#am i gonna do anything more with this? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stellarspecter · 6 months

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@pscentral event 20: antagonists ↳ THE LORDS IN BLACK in NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE

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panstarry · 24 days

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my final from last semester that i made into a zine. cooked this one up in a couple hours before the critique (the ink was still wet!), so it's very raw and kind of sloppy but the sentiment is there. i love you trans people of color. we are the backbone of this community 🌟

#pan draws #pan designs #zine #risograph #i'm not gonna lie i don't love how this one turned out OTL and i think the wording is not done but well... a deadline is a deadline #i'll probably touch it up and rewrite it in the future but who's to say.. i need to stew on how to articulate my feelings coherently #anyway my transness is so closely tied to my experience as a person of color. the current political climate is so fucking ass to exist in #but more than anything i am pissed off at white punks & leftists & trans people that refuse to have meaningful solidarity with us.#so yeah anyway. i was stuck on this one forever and only really got anywhere with it after attending 2 punk noise shows in a row where they #actually used their fucking platform to do like. anything. our struggles are connected you need to careeeee YOU HAVE TO CARE........ ok bye #tdov #trans day of visibility #<- i was sitting on uploading this for a while so the stars kind of aligned for it to be today huh.... happy tdov i love you

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ewwww-what · 14 days

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Nobody is as excited about the preview as I am. I have paragraphs.

#very bad doodle I just need to get this out there #don’t look at it too hard I’m begging #someone please talk to me about the blood rush breakup before the world explodes #it is not that serious but I will do anything for twenty seconds of them arguing #the episode hasn’t come out but I am shaking #every time they talk I become a little more evil and fucked up #genuinely though aside from the silliness of the conversation being about sports I have some very strong feelings about the little bits we-#-got to see in the preview #like I will inevitably talk about it but just because I know people are gonna beat me to it I just want to express how excited I am #fantasy high #d20 #d20 fantasy high #dimension 20 #gorgug thistlespring #fabian seacaster #thistlecaster #<- yeah fuck it why not #for my one mutual who likes them #this is for you and you only #fhjy spoilers #my art

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dvnieldraws · 2 months

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acau & chunsik! [qsmp]

#my art #artists on tumblr #artist #digital art #qsmp #qsmp art #qsmp fanart #qsmp acau #qsmp chunsik #q!acau #q!chunsik #acau fanart #chunsik the egg #chunsik fanart #acau is very fun i love his streams n chunsik is very cute :)#i wanted to do smtg a lil diff than acaus skin not jus a tracksuit lol so its a lil more streetwear inspired #had fun tenderly rendering this it did take a wholde #nother day unfortunately i finished this ar 12 am i. gonna schedule it earlier tho ill post it to twt too #made sure to look up refs for hanboks but feel free to let me know if i should change anything

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cozylittleartblog · 11 months

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a little Postlet. . because i Miss them

#deltarune #queen #rouxls kaard #lancer #art #doodles #comic #rouxls is a leetol different. for fun :) idk i drew him like that and i didn't hate it #Twelve Percent More On Model Than Usual #i have lil bits of dialogue scrawled down everywhere and i found that second one i thought it was funny #i have so many drawings and doodles and entire posts that ive started. that i just don't finish for so me reason #no energy. why do i have the energy to start them and go 'omg this is gonna be IT ill TOTALLY FINISH THIS'#and then i don't lol. why don't i just finish something instead of starting something else #its da adhd babey!!!!#anyway thats why this post is small #normally i sit and over-analyze things before i post them. are all the layers on. did i forget anything. does anything is badly drawn. etc #i'm not doing that. i am scheduling this for atime when i am asleep and it will be posted by the time i wake up #and whatever is in the art is what is posted. it is what it is.

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bixels · 4 months

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While I do think anon was rude, I do think it's pretty shitty to set up all this stuff you were going to add the au and then just drop it. It's disappointing. Definitely unfollowing.

Bye.

