#always commenting on how whatever we are eating is shit or bad like he isnt eating most of it

[arhvste]

❝ kuroo tetsurō - dating a co worker hcs ❞

tetsu week masterlist

-> your desks were put pretty close together, it’s a given you guys we’re gonna end up talking

-> eventually talking turned into causal banter and witty comments exchanged between the two of you

-> an before you knew it, it became straight up flirting

-> you guys were so oblivious too 

-> even the bosses on the top boards were frustrated and just as on edge as everyone else for you two to get together

-> ‘friends’ don’t go out for lunch dates everyday and know each other’s coffee orders off by heart

-> 7 months it took for y’all to get together

-> me and your coworkers are disappointed 😔

-> you guys should’ve been together from at least 4 months in but hey, you were together now after an awkward drunken confession from the tall man

-> “h-hey y/n, isnt is craaazzzyyy that our co workers like you know? they ship up? hahaha that’s crazy isn’t it cause like i was thinking”

-> you were a little tipsy yourself as the two of you giggled and held onto each other letting whatever nonsense come to mind spill out

-> “i was thinking we should maybe date and make everyone super happy! i’m so kind right? also, you’re like super pretty and funny and i think about you a lot so do you wanna date or nah?”

-> he’s snickered as you let your body gently away back and fourth, your own giggles jumping out

-> you guys drank a lot and it was only a WEDNESDAY 😾

-> y’all had work the next morning and you were out drinking?!

-> it’s okay though because yeah you both came in a little bit later the next morning

-> you also came in hands held tightly together

-> and you confirmed the two of you were dating

-> so you were let off

-> and the two of you also agreed never to drink on a week night

-> so your co workers are thrilled y’all are dating

-> and they tease you a lil cause that’s what annoying co workers do

-> kuroo is so mf smug

-> lowkey, your whole floor thought you were hot

-> but kuroo swooped in and took you for himself so of course he’s gonna be a little bit smug about it

-> but he’s so giddy too cause wow

-> you’re really his now huh

-> and vice versa of course

-> literally gets butterflies whenever he passes your desk even when you’re on the phone to a client and can’t talk to him

-> he’ll thank the stars everyday that you got assigned your desk near his because who knows if he’d even of met you had your desk been elsewhere in the office

-> you might’ve even ended up dating the guy on the third floor

-> kuroos just glad your desks are close to each other because it means he can stare at your pretty face all day

-> it’s also annoying though because he’s distracting

-> you’ll be on an important phone conference and he’ll slip a little bit of paper on your desk as he walks past

-> you’ll thank him thinking it’s an important document

-> but no it’s shit like this

-> thanks kuroo very cool 🤩

-> anyways, he’ll be annoying from time to time

-> but he’ll always help you out

-> of he sees a particularly large pile of paper on your desk he’ll help you get through it

-> so if you have a list of phonecallas you have to make he’ll take half of them

-> he never wants you stressed out

-> and he’d do anything for you if it meant the two of you finishing early and getting to grab dinner before going home

-> it doesn’t matter if not though because you guys will always grab something to eat most nights

-> you guys alternate paying because you’re basically on the same wage

-> and you guys are quirky and built different

-> let the man pay everytime? no

-> you guys are ✨woke✨ and take turns 😼

-> kuroo will still offer to pay everytime and even insist upon it a few times though because that’s how he was raised

-> ugh thank you gentleman 😎

-> the older ladies at work think so too

-> theyre a lot older than yourself and kuroo but they never fail to compliment him and swoon over him in the office

-> it’s okay though because you both know they mean no harm

-> you know who does mean harm though?

-> miya atsumu 😾

-> and he examples this one time after a match

-> kuroos off talking to hinata about an advertising gig with kenma

-> so you’re stood there waiting for him to finish up so you can finish your reports and head home

-> but no

-> a 6’4 volleyball player with bleach blonde hair stalks his way over to you with a smile

-> “hey, i’m atsumu.”

-> “i know.”

-> bokuto and sakusa see him approach you and decide to just let him make a fool of himself so they’re watching from the sidelines from a distance

-> “so haha ya come around here often 😼”

-> “yes because i work in japan’s volleyball association in the marketing directing dept”

-> “ah that’s cool so yer hot and i think we’d be pretty hot together so can i get ya number?”

-> “-i”

-> “i’ll tell you what. you can get her number in return for your credit card one 😎”

-> your tall boyfie is towering behind you, hand placed firmly on your hip

-> “um my bad.”

-> atsumu sprints back to sakusa and bokuto who are ridiculing his pathetic attempts at flirting with you

-> “come on, let me take my one and only out for dinner hm?”

-> from then on kuroo makes sure to stand by you at every outing for work

-> especially if hot and attractive volleyball players were going to be near you

-> honestly kuroo’s gonna wanna stand by you anywhere you go

-> mf is so whipped he probably escorts you to the toilet and waits for you outside when he’s feeling particularly clingy

-> but when you brush him off he’s not too worried

-> because after 5pm on weekdays you’re officially all his again

dt - @aislastetsu

general taglist → @atsumuwoah @bloody-bella @bbymilkbread @miracleboy420 @doggonudez @tsumue @peteunderoos @tsukkisbean @saturnfarie @toffees-main @zumisace @boosyboo9206 @totorosleaff @27kei @dai-tsukki-desu @angrylittleriri @tsukkaria @kuxredere @warakou @mattsuny @lovinnoya @sophiashortcake

ALL CONTENT BELONGS TO @KUROOSKULT ON TUMBLR 2020 PLEASE DO NOT REPOST, CHANGE OR PLAGIARISE

#kuroo tetsurou #kuroo x reader #kuroo x you #kuroo hcs #kuroo headcanons #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu headcanons #hq #hq x reader #hq x you #hq hcs #hq headcanons #tetsu.week<3 #queue !!

[badwolfwrites-sometimes]

Drawn Together: Chapter 13

!!WARNING!! This chapter includes slurs and homophobia, please proceed with caution.

Artisloveandlife: Ludwig I have a question Artisloveandlife: Do zombies get smarter after they eat a human brain?

Feliciano had no idea why he was asking that kind of question to a person he met yesterday. He has been cleaning the kitchen, as one does, when it suddenly popped into his head.

'Well, nothing in my life makes sense anymore so it's fine.' He thought, but quickly snapped out of his daze as Antonio entered with Lovino.

"I can't believe you got Feli to clean up the kitchen. This day is going down in history!" Lovino said, throwing his arms in the air as if he was thanking God for this blessing.

Antonio kissed his cheek. "He's doing a very good job at it, be nicer to him." Lovino almost chocked at that comment.

Feliciano chose not to comment anything on it and instead handed Lovino a deck brush, daring to suggest his brother actually does some work. "You're always telling me to be useful, set me a good example." He smiled before receiving a smack to his shoulder. "Ow!"

"Sassy bastard!" Lovino said, but grabbed the brush anyway. If Feliciano wants him to work, he's going to work and he'll work better than anyone.

That being said, it took him less than a minute to give up and pass the brush to Romeo, who had the unfortunate luck to show up in a very unfortunate moment. "Nonno'll be here any second and you're much faster than me." Is the reasoning Romeo got behind this sudden job. This meant that everyone, aside from Lovino, had something to do.

It was around 9 p. m. when they were finished with the chores, and just on time it seems.

"My boys! Where are you? Come greet your old grandpa!" A deep melodic voice sounded off from the hall, just as the three of them sat down. The youngest two were, naturally, the first to sprint towards their grandpa. He couldn't lift them up as he used to, but it didn't bother them much.

"Nonno!" Feliciano squeeled, glad to have him home finally.

"How was the trip, Nonno? Did you bring us presents?" Romeo asked, cuddling close to the old man still breathing with life.

"Meo, that's rude." Feliciano remarked.

"I did ask how the trip went first." Romeo defended.

Their grandpa just laughed the whole thing off, glad that his boys never change. His eyes scanned around for Lovino, finding him standing by the doorframe, looking quite uncertain. He smiled to his eldest grandson before turning his attention back to the two in front of him. "Now, now. Don't fight over such silly things. Of course I brought presents for my lovely boys."

Both Romeo's and Feliciano's eyes glowed, going back to hug their grandpa much stronger this time, just as Feliciano felt his phone vibrate, reminding him of the happiness of this moment. They finally let their grandpa free to check for presents.

"Welcome home, Mr. Vargas." Antonio greeted, joining Lovino by the doorframe.

"Oh, Toni. I didn't know you are here as well. And cut the formality already, just call me Grandpa Rome." Grandpa Rome said, shaking Antonio's hand and patting him on the shoulder, before turning his attention to Lovino. "Lovi, my beautiful boy, come give your grandpa a hug." He said and pulled the reluctant Lovino in for a hug. "You look worried, did the dinner come out bad? You know your grandpa will eat anything you boys make, isn't that right?"

Lovino laughed. He needed that, even if that wasn't what has been bothering him. "Yeah... You always ate our weird shit." He said.

"That's right." Grandpa Rome smiled. "Now chin up and fix your language, my boy." And the three of them left for the kitchen.

Grandpa Rome told them all kinds of stories on the dinner table, entertaining them as they ate, but Feliciano could sense a weird vibe from Lovino. The one he usually felt just as Lovino was about to break down and cry. And he wasn't the only one who could feel it. Antonio had been secretly holding Lovino's hand underneath the table this whole time.

"You know, you wouldn't believe how full of faggots Europe is." Grandpa Rome said, startling the four of them. "At this point, you can't even walk down the street without running into one of them."

Feliciano's eyes immediately raced towards Lovino. Lovino just looked down at his plate, silently begging his grandpa to stop. It was all so wrong. Even Romeo sensed something wasn't quite right and he had no idea what was going on. Silence fell upon them.

Antonio chose to break it first. "You know Mr. Vargas, that's not really a nice word." He looked unsure, the moment those words left his mouth he regretted them.

Grandpa Rome gave him a side eye and Feliciano knew it was all going to go downhill from now on, yet he spoke. "Toni's right. We're all human and we should be respectful of each other." Feliciano wasn't known for his courage much, but this was different. This was about his brother.

Grandpa Rome kept quiet, taking a few bites of his dinner before so obviously deciding he didn't like it anymore. "Is there something you want to tell me, Feli?" He finally spoke, his words harsh and crushing Lovino's heart.

Feliciano just shook his head, offering one final glance towards Lovino before he let his head fall down to look at his hands. He shouldn't have done that, because as soon as he looked at Lovino, Grandpa Rome noticed. Romeo really wanted to excuse himself by this point.

As he felt deep chocolate brown eyes staring deeply into his soul, Lovino looked back at them, tears already welling up in his hazel eyes. Can this be over already? He stared into his grandpa's eyes for what felt like ages, before Grandpa Rome spoke. "And you, Lovi? What do you have with the faggots?"

Lovino doesn't break the eye contact, but it was Antonio who answered. "We're together. Me and Lovi, we're dating." Lovino wasted no time in running away from the table. The secret was out, his life was over.

Grandpa Rome stared at Antonio in a way that made Feliciano and Romeo want to sink further down in their seats. Their grandpa never looked at anyone like that. "My own grandson..."  Grandpa Rome said in utter disbelief before getting up and walking towards Antonio who stood up. "I expected more from him. I expected more from you, Antonio." His voice was coated in disgust.

Antonio kept his stare firm on Grandpa Rome's eyes, his face serious. "Then you shouldn't have made him so perfect." Antonio said calmly, but he was more afraid than ever before.

Feliciano clutched his phone, hoping Lovino or Ludwig or Elizabeta or anyone would send him a text to let him know everything will be fine. Because right now, everything wasn't fine. Romeo held Feliciano's yellow sweater, hoping the same as he drew himself closer to his brother.

"Get out." Grandpa Rome said. "Get out and don't you dare come back to this house again, Antonio!" He shoved Antonio aside and left the kitchen, the three of them hoping he wouldn't go find Lovino.

Feliciano tore away from Romeo, running towards Antonio for a hug. His heart was breaking as he felt Antonio tremble under his arms, but he still lifted his hands to pet Feliciano's brown hair.

"I'm sorry, Toni." Feliciano whispered. Romeo left his seat to join the hug. "I'm really sorry." Feliciano said.

Antonio smiled, his eyes betraying his real emotion, but refused to let Feliciano and Romeo see them. He had to keep his tears for himself. "Take good care of him for me, will you both?" He asked.

They both nodded and Antonio broke the hug, making his way out of the house. As he did, he stopped and looked up towards Lovino's room, no doubt thinking that's where Lovino most likely run off to. He whispered something before leaving, not looking back. Feliciano could swear on his entire art career that Antonio's final words before leaving were directed towards Lovino. A silent 'I love you.'

Feliciano and Romeo cuddled up on the couch. They could only wait now for either Lovino or Grandpa Rome to come back down now.

"I had no idea..." Romeo whispered.

Feliciano nodded. "I found out accidentally. It wasn't supposed to come out like this." He said. "Sorry for not telling you, Lovi told me to keep it quiet."

"I get it." Romeo wiped at something close to his eye and Feliciano begged the world it wasn't a tear. "This is a bad place for being gay. If it was elsewhere in the world, I would have thrown a coming out party."

Feliciano laughed. "If it was elsewhere, we'd get to watch Lovi get so drunk we'd have to carry him back to his room."

"He'd be less grumpy too."

"That's Lovi, he's always grumpy." Feliciano said, dwelling deep into his thoughts. "Now that you mention it, he seemed a lot more happier these past few days that he spent with Toni."

Romeo was silent.

"I wish they could be happy forever." Feliciano commented, finally allowing himself to cry. Oh, how he needed to cry.

After a while, Romeo had enough of waiting and went up to his room to get his mind off everything that happened that night. Feliciano completely understood, he wanted to run away to his room as well, but doing that would only make Grandpa Rome angrier. At least his battery wasn't completely drained.

For the first time that night, Feliciano read Ludwig's message.

Lutzie71: Logically yes, but in practice no.

Artisloveandlife: Hahahahahahah Artisloveandlife: Thanks i needed that

It was well past midnight, Feliciano didn't expect a response from Ludwig anytime soon, but once he started climbing the stairs back to his room, his phone vibrated.

Lutzie71: I hope you are alright, whatever it is.

Somehow, those few words from a stranger meant more to Feliciano than anything his closest friends ever said to him. It could be that the situation was really tough and he needed some assurance, or he just didn't have friends who cared much. It didn't matter, he just needed those words.

Artisloveandlife: Thank you Artisloveandlife: Im alright but my brother isnt Artisloveandlife: And i want to help but i dont know how

Lutzie71: Sometimes just being by their side is enough Lutzie71: My brother used to read to me whenever I upset Lutzie71: Maybe something similar could help

Artisloveandlife: Id sneak into his bedroom when i had nightmares and sleep with him Artisloveandlife: Hed be mad at me but then he would tell me that its all going to be okay and that he ll protect me

Lutzie71: Maybe this time you should be the one to protect him

Artisloveandlife: Thank you Ludwig Artisloveandlife: Also sorry for not answering for a while  Artisloveandlife: We ve been cleaning all day and then the whole thing with my brother happened it was a crazy day

Lutzie71: It is alright Lutzie71: I don't mind waiting

Artisloveandlife: You didnt stay glued to the phone all this tine waiting for my reply did you ??

Lutzie71: You can't prove anything

Artisloveandlife: Your so cute Artisloveandlife: You re*

Lutzie71: You learn quickly

Artisloveandlife: I was a str8 A student Artisloveandlife: Jk i failed math Artisloveandlife: But i lived

Lutzie71: Yes life is important, but do you know what else is important?

Artisloveandlife: What

Lutzie71: Knowing the quadratic formula

Artisloveandlife: Meanie Artisloveandlife: Im an artist its all about the feeling not finding x Artisloveandlife: Ive been single since birth i dont even have an x

Lutzie71: Poor you Lutzie71: Although I must admit my dating skills aren't exactly the best either

Artisloveandlife: Forever alone club

Lutzie71: Indeed

Artisloveandlife: My battery is about to die so i guess this is goodbye for now Artisloveandlife: Ill go and try to take care of my brother but i doubt ill be successful Artisloveandlife: Ttyl Ludwig

Lutzie71: Will you ever tell me what it means? Lutzie71: Best of luck to you and your brother

Artisloveandlife: What ??

Lutzie71: What does ttyl mean?

Artisloveandlife: Talk to you later

Lutzie71: Well... that makes sense Lutzie71: Ttyl, goodnight Feliciano

Artisloveandlife: Nighty night Ludwig

As soon as he sent that message, his battery died. Sighing, Feliciano climbed up the stairs to Lovino's room.

Lovino's and Romeo's rooms were both on the 3rd floor, above Grandpa Rome's room and a guest room. The good thing was that each floor also had their own toilet, so there was no need for a race to who needs it the most. What was specific to the 3rd floor was that it was the only one with the bathtub.

Lovino's room was on the right side of the hall, directly above Grandpa Rome's room, so Feliciano suspected that Lovino wouldn't cry too loud and anger Grandpa even more. Feliciano also didn't believe that Grandpa hated non-straight people, he must have been feeling just a bit under the weather and this would all be settled properly soon. He hoped it to be true.

Feliciano slowly entered Lovino's room. "Lovi? Are you asleep?" He whispered.

Lovino just shuffled around in his bed, hiding his face away with the pillow and his back turned to Feliciano. Feliciano entered the room and crawled into Lovino's bed. "Can I sleep with you tonight?" Feliciano asked.

"Sure..." Came a soft answer, Lovino's voice numb from crying.

