#americans.... do you realize..... people dont have to suffer.............

[swearingcactus]

OC playlist meme

i was tagged by @civilization-illstayrighthere for an OC playlist meme, thank you so much! gonna follow the cool kids and post a wip/fic excerpt along the songs :^)

What do I gotta do? I'm standing on the edge with you, thinking, "Don't look down"

despite the johnny chapter in the pick me up fic being titled after Miracle Aligner, and a line there that's clearly referencing Alien Blues, this song's the one that i think describes the don't fear the reaper ending because of v's dilemma (what do i gotta do) and how johnny and v are right at 'the edge' together.

Who are we, brothers, here mourning? Where, o where is quiet Johnny? Quiet Johnny can't be saved Where, o where is quiet Johnny? Quiet Johnny, quiet grave

Ignoring that Johnny is NOT quiet, this was a vibe and a half for this wip of a horror take on night city that v listens as kerry narrates. i always like the way that cyberpunk despite their facade as cyber and punk, has a very folklore-ish story. there's a lot of scenes like when you meet alt in the net that feels mythical, you're trying to beat a 'curse', you're selling your soul to devils, you're reaping what you sow, there's whole side missions with summoning AIs from the dark web and pentagrams on the floor. also johnny's grave being in bumfuck nowhere prolly fucked him up and as consequence fucked v up too.

I'm just an animal looking for a home Share the same space for a minute or two And you love me till my heart stops Love me till I'm dead

this song is my take on how v just goes through life. there's something about him being a really desperate animal trying to survive but also being ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ about his whole situation that he decided to go the 'fuck it we ball' route for his last few months that's really funny. probably why i like putting him in increasingly ridiculous situations.

last one for a bonus!

You need a six-foot-two bespectacled motherfucker who won't suffer no fool He's a big bad dog from the BBC And he won't break eye contact with a nazi!

this is seriously how i view johnny and v slowly getting closer and then deciding to have each others back because they realize the world's absolutely fucked and way worse than them combined. the whole "you're in charge, you can do it!" thing is just johnny hyping v up during the dont fear the reaper ending and you can't change my mind. it is my great wish that one day i'll manage to make the animatic so other people can see what i'm seeing in my head.

tagging: @glitchinginthegarden @another-corpo-rat @killyourrdarlingss @toshkakoshka @kbysh-kds @bitchofedensgate @cranky-kyrati and anyone else who'd like to join! (no pressure if you wanna skip!)

#first tag game for my v aahhh #i'd do this for my far cry ocs too but im still in the cyberpunk mood #pick me up fic #cyberpunk 2077 #i gotta figure out a tag for my lil guy v but his name follows canon so :/ #you can tell why all my doodles are so chaotic when tom cardy is part of his soundtrack #wip wips

[finitefall]

hope you dont take this the wrong way.. but maybe dont get involved when you dont know the people in the post..

Hi, anon. I'm sure plenty of people agree with you: "Catherine, you don't know the people who were first involved, just because you saw the post on your dashboard since two people you follow answered doesn't mean you should too". And in certain circumstances, you would be right. In those circumstances, however, I don't agree with you.

I've read the entire post, and I did hesitate to reblog and add my own answer. Why? Because I got death threats myself both IRL and online. Because I'm suffering from mental illness and as someone who attempted suicide, I asked myself if it would be in my interest to risk having someone telling me to kill myself. It wouldn't be the first time, either. I even considered ignoring your message, anon. Avoid answering to this, because I'm not stupid: that answer isn't gonna make me popular. But... if people want to hate me, they will anyway.

Here's the original post @lady-phasma answered to:

I deserve a dark haired lover with soft eyes and a heart full of love

Nothing, I repeat, nothing in this post mention being white or a BIPOC. Nothing. Having dark hair doesn't mean crap. And what does this woman who thought they were only answering to a post about your tastes got? Insults. Accusations of racism. Death threats. When OP could have just said it wasn't for white people. Those who didn't want to understand that deserved to be blocked, but she didn't get an opportunity to realize she had answered on a post that wasn't for her and her tastes.

Then, someone who's actually a mutual, @la-pheacienne, was accused of using the n word. A black woman said she used the n word twice, when she absolutely never did such a thing. I would have blocked her myself and reblogged the post just to warn people of who she truly was if she had done such a thing. People have to realize how serious that accusation is. You can't just accuse people of being racists like it's a joke.

I'm not from the US. I'm French and have always lived in France, but I learned to check my white privilege very often. I'm not being colorblind like many people saying they're "not racist": you're either racist or antiracist. There's racism here too, hi. We're not the US, thank God, but still.

Have you watched Fruitvale Station, a 2013 movie inspired by the murder of a 22 years-old African-American by a police officer? Or a more popular one, When They See Us, a 2019 miniseries about the arrest and conviction of five young boys? Do you remember Trayvon Martin? George Floyd? Breonna Taylor? All the others I want to name here but I'm not sure how their names are spelled? Those aren't trick questions, it's only leading to this one: would you like their families to see this post? Honestly?

You know why I got involved? Because it was the right thing to do. Because I've never been a quiet witness to those things. I don't care whether or not I know the person who's being insulted and threatened. I've defended someone who used to bully me in school, once. Why? Because it was right at that time, when that person was being threatened. I still don’t have a high opinion of them, but that didn’t mean what was happening right in front of me was all right. If you only say something because it's your friend and you like them, I don't know if you actually believe in anything besides defending your friend.

People have unfollowed me. I'm glad. I don't want people who think what happened was all right to follow me. If people want to send me threats, I have a strong moral support now that I didn't have years ago. What's important for me is to not pretend I didn't see something going against what I believe in. I know people love to look the other way, but I've never done it and I'm not about to start now just because it would make my life easier and because more people would like me.

I've checked that woman's blog and apparently she'll be all right. With someone else, that might not have been the case. You know people do commit suicide because of what they're being told online? It's not just about @lady-phasma. It's not just about one of my mutuals having been accused of being a racist. Perhaps it's about me, in fact. About the fact that I can't imagine seeing this, think "lol it's ridiculous" and go watch TV. Believe me, people have told me to back off enough times in my life for me to realize that this isn't an attractive personality trait, but that's how I am.

#here we go i guess #answered

[marsti]

hey, feel free to delete this if you are uncomfortable answering, but i have seen a post circulating lately claiming all tealbloods are jewish coded and i could not find any other jewish people say that in any other place so i wondered if you have a take on the subject? i dont want to dismiss anything said on that post or anything, but the lack of discussion everywhere else just felt kind of weird since tealbloods are well loved and talked about a lot

oh! big big big subject right there, this isn't the first time i've talked abut this and tl;dr i think it's a giant reach

now longer version:

iirc this all started with stelsa having the bullet point "troll jewish" on her original troll call, which referred to how she doesn't believe in the sufferer. this was eventually removed as it was pointed out that having it there made her an example of the jewish american princess trope which is harmful to jewish women. this is true and to be clear it is a good thing that the bullet point was removed, even though it doesn't change much about the trope she represents in the long run. at least the writers tried to correct themselves a bit.

i think this controversy made people look at homestuck and specifically tealbloods with a newfound critical lens, but i'll be honest... i can only speak as a single jewish person, but i don't think "terezi is a lawyer and eats the color red" is quite enough to go screaming blood libel. because if we're talking about the same post, then that post SPECIFICALLY claims tealbloods to be antisemitic stereotypes and i just don't agree with that. the only one who actually is that is stelsa, everything else is inference based on hypercritical thinking that doesn't actually help anyone imo.

and now i'm gonna go off on antisemitism in homestuck and a much more direct critique of that post:

if you wanna talk antisemitism in homestuck, look at rose: she's literally just a jewish american princess trope at first. as the story progresses she stops being that, but the fandom often forces her into it again because they don't realize that's what they're doing. like, hey, she's canonically a hardcore gamer! but people shove her into the "prim and proper rich therapist girl" box, and jewish fans have been telling people to stop doing that for a while but nobody listens.

the original post i saw on the subject of tealblood being jewish-coded felt disingenuous to me, because i don't see people worrying about any of the actual antisemitism in homestuck. it treated the subject as a puzzle to be solved to prove the secret prejudice of the text, when the antisemitism is right there but it's not as fun so people don't actually care.

kanaya drinks blood, she rejected her strict (christian coded) upbringing and married a jewish woman in a jewish wedding. if i wanted to rile people up i could easily point to that as a much more direct example of blood libel, but i DON'T because that's not what's happening there and we all know it. it's a mary/christ allegory and a "what if twilight but lesbian" joke that just happens to line up with conspiracy theories if you read into it with the intention to find it there. the fact is, antisemitism is much more direct and frankly boring than people think.

now i'm not saying the original post was definitely disingenuous, i'm not a mind reader, but i really do want to urge everyone here to examine the idea being presented: that there are subtextual clues that will help you find the secret jews who hide everywhere jewish coding of a character. that's freakishly close to actual conspiracy thinking and it will not lead you down a good path.

#ask #anonymous #homestuck #long post #sorry for making this so long anon i have a lot to say ahahah

[mon-chert]

Is nyx and Ranboo a symbiote situation? Does nyx have a form outside of his host? How did Ranboo come to accept being a host for a cannibalistic entity? What do other people think of this?

