#and 3. I live with my parents right now

[arolesbianism]

Thinking abt spiraling upwards side characters again. Charredpelt my absolute beloved

#rat rambles #spiraling upwards #warriors posting #girlies who are trying so soooo hard to support womens wrongs but the wrongs are that their wife is cheating on them #and now she cant even get closure cause said wife is dead along with the man she cheated on her for #like charredpelt isnt stupid she knows these cats too well but thats exactly why she keeps to this day justifying them to herself #all while living as the sole parent to their children #the worst part is that if she had just been properly talked to abt it first she probably would have been ok with it #but she wasnt. she didnt even get the choice to set up boundaries #for the record shes my favorite cragclan cat and has been since she came out as trans lol #shout out to daisystar tho my boy is so cute and also so messed up <3 #and egretpaw and furzepaw ofc get honerable mentions but theyre main characters so ofc I've thought a lot abt them #but yeah for cragclan I deliberately chose out cats I hoped would kill eachother and instead they just got into a bunch of love traingles #and then I made eagle clan with the same goal with a bloodthirsty deputy but then conestar just loved everyone and was loved by everyone #hell the one cat who disliked her at first is her wife now girlie is just sitting here loving her wife and family #I honestly couldn't tell you who my favorites in any other clan is tbh #I do adore most of elmclan but I cant say theres anyone I like that much more than everyone else #like honeystar is definitely the one who caught my attention first due to her hashtag trauma playing out in real time right away #but also thistlepeak and whimsygoose are sooooo silly I love them quiet kitty and their loud rude kitty husband #oh and also pumpkin shes not that deep of a character I just think shes cute #for eagleclan I cannot lie to you I barely remember anyone in there atm but I do love conestar shes so silly #and minkclan is another hard one caus they're the first one I made so I have a lot of love for basically all of them #but blazebelly was my og favorite shes like charredpelt but instead of having a wife cheating on her it never got past a one sided crush #and lightnip is also a current fave of mine shes so mean I love her #ratstar has always been one of my favorites of all the clans tho shes just so silly and incompetent #and shout out to nightfur for being the only cat I've ever seen generate with romantic feelings towards a cat #it was for my default dead cat raincinder who is also a shitty asshole but that just means nightfur is tragic now <3 #oh yeah I should probably provide more exicit context on the clangen stuff huh #basically I made the four main clans in clangen and used the gameplay as a skeleton for backstory and worlduilding #building off of premade characters and concepts has always been one of my favorite things (as seen by how many randomized aus Ive done)

[doyeons]

going back to my apartment tmrw. everything just feels kind of incorrect rn i cant describe it

#bella.txt #like ok my parents moved to be 3 hrs away from where they used to live #but my friends + my grandma r still where my parents used to live #so i have to choose btwn being w/ parents and my dogs or being w/ friends and grandma #and it's not like. a SHORT drive at all. 3 hrs on a good day w/ minimal traffic #+ it takes 7hrs to get from my parents to my apartment but only 4ish from my grandmas to my apartment #so i wanted to be.. over here.. before heading back to school #but idk things worked out so weirdly i only saw my one friend once and i missed her bday and i didnt see my other friend at all and i left #y parents and dogs earlier than i wanted and for no reason bc i didnt even go see anyone i just went to my grandma's immediately like #idk this probably sounds like it's not a big deal but i feel so weird i feel like i didnt plan right how to split my time #and now i'm leaving and idk when i'll be back #and i dont have to go tomorrow but i also. do? kind of? i dont know #kill my entire brain why cant i just think normally abt these things

[bellincurl]

I appreciate those posts about how getting out of abusive places is hard but ultimately really freeing, and opening yourself up for like genuine kind connection, like that is true, my life is indescribably happier and safer now. But also holy shit. I want so much more, I’m exhausted. I’d give anything to have a place to run back to or some kind of older figure to tell me I’m doing good and I can rely on them if I need it yknow? I’m scratching at reparenting and trying to be kind to myself but it’s hard when I really am all I’ve got out here.

