#am i in emotional pain now because i imagined being able to do those things with * them * but i like

[thegoldenhoof]

Poison into Positivity - Why we should have revisited The Talent Show.

Prefacing this, that as a Izzy lover, I loved the Calypso’s birthday episode. Perfect. No notes. Except that maybe it should have been longer 

But boy did Ed get done dirty in that episode (and Stede but I am making my peace with this is just who Stede is. Being a better person was never his character’s motivation).

Perhaps nothing has bothered me about the whole of Ed’s arc as the poison to positivity comment because, Girl! Where? What exactly did you do to earn that? Ed threw some money at the problem and sat back which made sense in a sad way because it is a very Stede way of doing things. At least Season 1 Stede ( but again we are not talking about Stede here). And Ed was following his cues. This is Youtuber apology the sequel.

But in contrast, imagine if we had gotten The Talent Show- Take 2

A repeated problem that many posts have talked about in this season is that it was unwilling to face the trauma that it set up and look it in the eye and deal with it. So much of the show had become “shit happens move on”.

But revisiting the  idea of The Talent Show for Calypso’s Birthday party would have been amazing imo and here is why…

The Chekhov's gun was already set up with Lucius mentioning it in the previous episode

This season had been spoonfeeding us Season 1 flashbacks and references and this would have fit in perfectly with the pattern. 

Ed’s side of it was as set up with him not remembering the show at all. We have been told repeatedly that Ed rewrites his memories/forgets things that are uncomfortable to him. 

Repraising the talent show would have worked as a shorthand for Ed actually confronting his past and would have been an opportunity to genuinely make himself vulnerable in contrast to the youtuber apology.

It would have reminded the crew that this was still the man who they cared for at one point, who just did some fucked up shit because he was hurting.

It would have shown the audience that the crew was able to look at a painful past experience and rewrite those memories with a better version if it-  a stand-in for them moving past the trauma of the Kraken era and being willing to rewrite those memories with this new Ed.

Izzy could have joined Ed’s song putting it in contrast with Izzy’s anger and confusion of Season 1. 

Ed is singing some old song. He hears the uneven stomp of the peg leg behind him and stops. Cue bad memories.

Izzy’s voice takes up the song. He turns back to look at Izzy and he is revealed to us, in all his Drag glory, looking equally nervous until they both give a tentative smile and continue with the song.

Ed turns to Stede pulling him into a dance. Izzy turns to Calypso kissing her hand. They are singing the same song but the have their own people to dance with now. 

a) This would have given us a peek into their joint past, a happier time and laid a foundation to the relationship they are hinting at in the death scene with  Ed’s “You are my only family” because we haven’t actually seen that relationship between them in either of the seasons.

b) It would have given us a transition between the earlier drunk Izzy-avoidant Ed scene and the absolute tonal whiplash of the next day morning after scene by having an on screen truce/resolution.

c) It would have shows them as two people on diverse paths who are even now still tied by their past. They too are trying to rewrite what that past should mean now with hopefully better associations.

This means we lose La vie en Rose the, I’d make that sacrifice for some actual character growth. (We could still have had that performance over the end titles/longer post credit maybe?)

8. This would actually fit in with the message of turning poison into positivity for both Ed and the crew and Ed and Izzy.  It would also have had Ed make an emotional investment in that transition and not a monetary one so he has actually earned that comment.

9. It would have made Ned’s interruption much more painful because Ed is trying to make amends for something he did here and another consequence of his actions have come crashing in.

Cue Stede killing Ned but now it doubles down on the “You don’t have to do this alone. I’m here beside you helping you (however badly) too” message.

Overall…

The larger events of the episode don’t change. 

Just a few dialogues here and there and maybe trim the Ed giving money to the kids scene (Because what? Why? I dont care u gave them a knife. Those kids are getting murdered within a couple of days. Good job Ed!).

 So little changes. And yet there was so much potential for shifting the tone and not putting all their eggs into the one basket that they were planning to smash with a hammer.

#ofmd #ed teach #blackbeard #izzy hands #calypso’s birthday #ofmd critical?

[naffeclipse]

More about Mer!SJ time! >:D

Aaahh, I simply cannot stop thinking about what comes after the final confrontation!

Like so many things! The image of Eclipse suddenly realizing what he's done, hearing and seeing his own trident going into Sun, his brother looking down at the weapon and slowly looking up at him in pain, hurt, incredulous of what Eclipse just did.

How where Eclipse usually relishes in the smell of blood in the water, right now it means to him what it means to most people. Death, anguish, grief, fear.

The brief but no doubt intense argument of wanting to reach out to Sun but being furiously stopped by the vigilante and his other brother who might be directing at him the worst look he has ever given him, before they have to accept that there is no time to argue if they want Sun to make it.

The feeling of dejavu at the urgency of hurrying towards the surface as it's the only hope of saving a member of his family. Seeing Sun slowly fading away right in his grasp as they go.

The conflicting feelings of seeing many mer people, no doubt a lot who have been helped by his brothers, rush to the help of a twilight mer, and it's a slight relieve because Sun might make it, but also indignation because why did they not help her too? How dare they all suddenly act the good guys when it was much too late for those who needed it before?

And then the wait.

He must be known around the reef. Moon hides his resemblance for a reason. So it's not only dealing with the wariness around him which would be delightful some other time, but now there's too many eyes on him at the worst moment. When he's unsure and afraid his brother will die. He's too exposed and among those he loathes here in the light.

Then there's knowing the wrong move will get him kicked out and unable to know the fate of his brother, the vigilante pointing a trident at him at all times. There's Moon's scathing looks, full of accusation and distrust. One of his brothers who begged him to just leave the life he kept choosing and come with them, now seemingly looking at him like there's nothing he wants more than for Eclipse to go back and stay in the darkness like he's always done.

Maybe at one point when Sun has passed the worst of it, Eclipse finds a moment to slip in unnoticed, to check in on Sun while no one is in the room. And he has to see him, covered in every measure they had to stop the blood, breathing weak, like his chest is barely able to expand enough, like inhaling the clean water he needs to keep going is currently the hardest task for him.

And maybe he reaches for him. But Sun, in his semi conscious state both from the blood loss and the medicine he was given, minutely flinches back. Because the last time he saw his older brother with his hand extended towards him, what followed was sharp awful pain.

And there might be a twinge of indignation in Eclipse at first. Because this is him. How could Sun ever be afraid of him. Afraid that he would hurt- And then remember that he did. He did.

Words from long ago, and an instruction to protect his brothers echo in his mind as he looks at Sun fighting for his very life.

Emotions he hasn't experienced or that he thought himself above of for years and years now flood him.

I do have to wonder how even approaching after that would work. You said Sun still wants Eclipse in his life and it's what might be keeping the vigilante from trying to figure out a way to spear Eclipse into a wall and give him a last diminute chance to fix the mess he made. But there's also Moon who refuses to have him close. I'm veeeery interested in what might make Moon accept any attempts from him! Because hurting the vigilante in his pursue of them was already a betrayal knowing how much Sun and Moon cared for them. This? This was crossing a line both brothers were at least somewhat certain would never be crossed.

AHHH CHAOTIK I AM EATING UP EVERY WORD OF THIS IT'S SO GOOOOOOOD!!!

It's really hard to imagine it going well after such a devasting blow, but, Eclipse made his bed, he's gonna lie in it now.

Once the sand settles and Sun is tucked safely back into their coral reef home, on heavy medicines, and no longer in danger of bleeding out, that's when Moon lets Eclipse have it.

The vigilante keeps watch from the passageway between where Sun rests and where the fight unfolds. Moon wants Eclipse gone. Eclipse refuses to leave until he knows Sun is going to be okay. Moon attacks Eclipse.

It's freezing waters as the two brothers duke it out. Moon is completely undone by this—Eclipse is their big brother. He was their protector. He cared for them and raised them when their parents were gone. It is absolutely unfathomable that Eclipse could do this to Sun.

Eclipse lets Moon get it all out, taking his blows and wearing him down until they're both exhausted and the chamber is a wreck. The vigilante simply stays on guard, trident in hand, ready to finish Eclipse like they so desperately want to—they just need a reason, a better excuse to give Sun when he asks for Eclipse.

Moon punches Eclipse and his hand catches on his venomous spines framing his face, several breaking off as they puncture Moon's flesh. In a knee-jerk reaction, Eclipse rips off the nautical shell on Moon's head where it's thrown and shattered against the wall. The vigilante reacts badly, but they're quickly told that Eclipse's venom won't hurt Moon because they're blood-related. Which is great news among the recent damage done.

The water temperature drops below freezing, and Moon and Eclipse look at each other, floating in the wreckage of what's supposed to be their family.

