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spacedoutsheepy · 4 months

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Been wanting to talk about this for a while because it's been bugging me and I know it's probably been mentioned on this site before because we're pro gamers when it comes to bitching about being stigmatized here but

Has anyone else noticed the alarming amount of people (men specifically) fetishizing cluster b, and objectifying us with bpd or bipolar or whatever severe illness it may be? Like even on here I have to scroll through post after post about how hot mentally ill girls are, or how 🔥bpd pussy is, and just because you queer-ify the language, or talk about how you want HER dick doesn't make it any less fetishizing or objectifying.

Everyday mediocre cis white men who watched Scott Pilgrim in middle school and whose only contribution to the world is an epidemic of untouched grass take to social media and post how much they would love a “mentally ill woman to destroy them😍” as if it’s cute and quirky and sexy and taboo. It frustrates me to no end because it's obviously coming from people who have never actually seen mental illness in action. I saw a mutual post once about how everyone loves to support and care about people with mental illness until you actually start manifesting symptoms, and while we're not talking about the same crowd, it's definitely the same cultural attitude.

I have seen it has become a popular trend on tik tok and Instagram for dudes to pretty much obsess over mentally ill women and dumb us down strictly into sexual objects because that’s literally all they see us as. They talk about how we're crazy, and they wanna take care of us and make it all better, while in the next breath when they think we're not listening they talk about how blue-haired mentally ill girls are Bad For You but also fuck the best. It's like they found the perfect minority who they can infantilize and sexualize at the exact same time, and I'll give you a minute to ruminate on the disturbing implications of that.

I just don’t fucking get why being literally at war with our own selves is seen as “sexy” or we’re seen as more “freaky” than your average neurotypical. This type of behavior towards those that suffer has taken away the legitimacy and severity of this type of disorder and others like it.

I have had men, and even some women, say TO MY FACE after warning them about my bpd that they could "handle" or “take care of me” or that they’ve always wanted a girl like me and I have never once taken that as a compliment, It’s just so fucking creepy and disgusting.

#mental illness #bpd #rant #borderline personality disorder #cluster b #disability rights #ablism #personality disorder #discourse #mental health

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adhd-pi · 1 year

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Notes from Seminar 1/4: Sleep

ADHD ain't just hyperactivity.

"Skills not pills," they say, since part of ADHD treatment is to provide people with coping mechanisms that will let them work around the difficulties of their neurotype. Part of "skills" is awareness of how your brain works and how that affects your life.

How ADHD affects sleep:

You might forget to go to bed, go to bed later, or experience insomnia

a burst of energy as night falls, or Circadian Rhythm Sleep Disorder. These symptoms may arise from smaller pineal glands, irregularities in clock genes, and later melatonin release. Things that may help are Bright Light Therapy as you wake up, or melatonin to help you fall asleep, or timers and alarms to remind you to go to bed.

preferring the nighttime hours as a time to "hyperfocus" on stuff

a "disrupted" sleep-wake schedule that doesn't fit the typical 9-5 job

Restless Leg Syndrome or other limb movement disorders occur in 50% of people with ADHD. May be caused by iron or dopamine deficiencies; treated with iron supplements or dopaminergics.

Trouble waking up or shaking off drowsiness; excessive sleepiness.

To help combat sleep disorders, the presentation recommended:

cut out sugar, caffeine, and alcohol within a few hours of bedtime

avoid screen time for an hour before bed (ask me about my canned rant on this)

avoid stimulating activities and projects that require focus in the evening

make the bed a stress-free zone "reserved for sleep and sex"

get exercise and sunlight during the day

develop a bedtime routine that you enjoy and look forwards to

keep the bedroom cool, dark, and quiet

blanket outside noise using a noise machine or a nature-sounds recording, or calming music

keep a consistent sleep schedule, making sure to get enough sleep for your age group

use a weighted blanket

meditation

basically anything that counts as "soothing", including essential oil diffusers (doubt.jpg)

To help get out of bed in the morning:

bright lights, including Bright Light Therapy, east-facing bedrooms, timers that turn on bright lamps, or alarm clocks that turn on a light gradually.

you may benefit for a specific form of CBT: CBT for Insomnia (CBT-I)

talk to your doc about sleep meds or adjusting your sleep schedule to optimize it for sleep.

(These notes may come with a certain amount of sarcasm or scepticism; the presenter was new to the course and to the course materials, and was reading from the slides a lot. The slides contained a lot of pop-science infographics, and there were some missed connections in the presentation.)

#adhd #adhd-pi #adhd inattentive #sleep hygeine

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dolugecat · 3 years

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On some Japanese social issues I had learned about at uni and abroad):

(Rb ok!)

Legit had an epiphany about the true hidden meaning of the last arc of Mob Psycho 100. It’s hella projection but for real there is nothing neurotypical about Mob or Mob Psycho. I do not wish to enforce my interpretation on others (ironic bc I do that all the time but this is a serious social theory). There are some interesting and very sad social issues in Japan that the west really doesn’t understand but would I think help people understand a lot of context behind not only Mob Psycho, but also a lot of other anime. I learned this at my shitty university (prestigious but horrific) and while studying abroad in Japan and talking with Japanese peers. Get ready here we go (and tw for bullying and darker things):

Unfortunately in East Asian education systems, bullying can be extremely intense. Growing up I assumed it was over exaggerated extremely in anime for drama but it really can be so horrific. From what I’ve heard, there is often a single kid or so who is just shit on by everyone else, even the teacher. Mogami land *is* the reality of some Japanese kids. I’ve read that in Korea, this social punching bag sometimes is just the darkest skinned person (yayyy colorism /angry) and or someone who does not fit in. I mean, we have that in America too, but maybe not as common for the bullying to be as focused on one misfit rather than several. These kids just can’t escape the stigma too, kids from other schools find out they were a major victim at their old school and it starts anew. Thus there is so much stigma and incentive to join in on bullying so you aren’t the one. Sadly, this also ofc leads to higher suicide rates. That’s where the “shoe on building roof” anime trope comes in, bc somehow taking off shoes is relayed to death (I forgot why sorry)

There is a difference in how intense in general high school vs college is too. In the West, commonly college is the more intense curriculum and is harder than high school, but in Japan it’s usually the opposite. Grind suuuupppeeerrrr hard for entrance exams (huge standardized tests that determines what college you can qualify to) bc unlike the ACT or SAT here, that test is by far the most important factor for college admission. Then chill and relax a bit in college. Can’t relate. Name and prestige is very critical for job application, more important than here. That’s why planning out your future is sooo much more intense for Japanese high schoolers than in America, and why there is sooo much more pressure to excel in high school than here. Japanese school years and holidays are done different than ours, I’d suggest looking it up.

Social prestige of going to an American high school or college is nuts. Like whyyy do you value our shitty education, Japan’s is much higher quality (it’s bc we neo colonized them). Being able to speak English is very, very highly valued and any association with Americans make you cooler. From my experience, some Japanese students got very excited to practice speaking English with us, and their biggest issues with learning it is pronunciation, lmao. Wasai english is unique slang that is indeed English words but it’s kinda different and it’s kinda jarring to remember lol. So, Teru having parents that are working overseas isn’t too uncommon, idk about leaving him absolutely alone, but I did have a ex-friend who just came from Japan in middle school who’s situation probably wasn’t too far off from that. Empty wealth with no love, it’s no wonder those kind of people can end up being huge bullies (minori?)

I did a presentation on 引きこもり(hikikomori) for which means “shut in”, (like Serizawa) and it’s fucked up. It’s a social phenomena where according to some Japanese researchers a mix of undisciplined parenting, guilt/not living up to expectations, and hopelessness makes an alarming amount of youth/ young adults literally never go out side their house/room. Often a parent is “enabling” the behavior by supporting them, but idk the articles seemed a bit victim-blaming to me when I read it, but I don’t think I should make a judgement too hard, not my place. I will say I do suspect and believe I read something to support that ASD might play a role in hikikomoris (there is pitiful resources for autistic people in Asia, much much less support than even here, to the point I don’t think most know it exists). Like come on, with the other points I laid out my personal opinion as an Asian American with autism is that it really seems it’s unknowing ableism against autistic classmates, but I didn’t grow up in Asia so I don’t want to say.

Mental health in general is tragically quite abysmal in Japan, and with it being so hyper competitive and brutal work culture, it’s no surprise birth rate in Japan is so low; some Japanese young adults say it seems unethical to bring a life to such hostile world. Suicide rate is of the highest in the world. It’s fucked, I’ve interacted with some of the locals in Tokyo and they were so nice, but the business men just looked dead inside, it’s so sad.

Relationships between child and parent is also strained bc of this intense work and school culture. Quality time is too scarce when you gotta work so much. And the pressure from parents to do well in education or else you might end up socially stigmatized is rough. Bc your job is who you are, it’s hyper capitalism (thanks us for making them do this)

With autism being so unknown, support for parents in raising autistic kids is almost nonexistent. What happens if the “darker” side of ASD shows up in kids? I used to be a menace when I had meltdowns, I felt so bad but really just became so indiscriminately violent. See where this is going? Legit, I think ESP is a sort of metaphor for neurodivergance to ONE. There is so much stigma around it, and even less way for kids to understand why they are different than the others. My Korean family can’t admit we all got ASD, too much fear and internalized shame.

