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#am i being mean right now?
gardenerian · 2 years
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I laugh at how s11 is still this wary thing to talk about. At the end of the day s11 was so circus like I don’t think any “changes” that happened are even done properly where they pose truth or are what you have to believe. The whole thing is up to interpretation. And yes I think the writers clearly had a motive with stuff but then again they didn’t explain it. I’m usually one who has to side with canon but s11 canon is not explicit. Things we hated can easily been mistakes for Gallavich.
i just - sigh. i am of two minds when it comes to s11.
like. on the one hand - what a disservice, ya know? a disservice to the storytelling they used to be so capable of. to the characters, to their relationships.... to the themes that we cared so much about. not to say they always handled things as they should, but the decline in quality is obviously well-documented. what a shame for such a powerhouse of a show and cast. to go out like that? ouch. and, honestly - this has less (not nothing tho kasdhf) to do with ian and mickey. the rage just comes from an overwhelming DISAPPOINTMENT with how they dropped the ball for so many others - fiona and lip in particular. if i let myself, i can still get pissed.
but then again, who gives a fuck? who cares? the characters were already caricatures of themselves at this point, so why did we expect anything else? why does it matter? everyone did well enough, we know they're gonna be okay, and now they're ours. why must we discuss meaningless bullshit ad nauseam? i do not give a FUCK about 11x07, i barely give a fuck about 11x01. i just. don't care. there are plenty of other things about the later seasons i would rather talk about.
but for the most part, i don't like to discuss s11 much bc i don't think it serves us anymore? people get emotional and, honestly, they get kind of mean. at this point, think what you want about those storylines. they're yours now. there are still worthy conversations to be had about this show, its characters, and its stories. there are things to meta and explore, things worthy of our time. this.... ain't it. so bring on the fix-it fics and let's move the fuck on, yeah?
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bitegore · 5 months
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Zionists want you to conflate Judaism and Zionism. Zionists want you to believe that Judaism cannot exist without Zionism and that all Jews are Zionists. Zionism would have Jews believe that a Jewish state is the only way that they can be safe from antisemitism and will point to any instance of antisemitism as proof that Zionism is the solution- so Zionism wants gentiles to be antisemitic in their support of Palestine. They want you to conflate all Jews with Zionism and the state of Israel, and they want you to treat all Jews regardless of political affiliation as the face of Israel. Antizionist Jews exist, and incidences of antisemitism ostensibly acting against Zionism will not help dismantle the forces propping Zionism up.
Don't do their work for them.
#red rambles#viva palestina#antizionism#i haven't actually seen a lot of antisemitism personally. not recently anyway. but that's more a feature of me not following antisemites#i DO however see a lot of people talking about the people they're seeing throw their support behind antisemites using palestine#as an excuse to conflate all jews with israel#and i cannot stress enough that that is literally what israel and zionist forces abroad WANT.#i am jewish. my entire family is jewish. i want to see palestine free. and i have SEEN how the jewish community gets conflated with israel#both from the inside and out#and i am dead serious when i say that every time someone is antisemitic it strengthens the conviction from people abroad#that it's a terrible sad situation but there's 'no other choice'#if you're being antisemitic you are doing the enemy's work for them. Stop it.#like... look. i am putting this in the tags bc im talking in the tags but i mean this. I do not give a single flying fuck if you personally#are a giant raging antisemite at the moment. Your personal beliefs are your problem and not mine. I do not fucking care. But if you are#being openly and loudly antisemitic *in your support of palestine* you are absolutely not fucking helping. I am so dead serious right now#if you want to raise awareness and you're being antisemitic because of deep held beliefs or whatever i want you to look around and read the#fucking room. Do you understand how much of Israel's international support comes from the idea that they are the only country where jews ar#safe from antisemitism? do you see how every time palestine comes up people point at incidences of antisemitism in anti-genocide actions to#discredit the entire movement? do you not understand how your actions are cutting the movement down at the knees?#i'm jewish and proud of it. i don't like antisemitism. but there's a genocide on and i'd rather work against it than quibble over who i#work alongside. i dont fucking care. you can be as antisemitic as you like in private. stop fucking the movement up.#there are bigger things to worry about here. if i can put aside my own concerns as to who i'm talking to you can hold your tongue#and fight the good fight instead of handing weapons to the people who are trying to fucking flatten gaza.
