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#am i tripping on acid rn
seasaltbaptism · 1 year
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not trying to sound …….high on myself but if the tik tok book and movie recommenders ever had 4 nights in my dreamscape they’d go nuts,
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doriandistortion · 6 months
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I’m so tired of dealing with adhd. People without adhd never fully grasp how much it affects your life. I am SUFFERING and no one ever takes it seriously.
I’ve heard people describe it as if your head is just SWARMING with Yellowjackets all the time. I’ve also heard it described as feeling like an overloaded operating system which is extremely accurate. I can’t think and it’s so hard talking to people because my mind is always running and It just won’t be quiet so I can’t make out what I wanted to say as if I’m trying to talk to someone at a normal volume at a loud concert. It feels like a horrible acid trip where nothing makes sense or an intense manic episode that won’t go away ever.
My memory has gotten so much worse also. I’m not sure if that’s completely caused by my adhd but it’s definitely part of the problem. I don’t even know if what I’m writing makes sense right now because it’s flaring up quite a bit rn which is why I’m writing this in the first place and I probably have a lot more to say but I just can’t think right now so idk
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thequibblah · 1 year
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6 for wtrf and your 37 please bestieeeee xoxo
6. What’s one fact about the universe of [insert fic] that you didn’t get a chance to mention in the fic itself?
god. you'd better believe i have some stupid facts lined up for forthcoming instalments of this series — i am, after all, the person who made up enough new british/irish quidditch teams for the quidditch league to be comparable to the premier league, and because we never create work for our future selves and instead immediately tackle it all, i looked at google maps, picked stadium locations, and named said stadiums as well, and then also did that for european clubs, sampler below. no prizes for guessing which names are canon (alliteration) and which are made up by me (european football watcher, recovering)
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some of these are low effort (cough juventus) and others like the munich and madrid ones definitely involved some research but rn just looking at it i could NOT tell u why i picked those names. cheers
anyway this is definitely going to pop up in the fic eventually anyway, but i couldn't resist an opportunity to whip out ye olde spreadsheet, so
37. Promote one of your own “deep cut” fics (an underrated one, or one that never got as much traction as you think it deserves!). What do you like about it?
gonna go with acid trips, a miss withnoi bday gift! i am always like [woozy emoji] about mostly plotless oneshots and i think i myself did not reread it after i wrote it because i was like oh no what have i done this is SANS PLOT but. you know what. i just reread it and 1. i do actually really like the prose — it's atmospheric and emotion-heavy without (i think!!) being over the top, and i like Small Conflict. i don't often write fic about what happens after they get together, and i like that this is established relationship but also about like... the communication hiccups and stages of limbo that make reading romance so deliciously fun, which don't go away after two people start dating! i enjoy that!
ask me these!
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femmesolpoetry · 2 years
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Survival Rituals | NSFW Poem
TW: Allusions/Reference to SA/DV, Ab*se, Dysphoria
I survive the suburbian nightmare trauma response,
Cyclical tailgating by warmachines with big men,
Who lower glass partitions to spit milky acid on me,
Allowing sunlight to evaporate it into my memory. 
I survive the weekend day off dinner with a man,
Males call me infested and hail Leviticus fists,
Eyes and stomachs synchronously vomiting hate,
Preaching to me that Matthew Shepard deserved it.
I survive the public bathroom at a coffee shop,
Scanning the stall for another “Sissy” and “F*ggot”,
Seeing my name scratched under “He/She Tr*nny”,
Recoiling into my shell to serve you a frappuccino. 
I survive the trip to the shower every other night,
Granting myself a break from turning into Medusa,
Shattering like porcelain as I peek a quick glance,
Mapping burgeoning hair as it invades my species.
I survive the semi-annual shopping privilege,
Where rare tip jar money affords a new pair of —?
Stuffing and tucking and plucking and covering,
Hoping a Hot Topic T doesnt = Hot Bullet Casing.
I survive the notifications on my cell phone,
Smart enough to remind me of the hate it collects,
Seeing queer survivors subverted into viral memes,
Frightening me to never ever wear the color pink.
I survive the anxious visit to the doctor’s office,
Where he asks me if my back pain could be AIDS,
Sitting in the waiting room to be CIA interviewed,
It is “She” till I say “I like He” which is diseased. 