I got finally diagnosed with ASD as an adult and I’ll tell ya, I relate too much to Mob hurting Ritsu. I felt so bad, but also not in control, I knew what I was doing but not how to stop. Luckily, is was blessed in that my hyperfixations involved science and logic, so I did well at school. Sadly, our boy Mob just don’t got the passion or ability to do well at school. His kanji is very bad, even to point of not being confident he wrote a kanji (世) they learn when they are 9, in elementary school (thanks @katyatalks). Him being a bit berated by his parents for having bad grades and bending spoons seems harsh to Westerners I think, but IMO it’s pretty tame from what I’ve seen of some Asian parents (I get to say that lmao). Ofc, however the shaming is very real and Mob just agreeing with them about how weird and stupid he thinks he is so sad. There is even more pressure for the eldest to be better than here, I feel from some interactions. Nonetheless, it’s implied Mob is quite emotionally detached from his parents, even though he loves them, which also adds to his emotional complex. Combined with originally fragile self esteem and feelings of worthlessness, we got one emotionally stunted boy. However, contrary to common belief people with ASD are sometimes hyper empathic and experience emotions very intensely. We are prone to having “meltdowns” which if not assisted with can be quite violent if very intense. For me, my worse meltdowns as a kid came from when I didn’t understand why I wasn’t getting what I wanted, it seemed selfish and cruel of me but I couldn’t control it. I wanted to be a good kid, so why did hit my moms leg at target when she refused to buy me Pokémon toys? I couldn’t come up with a good reason for why my mind just commanded my body to do bad things, just a single thought was controlling me, I want I want I want I want I want ____. Which I argue could be what ???% represents… bc well…. Yeah….. hmm….. not in control of self (mob unconscious), selfish (not actually, I’ve forgave myself but my “normal” kid self was so ashamed), destructive, hurt family, wanting to stop but can’t, that’s kind of…. Too relatable.

But legit, since realizing my new HC, I’ve started to think of the last chapter of mp100 when I “explode” and it helps me feel better and I do gain “control” a bit easier. I don’t feel so bad anymore either, Mob!

#mp100 #mob psycho 100 #my post #mp100 headcanons #welcome to my hc #asd #autism #actually autistic #kageyama shigeo #mob #mp100 meta #Japanese society #japanese culture #meta #mp100 analysis

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compassionatereminders · 3 years

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Dealing With Executive Dysfunction - A Summary

(The full post with elaborate explanations can be found here.)

Being a responsible adult doesn’t have to mean doing things perfectly - it means doing what you realistically can. Can’t eat 7 fresh veggies and fruits a day? Buy some veggie juice or a smoothie and chug that. Can’t make a proper, healthy meal? Add some extra protein to your instant noodles. Can’t do the dishes? Buy some paper plates. Don’t worry about doing things “the right way”, just do what works.

It’s not cheating to do something the easy way. If there’s an easy or more manageable solution available, use it. Even if some people think it’s lazy. Don’t worry about that. Just focus on finding the methods of doing things which make life easier for you.

Fuck what you’re “supposed” to do. Yes, ideally you shouldn’t run the dishwasher twice, but if cleansing the dishes by hand is not an option and that’s the only way you can get clean dishes, do it anyways! When you’re in a really bad place mentally, fuck the rules. Do what you need to do to get shit done, even if it’s not how you’re supposed to do it.

Do stuff while you’re waiting to do other stuff. We spend a lot of time waiting, so spend the time you’d normally just waste getting some chores done. Collect the trash while your roommate is in the bathroom or wipe down the kitchen counters while you’re making coffee. You can even turn it into a game! How many dishes can you clean before the potatoes are boiling? How much trash can you collect and throw out before your load of laundry is done?

You don’t have to do everything at once. Don’t wait for the day where you’re up for cleaning the entire house cause then you’ll be waiting for ages. You can wipe down one counter and call it a day. You can put away a couple things and leave the rest. You can do one small chore and let that be it. You don’t have to choose between doing everything and doing nothing. Any progress is worthwhile.

Let go of the idea that something has to become a permanent habit to have any value. Doing a certain sport for a month is still healthy even if you then move on to something else. Exploring a new hobby for a while and then moving on to other stuff will always teach you something. What’s good for you today will not necessarily be what’s good for you tomorrow.

Don’t worry about the entire task. Just focus on the first step. Don’t worry about brushing your teeth - just get your toothbrush wet and put tooth paste on it. Don’t worry about writing the essay - just look at the assignment and open a document. Don’t worry about going to the store - just put on your coat and your shoes. Starting a task is a lot easier if you only focus on the step right in front of you.

Imagine that your body is a pet/animal you have to care for. Feed and hydrate yourself, keep yourself and your environment clean, make sure you don’t get under or overstimulated, allow yourself time to rest and relax, find ways to enrich your life (like socializing, media or hobbies) - and do your best to make sure you’re healthy and happy, even though you never actually signed up for being your own zookeeper.

Just because you can’t do it perfectly doesn’t mean you should stop trying. Packing lunch a couple times a week is better than never packing lunches. Journaling or making art once a month is better than never doing anything creative. Exercising every once in a while when you have the energy is better than never exercising. You don’t have to do something every single day for it to be important and helpful.

Put on a professional persona when it’s necessary. Try to separate the anxious and dysfunctional you from the Student You who’s sending that important email or the Client You who’s making that phone call or the Customer You who isn’t afraid to ask for help. It might feel like you’re performing a role, but to be honest, most of us do at times.

When you’re doing chores, act like you’re filming a tutorial. Narrate what you’re doing like someone’s watching. That might make it easier to maintain focus and to keep track of the various steps.

You don’t have to do anything perfectly. Wiping yourself off with some baby wipes beats not doing anything about your personal hygiene. Eating a protein bar beats not eating. Using mouthwash beats neglecting dental hygiene completely. Going for a quick walk beats not moving. It doesn’t have to be perfect to count and make a difference.

Make something you know you have to do the trigger for you to start doing something else. Tell yourself “next time I get up to pee I’ll take out the trash” or “when I get up to get something to drink next I’ll make lunch.” If you HAVE to get up anyways, you might as well.

Assign yourself a deadline. Tell yourself “once this video is over, I’ll do the dishes” or “once this alarm rings, I’ll do my laundry.”

If you struggle to be compassionate towards yourself, try visualizing your future self as a separate person who you like and want to do favors for. Try to think of your future self as a friend who is separate from your current self and do what you can to make their life easier by doing things like preparing that lunch, doing those chores, taking that shower or making fun plans. I know they’ll be grateful.

Make putting stuff back where it belongs so easy that you “might as well.” Organize your home so that placing stuff where it belongs becomes so easy that you might as well just place it there. For many people that means several laundry baskets, many trash cans and easily accessible and very visible storage options. So if you keep finding things in annoying places, make sure they get an easily accessible home!

Look into why you can’t do something. Is something about the chores you’re struggling to do actually causing you sensory distress and is there something you can do to make it more comfortable? If you hate mint toothpaste, get one that tastes like bubble gum. If old food grosses you out, do the dishes with thick gloves on. If showering makes you feel bad about your body, shower with the lights off. The problem isn’t always about self discipline, and in those cases it’s worth looking into why you’re struggling so much to get certain chores done.

Take care of yourself in order to take care of others ( whether pets or people.) Outside motivation is necessary for many people who struggle with executive dysfunction. For many people getting out of bed is easier when you know someone else is relying on you being somewhat functional. So don’t be afraid to find the motivation to take care of yourself in wanting to take care of others.

Make keeping your place clean as easy as possible. Make sure there’s easy one step access to the things you need often. Make sure that the place where a thing is supposed to be is actually within reach of where you use the thing. Make sure everything has a an easily accessible place to go, even if that means several laundry baskets and several trash cans. Examine what’s messing up your place and find a home for it where you’re likely to actually place it on a regular basis.

Choose one very specific thing to work on - like the bathroom sink or the oven or your desk. If you suffer from executive dysfunction you’ll likely be distracted, but having one specific focus point you can keep returning to will mean that in between getting distracted, you can return to your chosen project and get some shit done.

When something feels overwhelming, tell yourself to “just show up” and that you “won’t have to stay the whole time if it’s horrible.” Cause odds are that once you’ve pushed past your initial mental block, you’re likely to stay and finish what you started.

If you really can’t do something, accept your limits and find a different method. Don’t keep trying to push through via willpower alone. If you need outside accountability to get your shit done, find someone who can hold you accountable. If you know you can’t remember the stuff you’re supposed to remember, make sure to always write things down. If you keep forgetting your meds, set a daily alarm. Don’t keep expecting yourself to be able to do things you always struggle with.

Make your chores into a game. Assign certain chores certain points and make a list of fun rewards you can have once you’ve earned a certain amount of points through doing chores.

If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing poorly. Any amount of effort is better than none, so on days where you can’t do something well, do it anyways! Any amount of progress beats not getting started.

Find a momentum and use it to do that thing you’ve been struggling to start doing. You can’t get yourself together to shower? Well, find something you CAN do - and once you’re already doing something, you might be able to channel said energy into showering.

Take it one step at a time. I know a shower sounds overwhelming, but can you take your clothes off? If yes, can you turn on the shower? If yes, can you stand under the stream? Look who just tricked themselves into doing the thing by breaking it down into manageable chunks!

Don’t just break a task into smaller steps - break it into steps so small you can’t possible get overwhelmed and fuck up. “Clean my room” is far too vague - but “set a timer and collect all the trash you can in 10 minutes” is actually manageable and so is “move all dirty dishes to the kitchen” or “remove and/or sort all clothes laying on the floor.”

Don’t worry about how most people do things - worry about what works for YOU. You constantly lose your key? Make ten copies. You overlook your post it notes? Put something with the important reminder on it in front of the door. Got laundry and trash all over the floor? Get more laundry baskets/trash cans. Coping with executive dysfunction is not about learning to do things the neurotypical way, it’s about finding strategies which actually work for you.

When you’re overwhelmed and struggling, find the easiest and fastest way to get rid of some of the distress. Eat if you’re hungry, sleep if you’re tired, pee if you have to, get that thing you’ve been postponing done if you can. The more stressors you can remove, the better - and it’s okay to start with the smaller ones!

