#ambition quarantine 2020

[britneyshakespeare]

you know what it is. i talk about how vain he is and how he only talks about himself and that is the impression a lot of people have of him and it is the impression i favor leaning towards. he has a very coded way of self-disclosure; he often seems like he's trying to impress people but i know him to be not-the-most-assured in a lot of ways. when i first complimented him on his poetry and told him how much i liked a few pieces (and i loved some of what i read before i knew his last name, so when i read his poetry i did not assume the person whose poetry i so loved was, well, that retired male model i met in passing every now and then). when i told him that. he was very moved by it.

and i do talk about how vain he is; i do say he only talks about himself; but every now and then when he does say something about me it is not at all hidden that he does admire me. some of what he says that seems to coded to impress me or to get my validation, i know he is doing this towards me because he thinks im this smart poetry girl. and i am? i am that, he's not wrong. i think it makes me feel hopeless to think that he really does respect me and care what i think of him because i'd rather he didn't. i'd rather him be this charming but shallow pretty boy which i think he has been seen as by a lot of people throughout his life. despite that he is hardworking, despite that he has (or at least tries very hard to have) an intellectual side. perhaps what he says about himself is so often coded to please me even while it is fishing for my attention, and i want to see that as a reflection of his own self-regard but i don't know that it is.

i don't know that it's not, but i don't know that it is either and as neither of us is very frequently vulnerable with the other, it's not fair for me to say which is the case. or even that there's a "which" like it can't be both. i don't know that he admires me; i don't know that he sees me as this girl who is (or at least used to be) very charmed by him. i do know that he always comes to me and asks me about poetry because as far as he's told me, i'm the only one who has ever cared about his. for all i know that could also be bullshit, but then why should i assume it is either? i'm quite unfair to him in my assessments of him. i do have to admit, he has never actually seemed to have a disrespectful or unfair assessment of me.

#he told me today i was 'exquisite' basically #i think sometimes he's very shocked by my general lack of ambitions. while i do have all this artistic knowledge #i'm like some sort of poetry guru to him. which does make me laugh a little #his estimation of me is overstated. #im a fairy to him! a strange creature he doesnt understand #like how rochester used to call jane eyre a fairy. except we're both pretty good-looking #tales from diana #i dont call myself good-looking often either but i know other people see me as that. so. it is what it is #thats another piece of the puzzle is back in 2020 during quarantine he was... well he still is #but he WAS initially very flirty w me and sort of asked me out 'if we ever get out of this' (quarantine) #whether he sees me as some pretty smart girl who's 8 years younger than him. well. #thats probably exactly what he sees me as #although im not pretty enough or smart enough. or hell even young enough anymore #god we're both old now. #i do promise you reader i won't marry him

[learnearnandprosper]

Meet Trevor!

Trevor Kolbusz, a 19 year-old college student from Connecticut, remembers exactly where he was the first time he heard any mention of LEAP. “I was working at a local ski resort,” he remarks, “a coworker of mine had mentioned it”. Shortly after, Trevor decided to do some research of his own, beginning to look through all of what LEAP had to offer. He excitedly made plans to attend one of their in-person Summer programs, but unfortunately the widespread lockdowns and quarantines of 2020 brought these plans to a screeching halt. Instead, Trevor was able to begin working remotely as an assistant to a visually-impaired engineer, all through a work project arranged by LEAP. This project focused on building a new iPad stand; Trevor was able to help test the prototype and work to improve the design for future use and distribution. 

Trevor continued to work with LEAP through the end of 2020 by partaking in their Work-Based Learning Program that fall. However, shortly after finishing his time in the Work-Based Program, Trevor took a little bit of time off from LEAP. He was nearing the end of his senior year in high school, which can be a hectic time for any teen. Most of Trevor’s time in that last year of school was split between skiing and track practice: two of his favorite ways to spend free time. Skiing has always been an integral part of Trevor’s life, but as he looks to transfer to a new college for his upcoming junior year, it may be something he will have to give up. “I’m torn between the University of Tampa and UNH,” Trevor confesses. He lays out the benefits and drawbacks of each campus; Tampa is a chance for something new, but the University of New Hampshire offers the chance to see family and friends more often (and of course, skiing). Wherever he ends up, Trevor plans to focus his studies on cyber security and/or digital forensics. Whether these big ambitions carry him down to the sandy beaches of Florida or up toward the White Mountains in New Hampshire, everyone at LEAP will be cheering him on. 

Today, Trevor has rejoined the LEAP team and is now a core asset of much of the programming. He has been a consistent leadership presence during both fall and spring virtual programs for the past few years, as well as attending multiple in-person retreats. Trevor truly goes above and beyond in everything he does, and LEAP will surely miss his presence as he goes off to school next year.

[kobekoblanca]

Nov 29, 2020 - I take back what I've said on my previous post. Looking back I realized that this pandemic gives me so much time that I think I’ve lived my life a hundred times. It made me rethink what I’ve done in the past, the mistakes that I’ve commited. it also made me to think what I really want in life, set my goals, it’s like i’ve made a more detailed roadmap of my life, there’s plan a, plan b and so on. i know that life is uncertain, change is the only constant thing they say, but, I don’t want to neglect the feelings, ambitions, goals I’ve found during these times. I’m hoping that this is what I really want and hoping to get the certain amount of skill and determination to achieve these dreams of mine. This quarantine makes me more self concious, i become more aware about what will I post in my social media accounts, realized that being isolated with your peers is not that bad(although I’m doing it even before quarantine starts) and having a self time is precious. It’s just fascinating to think how much growth I gained in just 6 months of being isolated(this is just what I think).

(Video was taken last month)

[ambitionsource]

please, overlords, what can you say about jeric in s3?

overlords FJKLSDJGKLSJGKLSJGL oh lena

when it comes to jack and eric, following s2 it’s pretty clear to both of them that their dynamic is... unique. i think they’re both aware that there’s something there between them and that it might very well be reciprocated, but whether they’ll explore such a thing -- and if that exploration would even bode well, due to a number of factors -- remains to be seen.

one thing that i like about writing the development of their relationship is that jack and eric are in such a different... life place than the rest of the main cast. its a very different thing to be playing with the idea of love in your 40s than it is when you’re young and everything is still fresh and new and malleable. so their progression will be inherently different, just by the nature of the circumstances.

all this to say, they will definitely be explored throughout s3. how so and to what degree... well, time will tell...

-- Maggie

#jack x eric #s3 predix #sorry it took us a million years to answer this for u lena lol #thanks for your patience!! #answered #ambition quarantine 2020 #judahslewis #ask and you shall receive

[fashion]

Artist Spotlight: Francesca DiMattio [Tory Burch]

Francesca DiMattio is a ceramicist, sculptor and painter whose work plays on themes of femininity and power. For Tory Burch’s Fall 2020 collection, Francesca designed a series of floral prints based off her and Tory’s shared appreciation of classic French, English and Turkish porcelain.  

When did you know you wanted to be an artist?

I guess I always knew but I didn’t know that one could make a living off it. My parents were always very academically inclined and, when we went to look for colleges, my dad fell in love with every school and I hated them all. I just couldn’t picture myself there. At some point, my mom said, ‘there is nothing at the end of academia, it just sort of eats its own tail, so you’re going to have to jump at some point. Maybe that time is now.’ We then visited Cooper Union in New York City and I felt totally different there. I felt intimidated and excited — all the things that make you uncomfortable and inspired.  

What was the collaboration process like with Tory?

Very compatible and easy — it was a very natural collaboration

What was it like when you first saw your prints on clothes?

It felt like a real gift. It was thrilling and something I’d never really experienced before.

Is this the first time you’re wearing your work?

Yeah, and I guess it is difficult to really verbalize what it feels like. I put it on, and my son said I looked really beautiful. That was sweet because he is four and rarely takes a moment to see his parents outside of himself.  

What have you been working on recently?

