#always good to figure out another thing to improve :)
I always want to see what people like about working out but not the classic "it makes me feel amazing" or "it's healthy" because to be blunt, that doesn't impress me. So I'll create the content I want to see.
Things i like about working out
Warning: mention of food
I started working out in February and i didn't expect to keep going for long. It's been 8 months and the realization that i kept paying attention to move and eat in a balanced way really excites me. That feeling of caring about yourself enough not to give up on this is amazing and I'm actually thinking of investing in some workout equipment like bands and weights.
Another thing which i enjoy is learning more about this. In the past i tried to pick up working out as I thought it is (basically eating fruits, veggies and running around) but unlike my past attempts, this time I learned to see behind the "facade" that i thought i see. Those fruits and veggies need to be cooked in such a way that you make sure you get enough nourishment. It's not "eating veggies", it's making sure you're fulfilled for the day and you get your 5 a day.
Talking about cooking, it's very enjoyable to figure out new ways of cooking the same stuff, very creative. You can also try out new things constantly like quinoa, bulgur, buckwheat etc.
Getting rid of misconceptions is another thing that happens with time. You realize that no food is actually off limits. I think because I kept seeing fancy dishes with veggies i started to assume that's the "aesthetic" you have to follow but that's not true. It really feels nice to realize this.
So many ways of working out! Really, before there was running or the classic squads, planks, sit-ups etc but there's more than that! You can do dumbbell curls with a water bottle. You can do aerobic, pilates, shadow boxing or just walking.
The first thing I've noticed was the change in energy because when you start paying attention to food, water and exercise, your energy and sleep improve too.
Learning to read labels is another thing that fascinates me now. I never really understood the back labels of things but by learning there are different types of fats and cholesterolsl, learning the macronutrients and so on, i realized that many things which are labeled as good for you, are actually filled with processed things.
Salads aren't the only food you'll get. There are weeks or months when i don't get any salad at all. I always thought salad is a must but it's not. It is a very versatile dish but you can still get bored of it very fast.
After working out, there are a few minutes when you feel exhausted but somehow you feel energized too? I think that's when the endorphins kick in but i like that moment.
The mindset improvement! In the beginning i used to hear my narrative voice trying to convince me to give up because it's too difficult and so on. Now i don't feel discouraged. Doing anything is better than doing nothing. If i can't do an exercise, I'll do another one or an alternative of it.
The pretty pictures~ i like looking at pictures of nice meals and for some reason, i always get motivated to make my meals look nice too.
This one is probably very specific to me but i get excited when i see fictional characters work out! I feel like i have someone to workout with. That's why I binge watch or read "dumbbell Nan kilo moteru?" every once in a while.
Last but not least, i have a better relationship with food. I don't eat something just to finish it or because it's good for me. I also don't avoid certain things and learning that balance is giving me this peaceful feeling.
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Today was all about the colouring in! Trying to find ways to approximate how I would paint with actual paint.
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NASA Spotlight: Earth Climate Scientist Dr. Yolanda Shea
Dr. Yolanda Shea is a climate scientist at NASA's Langley Research Center. She’s the project scientist for the CLARREO Pathfinder (CPF) mission, which is an instrument that will launch to the International Space Station to measure sunlight reflected from Earth. It will help us understand how much heat is being trapped by our planet’s atmosphere. Her mission is designed to help us get a clearer picture than we currently have of the Earth’s system and how it is changing
Yolanda took time from studying our home planet to answer questions about her life and career! Get to know this Earth scientist:
What inspired you to study climate science?
Starting in early middle school I became interested in the explanations behind the weather maps and satellite images shown on TV. I liked how the meteorologists talked about the temperature, moisture, and winds at different heights in the atmosphere, and then put that together to form the story of our weather forecasts. This made me want to learn more about Earth science, so I went to college to explore this interest more.
The summer after my junior year of college, I had an internship during which my first assignment was to work with a program that estimated ocean currents from satellite measurements. I was fascinated in the fact that scientists had discovered a way to map ocean currents from space!
Although I had learned about Earth remote sensing in my classes, this was my first taste of working with, and understanding the details of, how we could learn more about different aspects of the physical world from satellite measurements.
This led to my learning about other ways we can learn about Earth from space, and that includes rigorous climate monitoring, which is the area I work in now.
What does a day in your life look like?
Before I start my workday, I like to take a few minutes to eat breakfast, knit (I’m loving sock knitting right now!), and listen to a podcast or audio book. Each workday really looks different for me, but regardless, most days are a combination of quieter moments that I can use for individual work and more interactive times when I’m interfacing with colleagues and talking about project or science issues. Both types of work are fun in different ways, but I’m glad I have a mixture because all researchers need that combination of deep thinking to wrap our minds around complex problems and also time to tackle those problems with others and work on solving them together.
When do you feel most connected to Earth?
I’ve always loved sunsets. I find them peaceful and beautiful, and I love how each one is unique. They are also a beautiful reminder of the versatility of reflected light, which I study. Sitting for a moment to appreciate the beauty and calm I feel during a sunset helps me feel connected to Earth.
What will your mission – CLARREO Pathfinder – tell us about Earth?
CLARREO Pathfinder (CPF) includes an instrument that will take measurements from the International Space Station and will measure reflected sunlight from Earth. One of its goals is to demonstrate that it can take measurements with high enough accuracy so that, if we have such measurements over long periods of time, like several decades, we could detect changes in Earth’s climate system. The CPF instrument will do this with higher accuracy than previous satellite instruments we’ve designed, and these measurements can be used to improve the accuracy of other satellite instruments.
How, if at all, has your worldview changed as a result of your work in climate science?
The longer I work in climate science and learn from the data about how humans have impacted our planet, the more I appreciate the fragility of our one and only home, and the more I want to take care of it.
What advice would you give your younger self?
It’s ok to not have everything figured out at every step of your career journey. Work hard, do your best, and enjoy the journey as it unfolds. You’ll inevitably have some surprises along the way, and regardless of whether they are welcome or not, you’re guaranteed to learn something.
Do you have a favorite metaphor or analogy that you use to describe what you do, and its impact, to those outside of the scientific community?
I see jigsaw puzzles as a good illustration of how different members of a science community play a diverse set of roles to work through different problems. Each member is often working on their own image within the greater puzzle, and although it might take them years of work to see their part of the picture come together, each image in the greater puzzle is essential to completing the whole thing. During my career, I’ll work on a section of the puzzle, and I hope to connect my section to others nearby, but we may not finish the whole puzzle. That’s ok, however, because we’ll hand over the work that we’ve accomplished to the next generation of scientists, and they will keep working to bring the picture to light. This is how I try to think about my role in climate science – I hope to contribute to the field in some way; the best thing about what I have done and what I will do, is that someone else will be able to build on my work and keep helping humanity come to a better understanding of our Earth system.
What is a course that you think should be part of required school curriculum?
Time and project management skills – I think students tend to learn these skills more organically from their parents and teachers, but in my experience I stumbled along and learned these skills through trial and error. To successfully balance all the different projects that I support now, I have to be organized and disciplined, and I need to have clear plans mapped out, so I have some idea of what’s coming and where my attention needs to be focused.
Another course not specifically related to my field is personal financial management. I was interested in personal finance, and that helped me to seek out information (mainly through various blogs) about how to be responsible with my home finances. There is a lot of information out there, but making sure that students have a solid foundation and know what questions to ask early on will set them to for success (and hopefully fewer mistakes) later on.
What’s the most unexpected time or place that your expertise in climate science and/or algorithms came in handy?
I think an interesting part of being an atmospheric scientist and a known sky-watcher is that I get to notice beautiful moments in the sky. I remember being on a trip with friends and I looked up (as I usually do), and I was gifted with a gorgeous sundog and halo arc. It was such a beautiful moment, and because I noticed it, my friends got to enjoy it too.
Can you share a photo or image from a memorable NASA project you’ve worked on, and tell us a little bit about why the project stood out to you?
I absolutely loved being on the PBS Kids TV Show, SciGirls for their episode SkyGirls! This featured a NASA program called Students’ Clouds Observations On-Line (S’COOL). It was a citizen science program where students from around the globe could take observations of clouds from the ground that coincided with satellite overpasses, and the intention was to help scientists validate (or check) the accuracy of the code they use to detect clouds from satellite measurements. I grew up watching educational programming from PBS, so it was an honor to be a science mentor on a TV show that I knew would reach children across the nation who might be interested in different STEM fields. In this photo, the three young women I worked with on the show and I are talking about the different types of clouds.
To stay up to date on Yolanda's mission and everything going on in NASA Earth science, be sure to follow NASA Earth on Twitter and Facebook.
🌎 If you're looking for Earth Day plans, we have live events, Q&As, scavenger hunts and more going on through April 24. Get the details and register for our events HERE.
Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space: http://nasa.tumblr.com.
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my masterpost | my studygram | ask me anything
[click images for high quality]
[transcript under the cut]
Other advice posts that may be of interest:
How To Study When You Really Don’t Want To
How To Do Uni Readings
Active Revision Tips
don't neglect any of the key skills
We all have our strengths and there will definitely be a skill that you find easier. It is really tempting to therefore do more of that skill because it is not as difficult or to only focus on your weaker skills. But you should try to develop all of them simultaneously because they will only enhance one another. Each of the skills will teach you vocab, structures and grammar that will be transferable.
read children's books
Reading is a great way to learn new vocabulary and challenge yourself. However, often in your enthusiasm in learning a language, you choose a book that is way too complex. In doing this, you’re not giving yourself the chance to develop good reading habits because if you are constantly stopping to look up new words you won't get into the flow of a native text. You also won’t be able to pick up words via context if most of the language is way above your head. Therefore, it is best to read children's books at first so you can develop your reading and language skills so that when you are at the level to begin reading books you actually want to read you can tackle them effectively and successfully.
strive to understand grammar
Regardless of the language, grammar is always tricky for non-native speakers. Even in your own language, grammar is often difficult and needs to be practised. Because we know this when learning a language, we often fall into the trap of just doing exercises and drills to simply memorise grammar. But this is incredibly unhelpful because in normal situations and conversations you won't know when to use it. Therefore, try to understand WHY the grammar works that way and how it impacts a sentence and the words within it.
use different sources
Read articles and check dictionaries - this method improves your vocabulary and learn how a word is used in a sentence. Listen to the radio or watch TV shows - it's best to listen to dialogues than songs, unless you want to learn to sing because this will help you get used to the rhythm of the language and how it normally sounds. Talk to anyone in any possible opportunity even if you are worried about sounding weird because speaking to natives if one of the best ways to learn and you get to communicate with new people! Using visual elements is also one of the best methods to learn new words, as they cause associations in our head, making it easier to remember permanently, not just learn by rote.
don't try to understand everything
When you learn a foreign language, it’s needless and virtually impossible to remember ALL the words - even native speakers don’t use them all. As you become more equated with the language you will quickly learn the most frequently used words. Verbs are often very useful to learn because you can't have a proper sentence if you don't have a verb. Furthermore, while for nouns it is relatively easy to describe or use synonyms, if you don't have verbs, it often stops you in your tracks. So google the most common verbs in your target language and spend some time getting familiar with them. Also, practice techniques for dealing with words you don't know by trying to figure out the meaning from context or examining the word's prefix, roots and suffix for clues to the meaning.
don't just learn common phrases
If you take a look at all language learning books, you will find many similar stock phrases. However, do you really use those phrases in your real life? Not really. And just learning these phrases limits you because you are just parroting rather than understanding. Therefore, it is important to learn the basic building blocks of sentences - the kind of words you will actually use - so that you can start to have a conversation at the very early stage of your learning journey.
Learn the following:
Basic tenses (past, present, future)
Day and time
try to use the language in your everyday life
Have imaginary conversations in your head using the vocabulary you are learning. Narrate your day. On the way to work or school, in the car, whenever! It'll get you used to using the language for real, and you'll get familiar with the syntax. It will also help you practice finding a way to reword things if you don't know the word and find out what words you want to use often so that you can look them up.
don't just learn the language
When you learn a language, you also need to learn about the culture or you won't get very far. Language is rooted in culture and vice versa so you can't really learn one without the other. Take some time to get to know the culture, history and people of the country (or countries) that speak your target language. This is one of the great joys of language learning because it gives you a passport to another world of understanding.
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2021 Fabulosity Reset
Happy New Year favs!!! The New Year is a time of awakening, evolving, and improving and this post is to help you all get a reset on your life. 2020 was a rough year in general but this year can be a turn around for you personally if you start designing your dream life and stay committed.
Create Your 2021 Vision Board
Take the time out to map out everything you want in the upcoming months. EVERYTHING! Make it as pretty as possible. This can include things like a dream car, a new job at your favorite store, closer relationships with loved ones, and a polished cohesive appearance. Start with a positive, attracting thought process. Doubtful thinking will not aid in whatever it is you’re trying to attract. Take magazine clippings and print out inspo photos. Write out affirmations and speak as if. Write in future tense as if you’ve already obtained everything you’re asking the universe for. Take a picture of your new pretty vision board and look at it everyday, on your phone and in person.
Dream Girl Journey by Me
Law Of Attraction Tips by Isabel Palacios
Leveled Up Mindset by The Luxe Feminine
LOA by @babyphat05
Return To Self by @thevirgodoll
Take Picture of Board
Diet and Health
What are your health concerns? Go to the doctor and find out where you stand physically. Do your research on nutrition and vitamins (and their purposes). Doctors are very helpful in this regard because the ready to go vitamins may not be anything that serves you and as humans we all need different properties (different demographics, genders, races, weight, height, conditions, etc.) Create a strict vitamin regimen and get any shots/treatments that are necessary. Drink more water/non-processed beverages. Eat more clean food and meat. It’s unrealistic to say “I’m not drinking any pop, or eating any fast food.” These are pleasures to some, and living in luxury means enjoying all life’s pleasures. However, too much of a good thing is *say it with me* a bad thing! Moderate moderate moderate!!! Let moderation be your best friend this year and your health will thank you!
What I Eat in a Day by Briana Monique
Work Towards Your Goal Physique
Stop telling yourself the body you want is unrealistic!!! Chances are it’s attainable, but by working for it. Having a beautiful figure aides in pretty privilege and getting more out of life. When you wake up confident in your skin, life is much easier and opulence is more plausible. Having a nice body also sends the signal you have your life together. You have goals, you’re active and healthy, you care about your appearance, etc. You don’t even have to get a gym membership. Invest in supplies that will help your individual goals. I have a waist sweat band, a stretch band, and ankle weights because my main goals were toned legs, small waist, and flat stomach. Everyone’s journey will be different but it’s good to incorporate multiple facets of life into your body image goals. For example, not only do I do yoga, but I do cardio, and I drink protein shakes and have a weekly carb goal. (ps. if you want more noticeable curves, FOCUS ON PROTEIN. if being leaner is the goal, focus on reduced carbs and lean meats)
Burn Belly Fat by Chloe Ting
Ultimate Workout by Love Your Natural
Workouts by @angeldiscovery
Pretty Girl Smarts
A smart girl is a beautiful girl. Read books on self help, finances, nutrition. It’s such a wonderful feeling to be the one people ask about everything, because they know you’ll know something. Take a class, any class that suits you. I took a fashion class last year and learned a lot. I loved the experience. If you’re in traditional school, set high goals and accomplish them. Once you do, reward yourself. Take immaculate notes and study hard to retain all the info you’re learning. If you’re in high school and know what you want to be your career, start educating yourself on it NOW! Keep a career notebook and research on the field and topic. Find out more about international events and cultures. This will help keep you well versed. Teach yourself another language. Start reading your dictionary and thesaurus. A leveled up woman is intelligent and comes off as such. Learning is enriching. Education is a privilege that we all should be taking advantage of.
Psych 2 Go
GET A NEW PLANNER! Plan out your weeks and months regularly. Being overbooked is mentally taxing and avoidable by organizing every commitment you make. I recommend The Happy Planner, or Erin Condren. You could even create your own using a pretty journal, a calendar, and planner stickers. I recommend this regardless of your lifestyle. You can plan out time for pampering and you time. No matter how busy you are you can block schedule your days to keep from overworking yourself. Clean your phone out. Delete any unused apps, clutter contacts and useless screenshots. Organize your photos by category if you have too many. Make physical notes of any important texts and delete your text threads. Deep clean your home/room and throw away everything causing clutter. Sort out your clothes. I personally sort by season, then goodwill, sell, and throw away.
My Planner and Accessories
@angeldiscovery’s Angel Planner
Planner Set Up by Belinda Selene
Dream Girl Mentality
Find your confidence. Tell yourself regularly how beautiful, kind, intelligent, and fashionable you are. Never ever let your crown slip. Stay unfazed by the opinions of others. People are gonna look at you crazy for having the audacity to love yourself and want a beautiful life and to them; say nothing. Embrace your individuality. Be charismatic and like able but never sway from your true personality. People will be enamored with your social skills. Maintain yourself frequently, pamper yourself, spoil yourself and love yourself. Set goals and be ambitious this year! Keep said goals to yourself. Not only because of the evil eye, but when you talk to people about what you want, their opinions can sway your mindset. This destroys the law of attraction. Start whatever you’ve been wanting to start, but have made excuses for this far. The world is at your fingertips, literally so get what you want out of it.
Charisma Tips by @thevirgodoll
Applying Pressure by @thescorpiosfinest
What Makes a Muse
Keep everything highly maintained. No matter your financial situation, this is possible. Invest in cute loungewear, activewear, ensembles, and nightwear. You deserve to look great at all times. Get your nails done every 2-3 weeks. Mani and pedi. Maintain it at home with a mani kit. You’ll need a file, cuticle pusher and oil. Keep your body soft and smooth. Develop a strict self care regimen. Create a skin care routine tailored to your concerns and stick with it, twice daily. Get your brows and lashes done and keep them up at home by handling your lashes carefully. Get full body waxes once or twice a month. The smallest details make the hugest difference in a woman’s looks. These include things like white teeth, groomed brows, shaped nails, clean clothing, moisturized skin and posture. Get those six together and watch how different you feel.
My Self Care Routine
Loving Your Appearance by @angeldiscovery
Quarantine Self Care by Maya Galore
0-100 Glow Up by Ashley Devonna
Summer Glow by Ashley Devonna
Establish Your Style
A woman with a sense of self has a distinctive look. She’s recognizable by a particular set of aesthetics. Reevaluate your closet. Are you happy in these pieces? Do they make you feel powerful and confident? Do the clothes wear you? If so, get rid. Will it be extra and glitzy? Or preppy? Or minimalistic? What’s your dream lifestyle? Are you a real life supermodel or CEO? Any style you like most is attainable at any budget. Once you’ve developed your style create a signature color scheme. This doesn’t mean you can never wear anything outside of it, but what colors are you going to want to be instantly recognizable in? What textures and patterns are you into? These are the questions costume designers ask themselves to develop an assigned character sense of style and their personality too. For example, when you look at Samantha from SATC, you can tell what her personality is without watching the show. Very alpha, sexy, mature and bougie. Often times style is executed through accessories and supporting pieces. You can make two totally different look with the same shirt and pants with different jewelry, belts, handbags, etc. You can create scrapbooks, mood boards, Pinterest boards, etc. to help you along your way.
Example Aesthetic Board
Example Style Outline
Dionne’s Outfits in Clueless by ModernGurlz
Monica Colby Style Analysis by Clever & Chic
Rebuilding My Wardrobe by Coco Chinelo
New Signature Look
Finally let’s develop your signature touches on your look. Every woman I know who has life figured out has trademark factors in her appearance. This often coincides heavily with your aesthetic. These include handbags, scent, jewelry, hair, nails, a color scheme and makeup. My signature is medium length pink/nude gel nails, white toes, a silk pressed blowout, Chanel Chance Eau Tendre, hoop earrings, long lashes and glossy pink lips. I’m consistent with it. I’ve had a manager tell me “wow, you always have those hoops on, that’s so cute!” This is the goal. You want to be instantly recognizable by these attributes. Women often have a piece of jewelry they never take off that serves as their signature piece. Your signature look can be anything you want as long as you can be consistent with it.
My Style Breakdown by Anaya Ivy
I know last year was difficult, but we honestly are all so blessed to be here and able to continue our journeys. Every day is an opportunity to craft the life you want. Use this post and all the resources linked to get closer to your inner dream girl. My asks are always open if you need anything from me personally, it’s my pleasure!
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not telling them you’re pregnant - f!reader
- fluff, sliiiight angst maybe
- characters: suna, sakusa, semi
- warnings: pregnancy (i don’t go into detail of giving birth or anything), cravings, morning sickness aka throwing up, two mention of the act of sex in semi’s, some cursing
- wc: 1.4k, 888, 946
a/n: it’s f!reader cuz pregnancy but there’s no specific pronouns/gendered terms used
also idk how suna got so long, he was the last one i wrote for bc i couldnt think of anything lmao
[2. iwaizumi, atsumu, kageyama]
#! suna has been practicing late into the night the past few weeks
#! there’s a big game coming up and the entire team is feeling the pressure and adrenaline from the crunch time
#! you haven’t been feeling too good lately, a lot heavier and more tired than usual
#! thinking it was just stress from work and the missing presence of your boyfriend, you pushed through it and thought it would go away in the next few days
#! unfortunately, luck wasn’t on your side and you started to get sudden needs to throw up
#! it didn’t take you long to realize why your physical and mental drive have been down lately
#! you’re pregnant
#! or you believe you are
#! you bought a few tests, some of different brands so you can have a variety, and headed home to confirm your suspicion
#! a few minutes later, staring back at you was multiple positive symbols and the bolded ‘PREGNANT’s
#! taking a few deep breaths, you decided to tell suna tonight once he comes home
#! you thought it was better to let him know as soon as possible
#! it wouldn’t hurt anyone plus the faster you rip the bandaid off, the easier it’ll be to deal with it
#! so you waited
#! and waited
#! until 11pm that night, when suna finally came through the front door
#! “tarō! how was practice? can we talk?” you hurriedly greeted him
#! he was taken aback, not expecting you to be right beside him and in his ear as soon as he came in
#! of course you weren’t, you made sure to put some space in between you and him
#! but suna was stressed and tired, so everything is intensified to him at the moment
#! “can you back up?” he mumbled, pushing his way from in front of you to walk to the kitchen
#! “oh, sorry. can we talk?” you sheepishly smiled, hoping he would say yes
#! you’re not blind, you can tell that suna was tired but you really didn’t wanna put this off
#! you were just gonna tell him, he gets surprised, you both talk it out, and then go to bed and continue figuring things out tomorrow morning
#! but before any of that can happen, suna bluntly told you, “no. i’m tired. i’m sure whatever it is isn’t a big deal. can it be tomorrow? i wanna sleep.”
#! you didn’t get to answer before he was already walking away to the bedroom
#! understanding where he was coming from, you mentally agreed to talk to him tomorrow. one day wouldn’t change anything and you’ve seen plenty of people not tell their partners until a few weeks in
#! he was right, it wasn’t a big deal (yet)
#! so you waited until tomorrow
#! and waited
#! and once again, he came home late
#! “hey! can we quickly talk, babe?”
#! “i’m tired. tomorrow, okay?”
#! “oh, okay. night, rin!”
#! night came and there was still no talk
#! this continued on for about 2 weeks, you finally choosing to not care anymore and just let him find out whenever he finds out
#! technically, you could’ve just blurted out a simple, “i’m pregnant.” any point during your nightly five seconds conversations
#! but seeing that he really was tired, springing it onto him would either put him in a full body shock for three days or he just doesn’t fully process your words until three days after
#! a month has passed, your stomach was still barely showing like most women at their one month mark
#! you decided to book an appointment for a checkup, it’ll be while suna’s at practice
#! and that doctor appointment was the exact reason suna found out
#! he was at practice when komori entered the gym
#! he had a doctor’s appointment for his annual checkup, and that’s where he saw you
#! you didn’t see komori, busy reading the directory to find your way to the right office
#! but he saw you on the way out. seeing that you looked a bit busy, he chose not to greet you and just quickly walk to his car lmao why is this funny to me
#! entering the gym, he greeted everyone and apologized for his tardiness even though it was excused
#! walking up to suna, he tapped him on the shoulder and quietly told him, “i saw yn at the hospital earlier. it’s been awhile since we all got together huh, they looked a bit different.”
#! ok so komori, being the smart person he is, deducted that you were pregnant when he saw your finger pointing at the ob/gyn office
#! and he genuinely thought suna knew so his comment was suppose to be a small joke that was meant to tease suna and his sex life
#! suna, however, was confused
#! look different? did you get surgery?
