaces, whether they are aware of said trope/clichés or not.
now, that is where ruby, christina and their affair on the show enter.
to explain how problematic and harmful the way these characters have been portrayed is, and what kind of message it sends about black queerness, i first have to explain christina's function on the story.
christina, as a character, was basically the texbook pulp noir femme-fatale, checking most of the boxes of the tv tropes description of the trope, from the "red equals evil and sin" imagery to being a wild card, that character who changes sides according to their own desires and individualistic goals.
in her specific case, helping the white supremacists and the black heroes alike in her pursue for unlimited power to protect herself from the oppression that comes with being a white woman, particularly a wealthy one, in which the very same presumption of innocence that gives them privilege over BIPOC is used to infantilize them and strip them from their agency, putting their bodies and choices under the tutelage of cis het white men.
so, her function on the show was basically to manipulate the characters on the two sides alike.
and that is where the problems in queer representation come in, because, to manipulate them, she acts as a sensual seductress.
and what does the script uses to highlight that this is a character willing to go to the most immoral places to achieve her goals? it makes christina a sexually fluid and gender fluid character.
that is basically playing a move straight from the hays code era.
not only does the show plays christina's sexual and gender fluidity as her being "freaky" and a proof of her deviant nature, but it makes her seduction of ruby as a central part of the scheme that positions her as the main villain of the show.
this portrayal of christina as a textbook femme-fatale with a touch of white feminism is already very problematic on its own, especially when we consider her death and how brutal it was, because, yes, while it's true she is privileged because she is white and wealthy, she is still a woman and a queer one at that, and giving her the same traditional treatment for femme-fatales in pulp fiction ends up reinforcing harmful stereotypes about gender and sexuality.
but, when we consider what it means for ruby as a character, it gets WAY worse.
ruby is a character that's been shown to feel very frustrated about the ways in which societal structures of power interfere in her life, not only on a professional level, but even on a personal level as well, making her feel "interrupted".
dealing with the same issues that all black women and feminine-aligned nbs who don't fit into the eurocentric standards of femininity and of beauty do, and not matching the criteria for being hypersexualized by society as the black women considered conventionally pretty -- with thin bodies like the white women or hourglass body frames, being light-skinned and so on --, ruby has her humanity stripped from her because everyone expects her to be stronger than it's humanly possible.
everyone seems to expect something of her at home, her younger sister took advantage of her money for years, and not only all of her goals in the professional realm seem to be frustrated by social structures of oppression, but even her relationship goals as well, given that most of the men that she gets involved with, whether they are black or white, seem to believe they have the right to abandon her and treat her like trash because she doesn't feel a thing and is "strong" enough.
ruby feels frustrated and tired, and she has every single right to do so, because, as what happens to most black women and feminine-aligned nbs, she is disrespected and disregarded by everyone, white and black alike.
so, when christina comes in with an offer of improving ruby's life with magic, of course she takes the opportunity.
and it seemed like the show was willing to deal with the moral complexities of christina's shapeshifting potion and validating ruby's feelings, or at least, sort of validating.
but, by killing her at the end, it just played out as if ruby's feelings meant she was merely a traitor to the race, and not a woman who was tired of feeling frustrated with all of these impossible obstacles society sets for black women and feminine-aligned nbs, especially dark-skinned and fat ones like her, and justified in her anger and frustration.
she did everything right and accomplished nothing, and, when she finally decided to rebel and focus on herself for a change, she met her demise.
but that is just the tip of iceberg, really.
what makes this situation with ruby so frustrating is the fact that, when the show presented christina's queerness as another sign she was "on the wrong side of the tracks" and a villian that should be defeated by the black heroes, which consist in a family, the narrative is implying that a person has to choose between their queerness, on one side, and their blackness and community on the other.
of course, one might argue that the fact montrose was turned into a gay man himself in the adaptation prevents this from happening. but, when we consider montrose was forgiven by tic only after reinforcing he never did cheated on dora and acted on his queerness and lived his gayness, when he really had every single right to do so, especially because it's implied dora slept with his brother george and the three of them knew she was just montrose's beard, then we have the message that it's ok to be queer as long as you don't act on your queerness at all.
