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antikosm · 3 months

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Aro/Ace Terms Masterlist

Please let me know if I forgot anything

NOTE: There is a distinct difference between someone's personal orientation versus how they feel about sexuality/romanticism as a whole. Someone who's sex/romance repulsed may be in favour of open sexual/romantic expression or even vice versa (shoutout to @sowearecleariamhere for informing me of this!)

Types of attraction

Sexual - I wanna have sex with that

Romantic - I want to date that

Sensual - I want to hug that

Platonic - I want to be friends with that

Platonic crushes do exist. They are called “squishes”. You go through the same process of having a romantic or sexual crush but instead of landing them in bed, you’re on the floor at 2am with pizza rolls, Shrek in the background, talking about eldritch monstrosities (or whatever your shared interest is)

Aesthetic - that looks so heckin’ cool/pretty I love it

Intellectual - the desire to engage with another in an intellectual manner, i.e. having a conversation, picking their brain, and finding out how they think

Terms describing degree of attraction

Aromantic - lack of romantic attraction

Asexual - lack of sexual attraction

Aplatonic - lack of platonic attraction

Aroace - lack of both sexual and romantic attraction

Demi - attraction only forms once a strong emotional bond has been formed

Grey/gray - rarely/seldom experiences attraction

Allosexual - someone who experiences sexual attraction

I think I’ve also heard/seen it referred to as ‘arosexual’ but that’s honestly a bit confusing

Alloromantic - someone who experiences romantic attraction

I personally shorten both of those to “allo” (pronounced ‘aloe’)

Apothiosexual - sex-repulsed

Apothioromantic - romance-repulsed

Apothiaroace - often shortened to just ‘apothi’. In addition to being aroace, apothis are repulsed by romantic/sexual scenes, items, displays, etc. to varying degrees

Sex-neutral and sex-positive/favourable aces exist as well

Not all of us have the same level of comfort with sexual and romantic activities so please check. I mean that applies to everyone anyway, but please check and don’t assume that just because someone is aro/ace, that doesn’t mean they are sex/romance repulsed

Queerplatonic - Queerplatonic typically refers to a relationship that bends the lines between a romantic relationship and a non-romantic relationship. A queerplatonic relationship (QPR) often goes beyond what is socially acceptable for a platonic relationship but does not fit the typical notion of a romantic relationship.

Alterous attraction - a type of emotional attraction to someone that isn’t entirely romantic or platonic.

Chastity - actively refraining from sexual activities. This is NOT part of the ace/aro spectrum, though it is a common assumption when someone says they are ace/aro. Thankfully we’re getting a bit more representation in media now so it’s not as common of an assumption as it used to be, but it’s still there, especially in those communities.

An absolute FANTASTIC addition by @heyftinally in case anyone doesn't see the repost

Gonna expand on sex favorable/neutral/repulsed, since this is a masterlist after all: - Sex favorable - regardless of your sexual orientation, you personally want to engage in sexual activity with someone (significant other, one night stand, friends with benefits, etc) - Sex neutral - if you're with someone who wants to engage in sexual activities then you may or may not, depending on a variety of factors, but you have no strong inclinations for or against engaging in sex itself as an activity. Basically it's "alright" Sex repulsed/averse - the idea of personally engaging in sexual activities makes you want to hurl/cry/claw your skin off/spontaneously combust. If someone suggested doing sexual activities together, you would probably vehemently say "No!" before they even finished the question. You would rather do anything else - Sex positive - refers to your attitudes about sex in general. Regardless of where you fall in the above three terms, you recognize that other people want to, and should have the freedom and right to, engage in consensual sexual activities, even if you personally don't like or want those activities. Essentially shorthand for "I respect the right of other adults to have gay sex, have gender-weird sex, have sex with multiple people in and out of monogamous relationships/marriages, and have weird, wild, freaky kinky sex, so long as all participants and consenting adults". You can still personally want zero sex for yourself or think a particular kink is weird/ick, but you can, in tumblr speak, be normal about consenting adults doing consenting adult stuff - Sex negative - conservative purity culture, basically. You think nobody should have sex ever, or at least not until marriage, and when they do it should only be the "right" or "good" kind, as arbitrarily decided by you/society/some collective. You think badly of, look down on, and may even treat badly anyone who doesn't have the "right" kind of sex in your opinion. You are not normal about consenting adults doing consenting adult activities (even though they don't involve you in any way)

A wonderful addition from @overlord-of-chaos Sex aversion is not the same thing as sex repulsed.

If you are sex adverse, you personally have no desire to partake in any of those actions but seeing or knowing other people partake in that doesn't bother you.

Sex repulsion is when you can't stand doing it yourself, seeing/hearing about/knowing that others partake in it, or even just the idea of it.

Microlabels/Terms describing flavour of attraction

Note: -sexual is used for many of these so we don't have to deal with duplicates confusing things. All of these prefixes can be used with -romantic, -sexual, -platonic, and I imagine -alterous as well

Abrosexual - orientation fluctuates between a variety of orientations

Aceflux - similar to abrosexual, but orientation is contained to asexual spectrum

Acespike - someone who is asexual but may experience intense, brief, and random bouts of sexual attraction

Aegosexual - disconnect between oneself and the target of arousal

Amicusromantic/sexual - only experiences romantic attraction to those who they have formed a platonic relationship with (subset of demi)

Angled aroace - the same as oriented, but for those who are demi, grey, flux, etc.

Anthrosexual - someone who is attracted to humans and alterhumans regardless of gender identity/expression

Bellussexual - has interest in the aesthetic/aspects/certain sexual actions, but does not experience sexual attraction or want a sexual relationship

Caedsexual - previously allo, but now ace due to past trauma

Cupiosexual - wanting a sexual relationship but not experiencing sexual attraction

Finsexual/gynesexual - attraction to femininity

Fraysexual - opposite of demi. Attraction dissipates once an emotional connection has been formed

Linsexual - attraction to androgyny

Lithosexual - experiencing sexual attraction but not wanting it to be reciprocated

Loveless Romantic/Lovelessromantic - those who cannot feel love or feel disconnected from love but can feel romantic attraction/don't feel disconnected from the concept of romance

Minsexual/androsexual - attraction to masculinity

Orchid - the opposite of cupio; experiences ____ attraction but has no desire for a relationship of that type

Placiosexual - not wanting to be on the receiving end of sexual activities but wishing to perform them on others

Quiosexual - unable to distinguish between sexual attraction and other forms of attraction

Qui(r)oromantic - inability to distinguish between platonic and romantic attraction

Reciprosexual - not experiencing sexual attraction towards someone until you discover they experience sexual attraction towards you

Requiessexual - similar to caedsexual, but rather than trauma, ace identity originates from a state of emotional exhaustion, usually from a past sexual experience

Oriented aroace - an aromantic asexual (aroace) individual who experiences a form of tertiary attraction, that they feel is significant enough to warrant a place alongside their aroace orientation. (i.e. gay aroace, bi aroace)

Angled aroace - someone who is on the aroace spectrum (grey, demi, fray, etc) who experiences a type of attraction significant enough to stand alongside their aroace orientation

Examples of mixed orientations

Heteroromantic asexual biplatonic

Poly greyromantic pansexual

Apothi abroplatonic

Placiosexual aromantic finplatonic

Aroace cupioplatonic

Pan lithioromantic

Fraysexual biromantic aplatonic

You can get WAY more specific than what these cover, but just to give a general idea

Amatonormativity

Amatonormativity is the assumption that all human beings pursue love or romance, especially by means of a monogamous long-term relationship. The term was coined by Elizabeth Brake, in her book Minimizing Marriage: Marriage, Morality, and the Law (2011).