#ask me #anon #once AGAIN.#I am not dropping anything #the au is not getting cancelled. more than likely i'm gonna take a break from it until i find motivation again #But I've been drawing the AU for half a fucking year #In that time I've only drawn 5 things that aren't mlp related #I'm getting tired and my last few posts didn't do as well as I'd hoped #And I'm not about to burn myself out on mlp au art even if I really do love making it #I'm still gonna make comics. I have a bunch of ideas.#Tulli and I still wanna do the limited run merch shop #Discord is still coming. Sunset is still coming. Sombra is still coming. I have so many ideas #But I need to do something else for my own sake. Did you know I was supposed to get the background 6 designs done by now #But I didn't because I'm TIRED #I've been keeping myself on a schedule to keep content pumping despite travel and school and family and I'm tired #what i'm getting isn't matching what i'm giving and that's nobody's fault. i'm not frustrated at anyone. a slump was bound to happen #drawing the au was fun until it become my Thing. Because when your Thing––your identity––starts to faulter #it can really make you freak out #And that's not healthy for the project or for myself. I need to find the fun again and I'm sure I will #I'm really appreciative of everyone's support in my inbox and replies it really does mean a lot especially given that about 2/3 of my #followers followed for mlp. But if you're gonna react to me saying “i'm gonna cool down on mlp art and draw my own stuff” with “i'm #disappointed in you." then Leave! I think it's good you're unfollowing #you are not obligated to stick by my side! But don't act like I'm doing you a disservice by turning my attention elsewhere #I didn't promise anyone anything and I definitely didn't say I'm breaking any promises.

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hg-aneh · 2 months

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this is super odd but i love your lil fem streamer/youtuber au !!! are you aware that bilvy aka mrghostrat has a streamer/streamer wip right now? it's super super cute, you'd love it!!

Yes, i've... received about 100 comments* telling me the same thing

*(hyperbole)

#the more you tell me to read slash watch slash try something the less likely i am to do it #happened with ofmd #will happen with anything #slash lighthearted by the way #aneh wont shut up #aneh answers #also can you please stop comparing the aus #not to you anon just #to the other people #if it keeps happening im just gonna abandon it again #why did i think this was an anon ask #i need sleep

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jamietwat · 5 months

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Time loop fic set during season 2 when Jamie’s back around but Roy isn’t coaching yet where it takes Jamie and Roy an embarrassing amount of do-overs before they finally realize they’re both caught in it because for days Jamie goes over to Keeley’s place and antagonizes Roy in basically the exact same way because he thinks making the same stupid old man jokes all the time is funny anyway and any slight changes in conversation he just assumes is because he showed up at a different time or worded his own end of the conversation a little differently but Roy’s still basically saying the same grumpy old man shit anyway

And Roy makes basically the same retorts every time because he stands by it and he assumes Jamie shows up at slightly different times looking for Keeley as a butterfly effect of his morning with Keeley being different but that there’s no escaping him showing up to be a little bitch at some point

And like they both sometimes tell people but not the same people on the same version of the day so Keeley individually thinks that both of them are losing it on different versions of the day before eventually they both mention it

And then on like day 5 of the same day over and over Jamie doesn’t show up and Roy is irrationally angry about it but thinks it must be somehow connected to the fact that he was acting absolutely insane with Keeley trying to explain what’s happening while she thought he was fucking with her and somehow that made her brush off Jamie and him not show up or something?

And it takes Jamie showing up at 100 and just tearing Roy apart and going on about what a dick he is (which isn’t unusual but isn’t how this routine goes) and weirdly fixating on how he was excited to meet Roy but then he ended up just being an old washed up prick that never even gave him a chance because Jamie figures he can just show up, yell at Roy for all the reasons he’s so fixated on being a little asshole with a grudge against Roy in particular to get it out of his system, and then never have to deal with any consequences of Roy finding out about the whole embarrassing having been a big fan and expecting it to be so cool to play on a team with him just to immediately get offended that Roy didn’t give a shit about him and his bullshit and so Jamie ended up hating him thing

But instead Roy just scowls at him and is like “that’s not what you’re supposed to say” and Jamie’s like “…what.” And Roy’s like I’ve done this day like ten times already and either I make Keeley think I’m certifiable first thing in the morning and you don’t show up or else you show up looking for her and then make the same completely uncreative old man jokes at me and Jamie’s like what the fuck I’ve been doing this same day over and over and you’ve been making the same shitty jokes that weren’t funny the first time over and over again