Sorry if these are dumb questions or if they have already been answered. I think nyx is p neat

OH GOD YOU ARE MISTAKING NYX FOR THE ENTITY AHAHA, okay i realize some people may not be familiar with nyx so let me explain

the entity (the one you are thinking about) is the antagonist of my generation loss au. it is ONLY referred to as the entity, or just "it" ↓

nyx is an oc of mine, who is ranboo's tethered from an Us au (Us is a horror movie by jordan peele and my favourite movie of all time; and without spoiling much, the tethered are clones of american citizens). ive made the au standalone though so that it isnt confined to the worldbuilding of the movie. he's just a silly little guy ↓

as for the answers for your questions about the entity, ill put them under this cut since the post is already a bit long!

Is [the entity] and Ranboo a symbiote situation?

closer to a parasite, actually. i get where youre coming from by symbiote with venom and all, but theres absolutely nothing mutually beneficial about the relationship between ranboo and the entity. and no the entity isnt meant to be similar to venom at all, that just kind of happened

Does [the entity] have a form outside of his host?

(the entity is referred to with it/its pronouns btw) sort of, yes it does, but it needs a host to properly interact with the physical world because of what its made of. the closest description to a physical form for it is a conglomeration of dark matter, but when it enters our levels of reality it takes on something that has properties closer to a blood virus or parasite. if you want to know how it looks appearance wise? i promise this isnt a cop out, but i genuinely dont think it would be describable

How did Ranboo come to accept being a host for a cannibalistic entity?

it took having to wake up next to a half-digested body for them to stop denying what was happening to them, and them accepting the entity's presence is... very much just resignation to the fact that they cant do anything about it. theyre just going along with what it makes them do, because they know otherwise they and everyone else they know will suffer grave consequences

What do other people think of this?

they dont—ranboo's main goal is to keep the entity's existence a secret both from those around him and the authorities, which is obviously really difficult. the only person that knows of it is sneeg, and the entity only kept him around because of his legal prowess, to use him to keep ranboo out of getting caught by authorities (sneeg only goes along with this cause of the threat to his life). and the only other person that learned of it... lets just say they werent so lucky.

Sorry if these are dumb questions or if they have already been answered. I think [the entity] is p neat

youre all good!! dont worry about that, always love talking about my ocs hehe

#the entity #nyx #ask game #ask #👁

[1d1195]

A PENNY?!?! Sam literally how?! AND FOR JEANS?! but you know what I would try to achieve that high again too lol But yay for shopping! Hope you got some lovely stuff bestie!

Dealing with teens all day for the entire work week is CRAZY so I dont blame you for having constant headaches lol oddly enough my brother is the one that suffers from headaches lol Oh hormones for sure cause the stomach to be wack which is so unfair! this period will NOT affect you on your break!! A period is never fun but hope youre taking care of yourself!

ME TOO!!! I do not fit in those flared/bell bottom jeans thats trendy now which is tragic solely because that's all i ever see in stores!?! Im also not even close to being considered tall or petite and those just make me look so off too bahah So skinny jeans for me have always been the option where although not the best option, they are the lesser evil of jeans lol

AWW that's so cute! Little Sam was such an icon for that!(you still are obvi) You should for sure should revisit the marry janes for the fall!!! I am waiting for that day too! Sam I don't think you know how much of a HATER i am of electric scooters, i am fighting a battle everyday trying not to get killed by them on campus 😭 But I love that coleege was walkable for you! It must have been nice getting to know the area well!

I had a feeling you played softball at least! Idk if my mind was just projecting the Made to be Universe/storyline but softball seemed like something you would have done/enjoyed! But omg you were like a full on athlete?! That's so cool! Not the injuries of course but the rest is!

I tense up so quickly because im very awkward about my feelings😭SAM THERE HAD TO BE MANY THAT FOUND YOU HOT! i kid you not being smart is SO attractive! Plus a cute girly who is GOOD at math in a typically guy dominated field!? The puns seem like a very you thing and i love that honestly! I think its so cute when people do that!

ALSO THAT POLL😭 bestie I cant choose😭I need them ALL! I spent a good minute thinking about my vote lol very excited though!

Have such a lovely start to your break Sam! love you!-💜

If there is a coupon I will find it lol. I can't tell you how many times I've signed up for American Eagle text messages and then unsubscribed just to get 15% off every time. I think I had a crazy reward and then the jeans were already on sale. I'm pretty sure they have to charge you something in order for the sale to go through so I think they HAD to charge me something.

I'm already enjoying my break actually despite my period. Thank God for Midol tbh I think I would die without it. My body is very clockwork so after cramps for a FUN 24 hours it's usually much more manageable. I HAVE to take meds though even if I don't feel crampy right away. The second my body realizes I'm on my period it's like "TIME FOR CRAMPS" and again, if I don't take the meds right away I get behind the pain and I am FUCKED for the remainder of the 24 hours.

I am trying to relax as much as possible because May and June are going to be crazy with senior prom/graduation and stuff. Plus I've outsourced myself as well for lots of other projects 🙃 I really need to learn to say no (time to reread Dolcezza) But I plan on finishing this book I'm reading (I haven't done very well reading lately, but I'm telling myself it's okay because it's not a race and I read a lot early on.) I do have to do some lesson planning but I actually enjoy that because I find math soothing like a psychopath hahahahaha

That's amazing you like skinny jeans. I feel so ostracized sometimes when it comes to my jeans choices. All my friends and coworkers have moved on with the trends and I'm still in 2013/2014/2015/2016 hahaha. VERY controversial: I actually really like jeans. I always by jegging jeans so they're super stretchy and comfy. Obviously if I can wear leggings I will hahahaha.

I'm crying about the electric scooter. You must be on a sizable campus to have electric scooters that's so funny. People drove their bikes/skateboards around campus a lot but no scooters. I loved the area my college was in (I actually live down the street from it in an apartment now because I love this area so much) it's very much the setting behind My Friend's Toyota hahaha

LOOK AT YOU MISS DETECTIVE HAHAHAHAHA I didn't even realize that about Made to Be that's so funny and true. I tried a bit of everything tbh. I did swimming (mostly so I wouldn't die growing up on the beach) and tennis lessons which I wasn't good at either but I really enjoyed anyway. I suck at ice skating (do you know how often you use your ankles for pretty much every sport? 🙃) and idk what it is about basketball but I may as well just sit in the middle of the court it would be less harmful to those around me.

OH BESTIE SAME HERE ABOUT FEELINGS. Everyone around me told me my bf liked me before we started dating and I was like "No he doesn't he thinks I'm gross" ☠ if they found me hot and attractive I kinda wish they told me! 😭 it's selfish but it would have done a nice boost to my ego. I was never the 'looked' at friend if you will. I called myself The DUFF™ all throughout middle and high school I really did a number on my self-esteem 😭 I am probably a little toxic when it comes to being a STEM girly lol because I tried so hard in high school and college to prove I was just as smart as the boys (sometimes more actually 😉)

For the poll it's just about the order which I think is kind of fun! I hope other people are enjoying it--I find it really helpful! I thought I did a lot of my more "obscure" stories on the last round of voting so I thought it would be nice to bring back some of the more popular series. I almost threw Protection on there too but thought it was too much (and too mean to make that decision) hahahaha

💕💕

xoxo

#💜

[invisiblerxch]

hello. Today I gave an entrance exam for a backup (college) plan. It was my first time giving a competitive exam and it went horrible ( atleast in my head)

Reasons for why it went bad? Well there are plenty.

With the change in education system due to pandemic, everything is fast paced and completely new. I think I realize what it's like to be an adult. Not long ago I used to called myself a child but I think I need to grow up and keep up with the world now. Admittedly the main reasons for why I did bad in the exam is solely my fault. I rushed it, wasn't aware, lazy, all over the place, didn't keep with entrance exams date or the syllabus and didnt prepared for it earlier.... i could have, I should have but i did not.

Not long I didn't even wanna apply for the exams for colleges due to being tired with continously giving exams (only few weeks before I had given my last high school main exams that was a month long process)

I didn't manage my time well, I didn't take it seriously. Thinking I'll hop in the last days and you know some how make it.

That's a lie actually. These exams aren't easy.

I keep thinking about my situation.

What makes me so entitled to even think that the universe would pick me and make me smooth sail all my problems? How pathetic.

Looking at all the other peers who are giving there best for months long, have devoted time in practicing and being productive. They are better. And there is no denying.

I was foolish. And Im sad. I didn't knew that I was delusioned to the point I forgot where I stood.

I stand nowhere.

My reality is that I'm not working for my future. And that I've been ignorant for it a long time. I see other kids all aware, excited and always striking ahead in opportunities.

And what have I done ? I've been giving excuses of depression and being stuck at one point. Im simply not excited for life anymore. I fantasy about the American dream in my head uk the girl boss being rich and sh*t. But in all truth I've been having hard time grasping my life conditions. I'm aware of lot of stuff about myself. I know I'm not eating well (or at all) sleeping too much, using social media to distract myself.

I fee like my mind has degraded and my body doesn't responds to me anymore.

I've seen people moving forward. I've seen everyone I knew moving forward to the point I'm not even surprised.

A lot of things are making me bitter. I'm not smart, don't consider myself pleasing, have identity crisis and have anxiety.

I try to feel jolly good for the people around me for their friendships, hobbies, relationships, simply for how they live.

Idk why I keep them all in a pedestal but deep down I really hate seeing people being happy. Not because I want something worse for them. It's just I'm jealous because i feel that certain happiness can't be mine.