#! “what do you mean?”
#! komori rolled his eyes and gave a sweet smile at suna, “congrats you two! when were you gonna tell the rest of us?”
#! suna: 👨🦲 huh
#! “are you guys not pregnant?” he blinked at suna’s frozen reaction
#! suna became unresponsive so komori just walked away mumbling to himself about being sure he read the sign right
#! a loud whistle blew and it shook suna out of his daze, everyone got ready to play a practice game of 3 vs 3 while suna ran over to the coach
#! “hey coach, um i think there’s an emergency at home. can i go? ok thanks.”
#! his coach just stares after him as he sprints off, you think? is there an emergency or not?
#! suna quickly drove home, he may or may not have speed a little, and entered the apartment
#! “yn? baby?” he called out only to be greeted back with silence
#! probably still at the hospital....what were you doing there? he thought to himself while rummaging around the house to find anything that could give him somewhat of an idea
#! he was digging around in the bedroom when you came home, his head so frenzied he didn’t hear the front door open
#! but you heard the ruckus from the bedroom and immediately went into fight or flight
#! panicking, you took out your phone to call suna while quietly opening the front door to make your way back out before the intruder catches you
#! the phone rang and rang until it was picked up. “suna?” you whisper-yelled into the speaker. you had a habit of calling him by his last name when you were freaking out. he noticed and was equally alarmed
#! “what’s wrong?” he whispered back just as panicked
#! “there’s someone in our apartment. can you come home?”
#! “huh? oh, are you home?” he cackles into the phone speaker making you move the phone away from your ear, “it’s me, sweets, c’mere.”
#! you warily walked on your tiptoes over to your bedroom, peeking your head in and what a surprise, it is suna
#! “jackass! why are you home?!”
#! “why didn’t you tell me?” he cut straight to the point
#! “you’re pregnant. when were you gonna tell me?” his voice sounding stern, but the quiet smile dancing on his face tells a different story
#! “i tried.”
#! “huh? what do you mean?”
#! “all those times i asked if we could talk. i was trying to tell you.”
#! his heart dropped, eyebrows furrowing, while he stared you down
#! suna became unresponsive once again, standing there trying to think back to the first time you asked him
#! two weeks ago
#! “i’m sorry,” he quietly whispers
#! “hm? i..it’s fine....i was a bit sad, but i’m over it. at least you know now,” you casually shrugged it off like it wasn’t a big deal
#! “no. i shouldn’t have pushed you aside like that. even if you weren’t pregnant, even if you had just wanted to tell me about some stupid video you saw that day, i shouldn’t have told you off. i’m sorry, i love you a lot and you deserve so much better.”
#! “tarō, shut up. i accept your apology and i forgive you, now make it up to me by giving me a back massage while i show you the ultrasound pictures!”
#! he kisses you before lifting you up bridal style making his way to the bed
#! contrary to popular beliefs, sakusa is not an obsessive germaphobe who finds everything disgusting but you
#! he wouldn’t be playing volleyball if he was that afraid of germs,,,,,
#! yes, he cringes if random little kids grab onto him after games because 1) he’s drenched in sweat and that feeling is not fun
#! 2) he doesn’t even know themmm
#! and 3) he wanna go home
#! but sakusa loves you and if you happened to get pregnant, he would love your kid(s) just the same
#! however, he never told you this. he never really had a reason to voice this out loud
#! so when you actually did get pregnant, you were confused
#! the only interactions between sakusa and kids you’ve seen multiple times were the moments between him and his fans
#! you guys have been to family parties and his nieces, nephews, and cousins looooves him
#! maybe it’s the fact that he’s a tall looming giant and they just want to climb
#! but besides those moments, you don’t recall him ever telling you upfront that he wants children of his own
#! and the constant stress and pressure he always seem to be working around also doesn’t help reassure you in any way
#! being an athlete for a living means always watching your body, health, and looks for the cameras (but omi could care less about the last thing)
#! he also has to make sure whether or not he’s working well with his teammates, practice and improve on anything he’s having problems with, and deal with atsumu’s dramatic ass
#! you’re an overthinker and because of that, all of these reasons were just reasons for you to postpone the pregnancy news to your long term boyfriend
#! it wasn’t too hard anyway, considering practice runs late sometimes and he’s busy majority of the time doing other stuff
#! when you guys do have alone time together, you both are so focused on one another that you actually forget that you’re pregnant and you never told him
#! you’re about to hit the three months mark now — time goes by fast — and sakusa has noticed you and your body changing
#! at first he just thought you were going through a phase of cravings and a bit of bloating, so he didn’t mention it and just let you be
#! he never got to witness you getting morning sickness because he goes on early runs or he was just out doing morning errands so he wouldn’t have to deal with it later that day
#! so when he caught you in the kitchen cutting up a lemon, the last thing he was expecting you to do was bring the lemon directly up to your mouth
#! “uh, what are you doing?” his deep voice caught you off guard, effectively stopping the hand that was holding the lemon
#! you just stare at him, not wide-eyed, not surprised, just stare
#! “eating a lemon.”
#! “i can see that.... why exactly?”
#! “dunno, the baby i guess.” you casually shrugged it off before popping the lemon slice into your mouth
#! “ah-,” he opened his mouth to stop you from eating the lemon, your words not fully processing in his mind, but cut off midway and froze when he finally realized
#! hearing him pause like that made you suddenly remembered that you never told him you were pregnant
#! you slowly turned back to look at him, mouth still slowly chewing the lemon slices
#! a moment of silence later, he unfreezes and just starts stiffly walking towards you
#! he grabbed you by the shoulders, made you look him in the eyes, before whispering, “you’re pregnant?!”
#! his eyes were wide, black pupils expanding as he stared you down, his lips slowly curving into a small smile
#! “you’re pregnant....,” he whispers, mainly to himself, hugging your head into his chest
#! “mhm, get off me i’m trying to eat,” you gently pushed him off but he wouldn’t budge
#! “omiiii please, if you get off i’ll give you a slice,” you tried bribing him. he couldn’t tell if you were being serious or just teasing
#! “um ok, two slices?”
#! he giggles before opening his arms to let you go
#! “why didn’t you tell me?”
#! you didn’t reply right away, making him start to overthink
#! did you not want the baby? or did you not want a kid with him? did you not want to be with him anymore? or was it not his?!
#! he childishly shakes his head side to side at the last question. he knew you wouldn’t do that
#! but you were still silent, making him nervously glance at you from the side
#! “sorry, piece of lemon stuck in my teeth. i just forgot to tell you,” the words easily flowing out of your mouth nonchalantly
#! sakusa’s fingers were literally about to start twitching from anxiousness beside you
#! a sigh of relief was heard from him and you turned to look at him
#! “you okay?”
#! he doesn’t answer, just gives you a smile and goes back to hugging you from behind
#! you were currently sitting on the couch in your shared apartment waiting for semi to come home
#! he’s been on tour for a few months now, you both kept in touch by facetiming, texting, calling, and any other methods of virtual communication
#! you would tune into the live recording of all of his performances when you had time so you could watch him
#! a few weeks into tour, you suddenly felt different than usual but shook it off as nothing and probably just you missing your boyfriend
#! you believed that until one morning you were woken up by the sudden urge to throw up, dashing to the restroom as fast as your drowsy body can go
#! it was then that you realized you might be pregnant
#! the night before semi left, you both had sex to enjoy your last few hours together before he had to leave for a few months
#! with the new realization, you quickly dressed yourself to make a short trip to the store to pick up some tests
#! after half an hour of looking at yourself in the mirror, trying to wrap your head around this, you finally opened the first box
#! a few minutes later, all 5 tests were lined up on the bathroom counter showing positive
#! you stared at the tests, trying to make sure you weren’t reading it wrong
#! once you began to understand the responsibility of being pregnant a few hours later, you made a mental note to go out and buy some food for yourself the next day
#! you decided to sleep off the rest of that day
#! through all of the facetime calls with semi, you never once told him you were pregnant
#! you knew that if you told him he would freak out and either demand to go back home, or stay but all of his attention would be on you being pregnant alone at home for the rest of the tour
#! so here you are now, sitting with a 4 1/2 months baby bump waiting for your beloved to come home
#! it was around 6pm when the front door opened, sounds of shuffling bags and heavy steps could be heard from the musician
#! he cursed under his breath when he almost tripped over a duffle bag with some of his loungewear, calling out for you as he walks further into the apartment, “baby? i’m home!”
#! he was about to speak up again when he saw you asleep on the couch
#! bouncing his way over, he got onto his knees at the edge of the couch to observe your face. god i miss you, he thought to himself
#! he gently shakes you awake, you jolted in surprise not knowing you fell asleep in the first place
#! “hmm- what?,” soft murmurs falling from your lips as you adjusted your eyes at your surrounding
#! “eita!” he grinned at you, both of you pulling each other into a hug
#! “fuck, i miss you so much.” he whispered into your ears before placing his face into your neck
#! “i miss you more.” you tightened your grip around him making him move up on the couch to get more comfortable
#! you both moved around until he had you cradled in between him, your back against his chest
#! his hands going under your his shirt to caress you there when his movements stopped right on top of your stomach
#! it was silent as his warm hands rubbed your stomach in circles, the gears turning in his head
#! “are you- you feel- why’s your tum so round and hard?” he quizzically asked, still rubbing your stomach
#! “pregnant.” your voice a low whisper, he almost didn’t catch it
#! “pregnant.” you repeated, a bit louder this time
#! “pregnant!” you sighed, moving his hand so you can get off of him
#! he grabs your wrist to stop you from walking away and turns you to look at him
#! “you’re pregnant?!”
#! “i just said that. yes.”
#! you knew you sounded blunt and a bit mean, it wasn’t his fault he doesn’t know at all, but your hormones have been making you crankier and it’s out of your control
#! “sorry. yes, i’m pregnant.”
#! his eyes continuously darts up and down from your eyes to your bump
#! “how long?”
#! “since you left.”
#! “was it the night before?” he was referring to your act of intimacy the night before he left
#! “wow. why didn’t you tell me?”
#! “‘cuz what?”
#! “because i know you. you would either stop touring and come home, or stay but lose focus. i was just trying to not distract you because i know how important your career is to you. and because i thought that you’ll be having a six months break after this tour before your next comeback, i would tell you when you came home. i’m sorry if you’re ma-,”
#! “i’m not mad. oh don’t cry, babe, look at me.”he carefully cups your face, “it’s okay, it’s okay. i get why you kept it from me. and now that i have no schedule for the next six months, i can be there for you until the end of your pregnancy and the beginning of our baby’s life alright?”
#! you weakly nodded against his palms, and he brings you back down to lay your head on his chest as you both softly talk about the past months without each other
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kaz brekker x reader - patience
summary/request: “I’d love if you could do a fic where Kaz and the reader are slowly working on his skin to skin aversion in a pace he controls and makes him comfortable and maybe work up to like hugs/kinda cuddling or kissing for him if that’s okay” AND “I am passionate about your writing and your Kaz !! Could you write something very cute and exciting? Like Kaz struggling with his feelings for Y/n for a long time, and for years the trauma doesn’t allow him to do anything, but one day when something happens that raises him to the limit, he finally kisses the reader ?? I would love it from your point of view ❤️❤️ love u 💖💖✨”
warning: mentions of blood, trauma, haphephobia (touch aversion), slightly ooc kaz - i feel like he’s much softer here
word count: 2.2k
A/N: I combined these two requests because they were soooo similar. This was by far the hardest piece to write so far.
Of all the admirable traits Y/N embodied, Kaz treasured her patience the most. He never dreamed someone could actually like him with all his flaws and broken parts. How could a relationship survive without touch? To Kaz it seemed impossible, something that only existed inside his head. But Y/N made it a reality.
When she’d joined the Dregs and ultimately become a Crow, Kaz found himself enthralled with her. There was something Kaz couldn’t figure out that made her so welcoming, so warm. He found himself gravitating towards her even when the thought of liking someone seemed like a death sentence.
Just a few short months after she joined his crew, Kaz found himself basking in her warm presence. It was unlike anything he’d ever experienced. The comfortable silence they enjoyed felt natural, something that was simply destined to be. Kaz hadn’t realized how truly alone he felt until Y/N attached herself to him like a parasite. But a welcome one. Sure he had Jesper and Inej, and the Dregs who all held some weird reverence towards him but none of them could hold a candle to Y/N. She was otherworldly.
More often than not, they could be found together in his office at the Club or in his attic at the Slat. When he was around her, he could let his mask drop. She didn’t look at him as an idol or a leader. Every time she gazed at him, Kaz felt as though she was staring straight into his very soul, seeing the essence of his being. He didn’t feel like he needed to put on a show, be the ruthless criminal he was known for.
Instead, they could sip on their coffees and read books, simply enjoying the comfortable silence. They fit together perfectly like two puzzle pieces, made for each other. Kaz would sit quietly and listen to Y/N rave about whatever book she was reading. Whereas, Y/N would diligently listen as Kaz ranted about his plans, running through every single detail aloud. She was the only one ever granted the privilege of seeing the inner workings of his mind at play. At every heist, every job, Y/N knew every single exact detail for plans A through F.
And the bond only grew, to the point where neither could deny the intense feelings for each other. Y/N confessed of course, laying out her feelings and thoughts on the table. But she didn’t mind when Kaz couldn’t. That’s what he liked about her - she was patient. She didn’t need the words said aloud to know what he was feeling. Through his small acts of kindness, he knew she could tell he cared for her. The grin on her face everytime Kaz brought her donuts from the bakery on his way back from Fifth Harbor said it all.
She never poked or prodded him, trying to get Kaz to cross his boundaries when it came to touch. Instead, Y/N silently accepted that touch and Kaz weren’t two things that went well together. Y/N didn’t ask for him to, but Kaz tried, tried so hard to work through it. Everytime one of his hands reached out, twitching with nerves as it drew close to her skin, but ultimately yanked away, Y/N didn’t flinch. She always softly smiled, her eyes twinkling with affection and reassured him, “It’s okay Kaz.”
To Kaz, the most stunning thing of all was the way she saw him. When he looked in the mirror, he saw a monster - someone that didn’t resemble the innocent young boy that lived on a Kerch farm. He saw each life his hands had taken, each job he’d done and done well at that. The craving for vengeance driving his every action was visible in his eyes. But somehow, Y/N didn’t see any of that.
Whenever Kaz stared into the mirror, Y/N walked up beside him, a soft smile etched onto her face. She’d place a finger on the mirror, on top of his reflection, and file through all of his traits. To her, he was a painting, perfectly created, each and every feature placed there intentionally.
First her finger would glide to the reflection of his eyes, “Your eyes are like the ocean, waves rumbling but within you that rumbling is ambition. A drive to succeed, not everyone has that Kaz - you’re special.”
And then it would slide over the reflection of his skin, “Sun kissed, it’s like that pale golden rosy glow at sunset. The most beautiful color. And the scars and lines, they’re stories, the tale of your life.”
She’d continue, seemingly endlessly, always finding something good within all the evil. Kaz didn’t know how she did it, but by the time she finished, he didn’t feel so disgusting anymore. The heavy burden weighing down his shoulders always lightened and his brain didn’t feel so chaotic.
When he picked a lock, Y/N didn’t see a crime of breaking and entering. Instead, she saw a man gifted with incredible dexterity. When he formulated a plan for a heist, she didn’t see a criminal mastermind. She saw someone with a brilliant mind that could solve any puzzle.
She saw Kaz for who he really was, just Kaz. To her he wasn’t Dirtyhands or the Bastard of the Barrel - just Kaz. And she let him know that, always repeating it so he wouldn’t forget. Kaz never forgot. That was the beauty of her, she was calming and patient and everything Kaz so desperately needed.
But Kaz knew she needed to be touched, to be shown physically that she was loved, cared for. Her lingering glances at couples holding hands in the Crow Club didn’t pass him by. Kaz always noticed. It made him feel guilty, but it also motivated him, another ambition that found a way to reign over his mind, sitting beside revenge.
So he set his mind to improving and went about it like he would with any other challenge - he made a plan. Step by step, he promised himself he’d get better for her.
The first step was feather light touches, just barely grazing his fingers over someone. First with gloves, and then without.
One evening, nearly exactly two years after she’d joined his crew, Kaz initiated the first step. Y/N sat next to him on the couch that was stuffed in his attic. She softly thumbed through a large book she was reading, the old pages treated delicately. Kaz couldn’t help but watch her. She was far more fascinating than the sheet regarding the Crow Club’s profits that he was reconciling. His eyes followed every movement of her fingers as she turned the yellowed pages.
Kaz turned his attention to her other hand that lay in the space between them. Slowly, he inched his hand towards hers, fingers twitching in anticipation. Every thought that stirred in Kaz’s mind was wondering how he would happen, what he would feel if he just kept moving closer. Drawing in a deep breath, he steadied himself, calming his racing mind. It was far easier to think of doing something rather than actually doing it. With a gulp, one of Kaz’s fingers softly laid itself against Y/N’s hand.
The air was tense as Y/N froze, staring over at Kaz with a concerned gaze. It’s not horrible, Kaz thought as he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in. Her skin was warm, contrasting sharply with the cold, biting feeling of the ocean that overtook Kaz’s body. The two feelings wrestled for control, turning his mind into a bloody war zone.
Y/N’s gentle voice cut through the noise, “Kaz, you don’t have to.”
Kaz shook his head, eyes trained on the tiny spot where their skin touched, “I want to, I need to.”
After another moment, he inched forward again, now his entire hand covered hers, his fingers intertwining with hers. Breath caught in his throat, trying to rein in his mind that was running with panic. It’s okay, it’s Y/N.
From there, Kaz only continued to improve, of course with setbacks scattered generously along the way. At times he wondered if he’d ever be able to best the trauma and anxiety that raged within, if he’d ever be someone worthy of Y/N’s affection. But she was always there by his side, encouraging consistently through the highs and the lows. Not once did she ever try to push him. Kaz worked at a rate that fit him. Kaz knew he was finally getting better when Y/N reached out and intertwined her hand with his and he didn’t flinch. Each “first” was a milestone.
Their first hug came a year later. Kaz stood in the middle of the main floor of the Slat, feeling his face grow pale as he stared at the gorey scene before him. His heart hammered away as he overlooked Inej and Jesper’s bloody and still bodies. Nina fluttered between the two, tending to their wounds and utilizing her small science. Kaz was frozen on the spot, silently watching two of his closest friends fight for their lives. It felt wrong, so wrong, and then he was drowning, struggling to keep his head above the waves of dread and panic.
And then there was Y/N, his lifeboat, the only thing tethering him down to reality. She stepped in front of him, obscuring his vision, and ran her hands delicately over his face, wiping away the blood and grime.
“I did this to them.” Kaz choked out, barely a whisper.
Y/N swiped a few stray hairs away that fell over his face, “No, no, don’t do that Kaz. You drug them home, you saved them.”
Kaz shook his head, eyes trained on the bodies before him. He didn’t even look down at Y/N, he was too lost.
She gripped his cheeks and forcefully tilted his head down. Kaz’s eyes met hers, they were soft, warm, enveloping him.
“Don’t you dare blame yourself, Kaz Brekker.” Y/N’s voice was soft but stern, every word that left her mouth was spoken with confidence.
Her fingers softly danced along his jawline, skittering over the clenched muscles. But Kaz’s body jumped under her touch, willing to do her bidding - willing to relax. Staring down at her, he realized she was his rock. The one steady constant, the one person he couldn’t ever imagine leaving him. She always had a smile etched upon her face, one of patience, warmth, and understanding. What would I do without her?
Without a second thought, he wrapped his arms tightly around her, resting his chin on the top of her head. He’d grown accustomed to touches but this was something else. Kaz felt at peace wrapped in her arms, the memories that regretfully came along with touch stayed in the back of his mind. For the first time, they didn’t push their way to the surface, causing Kaz to be overcome with nausea and dizziness. Instead they stayed buried, where they should be - manageable. He focused every bit of his mind on the warmth of her body and how he could feel her lungs expand and deflate against his chest. It just felt right.
Another year later, two more “firsts” occurred, the most important firsts in Kaz’s opinion. Y/N spun about his attic, swaying like a leaf in the wind to the melodious music that filled the room. A smile was plastered on her face as she danced like a prima ballerina, beauty and power all combined into one. Kaz was transfixed, hypnotized by her movements.
She reached a hand out towards him, beckoning him to join her as a slower melody began to play. Of course Kaz couldn't say no, so he reached out and took her hand. Together they swayed, Y/N’s arms wrapped around his neck as Kaz’s hands ghosted over her, running from her hips up her sides. Kaz felt like he was touching something heavenly, a piece of the universe right under his hands. It sent his mind reeling, wondering what he could have done to be so lucky.
Y/N smiled up at him, her eyes slowly running over each of Kaz’s features. Her eyes glittered like gold in the dim light and they were inviting, tempting Kaz to fall even deeper in love if that was even possible.
As the song came to a close, Kaz pulled her closer and he pressed a kiss to her temple. To anyone else, it would have been a simple, mindless form of affection. But for Kaz it was something more. That kiss meant the world. It was a promise that he’d continue to get better, a promise that he’d do it for both himself and her.
“I love you, Kaz.” Y/N’s voice was silvery, floating in the air, blending melodiously with the dying music.
Kaz leaned back slightly so he could gaze into her eyes and his heart beat rapidly. Admitting for the first time, he whispered, “I love you too.”
At that moment, Kaz realized the past was the past and he couldn’t go back to change things. He couldn’t bring Jordie back, he couldn’t stop himself from waking up in that sea of corpses. But he could change the future, dictate what was to come. Kaz knew one thing for certain, Y/N was his future and he wanted to experience everything with her.
He would overcome his past, brick by brick, but he’d need time. It was a good thing Y/N had patience.
Kaz taglist, continued in comments (comment “tag me” to be added)
@oliviasslut @ameliathackray @purplewcrld @subjecta13-thefangirl @aysegust @amberash05 @beatitlikeabongodrum @thanoshadtosnaptwiceforyou @mindofasupernova @kaitlyn2907 @renataligorio @xcharlottemikaelsonx @ladydaemon @just-a-new-start @nlnlpanini @kaqua @chaoticneutral3 @thedelusionreaderbitch @the-abyss-gazed-back @spawn0fsatan @vintagebitc @itsnotquimey @datrie @aliiiyyaaah @morganayenneferburnham @magravenwrites @kykymyeon @fandomstuffff @whatiswrongwithpeople @bilesxbilinskixlahey @imagines-and-preferences1216 @dreamer-writer-fangirl @alice-the-nerd @rika90 @for-bebbanburg @ancientbeing10 @everwhovian @theoroseo @jaystaysinside @moony-is-bae @ms-awkward @glowstick-lesbian @xetherealbeautyx @lillypotter00 @black-kitten-imagines @shortimaginewriter @ohfuk @aleksanderwh0r3 @yummyfanta @gallysonegoodlung
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summary: atsumu’s not sure if he believes in fate. but if he does, he also believes that it’s out to get him. four months after your breakup, atsumu spots you at the restaurant that started your story together.
pairing: miya atsumu x fem!reader
genre: exes!au, post-timeskip, feat. suna and kageyama, angst (so sorry)
word count: 2.5k
a/n: i’m back!! ouchie, this one hurt...the chance of a part two is maybe o.o i do have another angst to fluff atsumu fic in my drafts so look forward to that, too!!
atsumu feels his breath hitch in his throat when he spots your familiar figure sitting alone in one of the booths on one side of the bar. clearing his throat to himself, he pats his suddenly clammy hands against the front of his jeans in hopes of diminishing the perspiration.
he walks over to the bar, nodding with a gulp at his bartender and friend, suna. plopping onto a seat, he offers his friend a lopsided grin but any close look at it, there’s a slight wobble in it.
suna raises an eyebrow, sliding a glass in atsumu’s direction. “y’okay there, man?” he asks upon noticing the paleness in his face. had atsumu been as pale as suna was, he wouldn’t question it but being aware that atsumu spent most of his days outside, something was definitely wrong.
“hm?” atsumu hums, unclenching his fists at his jeans to trace the rim of his glass absentmindedly. “yeah, all good.” he’s quick to shake his head profusely.
“sure doesn’t look like it,” suna scoffs, looking over at the rest of the bar stools, in case someone else was trying to grab his attention. “you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
atsumu, taking a swig from his glass, furrows his brows and looks over at suna in disbelief. when he settles the glass back on the countertop, he snickers. “nope, not me.”