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 7 days
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Average Drama Enjoyer observes some peak drama.
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flimsy-spine · 3 months
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my favorite madney scenes: [20/?] ⇢ Monsters, 3.06
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fisheito · 22 days
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collab #2 with @xenole i was given a chibi yakumo and i.. i...... turned it into thiS
#I AM SO SORRY I DREW YAKUMO AGAIN ADFSJEIADKS LOOK OK so xenole gives me the tiny crying yakumo.#says DO WHATEVER YOU WANT and THUS i get to thinking#my immediate thought was#i'm going to make oli breast boobily while comforting him#bc i was determined to draw xenole's fave this time. i swore it to myself. i WILL stop being so self indulgent#but the chibi on chibi comforting scene didn't sit right with me. it was too straightforward. not something i would draw normally#it was hhhh as u say.... not on brand.? it did not inspire me. idea benched....#so days pass and i'm still pondering ideas on what to do to the sad spaghetti.#configurations of clan members danced in my head. some defending yaku. some comforting. some bullying#the ideas usually involved at least oli or kuya bc once again. xenole bias#then while i'm in the shower i got frustrated with my lack of ideas and thought#i'll jujst eat.him. just. chew on him. i'm tired of him#AND THE IMAGE OF KUYA EATING YAKUMO FOR BREAKFAST POPPED INTO MY MIND#originally it was going to be kuya eating yakuflakes and oli giving him serious side eye but then the brain went#WHAT IF IT'S YAKUMO WATCHING KUYA EAT YAKUMO. THAT IS FUNNY. IT MUMST HAPPEEN#BUT I REFUSED at first. i was angry at myself. this is not a competition to see how you can STILL sHOVE YAKUMO into a drawing.#plus the composition would shrink xenole's chibi down! i would take over so much space by comparison! THE DISRESPECT! TO THE COLLAB PROCESS#but once i get fixated on smth...well. i ended up doing the idea and just praying xenole wouldnt eviscerate me for it#i'm sorry my liege. my grip on the reins was weak. the goofy clown horses went stampeding#so idk now it's the two of em having a peaceful breakfast in kuya's cabin but only kuya is at peace and yakumo's this close to a breakdown#i feel like there should be something in the space between them. a speech bubble or something . something mean is being said#kuya#yakumo#yakuya
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biracy · 6 months
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I can't remember if I've posted abt this before but regardless: I'm sorry but I really and truly cannot get behind the idea that there is any wide-scale societal "pressure for trans men to be feminine" or "to be twinks" or whatever. You are either conflating a very small online community's beauty standard (usually some kind of transmasc pseudo-appropriation of "femboy" aesthetics, which yes, are often Bad and regressive and fetishized and etc.) with Mainstream Society, or confusing society not wanting trans men to transition with "wanting trans men to be feminine", which are certainly not the same thing. Ultimately if a cis person believes there is any validity to the concept of being trans (i.e. not a Posie Parker-esque "there's no such thing as a trans person" type), they are more likely to think that trans men should be like as masc and buff and hairy as possible or whatever bc that's what cis people think men look like and it's easier for a lot of people to recognize someone who Looks Masc as a man. It is difficult sometimes to see derision of trans guys who are Too Feminine and Not Hairy Enough or whatever (which is not always something someone has control over btw) as anything but "this is Skye who I think is a confused little girl because Skye does not pass" slightly restyled for 2023 "filthcore fagdykes" or whatever lol
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fallow-grove · 9 months
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"autism will ruin your marriage" but taken to a different conclusion. autism so sexy ur spouse cant stop makin eyes at me. autism so charming bitches cant resist the way i posture like a wild animal
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skrunksthatwunk · 1 year
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something he can't put into words.