Pandemic shut me off completely. I thought I was healing and all but all I've been doing is being caved in a room. The moment I thought I was coming out of my shell the stress of multiple exams hit me. And I couldn't take it, made excuses to get lost in my dreamland and wasted time. Now I suffer.

Maybe it's me being over dramatic ( ik I am) but I learned that time really doesn't give a shit about ya. Lmao

And as I keep ranting, the more I write the more I really wanna punch myself. I sound like a crybaby.

But anyways as I come to conclusion of whatever I wrote. I think at the end I still want to pat myself in the back.

Again I did horrible in my exam and got another main one coming. I dont wanna start with extra positivity and "you'll be fine/okay" bullshit. Those words seem vague idk why...

I just want to try. I really wanna try. The entrances are country wide and is hella competitive. One side of me thinks that absolutely in no way "i" would make it. But another part of me just really wanna give my best shot.

It's just I don't know how.

How do people accomplish themselves? Ive always wondered that... maybe its time for me to adapt and learn as well.

Anyways just a rant. I kept thinking about how horrible I gave my exam today and thought by distracting I would get over it. I couldn't. I just wanted to acknowledge it.

But I got no friends who would listen to me talk this long hahah... I guess I just wanted to speak it out loud.

Universe if you listening. Pls just give me strength to believe in myself once again.

#examstress #rant #howcanthisreachouttootherpeoplesoicanfindfriends #examcoping

[meddlingking]

what is wrong with americans

#healthcare #universal healthcare #health insurance #bernie #bernie 2020 #bernie sanders #politics #us politics #america #us #this is why people in labor are always shown driving in their own cars to the hospital #screamin and shit damn #americans #americans.... do you realize..... people dont have to suffer............. #twitter #tweets #free healthcare #free universal healthcare

[libbee]

HOW TO HEAL FROM PAST TRAUMA AS A LADY?

I dont know how men heal from trauma because society expects different things from men i.e. power, status, money, networking and connections.

As a lady and the one who is not so outgoing, this is how I chose to heal from my trauma:

Close that chapter of your life. You cannot move ahead if you keep rereading the same pages again and again. One trauma leads to another trauma. We are not capable of making right decisions when we are thinking emotionally. Mistakes happen in a rush, impulsive, irrational manner.

Ego means to be able to make your own life choices and to have your own reasons for making those choices. It is not a bad thing. Exercise your ego over your life.

Never givaway your powers to somebody else. No one should have power over your mind, emotions, body. As young girls, we are fooled by media that men need to be "pleased". That you have to stand on one leg to please others and impress others. It is rather the other way around. It seems hard for someone with low self esteem to understand that it is the men who should please women and not women who should please men. Women should never be people pleasers.

Never expect or ask for apology. People can give explanation, justification or blame you back, but they never apologize for their bad behaviour. It is out of shame, insecurity and fear of looking weak. So do not expect apology.

But do forgive everyone. Not because they deserve the forgiveness but because you deserve the peace and self confidence.

Karma is like a boomerang. It is accumulated and every action has a reaction. You do not have to see it through. You do not need to know how the perpetrator of karma is punished. Just forget it and stop caring about it.

Virtue, values, morals are real things. In this age of free love, casual sex, kinks and porn culture, you might be called lame and boring for having values/morals. People also argue that "morals are subjective" - what is moral for one person might not be moral for the other. But this is just an excuse to justify bad life choices. I have seen a lot of people hiding behind the masks of "modern lifestyle" and "American lifestyle", but they also change their stance to project a better image of themselves when anything "respectable" is mentioned. The point is, American culture or whatever we are taught on internet these days about casual sex, open relationships and polyamory as being honest, consensual and advanced lifestyles is actually a community of low conscious energy people. Remember! Sensual pleasures should NEVER be glorified. They only lead to desires and suffering. A spiritual person would know this.

It might be tempting to walk onto the slippery slope of sensual pleasures and mindless entertainment when you are young and naive. But in the end you will realize that it was not worth it. What looked like a shiny apple was rotten in its core. So contemplate on life and what are the things that really matter and ruthlessly say NO to everything else.

It might feel boring in the beginning to switch off mindless entertainment or disconnect with the online world. Find a purpose in life and devote yourself to it. This purpose should be your inner calling not something you have copied off of someone else.

I have personally no interest in romance and love (despite being venus in 8th house). These are cheap temporary boosts to elevate your low self esteem and feel important in life. The whole thing about love and romance is probably a mental illness, a marketing gimmick for children and teenagers. It is an illusion and fooling yourself that you are happier than you really are.

#astrology observations #astrology #astro community #astro observations #shadow self #occult #astroblr

[jeonfiles]

better left unsaid - jjk

genre: angst, rebounds

pairings: jungkook x reader (ft. namjoon)

warnings: arguing, alcohol, profanity, break ups, light smut, use of drugs, jungkook is a fucking dick, jungkook has major attachment issues, toxic relationships, oc cries a lot, namjoon has a heart of gold, unrequited love

synopsis: you knew you shouldnt have given him that second chance, not the third or the fourth either. no matter how much you try he always slithers his way underneath your sheets, arms wrapped around you.

word count: 2.7k

music: into your arms, so it ends?, you will fade, thinkin bout you, julia, my insecurities not yours, fuck u, goodluck, my dear i will think of you

note: uhh ive never written a y/n fic so bare with me, if u listen to the music you’ll be able to feel the story a lot more so yeah if u have time u should, not proof read

Light coming through the cracks of the blinds, making you squint your eyes when the daylight beams into your eyes, head resting on the kitchen island Looking up, you saw the clock ticking on the wall, 11:32 am.

You had stayed up till 5 am, waiting for him to come home, but seemingly, he never did. Reaching for your phone, you saw 4 missed calls from the one and only,

Jeon Jungkook, saved in your phone as “Koo <3″, Rows of messages too, all from the same contact.

Koo <3 [05:34 am]

baby pkck me up pleseee

im so wsated

Koo <3 [06.46am]

dont be mad at me jsut pick me up

i dont knw hewere the fuck i am

i love you

Koo <3 [07:31 am]

i got a rde home i’ll be home by 12

i need to talk to someone frsit

im sorry if i woke ypu dont be worried

You took a few moments to collect your thoughts, but there wasn’t much to collect. This whole thing, was a routine by now.

Standing up to make yourself a cup of coffee, you could literally not feel your own backside, you were so sore from the barstool you had been sitting on all night, and it made you groan in pain.

Two coffee cups right beside the kitchen sink, which you couldn’t bring yourself to clean up, because it was from the last time you had coffee together, which was 2 weeks ago.

The inside of the cup had a coffee crust at the top, and both your lip tint marks on the outside.

When you finish your cup of coffee while watching a bad telenovela, you go sit in your favorite chair and pull out a few books from the backpack hanging on the chair next to you, getting ready to get some studying done.

For a few seconds you imagine Jungkook hanging over your shoulder laughing at the way you write your A-s and R-s, or the way you always sign your homework at the bottom of the page.

And when you open them, there’s no one there. The only sound is from the refrigerator, making refrigerator noises.

You had met Jungkook 3 years ago, when you were at college orientation, senior year of high school. He also wanted to attend Yonsei, just like you.

And when he whispered to you about how bored he was, you couldn’t help but giggle, and then you got yelled at.

It was worth it though, because everyone was jealous of you afterwards,the  Jeon Jungkook had talked to you.

Jungkook was an all-rounder as they called it; great physique, intelligent, charismatic and great at sports.

And god, he had a beautiful face, and such a filthy mouth, and it didn’t go long before you gave in to his seductive ways and slept with him. The morning after, he wasn’t in bed with you, and your heart sank.

Luckily, he was in the kitchen making you breakfast.

It was all bliss from there, showering you with love, gifts and kisses for two years, and you even ended up moving in together.

And now? You barely remember what he sounds like, smells like and is like.

A distant memory, just as distant as him.

Your train of thought was suddenly interrupted as you heard 3 knocks on your door. The exact same way he had always knocked when he had forgotten (or lost) his keys.

And even though you should have let him suffer a little, you rushed to the door to open it, and in front of you, was your biggest nightmare.

It was your love, crying his eyes out, bleeding from one of many cuts on his face, looking nearly dead. He collapsed into your arms, and you could only utter a few words, along the lines of:

“How could you do this to us?”

As he was laying curled up in a ball on the couch, face plastered up, ice bag on his knee, wrapped up in a blanket, you realized. this was your que to cry.

So, you did. You cried in silence, sitting across the room from him. You weren’t mad at him for coming home late, or getting in another fight, probably the 5th just these past months, you had gotten used to that by now.

There was a whole other reason that made you cry.

He smelled like Victorias Secret Bombshell, you recognized the scent because it used to be your favorite,  however, now you’ve moved onto something less sweet, and more elegant, like Caroline Herrera.

He smelled like someone who wasn’t you, his girlfriend.

He smelled like another girl.

It didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would. Maybe because the Jungkook that had come home to you that morning wasn’t your Jungkook.

Your Jungkook was varsity jackets, star of the american football team (which your school was known for), selfless and humorous, and he would always take care of you.

Your Jungkook was not ungroomed hair, cigarettes and worsening grades. He was not cold and lifeless, and he would never make you cry.

Despite this, you were carding your fingers though his hair, thumb wiping away the blood on his lips while he was sound asleep as you slowly fell asleep next to him.

Maybe it was time to let him go. 

Maybe.

You woke a few hours later from your phone vibrating.