#Like self care and rest and loving yourself is all good. it's what you need to do right but #there's just no space for it. things haven't ever settled down enough for doing proper inwards work. #like i'm ugly so i'm ugly. if parents or a partner not being a concept in my life then that is what it is. if im doomed. then that's that #it's easier to just take it than dream of anything a little bigger or warmer right now. #i'm gonna keep wriggling till it's over and i'll probably have a good time bc i;m a little stupid and a lot more stubborn #but i'm so aware that it's not how i want to live. it's frustrating but i know this is my best. i know i'm doing as much as i can in this. #i need a job so i can stop stressing about money and crawl back out of my trauma delusions #like it's acutally so violently unproductive to spend hours picking at my appearance bc im not a hot skinny twink and #i need to be hot and fashionable to Make up for being the bearer of the curse or whatever like stop. i'm actually sooooo sick of you dog (me #being hot woudln't have made my parents treat me better get over ittttttttttttttt #anyway #lmao <3

[brainfullofbees]

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#can i be so fucking honest right now #being like the only one in my friend group who doesn't do or even want to try drugs is so fucking isolating #i don't even want to be around it but i can't fucking escape it #they're constantly getting high before or while we hang out and i'm so tired #like we planned to hang out this past weekend and of course i get there and one of them is high and all they wanted to do was sit and #quietly watch always sunny #like. thanks. i barely get to see you guys and the one night in like 3 months i do we don't even get to talk really. cool #and then their parents and parents' friends were smoking in the living room all night as well #and nobody thought to fucking warn me about this even though they know about my shit fuck brain #and then like. the other times when i've made plans with someone and they've bailed because they wanna go drink and get high #thanks i'm glad i'm so fucking boring to you #i don't get to go to a lot of get togethers anymore because they're full of drunk and/or high people #and i'm just. tired. #sick of my shitty fucking brain that doesn't let me chill #sick of feeling like i'm bringing people down and stopping them from having fun #because i don't want to spoil their fun. i want them to be happy #i just. idk. sometimes i really feel like they don't want to invite me out specifically because of this #like i miss out on so much because i have big anxiety about drugs #it's tiring and i'm tired and sad and angry at myself and. idk #today's been. a day i guess

[desastreus]

TW: i am upset about some things and my parents are christians

i so desperately need to complain about the way my parents are christians and the things they believe and the things their church believes like.............. i'ma do it in the tags i guess

#1) the whole toxic thing of like “you only believe in god if your *really* believe and *really* pray” #shut the fuck up you're making me so angry with the “there's only one way of being a good christian” #you have been making me feel guilty about not doing things the correct way since i was a baby like you teach this to children #you dumb shit that is harmful #2) the whole listing reasons of why someone might currently not trust god or believe in god and all you say is “just keep praying” #this is supposed to be a community. it's literally called a christian community and you're out here "no matter what happens just keep prayi #like yeah you can support poor people far away and go build houses for them to make yourself feel like a good person #but you how are you gonna help the people in your community like why aren't my parents even asking for help for my sister??? #like sure she lives 3 hours away but she can't keep living like this and the people who are supporting her are burning out and and and #okay yeah i'm frustrated about many things right now #cursing cursing cursing #you don't realize how toxic things are until you meet people who won't treat you that way

[hyvee]

There’s this black and white stray cat that i see in the yard sometimes that I want to kidnap so bad. She is rlly timid but if u coax her enough (psspssspsss really works lol) she will come to u and meow rlly loud and let u pet her, but only for a minute. She walks away like she’s got somewhere to be LOL. I cant take her until my apartment is livable … the moving process has been very sloooowww

#i have to wait until my parents r back from vacation to move all my furniture #so ive just been moving my smaller items #and i dont have cardboard boxes just 3 plastic tubs #so ive been filling the tubs with stuff and taking them over and dumping them in the living room rinse and repeat. #so right now there’s just a pile of random stuff. #i dont have too many things like in general so it’s not like an insane amt but i would still say that this moving method is pretty evil.

[ohmeowmy]

.

#god ok . vent in tags #saur basically i have been stuck at home doing nothing but studying for the past. 3 years? idk #and now i am Finally starting irl in person school again albeit. Very Late into the school year #and my parents r like. obviously she will be distracted from your studies #bitch what fucking distraction. like. studying for 14 hours a day is not normal you Know that right. right. say sike rn #ugh fucking. im so angry. i want to live and make mistakes and be stuck in uncomfortable situations and then get to laugh about it later!!! #i dont want to spend hours and hours and hours with no one except my family and the internet for company #and this is so frustrating i want to live!!!!! i want to live i want to live i want to live #i want to live but i dont want to be alive. is this anything #alive is tedious. living is free. god i want to jump into a river #ofc i Can just do what i want to do but the specter of my parents disapproval will be hanging like the sword of damocles #mental illness moment <- she has realized she has only two states of being either manic energy or dissociative blankness #ergh the last 2 months have been filled with uncomfortable realizations about myself. what do you Mean constantly wishing you were dead is #not something that happens to other people #what do you Mean. wh #is living not incredibly hard for everyone. no??? its not supposed to be???? thats. huh #anyway. god im so tired #holding on to the faintest hope that it will get better. ive made a promise to stay alive till 21 at least #lets see if it really does get better. i hope it does

[chartreuxcatz]

Bruh being an adult is so rad. I'm just sitting at home alone with a pizza. That I bought for dinner. Cuz I can do that.