I had planned to work smaller to some extent — I had just had a little baby girl and was limited by carrying her in the studio — and so during quarantine I started working on this tile mural that is going to be installed in a public school in Queens. I’ve had my four-year-old son at home as well, and I wanted to find ways to activate his interest in working with clay. We made a lot of different molds of things like Legos and Storm Troopers or leaves and seashells and created picture frames. During a time when everything is so unclear and formless, it was satisfying for me, and I think him, to have this moment of completion. I also began making a series of plates and cups and dishes, which I had never done before, and they share the same inspiration as some of the prints I did with Tory this season.

Do you use the plates?

Every day! We call them princess plates.  

Artist’s equivalent to writer’s block?

The way I overcome it is by doing things that I wouldn’t consider work. For example, I wouldn’t exactly consider those plates my work. They’re a side project that I just felt inspired to do. When there is nothing at stake, you can tend to be more playful and a bit freer. I think it’s important to carve out those spaces for yourself and not question why you’re doing them. It does feed your inspiration and can lead you to unknown places that you wouldn’t have gotten to if you were thinking about it only in terms of your work.  

Who inspires you?

It’s funny, I used to be around a lot of artists who inspired me because we all shared studios in Brooklyn, but now life has gotten so much more insular. I miss that camaraderie and seeing so many people’s work whereas now it’s all on Instagram. I had great professors — Charline von Heyl and Jacqueline Humphreys — and I’m inspired by the people that I’ve had intimate relationships with over the years, like Betty Woodman.  

Best advice?

Two things. The first is that my mother always raised me to consider everything as being important. She didn’t feel that one’s work should take precedence over everything else. If I wanted to have a family, I should have a family; if I wanted to have a garden, I should have a garden. These other areas of your life are equally important… She also told me to pick something you love to do for work. The second is about being present. I spent a summer with Max Wigram and Phoebe Philo and, when I asked Phoebe what she was doing next, she was so calm in her environment and clear in her decision to be with her kids during this time.

How do you embrace ambition?

By being brave.

Francesca’s work can be found here. 

📷: Noa Griffel

#Artist Spotlight #Fashion Spotlight #Francesca DiMattio #Tory Burch

[tisthenightofthewitch]

GHOST’S TOBIAS FORGE ON THEIR NEW ALBUM ‘IMPERA’: “THERE IS A DESPERATION AND AN ANGER IN THERE”

"You always take a risk in something that you put together in the name of art."

Ghost have just released their new album 'IMPERA', and it is nothing short of sensational. A dense, dramatic and decadent look at the Imperial Empire, and the heroes and villains that inhabited it, through Tobias Forge's unique and undeniable lens, it is a collection of songs that not only cements Ghost as one of metal's most fascinating and fantastical assets but also an album for the ages. One that deserves to be played loud, proud and as frequently as possible. We had a sit down with Tobias to talk about the record's inception, whether the events of the modern-day have affected his view of the songs and where they ultimately fit into Ghost's live show... How does it feel to be at this point with Ghost where you have a new album out in the world, but you can also get back to what you love the most, which is touring? "It feels incredible, to be honest. We are just trying to rock. That’s what we do. And being back on tour, this one we have just done in America specifically, is extraordinary. But even up to the day of it kicking off, we were still in the position of, ‘We may not be able to do this’. It felt like there were too many roadblocks. We left a trail of people as we went, crew testing positive to COVID and having to stay in hotels at the very beginning. But as the tour progressed, those numbers went down to just about nothing. That allowed us to get the shows back to the level we wanted them to be. It feels like Spring is in the air now! And with the album coming out, it feels really nice."

In terms of the stories you tell and the commentary, you deliver on this album, was this always a part of the long-term journey of Ghost, or is it something that built itself around the times that we found ourselves in? "If there were a feeling of worry about putting a date on the things that I was writing for this album, it would be if it would feel irrelevant when the album came out. I wrote a lot of the songs back in 2019 and 2020. And the thing is that in my mind, I had known for years what this record was going to be about roughly. It always had the tag ‘The Imperial Record’. But a few months into 2020, and when the world shut down, I instantly knew that many other artists would do dated material and songs. Things like ‘Quarantine Blues’ and ‘In The Bubble’, shit which will feel so irrelevant straight away. And in the future, people would have no interest in listening to anything like that. So because I knew what I wanted this to be about, I just kept on trucking. It was pretty easy to get inspired by the events of these last two years, and that had nothing to do with the things that so many were writing about. But then again, as things were being stretched into a year and then a year and a half, I hoped that what I was writing wasn’t going to feel strange more so than anything. As a writer, especially in the rock community, it always seems like you’re supposed to be about authenticity and not giving a fuck and only writing for yourself. No one does that. Everyone who has a career knows precisely what they are doing. You always take a risk in something that you put together in the name of art."

Creation is a form of escape, which is what Ghost has become for so many people. Yet there must be moments when you’re piecing together this intricate puzzle that you have planned out, and you find things and feel things you didn’t expect to within that process? "It’s funny to say it, but a lot of what we are doing is actually already a lesser version of what I intended it to be. It’s always with a great deal of discontent that I look at something and still feel like it isn’t properly done or finished or what I actually wanted it to be. But that is what it is, and I have got used to that over time. It’s just the nature of the ambition. And I bring along a long list of things that I want to correct and continue to achieve at each stage of this. The funny thing with that is that I have found myself reflecting on things we have done in a lot more hindsight than before. We finally played this venue, or we finally did this thing. But on the day of those things, it could have been raining. We were late. We had problems with the guest list, there were errors with the effects going off on stage, and the afterparty got really weird. That was the big day you had been dreaming of, and it never materialises into what you may expect it to be. But the truth is, such is life. It’s a great problem to have. This band allows me to cross out so many things in my life that I have wanted to do, and it’s mindboggling just how many of them I have been able to achieve. To talk to somebody I may have known years ago back in school; it’s almost unthinkable to recount what Ghost has been able to do with them."

What would you say are the feelings that have stuck with you the most as each piece of ‘IMPERA’ has unfolded before your eyes as you’ve brought it to life? "I think that something that I like with a lot of these new songs, in terms of ones we have chosen to become a part of the set as we move forwards, is that there is a desperation and an anger in there that feels very cathartic to what is the overall feeling of things right now. That I think is essential. It feels good to have that scream of anguish in there. They are played with an intensity and with a temperament that closely resembles the time and the subject that it is about and the time that we are existing in now." How does that compare to the feeling that you get from your other songs, The ones that are a huge part of what Ghost is to you? "Most of those songs are there because they feel good to play. That is the main difference to me. ‘Mummy Dust’ is an example of that, a song that is easy to sing, and the emotions within it closely resemble the ones you need to sing it. Sometimes, to sing a beautiful ballad, you have to use your whole body to sing a song that sounds that soft. To sing ‘My Heart Will Go On’, you can’t lie down and whisper. You need to use everything you have. There are songs across our repertoire that are unintuitive because they were written in a studio or thought of it from a different perspective to singing. Sometimes those songs are not constructed to be played live, even if it was my intention. Everything is based on how the crowd reacts as well, of course. When it comes to this new record and the feelings that it exhibits, we will have to see as time goes on what songs work and what songs don’t."