Kim Namjoon (school) [07:01 pm]

Hey Y/N! Have you started working on the statistics assignment?

If you haven’t, would you be interested in meeting at the library tomorrow? You’re really smart and i’m kinda struggling ://

You [07:03 pm]

i finished it yesterday, but if you buy me coffee i’ll come help you hehe

Kim Namjoon (school) [07:04 pm]

You’re the best, I’ll bring you a machiatto!! :D

Maybe it would be nice for you to get out of the house, even though you hate the thought of it, and you would much rather just swim in your own sorrow.

But you did go out the next day, and you helped Namjoon get a decent grade, enough to pass with good margines, he thanked you by taking you out for ramen at a convenial store not too far away.

You thanked him for the ramen with a trip to the museum, and he thanked you for the museum trip with a picnic in the park at night, which led you to crying over Jungkook in his embrace, telling him every single little detail.

He made you realize it was time to let Jungkook go and make room for new people to enter your life.

You went home that night, and you found Jungkook passed out on the couch, and you could genuienly feel your chest tighten. Soft features which stood out under the moonlight glow, disheveled brown locks which hung down in his eyes.

He was gorgeous, until you saw the credit card on the table next to three bottles of soju and an empty beer can on the floor. And you knew what he had used the credit card for, though you didn’t want to say it out loud.

You cleaned everything up, and you threw the residue of the white powder right in the trash can, and you recycled his bottles and cans before finally, nudging him to wake up.

“Jungkook, wake up.” You spat coldly, or at least you attempted to.

He groaned, rubbing his eyes before opening his eyes, and s huge smile on his face. “Y/N, you’re home!” He reached to kiss you, but you backed away.

“Y/N?” Jungkook questioned, he didn’t quite understand what your intentions were.

“Don’t try anything Jungkook. This was your last chance, and you fucked it up, again.” The room turned ice cold. “I’m getting you help Jungkook, you need help. And then...”

He understood what kind of help you meant, and since he had now sobered up, he agreed, nodding. “And then...?” 

“And then.” Your words were ludged in your throat. “And then I’m leaving you.”

His whole face dropped, smile turned into the frowniest frown you had ever seen, and it was all silent before his lower lip starts trembling, and his eyes start turning glassy.

“It’s alright. Sorry for burdening you.” Was all he could say before tears rushed down his cheeks, and he started shaking.

So you did what you always had done, and you wrapped your arms around him, head resting on your chest as he sobbed.

“Is there anyone else?” he cried out before another wave of sobs hit him.

This exact question made your stomach hurt, and your throat burn. You really had no idea.

Or you did, but you didn’t want to.

You loved Jungkook so much, but you couldn’t be with him in this state. So you did what every rational person would do in this situation.

“Yeah.”

You lied.

“Oh ok. I don’t have the right to be mad do I?”

You shake your head no.

“I love you Y/N. I’m sorry I’m so messed up.”

“It’s ok.” was all he said before he fell asleep in your arms again.

That night you slither your way out of his embrace and you pack your suitcase in the dark, bringing all your essentials, trying to be as quiet as possible so you didn’t wake Jungkook.

Packing enough for two weeks or so, you make the bed and leave your t-shirt “accidentally” in the bathroom, and you make sure all his clothes are folded, and then you sort his pencil case, throwing out old pens and worn out erasers.

You leave a grocery list on the counter, and you tuck him in good under the blankets after you took his jeans and socks off so he could sleep comfortably.

You placed his vitamins and medicine by the refrigerator so he’ll see it when he goes to grab something to eat. 

Puffed up pillows, a pair of sweatpants, t-shirt and underwear is now placed neatly on his bed. Then you walk into the kitchen again, and you see Jungkook still sound asleep, sniffling a little still.

There’s one last thing, and it makes you cry. It makes you sob so loud you cover your mouth and muffle the sound you make. Sinking to the floor, your whole body is in contact with the cold tiles.

Only a year ago you could never imagine yourself even shedding a single tear over something as small as this, but here you were, on the edge of a panic attack.

Two worn out, matching couple mugs still placed by the counter. one if the first things you two had bought together, as well as the necklace hanging around your neck.

Finally, you stopped crying and started cleaning the mugs, lip trembling as you dried them and placed them in the back of the cabinet.

You unhooked your necklace and laid it down on the counter, and the biggest lump formed in your throat.

Actually, there’s a little detail you forget. 

You kiss Jungkook on the forehead and leave a note on the coffee table.

“Dear Jungkook,

If you want to make this up to me (this does not mean a new chance!!) you call the number at the bottom of the page. No matter what happens, I’ll always have room for you in my heart. You even have your own little VIP lobby in there. And - if it’s urgent, call. I still care for you, and I always have. You were the best boyfriend I’ve had, but good things always come to and end, don’t they? Anyways, I’m tired so this letter fucking sucks, but deep down you know how much I love you. Remember to get groceries, shower, get fresh air and study. If I forgot something you can keep it, as long as you call the number and tell them you’re my friend. They’ll help you love. Try and get a part time job too, your student loan and your dad’s money won’t last forever. Good luck Koo. Hwaiting!!

-L/N Y/N <33″

You cringe when you think of the letter’s contents, before you roll out your suitcase out of the front door, whispering a faint “Goodnight Love.” as you close and lock the door behind you.

Standing by the elevator, you cry again. This time, louder, but you still reach for your phone and type out a text to the newly edited contact in your phone.

You [02:13 am]

coming outside now, im a crying mess and im super cold, is your car heated?

sorry for making you wait btw :((

Joonie <3 [02:13 am]

dont worry about the crying part, i’ll hold you. and yeah car is heated, so waiting here wasnt all that bad. you ready for this?

You  [02:14 am]

i have no idea but i cant stay here any longer and i trust you sooo

lets start our new chapter. eh?

4 months later...

He had been good to you, great even.

You had been on expensive dates, picnics, had heart to heart conversations, and he’d been so understanding.

Today, it was your 2 month anniversary, and he had asked you on a magnificent date, which he had planned every second of.

At the end of the day, you told him how you don’t love him. He said it was alright. Namjoon loved you, so much, yet he understood you needed time.

You went to sleep that day, warm in Namjoon’s embrace, wondering how Jungkook was doing. 

You felt bad, but you missed Jungkook.

You were both with someone new now, and you knew he was in good hands with someone stable enough to care for him.

Before your eyes closed shut, you shed a few quiet tears and hoped that you’d fall in love with Namjoon soon, and deep down you knew you would.

#jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #namjoon smut #jungkook ff #bts ff #bts imagines #bts scenarios #namjoon ff #bangtan smut #jungkook #jeon jeongguk #jeongguk ff

[shinylyni]

Doing a lot of thinking about Shang-Chi and the thing I'm thinking about most is, why would the Chinese population in Asian countries (mainly speaking about those in Mainland China, since that's where I hear most of the criticism from, though I've also heard people from HK, TW, and other countries also having issues) be so adverse to this movie, yet the Chinese population who live in other countries, especially the Chinese population in Western countries, seem to love the movie or at least appreciate what it means to them culturally?

And I think it's just that: there's a huge cultural disconnect between the Chinese Diaspora population and the Chinese people who live in Asia.

Let's break some of the issues they have with the movie down (warning: movie spoilers ahead):

The main villain of the movie comes from an offensive stereotype against the Chinese - while the original Mandarin or Fu Manchu characters in the comic books are definitely incredibly offensive, Xu Wenwu is basically a completely different character who only shares a title with the Mandarin character from the comics. Disney and Marvel made sure that Xu Wenwu was a multifaceted, complex character who was not a negative racial stereotype. I'm certain anyone who continues to make this argument now either never saw the movie or is just trying to stir up stuff that doesn't actually exist in the context of the movie.

Simu Liu and Awkwafina are ugly, especially if they're supposed to portray the main characters of the film - beauty is incredibly subjective and differs from culture to culture. Simu's features may be attractive in the west (broad shoulders, cut abs, square jawline, slightly tanned, boyish smile), but to those in China, his features are less than desirable (the ideal guy has a more angular face and softer facial features, thinner frame, paler skin, and more stoic expression/less emotive in general). Awkwafina suffers from similar traits: round faced, tanned skin, fuller lips, and a very husky alto voice, when the ideal woman in China would be thinner cheekbones, pale skin, smaller lips, and a higher-pitched, clear girlish voice.

The movie is too Westernized and doesn't accurately portray Chinese culture - it's flat out just not supposed to. Maybe Ta Lo should be more similar to Historical China, but even then Ta Lo is more of a fantastical place with features inspired from Chinese myths and legends. The other stuff? Straight out of what many Chinese Americans experience every day. Many of the people involved with the story, including the directors, writers, and actors, took inspiration from their own lives to create the story and the background for what the characters go through. The film's culture is not supposed to be Chinese culture as you would see it in China, or Hong Kong, or Taiwan, it's a reflection of Chinese American culture, which is related to but still separate from Chinese culture as experienced in those countries.