And Keeley’s just sitting there watching this like “Are you two fucking with me? I can’t believe you two got along long enough to plan whatever the fuck this is.” And honestly, the fact that she couldn’t imagine them ever getting along to plan this stupid joke and agree on it is the main reason she actually starts to believe them that time in an okay either I’ve completely lost it or you two are stuck in a time loop kind of way and when she starts going on about how every time loop movie there’s like a moral the person has to learn and maybe they’re both caught in it because they’re supposed to learn how to get along and be friends and Roy’s supposed to take Ted’s offer and that’s how Jamie finds out about the Ted trying to convince Roy to coach thing

But they’re both like fuck no absolutely not, that’s not it and I’d rather be stuck in this stupid fucking loop forever than voluntarily spend time with him let alone get along (as if Jamie hasn’t shown up to annoy him practically every version of the day and Roy hasn’t just been sitting there waiting for him every time) and then they actively avoid each other for like a week’s worth of versions of the same day before they start considering that Keeley might have been on to something but it still takes three more days of pointedly not seeking the other out and waiting for the other to give in first before they run into each other at Ted’s place anyway and finally start actually swapping information they’ve picked up from their loops and what they’ve tried changing to try to get out and discussing ways to try to get out of it while Ted’s just sitting there cracking jokes and making annoyingly similar to what Keeley said comments about how in time loop and body switch things it’s always that you have to learn to see things from another perspective and be nicer to someone you don’t usually see eye to eye with before you can get out (Ted doesn’t actually believe they’re stuck in a time loop though, he’s just going well weird hypothetical but I’ll play along if this almost certainly made up scenario is what it takes for them to have an actual conversation with each other)

#Roy’s going to be PISSED when he shows up agreeing to coach and start right then one of the versions of the day insisting he’s only doing #it to get out of the day or rule it out as the answer and instead he LOVES IT and then wakes up on the same fucking day anyway #So he not only has to admit that he actually wants to coach and other people were right but he’s also right fucking back again anyway #But he’s also still in his coach everyone but Jamie era at that point and he’s gonna have to not be before they get out #I have more thoughts but I am tired #Jamie not showing up actually had nothing to do with anything Roy or Keeley did he was just trying doing other shit #Might eventually write this as like a pair of fics in a series one from Roy’s pov and one from Jamie’s pov where their versions of the same #days get posted in the same chapters of each #This is another thing for the pile of things I might turn into something eventually #Ted Lasso #Jamie Tartt #Roy Kent #RoyJamie #Keeley Jones #Roy x Keeley x Jamie #Mine

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sergle · 4 months

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FOREWARNING FOR GROSS-OUT SKIN CLOSEUP SHIT DON'T YELL AT ME FOR SHOWING YOU has anyone else gotten this really weird phenomenon on youtube. I swear every algorithm on every website is actively and purposely worse now. Where you'll be scrolling through vids after searching for something (I was looking at crochet stuff) and SANDWICHED IN THE MIDDLE OF ACTUAL SEARCH RESULTS... YOU KNOW. LIKE THINGS RELEVANT TO THE KEYWORDS I TYPED

are a couple of completely out of left field SHOCK VALUE VIDS. like to intentionally be alarming. drama vids and things you're enticed to click on bc they're upsetting, and deep deep closeups on zits. what the fuck is going on. Sandwiched between videos about GRANNY SQUARES. crack? is it crack we're smoking????

