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#am lowkey desperate
skitskatdacat63 · 4 months
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What is this love triangle 😵‍💫😵‍💫
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martyrbat · 8 months
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youre allowed to have at least one (1) mental breakdown in the summer without it counting btw. its a freebie for enduring august.
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apollo-just-ice · 3 months
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If you see this you should vote for Bruno in CYL bc I am getting lowkey stressed at the idea of making content in time for CYL voting to rally votes,,,,
Lol yes ik he’s not gonna win but I want him to get a decent ranking,,,
Plz? :)
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fivefeetfangirl · 6 months
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what does one even write to a possible future landlord???
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strangleetomz · 4 months
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can i hVe a gf pls🙏🙏
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mintmentos · 5 months
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All I want to do is reread stormlight someone please talk me out of this I have so many other books to read
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autisticlee · 8 months
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I have so many characteristics that make me feel like dating would be absolutely impossible to do and navigate, because they're such undesirable things that no one wants. i
if someone DOES want/are ok with them, there's so few of those people that they either already found someone, or they're out of my reach/we'll never meet. and that's if THEY match what I want as well, which then makes that pool even smaller.
i'm autistic. i'm asexual/aromantic. i'm trans/nonbinary. all things that make dating extraordinarily difficult to begin with.
i'm also not smart, rich, socially acceptable, or conventionally useful. i'm not physically attractive/don't match societal standards. i'm not likable to most people and can't even make or keep friends. my interests are very weird and niche, and it's hard to find people who share them.
if I can't figure out how to make and keep friends, how am I ever supposed to date? that's many levels ahead of where I am, almost end game. i'm at level 0. the tutorial level. except my tutorial glitched out before I even started and won't work. so I can't advance.
yes, I have good characteristics that people would be lucky to have (like loyalty, willingness to communicate, honesty, going out of my way to be there for people I care about, etc) but those things don't overshadow the ones above. first impressions kill me. my most noticeable traits kill me again. I can't lie or mask. no one gets to the smaller "good" traits or they simply aren't ever enough.
this is why I never tried to date and never even thought about it until now. I gave up before even starting because I knew it would be a dead end, a waste of time and energy.
i'm going to complain further under here, despite already making like 10 posts about the exact same bullshit:
"until now." so, I need someone who lives in canada to date me so I can move there from US and be with the only supportive people I have in my life lmao. my closest friends, my found family, who meet my needs, respect my boundaries, go out of their way to help me, and reciprocate everything mutually and equally. they actually want me in their lives. it's not one-sided, for the first time in my life. I don't question their motives or loyalties like every other friend I had in my life. it's genuine and real and they've stuck with me for like idk 5 years now? meeting irl (which usually ends my friendships for some reason...I guess people don't like me after meeting me outside of my internet persona?) it was solidified even more that we are the found family i've been wanting and needing my whole life. why do they have to be in a different country that has an extremely strict policy for being allowed to move there?!
so back to the dating thing a big problem is that I have too many barriers that I can't hide that make people uninterested or dislike me. I also can't control other people. people are unreliable and difficult as hell.
throw on top wanting to date someone specifically to move countries and they might question MY loyalties and think i'm only using them. when actually, I genuinely also want someone who can be part of our found family and be my life partner.
unfortunately, I know it will probably never happen, since it's not even about "trying" or "not giving up." I literally don't know how to try to find someone. like where to look?? social medias are collapsing and I get ignored everywhere. dating apps are for more hookups, polys, cheaters, and bots/catfish than real partnerships. I have no clue how to make people like me because who i am hasnt done me any favors ever in my life. waiting around for someone to come to me first just wastes my time! plus i'm picky as hell and can't accept just anyone.
people keep telling me "keep waiting you'll find The One! don't give up! I was in a similar position and i found someone!" that doesn't help me. it doesn't give me hope or whatever. I prefer actual helpful things like "I'll help you get there!" if you want to "help." I prefer to look at things realistically and live in the moment. not a future I can't see. and in this moment i'm stuck in a shitty anti-lgbt state with unsupportive and unaccepting family who don't treat me very well and no irl friends i can trust and rely on. no one can say that will for certain change in the future. things don't always magically change for the better and if you aren't prepared for that, you'll always be stuck in one place, waiting. i'm not being negative. it's more dynamic than that. it's more "I need an alternative in case this truly is a dead end." i'm simply not getting my hopes up for disappointment and fooling myself into believing that doing nothing and waiting will help, while life passes me by.
but I also can't do anything. because I don't know how/what to do
and by can't do anything I don't mean in life in general. I mean about getting out of my parents house so I can be free from them and fond a safe and comfortable place. I can't afford it alone obviously. I unfortunately need other people on my life, as much as i wish i could be a lone gremlin human and never need others. and that's the part I have no clue how to do. if the only humans who want me aren't attainable, then what? i've tried for over a decade and only had failures because people are unreliable and turn on me without warning, after i'm the only one who puts effort into trying to help us escape our situations. i'm TIRED. I can't keep trying to do everything alone and end up hurt and betrayed by fake friends. i'm so tired.