That's when the vigilante persuades Moon to go and stay with Sun. He better not have been woken up by their battle. Eclipse glares as Moon disappears, and the vigilante prods Eclipse towards a lightless chamber in the coral reef home. Eclipse goes. The vigilante studies his broken quills while they explain something. They make it clear that if Sun wasn't so concerned about Eclipse, even after he skewed him, they would have killed him. They still will if Eclipse doesn't stop and doesn't control himself. They won't watch him hurt his brothers anymore, in any way. The vigilante is done with Eclipse.

Eclipse says that Sun and Moon have their mother's eyes. The vigilante doesn't know what prompted that. Eclipse says he can't leave until Sun is recovered. He has to survive.

The vigilante asks how Eclipse how could do it. How could he react so terribly and hurt his brother?

Eclipse asks in a soft voice how the vigilante could have killed a mer-child, his golden gaze burning through the sunlight zone mer.

That ends their conversation in a snap of tailfins as the vigilante abruptly leaves Eclipse in the dark chamber and returns to Sun's side. They tend to Moon's bleeding knuckles and whisper about finding him another nautical shell. They carefully watch Sun's chest rise and fall with weak breaths of water and pray that no more red wisps leak into the chamber from his many bandages.

#hahah i have fish sleuths brain rot :) #chaotik i'm biting your ask so hard right now ahhh!!! #it's everything! #sorry i kind of just continued where you left off but ahhhh yeah #eclipse is gonna squirm and accept his consequences and deal with his brothers' anger and angst #he's gonna repent with blood and suffering #sleuth jesters mermay style #pearl eye #chaotikanvas

[merryfortune]

he felt his tongue tie as he finished his well rehearsed speech

Written using the Sweet and Spicy sweetheart Bingo [I'm aware it is ineligible for bingo]

Prompt: I’m Yours

Title: he felt his tongue tie as he finished his well rehearsed speech

Ship: Motherearthshipping | Earth/Spectre 

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! Vrains 

Rating: T 

Word Count: 1,548

Warnings: None 

Tags: Reunions, Post-Canon, Fluff, First Meeting

   Spectre faced himself in the mirror and repeated to himself an introduction which had become like a mantra for him, big breath then, “Hello, I am Spectre and I am your Origin.”

   He felt giddy. Wrong and excited. It was amazing. He felt like a young man looking to propose, a long lost sibling looking to make amends. It was all of these things and more as he looked into the mirror, readjusted his jacket and forced a smile.

   It was wrong. He wasn’t a smiley person, he wasn’t someone who ought to talk through gritted teeth and yet, he could not help himself. He had been waiting for this day to come for the past ten years if he was being honest.

   He recalled when he had first been taken under Ryoken’s wing, ushered into the back stage of the glorious theatre of pain which had been the Hanoi Project, explained the on-goings and happenings, the number one thing Spectre wanted was to meet his Ignis. His reason for his kidnapping and consequent torture. But alas. The very creature whose importance had necessitated the crime against him and his captivity was to be eliminated.

   By him no less.

   As a member of the Knights of Hanoi’s upper echelon. It was only right.

   That is what Spectre came to believe despite his initial disappointment.

   However that murder never came to fruition. Though Earth did die. Just not by their weapon.

   Ten long years had passed by that point and Spectre thought he had done well to calcify the resolve that was asked of him. He had performed so well for the Lost Incident, he could do this, too, but instead the psychic scream of his Ignis was too much to bear and so, past his defences, Spectre had shed one single tear.

   A hole had opened in his heart.

   And inside that hole, many things - many emotions, imaginings, and more - festered. Spectre began to explore more of the envy that he felt towards Playmaker and his Ignis, towards Soulburner and his Ignis. He began to wonder: what if?

   Earth had never sought him out. Spectre had been told it was because his reputation preceded him. That made sense. Thus, it became his assumption. 

   Now he would know for certain, however. If Earth had never looked for him because he had heard or realised or just somehow miraculously known that his Origin was now with one of the factions would seek to end him and his kin. Because now, Earth was back.

   He had died but now he had been resurrected.

   Playmaker was a disgustingly determined person. He was self-important and arrogant with how he proclaimed his justice and executed it without flaw. Spectre couldn’t stand him and yet, he was entirely enamoured with him because they were so opposite. 

   He couldn’t wait to thank Fujiki Yusaku in person for being exactly who he was. Weird as he was - and weird as it may be - because he had done the impossible in the name of love. He had brought not just his own Ignis back from death but all six of them.

   Then, he released those which did not belong to him.

   Ai was content - no, overjoyed - to stay by Playmaker’s side. The other Ignis on good terms with their Origins - so Aqua and Flame - made their way back to their own loved ones. Aqua reunited with Aoi and was finally able to meet Miyu, face to face and wide awake. Flame made the journey to Takeru’s hometown and was met with warm, open arms.

   Windy and Lightning… held back. They were rightfully reserved, remorseful, for what happened. Windy had only the cold grave of his Origin to visit and so, remained at Lightning’s heel, guilty, but together, as a pair, they made amends with the one who was still alive and bearing the brunt of their misdeeds. Jin accepted them, though he did heed the warnings all around him regarding what he didn’t remember but so far, the relationship though burdened was moving past that history.

   Then.

   Finally.

   The Earth Ignis.

   He was free to do as he pleased. What he was pleased to do was wander, much the same as he had been looking for Aqua, now it was a question of if he was trying to look away from Spectre, however. He simply tramped through the Link VRAINS without a seeming care in the world for concealing his presence. 

   But his brethren encouraged him to find Spectre. 

   Even Spectre was encouraged by his own organisation to find Earth.

   In the months that Earth had been absent from his psyche, Spectre had changed. He had never realised before but Earth had been important to him. He had wanted to be fine with them never meeting, their paths remaining ever parallel, if only the Ignis had stayed inside their halcyon Cyberse World, had never interacted with humanity, for better or for worse. So when Earth was gone from this world, Spectre had never felt such frailty until then. 

   But now he was greedy. He wanted to meet Earth, he wanted the Ignis in the human world. It would never be beautiful or idyllic but it was as the cliche wrote. It was better to love and lose than to never love at all.

   So when Playmaker gave Spectre a tip - the coordinates of where Earth was likely to be at a certain time - he immediately made plans. He began to rehearse, in life and online, how he would introduce himself, how he would show he had turned over another leaf if Earth hated him or was certain he was still a threat.

   Spectre counted down the days, hours, minutes until he could finally bisect paths with Earth. Even if he had to force it. He would go to him if Earth wasn’t going to come to him. If that was how it would be, then Spectre wouldn’t just lay down and die like his namesake would imply.

   He would forge out a new future, a new happy time, with his own two hands for the… for the first time in a long time. Since he had run away from the orphanage, really. Even if the idea of it made his head spin and made him sick to the stomach, he would do it.

   He did do it.

   Just as Playmaker had said, Spectre found Earth in the vastness of the Link VRAINS. In some place no regular player would ever think to venture but it was a place which was fitting.

   A forest.

   Tall trees surrounded them, mossy rocks jutted out from the ground underfoot. The grass was lush and made satisfying noises when walked upon. The sky overhead was the purest blue. It was lonesome and beautiful here. Even if it was a fake forest.

   They found each other in the middle of it and Earth was… visibly surprised to see him, Spectre could tell. Though, he very well may have been surprised to see any human. Let alone him, wearing his stark white uniform of the Knights of Hanoi.

   Earth sized him and for a moment, Spectre thought he might flee. He had been warned that Earth was capable of making portals and disappearing through them but no such thing happened. Though Earth, floating at eye level, steeled himself, he didn’t run away.

   Relief flooded Spectre’s veins as he met Earth’s hard, discerning gaze. Thick silence ensued as they waited for the other to make the first move. Spectre willed that it would be him but his mouth dried as his rehearsed introduction momentarily failed him.

   In this pause, this stare down, Spectre faced Earth and briefly, he felt as though he were facing a mirror of himself. It was a stranger flicker but it was an intuition nonetheless. Of course Earth was going to be a reflection of him, he was the product of Spectre’s Hanoi Project.

   He had duelled well. He had channelled his love of the natural world and his despising of humans. He held on tight to a sense of importance: that for the first time in all the years he had walked the Earth, at the grand age of six, he had reason to be. That he was important. That his boredom was alleviated and that a happy time had been delivered unto him, one that he had been chosen specifically for.

   Earth was the culmination of all of that and more. All whilst he was his own being, with his own values and morals, history and memories, wants and needs, character and personality.

   Spectre took a deep breath as he felt his eyes well up with tears. Why was he trying to cry? He was stopping himself as he sputtered out.

   “Hello, my name is Spectre and,” he felt his tongue tie as he finished his well rehearsed speech with a fumble, “I’m yours.”

   Earth bowed his head. He took it in stride, not knowing there was a mistake at all. He put his hands in front of him in a manner Spectre knew well: the fist to palm salute, it made his heart tremble.

   “My name is Earth and it is good to finally meet you, I am yours as well.” Earth replied.