Rock Sound

#Tobias Forge #Tobias Interview #The Band Ghost #Ghost Band #Ghost #Papa IV #Impera

[pressure-machine]

The Killers have made another dazzling statement of ultra-modern pomp -- NME

Irony-free and infused with feeling until it bursts, ‘Imploding The Mirage’ is the counterpoint to quarantine claustrophobia – it’s the sound of countless doors being opened, with The Killers stepping away from their limitations in a blast of undiluted ambitions. -- Clash Music

Imploding the Mirage feels like more than just one of their best albums, but a triumphant and invigorated rut-reversal that shines with a hard-won confidence. -- AllMusic

Imploding the Mirage is gigantic and jubilant. -- Consequence

When it’s particularly easy to feel cynical, this album offers the same fiery hope that All These Things That I’ve Done did years ago. -- No Ripcord

Brandon Flowers’ choruses soar above the clouds, the guitars buzz with the effervescence of the sun, the pianos ring out with the elegance of an abandoned cathedral dance hall, and the drums gallop like wild horses kicking up dust on the American Midwest plains. -- Sputnik Music

An album that feels rich and invigorating. -- DIY

The songs themselves are vintage Killers, often beginning quietly but driving inexorably to those yearning, multi-layered choruses that Flowers does so well, perfect for singing emotively with an impassioned fist over the chest. -- Variety

IMPLODING THE MIRAGE released August 21, 2020

#the killers #brandon flowers #musigifs #dailymusicians #tkedit #lyrics #musicedit #fi's gifs #i know it's pressure machine time but i wanted to do sthg nice for itm's 1st birthday because i really love it you guys #anniversary #wide

[trivialoveclub]

2020 Year in Review!

hey! i was tagged by the absolute angel that is ⚘ @unefleurofferte ⚘(tysm my love! 💞) for this 2020 tag! first off (even tho it's the middle of january already 🤡) i wanted to wish everyone a happy new year! not to get sappy 💀 but even tho i don't rlly talk/interact that much, it brings me a lot of happiness seeing u guys on my dash 🥺💗 i genuinely am supporting and rooting for you all and i wish u guys all the love and kindness in this new year bc you deserve it babes 💖

Rules: answer the questions about 2020 and tag some people to pass it on!

5 Fav Films You Watched in 2020

🎬 Soul (2020) "Your spark isn't your purpose. That last box fills in when you're ready to come live."

🎬 Onward (2020) "I never had a dad, but I always had you."

🎬 Klaus (2019) "A true selfless act always sparks another."

🎬 Diecisiete (2019) "You think I'd be doing all of this if I had no heart?

Maybe you're trying to get it back."

🎬 East Side Sushi (2014) "You know behind every great restaurant here, there are great latinos, in the back, in the kitchen, hidden. Prepping the food and making you all look good. Well, I don't want to be in the back anymore."

5 Fav TV Shows You Watched In 2020

📺 Like in The Movies (2020) "Do you ever feel like you're not the protagonist of your own story?"

📺 Given (2019) "Do you have anyone you like, Haruki-san? If that person suddenly disappeared from this world, what would you say?"

📺 Banana Fish (2018) "My soul is always with you."

📺 Masterchef Junior (2013-) Not a quote but Gordon Ramsay always says the dishes has "finesse" and now i can't stop saying it in everything 😭

📺 Next in Fashion (2020)

5 Fav Songs You Listened To In 2020

🎶 UGH! : BTS 🎶 "You're allowed to be angry, but bothering someone else's life, I don't like"

🎶 Fuyu No Hanashi : Given 🎶 "Just like the snow that hasn't completely melted in the shade I continue on with these feelings inside of me."

🎶 So Beautiful : DPR Ian 🎶 "My love is turning kinda gray / My heart is looking the other way."

🎶 PSYCHE : Joohoney 🎶 "All of the world pay attention"

🎶 Stay Tonight : Chungha 🎶 "Tell me what you wanna do, run away or stay tonight"

Top 5 Albums of 2020

💿 Map of The Soul 7 : BTS

UGH! ⏯ Black Swan ⏯ Inner Child

💿 Fatal Love : Monsta X

Sorry I'm Not Sorry ⏯ Nobody Else ⏯ Guess Who

💿 Ungodly Hour : Chloe x Halle

ROYL ⏯ Forgive Me ⏯ Lonely

💿 Mixtape [ PSYCHE ] : Joohoney

PSYCHE ⏯ Intro (Ambition) ⏯ DIA

💿 Chromatica : Lady Gaga

Replay ⏯ Sour Candy ⏯ Alice

Top 5 Books You Read in 2020

🤡 🤡 🤡

...i haven't read for fun in years 😔 i used to read a book every single day :(( but! i already have a list of ones i want to read so this year for sure im gonna be that girl again 🤧💅🏼

💌 How did you spend your birthday this year? 💌

uh hahaha 🤡 suddenly i can't read 🤡

well...i had to take my drivers test but i had no idea how to park so i mean obvs i was gonna fail 💀 so i got super anxious and then had a breakdown in the back seat when it was getting closer to my turn 😭 my parents had to reschedule it and take me home. i felt like such a disappointment. so it started off absolutely horrible, fortunately the rest of the day was a lot better but oof 🤪

💌 What was your most memorable day? 💌

i honestly cannot remember anything 😭 it's like one big blur but ummm...probably finishing high school! i felt like i could finally breathe 🥲

💌 What was your most memorable meal you had this year? 💌

hmm...ooo probably when my abuelita made us a bunch of paches de papa 🥺 i ate them for a whole week and i loved it entirely...my heart is pache shaped 🤧💘

💌 Did you find any new hobbies or interests in quarantine? 💌

hmm i don't think i got any new ones but i did get to be reminded again on how much i genuinely enjoy making food and like decorating/personalizing things! ☺💖

💌 What was the last big event/thing you remember doing before covid? 💌

uhhh i honestly can't think of anything? i literally don't go out 🤡 like im in chilling in this quarantine lifestyle bc nothing has changed for me 🤪

💌 5 good/positive things that happened to you in 2020? 💌

🌱 i finally escaped high school! 🎓🎉

🌱 i decided to take a gap year and the burnt out student inside me feels like she can finally exhale

🌱 i can't remember if it was in early 2020 or late 2019 but anyways I GOT MY DRIVERS LICENSE 😝😝 i honestly...do not know how i got it...i took 15+ minutes to park (as u can see your girl didn't learn her lesson) but bless that man for passing me i hope u have a beautiful life sir 😭💖 however i have not stepped in the driver's seat since then 💋 i refuse 💋

🌱 i honestly would say watching Soul 🥲💗 i've always been obsessed w my meaning and purpose in life and that movie rlly just hit home for me...i think about it everyday and im literally starting to tear up right now so let me just stop 🤪

🌱 hmm honestly just being home 💗 i now have an excuse to stay in all time and that brings me so much peace in my heart 🤧

💌 Biggest messages or lessons learnt from this year? 💌

that there's a lot to live for. and i rlly want to enjoy it? and like w the gap year i still feel guilty and still feel like im wasting time and not being productive (love being a capricorn 🤪) but im trying to not think like that...and the fact that Soul came out and it's whole message is literally like life is beautiful and it's meant to be lived 🥺 it rlly like...set that for me u know...there's so many little things that truly make me excited about life and i want to enjoy it and after those 4 years in high school of constant work and stress and losing my entire mind maybe i actually deserve it 🥲 so um yeah..sjdkajd

💌 And what are you most looking forward to in 2021? 💌

a lot ☺ everything honestly...wow omg that's so weird asjakjd ahhh 😭😭💘 [insert that paul rudd who would have thought not me meme] but i wanna do sm much!! bake and cook and learn to knit! and personalize my clothes and READ! and watch movies and shows! and i'll also be going back to school so i rlllllllllyyyyyyyy want to learn how to manage my time bc my procrastination truly fucked me in the ass in hs 🤡 but yeah im excited ahh! ☺

And We're Done!

oof my memory is so awful i feel like i can't remember anything that happened in 2020 🤡 this ended up being a bit long 💀 so if u made it to the end...thank u for reading...ily 😚💌 besitos for you! 💞

tagging these cuties 💘: @moonlattae @fluorescente @glossierjoon @ardores @star99 @jooniephoria @ahearthrob @catboyjm @yoongidisease @violetmoonlits @koyan @stardustyoongi @7blueside @m1amor @sobsyub @m8nstruck @souheii @1okyos @virgomoon @alevchaan @jihyoist

#i wanted to tag a lot of people ☺ but of course if u don't want to do it u don't have to! 💌 #thank u again dear for tagging me! i honestly rlly enjoyed it! 💖 #and if anyone checks out the music/shows/movies i hope u like it! 💌 #oh and i added the spotify link to the album if u click on the title! 💃🏻💃🏻 #tagged 🥰

[reedblackcomics]

I realized this is a perfect place to dump sketches that will probably NEVER be finished. Especially the ones that I started to ink and then gave up on. 