I survive the staircase within my own house,
Watching Mommy watch HGTV on a 72 inch,
My existence less important than Candy Crush,
As Dad snores, too bored to care if I deserve rights.
I survive driving my brother home from school,
Halloween costumes invite laughter and a**ault,
Fingers manically impaling r*pe survivor flesh,
My protest says I should not have worn bunny ears.
I survive the older men who r*ped me at 19,18,15,
Offering me pleasure as long as I would be silent,
Crowds of WeHo sod*mites who label youth kindly,
My nickname tramp-stamp reads “Fresh Meat”.
I survive Christians outing me to my school,
Calling me satanic corruption to all happy families,
Forgetting I was 13 and liked to watch cringy p*rn,
And their son took my phone from my back pocket.
I survive little league baseball team dugouts,
A pitched third strike out ignited teammate threats,
Metal bats struck fences struck helmets struck shins,
Older male coaches catcalling me a lil’ Momma’s Boy.
I survive my dad telling me I was adopted,
Before shipping me off to hard earned university,
Hoping childhood trauma he bestowed is forgotten,
Leaving a bitter taste of c*m to suffice as answers. 
I survive being the gay best friend to a white lady,
Despite me being transnonbinary being known,
I am martyred as the liaison between two poles,
Of abusive f*ckboys and girls with low standards.
I survive my own confusion of who I am and was,
Balancing the beam of dead thing and living freak,
Caressing my own thighs covered in scratch marks,
Wishing an orgasm reminds me I am an organism.
I survive the fear of being buried in my deadname,
Panicking when I walk alone at night to my car,
Convincing myself that my height will scare them,
And that my dress will not become my noose.
I survive the darkest hours alert and awake, 
Fighting a ceaseless night in hopes to rest soon,
Awaiting Her nectarine to grace my windowsill,
With heavens divine signal that sleep will be safe.
I survive as a statistic praying I become a human,
Floating in a sea of ignorance locked arms with you,
Quietly writing the poems I never got to study,
An exemplary American poet who overcame. 
Who was lucky enough to survive this struggle.
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monapearlquo · 2 years
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Heyyy, for the book ask :)
7, 9, 14, 23, 24, 29, 31, 41, 46, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 62, 76, 88, 93, 97, 104, 114, 122, 125, 126
aww thanks!
7. A Book You Did Not Finish
I haven't DNFed a book in while because I am very picky with what I read, but one that comes to mind was this God awful book called "Awake" by Natasha Preston. I thought it was gonna be a mystery book because of the blurb, but instead it was just a wattpad style straight romance that made me want to die.
9. Your favorite book of 2020
I'll have to go with "Frankenstein" by Mary Shelley. I ADORE that book!
14. A book that made you trip on literary acid
This may sound like a weird choice, but it's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" for me. Maybe it’s due to the circumstances in which I first watched the movie (basically high on sugar and at 3am), but the book was just... weird.
23. A book that is currently on your TBR
"The Night Circus" by Erin Morgenstern. It's the favorite book of a friend.
24. A book on your nightstand.
"Great Goddesses" by Nikita Gill (the author is my favorite poet)
29. Your favorite YA novel.
"The Hate U Give" by Angie Thomas. 11/10 stars.
31. A book that mentions a name in the title.
"My Lady Jane" by Cynthia Hand (and other people). Hilarious story. I probably won’t like it as much the next time I read it, but I loved it in 2019, and that’s what matters i guess lol.
41. A book about nature
*squints* Well, I am no nature-expert but... Are dolphins a part of nature? If so, "Island of the Blue Dolphins" by Scott O'Dell
46. A book with a brown cover
Well, it's not entirely brown, but it mostly is, so I submit my copy of Shakespeare's "Macbeth". Best Shakespeare book I've read.
48. Your favorite sci-fi novel
I am ashamed to say that the only scifi novel I own and have read is "Winter's Orbit" by Everina Maxwell
49. A book featuring the bed-sharing trope
Lmfao of course I would use this book for THIS question - "Six of Crows" by Leigh Bardugo, aka my favorite book rn
50. A book that made you cry a LOT
"All Quiet on the Western Front" by Erich Maria Remarque. It is one of my alltime favorite classics.