#writing tag #sweet and spicy bingo #yugioh vrains #vrains #yugioh #spectre (vrains) #earth (vrains) #motherearthshipping #<- its a very gen fic though

[animangaandchillsblog]

I have this sudden headcanon about Naruto and Hinata's conversation in the other dimension. Since Kawaki sealed them away, and we won't know about them until the end of the show, I want to put my imagination on this tumblr space. On the side note, the recent information spoiler informed us that Kawaki told Boruto that both Naruto and Hinata won't get old and he won't be able see them 🥹. Meaning that, time is frozen there but what happen if they can do whatever they want inside that space and that dimension is a world created by Kawaki because he made a promise to a certain powerful otsusuki that he'll protect that family in exchange of his life? He acted as if he wanted to kill Boruto and have his own plan to save him. What if?

Hinata opens her eyes. There is a painful throb in her head. She grimaces, trying to stir out the dizzying sensation Next to her is Naruto; sitting on a sofa. He is staring at the vacant wall and somehow, Hinata is able to correctly guess his deep thoughts.

She surveys around. It doesn't look like their beloved home. It's a different place; but the one they're situated in is more spacious. Aghast, Hinata casts a skeptical look at Naruto. A moment ago, they were pulled in by a dark and strong whirlwind and now they are in a different place.

Which means one thing.

They are in another different world.

"Na.. Naruto-kun.. I don't want to believe this but Boru.. Boruto.. Him.. Himawari.. they're!" She is fighting back tears. The lump formed in her throat makes it harder for her to suppress the overwhelming emotion.

I can't cry now. Not now. Not when Naruto is trying to act tough in front of me. If he sees me cry, he'll try to calm me down by saying that everything will be fine. He'll put up a valiant knight in shining armour's face and throw that mask away when he's convinced that I'm asleep. Soon, he'll make the pillow wet because of the leaked acid rain running down on his cheeks.

Hinata takes a deep breath and observes her husband . They're 32 now and had been married for 14 years. She knows him too much. From the way his obvious, keen eyes shined when she cooked a special flavoured ramen for him to the way a soft crease formed on his forehead whenever he's worried or anxious about something.

Hinata tries to utter something; anything that can break down the silence but Naruto is quick to address the situation. He turns to her, closes the small distance between them and reaches out to her; his hands wrapped around her back and nose burrowed into the thick cloth which covers her body.

Naruto have that habit whenever he's dejected or needs her attention. To Hinata, he acts like an innocent puppy sometimes. She likes it though. She's a woman with a heart full of love and those feelings are born from seeds of hope and joy whenever she saw Naruto during their childhood days. The seeds grow, becoming a land full of blooming roses that makes her strong and brave. Those feelings are her strength and will only be imparted for her precious ones.

She does not have any fear towards Otsutsuki or villains who hold grudges. The only important thing for her is her family. Their safety and well-being. Only her family, not other people. She cares about them a lot. She'll do whatever she can to protect her family even if it involves risking her life.

"Hi.. Hinata! I am sorry. I am so, so, sorry..." Naruto apologizes.

She caresses his head. For the umpteenth time, she refrains from letting her cheeks get wet. She bites her tongue from whimpering. The pain in her throat exacerbates every second but she won't let it win by making her a crying mess. She had enough of being someone who sinks in Naruto's light. This time, she HAS to be the one who protects his light.

"This is all my fault. I don't know what went wrong. Kawaki, he... he was just getting used to our company. I was convinced that he changed, but... what went wrong? I'm useless. I didn't know what to do. Funny, isn't it? When I was 16, I refuse to give up. Everyone told me that he's a criminal and he should be punished severely. Now that I finally have my own family, I didn't know what to do. It's hard. I want to be the perfect Hokage for the villagers. I want equal rights for everyone yet... when things didn't go just like how I planned it, I questioned myself a lot. My real family was suffering. It's difficult to accomplish my goals as a Hokage. I am worried about Boruto and Himawari. Will they be okay? I believe Boruto will manage to handle the situation but he's in pain. He's going through a lot. Himawari just started to attend the academy. Haha.. I'm a failure as a parent and Hokage, right? I couldn't even do my job properly. I couldn't save my kids. I was so determined not to repeat the same cycle again. I don't want both of them to suffer in loneliness just like how I went through during my childhood days. Children... they should be loved and cherished not abandoned. I.. I just..." Naruto bewailed over the situation and about his current life.

Hinata bites her tounge harder but in vain. Grief devours her as a flood of tears gushes down her ashen cheeks. Upon listening to her husband, broken and bruised by life-altering decisions, unfulfilled dreams and crushed visions, she lets the blue feeling eats her ego.

Without even disengaging himself from embracing and burrying his head on top of her chest, he could sense that Hinata was trying very hard not to cry earlier.

"Hinata, it's okay. Ou.. our kids are not... not here. You can cry with.. with me. I.. I know you.. you too.. too much, you.. you can't hide. It's okay. I have you.. you and.. and you have me. We.. we are not.. not alone anymore. It's ok.. okay to be vulne.. vulne.. vulnerable wh.. when it's just.. just the two.. two of us." Naruto's voice is wracked with onslaught sobs and tears. He could barely speak.

"It.. it seems like we are in another world. We are not in a dangerous place. This living room we're placed in is more spacious than ours. There is a chandelier and the design of this room is aesthetic. I haven't survey this whole house yet but I have a feeling that Kawaki built this though I'm not sure how."

"I don't.. know what he's thinking anymore. I am so, so.. sorry for making you witness all this mess."

"Naruto-kun, I just want you to know. Remember when I fought so hard with Pain just to release you from the rods that made your chakra drained? I did that knowing full well that I'll die. I love you so much, I won't let anyone hurt you. I'll do the same with Boruto and Himawari. I won't forgive those who hurt them. They're my babies.. and they need us. I am worried like you too, Naruto-kun but don't ever think that your effort is in vain. You did so much back then. Without you, we won't be able to live in peace. Remember how you changed the Hyuga clan? How you forged ties with Konohagakure? How you lead the entire Shinobi to defeat those who attacked innocent victims? How you persistently tracked on Momoshiki's traces so that they won't harm our kids? You're still the Naruto I love. Not all parents are perfect. You did your best as a father. You have your own way of protecting them and I'm sure they understand it. Don't be too hard on yourself. Remember when you said that to me?" Hinata closes her eyes, reminiscing her past life. Somehow, those memories are her only luxury now and it succeeds in vanishing her involuntary whimpers and tears.

Naruto taps Hinata's back lightly, indicating the sudden shift emotion in him. Hinata's words always makes him calm. He knows he shouldn't rely on his wife too much due to the stress she had to witness yet he enjoys her company every second.

"I know. Love is always your strongest weapon. That's what I love about you. Your name means white lily, a flower that symbolises strength and support other than purity. That's so you. How I wish I can at least break down the wall of this dimension but I can't. It's not just a simple one. I.. I wish Kurama is with me now but I lost him too."

Hinata twirls the yellow strands on his head. "You have me, remember? You're not alone. Ah.. I can't relax. Right now, my mind keeps on wandering at our home. Himawari. Boruto. They're not safe. What if another war will break down and we're not there to protect them? What if Boruto keeps on eating burgers? He'll suffer from having a serious stomach disease! Himawari isn't a well-experienced shinobi yet. She's too innocent sometimes. She doesn't know how dangerous the life of shinobi is. She cries hard when Jaggy dies. I don't think she can recover from the ill feeling of witnessing death. My poor babies."

Finally, with eyes full of hope, Naruto focuses his sight on Hinata's elegant and beautiful face. He straightes up and traces her cheekbones that sculpted her face.

Naruto rubs the tears on his face. He is still worried about his beloved children's safety, but his wife needs her at the moment. "Your father is there. Hanabi. Kakashi sensei. Iruka sensei. Shikamaru will find ways to solve the issue. Ino and Sai are there to evacuate everyone and I'm sure they won't neglect our kids. Sakura-chan and Sasuke are there. Boruto is strong. After all he's our child. He will protect Himawari and Himawari will soon learn how to be strong like you. I also.. have something to tell you."

"What is it?" With curious eyes, Hinata watches the way Naruto's eyes wrinkles when he smiles. Her cheeks are still stained with tears. Naruto wipes them away with the sleeves of his shirt.

"Once this is all over, I am going to quit my job. I think I had enough. I've restored peace and developed our village. I'll still have my penchant money and we can use that to travel around the world. You said you wanted to open a restaurant right? You should just do it. You've created a recipe and it's too good to just be served for me and our children. I'll support you."

Hinata chuckles. "You're a bad cook. I can't let you barge into my kitchen. You'll become the manager, then. You're a social butterfly and everyone knows you. I'm sure our new restaurant will attract more customers. Oh and.. we have to save up and fulfill Boruto and Himawari's dream too!"

"We'll save up to hire new sensei for them. If Himawari wants to open a clinic or a research center I'll build one. If Boruto wants to become a chief policeman, I'll give my full support."

"Naruto-kun.. did you always thought of this?" Hinata couldn't stop her lingering curious thoughts from being silent.