Don’t worry about aesthetics. When you struggle with executive dysfunction, maintaining a picture perfect home is probably unrealistic. So drop that dream and focus on making your space practical and functional. Remove the doors of your kitchen cabinets and closets if that will actually make you put stuff away. Get a paper shredder and a mail sorting station if you got mail and advertisements everywhere. Buy all your socks in one color if you struggle to pair them. There are many ways to make your environment more functional. Explore them instead of just trying and failing to make your home look nice.

Get started on your next task before you take your break. Write that first sentence, make that first sketch, get the vacuum cleaner out of the closet or collect the dishes for washing and THEN have your break. Many people with executive dysfunction struggle to start tasks, so for most of us it’s easier to continue something we’ve already started working on than to begin from scratch.

#kat gets serious #coping #executive dysfunction #disability #mental illness #self care #recovery

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adhd-attention-deficit-dumbass · 2 years

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Hi!! I hope you're having a nice day! I'm not sure if someone's asked this before but do you have any tips or advice on how to break down assignments into smaller chunks and scheduling when to do them? Breaking down tasks is one of the most common tips I've seen for schoolwork, but I feel overwhelmed just trying to break them down.....

Hello! I have a post about this right here! Go ahead and check it out. See tip #3

Sorry my reply took forever, consistency is not a part of this blog unfortunately

This is something I had to learn and practice so I suggest you do that as well and be kind to yourself knowing that doing this isn’t as easy as it may seem at first.

The feeling of overwhelm comes from not knowing what to do or where to start, there are a couple things you can try to get started which I believe is the hardest part.

#1 Just do the one thing

Often it can quickly become overwhelming looking at for example an essay and realising you have to write an introduction, a summary, gather sources, properly referense sources, make your thoughts into words and make words make sense whilst keeping it all in your head whilst new ideas pop up all the time and…you get the idea

If you’re having trouble getting started just do one thing for a short period of time

If I am having a bad day, reading only a few pages can seem daunting, add several papers, chapters and articles to that and I get completely overwhelmed and anxious thinking about all the things I have to do

So what I do is I pick the easiest/shortest task first and set a timer for either 15, 30 or 60 min. I suggest starting at 15 just to get a feel for it

Even if you don’t finish the task you still made an effort, usually this is enough to make you want to keep going, if not, a little is better than nothing

#2 Ask the right questions

Ask yourself questions that will help you with the process such as:

What do I need to do/what is my task?

Do I need anything special to perform the task? If so where can I find it?

Is there someone who can help me with the task?

Is the task doable in a short amount of time? If so, do I finish in one setting or several?

#3 Practice planning and evaluate!

When people give tips like ”schedual your studying so you’ll get it done!” They make it seem like its an easy thing anyone can do (maybe that’s the case for neurotypicals?) but in reality this takes practice! Help yourself by practicing doing things on schedual.

Schedual doing a small task right now, something you can do in say 15-30 minutes like read a few pages of a book. Write down what needs to be done and when. (Don’t start the timer until you’ve finished planning though)

Attempt to do the task and when the timers goes off - start evaluating! Did it work? If it did- why? If it didn’t-why? What things helped or made it more difficult, what can you do different next time to make things easier? What are your obstacles and what solutions might they have?

#4 Make time for planning!

What people often forget to mention is that planning wont happen on its own! Make a deal with yourself to plan for 15-30 minutes every tuesday night or something like that.

If you have someone who can help you remember that’s a great help

Otherwise set an alarm which repeats each week on the same time

That was all for this post! Thank you so much for your question and have a good day💕✨✨

#adhd #adhd blog #adhd post #adhd things #adhdblr #answering asks #asks #adhd asks #answered asks #posting schedual is nonexistant #thank you for the ask!

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dr-dendritic-trees · 3 years

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What exactly are executive dysfunction, how does it manifest and is it only present in ADHD ? I’m curious because I seem to have it but I don’t have ADHD.

I will happily do that Anon! This is going to be a very long explanation. The most important part, if you don’t want to read it all, is the first paragraph, everything else is details for people who want more information, feel free to send another ask if this isn’t clear or you have another question:

Executive function is basically a term that refers to all the things the brain does to achieve a specific goal, and executive DYSfunction is any time those functions don’t work right, so you have a goal you want to achieve, but you can’t. Executive dysfunction occurs in a huge range of conditions. Its definitely not only ADHD, most neurodevelopmental disorders and mental illnesses are associated with some executive dysfunction, so are dementia or neurodegenerative conditions, and so are brain injuries that affect the parts of the brain which are used for executive functions.

Healthy neurotypical people will experience symptoms that are very similar to executive dysfunction when they’re very stressed or sleep deprived and for similar reasons; the parts of your brain you use for these functions don’t work as well when you’re tired or stressed. We typically call that executive dysfunction, because its typically less severe and also limited (it’ll go away once you take a nap or leave a stressful situation. So if you’re feeling these, but don’t necessarily have other mental illness symptoms, that could be it, especially right now as we’re all dealing with pandemic stress. The exact boundary when you tip from “not doing as well as usual” to “executive dysfunction” can be a bit tricky to know without a lot of background.

We group all the executive functions into one big umbrella term for 2 reasons. 1) They are rely on a similar set of brain areas. 2) You need them all for good executive function. The primary part of the brain involved with executive function is called the frontostriatal system; the frontal lobe, the striatum, and the white matter tracts that connect the two. Things that disrupt these parts of the brain will typically affect executive function. There are some other brain things going on, but that’s the core part, and the part you should look up if you want more information. That bit’s pretty simple. The complicated bit about executive functions, is that they have a lot of moving parts. There are A LOT of executive functions, and so, there are a lot of ways that someone can experience executive dysfunction. There’s a lot of different systems for grouping executive functions you can find summaries that list there as being anywhere from 3, to over 12 different executive functions, and most of these systems are actually pretty similar, they just either group things together, or split them apart. But here are a basic list of executive functions to get you started. For each one I’ll give an example of how they work, or don’t work, for someone who’s trying to make themselves dinner, which is a good example of a task that needs a lot if executive functions.

Decision making (I need to choose what to have for dinner, or I might get stuck and find its way past dinner time and I’m still trying to figure out what to eat).

Task initiation (I need to get off tumblr and start cooking, this is the executive function most commonly talked about here, but its definitely not the only one).

Planning (I need to know what I need, what steps will be involved in making my dinner, and what order to do them in, or else I might either not be able to start, or make errors because I’m doing tasks out of order (I need to get out the ingredients, prepare them, then cook them; and I need to start with the things that take longest).

Cognitive flexibility (I need to be able to adjust my plans and change what I’m doing if something changes, like, my vegetables have gone off and I need to choose a different one, or the smoke alarm goes off, or someone invites me out).

Selective and divided attention (I need to pay attention to all the components of the, the meat, and the vegetables and the potatoes, as the same time, but I also need to ignore the dishes from lunch, and the alerts on my phone while I’m cooking, or I might end up either not doing all the parts of my tasks, or some other entirely different task).

Task switching (some people lump this in with cognitive flexibility in general, but its specifically moving from specific task to specific task, I might, for instance, need to move from cutting peppers in strips, to chopping peppers in cubes, and trimming whole chicken breasts, or I might end up with everything chopped in the same, wrong way).

Inhibition (not just getting take out, although there are actually quite a lot of nuances to behavioural inhibition I won’t get into here)

Working Memory (holding all the parts of the meal in your mind, otherwise you might forget which bits have got done and which haven’t)

Time monitoring (how long have you been cooking, otherwise might end up steaming your vegetables for an hour and turn them to mush).

Self-Monitoring (how hungry are you?, if you don’t know its going to be hard to make the right amount of food, or you might struggle to cook while ravenously hungry, one of the worst experiences ever).

Emotional Regulation (coping with frustration or upsets, otherwise you might get really overwhelmed if you, for instance, accidentally drip meat juice all over the floor and have to clean it up, to give an example of something I just did).

On top of all these, there’s some other issues which can look a lot like executive dysfunction, and occur with executive dysfunction, but aren’t, here’s 2 examples but there are others:

Amotivation this is something that is pretty common in depression and some types of brain injury and dementia. And it basically means not having the will or interest to do tasks at all, even ones you previously liked. It can seem similar to failures of task initiation, but with task initiation you want to make dinner, you just can’t start, with amotivation, it just doesn’t seem worth it.

Sensory Overload very common in ASD, also happens in ADHD and can be a free-standing issue (you can just have plain old sensory processing disorder), when this is an issue, your motivation is fine, you want to cook dinner, and your executive function is fine, you know what you need to be doing but what’s keeping you from doing it, is just keeping up with the sensory information that its generating, when the kitchen is hot, and the pan is hissing and spitting oil on you, and the oven timer is beeping and etc.

And yes, if you experience both executive dysfunction and other symptoms like amotivation, knowing which one is involved at any given time can be hard.

#Anonymous

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frogeyedape · 2 years

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Okay, so, insomnia. Fucking sucks. The not sleeping, the desperately wanting to sleep, the NEED to sleep and inability to do so. The anxiety that comes from knowing you need sleep. You can die if you Not Sleep enough (though that's not likely to occur). The fear of dragging through tomorrow...finally falling and asleep and sleeping through the important stuff...is it even *good* sleep? Is it worth it? The deliberate all nighters because fuck it, fuck everything, fuck me, might as well get shit done if I'm just gonna be awake and miserable anyway. The midday / evening crash. The //helpful// advice. As if you haven't tried everything, as if you aren't desperate to go to sleep easily and not wake up until morning. The running yourself into the ground, sheer exhaustion, so your body has no option but to fall but then you wake up and wake up and wake up in the middle of the night dear god it's only 3 am.

Anyway, that's how I experience it.