1. Early in the 2020 quarantine times I had this brilliant idea that I was going to learn to screen-print. So I made this complicated image hoping that it would be super fun to print. My ambition was greater than my interest. I still have all the screen-printing supplies, so who knows what I’ll do in the future.

2. An unfinished Kingdom Hearts Mickey

3. I just felt like drawing Digimon.

4. The Simpsons’ living room. I had an idea for Inktober (before I learned that the guy behind the hashtag was a plagiarist and all around terrible person). I was going to draw a bunch of fictional places.

5. I’ve been wanting to draw Farscape for a long time. I still haven’t gotten there yet.

6. I found this whole group of people who make retrod midcentury modern doll houses and I thought it’d be fun to draw the rooms they made. I didn’t get far.

7. Woody and Buzz. I like the sketch, but not enough to finish.

8. I’ve been wanting to revisit my fanart for Nightmare Before Christmas.

#sketches #kingdom hearts #digimon #the simpsons #farscape #Toy Story #the nightmare before christmas #Fanart

[polar-stars]

BEEN A WHILE SINCE I ASKED MAMA BUT 5 7 8 20 !!! For the Elite Ten girls uwu

thank you for the ask bby 💕❤️🥺 !! I’ll be glad to show some love for the Elite Ladies!

5. If they got a tattoo, what kind? If they have tattoos, what would their next one be?

It Kiyoko would ever get a tattoo it would be a very small one and it would be at a discrete place where it isn’t so easily seen. I could imagine the motive to be either some flower, or a tiny Koi-fish in memory of her childhood days with Masashi.

Suzume would probably get a dragon. On her shoulder perhaps!

Ran…Given Ran’s Biker Aesthetic I could see a lot of tattoo possibilities for her. One thing I could see her do for sure is getting a tattoo of her sibling’s names somewhere (in an arsty form of course)

7. Their 2020s AU quarantine craft of choice?

I can see Kiyoko trying to make her own jewellery. She’d also use the time to get better at painting nails.

Suzume’s quarantine craft is enTERTAINMENT! She’d troll around on TikTok, she’d give random dance numbers in the living room, she’d spam the Elite 10 Group Chat with memes….(But she’d also experiment around with paint, I think and draw some random pictures once in a while)

Ran sews and knits new clothes for Ayano’s dolls. And a whole dress for Ayano herself on top of that!

8. Which era of historical fashion do you think would fit them?

I would name the 50s/60s for Kiyoko, mostly because I can picture her very well in some Audrey Hepburn inspired looks. (Or the Japanese Edo Period would suit her as well…I think? I’m sadly not too knowledgeable about Asian fashion periods yet)

A lot of Suzume‘s casual fashion is pretty 70s inspired, so yes…The 70s for her awhdhfhf! She‘d rock a lot of 20s looks as well imho

I can picture Ran in some 80s grunge, I think :0

20. What kind of people are their type that they find most attractive? (Either platonic, romantic or sexual attraction.)

Kiyoko likes people who are justifiably confident (she can’t stand it when people are all bark but no bite), but aren’t intimidated by Kiyoko’s own power and ambitions. To get real close to her, you also have to be accepting of her darker sides though.

Suzume is a social butterfly who gets along with most types of personalities. However, justified confidence is definitely something she feels drawn to as well.

Ran is also a very affable persona, who gets along with mostly everyone. But something that really does draw her in is people who dream big, are determined and know how to take care of themselves.

[disbander-of-armies]

2020 tag

I was tagged by the wonderful @hiddenlookingglass! Thank you!

Rules: answer the questions about 2020 and tag some people to pass it on!

Favorite films you watched in 2020? Waves, Phoenix (2014), 1917

Favorite TV shows you watched in 2020? Unorthodox, The Good Place, The Queen’s Gambit, and just finished and loved The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance. I also watched Barbarians. The plot is only meh imo but the spoken Latin is excellent!

Favorite songs you listened to in 2020? I don’t really have any because I hardly ever listen to songs, I much prefer soundtracks. I‘ve already mentioned it but this piece from the Lord of the Rings soundtrack has helped me a lot lately. And I really like this remix of the Vikings intro song.

Favorite books you read in 2020?

 -Fiction: Earthsea by Ursula K. Le Guin (really anything by Le Guin is great, Lavinia is one of the best myth retellings I’ve read so far!), Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel, Der Tag, an dem mein Großvater ein Held war (The Day my Grandfather was a Hero) by Paulus Hochgatterer

-Non-Fiction: Big Gods by Ara Norenzayan, Ghost on the Throne by James Romm (about the years following Alexander the Great’s death - it reads like a novel!), Ordinary Men by Christopher R. Browning, Biased by Jennifer Eberhardt

How did you spend your birthday this year? My birthday is in June and since we didn’t have any special restrictions during that time it wasn’t different from any other year, which was nice.

What was your most memorable day this year? One was definitely the day of my oral exam for a class where we translated a song from Homer’s Iliad. I feel really honored by the feedback the professor gave me. They told me that they can’t give me the best grade because I wasn’t as good as the others (most of the other students were from the Classical Philology department, which focuses heavily on Ancient Greek and Latin. I’m from the Ancient History branch which focuses on history and culture and has very few mandatory language classes. I’d love to do both but I just don’t have the time). But they also told me that I was the only non-Classical Philology student that didn’t drop out at some point during the semester (I had no idea because everything was online) and they really appreciated all the honest and hard work I put into my translations.

I just appreciate it so much that this professor gave me honest feedback but at the same time saw my love and ambition. I know it will take me a much longer time than others to be able to reach a really good level of Ancient Greek reading comprehension but I am as determined as ever!

What was the most memorable meal you had this year? Eating pizza on a roof terrace in Naples on a warm summer night.

Did you find any new hobbies or interests in quarantine? I started doing yoga. I took a break later on but a friend of mine is giving online lessons now so I started again.

What was the last big thing you remember doing B. C. (before Covid)? I was at a good friend’s birthday party. A lot of nice people and great food, what more could you want?

Positive things that happened to you/biggest lessons learned in 2020? These are actually two separate questions but I want two answer them as one because I think in my case it makes more sense. It’s also the reason I’m doing this ask meme. I’ve already done quite a few of these and I don’t want my blog to become too monotonous but I think this is an important lesson to learn that I want to share.

This year really sucked. One big setback was that my landlord decided it was a good idea to terminate the lease of my roommate and me during the pandemic (class act). I first wanted to move in with a friend but this didn’t work out so I had to move back in with my parents.

And now I’m just ... so thankful it turned out that way. As I’ve already mentioned, my guinea pig Mia had to be put to sleep on December 25th. The last few years, I always left in the morning of December 24th (after filling the cage with veggies and hay of course) to go to my parents and returned in the evening of December 25th. This year I didn’t and so I immediately noticed in the morning of the 25th that something was wrong with her and took her to the vet. If it had been like the years before, she would have had to suffer a whole day and I would have had a huge shock when coming home and probably wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself. But this way I was able to get help as quick as possible and had someone there to give me a hug.

I still think 2020 sucked. But this way I can make my peace with it a little bit and that is the lesson I take away from it: There are still things to be thankful for even in dark times like these.

What are you most looking forward in 2021? Things returning to (somewhat) normal and me continuing to improve my French skills (I’ve been doing French on Duolingo for a few months now and I hope I’ll stick with it)

#personal #long post

[l0chn3ss]

l0chn3ss update

I feel like the last time I ever really active on tumblr was in the year 2016, so i want to address my absence between 2017-2020. Part of it is because I feel like I owe it to my friends and mutuals who I just basically left on read and another part is because I’ve always treated this blog as a personal blog that documents my life and my growth. I put off writing this for a long time but now that I have a huge paper due, now is definitely the time.

You are welcome to skip but I will address a few hard hitting questions I feel should be answered, especially since I feel like I departed like an anti-hero of a bad tv show.

Where I am currently: I am in grad school to obtain a master’s in library and information science. I have a full time job at different middle school libraries, though I work from home now. I also tutor kids on the side to pay for my tuition because I basically make minimum wage. Quarantine messed with my head at first, but now I’m feeling much better and I’m trying to reconnect with friends and close a lot of loose ends.

