#am i allowed to feel a connection

[notyourdaisybuchanan]

Rewatching The Bear 2x03 is actually crazy and feels so clarifying because like...

The ep starts with Carmy speaking at Al-Anon about fun, and how maybe he needs to have more of it. He acknowledges that fun is complicated for him because as a kid his family tended to ruin things for him, even though this was often unintentionally done. He says that he thinks if he had more amusement or enjoyment in his own life then it would be easier to provide that for other people. (Big note here that part of the purpose OF a restaurant is to provide amusement and enjoyment for people. Then add in Luca's conversation with Marcus in 2x04 about how the best food comes from being open and inspired, and spending time in the world. So Carmy having fun could theoretically make him better at his job.)

Anyway, Carmy gives that spiel at Al-Anon. Then we get a brief interlude of Syd looking at articles about recent restaurant closings and being stressed.

And then we're immediately back with Syd and Carmy cooking together in his kitchen. She fucks up a dish again, and he suggests they stop cooking and do a palate reset.

Like... this all happens within the first five minutes of the ep. This man has been musing about how he needs to have more fun.... and then he suggests spending the day eating in the city with Syd..... ergo that's his definition of fun. This is literally him making an attempt at doing something for amusement or enjoyment!! He planned this!! I fully believe he had this idea even before Sydney fucked up the dish. This man said I need to have more fun and you know what would be fun? Spending the day with my business partner eating delicious food. So he sends her home with plans to meet in an hour.

And then. AND THEN. Claire calls. First of all when she asks if he's busy, he looks at the white board and the very first thing on the To Do list is "call fridge guy" so like. lmao. I love foreshadowing. And he literally is busy!!! Not with unpleasant tasks to do but with something FUN. Something fun that he planned FOR himself.

And what is it that Claire asks him to do? Is it something fun? No. She asks him to HELP HER MOVE her mom. Like, the least fun task in the history of anything, the thing that people historically HATE being asked to help with. And he doesn't look excited about it! He looks torn. He looks...weird idk. Like ohhhh it's actually so crazy that Carmy bails on a truly fun day with Sydney in order to do a manual labor favor for Claire.

This is so ripe for analysis you simply cannot tell me it doesn't mean anything.

Carmy thinks about how he needs more fun, plans a fun day for himself, and then, when someone he tried to avoid asks him to do a not fun favor, he says yeah, I'll do that instead.

#Almost like he feels a sense of obligation. #Almost like he's self sabotaging. #Almost like Claire's connection to his past to his family to Michael is... allowing his family to ruin something fun for him yet again. #idk I'm not completely married to that bit but the material is definitely there!! #anyway this is my first post-s2 sydcarmy analysis but certainly not the last!! #this show is nuts everything is so intentional and carefully crafted I'm having a field day #apologies if this post comes off like I'm yelling I kind of am bc I was so excited while writing it lol #the bear #the bear meta #sydcarmy #sydcarmy meta #the bear s2 #chefs kiss #sydney adamu #carmen berzatto #sydney x carmy

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

it does something incomprehensible to my little writer’s soul whenever alex articulates a phenomenon of the writing process i’ve always picked up on and then goes on to describe it in exactly the same way

#when i first heard him say this when i was watching the interview i legit had to pause the video for a moment #because it was like he’d actually taken my words straight out of my mouth #literally for years i’ve been fascinated by the little timeless pocket between dusk and dawn where there’s so much freedom #to explore creativity uninhibited and unobserved and without fear of consequence #the way it allows you to create things almost as if they don’t really exist #or like the rest of the world doesn’t #and the magic of that freedom #like if you create things on the cusp of dreams it’s almost as if they don’t count #they’re liberated from any usual self doubt or self criticism that invades the imaginative space during the daylight #why am i making myself sound like a creative vampire 😭 #i’m going to stop rambling in the tags now sorry #i fear absolutely none of this makes sense #kudos to anyone who’s read the whole way through this #the gist of what i’m trying to say is that it’s such a special feeling when someone whose writing you adore and connect to so much #puts into words elements of the process that have always resonated with you #and this is just one example too #right i’m going to stop rambling now #but one last thing before i go #on a more superficial note: can we appreciate how softly spoken and soft fluffy haired he is here?? 🥺 #alex turner #humbug era #arctic monkeys #alex vid #lulu posts

[deadandphilgames]

i am relistening to the stereo shows and im so obsessed with the dynamic of Dan just saying shit and trying to be insightful while phil does not care at all. like you can hear phil just staring out into the distance thinking about rolling around with a pile of dogs