Enter the art of Not Giving A Fuck, but like, The Directed Approach. Major caveats: not always possible! And even when it is, it is Not Easy. I spent literal years breaking the anxiety spiral, with lots of ups and downs. Got diagnosed with a sleep disorder. Still get insomnia and disturbed sleep. But it's a hell of a lot better now and yes there's medication for my disorder that lets me skip some of the anxiety via drug induced unconsciousness, but I actually wake up rested / feeling like I actually slept most of the time now.

Pre-medication not giving a fuck, then, as meds aren't a guaranteed fix, and may simply Not Apply in certain situations.

1) counter the knowledge that sleep is important and necessary with the knowledge that a 20 minute lie down, regardless of whether you fall asleep, decreases risk of accidents by a measurable & significant amount. Fishers on 16 hour shifts depend on these "power naps."

2) if applicable / able: de-catastrophize. If I don't sleep I'll endanger everybody on the road when Idrive to work / do shitty work -- can change to if I don't sleep I'll take a sick day (hey insomnia *is* a medical condition, as is sleep deprivation). Look up re-framing and practice it. Challenge negative thoughts with neutral or positive, non-judgmental ones. I can't sleep (panic/frustration) might become I am having a hard time falling asleep right now.

This may look different for you. Maybe your job is on the line / you just can't afford a sick day. The downward spiral seems inescapable. In that case:

3) Stop. Take it a day at a time. A minute at a time, if that's all you can handle. The next 10 seconds. Redirect future-oriented thoughts to your next handle-able chunk of time. What can I do 5 minutes from now. Worry about thing as they come and let next week's and next year's worries drift. Latch onto now.

4) practice mindfulness. There are many ways of doing this, and if you've tried a Neurotypical Advice Guaranteed Tip before and it was an absolute failure, do not despair. Ignore the "guaranteed" part of any advice and use what works, discard what doesn't. Something that works for me is Noticing. [Bad thought that makes me feel bad] oh hello that was awful [random thought] i can vibe with that [bad thought] wow they keep coming <forcibly pointing myself at something cool/interesting/positive and experience Excitement> [bad thought - I'll never sleep if I excite] fuck that I'm focusing on now thank you not 3 hours from now or when my alarm goes off.

Yell at the bad thoughts / gripe at them / notice they exist and even react to them! And point yourself elsewhere as many times as it takes. *observe the negative thought like a leaf in a stream as it goes away* uhhh not my way, I'm giving that leaf a piece of my mind and kicking it out, thanks.

Relaxation techniques and grounding yourself with physical sensations may be useful as well. Meditation that isn't *don't think* but instead *here is a simple repetitive motion to focus on and lull you into a trance like state* may be helpful. Discard what doesn't work, try new things with curiosity.

The biggest thing: be compassionate to yourself as you reframe. Would you talk to your best friend / partner / child self / your actual child / your parent / your pet that way? Reframe it to talk to yourself like you'd talk to them.

5) repeat. Get sick of it. Repeat again.

To summarize: Even if you never sleep, 20 minutes laying down quietly with your eyes closed is better than nothing, better than hours of increasing frustration as sleep fails to come. Focus on reframing negative thoughts to neutral or positive statements: *I'm such a failure* becomes *wow I'm really struggling with this (neutral or compassionate)*. Worry about now: I'm having trouble falling asleep right now, and maybe I'll take the next moment as it comes. Maybe I'll fall asleep later and maybe I won't, and if I don't it's ok cuz I'm laying here quietly for a while and that's literally more restful than nothing.

I'm not gonna say it's easy, but this has helped me tremendously. I can (usually) relax knowing I'm doing my best, and that helps me so so much. It's a work in progress.

This post is open to share insomnia tips, tricks, stories, commiseration, and support. Just be kind to each other is all I ask :)

#insomnia #unasked for advice #here i am asking for you to share advice so it's not unasked for #feel free to ignore me!#i may not necessarily read all the advice...i want this to be a repository for people who are looking for it

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februaryberries · 4 years

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Study (?) tips that you don’t see on every study post

Hi gamers, I just finished my first year at college/university!!

This year was really a struggle for me because I was trying to get the help I needed for my mental health, and I did not succeed until literally the week before finals spring term. I just got diagnosed w ADHD and put on meds (thank god) and I’m excited for the next year to come.

Though this year was absolutely grueling I did discover some little tips that can really help ! This is coming from my experience w ADHD but it could relate to other neurodiverse learners as well ! Even if you are neurotypical some of these might help !!

This post got really long so I’m gonna put it under the cut but, main Idea is bolded w a more in depth explanation underneath ( for those like me who see a block of text and go running)

In no particular order:

If you can/are up for it take a class before noon even if you are not a morning person. I am NOT saying take an 8am when u regularly go to bed at 4am! Bc that is dumb bb pls get some sleep. In my experience once I go to class my brain is like “oh things are happening now, it is actually a day and not just existing in a timeless hellscape.”

Once I am out of bed/out of my room I am at least mildly more productive for the rest of the day. Going to a class before noon means you are up and doing things for the day and early enough that you still have light. This ties into the next one

Start while it’s still light out!! At least for me I gain so much happiness from natural light/sunlight, and it is very hard for me to do things let alone START things once it’s dark out because my brain is like nope the day is over now. Plus in the fall/winter days days are getting shorter and shorter so it’s important to make use of as much daylight as you can. I feel like a plant w how much I rely on light to survive but it really does help!

Put on ‘Real People’ clothes. This is something that really helps me, even if it’s just like, jeans and a turtleneck, maybe tucked in w a belt. I’ve found that when I put on academic-y clothes or like Adult clothes it helps me switch my brain into school mode. It’s kinda like putting on a uniform for work? If I’m in too loose of clothes or like pyjamas for example, I’m much less likely to be able to switch my brain into productive mode. For me especially its when i’m wearing tighter clothing rather than baggy ones? Like i said a turtleneck which like the sleeves are fitted to my arms, and jeans or pants that are fitted to my legs. I think it helps because it makes me more aware of my body in the space? Idk. figure out what real people clothes feel like to you, and then have a couple of go to outfits you can slip on when you’ve been in a hoodie and sweatpants all day and really need to get some work done.

On that note, put on shoes. For me along w the tight clothing, I do better in shoes, specifically ones that lace up and can be tight. Like hightop converse, or boots, or even dress shoes w laces. I think in a way my body needs to be contained so I can focus on something? I’m not sure why I feel like that but i’ve learned to work w it. Putting on shoes for me helps because

1. I’m not distracted by what I’m putting my bare feet on (i cannot stand wearing socks unless im wearing shoes so yes bare feet)

2. I’m not getting distracted by my floor n the fact that hey maybe i should sweep bc there are some crumbs sticking to my feet now.

And 3. You put on shoes when you are going to go outside and go somewhere. It’s like putting pyjamas on to go to bed, you’re brain associates those items with doing something, so putting on shoes can signal to your brain hey we are doing something now, and that something is work.

Talk to your teachers !! I understand sometimes you have a teacher from hell and honestly idk what to tell you at that point but in a lot of cases teachers can be very understanding !! The amount of support I’ve gotten from my teachers this year is absolutely insane and 100% the only thing that made it so I didn’t get kicked out of college. Like reaching out to your teachers shows that you care! if you have to take a mental health day sometimes let them know !! i would always let my teacher know that I really wanted to be in class but I just couldn’t handle it that day. They also can help connect you to resources you didn’t know about !

Look into what resources your school has !! I was talking about how next year is gonna go now that I’ve been diagnosed and such with my friend, and how I was gonna contact the DRC (disability resource center) and she didn’t know you could get support for having ADHD!! Like I know you can get extensions on due dates, attendance forgiveness, and even potentially note taking assistance when you have ADHD and talk to them. even if you are medicated it doesn’t 100% solve everything and there are still ways to get support! Whether its study groups, writing centers/support, tutoring, or even contacting your drc or whatever your school has, it can really help!! I’m definitely going to take advantage of these resources if I can next year !

Find a place outside you can go to clear your head (or have a mental breakdown)

I can’t even begin to count the amount of times i’ve been freaking out over something or stressed out of my mind and my room started to feel to stuffy and claustrophobic and i just needed to get OUT. try to make sure it’s somewhere safe and close that you can go to even at night. (maybe try to shoot a text to your best friend that you’re out and if you don’t let them know you’re home by a certain time to start raising alarm, your safety is the most important) I tend to like to be up high because i’m further away from people, and the streets and I’m closer to the sky.

My go to thinking/breakdown spot is the roof of the parking garage a block away. It has stairs that are easy access and the top levels are usually empty even during the day. It really helps me to just go out and listen to music and collect my thoughts sometimes. My head can start going a million directions at lightspeed and I need to stop and be present, and being outside helps. It’s a good way to regroup.

Spend 10 minutes picking up your desk/work space. I tend to let my room get cluttered and messy and out of control a lot, to the point where I know it’s going to take at least a couple hours to get it clean again. It is also hard to focus when you’re in a messy environment. I would stress myself out and be like “well i HAVE to clean my whole room because I can’t focus if my space isnt clean I cant start until I clean” and then I would put all of my productive energy into cleaning, and get maybe halfway done before burning out and going to bed.

You’re never going to get any work done if you keep in this mindset. So instead just spend 10 minutes picking up the garbage off your desk, put the dishes in the kitchen, and put things back in their place. Then you will have enough space to work on your assignment and that space will be free of clutter so it won’t be as stressful.

DRINK WATER DRINK WATER DRINK WATER

Have a water bottle in front of you when you’re studying/in class. I get fidgety a lot when i’m in class/studying (thank u adhd) and so having a water bottle is a way for me to fidget I guess? Depending on the water bottle, you have little steps you have to do to drink that help u fidget,

for example: pick it up, take off the lid, drink, put the lid back on, set it down.