51. A book that you found underwhelming
"Normal People" by Sally Rooney. I hate this book. Both so fucking pretentious and yet boringly unreal. Like... what do people see in this book? Do they like it just because it’s a “sad” book? Like, I believe in “to each their own” but still...
52. A popular book/series you love.
The Grishaverse. Favorite series ever
62. A book with a forgettable plot but amazing characters
“Crier's War” by Nina Varela
76. A book with a golden/silver cover.
Would one consider "King of Scars" by Leigh Bardugo a gold cover? Yes.
88. A book that made you angry.
"Just So Stories" by whatever that dead racist is called. I was assigned to read it in school, and I was SO furious the entire time, it is so fucking racist, omg, please bombard this book with 1 star ratings because it has a 4.08 star rating on goodreads and like WHY? IT IS SO EVIL!
93. A book featuring an unreliable narrator.
I was about to say a certain Agatha Christie book, but I feel like that just spoils the murderer, so I'll say "We Were Liars" by E. Lockhart. Honestly it isn't a great book, I literally read it because I saw a page of it on pinterest and thought it was cool, but it was just... All right?
97. A book with a hospital setting.
The only book I know that has anything to do with hospitals is "The Fault in our Stars", but I would not recommend that.
104. A fluffy, sweet read.
I don't read much fluffy stuff outside of fanfiction, but let's see *searchs room* "Heartstopper" by Alice Oseman (tho there are serious topics in it)
114. Your favorite chick lit novel.
What does this mean.
Um, I'm just gonna say "One Last Stop" by Casey McQuiston. It's kind of like what Google says this genre is I guess?
122. Your favorite winter read.
This has nothing to do with winter, but I have reread it several times during winter so... "The Chosen" by Chaim Potak.
125. Your favorite autumn read.
Probably "Anne of Green Gables", I was raised on the Megan Follows movie (and the book itself of course), so...
126. Your favorite spring read.
Here's a childhood favorite that I for some reason usually only read in spring: "A Hidden Magic" by Vivian Vande Velde. It's a children's book, not that long, but it's amazing, and I love it!!
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allweknowisnow · 2 years
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OK BUT HAVE Y'ALL SEEN GERARD'S OUTFIT WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK
He's covered in blood.
Also did y'all notice the Facebook logo on his mask like? What u tryin to say Gee?
No but I can't tell you enough how crazy it is for me to see all these MCR shenanigans happening in realtime like it's insane.
It's like im on an acid trip or something
Also Im on holiday rn so rip my wifi but wow
No but I wasn't a fan back when they were active bc I was you know... a literal child back then but I am SO GLAD that I get to be a part of it for real this time around.
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meltdownchromium · 2 years
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I am now finally starting to read UtE and like the annoying little tumblr blogger I am I'm gonna semi liveblog this acid trip.
Rn I'm at chapter 4 and.... actually quite like it so far? Still having some trouble keeping up bc I skipped the last book but I'm getting there.
Anyway, current state of things: Valkyrie's gone batshit (fair enough), Skug's just tagging along (Ok I guess), LOVE China leading another resistance, Roarhaven's fucked and under fascistic dictatorship so that's fun - all in all, nice setup, I'm intrigued
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abrthephantomq · 21 days
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Sooo like...... months ago, I started fucking around with painting.
(bare with me a minute here - wait is that the right bear? Fuck.... Anyways, we're on acid rn and this painting was one we finished while tripping but originally had started it while sober)
Originally it was I had wanted to learn how to like, legit paint things and techniques and blah blah blah.
Clearly that was not what I felt in my soul to do, so.
This messy bullshit is what you get.
Also, the fun thing about being a DID system is that I'm going to fucking question ALL OF THIS LATER and I'll probs be like what the fuck I don't remember posting this (because YOU won't, motherfucker, you decided to take half a gummy on top of everything 💀) hi Alex. (Hi Steven). (This is extra funny because Steven is totally not the motherfucker, the motherfucker is Cas, but, y'know. They'll figure that out eventually)
Or something .
The point is, I'm fucking high. My child isn't home so this is one of a few times a year I can really fucking let go of all the bullshit that's happening in the world and just....create.
"The opposite of war isn't peace, it's creation."
Well damn thank you Rent for living rent free (lol) in my head b/c we miss Melissa.