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#ANOTHER DAIGO POST!!!! <333#also sorry for being like teehee yaoi dojima anyway daigo can't/probably shouldn't be close to his bio dad and latched onto this random#20 year old but Doesnt Quite recognize what is so wrong about sohei and so right about kiryu and how he should feel about either#meaning he cant fulfill his true desire (baby duck around kamurocho with his babysitter who's probably got better things to do bc people#always have better things to do than take care of him but at least kiryu pretends he enjoys it#for hours and hours and hours. some of the others ask him how he is or what he's up to at school but they don't really reach him like kiryu#does. he wants to impress him soooo bad. aughhh baby daigo you're annoying but you're also so emotionally neglected#haha latching onto mentors bc they're more involved/easier to connect to than parents haha who would do that not me ahem uh anyway#(skrunks be normal about and not project onto a kiryu + child dynamic challenge: impossible)#anyway he can't just say sohei's his father bc he's a big crime daddy but he hasn't really.. accepted? whats going on with kiryu yet either#i dont think he knows kiryu's his dad is my point#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#yakuza#dojima daigo#like a dragon#daigo dojima#ykz#i accidentally saved over soo many versions of this so i had to be like fuck it we ball. thats the final version of that panel now#gonna schedule this for later today bc i dont wanna stifle the kazumi posts but i also uh. am impatient#anyway more little daigo content he's such an ass but it makes so much sense why he's like that and he deserves a whole lotta love#also i just realized i used different name orders for kiryu and yayoi... sorry idk im just incapable of writing kazuma kiryu#uhOOPS POSTED IT EARLY NVM#yer gettin a loootta skrunk content today ig#skrunkart
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sciderman · 27 days
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I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain
Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it
i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)
really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!
undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.
i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.
people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.
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peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.
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it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."
so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.
people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.
autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.
#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before#and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.”#and that made sense to me i think.#but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing.#and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much.#and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed#and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology.#i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now.#and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be??#i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe.#will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore??#maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know.#i don't know what it'll mean for me.#but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way#i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think#i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed.#because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people.#peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing.#there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing.#it's a product of all of his things.#just like me! just like everyone.#so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways.#a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be.#i don't think it's something that can be simplified.#sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags.#i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual.#sci speaks
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egophiliac · 1 year
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please i would like to know more knitting headcanons if you have them. i love the most wholesome cozy headcanons out there
this got SO away from me, I'm so sorry, it started as "here is some needlework-related headcanon" and then I just lost my entire mind and it turned into "here are Scenarios about characters doing crafts". I…wasn't kidding about dedicating large amounts of time thinking about characters making things out of yarn.
it's not quite a fanfic but, uhhh, take it about as seriously as you take my comics, I guess. :') we're all just having fun here!
the closest Grim has gotten to knitting is the time he ate half a skein of yarn because it "looked spicy". (that was not a fun day for Yuu or the Ramshackle bathroom.) the ghosts, meanwhile, have canonically have made clothes for Yuu and Grim and, honestly, they're probably their own little knitting club (and Yuu's self-appointed eccentric granduncles). you know they're loving having an actual person to play dress-up make things for. we shall be well-prepared for any more impromptu Tsunotarou snowstorms.
Riddle, Trey, and Jamil all know the basics of sewing, but don't do any needling beyond mending/darning/general upkeep. they're all annoyingly practical. (Najma is also annoyingly practical, but she's more fashion-forward about it than Jamil. she's probably really into visible mending.)
Ruggie and Epel probably do know how to knit, in addition to those basics, but to them it's more of a utilitarian thing (need a new warm hat for the winter!) than something they do for fun. on that note, I think Epel wouldn't really have a complex about knitting -- partly because it IS a practical skill to have for those Harveston winters, and partly because he would have learned from Marja, and no one would dare imply Marja is anything less than absolutely badass.
meanwhile Ruggie is over here gleefully unravelling Leona's old sweaters so he can make himself a cashmere hat. it'sfreeyarn.jpg
Jack crochets little cozies and accessories for his cactus. he makes seasonal and holiday-themed versions with cute little sewn-on buttons and, you know what, now I need to draw event outfits for a cactus. hold on.
Deuce's mom definitely knits. he might've learned the basics from her when he was little, but never used them until recently, when he's been trying to pick it back up in order to make her a gift. (there's probably a heartwarming story in there about a special scarf or something that she made him that he's trying to replicate for her.) he's been at it for literally months now because he keeps screwing up his math and Riddle has to help him fix it.