there is a part in the review for nerdist that i mentioned above, in which the author says that one of the book's best qualities was that "the source material also illustrates the importance of family and community ties between Black protagonists", and that the TV show ruins it when it "introduces abuse, alcoholism, and family dysfunction, and strips Black characters of their own magic."
that is a part of the article, published in october 14 2020, that now no longer makes sense after the finale, because that message is there.
but, the actual problem is that the ideas of family and community shouldn't be taken for granted bc they are always under political dispute, and are oftenly used to reinforce backward messages when it comes to gender and sexuality, serving as a tool for the control of the bodies and authonomy of ppl of various marginalized groups and intersecctions, including women, BIPOC and queer ppl alike.
while these things are not inherently good or bad, and they are also part of the culture and identity for plenty of BIPOC ethnical identities, the concepts of family and community are usually weaponized by conservatives and used to justify things like queerphobia and the restrictions over reproductive rights.
queer ppl in all walks of life and skin colors all over the world have to deal with plenty of conflicts about coming out because, by deciding to live their own truth, they can never know for sure whether coming out will put them at odds with their families and community until they dare to do so.
so, ruby's dillemma for not knowing what to choose, her family or a life with christina, plays out as the type of experience queer ppl have to deal on a daily basis, and when we consider the intersection with race/ethnicity, it gets even more cruel because our gender identities and sexual/romantic/aesthetic orientations, that are natural parts of us, make us being invisibilized and silenced in our own cultures and feel like we have to give up on our own communities in order to be able to live our queerness.
there are few things more gut-wrenching than that feeling of fear that you might be disowned by your family and relatives and your community -- whether is it a neighbourhood, a village, a small town etc -- because a part of yourself is considered at odds with your heritage.
and when we consider all the christian imagery in the show, the final result is a really troubling one.
while it's true that being christian and believing in god doesn't authomatically makes anyone a bigot (i actually still retain some of the beliefs i was raised into as a catholic latin-american), it's also true that now, more than ever, we can't ignore science, including history.
the entire way in which they referred to magic as a devil's work was very troubling and evocates the same discriminative rethoric that white european colonizers used to justify the destruction of the ancient old religions and beliefs of BIPOC in their own homeland, the ancient culture of our ancestors, and also the oppression of peasant women in europe.
while we can't generalize, given each culture had its own particularities, there's an agreement in the scientific community that, overall, the cultures of the first nations and indigenous folks from the american continent, the african continent, the asian continent and oceania/pacific islands were far more accepting of different manifestations of queerness.
that means that queerphobia was part of the colonial project, once the traditional family values of christianity were used as a tool for the white colonizers to regulate the bodies and sexuality of the colonized and keep them under control.
and that is why the association of these ideals of family and community as inherent to blackness ends up being problematic, because we can't discuss racism without discussing colonization, and we can't discuss colonization without considering the ways in which queerphobia and religion were used as tools of colonial oppression.
the worst part is that, when it comes to ruby, the producers and writers really didn't need to do kill her at all.
and while the show did right in not showing how christina killed ruby, sparing the audience from watching another black body being brutalized, it's also true they didn't have to kill the character to get her out of the way from the final confrontation between christina and tic's family.
they literally went and changed her background from her book counterpart and made the woman a musician, and a blueswoman at that.
all they needed was to have her share a goodbye scene with christina the same way she had with leti, saying that she wanted to be with christina but couldn't fight her family and friends like that, grab a copy from the safe travel negro guide and set off in a bus to travel all over the U.S., singing very sad blues songs about falling in love with a white devil once.
that's all the producers and writers needed, to use the "sent in a bus" trope.
but the choice was to portray ruby as a character facing the consequences of following her desires , which ends up feeling like a punishment for a dark-skinned and fat queer black woman for daring to question the position society has placed her because of who she is.
this is in no way an attempt to "cancel" the producers or the writers, because a) their work is still important as a team of mostly black creators and b) canceling doesn't seem to have significant consequences, and seems to lead only to more social media wars than anything else.
but now that it finally seems diversity is getting more space in media, this type of discussion gets more important.