Or pick up, push button that opens drink hole (?), set back down.

When I have a water bottle on my desk it satisfies my need to do something with my body and comes with the bonus of staying hydrated, without me having to lose focus doing something else. Also you won’t get distracted by a sore throat or the realization that you are really thirsty.

Pay attention to why you’re not paying attention. Not everything that works for me is going to work for you, so you have to figure out what works for you. I started to notice that I would be uncomfortable or feel funny working when I was in baggy clothes and that helped me figure out I needed to wear real people clothes. If you find yourself getting distracted, take note of what is distracting you. maybe try literally making a list of things that distract you, so then you can identify patterns and how to combat them !

That’s all I have for now, I hope some of these could maybe help? All of these have helped me actually complete an assignment occasionally, and somehow keep my ass in college. I just want to say that my experience is my own and things that work for me aren’t going to work on every one. college can be really tough, especially your first year when you’re trying to figure everything out. I may not have all the answers but feel free to shoot me a message!! i’m here for you if you want to ramble about an assignment you’re fed up with or a teacher you hate or anything thats bothering you !! Everyone’s college (and life) experience is different so don’t feel bad if yours doesn’t look the same as the people around you ! Remember to take care of yourselves !!!

Have a good day :)

#mine #study tips #college tips #study advice #adhd tips #?#studyblr #study #bullet journal #bujo #dark academia #light academia #I'm fucking trying academia #notes #muji #college advice #idk how to tag #i hope these kinda sorta make sense lol

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thesurprisinglyqueertoast · 4 years

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ADHD Tips!

I have amassed these over the past few years through both personal experience and from others online. If you don't have ADHD, still feel free to share and use these if you need! Many of the issues we struggle with are experienced by people without ADHD, and ADHD is often comorbid with many mental illnesses. Feel free to add on to this post or take and share these wherever you like.

Catagories are: General, Meds, Teeth, Laundry, Shower/Getting Dressed, Food, Water, Sleep, and Homework

General Tips:

Use alarms for everything you struggle with doing on time. Everything.

Most things with ADHD wre much easier to find a workaround for than to force yourself into doing.

If you have trouble with procrastinating, there is usually something specific stopping you. If you can't figure it out or can't stop it, just do your best to procrastinate by doing other things you need to do.

If you're able to, find other people to rely on to either help you or just be there for you.

Meds:

Use a pill organizer, even if you only take one pill. Being able to look at today's day and see if you've taken it is much easier if they're split into days.

If you have a hard time remembering to take them set yourself an alarm for every single day and keep your meds where you are most likely to take them.

If your meds taste bad, give yourself a treat after like some juice or a candy. If you can't eat after them then drink a good amount of water.

If you have a hard time taking meds at a certain time of day, ask your doctor if it would be alright if they were taken at another time. Some of my meds are normally instructed to be taken in the morning as they often cause sleeplessness, but I take them at night because I know for certain I can take them every day at night. Some meds really need to be taken at a specific time of day and if you take one like that, try to incorporate taking it into some sort of routine.

Teeth:

If you have a hard time brushing your teeth daily try to figure out why. If it's the toothpaste, buy a different toothpaste (kid's ones will taste more fun). If it's the toothbrush buy one with softer or firmer bristles. Kid's toothpastes will often lack the fluoride that helps protect your teeth, so be wary of that.

If you take meds, keep a toothbrush near them to try to associate brushing them after or before taking the meds. Dry brushing them is always better than not brushing them at all. Some people find that brushing their teeth in the shower works best. If you have several toothbrushes around the house and just brush your teeth when you see one, it will be much better for your teeth than brushing them with toothpaste only sometimes.

If you can't floss with normal floss, there are floss holders that work pretty well, or even water flossers. It's best to do it daily but I guarantee that flossing every so often is much better than not at all. If your gums bleed, be more gentle and do your best to be more regular so they bleed less. If they still bleed with regular gentle flossing be sure to talk to your dentist to try to figure out what's wrong.

Mouthwash is a good addition to your routine. Find one that you can tolerate. It's recommended and best to use it after brushing and not to dilute it, but if you can only use it by deluting it, something is still better than nothing.

Laundry:

I use pillow cases for my dirty laundry. For me it's the exact size of one load of laundry, and having several smaller bags if dirty laundry means that you can keep them in several places instead of just one designated basket. If there is one in reach wherever you remove your clothes you are more likely to put it in the dirty laundry than leave it out.

If you're the one buying the laundry soap and doing your own laundry, be sure to pick one that you like the smell of. I personally buy scentless laundry soap because the strong smells hurt my head.

Using a bag or basket that is the size of your washer and dryer means there is less commitment than hauling several loads of laundry.

If the worst part of doing laundry is folding clothes, don't fold them the way you're used to. Turn it into a game or hang them or stack them all up and fit them in your drawers that way. If you're home most of the time or wrinkles just don't matter to you, leave them in the bag or just shove them in your drawers. It takes up more space than doing it neatly and putting them away but sometimes it's just not worth it.

Shower/Getting Dressed:

If you have trouble picking clothes in the morning, do that at night. You can change your mind in the morning if you really want.

If you have trouble getting up and getting dressed, just put your clothes on the night before. If you sweat a lot in your sleep this might not be the best plan.

If you have a hard time showering regularly, try to figure out why. If it's the smells, find unscented or better smelling soaps. If it's what you use to wash your skin with, use a different thing or just use your hands. If it's the getting dry part, use one towel and switch it out to a new one when it gets damp.

Turn on the fan if it gets too hot or stuffy, or even crack the door when you're done showering so it cools down even quicker.

If you have a hard time showering because you don't do well with seeing your body, shower in the dark. There are night lights that plug directly into outlets that can provide some light without making it bright, or you can use candles.

If you have a hard time with standing that long, invest in a shower chair or try to find one at a thrift store.

Food:

Snacks are fantastic to keep in your room if you can. If you have any sort of pest problem or have pets, keep them in a sealed container. Juice boxes and pouches are also fantastic to be able to grab while you're In The Zone without having to think about it.

It's good to keep easy foods on hand for when you're just exhuasted or can't think of what to make. In our pantry, I have ravioli, oatmeal, microwave rice sides, stovetop rice sides, ramen (some made on the stove and some cup ramen), cereal, canned chili and soup, canned tuna, mac and cheese, instant potatoes and pasta with bottled sauce. In the freezer, the foods we always have are pizza, pizza rolls, fries, broccoli, waffles, sliced strawberries, and burritos. Be sure to pick foods you like and can make in a pinch.

Eggs are quick and easy, and you can even crack one in a mug and add salt and pepper, mix it and microwave it for a very fast snack. Potatoes and rice are filling and take more time but are a great base to other foods like eggs or sauce or cheese. Both can be made in the microwave if you don't have an oven or stove, it's too hot to use them, or you're worried about burning yourself. Make sure to wash the potato skin well if you're keeping it on.

You don't need to stick to the normal breakfast foods for breakfast, lunch foods for lunch, and dinner foods for dinner. If you love breakfast foods, make those for dinner. If you hate breakfast foods, make dinner foods for breakfast.

Try to incorporate fruits and veggies into your daily foods, but don't feel bad if you can't. There's no shame in not liking or being unable to eat some foods, just do your best to give your body the nutrients it needs. If your fresh fruits and veggies always go bad before you can use them, just buy frozen ones. Frozen fruits and veggies are usually frozen at peak ripeness and will last way longer than fresh. Some frozen veggies even come in microwavable bags for quick and easy cooking.

If you're stuck when making food, just eat the ingredients by themselves. This could be fruits, veggies, cheese, meats (unless it needs to be cooked first), and bread. I find that if I have a snack in the kitchen before making myself food, that's often enough to trick my brain into food mode and let's me make a meal.

When you're making yourself food, be sure to make leftovers! Don't make a huge amount unless you're willing to eat it for most meals so it doesn't go bad, but making just double or triple the food and storing it in the fridge is a very easy way to make less work for future you with only slightly more work for current you.

If you have trouble actually remembering to eat, set alarms or reminders for yourself, or even see if a friend can remind you to eat whenever they're eating. If there are meds you need to take with food, keep them near food so you remember to eat with them. If you feed a pet, eat before or after feeding them.

If you live with someone else, see if making food for more than just yourself makes it easier. If I need food and ask my partner if they also want food, it's always easier for me to make food when they also are hungry and need food.

Water:

Use several water bottles so you don't have to keep getting up to refill them. If it helps, you can have a morning water bottle, an afternoon water bottle, and an evening water bottle and try to have the water gone by the time you go to switch to the next one.

If you struggle to drink enough because you don't like water, try tea or adding fruit to your water or another water flavoring. Liquids that aren't water do also contain water! Soda will often make you thirstier, so try to make sure you're drinking things that aren't just that though.

Sleep:

Ignore what neurotypicals will tell you about sleep. They will tell you to only use your bed for sleep, but if you go to bed sooner if you read or scroll on your phone in bed than if you do it out of bed, do it in bed. Many sleep hygiene tips are the opposite of what is best for those of us with ADHD.

If you can't sleep with silence, try listening to music or a podcast as background noise. If you have a hard time sleeping in bed, move your blankets and pillow to the floor or a comfy chair. When I lived alone I would vary between sleeping on the bed and the couch.

If you wake up hungry in the middle of the night, eat closer to when you sleep. Common sleep advice is to not eat before sleeping but it's what works best for me. Alternatively, keep snacks by the bed. If you're worried about needing to brush your teeth after, keep a toothbrush by the snacks.

Melatonin and other sleep aides are often at least slightly helpful for people, and if you take them make sure you're following the instructions for how to make them most effective.

If you have trouble keeping a bed time, use alarms.