TLDR: I took an extended break because tumblr mobile sucks and my laptop needed serious repairs. I made a huge migration away from social media in 2018. I prioritized my education and in-person connections, which fell to shit because of my fandom involvement in the past. I did not like the direction of the main fandom I participated in and knew that many of the people I once respected did not respect me in return/ Us versus them mentality. I recognized that I treated my life on tumblr too seriously and took petty drama personally. I am sporadically on tumblr now because I genuinely enjoy the social connection and because I still like running fandom events.

Yes, you can reblog this. I’d love for this narrative to be heard.

Long version: To preface this, this post is being written to give myself closure and because I really am procrastinating on my final big paper of this semester. I’ll be tackling on the points in the tldr in a longer narrative that will appear to be in an expository fashion, which I recognize will be a source of contention, but my intentions are to throw it onto the table so that I can be freed. I can let it go and move on. I’m no longer a 20 years old who cared too much of what other people think and will think; I think differing perspectives are important and I want to give myself a chance to say my piece. That and I recognize that I lost the audience that I once had, so I doubt this will be an issue at all. It’s been 4 or what ever years, let’s just not.

Back in 2015-2016 there was a huge back and forth between three groups of people in the SE fandom. The reason why I’m not listing out the name is because I don’t want this to show up in the tags. I’d say that the three groups could be seen as quite literally the soma shippers (mostly white, demi sexual girls), lgbt centric bloggers (very kid or star oriented, very fed up with soma), and the people who were deemed as alright to soma shippers (c r ona, ste inm arie, jac k im centric people). There was a constant (and understandable) tension between the first two groups while the third was like the weird cousin that everyone in the social circles liked because they sprinkled in soma for the masses. Don’t argue with me on this-- this was literally how the fandom was in 2015 and you know it.

The main issue was that one group felt that they were being inclusive towards identities and sexualities while the other felt that they were not. I remember that one of the arguments was that soma WAS an LGBT ship because people headcanonned the members to be demisexual. However, the other side of the argument was that it wasn’t good representation of a gay pairing. Now that we can look back at this 5 years later, I have two things to say: 1, I now very much understand why the argument broke out because of how heated the topic is, and I do believe that I lean more towards the “other side” now that I’m not wearing rose tinted glasses, but 2, I need to make it clear that demi people are lgbt, but a headcanon is not fact and ship diversity was the main question at hand, not the ship itself. This argument lasted for weeks, destroyed my friendships, and no matter what I felt I did in the moment (which was to mend the fandom), it was taken as an insult.

(Side note: Somethings that I remember was being in someone’s DM’s to encourage them to participate in the large fandom events more, but once they twisted my intentions and rallied their friends, I became their enemy. I also became the mods’ enemy but then again, when was I not? I was made fun of for saying “queergender,” a term that is now currently being widely used, quite openly by someone I wanted desperately to be friends with. I was outwardly mocked by popular users who only apologized behind closed doors but didn’t bother to clear things up with their followers. Adults who were in their 30s quite literally attacked a 19 year old. It was in that moment that I realized I would never become friends with either side, and not because I didn’t want to.)

I bring this up because as I begun to stop writing soma fics, I also begun to see and understand why people moved away from it. It wasn’t the ship itself, it was the culture surrounding it. However, on tumblr we have the ability to connect intensely with the content we produce. Therefore, the ship itself began to be connected with the shippers and their attitudes towards outside pairings-- that attitude being tied into elitism.

I say this with every ounce of love I can because I once had the exact same mannerism. When you become so tied into one pairing to the point where other ships appear to threaten the existence of it and you react negatively towards it, you become rancid. The popular tag “everything is soma” takes a very dark turn. Even if readers consume another pairing’s work, they will be obliged to say “I ship soma more BUT that was cute.” They will read an entirely different topic and wonder why soma wasn’t inserted into it in the background. They will reject pairings that separate the two as if breaking them up is sin and an insult.

The only reason why I stopped writing my soma fics in 2016 was because I saw a real need to fill in the gaps of other pairings. I took what people were saying to heart and I wanted to change my ways and my perceptions. I saw the animosity of the ship culture and rejected it. I wanted to use what little influence I had to make the fandom just a bit more accepting. In 2016, I don’t think the fandom was ready for it. In 2017, they still weren’t ready for it. In 2020, I see hope, but I wonder sometimes if it’s masqueraded pity because of previous treatment.

In the middle of it all, I went from being the soma angst master to becoming the weird person everyone once knew. I was the friend that people excluded from group chats and I just “wasn’t the same.” Cliques grew extremely large in power in 2017 and exclusion hurt like a bitch.

The straw that broke the camel’s back and completely shut me down was in 2017 when I was graduating as a bachelor. There was a fandom event that I decided to go all in to. For context, there used to be a huge debate on how many times a person should enter in an event, but in my mind, the more exposure the better. My graduation and the event took place at the exact same time, which was cool, but what hurt me was what happened after.

I was lucky enough to be accepted into field school (when you travel to do outdoor excavating) for my major. I’m an anthropologist-- it was an honor. I didn’t plan in advance for it, and if anything, I thought that I would be committed completely to the events and my 5 or what ever entries at the time. I’ve always prided myself in communicating with others, so I made sure to let my partners in the event know what was going on. I was so excited to be going on my first ever excavation and no one at the time said anything otherwise, in fact, they all seemed incredibly supportive. 

What I didn’t know was that I would be called out by name in the event feedback response by one person who felt that I didn’t take the event seriously enough and that I should’ve prioritized my time accordingly. Two of the mods let me know because it referred to me directly, though the name of the submitter was not included. It was not only a slap in the face, but a dumbfound moment that reminded me that wow, fandom content really is someone’s life out there. My enforced silence because of lack of internet in the woods actually upset someone and made them believe that I wronged them, because I put my real life ambitions first before a fandom event.

It was then when I woke up and I remember very clearly thinking to myself: I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to treat my fandom life seriously. I want to participate in fandom for fun, not out of duty. I don’t want to prioritize this life because in the end, if I am hated for putting my work and education first, then I don’t want it.

(For context, I suspect that it was the same person who made a 200 note call out on me during the fandom tension. I respected this person immensely, but I also treated them like the flawed person I believe everyone is. I’m sure because of this, I’m pretty much trash in their eyes, which is totally fine. They have really cute cats so they can’t be all too bad. Don’t look into it too deeply.)

Once my month long field school was up, I was already used to not being on the internet or any of my social media accounts. I didn’t play my mobile games for a month. I didn’t read the news for a month. It was like going cold turkey on the internet, which reshaped my habits entirely. The only time that I had online within that time span was during the weekend, but I spent my time working on my projects and catching up with friends instead of being on apps.

I was also completely fed up with tumblr���s mobile app at the time, so one by one, I deleted my apps. Good bye to tumblr, snapchat, what little I used of instagram, twitter, everything. The only thing I kept was facebook, which was because it is the main platform that I use to message my boyfriend. That meant that any friends I retained from the fandom (who I still contact now) were also friends who had the chance to add me on facebook.

This was the cause of my 2 or 3 year hiatus on tumblr, and therefore the fandom. I occasionally checked back every 6 months to do a few fandom events, but I have several unopened messages and notifications that I haven’t been able to get to. I open my instagram for a few days once a year, and I only go onto twitter if my friends tell me (through facebook) that they dm’d me a post there.

When I left my online persona behind, I quickly strengthened my in person connections. New drama that erupted every other day became replaced with starbucks and boba runs. Reality TV shows replaced fanfiction. Text messages replaced the tumblr activity feed (which still doesn’t work on mobile BTW). I study at cafes unironically with friends instead of typing alone in my room. Overall, it opened my world considerably.

I still like making fun of myself and I try not to take myself seriously. I still make self depreciative memes to send to friends but then double up with kermit heart pics. I’m still a plot bunny, I still write my fics, I still watch my anime, I still play video games, I still sleep at 4am, I still take my depression medication, I still love potatoes, I still use my voice for people who can’t find theirs yet. But I think I’m in a much healthier mindset now, even if I still make stupid shifty posts calling out bad behavior.