"Thanks." Feliciano cuddled close to his brother, just like they used to be back in the day. "Hey Lovi?" He called after a few minutes.

"Hm?" Lovino answered.

"I made a new friend."

"Yeah?"

"Mhm. Do you remember Lizzie from Middle school?"

"The one who used to do your biology homework?"

"Yes! That's her." Feliciano laughed at the memory. "She got married, you know. And she introduced me to her husband's cousin."

"Okay." Lovino said.

"He liked my art that I made for that book, but you know what?"

"What?"

"He's Ludwig. He's the author of the book. And he's my friend."

Silence.

"Why are you telling me this? You know I hate Germans." Lovino asked, turning around to face his brother, his eyes were red from the tears.

"I know. And I thought that if I told you that, you would focus more on your hatred towards them and the pain from the dinner will go away." Feliciano answered.

Lovino was silent yet again. He really did need to focus on something else and not that dreadful dinner. It was just so hard knowing that, after tonight, he couldn't see his beloved for who knows how long.

"Let's just sleep, Feli. No Germans, no dinners, just sleep." Lovino finally said, turning around once again and falling asleep as if he was dying.

Feliciano followed suit, but in the final moments before drifting away to sleep, his mind raced towards Ludwig's words to him. Unlike his brother, Feliciano fell asleep with a smile.

The next few days were extremely heavy on the Vargas family. Romeo would often run off somewhere, anywhere just to be away from the house. Grandpa Rome and Lovino refused to talk to each other face to face, with Lovino barely ever leaving his room. Any kind of communication was passed around through Feliciano, and Feliciano had a short living memory, meaning that most of the information trusted upon him to deliver was forgotten.

When he wasn't serving as carrier pigeon to his grandpa and brother, Feliciano entertained himself by talking to Ludwig. It was all still very casual; a few weather comparisons, talking about books and stuff like that. Occasionally, however, Feliciano would send Ludwig something which the former swore made the latter hate and love him at the same time.

Artisloveandlife: So if i were to duplicate myself would the other me get all the information i am getting or do i need to pass it in some way Artisloveandlife: Like if i learned that the chicken came before the egg would the other me know it instantly or do i need to teach them

Lutzie71: You would probably have to teach them Lutzie71: Also egg should come first considering that many species before chickens used eggs for their offspring

Artisloveandlife: How ??

Lutzie71: Well dinosaurs were hatched from eggs and, through evolution, a chicken was born

Artisloveandlife: But what about the chicken egg ??

Lutzie71: Well, with every new species new genes were developed and passed down, but theory egg is always first

Artisloveandlife: But who laid the egg ??

Lutzie71: A T-Rex

Artisloveandlife: Oh

There were other occasions when Feliciano would get too philosophical and Ludwig played along.

Artisloveandlife: I dont understand why we have arms Artisloveandlife: I mean i get it for grabbing stuff and all but Artisloveandlife: Why couldnt it have been something completely else

Lutzie71: Probably because arms were the easiest to develop Lutzie71: They are just upper legs

Artisloveandlife: Oh Artisloveandlife: Why do we have feelings

Lutzie71: Well, what you call feelings might not be feelings at all but emotions Lutzie71: Emotions come from your brain and they stir up some hormones you mistake for feelings Lutzie71: Or it could be nerves like when you touch something cold you would feel cold

Artisloveandlife: So we re kinda like robots

Lutzie71: Yes and no Lutzie71: Robots don't need emotions

Sometimes, they just talked for hours, until one of them fell asleep or their battery died.

Artisloveandlife: Ludwig what kind of movies do you like Artisloveandlife: Im looking for something to watch

Lutzie71: I don't really watch movies, but I like historical dramas Lutzie71: I guess the best example for that would be Saving Private Ryan

Artisloveandlife: Oh i like that genre too Artisloveandlife: I like romance and comedy the most but not really romcoms Artisloveandlife: And my fave historical movie is national treasure

Lutzie71: Can that even be considered a historical movie

Artisloveandlife: Ofc it can Artisloveandlife: I passed my american history exam because of that movie

Lutzie71: First part or the second part?

Artisloveandlife: Theres a 2nd part ??? Artisloveandlife: Wth ive never seen it Artisloveandlife: Now i know what to watch tnx

Lutzie71: I should probably rewatch it as well I've forgotten most of the plot

Artisloveandlife: We could watch it together Artisloveandlife: I think thered an app that lets you watch movies and talk to each othrr

Lutzie71: Are you alright?

Artisloveandlife: Yeah why

Lutzie71: You had a lot of mistakes

Artisloveandlife: Oh that  Artisloveandlife: I have big fingers and no autocorrect

Lutzie71: I see Lutzie71: About the app, why don't we just use Skype or other methods Lutzie71: I have never heard of the app that lets you watch movies and talk at the same time

Artisloveandlife: There should be some on app store as far as i know Artisloveandlife: Gotta go now its pigeon time Artisloveandlife: Ttyl Ludwig

Lutzie71: Skree skree Feliciano

That day the tension between his family was at it's peak. It was time for Grandpa Rome to leave again, this time for France, and he still hasn't made peace with Lovino.

"Nonno, you're not going to change anything by not accepting him. He's still going to love Toni." Feliciano tried to convince his grandpa for who knows what time this week. "Just get over it and let him be happy."

"You don't understand it, Feli." Grandpa Rome slapped his fist on the suitcase. "It's unnatural. It's dangerous. And he just can't be happy like that."

Feliciano sighed. "Why do you think that? Why can't he be happy? You haven't seen him with Toni the way I did." He wiped at the tear threatening to fall from his brown eyes. "I haven't seen him that happy since I finished High school. Nonno, please, just let him have that."

"He could get hurt, Feliciano! And neither you nor he understand that!"

"He could only get hurt if he's alone!" Feliciano yelled. "And right now that's exactly what he is. He's alone and hurting and Toni understands and cares for him. Lovi needs him, Nonno. No matter what anyone of us believes in."

"It's wrong, Feliciano!"

"Even if it was, what you're doing is wrong too!"

Silence fell upon them. Feliciano took it as an opportunity to calm down and breathe. He hated fighting, even if it was necessary. He just wanted everyone to accept and love each other, even if they didn't understand each other. "It's not all black and white, Nonno, and for Lovi being gay is completely white. Don't be that black spot that ruins everything. Lovi is still painting his life, staining it..." He whispered. "Staining it would ruin everything. And no one wants that."

Grandpa Rome kept quiet. Feliciano continued. "Do some research, Nonno. You don't have to understand it, but if you love Lovi, tell him. Accept him and learn because you love him and you want to protect him." After that, Feliciano left Grandpa Rome standing over his suitcase in his room.

Lovino never came downstairs to say goodbye to his grandpa. No one blamed him, this was one hell of a week and everyone wanted things to go back to normal. Romeo and Feliciano parted with Grandpa Rome, but before Feliciano could return to the house, Grandpa Rome placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Tell Lovino that I love him for me." Grandpa Rome said and Feliciano nodded. "And tell Toni he can come and visit, but I want him out of the house by 9 p.m." Feliciano's smile grew as he said that, nodding much more intense than before. This was progress.

Grandpa Rome left after that and Feliciano happily returned to the house, immediately racing towards Lovino's room to pass him the news.

Artisloveandlife: I DID IT!!!

#GerIta #Germany x Italy #APH Germany #hetalia GerIta #hws germany #aph gerita #APH Italy #hws italy #hws gerita #aph seborga #aph romano #APH Spain #aph ancient rome #hws romano #hws seborga #hws spain #hws spamano #spamano #aph spamano #hws #APH #hetalia #hetalia axis powers #hetalia world stars #drawn together story

[seitjun]

eat your heart out

freewood // 4k+ words // demon/human au

descrption: There's rumors about the house that Gavin's moving into, centering around the supernatural. But it's a free house in this economy, Gavin doesn't believe in that sort of thing, and he's polite enough to probably not piss off any supernatural creatures that do live there. Absolutely nothing could go wrong. (or in which Gavin lives in a definitely supernatural house, his friends are concerned, and Ryan is the demon who lived there first trying to get the new owner's attention. Not like Gavin notices any of it anyway.)

extra notes: this isnt serious at all, its just a cheesy horror romcom which is the best genre really. for @viridianchance who created this fuckin fantastic idea.

also available on AO3 here!

The Texas heat pounds against Gavin’s body, and with no clouds in sight, the sun’s rays are full force. Even after years of residence, the heat is still his worst enemy after living in muggy London. It worsens with spring melting into summer being a nasty occasion for allergies, and he scowls as he steps out of the car. He has to peer through squinted, watery eyes at the building they’ve stopped by.

It’s a fairly large home, complete with two levels and a wide front porch, white paint splashed everywhere. A grey, cement path leads from their parking job to wind around the side and back; an odd place for a garage, but at least the path is decorated by colorful planters and shrubs. At the front of the home, windows litter the entire plane and light up what little they see of the interior.

The house isn’t bad on the outside, but it is an impressive difference from Gavin’s old home. It’s almost got a Southern farmhouse charm, Gavin muses, when a low whistle and some gravelly steps creep up. It takes Gavin out of his examination of the house, peripherals catching the sight of tattooed arms.

“Your grandfather gave you...this?” Geoff mumbles under his breath, eyes running over the house. He shoves his hands in his pockets – an indicator of a less than pleasant thought running in his mind, as Gavin’s learned over the years. Geoff looks dubious. “Are you sure this is the right place?”

Gavin rolls his eyes, nudging Geoff’s shoulder. “It’s the only house in this area of the land, you twat. Used to be a literal farmhouse, but when Grandad bought it in retirement days, he turned it into this.”

He can see Geoff process the information slowly, before the man shakes his head in disbelief. It’s not an incorrect reaction, really.

“It’s just that...this house doesn’t look like what I expected. I mean, your crazy bastard of a grandfather raved about hauntings here before he had to be carted off,” Geoff says. “I thought it’d look more...rusted and abandoned. Like a place that Alfredo wouldn’t enter, calling it a ‘white people horror movie’ again.”

Geoff pauses. His eyes rove around the building frequently, unable to reconnect Gavin’s grandfather’s stories with the polished home. “Guy went mental for the last decade of his life about demons. And now, he’s actually passing it down to one of his grandkids? Full offense, Gav, it doesn’t sound like a good thing honestly.”

Gavin is by no means a strong believer in the supernatural (not like Geoff), but he’s not stupid enough to completely cross of their existence. The supernatural is just like the extraterrestrial in his eyes – no ways to prove them, no ways to disprove them. It’s just him and his belief, and the truth is that there is no truth. The only proveable thing here is Gavin’s unwillingness to be an asshole to potential creatures who could fuck him over.

“It’s a nice house, I’ll give your grandpa that, but fuck. There must’ve been some truth to what was spouting off before he died! The house hadn’t managed to be bought by anyone here for a reason.” Geoff grimaces. He runs a hand through scruffy hair, concern laced in his twisted expression, before he crosses it across his chest. His leg is jittering, posture tense, and eyes unable to stop watching everywhere; he looks ready to bolt.

Gavin looks over the house again – takes in the white color with blue accents, the tall and graceful beauty it objectively is. In another universe, people would’ve been fighting for a chance to own the home; Gavin would have even called the place homey enough to start a life there, a soft charm hidden in the place and large enough to host a nuclear family. His grandad did a good job of building the place.

But as it stands, Gavin’s internal praise clashes with the horrific ravings from a man on his deathbed. The same man who built a home with bare hands and destroyed it with his delusions.

“I know you’ve already paid for the movers, and the truck is coming soon, but…” Geoff pauses, mulling over his words. If the situation hadn’t been so fraught with the unknown, Gavin would have poked fun at the constipated expression. “You don’t have to move into the house, y’know? You could have just accepted it from your man’s will, but let it rot unused. Hell, I don’t mind paying for more movers to truck your stuff back to my place.”

“Aw, Geoffrey, you’re really that concerned for me that you’d pay for something?”

Geoff flicks Gavin’s nose, and he huffs when Gavin whines to clutch at the affected area. “Don’t be a baby, it was barely anything.” He rests his hands on his waist, looking imposing for once; a protective nature and fear of the unknown could do wonders to people. “I’m afraid of anything supernatural, and I don’t like the thought of you living where there could be something like it lingering here. Maybe it’s Southern superstition, but…”

“Geoffrey–”

“Look, maybe I’m coming off as too much but I don’t want you dying on me. You’re basically my kid, Gav, and I’m already a crybaby at the thought of you moving out. I don’t want to be an even bigger crybaby at your funeral.”

Something inside Gavin sobers up at hearing Geoff sound so genuine. Living with Geoff for nearly a decade now, he’s closer to Geoff than anyone else; he knows Geoff’s love language is all about what he does for people, not what he says. For Geoff to voice out such a sentiment, his concern is strong and raw, ready to take any hits for Gavin’s sake. Geoff has always been like that, fatherly and protective in the oddest yet kindest ways.

Gavin bumps their shoulders, keeps close by his surrogate father’s side with a small and crooked grin, and he gives a quick, one-armed hug. Gavin hopes he looks reassuring but judging from the snort on Geoff’s end, he must have missed the target by a mile. Whatever it takes to lift the worry, he reasons for now, even if Geoff will make fun of his face later, when they’re less afraid and more sure.

“I’m not gonna die here, and you’re not getting rid of me that quickly,” Gavin says. “Plus you’re so attached to me that you’re gonna visit me almost every weekend. You’ll keep me alive, if so I only avoid you being mad at me!”

Geoff raises a brow at the assumption, but Gavin finds no sign of denial coming from his end. Instead, there’s an exasperated expression encased in a fondness Gavin’s been used to ever since he started to live with the older. Familiar and reassuring, Gavin doesn’t feel bad at the smirk that’s tugging his lips when Geoff slings an arm around him.

“You really will miss me, huh? I can see it written all over your face.”

“Shut the fuck up. We almost had a decent family moment for once there before we gotta start moving your shit in.”

“Geoffrey, c’mon– Agh, not a noogie! I just fixed my hair this morning! Shit, that hurts!”

////

“Look, you probably deserved that noogie. You just won’t tell me what you did for Geoff to give you one.”

Michael’s voice is tinny over the phone speaker, but the blase tone of his voice is near palpable. He doesn’t seem even bothered by the update, the faint clicking of a controller managing to travel to Gavin’s side; he sounds more annoyed at the death of his character than Gavin’s pain.

“ Michael, that’s mean. You were supposed to be my best friend, my boi,” Gavin whines, leaning close to the phone set on the counter for Michael to hear his misery more clearly. First it’s cleaning dishes after a late dinner and failed game of rock-paper-scissors, and now it’s a best friend betraying him. “You’re supposed to be on my side!”

“Yeah, well, Geoff’s my boss here,” Michael scoffs. “And besides, it’s ‘cus I’m your best friend that I can say that shit. I know you, and I know you like to act like a dumbass.”

“Oi!”

“Look, why else would you live in the house your crazy grandfather left you? Which, by the way, real fucked up considering the stories he told you. Did he hate you or something?” Michael questions.

“W-What? No, he liked me a lot!” A flustered splutter escapes, and Gavin yelps as he nearly drops a plate into the sink; first night here, he doesn’t want to already face a casualty on top of the haunted comments. “Michael, you almost made me drop a plate!”

“Not my fault, butterfingers. I was just askin’ a real question, because your grandad said too much detail for that stuff to not be real.” Michael pauses, and Gavin can’t hear any of the old game noises from before; Michael must have paused the game too. “I don’t believe in it, just like you. But I mean...evidence is evidence, y’know, man?”

And that’s something, isn’t it? Even Michael is hesitant of the place – brave, invincible Michael with more than enough skepticism and with no bone afraid of anything the world throws at him.

With a sigh, Gavin shuts the water off and sets the plate down, lest he nearly drops it again. He shuts his eyes, and he tries to figure out what to say when he’s both for and against the points that both Michael and Geoff had brought up already. It doesn’t help his pounding head, the thought that this house is beginning to feel like a nightmare so soon.

“Speaking ‘bout the house, how is it so far? Any bloody handprints anywhere, or maybe even a few dirt patches in the backyard?” Michael chuckles, an obvious attempt in trying to lift the mood. “Didn’t you say your grandpa left all the original furniture there too? Is it bloodied?”

Gavin turns to lean against the counter, only to wince when he sees the spilled water soaking into his shirt. “What’s your obsession with bloody furniture? Yeah, there’s furniture in rooms like the living room, dining room, patio, but nothing bad. Though the office upstairs has only bare furniture, while the guest bedroom doesn’t have anything!”

“Please tell me you’re going to make Geoff sleep there, on the floor, because that’s fucking cruel but funny.”

“Michael, please,” Gavin scoffs, “I’m making Geoff sleep in the single, furnished bedroom. The one used by my own granddad, before he had to move out to get help.”

Michael barks out a laugh from the other end, and it’s an infectious, bright sort of thing. It makes Gavin feel better against all the supernatural inconvenience about the house.

“You’re colder than I thought,” Michael finally utters through the dregs of his amusement. He settles down with a soft sigh, sounding more serious. “But really, you gonna be okay? You get scared easily in video games, I don’t want you to die of fright in that house, boi.”

A small smile tugs at Gavin’s lips despite the slight swell of exhaustion. As tiring the concerns would get soon, he appreciates the thought from some of his closest friends. Most of them would have never said it in such blunt terms – not when they could express it in punches, noogies, or general tackling. But this situation, the ‘moving about two hours away to a house with evil rumors’ isn’t very much the usual.