Ace doesn't do any needlecraft, and razzed Deuce about it for a while until he found out the reason he was so Determined is because it's for his mom (and also the heartwarming story about the special scarf or whatever). so then he felt kind of guilty, and since he'd rather die than admit it, resolved to just never mention it again. except Deuce is so hilariously inept that not making fun of him is really, really hard. so Ace is just sitting there having a personal crisis every time Deuce whips out his needles and adorable little yarn basket. his life is so difficult. :(
Cater bought an amigurumi kit once when they were The Thing on Magicam. he made a few hedgehogs, took pictures, then gave them away to his friends and hasn't thought about them since. (Riddle was so moved by the gift that he forgot to yell at the first-years for a whole day. his hedgehog has a place of honor on his desk.)
Leona has never touched a needle in his life, and would be insulted if you implied he might enjoy expending a small amount of energy over anything he doesn't have to.
Kalim has touched a needle, once, when he tried to help mend something. he was so atrocious at it that Jamil forbade him from ever touching one again. if he started knitting it would probably give Jamil heart problems.
Azul strikes me as being someone who always has to be doing something. but he also doesn't like the inefficiency of spending so much time and effort without much return (personal satisfaction doesn't count). so I think he doesn't really do any crafting outside of whatever's necessary for whatever bit he's running at the moment…though maybe there's a tasteful stitched sampler or two hanging on a wall in Mostro. just because.
Jade is a little more crafty (ho ho, puns) outside of Schemes. by which I mean he exclusively makes mushroom-related decor and insists on hanging it up in Mostro. (Azul keeps asking him to stop. Jade pretends not to hear.)
Floyd once knit most of a densely-cabled fisherman's sweater in half a day. he got within 200 stitches of finishing before he got bored and never got back to it.
Vil probably, like…spent a week making a pair of cute mitts or something, and was really proud of them! then Neige made the mistake of getting super excited and trying to bond over it, and inadvertently soured Vil on knitting forever.
Rook I genuinely believe is both capable of doing everything, and also actively involved in using those skills at any given time. he could make an offhand remark about how he's been needlefelting tiny petals to stitch together into an elaborate rose-themed bodysuit and I would just be like "yep, that tracks."
he could also mention that he just put the finishing touches on the statue of Neige made out of hair that he keeps in the Hey Arnold-style shrine in his closet, and I would still be like "yep, that tracks".
I don't think Idia knits, but he might have bit of theoretical interest in it because of the relationship between knitting and binary? he probably spent a while trying to figure out if he could somehow make a playable version of Doom on a sweater. (it's magic, so yes. he doesn't want to actually have to make the sweater though.)
Ortho once made a hat and some mittens for Idia. it might be cold when they finally go to the park. :)
Malleus has a tapestry that's been his quick breather project for the last 400 years. he was vexed when he ran out of a color that hasn't been produced since the plant the dye came from went extinct a century ago. >:( the new flosses just aren't the same.
Sebek has tried embroidery in order to feel closer to ~wakasama~ but he doesn't have the patience for it. he's trying, though! his daisies are barely lazy at all these days! (he would probably actually be really good at knitting, since a lot of it is just…following instructions and doing math. since his main point of reference right now is Lilia, he hasn't figured this out.)
Lilia knits poorly and with much gusto. gauge? never heard of her. tension? this is supposed to be a relaxing hobby! it's unclear if he knows how bad he is, or if he's deliberately trying to see how embarrassing he can get before the others stop wearing the things he makes them. (they never will.) either way, he's having fun!
Silver was a self-sufficient little homestead boy by the time he was twelve, so of course he knows all the fun things you can do with wool (fortunately he learned how to knit before Lilia had a chance to ruin him) (idk, a friendly squirrel taught him or something, he's a literal disney princess his life is like that). he has a unique talent for being able to sit there asleep and somehow still spin perfectly consistent yarn.
look, I just want Silver to use a spinning wheel, c'mon
Neige and Silver both make tiny sweaters for orphaned baby animals. Neige's are more skilled (they have colorwork and little seed buttons) but Silver's are softer, since they're made from the wool that his forest bunny friends gather for him and donate to the cause. (Ace heard him mention this once and had to go have another personal crisis over it.)