If all else fails, and you're able to, find a job or school that you can work around your sleep schedule. When I was able to work, I worked a swing shift job and got up at noon.

Homework:

I have not been in school in two years so these are from memory or what I've picked up from others since

Make a space to do homework that is free from distractions that will distract you fully. Use the background noise that helps you work best. The key to distraction and ADHD is learning what distractions are helpful and what distractions will get you off track. Neurotypicals will tell you that your space needs to be quiet and bare of anything interesting. Ignore them. If you have a hyperfixation at the moment, it is vital that you do not let it anywhere near your homework space. It will win over your attention with no effort. Use headphones if you are working in a public space. If you do need silence, headphones with no music playing can help, or use a pair of earmuffs or earplugs.

Take breaks when you feel you need them. Your math will not get done if you are having a meltdown from stress. Time how long you've spent on homework and then spend a fifth of that time as a break if you have time. Alternatively work for a half hour and take a short five minute break, or spend an hour and take a ten minute break. If you have a hard time refocusing after a break, don't do anything interesting during the break but instead do some stretches, have a snack, and get more water.

Don't try to do homework hungry. Have a snack before starting if you need to, and be sure to have water readily available.

If you have a lot of homework or several different subjects, take 5-10 minutes at the begining to organize what you are going to do. If possible, work on the thing that has the soonest due date, the most important to your grade, or the subject you have the lowest grade in. If you have a lot, do your best to alternate hard material and quick easy material to give your brain a bit of a break. If it helps, don't be afraid to pause your hard stuff to work on easy stuff for a bit if you have time.

If you need help, try to find someone that will actually help you in the way you need. If that's not possible, there are often YouTube videos on the subject you need help in. If you choose to find a video, I have found that it is best to find one in incognito mode (or a designated school google account) so YouTube does not suggest you videos you are interested in. This also helps to keep your school stuff from your fun stuff.

Finishing something partway is often better than not turning it in at all. This is something that is even more true in the "real world" than they lead you to believe in school.

#actuallyadhd #adhd tips #please share #ramblings #long post

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the-autisticats · 4 years

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Psychosis is 3x more common in autistic people than in the general population. Why?

This is a question that scientists are trying to answer. There’s not enough research on the comorbidity of autism and psychosis to be sure exactly what all of the reasons are for this overlap, but there are some interesting facts about it that I’ll outline here.

Psychosis is a symptom, which is composed of a constellation of smaller symptoms. Psychosis can be caused by schizophrenia spectrum disorders, but it can also be caused by mood disorders, stress, illness, and substance abuse. And research seems to be showing that autism might be a factor in developing psychosis as well.

...

I have always been interested in the connection between psychosis and autism. One of my uncles has a schizophrenia spectrum disorder, which was diagnosed after he went to a psychiatrist to be evaluated for autism- the reason he went in being that he saw himself in me, and wondered if he might be autistic, too. Turns out, he has psychosis.

Within the past few years, I have also been experiencing symptoms associated with psychosis. It would be very difficult for me to accurately identify any “negative” symptoms of psychosis, given that I already experience executive dysfunction, fatigue, sleep & appetite changes, etc. due to my ADHD and physical health problems. However, what I have been noticing are “positive” symptoms of psychosis. Namely: hallucinations, delusions, and paranoia.

My most frequent auditory hallucinations are of my alarm clock, and the cricket alarm on my iPhone. I hear them clearly, as if they’re coming from outside my head, at random periods throughout the day and in different locations, when the actual alarms aren’t going off. Around two years ago, I hallucinated a stranger’s voice calling me into another room. I was extremely confused and disoriented by this, as I got up to look around but nobody was there. I haven’t heard any voices since then, which is good.

I often hallucinate scents associated with significant people, places, and memories, even when those people aren’t present and I’m not in a location where the smell would naturally occur. At first I thought this could be chalked up to migraine aura or something like that, but I don’t get migraines.

I’ve also had extreme “sensed presence” hallucinations where I feel like someone is watching me even though there’s nobody else in the room. At times, this hallucination has fed into paranoid thoughts that there are cameras in my shower drain, etc.

My main delusion in episodes I’ve had in the past has involved the extreme significance of certain numbers and symbols. At the time, I didn’t think anything was wrong. In fact, I was convinced that I was on track to uncover the pattern that organizes everything in the universe, and all of my interpersonal relationships. As part of this delusion I would vocally repeat certain numbers (as a strategy to figure out what they meant), and spend copious amounts of time writing down all of my “findings” in Google documents and notebooks. At one point, I ended up writing down a bunch of dates in a row and adding up all of the digits to discover how they were connected to the numbers 4, 5, and 7, which I had decided were the most important numbers in my life. Looking back on the Google document I stored the data in, I have absolutely no clue what my thought process was at the time.

...

So, I’ve been wondering what all of this means.

When I start putting the pieces together to examine my own life, things start to make some sense.

First, as I mentioned earlier, autistic people are 3x more likely to develop psychosis than the general population. Obviously, that statistic is relevant to my situation, since I’m autistic.

But I’m not just autistic. I also have a decent handful of mental illnesses, each of which overlap and carry their own risk factors for psychosis. The main ones I’ll be talking about here are severe generalized anxiety/panic disorder, OCD, and BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). I consider my OCD and BPD to be ~spicy spinoffs~ of anxiety, because they have the same root cause: my anxious, socially traumatized brain. We’ll get to that in a bit.

For now, here are some statistics:

A study conducted in 2012 found that psychotic symptoms were present in 27% of people with anxiety and/or depression.

A study conducted in 2014 found that people with OCD are around 5x more likely to develop schizophrenia than the general population.

A study conducted in 2017 found that 43% of people with BPD experience hallucinations, and stated that other studies have found prevalence rates of hallucinations in BPD ranging from 26% to 54%.

...

So alright, great, I’ve got a lot of risk factors. But what caused me to have those risk factors/mental illnesses in the first place? Let’s look at this specifically from an autistic lens. I’ve already talked about a lot of this in my “Autism and Mental Health” post on our Instagram, but these statistics are worth repeating in this context:

Around 40% of autistic people meet criteria for one or more anxiety disorders at any given time, compared to only 15% of the general population.

Autistic people are 4x more likely than neurotypicals to be clinically depressed at some point in their lives.

Autistic people are 4x more likely than the general population to experience severe loneliness.

Autistic people are 3x more likely than the general population to experience maltreatment (a catch-all term for various forms of abuse).

A study conducted in 2012 found that 63% of autistic children had been bullied, and were 3x more likely to be bullied than their neurotypical siblings.

And what does the research say about the long-term effects of bullying and abuse?

According to a 2012 study, children who are bullied by their peers are at an increased risk of developing Borderline Personality Disorder. And BPD is, as previously established, a risk factor for developing psychosis.

According to a 2014 study, people who were bullied in childhood are 11x more likely to develop anxiety disorders in adulthood, but especially OCD. And, as previously mentioned, people with OCD are 5x more likely to develop schizophrenia.

But the link between bullying and psychosis gets even more explicit than that.

A 2013 study found that children who had been bullied were 2x more likely to experience psychosis symptoms than typical controls, and that children experiencing first-time psychotic episodes were 2x more likely than typical controls to report having been bullied in the past.

...

This is not to say that being bullied and abused is the only reason why autistic people sometimes develop psychosis. There are obviously a great deal of different factors, some genetic & biological, that lead to the development of mental illness. But the role of trauma and other social/environmental factors can’t be discounted.

If two people are exposed to the same negative experience, it’s possible that one will become traumatized and one won’t. That’s because one person may have been genetically/biologically predisposed to have heightened fear responses to environmental stimuli, while the other person didn’t have the same predisposition. Yet, the genetically predisposed person would not have been traumatized if they had not experienced the negative event.

I was bullied as a child. I was also abused. Both of those things deeply affected me, because I’m autistic and therefore hypersensitive. The trauma caused me to develop BPD and severe abandonment anxiety, which often feeds into paranoia. My generalized anxiety also morphed into OCD, which caused me to have disturbing intrusive thoughts, and compulsions. All of this predisposed me to develop psychosis. And in the past few years, *surprise*, I’ve started having psychotic symptoms.

When I look back on my life experiences and how they interacted with my autistic brain & positive family history of psychosis, none of this is surprising. It actually makes perfect sense. And because it makes perfect sense, in a way I’m reassured. My hallucinations and delusions fit the pattern, so there’s no need for me to be scared. I know why this is happening. The trajectory is predictable. And if I keep taking care of myself and monitoring symptoms, I know I’ll be alright.

~Eden🐢

#actually autistic #autism #autistic #ableism #autismacceptance #psychosis #schizo spectrum #schizoaffective #borderline personality disorder #ocd

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malopeach · 4 years

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To put into perspective what having a manic episode due to bipolar disorder is like:

I walk into my grocery store this morning. I completely forget why I have come to the grocery store. I do not remember HOW I got to the grocery store.

I wander the produce section for some indescernable amount of time. I am overwhelmed by the selection of fruits. Did I even come here for fruits?? I do not remember. I grab a small pack of blackberries after Extremely thorough investigation, and I am allowed to leave the produce section.

Suddenly, I am struck with a realization, a memory. Breakfast! I’m in my way to work and I’m here to pick up breakfast! I only have ten minutes left to select and purchase a breakfast, how did I squander so much time looking at fruit!!! I also recall that I was looking for Yogurt, so I make my way to where I believe the yogurt section to be.

I am overwhelmed by the selection of yogurts available to me, but I know which one I am looking for. Chobani, vegan strawberry with the crunchy granola in the cup. I’m lactose intolerant, I cannot have other yogurts. I scan labels. I read labels CAREFULLY. I am running out of time and I CANNOT find my yogurt. I begin to cry infront of the yogurt section, seemingly alarming other shoppers.