#dan ‘bi people are allowed to say gay and words don’t need so much meaning and i just think’ Phil (not listening) ‘yeah’ #dan has so much to say and phils heard it all #anyways. live gamingmas 🤞 #also. i often have very deep emotional connections to sounds/music and i can remember when i was when i first heard that music #or if there was an emotional time going on #so i am listening to these and feel like im sitting on the train going to uni. makes me miss some people from early 2021 :’)

[love-too]

It's difficult for me to put this into words, but I think being aro can feel quite alienating when you're a girl. Not because of exclusion, but because of expectations. I noticed this in the past month while frequenting a new environment that's mostly men and just a few women. I get along with these women, but I felt like there was a missed layer of connection. Now, seeing it from the outside, I honestly think I messed up by not talking about romance/relationships when I was asked. I think that my not saying a lot was not taken as "she's just not interested" but more as "she thinks she's above all that" or "she doesn't trust me enough to open up" and, honestly, it's not the first time it happens but I never manage to catch it before i ruin it.

#I'm not sure I explained it well but basically I feel like my obliviousness when it comes to romance hinders the process of deepening #a connections with other women #because for most of them is seen as a superficial but deep topic #and talking about it allows them to test the waters on the other person's views #it's kind of like a defense mechanism #like asking who they voted for at a first date #and sadly my lack of answer comes across as either stuck up or prudish or like I don't trust them enough to open up #which is not #it's just unlucky that in most cases it gets read like this #roba mia #asexual #aromantic #aroace #asexuality #love #words #am i aromantic? #am i asexual #like

[moonlit-imagines]

…

#hypothetical situation (not) but how would one feel if their roommate was using their tv in the living room (which was bought by your father #as a gift to you) and is sitting on the couch you paid for (rubbing their feet all over it like literally rubbing back and forth and in #between the cushions) and had left a mess on the table you also bought and when you asked if you could use your tv in the living room their #response was to immediately argue (raise voice) saying ‘I PAY RENT TOO YOU CANT KICK ME OUT OF THE LIVING ROOM’ when this was the first time #i had asked in our 2 months of living here to use my tv bc shes been using it all week and my ps5 is connected to it so i wanted to use it #she said ‘this isn’t yours your dad bought it’ and then said ‘dont you have your own tv in your room’ (which is much smaller and i cannot #play ps5 games on bc yaknow. ps5 is in living room) #how would we feel in this situation #knowing said roommate is using your things and claiming them as apart of rent (i assure you its not apart of rent i paid for and dragged in #and set up all these things out of my own pocket) #claiming them……as their own………. #and taking over? #she has not even bought anything for the house and then whenever i ask and finally give up and get it myself shes like ‘oh i was gonna get #that tomorrow’ (which is why shes not allowed to use my shower caddy now lmao) #am i being territorial or am i being reasonable for being upset with her? #wtf do i do LMAO #delete later

[soldier-poet-king]

Speaking of self sabotage (unintentional?? Maybe???), you can't possibly be abandoned if you don't truly trust anyone in the first place!

#this is bad dont listen to me. my brain is fuzzy bad tonight im going to bed #shaking it in a jar like..NO. we're not allowed to be like that #but also idk how to not #babygirl i have abandonment issues beyond your wildest comprehension #at every given moment my inner child is wailing unloved unloved on my hands and knees begging not to be left alone #AND YET i am cranky and prickly and sensitive and hide away and dont trust on even the most basic of things #AND SO #the duality of fran #anyway i am forcing myself to go to bed. i feel like SHIT. physically. mentally. emotionally. #like. why is connection the deepest craving of the human soul #bc its smthn we cannot get alone. cannot be self sufficient in #no matter how good i am and how dutiful i am and how self abnegating and people pleasing i am #it doesnt guarantee that connection. nothing does #all my hard work! for what! #smthn smthn I could philosphize about my neuroses but im genuinely going to take extra melatonin and just try to sleep

[solardistress]

everyone who is in the stanley parable fandom should somehow get sucked into the rabbit hole of the story and or characters and or the concept the game presents . not like ohhh i looove the narratorso much heres my design and lore for them for it kind of rabbit hole where you fixate on this character that like. you are making uo backstory for to the point it deviates from canon because youve gone too far from the game details or whatever but but really aanalyze the game the moments the dialogue for just a moment . mmfind the meaning in the words . find somethin g profound in the data the papers the desks the situation as a whole . you cant just . romanticize the characters. without. like. understanding them first . tou cwnt do anything with the characters until you inderstand them at a gut wrenching level . at least brush uo on their wiki once in a while ? play the game ? every now and then ? treat stanley right ? anyway if you like the stanley parable so much why cant you tell me about 432 and their situation . how profoundly sad their existance is and how you trea t them. how about cookie9? why do you hate themm so much. because of a review ? tou antagonize them for what ? the narrators doing ? bexause the narrator what . yeah . tou cant even explain his actions . go go play the game and hav eit rewrite your brain . go down the rabbit hole and bask in the true horror and unrealism of their situation