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66sharkteeth · 1 month

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Belated weekly thoughts-

Mostly because this was too big of an ep to completely skip and I really wanna clear up a few misconceptions I keep seeing in the comments. I know only a small percent of readers see these, but at least a few of you will have the canon facts:

First off, just some personal thoughts-

I get asked a lot of reader input has ever influenced the story and, aside from a few fan-servicey memes like Roof Blank, the answer is no for the vast majority of the comic. This episode was kind of the one exception. I definitely never intended to address Rex's ace identity in the comic (outside of his obliviousness), but the more people learned he was canonly ace, the more I realized how important that was to a lot of people, so I thought it'd be cool to actually canonly address it- of course in a way that's realistic. To be clear, Rex absolutely has no idea what asexuality is, and I doubt any other characters do either. This comic does not take place in the digital age, so Rex doesn't have resources like twitter and reddit to help him figure this stuff out lol. He just knows he's not experiencing attraction the same way everyone else seems to, and that's what this episode is addressing.

Now as far as misconceptions- He is not aromantic. I've seen a few people jump to that? And I'm not really sure where it comes from, because he is very much in love with Bell, as I thought (?) I made clear in this scene. I understand the demi assumption, but I don't think he's that either. Bell's just the first person he's felt romantic attraction to, but he does not have sexual attraction (towards her or anyone). However, he's not repulsed by the idea, and that was also important for me to depict, as someone who...basically identifies the same way haha.

Now, for the BIG misconception- Bell potentially taking Lyss' face. So let's clear some things up:

This would not kill Lyss. She got plastic surgery on her nose that Bell already stole, so she would have a way to breath if Bell took the rest of her face.

Lyss would be able to resume a completely normal life after some reconstructive surgery. Blank victims still have a mouth and eyes under their sealed flesh. She explained last season that the only reason she's missing her eye still is because her parents wouldn't pay for the surgery to fix it after she moved out. Basically, giving Bell the rest of her face would just result in a painful and expensive surgery, but she would be by all means fine.

Not so much a misconception I've seen in this episode but just in general when I bring up the reconstructive surgery point- No, this does not mean you can just keep having your face stolen over and over and over. Your face gets a little harder to rebuild each time, and it's very expensive and painful. Think like an acid burn victim getting facial reconstruction, but just smoother...then getting in the same accident and surgery over and over. Surgeons can only do so much.

Bell would not "lose herself" or "become Lyss" if she stole the rest of her face. At this point, Bell is practically a half-blank in the sense that she fully her own person with her own personality, and stealing the rest of a face wouldn't really change that beyond maybe some influence- Much like how when Rex stole Mikiah's face, he didn't stop being Rex. He still maintained the personality and preferences he had as Rex, but just now has knowledge and memory of all of Mikiah's personality and preferences. Bell is slightly different in the sense that she *started* as a copy of Lyss, so many of their preferences and identities are the same (i.e, if Lyss is a straight cis girl, Bell would be a straight cis girl. If Lyss hated cilantro, Bell would hate cilantro), but she's developed in such a different environment from Lyss, that she has very much adopted her own unique personality (though with traits from Lyss, like her fieriness), and taking the rest of Lyss' face wouldn't change that. She would just have memory and knowledge of the rest of Lyss' life. The only real consequence of taking her face might be...getting some unpleasant memories of Rex and Scion, but even then, Bell has grown into such an understanding and forgiving person, I don't think she'd hold those past actions against them (except maybe Scion for the whole attempted murder stuff).

#city of blank #weekly thoughts #bell #rex #lyss

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heretherebedork · 9 months

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Okay, okay, now we have my attention. Are we going to discuss asexuality or other sexualities where sex isn't a focus in the romance? Is this actually going to be about not wanting to have sex but wanting romance regardless?

I am very interested in where this is going. Because, it is true, nothing Kawi has done has shown any interest in sex. The issue here being how normalized and normalized that lack of sexual desire is in this type of BL relationship and how common it is for one character to just never be interested... the fact that this is an actual discussion makes it much more interesting.

And we might not be.

No, looks like we're having a conversation about allowing yourself freedom in expereince sexual desire instead. Which, while interesting and important in these shows, is different than where I thought we might be heading.

Note: this does not have to be true for everyone regardless of your relationships status or lack thereof. I love Max to death but this is very allosexual of him.

Again, I get it, I see where the show is coming from and the messaging the show is giving here but... it doesn't have to be like that.

Okay, so we went back to 'maybe yes we are talking about asexuality and a lack of sexual desire'. Which is fine by me and absolutely enjoyable. @absolutebl This feels like the answer to BMF and SOTUS at the same time.

And back to the need for open and honest communication between, well, everyone. Especially important in the struggle of sexuality and the inherent need to have these discussions with the person you love even when they're hard.

Kawi has gone from convinced he was a straight man to facing down the idea of being gay and ace, of being romantically attracted to Piseang but with no urge to actually have sex and what that means.

He loves Piseang, we know he does, but how does he balance that love with a lack of sexual desire if he's worried about losing Piseang? How does he speak openly about something he never imagined?

When you don't think about sex, sometimes it doesn't occur to you that other people do and when you realize you have to suddenly think about that as well even if you're not interested... it's scary. And it's big. And it's something else that makes you different and something that makes even more different than you were already starting to accept about yourself.

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arotechno · 1 year

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the way the aro community talks about attraction is inadequate

Disclaimer: The following is in no way intended to invalidate, shame, or "call out" anyone for using whatever language or terminology they see fit to describe their own experiences. This is about community-wide trends and pressures, rather than individual choices.

As an aroace, I've never felt a particular desire to label other types of attraction I may or may not feel. Identifying as aroace is a way for me to express my disconnect with what society at large views as healthy, normal, valuable, and aspirational; that is, a committed, monogamous, sexual and romantic relationship. I don't want those things. I'm not able to even understand them. But by and large, beyond that, I don't find the framework of different types of attraction very useful at all.

This is the fatal flaw of the split-attraction model in its most advanced form: it's predicated on the idea that there are distinct types of attraction that can be qualified and quantified in neat and tidy boxes. Just as there are people for whom romantic and sexual attraction cannot be separated, there are many (like myself) for whom the very concept of attraction breaks down more and more the more you try to categorize it.

Here's the thing: relationships (of any kind) aren't inherently predicated on attraction, just as they aren't necessarily predicated on love. We can understand, as a community, why an aro person might have a successful romantic relationship despite not feeling romantic attraction, or why an ace person might enjoy engaging in sex even if they are not sexually attracted to their partner. Attraction does not equal action. So why, then, must we make the assumption that everyone must categorize their feelings in terms of attraction at all? This is how we end up with terms like queerplatonic attraction, which warps the original definition of queerplatonic such that a QPR becomes something predicated on a separate kind of attraction that is more unique and special than "regular" platonic feelings, rather than being a broad type of non-romantic relationship that is deliberately built and developed by the people in it based on their own personal needs and desires, and not necessarily based on some ephemeral type of attraction.