there is a slow increase on more representation of queer/LGBTQ+ characters in media and more productions involving queer/LGBTQ+ creatives, but, most of the time, the characters and are white, or, when there are biracial couples, the characters of color are just token minorities, and the same happens with the creatives involved in the production.
there is a slow increase in BIPOC characters representation in media and more productions involving BIPOC as creatives, but, most of the time, the characters are cis heterosexual, and the same happens with the creatives involved in the production.
but, for pop culture and media to be truly diverse, there has to be more space for the narratives of ppl that exist and belong to the two groups to raise our voices and be heard, whether is it in the entertainment industry, society at large or even in fandom spaces.
because she shouldn't be forced to pick between one identity over the other.
our existences shouldn't be interrupted just because society doesn't know how to deal with them.
and if that make us sinners, then so be it.
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misterbitches · 3 years
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hi! this is long as shit i’m sorry. i hope it makes sense. i ahve adhd and like 5 million learning disorders so this is just word vomit cos there’s so many words in my brain. my b.
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i’ve had such a tough day so thank you for replying and sharing! @yeedak​ 
i was thinking about what i wrote and i meant to clarify that as well. some cases are fine for both parties and it’s not like you weren’t consenting and it seems like you were happy! same with my friend who was dating a 20 yr old. if they’re happy you know i’ll clown on ‘em but yea. so for anyone that sees these posts your relationship with your partner who is older or whatever. i’m some dumb girl on the internet okay. ill side eye older ppl tho
i think a lot of people feel the same way you do now (me included.) it feels really good at the time but alter we can see the dynamics playing out. i’m 29 now and i think aging is just such a huge process. it’s wild how you at 31 are a totally different person, right?
and the US racism is probably some of the worst ever in its iteration because of slavery which started from europe etc but USA is so fucking unique bc of columbus bringing slaves here and displacing indigenous peoples or hispanola and because america is so influential the way it views race, particularly with black people as objects, has so deeply permeated into the current historical psyche globally. it’s fascinating to track how necessary anti blackness is to the flourishing of america but also the world at this point. also want to point out how fuckign scary sinophobia is here especially for covid. one is a straight historical line (black ppl + the US) and the other had to be manufactured and to continue to exploit the non-white americans and keep antiblackness in tact.i could go on about this all day. the pain of this place is immense.yet as bad as it is here, this is still the only place i truly feel safe as a black person. because of the unique experience we have in america and through the diaspora especially because we are veyr much ocncentrated here. it would be nice to like move to norway and have some alleviation financially or get free healthcare it’s just not feasible if no one looks like me. it’s fucking tough. 
i hope you don’t hate it here though and people treat you with respect. but as you know being a woman and jewish and an immigrant....shit is tough. the USA is a hellhole. :( america is so deeply tainted and desperately bad because it was founded on strife and blood and there’s no way to reverse that and what this country did in turn when it gained enough power and could capitalize off of the colonial forefathers. this is why we hsould all luv revolution!!!
HOWMEVERRRR 
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boy oh boy oh BOY OH BOYYYYYYYY. well wlecome to the world of BL lmao especially as an adult with some obviously deep perspective just given your background. it is a fucking mess and it’s a hard mess to like but it pulls you in. i approach it like i do with soap operas since these are essentially telenovelas, you know? just like the drama at a billion. but the tricky part of that is like....what parts of it do we understand for critiquing? because so many of the shows are so bad at being like good pieces of things to look at just production wise and story wise. but i feel like these shows ask us to take them seriously, so why shouldn’t we take the content seriously? and this is being primarily peddled to young girls. 
i bring this up often but i read this thing about yaoi and the interest younger women/girls have in BL and its fascination with pederasty essentially. this component i think is key when we talk about who gets affected by these things the most. society in general is bad 4 girls bla bla we know lmao but in “more sexually conservative” societies it may be harder for these girls to feel safe even expressing normal emotions romantically and sexually and particularly with guys. some people hypothesized, and i think i agree with this hypothesis, that they can live through the casualness of BL. they don’t feel threatened because they can put themselves into the shoes of the other character. oftentimes, the more feminine or the younger. this was in conjunction with the age gap aspect (they say pederasty as well because there’s unethical age gaps that r gross and that is indeed what we would at least call a touch of sexual abuse if people dont feel like calling it an obsession with youth and power and uhhh young ppl and perhaps kids) where maybe girls could see themselves in these situations as the person being saved, loved, taken care of, and sadly also sexually active and penetrated. 
