#am I being too formal

[wildtornado-o]

Roman and Neo have "friends who go to graveyards and laugh at the funny names together" energy

Anways :3 just wanted to draw them in some formal outfits and got a little carried away lol

#also used two songs i had stuck in my head for lyrics lol they seemed pretty fitting :) #Roman Torchwick #Neopolitan #Neo Rwby #Rwby #rwby roman holiday #these are kiiiind of inspired bybtheir matching valentines outfits but not really you can see it more on roman than neo #Please dont tag as ship <3 #lyrics r To My Enemies by Saint Motel and Mad Hatter by Melanie Martinez #my art #omg these are so much more dull on my computer bruh #Something funny I noticed about Roman is his shoes never really match his outfits #either being too formal (like when he wore the hoodie and- #-black pants with black leather dress shoes) or too informal (like his dirty looking brown shoes with his main outfit) i just think this is #-interesting. Am i looking too far into things? Probably. But i think its amusing

[skitskatdacat63]

catie I NEED more vettonso lore for your au. please. (love u)

Aaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! C!!! Thank you so much for asking!! This took me a bit cause there’s a lot of stuff I want to cover and I had to figure out how to balance the explanation of the historical context and how I apply it to my AU. But seriously thank you for asking because I did more research to write this post and learned a lot of things that make me feel deranged but I cannot bring any of this up to anyone irl without sounding like a lunatic. I’d apologize for the length but you should expect this from me by now! (I realized this doc for this was 1.5k+ my god)

Basic Info: early 1700s historical AU with arranged marriage plot 

Historical Context:

Okay, so this AU is based on a real historical event: The War of The Spanish Succession. Which is when the Spanish Throne was without a clear line of succession because the bloodline(Spanish Habsburgs) died out. So then, even though the previous Spanish King named his successor(Philip V, a Duke related to the French Royal family - representing Fernando in this AU), the Habsburgs still thought they should be allowed to keep the throne within their dynasty, thus offering up the second son(Charles VI - representing Seb in this AU) of the Holy Roman Emperor. So obviously they had to start a war because of it. But then the end result ended up being that because Charles VI’s older brother, the Holy Roman Emperor at the time, died during the war(because of illness though so it would have happened regardless), he became the next Emperor and Philip V ended up becoming the Spanish King after all, rendering it all pointless imo.

How does this relate to Vettonso?:

I'm not overly interested in either Charles VI and Philip V as people, but rather the roles they fulfill in this conflict, but obv I can’t help but draw on details from their lives. As I mentioned, Fernando is now Fernando I of Renault/France Spain and Seb is Sebastian I of Red Bull Austria. This is supposed to be like 2010-2012!Vettonso with Ferrari!Fernando and RBR!Seb(but like Fernando's title of Duke coming from France, because of his championships with Renault.) This AU is kinda just me looking at this historical event and thinking: wouldn’t a gay arranged marriage solve this succession quandary? But also just that it reminds me of Fernando and Seb’s rivalry, and the nationalities/kingdoms fit pretty well!!

Think about the throne of Spain as akin to winning a race, but becoming Holy Roman Emperor as winning the whole entire competition.(Also side note: real life Charles VI didn’t become a king until he became Emperor and adopted all of his brother’s titles, but I want Seb to be a boy king in this AU, so he can have a title as a treat.) Imagine you’re competing for something and you win it, but the only reason you win is because the other competitor won an even bigger prize!!!! Yay you got what you wanted but the boy king is now the emperor of most of Europe. And now you are stuck with him through lawfully wedded arranged marriage because they let you have what you wanted but only under the condition that the two kingdoms are still united. Yeah Fernando got the title, but Seb gained even more titles(get it???) 

They probably have a lot of animosity coming into the marriage, like “how could I ever build a relationship with the man who tried to steal my birthright?” but then realize they’re pretty similar after all. Though obviously Fernando has a lot more resentment than Seb because Seb won the whole damn thing! He would have control over Spain as he’s the king but since it's still within the domain of the empire, Seb would always have the final say. And Seb tries to be magnanimous like “Don’t worry, I won’t interfere”, and Fernando is all snide with comments like “Oh thank you great imperial majesty, can I really? Would you really allow me to do so?” But eventually become loving co-rulers that still constantly snipe at each other over different decisions the other makes. 