Naruto kisses her forehead. He kisses her cheeks, mouth and nose.

"Ah.. Naruto-kun, stop it. Answer me!"

"Sorry. You and your wide curious eyes never fails to amuse me. They're too cute."

"Naruto-kun!"

"Okay, okay. Yes. I've always thought of it but then this village becomes messed up and one by one challenge came. When everything is resolved, I'll quit. You know that I never go back on my Ninja way, right? I never break my promises. I'll do it. I'm so tired. I'm tired with all these bloodshed and noise. I want tranquillity and peace. I can only achieve that with you."

It feels like yesterday was just the day Hinata met Naruto in front of the academy's gate. Time flies too fast. She wants to scream and cry because she couldn't do anything but it'll just exhaust her more so she puts her hands on both of Naruto's cheeks and let her forehead touches his.

"Promise. Promise me we'll go through this together."

"I never broke that promise. I'll promise to fulfill your dream instead. Just wait. I'll make your dream comes true."

"My dream is just for Boruto and Himawari to be safe."

"Sorry. I'm a weak man right now. I can't afford to do that. Kawaki caught me off guard but I will fulfill their dream too. I don't care what methods I'll be using. I don't know what's his plans or secret but I'll solve this as soon as I get there. After that, I'll send my resignation letter."

"Oh, Naruto-kun. Whatever you do, I'll always be by your side always. Do whatever that makes you happy. We'll go through this together."

"Forever." Naruto holds her hand. Their foreheads are still in contact but he doesn't want to break their intimate moment.

"Forever and always."

Tears still roll down on both of their cheeks but this time, they know that they are not alone. Nothing could be done; only hopes and flashbacks become the root of their strength at the moment.

#naruto #hinata #naruhina #naruhina drabbles #incorrectnhh #incorrectnaruhinaisback! #boruto #himawari #kawaki #sunshine family

[rebeccalouisaferguson]

ORIGINAL-CIN: Not only did you take on the grueling lead role of Juliette, you also served as Executive Producer  on the series.  Did you not know the pain and suffering you were going to have to go through taking this on?

REBECCA FERGUSON: I know, and it is never happening again. (Laughs). No, you know what? For the role of an Executive Producer, I literally had to google it whilst I was offered it, because I didn't really understand what it was. 

Obviously I've been in this world for a long time, but I haven't had to care. I just came on set, did my acting and left for the day.

So when Graham Yost said, we would like to offer this, I remember thinking all I care about is learning the business. So if I would like to produce myself, who better to walk behind then Graham Yost? He’s a phenomenal showrunner and writer.

I also think it was the feeling that if you're going to give your life to something for a bit of time, I'd like to have a bit more control of the narrative, the creative aspect,  the cast and all of the departments.

It's hard to trust people, and if I am going to take on such a huge responsibility I need to know that it's going to be great! Now it turns out I can trust Graham with blind eyes. But yeah,  it's a learning curve and I really did love every minute of it.

O-C: Setting aside all of the behind-the-scenes work, what you put yourself through on-screen was pretty darned impressive. So much action, the emotions and the trauma of this character.  How did you even prepare to play her on that level?

FERGUSON:  The preparation for that came before I started honing in on the producing aspect. I wanted to be on top of it. I read the script so many times and spent so many weeks in the writers room, getting a feel of how Graham does it.

The fact that when he does other shows, he's writing it every day in a room, then he has to run the show. Then there are people on the ground who help rewrite whilst the actors are actually doing their scenes.  I found all of this so fascinating and quite helpful getting me into character.

So for me, I'm preparing everything that I think is needed and we work together.  When it comes down to the physical aspect of it, the training, learning the accent, and understanding her, I do all of that months in advance. I put a lot of effort into it.

O-C: I think what blew me away most was the sets. As a viewer we really get that sense of claustrophobia, being in this Silo with no way out.  Plus, continuously running up and down those stairs!

FERGUSON:  Obviously we don't have as many stairs as you see but trust me, it was exhausting.  After one take I was ready for a nap!

O-C: The series really makes you think about never being able to experience sunlight or fresh air. Could you ever imagine living in a world so immersive and  so contained?

FERGUSON: No, and that's the fun part of this entire project, visualizing and imagining when it happened.

How did it happen? Why did it happen? We were the children of the children. So you have to imagine that the people we are playing have been in there for their entire lives.   We don't know anything else and that's so interesting.

To back it up and think, “What were the first people like in there?” The fact that they created a working and sustainable life, creating  agriculture it's an incredible salute to the human race of recycling and resources and the reuse of things. 

I think that's what we would do, we have to survive. But there are always rebels, people who question and that’s the basis of the whole series.

#rebecca ferguson #silo #silo apple tv #interview #silo interview #tv

[musashi]

I don't know how it works for other people but the thing about me is I loath wasting time because I have a life to live. And to me, nothing wastes more time than episodes of mental illness. They're annoying, and I do not enjoy being upset. So I do my best to work out efficient methods to navigate them quickly -- I excel at knowing exactly why I am upset, and I excel even better at either employing the strategies I have to combat it, or formulating long-term plans to fix the problem. I believe that every agony in my life is solvable. I do not have a concept of not being able to seize my own destiny. I charge forward, always, and I know how to be my best self. If ever this was a struggle for me, it is not anymore.

So you can imagine how infuriating it is that my current biggest problem depends on other people. I've gotten to the point in my own recovery strategies where I blaze through all the other fixes so quickly that all that is left for me is problems where the solution is 'lean on a friend for some validation/emotional support.'

And again, the problem is... people do not like being friends with me when I am in pain. I am a surface level friend. No matter how much I try to forge deep emotional bonds with people (and despite great success doing so in the past!) I have reached a point where I cannot get anyone to like me unless I am happy all the time.

Occasionally, I test the waters with a friend--veer ever so slightly into 'unhappy' territory, usually by talking about a pain that has passed and is no longer the issue. Something safe and in the passed, something they do not feel immediately pressured to fix. Universallly, the response I get is discomfort. People do not even acknowledge I've said anything, long uncomfortable silences that scream at the top of their lungs I am a freak for daring to acknowledge I was once sad

I cannot even be sad in the past. All versions of me must be happy all the time, lest I risk making someone uncomfortable.

I am still looking for solutions to this problem. All the advice I've gotten in the past are things I have implemented. Someone told me a good way to find people who want to be there for me is to be there for them--i was already doing that, though, for almost everyone I cared about and as much as I could. Nothing came of it, I just kinda bled myself dry and then was left with nothing to pick myself up.

I am not shy or introverted. Any opportunity to make new friends, I take. I'm always joining new discord servers and reaching out to people with shared interests. I dedicate what little free time I have to being social, but again, there's a wall--it never goes past the 'close friends' stage. Little tests and attempts to be vulnerable always end with everyone hypothetically staring at me like ew, you freak, why would you say that? Go back to being smiley and entertaining.

I am always accepting suggestions. To people who have support systems, or even just a few friends who you can go to when you're having a bad day, how did you get into those friendships? What did the progression look like? I am desperate for advice I have not yet tried. It's been about a year now of me trying to untangle this problem and I don't feel like I've made it very far at all. I have one friend who I got there with pretty quickly but I think she is very special. I didn't treat her any differently than I treat others, she just treated me different. And it cannot just be one person, that's unhealthy and not fair to her. So I need a few more.

#wordy wendy

[thedawningofthehour]

Something I just realized in the latest chapter was Leo mentioning that Donnie used to self harm? Does Draxum or Galois know/remember this? Like, did Draxum figure this out while holding Donnie captive and was like 'yup, definitely made the right decision to chain him down!' and would those memories also be adapted for Galois or did Draxum just completely erase them? Or, and this is the most likely possibility, am I reading WAY too much into this?

I wouldn't say you're reading too much into it, I just intended it to be more backstory than an immediate and prevalent theme. :P Donnie's self-harm wasn't as...I don't want to say 'as serious' as what a lot of us probably picture when we hear the phrase self-harm, because it's all serious, but it wasn't super destructive. Think a lot of scratching his arms raw, biting down on himself, grabbing hot things, etc. They were younger too, this would have been a few years before the fic begins. And honestly, it was partly autistic sensory bullshit too, I know I don't explicitly say that Donnie is autistic in the fic but he canonically is. Some of it probably started out as stimming. Leo figured it was just one of Donnie's Things at the time, but over the years and as Donnie confided in him more about his anxiety and some of his feelings that sure fit the depression symptoms on WebMD, Leo started to put the puzzle pieces together.