i think that’s just one aspect of it but i do think there’s validity in who gravitates towards it. i cannot imagine seeing this stuff and not getting enough information as a young kid, i sure as fuck know i didn’t!, and seeing these things and you look at it with 0 critique because you’re young and you may have no interest in it or you simply cannot understand what is wrong. no one is teaching you these things and these shows confirm it. and it is wild how intrinsic patriarchy is to BL although in its existence it also can’t be in line with patriarchy given the nature of two [cis] men!
it begs the question about the replacement aspect. is it just so girls can put themselves in these characters shoes? if so then that means we believe that gender is so interchangeable within our relationships and interactions and that doesn’t seem right. there’s more to lgbtq+ than just existing; it’s finding ways to communicate, finding a family, safety, your people, being a free person. there’s a lot to gain and a lot a lot to lose. and a gay man is also not a woman because those are also two distinct experiences.  especially in societies that have a more hidden aspect to sexuality (idk how to word this bc the BL industry would NEVER survive in america but in a way there’s a more “progressive” look at homosexuality but it’s still fucked up because we live in a Society, you know? at the same time look at what we are doing to trans kids. literally waging war so it’s bonkers how we all collectively have some real progress happening but at the same time not at all. the concept of ‘ladyboys’ and the frequency we see trans people in thai shows is wild and something that we absolutely do not see here in the US. still, none of these groups feel safe or are getting better material conditions in either place. we just show the ways we can try and tolerate oppression witout eliminating it imo)
to me it is clear: it’s money. which most things exist to make money so. but also who is the audience for these shows? and they have to market towards them. all that said all hope is not lost there are some decent shows. it’s just like regular media on TV though where it’s so fucking saturated as an industry that it’s literally sifting through garbage. and there are some days when you can handle the trash and others where it really fucking hurts to watch the violence, the rape, the manipulation, the violations, the stupid messaging. i have never seen more people trying to do mental gymnastics and seeing if things were “technically rape” than in teh BL fandom and that is so fucking sad.
i came into these shows at 28 with almost 0 clue of what as media BL was like esp as media that countries can use as soft power with the revenue. but i realize like...i’m 29 now and so many people don’t have a sizeable, though not huge, amount of life experience. and i wonder for people on the internet who are usually searching for something if they spend so much time on it like what a 15 year old girl thinks. what a 20 year old girl thinks. 
it is incredibly problematic and so awful but there’s also some rewards. if you haven’t i would definitely watch i told sunsset about you which i don’t think i’m going to finish and i doubt i’ll watch the second installment (watch this be a lie) but when i say some fucking impeccable storytelling and art? phew. now that is a fucking piece of media that works. it takes from moonlight heavily and you can see like...the artistic dedication is there and the story makes its world and sets up its stakes extremely well. 
i think because this is marketed towards much younger people too they know they dont have to try as hard. but they SHOULD because then you can have a fucking masterpiece like that. i think even this prolific gay thai filmmaker (who is like solidly against the government) who is so respected (and who i like a lot! if u wanna know i can tell u lmao but the films are very uhhhhhhhh “artsy”) would like i told sunset about you. i wish more people had budget like that and also just cared about the stories. it’s the fucking magic of art to figure out what you can do but there is very little incentive honestly. idk i am very pessimistic. there are days when it’s really a great pick me up and distraction but it is never a place i would love for to feel seen or heard but i’m more of the mind of i never trust the mainstream until they prove me wrong ;) 
or i never trust the mainstream and i still buy into it anyway and then cry when i don’t like what i see adn i yell “BOO GET OFF THE STAGE!” when an old man won’t leave a teenager alone
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revenge-of-the-shit · 3 years
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Hi, I recently found your blog here and found it a lot insightful! In the BB you ( rightfully) called out the subtle sinophobia hidden within the BB. I am Korean(sorry if I sound like Sery Kim) and I wanted to create a story of how to criticize the CCP without having it negatively blowback on Asian Americans living here in the US. Do you have any tips?