“ah, so this had nothing to do with y/n who’s sitting over there in the back, hm?”
ever since your breakup, atsumu found himself frequenting the bar of your favorite restaurant often...for drinks. the amount he consumed wasn’t necessarily unhealthy for all he needed was enough to numb the pain in his heart from the empty void you formerly filled.
suna, an old friend of his, worked at the bar to atsumu’s benefit since he was there to control just how much atsumu drank. normally, suna wouldn’t entertain the idea of letting atsumu ramble on about you and how much he wishes he could turn back time. however, noticing just how broken his friend was, he let him and offered his own form of advice; not that the brat would ever take it.
it’d been four months since atsumu had last seen you. although it’s not a crazy coincidence, he’s still surprised to see you at all. he’s heard your name from some mutual friends every now and then but upon hearing it, he chose to leave the room, not wanting to hear just how well or badly you were doing.
“y/n,” atsumu sighs, rubbing a hand over his face, when he’d much rather be underneath the covers of your bed. “can’t we talk about this some other time?”
“no,” you say firmly, attempting to hide the fatigue in your own eyes by narrowing them. “you leave for the gym too early and you come home too late. we need to talk about this nice.”
“i can’t be home all the time,” atsumu mutters flatly.
“i understand that tsum.” you nod, tugging your sweater around your body as a form of comfort. “but can’t you at least text me? i get you have training and practice but i get so worried if you’ve eaten or not and-”
“i’m a grown man, y/n. i’m not a kid,” atsumu cuts you off, crossing his arms over his chest with an eye roll.
“did i ever say you were?” you ask, furrowing your brows.
“y’sure treat me like one,” he scoffs, taking a seat on the sofa across from the loveseat you’re currently curled up on.
“i’m not treating you like a child. i just care about you,” you speak softly, feeling your stomach twist in an uncomfortable way. this was probably your biggest fear when it came to relationships: loving someone more than they loved you.
“yeah, but you smother me!” he exclaims, widening his eyes as if it were obvious. “i have a job, y/n, and i can’t afford to stop practicing every ten minutes to tell you what i’m doing or what i’m eating!”
“i don’t ask you every ten minutes!” you refute, sitting up.
“seems like it,” atsumu chuckles humorlessly, looking away from your pleading eyes briefly.
“me checking in on you during the day shouldn’t feel like such a burden for you. that’s not even the main issue.”
“oh?” atsumu turns to look at you, raising his eyebrows. “what else is there?”
“all i ask,” you begin, gnawing your lip and begin to play with the hem of your sleeve. “all i ask if for some more time together,” you mumble.
atsumu watches you fidget with your fingers blankly before rolling his eyes. “i don’t have all the time in world considering my schedule. y/n. you should know this by now. i’ve told you this.”
“it was different before. even if you didn’t come home at a normal time, you had it in you to text me updates instead of me waiting in the dark, wondering if you’d be coming home or not. i just...i miss you.”
“it’s not even like i’m not out of the country-”
“not right now,” you quip, cutting him off. you’ve experienced numerous times atsumu had to leave the city or the country for volleyball related events and such. “even if you aren’t, you might as well be because we communicate just as much as we would if you were.”
atsumu stays silent for a bit. frankly, he’s tired of this conversation. you should understand how busy he is and how much he wants to improve his skill. how could you be so supportive one second and then clingy the next? it just doesn’t make sense to him.
at the lack of his response, you sigh. powerlessly, with a hoarse voice, you mutter, “i can’t do this anymore.”
at your words, atsumu snaps his head up, the irritation he feels vanishing completely and replaced with worry.
“i just can’t do this. call me selfish for wanting some more time with my boyfriend but you’ll always choose volleyball over me and i know i came to terms with it before...but at this point, i just feel neglected. and that isn’t fair for me,” you trail off, refusing to look up from your lap to meet atsumu’s eyes.
atsumu watches as your lip quivers slightly and realizing his mistake, his heart sinks. regret instantly flushes his face. “baby-”
“i think it’d be better for the both of us,” you cut him off and take a deep breath. “i think we have to grow apart. i’ve gotten too dependent on you and you’re in your prime for your volleyball career and maybe i shouldn’t be a variable involved.”
“atsumu please,” you beg, feeling your eyes water. “don’t make this harder than it already is. you must agree with me since i can tell you don’t want to deal with these sorts of conversations.”
atsumu shuts his mouth and slumps his shoulders in defeat. he does make it obvious that he’d rather be anywhere else on the planet than talking to you about his schedule. he looks down at his lap.
“we can still talk, of course,” you reassure, a broken smile painting your lips. “we have a bunch of mutual friends and it’d be awkward, you know? hey, i’m sure we could still be friends!” part of you knows you’re lying about the latter but it’s the least you could say when you wanted to end on relatively good terms.
“y/n,” atsumu mumbles, looking up. his bottom lip is caught between his lip, a sure sign that he’s on the verge of crying. “i’m sorry!”
“this is better for both of us.”
neither of you had texted the other the day after that conversation. or the day after...or the day after that.
atsumu felt too vulnerable to text you. if he started texting you as a friend, he was sure he’d end up begging you to take him back and work things out together.
but you said you need time. space.
and he wanted to respect that.
at the same time, though, all he wanted to do was reach out.
if only he just found some way to spend more time with you before. surely, he could’ve left the gym earlier. surely, he could’ve passed on one of those team dinners just to see you. for the next few weeks, atsumu tugs at his hair, angry at himself for not putting the effort you deserved into your relationship. you were at his beck and call if he asked and he failed to do the same for you. by the time he realized, you were gone.
and now, here you were, alone in the very restaurant the two of you met at in the first place.
“crap, i’m sorry-” atsumu cuts himself off when he catches your gaze. atsumu always thought of your first meeting as a typical movie-like one. you’re both rushing to get somewhere and just bump into each other. if only fate didn’t twist with his heart the ways it did.
“it’s okay,” you smile at him and atsumu knew from that moment forward, your smile would forever be his weakness.
“i’m atsumu,” he introduces, raking a hand through his messy blond locks.
“y/n,” you greet, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear–a nervous habit of yours atsumu picks up on while you were dating. “you wouldn’t happen to be miya atsumu, right?”
with a confused grin, he nods. ah, so you’re a volleyball fan? “yeah, that’s me.”
“i think my friends have played with you at some point. do you know kageyama tobio?”
the name of one of his rivals brings a bitter taste in his mouth but he nods nonetheless. “oh, yeah, i know him.”
“small world then.” you smile softly.
from that moment forward on, it’s like the universe wanted the two of you to be together and did everything in its power to make you would be. atsumu and you cross paths more than once, sometimes in the street and stores on the commercial avenue near your apartment complex.
your first deep conversation took place at a reunion-like party full of players and alumni your friends used to play with. you remember meeting bokuto, claiming he was a vital part of the evolution of your friend’s old high school team, whatever that meant.
if only atsumu knew his heart would be in such a position nearly two years later, maybe he wouldn’t have approached you with a drink offer. maybe he would’ve stayed, leaning against the wall, drinking his cares away, conversing with the friends he knew already.
too bad you were far too captivating. atsumu wouldn’t let that opportunity slide.
atsumu smiles grimly at the memory of him trying to be as casual as possible when strolling up to you. deep down, he knew you saw straight through him by the way his cheeks flushed and was partly stammering his words.
if only you had said no to the date he asked you on.
shaking the negative thoughts from his mind, he watches your figure closely from his seat at the bar. your eyes were scanning the menu held before you, occasionally trailing a finger over the front.
“you should talk to her,” suna murmurs from behind the counter, watching his hopeless friend pathetically watch you like some creep.
atsumu lets out a sigh. pursing his lips, he spins back around on the stool and gulps the rest of his glass down for some form of liquid courage before nodding his head.
i have to do it, he thinks, wiping his clammy hands onto the front of his jeans. it’s now or never.
although he attempts to dry his hands, his heart races as he musters the courage to get off of the bar stool and begin walking to the booth you’re sitting at. a simple hi couldn’t do any harm, right? when he reaches being within earshot of you, atsumu opens his mouth to call out to you. but his throat dries and his jaw slackens when he catches a view of a familiar man slip into the seat across from yours.
if the grin on your face didn’t confirm atsumu’s presumption, the excited peck you gave the man’s lips sure did and in doing so, also shattered his heart.
of course you had moved on.
the bitter taste in his mouth returns as he takes a long look at the familiar head of black hair. kageyama tobio. of course. atsumu can’t help but scoff.
he had been the main mutual friend that allowed you both to see each other so often. although the two of you were merely friends, old acquaintances from high school, he knew just how close you had gotten over the years. atsumu could imagine clearly how he’d been the one you called after your breakup.
he’s sure it was just another cruel thing of fate, putting the both of you together. atsumu and kageyama were old rivals after all and now there are two things in the men’s lives driving them further away than any title of friends? that’s plain tough.
atsumu turns to leave before you have a chance to look up at the odd feeling as if you’re being scrutinized. he stops at the restaurant’s doors, spinning his head one last time to get a final good look at you; you look happy. the glow on your face made it that obvious. if only you were glowing for him. did you ever glow when he was around?
atsumu wracks at his brain, filing through memories of the both of you before landing on the plenty few near the beginning of your relationship before your arguments first began. you glowed when he returned home following a long practice, ready for your welcoming hugs and kisses. you glowed when he complimented your cooking, claiming you were better than his own twin. and finally, you glowed when he promised you’d be his forever.
again, he scoffs. the irony.
atsumu swallows the lump in his throat and leaves the restaurant, closing the door harshly behind him enough to hear the jingle of the bell from outside.
maybe you weren’t glowing for him anymore, but his promise was still true and it’ll continue to be true. he’d be yours forever.
above all the emotions he’s feeling, the biggest one has to be regret. he couldn’t agree more with the saying regarding not knowing what someone has until they’re gone.
but, as long as the hollowness in his chest remains and probably will only grow as time passes, he should move on, too, just like you clearly have. atsumu chooses not to.
because he knows.
his heart is only welcome enough for you and he’d wait to seize that moment again, if fate gives him the chance.
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how did you go about practicing anatomy and backgrounds? i want to practice drawing them more effectively instead of just drawing willy nilly and hoping i get better (i am the epitome of characters floating on a white background)
i'm also extremely bad at both of those things on a technical level, so i can only give very general advice! there's zillions of very in-depth resources on youtube, artists' blogs and patreons, and paid resources like skillshare and domestika, made by people who are very invested in helping you learn, so i recommend seeking out more of those. a few youtubers off the top of my head who post technical art tutorials/demos: teoh yi chie, alphonso dunn, sinix, chris hong. i'm not going to be a good educational resource for many reasons, but here are a few quick notes to hopefully get you started.
in general, technical skills can best be improved by studying/copying things – photographs if necessary, but real life subjects if possible. tracing is also a great practice tool for anatomy as it easily forces you to observe details that you might otherwise miss. (just keep them private, or use license-free stock photos.) some resources for anatomy references, again just off the top of my head: line of action, reference angle, adorka stock.
for backgrounds specifically, it's helpful to think of them more as "environments" (i assume this is the kind of background you mean) and treating them almost as another character in the artwork and not as something to just be added on behind the actual character. approaching them this way means you think about the scenery during the compositional phase and your characters + backgrounds will generally look more like they "belong" together. i find that if i sketch a character, then try to add a background behind it, the bg always looks like an afterthought. sometimes that's all you need, but other times you will actually need to focus on the environment itself.
i don't have as many dedicated environment resources bookmarked as that admittedly just isn't my focus, but pexels and pixabay are both great stock photography sites that you can easily search for photos of environments you want to study. also, if it's safe, just go outside! unlike people, buildings and trees will hold still for you to draw them for free, and don't ask you embarrassing questions. i've been getting more into urban sketching lately and that's given me a small boost for environments, perspective etc, but i will need to work more to see real benefits.
remember, if you directly copy a photo and want to post the results, make sure that either a) you credit the source or b) you're using a copyright-free image/something you've paid for. otherwise, just keep it private!
speaking of keeping things private, something i think few people talk about is copying other artists. if you are trying to figure out a way to stylise something, you can study from other artists' work as well (there's a reason master copies are so popular), but if it's one of your contemporaries, i.e. an artist who's currently active in the community/industry, definitely do not post those, and be careful about taking too many cues into your regular practice. a lot of people talk about how style will "just come to you" but in many instances, style is something that's carefully developed by artists, the result of deliberate design choices after many iterations. so you don't want to just yoink someone else's hard work and creative decisions for yourself! but of course it's natural to be influenced – just make sure you're influenced by multiple sources, including reality.
one of my biggest influences for animal anatomy is justine lee hirten, who's currently inactive, but whose work can be seen if you search up their old handle "mangycoyote"; additionally, mackaroon and aspen eyes. for human anatomy and poses, leslie hung, phobs, maren etc etc. still working to follow more environment artists but genice, aliya chen, and loika spring to mind.
again, anatomy and backgrounds are both pretty big topics that i'm myself not an expert in at all, so this is just a few messy notes that i managed to remember off the cuff. hopefully this, or one of the links, will be of some benefit, however!!
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Keisuke Baji x fem!reader
Author note: this is a self serving thing that I wrote because I was in dire need of a comfort fic and I figured that I could share it
Despite growing up in a household where you were expected to always rise to the occasion and be at the very top of every exam or else you’d be considered a mediocre person that was wasting her potential, you were able to see that it wasn’t all there was to people.
Well, at least you could wrap your head around it whenever it came to others but when it came to you… well, let’s say that the ringing of the voices of your parents telling you how disappointed they were of you was hard to keep quiet whenever you received a note that was less than perfect.
There were so many expectations weighing over you from a very young age and you had to live up to them with little to no support because your parents were way too busy with work.
But hey, it was fine, right? You were always very mature for your age so it was easy for them to leave you to your own devices because of course you were capable of managing everything they entrusted to you. I mean, you were basically miss perfect, how could they worry?
They should have worried because while you managed, you grew up lonely for the most part and with time you became more anxiety than person to the point in which you would collapse if anything was less than perfect.
You had an incredible amount of hobbies which translated to not really being into anything in particular but you tried hard although in the depths of your closet there was a big collection of everything you ever tried and didn’t perfect from the first moment that you had dropped but never got around taking them out in case you tried again and suddenly developed a talent for that.
You were capable, you had so much potential, you just needed to focus, put your mind into it and if you failed then you were clearly slacking off and were nothing more than a lazy girl.
The voices inside your head pushing you to the breaking point, always criticizing you, pointing out every single mistake no matter how small it was, were painfully similar to your parents’ voices, always rang louder than your own, much louder than the tiny voice that claimed you tried your best.
But Baji’s voice always managed to overpower theirs.
You met him at school although you didn’t really pay him any mind, in fact, you never paid much attention to your classmates, instead you were far too preoccupied in performing to your best in class, always participating hoping to improve your scores because what else were you if you failed?
You tried to stay in your teacher’s good side, always reveling in the praise they’d give you whenever you delivered past their expectations in a way you never heard your parents praise you because it was your only duty so it was a given that you should do good.
As part of your way of seeking approval from your teachers, you always offered help and asked for extra credits and among those things was when one of them told you about helping someone from another class to improve their grades since they were held back and was having a hard time in exchange of a couple of points for your next evaluation.
Of course you accepted and the day you told your teacher you stayed after school and went to class 1-3 where the other student was supposed to be waiting for you.
If you were being completely honest, you went there expecting to find a guy with dyed hair, full of piercings and a menacing look; basically a delinquent; but what you found was a boy with glasses even bigger than yours and black hair slicked back.
Doubtfully you approached him.
Maybe you had mistaken the classroom? But you were sure your teacher had said class 1-3, you couldn’t be mistaken, but you had to be, there was simply no way that was the guy that got held back, he looked like a complete nerd, even if you hated to admit it but he looked like he performed even better than you, but well, you were already there so maybe he knew the guy? Yeah, probably the boy you were supposed to tutor had gone out for god knows what and you had to wait for him.
“Excuse me, do you know Baji-san, is he in this class?” You approached the boy slowly so as to not startle him.
“That’s me” He looked up to you and adjusted his glasses.
To say you were surprised was an understatement because he was so far from what you expected, not to say that you wanted to deal with a hooligan. He was far from the punk who got held back that you had pictured but well.
Looks can be deceiving. You chastised yourself once you realized that you had yet to utter a word.
“Oh, pleasure, I… I am f/n l/n, I'm supposed to tutor you'' you looked at him although the glasses he wore made it hard for you to meet his gaze.
Come on, at least he doesn’t seem like a trouble maker, that is good news, it’s not like I would have been able to handle a jerk and I really need those extra credits, plus this could serve as an extra study session and paired with cram school this should boost our score for the exam.
He nodded in understanding and straightened himself in his chair as you reached for the closest chair and pulled it next to him so you could look at his notebooks and actually help.
You asked him to point to you what exactly he had trouble with so you could begin explaining from that point.
That’s how it started, from that day on, you would stay after school, walk down the hallway from your classroom to 1-3 where you’d find the room empty except for Baji and diligently explain things to him until it was time for you to leave for cram school.
You would break down everything to the simplest things possible so there was no room for him to miss something although sometimes without meaning to, you’d get ahead of yourself and start spurting out information in mutters that never really helped him so you ended up apologizing and repeating things for him to actually understand.
With the days passing by you started having fun with him and came to enjoy your study sessions much more than you ever thought you could do. Not only that but for the first time in a long time you found yourself feeling light while studying and for a moment the voices of your parents telling you to do more would grow quiet even if it was just for the time that you spend with him.
You were never too bothered with having friends, too preoccupied with your grades for you to spare any thought to anything else but he slowly but surely became the closest you ever had to a friend.
In fact that wasn’t the end of it, you started liking Baji; his company. He started walking you to the station after your study sessions. He was nice and patient with your ramblings, making an effort to understand you instead of just brushing them off like your parents did.
You also had to admit that your stomach would flip whenever he smiled after understanding something, in that way that made his canines peek.
The study sessions were meant for him to reinforce the things studied in class; they were for him to learn but just the same way he did, you ended up learning tiny bits of him, for example how he had a habit of welcoming stray cats.
However you never got around asking the reason behind why he was held back a year.
Days turned into weeks and before you knew it, you were finished with first term exams with yourself dropping a few spaces from the top of the chart, while he moved from the lower part of the list nearing the middle.
You were definitely a mediocre thing that would never amount to anything, with no passions nor friends, not a single talent and the only thing at which you threw yourself wholeheartedly seemed to be yet another thing at which you were a complete failure. You could already hear your parent’s words of disappointment in you.
But hey, at least he did good, that made you feel better, if only a little.
Your stomach dropped once you realized that was the end of your time with the nerdy looking boy whose presence had grown on you in a way that made you yearn for the time in between classes and cram school in which you were less lonely, the time in which the worries about amounting to your parents expectations got shoved to the back of your mind and studying became fun because the deal was to tutor him until he did well and he had done exactly that.
Sooner than you would have liked the day ended and this time you didn’t have to see him, but you wanted to. Hoping to congratulate him and at least say goodbye to whom you considered to be your friend you packed your things as fast as humanly possible and rushed to his class.
Just like every other day of the past weeks, you opened the door and entered but you found no one there, not even a bag that could hint to someone still having to go back to retrieve it.
Guess he just saw me as the girl that helped him out, nothing more.
Your bag felt heavier even though it was logically impossible because you knew it had the same things as just a few moments before yet it’s weight pulled down your shoulder.
With a heavy sigh, you adjusted the bag and turned around to leave for your afternoon classes, although you now had so much free time that you didn’t even know what to do with it, not even remembering what you used to do before you got around tutoring Baji.
You wandered aimlessly, barely having the mind to move close to the school where your afternoon classes took place.
Loneliness hits like a bitch once you’ve gotten a taste of human interaction.
Not wanting to deal with anything, you avoided the crowded streets as much as possible which in turn proved to be a bad idea.
You spend the remaining time till your afternoon classes at a cafe, trying to read but unable to focus, having to read over ten times the same page because you weren’t registering any of the words, still too preoccupied with how you were going to explain to your parents that you had dropped from the top, they wouldn’t care that you still tried your best the only thing that ever mattered to them was that you delivered and this time you didn’t.
Cram school didn’t improve your mood, as you simply were unable to do anything properly to the point in which the teacher called out to you and since you even messed up something extremely easy.
Later you were listening to music on your phone; taking the long way home; not really paying attention to which way you were going, delving into the world inside your head while beating yourself over and over for being such an idiot regarding everything. You should have been paying more attention because next thing you knew was that some dude bumped into you making you fall on your back.
“Hey! You bumped me, at least apologize!” you called out to the guy, not really taking into account his appearance but more the fact that he kept walking as if he had done nothing and you were in a bad mood, so of course you weren’t taking any bullshit.
Although you should have really been more careful and you knew that the moment you found yourself in front of three delinquents; that seemed to be at least in high school; looking down on you with menacing expressions, a vein popping on the temple of one of the guys; the one you presumed to be the leader.
“Oi, watch your words, bitch”
“Excuse me?” you stood up. The alarms inside your head were going off, every self preservation instinct telling you to leave it at that and just walk away from them, away from trouble just like your parents would expect for you to do but you were done. “Take that back you jerk! I’m not going to tolerate you talking to me like that, apologize!”
You were tired and mad. Maybe that was why you didn’t drop it or perhaps you were just looking for anyone to take out your frustration for the crappy day you were having.
“Look, the little mouse has a spine” one of the dudes mocked you after he pulled out of his mouth a cigarette and released a puff of smoke.
“Don’t let her talk back like that”
“You have no idea what you just did, bitch” he emphasized the last word as a challenge to you in a way that made your eyebrows twitch.
“Don’t talk to me like that, asshole!” stop, what are you doing picking a fight with these guys?
The two underlings grabbed each one of your arms with an iron grip that surely was obstructing your blood flow as the other approached and gave you a backhanded slap with such force that had your face jerking violently to the side, that was followed by a string of more slaps.
It stung, even more thanks to the rings he wore, and you could already feel the tears filling up your eyes as he grabbed you by the chin, his fingers digging painfully into your cheeks. You were thrashing against their hold on you, finally listening to the voice inside your head that screamed at you to get away from them.
The leader was about to slap you once more and you were already bracing yourself for the strike when a hand captured his arm right before impact.
“Ganging up and on a girl, you ain’t shit”
“Who are you?” The guy that had been about to slap you turned his attention fully to the newcomer yet he didn’t have time to react; neither did you; because in the very next second, the new guy’s fist was connecting square on his nose and you could have sworn that you heard a crack.
The other two guys dropped their hold on your arms and lunged forward in a synchronized attack that did nothing for them because without effort he crushed them both, even splashing a bit of blood on his face in the process, relentlessly punching them with all his might.
“If I learn you ever do something to a girl; especially my girl; I will kill you”
The three of them nodded before running away hurriedly leaving you with the new guy although there was something about him that seemed familiar.
“y/n, you alright?” and then it clicked in your mind.
“Baji-kun?” you looked at him with eyes blown, taking in how his hair was falling wildly to the sides framing his face, how his glasses were long forgotten finally allowing you to truly see for the first time his chocolate eyes that had a spark of their own different from any pair you’d ever seen.
You were having a hard time putting inside your head the guy in front of you; intimidating enough; with the nerdy but nice boy you had been tutoring for weeks.
How could he be Baji-kun, your Baji? It was his voice, there was no mistake and if you actually looked at him it was clear that the features of his face were the same as the boy that made you fall for him despite how now he sported a fierce look opposed to the mild look you knew from school.
“Didn’t I tell you to drop the honorifics? Please, just Baji is more than fine” he approached you, frowning as he extended his arm.
You closed your eyes, trying not to flinch away, the memory of the recent events still had you pretty shaken up and your face was throbbing until a pair of hands; calloused and warm; cupped gently your cheeks a bit clumsily but it was evident how hard he tried to be as careful as possible to avoid hurting you any further.
“Should’ve killed them” he frowned, clicking his tongue as he assessed what must have been a mess of your face.
The good thing out of it was that your blush would be blamed on the slaps that asshole gave you instead of the proximity of Baji’s face to yours nor the way in which he held you, although the same couldn’t be said about your heart that was beating like a drum inside your chest; too loud for your liking and you prayed to anyone that may care for him to not hear it.
In that moment you broke down crying, startling him and making him pull away his hand in a heartbeat, fearing that he might’ve hurt you.
It was just too much for you, first with your grades lowering, then not finding him and to top it all the encounter with the punks that hurt you. This clearly hadn’t been your day and everything came crashing down on you.