#how sleepy am i jesus christ #tsp #anywayy i think what im saying is pleade enjoy the gamr and the story it has actually theres so many little details and often all i see is #just. the narrator . the endings . stanley. yeah theres feeling and emotion but j want that in words i want to to see you understand it #i want to see you see it in your own way inderstand and process it in your own way and share that #i love seeing analysis posts !!!!! uughh nbrhh. not to say that like. the fanart isnt what i want no i love the fanart so much #but i wish there were more analysis posts or something idk #idk what my point was here #i love characterization . by the way . as someone who would write fanfics and has a pet peeve of correct characterization in fics and such #i just wish more people hnderstood the game as a whole and didnt just end up being like haha ships !!!!!!!! romance !!!!! like yes ! but #but also like they have something MORE than romance. something more intimate and close . not sex yeah sure whatever but they are #connected in the most horrible ways and connected so closely and lovingly and they are connected whether they like it or not #they hate each other they love each other they are each others world they are divorced theyve been married for eternity they would kill eac #other they woukd have sex they woukd kiss they would dance they would do so many things that arent romance oriented but still close in #so many fucking ways because they love hate each other and their relationship is so conplicated you think they just suddenly love each othe #no matter what now ?? after what. you think stanley is forgiving ? after being brought through hell over and over and over again? #no! they hate each others guts i tell you. but they still stick by each others sides because they dont belong anywhere else #theres love but not in any way any of us can think. theres love but not like that but also exactly like that. theres also hate #and its a beautiful mix of the two that allows them to get along so well and endure each other for so long and further #anyway fucking . i forgot my point #anyway go down the rabbit hole 👍 this game is insane and you should be insane about it too #but like. be insane about it . not the concept of romance in this game. do not pair them up just for the sake of shipping #understand their relationship. understand them. understand their circumstances. understand their problems their bate their love #them. understand them and how much they need each other. how they keep chasing and chasing and chasing only to run #in circles. anyway what was my POINT. i ront remember 👍👍👍 #i am . so sleepy

[neechees]

I think its my birthright to move into Debra Messing's New York house tbh I think I should be allowed to live there, she's not there using it right now anyway

#was I born in New York? no #do I have any familial or ancestral connections to New York? probably not. maybe though. #but i still think i should be allowed to live there because I AM Native American and I'm Indigenous to Turtle Island #and I feel like it

[silenthillbunni]

ig i just personally dont rlly vibe w ppl who think that merely saying 'i wish they died' just to lighten the heavy weight of their overwhelming emotions (that they cant control may i add) is the same thing as actively actually murdering someone 💀

#did u know that venting can actually make someone feel a bit better and less inclined to act on thoughts..... #when u create environment in society where u force everyone to supress and hide all their ugly thoughts and emotions #those feelings will grow stronger and stronger and poison you #and that's why ppl eventually explode when it cant be contained anymore #ppl expressing things - that they prob dont even mean or want to be true or a reality #is nowhere near the same thing as ppl acting on it or causing others harm #but then also i am of the opinion that *everyone* deserves help and treatment. ppl shouldnt be discarded and labeled as broken or crazy #sm ppl have overwhelming emotions they cant control bc all of our brains are different. there should be *quality* help available for everyo #instead we live in a society that shames ppl. that push ppl into boxes and say #if u dont fit into this tiny neat little square u are ugly broken disgusting and reprihensible!!! #then they just banish u to the shadows where they dont have to see u or look at u #anyway this is a whole society thing that is connected to this issue in my braib #brain* #what i was gonna say was that i personally think venting and expressing your thoughts - no matter how ugly they are #is necessary for humans. esp when it's in a space where the potential target of the thoughts wont see #esp when there are no plans of taking yhe thoughts into action #asl long as u can separate complaining and venting ur frustrations and causing someone (undeserved) harm irl #thats just who i am and this is my blog and i dont appreciate ppl telling me #that i have to shove it all back inside and im not allowed to express anything #if you're a wasp who thinks everything should be bottled up. that everything should be expressed delicately #then u do you. but you do not tell me that i have to conform to your ways. i find your ways harmful and regressive #so maybe we should just go our separate ways huh? everyone arent meant to get along #theres no use in arguing or fighting or reprimanding ppl everytime u see smth u dont agree with #esp when all u see is a *thought* that causes no material harm to another person. then u should just be on ur merry way