This sort of trend towards hyper-categorization is extremely frustrating to someone like me, who doesn't view their relationships or their feelings for others in terms of attraction at all. I'm not platonically "attracted" to my friends, I don't think. I love them platonically (deeply, unconditionally, almost like family), but naming it as attraction makes me almost uncomfortable. Others may not feel that way and that's fine. It's no skin off my nose how people choose to talk about their own feelings. But the implicit expectation in a lot of aro spaces is that you will label your attraction, your feelings, your experiences, your desires, your orientations according to such-and-such paradigms, as if we can wordsmith our way out of simply understanding one another. As if the diversity of aromantic experiences were something we need to break down and quantify.

All of these things are socially constructed. Sex, romance, love, relationships, attraction. That doesn't make them not real, but they are not divinely granted concepts with their own inherent, easy-to-understand taxonomy. We make up the language necessary to describe complex and diverse human experiences as best we can, because it's the only way. But what is absolutely crucial to remember, as a crucial tenet of aro activism and beyond, is that none of these models work for every single person, and needn't be prescriptive.

#not putting this under a readmore. read my post lol #aro #aromantic #aro community #intracommunity #qpr #queerplatonic #aro terminology #long post #op #i'm doing hot girl shit (posting hot takes about models of attraction)

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etherealfishyfeelings · 4 months

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Synastry Notes: Ascendant 1

These are essentially just my personal experiences with certain synastry aspects. Basically a rant lol.

Venus Conjunct Ascendant: honestly, I have a big love/hate relationship with this aspect as I have Venus square Ascendant as the tightest aspect in my own natal chart so when I'm the Venus person I become so envious and enchanted by the Ascendant person that it's almost suffocating. The more I look at them the less I want to be myself but I am also incredibly attracted to them in an almost poetic way. It really highlights my sense of disharmony with my own Ascendant and so usually being around the Ascendant person is quite uncomfortable regardless of the depth of my attraction to them. I usually love getting to know more about them past their Ascendant though, and regardless of what's underneath, my sense of enchantment with them doesn't really tend to fade at all over time. On the other hand, when I'm the Ascendant person, the Venus person usually doesn't make a lot of sense to me as their style of relating(aka venus) is directly clashing with my own style of relating to others. I think it only becomes more awkward when the Venus person almost seems perplexed by the switch ups that I tend to do in social situations(that I really do not want highlighted because I already feel horribly socially inadequate as it is lol) and so generally what starts out as a very enthusiastic friendship eventually turns into a lot of mixed signals and just a lot of the Venus person having absolutely no idea what to expect from me most of the time. I also tend to become a little wary of them due to how much they tend to highlight my social awkwardness and lack of consistency. (My Venus is in the 10th in Cap, directly conjunct my MC and directly squaring my Aries AC)

Mars in the 7th house/Mars opposite AC: this placement tends to end up being a little insane in my case due to my natal Venus square Ascendant so this placement usually means that their Mars is squaring my Venus too and honestly it's just too much. I tend to attract A LOT of Libra mars men(like most of the men that have chased me like their lives depended on it had their Mars in Libra, well, as much as Libra tends to chase) and initially its always fairly sweet but within the first couple of conversations it usually gets really ugly. Lots of jealousy and very sexually suggestive, impatient too and the longer we remained in contact without any romantic contact the more frustrated they seem to get and the more aggressive(not in a really bad sort of way) their hints tended to get. And because its Libra they're never really direct with it, mostly creating lots of very obviously intended scenarios that would allow me to take the lead but my Cap Venus needs a lot of time before I'll be willing to do that but my Aries AC suggests that I'm more of an impulsive go getter so they seem to expect me to be more forward than I actually am around romance. They seem very perplexed and frustrated that when it comes to romance and sex I'm very picky and take a really long time to warm up to the idea of being with someone even in a friendship sense. However, when I'm the Mars person(I have Mars in Pisces) I generally tend to be pretty attracted to the Ascendant person in a very pleasant way. I usually find them very beautiful and have a very strong urge to seek out their company. I also find that I tend to think of them as being quite talented, but I feel that might also be due to their AC trining my Venus.

#synastry notes #synastry #venus conjunct ascendant #venus square ascendant #mars in the 7th house #mars opposite ascendant #mars square venus #venus in the 1st house

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moonyinpisces · 6 days

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re: your last post, i would really love to get this ask answered but i can understand if you don't (and i definitely do not expect this to be answered publicly), but is there a post that i can read in which you've explained your "love and sex are connected" stance? i ask because i'm so curious to read your thoughts about it, coming from someone who agrees with that thought, i'm just curious about the specifics of what do you mean when you say that (for example: does that mean that by definition asexual love is platonic and not romantic? is there space for asexuality or aromanticism in this idea? i think that love and sex are connected and that there still are people who are asexual and can have partnerships, so that's why i was curious about more details on that).

sorry for bothering you and thank you in advance if you answer my question 🩷

you're totally fine! i hope it's cool i answered it publicly, i think it's a topic that a lot of people shy away from. luckily, i have little to no self preservation. i'll just re-explain my stance here 👇

i think just inherently, if we call a piece of media a love story it implies sex. this is a fact no matter how deep you worm your way into internet culture and try to convince yourself otherwise. now that doesn't mean sex is going to happen, or even be mentioned--that has to do with the rating/presentation of the media, not the media itself (one time almost a year ago i mentioned this same topic and someone specifically cited the little mermaid as ace rep. and i was like in the sequel they... literally have a child? and then the person blocked me lol)

now can love be platonic? absolutely. can people have love for others and not want to fuck them? yeah, i would say a majority of love experienced globally is the platonic/familial sort lol. but a love story is only platonic if it's designated as platonic, meaning that at its root, the implication is sex. if i want to divorce sex from the romance, i have to explicitly define it as such. meaning if we call, for example, good omens a love story, that implies sex and sexual attraction unless the canon ever explicitly tells us differently. a love story includes sex unless it can prove it doesn't, that's just... the nature of being a human being living in a human society lol

and i think that's a scary concept to people who have labeled themselves as sex-repulsed without digging into WHY they feel that way in the first place. but i think further than that people are too bogged down in connecting their identities with fiction to the point that the work becomes divorced from fiction, so you have huge swathes of people claiming characters as whatever they want external to the canon in order to feel secure in their own identity. fascinating subject, too dense to get into in a tumblr ask haha

i think at the crux of it what i need people to understand is characters are not real people, they do not have aspects deeper than what we're shown in the canon. characters are simply functions of the plot. like take two characters in a love story. sure, if these WERE real people, TECHNICALLY someone could say "they can have sex and actively want to have sex and be attracted to each other and still be asexual!" which. uh, sure, but if a mouse said that about a kia sorento, etc etc. like that potential reading has so little bearing on the story that i know it's just pulled out of someone's ass so they can manufacture deeper meaning and "representation" out of the media they consume because they're not getting that representation elsewhere. which sucks! but! just because something COULD be canon doesn't mean it IS canon and in our current climate of media illiteracy, that's the unfortunate trend to how people are choosing to consume media. self-first rather than story-first, internal vs external, individual vs collective. you can go on and on.

and of course. of course. you can negate ALL of this by just telling me it's not that serious and media is consumed in the preferred method of the consumer, that's what it's meant for. i am fully self-aware i come at this like i have two english degrees. and for that fact, rest assured i will always be deeply deeply uncool

#hope that helped explain a bit about what i mean #at the end of the day i think words have meaning that that has made me public enemy number one #ask box

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a-libra-writes · 1 year

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I absolutely love all of your Mordecai stories! Could you write one where reader is specifically male and how that would affect the relationship? Or a more general scenario where Mordecai makes a habit of fixing reader’s appearance for symmetry, definitely not because he wants an excuse to stand so close to them.

hhhhhh okay i had to prioritize this because i just. i have so much brainrot about this stupid hitman esp with a male partner in particular !!! This will be adjacent to the part 3 of Romantic HC's with him (and I included ur cute symmetry idea in that one instead!) I have a lot of thoughts..