Once he realized that you were fine and that he didn’t do anything to hurt you, he reached out to you once more, this time resting his hand on top of your head.
“I saw on the list that you did great, congrats” that sent you into another fit of ugly crying.
You needed to hear that, in fact it warmed your chest to hear someone say what you have craved for your whole life and although it didn’t come from your parents it was enough, because someone for once saw your efforts, saw something worthy of praise in you and didn’t just brush off your accomplishments as mere responsibilities but was actually taking the time to congratulate you, to tell you that you did well.
“I did good, thanks to you” he grinned, his canines showing through and if there was any doubt left in you about him being your Baji that smile was enough to chase that away.
Through your tears you smiled in response, unable to respond in any other way to him but you froze the moment you remembered what he said to those guys, finally processing his words.
My girl. My girl. My girl. My girl.
“Wait, just a moment ago, you… did you… did you say your girl? No no no, sorry, I misheard, yeah, I must have misheard because you certainly couldn’t have said something like that, right?” you laughed nervously. “Yeah, sorry, maybe the hit’s messed up my brain, sorry, I’m just spurting out nonsense and I, I’m going to shut up now”
His smile got wider if it was possible and gained a sheepish edge to it and he blushed the tiniest bit.
“You heard right, I did say that, unless you don’t want me then I won’t say it again”
Your eyes looked like saucers at that point as you looked at him, mouth dry and heart about to escape your body through your mouth but you had to answer before he misread your silence as rejection on your part.
“I like you” he smiled brightly at your response and you could have melted at that very instant from the blood rushing to your head and the fire that it ignited inside your chest as he ruffled your hair and lowered down his face to your level, chocolate staring directly at you.
“Then that’s it” he went to brush his lips against your forehead and straightened himself.
“How about I take you home?” the voice of your mother chastising you came up inside your mind but it was quieter than usual, you still didn’t want to go home but you remembered that they were on guard duty this night at the hospital and with Baji around maybe your home wouldn’t feel as suffocating.
“If you take me home we can eat something there, if that’s fine with you” you murmured trying to keep your blush at bay and avoiding his gaze.
He offered you another smile and gently took your arm, guiding you to a bike, to which he climbed and motioned for you to do the same behind him. You could hear your mother’s voice telling you that bikes were nothing more than a moving casket meant for delinquents and lowlifes but Baji’s presence was bigger than your mother’s memory at that moment.
“Hold on tight” he told you before looking down at your hands around his torso for a brief second before starting the bike and going off as your grip onto him got tighter.
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“Games” | Eren Jaeger
TW: nsfw content, smut, jealousy, angry sex (sorta?), cockwarming, degradation, dumbification, spanking, oral (male receiving), swearing, slapping, spitting, creampie, breeding, humping, mentions of cheating, praise, major fluff in the end.
Pairing: Eren Jaeger x fem!reader
Other: au, modern eren, gamer!eren, businessman!eren, modern reader, teacher!reader, administrator!reader
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven (Coming soon!)
This was inspired by another fic and it's smut and angst trash tbh, my brain is rot and manbun eren has be all the way messed up. It's gonna gradually build up to the nsfw but I always imagined Eren being an laid back dom but he can be intense at times and there's tons of aftercare. This is gonna be long as fuck as its kinda a story but yeah enjoy!
It’s not that you wanted to be a nuisance, to be completely honest, whenever you saw him with his headset on you knew it was the signal to not bother him. Eren rarely played his console, his office work kept him plenty busy and it was more of a stress relief than anything. He had never told you to not bother him, but from prior times early in the relationship you knew better. The firm stares, spanking sessions, and edging sessions was enough of a forewarning. Not that it was hard to not bug him, you had your own hobbies and your own life outside of your relationship with Eren, but today had been a particularly shitty day and you were feeling pretty down and in need of your husband's comfort.
Your job was strenuous to say the least, you loved what you did and you worked hard to do good. You were also well educated and had a graceful way of being that often drew attention from both sexes. You worked with children and adults and days were full of meetings, counselings, and occasional events that required you to smile and not lose your temper when a parent or co-worker said the dumbest thing ever. Today was no different, it was two weeks ago when one of your kiddos was having a hard time calming down, you immediately recognized him as Jean Kirstein's son, Jean and Eren hated each other since high school and when you had mentioned his son being in your class months ago, Eren scoffed and muttered disbelief over anyone being willing to sleep with that "horseface". You had noted underlying tones of jealousy from Eren, it was not really a secret that the two of you had been trying for some time to have a child of your own, neither of you verbally confirming it to each other, one day you both stopped using condoms and Eren said nothing when he saw your pill pack in the trash so you took it as the green light but there was no luck so far. Armin and Annie had twins, and even Sasha and Niccolo had a little girl of their own. You and Eren fucked like rabbits but these past few weeks had been a little harder on you emotionally. Being sorrounded by kids day in and day out brought such joy to your life but also made you cry more than once behind a locked stall and the shower floor. You wanted to have a baby so badly, and this often lead you to be insecure around your husband. Especially a husband as dominant and strong as Eren, he was loving and patient with you but you often wondered what went on in his head as he wasn't verbally expressive.
You had let out a sigh as Jean's son had already had three meltdowns prior to this one and you decided it was time to call home. Jean was overwhelmed at work and sounded exhausted, you offered to help him out by tutoring his son for an extra hour three times a week and he was grateful and readily agreed. You understood that being a single parent was hard and it was no problem for you. Eren had been understanding about your desire to help kids and it was one of the things he loved most about you. He had met you at a fundraiser held by the city trying to raise money for the school's new science building. His business was one of the sponsorships and his attendance was mandatory. He didn't hate kids but Eren wasn't a people person, he had dragged Armin and the twins with him. Halfway through the event he noticed the twin he was in charge of had disappeared from his side. He frantically looked everywhere and when he saw the familiar head of pale blond hair he all but sprinted to the little girl. Instead, he found you sitting on your haunches in a pencil skirt and blouse, the heels made your calves look toned and the concerned smile you were giving the girl made him fall in love with you on the spot. You had been hesistant to give her to him, but when she made it clear that Eren was her uncle you let out a sigh of relief for her safety but also in the fact that he wasn’t married with children. You then proceeded to scold Eren for twenty minutes before he asked you out and you dumbly agreed. You smiled at the memory but then frowned slightly. You had told Eren about Jean's son and the agreement the day of the phone call and he all but lost his shit. He has the misconception that tutoring his son would entail spending time with Jean, it took all your strength not to slap the shit out of your husband and instead you told him to grow up and trust you.
That had been two weeks ago. Eren and you hadn’t had sex since then and the one hour sessions often dragged to two. It wasn’t the little boys fault, you noticed how hard he tried in class but the material wouldn’t stick and he needed more attention than most. Jean would also run late sometimes and he was embarrassed to explain that he needed to work overtime to pay the bills since his wife passed. It was one week ago when you decided to treat him and his son to dinner, Eren had texted that he would be in the office late again (A rare occurrence before, but now an almost daily thing since the fight) so you figured it wouldn’t be a big deal. Jean was an oddly funny and kind guy and his son was a constant joy. It wasn’t like you two were friends, but there was a mutual respect and concern over the small child that brought on a fondness for each other.
It was yesterday when Jean sent thank you flowers to your classroom, the pretty sunflowers wrapped in brown paper were given by the little boy you noticed had improved grades. He had proudly exclaimed that his dad and him picked them out themselves and your heart soared. You didn't get into teaching and administrative work for the praise nor the gifts, but for the inner satisfaction of knowing you helped others. You had brightly smiled for the first time in those two weeks and happily made your way home. You noticed Eren wasn’t home yet and jumped into the shower with high spirits, not even crying once. It was during that time that Eren had arrived, he had the intention of trying to make amends but his eyebrows came down in confusion at the bouquet on the countertop. He figured it was from your students and even smiled a bit, despite being pissed he always believed you deserved better pay and praise for working so hard. It wasn’t until he found the note inside the flowers where things took a turn for the worse.
“Thank you for helping me and Jeremy, and thank you for dinner. Next time is on me. -Jean.”
That fight resulted in Eren staying out late. You had woken up alone and cold, tears stained your cheeks and you knew you looked like hell when you got to work. He had slept in the guest bedroom and was gone even before you finished getting dressed. Your kids noticed your saddened mood and seemed to take it upon themselves to work quietly, Mikasa inquired about your mood during lunch and after listening for a while, shook her head.
“My brother can be an idiot. Jean’s always been a sensitive topic for him, but you should have told him about dinner.” She slightly scolded but held your hand in comfort.
“I know, but it just wasn’t a big deal. It was a pizza joint for kids, not a French restaurant with wine. He didn’t even listen to a word I said, he was so angry.”
“Did he hit you or say something he wasn’t suppose to?”
“He’s not like that, Mikasa.” He was, but only in the privacy of your bedroom and only when it was consensual. Eren would never intentionally inflict unwanted pain on you. He was dominant but you were his everything, he always treated you with respect, love, and admiration. You two were just kinky as shit behind closed doors. Mikasa offered little help, and even Connie only gave an apologetic smile. You felt alone.
So seeing him on the couch with the headset on and not even turning to glance at you when you walked in, hurt like hell. You put your stuff on the counter, the keys echoing a little too loud in the quiet space and the only other thing heard was the occasional automatic gaming sounds. You walked to your shared bedroom, seeing that he had tugged his suit off and scattered pieces here and there. You released a sigh before changing yourself. You decided to wear one of his t-shirts, it fell mid-thigh on your frame and you only left your panties on. The smell of his wafted your senses and you shed a few tears and sniffled as you cleaned up the room. He was so close but felt miles away from you. You longed for his touch but tried to fight the urge. After cleaning you decided to read a bit, grabbing your favorite novel you shyly walked to the living room. You couldn't touch him but you wanted to be near him nonetheless. Your husband only wore a pair of sweatpants and you felt tears pinch your eyes again, he was beautiful but so stupid.
Eren looked at you from the corner of his eye, he noticed you sporting one of his old tees from his time in the military and he pressed the button on the control a little harder than necessary. His eyes immediately shifted back when Levi’s voice came through the headset,
“Oi! Jaeger! Pay attention, brat! If you cost us the game, I will beat the shit out of you in our next meeting.”
“Yeah, Yeah I got it.” He said, seeing from his peripheral vision that his wife glanced at him. He felt annoyed, with you and with Jean, and he felt fucking pissed off. He didn’t mean to yell so harshly last night, and he left when he saw you get teary eyed, but why the fuck did you have to be so nice and go out to dinner with the one guy he fucking hated?
He could hear as you turned the pages of the book. He didn’t mind you being there, but it wasn’t helping his anger. You weren’t saying anything and you weren't making any moves towards him, but he knew it was the headset stopping you. When the round ended and the server was looking for a new match, he glanced at you. You were so entrapped by the chapter you didn’t notice; he did however notice you not wearing shorts. Your legs were bent as you balanced the book on your knees and gave him a good view of your pretty panties and Eren felt himself twitch in his sweats. It had been two painful weeks without any intimacy from you and he longed to pump a load in you.
The new game started and he noticed two additional players joining.
“Eren,” Mikasa said, “Is Y/N there?”
“Yeah,” He muttered, “Why do you ask?”
“Is she with you?”
“Tch,” He scoffed “Do you not have her number? Ask her yourself.”
“What’s with the attitude Jaeger?” Levi asked, “She’s asking a simple question. You and the missus fighting or did she finally realize how out of your league she is?”
Eren said nothing, but shifted to sit back on the couch. He had a deep scowl and you felt yourself worry. Were you annoying him by being there?
“It wasn’t like that and you know it. Jean’s wife died three months ago and he’s struggling. She’s helping his son at school, not everyone has a beautiful loyal wife like yours and it was an arcade pizza joint for shit’s sake. Keep up the shitty attitude Eren, and she’ll eventually get tired of it. Gods know we have.” Mikasa blabbed and he killed three enemies in one go. His jaw locked painfully hard at the new information and you scooted a bit closer to him, you reached out to him, your hand hanging mid-air, your book long forgotten as you needed him so badly. Your neediness was something he often encouraged but would treat with “punishments”. You just wanted him to look at you.
“Yeah,” Armin spoke for the first time, “Y/N’s kind but even kindness wears off. You gotta trust her.”
“What is this? Therapy?” Levi scoffed.
“Well I say let her get tired,” Connie had a tone that further annoyed Eren, “Maybe she’ll just up and leave this time.”
Eren released a gasp and you pinched the top of his joggers, you were on your knees on the couch now, closer to him than before but not too close to be pressed against him. Connie’s next words had him fuming.
“I mean...she did mention Jean was pretty nice.”
His breathing had deepened and his eyes met yours, the pretty green had deepened so darkly that you gasped. He spit the next words out.
“Suck my dick.”
You moved a little to eagerly. You wanted him so badly, and you weren't even sure he was talking to you but he lifted his arm to let you slip under. You laid your upper body on him sideways, your lower half still on the couch as you perched your ass up. You felt his arm on your upper back as he continued the game.
Lowering his sweatpants, you saw how he had no briefs on and let out a quiet moan as his hard cock slapped against his stomach. You looked up at his with big eyes and he briefly glanced at you, giving you a firm nod. You took him in your mouth with no time to waste, you hollowed out your cheeks and didn't care how messy you were being. Eren loved sloppy head and you couldn't remember the last time you were given free reign to do as you please with his cock in your mouth. His pre-cum was sweet and you felt dabbles of your spit collecting on the sides of your mouth, you released him and took a deep breath before spitting on the head of his dick and giving it a few licks, your hand worked him at the base. You looked at your husband and how his eyes lowered only slightly. It wasn’t enough, you ached for him in so many places and more than anything you longed to have him in you. The pressing of his arm on your back was a signal so you continued to suck him off. Your husband was large in size and thick enough to make you feel so full. Whatever couldn't fit in your mouth was taken care of by your hand, but you knew that if he wasn't playing the game he would have forced you to take all of him, ignoring your gags and pulling your hair when you could take a breath.
You were so focused that you didn’t notice the round had ended. Eren patted your head and you released him. Your jaw felt sore from the lack of use the past few weeks and you were a vision with your hair double in volume and chest heaving in breathlessness. He pressed a button that indicated his mic had been muted. He stared at you, tracing your lips with his thumb and swiping some of the spit off the swollen pair.
“My love?” You sat up on your knees, closer to him and pawed at his chest. He released a deep breath and shook his head.
“Take off your panties and sit on my lap.”
You happily stood up, giving him such a bright smile that he felt a tug at his chest. Your panties were quickly on the floor and he didn’t miss the fresh damp patch of white fluids on it. You helped lower his sweatpants before straddling his lap. Just when you were reaching for his dick, he locked your hands in one of his and gripped you by your jaw with the other. You whimpered as you stared with shock and confusion. He brought your face closer to his and said,
“You went out with a guy I fucking loathe, do you know how much that hurt? If you want my dick, you’re gonna have to work for it.” You opened your mouth to protest and he stuck two of his fingers inside.
You licked and sucked at them, lowering yourself so your slick was aligned with his member. You desperately humped Eren and he almost smirked at your desperation. You felt fucking amazing and he felt the urge to thrust up to further coat himself with your wetness.
“The next rounds gonna start. I want you to stay quiet and behave. Don’t piss me off anymore. I mean it.” He took out his fingers and you quietly spoke.
“Can I ride you while you play, my love? I promise I’ll be good. I’ll be a good wife and I won’t make a sound, I need you.” You wrapped your arms around his neck, peppering his face with kisses but he looked so aloof. As if you dripping on his dick was nothing and he could be doing something better with his time.
“You wanted to act like a whore, you can wait like one. Keep it warm but don’t fucking move.”
You nodded slowly and almost sadly, but you felt a fire in you coil in excitement. Eren was rough and mean in bed and it was something you fucking loved. He always spoiled you in public and was so undeniably sweet but it was these dark moments that got both of you off, it always led to the best sex.
“Daddy?” He slightly smirked, “Yeah, I bet you do have a thing for daddies.”
“Ere-” You began to protest but your words got cut off by Eren slapping you across the face. Hard. You felt the after sting and and his hand lingered for a few seconds, you turned your head and pressed a soft kiss to his palm to let him know it was okay.
He shook his head at you and pressed the button on his headset. You felt your pussy clench at nothing and it was the snap of his fingers that made you hustle. You grabbed the ends of his shirt before tugging it over your head and throwing it to the side. He looked around you at the screen, his face lacking any emotion as you slowly lowered yourself on him. You were plenty wet but adjusting to his size took a bit and it was so rare you had control.
Eren had other plans, one hand grabbing your waist as he pushed you forcefully down on him and your let out a small cry. You hid yourself in the crook of his neck and he felt your breath come out in a shudder, your pussy clenched him and he let out a breath of relief at feeling you, you were like a soft wet fist and he focused on not thrusting into you. He let his anger be his self-control. He gave your ass a slap, kneading the flesh before starting the round.
“What was that?” You could hear the group through the headset and stilled your movements, not wanting them to hear what you and your husband were up to. You felt incredibly dirty but that only made you wetter, your face hot with blush as you gave kisses to Eren’s neck and shoulder.
“Nothing important.” Eren replied to Armin in a bored tone. That stung only slightly, knowing he was doing it on purpose, you bit his cheek playfully and he shook his head as if disappointed and irritated.
You don’t know how long you stayed like that, sitting on his dick and trying hard not to grind on him. You kept giving him kisses, leaving him hickeys scattered across his collarbones, and letting your hands explore wherever they could land. You ran your fingers through his hair, scratching the back of his scalp and feeling rewarded when he hummed in approval. You whispered sweet things into his neck, being mindful of how close the mic was. You continued to drip on him and he felt it puddle on the couch.
“I love you.” You whispered, “You’re the only one for me, my love. I’m so lucky to have you.”
He shifted slightly, causing him to rub against your walls and you quietly made a lewd noise. His expression stayed blank but he moved two more times before settling back, his way of saying he liked what you were doing. You were getting a bit desperate, it felt like it had been twenty minutes and he still wasn’t hinting you to move.
“Levi, watch out. They’re heading your way.” Eren said, giving your hips a squeeze when you laid against his chest, he wanted to make sure you stayed a awake. The last time he put you in this position, you fell asleep on him and he had to fight the urge to fuck you in your slumber.
“Got it.” Levi said, “So Jaeger, if it’s Jean’s kid who’s taking your wife’s attention, why don’t you just have a little runt yourself?”
Y/N tensed at Levi’s words. Eren noticed and let out a sigh. He placed his chin on top of your head and mumbled-
“It’s not...that simple.”
“Shooting empty, eh?” Levi snickered and Eren could hear Mikasa let out a sound of disgust and Connie cackle. It was his next words that furthered his rage.
“Well you could always lend her to me for the night. She’s so pretty, I wouldn’t mind giving her a brat.” It was obviously a joke, but Y/N had met Levi a few times and couldn't deny that a little boy with his gray eyes would be cute. Her pussy involuntarily clenched and Eren grunted in annoyance.
He leaned all the way back now, his eyes looking over you in a bored manner and you smiled sweetly, pecking his lips a few times before resting your hands on his shoulders. He continued to look around you at the television but loved seeing your tits bounce. The slick of your heat and the build up wetness made a squelching noise every time your skins slapped against each other and you happily rode your husband. You made sure to stay quiet, biting down on your lip to not let out a few screams.
“I want a baby.” He said after some time, you felt tears build at the corner of your eyes and he glanced at you, his expression softening significantly and he nodded in encouragement. His hand cupped your breast, fingers pinching your nipple and you let out a soft moan. You arched into him and looked up at the ceiling as you felt yourself nearing. His hand had to leave to grab the controller and your decided to play with your breasts yourself. Your pace began to quicken and you continuous squeezing let him know you were close to an orgasm.
“I’m sure you two will get pregnant soon.” Armin’s words were so sweet and encouraging and you almost said thank you before remembering the position you were in.
“Yeah, you just have to keep trying.” Mikasa added.
“Trust me,” Eren laughed, “We’re trying.”
You rolled your eyes, slowing down a bit before he gave you a stern look. You blushed knowing you were just caught giving attitude but decided to pay for it later. You grinded against Eren harder, your hand desperately grabbing at everything as you felt the familiar tightening in your lower region.
“I’m-I’m...ngah!” You threw your head back, bright spots crossing your vision as you clamped down on him, your eyes screwed shut, and your voice was so high and breathless, “Eren!”
You slumped against him, body a little tired but buzzing with the post-orgasmic state. You left kisses on his chest.
“Hey Eren, I think Y/N called for you.” Connie said and you let out a quiet giggle in embarrassment that they heard that, thankful that they assumed it was you somewhere else and not knowing you were actually seated on his cock.
“Yeah, she did. Guess I better finish this off.” Eren smirked, “I’ll talk to you guys later.”
They bid their goodbyes and you stayed with your head on his chest as he threw the controller to the side. His hands ripped his headset off, tossing it away from him before you felt his hands on your hips. He tapped your thigh to make you look at him.
“You came without my permission, angel.”
“You were busy,” You looked down and fiddled with your fingers. “It’s not like I could have asked you.”
He scowled at you and you looked anywhere but at him, he gripped your jaw again before giving you another slap.
“Coming without my permission and talking back? You really want to piss me off, don’t you?” He chuckled. He tapped your lip, and you opened your mouth.
He spit right in and hummed in approval as he watched you swallow.
“Go to the room. Hands and knees, now.” He sent a smack to your ass as you got off him. Standing up you could see and feel how wet and horny you were for him, the inside of your thighs leaked all the way to the back your knees. Eren discarded his joggers, watching as you climbed onto your shared bed and hoisting your ass up in the air. He loved how well you arched your back for him. He had left a red welt on one cheek from how hard he spanked you.
As he mounted you from behind, you felt goosebumps rise on your skin as his fingers explored your inner folds. He rubbed your clit in soft circles before aligning himself with your entrance. You buried your head in the pillow as he bottomed out in you. This new angle was overwhelming and you could feel drool leaving your mouth as he began his onslaught, the stretch was enough to make you feel like you were on cloud nine. The one thing you loved about Eren was how lost he would get while fucking you, he would say the filthiest things and sometimes you would egg him on just so he could fuck you senseless.
“Fuck. Fuck. Tight, so fucking tight.” He hissed, “How are you still so tight after all this time? Guess we gotta get you a bigger toy, huh?”
You only nodded and made some incoherent noises. His hands grip your hips pulling them to smack harder against him and its making you moan so noisily. He slaps your ass a few times for good measure.
“Look at how good your pussy is sucking me in,” He went on, “Such a pretty pussy, my pretty pussy huh?”
His hips were slapping against your ass so hard as you nodded, “Yes daddy, yours all yours.”
“You’ve been behaving so bad, I have half a mind of coming on your back. Maybe get you to open that pretty mouth and coat that pretty face.”
You shook your head in protest, reaching behind you and grabbing him by his wrist in a feeble attempt to keep him in you.
“Use your words, angel.”
“I want you to give me a baby, please.” You cried out. This only made him slow his thrust to a painfully slow rhythm.
“You sure you want me to get your pregnant? From going to dinner with that asshole and getting turned on by what Levi said, it seems to me that you want just anyone to breed a bitch like you.”
For some reason you got bold, you looked back at him, admiring the thin layer of sweat covering his god-like body and smirked right at him.
“Well maybe I can take Levi up on his offer, he did say I was pretty enough.”
“You’d ask my former captain to get you pregnant?”
You shrugged and felt the sting of where he smacked your ass.
“What makes your think he would agree to it after seeing what a fucking cumslut you are? You think he could fuck you like this?”
You let out a soft laugh and almost regretted it because he hooked his fingers into your mouth, your spit going everywhere as he kept with his raw fucking.
“You’d like that would’t you? Getting his cock in you like this, having him fuck you where we sleep.” He didn’t let you respond as he suddenly sped up, it was beginning to burn but he ignored your cries. Gripping your hair he brought you onto your hands and you felt your tongue loll out of your mouth. He was hitting your cervix and it was so painful but so good.
“I’m gonna do you a favor and dump this load in you, then I’m taking you on your back like the good slut you are.”
You could only moan and clench your walls around him, he rocked harder against you and the sound of his deep throaty moan was heard before you felt warm cum coat your insides, you panted hard as Eren rode out his orgasm, using your sore and willing body to milk him dry.
He wasted no time in flipping you around. Your hair stuck to your forehead and your breath was erratic. Eren used his fingers to spread your lips, watching as his come oozed out before pushing it back in with his thumb.