I'm trying to decide what I can say about the memory spell without it being a spoiler. Draxum didn't need to actively alter every memory of his-I mean, there were a few that he wanted to explicitly lay out, but for the most part he gave Donnie a set of rules and his brain rewrote itself to comply with them. He told him that Draxum was his father and that he grew up in his weird mushroom house, so that's what Galois remembers. He recalls sitting with his dad drinking tea in the kitchen? He totally does-in Draxum's kitchen, with Draxum, because that's his father and that's where he lives. He wasn't able to refute these rules but his memory contradicted them, so his brain altered his memories to make it make sense. Obviously not perfectly-so that memory of drinking tea with Draxum, Galois might remember his dad singing in Japanese-which would confuse him, because Draxum doesn't speak Japanese. (he's capable of speaking Japanese, but he has no reason to speak it conversationally at home) But even the act of questioning his memories makes him uncomfortable and eager to stop and think about something else. He's quick to blame something like seeing it on TV and getting confused, or if he pushes it enough his brain will just get rid of that tidbit because it doesn't comply with the ruleset. Less so now so long after Hypno's spell has worn off, but he will do shit like that before he ever questions the validity of his memories.

But as far as this has to do with your question, uhhhhhh...yeah, he probably sort of remembers it. But like I said, it was never a super big deal to Donnie-he got used to the pain and he never got hurt hurt, so he didn't really realize what he was doing until Leo told Splinter and Splinter got upset about it. That's actually one of the areas Galois probably feels some disconnect-Splinter, I imagine he would have been visibly upset, maybe even a few tears, being very forthright about how much it hurt to see Donnie do that to himself, but also very tender and loving when talking to him about it. Just very bare-faced emotions. Draxum...doesn't do that. He's not a 'hug and cuddle it out' kind of dad, he doesn't cry in front of people, the only 'strong' emotion he feels comfortable displaying is anger. He'd be upset, of course, but he'd consider his distress to be getting in the way of 'properly' dealing with the problem and would excuse himself until he could get his emotions under control. He'd probably sit Galois down with some internet printouts from mental health websites and do a whole debate-style argument on why it needed to stop. But like I said, Galois doesn't think about it that much, and if he did he'd probably just think it was Huginn and Muninn who got upset or something and he was just remembering it weird.

I mean, let's be real, Donnie started saying right away that he had no expectations of walking out of there. The Table was an awful thing to do to someone but it was probably the smartest thing Draxy could have done. He knew Donnie was smart enough that he'd figure out how to get himself out of a cage or any more conventional restraints-maybe he wouldn't be able to free himself, but he could do enough. Donnie started threatening suicide and it just reassured Draxum that he'd made the right decision.

#...i didn't think i had this much to say sorry #doth #doth asks #donatello #baron draxum #splinter #leonardo #i actually don't think i've tagged splinter yet #i am terrible at remembering to tag things

[sixstepsaway]

okay so i want to talk about the toe scene for a sec because a couple of us have been discussing izzy and such on this post and i want to dig deeper into this elsewhere, so it can be avoided if uncomfortable

tw for talk of sexual assault as comparison, and y'know, canon dismemberment

a lot of us like to joke about how izzy was soooo into the toe thing, like clearly this was right up his machoistic little alley, and sure. okay. yeah, i can see that. he looks downright horny when Edward chokeslams him into the wall, he clearly enjoys things like that, so i'm not going to disagree that there was a "i am getting off on this shit" glint in his eye when the toe scene happened, nor am i going to say it wasn't up his alley

but i want to talk a little in depth about the scene and how it was framed and how it was done.

Firstly, I want to stress just how downright nonconsensual the whole business was. If Edward had stormed up to Izzy, wrestled him down onto the nearest piece of furniture, held his foot still and snipped off his toe, that would have been less sa-coded in my eyes.

Instead what we got was Izzy fast asleep, alone in his room, and Edward slipping in during the dead of night to abuse Izzy's body without his consent. He hovers over him, puts it into his mouth, murmurs, "Don't cry, it's just the pinky. Come on, open up your fucking mouth now," and also, "Clean yourself up, come find me."

It's downright creepy and it's deliberately framed that way, but the undertones are also achingly clear there.

Now, if you're able without it being horrifying, imagine if that wasn't a toe, it was a different kind of assault. The framing wouldn't have to be all that different, really. Izzy wouldn't have to be any less dressed. The positions wouldn't have to change all that much. Even the dialogue could have stayed the same, except for the one word of 'pinky' and 'I'll feed you the rest'.

And you can also argue that had Blackbeard slunk in during the night and fucked Izzy, that Izzy would've be really into that, too! And yeah, his half-asleep, fuzzy-brained self might have been into it, and his body might've been into it too.

The issue just continues to be in either case: Izzy couldn't and didn't consent to any of it so it doesn't really matter in the long-term.

If it was sex, we could argue that maybe this was something he used to do with Blackbeard. Maybe they had an agreement already that Ed could slink in during the dead of night for a good time and it was okay. But Izzy seems to have all his toes and other parts of his body, so it's pretty unlikely this is something they've done before.

So instead you have Edward coming into his room in the dark, assaulting him, and Izzy seemingly being into it.

Which...does not really matter.

Either way, after Edward leaves, Izzy is left tidying himself up. He has to sit up, lick his wounds, clean himself up of any blood or mess that was made, in the case of the toe scene bandage himself, and in either case be left with the emotional and psychological aftermath of one hell of an assault.

The adrenaline wears off. The pain kicks in fully. The threat that Edward will come back and do it again hangs over his head. The fact Edward did it to begin with hangs over his head.

You then have shame: shame he pushed Edward so far, shame he made Edward feel he had to do something like that because he threatened him, shame he didn't fight back, possibly shame he enjoyed it in the moment, all intertwined with pain and injury.

And then you have this moment where he's had time to swallow down (no pun intended) all of those things and hobble out to see what other havoc he's caused.

And now he's left with the consequences. He has to handle Fang if he gets upset Lucius is dead, he has to handle Ivan who had integrated nicely into Bonnet's crew, he has to handle Bonnet's crew, he has to handle Jim and Frenchie since Edward has decided to keep them.

All while hobbling and licking the wounds of the trauma he just got put through in the dead of night by the person he trusted most in this god forsaken world and would do anything for if Edward just learned how to ask.

#izzy hands #ofmd #izzy hands meta #our flag means death #i continue to have feelings about this gerbil man

[witchofhimring]

From Green to Blue

Note: old account Blueroses789@ has been shadowbanned and is not in use

Summary:

The reader decides to finally take control of her own life.

Chapter 22: Moving on

Next chapter: tba

Warnings:

Angst

Smut

Mental health crisis

MDNI: 18 plus

It was uncomfortably hot in here. You checked the heater and turned in down. After a while you checked it again. Taking off your sweater you turned on a fan and laid down. Sweat poured down your forehead and still nothing helped. You touched your belly when an abrupt kick was delivered to your belly. You sat up. Oh. Another kick and you knew it was not the imagination. You played your hand and the tiniest little imprint pressed into your palm. Where you truly just doing this for the baby? You knew all feelings for Eren had long since evaporated. Into what, you were not sure. Apathy? Well, who truly knows.

You stood up with some difficulty and walked over to the bed. Staring at the ceiling you remembered all those times you lay there in absolute agony. Maybe it was a relief to finally feel nothing. Surely better then crying and turning into a bitter, vengeful woman just like your mother.

What were you turning into? That had not been decided yet. You had no plans beyond living and having this baby. That was it. You wondered what your mothers plans had been. Had she wanted to achieve something or had her loathing of you consumed her? You had never asked her these questions. She was so closed off to you. What if you became closed off? Would your apathy, if that is what it truly was, harden your heart towards your childs suffering? And what about you. Why was it you who had to suffer like this?! You doubted these past few months had been as horrible for Eren and Hannah as it had been for you.

Sparks of anger bloomed in your chest. This was fucking ridiculous! Why did everyone in your life get a say but you! Why did you let them?! You stood up and started to pace. You had lost so much of yourself due to so many people. You loved to draw and edit stories, when was the last time you had even been able to do that? You couldn't even remember your mother having hobbies. Whether she gave them up or not didn't really matter, because there was one thing you could do now.

The phone rang. You heard your mothers clipped tone on the other end. Your hands shook with the anticipation of what you were about to do. While there had been periods of no contact it had never been like this. Nothing like what you were about to do.

"Mother. I am calling to tell you that I will cease contact with you." "What!?" You could hear her shriek's. But she wasn't here to control you. She was just some bitter old woman living in some rundown apartment in a shitty little town no one cared about. She was nothing. 'You heard me, so please lose my number." And then you hung up. That was it. No final words, heartfelt discussion or reveals. This was it and you were ready to move on.

The emotional drainage came about two hours later after the high wore off. You now were slumped on the couch. Your chest hurt with every beat of the heart. All the lights were turned off, the whirling ceiling fan above being the only noise. You were plunged into complete darkness, which was a blessing. If anything happened to disturb this brief peace.

And then it broke. Eren had finally come home. The sudden hallway light startled you. Blinking all you did was sit there. "Hey." Eren walked towards you, setting his bag down. He takes in your appearance, messy hair, skin off tint, eyes glazed staring ahead. He walked forward and placed a hand on your shoulder.