I am very frustrated and upset about the yogurt, but then I remember that vegan yogurts are in the ORGANIC section, and Oh I Am The Fool, so I bee-line for it. I am very stressed in the Kroger now.

I locate vegan yogurt across the store. There are not many. They are OUT of strawberry Chobani and I don’t LIKE other flavors. I am going to cry again. I settle for Silk’s rasberry yogurt. I am deeply distressed that my first choice is not available, i get myself a kombucha and a choclate granola bar to feel better.

I irrationally hate the Kroger. I am very angery the grocery store has done this to me, I scan my breakfast at self check out with a sense of MALICE. I am still polite to the attendant on my way out the door, but I have momentarily decided to have a VENDETTA against Kroger. we should BOYCOTT Kroger for not having Chobani Vegan Strawberry Yogurt.

I am waiting at my bus stop several minutes later when I finally calm down and start writing this, feeling Very stupid.

This is a mild-case scenario. I was in no immediate danger, I was upset about yogurt in the grocery store and had a thirty minute breakfast-related fiasco that almost made me late to work. I’m in a much better place mentally than I have been a previous points in life, and I know this because I have been in MUCH more dangerous situations due to manic episodes before. I have a good support system. I have people I can call when I’m having an episode. I have a job thats fairly understanding of my challenges and limitations.

But this isn’t the case for a LOT of people with bipolar disorder. I feel incredibly privledged that my biggest problem this morning was just grocery shopping, because three years ago it was accidentally taking a manic trip to fucking Connecticut with no money to get back. Bipolar Disorder is recognized as a disability, and like, its for a good reason.

Theres so much stigma and shame around it, theres so little understanding from people about it. Its so hard to explain to people that I do not MEAN to be this way, I wish I wasn’t having meltdowns about yogurt but here we are.

Having a manic episode is like riding on a tilt-a-whirl; A lot of the time it’s very fun! Exciting, fast, everything feels like SO much. But sometimes you had too much funnel cake before the ride, or you didn’t even really Wanna get on but now you’re here and hyper-aware of the ricketyness of carnival rides. But you don’t get to just get off cuz you’re uncomfortable, youre stuck until the teenage ride-operator decides the ride is over and that sucks.

Idk where I’m really going with this, but I just wish I could make neurotypical people understand how hard it is to be like. the bare minimum of functional. If you know someone with bipolar disorder, just try to be understanding maybe? Like, mental illness is never an excuse to be a dick, but just keep in mind that some of us did NOT mean to cry in the yogurt section this morning, and are genuinely just having a hard time

#bipolar disorder #//DO NOT REBLOG #idk i just kinda needed to vent man this morning was a Bad brain time

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iclimbtreestofeelalive · 4 years

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ADHD vent, baby

i think neurotypical people don’t really get what living with ADHD means, partly because it’s often only portrayed with the Quirky Symptoms like having trouble sitting still and daydreaming, when the reality is that those are tiny pieces of a much larger whole. a lot of ADHD is emotional dysregulation, but it’s harder for people as a whole to empathize with an angry or depressed person than a hyperactive and funny one.

a good example of a misunderstanding i run into a lot when i’m trying to explain to friends or teachers what ADHD/slight OCD looks like is insomnia. for anybody struggling to understand just how much it affects daily life, imagine this:

you start getting ready for bed at around 11:30, well past the time your body should have told you to go to bed. you brush your teeth, change into pajamas, and take nearly double the recommended amount of melatonin. the room is dark, you have a weighted blanket, the window is open, and an audiobook is playing. you’ve spent the past half hour laying on the floor, cooling your body down so you’re at the ideal temperature for snoozetime. you climb into bed, letting the soothing voice of the Harry Potter narrator drift you off to dreamland. you close your eyes, relaxing your entire body.

your shirt is bunched up wrong.

you shift, fixing it. now the sleeve is wrong. you can’t go to sleep if it’s pulling at your shoulder blade like this. you fix it again. you continue like this until the shirt is perfectly situated so that it doesn’t feel wrong. you’re a little frustrated, but you make yourself relax. no use worrying about it, you’ll get to sleep eventually. by now, your face is hot, and you have to shift the pillow so that you aren’t stewing in your own body heat. you close your eyes.

your face is relaxed, and your eyes should be facing forward, but you’re so concentrated on relaxing that your eyes are crossing on their own. your eyelids are closed, but your eyes are crossed. you open them, recalibrating. it’s fine. you can still go to sleep. you continue like this, eyes crossing and uncrossing, until your head hurts and it’s past midnight. your chest is tight. you just want to go to sleep. you can’t get anything done tomorrow if you don’t sleep tonight. your whole body is warm from frustration, and this makes you more frustrated. you throw your leg outside of the covers (you’re far past being afraid of anything grabbing it, the anger is so all-consuming). your eyes keep crossing. by now, your shirt is wrong again. you fix it. your pillow is hot. your shirt is wrong. you flip the pillow, but your arm has been under it, so the other side is warm too. you focus on the audiobook, but you’re angry, and it’s not helping. you flip from your side to your back. your shirt is twisted now. the inside of the blankets is hot and gross. you’re so mad you could punch a wall. a lump forms in your throat, and you’re almost crying. why can’t you go to sleep? you’re still angry. everything is too hot.

you get out of bed. you go to the bathroom and take a shower. it’s 1:50. (we’re going to pretend that corona is over. you have school in the morning. four hours until you have to wake up. not even enough time for a shitty sleep cycle.) you get on the internet. you watch a video about a man with seven wives. it’s 3:10 when you fall asleep on the floor, and 6:30 when you hear your alarm.

But trying to explain this to teachers or friends will, at best, prompt sympathy and advice about staying off of the internet, and at worst, you won’t explain it well (explaining things out loud and sleep deprived is difficult) and they’ll come away thinking you’re exaggerating.

emotional dysregulation is tough. not enough people know about it in relation to ADHD/ADD, which can lead to confusion when friends see you struggling with it. it can make you feel crazy, or stupid, or weird, and those feelings themselves can spiral. I spent the better part of my childhood stuffing my feelings because they were too big or all-consuming, and i didn’t know how to deal with them. this is my shoutout to all my ADHD/ADD/autism spectrum peeps who are dealing with it and still doing amazing things <3 this one’s for you, random citizen

#ADHD #ADD #vent #vent post #emotional dysregulation #i should be doing school #is this creative writing?#OCD #insomnia #really though audiobooks save my ass on a regular basis

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hellojeffreyjames · 4 years

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Another mental health awareness month has come to an end. One challenge that a designated period presents, is that it can be hard to navigate for people who struggle to function in a neurotypical culture. It’s hard to parse all the virtue signaling or things folks say just to just participate in the theme of the month. To get ready for all the people to check in once in November, and then abandon them when that dynamic is so stressful they’d rather not have that person check in at all. It can be stressful to interact with people who are well intentioned, but lack an awareness of what being supportive means. It means they may dismiss the idea you have a neurological difference because they view a diagnosis as a defect instead of a part of neurodiversity.

This dullness may not happen, but if that’s the case, it doesn’t have to be forever. It can be a stepping stone towards building cognitive habits and disciplines you need to reduce your dosage. It can be the phase you needed to rewire your neurons. You may be able to build the structures you need to be medication free in a couple years instead of decades.

There are some neurological conditions that make it impossible to do certain things. One can learn the skills to work around that, and make the impossible, possible. but for many people it’s like trying to learn calculus while bench pressing 200 pounds as someone keeps sticking a needles in your foot and telling you that you have no value and would be better off dead. For me that is not a question of whether or not I could learn calculus like that. It’s whether or it I should.

There are simple things I intend to do every single day and just cannot do them when I’m not on meds. I will beat myself up, tell myself I am a waste of a human life, and a burden to everyone, because I can’t do the even most basic things. I can’t do for those around me what I absolutely believe they deserve from me, and I don’t even have the language to explain why the most simple tasks are next to impossible. How it just looks like me being inconsiderate and selfish. How climbing Mount Everest would genuinely be easier than, say, mailing a letter.

That’s not an exaggeration. I mean there are chemical differences that make a simple mundane task more difficult than something that includes tangible stress, urgency, extreme physical challenge, and in a distraction free environment. Obviously I’d fail at climbing Mount Everest as an untrained mountain climber, but I would engage with the activity. Taking three coffee cups off the nightstand and putting them in the dishwasher? Without medication, that might happen if I think about it every day for the next... 2 years. Ok, that one is an exaggeration, but it would be quite a while.

I feel very proud as I watch my friends make life plans and conquer the world, as I formulate my own elaborate 36 step plan to ensure I brush my teeth today.

If anyone identifies with any of that, to any degree, I just want you to know that you’re not alone. Yes, I also set myself 26 alarms and nine reminders and still did not make it to the post office yesterday. Or the day before that. Or the day before that. Yes, I also don’t know what to tell my family about why I don’t reciprocate birthday cards. Yes, I also feel like I am doing my best to hide and perform happiness and high function.

Have you gotten so good at it you’re afraid people think the performance is the really of how you are doing, and that mentioning your struggles would be seen as being attention seeking or melodramatic? Hey, me too, and I also feel this paradox: Wishing somebody knew, yet embarrassed that if anyone really new, they wouldn’t know where to begin to support me and I wouldn’t know what to tell them. Yes, you and I both share that fear, that it will only end with a loss of dignity and to be treated like that unstable neurotic friend that folks keep at arms length and never expect much out of. That you’ll be stuck at the “kids table” of life and never be invited to anything that counts. And “me too” about... a lot of other and darker things we won’t get into right now.

We can spend a lot of energy juggling all of these difficult concepts and throwing the balls up so high in the air we don’t realize The massive amount of energy we are blowing through to just make it through each day. We can’t see them all at one time and realize, no one on the earth should have to do all of that alone. No one on the earth can do all of that alone. You are not a failure to seek help.