(if anyone reads this, don't try to comfort me because it won't work. if you relate, you can share that because that's fine. if you want to help me by being a candian who can sponsor me to move there then that's even more acceptable 🤣 if you find you cant stand me after im permanently there, i'll appreciate your help and let you go lmao)
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rubenesque-as-fuck · 8 months
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Don't know if I'm just terrible at opening lines or only matching with people who swipe on everyone or what but I'm getting really fucking tired of the few and far between matches I get on dating apps immediately opting out of the conversation when l reach to them.
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piierrote · 2 years
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i have a convention coming up in November and im in planning mode which also means looking @ heart pins again... what if I made Nandermo and Blackbonnet heart pins,,,, WHAT IF
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trying really hard to decide whether i wanna read this one fic bc on the one hand it's an omegaverse ship between two characters i couldn't care less about (and i only know one) but on the other hand the description heavily implies that it will ACTUALLY contain Blorbo bc i'm scrolling through blorbo's tag and so far none of them did more than fucking MENTION him
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peapod20001 · 1 year
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Wah why didn’t I pack NEW goldfish crackers instead of just keeping the ones I packed FOUR DAYS AGO
They’re so bad,,, an I’m a hungry lil boy and I NEED snack but they’re SO bad lol it might be the tism(tm) but they taste like I got water up my nose and then got spritzed in the face while traversing thru the perfume section of a mall and got a headache
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bee-ships · 2 years
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More mermaid au brainrot, this time featuring @werewolfpine 's s/i
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martyrbat · 10 months
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writing for the first time (beyond ‘yes, and’ing sessions in dms) in over a year and the first time since i been sober is just a constant saga of alternating, intense feelings. realizing how much i missed writing to shame of my limited vocabulary and writing ability. the excitement to start again and grow to the remorse of how much i used to write confidently and somewhat decently. having a forced acceptance that i have to start over and relearn how to have this passion and interest without it crushing my heart and confidence at every second while actively having my heart crushed and pretending that its not so i can work through it. the amazement at the old giddy feelings tetuning to the fear that all my creativity and drive came from these hard substances i abused for years instead of something im capable of by myself. then rewording a sentence 5 times and smiling because i like how i phrased something finally and have the feeling of pride swelling up in my chest to once again the sudden guilt and shame over my own feelings and past that seems to overcome my entire senses.
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summerfrwrks · 1 year
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me partially ready to make a fanfiction.net account but then encountered some analysis and talks and rumors that it may shut down:
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i dipped in reddit to check it out and this one is one of the top posts about the topic (more rants in tags)
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shymaidxn · 2 years
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“This is the third meal you’ve missed this week, are you okay?”  HELLO
noticing trauma sentence starters
@flovverworks
Diantha wasn’t about to admit how unwell she felt. Not when she knew crying over unfavorable circumstances wouldn’t bring her any closer to her goal. Not when she knew she had to power through learning curves a foreign world presented her, and poured over any book or conversation that could help her along the way. Not when this sweet person suddenly gave her so much of their time to help ease her woes, when they should be taking care of their own friends, and especially when they were practically complete strangers until a short while ago. She wouldn’t let the negativity in her seep out…At least, she had promised herself that she wouldn’t, yet here Akira was pointing out her negative habits.
It was something - anxiety creeping into her heart, her stomach churning, and brain buzzing with so many thoughts it all turned to white noise - she swore no one would easily see, or at least no one here would; that she had gotten so good at hiding that no one would even see what there was to figure out. Though she had to suppose Akira wasn’t “no one” now, at least for outwardly circumstances. There were so many people coming and going from this place though, that she had just assumed their attention would be elsewhere, from business affairs to friendly encounters. Yet they had always made a point to greet her, ask her about her day, even offering a little snack or even a good meal. Sure, she was the new girl, but they seriously didn’t have to be this nice right off the bat. Even with the comforting report they now had, and even with this sense of trust she's started to feel from them with each conversation. Heartwarming as it was, Diantha just didn’t feel like she had…earned it, in a sense. She certainly didn’t deserve it, at least not in her mind. But it also begged the question: How close were they outside of calming and casual conversations they had every day to warrant even this level of concern and attention to detail? 
“I’m…” Hesitation in the form of broken eye contact and the fidgeting of her long ponytail. Combing through, twirling around, straightening then relaxing. For some reason, under their gaze, even if it was just pure concern, it felt like a stab to her heart when knowing she did something wrong. Guilt - that was hard to hide. “I’ve just…Been so busy that I’ve forgotten about it.” A truth mixed with a lie; she’s made herself too busy for her own good, and only thinks about food when it’s offered to her. “B-But it’s not like you see every meal I eat, so you haven’t been around when I’m actually eating, probably…Not that I’ve looked out to see where you are.” Yeah, none of that helps her case at all, not even with that forced sheepish laugh of hers. But all she really wants is Akira to drop this and move on, so she may stubbornly shoo him away so things could come back to the normalcy she was just getting used to.
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callinthemorning · 2 years
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last night i kinda accidentally overd*sed and lmao
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