Hey there! Thank you for reaching out. Here's my two cents on writing fiction that's CCP-critical, although when you write things like this, it's important to reach out to multiple Chinese voices, I think: Tl;dr: The most important thing is to show that the government is NOT the people. Separate the people and the government, because the actions of the few do not represent the majority.
If you want to criticize the CCP by depicting its fictional counterpart as a foreign entity in your story, show its impact on the people living within the central country. What I mean is this: let's say your story is set in fictional-USA, and your character is watching the CCP do something in fictional-China. Show the impact that it has on Asian Americans. Show how anti-asian racism rises; show how Chinese families react; show that the Chinese ppl are separate from the government. And honestly, for extra nuance steps: show how the propaganda works. I hate the CCP. So do a great number of my friends (Chinese or not). And family members. But I also have family members living in Canada and in Hong Kong who love the CCP. And it sucks. But what this means is: there's nuance. Not 100% of Chinese ppl love or hate the CCP. There's a mix. Some have been brainwashed by propaganda. Some just... truly believe in the party. There's nuance to it.
If you want to criticize it by writing about characters in the country, there's two routes you can take: a) The character who's the rebel. This is the character who dislikes the govt; who is critical; who works against it or secretly fumes against it. When writing this character, it is vital that they are not the only one. Be careful not to send the message "only exceptional Chinese ppl don't like the CCP" because that's just wrong. There IS hidden resistance; but it's so, so quiet because people need to survive. b) The character who plays by the govt's book. Personally, I'm a fan of unreliable narration done right. Explore the mindset of a character who wholeheartedly believes that their government is always right and that the government is the people. If done right, you could create some terrifyingly nuanced and complex insight into the mind of someone who has been fed propaganda from the moment they were born. And make it clear that there's some doublethink going on - that there's hypocrisy underneath the surface and that there's ISSUES. I'll give you an example of propaganda. (CW: Anti-Indigenous Racism) I'm Canadian. All my life, I've been taught in school and in the media and in the books I read that Canada is a pretty neat country. Sure, we've got some problems, but as a whole people seem polite and all the bad stuff seems left behind in history, right? Wrong. Wrong. This mindset is absolutely fucking WRONG. I celebrated Canada Day for most of my life because I was taught that it was a good thing to do. I never really understood what it stood for other than a nationalistic holiday because it was always taught to me as a celebratory day. I was told that residential schools were closed a long time ago, and I was told that we're better now. No. No we aren't. Canada is literally recovering thousands of bodies of Indigenous children who were ripped from their homes and murdered by the government and the church. Last year, settlers ransacked Indigenous fisheries on our east coast. The RCMP (national police) is still demonstrating disproportionate violence against Indigenous peoples. Canada Day isn't a day of celebration. It's a day where the colonizers celebrated their hold over stolen land while they committed literal genocide on the native people. It should be a day of mourning. Of reflection. But the fact is, I didn't know about this for years because I wasn't taught this. At all. I was taught that the cops were always good, that Canada is nicer than its southern neighbour in terms of racism, and that Canada day is a very good and proud day. And I believed it, because I was a child and it was ingrained my education for the entirety of my schooling. While Canada is certainly more democratic, the fact remains that there's still propaganda entrenched in a cishet white patriarchal system, and it's something I'm still unlearning to this day. Anyhow, I digress. Tl;dr: writing from the POV of a character who has been fed propaganda - and who learns to unlearn this propaganda - can be really, REALLY good if done well.
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indigosprite · 3 years
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Hibari Headcanons
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He likes small animals but not your usual small animals. (The way he kicked uri out in the future instead of letting the cat stay 😭) I.e he’d pick a sugar glider over a guinea pig
He hates crowds because he still hates the fact that when he was still learning to be sociable kids had the power of alienating him. He despises that group mindset that children had. In kindergarten some kids invited him to play then told him to get lost and nobody stood up for him. He has one intrusive thought and it’s that feeling. He genuinely hates crowds because it feels like an opportunity for people to get to decide who isn’t welcomed. He lowkey doesn’t want to witness that moment to happen to anyone else.