You are not a failure to seek help.

To stay afloat we keep juggling but if we stopped we would see it fall to the ground and say, “Holy shit I’ve been trying to manage hundreds of emotional, intellectual, psychological, spiritual, and physical burdens that the people I compare myself to ...simply don’t.” The reason I feel feel like I am at the razor’s edge of losing everything, is because I am trying to do something nearly impossible, and perhaps absolutely impossible to do on my own.

You are not a failure to seek help. You are not dishonoring your body or your mind to take a medicine. You’re not a failure if you need to talk to a psychiatrist. You are not a failure if you believe you have neglected your whole life, for your entire life. Because I know how hard it is to just make it through the day and still be alive. I know how hard it is to wake up every morning knowing you’re going to make it through this day, by the skin of your teeth, again.

That’s not your fault. The hundreds of things you have to conquer in your mind to make it through every single day - that’s not your fault and I need you to know that I am so. goddamn. proud of you. I’m proud of you because this fight is absurdly difficult. I hope you can trust me in that because at this point I’m an an expert in this fight. I’m an expert at putting in every last drop of my effort and willpower, just to tie my shoes, get in the car, and drive to work. This fight is not a fair fight. You’ve been fighting an incredibly unfair fight, if not always by yourself, often by yourself ...and that is why I am so goddamn proud of you.

I am more proud of you than I am of billionaires. I am more proud of you than those people who get to live laugh love their dream life and get paid to travel the world and sample ice cream for their ice cream travel blog. I’m proud of you because I know what you have to do to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and you don’t get to sample the ice cream flavors of Bangladesh for doing so.

So I want you to know, again: it’s okay to seek help. It can be a difficult road but I recommend professional help. Some wonderful spiritual books and friends can’t often fight that incredibly unfair fight. You are a specific person and a mental health practitioner will be able to understand your specific needs and make adjustments as needed.

I can’t promise you that I will give you exactly what you’re needing but I am here if you need to reach out and want to know more about getting help. I can promise, that if your friends fail to support you in the ways that you need, it’s not because they don’t love you, it’s because they are not professional supports. They haven’t trained for this. Seeking professional support is the way that we begin to believe we are not a burden to our friends and family.

Even when you never were, it’s the same feeling of asking loved ones casually about some car issues for years, tinkering with your engine for years, then hiring a mechanic. There’s no one in your life who will shame you for seeking a mechanic and you might be amazed at how quickly your car begins to drive more smoothy.

Anyone who talks negatively about medication, therapy, psychiatry, etc. do not have your well-being in mind. they are sales people for their own ideologies. It’s not about you it’s about how you should take natural medicine or trust Jesus. There are people who would rather you buy some supplements and remain miserable than to see a professional and be shown that professional help does make a real difference. it’s best to avoid those folks for a little while.

You are not a failure to seek help.

I am more proud of you billionaires and professional ice cream tasting supermodels.

You are fighting a battle you do not deserve to fight alone.

You are absolutely positively not alone.

You’re not a failure to seek help.

Things can get better.

Things will get better.

In the darkest places, reasons to try, to go on, to keep living, are often often nonexistent. I don’t want you to have any hope that things will change. I’m asking you to place a tiny sliver of trust in these things I’m saying. The best recent to do something different and to seek help is going to be, for no reason. The voices in your head will try to stop you and you must tell them, “there is no reason I’m doing this. But I am still going to do it.” Hope will betray you. Friends and family are not professional supports and will let you down because they don’t have any training.

I just want you to place that sliver trust in how I know road will get smoother. Things will get easier. Seeking help is not failure. I’m not asking you to hope I know this. I am asking you to trust that I notice. And I’m asking you to please keep on seeking help even though the help feel sometimes. The system may be broken but system can be a crucial part love you reconnecting with yourself and your inner resources so that you can create your own path of healing.

I’m so incredibly proud of you. thank you for reading all of this and if you choose to, thank you for placing that sliver of trust in these things I’m saying. And if you can’t do anything else, keep being around people you feel good around. The people that do you feel excepted and listen to with, and if you don’t have any of those let me know and I’ll make sure you do. 💛🤍🖤💛🤍🖤

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neuroglitchy · 4 years

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Control beyond the NT bubble

Today, as I was looking at the ceiling, butt in air, head between legs during the stretching section of dance class, it occurred to me how good of an analogy dancing can be (at least for me) for my mental health issues, and the amount of control I have over them.

It's a common misconception that if you know your conditions, you automatically control them, and I don't think the community needs to be reminded why that's a terrible mindset to have towards mental illnesses and disorders in general. Especially because the neurotypical definition of "control" is maintaining an image made by them for them.

Psychology is one of many special interests I have, and so ever since I found out I might be autistic at 16, I researched the topic any chance I could, getting deeper and deeper as the years went by and my struggles worsened, and then did the same with every subsequent diagnosis I received. I'll always have something new to learn about myself and other people, which is amazing, but I think it's safe to say that not only did I catch up to my neurotypical peers but surpassed them in self-awareness and self-control. And I'd like to add that I think that the same goes for all of you comrades out there, and we don't get the credit we deserve for our efforts.

I'm pretty sure that I'm not the first one to make this analogy, but I hope whoever finds it, someone affected or a neurotypical family member of theirs, that they can learn from it and help others understand the struggles we face on the daily.

I have (among a boatload of other mental f*ckeries) Autistic Spectrum Disorder, which you may have heard about. One of the lesser known symptoms related to autism is muscle weakness and movement coordination issues. This is why it's usually very easy to detect in small children, because they develop differently when it comes to motor functions, either they are delayed or atypical. Examples of this are walking and running around with lifted heels, poor posture, not being able to sit on the floor without supporting themselves with their hands, etc.

Let me tell you, I struggled with this sh*t. Hard. Several of my lovely P.E. teachers I had during my school years humiliated and berated me for my clumsiness and weakness, and I've grown to hate sports and physical activities pretty fast after all that.

I really wanted to dance though, considering I loved and lived music, the rhythm, which I had a really good ear for thanks to my autism as well. I went to many dance studios, and I quit all of them after just a few months out of frustration, because none of them actually taught dancing, rather they just had choreographies; no basics, no proper workouts, lot of the times even the warmup was seriously lacking. My current dance school however is f*ckin' amazing. It's contemporary hip-hop, a style I specifically was looking for, and we learn basics, have proper workouts and the teacher actually taught me many very important things about the workings of my body, balance and muscles.

I know how my body works now, after years of struggling to find a proper teacher, and yet, I still have to learn for years to become a halfway decent dancer. I know which muscle groups serve what function, I know where I have to put my weight, I learn the choreography fast, my sense of rhythm is probably impeccable, and yet, I still can't do a lot of the moves we learn. The reason is simple: as of right now, I am malnourished (from not eating properly during quarantine), my muscles (especially my core muscles) are weak, I am still recovering from an injury I left untreated for months last year and I still have movement coordination issues.

I have to constantly put in the work to maintain even a basic amount strength needed for proper posture. I had to put together a workout plan that has segments dedicated to posture and balance, attend private classes, practice choreographies at home, go through a lengthy stretching routine after every workout because I'm so inflexible... All work that you don't see.

You don't see the struggle, the hard work, the many hours I put into practice, my tears of frustration whenever I can't do something for the 100th time, my self-hatred when I see everyone else being able to do what I can't even manage on a basic level. Today for example, even though waackin is one of my strengths in dancing, I absolutely butchered the whole segment in the choreography, and then I had to do my best to ignore how much more flexible everyone else is in the class just I don't have to feel that deep sense of shame I always do when faced with my shortcomings.

You only see the videos I post at the end of each month when we record the choreography. You only see the performance.

And that is the same thing I have to go through just to have as close to a normal life as possible. I have to plan everything, what I eat, how I dress, what I pack (be it travelling or just a standard day), how I travel. I have to write down guides on how to handle my anxiety, how to go through a morning routine, how to get ready for a dance class. I have an app that guides me through the day, telling me when to eat breakfast, do my workout, take a shower, stretch, create, study, plan, read, basically the whole day's schedule, because without the reminders and the alarms I'd be lost and confused and overwhelmed with everything. I practice how to talk, how to move, how to present myself in certain situations, how to mask and how not to mask...

Without all that work behind the scenes, I wouldn't be able to lead a life, and I still struggle a lot. I have bad days where I can't even bring myself to eat, when the confusion and anxiety of every task I have to do overwhelms me, when I have a meltdown and become exhausted for the rest of the day.

I am constantly getting to know my conditions and adapting to them, to the world, to my friends, to my own life and I have to work extremely hard where a neurotypical person wouldn't have to do anything. In certain aspects of life, I'll never be able to turn on autopilot, and I'll always have to put in the work and the awareness most people won't have to.

I am in control. I really am. Thing is though, you can't even imagine how much work goes into an action of mine you wouldn't even need to think about.

Often times, people tell me they envy my dance skills and say that they wouldn't be able to do the same because "they're not a natural like I am". And the thing is, any dancer would spot my many weaknesses and shortcomings, and would know how much hard harder I have to work than most people, just as other mentally ill people can tell how much I struggle just so I can leave my apartment on some days.

So in reality, I am in control, so much more than you think. I am self-aware, so much more than you'd imagine. I am in control of things that are automatic for you and I am aware of things about myself you'd never even have to think about.

But no, I will never reach a level of control where I can "hide" my illnesses and disorders, just so you're more comfortable and I don't inconvenience you. Because the world is so much more than your bubble of ignorance, you can't even imagine.

Because not everyone aspires to take on a role in your neurotypical play. And that's completely fine.

— Persephone

#Persephone #dance #mental health #autism #control #neurodiversity #neurotypical

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