The movie's themes are antithetical to Chinese values - This one is tricky. Family and respect are both themes that resonate strongly with Chinese culture, and this film plays heavily into exploring what exactly that means to our characters, both for our protagonists (Shang-Chi, Katy, and Xialing) and our antagonists (Wenwu). But the beauty of this movie is showing the struggle all of them face in reconciling their views and experiences about "family" within themselves, and with each other. The Xu family were all very close until the mother, Ying Li, passed away, a tragedy which tore the family apart. Wenwu harshly trained his son to the point of emotional and physical abuse, while neglecting his daughter, making both of his children distance themselves from him for how he treated them. Shang-Chi and Xialing, however, also have a rocky relationship in the beginning, thanks to Shang-Chi abandoning his sister despite promising to come back for her. Wenwu and Shang-Chi constantly butt heads throughout the movie. But in the end, the siblings make up with each other and support each other, and father and son realize that though they've hurt each other so much, they still love and care about each other and dont actually want to cause more pain, they just dont know how else to reach the other. And is that not how so many families are? A little broken, not perfect, maybe everyone hurting, but in the end you're still trying to do what you can for each other? If that isn't respecting the value of family, then... well, I'm glad you probably have a healthier family life than I did, or many of the people I know did.

TL;DR Chinese people are judging this movie before they even watch it. And if they watch it and still come to these conclusions, well, this movie isn't for you. It's for us, the ABCs you've forgotten about, the bananas you chose to throw out because we weren't authentic enough for you. This is our movie, and sometimes, not everything is about you. But for once, it is about us.

#shang chi #shang chi and the legend of the ten rings #marvel #pyxis #lyni #pyxis rambles #lyni rambles

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

He did? Umm.. what happened exactly?

(referring to this post)

my 11th grade chemistry teacher had an associates degree in liberal arts.

you know how in virtually every class you’ve ever had since middle school, your teachers made a big stink about the syllabus? she didn’t have one. this was her first teaching job, which she got because of her length experience as a substitute, not by her licensing qualifications. we were, at first, excited to have her, because she was a “fun sub” and we were 17 years old and stupid as all shit. we were the “normal chem” class in a system where the only other options were “honors chem” which was filled with children who actually know how to study (or cheat) and have an air of proper student activity, and “AP Chem”, which is clear enough if you’ve been an american student in the last 15 years.

she followed the mcgraw hill chemistry book in order of chapters, despite the fact that our state standardized tests did several of the chapters out of order. ever notice how you’ll suddenly be looking at chapter 11 when just last week you were on chapter 5, then the next week you’re on chapter 8? standardized testing is the reason. anyways by asking my friends in other classes who had chemistry teachers of relative competence, i was able to discern which chapters i should focus on, and while she was distracted with literally watching youtube videos all period, I was turning around in my seat and walking across the classroom helping my friends and enemies with the packets. (she was a two-packets-a-week kinda teacher.)

yes i said enemies too. the people i hated, i hated because they were sons of bitches i wouldnt piss on to put out a fire. i hated them so dearly i used to pray to god that they would bump into me so i could throw myself into the concrete and split my forehead open and get them expelled due to the blood-clause of our “zero-tolerance policy”. two of the kids in my class had, only the previous year, attempted to set my hair on fire.

i hated the teacher more. 

it gave me extreme pleasure to see her fume and clench her fists when a student would say “i need help” across the classroom and she would move to get up and they would say “oh not you miss, im waiting for vicky.” jesus christ the only time ive ever felt a comparable high was when i was at a halloween party in college where i was literally so zooted i couldn’t move.

it got worse over time, her getting more and more angry, my ego growing larger and larger. i was a huge bitch in high school, i really thought i was the smartest bitch in the room at any given moment. severe main character syndrome. imagine that kind of person actually being right for 45 minutes out of every day. can you even comprehend the kind of frustration that would create? in a room full of little sociopaths who dont give a shit about anything but getting this joke of a class over with so they can graduate? your first real teaching job and they look right past you, the teacher, to this annoying little shit whose grades are completely abysmal? how are they managing to learn anything from a child who can barely speak in front of more than 10 people? who turns cherry red in the face of literally every authority figure in the building except you? who can’t concentrate and stay still in one spot for more than five minutes? all of your other classes behave! they listen! they sit down and shut up and do the packets! so what fucking gives!!!

so you say “fine, since you all HATE ME so much i just won’t teach then!!!” on literally week fucking ten of teaching. and instead of prostrating themselves before you, begging you to like... point at transparencies and read directly from powerpoints i guess.

and they all collectively say “okay” and let the chipmunk child flutter between desks and help them memorize formulas and mnemonic devices and shit. surely her grades will suffer if she’s constantly dealing with other people and you’ll have justification that her horseshit is “distracting” and “a detriment to her studies”. she got bored gave up on that after two days after nothing changed.

then we did the midterm.

except at the end of the exam packet was something we never learned because again, she was going through the book chronologically. because i actually enjoyed the chem book (so much that i stole it when the year was up lmao), i knew the material.

it was about lewis dots/structures. i couldn’t tell you a damn thing about it today but in december 2010 i absolutely knew that shit. i didnt have too much of a problem with it in the exam, but the students who had gotten to that point were complaining and at first she pulled that “you should have been studying independently uwu” shit but the class was about to get loud during exam period so she shushed us and said that when we get to that point, just stop, and she’ll mark it correct during grading, no harm no foul just keep it quiet. one of the more confrontational students called horseshit and said theres no way we’re trusting that and there’s definitely no way anyone will keep an entire classroom cheating at the instruction of the teacher quiet.

i offered to teach it.

she scoffed, rolled eyes, said “sure fine but you can’t get your exam back” and i said “okay.” so when everyone was to the point in the exam, we piled them all on her desk and i used the whiteboard to briefly and quietly explain lewis dots, used the book examples and problems, and helped the other kids understand. there were a couple exam questions that were lifted straight from the book problems so i skipped those. while teaching i realized i had gotten a couple wrong which sucked :( it was an incredibly stupid experience overall, and no teacher worth the paper their certification is printed on would have allowed that to happen. and fucking yet.

anyways everyone but me got their exams back and finished it and many of us passed, only a few of them did particularly well.

discussing the chem exam with friends who also took the chem exam, many students found their anecdote about the lewis dots to be confounding, for you see, the exam we took was not, in fact, the midterm, but the god damned final.

she had us taking the fucking final because she didnt read the fucking folders which read “midterm” and “final exam” on them

she was reprimanded severely and we all had to take the exam on different days, in different classrooms, sitting very far apart. after that she hated me even more. like girl it was your fault lmao i am literally a teenager grow up lol. anyways you can imagine how much more fucking insufferable i became, knowing how miserable she was.

it all came to a head in february when some students were giggling quietly following a minor fuck up on her part regarding bellwork. they were making fun of her like “are you sure thats not tomorrows bellwork lol” and a friend next to me did the “hey i need help wait no miss not you sorry” thing and when i answered him, she solidly snapped. blah blah YOURE SOOOO DISTRACTING blah blah YOU THINK YOURE SOOOO SMART DONT YOU blah blah blah and she was like demanding i leave the room and shouting at the top of her lungs at me “ YOU POISON THE MINDS OF EVERY OTHER STUDENT HERE. YOU’RE POISONOUS VICTORIA, YOU’RE A VIRUS IN THIS CLASSROOM.”

i will never forget that line as long as i live. it was like crack to me. i moved to open the door to leave and the vp opened it first. he escorted me to the office and asked me what happened, then told me to keep my head down in class from now on, and that if i wanted to help my friends i should give them my number and help them out on our own time. i was like “bro thats really stupid” and he was like “thats all we can do right now but i promise we’re working on it”

i lasted the rest of the year giving smug smiles as we did packet after fucking packet for the rest of the year. they were all take-home work. i wasnt comfy giving my number to my enemies. the class camaraderie ended.

the final was altered. my class took a different final than the rest of the normal chem classes.

i started 12th grade and got a solid case of senioritis. i told that story to anyone who would listen. while it was happening, i obviously told my favorite teacher everything as it happened. when i mentioned it senior year he was like “oh yeah i forgot about her,

she was fired over the summer.”

#let me tell you bitch i SCREAMED...... #anyways im not sorry this was long #its literally the only cool thing thats ever happened to or about me so shrugs #Anonymous

[kouhaiofcolor]

Whew shit it aggravates the hell outta me how much recognition non black ppl felt they were entitled to for pRoTeStInG police brutality that specifically targets black ppl — by only acting on performative upset around George Floyd's murder. Yet Makiyah Bryant was literally murdered by a white police officer as they were reading Chauvin's verdict for killing Floyd & yall haven't said too much at all. The same performative & self-proclaimed activists haven't said a word ab this fr.

The same ppl who were (& still are) walking around w/ a chip on their shoulder ab buying fucking totes, t-shirts, wristbands & face masks that say "Africa" or "Black Lives Matter" or "Say Their Names" — haven't said or so much as put any comparable energy into demanding justice for Makiyay Bryant, Breonna Taylor, or any Black Woman or underage Black Girl killed by white people for that matter. Its like yall felt like, "well all thats finally over; guess police brutality & police officers murdering black ppl isn't a thing anymore or something we should keep protesting after things cool down; we've done 'our part'. 🙄Yall make me fucking sick the way yall showed up & out in international droves for Floyd; the way yall created & pushed hashtags for that grown ass man who OPENLY shit on Black Women (the largest & most signigicant demographic who was out there demanding answers & justice for his murder itfp).

An autistic, black child was killed by the same kind of people who murdered Floyd; working in the same "profession". She was killed by a fucking police officer in the midst of being harassed by kids her age who were bullying her to a point where her hand was forced & she sought out the police to intervene. & they killed her like she didn't mean a damn thing. Yall are silent ab it like she didn't mean a damn thing. Yall literally just went back to your regular lives, obsessing over absolute billshit & living on the internet like it didn't matter at all. Like, "Well we did all that for Floyd. Dont have the energy to do it for anyone else Black; particularly Black Women/Girls."