You snapped. It became too much. You couldn't take it anymore. Tears broke free, months of anger, resentment, pain and stress poured out of you. Eren was trying to say something to you openly sobbed, unable to stop, but you heard nothing. You wanted out of here. This place was full of dark memories and you no longer wanted to be here. Neither did your baby deserve this. A baby deserved to grow up in a warm, safe house. This was not the place.

Eren was kneeling before you. He looked like he wanted to touch you but was hesitant. He waited until the tears subsided. You were still shaking, a hiccup leaving you as your breathing leveled. Cold hands brushed the tears from your eyes in an effort to calm yourself down. "Y/n-" "I can't do this anymore." His mouth opened slightly, just a bit. But nothing came out. Then, he cupped your hands and held them.

"I understand."

Eren called his mother. You had enough money for a hotel but was too tired to reject the offer of Carla's hospitality. Eren helped you pack up. He did nothing to disway you from leaving. Maybe at one time that might have hurt. It certainly did last time. All your bags were at the door. Now all you could do was wait for Carla. You stood by the door while Eren sat on the ground, back pressed against the wall. Your phone rang. "Hello? Hi Carla." You nodded as Carla told you that Zeke and Grisha were going to help you get your things downstairs. You thanked her and hung up. "Alright. Grisha and Zeke will be up in a minute." You made to turn the door nob. "Wait." His voice sounded physically heavy. Like he wanted to get out long held back words. And yet there was fear in his voice, as if these words would hurt him. Last time you left his eyes were a dull forest green. Now they were different. When had they changed? All your memories had Eren with emotionless green eyes that seemed to graze over you. Though as of late you couldn't be sure.

His bright eyes seemed to be looking into your soul. He stood and and walked towards you. Maybe you would have stepped back, but something inside you said "stay". "I am so sorry. For everything." It was like something lifted from your chest. A warmth spread through your body when you realized Eren meant every word. "I know there is nothing I can do to make it up to you. I've been horrible to you and there is no excuse for that. You did nothing to warrant me leaving you like that." You tried not to cry. It was suddenly so easy to breath. But Eren still wasn't done. "I love you. And I don't know if I ever stopped. And I know you once did too. I just want you to know this wasn't your fault and I will no anything to make sure you are happy. So please, do what is best for you."

And with that, you could finally let go of Eren Yeager.

Note: This story is almost done, maybe three more chapters and an epilogue left. This one was fairly short but I am satisfied. It was nice to finally write Y/n finally let go of him. As for readers mother I considered making the interaction far more dramatic. But I felt it would be far more satisfying if Y/n simply brushed her off and left her in the past.

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[nowis-scales]

Takumi Birthday Headcanons

That’s right. I missed last year because of some personal stuff, but now I am back and I am ready to give the littlest Hoshido brother everything he deserves... which is a set of lovely birthday headcanons!

‣ Has a really high pain tolerance, which is about exactly as whumpy as it sounds. If he gets roughed up in battle, he’s not one to legitimately whine about it. He’s very much a grin and bear it person, even if it is seriously putting him behind, which frustrates and upsets Sakura to no end. More than once she has had to explain to unfamiliar healers that just because Takumi is not screaming does not mean that he is not in serious pain. The weirdest part is, it’s not even entirely about his inferiority complex. Like sure, it is partially, but at the same time, he was just always one of those kid who could get beat up and go right back to playing within a few minutes.

‣ You know how you sometimes see an ugly fruit at the store amongst the other pretty ones? Takumi has to buy that fruit because he feels bad for it. In fact, it’s not just fruit. Like, there have been times where he hasn’t done it because he was worried about being judged, but he’s laid awake at night feeling guilty about leaving the fruit there. The fruit didn’t ask to be how it is, how is it fair for everyone to just leave it behind? Certainly he is doing everyone a favour by taking the fruit, especially since people insist that it’s such an eyesore and he shouldn’t want it? He’s quite frustrated that some people just won’t let him love the fruit.

‣ This man is very rigid in and open about his personal ideals. He will commit PVP in the royal court if need be. It’s not like he’s often unprincely about it, but he’s quite outspoken and not afraid to say what he thinks. Due to his affection for philosophy (JPN), he spends a lot of time thinking about how Hoshido and its people should conduct themselves, and tries his best to work to implement these into the mindset of courtiers. This is actually one of the reasons why Ryoma asks him to study government at the end of their support conversations: he genuinely likes hearing about Takumi’s unique perspectives, and likes that what Takumi thinks sometimes challenges what is traditional or what Ryoma himself thinks. Of course, Ryoma probably doesn’t tell him that because he’s allergic to emotional vulnerability and communication, but after awhile, I imagine Takumi probably starts to pick up on it.

‣ A very adept dancer. You know how, at the end of Birthright, Ryoma makes a joke about how Takumi once danced on stage with a bunch of dancers during the last Festival? That’s because Takumi’s got the moves. He might not be able to keep up with Laslow, per se, but he could get pretty damn close. He tends to be able to pick up dances pretty quickly, so even if he were to learn like a Nohrian waltz, it really wouldn’t take him that long at all. Surprisingly, he actually tries to be pretty humble about it. If you throw him on stage like those dancers did, he would be modest at first, but with a little encouragement, he’ll go all out. Nohrian, Hoshidan, Vallite... it doesn’t matter. Once Takumi starts dancing, people cannot help but be taken with him.

‣ Immensely clever, even as a child. His tutors growing up absolutely loved him for his out-of-the-box thinking, and the nursemaids would sometimes set up extra puzzles for him just because he had so much fun solving them. That turned into Ryoma and Hinoka challenging him to shogi, then to extra studying with Yukimura, and... the ball just kept rolling from there. The weird thing about it is that, logistically, Takumi knows he’s smart. He just seems to discount it all the time.

‣ I’ve talked about his big brother and big sister as drunks, and he deserves to be called out for the dweeb he is as well. I think that because he has the swinging pendulum of “I’m the best” and “I’m the worst”, getting drunk gives him a bizarre confidence boost at first. Like he’s ready to be reckless, bouncing off the walls, arm wrestling with people and challenging them to drinking contests and talking about his battle conquests... but the longer being drunk goes on, the more he gets quieter and more introverted, until eventually you could probably put a drunk Takumi off to bed with no trouble.

‣ Has this weird, dad-shaped hole in his heart and he’s not really what sure what to do about it. In the Japanese version of the game, it mentions that Takumi doesn’t really remember Corrin, which... also means that he probably doesn’t remember Sumeragi all that well, either. As a result, he ends up being a bit more of a concept to Takumi than he is a person, although he does like to think about what life would be like if Sumeragi were still around. Most of the time, he pictures the interactions as rather happy and warm, but when the self-esteem issues start getting to him, all he can think about is once again finding a way to be in his big brother’s shadow.

‣ I’m pretty sure this is just popular fanon at this point, but when it came to Mikoto, he was probably the biggest Mama’s Boy. Definitely not in unhealthy territory or anything, but he loved Mikoto with all his heart. Apart from Sakura, he is probably the person he trusted the most in the world. She could do almost no wrong in his eyes, and he grew very upset when people tried to criticize her (considering she was an easy target as a foreign woman). Though she led a busy life, she always made time for him and told him how much she cared. He appreciated that more than words could say. While it is true to say that at times he felt like a replacement for Corrin, he empathized deeply with her agony and did everything he could to ease that pain. It hit him incredibly hard when she died.

‣ Still has a few of his old dolls and takes good care of them. They’re not loved in the same way that Sakura’s are, but he definitely has put them aside and keeps them free of dust and grime. They are also 100% hid out of view of others, because if the servants gossiped about him having a doll he would literally die, but he still makes sure they see some light. He’d never admit it, but sometimes when he’s particularly upset, he take one out to just hold onto for a few minutes. It gives a bit of comfort in reminding him of his childhood.

‣ The most fashionable of the royal children… and Oboro only has a little to do with it. In fact, I think his fashion sense is likely to be one of the reasons she likes him so much. For whatever reason, he’s always just had an eye for things that go well together. Sakura has more than once been stressed about the banquets they must attend as royals, worrying that she will look bad in her kimono, but Takumi is able to console her with a few words. They’ve put you in a blue kimono with doves on it? Well, you look good in blue and doves symbolize peace, it sounds adorable. Conversely, he’s also able to tell when someone is badly dressed. Which, as you can imagine, means that he has seen his older siblings dress themselves, and immediately gone, “Oh gods no, you have it all wrong. Let me help you.”

#LISTEN I'M A FEW MINUTES LATE BUT I DIDN'T FORGET!! #fe headcanons #fire emblem fates #fire emblem #fire emblem takumi #hoshido #fe takumi #FE 14 #fe 14 takumi #happy birthday takumi!!