“Don’t worry, boi. I should be fine, since I don’t completely believe in that shite. Not yet anyway, I guess if this stuff keeps coming up,” Gavin hums. He gets back to washing the remaining dishes from the earlier takeout dinner, only to get stuck on a piece of stubborn dirt. “Besides, I also have Geoff to use a meatshield.”

A snort of laughter from the other end.

“The guy signs my paychecks, don’t let him die! Not until he gives me a promotion.” Michael sounds relaxed now, and the noises of a video game play again. “Maybe the demon could help a guy out here with some money. Like, I dunno, make a deal or–”

Thud!

Gavin startles at the noise from upstairs, even more so when it’s followed by a slew of loud cursing. The surprise morphs into fear, and Gavin chucks the plate into the sink, previous concern of breaking it disappearing, as he grabs his phone and sprints up the stairs. His eyes are wide as he follows the yells and almost runs into a doorway, worried about what he might find.

“What the fuck? What the hell was that? Gav?”

Their previous conversation is playing back in his head, Geoff’s anxiety in high definition while Gavin had brushed off the reasonable worries. Thoughts of oh shit, what if, and oh god run as if they’re the credits of a movie, and they blur together like how the world does as Gavin makes his way to Geoff in his soon-to-be office.

His heart thudding and eyes wide, the fact that he only finds Geoff squatted and swearing at a camera on the ground is anti-climactic. Thankfully so, considering the multiple concerns about the house, but Gavin can’t help the groan escaping him. He can already hear the start of Michael’s concerned bitching, asking for some sort of answer with expletives about being a British asshole and an Alabaman douchebag.

Out of all the things to happen here—

“Geoff, you bastard, I thought…” Gavin pauses to catch his breath, to calm himself down before he has an aneurysm. “I thought you got taken hostage by a demon or something!”

Geoff’s head jerks up at Gavin’s voice. It takes a moment for the surprise to be washed away with annoyance, processing what Gavin had just said. He waves a fist at Gavin, “Don’t make that sort of jokes with me right now, Gav! I thought I was actually gonna die when I heard the noise.” He grunts, gesturing wildly, “But turns out it was just this fuckin’ camera falling. Scared the shit out of me.”

Gavin shuts his eyes; he doesn’t get mad, not easily at least, but his composure had been slowly being scraped away every minute he spent in the house. Turning away to put off dealing with Geoff for now, he focuses on the still anger-fueled yelling on his phone.

“Gav? Geoff? I swear to fucking god, you better not be playing a prank on me in that demon bitch of a house–!”

“Michael, it’s fine, Michael,” Gavin’s quick to reassure, running a hand through his hair, “it was just Geoff dropping something. We just...got terrified after all the talk of a haunted house, I guess.”

“Really? Jesus Christ, I thought you found a dead body or something! And didn't you say you didn't believe in that shit, like seconds ago?”

“If we did, I’d be screaming, boi,” Gavin says, purposefully ignoring the last tidbit. He hazards a glance back at Geoff, and he huffs when the older man refuses to meet his eyes. “Michael, I’ll call you back after, okay? I gotta talk to Geoff about what happened, and it’s obvious that we’re a little jittery about stuff right now.”

Without waiting for a reply, Gavin ends the call. He’s been friends with Michael long enough to know that the other man’s going to be pissed and will tear him to shreds tomorrow, but that’s a tomorrow issue. That’s for future Gavin to survive, while present Gavin has to deal with an uncomfortable Geoff.

“Sorry ‘bout that, bud,” is the first thing to spill from Geoff’s mouth, less panicked and more sorrowful. He picks up the fallen tech, and his thumbs gently examine the outer shell of the camera, running over every groove to catch any possible damage. “I thought I put the camera in the middle of the desk, but I guess I bumped into it pretty hard.”

He looks over it once more with a furrowed brow, before he hands it back to Gavin. Geoff shoves his hands in his pockets and tries to avoid eye contact with Gavin, tries to stay away from any more contact with the camera. “I don’t see any outside pieces ruined at least. Maybe it was more of a loud noise than actual damage.”

Gavin pores over every part he can see with a pointed intensity, his fingers examining the sensitive planes. There’s a thin scratch right at the corner, and he figures that’s where it must have come into contact with the floor first; at least nothing popped off or went screwy, he thinks as he fiddles with clicky buttons and rolling adjusters. A moment later, he boots the camera up, finding nothing wrong with the screen — thankfully — before he takes a candid shot of Geoff without warning.

“Woah! Gavin, what the fuck?”

“This dumb photo of you is your payment for dropping my camera, Geoffrey,” Gavin grins. No damage done, no reason to stay mad. It’s one less thing to worry about after the flurry of shit that this house has left on Gavin’s life already. “Besides, had to check if the photo taking was okay or not! Nothing bad, luckily.”

He turns the camera to show the preview screen on the back; in bright digital record, Geoff’s face is contorted into a horrible confused and fucked-up expression as his movements blur him partially. The flash had been on too, and it illuminates all the wrong curves of Geoff’s face. “Well, besides your face at least. But hey! This should be your photo on the company site. What a trustworthy face of a founder of a multimillion company.”

“Gavin, don’t you dare send this to Burnie–”

“I’ll think about it,” he interrupts. “Besides, maybe the photo will expose the demon or ghost supposedly living here with me. What if it ends up behind you in the photo?”

“Don’t fuckin’ say that, dickhead!”

Geoff shudders at the mention of the supernatural stories of the area, eyes glaring at the empty space of the office and shoulders hunching up. It’s almost as if he believes he could see whatever was terrorizing the place with a dirty look, maybe even cleanse it with his fear scent and fatherly protection of Gavin.

Gavin ignores the glare, and he continues to peer at the image of Geoff. It really does look like a photo he can use against the older man for pranks, but his brows furrow when he catches something that shouldn’t be present. A quick swipe to remove dirt from the screen and rapid blinking to clear his sight yields no change.

His eyes can’t tear itself away from the corners of the photo where shadows almost form a vignette around Geoff. Dark and misty, its presence is almost ominous with the rumors from his grandfather bolstering a small curiosity inside him. But a shake of his head to dispel those thoughts, and Gavin is back to a normal looking photo – no shadows present.

He frowns, but he doesn’t question it; it must have been his earlier jab at Geoff getting into his head. It’s probably nothing but a damaged internal piece he can’t reach for now or a few dead pixels on the screen, forming after the camera’s fall. No need to dwell on it or worry Geoff about what Gavin just witnessed or hallucinated; Gavin can stay a skeptic for tonight.

////

Gavin wakes up late the next day after staying up until two am to finish setting up his bedroom. Though bedroom is giving it more credit than it’s actually worth if he’s honest, Gavin grumbles.

He sits up from his mattress on the floor, and there’s a dull ache running down the length of his back, near his spine. A few twists and cracks of his body settle the ache down, but sleeping on the hardwood floor with a thin mattress isn’t doing his back any favors. He doesn’t want to focus on the impending inevitability of aging, and just thanks the world for letting him get some good sleep.

Busy from his sudden, morning crisis, Gavin hadn’t looked around his room. It’s not until he stands up, rubbing at his eyes and scratching a patch of his happy trail, that he realizes what a fucking mess it’s turned to.

Almost every box of his personal items is opened, its contents strewn about in a haphazard manner — as if someone had been rummaging through them to search for something that they themselves didn’t know. Clothes, books, personal hygiene; anything he could think of, there was at least one item of it littered the floor. And looking around, Gavin fears all of his socks have lost their matching significant other. The worst part of the entire scene, really.

He groans, wondering why Geoff had to pull a stunt like that already. Did he really think that he could get away with it? Who else is there in the house besides them? The demon?

Gavin yells with a frown, “Geoffrey!” His brows are furrowed as he stumbles out the doorway, still groggy and waking up. He hears the thundering footsteps coming up the stairs, and he pulls a half-hearted scowl as he meets Geoff’s eyes. “D’you really pull a prank on me this morning? Now my entire room is a mess, Geoff, and it didn’t look like that when I went to bed!”

Geoff reels back. “Huh, the fuck you mean I pulled a prank? If I wanted to pull a prank, I would’ve signed my name on it and drawn a dick,” he defends. “When would I’ve had the time to do it anyway? I’ve been busy all day unpacking shit and cooking you lunch, asshole!”

“Then how did this happen, when I opened the one box to get to my clothes?!” Gavin steps out of the doorway and gestures behind him, arms flailing in wild arcs and an irritated temperament. “I fell asleep in a clean room!”

Geoff pokes his head through, and Gavin sees the way Geoff’s eyes widen; he turns his head every which way, taking in the state of the bedroom, before he hears the muttered swear under Geoff’s breath. They trade glances and vague gestures, as if it’d clear up whatever happened or maybe even the room itself. It’s after a minute when Gavin pauses and finally realizes the slow building confusion on Geoff’s face.

“Christ...you didn’t do it, did you?” It’s posed as a question, but there’s nothing uncertain in his tone. He falters, staggering back to press his hands to his face and leaning against the wall next to his bedroom door. “So, then it had to be me? But I really did only open up the one box for sleep clothes…”

He mumbles incoherently trying to track down exactly what he did yesterday, going so far to count all the different actions on his fingers.

“Look, Gavvers, it wasn’t me for sure, but if you don’t remember doing it, it might not be you either,” Geoff says. He fiddles with the constantly present bracelets on his wrists at Gavin’s inquiring look. “I know there’s only the two of us here, so shit dictates that it had to be one of us who did this. But maybe shit was wrong, and there could be a way to not be us?”

Gavin squints. It takes a moment for his brain to process stuff. “What are you on about? I just woke up, and I’m still too tired for this, Geoffrey–”

“What is there to not get? I’m saying it could be the actual demon or ghost or whatever living here! It’s trying to fuck with us, or get us out of here!”

“Geoff,” Gavin whines. He doesn’t have the energy to deal with this right now, even if he did just wake up from a decently long sleep; hell, he doesn’t have the energy to deal with anything supernatural now or ever. Again, he doesn’t believe in them, not like how Geoff does, and he hasn’t done anything to piss anyone off besides Geoff himself — there’s no way it could be a demon or whatever. He’d be dead by now.

All it took was a good sleep to remind him of that after yesterday's fiasco and Michael's question. There probably is nothing unusual here, just paranoia.

“It probably was just me, alright? And no, no, don’t give me that look,” he huffs, giving up on his counting fingers mission to cross his arms. “I’ve sleep walked before, done some weird crap during it, and this might be one of those moments. You’ve seen how forgetful I could be sometimes, even if I did do this before I slept last night.”

Geoff still looks wary. His eyes can’t stop darting between Gavin and the trashed room. “I’m just saying it could be a possibility, so we can both be aware of it,” he reasons as he reaches to hold onto Gavin’s wrist gently. “It doesn’t hurt to be careful, kid. I’ve always been told horror stories of the supernatural, and there ain’t no way at least one story isn’t true.”

The irritation and the fight leave Gavin, almost as if a deflating balloon, and Gavin feels smaller standing next to Geoff, like a kid again. Feels more exhausted at the simple sight of Geoff being fearful and worried for his life, but Gavin understands.

It’s exactly like yesterday’s situation when Gavin had stormed up the stairs to get to Geoff after the thud, his closeness with the man fueling his own protective urges. He can’t blame Geoff for it when Gavin had the same reaction, and if anything, it means more — fearful, superstitious Geoff is willing to stay with Gavin in the haunted house just to keep him safe.

"Okay, I’ll be more careful and open about this whole...supernatural business. It probably isn’t anything, but if it’ll keep the gray hairs off you,” Gavin concedes. "You might have to start dyeing your hair, if something does happen!"

Geoff rolls his eyes, but he tucks Gavin close to his side, cheek resting against Gavin’s temple. “You’re such a piece of shit, I can’t believe I agreed to come out here,” he chuckles. He drags Gavin with him down the stairs, humming, “Alright, time to eat lunch now! All the food’s probably gone cold now though, and I’m blaming you for it.”

“Geoff!”

Their bickering continues all the way down the stairs and into the dining room, and the bedroom door behind them closes shut.

#freewood #rtah #ragehappy #seiju writes #i didnt beta this much please forgive my mistakes and just general awful writing

[kpop-pick-me-up]

Mini vegan rant because I'm salty

No, I'm not going to tell you to be vegan don't worry I respect people's preferences. But what I AM going to ask you: DONT EXPECT ME TO KNOW HOW TO COOK MEAT FOR YOU??? like just because I love cooking and stuff, doesn't mean I need to be able to cook a piece of meat for OTHER people. Why you say? It's polite to cook for everyone right? Ummmm yeah okay. Then can you cook me up some tofu? ....... Yeah I thought so. It's literally easier than cooking meat, because I've tried cooking meat before for others before I realized I didn't have to. Sad thing is: I've been teased for not knowing how to cook meat or people will ask me to cook them meat for them and it makes me uncomfortable. I'm perfectly fine with YOU cooking meat near me, I'm perfectly fine with you eating it near me, I honestly don't give two shits. Just don't ask me what I think and get offended at the answer.

Example: I've had people ask me what I think of meat, and as someone who stopped eating half of it because I didn't like it, and the other half because I love animals and the environment, I said I thought it smelled gross sometimes. And you know what? They got offended. But They LITERALLY JUST ASKED FOR MY OPINION. I don't ask for YOUR opinion when I sit down for veggie tacos or cauliflower bites but I still have to sit and listen to it.

"that looks gross"

"how could you eat that"

"why would you get products that look/taste like meat?"

"what do you even eat?"

"your food looks disgusting"

"hoW dO YOu gEt yOur pRotEiN or NuTrIENTS???"

Like sHUT UP PLEASE. I get all of these things by simply cooking quietly or sitting down with a plate of food without speaking. We make ONE comment to y'all that you SPECIFICALLY asked for and you get salty, meanwhile we're expected to just sit and bare the teasing and mean comments. You don't think they're mean? Well I do. I spend 30 minutes-2 hours on meals sometimes to enjoy for myself and all I get as soon as I sit down is "that's disgusting" or "how could you eat that!?"

Side note because this is common: I have social anxiety/really bad general anxiety. So I hate eating in front of people or having people draw attention to me and my food. If someone makes a comment about it I'd get very self conscious and wouldn't eat it anymore.

I've had people tell me straight up that they really want me to stay at their house for a while, but I had to go back to vegetarian because me being vegan was too hard for them to handle. ????????

Feed me frozen vegetables and rice, ASK ME to bring my own food (trust me it's not a weird request for a vegan we do it literally all the time), don't ask me to go vegetarian for your own convenience, that's very rude. Feed me Oreos or cereal and I'll bring almond milk for Pete's sakes.

I've had meat eaters try to tell me that it's dumb for us to have products based of meat products because we're vegan. Okay, but here's the thing: people go vegan for many different reasons.

That being said, some DO like the taste or smell of meat (aka, my boyfriend he's mainly vegetarian tho) but do it for the environment so he enjoys mock meat products. My sisters friend became vegetarian because she hated the taste of meat. She WOULDN'T like most mock meat products. Some of them aren't made to taste like meat either, or to taste exactly like the meal it's copying. It's supposed to be a whole new experience like our spin on something and it can STILL TASTE GOOD WITHOUT TASTING EXACTLY LIKE ITS MEAT CONTAINING COUNTER PART. because trust me, we KNOW it doesn't taste the same. But does it taste good? Hell yes. We are allowed to enjoy whatever the fuck we want without having to explain ourselves or get scoffed at. I know some loud vegans think it's okay to insult meat eaters and ITS NOT OKAY. But most of us just want to live our lives our way. It's literally just a lifestyle choice. Leave us alone and respect it. Don't say that saving animals is dumb or that saving the environment is dumb. Because you know what that just sounds like? "I'm super self centered and don't care about your opinions or morals and literally don't give a shit about anything or anyone else that my actions could affect. " Wow you sound great, a total cool person who is obviously cooler and better than me, >.<.

Trust me, if there's something real vegans would love to be loud about, is the fact that large scale restaurants and shit don't even offer vegan friendly soups, salads, or fries (looking at you McDonald's). Or that people always make comments about our diets or food. But we don't complain about it to you or at the restaurant because it's RUDE and we chose this lifestyle. But honestly fuck that. If I have to sit and listen to you complain about me, or whatever I eat and the teasing and the "just go vegetarian for a while it's too hard to deal with" then I'm allowed to say to myself " damn, nothing here is vegan".

I'm tired of vegan being treated like some hippy high maintenance thing when it really IS good for you and it DOES really help animals and the environment. So stop making people feel stupid or putting them in a box because they're vegan or vegetarian. Sure including meat in your diet can be healthy but the way people do it today ISNT. Coming from a nutrients stand point, one serving of meat is generally the size of your fist or palm, it should be PAIRED with something else as just one PART of the meal not the main part unless it's a special occasion, party, or something. That's too much. and that dumb ass myth that soy is bad for you? It is literally in so much other foods, and it's been proven that 1-2 servings a day can help reduce the risk of breast cancer. if anything, take a look at the benefits of being vplantbased and you'll be shocked at how many health benefits there are. And don't come at me for health benefits or anything, I read about it, wrote a paper on it for school, and always listen to both sides. I know what I'm talking about.

Moral of the story: respect people's life choices and just keep your close minded comments to yourself (ON BOTH SIDES).

Anyways, salty vegan rant is over. For now...