#are you telling me I can search for crochet patterns and be fed videos of pimple popping and news about anorexic influencers?#THESE ARE NOT ADS!!!! they're just IN THERE. I have ublock I've got all that stuff. these are just completely irrelevant videos #in the search results after I typed like. granny square patterns. or something really basic like that #NASTY shit #and I know it's not the algorithm clocking me bc I can tell when they do that. but I hate hate hate pimple popping videos #so that's not gonna be it.#when mr. algorithm gets me I can smell it. because guess what. nail polish. it's always nail polish.#and I don't watch upsetting shit abt the starvation girl or anything either. and I don't follow drama clickbait channels #WHAT IS THIS. WHERE AM I.#why did they make me look at this!!!!#sergle.txt #you're not allowed to yell at me btw I gave you a warning. which was more than I got. we're in this together now.#i'm not sure what to tag this as bc if i tag it as body horror then ppl will bark at me bc zits are natural. is it natural to get #a camera this close to big irritated holes and boils on your face. lesions. cysts. is that natural. are we friends #do i need to be close enough to smell you. put my eyes directly into the holes in your face

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kinos-fortress-2 · 5 months

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what does one unfinished fic from like 2022 of a very rareshipp does a to a mf

and also a trashy playlist that got me in my own feelings...

#i know i know i said that the watercolor version was gonna be scrapped but eh i did like it at the end #but the lineart one is more err... better i think is better without colors imo #piss mauling #sniperpauling #miss pauling #sniper #tf2 #team fortress 2 #purple heat #dear creator of the fic if youre reading this PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE GOD I AM BEGGING TO CONTINUE IT PKZ #I HAVE BEEN READING THIS THING FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS I AM OBSESSED RE READING IT IS SO GOOD THE WRITING IS GOOD PLS #anyways ahem... i dont even like reading fanfics but this one. is like i have found the true meaning of love #and i will ofc do more art for this fic bc i am obsessed hahaha i AM CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY #oh yeah and the playlist that i made eeeek... is not like in character or anything maybe nobody is gonna like it bc is full of... kpoopy bu #but the songs are not random i swear they made sense i swear they made sense for them believe me plz #god. i am the only person in this goddamn planet doing content for this two what the fuck like #kino art

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toasts-httyd-hyperfixation · 7 months

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So i made this lil transparent worm-on-a-string Hiccup a while back

Im leaving him here for yall to watch while i go do a Thing

Im sure when i get back he wont be in any precarious situations, or unsavory circumstances, or anything of that ilk

Anyways

Have fun

Ill be back

#httyd books #httyd #book hiccup #how to train your dragon #how to train your dragon books #to be explicitly clear about this post: i am uploading this guy with the idea that someone may copy/paste him into various situations #like historical photos/bowls of soup/over an active volcano whatever #thats why he's transparent so you dont have to photoshop or whatever if ya wanna do it #i also dont expect anyone other than like my friends to do this #because Social Anxiety is a thing and interacting with strangers is Uncomfortable so like not everyone's gonna wanna do it #and thats cool if you just wanna reblog the boy cause you like him without edits or anything #but also anyone can slap this guy into a photo or whatever i dont care #i just wanna see my guy in situations lol #i feel like i had more to say but idk so #im aware this is a long explanation for this but #i like explaining to be clear #recently had a test that had very little instructions and i didnt know what to do so #im also probably just in an extra explaining mood cause of that lol

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so-very-small · 6 months

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if you’re ever writing and thinking “maybe I’m making the height difference too gratuitous here” that’s the devil talking and you should ignore him. double the size and try again

#g/t #giant tiny #im rereading a longer personal project and i wimped out on the size :/#like the mc and her love interest have over a foot of difference and i dont do anything too wild with it. like who AM i #after i finish this round of commissions im gonna b taking time to edit it #and im gonna make the height difference more of a Thing #its an oc x doc ock fic LOL im so so excited actually. i love my oc so much

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stiffyck · 2 months

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Confessing this to your blog because you lowkey inspired me to do this by being so open with your thoughts on fanon (thank you /gen)

Just recently blocked the trafficblr and life series tags.

The way people wouldn’t stop talking about scar and Grian having sand permits this season pushed me over the edge. Hermitcraft has become a safe place for me, and the life series fandom has always been bad for my mental health.

Scar and Grian can be separate entities. They ARE separate entities. They are two different people. They don’t always have to be roped into the same box.