Entering you this time, he worked to get you to come with him. He gripped your wrists so tightly you knew you would have to wear long sleeves for the next few days at school. The thought of any of the kids seeing made you burn with embarrassment. Eren noticed this.
“Why so red?”
“You’re hurting me,” You shyly state, one leg wrapping around his waist and the other was near his calf as he continued thrusting into you. “I’m gonna have to hide the marks.”
“Oh I see,” He chuckled, he released your wrists just to grab your jaw again, forcing your mouth open before spitting in it again, “Worried those little brats will find out just how much of a slut their Y/N is, huh? maybe the board would love to hear how much you beg for this cock, know about all the times you showed up to a meeting fucked out and cum filled.”
You panted harder, his words getting you off as you remembered the times you did show up to events with cum slicked thighs, you were sure some could even smell the sex off of you. You clamped on him harder, moaning and screaming loudly as you felt yourself near your second orgasm.
“Please let me cum,” You cried, soft tears leaving your eyes and Eren smirked, “Please come with me. Please. Please.”
You both rocked against each other, reaching the same climax at the same time. With a few more hard thrusts, Eren let out a loud howl that sounded almost non-human and your mouth felt open in a soundless gasp as you felt yourself squirt all over him and yourself. He collapsed on top of you, mindful of his weight but you didn’t mind. You loved when he did that and how warm his body was after sex. A few minutes passed as you both tried to catch your breath and he stayed inside of you even though he wasn’t as hard anymore.
Getting on his elbows, Eren looked to see that your cheeks were still red and eyes still hooded.
Beautiful green eyes peered into yours and you gave a smile.
“Hey.” He said to you, thumbs rubbing your cheeks.
“Hi.” You shyly mumbled, “I missed you, my love.”
“I know.” Eren looked away from you, leaning his head back and you began to move on him again. His hand on your hip halted your movements.
“I’m sorry about Jean and about the dinner and the flowers, please let me show you how you’re the only one I love.”
“You already did, baby. I heard about his wife, and the overtime,” Eren responded so steadily and quietly that you felt a sudden wave of panic, he was always calm before he would get aggressive. “Why didn’t you tell me that in the first place?”
“It hurt my feelings that you needed me to explain at all. I wanted you to trust me.”
“Angel,” He sighed, he rolled off of you and onto his side before bringing you closer to him but his eyes closed, he was still buried in you and you tentatively grinded on him to ensure he would stay hard, you weren’t done being like this yet. “You need to understand this. I thought Jean was a single dad, I had no idea about his wife. I hated thinking you were finding a family with him and Jeremy, especially since I haven’t been able to give you a baby.”
You shook your head like a child, grabbing him by either side of his cheeks you cooed at your husband, making him look at you. Your kissed him vigorously and heavily, you forced your tongue into his mouth and tried to mumble as many I love yous before he gripped your wrists and pulled away.
“Eren,” You pressed your chest against his, your nipples still taut and he sighed at the feel of you with him. It had been too long, these past two weeks when you two would be in bed there was no cuddling, once he woke up to you holding him from behind, your forehead between his shoulder blades and he reached behind him to touch you once over before untangling you from him. It pained him but he was clouded by anger and jealousy.
You brought his attention back to focus as you continued, “You are my home. You are my family. If we have a baby, I will be over the moon, but I want babies with you. Only you.”
“What if I can’t?”
“That’s okay!” You said to quickly and he gripped your chin again, bringing you close in an almost painful way.
“Don’t lie to me. I hear you in the shower, angel.”
You gasped before feeling tears pour from your eyes. You clung to him, crying out all the frustration from the fights and the past few weeks but murmuring how much you loved him and reassuring him that it was gonna be okay.
He believed you as hard as it was to do so. He knew you loved him immensely and he held you as you cried, shushing your whimpers and giving a few thrusts to reassure you that he wasn’t completely over the position you were in.
“I’m not done with you,” He said after a few minutes, “I’m gonna give you at least four loads tonight and two in the morning. I’m not stopping until I know you’re gonna be barefoot and full with my kids.
You beamed that smile he had been longing to see, capturing his lips with yours as he rolled you over and began thrusting into your heat. You moaned loudly and let out a sigh of pleasure. Your husband was so overbearing, and there was no certainty that you’d be pregnant by morning, but the way he snapped his hips to hit that spot made it worth it.
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#RampitUp1Kinktober Day 14
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced! Reader
Summary: Bucky smashed and dashed and now you want to smash in his skull. Will you give him another chance?
1Kinktober Kink: Creampie
Word Count 2.2K
Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI. SMUT! Read at your own risk, smash and dash, anger, pining, jealousy, mention of sex toy, online dating, a lil bit of knife play, a lil bit of stalking, lol bit of dub con, creampie, cum play, oral (f receiving) fluff. Not Beta’d. All errors my own. Dividers by @firefly-graphics.
This occurs in the time gap within Always between strip poker and the wedding. It’s also in the same AU as Validation.
A/N: This is for the 14th DAY of #rampitup1Kinktober! TYSM for following me! 🧡
I Do NOT Consent to my work being reposted, translated or presented on any other blog or site other than by myself.
After the strip poker game, and the night you two shared, Bucky had regrets.
You really were Steve’s girl and he had no rights. And you were too good for him anyway. But damn, he sure did feel good when he was with you. And fucking you did not make him get over his infatuation.
He was pretty sure he was in love.
So of course he tried to push you away. He was going to try and make you realize that you were his, even if you didn’t love him.
When you woke up the next morning, you weren’t really surprised that Bucky was gone not just from your bed, but from the Tower. But you were pissed.
You were tired of these damn super soldiers leaving you. You had something for James Barnes’ ass.
Bucky went halfway around the world and still couldn’t get away from you. Your taste, your touch, your smell was with him even in his dreams. And that was a vast improvement. He realized that he just threw away his one chance at happiness. He headed back to NYC, and you, after ten days of trying to forget you.
F.R.I.D.A.Y. let you know when Bucky landed, so you were ready for him.
Nat was talking to him as you walked into the common room.
You greeted him “Oh, hello Barnes. Didn’t realize you’d left.”
You breezed past him and Bucky knew this would be an uphill battle.
“Yeah, I needed time to… think.”
His eyes tried to capture yours but you were giving him no play.
“Must be hard for you, so I see why you needed space.”
You went over to Nat and motioned to the box, promptly ignoring Bucky.
You waved the small box around and Nat’s eyes lit up.
“Ohhh! Let’s see.”
You looked at Bucky as if you didn’t want him to know.
Nat lowered her voice. “Oh, don’t mind him.”
“I guess you’re right. He wouldn’t know what to do with it.”
You opened the package and showed Nat.
“It’s from PinkCherry. It’s a clit flicker.”
Nat grinned at you and nodded her head at Bucky.
“Oh, he probably can’t even hear us, you know, old men lose their hearing, among other things.”
You and Nat giggled and you couldn’t help but notice Bucky’s jaw clench.
“Okay. But I thought you had that date with the guy you met online.”
“I do. Tomorrow. But I figured I needed a machine that worked to take care of me in the meantime. You can’t trust men for shit.”
Bucky took off his glove at that moment and the vibranium shined in the afternoon light. You cleared your throat, and your mind, of the memory of what that appendage could do.
“Don’t let what Steve did affect your opinion of everyone, love.”
“Oh, I don’t have a negative opinion of everyone. Just super soldiers.”
Nat laughed and cut her eyes at Bucky. He was looking out of the window, steam rising from his head. Him being in the room for this conversation was not lost on her.
“We can talk later, I have a debriefing right now.”
Nat left you and Bucky alone in the common room. You gathered your box and moved to leave when Bucky caught your arm.
“Get the fuck off me James.”
Bucky let go of you.
“Are you going to tell me that you’d rather a toy get you off than me?”
He was trying to summon his 80 year old cool, but it didn’t look like it worked.
You gave a good front, because your clit was actually screaming that she wanted Bucky, not some toy. But right now you’d be damned if you let him hurt you.
“What I’m going to tell you is that I’m not interested in you getting me off like some casual jump off and then leaving without saying goodbye. I don’t have time for games.”
You stalked off down the hallway, pissed at your reaction. Damn him.
The next night, you put your best freakum dress and made your way to the restaurant that you were going to meet the guy you met on the dating app, Will.
You booked a room upstairs, just in case. You wanted to try a regular guy for once. You wanted a nice, normal, fucked up personal life with a nice, normal, fucked up person.
Will was cute, corny, but nice, and you were having fun with him on the dance floor. You were trying to give it to him and he seemed to begin to know what to do with it.
Bucky watched you from the bar. He was seething. He couldn’t believe that you were letting this fella believe that he had a chance with you. He felt so bad for the guy that he decided to let him live.
Your watch flashed the comms signal, and you excused yourself, thinking there was an emergency at the tower. As you went to the restroom to call, a hand reached out and grabbed you. You fought until you turned around to see who your attacker was.
“Bucky? What the fuck? What are you doing?”
“The question is, what are you doing, Doll?” His face looked wrecked. You almost didn’t care.
“Wait. Did you just ping my watch? I’m so done with you James.”
Bucky grabbed your hand again and you pointed one of his own knives at his neck. You’d taken it off him in the scuffle.
He put his hands up and backed up against the wall. He loved you even more as you threatened his life.
You pressed the tip to his skin until a small bead of blood appeared. You stared at it, wanting to lick it off his skin. Your eyes flicked up to his.
“You left without saying a word. I'm actually glad that you showed me who you were before I got in too deep. You’re just like your bestie. You can go to wherever he is.”
You pressed the knife a little deeper.
Bucky knew exactly who you were talking about. He who must not be named.
“I’m not Steve, Doll. The only way you’re rid of me is if you leave me.”
Bucky’s hand came up slowly and took the knife from you as tears welled in your eyes.
“Let’s go up to your room and I’ll show you who I am. And then I’ll leave you alone if you want. I promise.”
You shook your head.
“Your promises don’t mean shit, James.”
You turned and started back down the hallway toward the dance floor. You stopped and turned and looked over your shoulder.
“You coming or not?”
In the room, you sat down on the bed, crossing your legs and arms, beautiful thighs on display. You made him harder than staring at your turned back and ass in the elevator when you refused to look at him.
“You have 10 minutes. I have a date.”
“Oh, you mean William? He’s gone. Sudden flood in his apartment.”
You glared at him.
“You’re an asshole. You know that?”
“Not too much of an asshole, because he’s still alive, but an asshole nonetheless. And that’s part of the reason why I left. I’m an asshole who doesn’t deserve you. But I want you. So now what?”
You stood up, anger rippling through you.
“Is that it? Is that your big speech to win me back? You don’t get everything you want. You’ve got to come with more than that.”
Bucky stepped toward you, invading your space like you didn’t realize you wanted him to since he got back.
“It’s all I got, Doll. Oh, and the fact that I love you.”
You opened and then closed your mouth, looking at him incredulously.
While your head was spinning, Bucky reached out with his metal arm and pulled you to him. He slid it down your waist to your ass, where it started whirring as he rubbed it and moved it around to the front of your dress, inching it up with his fingers as his palm vibrated against your pussy.
“Did I hear you say you needed a machine to work your clit?”
‘Yes! Oh yes,’ you said in your head, but out of your mouth came, “I hate you, Bucky.”
You murmured it in that sexy, needy way that set him on fire. And then your eyes rolled back as his heated metal fingers slipped into your panties and whirred at just the right frequency to get you off quickly and efficiently. He muffled your cries with a kiss.
God you loved how he handled you.
“I love the way you look when I make you cum. You still gotta go?”
You lowered your eyes, and whispered, “No.”
“Then fucking look at me. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
You watched as Bucky pulled out his knife and cut your dress and panties off of you. You were dripping down your thighs at this point.
“I love you Doll, but I won’t abide by anyone else thinking that they can have what is mine. Now get on that bed, ass up.”
Bucky hoped this was working. He only had one chance.
It was working.
Possesive Bucky was turning you the fuck on. You did as you were told.
You heard Bucky moving behind you, probably taking his clothes off. You felt the bed dip as he climbed behind you and spread your thighs. He swiped one finger up your folds.
“Mmmmmm. Doll. I’ve been dreaming of this beautiful cunt since I left. This creamy pussy is mine. Don’t ever anyone else think they have a chance at it.”
You didn’t say anything and after a few seconds, you received a resounding slap from Buckly’s human hand.
“What did I say?”
“You were spouting some chauvinistic, hypocritical….”
Another smack, and another silenced your words and turned them into yelps of pain until your ass warmed up and you began to like it.
When you started moaning is when Bucky leaned down and started fucking you with his tongue. He pulled you back on his face and you came again in no time.
“You’re mine.” His whisper was gravelly and desperate, and making you quiver.
Bucky turned you over as he wiped his face with his arm.
“I wanna see your face when I fuck you to that realization.”
Bucky pulled your thighs down to meet his. You couldn’t help but notice how hard his cock was, bobbing against his abs. You also couldn’t help but lick your lips.
“You want my cock in your mouth?”
You wouldn’t admit it, but he could read the look in your eyes.
“Maybe later, I’ll feed it to you Doll. Right now, you’ve got to know that you are mine.”
You were two orgasms in and ready for more; there was no doubt in your mind that you were his. But he didn’t know that.
Bucky leaned down on one elbow, hand in your hair and pulling it from the scalp, pain delicious. He took his cock in his hand and positioned it at your opening while looking at your face. He pushed in slowly, savoring the expressions as he tore your soul apart with his dick.
Your mouth opened and you moaned, “Fuuuuucckkkkk!”
Bucky closed his eyes and dipped his head, your expressions too much for him. The thrill of you was causing butterflies.
“Got me close already Doll. I am ready to spill for you everytime I see you. Damn. I love you. You’ve got to know that. »
He was stroking inside you, making you feel every inch of him. He knew how to destroy you. And that’s why you were his.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, and you make me feel so… fuck. You make me feel. You ground me. You bring me back to life.”
His words, as much as his actions, were getting you so high right now.
“Good god, James…”
“I don’t know if he’s good, but he has to be real because this….” He leaned down and kissed you. “... this is a miracle.”
He was stroking deep and completely. You felt molded to him. There could never be anyone else.
“And I’m going to cum inside you tonight until I am dripping out of your pores.”
When he whispered it in your ear and you started to cum, squeezing his cock for dear life.
“Fuck Doll. Fuck. I didn’t mean to make you cum again so soon. How did it happen?”
You could sense his smile, but you didn’t care.
“I fucking love you, James. Against my better judgement, I love you….Oh!”
Bucky didn’t dream that he would hear those words from you. He just hoped to get you addicted to him physically. He leaned up and took your head in his hands.
“What did you say?”
You glared at him. “I love you. That’s why I was so p…”
Bucky cut you off with a kiss, then put his hand around your throat as he pounded his cum into you.
He groaned at the feel of his release, and at you clenching around him. Then he collapsed onto you, both of you sweaty and spent.
He kissed your neck, and then climbed down your body to see his accomplishment. He opened your legs to see his spend seeping out of you. He licked your thighs and pushed the cum back inside you with two fingers, and wasn’t able to help himself from fucking them into you.
Bucky felt your swollen pussy quivering and he smiled as his tongue cleaned you up, inside and out. You tugged on his hair as he began to make you cum again.
“If you love me, you’ll let me make it up to you. Love you. Cherish you.”
“Will you let me do the same?”
“I’m not worthy, Doll. But I will try.”
And his lips went to work on worship.
I accidentally deleted this whole fic and had to recreate it. 🥴. Ugh! Let me know. 🙈
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Do you have any long kiribaku fic requests? Like, 100k, 200k, 300k etc
Something I can sit with for a bit? I’ve been burning through so many that are under 50k and I love that but I have a weekend free to do nothing for the first time in forever and want to settle in
I'm actually glad that someone has asked for this rec because I've been feeling really bad lately that my account has been so inactive while I recover.
So, to try and make up for it, I've put together this rec list of some longer kiribaku fics (maybe not 300k but still pretty long) that have had such a profound impact on me since I've joined the fandom, some of which have really helped with and improved my writing!
I hope you find something of interest among these choices, Anon, as I've enjoyed them all so much! <3
1. In the Roaring Autumn by thegrimzuera. (94k)
I'm in the process of re-reading this fic at the moment! A College AU with Katsuki as the main POV (which I love) and his characterization is so well done. I actually picked up and adapted a lot of my current Katsuki writing from this fic when I was first figuring out how to write his character! Highly recommend, Kirishima is a lovely jock who ends up teaching a scorned Katsuki about friendship and how being manly means taking responsibility for your actions. A slow burn that is very well done, all around just a really fun read and so I am reading it again (and again and again and again and...)
2. Tomorrow, Today by timetoboldlygo. (87k)
It's been a while since I've read this fic but I've been meaning to come back to it for some time now (HAH, that's like a pun without the set up because -) It's a Time-Travel AU! Love love love that. Future Husbands Bakugou and Kirishima get sent back into their old junior high bodies (to before they met at Yuuei, if I'm remembering correctly). Lots of feelings and working through marital conflicts. I think the story did a good job of taking the usual time-travel trope and giving it an interesting spin from a new perspective that I hadn't seen before!
It's where my love for analyzing Bakugou's younger behaviors came from and probably what eventually spawned the creation of my OC fic later! 😁
3. Broken Bridges by DeathBelle. (68k)
Have you ever, uh... have you ever, um, pining?? Yeah. That's this fic. Future Pro-Hero's Red Riot and Ground Zero haven't spoken since their graduation from Yuuei High, and it's a wild ride once they bump into each other again at an active villain site (so bad at trying not to spoil things, ahaha). Another really fun read, a bit on the shorter side compared to the others on this list but it's longer than A Secret Admirer (which might be my longest fic on this account) so I thought it was worth mentioning!
4. Opposed to the Typical by heronfem. (178k)
I've talked about this one before (quite recently maybe) and while I was only ever able to read through this once so far, it has stayed in my head for so much longer afterwards, and I think that's a true testament of a great story! Super immersive, really pulls you in for the long haul. If you enjoy lots of world building and fun imagery, fashion labels and plenty of artsy drama, I highly recommend this fic. You can tell a lot of time and attention to detail went into this one, and for that it has gained a ton of my respect!
5. Crown of Thornes | Book 1 by WonderBoyz. (111k)
I'm still in the process of reading this one so I don't know all of what happens but as far as Fantasy AUs go, this has really captured my attention. It's gritty, it's got action, lots of conflict and plot twists, I just imagine the fic author must have had so much fun writing this and that gets me really excited to read more! And it's part of a series so there's even more to read after!
6. Moment of Truth by Fanficismything. (104k)
This is going to be a really bold claim for me to make, alright? But. This might be my favorite fic on ao3. I have read this fic numerous times because it's a great adaption of one of my favorite tropes and I had so much fun reading it that it literally can't be anything other than my favorite fic. A kiribaku rom-com based on the 2009 movie The Proposal (AKA the greatest fucking movie of all time). I would cradle this fic in a blanket because it just hits all of my comfort feels and makes me so happy. I implore you that if you think you don't need this fic in your life well, then, you are simply wrong. 😂
7. An Abundance of Penguin Shit by Vixensheart. (214k)
An Animal Handler AU Y'ALL THIS IS THE SHIT I LIVE FOR! I really enjoyed this fic for so many different reasons, and this is another piece of work that heavily influenced my own portrayal of Katsuki in my writing; I thought his characterization in this was really interesting and leaned on a lot of certain traits of his that I hadn't really considered much before reading this one. There's also (similar to: Opposed to the Typical) so much great detailing and world building and character analysis, ugh I love it sooo much you don't even know. BAKUGOU PLAYS WITH A MF PENGUIN AHXBHAXBA. It's so damn cute and I honestly can't get enough of it. Always recommending. Always always.
8. Metallic Bonds by Kaustikha. (106k)
This is another new fic for me that I've just recently gotten my hands on; a Fullmetal Alchemist AU! I've never really dabbled in Fullmetal Alchemist before (yet) but this AU is written so well that honestly, I almost feel like I don't even need to know much at all to enjoy it. It's already so entertaining on its own, the dynamics are really interesting and I'm just all-in-all super hooked on this one right now! I'm really excited to see where it goes!
9. Chitchat and Pencil Pushers by beebuzz. (92k)
Of course, I literally could not have made this list without mentioning this fic. A Job Office AU that I find myself coming back to time and time again. Lots of pining and really I don't know what it is about Insert-Regular-Job-Here AU's that I enjoy so much when it comes to kiribaku, but it has my entire soul.
I enjoyed each of these fics for their various own reasons, but mostly I enjoyed all of them and felt the need to add them all into this list because I can tell just how much effort and energy has gone into these works. The characterization is always really well done, the character's conversations feel authentic and engaging, the struggles that they all face vary so drastically (while somehow all being the same exact characters) that it is honestly so fascinating to me to read through these works and know that, inherently, they are all the same story rewritten with a new skin but, outwardly, they're so unique and show so much personality and range between them all.
Isn't that so amazing?? I feel like that's so amazing... maybe I'm just going insane after quarantine, ahaha :,D
Both are viable options, but whichever way that it is, a huge shout-out to these writers and to the others who I have been binging on this hellsite (affectionate) since I got here. Some of these stories bring so many people comfort and entertainment, myself included, and it's nice to be able to share them with you as well!
I hope you find something fun to read! ❤️🧡
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10 years of languages
Soon it’s going to be my birthday and I realized I’ll have around 10 years since I self-study languages. To celebrate this, I have decided to make a masterpost with tips: 10 years, 100 tips. The tips will be based on my personal experience over the years.
1st year (here we have 13 years old me who is very motivated to learn English, this section will be a mess)
You won’t know where to start, the internet is a great place to start with btw (tumblr and reddit have a lot of posts but ofc 13 years old me didn’t know of these so i didn’t use the internet...).
Your desire to learn fast will be out of control, you’ll be frustrated because you’re slow so accept that it will take some time.
After some weeks, maybe months, you’ll have a mental breakdown; in order to avoid it, don’t put pressure on yourself, don’t compare yourself, don’t hurry yourself and don’t belittle yourself because you can’t catch up with this fantasy you have of how things should go.
You will feel lost so don’t be afraid to start over (i re-started learning French for 5 or 6 times and guess what, i loved that; i got amazing basic skills because of that).
There might be people who will discourage you at this point, you’ll hear that not everyone can learn languages, that it’s hard, that you should focus on other things.
Your motivation will run out after a short while and this year can look like a mess because of that; this is the hardest year for learners because you need to 1) put yourself together every 2 weeks and 2) you need to learn about yourself.
Being stuborn and not asking for help will slow you down, really, if you found someone who learns languages, just drown them in questions. Who doesn’t like to talk about their passions?
This year... is the year when you judge yourself a lot so my advance is, NO ONE IS BORN A MASTER, BE A SHAMELESS BEGINNER.
Everyone will have an opinion about you and your interests suddenly “i’m better than you at English”, “i don’t think you will be off any good with English” or “you aren’t special for learning it, so shut up” (yes, these are from my classmates from back then) so have a thick skin.
Towards the end of this year, you might feel more lost than in the beginning and also on the point of giving up.
Find a study method you enjoy (reading fanfiction was the start of my interest in languages and this time i didn’t give up because i love reading).
You don’t need to know why you want to improve/learn a language; learning a language without a reason it’s okay (this was English for me).
There are no good or bad reasons to learn a language, learning a language out of spite is alright (French and Danish for this one).
Fewer resources = less confusion; choose 1-2 (max 3) for each skill (vocabulary, grammar, speaking, listening, writing, reading, culture).
Find your own study style, experiment!
You might have to adapt based on your language, resources, goal etc. There’s no reason to use the same methods every time.
You’ll sometimes avoid studying (for weeks, months etc) that’s alright. Everyone has such moments.
Do not compare yourself to others unless it motivates you but don’t do it at the cost of your mental health. Sooner or later you start to feel the pressure.
Duolingo and memrise are very popular apps for beginners. Give them a try, you might enjoy them. However, they’re not enough on their own so make sure you study with some other resources as well.
Don’t be afraid to give up on certain books, apps, methods etc. Not everything will work for you.
No book, site, app etc is good enough. For example, textbooks don’t have all the exceptions, enough exercises, examples etc. it’s important to double check what you learn with other sources.
Studying with friends/other language learners can be fun. Just be careful not to compare yourself.
When you read, don’t translate everything, sometimes you’ll figure out from the context what it means.
Based on your preferences or goals, focus on some skills or all of them; fewer skills = more time for each.
Not everyone wants to speak the language, don’t feel pressured to speak it if that’s not your goal or you don’t want that.