#vegan #veganfood #veganism #veganlife #vegetarian #vegetables #rant #personal rant #sorry for the rant #mini rant #annoyed #plants #plantbaseddiet #food #foodphotography #foodblogger #rude #respect #bts #bts army

[sunsetswurve]

Overcome / Numb (G.D) part 1

"Woah, hey, please stop working yourself up. Breathe. No like really, deep breath in. Hold it. Now let it out slow. Okay. Good. That's really good. Tell me what you're thinking, Sky, please. Don't keep whatever it is you're feeling in. Please?" Grayson was sitting across from me, hands on my shoulders.

Skylar Martins has been going through a lot, mentally and emotionally. She’s lost in her own head. Everything is getting worse for her and she feels like she’s all alone, even when people are asking her if she’s okay. Feeling like a burden and a problem, she’s set on her life being like this from now on because there is no way out for her. That is until an old friend pops back into her life, seeing through her lies and getting her to see there’s more to life than what she’s doing. 

A/N: Sooooo I’ve been going thru some rough stuff and this is the first time in a while I’ve written something. It’s been even longer since I posted any writing on the internet. Depression and anxiety are talked about. Suicidal thoughts are mentioned so trigger warning for that. Also, I’m not sure if this is going to be a friend!Grayson or like a relationship. heck I’ve always been bad at continuing stories so who even knows how far this will go. All depression and anxiety writing is from my own experience, I’m not trying to romanticize it or anything and i’m definitely not trying to make it that Grayson “cures” the main character. Let me know what you think, just please go easy on me <3

"Skylar, are you getting out of bed today? Don't you have work?" My mother asked from my doorway.

"Called out." I mumbled under my covers.

"You okay?" she asked, concern filling her voice.

"Yeah, I'm just tired and have a migraine."

"How are you tired? you've been in bed for the past 3 days. AND you've called out one day each week for the last month just to stay in your room. Do you even have sick time anymore?"

"Yes mom. Dont worry, I have enough hours. I just need to rest."

"Okay, we'll see when you lose your job for missing too much work. This isnt working Skylar. What’s going on?"

"Nothing. I'm fine." Lies. Truth was my depression was the worst it's ever been. I haven't had any energy to do anything.

"Have you been taking your pills?"

"Yes." Lies. I don't care to anymore. It's ridiculous that I have to depend on stupid pills to be a normal human. If this is who I'm supposed to be. What’s the point.

"Bullshit." She rolled her eyes and slammed my door. I heard her go down the stairs and the front door slammed shut also. Nice. Very mature, mother. See, I'm so miserable and annoying my mother doesn't even care anymore. Just leaves me here to rot. I sighed and rolled over, looking at my phone. It was 2 in the afternoon. This is what my life has come to at 23 years old. Alone. Stuck in my room.

I used to try. I used to have energy to try and fight this. But recently its gotten harder and harder to get out of bed. I can see everyone's worried looks and heads shaking with disapproval, but its like there's this wall between what I know I should do to help this and myself. I'm stuck in this cloud of self doubt, self hatred. I hate that I'm like this. I see myself getting worse and yet I just can't put myself out there to say anything to anyone or express what I'm feeling.

To be honest, I'm not even sure what I'm feeling. Numb, mostly. I'm just sick of being alone. I've always felt like I'm the third wheel in all situations. Always in a group of three friends, but the other two were closer and there was me. I've always been a shy person but after high school and stuff I went through in my first year of college, it got worse. I get nervous meeting new people, but I'm also nervous talking to people I haven't seen in awhile. I mean yeah, I have my family and even though I was that third person with friends, I still had friends. I'm also so close to my family. My cousin's been one of my best friends since I was born. But she's gotten pretty serious with her girlfriend so I'm pushed to the side once again. Not to mention they're talking about moving to the other side of the country. It's just gonna get worse.

I sound so selfish. But these are the thoughts that run through my head constantly throughout the day. Its all consuming. I'm alone. I'm alone. I'm alone.

With everyone in the house gone, I go downstairs and grab some cookies in the cabinet and sit in front of the tv. I'll be here for the next few hours until my parents and/or brother come home and then I'll head back upstairs. This is how it's been, avoiding everyone and eating junk to try and make myself feel less numb than I have been. I was switching on netflix when my phone buzzed.

"Hey Skylar, haven't talked to you in awhile. how have you been?" It was a text from Grayson. One of those friends I haven't talked to and don't freaking know how to talk to anymore because I'm a mess. I re-read the message a few times and wonder what I should respond with.

oh ya know, just wondering if I'll finally grow the balls to end my life or keep living in the hell I've created for myself. Oh yeah, that'll  go down swimmingly.

"Hey, I've been fine, just working. How are you?"

"Oh are you working today? Could use a hair cut haha ;)" people only talk to you when they need something from you, they don't really care about how you're doing, silly.

"I'm actually off today, Gray." I turned back to the television, desperately trying not to dwell on the thought that he only wants to know what I'm doing just so I can do his hair. I understand with being a hairstylist that people want me to do their hair but its like. Even the people I see constantly do this, they see my behavior has changed, I'm not the happy person I was before. They've asked me how I'm doing -- at the most inopportune times, mind you. But if you think there is something really wrong, you shouldn't want to ask me while you're on hold with our supervisor, this conversation WILL end up with me sobbing and I really really don't think you're ready for it, Margaret so of COURSE I'm going to say I'm fine. A few minutes later, my phone lets out another buzz.

"Do you want to hang out?" That's different. No one's asked me that recently. Not that I'm the best person to hang out with right now, with the buzzkill I've become. I don't answer. Let's add "flaky" to the long list of flaws I've developed over the passed couple of months. Sometimes it's just easier to act like nothings happening. I turn over on the couch and fall asleep.

..only to be woken up 20 minutes later to the doorbell ringing

The hell? We live on a secluded dead end, no one ever comes here unless its planned, like ever. I open the door to reveal Grayson Dolan on my doorstep with a small grin on his face.

"Gray, what are you doing here?" I ask opening the door more for him to step inside.

"When you didn't answer my text, I figured you fell asleep because you've always loved your naps" he chuckled, since he could tell from the look of confusion on my face that is exactly what happened.

"ohhh" I'm not sure what else to say, honestly. I told you I haven't been the best with conversations lately.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asks, taking in my disheveled appearance and greasy looking hair. Greasy looking because I haven't showered in days. Ya know, the things that happen with depression the internet and media don't tell you about when they're glorifying it for their aesthetic.

"Uhhh yeah. I haven't washed my hair in a few days. Look Gray I don't think--"

"No Skylar, really, are you okay? I was scrolling through twitter, saw one of your tweets and it's concerning."

"oh uh.. it's nothing, its just shit that comes to mind at night when I can't sleep." I say, hoping he doesn't press anymore. When I feel really low and don't know what to do, I let it out on twitter, no ones ever said anything before about it so I thought it didn't matter or they didn't care or whatever. It's been like this for years, so this really caught me off guard.

"Are you sure?" no.

"Yes." He gave me a look that definitely said he wasn't convinced, but shrugged anyway.

"Okay, so what are we watching?"

"Oh um, I'm catching up on Supernatural."

"Nice!"

"Gray do you even watch Supernatural?"

"No, but if you're watching it, I'll watch it with you. I wanna hang out and you're not busy. I miss you, so let's go! press play already." I gave him a weird look, this is different. Usually Grayson is really busy between doing stuff with Ethan and/or filming.

"What's going on? Where's Ethan? You two are inseparable."

"He's doing some stuff today. Tattoo and other errands. He'll be gone until tonight."

ahh, so he's just here because Ethan is busy and has nothing better to do

"What was that?"

"What do you mean?"

"You just got this disappointed and annoyed look on your face. What are you thinking, Sky?"

"It's nothing."

"Listen, I know we haven't talked in months but this is not the Skylar I've known for years and I know you're not okay no matter what you're saying behind that fake smile. I'm not going to push it. You don't have tell me right now. But I'm here for you, even if we just sit and watch TV, okay?" My jaw dropped a little, I was not expecting this. Especially since we haven't talked in a while. But Gray has always been able to sense when I'm feeling off. So I'm not too surprised. But to still want to hang around me even if I don't want to talk, like damn, that's so sick of him.

"Thanks G." I say, smiling slightly and lean into his shoulder, a small gesture to show my appreciation. We focused in on the tv and got lost in it for the next few hours.

I didn't notice how many episodes we got through until the front door opened and my mother stepped in.

"Wow. You're out of your room AND someone is here? I'm shocked." She said sarcastically and turned to Grayson. "Hi honey, are you staying for dinner?"

"Hi Mrs. Martins. I'd love to."

"Good! I'm glad someone's been able to get her out of bed." my mother comments as I roll my eyes and continue to focus on the television. I could feel Grayson gaze on me though, I kept facing forward, hoping he would let it go and thankfully, he did. I couldn't focus back into the show though. He knows somethings wrong. But like he really knows. And I'm gonna have to tell him something soon or he'll just be wasting his time and get sick of me just like everyone else. I started biting my nails as I watched forward feeling anxious and sick of myself.

"hey do you still have your PS4?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Do you wanna go play some before dinner?"

"I don't really have any two player games."

"That never stopped us before. We can take turns doing stupid stuff on GTA?"

"Wow I haven't played that in the longest time."

"Lets go!" He said, standing up and waiting for me to follow him upstairs to where we have the playstation set up. I slowly stood up and went along with him. "Remember when we used to play online all of the time?" He asked as I set it up.

"Yeah, remember how angry Ethan would get when asshole twelve year olds would kill us before we could even do anything in the game and I had to figure out how to start a server for just us?"

"Oh man, back when we were living in apartments our neighbors would get PISSED at how loud he would yell."

"And I'd be up here swearing, thinking no one could hear me but one day my mother came up here PISSED because I dropped the f bomb like a million times in a minute."

"She lectured all three of us the next time me and E came over." We both laughed at the memory.

After some time, my mother called up, letting us know dinner was ready. My brother and father were both home now and we all sat down for our meal.

“Grayson! It's been so long since you've been over! How are you and your brother doing?" My father asked

"We're good, Mr Martins. We're working on some new video ideas and Ethan is getting stuff for it today."

"That's great to hear. Its nice to see Skylar out of her room and have company over for once. She's just been in her room for months."

"Dad. seriously?" I ask, do we have to talk about how I'm fucked up at dinner?

"Well she doesn't help herself if she's not taking her medications." My mom comments not looking up from her plate.

"Mom!"

"Skylar why aren't you taking your meds?" My dad turns to me, everyone turns to me actually. I feel my face start to heat up with all of the unwanted attention. My anxiety rising for being put on the spot like this when Grayson was here, or anyone actually.

"And we wonder why I'm finding excuses to not sit out here with you guys all of the time?" I say, rolling my eyes before standing up and hurrying up the stairs to my room.

----

I go into my room and throw myself on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Now he's definitely gonna know I'm not okay. He's definitely gonna walk talk to me about that and probably try to help. He'll stick around for a week or two, see how annoyingly sad and stubborn I am and give up. Just like everyone else has when I've been like this in the past. As if he could hear my thoughts, I hear a knock and Grayson quietly say my name, trying to not disturb the silence.

I look up but don't make a move.

"Sorry you had to awkwardly witness all of that." I mumble. He comes in, gently shutting the door behind him. He lays next to me, also looking up at the ceiling.

"You know they're just worried about you, right?"

"I know," I sigh.

"You also know I'm worried about you, right?"

"Don't be."

"How can I not? Your tweets are literally screaming that you're not okay. You aren't taking care of yourself and distancing yourself from everyone trying to help you." My eyes start filling up with tears and my breathing start to get heavy. My skin is on fire, feeling like hot pins and needles are stabbing me all over. "Skylar?"

I can't say anything. It's like the floodgates have been opened. I dont feel numb anymore but I feel everything. Hurt, sad, angry and frustrated. All I do is curl into a ball, sobbing and gasping for air. I feel Grayson try and pick me up to bring me closer to him but I push him away. It feels like I'm being smothered with nothing touching me at all. I know he means well but when I'm like this, touching doesn't help. I feel him start to pull away, probably to get my mother since somethings wrong and he doesn't know what he should do. but I grab his hand and shake my head.

"Panic attack. Stay. Give me a few minutes." I manage to get out between strangled sobs. He nods, staring at me with worry. I'm not surprised he's freaked out. Usually when I have panic attacks like this I'm not around anyone, so he definitely hasn't seen me like this before. My mother has only heard me have them because I used to call her when I was in college. That was when they started to get really bad. He doesn't let go of my hand though, it would be hard to with me squeezing it, trying to ground myself while focusing on my breathing.

It feels like an eternity, but it was probably just a few minutes later when my breathing slowed and the pins and needles sensation had left. I let go of Grayson's hand and wipe my face, groaning once it really hit me that I just had a panic attack in front of someone for the first time in so long.

"I'm so sorry about that Gray"

"Did you just have a panic attack?"

"Yeah, again, so sorry"

"Don't be! You know I have panic attacks too. I've just never seen you have one and you've always been okay with hugging and stuff so that just threw me, I didn't know how to help you."

"I usually have them at night or I'm not near anyone when they do happen. Uh, I uh feel like I can't breathe and my skin feels like it's on fire and I'm getting stabbed with hundred of needles all over my body so I freak out even more when people try to touch me when they happen.

"Jesus, Skylar. Why don't you tell anyone you're going through this?"

"I don't know" I shrug, "I don't like to bother people."

"Are you serious? You wouldn't be bothering anyone, you just need to tell people how you're feeling when they ask, because I know they've been asking. They're really worried. I'm really worried."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I just need you to take care of yourself."

"That's really hard right now, G."

"Then let me help, let someone help, stop locking yourself away and thinking you need to go through this by yourself." Tears are now streaming down my face and I'm quietly sobbing. He brings me in for a hug and kisses my forehead. We stay like that for awhile. "We're gonna get through this. I promise."

For some reason, that just makes me cry even harder. Why can't I take care of myself? I used to be strong and independent. Now I'm weak. I need people to take care of me at 23? What is this? What the fuck is wrong with me?

"Woah, hey, please stop working yourself up. Breathe. No like really, deep breath in. Hold it. Now let it out slow. Okay. Good. That's really good. Tell me what you're thinking, Sky, please. Don't keep whatever it is you're feeling in. Please?" Grayson was sitting across from me, hands on my shoulders.

"I, uh, okay." I take a deep breath again. "I'm just so fucking weak. And helpless. You shouldn't have to be making these promises and be worried about me." I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts and take a few more breaths. "Like this is sad. Ridiculous. How did I get myself in this situation. I don't get it. I don't know or understand myself anymore and I don't know how I got like this." My panic was turning into anger now. Anger at myself. The world. God or the universe or whatever seems to be in control of all of this.

"Stop beating up on yourself for like two seconds to see that people care about you and love you. Sometimes life gets hard and we need help. If I was in this position I would want someone to help me. I can't stand seeing you like this. I WANT to help. Life got busy and I was a shitty friend that grew distant. But I'm here. Your family is here. I know for a fact that if Ethan was here he'd be agreeing with me. We've known each other for years. I know you ARE strong. You just need a little help right now. The only question is if you're going to accept the help or stay stuck." He got a little louder, was it because it's Grayson and he's just loud or wanting to make his point come across clearly? both, probably. I took a few deep breaths, really calming for the first time in hours.

"Okay."

#Grayson Dolan #Dolan Twins #Dolan Twins fanfic #grayson dolan fanfic #Ethan Dolan #Ethan and Grayson #Overcome / numb #dolan twin fandom #grayson bailey dolan #dolan twins imagine #grayson #ethan #fanfiction #TW: depression #TW: anxiety #tw: suicide mentioned

[stormbornspawn]

Winterfell - Season 8, Episode 1 Review

My thoughts on every (I think every? let me know if I missed any) scene from the Season 8 premiere episode.

Arrival - there was nothing wrong with this scene at all. Everything about it was expected. The northerners being apprehensive is exactly what I anticipated. Give it up for Jon and Dany looking regal AF in this scene. Good lord. Arya watching this whole scene play out was really great as a call back to season 1. Love the proud mama look from Dany as her babies fly overhead and scare the living shit out of everyone below. And did you notice her hair is in the shape of a heart? Tyrion and Varys banter is always welcomed and encouraged.

Winterfell courtyard - frosty is the only word that really feels right here. Dany’s trying to make a good impression and doesn’t get pressed when nobody kneels. Jon bent the knee - they should be on their knees, but no worries. She’s gonna overlook that cuz it’s her boo-thang’s family. All in good time. Bran coming up with the - we have no time for this - and dropping the Viserion bomb was way too rushed. This is the first issue I have with this episode. Dany’s dragons are often referred to as her children, yet hearing that one of them has been enslaved is completely glossed over and cut to next scene. This should have been a much bigger deal. Not just for Dany, but for everyone. Jon should have needed to take her somewhere to console her...you know, somewhere private...

The Great Hall - how many times does JOn have to remind these people that they are going to die without Dany’s help? Do they not believe him? I realize there are only a few people that have actually seen the army of the dead, but come on. I don’t expect anyone to be swearing fealty to Dany at this point, but a modicum of appreciation would be nice. She abandoned her campaign for this war and lost a dragon. Why did nobody bring this up? Lyanna Mormont needs to sit down - she almost called Jon a bastard and I was about to come up out of my chair. Sansa whinging about food - like, you knew they were coming and you are just now concerned about this? Dany holding her composure through that took some serious control. Her little clap back was good - whatever they want - that’s right, because they’re goddam dragons. I did like that Jon and Dany seemed to inch closer and closer to each other throughout the scene and the little look while Tyrion was talking was cute. Tyrion was well-intentioned, but they still won’t listen.