this also ties into another absolutely unfounded headcanon I have about Silver and Neige being friends with the same bluebird family that alternates island sides for breakfast and dinner. there isn't any more to it, I just think it'd be cute. 🐦
orphan baby animals aside, Neige absolutely 1000% knits and you'll never convince me otherwise. he made that sweater. he made Snick's scarf. if you spend too long around him he'll have already started making you a cardigan in your favorite color. the dwarves don't knit because they don't have to. (wait, no, Timmy probably does -- you never actually see him do it, but every once in a while there's a new aggressively cute potholder added to the collection. Toby has tried, but he is physically incapable of not dropping stitches everywhere and ending up with a sad little pile of yarn.)
Che'nya says he does yarn sculpture, but really he's just batting the yarn balls around and leaving them for someone else to clean up.
Rollo does enormous cross-stitch recreations of illuminated manuscripts on 60-count linen (over one, of course). he will lecture you for two hours on how much he does not enjoy doing it and how that makes him better than you.
Mickey doesn't (I SAID EVERYONE). I'm sure his girlfriend knits though.
Crowley enters stitching competitions at the local fair. his depictions of handsome-looking ravens in top hats do better than you'd think, but he still keeps losing to goddamn Ambrose with his perfect backs and railroaded stitches and no hoop marks and…
resisting the urge to say that Crewel does crewel. failing.
…okay, but look, he does fashion design in canon, it MAKES SENSE --
Trein is a Good Cat Owner, so (after carefully researching durable and pet-safe materials) he crochets little mice with catnip inside. he gets a deep sense of satisfaction at seeing them get torn to shreds. :)
Sam doesn't partake himself, but he does have weirdly intricate knowledge of every potential needlecrafting technique and the associated tools -- which he just so happens to have in stock now!
like Rook, I do believe that Sam just…knows everything, through his "friends" or otherwise. he could start spouting details about the historic production of goldwork thread, and as long as he then offers to sell something to us while shouting gratuitous English, it would feel perfectly in-character.
you wouldn't think Vargas would be into crafting, but he did spend a week painstakingly painting antlers onto a hoodie for his deer cosplay. magic? pah! he didn't get these muscles by NOT smearing craft-store fabric paint everywhere BY HAND.
(this is also why Crewel agreed to wear the…thing…that Vargas made for his turn at being camp monster. he actually spent time and effort on it and the whole idea was giving Crewel his own personal crisis.)
this got so far away from me, I am so, so sorry
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 9 months
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Bestie Deficiency
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#a-qing#xue yang#xiao xingchen#Xue yang is cold because cold blooded creatures can't generate their own body heat#I am skipping over drawing the stories they tell due to the fact this arc is already really dragging#but I think they are very key in understanding the yi-city characters#Even if they are stories that really bring down the slumber party vibes A-Qing was hoping for.#I mentioned some of my thoughts in the tags of no. 76 but to continue on a bit more#I think xxc and xue yangs stories inversely mirror each other on the meaning of sacrifice and what it means to 'deserve' something#to xue yang he has only ever sacrificed - therefore he is in his right to 'deserve' what he wants. And he wants everything.#xxc leaves song lan thinking its the best course of action to atone but my god. No it wasn't. Poor communication crown actually goes to xxc#but it's what xxc he feels he deserves - continued sacrifice to atone. He wants to want nothing.#both are very stuck in the past in ways that are not actually accounting for their actions#It's easy to look at xue yang and go 'dang you need to get over your childhood trauma'#but that very much ignores that fact that we - real human beings - define so much by our childhood pains.#Growth is having to come to terms with it and trying to move past it...and not everyone is ready for that.#I have a lot of thoughts on that matter but I'll let it be for now.#Anyways. Amiguito appears to be one of those words whos meaning change depending on speaker and contextual factors#So as far as I can tell it slides around on the scale on romantic and platonic. Which works for this dynamic. I think.#Native Spanish speakers I am so sorry.
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corpsentry · 2 years
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a love like burning
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quarks-pussy · 6 months
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So I know we here at Startrekfandom love that "came back wrong but from the pov of the wrong" thing and apply it to many different characters and canon situations and I am far from trying to complain about it (I'm "came out wrong" trope myself so I was always gonna obsess over it) but having recently watched a very important episode (you'll know which one) for the first time I think there's a character who hits both tropes mentioned but llike, intertwined, opposite and subverted, and whom I wanna talk about.