Mel's birthday is coming up on the 17th, and she would have been 36.
She died at the age of 24. I was 25 a month later.
I miss her every day but I want to reread House of Leaves. It was THE book for me. A mixture of physical art (print book with the different colors and weird ass pages and shit) and an actually intense, just edging on the short of nightmareish and creepy pasta. Like the line of it. just creepy pasta, but make it art.
That's the kinda book I want to write. And I want it to be about my fucking self because fuck you, I may have main character syndrome but I write my own story. You gave me the bare vibes to work with in the colors.
I get to fucking choose how much of each color is present in the artwork and it can be this random mess of colors or I can do something as simple as this:
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Like, am I GOOD?
Nah. I'm fucking terrible at it.
But I'm learning and playing around and having fun, so.
I'll. Figure it out. At some point.
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snekdood · 5 months
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thinkin about a post i saw earlier of someone saying they get really weak when they go vegan... my friend, you are doing everything wrong if that's the case. aside from whatever health issues you may have that prevents you (i've yet to actually hear of any specific health issues that prevent someone from going vegan, maybe being allergic to legumes and soy? or an allergy to nuts etc.? otherwise... i remain kinda skeptical when someone says this, I often feel like ppl say this so they dont have to keep thinking about it), there's lot of things to consider when going vegan and its really important to talk to a nutritionist if you can before you do it.
some things to consider:
you will need to find a source of iron. theres plenty of veggies when eaten in high enough quantities that will provide iron (spinach, an obv choice). it's also wild to assume that you're supposed to get iron from ONE source of food, ideally you eat multiple things throughout the day that have an ok amount of iron that when added up over the day = the daily value you need, you dont need one big block of iron rich food to get all of your iron (and this goes for all food honestly, no reason you need to get all of your nutrients from one food per se. I dont think convenience should ever really be favored over whats ethical)
you'll need a source of omega vitamins. typically this can be found in seaweed, seeds or nuts, but ultimately it might be easier to just buy some supplements (if ur like me and dont like eating nuts a lot :/)
you'll need a way to get vitamin K2, I trust that you're able to do your own research enough to know where to find it, for now I'll tell you it can easily be obtained from saurkraut, natto, kimchi, and dandelions
there are multiple types of protein. this is probably whats tripping you up if you've already covered everything else. these proteins, or more specifically amino acids, are: histidine, isoleucine, leucine, lysine, methionine, phenylalanine, threonine, tryptophan, and valine. you will need to eat complete proteins that have all of these covered, which is why often people tell you to pair rice with beans since together they are a complete protein. there used to be a website I knew of that listed the different sources of each amino acid, but if you're up to it (im not rn) id suggest looking each amino acid up and finding what food sources have them in it, you'll likely find that multiple amino acids are in one food and that another food has the rest of the amino acids- combined they make a complete protein. oh and also there are some protein powders out there that have all of the amino acids you need, so i'd suggest searching those out (make sure to look at the nutrition info, I used garden of life protein powder) bc you can easily dump that in a smoothie and there ya go.
the problem with going vegan isn't not getting enough nutrients typically, it's that it can be very hard and costly to buy everything you need. it's likely not that you CANT go vegan (unless you have specific allergies or something) just that you were never taught the best way on how to. it all boils down to nutrition, and if you're able to get all these nutrients locked down and be consistent about eating all the nutrients you need, you'll likely not have any issues being vegan, if you do that's something to bring up to a nutritionist, because vegan diets are healthy insofar as you can get all the nutrients you need, and some of us are too poor to consistently be able to buy all these different things. in that case, i'd suggest being a "reducetarian" (thats basically what I am, i'm vegan philosophically and would be more vegan if I had the cash...), rely on vegan alternatives but eat eggs or something here n there if necessary. what I do know is most people dont need to eat meat consistently every day and distrust anyone who tells you otherwise, quite frankly. eating it 2-3 times a week is sufficient from what I've read.