Sansa and Tyrion - I was waiting for this reunion and it did not disappoint. I would have liked to see Tyrion quell some of Sansa’s concerns as it relates to Dany. I was a tad concerned about the side eye that Bran was giving Tyrion at the end. Bran knows some things, so I’m curious what goods he has on Tyrion.

Jon & Arya - LOVE LOVE LOVE it. I was prepared to be underwhelmed here, but her jumping into Jon’s arms was everything I needed. The talk about family and Sansa being the smartest person Arya knows - yeah, didn’t see Arya siding with Sansa over Jon, but I get it. How is that dynamic of supporting family going to play out when it’s public knowledge that Jon is not their brother, but a cousin? I was also a little miffed that nobody brought up Littlefinger and that Dany and Arya were not formally introduced.

Euron/Yara/Cersei/Theon/GC - This whole segment of the show was just okay for me. I didn’t care for the dialogue. I love Pilou as an actor, but some of his lines were just cringe - I’m gonna put a prince in your belly. Like, wtf? I kind of felt a little bad for Cersei (well, not really) that she had to sleep with him and Lena brought the power in the after math of that scene. She’s brilliant and it will be the travesty of the year if she doesn’t finally get her Emmy. Theon finally rescuing Yara and making the decision to go and fight for the Starks - let’s get that ball rolling...even though I really enjoy Yara, I don’t think we will see her until way later in the season. The GC - and no elephants - wtf? Well, whatever...I would have rather had Ghost - and that’s the second big thing wrong with this episode. There was plenty of time.

Bronn - why? Completely unnecessary to have all the tits and ass in this episode. I know it’s classic GOT, but we are all over that element, I think, and it could have easily been him in a brothel and Qyburn comes to see him without all that sexposition. I don’t like the crossbow thing especially with all the talk about Dany getting hit with an arrow or a well-placed bolt.

Davos/Tyrion/Varys - can we give it up for Davos finally speaking the truth - Dany is a just woman and Jon is an honorable man - yes, please. Get married, make babies, and save the realm. Why Varys and Tyrion weren’t all over that - I don’t know. Tyrion wasn’t completely opposed to it, but Varys seemed rather extra cynical just then.

Jon & Dany - a lot to break down in this scene. Dany knows Sansa hates her and is really concerned that if she can’t even get her to respect her than the north is not going to fall in line either - that’s my interpretation of the scene. Jon saying that Sansa didn’t like them when they were growing up either was cute. Now, why in the hell are my baby dragons not eating? They hate the north? Or maybe, just maybe, they can sense that their momma isnt quite welcome there and they are feeling that emotion. I am shook that Jon got to ride the dragon (well, another one ;)) before learning about his Targ history. I saw this scene as Dany really letting him know, babe, I love you and I am willing to let you babysit my kids if needed. That 1000 years comment is coming back around again for sure. That waterfall and smooching scene was not for me - I ship them and know they are in love - that scene was for anyone that didn’t really pay attention in season 7 or read any interviews from anyone ever to just solidify that they are truly in love. Okay - it was for me too - I’m on my 3,487th rewatch. My prediction for why the dragons are acting funny - they know momma is carrying that man’s baby and they are overprotective. @me

Jon & Sansa - Sansa, why? All these two do is argue and it’s starting to piss me off. She says she trusts Jon and has faith in him, but then doesn’t trust Jon and has no faith in his decisions. They needed Dany and her armies and dragons and he got her to come there. This is why he left in the first place. She does have a valid question though - did you bend the knee for the north or because you love her? It’s a legit question, JON!! Answer. It’s both. That is the big theme of this season - love versus duty - and Jon can do both and will need to balance them both.

Arya/Gendry/Hound - the Hound and Arya was hysterical and I love the banter between Arya and Gendry. It’s like they picked up right where they left off. Can’t wait to see where this goes.

Dany/Sam/Jorah - This is tough for me. I am a Dany stan through and through, but I did not agree with her decision to burn the Tarly’s. At least not both of them. I do find it hypocritical when people chastise her for something that men have done for ages and hold her to a different standard though. I didn’t care for what she did, but I understand it. Sam’s reaction was expected and I do feel very sorry for him. I wish Dany had exhibited a little bit of remorse. Even if she wasn’t sorry, knowing he is JOn’s best friend, should have made her say - I’m so sorry. Just something.

The Reveal - I hated everything about this. Sam didn’t tell Jon as a friend. He told him in a fit of rage to try and turn Jon against Dany. I’m not okay with this. Jon wasn’t having it either. Jon executed Janos Slynt for much less. And Sam is the same person who told Jon they needed Roose BOlton’s help after the Red Wedding and told Olly to forget about his family being slaughtered by the Wildings. It’s a bit different when it’s your own family, but double standards much? Jon wasn’t having it, so I’m good with that - he’s still gonna have some words with his queen later. The reveal pissed me off because I think Sam should have come at it from a place of tenderness and instead it was bitterness about Dany and this news is gonna fuck her up. He doesn’t know they are together and he doesn’t really know her. I was pissed AF with the line - you gave up your crown for your people - would she do the same? Okay - when is someone going to bring up the fact that Jon bent the knee AFTER she agreed to fight for the north? And, please - she abandoned her fight for King’s Landing to turn her armies north and help fight. So, yeah, she would. This was the scene I was most disappointed with. John and Kit did a great job, but the writing was atrocious. All I can see is that they are setting this episode up to carry all the angst forward until the Night King is knocking on their door and then - just as Jon said - it won’t matter.

Umber - what the actual fuck? But I’m glad to see Tormund, Beric, and Edd.

Jaime/Bran - he’s waiting for an old friend!! GAAAHHHH!! I can’t wait to see the shit storm that his presence is going to bring in episode 2. That preview got my dragon momma heated.

Overall, I’d give the episode a 7/10. It was definitely not the strongest episode in the series and I blame that on choppy transitions and weird almost campy dialogue. Episode two better bring a little more grounding to the show, because I was not overly impressed with those 54 minutes. There were some great things that happened - dragon date, arrival, reunions, and how much was my girl Dany smiling this episode?? I’ve never seen her smile this much in seven seasons. Guess a good dicking down and falling in love will do that to you. The dialogue and lack of timeline really killed it for me though. As well as the glossing over of what I thought were really important storylines.

Let me know if you want to discuss.

#season 8 spoilers #game of thrones #jon x dany #daenerys targaryen #jon x daenerys #jon snow #episode 1

[lnkent]

I sort of need to vent a bit.

I really need to get a job. And it’s not for lack of trying. I have a ‘concurso’ (aka a test to became a university professor) next week, and I have participated on many the last 2 years. But they are SO damn hard. You have to study things you haven’t read anything about since your masters (I have a phd), a written text, and if you pass that then you have to give a class on this subject, only then will your resume be looked at.

It’s very hard, and the last one I participated had 400 people for only 1 spot, aka one teaching chair. only 6 people went to the second round of tests.

As I said. It is really hard.

And private universities are not hiring, and our country is a mess, with a fascist president who has declared war on education (especially on universities and university students and professors, as well as everyone in Academia).

And added to this pressure, the lack of job means I depend on my parents to survive (and to get tickets and hotels to go to the cities the concursos are at). There is also the fact that my dad believes the fascist bastard who (pretends to) runs the country.

My dad has been emotionally abusive ALL MY LIVE. But the past 6 months have been unbearable. My mom wants me to go to a psychiatrist (which I happily would) but I told her I’d only go if he went too. Because the truth of the matter is : I have already done this and when I was starting to get better and notice why I had this issues (aka. my dad’s emotional violence) he stopped paying for it. Making it so there was NO WAY I could continue. They MADE ME GO, because they thought I was depressed (they always think that because I see things as they are and do not pretend everything is fine when it clearly isnt), and then simply CUT IT OFF when I clearly still needed it. Claiming there was no need for it anymore since I didn’t cry at every stupid bullshit violent thing my dad or my brother (who now repeats my dads actions) said.

Ok. all of this just to say

today, my dad made this awful uncalled for, and weird comment about my aunt. To which I replied to angrily. She had asked my cousin what he had for lunch in a family whatsapp, since he posted a picture of his birthday cake at another uncle’s house- he lives in a different city than his mother.  He said: “Why is she asking what he’s having for lunch for?” in this really condescending and horrible voice. I, looking at the whatsapp group and noticing his tone, replied angrily that she could ask whatever she wanted, and sort of went on a rant about him asking me and my brother what we ate ALL THE TIME.

The thing is. He asked in that condescending tone because my aunt happens to be a vegetarian, and her son might as well be (I don’t know if he is), so when she saw a picture of him eating in the house of a person who eats a lot of meat, she worried about what her son ate. A very normal things for parents.

But my dad likes to say idiotic crap about people because of who they are. I long ago made him realize saying racist and homophobic shit around me was NOT ok, BUT OUR STUPID PRESIDENT IS A STUPID RACIST/HOMOPHOBIC/FASCIST idiot, and my dad looks up to him.

And now, hours later, I feel like it was MY FAULT, as if I had done something wrong, because he did what he always does as a reply to everything. He shut up. And I bet he is right now telling my brother what an awful person I am, when really, I have been putting up with this crap all my life and I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

He hasn’t even upologized for voting for a dude WHO WANTS TO EXTINGUISH MY PROFESSION. (I am a historian with a phd in womens history and a master on feminist studies --- with the exception of being black and gay, I am everything fascists hates, added to that, I am the person who will educated the next generation that YES, NAZISM IS A RIGHT WING movement, not the revisionist crap fascist want us to teach, like that the brazilian military dictatorship was a “revolution”, when it as a coup d’etat.

To be honestly. Along with my dad LYING to me about a month ago (the sort of lie whatsapp groups keep sending people and no one checks but is clearly a lie, so when he said it to me he either knew it was a lie, or knew that I would have significant proof to disprove him- which I didn’t because it upset me so much I had no words for him, and had to cry and leave the room while our former exchange student from 10 years ago watched since he was visiting us). I simply cannot forgive this. And it’s killing me because I have to put up with this crap, and then have a test in witch the subject will literary be fascism, and racism.

At least I don’t have to live in that horrible house anymore.

But I need to get a job, and his actions piss me off so much I can’t study. It’s literally making me ill. And then he goes and tells his friends how I am a bad daughter and I just want them all to fuck themselves because they keep sending him lies and he is not bright enough to notice. So I have to live with a stupid father who believes crap written by fascists, that have no actual proof or fact behing them.

fuck bolsonoshslflnfas and all his crap and all his followers and anyone who still belives that he is not a liar who cheats people of their money and freedom.

#sorry. I needed this out. #if I don't take this out of me I don't know how I'll do the test on friday #and there's still so much to study. I don't think I'll ever get around to read all of it.

[interrogatormentors]

Event Two: Straight Flush

CA: if thats howw shits gotta be i get it CA: i really do CA: just lettin you knoww youre gonna regret this. CA: and by the time you realize wwhat a fuckin mistake youvve made in pushin me awway CA: ill be far beyond your reach

-- caligulasAquarium [CA] has left the memo! --

By this point in Eridan Ampora’s life, he knew space as lonely and fickle. He knew that the gaps between stars yawned millennia, and trolls at the top clawed and stabbed each other in the back at every opportunity. As a graduate of the Fleet Academy, Eridan knew this very well. What he hadn’t been prepared for was all the fucking paperwork.

Eridan stared at the blinking cursor on the scheduling spreadsheet in front of him, but no matter how hard he crossed his eyes the numbers never started making sense. As a well-established Dreadnought Condescension team, the DC Reichenbach’s crew all possessed equally established habits and schedules. Needless to say they didn’t take too kindly to an uppity new Head Admin coming in and shuffling shit around.

Eridan leaned back in his chair, lifting his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. The ship had one of its usual hiccups then, the lights flaring as an energy shift took place. Wonderful. With his free hand Eridan fumbled for the intercom button. “Get back in the helm, Riesse.”

After a pause a light blinked on the callbox at Eridan’s side, indicating an incoming call. “Yo, it’s been a perigee. Use my name or I riot,” said Riesse.

“Oh, funny, I can’t see Shakes anywhere on your file Riesse.”

“C’mon.”

“No.”

“Errrridan.”

Eridan rested his head on his desk, staring at the floor as he tried to gather himself.

“Shakes. You’ve got a break from the helm tomorrow, we can’t keep usin’ antimatter engines like this. You know that the maintenance for it costs a fuckin’ fortune-”

“Mmmmyeah we can,” Riesse or Shakes or whatever the fuck that fucking brown’s name was. Eridan was tired of battling about it, but he still felt an obligation to protest. “I got shit to do with Bricks.”

“And the captain, and the Chief Intelligence Officer,” Eridan said. Further slouching caused his glasses to slip right off his nose onto the floor. “You can’t all take a break at the same time every week.”

“Yeah, we can,” said Shakes. “God, haven’t you ever heard of like, free time and social bonding? You should join us sometime. Bricks’ got a rad as hell campaign set up and Illhal said she might be transferring. We’ve got an open spot. Table’s big enough for one mooore. Loosen up, holy shit.”

Eridan hung up the call. “Uppity fuckin’ mudfucker,” he said, picking up his glasses from the floor. “Oh wow, let’s just stick a bulge in the captain, get free breaks just whenever.” 

Ever since the helming techs had come out with mobile helmsman upgrades, highbloods who had quadrants with psionic lowbloods were crawling all over it. Some lowblood sympathetic fleet captains and helming techs and docterrors had written essays about the benefits of this new technology, which boasted alleged benefits such as increased helmsman longevity and better synchronization to the ship’s systems. The technology actually meant that those lowbloods with highblood quadrants were guaranteed the ability to move if their quads got their own ship and the rank of fleet captain, and it also meant that said lowbloods came with a hefty pair of globes to match.

Eridan tried to assure himself that he shouldn’t have been surprised. The Reichenbach’s captain was a piece of work to say the least, and her matesprit was such a cocky bastard with no respect for his blood superiors. As blood equals, with Captain Nekara as his superior in age and rank, Eridan kept his mouth shut to humor her smug piece of shit matesprit who jittered with ridiculous amounts of excess psionic energy.

Eridan’s palmhusk started beeping then, letting him know about breaktime, and he cast a defeated look to the stark and empty crew schedule. Normally he’d just work through his break, considering he never had other obligations. This time, he tried something new.

[Welcome to Poker Palace Server 2022A, caligulasAquarium, apocalypticTreeswing, circuitryCloser, torpidAnnihilator! Please read the rules and have fun! Currently there are 40 viewers of this game.]

AT: aw (fuck) aw beans aw no AT: playing with (fucking) TA?????? CC: hhehhe get wrekt dood CA: wwhat CA: do you knoww each other AT: nah dude’s a (damn) bot or whatever and wins every (fucking) time AT: shoot i wanted to bet money on this match too CC: just bet on TA man CC: thhey’re like always online ur going to make a hHELLA profit AT: my pride tho CA: wwhat pride AT: DUDE :*C

Poker didn’t seem too labor intensive, especially when Eridan could theoretically still work on the schedule on the other monitor. As time progressed he instead found that the match he’d gotten roped into took all his focus after the user torpidAnnihilator wiped the floor with all of them as apocalypticTreeswing had warned. Users could theoretically stay for infinite matches, and so a rematch began.

TA won again.

And again.

Over and over TA called bluff after bluff, and unveiled hand after winning hand after intimidating everyone else, even as AT and CC left and were replaced by other users. Each user expressed dismay at seeing TA there, but something in Eridan had been awoken.

He needed to win. So he kept playing even as his break ended, eyes flicking from schedule to poker match as he continued to lose over and over. He could have fun and loosen up, totally. He just had to win first.

[Welcome to Poker Palace Server 3014C, caligulasAquarium, torpidAnnihilator, gentrificationAwaiting, corporealTone! Please read the rules and have fun! Currently there are 67 viewers of this game.]

CA: ready to lose fucker CA: you cant wwin forevver CT: ...what CA: do i look like im talkin to you GA: i mEan it’s an opEn chatroom, so GA: if you’rE talking to TA good luck haha, CA: ivve been goin at it for four perigees hes gotta lose sometime CT: ...lol GA: LOL, GA: i’vE bEEn playing for tEn swEEps!! GA: thEy don’t losE!  CA: wwell wwere gonna see about THAT noww wwont wwe CA: if youvve got a penchant for believvin anyone that isnt the empress can be infallible youre sadly fuckin mistaken CA: one wway or another im gonna fuckin provve it and then youll eat your fuckin wwords. chumps

TA said nothing as per usual, but this silence stopped bothering Eridan long ago. He had become used to the empty silence that filled the digital lobby during games. Every muscle in Eridan’s body tensed as time went on and he focused, watching everything unfold as he kept his cards close to his virtual chest. The match concluded as it usually did, with GA and CT folding and TA refusing to show their hand. After playing this long, however, Eridan had learned to take his chances. If they needed to, TA usually folded or called a bluff second. This time they’d held onto their cards.

CA: bluff you dont havve shit CT: ...we both got shit hands you know hes got a good one CA: still callin it

With the bluff called, TA’s hand flipped over to reveal a four, two fives of separate suits, and an eight. Not necessarily a bad hand, but not a good one. The entire world stopped and Eridan felt a funny lurch in his digestive sack. He lurched to his feet, staring at the screen for a good minute.

