I'm at the brink of a suicidal breakdown. I've been waiting to get my paycheck from an illustration job I've done last October 2023, I did ask them about it and said that I would get paid on the 27th. It's the 28th and I still don't see any updates on my end. I've gotten my hopes up for so long, every month since and I've burnt the fuck out from waiting.
I've been refraining myself from eating and buy myself stuff like food and toiletries and I've completely ran out of money to survive. I wish i could accept commissions but I haven't been doing great mental and physical wise and I don't have the means to draw other than a few sketches to cheer myself up. I'm completely burnt out.
If you could help spread this around I would appreciate it, every bit helps at least to cover my necessities for a while until I hope to eventually get paid
I'm sorry for asking for donations so frequently I just can't hold on for much longer in this state
Donations and reblogs are appreciated, thank you
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Fun Fact: Oilbirds are Basically BatBirds!
I want to talk about these amazing birds:
I love them. I mean, look at their big, shiny eyes! NO ONE can say that they aren’t cute as hell!
The other reason I love these animals is because they’re basically what happens when evolution tries to make a bat out of a bird.
These little guys are known as oilbirds (Steatornis caripensis), and are also called guácharo (and also several other things, because they are found in South America, plus Trinidad & Tobago, which all have INCREDIBLE language diversity).
Oilbirds are nocturnal, flying around the forests of South America at night looking for fruit to eat. They also live colonially in caves, which they navigate using echolocation.
So, to review:
(I’m making my Generic Bats a very generic fruit bat, for the record).
Oilbirds are the only birds with this combination of traits, which I think is pretty cool of them! Why are they so much like bats? Basically, when different types of animals evolve under similar selective pressures, they often evolve the same features! This is called convergent evolution, and wow I talk about it a lot on this blog! It turns out that nocturnal animals that live in caves and eat fruit can sometimes benefit from traits like these!
(they’re, like... spooky-cute. Cute-spooky? Either way, I like them a lot)
So, if these birds are flying around at night, how do they stop themselves from flying into things while searching for that tasty, tasty fruit?
Well, in the forest, they mostly rely on their AMAZING night vision (which is another trait they share with bats, fyi). That is why they have such big, adorable eyes, which has a lot of light-sensing cells called rods. They actually hold a record for the density of the rods in their eyes: one million per square millimetre. That is the highest density of any known vertebrate. It’s about 6x denser than the rods found in human eyes!
...still cute
Their amazing vision allows them to see very well in low light, which is how they navigate the South American jungles at night, searching for food under the moon and stars. That said, their vision just doesn’t cut it when it comes to flying in the caves they call home. Why? Well, caves are dark as hell, and even the best night-vision can’t do anything for you when there’s no light at all. Plus, flying into cave walls/ cliff faces hurts, so it’s good to be extra sure you’re not flying into solid rock!
So how do they find their way around these dark caves? Well, they use something very unusual for birds: echolocation!
Oilbirds are one of only a few species of birds that are known to use echolocation (the others are a few species of the closely-related swiflets (Collocaliini), but I HAVE DECIDED TODAY IS FOR THE OILBIRDS im sorry, swiflets, ilu2).
Look at them, not flying into rocks! I’m so proud (˃̣̣̥ ◡ ˂̣̣̥)
Also, a bonus fact, because idk where to fit this but I MUST mention it:
They have little whiskers around their beaks (which are technically called “rictal bristles”, but I’m going to call them “whiskers” because I like that word better). These whiskers are basically used to feel things that they have in and around their mouth, helping them find, manipulate, and eat their tasty fruit!
...moustache...
This has been Fun Fact Friday!
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On the same note of @elegantunknownphantom 's post, I will take a little time to shake this off my chest.
TW: discussion of mental health issues
The past years were not easy for me. At times - no, most of the time - they were unbearable. When the dread became too heavy, though, this was my escape place. A community that welcomed me and made me feel more at home than anywhere else I have been.
When I hated myself, I could come here and be Kal. Be an author writing silly things, interacting with my community.
It might sound... well, desperate, a bit pathetic, but for years when I was spiralling and asking myself "what good am I for? What have I accomplished in my life?" I answered myself "this. At least I made this."
I remember with clarity living through the end of 2021 and 2022 with nothing to look forward to, but this.
There was a time where I almost gave up on everything because it was too painful and I felt so alone. There was one thing I couldn't give up on, though. My WIPs. I thought about all the people who followed me and I told myself, day after day "I have to keep writing. I can't leave them hanging. I have to finish this game."
And so I kept writing.
And I made through those years. Mainly, I like to think, because of this.
So this is a reminder for myself. A confession, kind of. A thank you to everyone who is here and reading. Everyone who sent me asks, who interacted with me, who supported me in any way, who wrote wonderful IFs where I could escape to, who made my life a little more bearable for a very long, dark period of time.
I don't want to tag people, because I would be here all day. But know that I owe you. That my heart is filled with fondness and gratitude to you.
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I remember seeing a post about how being aromantic is akin to being allergic to corn, and like... yeah. Being romance-repulsed, loveless, and aplatonic in addition to being aromantic is like being allergic to olives and corn. And also their common substitutes. Olive oil and cornstarch are used in everything. There is no escape.
You tell someone you can't have a food because olive oil was used, and it's "oh, but surely you aren't allergic to olive oil! That's not a real thing."
You can't have a food because there's cornstarch in it and it's, "oh, but it's such a small amount of corn, surely you'll be fine. I know you can't have corn, but a tiny amount of cornstarch?"
You tell someone that, actually, you are also allergic to a common substitute, and it's "so you just can't eat at all? that's so sad!" or "then what CAN you eat? it's so sad you have such a dislike for food."
"Surely, you aren't actually repulsed by romance! That's so sad! And also, you made that up!"
"I know you're aromantic, but you can't actually be uncomfortable with people using the word 'love' as a blanket for emotions, can you?"
"So you don't feel love for your friends AT ALL? You just don't feel AT ALL? How sad!"
It's exhausting.
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