#meow. #the fact that i still live with my parents helps a lot. #but they're not here right now :3

[killerchickadee]

God, there was this little kid wandering around lost on Brady Street alone with no shoes on (which is the kind of place you only go barefoot if you're interested in finding needles and used condoms with your feet) and now the cops he was talking to are driving him around the neighborhood randomly stopping and asking him if the buildings look familiar. He's like 4 or 5 years old. Poor little guy. God knows what his parents are up to. 🙁

#i mean shit happens but that's a pretty big shit to happen #they're in front of my building right now #i mean most people in this neighborhood would never hurt a kid ignoring what other shit they get up to #but there's hit and runs on pedestrians all the time around here #imagine a little kid trying to cross the road in the dark #WITH NO SHOES #OR A COAT #the cops have him wrapped in a little blanket 😭 #sorry acab and all but I'm team cop on this one #when i was like 3 years old my mom taught me my address in a song #protip: teach your kids their address in a song #i still know it 30+ years later even though i haven't lived in that house since 1989 #anyway hope they find his parents or someone who can take care of him #and glad he's at least safe with the cops for now

[teagoblin]

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#i dont think so but lets go raid the cabinets #Genuine Tea! #i just saw a vintage ad for tea and had a flashback of one of the funniest things ive ever seen #i was at a friends parents' house once a couple of years ago #they lived in an almost desert territory that got super hot during the day but also like. ridiculously cold at night #and i was freezing and literally wanted tea so fucking bad. like SO much #so i ask my friend if he has any and hes like so off we went #now. maybe this wouldnt have been so funny if the house- and the entire town- werent absolutely haunted #and possibly a gateway to the backrooms. like. idk. the desert is a weird haunted liminal place in itself #and like. we were used to it #friend had grown up there and i and my partner had visited there several times. but like. there was always Something that happened #where youd be like #ah #yes #right #and it would never be In Your Face. it would always be subtle. like the time i dropped one single tums on the stair case and picked it up #{i was super diligent about this bc there were 3 dogs that would absolutely eat the tums otherwise} #and then everyone else in the house reported finding and throwing away the same tums. on the same stair. in the same flavor. #over the course of 3 days. #or the fact that driving downtown never felt like it looked the same way twice. #like. the weirdness was a well acknowledged thing #anyway. we rummage in the cabinets. or rather he does bc hes almost 6 ft and im. less than that. and freezing. and he pulls out a box #look at it. gives it to me. #its a big cardboard box that just says. tea. #not in a hand written label or anything. like this was a commercial box that someone had designed. #okay. what kind of tea. #we look on every side of the box. it just fucking says tea. except for the one place that it says #and the box art is literally a stock photo of women in fitted tees sitting on a couch and drinking tea out of white cups. #so we open it up bc thats all we got and i really want some fucking tea. despite its claims to be Genuine drawing some doubt #to the nature of the claim you understand

[juroguro]

what i would like to do to joe biden

#weekly covid rant #saw an ad yesterday targeted at immuncomp people where no one was wearing a mask. which is such a silly concept to me #hahaha we're all out living our lives maskless and everything's great and normal haha... if you get covid get treated as soon as possible #or you will die <3 and you can't blame us for poor messaging now bc we made this ad and it's your fault if you ignore it <3 teehee #also #really happy to see how messaging has once again turned to 'this is all china's fault'. really funny and haha #but regardless. i am very very sick right now bc my parents holiday parties yada yada yada same speil and im going to urgent care rn. wish #me luck <3 #two negative covid tests rn but i can barely move at this point so. we'll see #probably rsv. which is not good considering i already have long covid. and classic immunocomp long flu. and im supposed to leave the #country in two days because my parents need a vacation #haha. i dont know i think i might just explode at this point

[astrxealis]

sometimes i wna share pics of me but also i never really will do so properly but hey if u wna see me let's meet at cons <3