For so many perigees, Eridan had worked towards this very moment. Each second that he stood there taking slow, shaking breaths to comprehend what had just happened felt like an eternity of downright euphoria. He’d done it.

However the world, and more importantly the game, wouldn’t wait forever. He moved his shaky hands to type out the damning words.

CA: straight flush CA: i wwin

A silence followed, and Eridan felt so fucking giddy, like there were clouds below his feet. He hadn’t felt this good in perigees. The commenters who had been gossiping about the inevitable outcome of the match had lapsed into shock with the other players also at a loss. TA, as always, remained silent. Finally, GA and CT began to type, almost in unison.

GA: what CT: ...holy shit GA: arE you fucking serious no WAY you’rE cheating! CA: if this wwere anythin but an online servver i wwould be less insulted CA: i cant code my wway out of a wwet paper bag CT: ...still theres no way you couldve beaten him of all people CA: look a lot of this game is luck okay wwhat the fuck are you talkin about CA: havve you evven played poker before in your life TA: Huh. TA: Well, thII2 II2 a 2urprII2e. TA: ThII2 game wa2 quIIte refre2hIIng, thank you. CT: ...hhhhhhhooooh my god

The match closed itself then, leaving Eridan staring at his victory screen. Something about that quirk seemed familiar, but he shook the thought away. The one he’d known with that quirk had disappeared a sweep before Eridan himself had left the rebellion. He had to be dead by now. Friend requests started pinging on his poker profile as he sat there, viewers of the match itself enamored by the new champion. More than a few angry messages popped up, considering TA’s popularity in betting circles. Only one private message caught Eridan’s attention.

TA: Let me know IIf you would lIIke to play me agaIIn 2ometIIme. TA: II am very aware you have been 2talkIIng 2erver2 lookIIng for me and that would 2ave 2ome ha22le on your end II thIInk. TA: That was the mo2t fun II have had for a whIIle. TA: II may have two quIIt 2oon con2IIderIIng your mo2t deft humIIlIIatIIon, but fIIndIIng a new hobby II2 laborIIou2.

Eridan reread the messages at least five times to absorb just what the mysterious reigning champion of the poker ring was actually offering. There was an odd little flutter in his chest, something he’d thought he’d never feel again. Pride, and a well-earned, well deserved sense of pride at that. Acknowledgement by an ever-supreme master at a craft, even for something as little as poker, meant worlds to him. He couldn’t help the grin that crossed his face, still on a euphoric high  at the sudden turn of events.

CA: uh wwoww okay CA: look evveryone loses evventually unless youre hackin or wwhatevver CA: surprised no one else called you out TA: The thIIng about garnerIIng a reputatIIon IIn onlIIne communIItIIe2 II2 IIntimIIdatIIon and people fallIIng on your bulge in terror ju2t come2 wIIth the whole package. TA: And a2 you know, that II2 the name of the game. CA: i thought it wwas poker TA: What? TA: Oh, very funny. CA: oh my god you talk like a fuckin loser howw old are you TA: That II2 a very rude que2tIIon. TA: II wIIll 2ee you agaIIn, ErIIdan. All haIIl the Empre22. CA: all hail i guess

TA logged off then. Eridan continued to bask in his own victory before freezing, eyes scanning over the last few messages TA had sent.

That couldn’t be possible.

He took a moment, eyes fixed on that one sentence in the chatlog again before he flipped over to his personal profile. No, nothing there. He had made sure not to put any identifying information on his profile apart from his blood color code, which more than a few members did. His name wasn’t anywhere on the site.

Swallowing hard, Eridan closed the poker site down for now and opened this week’s schedule and maintenance logs. Only victory mattered, and he’d accomplished that. What could some random nobody on the internet do to him?

Maybe Shakes’ D&D session would be a little less nerve-wracking.

#homestuck #eridan ampora #homestuck au #interrogatormentors #story event #illustrated #hi did you know i don't know shit about poker #interrogatormentors event

[shiftyskip]

Band of Brothers Rewatch Comments Episode 3

FUCK! no! Not the intro! I wasn’t prepared! I was still typing and couldn’t skip and now I’m sad. Whelp. Just gonna cry now again.

Oh right this is the Blithe episode. I wasn’t his biggest fan....don’t hunt me down and hurt me for that!

SHIFTYYYTYYYY!!!! 😻 YOU ARE THE CUTEST!!! Even if you constantly make that one face! You’re adorable! I need more of this man in this series.

Update: Shifty carries his rifle like a baby. I haven’t seen anyone else do this. Is this a Shifty trait? Shifty loves his gun.

OH MY GOD *fangirls to death*

Lieb who the fuck did you murder to get that flag

HOOB SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR DAMN LUGER. It. Will. Kill. You.

PERCONTE AND HIS WATCHES. He has no excuse to be late now. He’s so protective of them it’s so funny.

“No playing ‘grab fanny’ with the man in front of you, Luz.” Does this mean that Luz just randomly grabs guys asses?

“And you will be RElieevedd.” Luz. Easy would’ve never survived without you. “Flies spread disease. So keep yours cloooosed.”

PERCONTE YOU HAVE ENOUGH WATCHES STOP TAKING THE DEAD GUYS

Winters and Nix storm out looking like an angry couple about to discipline their misbehaving kids

Winters appears out of nowhere. Nix close behind.

Nix’s smarts are showing and it’s beautiful

“I HAVE NO IDEA!!!” Says Luz the screaming turtle

See screaming turtle ^^

Winters is like the angry person in the group project trying to get everyone else to do their part

Of course Shifty. Everything he does is beautiful. Even if he’s in a chicken pen.

SHIFTY YOU MORON!!! His scream and “SHIT” were adorable as well. I have issues. His little gasp later is just as cute. *cue Rewatch*

RIP chicken by Shifty

I also adore how when Lip falls on his stomach while the man next to him was hit, he yells to see if Shifty’s okay. Shifty’s thumbs up is equally as cute. These men are perfect.

Luz hesistating and checking before throwing the grenade makes my heart proud

Have I mentioned Lipton is gorgeous.

I love Lip and somehow I find it hilarious that when he’s hit the first thing he worries about is his dick. Even though his face is all torn up, he’s worried about his dick.

When I first watched this scene my thought was: even injured he’s still amazingly attractive....hmmm yeah still my thought

TIPPER NOOOOOOOOOO

His weak “thank you” when Lieb says “looking good buddy” kills me

Oh my god Lieb’s concern for Tipper the most heart wrenching thing. Lieb is known for his aggressive violent streaks so seeing him being so caring and considerate is just amazing.

I might be crying...

The preacher/priest whatever praying over the dead, dying, and wounded moves me every time.

MUCK AND MALARK ARE FRIENDSHIP GOALS

....skip dying is only going to make this extremely fucking painful

NIX AND HIS LOOK OF JUDGEMENT

Winters saying the coast is clear and thengetting hit is just an example of fucking perfect and ironic and even though I shouldn’t be laughing, his reaction makes it so much funnier.

COMP AND HIS PRETTY EYES

WINTERS IS SO BUTTHURT HES BARELY INJURED

God, Roe’s voice could calm anyone down.

Penkala and Skip complaining about their food while continuing to eat is literally me.

The gossip circle about Speirs and his murder count is like the military version of telephone. The more they talk, the bigger the story it gets.

Skip is beautiful. Penkala’s eyes are beautiful too.

Skip. Just everything about Skip. Especially his eyes. I’m a sucker for big brown eyes.

PENKALA CASUALLY KICKING BLITHE.

LUZ AND HIS RESTING BITCH FACE.

Good question Perconte. Why is it always Easy? Maybe because they know they’re THAT good. But then again wouldn’t you want to keep the good guys....I dunno...alive??

Oh my god did Blithe just get sat on.

Life lessons with Speirs. Because his lessons won’t mess you up at all....

WHY ISNT SPEIRS BLINKING!!!!!!

Awwww I feel bad for Blithe in the pit.

Awww encouragement!

tankksssss

Why do I watch such gruesome things at night?

All of their OH SHIT FACES HAVE ME DYINNNNG

“I knew you’d get me killed.”

“Oh you beautiful babies you!” Is this me looking at all of these boys because I feel like it is.

DEATH BY TANK.

Okay Blithe. We support you hon. “You’re doing amazing sweetie.”

Why am I cheering you to kill someone on I’m a pacifist?

“We just won a battle, let’s smoke.” -All of Easy

Okay Blithe won me over with the flower scene, it’s just so emotional and meaningful goddamnit.

SHIFTY IN THE BUSHES. Why is it so funny?

“I need volunteers.” Everyone looks away.

Aawwwww Parachute wedding dress. That’s really sweet. And Nix ruined the moment. Way to go.

“Here we go again.” Its only been like 25 days. You still have a few years left.

OH MY GOD WHOSE VOICE BROKE!!!

ROE AND HIS VOICE. BLESS THIS MAN.

Winters let the goddamn man sleep. Stop talking to him. Let him sleep. Stop it. Stop talking. Winters.

And feeling bad for Blithe again as it is forced to lay there and isn’t able to do anything. So depressing.

The motorcycle scene every time makes my smile. BUT NO ONE CAN DRIVE. WATCH THE DAMN ROAD! Okay the Germans don’t need to kill them. Their shitty driving will do it.

Skip telling Hoob to shut up. Tell him more. Don’t hurt me I love Hoob. Just he talks a hell of a lot.

STAB A TABBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB. Night of the Bayonet is the best example of war time poetry and no one can tell me others

All of the newbies are so lost. They’re trying to play along. No boys, it’s obvious.

GUARNERE AND BABE!!!!!!!!!!! FRIENDSHIP FICKING GOALS

I love all of this ^^^^^ Luz looks soooooo pissy and Skip is the cheerful little ray of sunshine he is

And Lipton ruined the fun. Like normal. Lip always have to give the bad news. How does anyone hang out with him after all of this? You’d just instantly expect bad news.

The laundry scene is actually depressing. All of the names. Malarkey’s face dropping and the lady doesn’t even know they’re gone. God. It hurts.

Okay I’m only gonna do this once.

But ALBERT BLITHE DID NOT DIE IN 1948!!! LIES! WRONG!! Wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wroooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnggg. Okay I’m done now..

[pinksausageduo]

you’ll always be number 1 in my heart

member: lee daehwi genre: fluffy summary: you're on pd101 s3 and you're from bnm entertainment and you come in 3rd place. daehwi and you get shipped because of how alike you are. with rumours circulating around you two some of them true. will your relationship with daehwi turn into a scandal or a happily every after?? requested: yes

"Y/L/N Y/N!!!! FROM BNM ENTERTAINMENT FOR THIRD PLACE!!!" Boa said 

you were overwhelmed with just pure happiness

you were finally debuting!!!

you burst into tears and all your trainee friends were hugging you and encouraging you to go on stage 

you walk to the stage trying to wipe your tears away 

you make your speech sweet and short which just consisted of you thanking everyone that got you to debut

you make your way up to third place while hugging all the girls who you'll debut with 

after you sat down in your seat everything was a blur 

you cried and said hello and goodbye to the rest of the trainees 

your family also came to congratulate you and it was soooo great to see them and you knew they were proud of you 

rhymer comes along after you talked with your family and all the backstage footage was filmed 

"i'm so proud of you, you made it third place, our only female BNM trainee" he said proudly 

you were brimming from happiness from the whole evening 

"also the BNM boys are here and they'd like to congratulate you" he smiled while opening the door 

your heart quickened you were huge fans of your sunbaes 

you trained with the boys for only a few months before they went off to produce 101

but you didn't have much time to interact with them only exchanging polite greetings

the door opened with four incredibly good looking guys coming in all with adorable smiles 

they chorus together "CONGRATULATIONS!!!" 

you bow basically 90 degrees and say respectfully "thank you so much! i'll make sure i work hard and hopefully one day become as successful as your four" 

"i'm sure you'll do amazingly" donghyun reassured 

before you know it daehwi has an arm around you and says friendly and jokingly

"since we were both third place that means we're already best friends right?"

you laughed softly making daehwi suddenly blush and his heart warm at the sound of it

"of courseee" you say sweetly 

you were trying to act all cool in front of your bias but it was reallyyyy hard 

all you wanted to do was fan girl over him but you promised yourself to be professional

suddenly youngmin butts in and says "excuse daehwi he's on a bit of a sugar high" 

"HEY! I AM NOT!!" he denied outraged

"you are and you would of been bouncing off the walls if donghyun didn't stop you" woojin interrupted 

"w-well" daehwi started then just stopped and pouted 

donghyun laughed softly at him and said "daehwi-ah you're acting like a child"

"thats cause he is one" youngmin smirked

"why is everyone bullying me?!!" daehwi whined

you watch amused knowing it's just friendly banter 

and you couldn't help but admire the way daehwi just lifted everyone's moods 

before you know it you ask trying to wind up the other boys "daehwi-ssi your hyungs are just too wound up would you like some chocolate?"  

"HEY WE ARE NOT WOUND UP!!" woojin, youngmin and donghyun shout together 

"well you guys are the ones shouting" you say smirking 

"Y/N IS MY FAVOURITE FOREVER AND ALWAYS, i can't believe it she's talented, funny, nice and beautiful inside and out" daehwi nonchalantly said while instantly hugging you

you quickly reciprocated and you instantly relaxed 

in daehwis arms you genuinely felt relaxed and cared for 

something which was hard for you to feel with all the pressure to debut 

and your heart suddenly quickened and you blushed a tomato red 

"t-thank you daehwi-ssi" you muster out while handing him the chocolate bar 

"don't call me daehwi-ssi wayyy too formal call me daehwi please" he says sweetly and you just nod while saying 

"then call me y/n"

you hand him a chocolate bar and he accepts it gratefully then frowns "wait sorry y/n i can't eat this i'm on a diet"

"what diet??!!! daehwi you're too skinny already!!" donghyun exclaims worriedly

"well not necessarily a diet but i need to gain muscle manager hyungs said so. so chocolate doesn't help whatsoever with that" he says a bit upset 

you frown at this and your heart breaks you want him to be able to eat whatever he wants not to be pressured into a diet

"no no no please eat the chocolate daehwi seriously you're absolutely perfect in my eyes and in the eyes of all your fans you don't need to gain or lose weight at all" you plead softly 

daehwi's heart warms at your caring sentiment and he knows it's secretly true

"thank you it means a lot" he says sweetly back at you giving you the nicest smile you've ever seen 

it literally just instantly makes you feel happy

so he opens and eats the chocolate bar which you happily smile at and all daehwi could think was 

"if i can ever make her smile like that again i better do it"

the boys stay for a bit longer and congratulate you again before leaving 

you were still in awe you met one of your favourite groups of all time

and all of them knew of your existence and talked to you 

you couldn't help but think of daehwi 

his sweet smile and his adorable and hilarious personality he was also sooo good looking 

you were disappointed you probably won't talk to him again for months

for the rest of the night you couldn't help but think of daehwi

and every single time you did you couldn't help but smile 

you secretly knew it but you would never admit it to yourself 

you were falling for daehwi 

daehwi on the other hand also had the same problem but it was worse

he literally wanted to see you sooo badly and talk to you again

you were so caring and sweet towards him and not to mention you're absolutely stunning

he was so glad that he hugged you he remembered it perfectly 

you reminded him of all your favourite things 

all the guys were teasing him for it 

"daehwi youre whipped and you only talked to her for what 30 minutes??" woojin said smirking 

"did you at least get her number?" youngmin asked and daehwi said no

"kids these days no game whatsoever" said youngmin shaking his head

"daehwi just ask like our manager to get her phone number from her manager" donghyun helpfully suggested

"isnt that being too desperate?" daehwi asked

"yep definitely just wait till the next time you see her" woojin says 

the next day was super chill and you spent time with your family since you got a day off before recording 

the second day though you wake up to SUCH A HUGE SPAM OF COMMENTS 

you scroll through and you're freaking the fuck out 

"Y/N AND DAEHWI SECRETLY DATING??!!"

with the picture of daehwi hugging you and also the one with his arm around you 

you were crestfallen this scandal could affect the debut of the group and daehwi and you 

you brace yourself for hate comments 

but you were so surprised most of it was positive 

"awww i hope this is true they both such bubbly and sweet personalities!"

"PLEASE PLEASE I WISH THIS TO BE TRUE MY ULTIMATE OTP!!"

"yall i've shipped them since day 1 please if this true imma cry"

"they're both too young for dating they should focus on their careers"

"their personalities, their looks, how talented they are and they're both third place! it's a match made in heaven!!!"