Nowadays, I’m working on my Master’s degree in secret. My parents don’t know about it because my mom doesn’t like that I want to go out and do unladylike things like getting an education. I tutor kiddos and I’m really good with younger children, but I’m not going to do anything with kids because I just don’t want to. Instead, I want to work at an archive or a museum to bring my library interests and my anthropology background together. If I had my dream job, I would be a marine archaeologist; however I love my boyfriend of 8 years whom you probably all remember and I really came to terms with my grandeur dreams. I’m extremely happy with living in a small town with loved ones now, and I don’t need to move somewhere far away from my parents to be content. It’s a huge realization.

From 2018 to 2020 I got into actual drama in person while I was job hunting. Adult people suck and honestly it’s kind of embarrassing how ill equipped some people are. Even so, I currently work in middle schools as a media assistant. One of those realms is the library, and honestly it’s like fulfilling a prophecy. As much as I love the social aspect, public schools are an absolute train wreck.

I’m going to wrap this up now. This post is meant to help me close the past and move forward because the fandom culture feels different now. Things from several years ago don’t need to resurface. I want to enjoy my life fully, and fandom life is one of those aspects that I truly did enjoy. I’m going to keep using my voice and act like a fool, but I’m also not going to be losing sleep because of this. People are going to talk about you no matter what, whether positively or negatively, and it’s important to not take it personally.

Idk, go enjoy yourselves. Do things for yourself. It’s more fun that way.

#nessingaround #this was cathartic #huge thank you to my friends who stuck by me and to my friends who welcome me back with open arms #big shout out to my disney girl gang and another big shout out to 'ma girls' #another thank you to my sweethearts on google hang out #and thank you especially to the group of se lgbt users from 2016 who truly did open my eyes to the severity of the fandoms actions #even tho u still hate me and have me blocked hahaha i consider this growth

[ambitionsource]

Are any of the other characters shipping jeric or....? Are Shawn and Cory seeing these developments?

cory and shawn aren’t seeing anything because they literally are so oblivious to 90% of what’s going on around them. especially when it comes to their older brothers. they don’t know a thing. as i said to es, they’re basically the hitchcock and scully of adams. should be fired, but we know they won’t be.

the ones who really know what’s up are riley and isa. they can both sense the vibes (especially on eric’s end) and get that their relationship is deeper than just a work partnership... even if it’s difficult to get eric to admit that out loud. we might be seeing them have such convos with him now and again in S3. they want to get more information out of jack too, but their only effective connection to him is lucas and there’s no way lucas would ever ask jack about that. the thing with lucas is like... he can barely read and understand his own romantic feelings, he is absolute crap at picking up anyone else’s. he never even thinks that eric and jack could have something more than a work relationship from the offset cause it just doesn’t make sense to him. or rather it just never even occurs to him. like yeah he subconsciously thinks of jack like a dad and eric kind of like a weird stepdad, but never does his brain put that together as like oh so there must be something between them too.

(considering his own parents don’t even love each other, that’s not surprising. but anyway).

maya has no perception at all of their relationship and doesn’t care. zay and charlie don’t think about it because they don’t interact with them the same way rilucadora do. dylan one time in sophomore year was like “i think counselor e is into principal jack” and asher was like dylan that’s crazy, they don’t like each other and hate working together and also it would be so unprofessional, jack is a stickler that would never happen. and dylan is just like... guess we’ll see...

and i guess we will see won’t we!

-- Maggie & Es

#jack x eric #aaa friday #ambition quarantine 2020 #oh lucas... lucas lucas lucas #lorelaisrorys #answered

[alywats]

All The Books I Read In 2020

Here she is! The full list of books I read in 2020. My goal was to read 52 books again this year, but once lockdown started I upped it to 100, and I ultimately surpassed even that goal!! I think reading is so important for my personal growth and mental health, so the last two years I have made reading a big priority in my life, and it is the best choice I could have made. This year especially, I found reading to be such a comfort and such a great tool for keeping the quarantine blues at bay. Here’s to all the books I read in 2020, and all the books I will read in 2021! 

132 books, 44,531 pages, and a refreshed passion for learning and growth: 

The Kite Runner- Khaled Hosseini (372 pgs) 4.5

A Discovery of Witches- Deborah Harkness (579 pgs) 2.75

The Call of the Wild and Selected Stories- Jack London (176 pgs) 4

I Wear The Black Hat -Chuck Klosterman (225 pgs) 3.75

Digital Fortress- Dan Brown (430 pgs) 3.75

Night Boat to Tangier- Kevin Barry (224 pgs) 2

The Chemist- Stephanie Meyer (518 pgs) 3

Find Me- Andre Aciman (272 pgs) 3.5

A Walk In The Woods- Bill Bryson (394 pgs) 4.5

Invisible Monsters- Chuck Palahniuk (304 pgs) 2.5

Underland, A Deep Time Journey- Robert MacFarlane (496 pgs) 3.25

The Dutch House -Ann Patchett (337 pgs) 5

Notes From a Small Island -Bill Bryson (324 pgs) 3.75

Home Work -Julie Andrews (560 pgs) 3.5

100 Essential Things You Didn’t Know About Maths and The Arts- John D. Barrow (320 pgs) 2.25

On the Road -Jack Kerouac (307 pgs) 3.5

Train Dreams -Denis Johnson (116 pgs) 4.25

2001: A Space Odyssey -Arthur C. Clarke (297 pgs) 4.75

Educated: A Memoir -Tara Westover (334 pgs) 5

Carrie -Stephen King (253 pgs) 3.5

Dig. -A.S. King (394 pgs) 4

salt slow -Julia Armfield (208 pgs) 3

Don’t Call Us Dead -Danez Smith (96 pgs) 5

Convenience Store Woman -Sayaka Murata (163 pgs) 3.25

The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid: A Memoir -Bill Bryson (288 pgs) 3.75

Who Moved My Cheese? -Spencer Johnson (96 pgs) 3.5

The Truth About Keeping Secrets -Savannah Brown (336 pgs) 4

All-American Poem -Matthew Dickman (85 pgs) 3.5

2010: Odyssey Two -Arthur C. Clarke (320 pgs) 4

Behind Her Eyes -Sarah Pinborough (307 pgs) 3

The Stand -Stephen King (1440 pgs) 4

On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous- Ocean Vuong (246 pgs) 4.5

Homie: Poems -Danez Smith (96 pgs) 4

The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet -Becky Chambers (516 pgs) 3.5

The Silent Patient -Alex Michealide (325 pgs) 3.75

Talking As Fast As I Can -Lauren Graham (205 pgs) 3.5

Gregor the Overlander -Suzanne Collins (326 pgs) 1.5

The Transmigration of Bodies -Yuri Herrera (112 pgs) 2.5

The Deep -Rivers Solomon (166 pgs) 4

The Last Man -Mary Shelley (478 pgs) 3

Oryx and Crake -Margaret Atwood (389 pgs) 4.25

One Summer: America, 1927 -Bill Bryson (456 pgs) 3.5

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe -Benjamin Alire Sáenz (359 pgs) 3

The Climb: Tragic Ambitions on Everest -Anatoli Boukreev (297 pgs) 3.75

2061: Odyssey Three -Arthur C. Clarke (302 pgs) 3

Where I Belong -Alan Doyle (315 pgs) 4

Humble Pi: When Math Goes Wrong in the Real World -Matt Parker (314 pgs) 4

Normal People -Sally Rooney (304 pgs) 4

Dinosaur Tales -Ray Bradbury (144 pgs) 3

Someday, Someday, Maybe -Lauren Graham (340 pgs) 3.25

The Power -Naomi Alderman (341 pgs) 4.25

Deception Point -Dan Brown (558 pgs) 2.5

3001: The Final Odyssey -Arthur C. Clarke (272 pgs) 3.75

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes -Suzanne Collins (540 pgs) 3.5