[firstkanaphans]

hii, how you doing? i hope you're well! i'd like to ask for some advice as a writer... how to get past the embarrassment of posting a fic with smut... 😭 maybe i'm just silly but woah i feel so shy about it but it's really something i've been considering but i still haven't found in me to take that step yet so if you had some advice i would really appreciate it

Hiii!!! I’m just coming off of a four-day weekend, so right now I’m going great! Thank you for asking. And of course I would be happy to help! 💛

So, just a little background about me: I didn’t publish my first explicit fic until the week I graduated college—and the fact that I remember the date so precisely is probably proof enough that it was a rather nerve-wracking experience for me. Even then, the only reason I started writing smut in the first place was because I was in a fandom where if you wanted your fics to get read, they pretty much had to be explicit. Luckily, BL fandoms don’t really seem to have a bias either way (at least as far as I can tell). In fact, in my experience, non-explicit fics actually seem to fare a bit better. Just as an example, my two mature-rated fics, Divine Intervention and Alone with You, both have the most kudos out of any fic in their respective fandoms. I know that sounds like a humble brag, but the point I’m trying to make is that you don’t need to write explicit fic if you don’t want to.

But if you do…

Obviously, everyone’s relationship to sex and sexual content is going to differ and as an asexual lesbian, I’m pretty lucky to have a bit of a detachment from the things I am writing about. Akk and Ayan are attractive, but I am not attracted to them. Their sexual experiences look vastly different than mine. I think that makes it easier. The fics I get the most nervous to post are the ones where I, personally, feel titillated by the subject matter. I’ve written exactly one explicit wlw fic in my life and it was so immensely embarrassing I swore I would never do it again.

Now obviously, if you aren’t ace or you are sexually attracted to the characters you’re writing, that’s not really something you can change. But it’s strangely liberating in a way to know that that anxiety is literally all in your head. What was the difference between the one wlw fic I wrote and the literal dozens of mlm fic I write every day? Nothing except my relationship to it.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that no one is going to be analyzing your smut as deeply as you think they are. And although it sometimes feels like you’re baring your soul as a writer, readers are smart enough to understand that just because a character does something doesn’t mean that the writer does that thing too. Because, spoiler alert, I’ve never once had sex with a penis but I write about it A LOT. In fact, I think readers are generally more forgiving of poorly-written smut than they are poorly-written anything else.

A few craft tips that might help you out:

Focus more on what the characters are feeling than what is physically happening. You don’t need to tell me where everyone’s hands are at all times. The reader’s imagination is perfectly capable of filling in those blanks. Ground the scene in emotion instead.

Don’t be afraid to use the word “cock.”

Write a few scenes just for you without the intention of publishing them. You’d be surprised at how well you can write when you take away the threat of other people seeing it.

If you have a fandom friend that would be willing to read a draft of your explicit scenes beforehand, I highly recommend that. (Or, hell, I can do it!) Sometimes just having an extra set of eyes on something will help with your nerves.

And like anything, it’s gonna get easier. I absolutely love writing smut now. It’s calming for me. When I was trying to write original fiction for publication, it pained me to not be able to write explicit sex scenes because for allosexual characters, sex is an important part of a relationship and not being able to show it feels like you’re only getting half of the story. That’s why directors like P’Jojo will always have my whole heart. They get it. Showing queer sex on screen is important.

I hope this helps you at least a little bit! Happy writing!!

#asks #writing advice

[ina-nis]

Today is one of those days that are specially hard to go through alone so... I've been crying and trying to find comfort however I can... but mostly crying.

This is really painful and I'm quite literally too exhausted to fight loneliness or even distract myself for long enough - and no, all the good things don't really help, as they do not address loneliness.

Time and again, in days like today, I get angry at myself for being so stubborn, so unyielding. Whenever I do think about giving up (no dying, just giving up on trying to address this) it makes me cry so hard, as if there were something inside of me fighting to keep going.

I hate this.

I don't want to think about this anymore, I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to love, I don't want to date anyone, I just want it to be gone so I can try and live my life, and maybe get some enjoyment from all other things that make me happy (that get absolutely drowned by all this noise).

But I can't help it, of course I can't!

I obsess and obsess and obsess because that's what I do best! And now I actually know why that happens so I can at least sleep at night knowing it's not my fault.

"Hey, you've done enough. You tried the best you could and you did a good job. You can rest now, you can stop, it's alright. It's okay for you to stop."

I wish someone would tell me this.

Telling this myself does nothing.

New therapist mentioned something about finding a middle-ground but I'm way too exhausted to even try anything anymore.

People drain me and I feel sick to my stomach. These feelings hurt and, to make matters worse, my brain gets absolutely sucked up in so I'm left pretty much helpless to stop for long enough - it always come back, because the main issue remains the same.

When I stop to think about why I can't give up, there's 2 things I see: absolutely terrible people or very dysfunctional ones able to develop and maintain relationships despite it all, so I think "if they can do it like that, how could I not? When I'm actually putting so much effort and money into addressing my issues for the sake of myself and others."

The other thing is because I am able to love at all, although unrequited so far, I am able to experience this big scope of emotions that come with romantic love and more.

I guess one of the main steps into "moving on" from these feelings, from what I've seen, is to move away from love and love-related things, away from romance and so on. It makes sense because they are "triggers" for me.

I was met with an issue though...

A lot of my life and identity revolves around love.

When I embraced my natural eroticism and inclinations, was when I really started recognizing and liking myself.

Romance is a big part of who I am as an individual, independent of others, because I can experience romance by myself.

I cannot imagine a life without these things.

That's probably why I was never able to truly "kill" my feelings, I was never able to move on from them or completely bury them in the back of my mind.

I was never able to come to hate people despite the fact that I tried so hard, for so many years, to become a misanthrope.

I love them, I can't help but love them. Because I love myself I am able to love others too, because I see some of myself in them, and there's some things of theirs in me, too.

So my wish is to be done with feelings that are fundamental to me.

To wish them away is the same as wishing my own life away.

Isn't that ironic coming from someone who is chronically suicidal?

#inanis post #loneliness #romantic love #ocd

[athena5898]

My anger is valid

I'm a social media manager and i've been tasked with making a post for Trans Day of Remembrance but here is the thing

I hate that day

Now that might seem strange, how can you hate such an important day? Well, that's part of it, I hate it because it's important. However, the real reason why I hate it is because it feels like my emotions are not acceptable

Anger

Rage

Pain

Those are the first three things that come to my mind when I think of that day, and out of all of those three only one of them is acceptable ways of mourning.

I fucking hate that

It just tells me how much it's be co-oped. Cause let's be honest, there isn't a fucking trans person out there who isn't remembering those we have lost every single fucking day.

This is a "holiday" for the cis hets. I imagine it's supposed to be a day that we rub their nose in our pain, but they get off on it. Instead, it's a day where the allies can come around and pat us on the back and tell us how sad they are this keeps happening, then turn around and ignore us again when we tell them the fascist bullet is coming.

This "holiday" is about us being presentable. Because the idea of being angry...well that's not "decent" it isn't "palatable". The only thing this day reminds me of is that I'm not allowed to be angry not even to some other trans people.

Fuck that. Fuck all of that.

This is the post that will never make it to the front page

this is the post I'll never be able to share on our pages

Fuck the fascist, fuck those fucking allies who tell us they are on our side and then do jack fucking shit but tell us to go fucking vote. Fuck the trans people who tell us that we just need to be more presentable, that we just need to transition correctly then we will be accepted.

Fuck these fucking assholes who killed our friends and family. Fuck those fucking parents who killed their children by denying them care. Fuck those fucking assholes who put Stonewall on their lips when it suits them but then turn around and curl their tail and tattle to cops when a trans person makes them uncomfortable with their anger.

Fuck this pain, fuck living in a world where I have to worry every day that it'll be my friend next. It'll be one of my siblings that I learned killed themselves this time. Fuck me for never knowing what to say when it happens to someone else. Fuck the damn fucking tears that stream down my face as I type this. I'm tired of the pain, I'm tired of fear, I'm tired of being told "No now it's the time for anger' IF NOT NOW THEN WHEN? WHEN IS MY RAGE OKAY?

it never is and it never will be

but all I have to say to that is get fucking used to it MY RAGE ISN'T GOING AWAY

and neither am I

[ladyanetta]

On behalf of my trans family

**warning: angry swearing and some not so great comments. No apologies in advance, Thank you**

As a trans woman, growing up where I'm from has been pretty rough. To an extent, all of us can relate to dealing with that rough upbringing, but it can be unique as a trans individual. Honestly, I don't feel the need to go over the pain, the hurt, the struggles and the fight of the trans and gender-nonconforming persons. You all have heard about that before, we've been speaking about this for as long as I could remember, and more! Some of you just don't care, just don't want to care, or just need to be wrong every single time. So let's forget about our sadness for a moment, and have a taste of my anger.

FUCK all this shit and FUCK those responsible and aiding in this ridiculous transphobic shit!!!!......