First off, I HC him as gay ace, and that is what I tend to go off whenever I write him. These are my own thoughts and obvs yall can have something totally different! With that said...

He would be slightly more open and have an easier time getting to know a man, simply because of the socialization and gender expectations in the 20's. With women he's always been uneasy because of the unspoken, unknown "expectation" of interacting with them. (though if she wasn't ladylike at all and toted around a gun or dressed masc he'd probs feel otherwise, see him interacting fine with Serafine). Again, 1920's socializing acting as if women are an entirely different creature from men and should be treated as such. So, he'd be a little more accepting of touches and attention from a man because that's more familiar, but we're talking 10% more. Not a huge jump.

As stated in the previous HC's, this is still years of building trust between the two of you before he's willing to acknowledge any feelings. If you're openly gay or bi during this time, he's never been judgmental about it like some might be. Actually, Mordecai doesn't think about your potential love life in the slightest, at least until you two begin to get closer. Then suddenly he's thinking about it.

Attraction has never been something he's experienced, at least not in the way he's heard men talk about women (which, ew, that kind of talk is disgusting). But as you two become closer, he develops emotional and physical attraction toward you; both are confounding and frustrating. It's less sexual attraction and more a very intense physical admiration, even if that person doesn't have conventionally attractive features.

(Personally I think he'd be very attracted to either a very tall and muscular type - similar to Viktor - or a smaller, slender more "pretty" kind of guy. Two opposites on a spectrum, which he admires for different reasons.)

Regardless, it's awful, Mordecai has no idea why this is hitting him just now in his mid-fucking-20s after a whole adolescence of not seeing people that way. The physical admiration comes and goes, but the emotional attraction always hits him like a train when you're both together.

This is probably Totally Normal for close friends who are also comrades that murder people together. This is fine.

Note it's possible you have plenty of other admirers, which gives him even more agitated and conflicting feelings. If it's women fawning over you - even if you aren't interested - that's easy for Mordecai to deal with. Women have bothered him plenty of times, at least until they realize how cold and awkward he is and give up. He doesn't understand why you have to smile and flirt back, but, well, at least that doesn't upset them ....

Men flirting with you is a bit of a different story, especially if you've always been open and comfortable with your own sexuality. The women seem harmless, the men do not. You have this ease and freedom with them that Mordecai doesn't understand and somewhat envies. He can't brush off their attention as being "silly" like the women are; they don't just want to dance with you. It agitates him so much and he struggles to fully articulate why. Maybe a small voice in his head tells him that if he were more normal, maybe you might be just as attentive to him. That you have expressed your trust and affection to him, but he struggles in returning it, so it's no wonder you might seek it elsewhere.

In this time period, there's incredibly little understanding around the concept of asexuality (and even then, it's written as though it's a disease or mental failure). Mordecai has certainly never heard of such things, and he's never struggled with his lack of sexual attraction until his feelings began developing for you. This is why he becomes so jealous if you're free with your love and attention to others. Before you both were ever a real "thing" (but the feelings were very much there, hanging unspoken between you), Mordecai would start huge arguments about whoever you'd be sleeping around with. He hadn't cared for years, and now he does? Seriously, if you smell like another man Mordecai goes from 0 to 100 and barks at you to wash up. You point out that Viktor always smells like sawdust and oil but Mordecai doesn't shove him into the bathroom.

Viktor thinks whatever you two have going on with these spats is just weird. More than once he's yanked you both by the neck and tossed you out of the garage for being so noisy.

(Note if you're someone whose on a similar wavelength as Mordecai, or you simply don't enjoy sleeping around with strangers and prefer close connections, that jealousy simmers down considerably. No, these are not healthy reactions or feelings he has. He has never been a well-adjusted individual. )

Once you both are more of an established ""couple"" (if thats what this strange long-term pining and angsting and yearning that's finally become something of a real Thing can be called), Mordecai still wouldn't consider himself "like that". Not because of shame of being gay, but because he genuinely hasn't felt this way toward anyone, man or woman. You're his exception. He likes you.

All the drama aside... Because of the odd nature of you and Mordecai's relationship, plus his closed-off personality and the odd hours you two keep, no one actually suspects the relationship is romantic for a very long time. Mitzi and maybe Atlas have caught onto something, especially if you're open about your attraction to men, but they assume it's a one-sided crush on your part. Viktor is the only one who picks up that Mordecai might feel the same, and only because he's around you both so often and he sees the odd looks and lingering touches - and notably, how you two interact with him is very different with how you interact with each other. Not his business, but he'd protect you both in a heartbeat. Viktor never says it out loud, but he's aware of other associates or employees who may not be accepting of you two and could be a potential threat. He watches them very carefully.

(And related to that - Atlas doesn't think twice about taking you in and treats you with just as much respect as his other employees, which would be remarkable for a known gay man in the 20's. That's probably how he got you signed onto being a triggerman...)

And related to any threats, Mordecai will go fucking feral on anyone who tries to threaten or hurt you for your sexuality. It doesn't matter if you're playing it cool or ignoring them, he's already got his gun out. Viktor will join in too, but he at least asks if you want to kill them or "just" scare them shitless.

So, in closing ... Yes, the relationship would be a little more complicated with a masc person vs a femme because of the time period and the lack of vocabulary+understanding of Mordecai's own identity. A person whose experienced and very comfortable in their own skin would help him out a lot, whether they're asexual or allosexual, someone whose willing to just sit and talk these things out (even if sometimes he's mortified to even bring it up). If the person is just as questioning and confused, well, it might end up more chaotic, hah.

#I hope I explained myself okay #i tried to organize them but listen theres a reason i dont write out essays #but yeah def inserting my own ace thoughts as well .... its a complicated process of figuring that part of yourself out #esp if its happening in your fucking 20s like lmao. i feel u mordecai #mordecai heller x reader #lackadaisy x reader

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matsaysyes · 2 months

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hey this might sound weird but im currently writing a story that heavily involves talking about the experience of being aroace. i js wanna be as accurate and inclusive as possible so if you could share some thoughts or experiences you think should be included that would be literally incredible

thanks! <3

I don’t mind at all! I think a big thing in the AroAce community is a feeling of loneliness. Not just because you won’t have a traditional romantic/sexual relationship with someone. It’s also a big feeling of loneliness within alloromantic/allosexual groups and even lgbt+ groups. I think the video by Jaiden Animations does a really good job at showing that. There’s a lot of pushback from people that Aromantic and Asexual aren’t real and that romantic feelings and sexual feelings are the same. Those are a lot of the issues that AroAce people, like myself, have to deal with.

Obviously the experience of being AroAce isn’t just all negatives though. Aromantic and Asexual are both spectrums and there are lots of different specific identities within them. It’s not just black and white. A big misconception about Aromantic and Asexual people is that you don’t want to be in those types of relationships or you have a low libido or you haven’t met the right person yet, etc. This isn’t true. Being aroace means you have little to no sexual and romantic attraction. You can still have sex with people or date people.