Anyway never feel bad for blocking tags. It can help your feelings a lot, and it affects no one but you.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk

(This is not meant to be hateful towards anyone who does enjoy the life series fandom. These are just my feelings on the matter and everyone is entitled to their own opinion)

Yea thats honestly very fair. i might do that as well because as much as i love desert duo and 3rd life its started to get real annoying. i like the fact that these two fandoms overlap so much and i do find some of the angst and the ideas interesting but this has just been bugging me lately sdsdkjf

like it feels like people cannot view scar specifically without grian by his side. grian? sure people throw in mumbo and now even gem to him. (which okay. they can also be their own people come on.)

idk i just wish people talked about more stuff than just the stuff thats related to the life series and grians fishing addiction.

im always baffled that people dont talk about angst from other peoples episodes??? like i watch scar a lot. i always think "oh this has got to spawn some angst right?" but no. if grian is not invloved no angst sdkjfhs. the death loop he was in recently? the way he blew up grians bookshelves around his enchanter? like theres a lot of stuff i thought people would go insane over but. no.

gem? gem and her lighthouse? her whole build is supposed to be horrory and cursed but i barely see anything about her or her builds.

anyway yes i get what you mean and blocking tags is the best way to go about this sorta stuff sdkjfhs

im glad people are having fun with it but i also wish more people were insane about other stuff

#im so insane over all the angst im getting from scars s10 but theres barely anything out there and im tired always making the posts myself #idk sometimes i just wanna go through scars tag and reblog all the insane angst posts people make #but theres like. almost nothing.#“be insane about your blorbo. make the stuff you wanna see.” i am insane. i do make stuff.#i just wish people actually talked about it with me sjkdfbs #and added on #and just. idk.#anyway yea im gonna go block some more tags now sdkfjhskdfh #have been meaning to do it for a while #asks

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haneys · 9 months

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PLEASE DONT TAG AS D/NA/TIONS ETC!!

hey, I didn't want to do this but Im at my wits end. I'm Haney, im disabled physically and mentally, and I need financial help. Recently me and my two friends have been kicked out of the place we've been living at and had to scramble around to find a place that would let us move in. We had no money at the time and we still barely do. We found a flat that let us take our cats and also allowed us to pay some costs like agency fee at a later date to help us. I borrowed 3k PLN from my (also struggling) family to pay the first rent, but we still have to pay 3k deposit to the landlord, and 2.5k to the agency. My paycheck this month was only 2.5k, and girls are struggling with money too, we just don't have enough and I have noone to turn to at this point.

We're around 2k short, not even counting in things like food, and my family is broke, so I have to ask for help. Literally anything will help, because a single dollar is worth quite a lot of PLN. I can do anything in return too: draw, write, help you with homework or projects, teach you polish lang/history, send nsfw content, whatever comes to your mind, just tell me and I'll try my best. I work 10-12h shifts so it might take a while but it'll be done.

I have ppal, and if you're polish ask me for BLIK. I'd appreciate any help and reblogs. Thank you.

^ my photography for attention

#patxt #if you wanna ask abt anything dm me it's just that thr whole story is so long and insane i didnt wanna write a novel here #I'm gonna genuelly explode we have like two days and my paycheck is so shit I don't even have my mobility aids with me my psychosis is #reaching new peaks I. coughs blood dies explodes. I have no idea what to do I'm sorry for asking for money but like this is miserable #we're selling anything we can I'm trying to work more but I'm genuelly so bad health wise and i dont have money for housing yet #alone doctors 🤡 almost everything I eat comes right out of me IMMEDIATELY my leg is flopping ad usual my crutch was left at the last house #and i am so derealized most of the time I don't even know where I am I just. idk. we need help 😭😭😭

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brookheimer · 1 year

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the one thing i feel pretty certain about for this episode is that america will not decide the election. a decision will be made, a president will be elected, but america will not be the deciding factor.