Julian Bashir.
From his parents' pov he's "came out wrong but we got him help and he came back better" while from his own pov it's "came out 'insufficient', was destroyed for it, came back wrong and only later slowly came to terms with his new self tho never the process (justifiably so)" and it's heartbreaking because in a way, he's right! Jules Bashir died! His parents had an intellectually disabled child and decided to eugenics him! Julian is not the person he used to be and while I do love the person he is now, that doesn't bring back who he was! Part of me wishes we could've gotten to see Jules at least once and part of me hopes we never do because my heart would shatter.
This isn't a good comparison but nonetheless one I can't help drawing: it's giving similar vibes to anti-vaxxers. "I'd rather risk having a child who is dead than one who's autistic". Obviously this doesn't map over since Julian is still autistic and the procedure his parents subjected him to specifically targeted his intellectual disability and if any folks with id wanna comment on this I definitely recommend you listen to them over me, but it's a similarity I, as an autistic who has encountered anti-vaxxers again and again, can't help but point out. "Give me a normal child or give them death."
This may have been written about already but there needs to be stories about teenage Julian (after finding out and rediscovering who he was) practicing some good ol' recognition of the self through media. I need to hear about how he would encounter a story about someone who came back wrong (I'm gonna assume there's plenty of "wrong" pov stories floating around by the 24th century) and absolutely weep. I need to see Julian mourning Jules, taking years and years to process his feelings, experiencing guilt about how he, the imposter, didn't deserve to live Jules' life.
Came back wrong from the returned's pov but it wasn't an accident. It was done to you deliberately by the people who claim to love you. And now you are here, piloting the corpse of your predecessor.
Jules Bashir is dead. Long live Julian Bashir.
#i've called julian jules before simply as a normal nickname but i don't think i ever will again. not after this#and knowing that if it had been possible i would have probably gone the way jules did. knowing that at his age i would have gone willingly.#fuck dude i am literally actually crying literal tears irl right now this is not a joke#fuck!!!!!#julian bashir#jules bashir#doctor bashir i presume#came back wrong#star trek deep space nine#HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD!! HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD AND THEY KILLED HIM!!!!#i cannot stop crying i am literally crying and like not even just a little#i cannot... poor julian how the FUCK do you ever come to terms with something like that#and like... julian remembers. he has most if not all of jules' memories and also knows he was murdered simply for not being julian#like how did he cope#(im about to go off on a tangent that will contain censored names for the sake of not clogging those tags if you dont know who i mean hmu)#like this is literally the thing that fucked up j*ran so bad he went on a murder spree isn't it#he remembers the one who came before who was killed. very different circumstances of course esp since tr*ll are expected to replace one ano#another but he remembers this person he remembers BEING this person who was young and simply enjoying life and who died a sudden death and#he remembers the experience of that death as well and how it lead to his own creation. it's not remotely similar ofc but considering that#the only time we see t*rias in alpha canon is in julian's body... i need to lie down for a moment.#and jor*n couldn't cope! he couldn't! it was far too much and the weird thing is right now in this moment i GET it y'know?? like that's#so horrific. and i haven't watched any jo*an episode besides facets yet but do you think. do you think j*dzia told julian about all this an#he nodded along and kept composure and then when he was alone he broke down crying? like julian you're doing SO well ily you're coping and#you shouldn't have to obviously but you do nonetheless!! do you think julian still has something from jules? like i've heard there's a tedd#but i mean jules prolly didn't keep a diary he was a six year old with an intellectual disability it's pretty unlikely he could write but#does julian have drawings made by jules? i'd like to think so but honestly his parents probably threw them out. like they also moved so#sorry i'm just. many thoughts head full. ive stopped crying now but who knows for how long. also i'll have to tag this with my original tag#maybe i should've picked something less silly for when i make serious posts but like what am i gonna change my url as well? don't think so#original posts fresh from quark's pussy#and thats the tag limit folks it's been fun. i had to delete two other tags but my god. anyway. thinking about jules bashir forever & cryin
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naamahdarling · 2 months
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