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #BUT ALSO STILL I AM SO BUSY ..... oh my god #idk if i can go to conquest this year bcs it's. SMACK on the three days i CANNOT go. at all. #i could probably go when i'm done with what it is i need to do on that last day but who knows... :(( #REALLY SAD ABT THAT ACTUALLY BCS I WANTED TO GO THIS YEAR VERY BADLY !!!!! #so. maybe. i will find a way. we find ways hahahah. #i give up on the 1975 concert bcs i am still a minor and i'd need one of my parents with me which would be awkward #and it's in the middle of a weekday and i have school so it fucking sucks but i will still hope somehow for a miracle? #i really want to go still because god listening to 'love it if we made it' live version on social media #was what made me want to go to a concert and it's because it's just so fucking good. #and it's. hey. yk. 'at their very best'. i really want to go but i doubt it would be really possible me for #i just hope i can go to one in the next years. hopefully next year if they have another world tour and include my country..... #or the next two years or next three or four but god i just want to really see them while i'm relatively young still so. yeah. but older #than i am right now LMFAO <//3 okay time to go back to doing school work :') #uhm going back to what i wrote for this post outside of the tags though! i love me with my short hair sooo much #and i have a lot of cool pics i think and also i'm idk i think i am very pretty lol <3 self-love!

[sakizm]

finally unpacked my box of trinkets that has not been opened in like 5 yrs and going thru it was like a treasure trove of memories

#u bet i displayed them right away on my bookshelf lol #it's mostly trinkets from my travels prior to 2018 and some old stuff from my grandparents #i can't wait to make my new apartment feel cozy and homey like i did to my old room when lived with my parents #i want to get more plants now that i have the space for more than 3 #don't mind sakizm

[bamboozled-distress]

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#okay so life update #tw sh relapse #I relapsed the other day and my sister found out right now #but we talked and stuff #and it was actually a really reassuring conversation bc the whole thing of her getting married #and kinda leaving me with my parents is like the sole thing that is ruining my life rn #and she told me that it’s gonna be different from when my other sister left #and we talked of how my parents will be better and how she’ll be here for me #and I’m actually really happy that we had that #even tho I started sobbing mid conversation #but I’m really thankful for her because with how my parents kinda treat me she told me how she’ll be here for me #and maybe for the summer I could live with her for a bit and how things are gonna be different #and I won’t have to be the sole caretaker for my parents like how it’s been #and she knows it’s hard that she’s leaving bc she’s basically been my parent figure since I was 3 #and she knows it’s really scary but she reassured me that things are gonna be okay #and she’ll be here and I’m just really upset because I hadn’t relapsed for months #the scars were fading away so it was almost gone but now I’m back to day 1 :/ #but I am really relieved that we had that conversation and im happy I can say this #tw vent

[1327-1]

tbh if this entire time i had autism and adhd it would make a lot of sense and be a little funny, even

#i say with my teeth clenched #yes both my parents show vry clear behaviors of both #yes i have been like oh i have adhd no it’s actually autism #and now i am finally realizing. both. it’s probably both. and i am scared ❤️ #i’m just so tired and know every single problem i have with why i don’t consistently work on hobbies but it’s #so hard. to make it seem like. i am not a Child in an Adult Suit #like i clean my desk to be more productive and then my desk is a cluttered mess 39 seconds later and There Is Something Telling Me Its Bcos #I Am Not Exactly Right In The Head Nor Know How To Cope With Being Myself #peace and love on planet brain fucked #.pdf #alongside 30 million other problems i have from being from an undiagnosed nonwhite family #like sorry to make everything about my treacherous diseases and disorders but i happen to live in there #combo all this with concussions ptsd and weed addiction and #BAM im surprised and mad abt how i lost 3 joints

[starswallowingsea]

booked my hotel for the bioarchaeology conference and am trying to figure out when i need to get on the road to get to there on time

#looks like the absolute latest i can leave is 9:30am to skip chicago traffic but i'll probably want to be up and attem earlier #but check in isnt til 3 so i'll have to find something to do til then. might just get lunch somewhere or smth once i get out of chicago #or smth like that. idk yet. i'll see if anyone else is going with me but as of right now it looks like i'll be alone #which isnt all that bad i mean i plan on living alone might as well trial run it #i'll only be there friday night bc im staying with my parents saturday night and coming back to michigan #on sunday. its gonna be a long weekend but i just had midterms and all my quizzes so i shouldnt have too much #to worry about in regards to homework #nothing that i cant do in advance or do monday morning anyway #shay speaks