Some people of course don’t want those types or relationships but some do. Some people want a type of family unit. Living with someone who will always be with you maybe even have a child. All/most of it being platonic. This is what we call Queer platonic relationships. When you have a relationship with someone that is in between platonic and romantic/sexual. It can vary between different people because aro and ace are spectrums. It can be with someone almost like a life long friend who you live with. It can also be a life long friend who you might kiss and have a kid with (adopted or otherwise) even without the romantic and sexual attraction. Of course with these types of relationships you have to fully communicate what you want and how you feel.

I will now get into the specifics of how I personally feel. This paragraph will of course not be the same for everyone on the aroace spectrum. I personally am repulsed by the idea of sex. On the other hand I’m a hopeless romantic which makes me with I had those feelings towards people. It’s very hard for me to imagine what being attracted in those ways to people would be like. I don’t understand crushes or when people are called hot. Even though I long for a romance once I actually get one I feel absolutely disgusted when people flirt with me or kiss me. I love my friends and family dearly and I hate being called a robot for not wanting to date someone. I hate whenever having a friend you care about (especially one of the same gender) always turns into an investigation from everyone about whether or not you like them. Especially in school.

The biggest thing I want people to take away from this is that if anyone ever try’s to understand or represent a group (especially if you’re not apart of it) you should ask people who are. Multiple people, especially when those groups are spectrums like the Aromantic or Autism spectrums for example. I hope that I could in some way help you with your story. <3

#aromantic #asexual #long post #aroace #actually aromantic #actually asexual #anon ask #ask

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ellaspore · 9 months

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So going off on this post by @biochemjess I wanted to expand further upon some thoughts. Take this with a grain for salt as this is my personal interpretation based on my life experience.

For me both options @biochemjess laid out in her post are true and there have been hints spread out in all the episodes.

I have read Kawi as demi since episodes 3 / 4 . The whole being fixated on Pear for years, the being a virgin until he was 30 pointed out to me that he didn't view sex as that important (as he said in episode 10), he wasn't in love with the idea of Pear because she was attractive, he found her beautiful but in an innocent way. Now while all the above is true I think that the show has also been showing us that Kawi does feel a slowly growing attraction to Pisaeng that gets stronger as the episodes go on, an attraction that grows along with his feelings.

I think camera work was used together with music effects since episode 3 to show when this was happening.

Up until episode 8 we saw Kawi fight his feelings for Pisaeng and using alcohol to act both on those and his attraction because it made him braver and less prone to be anxious and overthink things.

Now he left alcohol as a coping mechanism behind and accepted his feelings for Pisaeng in episode 8 but he is still struggling with his growing attraction and what it means for him and their relationship. If we pay enough attention in episode 9 he shut down all the kissing attempts between him and Pisaeng and I do think it's due to him trying to process what and how he is feeling about all of this.

The issue was further exacerbated by his talk with Max during episode 10. I admit here that the whole talk could have been handled better and while I don't think it had this intention I could totally see how it could come across as ace erasure. However if we look at this conversation not as applying to a broader audience but being character-specific it makes it have much more sense. I don't think Max's purpose here was to provide answers but to ask questions and make Kawi reflect on what he wants. We know Kawi tends to run away from problems and try not to think about difficult things but Max's purpose in the story has always been to question him and to push him into action exactly like he did in episode 6 during the gay bar scene (which resulted in Kawi getting drunk and kissing Pisaeng).

I think it's also important to understand how Kawi's, Max's and Pisaeng's different attitudes to sexual desire colour how they think about it and how they behave. Max's attitude is that of someone who has fully accepted his sexual desires because he knows himself, who he is and what he wants. Pisaeng's attitude is that of someone who has repressed himself for his whole life and now he is just so eager to take this new step forward because that's something he is now allowed to do. Now coming back to Kawi, his attitude is that of someone whose sexual desires are unknown. He hasn't thought about them really, hasn't thought about where he stands. His answers during his conversation with Max seem to me not as a way to evade the issue. That's why I think Max says that "sex is important to know oneself". It wouldn't be true for anyone and it's totally valid to know you are ace without trying to have sex but I don't think again this totally applies to Kawi. Kawi's is a character that doesn't know himself. His feelings, his desires, the unknown scare him and he does need to try and be pushed to come to a conclusion.

And I think that's exactly what's happening in the latter half of episode 10. All interactions with Pisaeng happen exactly after Kawi's talk with Max and we see Kawi absolutely panicking and running away and evading the issue. I think it's important here to note that for the last episodes Kawi was the one to force conversation between him and Pisaeng in order to avoid misunderstandings, the fact he didn't want to talk about sex with Pisaeng tells me he was still trying to understand where he stood exactly.

The whole evening and the date was Kawi being all in his head about what he was feeling and being scared and ignorant of his desires. But I don't think he wasn't feeling it or wanting in his own way. It's only in the restaurant that Kawi comes to the realisation that he was projecting his panic onto Pisaeng and that he was hurting him.

By the end of the night we see that Kawi has reached his conclusion, has come to a decision and he wants to try and have sex with Pisaeng. I do think there was a whole talk before this that they will get back to next episode.

Now my whole key apart from the discussion with Max that cemented that Kawi is demi, afraid of his desires but feeling attraction for Pisaeng is another scene we have in episode 10. It may be me reading a little bit too much into it but there is this scene when they are eating breakfast that may seem unrelated but which striked me as significant

Again this is personal interpretation based on my personal experience, but I feel like in this scene Kawi was struck dumb a little bit by what exactly Pisaeng's thumb wiping his mouth was making him feel. If you aren't used to sexual attraction is inconsequential moments like this that strike you the most, make you stop, the sudden spark.

So to sum it up, I think this episode cemented my belief of Kawi being demi and trying to come to terms and being afraid of what the growing attraction to Pisaeng is making him feel.

@lutawolf @biochemjess @coconuts-mafia

#be my favorite #coconuts mafia #ella's cursed thoughts #pisaengkawi

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web-novel-polls · 8 months

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Aroace-spec Character Winners' Tournament

[Please vote for who you believe has the most canon evidence to be aroace-spec, not the most popular. It will never be acceptable to post "anti-propaganda" in this tournament or invalidate a suggested identity because "they're not aroace enough." You will be blocked unless it's clearly a genuine mistake / misphrasing.]

Propaganda underneath the cut

Shen Qingqiu from The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System

Submission 1: Gay Asexual

I mean have you met the man? "Assuming you're straight because you feel nothing towards either sex but you have to be the default, right? before realizing you're romantically attracted to someone but not realizing you're romantically attracted to someone because it doesn't feel like sexual attraction which is how allos explain what love is until the romantic attraction hits you like a sledge hammer" is both a common ace experience and absolutely his story arc. Also I would have submitted him sooner but I thought he was a shoe in

Submission 2:

Asexual, somewhere on the aro spectrum - I would have submitted him earlier but based on the tags I assumed I wouldn't need to and didn't want op to be spammed with too many submissions ;_; anyhow he's here now!