succession can’t mimic 2016 or 2020 point blank, that would be boring and have nothing to say. it can’t try to outdo trump because it’ll go too whacky and fall flat like veep’s last season (sorry conheads, no way he’s winning). but what it CAN do is illustrate the immensely corrupt, often arbitrary, and hugely influential nature of news media and conglomerations on political processes. i think probably jimenez will be in the lead, then atn/waystar does something to, i don’t know, discount votes or cast suspicion on jimenez or call the election for mencken early, and the tide will shift, even though the votes are already in. the votes don’t actually matter. the actual result doesn’t actually matter. that’s the power logan (and as an extension, billionaires and CEOs in general) hold. shiv says it herself to logan in s4e2: “just cause you say it’s true doesn’t make it true. everyone just fucking agrees with you and believes you, so it becomes true and then you can turn around and say like, 'oh, you see? see? i was right.'” but it doesn’t matter that logan’s “a human fucking gaslight,” everything he says comes true anyways. not because he was right, but because that’s how it works. he says things and then they happen, regardless of what the truth is or what should actually come to pass. that’s been one of the key throughlines since the very first episode of the entire show when, in response to kendall calling logan out of touch because times are changing and logan isn't changing with them, logan hisses that everyone always says you’re wrong until you do it and prove you were right: “you make your own reality.” you can't miss the bus if you're the one driving it. the election, the votes, the political process? none of that matters. it was always going to come down to the roys and their ilk (allies or enemies, just the top 1%) — that was the whole point of “what it takes” (the mencken episode) last season, after all.

i’ve seen lots of theories about what america will choose and how the candidates will respond and all that and i just don’t think that’s the show’s focus; i think the whole point is to demonstrate the lack of agency, the illusion of democracy. because, i mean, we’ve already seen the fall of democracy via fascist election and fascist election-denial, both in real life and in the countless (usually mid) satires created afterwards. it would be disappointing to see succession use the election to reiterate that same point of 'ohhh alt-right ahhhhh!!!' i don’t think it’ll be about ‘fascism’ at all — at least, not ‘trump-y’ fascism. it’ll be about fascism in the broader sense, the kind that doesn't sport a KKK hood (even when it keeps one tucked away in the attic). it's the fascism that every single roy (very much including shiv and kendall) aid and abet -- the fascism that so many succession fans don't seem to regard as fascism, despite it quite literally being the definition of fascism. trump wasn’t the entrance of fascism into our political process. he wasn’t the lone sign of the failing of american democracy. democracy in america has long been illusory, trump just made it more blatantly evident with his particular brand of hate-speech-ridden masculinist in-your-face fascism.

so i think that’s what this episode will hopefully focus on — america will not decide. corporations, news media, and the roys will. thus, the president will most likely become president not because the country supports his policies the most, but because he’s likely to agree to help block a business deal for a major media empire, and the other candidate is unlikely to. and this will likely come to pass due to said major media empire's interference and influence: they create their own reality. they say it, and everyone agrees with them and believes them, so it becomes true.

#WOOF okay here's my unnecessary ~thematic prediction~ for this episode #i have some more like random thoughts ab what'll happen but those r less thought out and more throwing shit at the wall etc #but i've been thinking a lot ab this ep n idk i just can't see any other way it could be done satisfyingly -- they can't just do 2016/2020 #again. the focus has to be elsewhere. i have some specifics thoughts on details but again those r kinda random n will be in another post #after bizarrely getting a lot of things right this szn i know a lot of people are looking to me to see what i'll say for this ep and let me #remind yall that I AM LITERALLY JUST GUESSING BASED ON MY UNDERSTANDING OF THE SHOW AND HOW NARRATIVES #TEND TO WORK PARTICULARLY IN SUCCESSION! if i am wrong which i very well might be please do not crucify me. i know literally #nothing more than anyone else i'm just a random english/gov major who likes speculating about media ! that said if i end up right again #somehow then yes i am a prophet i am jesse armstrong i have never been wrong about anything in my life. etc #watch this age so poorly tho.#LOL #also fwiw i dont think the Shock etc is going to come from the election results - maybe possibly from the way things happen (i could see a #line of miscommunication resulting in fucked up outcomes etc which i can get into in another post) or a roy sibs moment but i just #don't think there's any way the results themselves cld be surprising. it's jimenez or mencken. it's not gonna be connor guys.#succession #succession spoilers #except not really. just succession speculation more than anything else #long post #succession speculation #100

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zebratimw · 11 months

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Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk

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