Oh, I'm not done. See I was thinking about ending it there, short, sweet and to the point. But I'm going to say more, because I can. Fuck the idiots that make me feel like trash for being trans. fuck the person that called me a girl as an insult, you guys really don't like women and girls or see them as people, yikes (also ass wipe, yes I was a girl, and I am a woman 💗). Fuck the trans jokes, these transphobic dummies use and get mad if you tell them they're not special, or different, someone lied to them several times. Fuck the people that wish trans folks harm, I hope you fall and spill all your food multiple times, because unlike you, I see no need to wish death on a stranger nobody. Fuck the persons on their forums picking at the looks of trans people, you're sad.....like really sad. Imagine telling someone your hobbies is bullying people online.....YOU SPEND TIME ONLINE CALLING OTHERS NAMES, sad. Do you have a life, family, friends you could talk to, so you get some air? Sorry, I just find that situation fucking weird, should really think about it for a bit, like for real. Oh, fuck the collection of shit stained underwear that actually go out into the world and do harm to trans persons, what the fuck is wrong with you! Are you really serious about life, how the hell take someone's life and feel great that your only reason is because....' I don't like them'? FOR REAL!!! that's it? I don't like frogs, but I don't go kill a bunch of them. I know it's not the same thing as transphobia, but is it really..... I would advise looking up what a phobia is and the symptoms, It might surprise you. Fuck the people that promote a standard to being transgender as if it's a job offer and not someone's life, fuck fools. You know, the idiots that do that shit ; 'you have to be absolutely binary, you need to have surgery, you need to be diagnosed, you need to try'. Not everyone wants to do those things, and that's fine. My gosh, there is so much more fuck you's I want to say, but I'll cap my anger off by saying these fuck you. Fuck myself for my transphobic shit, for my internalized idiot actions that hurt others. Fuck the fact I saw myself as not valid, and not deserving of better, not deserving of love. Fuck not being able to exist truthfully and without fear meanwhile hearing people in power pretend there is no problem at all, it's all fine. We're doing the right thing, this is good, this is fine. Lastly, fuck this society, you know what you've done.

It is hard not to get angry, not to be mad when you live in a world like ours. It sucks, and it should be normal to say fuck this shit. To me, anger is an emotion valid in its own way to feel, to have, especially when people like you don't get to live often. I could go on about my anger, but I think it's just ash now. We really have a lot to do, I really have a lot to say, but I think that's enough, I should rest. Take some time, have some trans joy......

With love and anger, Alix Anetta A

#transgender #lgbtq #queer #leftist #trans writers #trans anger

[spectrumsistersblog]

Spectrum Sister here (if you hadn’t already guessed) and I’m ready to open up my mind an put all things Autistic, ADHD, mental illness and chronic illness OUT THERE!

That’s right, I am an Autistic ADHD’er with mental health issues, Fibromyalgia and Joint hyper mobility syndrome. My disabilities are as invisible as they get, but I’m here to MAKE you see them for what they are. The good, the bad and the extremely uncomfortably UGLY!

Now firstly, Let me introduce myself a little bit more formally before I start, my name is JD, I’m 35yrs old, born and raised south Londoner who is also a single mother to a gorgeous 11yr old boy. I was late diagnosed ADHD at the age of 34 and Autistic at the age of 35 and due to the lateness of my diagnoses I’m sure you can imagine my life has been a bit of a BLEEPING mess, hence the development of mental health issues in my teens that I’ve carried with me ever since.

Saying all this, Im not one to throw a pity party, so let’s get that out the way. I’m here to tell it how it is, straight forward with honesty and facts. The doom and gloom, but also the funny and quirky side of life too, because you can’t get one without the other. To truly embrace and appreciate happiness, one must also know the feeling of true sadness. So I’m here to feed you it all, in true Virgo style ♍️

Just to get you up to speed I’ll explain a little about each condition I have been diagnosed with:

Autism

Autism is a spectrum condition which effects people in different ways. It effects our social interaction and communication skills, can inflict repetitive and restrictive behaviours, cause over OR under sensitivity to light, sound, taste or touch, can cause extreme anxiety, melt downs and shutdowns and also highly focused interests and hobbies.

ADHD

ADHD is a disorder which affects peoples behaviour. People with ADHD have issues with executive functioning, concentration & focus, and also impulse control. There is ALOT more to it and I intend to go into more detail in future blogs.

EUPD

EUPD – Emotionally unstable personality disorder (formerly known as Borderline personality disorder) is a mental health condition that affects how you think, feel and interact with others. One major symptom the sufferer experiences is being emotionally unstable. Intense emotions, ranging from highs to lows, which can change rapidly throughout a single day.

FIBROMYALGIA

Fibromyalgia syndrome (FMS) – Fibromyalgia is a chronic (long term) condition that causes pain all over the body. As well as the widespread pain it also causes increased sensitivity to touch and pain, muscle stiffness, insomnia & Fatigue, issues with mental processing and concentration (fibro fog), irritable bowel syndrome, headaches and depression.

JOINT HYPERMOBILITY

Joint hypermobility syndrome – JHS is where your joints are extra flexible and move beyond the range that they are suppose to. This causes pain, stiffness and unstable joints. The joints and the tissue within in them are loose because they are weak. This also means increased danger of seriously injuring, spraining or dislocating your joints.

And there you have it, my wonderful array of chronic conditions and disabilities 😃

Now I do intend to go into a lot more detail in future posts and blogs, so look out for those if you want to learn more about each condition, purely for educational purposes or wether you may think you have one of them yourself.

For my fellow Spectrum family and Fibro Family, you may know an awful lot about these conditions already, so I definitely will have posts coming that I’m sure you will be able to relate to.

If you made this far then I greatly appreciate you…..also heres little embarrassing golden nugget of information for you, I was finishing this post off on the toilet, however my lower legs went numb and as I went to stand up I nearly face planted the door because I couldn’t feel my legs. I then had to grab my toilet frame (mobility aid) and drop myself back onto the toilet seat and wait here for a good 5 minutes until the feeling came back to my legs and feet 😩😂 Oh what a life eh! At least you weren’t all here to see it, that I am greatful for haha!

Anyways, got to love you and leave you (anyone else’s aunties use to say this every time they left your house?) and until next time, keep my legs in your prayers.

Air kisses

Your Spectrum Sister 🪩

#actually adhd #actually autistic #actually borderline #chronic pain #chronic illness

[caatws]

I just want to say thank you for pointing out that open ended canon doesn't make up for major skipping of on screen character development, especially when women and poc are involved. Same with other groups who don't always have consistent treatment in film or TV or real life. I love headcanons and playing with concepts but I don't want to have to fill in huge gaping hole sized gaps all the damn time for the same characters who just so happen to fall into a specific demographic. At some point it's no longer a coincidence.

I don't want to be told well there wasn't time for Gamora to get a funeral or have her emotions around being in the future explored and it's okay because I'm sure it happened and we can just imagine everyone cared. How about no. How about if Yondu can get a funeral, a flashback in the holiday special and a quick spiritual glimpse in vol 3, they could do much better by Gamora. If they had used her coming to the future as a way to have a new life with the guardians and new bonds I'd be more okay with it. James Gunn didn't do that though. He had her get a new family we never see developed and then have her old family a stupid mix of "I'm losing my mind" (Peter) and "lol whose Gamora we don't know her"(everyone else). With Nebula and her having a decent groove and being sisters but we don't know how that's been going. The whole thing is painful to me.

so true anon!! like the way women and poc are dismissed and treated irl has always informed their less than great treatment in film and tv more often than not, and when we see it happen, we should be able to call it out and dissect it and feel our feelings about it together. at the end of the day, gunn still writes from his white male pov (which i think everyone can agree has been blatantly obvious since vol 1), and it may result in some female, bipoc, and especially woc characters getting left behind in the end, intentionally or not.

i'm RLY glad you brought up yondu bc i hadn't even thought of those points before but YOU ARE SO RIGHT. yondu has gotten these incredible, impactful moments after his death that have been cool and all, but it's weird that someone who ultimately still treated peter so badly (despite loving him) and didn't have much of a relationship with the rest of the gotg besides rocket has been given a better onscreen legacy than someone who loved peter and the entire team so fully and unconditionally all along. even to her last breath, gamora was doing whatever she could, even if it meant killing herself, to try to protect them all, and the whole universe too, and then that's just...the last we see of her? ever? dead, at the bottom of the fridging cliff?

and yeah you pretty much summed up every character's attitude toward her in vol 3 lmaooo. like honestly if i were peter maybe i'd want to leave everyone at the end of vol 3 too, after being the only one made out to be grieving original gamora while everyone else is just chilling. like i think i would've been driven to a breaking point with that dynamic, Actually

and again, mcu CANON has been giving us all this stuff abt variant characters for years now, essentially treating them as all separate characters rather than the same, interchangeable individual just with different memories, so like. what am i supposed to do with all these "no it's still gamora she just doesn't remember us so it's fine" comments in the context of the mcu multiverse rules lol

#ask #gamora #mcu #gotg vol 3 spoilers #the gamora situation