The Vegetarian-Han Kang (188 pgs) 3

The Map of Salt and Stars -Zeyn Joukhadar (368 pgs) 4.5

One Man’s Wilderness: An Alaskan Odyssey -Sam Keith (224 pgs) 4

11/22/63 -Stephen King (849 pgs) 4.5

The Ballad of Black Tom -Victor LaValle (149 pgs) 3.5

Girl With A Pearl Earring -Tracy Chevalier (233 pgs) 4

The Year of the Flood -Margaret Atwood (431 pgs) 3.5

In A Sunburned Country -Bill Bryson (335 pgs) 3

Disappearing Earth -Julia Phillips (312 pgs) 2.5

The Hidden Life of Trees -Peter Wohlleben (288 pgs) 3.5

The People in the Trees -Hanya Yanagihara (368 pgs) 4

Shadow of Night -Deborah Harkness (584 pgs) 3

High Fidelity -Nick Hornby (340 pgs) 3.5

If It Bleeds -Stephen King (528 pgs) 3.5

Sharp Objects -Gillian Flynn (254 pgs) 4

A Newfoundlander in Canada -Alan Doyle (244 pgs) 4

The Water Dancer -Ta-Nehisi Coates (406 pgs) 4

The Fellowship of the Ring -J.R.R. Tolkien (398 pgs) 5

The Bluest Eye -Toni Morrison (216 pgs) 4

Into the Wild -Jon Krakauer (207 pgs) 4

Fahrenheit 451 -Ray Bradbury (194 pgs) 4

Burial Rites -Hannah Kent (336 pgs) 4.5

The Poet X -Elizabeth Acevedo (368 pgs) 5

The End of October -Lawrence Wright (400 pgs) 1.5

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine -Gail Honeyman (336 pgs) 3.5

Survivor -Chuck Palahniuk (304 pgs) 3.5

Every Song Ever -Ben Ratliff (272 pgs) 2

A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor -Hank Green (452 pgs) 4

The Time Traveler's Wife -Audrey Niffenegger (540 pgs) 3.5

The Body: A Guide for Occupants -Bill Bryson (450 pgs) 3

Mr. Mercedes -Stephen King (437 pgs) 3.5

Girl, Woman, Other -Bernardine Evaristo (453 pgs) 4.5

Midnight Sun -Stephenie Meyer (662 pgs) 2

The Maltese Falcon -Dashiell Hammett (213 pgs) 3

The Hunting Party -Lucy Foley (406 pgs) 4

The Hating Game -Sally Thorne (387 pgs) 2.5

My Year of Rest and Relaxation -Ottessa Moshfegh (304 pgs) 4

Real Life -Brandon Taylor (329 pgs) 4

My Sister the Serial Killer -Oyinkan Braithwaite (226 pgs) 4

The Answer Is...: Reflections on My Life -Alex Trebek (304 pgs) 3

Eileen -Ottessa Moshfegh (272 pgs) 3

Answering Back -Carol Ann Duffy (144 pgs) 4

Then She Was Gone -Lisa Jewell (359 pgs) 3.5

Death In Her Hands -Ottessa Moshfegh (259 pgs) 3.5

This Is How You Lose The Time War -Amal El-Mohtar, Max Gladstone (209 pgs) 4

The Goldfinch -Donna Tartt (771 pgs) 4.5

Shutter Island -Dennis Lehane (369 pgs) 3.5

The Devil All The Time -Donald Ray Pollock (261 pgs) 4

I'm Thinking of Ending Things -Iain Reid (241 pgs) 2

Bunny -Mona Awad (307 pgs) 3

The Snowman -Jo Nesbø (516 pgs) 2.5

Something Wicked This Way Comes -Ray Bradbury (293 pgs) 3

Pretty Little Liars -Sara Shepard (286 pgs) 1

Psycho -Robert Bloch (208 pgs) 3.5

Along Came a Spider -James Patterson (449 pgs) 3

American Psycho -Brett Easton Ellis (399 pgs) 4

Night Sky With Exit Wounds -Ocean Vuong (89 pgs) 4

Arctic Dreams -Barry Lopez (496 pgs) 4

Four Colors Suffice -Robin Wilson (280 pgs) 4.5

My Grandmother Asked Me To Tell You She's Sorry -Fredrik Backman (372 pgs) 3

Such A Fun Age -Kiley Reid (320 pgs) 4

In The Dream House -Carmen Maria Machado (251 pgs) 4.5

Beach Read -Emily Henry (361 pgs) 3.5

The Queen's Gambit -Walter Tevis (243 pgs) 3.5

The Book of Life -Deborah Harkness (561 pgs) 2.5

Atomic Habits -James Clear (319 pgs) 2.5

Heart Berries -Terese Marie Mailhot (143 pgs) 3

The Kiss Quotient -Helen Hoang (323 pgs) 3

Around The World In 80 Days -Jules Verne (252 pgs) 3

Dolores Claiborne -Stephen King (384 pgs) 4.5

Flatland -Edwin Abbott (96 pgs) 3.5

The Impossible Girl -Lydia Kang (364 pgs) 2.5

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through The looking Glass -Lewis Carroll (239 pgs) 3.5

Kiss The Girls -James Patterson (481 pgs) 2

The Bride Test -Helen Hoang (296 pgs) 2.5

In A Holidaze -Christina Lauren (307 pgs) 3.5

‘Twas The Knife Before Christmas -Jacqueline Frost (309 pgs) 2.5

The Great Alone -Kristin Hannah (435 pgs) 4

#booklr #all the books of 2020 #2020 reads #2020 wrap up #books #reads #reading

[deltaengineering]

Winter Anime 2020 Reviews: brought to you by quarantine

aw shit look who’s got the time to do some of these again yeah that’s right it’s me

22/7

For 11/12 of its runtime this was an astonishingly forced exercise in hacky tragic backstory that thoroughly answers the question of what happens when assembly line jobbers jump on the already rickety KyoAni bandwagon. So I was ready to give it a well deserved meme score of 3.14/10. Then it remembered it actually had a gimmick and managed to completely fail at that as well, with one of the most thematically misguided endings I can think of. Oh well, if nothing else I laughed. 2/10

Asteroid in Love

Well, it’s competent and inoffensive. What else can I say? I guess it’s pretty amusing how blatant the gay marriage implications get by the end, but that’s not really, you know, quality all by its own (and Harukana Receive does it better). It’s also weird how its first season clearly ends at episode 9 and it just quickly does a second one in the time it has left. Apart from that it’s a slightly above-average Kiraralike with good character moments but a real drought of content (note: dropping exposition on your topic isn’t content) in the middle. Fun enough, but really doesn’t leave me wanting more. 6/10

Dorohedoro

This had much potential to suck but then it didn’t. The biggest surprise was that Dorohedoro is a comedy; a splatter comedy with a core story worth taking seriously, yes, but this is not horror, or mystery, or even action, even if it has all those elements at points. And it manages to be consistently funny. The other big surprise is that the nonsense really does start to come together and is meaningful where it counts, so it has much better worldbuilding than most. Looks really good too - you might take exception to the CG, but it allowed MAPPA to make the rest look great so it’s overall still a plus. Definitely needs a sequel though, because the plot seems to just get started and then it ends like there’s an episode next week. 8/10

ID: INVADED

Ei Aoki’s Inception fanfic turned out very nice, with neat visuals, cool characters and a story that comes together in the end. I mean, come on, it’s an anime where Kenjiro Tsuda literally talks people to death, how can I not like it. It’s not perfect; it’s stuck with some pacing problems, strangely superfluous side characters and ultimately less ambition than it could (maybe even should) have. But it’s also weird in a good way and moderately thoughtful without being pretentious about it. 8/10

If My Favorite Pop Idol Made It to the Budokan, I Would Die

Romantic comedy? Eh, maybe not quite. Funny riffing on wota dumbassery without being mean-spirited about it? Yep. Oshibudo gets the tone (the critical aspect in a show like this) right and it actually ranks fairly high simply as an idol show when that’s not even the point, which is really surprising. It’s just very charming, even if a little simple. 8/10

Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!