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twinstarlovers · 1 year
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Hi Mamo 👋🏼🥹💗. It’s been a minute :( how you’ve been?? 🤔 oh frrr?? Ooooo true true 👌🏼. I’ve been thinking about you & have been really emotional I miss you. It’s Mercury retrograde & then the new moon eclipse & shit. I was like:
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Life has been super interesting lately. Still healing & shit but I’ve been okay. I’m in a rela & I kinda moved in w man’s 😬. Im hip it’s crazy out here, the universe wild af but it’s all for you, us. When I left I had a dream of you walking w a heart locket 🥺. The universe is weird because sometimes when I talk to the guy, I hear your voice like it’s actually creepy af & sometimes I would see your face & shit like omg. You know ngl being in this rela makes me lose hope in us being together soon because it feels so stable & shit but the universe is unexpected & I have been healing quickly which means maybe the purpose of this will soon be over w. I was very emotional yesterday over you yesterday & it was the new moon so makes sense but I think it was to remind me of you cus I’ve been present af. I think you are missing me but also I think it was reminding me of my purpose & shit. Idk but you already know it’s us forever 🪐. Soon soon soon. Buttt hey I tried acid for the first time last weekend. It was soooo intense, very spiritual experience. Was connecting w the trees. I saw people in the trees & shit. It was like a portal of people in the tree. I asked to go through ups & downs during the trip to experience it. I had a few bad moments but also really good ones. I saw something regarding you as well, I totally forgot what it was tho. The hallucinations were turning very dark & evil which was interesting. I was getting sucked into it because I be curious & I be thinking I can overcome these bad trips & I did. I saw the devil coming up the stairs in the tree like since I said it was like a portal, I saw a staircase & shit. I got so scared 😭. I was having a bittersweet connection w the tree. Anywayssss yahhhh. I hope you are doing good 🥺. Idk why out of all days & all times I’m posting rn, new moon & Mercury retrograde & shit lmaooo. You probably needed to hear from me so here I am. Im not back or anything. I just wanted to say hi & that I miss you & it’s us foreverrrr. We will be together soon. Gotta stay strong Lamo Mamo 💪🏼🧸🥺. We got this! 👏🏼
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New song from Florence tho!!!! IT RELEASED TODAY ITS SOOOOO GOOD OMFGGGGGGGGG. I was like ain’t no mf way.
Anyways… I’ll go now. I love you I love you. I MISS YOU. I’ll talk to you soon 🕊️❤️‍🔥 . Don’t be sad baby Lamo 🤱🏻🧸☝🏼🥺. Remember our purpose! 🪐 bye bye Mamocito 👋🏼🥺💕 quack quack 🥹🐥💘
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Update/Trip report 25ish
I have been... severely neglecting this blog. I'm sorry bruh I just now am starting to get out that weird ass funk I was in for the last weekish
My skin hasn't been getting any worse. I can't particularly tell if it's still yellower than it should be or if this is my normal tone but either way not tripping on it anymore. My eyes have nearly went back to their normal hue. The blood vessels in my eyes are a bit more visible but nothing too alarming
I am a lot less exhausted too. I went from sleeping in and lying around alllll day to my normal lazy routine. I don't do tooo much of anything anyway but I at least now have the energy to do other shit without passing out midway through
My acid reflux is weird to sum it up quick. I've been getting full a lot quicker than usual and me attempting to eat anymore than the little shit here and there I've been doing lately makes it hurt hurt.
Uh actually new symptom I've noticed is my heart hurting when I want dph. Well. Not like want.. need? Ig. Dunno. It's fairly new but my chest feels tight sometimes and I'll struggle to feel my heartbeat and I'd usually pop a few to get rid of it. Tho with me and R being otp a lot as of late I have had to be a lot more selective/careful with how much I take and when. I can play it off pretty well with damn near anyone else but my bsf can sniff it out at times. Plus, I'm a lot quieter in general when I'm high which is kinda problematic when I'm mostly otp to comfort/distract R. I wouldn't be all that useful for that if I'm preoccupied tryna play it cool
Me and R have been on the phone damn near everyday since her and her partner broke up. Well. Took a break? I dunno bruh to me I think not talking to your partner at all and actively ignoring them is a nonverbal breakup. Especially with all her health shit. I get the silent treatment and shit but letting that get bad enough where you aint checking in when she has life changing news flung on her is just blatantly showing you don't give a fuck which TO ME = breakup. I can understand a whole lotta disrespect but the moment you let it effect things to the point you're just.. not cooperating. Not bothering to make sure they're okay.. Completely stepping away from yall until you feel like allowing things to go back to how it was. That's a breakup. Plain and simple
Sorry slight tangent. I just.. it's unimaginable imo. I even bothered to do that much when I thought I was dying lmfao. I may've been slumped a good 75% of the time it ain't that hard to shoot a text and keep it moving. If im being real, I wasn't even gonna tell her I was fucked up but I knew it'd make her actually answer my damn texts. It feels.. slightly manipulative but I honestly don't even care I just needed to make sure she wasn't doing anything absurdly stupid.