His overthinking only stops when he’s alone so he genuinely does prefer it. He doesn’t mind one or two people in an intimate setting but when it’s more he wants to disconnect.
He’s all about repaying debts quickly I think he takes this on an emotional level too so he feels if you get too close or kind he has to return that by being transparent as well and he knows he’s bad at it so he just stops you altogether by not letting you even create that environment around him. I.e in the future he’s fine in the hospital room then more people come and he warns Tsuna then beats his ass because it was getting too emotional seeing ppl visit chrome when he just wanted to check on her from afar and not hear everyone’s emotions.
He takes pictures of random things , like a leaf with water droplets, clouds from Nami middles roof , his sneakers when he’s walking. They’re not amazing but he just always does it and never shares. It’s kind of grunge but unintentionally.
He has a knack for throw blankets. He has one in every room they’re mostly black white or purple no designs except for the ones from his grandparents.
If you have ever watched Saiki k I think he has the exact same relationship with his parents. If you haven’t : he’s serious and reserved and willingly antisocial but not because of trauma and his parents are so normal and caring it’s funny in contrast. But they’re a tad bit more refined than saikis.
He was partly raised by his grandparents when he was much younger and that’s why he really loves tradition and order while his parents are hardly as strict.
His grandfather was probably a vet who joined solely to protect Namimori . Hibari has that same love for the town because of him but like his grandfather he’s in no way patriotic. They both just love this town He thinks of his grandfather when he thinks of Namimori and because he is gone now he latches on to the town even more.
His grandfather is Fon. Hear me out. Fon could have been around 40 when he was cursed , could’ve had a son young (18) but it was fine because he was a very well respected champion. The Hibaris had money and as long as he was a positive image in his career field they wouldn’t mind what he did although their lineage is that of leaders and scholars. He stopped for a bit to go into the army and when he came back he stumbles upon the mafia . His son grows up to also have a kid young Fon and his wife watch after Hibari until he’s around 7 while his son and daughter in law work extremely hard to get established in their career paths. They come back and one day Fon just vanished bc he’s cursed and hibaris dad knows he was in the mafia so he just doesn’t dwell on what might have happened but doesn’t share because he didn’t want to pain him as a bad guy to his son but they’re all pretty upset about it.
Fon taught hibari how to fight , that’s why he has his grandfathers disposition and tenacity although it’s a tad immature in comparison. Fon tells him his style will be what he picks and hibari randomly picks tonfas as his weapon. Fon has it in his house because although he uses no weapons he’s fond of their history. Fon gets him a pair of silver ones.
He’s not the brightest, he’s not as terrible as Tsuna and Yamamoto but he’s average academically. He’s not interested in excelling academically and getting a painfully respectable job like doctor lawyer or something in business. And I think his air of nonchalant attitude can only come from a trust fund kid who’s parents don’t expect them to be their carbon copy.
He literally gets himself held back just to stick around a middle school he likes and nobody objects or is worried about his future. It’s definitely secured.
He really doesn’t care about the disciplinary committee members because he didn’t mean to form it. Students have a love hate relationship with him. He was just some scary strong guy who happened to beat up the right people who were pests and they thought he did it for the good of everyone. But they realized too late that it’s really just who irritates him and that sometimes coincides with their best interest so they let it be because he’s a comforting and unsettling presence to have. Like even Tsuna acknowledges this despite being terrified of him most the time he’s always like “wait Hibari will handle it”
He likes that he has disciples because it’s a crowd he’s apart of and is the center of but doesn’t have to be too close and nobody can kick him out or make him feel unwanted.
His parents actually like that he’s respected (oblivious to the fear) as the leader of this club around town because their family is known for strong leadership and he’s applied it to what he wanted.
He likes hamburger steak because when his parents came back his mom liked to test American recipes once she moved back to Japan. This was the only one he really liked enough to ask for again
He can’t cook. At all. Hopeless. Would burn water.
