#an old high school friend who i've been texting in quarantine for a few weeks now

[britneyshakespeare]

no thanks, i went on one kinda-date six months ago, so i’m all burnt out for the next few years

#an old high school friend who i've been texting in quarantine for a few weeks now #he dated a mutual friend in high school for awhile and they've been done w that amicably seemingly for like. years now. #he's also friends w my brother from work and they met later on and have hung out for like. awhile. separately from me which is cool #one time in 2017 he was over when i had a mental breakdown at like 10:30 over having to be dairy-free (for medical reasons) #but my mother was not buying any food to accommodate that drastic change in diet so i completely lost my mind #he was up in the attic where jon's room was but i have no doubt he heard a deal of it lmao. i respect that he never brought it up to me #but he's trying to make dinner plans bc i said i'd never tried sushi and :\\ he said he'd treat me when i said i have no money :\\ (no lie) #tales from diana #i hate being aro sometimes. i feel like men would never talk to me if they knew they could not date me lmao. #but at the same time i want to plaster all over the world 'i am not interested in dating or casual sex' bc i just. hate rejecting ppl. #i do get a stupid damaging patriarchal sense of validation at men being attracted to me and i do live for the male gaze but i just can't #frolic in it. i do not like to exist in it. it burns me up. #and i know even if i were to make the extremely vulnerable/personal decision to comeout to friends/family (WHICH I DONT WANT TO DO) #but if ppl were to just know i was aroace... it wouldn't make men not attracted to me suddenly. men can't help but view all women #as potential options. they can't help holding out hope for every female they are in contact w even if they're completely ineligible. #or at least MANY men cannot subconsciously do that. it's not an inevitability and we can raise men to be better #but the so many of the men we got now--in my personal experience--suck and are awful. #they seem incapable of simply being my friend #my true friend like queer women and nbs attracted to women i know often are. w respect for my boundaries #even without the explanation that i'm aro (which i don't give to anyone irl lmao) (BECAUSE I SHOULDNT HAVE TO) #this rambling is mostly unrelated to the particular case im talking about bc he really is a decent guy i just. don't wanna say no to him #but don't wanna give him hope :\\\\\\\\ I HATEMY LIFE someone answer this text message for me