[gn4wz-0n-b0n3z]

i thuink i migh t be a bub fictokin

#BOY GET OUT!!!!!!! GO BACK TO LETTING PIGGY STEP ALL OVER YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #also im still confused on Extravagant (the rainwing. i named him finally) why is he gone. when and how did i lose my connection with him #idk how to describe my experience as otherkin myself but instead of the characters being dead or smth like that and In My Mind/Body #it feels like theyre still alive but just get more connected to me in passing #as if its like we're from diff universes?? so i think Extravagant somehow lost his ability to get more connected 2 my body #like lost the Thing or actually DIED or smth. which is probably likely w/ how long dragons typically live frm what ik so. rip Extravagant. #matthew.txt #its like?? its weird saying this but its like a flesh mecha i fucking guess. boy use that weird item or power to get connected. #so when the character like dies or smth they just. leave forever. no return. #am i allowed to make up lore/theories for how i think my kintypes get connected to me in the first place

[kingdomoftyto]

Rotating Simon Petrikov in my mind again...........

Right now I can only envision the F&C series ending in one of two ways for him:

Simon is persuaded to permanently move to Fionna's magic-free world--a chance to live the peaceful, scholarly life he was denied by the war and the Crown. We see that he can't relate to the humans in Ooo because they're so far removed from what humans were like back in his time that they might as well be aliens, but this alternate world would be just like he remembered his old life to be, and thus more comfortable for him to settle down in. Even if it meant leaving Marceline and the others behind in Ooo, I could see this being a real possibility if Betty somehow finds a way to go with him. It would require moving on irrevocably from one part of his life, but they'd get their simple, mundane--yet happy--ending.

Simon is forced to reconcile with the fact that reuniting with Betty is either impossible or not worth some terrible price. Maybe he realizes he's not willing to cut himself off from his Marceline and the little ragtag family they've built, even for a life with Betty. Or maybe accepting the mundane life for himself would also doom Fionna and Cake to a life of misery and broken dreams, and he can't bring himself to betray his new friends for such a selfish reward. Either way the result is that he returns to Ooo, to basically the same situation he was in at the start of the season, but finally free from all the regret and guilt and grief that was stopping him from moving forward and finally embracing the second chance that Betty gave him back in "Come Along with Me".

I honestly don't know which I think is more likely at this point OR necessarily which one I would prefer, because they both have pros and cons. I maybe lean toward the second one because I tend to hate "the magic is gone, and that's good!"-type endings, but depending on the buildup I could still see it working. Ultimately it'll depend on wherever Fionna and Cake themselves end up, and I have NO idea where that's going lmao

#Adventure Time #Fionna and Cake spoilers #they'd BETTER not try to pull some crap about FIONNA being happier in the non-magical world because THAT would be nonsense #and like. hm... it would almost make the most sense to me right now for F&C to just live in the regular Ooo??? #despite their current goals in the most recent episodes I haven't really seen any compelling reason why the world Fionna started in would #benefit as a whole from becoming magical. and in fact it feels like it might be kind of a jerk move to everyone else to do so. #she seems to be the only one who's definitely unhappy with her life there (though maybe the Gumshall b-plot will prove me wrong later!) #but obviously it feels weird and maybe like. unsatisfying? for her to just exist in the same world as Finn #so maybe they're going to resolve this by creating a whole separate Ooo just for her (which seems excessive) or #OH OH what if Fionna and Cake end up able to just travel the whole multiverse at will!! #maybe they'll resolve the cosmic crime stuff and connect their home universe up to the rest of the multiverse web #allowing easier travel between the worlds because of some kind of convenient plot device #idk now I'm just throwing out baseless theories because they sound cool to me #I am gnawing on the bars of my cage WHEN IS THE NEXT EPISODE

[lilas]

.