Hinative (or another place with natives) is great for clarifications. You got a question? Someone has an answer, just ask.
Your progress won’t be linear. Some days you forget what you study, it takes time and practice to remember everything and make it your second nature.
Sing! Songs help a lot with your listening and pronunciation skills. Plus, it’s fun.
Natives don’t always know the answer or they don’t know how to explain it. Go to an advanced learner in this case.
Practice on to-go; there are several games, apps, videos etc you can use to practice while you wait in line or you have a break at school.
Explaining things to others is a great way to strenghten your own skills.
Having a schedule might work for you.
A schedule might not work for you, figure out how you can keep yourself accountable without having less fun.
Not everyone will support your language choices (you have no idea how often i got asked “why Danish???”).
Whenever you feel a burnout near, do not push through it; take a break!
Alternatively, study at a minimum if you want to make progress.
Reading about others’ habits can help you experiment new methods so talk with other learners, read books on language learning etc.
The speed of your progress depends on many factors (your experience with languages, your native language, your other languages, your resources, your schedule etc) there’s no formula for this that works for everyone.
If you study multiple languages, have a plan of some sorts; do you have a language that’s a priority? do you have a deadline for any of them? more languages = more attention to how you keep track of them.
Classes are a pain, they will not help you much.
At the same time, there are people who work best under a teacher but not everyone needs to attend a class (also, just because a teacher is teaching, it doesn’t mean they’ll work well for you).
You do not need “talent” to learn a language; you need persistance and a bit of self-awareness so you figure out what works best for you.
On the same note, people will dismiss your hard work by saying “you must really have a calling for languages” or “you are really talented”; in these moments, you see before your eyes all the hours spent studying dismissed by “talent”; my only tip for this is to either tell them not to dismiss your hard work or just give up trying to explain yourself to them.
How you study is more important than for how long you study; you can spend 2 hours doing reviews on words you are aware you know well or you can do 20 min of working in a workbook to practice a new grammar concept, this leads me to the next tip.
Know when you practice because you need that practice and when you practice concepts you mastered just to feel productive.
Mistakes will terrify you and that’s okay; they’re scary but they also show you where to focus more so embrace them because no one will make fun of you.
You’ll start mixing languages after a while, even forgetting words in your native language (other times you remember the word you need in only 1 language and no one understands it so you’re frustrated in the end).
The amounts of time you’ll get tips from people who don’t study languages is astonishing so don’t let those tips influence you unless you think they’re actually going to work (”your brain will fry if you keep studying languages”, 10 years in and i don’t smell any smoke yet).
Pretty notes don’t mean that they’ll work for you; write the notes in such a way they help you!
The easiest formula for notes is this: [concept], [explanation] and [example]
The easier the explanations, the better for you.
There are people who don’t take notes, you don’t need to do that if it doesn’t work for you.
Writing practice helps a lot with your speaking practice.
Also, passive skills (listening, reading) are a bit less effective than active skills (writing, speaking), if you focus only on passive skills, increase the amount of study time.
Lingodeer is similar to duolingo but it’s a bit better for Asian languages.
Clozemaster is nice for vocabulary practice.
Beelinguapp great for listening and reading.
50languages does wonders for your listening skills.
Forvo is a great site if you need to see how you say a word, sentence, idiom etc.
You need to admit to yourself that you feel overwhelmed every once in a while.
Irregular verbs can be learned through practice; workbooks, speaking, writing, reading, whatever you choose, practice (yes, they’re a pain for everyone, irregulars and prepositions).
Not learning a particular language anymore is alright, stop if you need to.
You won’t be interested in everything language related, that’s alright.
You also won’t be interested in all languages and that’s also alright.
There will always be something to improve, don’t belittle yourself because you don’t know 10,000 words or you don’t know all the idioms, you’ll learn them over time.
Whenever grammar or vocabulary overwhelms you, think of it in chunks: grammar = 2-3 books, vocabulary = 500 words (A1), 1000 (A2), 2000 (B1), 4000 (B2), 8000 (C1), 16,000 (C2) [these are the CEFR levels for language learners, A = beginner, B = intermediate, C = advanced]
Don’t trust people to assign a level to you if they aren’t official instructors for an exam or a trust worthy person (i had a teacher who told me i’m B1 and the month after that i got a C1 certificate from Cambridge).
Slowly is great for chatting with people around the world and the app is very cautious with who you might talk to.
Not keeping up with your plan or schedule is alright. They're tools and you can always change your mind or adapt. Don't feel forced to respect something you decided if it doesn't fit the circumstances anymore.
Attending classes is not enough. Even if they're college level, you still have to practice/study on your own outside of the class.
Life happens. Sometimes you can't make languages a priority regardless of how much try.
Do not allow others to compare to you. I mentioned earlier not to compare yourself but there's also the trend of allowing others to use you as a comparison.
The more time passed, the easier it is to practice/learn/study a language. You have more knowledge, more experience. Basically you have an easier time.
You can always learn a new study method or find a new resource so be open to new things.
Your studies belong to you. Others can offer suggestions but you decide how you do things in the end. This is important because there are teachers who will take credit for your all of your skills even if they didn't help more than 10%. You can also lose interest in a language because of others and a way to avoid these 2 scenarios is to remember that your studies belong to you.
If you decide to teach someone, adapt to their learning style. Don't force your style onto them.
You can find many textbooks in a PDF format online.
You can also borrow textbooks from a library. There's no need to buy textbooks. However, if you want to have some sort of books, get fiction or something about culture. (I see a bunch of pictures with people having grammar books, stacks of grammar books and i don't encourage anyone to buy 10 books for the same language unless it brings something new. Getting 10 books on the same topic but from different publishers won't make you advance faster.)
Investing into apps, programs, books isn't necessary. Unless you know you'll use them, there's no need to buy anything. The internet has enough stuff for free.
The fastest way to learn how to use vocabulary is to 1) see how it is used in a text and then 2) use it on your own. This works with large amounts of vocabulary. However, if you learn 3-5words, choosing them randomly and then looking for examples online then making your own examples works as well.
Writing words with no translation (if you make vocab lists) makes it a bit more efficient to learn the words by recalling them.
When you don't remember a word, the fastest way to get over this is to reformulate the sentence or think for synonyms.
You can't start from where you left if you take a long break. (A few months) You need to at least look over everything you studied prior.
Everyone is stressed when they use their language skills. If it seems easy, it's not. Everyone has a hard time.
Having a blog about your studies doesn't bring you motivation, discipline etc. It might does for a short while but then poof, it's gone.
Any study related community can bring stress to you. You feel pressured by expectations or aesthetics you see around. It's better to minimize the contact if you notice your thinking shifting towards a toxic direction.
Everyone has an opinion about everything. Having an opinion doesn't mean you're also right. Everyone is unique so even if everyone seems to agree upon trend X, there will always be an exception. Experiment and see before forming an opinion based on others' words.
Drops is a minimalist app for learning vocabulary. It's quite nice if you're on to-go.
You can find texts in your target language on wikipedia but don't feel the need to check them just to do it. You can read on wattpad stories, you can find PDFs with literature etc. You'll always find resources if you know where to look for them.
A diary for your languages is next level. You can write texts and practice writing but you can also write down what you've done recently in order to keep track of your progress.
Having your progress written somewhere will always motivate you. Why? Because you see what you've done.
Do not feel pressured to learn certain languages because someone says so. Whatever reasons you have, make sure they're your choice.
There's no formula for studying languages. If something works for you, then that's all that matters.
You never stop learning a language. There's always something new to learn so don't put a time limit on your progress unless you know that will work for you.
You don't have to prove to anyone anything. If someone tells you to "say something" or other similar things, just say you don't want to and move on. It's no one's business what you study or how. Or just say the word for "something".
You don't need to know everything. I don't learn swear words for example. Do i see them every once in a while? Yes. Are they essential to my learning journey? Not for me. I don't plan to use them. If you don't want to learn about a certain topic, then don't. After all, how many people you know who can talk about advanced medical procedures? What about quantum physics?
Building consistency is difficult. The secret is to do something ridiculously easy like learn 1 new word or do 1 lesson on duolingo.
There will always be ups and downs. Sometimes the reason is external, other times is internal. However, every problem has at least 1 solution so think how you can solve it.
However you study, make sure you enjoy it and the process makes you happy.
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Wow I found another great writer, nice to meet you. You have a good imagination love your story XD
Btw do you mind to write about ntr genre? Like Eunbi make a reader cheating with his couple because eunbi so irresistible and make a reader cheating. Thanks
Oh and make titjobs for her if you write eunbi story again
Boyfriend of the Year (Kwon Eunbi)
Kwon Eunbi x M!Reader Smut (ft. Choi Yena)
Warnings: Cheating, rushed editing
Notes: Hope this is what you're looking for. Thank you for the kind words too :)
"You do know that it's okay if you want to go take that interview someday else, right? You don't have to rush things."
Sweet, sweet Yena. She has always been so thoughtful. You will never know how you ended up with such a sweet pretty girl who deserves so much more.
You wonder how she bears with you sometimes.
You smile up at her before taking her small hand in yours and kissing the smooth palm. "I'll be fine, Yena. It's time to take that interview. I really feel like that it's the one."
"You've got the degree for it," she says cheerfully. "They like it when you got a degree in hospitality for managers."
"Yeah, I know. But what if I don't have like … the skill for it? You know what I mean?"
Yena cups your face and squeezes your cheeks. "And that's why you can take the interview another day if you're not confident yet!" she singsongs.
A healthy smothering of kisses goes your way. Her ducky lips keep meeting your face, every inch kissed and kissed and kissed.
You giggle. You have always felt loved by Yena since she is so open about it. She loves kissing and hugging you till your face is stained with her pink lipstick, and she also enjoys the small little moments when you two would take your love into the bedroom.
You smile just thinking about it. Yena has the most perfect body: cute tits that look small yet protrude against your face when freed from the bras, and a slim healthy figure that she is very proud of. Now, combine that with a sweet and loving girl and you get Choi Yena as the answer.
She leans down to kiss your nose. "Also, if it doesn't work out," she offers, "I have another guy who's willing to accept you immediately, remember?"
You chuckle at your girlfriend's cartoonish antics. You lean up to reciprocate the kiss, then pinch one of her plump cheeks.
"I just want a challenge," you explain. "I can't just keep living life easy. It isn't like that."
You don't want to get something you haven't worked for; you want to finally achieve something difficult to get for once. Not everything is going to be given to you with gold spoons and forks; you have to actually work hard for this.
So far, you've tried to get three different jobs and you failed. You're not angry; you knew what you were getting into and are willing to improve. But you are a little frustrated.
Frustration is what's going to drive you to get this job. You swear all your troubles will end with this.
"Well, alright. But just so you know, if it doesn't work out, you can always tell me. We'll work it out together, okay?"
Do you even deserve Yena?
You pull her into your lap and wrap your arms around her small figure. You are not good with words; you've never been, so you try to speak through this tender embrace.
You hope that, despite not saying anything, Yena knows you love her just as much she loves you—probably even more—and that you would never leave her. Ever.
You're totally convinced you would ace this interview.
Reasons? Alright, you'll lay them out one by one.
First off, you've already consulted your friends about this. You have thought about their opinions and kept their advice in mind. In fact, it was your friend Irene who told you about this vacant space at the Kwon Hotel.
"It's a very popular luxury hotel," she had told you. "I'm serious. Big names like Mariah Carey and Beyoncé choose to stay there when they have concerts here in Korea. It's that good."
That's where the second reason goes in: it's a luxury hotel. You've worked in those before, and have gotten paid very well. Another one wouldn't hurt. And if Beyoncé would choose it, it would surely be the best.
Three: you have weighed the pros and cons. You have listed them all down and thought extensively about them.
One of the cons is that the Kwon Hotel is a little far from your apartment with Yena. Yena wouldn't like that, but she would also be very supportive of you. She knows how much you've wanted to pursue something that isn't given to you just because of connections and money.
The pros outweigh the cons. There are just so many of them: good wages, a free suite once you've proven your worth around in there, and free food. Who wouldn't want that? That's the dream for anyone.
And you intend to bring that dream to life.
After the taxi drives you the 2-hour ride to the Kwon Hotel, you pay the driver and open the door to step out.
Oh, boy. You would've fallen back into incoming traffic if you did not hold yourself back.
You've seen the pictures of the hotel in the e-mail they sent you, but the camera fails to capture how beautiful the hotel really is to the human eye.
Your jaw drops to the floor. The hotel is twenty to fifty stories tall, higher than the buildings surrounding you in this urban city. The walls are a creamy white color, and trees stand on the sidewalk that lead to the front steps. On the highest floor, there is a beautiful rooftop dinery that the sun is bright upon, and old rich men in designer suits and young women in luxurious clothes scurry all about the hallways.
Holy fuck, you say to yourself. You better ace this interview.
You feel a little small in your basic black suit and tie, but you tell yourself that if you do this right, you might be able to take Yena here.
You enter the building. Once you get in, you see how the inside interior is even more beautiful than the outside. The marble floor is smooth against your leather shoes, and cold air-conditioning makes the hairs on yout neck stand.
You walk to the counter. Behind it is a young man in formal uniform who greets you politely and asks you if you'd like to book a room. He introduces you to the extremely high prices that make your eyes wider with every price.
"U-Uh, no, I'm not here to book a room," you clarify. Thankfully, you add in the back of your mind. "I'm actually here for my interview."
"Great. Ms. Kwon is waiting for you."
"Wait, you're not the one who's gonna . . . you know, interview me?"
The man shakes his head. "No. Ms. Kwon likes to do the interviews herself. She is waiting for you at the rooftop."
A sudden chill of fear attacks your spine. No one has prepared you for the idea of meeting up with the CEO her-fucking-self.
No no no no no no. This is not going to go well. You—a mere little boy looking for a job—being interviewed by the Ms. Kwon? You're going to fail!
But you remember you have asked for this. You wanted a difficult thing to accomplish, and now it is given to you. Why are you even complaining.
Throat tight, you nod stiffly. "Please lead the way."
You try to relate yourself to the elevator; it is going through a lot of ups and downs at the moment.
You try to chuckle at your own joke, but you are too nervous to. Fear rushes through your veins at just the thought of being judged and weighed by such an established figure.
Everyone knows Kwon Eunbi. She's known for her hotel (of course), and the many successful establishments she's built at just the tender age of 26. She built the school near your home for richer kids. She has a restaurant in this hotel and a mansion in Beverly Hills.
And you? You're a wimp in an overpriced broken-down apartment.
Seriously, what do you have to be in this hotel? Your confidence starts to break into pieces.
As several people hop in and out of the elevator, your stomach becomes tight with how nervous you're feeling. Sweat rolls down the sides of your face. You quickly pat them away with the white cloth you brought.
You almost fall onto the floor.
The man behind the counter (who you've learned is Ben) gestures a hand toeards the opening elevator doors.
"Thank you," you mutter.
You speed-walk to the opening. You hear the elevator doors shut behind you.
No looking back now.
Okay, you're at the highest floor of the highest-rated hotel in Korea with one of the highest figures. Great.
The rooftop scenery is beautiful. Metal chairs of different colors are placed on each side of several round tables. Some of the tables hold up umbrellas to shield from the sun.
The sky is blue above you. You swear you could almost touch it.
"Beautiful, isn't it?"
You snap out of your trance. You have been so immersed into the scenery that you have failed to see the CEO herself.
You have to purse your lips to prevent your jaw from dropping.
It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say Kwon Eunbi's prettiness makes the fine hotel blush in shame.
She leans against the wooden porch of the rooftop with her observant gaze locked onto you. You feel tiny though you are taller than her.
Your throat becomes tighter, as if her words tie an invisible rope around it. "I'm sorry, ma'am. I came here on time but the elevators were busy."
Just her presence makes you intimidated. Besides from her pretty face, she obviously has good fashion taste. Her dark hair and skirt contrast the creamy white top she wears. The slightly transparent sleeves of the top offer a good view of her firm lithe arms.
She knows what looks good on her.
She makes a small smile. Or is it a smirk? You have no idea; all you know is that she's pretty.
Prettier than Yena?
The voice in your mind is daring. You squeeze your hand into a fist in order to punch it out, but the CEO speaks before you could.
"I see," she says. The smirk on her face grows bigger. "Not a good start to an interview, no?"
You swallow. Your toes curl inside your shoes. "No, ma'am."
"That's alright. I presume you have your resume with you?"
Your legs wobble as you walk towards her. You hand her the blue folder.
Her hands look strong, you think to yourself. They hold onto the folder firmly as she flips it open.
Silence hangs in the air for a long time.
"Tell me, mister . . . " She raises an eyebrow at you. "Which hotels have you worked in before?"
"I have worked for Ms. Bae Irene and Ms. Kim Jisoo."
"I see. They have told me good things about you."
Your ears perk up. "R-Really?"
You hope that whatever they've told Eunbi is good. Because if they've told her other things . . . .
"They tell me . . . you've taken care of them very well."
You swallow roughly.
It's okay to have your own fair share of secrets, right? That even Yena doesn't know?
Eunbi smiles wider. "Are they correct?"
"Ms. Kwon, I can—"
"Calm down, I won't say anything."
You don't know if what she said has made you calmer or even more afraid.
Suddenly, Eunbi's hand is firm around your tie. She tugs you close, you almost choking and falling to the floor.
You could feel your ears get hot. Eunbi's gorgeous face is only a kiss away from yours. Her hand squeezes at the knot of your tie just for the purpose of seeing you choke.
"But it's so hard not to say anything, isn't it?" she asks you in a pitiful voice. Her other hand quickly unzips your pants. She reaches in and pulls out your hardening cock. "So hard not to brag about such good dick."
You have a girlfriend, you have a girlfriend. The phrase runs over and over in your mind. But if you are to be frank, the thought of Yena has not entered into your mind as frequently when you saw Eunbi.
And you've done this many times before. The last one was Jisoo, and that was over two years ago. You've tried to hold back your temptations ever since because you know what you're doing is wrong.
But who can resist when Kwon Eunbi—the Kwon Eunbi—has her hand around your cock, jerking it off quickly, and another hand around your tie?
Everything erases itself from your brain. You forget about Yena, and the challenges you've wanted to achieve. You even forget why you're here in the first place.
You slam Eunbi against the nearest wall. She giggles, a leg wrapping around your waist. She places her hand on your neck and pulls you even closer. Her breath is hot against your ear.
"Don't you just want to knead my tits?" she whispers. Each whisper is like an urge from the devil. "Squeeze them till they're sore and as long as you like?"
You nod. She has certainly read your mind all this while.
"Then do it." She stops jacking you off, wrapping her hand around yours and placing your hand on her breast. A pleading look writes itself on her gorgeous face; the tough aura she has been trying to keep up is fading away. "Please. For Mommy."
You pull up the hem of the soft top she is wearing. Her tits are even larger without the restriction of the top, only held back by a white bra. You tear it off and do as Eunbi pleads, squeezing them with one hand firmly till the CEO lets out a shuddering moan.
You place your other hand under the thigh of the leg she has wrapped around you and thrust forward.
"Ah!" Eunbi yelps, clenching tightly around your length. Her eyes close as she pants heavily. "How did . . . ah fuck, how'd you know I wasn't wearing panties?"
You smile. "I may have taken a peek."
Fuck, she was soaked. And extremely tight. You deliver another harsh thrust into her hole till your tip touches her cervix. She gasps, holding onto your shoulder till her nails dig into your skin. You feel more rushes of wetness on your dick.
Using your grip on her creamy thigh as leverage, you fuck into her with a quick, merciless pace. Eunbi has to slap a hand against her mouth to muffle her loud, whiny moans. Her head falls back and slams against the wall as you shove your hips forwards and backwards even faster.
Her large tits bounce up and down with every thrust. You still can't believe how strong that bra must be to have carried them. Maybe, you wish, for your next life, you could be Eunbi's bra.
"You're so tight, Mommy." You wish you have said that clearly enough amidst your groans.
What you said isn't far from a fact. Eunbi is whimpering, obviously not used to the size. But she never tells you to stop; if anything, she's asking for more. Her babbles are incoherent, yet you hear pleads for more.
You give it to her. Fuck her despite the constricting yet delicious tightness, her arousal wetting your dick and fuelling each thrust. Her "ah! Ah! Ah!"'s send more blood to your dick, and you keep pistoning up into her.
"Ah . . ." Another heavy sigh from Eunbi. Then words mentioned with difficulty. "You stretch Mommy so . . . well. Oh my god. Oh—!"
Her body spasms violently against yours, her hips thrusting back into you, as she cums onto your cock. You see her throw her head back and her eyes squeeze shut as waves of pleasure run through her sensitive body.
She whines loudly as you fuck her through her orgasm. Her walls squeeze you ever so tight, and you would've blown if it weren't for you holding it back with all the strength in your body.
You slow your thrusts. Eunbi pants for a while, hips still involuntarily reciprocating the thrusts while she tries to recover from her intense orgasm.
After a short while, she smiles.
"You fucked Mommy so well," she says in labored breaths. Her smile is wide. "Let her return the favor, no?"
You nod shakily.
"Good boy," she cooes. She pushes you back into one of the metal seats, straddling you while your dick is still snug inside her.
She gives it one last grind just to make you groan. Seeing your pleasured face makes her giggle, naught lacing her laughs.
"Hmmm," she pretends to think, cutely tapping her chin, "although I'd love to feel your dick inside me . . ."
She removes herself from your lap. Her legs shaking, she falls to her knees in between your own legs.
She curls her hand around the bottom of her white top and pulls it up again. You say hello once more to her large boobs.
She places both her hands on each one and sets them on your lap, inserting your erection in between them.
" . . . Wouldn't you like to fuck my tits instead?"
She squeezes her mounds together, looking up at you expectantly.
That is all you needed to see for you to fuck them wildly. Her boobs are like soft pillows hugging your dick. The wetness slathers her chest, making it easier for you to thrust up into them. She rubs her breasts around your dick, attempting to help you reach climax.
Groan after groan leaves your mouth. Her boobs are so incredibly soft and warm. They rub every vein and nerve on your cock deliciously.
Each thrust into them. leads you to orgasm. Loud sounds of your hips slapping against her tits will surely arouse curiosity from the strangers walking down the busy streets, and probably even the people staying in Eunbi's hotel. They might even be watching now.
But if they are, you are sure to give them a good show. You let whoever is watching see spurts of cum release from your dick and onto Eunbi's pretty face. She closes her eyes tightly, allowing them to land on her cheeks. More ropes of cum fall onto her breasts and onto her sharp collarbone.
The CEO dips her finger onto the puddles of cum sitting on her chest, and puts it in her mouth. "Mmm. Yummy."
Wait, what? The CEO?
All rationality and common sense rush back in your mind. They seem to have been drained when you fucked her.
Everything weighs into you at once.
Oh my god.
You just fucked Kwon Eunbi. The Kwon Eunbi. The CEO of the hotel you're applying a job for.
"I knew it!"
The elevator doors open. Yena comes rushing in, two men in suits behind her trying to hold her back.
Wait, you have a girlfriend.
Eunbi quickly stands up, pulling her shirt back down. She obviously doesn't know what's going on; confusion is written on her face. (And cum).
You stand up after Eunbi does, quickly zipping your pants up. But it is too late. Yena has seen everything.
"Yena, please, I can expl—"
"Who is this girl?" Eunbi asks the men, interrupting your words. For a girl still with cum on her face, she seems very formal. "Why is she here?"
One of the men try to speak up. "Ms. Kwon, she said she was—"
"'Girl'?" Yena shrieks. Now it's the guard's turn to be cut off. Her face is sweaty, and her voice is hoarse yet loud. "I'm his girlfriend, you dumb bitch! And you!"
Yena points to you. You hold your hands up in genuine fear. You and she have gone through your own relationship problems, but you have never seen her this angry before.
"I trusted you! I even drove all the way here to greet you with flowers and balloons after your interview, but then I find this!"
Yena raises a white bra high in the air for everyone to see. In horror, you recognize it as Eunbi's bra you have discarded during your little fiasco with her.
"Yeah, that's right," Yena shouts at you. Tears flow down her eyes. "This fucking landed on me while I was entering. And I had my doubts but .... "
She throws the bra at you. You dodge it, but your leg hooks around the foot of the metal chair. You fall to the ground like an idiot, the crash of the chair and yourself heard and seen by everyone.
Yena begins to sob loudly. She collapses on the floor. The guards catch her, but the little weight she has brings them down with her. Her hands cover her teary face.
"We're over!" she yells through her tears. "Over! You hear me?"