"no no this better be false y/n doesn't deserve daehwi at all she's all fake and annoying"

"ahhhh i hope this is true both of them deserve so much happiness and love"

you were shook at how much people shipped it 

and super happy that people thought you guys would be a good match

you thought your career would be super damaged by this 

but apparently not 

you automatically call your manager and rhymer to see what's happening 

they were both pretty chill with it saying it isn't bad press since you guys are actually being shipped and you always have been 

you sighed in relief but you knew it would blow over soon 

by next week most of it blowed over and you were super relaxed and happy about debuting but 

just as you went about to sleep

your phone went off with a million of notifications 

you open twitter quickly and see

"DAEHWI ASKS Y/N ON A DATE!! CONFIRMS Y/N AS IDEAL TYPE!! DATING RUMOURS QUICKLY HAVE INCREASED" 

at first you literally squeal at the fact daehwi asked you out??!!! 

you're really surprised and you were totally taken aback BUT YOURE SOOO HAPPY 

you did a silent happy dance on your bed at like 3 in the morning sincr everyone in your room was sleeping 

you knew your crush on him was big and you thought you had no chance whatsoever but apparently you did!!

you didn't actually think daehwi would ever  even like you in that way 

but hey since he does you weren't complaining whatsoever 

you clicked on the video showing him and the boys at a interview 

they were asked to choose someone as an ideal type who would it be and why

daehwi blushed and said your name 

making you squeal a little again he then continued by saying 

"i actually met her a few days ago and she already is the sweetest person i've ever met. she was so caring towards me and in person she was even more beautiful than on camera which i didn't think was possible. she's also extremely talented and produces music like me so i could talk about that with her as well. but yeah y/n would definitely be my ideal type" 

the mc automatically teases him by saying "well doesn't daehwi have a little crush" daehwi blushed bright red and the other guys laughed

"but y/n and you were recently said to be dating. is this true??" the mc asked daehwi

before daehwi could even stop himself he said "no it isn't but i wish it wa-" then his face automatically changed to a 

"SHIT WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE" face

and all the guys were wide eyes and shocked 

you couldn't help but laugh at their expressions

the mc awkwardly chuckled and tried to diffuse the situation and said 

"well since that's the case how about you ask y/n on a date cutely with all your aegyo" 

daehwi agreed reluctantly but he really wasn't worried about him but you

he really hoped you wouldn't get any hate for this but he focused ON ACTUALLY ASKING YOU OUT??!!

then his brain had a brain fart and he was like 

"ahhh okay then uh uh uh AH" 

"y/nnn pleaseee will you go on a date with meee?" he said so cutely with heaps of aegyo 

your heart melted so quickly you couldn't believe that actually happened you dropped your phone 

the video ended and you really weren't bothered reading the comments

all you could think was daehwi asked you out ON A BLOODY BROADCAST!!

but you were happy even if you had to deal with all the hate 

you were trying to think of all the ways you could reply back 

and just as you were your phone dinged 

"y/n i'm sure your probably have seen the video and i'm so so sorry about the whole mess i made"

you automatically knew it was daehwi

you suddenly got a bit excited at the fact he's texting you but snapped out of it but before you could reply he sent another text

"but every word i saw was true and this 

isn't the way i wanted to ask you but"

you already knew what he was going to ask you and your breathing got more ragged and your heart started beating a million miles an hour and just as you thought you were going to have a heart attack your phone dinged again

"y/n will you go on a date with me??"

and your heart basically bursted in happiness seeing the question 

you automatically type

"i'd love to" 

and daehwi also did a happy dance at his dorm and screamed "SHE SAID YESS!!"

and all the guys came into his room and did a group hug/huddle and were squealing like little girls and were bouncing up down 

you knew you had to sleep since you had to get up in two hours so you quickly type 

"i'm sorry daehwi i need to go to sleep i have a schedule early in the morning"

"oh of course thank you for saying yes again and please sleep well sweet dreams!!"

your heart warms again at his sweet text and you reply back quickly before turning off your phone and having the best two hour sleep/nap of your life 

"you too please sleep tight dream of me ;)"

"but daehwi"

"i would say yes to you any day"

THE CHEESEEEE EWWWWWW

these texts resulted into a lot of squealing more bouncing up and down and ALOT of cringing from the guys

but daehwi really did sleep thinking of you

but your cheesiness never stopped in the relationship

and in a few months time you were cuddled up with him at the dorm 

and before both of you could sleep 

you felt a peck on your head and a whisper in your ear 

"we might of been the third place couple but you’ll always be number 1 in my heart" 

i’m going on a positing spree in like 30 minutes i’m posting daniel prince pt 3 as well and then i get to start writing my angst and my enemies to lovers the last few days i’ve been struggling with how my blog has like gone down and like even thought of not doing stuff but i decided i should work through it and keep pushing 

but first daehwi scenario not amazing i know hope you get fluffy feels for daehwi thooo 

#wanna one #wanna one scenarios #wanna one imagines #bnmboysnetwork #produce 101 #produce 101 season 2 #produce 101 imagines #produce 101 scenarios #bnm boys #lee daehwi #lee daehwi scenarios #lee daehwi imagines #daehwi #lee daehwi fluff #park woojin #kim donghyun #im youngmin

[kpop-drabble]

SEVENTEEN AS DADS

Vernon - The “Cool” Dad - always attempting to be your friend more than a father figure, attempts to get their child to spill the latest ‘gosp’ - “dad what the hell is gosp” “its teenage lingo for gossip, i keep up with you youngsters” - cue eye rolling - he’s incredibly chill about nearly everything and allows them to do whatevee they want, for the most part. - the only restriction is that it can’t be illegal - and if it is he told them to lie about who their father was. - all their friends are jealous over how ‘cool’ of a dad their have, no matter how many times they tell them how uncool he truly is he has everyone tricked that he’s some super dad

Soonyoung - The Embarrassing Dad - insists on making their kids lunch one time and puts an embarrassing “have a good day love you -Dad” in the bag without warning. - all their friends cooed and haven’t let them live it down since. - he’s the type to make embarrassingly bad dad jokes when talking to others and then looks over at their kid for a reaction - a pitiful thumbs up and embarrassed smile is the best kind of reaction that he’s looking for - constantly trying to talk to their kids friends when they’re over - “why doesn’t that one friend come over anymore?” “because you broke out the baby pictures last time and i would rather not relive your hour ling stories about the past, and neither would she”

Seungkwan - The emotional dad - constantly crying - oh my god their kids have never seen a grown man cry so much in their lives - always reminiscing about their kids past and getting emotional about how big they’ve gotten - at every graduation that the child has lives through theres always friends that make comment about his screaming once you get on stage - every picture you have to commemorate this moment has a very red eyed blotchy faced Seungkwan, their child always looks less than impressed. - it’s nice to have a dad so passionate about their child but sometimes you just need someone that wont cry because you’ve made your first purchase with your own money that you made from your first job

Seokmin - The Scrapbooking Dad - always insisting on taking pictures - it doesnt matter the occasion, it doesn’t matter how relevant any of it is, he wants a picture and he wants it now. - his kids could make those “365 pictures throughout the year” collage videos you find on the internet dating back to their toddler years just from how many pictures Seokmin had taken. - he has a bookcase full of scrapbooks hes made - he takes the time to decorate them, with pretty stickers and dates each picture with a short description of each. - its not just a picture book, its a life story showcasing every little insignificant thing that his kids have accomplished since birth. - “dad, can we please take that picture of me on the potty off?” “no, its the first time you took a shit and i didn’t have to clean a diaper, it’s staying for memory sake”

Seungcheol - Over protective dad - they cab only have a phone because he insists on using the find your friends app when his kids go out just to make sure that if anything happens he could always find their kid and help out - if they’re one minute past curfew expect said phone to be blown up with questions about where they are. - “you were suppose to be home at 10:00 its now 10:02, i checked traffic and it is light so there isnt any excuse” - is protective and inforces his rules but isn’t terribly rude and would never actually punish his kids (he’s too soft, but ultimatey just wants the best for them) - interogates any significant other that their child brings home, and as they protest in embarassment he simply says hes making sure to rule out any one not worthy of their time. - always has their best interests in mind though they may not realize it until they’re much older - probably has a bat near his bed so if needed he could protect them from anything and anyone who trys to hurt their kid

Jeonghan - The Charming Dad - all their kids friends are completely endeared by him - they’ve heard the word DILF to describe him one too many times that its starting to take some effect on their mental wellbeing - he’s able to talk himself out of many things and their kids have had to sit by idly as they watched their dad talk up another worker to attempt to get some sort of discount - probably has pictures of the family around the house solely to show off how attractive all of them are when guest comes over - he’s ultimately very proud of how beautiful his family has come out, and wants the world to know about how absurdly beautiful they are compared to other families. - its not opinion its Fact.

Jihoon - Passive but Encouraging Dad - not very good at showing how much they love their kids but try their very hardest without having to say directly that he loves them - shows he cares by encouraging their dreams and never tries to hold them back from their dreams - he may not be very involved in their kids lifes but when they come to him with something they claim to be passionate about he’s suddenly #1 dad. - he’ll always be the first to encourage them to chase after whatever they want - and even if they drop it after a couple weeks because it wasn’t exactly the right fit Jihoon will accept it and continue to support them through any other projects they wished to pursue. - their kids know that he loves them through those kind of actions.

Mingyu - The Expirmentive Dad - always trying out new recipes for dinner - his kids have started becoming wary after the his few failed attempts and know to prepare something to eat afterwards just incase his experiment doesnt work out in his favour - never follows a reciepe - “dad it said a tea spoon not a cup” “it’s better this way, just trust me.” - it was not better this way. - he tries his very hardest to make good dishes for his family and sometimes they actually turn out decent. - and when they dont, no matter if mingyu himself knows it wasn’t the best, his kids say it was good while only eating a couple bites of it - he’s grateful that they eat the prepared foods somewhere that hes not (sometimes he goes to their room and they share their snacks with him, but thats only when he’s failed terribly and hes gone desperate)

Chan - The Involved dad - Their child is apart of a school club? he’ll be apart of it just as much. - “Do you guys want me to make snacks?” “Dad its not necessary-” “i’ll pack snacks.” - always insists on going to parent teacher night to talk with each of their kids teacher one on one, he doesnt do it because he thinks his kids are miss behaving just solely for the opprotunity to be apart of their kids lifes just that much more - was their kids soccer couch for most of their junior soccer days, but when their kids approached them about joining a different team he unwillingly allowed them to do so to allow them to be happy - he still attenda each game and became the most embarrassing side line dad at the game - “signs are necessary” chan ignores their kids as he pours another large amount of glitter onto the atrocious sign with his kids name and number on it.

Junhui - The Teasing Dad - constantly making jokes about their kid, it mostly happens when they have friends over or when theyre at a family get together - some how always managing to make their child the center of attention at the family dinners, each family member taking turns to tease his kid. - he definitely does not attempt to stop it because he was the one that started it and seeing his kids get all embarrassed is kind of a highlight to being a father. - Is probably always trying to get a hug or affection from their child especially when friends are around just to embarrass them that much more - He doesn’t mind being rejected in front of all their friends when he goes in for a hug, because the embarrassed hiden smile that his kid has when they turn back to apologize to their friend is enough of a reward

Jisoo - The Overly-Loving Father - he’s wanted to be a dad since he was a child and now that he’s able to do so he doesnt waste any opprotunity to remind his kid about how much he loves them - sometimes he shows his love in materialistic manners - he buys they loads of gifts for every special occasion and still insists on making them do an easter chocolate egg hunt well into their teenage years - he gets really creative when it comes to things like this so their child doesnt really mind, the chocolate is always a bonus - is always trying to get family outings to be a thing and his favourite holiday is family day. Definitely family day because he can use it as an excuse to force his kids to spend time with him.

Wonwoo - The helpful dad - the stereotype that dads are suppose to be good at physical labour such as fixing cars and doing sports falls short when it comes to wonwoo - he couldn’t necessarily fix their car if they asked him to but he could help them ace their  physics exam - and if they didn’t wish to read a book that was assigned for english, he’s probably already read it front to back more than once and is more than willing to help them out - he’s not too anal about good grades but encourages them to try their hardest - they’ve probably had to sit through a small half hearted lecture about genuinely putting their best into things when Wonwoo feels like their grades are slipping

Minghao - The “I didn’t sign up for this” Dad - never really meant to become a dad but it ??? sort of happened and he enjoys it he just was never ready to become one - therefore he really doesn’t know what to do. - during toddler years he’d make any excuse not to be alone with the baby for too long, too frighten that he’d mess it up so severly that he usually calls over his mom to help out - he’s gotten better over the years but still doesn’t properly know how to dad - tries more to be a friend than a dad - whenever their child is in trouble, lets the other parent do the scolding and then retreats up to their childs bedroom with a bowl of icecream to try and make amends better. -he’s sort of getting the hang of things but their kids highly doubt he ever fully will know what being a parent consists of. - but thats okay, he’s trying his very best.

#seventeen #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #imagines #scenarios #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #svt #pledis 17 #mingyu #wonwoo #vernon #scoups #seungcheol #woozi #jihoon #dk #seokmin #seungkwan #jeonghan #joshua #jisoo #hoshi #soonyoung #minghao #jun #junhui #dino #lee chan

[thesupavix-blog]

Loss.... more loss and Craig Brown. My worst best friend.

I’M BACK BITCHES! missed me? Well im not surprised really it’s been almost a year since I wrote one of these… as you can see from the title… it’s been a bit of a shit time.. so shit I couldnt even blog about it! Maybe I wasn’t ready?.. or maybe things just went wrong too fast and i couldnt keep up… yeah probably that one.

So… yeah… the last time I wanted to write a blog was back in September… my new job was amazing… everything was looking good for the Baker clan.. then cancer struck our family again… FUCK YOU CANCER! My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer that unfortunately had already spread to her stomach and brain… it was tough. We all knew the prognosis and we just had to find a way to get her as comfortable as possible… I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself… then one day a face from my past appeared on good old Facebook… I’d known this guy years ago… we worked together at my first job. He popped up at just the right time.. we got chatting and it was a nice distraction. I didn’t have to talk about my mum being sick.. he was just what I needed.. but then he asked to take me out… yeah.. no. I couldn’t go out with him with everything going on… so I explained about my mum and what was happening and he was fine about it… maybe this guy wasn’t so bad after all?… he’d message me every day to see how I was doing when mum was poorly.. (If you’re reading this… please know how much that meant to me!) We continued to talk.. and talk.. it was nice. He was nice. He’d still ask me to meet for a drink or a meal and i continued to fob him off because of all the crap.. at this point i knew that even if nothing happened he’d still be a good friend… but one night he just happened to be somewhere I had to walk past…. so I gave in and popped in for that drink… he wasnt a lot different to how I remembered him.. he carried himself well.. and still had that cheeky smile I remembered….. but we won’t get into that! He later asked me out again… and this time i thought sod it… What’s the worst that can happen?… (really vic?… you really had no idea?!… idiot) so he took me to the cinema.. to watch a super geeky film.. which I loved! Because.. well… I’m a Nerd. (That’s no secret!) All through the film his chair made a weird fart sound when he moved… I could tell he was embarrassed but it made me laugh.. he took almost the whole film to hold my hand.. which also made me laugh a bit.. I kept moving so he couldn’t… mean?.. yes. But he got it in the end. We had our first kiss in the cinema too… it was a bit awkward… but i knew I wanted to be kissing him.. there was no doubt. Not from my side anyway… I was like a super smiley freak for days after… every time his name popped up on my phone….. (sad I know) About a week later my friend Katie came home to visit… she wanted to see me as she couldn’t be there for me when I lost my mum… it was a tough time but I explained to her that I’d been talking to someone and we’d gone out… Katie being Katie took it upon herself to invite him out… CRINGE!! I was not prepared for that… as he walked in the door I couldnt help but smile.. but i still wanted to kick Katie!! Stupidly I assumed We would all just stay in the pub having a few drinks… but no. Katie asked if he wanted to go to town… and he said yes!! It was a good night… I felt bad though because he paid for us to have a VIP area… he didn’t need to! He didn’t need to impress me! I’m not the kind of girl anyone needs to impress… as the night went on… Katie invited lots of people we didnt know into our little corner.. I wasn’t feeling it tbh… I wanted to have fun bit i just kept worrying about her… so he suggested we leave… while outside we got chatting to people… (I wish we had just left. Because what happened next still kills me… it’s burned into my brain and after everything that’s happened in the past 7/8 months… I hear this conversation in my head like it was yesterday… the worst part is.. I don’t even think he remembers it) While outside the club a friend of mine *Simon* stops to talk… he makes some stupid comment and he gets angry and fronts up to Simon… I have to pull them apart and calm it down before the bouncers do!… I tell Simon to leave and he does and two girls approach to check im okay… they give him what for… because he shouldnt have started a fight with the lad. He apologised and i said i was fine… the next thing I know one of the girls is asking us if we’re a couple… (this is the bit i remember vividly so i shall quote it) Girl ‘are you guys a couple? You’re really cute together!’ Me ‘no’ Him ‘well i wouldnt mind….’ (In my head I was like WHAT THE FUCK?) He then proceeds ‘I’d like it to be more… I really like you, but i don’t want it to be anything unless you’re serious’…. now it may have been the vodka… wine and beer in my system but I believed him.. he said it in such a genuine way that how could I not?… At this point the girl grabs me and tells me I should say yes!! So I did…. and so begins the roller coaster ride that has been my life these past few months… That night was amazing… I’d finally found someone I trusted.. I could talk to.. and still in the back of my mind if things didn’t go to plan.. we’d be good friends no matter what. I was happy for the first time since losing my mum… and to be truthful since even before then. I’d probably already started to fall for him those weeks we had been talking… I knew he had kids… and he worked away a lot but he always made time to talk to me.. and I could tell him anything. Even if it was stupid. I hadn’t got work untill the afternoon the next day.. he stayed over and left early but came back a few hours later… we just snuggled on the sofa watching tv.. it was lovely.. he even took me to work. I don’t even remember most that day… I pretty much floated round on a cloud!!… the best bit was… and I may sound awful for this… I knew I wouldnt see him for a while… I knew he had his kids at the weekend and would be working all week.. all my previous attempts with guys ended because they didn’t like that I always worked… I don’t do clingy… I like to live my own life. Shit… this guy was perfect. 😂

Am I boring you yet?… haha yeah me too. Let’s skip forward a bit… Mr perfect is still Mr perfect.. talking every day… calling me while driving to and from places… You know when you think life is great… and nothing can bring you down… yeah… never trust that feeling. Because it can and it will bring you down. He decided that because he was going to have to move to Wales.. that we should end it.. he felt that settling in to his new house and making time for his kids was priority… and I respected that…. yeah it sucked… and I’d have preferred not to have that conversation over messenger but hey ho.. story of my life… he begged me to not hate him… I didn’t. He asked that we stay friends.. and said he didn’t want to lose me from his life…. I was happy with that. I knew I’d started to fall for him.. but I’d rather have him as my friend than nothing.