Some headcanons(I guess you’d still call it headcanons even if it's your own AU bcs it still comes from your head) + some fun facts from real life that have brainrotted me so I’m putting them in:

Their dynamic is just Seb being a very righteous, bratty boy king emperor who is unabashed about being that way, because he feels that it is his right, but still has a heart of gold and wants to treat his husband well no matter the circumstances leading to their marriage. And then Fernando is like a stray cat that keeps hissing and scratching because it’s really hard for him to accept the circumstances because he still feels humiliated, even though he got everything he wanted, but he still can’t help but be charmed by this baby emperor because he sees attributes of himself in Seb, and can’t really fault him because he would be the exact same, flaunting his power, if he were in Seb’s shoes. 

They would have to speak in French to each other because that’s their shared language but eventually attempt to learn each other’s native languages! Imagine Seb has to travel to Spain to give some Emperor speech and Fernando then bullies him for his bad Spanish. 

They would probably split where they live based on a schedule or by need. Yes, Fernando is the King of Spain but he is also the Emperor’s husband so he does have to spend time in the capital, Vienna. And then since Spain is a part of the empire, Seb has to go routinely, but y’know also to spend time with his husband. They find that their marriage as well as their politics is full of having to make concessions and compromises in order to make it work. 

Something I find funny is that as compensation for not getting the Spanish throne back, Spain had to cede some Italian territories to the Empire. That is literally the Ferrari plot with the transfer from Fernando to Seb!!

I’m not sure how the titles would work in this AU because obviously a m/m political marriage has not ever happened(as far as I know.) But I guess Fernando would just be King Fernando I of Spain and then Seb would be Holy Roman Emperor Sebastian I with the million titles that come with being in that role(though like most importantly Archduke of Austria and King of Bohemia and Hungary, etc.) I like the idea that Seb tries to share some titles with Fernando as a show of good will but Fernando is so affronted, mostly just from embarrassment, like “oh you think I need your good will?? I can’t be happy with what I earned in my own right??” But their kids would receive both titles and would be split in the traditional way, like first kid getting it all mostly, but the others still being nobility obv(yes.. there would be mpreg because of the plot need for succession….don’t ask who…)

They bond through their love of horses, particularly fast horses. The first time they go riding together, they’re both like awkwardly trying to act very proper as a sense of showmanship to the other like “I’m more mature than you”, but then can’t stop trying to get ahead of the other person and eventually break into a full-on race. Their aids are mutually like “oh god, they’re both the same type of insane.” 

Irl Charles VI was so salty about losing the throne that he wouldn’t stop dressing like a traditional Spanish monarch. I can totally see Seb doing that and Fernando getting so pissed with him like “you became emperor!! What more could you possibly want???’ and Seb then fixing him with his biggest pout and saying “your throne!” But also Fernando being weirdly into it because it’s basically Seb presenting himself blatantly as Fernando’s spouse. 

In that same vein, I’m going crazy over how there’s a painting from before the war, of Philip V wearing vestments from both the French order of chivalry and the Habsburg order of chivalry. Like basically stating the desire to see those two lines combined into one kingdom, which fits so well into this AU. Just Seb going crazy over how Fernando is willingly branding himself as belonging to Seb’s house. 

A testimony of Philip V’s personality is that he was a “neurotic, vacillating ruler, concerned with outward decorum and brave only in battle,” god can you not sense the energy of Fernando in that statement???

Very important to me that Charles VI reportedly had many male lovers, and that his soulmate was one of his courtiers. Maybe there can be a bit of Martian or Sebson cheating plot with them being his courtiers hahaha  

Not very relevant in this AU but there’s something about how Philip V had the longest ever reign of a Spanish monarch. Is that not Fernando??? Old man who will rule on forever, or should I say, forever keep his seat 

I already obv posted the wip for this but I'll include it here again as visual rep hehehe:

I've spent way too much time lately trying to research the fashion of the time ugh. But this, as I said, is like first joint portrait session into the marriage. And I guess I kind of want them to be wearing their corronation clothing, which I'm pretty solid on for Seb but still need to research more for Fernando. I think I'll maybe try and just put him in the afformentioned traditional Spanish monarch clothing, but the fact that it's all black kinda bores me, I'd rather he wear red!! This is like a typical royal couple type pose, except they're being more tactile. Also there's something to be said about the symbolism of Fernando being the one standing and Seb being the one sitting hehehe....