"Guards, please take Ms. Yena here to my office," Eunbi orders. "We'll settle this later."
The guards nod. One of them scoops up the crying Yena in their muscled arms and brings her away from you and Eunbi.
You are still on the ground. You think you've broken your leg or something; you could barely move it.
But you deserve this, you say to yourself sadly. You deserve this. The loss of your girlfriend and the agony of the broken leg. All of it. You're the asshole who's cheated on her thrice, the third time being with Eunbi, to whom you've never mentioned a girlfriend.
You deserve this.
But it still hurts.
You look up at Eunbi weakly. Her face is still confused. She has no idea what has happened.
She catches you looking at her. She returns the stare.
"And the job?" you ask her.
Eunbi smiles. "Thanks for the good fuck. You're fired."
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Mars through the houses: Where you draw energy from Pt.1
Hello my peoples, so I have been doing a ton of research on this and I still feel like I don't know everything so forgive me if there are inaccuracies, I'm trying my best and would love to hear your thoughts on this. 😊
So as we all know Mars is the planet of action and as such rules over your physical energy. With this info we can see where we draw energy from and how to maintain it to avoid burnout if that makes sense.
Mars in 1st House: In the house of self-identity Mars is definitely the most familiar with it's surroundings. Energy is drawn from the self, therefore putting yourself first, taking time to do what you want to how you want to, winning in competitive areas because you are the best. Self-improvement and being your badass self is a sure way to boost those energy levels. Also fire, like you guys probs feel most alive around a bonfire, fireplace or even tons of candles.🔥
Mars in 2nd House: It's no secret that you guys are driven and even aggressive in the money making department and attaining luxury. Boosting your energy is as simple as going out for some good old fashioned retail therapy. Establishing multiple income channels, wise money management and spending/treating yourself are definite ways to secure those good vibes. But not everyone can always go spending at evey corner, thus surrounding yourself with beautiful things are also ways to get your energies going. Art gallery visits and window shopping could be something you might enjoy.💝
Mars in 3rd House: This house and mental stimulation *snaps fingers* is it for you. You vibe and even thrive in settings where the exchange of ideas, expressing your thoughts, trying new things and learning new skills and topics are a key feature. You are v v likely to enjoy a good debate (keyword being debate, not argument). Additionally short travels and switching up your immediate environment could rejuvenate your burnt-out soul. So please go ahead and plan that weekend getaway, it's good for you!!! 🌃
Mars in 4th House: First of all. WOW. Super intense/strong emotions...this is like the main source of energy for these people, but once the emotions/passions die down you don't feel like going through with what was started. Energy is likely regained through a sense of independence from your family or from being your own household authority. If you feel burnt out maybe talking with your mother or a motherly figure could give you what you need to push on. Energy can also be gained by doing home based activities and projects that range from cooking, gardening or even renovation and diy. 👨👨👧👦🏘
Mars in 5th House: My peoples with this placement know that the vibes are high when you feel good about yourself and being the center of attention. I mean, who doesn't like having their ego stroked every now and again. Energy is additionally sourced from letting out your inner-child, following your creative pursuits and being on your A-game when going out for a few flirts and a freshened body count (i'm talking lovers not corpses). Overall, being the life of the party is where you get your energetic high. 💞💞💞
Mars in 6th House: With this placement you'll be the most at ease with a stable routine and living a healthy lifestyle. Having a good work-life balance and taking time to reflect for healing can help raise your energy. Being of service to others and being appreciated for the work you do also add to this...so listen here hardworking peoples, I appreciate you. Also, if you have a pet then pls cuddle them because not only do they deserve it, but this is another way for you to just build up a bit more of your physical energy so you can continue being your wonderful hardworking self.🤗
There will be a part 2 eventually, but for now I hope you enjoyed and pls let me know what you think and if i did good. Love you my peoples.
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Meeting in the Middle
Pairing: Sakusa x reader
Genre/Warnings: NSFW, Yandere, Misogyny, Controlling Behavior, Degradation, Non-Con/Rape, Spanking
Summary: Sakusa shows you that he’s more than capable of meeting you in the middle and listening to you for a change. But be careful of what you ask for.
A/N: This is for the Poly Wives Angst Collab~ RIP us and our never ending collabs we create for ourselves.
If someone had told you five years ago that you’d be dating one of Japan’s most eligible bachelors, a professional athlete fawned over by media and fans nation-wide, the epitome of the strong and silent type, you would have laughed in their faces. What is this? Some silly fairytale? The childish checklist of “things I want in a boyfriend” you’d written in middle school?
But life has a funny way of working and you find yourself in an obnoxiously lavish and rowdy nightclub, made only more crazy by the surprising appearance of some VIPs.
It seems like volleyball has somehow become Japan’s national sport overnight and although you aren’t necessarily the biggest follower of anything remotely athletic, even you know exactly who the rambunctious trio catching everyone’s eyes are.
You can’t deny there’s more than just a bit of appeal in the way their button up shirts cling to toned muscles, but you’ve never been one for crowds and you stray to the emptier corners of the establishment to avoid being swept by the crowd of excited fans. But when Atsumu cheesily winks and flirts as he signs scandalously bared skin of female fans, you mockingly gag, only to whirl in embarrassment when you hear an amused snort from behind you.
“Not a fan of Miya Atsumu?”
Staring wide-eyed and slack jawed when someone asks you a question is very rude and you want to answer. But you don’t trust yourself with basic human speech when Sakusa Kiyoomi is staring at you expectantly. So you shake your head side to side instead, heat rising to your face at the small upward curve of his lips.
“Neither am I.”
Atsumu never lets the two of you live down how he’s the one who technically brought you together, even if it was at the cost of his pride. (You chuckle when you remember his loud squawking when Sakusa recounts the dialogue exchanged at your first meeting.) But even months later, even after Sakusa has officially introduced you to the rest of the MSBY team, even after they’ve accepted you as part of their cozy and rowdy family, you can’t stop feeling impostor syndrome.
Dating Sakusa still feels unreal and you can’t help but feel like you’re living someone else’s life, stuck in a rose-tinted dream, playing dress-up and make believe as you parade around in clothing far more luxurious than you’re used to, whisked around on your lover’s strong arm as you follow him around the world from match to match. And as lovely as it is, you long to truly make this relationship your own, to feel the rawness and grittiness of love and life, to experience the charm and comfort of being true to yourself and knowing Sakusa loves you just as you are.
But your desire to be with him, to call him your own trumps your own wishes and you find yourself quickly backing down everytime you suggest something that he’s quick to turn down, desperate to appease and please him even at the price of your own desires.
He’s never outrightly rude about his preferences, never raises his voice. But somehow that makes the judgement and disdain in his dark eyes that much more apparent. You remember a rough day of work you had, the relief you had felt about being able to swiftly swap your constrictive work apparel for a pair of worn-in shorts and a baggy t-shirt. Your outfit would certainly not win any fashion awards, but you blissfully sigh at how comfortable you are as you call a local pizza shop, ordering delivery self-indulgently.
You could feel yourself becoming one with the couch you’re lounging on, the television playing in the background. But even in the hazy in-between of sleep and alertness, your eyes snap open when the door opens and you lazily smile as your boyfriend enters your shared apartment, returning from another grueling practice.
“You look like you’ve had better days.”
Your smile slips, anxiety flooding through you as you self-consciously curl in on yourself while his lips purse, eyes scrutinizing your sloppy appearance.
“Umm, yeah...tough day at work-”
“Maybe you should freshen up with me. You might feel better in a...real outfit.”
You know better than to think that it’s really a suggestion, cursing yourself, humiliation coursing through you when you think of how foolish you were to get so comfortable so quickly. You’ve seen the caliber of the women who lust over your boyfriend unabashedly despite his long-time relationship with you. You need to try harder. You need to be better.
Self-deprecation rips you to shreds as you painstakingly groom yourself, donning a dress you know Sakusa loves, applying a full face of makeup and a spritz of his favorite scent. And despite how exhausted you are, how much you’d rather be slumped on the couch, gorging on a slice of pizza, it’s all worth it when you see the appreciative look in his gaze as his eyes rake over your figure.
But worry gnaws at you once more as the doorbell rings and his eyebrow raises questioningly at the interruption. It’s a painful walk of shame as you plaster on a fake smile, tipping the delivery boy, the usually tantalizing smell of cheese and grease only making you nauseous as you bring the box to the dining table.
“What is that?”
Your voice trails off and you feel so small, so pathetic as Sakusa’s face borders disgust as he observes the offensive item.
“You didn’t cook?”
The disappointment in his voice has you spewing excuses and apologies, your heart shattering when he merely waves off your ramble, telling you he’d order a salad from elsewhere and to enjoy your meal.
You never order pizza again and a steaming hot plate of freshly cooked food is always waiting for Sakusa when he returns home while you patiently wait for him with a painted face and impeccable outfits.
Your friends and family tell you how grateful you should be, how envious they are as they oggle your latest high-end designer pieces, cooing over how picture perfect the two of you always are, staring wide-eyed at your gorgeous home, not a speck of dust or object out of place. Who would have thought that you would be the epitome of the ideal housewife in such a short time?
Yes, you wonder. Who would have thought? Certainly not you.
If only they knew how deep down the deception goes, how lost you are in this pretend world you’re stuck in. And your heart twists and turns when your friends share about the little and big spats that happen behind closed doors, giggling and sighing in an understanding you’re not part of when they playfully complain about how much work love is.
But it’s always worth it in the end because the good always outweighs the bad if you’ve found the right person (not to mention the makeup sex is a bonus). Or so they say, but you wouldn’t know what any of that feels like. Sakusa doesn’t leave room for any arguments, any disagreements, any hint of anything less than a perfect relationship.
Even in the privacy of your bedroom, you feel like you’re in a cheesy porno, dressed in the prettiest white slip dress decorated with dainty lace and a string of pearls around your neck. You feel like a doll as you’re positioned on the bed, eyes demurely looking down, letting Sakusa do as he pleases while he guides you, calloused hands roaming over your skin. You’re sure he means for it to be pleasurable and intimate, and you can’t deny that he knows your most sensitive areas, shuddering when he grazes over your hardening nipples. But there’s a coldness to his movements, a calculating aspect in the way he examines you, dark eyes scrutinizing every inch of you as if they’re looking for a blemish, a reason to lecture you on not taking care of yourself.
Yet as predictable and standoffish as he is, he does know how to pleasure you and you writhe underneath him, moaning, lower lips dripping in your own arousal. But you whimper when he growls at you to stop moaning so loudly, to stop acting like a slut.
“I’m dating a lady, not a whore.”
The words cut you, pain and emptiness mixing with the rising pleasure, muddling into a confusing and overwhelming mess insides of you. You don’t trust yourself to speak, hot tears pricking at your eyes, unsure whether a moan or harsh words would slip past your lips. But you know that neither will work in your favor, so like always, you hold your tongue, doing whatever you can to keep your lover happy. You close your eyes, letting yourself get lost in the tightening knot inside of you, submitting to the waves of pleasure that crash over you as you cum, fingers tangling in the rumpled sheets, back arching in ecstasy.
Only when Sakusa is asleep, his back turned to you, the two of you cleaned and freshened up, do you let your tears stream down your face, feeling more alone than ever in your shared bed.
You hold out longer than you should, much longer than you should, in the hopes that things will improve, that Sakusa will loosen up, reveal his true self to you, let you reveal your true self to him. It’s just early dating jitters, early relationship issues. Things will get better.
Except it’s months later and things aren’t better. If anything, they’re worse and you can feel the weight of his expectations and the stress of perpetually living by a prewritten script crushing you.
It’s time to put an end to this charade.
It’s just another uneventful night and you idly stare up at the ceiling as you wait for Sakusa to join you in bed. Your heart is racing, throat feeling dry and choked up as he slips under the covers. You’re terrified, of Sakusa’s reaction, of ending everything, of starting from scratch. But you know it’s the right decision and when he finally settles in beside you, you begin to speak.
There’s only the sound of your trembling voice as you quietly tell him how you’ve felt all along, how everything has felt so prim, proper, fake, how everyday just feels like another session of rehearsing your lines, making sure you meet whatever standard he’s set for you. You want passion, real love, fights, laughter. You just want to be yourself. You just want to be with someone who loves you exactly the way you are.
“Kiyoomi, maybe we should break up. I don’t think we’re right for each other. I don’t think I’m what you want. I don’t think I’ll ever be what you want.”
“You’re right. Despite how much time, work, money, and patience I’ve spent to better you, you haven’t changed at all.”
You’re left reeling from the matter of fact harshness of his words, the slight exasperation in his tone, as if this is all your fault, as if you’re just a bothersome misbehaving pet.
“Prim and proper? Passion? Fights? So you’re tired of manners? Tired of being a respectable woman? You just want to fight and fuck like animals?”
You open your mouth to protest, anger licking at the open wounds his verbal assault leaves behind. But before you can retort, the air is ripped out of your lungs in a stunned yelp as your body is swiftly flipped over, your face shoved into the mattress until it’s a struggle to breathe, fabric and cushion all you can taste.
Your arms flail as you struggle to breathe, nails clawing at the sheets, arms trying to push yourself up against. But it’s no use against Sakusa’s strength and just as specks of black begin to enter your vision, fingers tangle with your roots and you gasp as your head is harshly jerked up, neck bending painfully back, jaw forced open from the strange position.
You whimper, tears beginning to blur your sight as a calloused hand turns your face until you’re staring at a condescending impassive countenance.
“If you want to be treated like a slut that badly, I’ll be a good boyfriend and give you exactly what you want. Ass up. Now.”
There’s no room for disobedience and spurred on by fear and pain, you listen, awkwardly shuffling into position, shame heating your face at how exposed you feel. But it’s only the start and you scream as a heavy strike lands on your bare ass, more and more blows raining down upon you, until you’re sobbing for mercy, agonized cries forced from your mouth, thighs trembling at having to support yourself through the torture.
Your upper body slumps in relief when the hits finally stop, but you flinch when fingers methodically prod at your entrance. You instinctively try to lurch forward, away from the touch, but it’s no use and you clench your eyes in humiliation at the sloppy wet sounds betraying your arousal.
“This is the wettest I’ve ever seen you. You really do like being used and treated like a bitch.”
You wish you could deny it. You wish you had the spirit to talk back, maybe even spit on that handsome face. But all you can think of is how full you feel as Sakusa’s cock slams balls deep inside your dripping hole, how deep he is inside of you from this angle, how overwhelmingly pleasurable the mix of pain and lust is as he uses you like you’re nothing more than a warm breathing sex doll.
All you can do is lewdly moan and take it, tears slipping down your face, drool seeping into the ruined sheets, eyes rolled back in your head. The coil in your stomach tightens and tightens no matter how hard you try and hold it at bay, desperately trying not to cum, not to inadvertently admit your body’s betrayal as it succumbs to every thrust. But it’s too much, the unfamiliarity of this brutal pace, the overpowering sensation of his tip reaching new depths inside of you, and you shatter to pieces, pussy convulsing, body twitching, pleasure like you’ve never felt before surging through you.
All through it Sakusa continues his relentless rhythm, a sneer marring his flawless face as he watches you suffer through your orgasm, writhing underneath him. It’s disgusting how much you love this, pathetic, pitiful, and yet he’s harder than he’s ever been, more turned on than he ever thought possible. And all it takes is a few more thrusts before he’s spilling inside of you, a strong hand holding you still and tight to him as his groin presses against your ass, not an inch of space between the two of you as he paints your insides white.
Maybe you had a point all along. You’re absolutely filthy and wrecked and he grimaces at the tear, sweat, and sex stained mess he touches as he shoves your exhausted body away from him. Yet there’s a certain appeal to your disheveled appearance, how ruined you are because of him.
How beautifully you break.
Well if you have no desire to improve yourself, he can learn to meet you in the middle, learn to let you be the low-life whore you have no desire to move up from. After all, that’s what you said love is, right?
Accepting each other’s differences.
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Guide to Character Development
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Each character, no matter their significance to the story, wants something. Their actions and presentation are in the interest of their end-goal. So, for each character, the most important questions you must be able to answer for every character are 1.) What do they want? 2.) What do they think they need? 3.) What do they actually need?
For minor characters, this information may be less relevant, but their development is more discretionary and very subjective to their role in the story. For all primary and secondary characters, that information should be the foundation on which you build their action and development throughout the story.
The truth is, you’re welcome to build a detailed backstory and personal history for each of your characters if that’s your prerogative, but this information should only be included in the final draft if it serves the plot and significantly impacts the character’s evolution in the text. You must be selective when it comes to presenting back story, because it impacts the pace and tone of the story, in addition to slowing any rising action. If you’re going to include prominent backstory, make sure that it adds more to the story than it subtracts from the momentum.
You don’t need to know what they’ve eaten for breakfast for the 7 days prior to the beginning of the story to write the characters well. You need to develop and comprehend their core values, self image, and motivations, and backstory that concerns those three aspects are the most relevant to the story, no matter the genre.
Positive v. Negative Development
You should be able to decide early on in plot development whether your characters are going to experience a positive or negative development throughout the plot. Once you’ve designed the characters and the plot parallel to one another, you can assess how the events and circumstances of the conflict would change or reveal negative or positive traits about the characters. This is more about getting to know your characters as the author and then going down the list of events, interpreting how they would react to them, and then coming to a conclusion by the resolution.
You don’t always have to have a point B for them to arrive at before you start writing. In this respect, it’s easer (and usually more rewarding) to allow the characters to develop organically as you write the first draft, and then either reinforce the outcome if you’re satisfied or make the necessary changes to reverse it in the second draft.
Strengths & Weaknesses
Each significant character will have strengths and weaknesses, and they will often be adjacent to one another. A character’s biggest strength could be their fierce love and commitment to their friends, but could evolve into intense possessiveness. I write about this in more detail in this post.
One of the more defining aspects of a character is the presence and nature of relationships in their life. Their relationships with family, friends, authority figures, mentors, and colleagues can reveal a lot about them. The way their mannerisms differ when they’re with their mother versus their father, a friend versus a colleague. The value they place on these relationships and why they value them is also an easy way to reveal priorities, self image, and motivations.
~ Do I really need to know their favorite color?... To some extent, developing these very minor and insignificant details can help you, as the writer, get to know your character better, which in turn helps you translate the idea of them into the text more effectively. However, time is a factor, not just because of deadlines, but because of self discipline and motivation. If you spend months and months developing characters to this extent, you will likely run out of motivation or passion for this project, and the drafting process is where you want to allocate that energy. By all means, work to your own strengths as a writer. If this helps you and doesn’t inhibit your process, go for it, but be mindful and assess whether or not you’re just procrastinating the action stage of writing.
~ Beside trauma, how can I incite development… All development spawns because of impact. Trauma is an effective way of propelling development, but it’s not the only way. If you want the character to change (positively or negatively) you have to make them feel something strong enough to inspire introspection and action. They have to have a mental shift, and then act accordingly. This could be the introduction of a fantastic opportunity to further their career, the loss of a loved one, the shift in a personal relationship, etc.
~ How do you know when a character deserves a redemption arc?... Nobody is entitled to redemption. It’s earned, and it’s subjective whether that improvement warrants the return or resurgence of opportunity and trust. This is true, no matter who is reading. You as the writer make an executive decision about whether the character’s reformation is accepted by other characters in canon, but outside the text, the reader’s interpretation is outside your control. You can create a redemption arc inside the story and show the evolution of that character, but you can’t force the reader to trust in that character or accept the notion that they’ve completely reformed.
~ How do I develop minor characters without neglecting the main plot?...The thing is, if the minor characters’ development isn’t relevant to the plot or the main character, then you need to assess whether the information needs to be there, and furthermore whether the minor character needs to be tailored more to do so. Minor characters often serve secondary purposes, such as acting as a platform for symbolism and motif, representation, providing diverse perspectives in your world, etc. While you should strive to make every scene with any character serve the main plot, it’s okay if a few scenes are purely to enrich the reader’s experience.
Resources for Writing Different Character Relationships
Alternative Method of Character Creation
Resources For Creating Characters
How To Fit Character Development Into Your Story
Connecting To Your Own Characters
Interview As Your Characters
Giving Your Protagonists Negative Traits
Writing Good Villains
How To Analyze A Character
Giving Characters Flaws
Keeping Characters Consistent
Flipping Character Traits On Their Head
Introducing Secondary Characters
Tips on Character Motivations
Keeping Characters Realistic
Tips on Character Consistency
Positive Character Development Without Romanticizing Toxic Behavior
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C-can you do hcs for non yandere jealous!Childe, Scaramouche and Diluc? Your writings are super cool!
Jealous Childe, Scaramouche, and Diluc HCs
💧 Childe 💧
Childe can be rather odd when he’s envious. He usually doesn’t get jealous unless someone’s getting too close to your personal space or they’re trying to hit on you. In which case he’ll gladly loom over the perpetrator, smiling ever so kindly while he gives them a less-than-subtle warning.
Childe likes to constantly be around you, whether it be during your commissions or when the two of you are spending your time wandering through the streets of Liyue.
He’d probably get jealous if he learned you were spending more time with someone other than him, specifically to train or spar. After all, you’re his sparring partner. He wants to witness your strength firsthand, not stand on the sidelines and watch as you practice your hand-to-hand combat with another person.
When you’re exhausted from training, he’ll corner you, all smiles and sharp edges, as he challenges you to a duel.
That’s usually a sign he’s feeling jealous and as a result he wants to let off some steam in a friendly match. Childe doesn’t like to be obvious about his jealousy, but sometimes he can’t help it. He loves to train with you and when you’re off training with someone else—it’s practically betrayal.
Childe probably has other ways of showing that you’re his. If you’re out in public and a vendor tries to flirt with you, he’ll proudly wrap his arm around you while pulling you against him. And then he’ll look that person in the eyes when he’s addressing you with a cute pet name.
Unlike with Scaramouche, kabedon actually works in Childe’s favor. It usually leaves you flustered and shy, unable to properly look into his intense gaze. You’ll end up giving into his desire for a sparring match, which leads to even more exhaustion on your end.
He’s the type to mark you and then show you off for his own enjoyment, childishly acting as if he had nothing to do with it. That’s usually what happens when the two of you are relaxing and he starts to get touchy, whining about how you should spar with him more often.
He’s also clingy when he’s jealous, but it’s just to annoy you because he wants to try everything he can to work you up into a battle-ready state.
Not everything has to end in a sparring match, but it’s one of Childe’s favorite things to do with you, especially when he’s trying to cool down after seeing you treat his fellow Harbingers with so much kindness.
Childe tends to smother you when he wants something—or if he’s trying to monopolize your attention after you’ve used it up on too many people.
But he won’t hold you back from spending time with your friends. He realizes that he can’t always be by your side due to his work as a Harbinger, so he’d rather you get stronger in his absence. And when he comes to visit, you’d better be prepared to show him how much you’ve improved!
⚡️ Scaramouche ⚡️
You’ll know right away when he’s jealous. Scaramouche is in an infinitely worse mood, he’s even more temperamental than usual, and he’s quick to lash out at anyone who points out his foul attitude.
It’s not all that uncharacteristic for him to fester in his anger until it reaches a boiling point and he snaps at someone, usually telling them off or belittling them.
The source of his envy: your childhood best friend, who just recently traveled from a faraway land to see you. The two of you have all the time in the world to catch up and Scaramouche doesn’t exactly like that. While he’s off doing Fatui work, you’re busy getting closer with your friend, and it annoys him.
His time is already precious and now that your friend is here he’s had less time to spend with you. Instead of asking to join the both of you for dinner, he sulks and grumbles about it, far too prideful to simply ask.
And if he did ask, who is your friend to decline? He is a member of the Fatui, after all, and anyone with a brain would know that opposing him is a death wish.
When the two of you are alone, he’s very clingy, wanting you to stay a little longer in bed with him until the sun’s fully risen. He wants to spend every moment he has with you before he’s whisked away for an indefinite amount of time.
He’s going to ask what’s so good about your friend, glowering at the idea of you spending so much time with them. You find it to be silly, especially since he seems so endearing when he’s jealous.
Scaramouche will insist that he isn’t jealous; he’s just looking out for you as your boyfriend. But there’s no mistaking the secret embarrassment that claws up his spine when you tell him that he’s the only one you have eyes for.
He probably tried to kabedon you, but it didn’t work out well, ending in your laughter and his flustered shouting.
If it wasn’t for you, he probably would’ve had his underlings scare your friend off. Or he’d personally pay them a visit to make sure they were treating you like a friend and nothing else.