We were doing okay as friends… but he seemed a bit off… then it hit me… he’s obviously moved on.. which honestly hurt a bit… because apparently us ending things had nothing to do with him moving and asking time for his kids… not if he’d moved on already… (I wasn’t wrong.. but it took another week to tell me)…. but yeah I’m getting to that…

The next week or so we were getting back to normal.. it was coming up to Christmas.. we had movie nights.. we watched tv.. played chess and star gazed in the garden… he’d helped me decorate my Christmas tree.. so I was feeling pretty okay with my first Christmas without mum… We weren’t a couple but i was happy we could stay friends.. he’d pop up some nights to say hi or watch a film… and bring the odd take away for us to share… but he had to eat them himself because i was under the weather and couldn’t stomach a giant pizza with spicy wings as well!! How he isnt the size of a house is beyond me… we planned to meet up and swap Christmas presents as I knew he was away over Christmas.. (probably to be with his new gf although he never specified)….. I woke up one morning to my phone beeping… it wasn’t a sound I’d heard before… it was slightly confusing.. when i picked it up there was a notification on the screen [did you forget to input your period?] WHATTTTTT??????? As I frantically unlocked my phone and checked my period Callander I saw that I was 8 days over!!!! 8days!!!!!!! Fuck off!!… At this point i was already bricking it…. how could I tell him that?… no. I decided to wait until I was sure… I got some pregnancy tests… and waited for the next morning like they suggest… and boom. PREGNANT! I was numb… how the hell could this be happening to me… I lost my mum.. the guy I wanted… chose someone else…. and now.. I had to tell him he was gonna have another kid… I’ll be honest… it took me 2 days to tell him.. mainly because he hadn’t been on messenger to reply to any messages… so I waited till he contacted me… I felt weird.. how do I say this.. we’d not spoken like we used to for ages… and It had gotten to the point where I was genuinely scared he’d hate me (still not convinced he didn’t tbh)… so he popped up and replied to an old message… and I replied with we need to talk… I’ve been to the doctors. Thinking about it… I don’t rambert his response… I just know he was at my house within about 5mins…. I was sat on the floor… and he sat down in front of me… he already knew but he needed me to say it. I swear I saw his heart break…. I felt so guilty. It killed me seeing him like that.. It wasn’t a great day… he’d had some other stuff going on that I didn’t know about until after our chat… needless to say.. it just made me feel worse. He reassured me that he’d support me whatever happened… I believed him and then said he needed to go and sort out the other stuff he had going on… it wasn’t exactly how I saw our friendship going… but yeah… I guess we had to get used to it. I was pregnant and couldn’t get rid of it… this was our life now…

One thing that struck me in the weeks that followed… although we were finally getting back to how we had always been.. chatting constantly throughout the day.. dont get me wrong I wasn’t complaining… this idiot was slowly becoming my best friend. I could talk to him about my shit days at work and I’d listen to his stories about work and the kids… it was nice.. but we never discussed the whopping great elephant in the room.. we never talked about the baby. I kinda just carried on as I knew he had stuff to deal with and as much as it sucked I knew he wouldnt be around if he didn’t want to be…. or at least i hoped. As the weeks went on… I saw him less but we still talked… he still didnt ask about the baby… it made me sad but I figured if i was shitting myself im sure he was too… so I left it alone. One night he turned up after Christmas and new year (I was 7 weeks) and he just seemed a bit odd… like he wanted to say something but didn’t… I wasn’t expecting to see him due to the fact I was pretty sure he was seeing his new gf…. I didn’t push it. Eventually he explained that she’d been making digs about me and the situation and he had ended it… I was shocked. I didn’t really know what to say…. so we just watched tv.. he ended up staying that night too…. and boy am I glad… at around 1.45 in the morning I woke up needing the loo… like… i thought i was going to wet myself… as I ran from my bed into the bathroom before I could grab for the light switch I felt it all trickle down my legs… then I slipped and fell… I hit the radiator on the bathroom wall and slid down into the puddle… I heard him call out… he’d obviously heard the bang and asked if I was okay… it was then that I smelt it. Pennies. I hadn’t wet myself… it was blood… I started to cry and I heard him call again as he got out of bed.. I shouted to turn the light on… the next thing I remember is us both just there covered in blood… me sobbing and him hugging me asking what to do…. we both knew what was happening… I cried for him to get Sandra from next door. So he did…. the next few hours consisted of Sandra keeping me calm… him calling the paramedics… the paramedic looking at me like he felt sorry for me… and him having to hold me up in the shower before I got taken to hospital…. I’m going to sound really selfish now… but if he hadn’t been there what would I have done?… I couldn’t get up once I fell.. and I hadn’t taken my phone to the toilet…. who knows how long I’d have been there….. I digress…. He followed me to the hospital… and waited with me… he called my sister and let her know what was happening to me… and after they made us wait hours to be told I’d have to go back for confirmation of misscariage scan he helped me home and made my bed while I had a shower… he cleaned up any mess left and stayed with me until he had to leave for work…. I was numb. But he checked in on me and made sure I was okay…. despite the fact that in my very fragile state of mind I told him I loved him and he conveniently didn’t hear me… I knew I needed him in my life as my friend… he made me feel safe at the worst possible moment of my life… he didn’t have to do that. A few days later i woke to a call from him.. reminding me to get up for my scan.. it was a weird day.. he sounded optimistic on the phone.. he’d had a conversation with his mum and seemed to think there was a chance for the baby to be okay…. I let him be optimistic.. but i didnt buy into it. I knew what that was… it was all over. My sister took me for my scan… she was also weirdly optimistic I really wished they wouldn’t be.. I was heartbroken enough I didn’t need that added pressure. We eventually found the scan place… they made me pee on a stick before the scan.. after a miscarriage you can still test positive so I wasn’t really sure why I had to…. I went into the scan room.. I’d never had a scan in my life I was a bit scared… because I knew they just wanted to see if I needed a d&c to get rid of anything left over…. The woman doing the scan had a right miserable face… she’d had lots of women walk in to her room happy that day and all of them had come out crying…. even she was staring to lose the will to live… then suddenly her eyes widened…. she saw a heart beat…… My sister almost fell off her seat. I just kept repeating the phrase 'what the fuck?’ Over and over… I was still pregnant. Shit. I gotta bloody tell him again!!!!!

I tried to call him but he was working so I sent him a message saying there was still a heartbeat… he called as soon as he got it… it was a weird phone call. Nobody knew what to say.. there was a lot of awkward silence.

I was relieved everything was okay… but i was still scared… how was it going to do this on my own? When the dad barely mentioned it?… I didn’t doubt for a second that he would support us… I just couldn’t get my head round why we didnt talk about it. He mentioned it on occasions but in silly contexts… maybe to make me laugh like… I said my friend Kat was my favourite ginger… (him being ginger) placed his hand on my belly and said…. 'she doesn’t mean that!’ Or after sleeping with me 'at least i cant get you pregnant!’….. thats not even funny. But you know i was just glad he acknowledged the baby…

In February it was time for my 12 week scan… I was scared and excited.. I’d had other scans as I’d had bleeding on and off.. I’d seen baby but this was the proper one.. I really wanted him there… he said he’d try. He wasnt there… I’d told him when it was… I hadn’t heard off him… I just assumed he was busy with work. Baby was wriggling away… everything was good!! I could finally relax…. A bit later on he messaged me asking how my day had been…. had he actually forgotten??…. was i just over thinking?… he then proceeded to tell me how he’d left early from where he’d been working (like he said he would to make the scan) and gone to collect his new car!! I was hurt…. but i couldnt even tell him I was… did he really care that little?… I said I was tired and was off to sleep… I then sent over the scan pictures and said I’d forgotten to send them earlier…. He responded with sad faces…. FUCKING SAD FACES??…. why are you sad? I asked why he was sad… did he not want to see? And he replied with 'of course I wanted to see… I’m just gutted you didn’t let me know’

Now… for the record… I’d sent him the letter with the date… he told me he had meetings in Cardiff but would try to rearrange them.. and the week before I asked if he knew if he was free on the 9th… he then told me he was in London but would leave early in the morning to be there….. as you can imagine I was pretty angry…. but me being me… put it down to a misunderstanding…. hormones or not… I was upset by this… am i wrong to be? But somewhere deep down… I love this idiot and let it slide… because I don’t want to fight… or fall out.

I just wanted to get through this pregnancy with as little upset as possible… unfortunately… that wasn’t to be.

At week 13 I had more bleeding… a friend took me to Worcester where I had another scan… baby was fine… fingers and toes in tact. Wriggling away… lady doing the scan said i needed to stop being so paranoid… I was calm and relaxed that week… and was happy with baby’s progress… At 14weeks I was chilling at home in bed listening to music when I suddenly needed a wee…. as I sat on the toilet there was this gush…. I wasn’t weeing yet… what the hell??… I caught some of it on the tissue.. it was clear… Definitely not wee… WTAF? I called my midwife who said i needed to go to A&E….. she thought my waters had broken… I had no pains.. just that. I was up at hospital for a fair while… they checked me over and my cervix was closed tight so they booked me in for a scan the following week… at 15 weeks… I went for my 5th scan…. usually by now you’ve only had your 12 week scan… the lady seemed irritated that I was there again… untill she saw the image…. she informed me that I’d lot most of my amniotic fluid… I had my brother in law with me… but i wanted him there!!! I was so scared… I didn’t know what all this meant… They sent me through to see a nurse who informed me that baby was fine but I’d have to have a scan every week to check on the fluid… as baby needs that to develop… Over the next few weeks it was a matter of go for a scan… let him know how it was all going…. I really just wanted him there with me… but i knew his job was important. I was due to move house… I was on strict instructions to take it easy… drinking 8 pints of water a day to help bring up my fluids for baby… I didn’t know what was going to happen…. nobody did.

Fast forward a few weeks… 19weeks pregnant… I went to Worcester for a scan… and although the my waters had been going up… this week they’d dropped again.. but baby was still hanging on… and fighting. Little tough nut like mummy and daddy!! Baby was still growing… things looked good. I went for lunch with friends and celebrated their birthday… I couldn’t wait to get home… put my feet up and talk to him… tell him everything was good. We had 1 more week untill we were classed as in the clear and they could offer treatment to baby if needed…. I decided to go get ready for bed… even though it was only 6.30 in the evening… but when I went to the loo… I felt something strange… I knew what it was… I could tell… I called my sister in a panic who told me to call 999…. my sisters got there before the ambulance.. once the paramedics got in… I described what I felt and before I knew it.. I was being blue lighted to the hospital. On the way I listened to them on the radio… they called it a prolapsed cord… I wasn’t in labour but if the cord was out baby was at risk… everything else is a blur… I didn’t have my phone… I needed to call him. He needed to know! I needed him there. My sister messaged him for me.. and he said he was on his way…. I don’t even think it took him long… but before he got there they did a scan… I knew before they said it… there was no heartbeat. I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces.. I saw all my sisters hearts break as they looked at me.. the pity in their eyes… this was meant to be our families little bit of goodness after everything we’d been through…. I was numb. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t talk… and suddenly I didn’t want him there… I didn’t want to tell him that! Classic vic… more worried about someone else than herself…. The midwife told him before letting him in to see me…. he didn’t say a word as he walked through the door… or at least i dont think he did… all I could see was the pity in his eyes…. he felt bad for me… As usual… something bad happens to vic… poor vic. Seriously universe….. PICK ON SOMEONE ELSE NOW!!! I cannot take any more. He may have said something to me as he came in for a hug…. but i dont remember anything… I just remember the bubbling feeling as he held me… the tears bubbled up from every part of my body… I couldn’t hold them in any longer… He was finally there. But it was too late… Our baby was gone. Our baby was still a secret to most people and now there was no secret anymore…. The midwife came and explained that they were going to induce labour… I was hooked up to a drip… and they’d increase it every few hours to start contractions…. I had a few belly aches in the night but nothing major… he went for a sleep and came back just in time to hear me crying from the pains… he held my hand.. he looked after me… he didn’t need to but he did. (Again..if your reading this… I appreciate that! More than you’ll know) By the morning it was pretty clear that my body was not going to go into labour.. so they changed the medication… at this point it was just me and him… I spent most the time worried he was going to get into trouble for not going to work… and then the pain started… he called the midwife for painkillers… it eased a bit… but then came back worse… the midwife said it wouldn’t be long… i kicked him out so she could check me over… she then said it was time and I needed to push… I was already crying from the pain… but then suddenly this sound came from me… I didnt know i was capable of that sound.. he appeared in the door way… he said he was coming back in.. I was glad!! I knew what that sound was… I had realised that’d I would hear my baby cry… I’d never see their smile… and I’d never feel their warmth!! It broke me… I sobbed.. all I could do was sob… he reassured me i was doing good… as did the midwife.. I didn’t feel like I was doing okay… I felt like a failure! Like I’d done something wrong and caused all this!! I felt like I’d let my baby down… like i wasnt good enough to be a mum. Once the baby was out… and I thought i could relax… things seemed to go from bad to worse… the after birth hadn’t come out.. I was bleeding and hundreds of people came rushing in… I went from heartbroken to terrified in a split second… everything was hazy from the gas and air… I knew he was still holding my hand… I could vaguely hear him telling me I was okay…. but it was bad. Everything was going dim… I could hear them saying I was bleeding and it wouldn’t stop… they mentioned surgery… suddenly I couldnt feel his hand in mine.. some blurry doctor was ramming another cannula in my hand… the pain woke me up a bit… they put a mask over my face and said I’d feel sleepy… I could feel my heart beat in my ears… every time I blinked the room got darker… his face appeared over me… I felt better… he was the only person in that room I knew… I was scared… I felt safe knowing he was still here… the stuff in my mask was burning my nose and throat.. I sneezed… I felt my stomach turn over… I kept trying to tell them I was going to be sick… finally someone heard me and let me sit up a bit and gave me a bowl… suddenly the room was less noisey… the after birth had come out… (one way to do it! Sorry TMI) I didn’t need to be rushed to surgery… I don’t remember much else… I think he told me my sisters were here… then I dont really know…maybe I passed out… or fell asleep. I was so tired.

The next think I remember is waking up and seeing him… just sat in the chair next to me… he was talking to my sister’s who were scattered around the room… I don’t remember having much conversation… they let me rest for a while… and then the midwife asked if I wanted to meet my baby…. it was a weird feeling… They brought in a cold cot… and in the cot was the most tiny… yet perfectly formed baby. We called her Terry Hope. I chose Terry because my dad called my mum that… and he picked her middle name Hope. She had my mums hands… and his family nose.. and my niece’s mouth… she was beautiful. It was even more heartbreaking. I was in hospital for a week… he stayed with me… and Terry stayed in the room with us in the colt cot. It was weird. We both woke up in the night and checked on her…. I don’t know why. We just did. I honestly don’t know what I’d have done without all my family and him that week… They kept me going.

The hardest day was saying goodbye to her at hospital. He’d had to go back to work the day before and I’d got 2 friends with me… I didn’t say much on the way home… I just cried silently to myself…

I had so many visits from people in the next week or so… that I honestly didn’t know how to act… I kept strong around people… but even 5 minutes alone I’d break down and cry….

I’m so greatful for everyone’s support… I don’t think I could have done this without them.. He was a God send. Yeah I’m aware that some people reading this are wondering why I’m not using his name… well… he’s super important to me… we’re not together but I love him dearly and if those reading this don’t know him then what does it matter…. all they need to know is that he’s a good person… he supported me where he could.. and that’s all anyone needs to know.

Yes… we’ve spent a lot of time together this past month… and from the outside it’s seemed confusing. We will always be connected… we had a baby together. We brought her into this world together… and we buried her and said goodbye together…. He’s more like a best friend to me… and hopefully I am to him too…. I just want him to know that despite all our ups and down.. and things not working out between us.. or with Terry… I’m glad this happened with you.. someone I have history with. Someone that as much as you’re a dickhead 9 times out of 10… you were there for me. The end. Well Craig... I'll be honest.. you offered me little to no support.. and I didnt hate you for that.. you were my friend.. but you have ruined it.. I'm so so disappointed in you..maybe one day you'll realise what a bad friend you've been and maybe one day we can rebuild our friendship but untill then I guess this is goodbye.. 💔.

I’m still not 100% at the moment…. And although it’s taken a while… I’m seeing all the things I’m struggling with… I spend time with my sisters and their kids… and I’m fine. I then realise that I don’t get to do that with mine… and it hurts. It’s that heartbreak all over again. I hope I get used to it…. because I doubt it’ll go away… I just need people to be patient with me… if i randomly start crying… or randomly go off radar…. it’s just how im feeling right now. I miss my baby girl every day… I see her in the faces of my sisters kids and it kills me.. I’ll never forget you beautiful girl. 381 ♡ And I cannot take any more loss…. I lost my mum… got dumped by 'Mr perfect’ 😂… got pregnant… lost my baby… and her dad moved miles away… my life is not easy… but I’m surviving. I think.

Peace out Bitches. ✌ SupaVix