#*oh also posting this in my typical habit of scheduling posts for when i sleep so sry if i dont respond bcs i am in fact asleep #*sorry for making you wait for this C! I said in a bit but then i didnt...i like waking up to notes okay ...BUT AGAIN TYSM FOR ASKING #alternate title for this post: what being in Austria does to a man #I mentioned to my friend from the trip abt how having been there has affected me and has made me think way too much about the history #and shes like 'oh yeah ive not really thought about austria too much since coming back' #me just sitting there with my phone gallery full of historical paintings for reference and my head full of research like: 'haha oh okay...' #often my thoughts about AUs is just a bunch of rambling thoughts in my head #so its very nice and helpful to have to write it out like this and turn it into something more than absent thought #most of the headcanons spontaneneously popped into my head while I was writing out the main section hahah #hope you enjoy!!!! hopefully I'll be able to finish my drawing of them !! #especially since I'll prob never end up writing a fic bcs i like writing rambling but anything more formalized is soooo difficult for me #vettonso #catie.rambling.txt #catie.asks. #formula 1 #boy king au

[macroglossus]

being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED

#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right????? #this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh. #when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like #two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that #time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore #is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and #when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up #and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not #that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on #listening. if that makes sense #IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive #like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!! #idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that #im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy. #epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍

[vvitchering]

Strange New Worlds got me crying with laughter, sadness, and joy all in one episode GOD I LOVE STAR TREK!!!!!!!

#strange new worlds #Star Trek #snw #SPOILERS WEEWOO WEEWOO DONT READ PAST HERE #this show absolutely proves if you write your characters well any relationship can work for viewers #I was cool with Spock and T’Pring for the first time ever #and I am fully on board with Spock and Chapel now too #the amount of nuance this show has been able to add to relationships we see only a tiny fraction of in tos #ITS INSANE AND SO GOOD #just the way it builds the things we see later without sacrificing it’s own identity I’m!!!!!!! #also Pike wearing the formal green shirt and Spock wearing the iconic Vulcan Disguise Beanie #the nods to tos without it feeling forced is MWAH CHEFS KISS #also also love the nuance with the Vulcans #T’Prings parents showing that there is variety in their personalities #T’Pring herself being a mix of her father’s more relaxed and excitable nature #and her mother’s intensely logical and blunt nature #UGH THIS SHOW IS SO GOOD

[rowan-guerrins]

9 fandom peeps to get to know better:

thanks @dragonagelesbian for tagging me! i am so eept rn so i have,,,, no idea how coherent this’ll be lol

3 ships you like: gigolas (gimli and legolas; i refuse to use any ship name other than the most ridiculous one lmao) (they invented love methinks); nerdanel x fëanor (their love and epic divorce compel me… rotating them in my brain like The Cube); and bagginshield (idiots 🫶). i like (love, even) many ships akfkskf but right now im in my tolkien era (again.) so uhhh yeah. all tolkien ships here. shoutout to dinkus tho.

first ship ever: literally aragorn and arwen. i was obsessed with them and wanted them to be my parents. in after-school daycare i would sit in front of a whiteboard and draw a big ole castle and draw out my elaborate fantasy role play i had w a friend in which i WAS their child. this brainrot has been with me for as long as i can remember i inherited it i will live forever with it. incurable disease (liking tolkien) haver.

last song you heard: squints. well earlier i was SINGING many songs from the broadway beauty and the beast musical but that was acapella so that doesn’t count. it’s uhh. (opens spotify). well i’m halfway through doom days by bastille (doom days by bastille my beloved). so that. (unless you do count what i was singing for some reason. in which case. uhhhh. if i can’t love her. THEE beauty and the beast song of all time. helloooooo is this thing on do you hear me? do you understand? it’s the musical song of all time to me actually. it’s so good. listen to it. evermore wants what she has.)

favorite childhood book: uhhh so i only remember really early childhood and later childhood. i know i had other favorites between like 5-8 or so. but you’re getting what i can remember ajdjwjd. as a YOUNG kid i loved “goodnight moon”. the kids book of all time. and in later childhood, outside of my obsession with the warrior cats franchise (a given), i really loved the inheritance cycle books. i need to reread them so bad SO BAD. also i need to get the illustrated edition of eragon. shakes.

