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#always wanted to now this
peaches-and-co · 4 hours ago
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Vent. Trigger warning for E.D.'s, death, and suicide.
#Have I always been this weak and stupid?#I think about being cared about and it makes me cry.#I think I'd cry if someone who I trusted touched me.#I think I'd cry if there was anyone who I really trusted right now.#Because how can I trust anyone right now?#I suppose I trust some of our system friends and our partner systems but I can't think of an individual.#There's people I know I distrust. The people who are the reason I'm here.#But I just. I don't know.#Our eating and sleeping have gotten bad.#It's almost 2 A.M. We have school tomorrow. Just can't sleep. Not tired.#I had to ask to be told to eat because I feel like I fundamentally do not deserve food or nutrition.#It's always felt like we are faking our eating disorder but the thought of someone telling me I deserve food and that it doesn't make me—#—bad makes me want to sob. I can't imagine a healthy relationship with food. I can't imagine eating my fill and feeling okay about it.#I want someone to care about me. Not our system. I know people care about us and that's really nice. It's selfish. But.#I just want to be cared about. I know I don't deserve it. I'm the last person who deserves someone to care about them.#It just hurts. I exist because we didn't feel cared about. No one in that group took us seriously. I was told to apologize.#Who the hell am I to want to be cared about. I'm just some piece of shit that should still be dead.#It feels like the only way any of them would take how we feel seriously is if we killed ourself. I hate that thought.#Our partner triggering Wolfie by telling him to leave them out of his shit is apparently a crime we have to fucking pay for but us being—#—triggered into the worst mental health of our life when it was already at it's worst is not something to fucking blame him for.#They said they understood our side without giving us a fucking chance. I wish we could just block them and be fucking done.#Feeling a lot of shit tonight. Want to scream and punch this stupid fucking guy in the face. J am feeling a lot.#I need to sleep. I really fucking need to sleep.#I'll be better in the morning. Hope no one has read all of this. If you have… hi. Sorry. I have several undiagnosed mental illnesses.#Going to try and sleep now.
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theamazinglei · 4 hours ago
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Concept: Cat’s show love by bonking their heads against other cats or humans they love to rub their own scent glands on our skin to let people know you belong to them.  So what if Saffron (my personal name for Cookin’ Cat) used to bonk Rowdy against the shoulder to show signs of affection, but Rowdy didn’t quite understand as a younger pup, and now that she knows she tried to show her affection back but underestimates her strength... and headbutts the cat a little too hard. 
Rowdy does apologize through with a bag of ice to Cooking Cat’s bruised face through teary eyes.  
Rowdy is the living definition of “pure of heart, dumb of ass” lesbian. 
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gossipgirls · 7 hours ago
do you think serena loved nate pre-pilot
okay, so gonna go back here to what i said in an ask last week about like... the Serenate Mythology file in my brain vs. actual cold, hard canon. in canon, i don’t know that the writers of the show believed serena loved nate pre-pilot and i don’t know that they were writing s1 serenate’s dynamic with that intention. i just don’t know.
HOWEVER, it’s at the very least canon that she had a crush on him, big enough for lily, a rather absent mother at the time, to pick up on it. i personally love to think that she loved him pre-pilot and just didn’t have the frame of reference or vocabulary or understanding of herself yet to know that it was love. that she held it all back because she didn’t want to hurt blair, but she knew on some level that it was there. again, given the relatively small amount of objective canon material on serenate, i feel there really is space for me to believe this is true lol.
like do i think she loved him more than she loved dan? no. and there was some strange whitewashing of serenate’s history throughout s1, e.g. serena being like “nobody’s ever looked at me the way you just did” to dan (like... YES SOMEONE DID MA’AM), when their dynamic realllllyyyy should have been explored further. but the particular way in which serena loved dan was sooo tied up with her hatred of herself, and ultimately so different from the love that she felt for nate. so there is a real capacity for her to love nate more in the future after some... self-actualization (lol) in which she realizes what love really is and isn’t... and perhaps realizing then that she has always loved nate but it was overshadowed by her other less healthy wants and needs. does this make any sense at all.
tldr; no but yes. yes, in my heart. 🖤
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confusedpetal · 10 hours ago
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chaos walking has so many bad reviews but LISTEN i love a dystopian story where boy meets girl and they have to fight the system
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garlique · 12 hours ago
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tw for suicide and self harm in tags !! pls just scroll !!
#my mood swings have been so terrible lately and i feel so bad abt it lmao#they usually aren't this like? extreme?#like normally i just kinda swing from side to side of the same line of bland sadness#n i get happy for a few minutes n i get deeply sad for a few minutes but it's always like so minimal that i can just play it off n hide it#but its just so extreme now and i feel so awful because its literally impossible to hide#like literally one minute ive been like 'wow this is the happiest ive ever felt' and then the next its like#if anyone moves or makes any noise or talks to me im going to start sobbing#and then like 30 min later its like i viscerally hate everyone ive interacted with today so much i want to scream#like miss girl WHAT is going on in there !!!! i hate this !!!!#literally nothing makes me happy like everything just makes me so angry#like literally everything. literally everything. literally everything. i can't think of a single thing that i couldn't be angry about#im SO FUCKING READY TO BE DONE WITH THIS SEMESTER HOLY SHIT#AAAAAAAAAAAAA I JUST GOT SO MAD#LITERALLY when i started typing this post i was like on the verge of tears and now im so blistering angry holy shit holy shit#i hate this !!!! ooh i want to die so BAD lmao#i always stop cutting when i get like. this unhappy/suicidal#twould b very sexy if i could like .... engage in the coping mechanism i specifically developed to deal with emotional overwhelm#god im gonna unalive this fucking sucks i hate living like this#the other really stressful part of this is that i don't#you know what never mind . cannot keep shoving my emotional shit into other people . this is all me babey !!!
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dead-silxnce · 13 hours ago
💀
Kobra Kid?
“You want me to hit you.” Jet repeats, his voice neutral as the latter’s expression when he nods. “It thinks i was taken away for interrogation,” Agent Kobra says vaguely, referring no doubt to the killjoy he was assigned, “Physical torture is a little barbaric, but it should scare it alright.” “And i was the closest agent.” Jet all but sighs, because somehow he always manages to be first choice for the most annoying tasks. “You’re the only one who i knew would do it right.” the younger shrugs and he almost thinks his words are supposed to have the edge of a compliment, though if anything Kobra is known for manipulation and his ruthlessness in combat.
~ Untitled WIP based on one of Joy (@tasteofamnesia)’s posts where he mentioned ‘crow Jet Star
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