He would kill you for a well made dessert. They put him in a good mood but he’s a weirdo that doesn’t like rewarding himself so it has to be a gift or offered.
He actually likes band t shirts ripped jeans boots and all of that but hardly wears it out because he finds he likes being in his uniform more.
He’s a good boxer because everyone seems to forget he won a BOXING match for royhei. Hello he couldn’t use tonfas he actually had to punch ppl. Yeah he’s strong but that’s a style of fighting he definitely learned from Fon.
He jogs on a private trail around his families property, sometimes his father joins him.
His parents know him really well. He’s not a difficult kid to them. they’re the only ones he answers to but even then they raised him to be independent so they’re not that authoritative over him.
He has a hard time listening to them because he thinks they leave him to govern himself too much and shouldn’t only get a say sometimes.
They feel bad about leaving him to his grandparents for so long but his mother says she’ll never regret making sure their lives were better for him.
They have a good relationship give or take a few problems stemming from their separation from him.
He can draw really well. I don’t know why. But he just does. He does it often on random papers his only collection being a small box his mother keeps of them. He hates when she saves them.
He’s the baby of his entire family but his father is on the higher end of his family and same with his mother for hers so everyone is always asking to see him but he refuses to leave Namimori for longer than a day or two.
He has a sister. Idk. I just feel he has a sibling that’s either way older or a toddler that spends time on trips with their mother because she doesn’t have school yet.
He watches horror movies with his parents a lot. But they have to be psychological thrillers and he always has to fight his dad with his mom on what everything meant.
He’s spoiled. He’s nonchalant about everything but when it comes down to it he is a trust fund baby who would have been sent to a nice private high school abroad.
He has been arrested but his father being his father makes an arrangement with the police force in Nami where he’s just his own independent junior division. It would explain why the people in his committee look significantly older than him sometimes😭.
Tetsyua has always been the only member who’s name he learned because he doesn’t disappoint him. He is to him what Shoichi was to Byakuran , competent in other areas and capable of surprising him. And he never made Hibari feel like he had to say anything to him for that hibari considers him to be a good friend.
Tetsu and Ryohei are the only people he finds familiar and respectable enough to converse with like a normal fucking teenager 😭.
Royhei is loud but he doesn’t mind him because the boy is ALWAYS alone training. And like him he doesn’t backdown from a fight , also he causes no trouble at school.
He hangs out with him more than you’d think but he never initiates it or stops it.
Hibari lets Royhei use his private trail to jog sometimes. His parents know the sasagawa kids well because of this, they get invited to dinner a lot.
He likes kyoko better because she’s like a quieter Royhei but just as kind and determined. He tries to be nice to her by greeting her from them to time but stops because she popular and it draws attention and annoying rumors.
She says he really hates crowds and understands how nosy people in their grade are and says it’s okay if he doesn’t wave back sometimes. She assumes he’s actually extremely shy and misunderstood. (Sis he’s just a delinquent)
It’s platonic but he actually fond of her and is nice to her and they text from time to time. She’s the only one who knows to give him sweets because they talk about them.
He tries to get revenge on Mukuro for making him associate something he actually liked enough to go view (Sakura) with humiliation and anger that he tries to return the favor. The bastard loves nothing that much so he’s still thinking.
His parents think some girl broke up with him at a Sakura filled place and that’s why he suddenly hates it. He won’t explain they’re wrong because it’s better than the real story.
He’s a history buff , but a world history buff not just Japan.
He has an admirable garden that he tends to and sells half the vegetables his chef only cooks for three and doesn’t need that many.
He likes the snow he thinks it’s calming when everyone stays home in their house while outside is cold and harsh but pretty. He makes his parents special hot chocolate on days like that. They let him drink hot wine sometimes but only a sip or two.
He’s bilingual because his parents taught him Italian when he was younger after they had come back. They also taught him a little English.
He watches a lot of American media and listens to their music as well.
On his birthday he never goes out because it’s a holiday and more people are out than usual so his family has a dinner for him and get him gifts.
His mother gives more thoughtful gifts that he appreciates later while his father indulges him and gets him stuff like a popular manga series or a meeting to upgrade his tonfas again or clothing he really likes.
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