Where is yall energy for this?? Idk if yall realize but the way this shit reflects, it looks like Americans (& ppl from other countries that participated in the protesting for Floyd) only give a fuck ab black lives if cishet black males are the focus — & that's so fucking disrespectful. Yall are seriously ok w that child being taken from her family? Her mother? Her siblings if she had any??? What ab her dreams? What ab what she wanted to do w her life in spite of all the shit she was going thru being fucked w for being autistic? Do yall give any sort of fucks? Do yall give a damn at all? Just be real ab it. Bc this didn't just happen to Makiyah. This isn't something that's happend to just one black girl before.

This is happening more often than most care to consider fr. In fact, the perpetual concern ppl are brainwashed to have for white women being potentially unrealistically sex-trafficked, sexually abused/assaulted, kidnapped/abducted — happens way more prevalently to black women & little Black girls all over the globe. White women have international protection since they are pushed as a forced international standard & ideal anyway. Black women are not at all a protected demographic. Anywhere in the world. And black men are # fucking 1 in our assailant normalcy — yet everyone gives them all the exclusive consideration when it comes to crimes against the Black Community by non blacks & blacks alike. Fucking tired of yall fr, on everything. Yall let that child die in vain & still ain't got off yall asses to do or say anything ab it the way yall were committed to doing it for Floyd. You should be ashamed. You should be embarrassed.

Idc what you think you did out there for Floyd if you didn't do the same for Makiyah. Or Breonna. Or any Black women among the thousands of names mentioned among the "Say Their Names" outcry. Yall didn't do a damn thing but keep a hashtag trending through the summer last year. Yall give no real fucks & im glad I wasn't giving yall too much credit for doing the bare minimum, cus looking at how "concerned" yall are now, it truly was a minimum. Fuck yall. George Floyd was a grown ass man. Did all that active disapproval of someone killing his ass & then turn yall back on black women asap.

That he spent any part of his life as a black male being & acting on misogynoir — just to cry out for his Black Mother at the peak of his suffering & death, is ironic; almost funny considering how he likely wouldn't have protested for the unreasonable murder of black women himself. Yall desperately need to get your fucking priorities together, cus a lot of yall too damn grown to be this stupid & have attention spans this short. Yall just be expecting black women's support on any & everything — even if it don't make sense or if it puts us in harm's way. Then do absolutely nothing for us when circumstances absolutely more than demand it. Im done supporting these lame ass causes for ppl who don't do shit for Black women even when we do it for yall. Most of the time the majority of you don't even open your mouth ab black women lest its to degrade or defeminize them so yea its p clear to me where the majority of you truly stand unfiltered on issues around our safety & wellbeing.

I'm good. There is no poc solidarity; there is no progression or inclusion in speaking up for races who are not black as a black person — esp not as a black woman. Im quite done w the vast majority of ppl & giving a fuck ab things i cannot — but that other races of ppl v well can — control (regarding our mistreatment). I will not be speaking on this blog ab anything that does not pertain specifically & exclusively to issues within or injustices committed against the Black community. I do not have the energy or interest; just like yall don't ab us. Fuck yall, fuck your problems (cultural & personal), & fuck you being mad ab it if at all. Do not care. Black Women & Little Black Girls do not deserve the blatant disregard & neglect yall habitually subject us to for absolutely nothing. You will not get empathy from this black woman on this shit, period.

#blm #black tumblr #black twitter #mine.txt #protect black women #protect black girls #misogynoir #antiblackness #makiyah bryant #breonna taylor #nbpoc #white people #white women #george floyd #police brutality #say their names #protect black children #acab #black men #non blacks dont interact

[dreamteamfanblog]

You guys might disagree with me, but I fully believe Dream’s apology was genuine.

I mean, for starters, the fact that he apologized in the first place is proof he was actually sorry. Because the truth is, this whole situation wouldn’t have had a very big impact on his career even if he dug his heels in and insisted he was in the right. All his friends would have kept on supporting him, maybe even would have told him he was right. He wouldn’t have lost many subs over the whole situation. Overall Dream would have been mostly fine if he let the whole thing just blow over. But he didn’t. Dream came out and apologized for what he did even when his reputation wouldn’t have suffered to massively otherwise. In fact, by apologizing on twitch he was probably bringing more attention to the situation than it would have gotten if it had just stayed on twitter in the first place. I mean, even throughout the stream, the chat was spammed with nothing but support. People saying Dream was right or that twitter is just toxic, etc, etc. So yeah, the fact that Dream felt the need to apologize for his actions even when he wasn’t technically required to? It shows that he does know he was in the wrong.

Not only that, but he didn’t allow dono’s. Which is honestly more than I can say for a lot of Youtubers during their own apology videos. You see Youtubers and streamers constantly monetizing apologies. Dream could have monetized the whole stream, got a little out of it. But he didn’t, and that reads as very respectful to me.

Starting from the beginning of his explanation, I see a lot of people who ‘aren’t buying’ the idea that the war cry was a Spongebob reference. Which...I don’t really understand. I mean, to be honest, there’s no reason not to think the original incident was just a mistake and nothing more. He was referencing a scene from a dumb kids cartoon. The show was wrong for including the ‘war cry’, Dream was not originally wrong for not realizing. Just the other day a friend of mine did the same thing, as a reference to Spongebob. So I honestly don’t get where the idea comes from that Dream’s story isn’t believable? Especially since, if he knew the questionable story behind the whole thing, why would he have done the ‘war cry’ on stream?

Secondly, a lot of people aren’t entirely happy that Dream cited death threats and doxxing as the cause of his angry tweets. I understand how it could be seen as shifting blame. But it wasn’t. Honestly, if Dream hadn’t explained that he was reacting to threatening messages and not polite explanations when he made that tweet, people would be demanding to know why he reacted so violently to polite criticism. It was important to know what exactly triggered that reaction from him. And he didn’t waste much time on that detail. Sure, Dream mentioned it, but the brief mentions of the awful messages he was getting were sandwitched by apologies for saying something offensive and for blowing up over twitter. Legitimate, genuine apologies where he admitted he was wrong and that he shouldn’t have done what he did. Every time Dream pushed any blame onto hate messages, he pulled it right back onto himself not long after. It wasn’t an excuse for his actions, it was an explanation for his actions. Dream wasn’t trying to absolve himself of any wrongdoing, he never tried to insinuate that it wasn’t really his fault. Telling us why he did something is fine during an apology as long as it doesn’t turn into telling us that he was right for what he did. Which it didn’t.

Then there’s the question of weather it takes away from his apology that he moved on to a different subject so quick and cracked some jokes here and there. Now, I don’t actually think this was in good taste. I feel like he should have ended the stream after the apology and made a new one if he wanted to do something more lighthearted after. However I don’t think his apology is any less genuine for it. Dream seems like the kind of person who doesn’t like to be vulnerable. He keeps most of his personal information private, rarely discusses anything serious, and didn’t even show his own best friend what he looks like until four years into their friendship. Dream clearly doesn’t like to put everything out there. So of course, discussing such a serious issue? It must have been...difficult to say the least. And some people cope with being uncomfortable with comedy. It’s not exactly a good or healthy coping mechanism, especially when you’re offering somebody an apology. Because it can make you seem less genuine. But having that negative coping mechanism doesn’t actually mean you didn’t care or weren’t genuine, it just means you’re uncomfortable being open and vulnerable. So yes, maybe he should have put more focus onto the apology. Maybe he should have made his feelings clearer. But he managed to push aside his discomfort for long enough to get the point across and I can respect that much. Because despite the more lighthearted behavior that popped up every once in a while, he was obviously guilty and kinda nervous, and that made it so obvious that he wasn’t lying when he said he was sorry.

Then there’s the content of his actual apology itself. First off he specified what he did and why he reacted so rudely on twitter, which I already talked about earlier. “I lash out, and that’s what I probably shouldn’t do” he continues. “My first reaction is to attack back, and then I step back and realize i’m being harsh. That’s something i’ve always done. So i’m sorry regarding that. I did not mean to offend anybody”. And honestly, that’s something that I understand. I think it’s natural for a lot of people to go on the offensive when they’re faced with any level of hate. It’s a completely understandable reaction. However, that doesn’t make it an okay reaction. And I think, had Dream refused to recognize that he was in the wrong for lashing out, his apology would be harder for me to side with him on. However he didn’t do that. Despite the reasons Dream gave for why he did and said what he did and said, he still admitted, plain and simple, that he shouldn’t have done it. That he was the one who was wrong. That he’s sorry. And that’s how you know he wasn’t using his explanation as an excuse. Because he was still willing to admit that ultimately it was him who was wrong. “Obviously I don’t mean that towards people who are genuinely just trying to help people that are oppressed, or help people that are actually upset- that are mad about something that i’ve said or done- so i’m genuinely sorry for saying that, I was being an asshole, and I do that sometimes, and I have to learn from that and try not to.” Multiple times, Dream acknowledges why he said what he did. That it was his initial defensive reaction when people were threatening to come to his house (shortly after he was doxxed), and his initial defensive reaction was wrong. He knows it was wrong and he wants to learn to stop. Maybe he could have worded his apology better, maybe he could have scripted it beforehand, maybe he could have dragged it out and pulled out the fake tears. Dream probably could have done a lot of things to make the apology more sympathetic or more likely to be accepted. But overall, even with the stammering and occasional poor wording he used, you can tell that Dream is trying his best and is legitimately apologetic. “i dont want people to be afraid of calling me out for being an ass. i’m sure i made the person who made that original thread feel invalidated by saying the things i said, but i wasn’t trying to, i was just getting harassed by people that weren’t that person. that person had completely good intentions by making the original thread about native americans and they had really good intentions to make sure that their culture wasn’t being appropriated and that their culture doesn’t disappear, and that is 100% good. and theyre a good person for doing that. i wasn’t saying ‘f off’ to them.i want my content to be a safe space. i hope i can learn and reflect. im not perfect, i can always learn and be a better person, and i will try.“ he says later on.