currently reading: “the fellowship of the ring”. don’t look atme. don’t— look. look. when i said it’s my tolkien girlie era again. well. yeah. anyway. i am. 97-98% thru it so probably it will change to two towers. also TECHNICALLY. i am still. technically. reading “carmilla” (she’s somewhere in my room but i don’t know where oops). and also. technically. “the silmarillion” (LOOK.), because i need to actually read it all the way thru for once and not just skip to the bits about my favoritest worst guys alive who are hated by god and also do war crimes but they’re funny. so it’s. look. it. it’s okay. hey look at me. the murder is not a big deal. it’s all so catholic here. i’m more worried about that.

currently watching: stares into the distance. it’s been so long since i’ve watched anything. at least TV/movie-wise. i watch a simmer’s streams and youtube vids is that anything? no…. naur…. i think the last. thing i watched was. uh. an episode of ATLA.

currently consuming: BALDURS GATE THREE. i am obsessed w my tav rn. i restarted my playthru bc i wanted to good recruit minthara bc i feel like she’d have a crunchy dynamic w my tav, lleuad. somehow less crunchy than i expected but we just got her so who’s to say. anyway. shakking,,,, look at Them. (talking to one of the besties.)

currently craving: japanese curry……… mmmm. with. chicken katsu. yeag

tagging: open tag bc actual tagging always gives me anxiety lmao. if you want to do this, consider yourself tagged!

#once again the epic highs and lows of high school football. in that. #the epic highs of being tagged in stuff (fun!!! i love it!!!!). but the epic lows (anxiety abt tagging) #also do you know what i’m saying when i say dinkus. grabs your shoulders. do you. #bc i forget if other people call them that or if that’s really only the gc #also w lleuad. well first of all that’s two “L”s but having the first one capitalized looked Weird. too formal as i do not have autocaps on #but also. if you ask me about them i WILL answer i am obsessed w them. heart emoji

[starlyht]

illusion wizards having very subtle movements when they cast, thank you.

#how you cast also being culturally dependent / if you have formal training / where you learn . #i think a feywild illusionist taught by an eladrin is going to look . #at least somewhat different from a human wizard formally taught in faerun . #i am never beating the 'thinks too much abt spellcasters' allegations bark bark .

[froshele]

today in the wild I came across a phrase to the effect "...And this [pair of ethical axioms about what constitutes quality of life for purposes of discussion about disability and coma prognosis, based on the opinion of one person who has not ever been in a coma or disabled thereafter] suggests that maybe, just maybe, [relevantly comatose or recovering or disabled] people may have quality of life sufficient to make them ethically relevant"

that's ... not, um, normally considered to be what makes people "ethically relevant" in the world where all the people are and there's sunshine and grass and things, but, you know what, ok jennifer, A for effort! :) gold star for you, philosopher extraordinaire, moral lodestar for people unsure what to do with granny, paragon of ethical conduct!

#they had to put me in a coma because i declined really fast after pediatric brain surgery #it was not a long coma by most standards but i had to get so so much physical and other therapy about it #like i was out here relearning to walk and speak it was a really long recovery #people like this are of an opinion that people like me are ~simply suffering too much~ to be ~ethically relevant~ #which i think is a particularly shit form of pseudobenevolent ableism #what degree of pain do i have to experience before the invisible hand of Ethics decides i shouldn't be resuscitated if I fail #how much does my life get to suck before jennifer here decides it isnt worth living and what will that décision mean #objectively of course i was doing all of this in ukraine so the opinion of this ethicist-panelist would not have been worth anything at all #but i was so close to like being euthanized like a little mop dog #not formally exactly but my mom told me once that she thought about smothering me a lot while i was in recovery #and it was entirely because she was terminally theorybrained about suffering and life-quality in the same type of way #and if it were a medical availability i probably would not be here because i was so absurdly difficult and expensive to raise #and its just like man. i am begging you to remember the humanity of the subjects when you put these things in science papers #im having an ok morning globally i just want to blog about this on the internet to get the thing it brought back to me out of my system #i grew up with meaningful and painful disabilities + the fact that my neurology miraculously knit together into something “more workable” i #totally coincidental actually. what if it didnt? if it didnt + i was still in pain from the sun and wobbled like an earsick kitten then??? #that was the thing here like there was a 70/30 chance I would have needed a talking board and power chair #i am glad i do not but i am also very sensitive about this type of covert desire to decide about their right to live for people who do #i dont remember a lot of my childhood but i remember a lot of that pity laced with something i can now identify as revulsion to my pain #and i remember that i didnt understand it and that all i wanted was to be like other kids who were wanted and hoped for and believed in #and i dont know like its an individual thing its a family thing whatever but yesterday i had a weird trauma memory moment #that was about being displaced a little bit #which is an awfully vulnerable thing to put here but i am not asking for your sympathy i am just saying i was tender and a bit insane #and then i stepped on this rake! good morning insane asylum 《sunshine》 #today will be a better day than this #im going to make the tags froshgriping and froshplaks for my bitching and personal sniveling feel free to blacklist them #froshgriping #froshsniveling #froshplaks