Mod Propaganda

Was completely okay with not marrying anyone (because all the women in the world “belong to the protagonist”)

So fucking weird about sex. He has to mentally contort his brain seven ways to Sunday to even IMAGINE fucking someone (earning him the title of “most homophobic gay person”)

“He’s not gay, Binghe is”

Reads bad erotica and then complains about the plot inconsistencies

Accidentally wife beams/romances pretty much every single character he meets

Liu Qingge from Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System

Submission 1: Gay Grayace

He spends most of his life with one interest and that's fighting and then when he falls for a man he's confused by it and proceeds to flirt in the most awkward way possible. Also he has the grey-white-sometimes purple colour scheme

Submission 2: Aroace

The idea of him being asexual is presented right there on the page and you can't take that away from me. Yes I think he is in love with sqq yes I also think he is aroace. He can be both!

Submission 3: Asexual/Ace-spec

I think he’s sex repulsed given his icy or horrified reactions when sexual topics are discussed. He was also once forcibly aroused when hit by an aphrodisiac, and he responded in a way that implied he had never experienced that before. Additionally, his instinct was not to do anything sexual, but to commit acts of violence.

Mod Propaganda

Canonically not interested in romance by word of God

MXTX: “[Liu Qingge] isn't interested in Shen Qingqiu. He isn't interested in anyone. He's only interested in fighting. He wants to be the strongest and the best.” (Source)

Canonically had no clue he was sexually aroused in the Succubi Extra / interpreted it as “wanting to fight” (which isn’t the same as not experiencing sexual attraction, but that’s also not a trademark of allosexuality)

Speaking of, he never specifically seems interested in Shen Qingqiu romantically or sexually - he’s usually shipped with him bc of his devotion, not a clear desire for romance. Though that’s pretty much just up for personal interpretation

#shen qingqiu #liu qingge #svsss #aroace spec character tournament #aroace spec winners semifinals #polls #queue

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ferretwhomst · 9 months

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gravity falls queer headcanons, just for funsies <3

i'm gonna put these under a readmore actually because Wow There Is A Lot More Shit Than I Expected. gaze upon my based ass gender and sexuality takes at yer own risk /j

Dipper i think the general consensus in the gf fandom is that he's transmasc. and as a trans guy i LOVE this hc!!!! but i Also love to see dipper portrayed as other trans identities. like... tgirl dipper is also a favorite of mine, she holds a very special place in my heart. nby or genderfluid dipper even!!! i could go on, but bottom line is he is whatever i want him to be at any given time <3 as for his sexuality? probably some flavor of acespec but he's personally unlabeled, previously questioning but i figure he eventually decided it's not worth his time trying to find a label that fits. he definitely likes people of all genders though

Mabel mabel is ABSOLUTELY the sorta person to aggressively hoard gender labels and pronouns like a crow collecting shiny things. crunch has ALL the gender and ALL the pronoun. in fact, sometimes it makes him kinda sad when someone who knows bee goes by all pronouns exclusively uses "she" for fluff (not that this happens often!!! a quick glare from the grunks and the offender is put in their place lol). she lovessss femininity and actively embraces it all the time but it's not ONLY a girl- xey id as an autigender xenocollector girlboy and also as pan and nebularomantic!!!! boom probably knits their flags into all cake's sweaters too >:D

Ford previously identified as a binary trans man, but after spending three decades in another dimension and interacting with different species with other perceptions of gender, they now id as transmasc nonbinary. he doesn't mind he/him or they/them but he also likes neopronouns! (better believe ford has neos in languages you've never even heard of!!!) especially space-themed or science-themed ones. him and mabel definitely get along over using neos btw. also rift is demiromantic, demisexual and gay :) he was overjoyed when they found out about the ace/aro spectrum- because for a long time they felt like the fact that they only seldom felt attraction meant something was wrong with sol.

Stan trans nonbinary man who isn't picky with labels. while him and ford are both transmasc and nonbinary, he has a VERY different experience with it than his brother- he's very much a man, except she also likes to be a woman sometimes just for fun. stan probably spent a lot of time in his youth trying to be hypermasculine so he could pass better and fit in but now he Doesn't Care and just has fun confusing people by being a grumpy old guy who's also a lady sometimes. prefers he/him but genuinely doesn't care if people use other pronouns for her. also my man is bisexual as FUCK, mostly equal attraction to all genders but plays up his love for women a lot becausee... growing up during the 60s will do that to you i think.

BONUS ROUNDDDDDDDDDDD

Soos unlabeled sexuality, genderfluid and/or nonbinary with left bro in the words of one wise anon on tumblr dot com. uses he/him but other pronouns are fine too

Wendy abrosexual transmasc tomboy with no desire to medically transition. likes to present as masculine but only sometimes. gets along with stan over gender fuckery! uses she/he

Pacifica transfem lesbian, mainly uses she/they until mabel introduces her to jewel neopronouns and ruby immediately steals them

Fiddleford greyromantic, bi and polyamorous binary trans man! like wendy, he's never cared much for the idea of medically transitioning. uses he/it but doesn't mind other pronouns

Bill aromantic, asexual and agender babey. uses any/all pronouns, though people usually default to he/him, which she doesn't really mind either!

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necarion · 3 months

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There are three major problems with "conversion therapy" (therapy intended to change sexual orientation) right now:

Its currently intended use is by religious people to make gay folks not-gay, and is done in a very coercive manner

It is akin to certain types of torture

It doesn't work.

Because of these things, actual research on conversion therapy is basically zero, and the idea is deeply poisonous. And this is very unfortunate, because if it worked, conversion therapy would be fantastically useful in a variety of situations that I think the LGBT community would be quite supportive of! (Caveat: this should be absolutely 100% forbidden for children, and under any sort of coercive situation. These must be entirely matters of informed coice.)

People whose spouse comes out as trans, and suddenly their spouse is a gender they are fundamentally not attracted to. Often, these couples have to divorce, which is unfortunate for everybody. If they could move between straight/gay (or bi), they could remain married to a person they love and support.

People who realized after a long and basically-happy marriage that they are gay, and converting to straight could save a long marriage.

Allo people married to an ace partner who want to become ace to make their partner happier

Ace people married to an allo partner who want to become allo to make their partner happier

Minor-attracted-people who desperately want to be not-that, for basically all the reasons

Gay/straight people who realize they've fallen in love with a partner they are not attracted to, and switching could make both of them really happy

People who think being Bi would be nice for their dating life.

People who have had a lot of failures in their dating life and decide they want to be ace

Religious figures who take vows of celibacy who would like to be ace to take away temptation

Astronauts, or other folks on long and dangerous journeys, who would rather be ace for a while.

People who have suffered major injuries (or whose partners have) and want to preserve a relationship, who would rather be ace.

Elderly people who would rather be attracted to people their own age for all sorts of reasons.

(If conversion therapy actually worked, you could probably use it for minor tweaks, such as making yourself more attracted to your spouse or partner. Many people have dated someone and gone "I really wish I were more attracted to this person". Some dating apps could conceivably be made totally blind and match 100% on personality.)

(If conversion therapy actually worked, it would probably be closely adjacent to libido-adjustments for people who have too much or too little for their, or their spouse's, comfort, are on certain medications, or have had hormonal changes in life.

And lastly, gay people who, for religious or family reasons want to be straight. (If conversion therapy actually worked, there would probably be a path for trans people to be not-trans, but I imagine the research would be more complicated.) This last one is hard to swallow because it's associated with views many of us disagree with, but I see no reason we could possibly ban it without stopping the others. If it makes people happier, then it's good even if their reasons are fucked up

If it worked, conversion therapy would be amazing for millions of people around the world, would save tons of otherwise happy marriages and relationships, and would help people who are unhappy with who they are. The ability to choose who you are attracted to (or to choose who you are not attracted to) is a matter of deep concern for almost all people. It would allow people to make choices I would rather they didn't for religious or social pressure reasons. But it also really does allow them to choose.