I do get the feeling that Dream isn’t completely educated on the topic at hand. Obviously. He’s from a very conservative state where he won’t have been taught all these things (I sure wasn’t where I live). He doesn’t completely know what he’s doing when it comes to how to handle minorities, but I really, truly think he’s working hard to figure it out. He’s trying his best and I can’t help being a little proud of him for that because I remember when I was in the same position he was, with some kinda gross views on things and not much clue how to change that. But I tried, and I like to think I got a lot better, and I know he can too. It seems like he wants to.

No Native Americans have any obligation to accept his apology. What he did was offensive and ignorant and if you were hurt by his actions then there’s no reason you should have to just get over it. I will never try to force anyone to accept an apology that they don’t want to accept. And it’s not my place to accept that apology for you. However, I feel like I can safely say, as someone who’s done similarly dumb things to him years ago and who grew up in an environment similar to the one in the state he lives, that I wholeheartedly believe he was being genuine, for whatever that’s worth.

#dreamwastaken #dream team #mcyt

[shihalyfie]

Also, another question (if you dont mind...): do you think there will be also a 02 reboot? Would it be a good ideia or is better to just let it the way it is right now?

I personally don’t want it, especially not if it uses the style of writing the current reboot has right now, in which its priority is far more about plot advancement than it is about characters. Mainly, for a lot of reasons:

I stress a lot that 02 wasn’t a great time for its characters themselves, and that a lot of what everyone striving for was to be happy after said events. Even if it only ends up being a mild rehash, I don’t want to see things like Ken suffering as the Kaiser again (not even in a different universe), because it was so important that everyone find a way to move on. In the case of Adventure, it’s much easier to make a reboot that’s only similar in surface details but is mostly something new because Adventure’s plot was relatively linear, and it’s possible to have the kind of relationship with the original series the current reboot has, but 02 has that kind of hardship as so intrinsically related to it that I’m not sure what you could do with it by taking its surface glosses.

I’ve been pretty blunt about the fact that most of us weren’t really watching 02 for the plot, and the reason the series has so much appeal is because of its character relationships and high thematic value. The bias towards that aspect is way more severe than it was in Adventure (where, again, the plot was mostly kind of linear and there was more emphasis on the “wonder of the Digital World” rather than so much human drama). I don’t want to see these specific characters recasted in a different context, and I also don’t think the series would have any appeal left if you did something completely different with a different style the way it’s being done with Adventure’s reboot.

This is a very personal thing, but one thing I noticed (and one reason I started writing very regularly for this blog) is that, when the reboot started airing, a lot of people would make comparisons with the older characters, but it turned out that people very often misremembered what actually went down in Adventure (ranging from minor misreadings to genuine factual errors). It’s something I don’t necessarily begrudge them for; Adventure is the kind of frustratingly subtle series that you forget a lot of if you haven’t seen it recently, and even more of that was lost in the American English dub, but it nevertheless led to a very frustrating experience where sometimes you’d see people take those reboot characteristics and talk about the original series characters like they’d always been like this or that, when in fact the original characters weren’t like that at all. This problem is bound to be multiple times worse with 02, where the characters are so often accused of being flat and lacking in development (they’re not!!), and 02 also had an even worse subtlety problem and an even more liberty-taking dub, and even the Japanese side of the franchise hasn’t exactly been delicate about handling their characters, and I am terrified that this kind of problem where people think of them inaccurately or badly might potentially get worse, because of a potential reboot take on them that would accidentally validate all of those misconceptions. You have no idea how relieved I was that Kizuna shows the 02 quartet at their best and in a way true to the spirit of the original, because I was really worried about how people would retroactively see them based on their portrayal there. (Also, unfortunately, there are a lot of people who pathologically hate 02 on principle, and even if a potential 02 reboot were the worst anime in the world, those kinds of people would be all too happy to yell “still better than the original!” regardless of anything, and I don’t think I’d have the patience to endure that...)

I honestly would just rather have new material than a reboot of anything. I’m not averse to the concept of a reboot per se, mainly in the sense that I do appreciate the fact that the current reboot isn’t just doing a “worse rehash of Adventure” and is clearly doing its own thing beyond the surface details, but I obviously would have vastly preferred doing something genuinely new. If they want to make a sequel anime to this reboot, why not make up some new characters exclusive to this universe? I think that’d be fun. I know a lot of 02 fans would see this as a dodge or spurn, but this is just my personal, very strong feeling as a 02 fan who thinks that the best thing that can happen with the characters I love so much would conversely be to let them move on. (I was already kind of amused at the fact they already made a few 02 references in the existing series, like Yamato’s bass guitar or Pegasmon.)

I know some people have suggested a reboot to “fix” 02′s plot writing issues, but I love it a lot as it is -- a lot of the things that were “problems” were conversely able to give it a certain flavor you’d never be able to get in a more conventionally written series -- and I think it’s indeed a very flawed series in the sense that there’s no such thing as a perfect Digimon series, nor a perfect piece of media at all, and even if you “fix” one flaw you’re inevitably going to get another. It’s been 20 years and I’ve come to terms with all of the things I didn’t care for as much, so I don’t think it’s all that productive to dwell or fixate on “we should redo this again” instead of appreciating what it did give us 20 years ago and producing newer content instead. I mean, if I want to watch 02 again, I can just rewatch it, and if there’s something I want to explore that canon didn’t give me, I’m happy being a fanfic writer, and this experience of writing this blog has made me realize that it’s incredible how much you can still extract out of this series even 20 years later. I think it’s much more productive to try and cover new territory with things rather than constantly trying to redo the same thing over and over again. I suppose I took the theme of the series a bit too seriously?...

Whether they will actually do a 02 reboot or not, I have no idea. I think they’ve certainly learned their lesson that 02 has a diehard fanbase that hates to see it treated badly (after, ah, recent events), but it just doesn’t carry the same notability and branding that the original series does, and its critically controversial status means that their names and faces don’t do nearly as much by itself. (Reboot merch can sell because people will project the original characters on them, but Miyako and Iori merch especially tends to sell abysmally poorly even now.) I feel like the actual Digimon from 02 sell better than the human characters, to be honest. And it’s a new universe; 02 fans get upset when the juniors aren’t involved in the lives of their seniors when those relationships were a big deal (series about relationships, et cetera), but if those specific relationships don’t exist in the first place, I don’t think most of us really care as much to the point of getting upset because of the omission.

#digimon #digimon adventure 02 #shiha's ask box #sereyith

[tigerdrop]

hey i just wanna say the long posts genuinely make my day. also can you talk more about gordon freeman character because the way you write him makes me quake in my gay little boots

i would love to talk about gordon freeman. thank u for the opportunity

the first thing i need to communicate about gordon is that this dude sucks. and i say this in the fondest way possible. he is a bitch from the moment he drops into the world until the moment he goes out. if you dont believe me, give it another watch! gordons mouthy and rude for no real reason, at least so far as “being a regular dude on his way into work” goes, and this dude goes around calling his coworkers names with zero provocation. (of course, we all know that the reason is because its a funny guy improv stream that borrows a bit from freemans mind, but im talkin from a character sense.)

but my argument isnt just that gordon freeman sucks. its that he sucks in a very specific way that i find insanely endearing. i love this dude. i love to hate him. hes awful in a very mundane sense - weve all known a guy like this, at least if youve spent too much time online - and its cathartic to watch him suffer because of it.

gordons a smart guy. as written, hes gotta be - hes a recent MIT grad, on his way to work at a top-secret research facility to do weird shit with crystals and theoretical physics. but the thing about smart guys is that theyre often......selectively intelligent. we can see this in the way that he has a hard time navigating his surroundings, and needs the science crew to guide him through it and keep him alive.

this is one of those things that is a natural consequence of somebody going through the game for the first time, but that i am interpreting as “gordon is kind of stupid sometimes”. its uncharitable but its not like he doesnt deserve it. he likes to boss around the crew as if he knows what hes doing, when he often very much does not, and is fond of demeaning their intelligence. hes real bad about this with tommy in particular, treating him like hes a kid whos playing at being a scientist when tommy is actually a decade older than him. all i am saying is that gordon ought to stay humble. hes awful cocky when he perceives himself as better than others.

which, i think, tracks with how cocky he gets when he gives up on the whole “well-meaning citizen” thing and just unloads bullets into people. he puts up a front of being a Nice Guy, you know, just some dude caught in a bad situation who doesnt like seeing his companions obliterate every NPC they come across, but that doesnt stop him from cackling like a fucking madman and mowing down aliens (and soldiers) every once in awhile. when he stops seeing himself as helpless and starts seeing himself as the one in control, the gloves come off. he gets mean. and i think thats very sexy of him

this, among other things, is why i am insistent that gordon freeman is a control freak. he desperately wants to be in control of the situation at all times, shepherding around the science crew primarily by bitching at them, but its of limited success. its futile. sisyphean. tommy, coomer, bubby, and benrey exist almost to torment him with exactly the thing that would make him suffer the most: a gaggle of people running around causing problems for him, but he cant go anywhere without them b/c hes reliant on them to make it out alive.

its perpetual suffering, and its cathartic to watch. and funny, too. and if youre a little weirdo like me, its very, very enjoyable. how twisted up he gets when nobodys listening to him! how sweaty and frazzled he must look. its cute, and it also makes me want to reach through the screen and shake him and tell him to just be a little nicer. he wants control but he doesnt know how to attain it, he doesnt know how to play nice like a real leader. i think its a neat contrast to gordon freeman as we know him in HL2, where he literally is the leader of the resistance and has to live up to it. this is gordon freeman but if he was moe through helplessness.