[grison-in-space]

dear friendly office admin: I am aware that yes, when I saw you three hours ago on my way to pee and assemble chambers downstairs, I lied and said Matilda was not with me rather than explain that she is expected to lie quietly in my office until I come back.

I am also aware that coming to show me YOUR small dog as I was packing up and getting ready to leave was probably intended to be a friendly gesture. it is just that after three hours contorting myself in a hot stuffy basement room to run wires and cut zip ties at improbable angles, I was not especially interested in anyone else's animals. I was going to retrieve my damn dog and gear, slink home, and vegetate quietly in a corner for a while.

and of course Matilda decided to cosplay a rabid badger because this is how she handles soliciting play. because she is a small monster. (no, really. it is bizarre. it confuses the hell out of me. but it does seem to be a desire to initiate play.) and now I feel like the weird disruptive one. I don't even know what that lady does.

#matilda #n.b. while tilda is a service prospect #which is a major reason she usually comes to work with me #to practice being quiet and bored by office environments #I have not really bothered to formally frame that because I do not really want to deal with Being an Educator #and! this is also! my opinion of pet dogs! #if she was just coming to work because she is a busy goblin and CM deserves to be able to sleep after a night shift #I still would not be especially interested in interacting with other people's dogs #genuinely I am at work TO WORK #and one of the ways I handle the privilege of being allowed to bring the puppy with me to work #is that I am careful to try and minimize ANY disruption to my working environment #or for that matter anyone else's #and I am tired and there is CONVERSATION outside my office #and I just don't want to bother #I was going to sketch out the basic tasks I'm beginning to lay groundwork for #largely related to executive function and timekeeping #but ugh too tired flat aggravated

[faesandfaunas]

@obliviscii​

He was adjusting to sharing a bed with Yveltal, though funnily he only felt that way if he didn’t think all that hard about it. Thinking too much about it lead him to being flustered and odd with his counterpart, so he had to try his best to be normal… and yet that doesn’t stop him from not being so. 

He could tell that Yveltal wasn’t there, and it’s debatably good that he wasn’t or Xerneas would have reached and probably disturbed him. But instead he reached and felt nothing but cloth sheets, making his eyes open and look around in the dark of the house. Not immediately seeing the God of Death, he sits up and talks softly into the shadows. 

“Yvel?” He calls, and his senses adjust while he brushes his hair out of his face. There’s… talking outside, and he can’t place all the voices, but he does know he can hear Yveltal. He gets up, it doesn’t feel right that he’s not properly dressed for guests… but he does also intend on going back to sleep soon. He just wants to be sure everything is alright, not like the encounter sounds bad… but still. 

He approached the back door and opened it slightly to look out. … Was he talking to a group of Murkrows?

#obliviscii #I awoke to your voice; thinking you'll be by my side :: past xerneas #I’m way too used to historical stories being worried about formal dress and I am inflicting this on xerneas pff

[curiosity-killed]

This fucking dude: well [my name] says she has some background in writing in a certain voice and I don’t disbelieve her but I haven’t seen it

Me: my last job was literally purely writing In Voice for a huge-ass org with global publication but Ok.