So everyone’s losing their shit over how great Eizouken is and I’m just like nah, man. Not that it’s truly bad, it certainly has its fun moments and undeniably cool animation at times. But it really says a lot when in a show supposedly all about how amazing creativity is, the no-fun-allowed producer is the only character I like - Kanamori is indeed great, shame about Nerdlinger and Plot Device though. And it’s full of the kind of standard boomer animation bromides that just make me think “well, if Ghibli is supposed to be so great, why am I watching this instead of the real thing?” It also has notably poor and uncreative use of background music, which wouldn’t irk me as much if it wasn’t lecturing on the topic. At this point I’m fairly certain that I simply don’t like Yuasa’s style much, no matter what he does. 6/10

Magia Record: Puella Magi Madoka Magica Side Story

So I’m watching the “final” episode of this and I realize that I care about this random, poorly explained fanservice fight between Mami and Sayaka much more than I care about any of the characters this show is ostensibly about. And that’s pretty much Magireco in a nutshell: It has very little of its own, what it does have is split among way too many video game characters, and it’s at its best when it’s just being dumb and bombastic or lazily replicating the style of Madoka. It’s definitely not good (and the things it does to the Madoka lore are double ungood), but as long as you keep in mind that it’s just meaningless Madoka-ish things, it’s barely entertaining enough. 5/10

Natsunagu!

Natsunagu turned out to be a pleasant (if very cheap) short film that’s severely compromised by broken up into weekly 3-minute chunks. Episodes that short can work, but not for material that depends on atmosphere and character engagement. I can only assume I’d like it more if I watched it all in one go. 5/10

Science Fell in Love, So I Tried to Prove It

This one started out as a one-note romantic comedy with the rare novel note, which then got more and more tired as it went on, and the introduction of decidedly less novel characters didn’t help. But by the end it recovered somewhat from not being much good at comedy anymore by being actually pretty good at paying off a romance, which is maybe even rarer. Remove bear though, what the hell. 6/10

Somali and the Forest Spirit

Somali just kept doing its thing (which is dadfeels/protect the blob). Still can’t think of another show so intensely laser-focused on that one thing, to the point they’re constructing an entire fantasy universe around it. I liked the fluffy/introspective parts a lot more so than the grimdark/”let’s get Somali into some danger so dad can rescue her” ones, but at least the former ones are more common overall, and I understand that both are important for the other one to work. So yeah, good show, even if I wish it used the big guns less often. 7/10

Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun

I wasn’t too hot on this one at first (apart from the looks, which were always really cool), but I have to say it has won me over by the end. It has likeable and occasionally funny characters, some meat to its setting and a mildly interesting streak of intrigue running though it. Of course it also doesn’t really answer anything, but I’m satisfied. 7/10

Yatogame-chan Kansatsu Nikki S2

Peer pressure presents: the other tourism short of the season, ft. material that fits the format. While it’s still not really good, it’s an improvement over S1. Mainly because it stops trying to extract humor from the characters themselves and gets back to dropping the hot #nagoyatruths, which are the thing I’m here for. 6/10

#anime #review #winter2020 #22/7 #asteroid in love #dorohedoro #id:invaded #oshibudo #eizouken #magia record #natsunagu #science fell in love so i tried to prove it #somali and the forest spirit #toilet-bound hanako-kun #yatogame-chan #nagoyatruths

[alarajrogers]

And then one day you find, ten years have got behind you

A lot of people post hopeful, positive messages like “It’s never too late” and “You’re never too old” and I’m not gonna lie, at age 50 sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that Georgia O’Keefe was 70 before her art career began. But I’ve got a different message for y’all.

If there is something you burn to do, something that has consumed all of your ambitions for years, something you spend enormous amounts of time planning to do or thinking about doing... do it. Do it now. You suck at it? Doesn’t matter, you won’t get better until you do it. You don’t have time to do it? You’re going to be 50, 60, 70 someday and then you’ll really feel like you don’t have time and you could be a recovered cancer patient in the middle of a pandemic that kills people like you going “Oh shit, I never actually did the thing I wanted to spend my life doing!” YouTube can wait. Tumblr can wait. Spend at least some time doing it, as often as you can.

I wrote my first story when I was 4. (It was a fanfic. My OC paired up with my two favorite heroes as her best friends. Very environmentally conscious; it was the 70′s, so it was all about Pollution Is Bad.) I have wanted to be a published writer my whole life. Not just a writer -- I am a writer. I’ve written over 4 million words in my lifetime. How many of those are professionally publishable, though?... a hell of a lot fewer.

I have published four short stories in professional markets, one of which never actually went to press as far as I know and two of which were authorized fanfic. I have also been one of three authors on a published technical book that’s already out of date. I have not published any novels. I’ve made, lifetime, about $2500 on writing, which would be awesome if I was 24, but I’m 50. It would also be awesome if writing was just a hobby for me, something to do to relax, rather than the sole burning passion of my life and one of the reasons I was put on this planet and the highest ambition I have anymore. And it’d be fine if I never intended to publish original work and all I wanted to do was write good fanfic and become a niche BNF focusing on single favorite characters in each of the fandoms I join.

But it’s not fine, because I wanted to make a living at this, or at least make enough to justify not working full time anymore. And it’s not fine, because when I’m on, when I know my characters and I know what happens next and I’m focused and the flow is with me, I can write 1500 words an hour... which means if I did it 4 hours a day, 5 days a week, like it was a job, I could put out a novel in three weeks. Have I finished any novel at all since 1992 or so? No.

And it’s not fine because I’m 50, and I’m a cancer survivor, and I have diabetes, which ruined my mom’s life before cancer finally killed her, and I have depression, and I’m living in a pandemic, and not only am I not done with my life’s ambition, I’ve barely started. I spent my life writing fanfic and goofing off and letting work that really did not deserve so much time and attention from me steal my life. And yeah, we all know we could be hit by a bus tomorrow, but a pandemic that’s killed 160,000 of my fellow Americans and that our fucked-up, idiotic, sadistic, selfish black hole of leadership has no plan for fixing or even ameliorating is out there, and I could be dead within weeks. Anyone could, but I’ve got medical history here, and I’m the only driver in my family so “just stay home and self-quarantine” isn’t actually an option even though I work from home.

Most of you guys out there are young, or at least, a lot younger than me. And a lot of you are just doing what you do for fun, a hobby, a way to relax and pass time and enjoy yourself, and my message is not for you. You’re fine, keep doing what you’re doing. But if it’s your life’s passion to be a published author, or a comic book artist, or an animator, or whatever, then get out there and do it. Not to the exclusion of all else -- even your passion shouldn’t eat your life -- but don’t accept excuses from yourself as to why you haven’t done anything to move yourself forward in your ambitions in a couple of weeks. Because you just don’t have as much time as you think you do. Thirty years is forever when you’re 20 but it’s so much shorter when you’re 50. You’ll look back and think where did all the time go? and Why didn’t I do more of this when I was younger? Because no matter how hard I work right now, nothing’s ever going to give me those thirty years back. And yeah, I spent some of that time getting better at my craft, sure, but I could have been doing this twenty years ago. I’ve been planning this 52 Project for over ten years, I could have done it in 2010 instead of 2020. The novel I started in 2006? Why is it not done? If this is how I want to make my mark on the world, why did I think I had the freedom to just... not do it?

I mean... of the 19 stories I’ve published since April 3, 7 of them have been completely written brand-new since February, which works out to one complete story from scratch a month, and I’ve revised or completed 16 others (not all of which have been published yet, that includes my backlog), and I’ve got 8 more that I’ve worked on substantially this year but haven’t finished yet. I could have done this any time. I’ve written 100,000 words of original short stories this year so far and also half of a children’s chapter book. If I’d had output like this for my original work in any previous year, ever, I’d be a lot closer to achieving my dreams now.

None of us know how much time we have left, but even 80 years isn’t going to turn out to be all that much if you don’t do the thing you love and desperately want to be a success at. If you burn with the need to do a thing, do it. Do it now. Or real soon, anyway.