“helpless” is, i think, a great way to describe him. a core bit of imagery in half life is this sense of railroadedness and helplessness, with gordon freeman being put into play like a chess piece and having no choice but to move forward. and this iteration of gordon leans into that by being totally dependent on the science crew in order to make progress and Not Die. and hes also subject to the whims of benrey, local eldritch weirdo who has basically made it his life mission to fuck with gordon.

gordons anxieties dont help with that. if he wasnt so fun to stress out and fuck with, the science crew probably wouldnt do it so much! too bad for him that they like fucking with him so much that he was driven into a panic attack (multiple times, even, depending on your interpretation). hes got that real neurotic mindset. always worrying about shit that could go wrong, and attempting to exert control over his surroundings in an effort to control the anxiety.

IMO the real way to nail the Neurotic Gordon Freeman Experience is to combine the ever-present anxiety with his pervasive sense of self-loathing. he openly states that he has no friends and nobody seems to like him, and to that, i really gotta say, i wonder why. he doesnt really seem to factor in that hes kind of a bitch, and has way too high an estimation of his own intelligence relative to everybody elses. its really one of the worst ways to be: aware that people dont like you, but unaware of exactly why. if he was like, 10% nicer, he probably wouldnt have had half as many issues getting through black mesa, but also, its funny to see him squawking his way through the game. so, you know.

its stuff like that that makes me headcanon him as a dude with low self-esteem in general. convinced that hes not likable, not attractive, out of his element......impostor syndrome, except that theres some truth to it. this is a guy who truly does not realize how good he has it: he really is just an average shitty dude, and yet, somehow, benrey took a shine to him. some poor motherfucker out there actually likes him and wants to suck his dick. thats dedication

also, i keep bringing up “repression” when i talk about gordon. and hopefully, what ive been talking about helps explain why. he has a strong desire to be a regular dude, not just murdering his way through black mesa, but if hes pushed hard enough he leans into it. gets bossy. picks up a cigar off a dead soldier and takes a long drag, before smacking forzen around with a pistol and ordering him around. gordon freeman is a regular, kind of anxious guy who likes competitive swimming and streaming on justin.tv and making anime references, and he is also a guy who takes a filthy pleasure in making a trained soldier his bitch. and i didnt make up any of this shit - this is purestrain canon, baby. this is a guy with problems

to me, this screams the kind of guy who represses a lot of shit b/c he doesnt feel like its morally decent. you run into this guy a lot online: the wokeboy, the online leftist, the guy who spends too much time on social media websites. (like reddit. i think he would actively use reddit and he would never get any appreciable amount of karma but he never stops posting. its sisyphean! cathartic.) from the way he talks about “bootboys”, i think it tracks. he knows about imperialism, he knows about feminism, but at the end of the day hes your average american white dude who struggles with internalizing it.

a lot of those dudes struggle with sex and gender issues. (dont we all.) when youre trying to be a Good Person(tm), you spend a lot of time thinking about your own relationship to sex and kink and all that shit. and i maintain that a too-online dude who buries a lot of his control freak tendencies would also try to bury a lot of weird sexual shit in an attempt to seem Normal and Well-Adjusted and not like a little freak. i justify this by the sheer number of times gordon blurts out weird sex shit as a joke. there are only two outcomes to making that many piss jokes: either youre secretly a piss guy, or you lathe-of-heaven yourself into becoming one. i will stand by this

ive talked a lot about why this dude sucks. now, let me talk to you about what makes gordon so much fun to write. first things first: hes funny! a subjective evaluation, yeah, but both in- and out-of-character, hes aiming to be funny. and being the straight man to everybody else plays into that whole “helplessness” thing.

secondly: underneath it all, there is a good dude under there. gordon worries when his companions get hurt, he tries to clean them off and patch them up, and hes got his lil leftist heart in the right place. you could even read a lot of his bossy, bitchy demeanor as him wanting to make sure everyone gets out okay and doesnt hurt themselves. when it comes to animals and anti-imperialist sentiment, gordons a pretty good guy.

hes the kind of guy who would probably see a dog on the street and get excited and play with it, but would get really prickly about the correct way to put dishes in the dishwasher. control freak tendencies.

finally, subjecting such a miserable, tormented guy to even more psychological anguish is really, really fun. you feel a little bad for him, but he kind of deserves it. so many problems he goes through are purely of his own making, and if gordon would just relax and quit trying to hard to maintain control - of himself, of the people around him - and own up to having Problems and Issues, he would be a happier guy. but thats why its fun to bend him until he breaks. being a little control freak myself, putting gordon freeman thru psychosexual torment is cathartic.

when it comes to writing his thought processes, the fact that he is canonically some kind of psychotic (yes, i am boldly claiming this. suck me) and i am also canonically some kind of psychotic makes it easier to write what i think his thought processes are. i just give him my brain issues of “getting lost in thought” and “overthinking fucking everything”. a touch of paranoia helps. even if i dont explicitly label him as schizophrenic please know that i am writing him as a paranoid little nutcase at all times because, uh, you write what you know.

paranoid. anxious. of the mindset that everyones out to get him (which isnt helpful when everyone is out to get him). repressed and deeply Not Normal but trying so very fucking hard to be normal and well-adjusted. a control freak with sadistic tendencies who also really, really likes getting bullied by his best frenemy. a hapless little nerd who sounds really cute when his voice starts to break from nerves. and, most importantly, a dumb jock. do not ever forget this.

thats gordon freeman, babey. hope that helps

#asky #careposting

[kleefairy]

hello!! this is maybe not going to do anything to change your attitude on things but um hi! i’m a white/mixed native gal!! i’m actually from white earth, which is an ojibwe tribe in the midwest. and i wanted to say that i think it’s valid for you to say that “hey i’m indigenous” bc it’s true you are!!! but as we’re people who (in my case i have a fair complexion since my dad is white) don’t suffer from racism nearly to the same degree as indigenous people who take the brunt of it all, you should really be more wary when posting things that you’ve posted. we need to pose ourselves as allies, and not take away the fact that since we look different we aren’t affected in the same way as other indigenous individuals.i also think that you should maybe take a break from answering these asks and maybe turn off anon? personally as someone who’s nd as well i can get in these fits of going off the rails and not realizing, and it seems like maybe that’s the case here. either way you can respond to this like you’ve been doing with other asks (w sarcasm/cussing people out) but i think people would take you a bit more serious on these issues if you presented things differently when answering stuff /s

nobody said we experience the same level of racism. people assign your race based on how you look, so yes, most people will assume i am white at first glance, and i won't experience racism while i'm just going about my life. however, it is objectively racist to deny someone's actual ethnicity when they tell you what they are. white natives do not exist. you are mixed or white passing. you are indigenous until your "blood quotent" (which is its own brand of racist bs built on genocide but i rly dont wanna get into that lol i could write a whole essay on the subject) is low enough to remove you from the tribe. mine is high enough, thus i am mixed indigenous. i am, by definition, not 'white'. white natives are just not a thing. white passing, yes. but not white. i am not a white ally. i am a mixed race indigenous woman. that's a simple fact - the level of racism i experience doesn't come into play with that. if the census comes by, i am expected to check off native. the level of racism you experience doesn't change your ethnicity, yknow? it's just how you are.

in any case, i'm cherokee. just look at the tribal council - plenty of even them are light-skinned with blue eyes. this idea that if you have those traits you can't be indigenous purely comes from the racist idea that all indigenous americans have dark brown skin, black hair, and brown eyes, which simply isn't true. in fact, i'd say most don't have dark skin in the way a lot of ppl on tumblr seem to think they do, unless they are mixed with a parent who does. it might lean darker, but it's often going to be on the light to tan spectrum. especially since the vast majority of indigenous americans are heavily mixed with white people at this point. an olive undertone does not dark skin make. and blue eyes are recessive so if you have relatives on each side that have had blue eyes you can get the trait, genetics are far more complicated than they teach you in forth grade. those traits were solely brought up to deny me my ethnicity, which i will not tolerate. it all boils down to racism and colorism in the end, believing all people of a certain ethnicity look the same, which just... isn't a good look, regardless of what you're using it for. nevermind the majority of people throwing a fit were not indigenous americans so they doubly so don't get to decide who is indigenous and who isn't. people are allowed to be mad when people deny that they are what they are.

#i have not logged into this account in months oops #it's simply annoying how ppl are putting words i did not say into my mouth though lol #nonsims #emi.txt #asks