#ohhh man #my sister and I were talking abt him last night #bc he’s just #such a fucking egoistic dick #and like TO BE CLEAR #the brand writing I’ve already done (very quickly) for this initiative #had the ceo like ‘’I have chills. I’m in love with this. I can’t stop thinking about it.’’ #so YEAH DUDE I THINK I CAN WRITE SOME FUCKING COPY #personal #oh man. I try not to have too much ego at work but like fuck #I was so close to being like ‘’I can send you my resume mike :)’’ #Jfc #this is up there with the consultant who was like #‘’well :) things are A Bit More formal than your nonprofit background :))’’ #and I was like: flashbacks to liaising directly with UN/world bank/govt senior officials #LIKE BRO IVE PRESENTED TO THE OFFICE OF THE US TRADE REPRESENTATIVE #IM NOT ACTUALLY A HILLBILLY AT WORK #(I am a hillbilly at heart and home but like. I know how to put on a suit) #I’m so #this shouldn’t bother me this much but I’m rlly riled up now orz

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ok. so the guy from school i visited emailed me today like: good news! we unanimously voted to extend u an offer here #so expect the formal offer in the next week. and im like uuuugh i wanna say yes so bad #bc in the us i would have more flexibility in the program than i would in the uk #and my options in the us r either to b a big fish in a small pond at this schoolor a little fish in a big pond at the other #bc this school is underfunded and a bit isolated out in the mountains but the staff r pretty great and big egos dont seem like a big issue #but if i go to the other school its like a big well funded school. the application was like 75 dollars. fuck u and really annoying #and i mean id have to live in new jersey. so in the city with city driving and prob a more high pressure school environment #and more of a chance of dealing with big egos. but like career wise im sure it would b good. assuming i don't mentally collapse #but i mean that doesnt seem as fun as spending 5 years out in the rocky mountains #like thry have fucking moose and bears! there were deer and turkeys in town! #and my dad just sent me a video of all the spring peepers singing back home and im like 😭 bc froggies and he was like i bet u could find #frogs out in [redacted city] and im like 😭 ur right. it just seems like the better choice for my poor overtaxed brain and the project is #so cool too. i want to get the cyano species as my computer background asap. and the guy is nice and apparently super supportive #and i could probably walk to hiking trails. god. i mean i have to say yes to that. i wanna say yes so bad. send me the formal offer bro #ill fucking take it before i even hear back from the other schools lol. ugh. i hate making choices #oof i am so excited to kno where im going and plan my departure. its gonna b such a pain moving tho i pray that my mum or dad can drive #with me bc otherwise the 20hr drive by myself might kill me. thats almost as bad as my initial move out here lol. the us is so big #ugh. again choices. is this the right choice? probably one of the biggest decisions of my life. the project feels so right. cyanobacteria #my algal group of choice. and hot springs. how tf do u say to no to that? i mean. id b doing that in new jersey too but with red algae #ugh. put me out of this misery lol. also as an aside. shout out to my fucking disaster brain for not being able to focus on a single thing #my boss in a meeting: so glad to have students and staff so excited to b working on this project!! me: lady i hate that im on this project #bc im just sitting in until they can get an actual student. i just do what im told but appreciate the enthusiasm lol #ay. im so tired. i wanna see the snow and mountains. and fix my head. and get outta the desert. and listen to frogs 🐸 😌 #unrelated

[house-in-the-backyard-trees]

always a bridesmaid, never a bride

at least everyone has that instead of wondering why

cause i'm never a bridesmaid, never will be a bride

and i've sat on my floor and cried

i can't figure it out, why i'm never enough

can't walk down the aisle in white or maroon

and i can't even gather up the courage to ask the tough stuff

like why did you change your mind, why leave me on the outside, why never even tell me why?