Uh but yeh. Everyday damn near since as at first I'd be sleep so good I wouldn't notice she texted so she'd call me to make sure I wasn't like dead and shit. Then she'd keep me otp to ease her anxiety on that shit. Ya know. Like making sure if some shit did happen she'd immediately hear it. Then as I got back right I texted back more consistently and I figured we'd stop talking again but then she started doing entirely too much as far as getting high to not think and shit and she'd call cause she knew I knew what's normal and not you know? I'm sure it was partially so she wouldn't feel so lonely but I'm sure she only turned to me cause I wouldn't make too much of a fuss about her getting high. I mean like, course.. I'd prefer her not to do all that period but I know I really can't stop her completely rn. She's going through a lot rn and that's just how she deals with it. I know whether or not I press her on that she's taking em so I'd rather keep her from being too unsafe with it.
Now it's prolly just routine. And I can semi replace her partner as far as constantly being otp. I know she'd pick her over me if she could but for now I can at the very least fill the gap so she doesn't feel like her entire world is got snatched from under her. I know how it is to go from always having someone there to being completely alone (ish. we both have siblings and shit but course aint exactly the same) Shit is hard and it's so easy to spiral and feel like everything's wrong cause so much changes all at once. I feel gross and odd knowing that that's all I am. Shit is gonna be all gone soon as her partner comes back around. But honestly I'd rather just hold my tongue and deal with the reabandoning shit once it comes. No real reason to make her think about that rn she has enough on her plate as is
Actually otp rn lmao. Slightly salty off some shit she said about her partner and shit but.. is what it is tbh. I'm tryna stay quietish and type loudish so she will think I'm just not talking much cause I'm focused on this. I know if I talk rn my voice'll prolly give it away so I'm tryna chill out with this stuff.
Uh but. As for trip report 25. I took 150 last night and passed out not realizing it. Was not the plan at all but not too mad. I woke up forgetting I took it tho no real consequences from that. My heart kinda hurts tho so I might pop a few extra rq. Dunno.
I'm gonna stop that there tho.. I don't wanna be too quiet and have her figure it out that way lol. I think Ima semi tell about this blog but not fully fully as it'd be an EXTREMELY stupid decision on my end lmfao
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eileensdress · 3 years
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Oh my god I was just looking to see how much a copy of Hamlet would be through Barnes and Noble and PEOPLE ARE ROLEPLAYING WARRIOR CATS IN THE REVIEWS??????
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What the fuck starkid (TW: Swearing in title, caps)
have you been taking notes from Tyler Joseph or something!? OR ALEX HIRSCH!?
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pressforlove · 5 years
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i have a constant repeat of,,,the chorus in dogsick, Blasé saying “blase yeah, blase yeah” in movin & movin and i have coogie saying “i don’t give a fuck about your money yeah” playing in my head simultaneously
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oo-hazel-oo · 2 years
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some bobf episode 2 highlights (spoilers beneath cut)
aahhhhhh you guys this episode!!!!!!!!!! SO GOOD!! i’m half awake rn, but here are some of my favorite parts/thoughts:
• 52 MINUTES!!!!
• “it’s empty”
• tuskens getting the recognition they deserve (shoutout to epic mama tusken who obliterated half the people on that train and lil baby tusken who i would protect with my life)
• “like a bantha”
• and the rest of that speeder scene — boba is an unintentional comedic genius and i am here for it (and can he please teach me how to drive??)
• the SCORE
• INDIGENOUS LAND RIGHTS PLEASE AND THANK YOU
• baby boba flashbacks
• in general, just the absolute beauty of the last 10 minutes (props to the costume and set department!!)
the only negative: i thought boba was gonna have a little pet lizard follow him around for the rest of the series, but it looks like that’s not gonna happen. instead he got lizard acid trip, which i guess is cool too.
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