Which is why it really sucks that it has been made so completely poisonous that there is no legitimate research into it, and getting that funded would be almost impossible.

The ability to choose who you are attracted to would be one of the greatest psychological breakthroughs of all time.

#controversy #conversion therapy #discourse #choice #lgbt #homophobia cw #transphobia cw

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bnhabeans · 10 months

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Class 1a pride headcanons let's gooooo 🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

Going by seat order bc I'm autistic and it makes good sense

Also no mineta bc I don't know what to do with him

1. Aoyama 🌟🩶

Nonbinary and aspec. They aren't sure if they have a definitive gender one way or another but if anyone asks they just say "sparkling of course!! ✨️" as for sexuality/romantic attraction they are asexual and still questioning their romantic alignment. Honestly they would be happy going through life with maybe some qpps and not really thinking too much about it

2. Mina 👽🩷

Bi as hell babey!! Everyone is gorgeous in their own way!! Mina falls in love so fast and with so many people she's just like. Everyone deserves love and if she's gotta be the one to give it then so be it.

3. Tsu 🐸💚

Distinguished lesbian. Not afraid to tell the other 1a girls what makes them attractive. Tsu loves complimenting ppl and feels very proud of herself whenever the other girls get flustered bc she knows it means she's made their entire day.

4. Iida ⏩️💙

Bisexual and doesn't know what to do about it. Has many panicked conversations with Tensei over finding people attractive and feeling very weird about it bc they all live together and also puberty hormones hit him like a truck about a month or so after meeting everyone.

5. Ochako 🌌🩷

Pansexual. Very proud of it. Often seen very loudly validating her classmates identities and making sure that any potential homophobes and transphobes know that they will be punted into the stratosphere if they so much as breathe wrong in the general direction of anyone ochako cares about

6. Ojiro 🐒🤎

Token cishet. Great ally tho.

7. Kaminari ⚡️💛

Nonbinary and bisexual. Pronouns vary by the day. Often jokes that they've never made a decision in their entire life because of this. When they go pro there ends up being an official line of Chargebolt merch that has the slogan "gender? I don't even know'er!" On it.

8. Kirishima 💪❤️

Bisexual but kind of oblivious to it. Equates attraction to admiring someone for being "manly." It is discovered at some point during his years at UA that his personal definition of manly just encompasses all the traits that he finds attractive in a person plus other traits he admires but isn't necessarily into. This makes for a very confusing journey of self-discovery.

9. Kouda 🐇🤍

Grey ace. Questions his gender sometimes but is not overly concerned with what gender is the right one. More interested in solid friendships than dating too and so he ends up with qpps as his most meaningful relationships

10. Sato 🍫💛

Stereotypical cake loving aro ace. He doesn't care what everyone else is doing, he's busy perfecting his ganache.

11. Shouji 🤝🩵

On the ace spectrum but still figuring out exactly where. He has body image issues due to trauma and that kind of effects his views on attraction and romance.

12. Jirou 🎵💜

She thinks she's bi but she's still figuring it all out. Honestly anyone that can vibe to music with her could catch her eye, and she especially likes people that have slightly odd tastes such as listening to classical music or pre-quirk pop*

*(this is based on the headcanon that bnha takes place a couple hundred years into the future. Pre-quirk pop would just be the pop of the 80s up to about now in her view)

13. Sero 🩹🩶

(I couldn't find a tape emoji so bandaid it is)

Pansexual. He and ochako get along very well bc not only do they share an identity in this way, they also both feel like they're parenting their respective neurodivergent friend groups lol.

14. Tokoyami 🐦‍⬛🖤

Homoromantic ace. Sometimes does Bird Things to show his affection like bringing gifts and trinkets to ppl he is interested in or like nesting with their stuff. He finds these urges embarrassing but everyone else thinks it's cute and adores him for it.

15. Todoroki ❄️🔥❤️🤍

Gay gay homosexual gay. Has absolutely no idea how romance or crushes or teenage hormones or anything is supposed to work so he just does not realize that it isn't normal to daydream about cuddling his male classmates. Ochako gently explains the concept of a crush to him after he mentions something about this offhand and it blows his fucking mind.

16. Hagakure 🌫🤍

Bisexual and a very proud member of the Loving Women Club. Has a huuuuggeee crush on Mirko (which like, same girl).

17. Bakugou 💥🧡

Gay. Has a very specific taste in men but he won't tell anyone what it is because like three people on the entire planet fit the criteria (in his mind anyway) and he does not want anyone figuring out who he might be into because he sees it as weakness. Even after he goes to therapy he describes his type as "certain dumbasses who have issues and can't take a single fucking hint" so.

18. Deku 🐰💚

Bisexual disaster and everyone around him knows it. Has like 3 crises a day over finding random classmates attractive and overthinks everything there is to overthink in the situation. Luckily for him everyone knows what he's like and how his brain works and they find it endearing (even if certain classmates won't say it out loud)

19. Yaomomo ⚛️❤️

Lesbian. Momo recognizes that all the girls around her are so pretty and talented and it's a win for her bc they have such a culture of uplifting each other so she's constantly getting compliments from very pretty girls. She's living her best life as the president of the loving UA women club.

Bonus: shinso!!! 🐱💜

Shinso uses the Queer umbrella label. He has a preference for men but is generally attracted to any gender. When he transfers into class A the first two weeks are like a constant crisis bc he's like. Getting attention from all these attractive and talented people??? And they like him for who he is??? Paralyzing.

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radicalrefrigerator · 12 days

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Happy International Asexuality Day to all aces in the world! Unfortunately, I'm late, I woke up this morning and realized I'd missed it- which is sad, because the day means a lot to me. I've been thinking a lot today, though, and had some things I wanted to say.

Don’t let anyone ever tell you, “You’re too young to know.” You’re not. I’ve known for years I was aroace, before I had the terms to explain it, before I’d come to terms with it. I first learned what asexuality was from a friend on discord. They explained the meaning of the labels, and that it could be me. For a whole other year, I still didn’t accept it. I continued to believe there was something wrong with me, I was still young, I hadn’t found the right person, etc. Yet, the whole time, I knew it at the back of my mind.

Now, it’s been 2 years since I spiralled in my thoughts so much I stayed awake the entire night, and by the time it was morning, I’d accepted I was aroace. A lot of people would probably tell me it’s not that deep, but at the time, it was really difficult for me to come to terms with. I’ve never come out to someone who wasn’t accepting- I came out to a few of my friends immediately once I’d realized, all of them queer, and they were nothing but proud of me. It’s been more of an internal journey for me.

It’s been 2 years. When I realized I was aroace, I was 14. I’m still young, but I know myself better now. I’ve matured, and I’m old enough to know for sure now. I’m aroace, and that’s probably not going to change- it’s who I am, and I would know if I wasn’t. So whatever your age is- don't let anyone tell you asexuality isn't a real thing, that you're making it up, or that you're too young to know. I knew when I was 12, listening to my friends talk about their crushes, and just quietly giggling here and there when I felt like it was on cue, but never actually saying anything, because I didn’t know where to fit into the conversation. Even fictional crushes were absolutely foreign to me. I knew when I discovered the song “Mad at Disney” and would sing “What the hell is love supposed to feel like?” over and over. I still don’t. And that’s okay.