#i am not implying anything when i say this #but there is a trend with like…. who avi connects with romantically vs just physically #that trend is that… those more emotionally reserved are more likely to forge those romantic bonds with avi #he’s demiro so maybe that emotional reservation is needed #it allows for a slow build of friendship and closeness #but also another requirement for romantic feelings is a baseline intimate understanding of where avi’lli is/has come from in life #i’m not saying or confirming anything but. but. but. #the seeds are there

[charmps-you-grickly]

the thing about wanting to kill cringe culture is that you have to be willing to let it stay dead. how do we keep necromancing it in new twisted ways!!! people are going to listen to harmless music you don’t like and they are going to watch harmless shows you don’t like etc and it is a little bit fucking mean to meet that enjoyment with derision and scorn!!! being a hater in your own brain or in the grouped chats is all fine and good but the second you deliberately make someone else feel bad for the crime of Genuinely Enjoying Something You Think Is Mediocre i am sending the ghoulies after you

#like maybe i’m just overly sensitive but i think people should be allowed to enjoy mediocre shit #without encountering one billion jokes per day about how the thing they like means they have bad taste #or better yet. are somehow Lesser of a person because they like idk imagine dragons or some shit #i am not a huge fan of the rise of like. i’m better than everyone for x reason jokes #or the stay toxic shit #it feels a little bit symptomatic of the growing isolation and failure to connect with people as people idk

[icewindandboringhorror]

Misc. photos from the past year or so ~

#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that -- #1. napping bapy boye sneeping on his own foot as if it were a pillow #2. The little primrose that I have seems to bloom sporadically all year around as long as I bring it inside and don't let it freeze #in the winter. This was a flower that came up randomly like mid november lol #3. Rainbow where you can see a little bit of a second rainbow near the bottom of it :0 #4. CHILDREN.... love to see them..... #5. Halloween Candy ranking tierlist. not important enough to post on it's own. so throwing it in with one of these I guess lol #I am also not really a candy person at all and prefer bready stuff like cakes rather than chocolate bars (if I even have to have sweets #at ALL which usually I prefer savory food). I suspect the apple is controversial but.. I do love apples .... huzzah #actually am having applle and peanut butter snack right now as I'm writing this lol #6. Various bowls/cups/etc. that I got from a store at COMPLETELY different times like.. years apart from each other #yet at some point realized that they all mostly match in paint color and seem to be part of the same pattern #But I totally didnt make that connection until a few years ago when I was putting up dishes. I just bought them all invidually because it's #like 'oh cool! a cat' *1 year later* 'oh cool! a cat!' etc. lol.. I guess it must be a popular design if it's been around being sold that #long. #7. carne asada burrito and matcha bubble tea... oughhgh.... again one of my very rare meals where I actually go and get something.. #probably my favorite meal currently. Something about the Chronic Anemia makes me crave beef burritos madly despite only having one #maybe twice a year or so ghjbhj.. plus the beans.... onions.... many of my Diet Forbidden foods... Also of course the little aishas #are there.... somehow they shall split the meal together even though it's like 10x bigger than their bodies.. they are also hungry #and vastly anemic... huzzah to them... #8. I've had this shirt for a long time but it fits very weird so I can never find a way to use it in outfits?? But I recently had #an appointment where a doctor needed to be able to look at my back and it's one of the only actual Shirts that I have (mostly i just own #long robes or tunics or jumper dress type of things that would be hard to lift up or etc. like... I dont even own a single normal 't-shirt' #or anyting aside from one giant tshirt that I sleep in in the summer lol.) So I wore this there.. I forget how much I love the pictures on #it.. how pleasant... little hummingbird... AND I think one of the flowers is supposed to be columbine ... ! #photo diary

[motoroil-recs]

HEY THERE!! ray here, CONGRATS ON 200, MOD G!!!! WOOOOOOOOO!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉 blowing a comically large party horn right now..

but uh, on the topic of suggestions, i say care kits would be cool! or maybe like those recepie kits? i don’t know! if i come up with something genius i’ll tell you (or forget)…

-🧡

HOORAY! Thank you muchly, Rayman! So kind of you!

I'll certainly be looking forward to your future, brilliant recommendations, but care kits are certainly something I'm strongly thinking about! Recipe kits I hadn't considered before, but I'll be keeping in mind. Thank you for your input!

#I'm allowed to ramble. So excuse me for a moment. #I'm no stranger to recipe kits‚ ive been in thus business for a while‚ but they're kind of like fashion kits in ghr sense that I feel a #little strange making them sometimes. How can I know a recipe is good if I haven't tried it? Would my own biases regarding food get in get #in the way? Who am I to assume what a person has access to? How do I know if the person requesting doesn't have like. An allergy? What if a #recipe calls for particular kinds of equipment like a broiler or air frier? Augh! So many factors to consider! #Care kits are like this too‚ but to some extent they feel easier to work with than the two I just mentioned. #But maybe all of this concern is irrational. Maybe it's not really about a specific recipe‚ moreso the idea. The collection of future foods #a person could try and make some day‚ no matter whether they follow that exact recipe. #Oh the complexities of running a blog for the masses... #I can't say I don't like them‚ though. I really do. It's such a cute way to connect with a particular kintype.