He can be quite the hothead when he’s jealous. All you have to do is spend the rest of your time with him, promising endless cuddles and kisses so that he can have his fill before work.
But that envy is bound to appear the next day, where he’ll be thinking of it for the entirety of his missions.
🔥 Diluc 🔥
It’s difficult to tell when he’s in a jealous mood because he rarely shows it.
Diluc is often quiet when he’s jealous, not wanting to act out of line or do something irrational. The last thing he wants is to regret his actions because he got caught up in his emotions.
When he’s jealous, he’ll avoid whatever’s causing him to feel that way, busying himself with work and anything else that’ll help take his mind off of it.
And when you’re alone with him, he’s softer than normal, wanting to just talk with you for as long as possible. He doesn’t like it when he’s jealous because he’s afraid you’ll dislike him.
Diluc isn’t exactly self-conscious about his small bouts of jealousy, but it does bother him whenever you spend your time with Kaeya or that insufferable Venti. It gets under his skin more than he’d like to admit.
There are some small signs that reflect his envy, but they’re not that noticeable. Usually he’ll frown and scoff under his breath. When it comes to Venti and Kaeya, he treats them colder than he normally does and it doesn’t take long for someone like the Calvary Captain to figure out his jealousy.
It isn’t all that difficult for him to overcome it, though. He usually does it when he distances himself from the problem, often going to the winery so that he can level his head with whatever business needs to be tended to there.
But if someone were to point out his jealousy—that’s another problem in itself. He’d most likely scoff and deny those claims, refusing to entertain the idea of something so useless.
Kaeya knows better than to take his words at face value and he’s doing everything he can to slyly poke fun at Diluc’s envy. You’ll probably have to step between the two of them before they can throw anymore backhanded insults at one another.
Diluc feels way better when you console him, promising that you’d never go out of your way to make him jealous and that you don’t mind it when he gets like that. In your eyes, it’s cute and it shows how much he genuinely cares for you.
Diluc would like to avoid falling into a pit of jealousy again, so he advises you to keep away from Venti and Kaeya if you don’t have any business with them.
It’s hard to stay away from them since they’re your friends, but you’ll give him all the attention he wants so that he can forget all about what’s annoying him.
And that makes him feel relieved because he knows you won’t be falling for Kaeya or that tone-deaf bard anytime soon.
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behind the lens 
previous - series masterlist - next
chapter summary: Paradis’ hot summers were both a blessing and a curse, just as your experience in the library was
warnings: smut, public sex, fingering,
word count: 5.3k
a/n: Thoughts on who it is?? Feel free to spam my inbox lollll. hope you all enjoy xx
Paradis' summers were unbearably hot. By mid-July, it was impossible to stay out in the sun for more than an hour without getting threatened with heatstroke. Even now in March, the heat was scorching. It was enough for you to skip the jeans and go straight for a sundress and sandals. The change of attire was nice from the hoodies you cowered in all winter.
Another midterm was rounding the corner and you were yet to buckle down and study for it. The dreaded Sunday before needed to be dedicated to going over all the material after your week-long procrastination. It was easy enough to forget about the books, much less when you were focused on finding out who Paradis_Finest was and pass your statistics class.
Thankfully, Armin and Mikasa had the same idea about heading to the library to spend their day studying. Even if it wasn't the most fun activity, at least you could spend time with some of your closest friends.
Your backpack weighed heavy on your shoulders as you approached the school's library. Mikasa and Armin were there since early that morning and you were yet to arrive only after lunch. How they managed to be so dedicated to their studies, you had no idea.
They booked a room for the whole day, no distractions meant they could actually get through everything they needed to. It also made it a hell of a lot easier to find them too. Armin had his nose deep in his textbook while Mikasa was lazily scrolling through her laptop like she was rereading her notes for the tenth time.
Both of them perked up at the sight of you - looks like they were getting pretty bored too. However, it was more likely they were excited about the frosty cold drinks you held. Armin stripped off his jacket and only remained in his t-shirt, Mikasa was much the same as well.
"(Y/N)!" Armin exclaimed as you walked into the secluded room. The library was relatively empty as you wandered through trying to find them. "Finally decided to join us?"
"I know, sorry I'm late," you apologized, "but I figured these would make up for it." You handed them their drinks, taking a sip of your own as well. The cold liquid felt heavenly against your hot skin from the weather outside. At least the building was air-conditioned. "Been busy?"
"Not really," Mikasa admitted. "You look nice."
You and Ymir decided to keep Levi's proposition to yourselves. As much as you loved your friends, they didn't need to know about your additional motivation to find your sex tape creator. Mikasa, the smart one she was, quickly found out the truth anyway. She was your roommate, and she could always see right through you.
"Thanks. I figured since it's hot out I may as well start pulling out the sundresses again, right?" You smiled. Your books were pulled out of your backpack and spread out in front of you. The day was already going by so fast you had no time left to waste chatting with your friends with just some small talk.
In all honesty, it was kind of hard to look Armin in the eyes still. After your night with Eren and everything you heard, you only got flustered when thinking about how he probably heard everything. He never said anything about it, nor did he seem bothered by your hookup with his roommate. There was still the looming feeling he detested you for it though.
Sleeping with Eren was the biggest shift your friend group ever saw. Eren's touchy hands were always something part of your history with them, but now that everyone knew you had sex it just felt off. Was it really worth losing your friend to solve this thing? Would you lose your friends over it?
Jean appeared to be the most frustrated with this whole situation. He never saw eye to eye with Eren before but now it was even worse. Every conversation was snappy and hot-headed. He was the entire reason you believed your choice that night was going to split your friends up. Jean was acting crazy and you had no idea why.
"What midterm do you have?" Armin asked. By the way you were staring at your book, it was clear you weren't even reading the pages and more so deep in your own thoughts. Armin was right to think this. Even just an hour into studying and you were bored out of your mind.
"Bio. The prof sucks but her tests aren't too bad I guess," you shrugged. Armin closed his textbook, looking up at you with those bright blue eyes of his.
"I'm pretty much done for the day do you want some help?" He offered. As much as you didn't want to ask for help from him, Armin was a genius and would be such a great aid to you that denying him would only be foolish. "I mean I haven't taken your class but I did take a few bio classes first year."
"That would great, Armin, thank you. Mikasa is that okay? I don't want to distract you." Mikasa shook her head. Once she was in the zone of studying, nothing could distract her - not even Connie and Sasha's arguing. You envied her concentration, it was an attribute she was always known for.
Armin slid your notes over to himself. He glanced down the pages to get an idea about what you were learning about before deciding how he should help you. He turned his chair to face you straight on, gesturing for you to adjust your seat as well. Before speaking, he cleared his throat and took a sip of the drink you bought him.
"Ready?" You nodded.
Armin listed off questions and definitions for you to answer. He was patient when you couldn't get an answer and kindly offered assistance when you were so close to getting it right. His ability to adapt to a class he never took was incredible, along with asking just the right questions to make you wonder how well you actually knew the material.
He held the cutest little laugh when you were overly proud of getting an answer right. The more questions you went through, the more confident you got. You would have never gotten this far along without his help.
For the first time in a long time, you were genuinely focused on your studies. You were worried about the next party or your constant obsession with Pradis_Finest. Armin held your entire attention and he was determined to put it to good use. Even Mikasa seemed impressed by your intense studying.
Armin's questions gradually began repeating themselves. He went over the ones you barely got the first time and saw improvement the second time around. Within hours, he whipped you into shape for this midterm.
Your feet eventually propped themselves up on his chair, and his on yours. The new slumped position had you both slacking off on the questions and more so just chatting. Mikasa gave up on her own studying and joined you guys. It was nice getting to spend time with them without Eren there.
You didn't feel the pressure of his gaze nor the wandering hands against your skin - not that you minded either of them. However, the change of pace was nice, it was rare to see the duo without Eren. Even if they were all completely different.
Your laughter at Mikasa's joke was suddenly cut off by the door to your study room being pulled open. Jean stood at the entrance with his backpack over his shoulder. You didn't realize he was planning on studying with the three of you - not that it mattered much. However, Jean was the worst person to study with next to Connie. Both of them were incredibly distracting.
"Jean," you smiled up at him. If you thought you were going to get any more studying done earlier you certainly weren't now. Even if his intention was to study with you, he easily got himself distracted. Nonetheless, with Armin's help, you felt great about your midterm. "What are you doing here?"
"Geez, is it really that hard to believe I'm here to study?" Jean joked. He took the spare chair beside you and scooted it close. His chin rested on your shoulder, his arm lazily thrown over the other as he read over the notebook in your hand. You could feel the heat radiating off of him from his time outside. "Bio? Sounds boring."
"It's actually pretty interesting," Armin piped in. He seemed to be enjoying helping you study - not only did he get to learn some stuff himself but it was satisfying to watch your knowledge grow along the way. "What do you have to work on?"
"A paper," Jean sighed, leaning back in his chair. A chill went down you with the loss of heat. Jean was rarely this touchy with you - but you had noticed this entire week he was like this. Hand on your shoulder, sneaking by with his fingers pressing into the small of your back, even a random hug from behind.
"I still need a final source for it and the only place I can find it in this maze of a library," Jean explained. Of course, there was no other reason he would want to be here on a Sunday afternoon. "Then I just happened to run into you guys. Looks like you're ready to tap out for the day."
"We've been here since nine," Mikasa nodded. She looked exhausted, too. "I think I'm going to go to the gym before going home though. Still have a little bit to do here."
"Yeah I'm ready for a nap," your yawn was perfectly timed. Armin pulled his legs off your chair as you stood up to stretch. Jean happened to realize you were wearing a dress since walking into the room, his eyes lit up in the most subtle way. You couldn't deny it was nice having a pair of eyes stuck on you.
"Nap sounds great," Armin admitted. His shoulders were sore from sitting in those chairs for so long. Some tea sounded great too but the hot weather was deterring everyone from such a scorching beverage.
"Want to join me?" You winked at him. Armin's face flushed completely red at your joke. He feverishly shook his head at the idea. You and the others couldn't contain your laughter towards him, only make him more flustered. He stuttered over his words, trying to think of something to save himself but it was only making it worse. "It's okay Armin, I'm only teasing."
"I-I know," his cheeks were still lit up. He hid his face in his hands, hiding his fluster from his friends. Out of everyone, he was the easiest to get worked up like this. You chuckled again. "Stop!" He whined.
"Alright, alright. I guess I can't bug you too much you did just help me all afternoon," you stopped. It was so easy to tease him, Armin got flustered at every little thing. His cheeks would flush pink and he got the sweetest little stutter. "What about you Jean-Boy? Need any help finding your last source?"
"That would be great, actually," Jean grinned. You felt as if there was something else hiding behind his smile. Whatever it was, it made your stomach lurch - and not in a bad way either. Jean always had a kind smile for you, but this was different. He held a look in his eyes that made you wonder what the hell was going on in his head. "I hate finding books in this damn place it's impossible."
"Tch. Last year I spent an hour looking for one. Damn people working here were no help," you agreed with him. It was much easier finding books online than it was in person, yet sometimes you held no other choice. Jean looked just as displeased as you did with the thought of spending an hour for just one source. "Are you guys staying here? We can take our stuff otherwise."
"No it's fine, we can wait until you come back," Armin assured.
You followed Jean out of the room and into the general direction of where his book likely was. As you walked, he listed off the details of what he needed so it was easier for you to find. It sounded like one of the blandest books in the entire section. The two of you scoured the shelves, looking for this stupid book of his.
The library was cleared out even more than when you first arrived. The few people that remained were all hunched over their textbooks and deep in thought or huddled up in one of the rooms you and your friends were in. The silence was eerie and only the ventilation sounded throughout.
All the words on the spines started to blend together the longer you searched. It had to have been nearing twenty minutes since you started looking for it. A loud sigh left your lungs, followed by Jean chuckling at your frustration. You felt your cheeks warm as he looked over at you.
Finally, like the holy grail of books, you found the damned thing. Unfortunately, it happened to be up on the top shelf where your eyes could see and your arms could not. The tips of your fingers could just barely touch the spine of the book, but not enough to get a grip on it and pull it down.
Jean heard your struggle before he saw it. You stood up on your toes, arms stretching as far as they could go. The hem of your dress followed your reach, lifting high enough for the already short material to ride up and just barely show off the curve of your ass. It was enough for Jean to be hooked.
Why does Jaeger get to be the only one with a taste?
Jean stalked over to you. His tall height easily reaching the book he was looking for the whole time. However, as he grabbed it, the hand closest to you rested on the small of your back. The heat of it burned through the material of your dress, just as Eren's touch did to you. The small action made you freeze.
Even worse, as he brought the book down, his hand slid down as well. His palm grazed your ass, fingertips just barely touching your bare thighs. It was quiet enough for him to hear the breath in your throat hitch and you swore he could hear your heart rate too. One touch from him and you were ready to shut down any form of rational thought.
Your eyes darted down to his hands. Long, nimble fingers, veins protruding from his skin in the most elegant way. Jean's hands... you swore those hands were familiar. They reminded you all too much of the ones you watched so expertly get women off in the middle of lecture halls. They reminded you of the ones that belonged to Paradis_Finest.
But Jean? He never showed the signs of arrogance you expected from the one behind the camera. Eren protruded the kind of confidence needed to pull something like this off, just as most of the football boys did like Connie's theory. Jean always held himself high and mighty, but never enough to go around making these sex tapes.
The other day Jean knew exactly what video you were watching from a single screenshot in just a glance. It barely took him a second to recognize what you were watching. No one would pick it up that fast unless they watched it several times over - or they were the ones to make it. Jean didn't seem like the kind of person who would watch porn in public - which he would have had to with the timing of the release.
Was he Paradis_Finest?
Or more so, if he was - did he plan this all along for you to be his next tape? The last tape was in Levi's office, what was to say the next video would be in a place where there were clearly people around? Was he getting riskier, or did this just happen to be a coincidence?
The sweet, delicious prize Professor Ackerman offered up to you made it even easier to want to find out the truth. If it was Jean, this was your only chance, and you couldn't waste it even if it meant you were going to be the next upload people watched on repeat.
Jean hovered at your side, no longer dragging those delicate fingers along your backside but refusing to move away. It seemed he was waiting for you to move or say something, anything to give him a hint of what was going on inside your mind.
"Jean," your voice was barely above a whisper. His tall frame face you straight on, trapping you between himself and the bookcase. The cold metal pressed against your spine, but it wasn't the reason for the chill running down your body. "I-I."
Why the hell were you so nervous? How was this any different than being with Eren? He was just as close a friend. Maybe it was because Jean never held a particular interest in you as Eren did. So why was he now? Because you slept with Eren? Or was it some other reason? You only hoped the reason was that he was the man you were searching for.
"You look so pretty in that sundress," Jean planted his hand on your waist. His thumb glided over the soft material of the dress, just barely catching the underside of your breast in his action. You forced air into your lungs as your nerves continued. "All dolled up just for studying? Hmm?"
"It's hot out," you finally managed to get a proper sentence out. All you could focus on was how his hands burned through your dress. They edged higher and higher until the palm of his hands was nearly right on your chest. Your own hands shook at your sides. In a bold move, you hooked your index fingers into the belt loops on his jeans and pulled him closer towards you. "Is this what you want, Jean?"
He was taken aback by the sudden confidence in your voice. The shaky look in your eyes changed to one of determination in a split second. A playful grin toyed at his lips.
"We're in the middle of the library," Jean reminded. His hands no longer rested on your upper half, instead, he played with the hem of your dress. It didn't take him long to slip them under, palming your thighs while he waited for you to say something. As empty as it was in the building, you still feared watchful eyes - especially those of your friends waiting for you in the study room.
The second he touched your bare skin you didn't care about the people anymore. His touch was like lightning zapping at every nerve in your body. Jean wasn't like Eren, he didn't ooze cockiness but he was just as confident in his capabilities. You were curious to see how his traits would transfer to something like this.
"Gonna have to be quiet then."
"That's too bad," Jean went higher on your legs. He never took his eyes off of you, waiting to see when your strong facade cracked again. He pried your legs apart, just enough for a cool draft to shoot right to your core. Jean's finger grazed over the increasingly wet material. Barely a touch and you had to force back a whimper. "Eren always talks about how pretty your moans are, I really wanted to hear them for myself."
Tch. So he did talk about your night with the rest of the guys. It shouldn't have come as a surprise he always liked to show off. Maybe that was why Armin still couldn't look you quite in the eye - he knew everything Eren hyped up about your night was true. He never every moan, plea, and beg that came past your lips all because he was the unfortunate roommate.
"He's such a bragger," Jean continued. His scorching fingers nipped away at the hem of your underwear. It's nothing compared to the heat you're emitting, the absolute wetness threatening to drip out of you. You can't deny the idea of doing this where people could hear or see only excited you more. "Always talks about how he could pull you, think it's time to prove I can do better than him. Is that what you want? Hmm?"
He waits for you to give him an answer before going any further. It's polite of him, knowing even if you're showing all the signs of wanting this - your mind might say otherwise. The abruptness of it, the location, the timing, all of it was whirling around and screaming at you to say no. But the chance that your connection with his beautiful long fingers and the split-second recognition of that video left you needing to say yes. Your body and mind wanted this.
"Please," you whispered. Jean's whole demeanor changed. No longer the playful tease, but a lust-filled predator with eyes only on you. He wasted no time with you, continuing his journey past your underwear to get to the real prize. Jean hummed with content as his fingers slid between your slick folds.
Without hesitation, he slipped a digit in. You were so welcoming for him, so eager to take whatever of him you could into your warmth. He wanted to take you right then and there with how well you were taking just his fingers. Denying you wanted exactly that too would have been foolish.
"Come on pretty girl, I wanna hear those famous moans of yours," Jean encouraged. We worked at a slow, leisurely pace. His motions were hindered by the restriction of your underwear and it was clear he was growing more and more frustrated with it. Even then, even with barely get a chance with you, you were so close to giving him the noises he wanted.
Your teeth dug into your lip, head tilted back and resting on the metal shelf behind you. Jean took the opportunity to attach his lips to your exposed neck. His lips were soft but his actions were anything but. Sharp nips and bites were left on the tender skin of your neck. Each time he dug his teeth into you, he could feel you tighten around his fingers.
Jean was marking you up like you were his property. You knew damn well why too, he wanted to make sure Eren knew exactly what he did to you. He wanted him to know he wasn't the only one who could make you beg for more. By the rate he was going, he was going to be right there too.
"Jean," you whined. Your fingers were tangled in his thick hair, tugging at the roots as you tried to control yourself. Have to stay quiet. "S-so good."
His lips pressed to yours with a sudden change of pace. Your core missing his touch instantly, enough to finally get one of those desperate whines he wanted to hear. His face lit up with a sinister smile. He latched onto your panties, pulling them down your legs and shoving the flimsy material into his pocket.
He earned himself complete access to you. The flowy dress wouldn't stop his determined hands, not that you wanted him to quit at this point. Again now you were here to find out if he was Paradis_Finest and you found yourself too consumed in pleasure to even care about it anymore. Twice you fell for this trick.
"Come on, Jean, please," you whined. He danced around where you wanted him. This was what he craved, to see you plead for him, and then to watch you cum. This was all he was here for, to get the satisfaction of watching you get off on his fingers and prove he was just as good as his friend.
"Not even afraid to beg in the middle of a library huh?" His voice was low. The thrill of potentially getting caught only got you hornier for him. Having someone hear you, have your lewd sounds engraved in their mind for the rest of the day, god that was all you wanted. You wanted to be what others thought about at night.
"Just - ah, god! Please, just wanna feel good."
"Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll make you feel better than anyone could."
Your dress barely covered your lower half. If anyone were to walk by, they would definitely see your sopping cunt. Was this how he felt every time? The excitement? It made it easier to understand why he did what he did.
Jean propped your leg up on the second shelf of the bookcase you leaned on. The elevation made it easier for him to glide his finger back through your folds. He was good at this - so damn good you had trouble holding back your moans. If he wanted to hear you, the opportunity he took was a wasted one. Then again, maybe he thought this was the only one he could get - or if he proved himself he would get another chance.
"Ah! Fuck," you gripped his shirt as if it was the only thing keeping you up. The squelching noises Jean was pulling out of you were filthy. The sounds were nearly as satisfying as your voice to him, this was how wet he could get you without his cock. There was no better satisfaction. It took everything for you to be silent.
"Nah-ah, not allowed to go hiding on me now," Jean chastised as you bit your lip to hold back sounds. He curled his fingers within you, hitting a spot he was yet to find until now and making you mewl with utter pleasure. To make matters even more difficult, the base of his palm ground into your clit, igniting a second wave of pleasure over you. A shameless moan emitted, one that was certainly loud enough for people to hear. "That's it, sweetheart."
When you threatened to let out another, Jean pressed his lips to yours. As much as he wanted to hear every one of your sounds, too many and you'd get caught. It wasn't a risk he was willing to take - not when he still hasn't gotten to see how pretty you look when you cum. Not to mention he was trying to hold back a moan himself - the way you clenched around his fingers, the feeling went straight to his cock.
"Jean! fuck, please, please I'm so close," you cried out into the crook of his neck. Everything about you he was completely entranced by, your warmth, your walls, the quiet whimpers you tried to hold back, all of it. He could understand why Eren was bragging, you were incredible and he barely even got a taste.
"Are you sweet girl?" Jean sped up his motions. He adored the struggle you were going through to keep silent in the library. You were yet to catch the attention of watchful eyes, though, in all honesty, he wouldn't even mind having someone watch as he got you off. Watchful eyes were something he not only hoped for but encouraged. "Feel so good on my fingers, wonder how nice this pussy would feel around my cock."
Your nails dug into his biceps, leaving little crescents in his skin that came close to breaking the skin. Sweat beaded along your forehead both from the heat and the pleasure Jean was so effortlessly giving you. Every thrust of his fingers edged you closer to your release, every curl bringing out a breathless whine just for him.
He did the same combination as previously, the tips of his fingers curling up to hit your most vulnerable spot and the heel of his palm digging so preciously into your sweet bundle of nerves. The action alone was enough to bring you right to the edge, and his words of praise and encouragement were enough to push you right off.
"That's it doll, fuck you're so perfect. Wanna feel you cum, wanna make you feel good," Jean whispered to you. You fell into his shoulder as he brought you to your peak. Waves of pure pleasure filled your body. You wanted to give him the loud, shameless moans he deserved, but couldn't bring yourself to let it out in public like this.
Instead, your teeth sank into his shoulder, pathetically muffling your loud moan. The vibrations rumbled through his body as he continued to ride out your high. This was what he wanted, to see you fall apart just for him - and fuck were you incredible while doing it. He was encased in you, understanding now why Eren was so eager to brag.
A line of drool went from your lips to the place you were biting his shoulder as you pulled away. Your face was flushed, eyes still lidded with linger amounts of your high running through you. The pad of Jean's thumb delicately worked against your clit, fingers still deep inside you but unmoving. Even the small jolt of pleasure had you whimpering again.
"You're really not as innocent as you look, (Y/N)," Jean smirked down at you. He pulled his hand away from your sensitive cunt, admiring how your juices ran down the back of his hand. Your eyes stayed on his as he brought them up to his lips and pushed his digits past them. "So sweet."
"There you guys are!" You swore your heart nearly jumped out of your chest at the sound of Armin's voice. He looked between you and Jean with curious eyes, though said nothing about why you were so close or why both of you were entirely flushed. Had he come even two minutes earlier he would have seen exactly what you were going. "Uh, you were taking a long time, Mikasa and I are headed out."
"Thanks, Armin," Jean became perfectly composed in seconds. He acted as if nothing just happened and this whole time you really were searching for his source. That kind of composure only came with practice - something Paradis_Finest would have lots of. "Took us forever to find this stupid book."
Armin glanced down to your neck that was likely littered with marks. Even if Jean made himself believable, the evidence was there. Nonetheless, he didn't question what you were up to - he'd already heard enough from Eren, the last thing he wanted was to hear more from Jean. The two would be in an all-out war for who did the best.
With a single nod, he left the two of you alone, a light pink color on his cheeks as he did so. There wasn't enough time for anything else, Armin already solved your lie and likely was on his way to tell Mikasa before they left the library. Jean's pleasure was one-sided, though it didn't seem like he minded at all.
If Jean was Paradis_Finest, you'd know in less than a week's time with a new video being uploaded. All you had to do, was wait. Or, if you were lucky enough, Jean would come crawling back for a second chance before any video was uploaded.
"Do I get my underwear back?"
"Not a chance."
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