I can’t relate to every aromantic or asexual experience I’ve read on the internet or heard from friends. A lot of my inner struggle comes from the fact that most of my life, I’ve wanted love. I never actively searched for it, but in my head, I romanticized it. The idea of dates, holding hands, kissing and sex all sounded really great to me on paper and in books and TV shows and fanfiction but when the idea actually started being presented to me I found myself dodging it subconsciously. I still feel like this a lot today- but aromanticism and asexuality alike are spectrums. Desiring romantic or sexual connection, or having certain levels of attraction for people, doesn’t erase who you are <3

#this doesn't feel like nearly enough said #but it's one tumblr post and I don't have a lot of time so here #today ive been deep and thought #and felt like saying something to the void (or any fellow aces out there)#international asexuality day #asexual #ace #aromantic #aromantic asexual #yippee!!

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likebreadandwine · 8 months

Note

Bearing in mind that you're ace, I've noticed that there are certain scenarios which seem to get you a little worked up, or at least flustered in what I would consider a typically sexual way

Some examples of this range from you "daydreaming about the moaning and groaning 🥵" (emphasis on the emoji) to sometimes encouraging anons who "get off" from feedism to describing various things as "hot" (as well as reblogging posts that say "X thing is hot as fuck") and so on

I know you've spoken about this stuff in the past (I even sent some of those asks), but I guess for the sake of curiosity and understanding, do you personally consider these particular feelings arousing in the typical sense? Do they manifest in such a way that they feel like a physical desire that needs to be tended to or is it more like a strong emotion that's disconnected from physical stimulation/intimacy?

Apologies if any of this is too personal to answer (feel free to click the Pass button if need be, lol), I'm honestly just curious to learn more as someone who has always had typical sexual urges

this is a great question.

I absolutely do get all worked up and flustered by things. does it manifest like a physical desire that needs to be tended to? um...kinda? but I don't really...tend to it?

here's a true thing about me: I love flirting. I think it is so fun. but I don't want the flirting to go anywhere. as soon as it looks like it's gonna go somewhere, it ceases to be fun. I have a million crushes! I love the butterflies-in-your-tummy feeling of a crush. but I can only think of one person in my adult life, irl, who I've ever met and thought, "yes, I really want them to touch me. I really want them to kiss me." (and honestly, that situation ended really badly because I was 20 and I had never had feelings like that before and I had no idea how to handle them.)

when I'm here on tumblr, I'm flirting. I'm using the language available to me, language which I know resonates for other people. in some ways, I perform sexual desire. it's like playing a character on stage—I may share some traits with this character, and find them fun to inhabit, and enjoy the audience's reaction...but it's different than just being myself. I like knowing people get off to my posts, but I usually won't reblog a post or answer an ask that's sexually explicit.

I love the sensuality of feedism, I desire physical intimacy, but I don't desire sex. I get turned on, but I don't feel sexually attracted to people. it's like...it feels pleasant to lie in the sun. it feels thrilling to ride a roller coaster. it feels comforting to wrap yourself up in a blanket on a cold day. I like the way arousal feels in my body without needing to do anything with it. I like writing encouragement and fantasies and inspiring strong feelings in other people, without necessarily wanting those people to desire me.

this was a thoughtful question and I'm glad you asked it. I hope my answer makes some kind of sense 😅

#i dunno man i just live here 😅#my sexuality is confusing to me so mostly i don't talk about it #but I'm happy to answer any questions #asks and answers #anonymous

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sflow-er · 1 year

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In honour of International Asexuality Day, I present to you...

Some ace Henry “proof”

aka. shaky screenshots with even shakier interpretations! 🖤🩶🤍💜

Don’t take this too seriously, I’m sure it won’t be confirmed in the show and I know most people regard him as an allo! It’s just a personal headcanon that delights and comforts me.

So as you may know, I’ve been on the ace Henry train since S1. Back when many people saw sexual attraction between him and Stella in the exam scene, I just...couldn’t. I’m not blind to SA by any means and I seldom hc characters as ace, but I just got a vibe from him.

Like, is this really supposed to be SA?

Because to me, these just read as “I see what you’re doing and I applaud your hustle” and "okay that’s me told” when Stella flips him off / hints that he’s creeping on her. (Again, I don’t mind if you see them differently!)

So what if we just accept that as a headcanon and run with it? What else could we interpret as “proof” of Henry possibly being on the ace spectrum? More screenshots etc. under the cut.

Well, we can also read further into his lack of interest in the sex part of the video scandal. Here he is, talking about how Wille and Simon got together and being an oblivious sweetheart to Wille, while everyone else is eagerly talking about them having sex and being filmed at it:

Moving on to S2 - where it’s very easy to cast asexuality as the reason he acts the way he does when something related to sex comes up. Aces being awkward about sex is a tired stereotype, but as it’s not our only “proof” in Henry’s case, I don’t see any harm in letting it count in our favour.

He already sounds and looks a bit awkward referring to the video in S2EP1 (obviously it’s because Wille is there, but we can easily hc it as both), but it’s his part in the whole Wille and Felice saga that truly makes him uncomfortable.

He looked like this interrupting Wilmon in the locker room even though they weren’t doing anything...

...but that was nothing compared to his awkwardness when he barged in on Wille and Felice making out. It’s hard to get a screenshot of his best expressions, but he almost looks like he totally forgot that sex was even a thing and he’s got absolutely no idea what to do or say now.

(Also, isn’t that a nice explanation for him being rattled enough to whine to his bestie Walter about this moment, even though he should definitely know that Walter is a massive gossip?)

The next morning, he is the very opposite of excited when Vincent puts him on the spot. Again, it’s because Wille is there, but we can easily hc it as him also thinking ‘ugh I forgot that everyone thinks hookups are the most interesting thing in the world and now they obviously want me to tell the story again’:

And then there’s his next scene.

S2 seems to confirm that Henry isn’t aromantic, as he is writing a sonnet to someone. After having already hc’d him as a romantic ace, I was incredibly nervous to see his reaction to Vincent’s hilariously serious advice to send a photo instead of a letter - which by the way makes me wonder which method Vincent used on his own date - but then I got this gem:

He looks so done, haha. With Vincent or the allos? Why not both!

(Also, the sonnet thing doesn’t rule out him being somewhere on the aro spectrum. Demiromantic, perhaps? The book report scene where he just doesn’t get how anyone could be in love with a person they haven’t even talked to could certainly be interpreted to support that.)

So are you convinced yet?

What’s that? You’re pretty sure it was Henry kissing the girl in the corridor in S1? Well, even if it was him, we could chalk that up to experimentation (or sex favourability), and I genuinely don’t think it was. The boy’s hair is way too long at the back and also looks a bit different at the front compared to Henry’s hair in S1, and there are several other boys with similar haircuts. There’s no reason we can’t interpret it as being one of them. (I had included a screenshot of this too but tumblr didn’t like it for some reason.)

So, keep on headcanoning! Whether it’s Henry who gives you a vibe or some other character.

Happy International Asexuality Day!

#young royals #henry young royals #henry yr #asexuality #aspec henry #ace henry #international asexuality day #ace headcanons #🖤🩶🤍💜#to reiterate: this is just a hc!#so if you disagree - just live and let live #(okay so apparently tumblr thinks this post has 'mature content' somehow)#(i've added a community label but it's literally a post about hc'ing henry as asexual)#(i have no idea what this supposed 'mature content' is)

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