cause i sit here thinking that i'm not enough

enough times without you changing your mind

saying that i can't walk behind you as a bridesmaid while you are a bride

and i'm not trying to damper this joyous occasion

maybe that's why I've bit my tongue and tried self persuasion

cause every single one of your friends is involved - except for me

and i can't help but drown in my misery

i feel like i failed some kind of test

cause everyone's a bridesmaid

everyone's a bride

and i'm stuck on the sidelines

wondering why

#i don't know if this poem portrays my feelings well enough #but long story short one of my best friends is getting married on Saturday and she told me that i was gonna be a bridesmaid #then when everyone got formally asked.... i didn't #and some of her other friends are doing other things like one is officiating #and i am just not even doing anything #and it really hurts #and it's like i know i shouldn't make it about me #but i literally can't even hear about the wedding without wanting to bawl. and she never told me why she changed her mind #i had to hear it from our mutual friend cause i was having a breakdown over it #cause she didn't want my mom trying to butt her head into the wedding cause my mom is known to overstep with me #but it just literally hurts so fucking bad that I'm not involved in any way #and i feel like I'd be an asshole if i say anything to her #so I've kept my mouth shut for like 2 years basically #like biting off my tongue #and i actually have tried to talk to her about it before but i always chicken out #but i felt like i needed to add some backstory to that poem in case it seemed like i was boohooing over not being a bridesmaid when there #was no indication i was gonna be one at all. like she literally asked me if i wanted to be one. #and I'm just too sensitive and i know that. and i need more friends and distance and more therapy #poem #bad poetry #poetry #writing #tumblr poetry #tumblr poet society #I've just felt like my whole life I've been an outsider and i felt a little bit included with them and this and other things happen and i #feel like I'm back at square one

[butterfirefly]

#chapter 932 #duke please repent #what in the world am I supposed to do with these emotions author #I can't explain the context since it's in mega spoiler territory but just know that this scene is way more than just serpens being playful #the LOVE and CARE these two have for each other is quite frankly driving me insane #I know I'll be screaming crying throwing up for what's to come but for now I'm unrepentantly (pun intended) basking in the warm fuzzies #okay but honestly the only thing fortifying my heart for the next arc is the thought that I'll meet the bestest talking duck in the world #now onto my other thoughts: #my goodness. the extent of zion's respect for humanus is talking to him formally and then it's just him internally AND externally #dissing him 22/7. goldfish head. dense. dumb. zion you are so lucky I love you and you love humanus too or it would've been on sight #at least you also admit he was the main character for a reason #serpens is serpens. nothing much to say there [dies of too much affection] #zion choosing to walk instead of getting carried because the rest of the party would be walking on foot is 💙 he loves them so much. #everyone loves everyone here (anima my not so sweet child face it it's true) and I am LIVING for it

[jurisffiction]

feeling UNBEARABLY sentimental this christmas eve....goddamn

#behind the scenes. picture the author languid . #i was just trying on formal wear for nye+a wedding and got too hot and now i'm just collapsed half dressed but in heels on my bed . #in my beautiful personal apartment that i love so dearly with its deep teals and marigolds and trinkets that i am being booted from in 2 wks #i could cry at ANYTHING rn. blindfold me and spin me around my living room and i'll cry at any tableau i land on. that's what i'm doing rn. #this is all because my friends didn't let me cry at th e beach yesterday. i know it. i know it #IDK WHAT I MEAN BY POSTING THJS SORRY. I WAS GOING TO BE LIKE 'SO SEND ASKS' OR WHATEVER PEOPPE DO ON THIS WEBSITE WHEN THEYRE TIPSY AND SEN #SENTIMENTAL BUT INSTEAD I AM JUST . LANGUISHING

[supercantaloupe]

ughh listening to victoria always makes me wish i was in a chamber choir again

#i mean i AM in a chamber choir technically #but it's on hiatus rn for the summer i think we're starting up again with the fall semester #and it's like. small informal amateur group #and we're not bad dgmw but. maaan what i wouldn't give to go back to the blessed one and a half semesters in freshman year #when we still had a proper chamber choir at my uni and i was in it. before covid ruined everything #easily the best choir i've ever been in and the most fun i've had singing in a choral setting i think #i think it beats out my allstate years too. cause as fun as allstate was it was also like 120 people #chamber choir was like. 35. and i loooooove love love chamber music #anyway. i like the group i'm in now and i think it's cool that we focus on early and renaissance music #like i don't think we even ventured into the baroque era at all last concert #and there really is some fantastic early choir music that survives #but i do miss being in a slightly more. idk. formal? official(tm)? chamber choir #with the early music yes but also more recent stuff. poulenc. rutter. whitaker. shaw... #oughh. to sing the kind of stuff that roomful of teeth does. that would be MAGICAL #sasha speaks

[the--highlanders]

honestly I kind of miss that trend of people posting powerpoints about their favourite characters or w/e

#personal #idk i just think they were fun!!! #also i cannot stress this enough. at any given moment i am a hair's breadth away from making powerpoints about my blorbos. #not in that style i'm not funny enough for that #it would end up being far too dry and boring HFJDHFJ #if you have ever interacted with me i'm sorry you probably know i am either a skittish horse or a droning overly formal/wordy academic #but the point still stands. the jamie cinematic universe powerpoint still lives rent free in my head.