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#and I am so so bad at communication irl so I really don’t know how I’m going to cope
wispscribbles · 5 months
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Mw3 spoilers (just a long personal ramble)
Hiii. So
As soon as the pre-release came out on, I hunted down spoilers, because I know myself and knew that if someone died and I got that information out of the blue, I wouldn’t take it well. Jokes on me, because I still haven’t been taking it well lol
I won’t talk about how Soap’s death was handled or the quality of the game. Plenty of smarter people are doing so.
I try not to talk a lot about myself and irl stuff on here, but will just say: I am very unwell, mentally. (Cue silence because that’s not surprising at all) Something I am very aware that I do, is that I latch onto fiction with my whole being, usually one specific character. For some reason, I always latch onto the character that ends up dead, usually in a way that make them only exist to further the motivations of other characters. It sucks.
So my hope for Soap has never been great, but for some reason I was still so shocked?? I don’t know, I tricked myself into thinking this time was different. Such an iconic character with so much good setup for great character development. I knew someone would die, but ow. To me, he was the element that made 141 seem more like family than coworkers. Soap’s interactions with the rest just livened up the games so much and made them all shine. Especially Ghost. Their dynamic, man.
Soap was the character that intrigued me enough to jump into the cod rabbit hole. It feels very hollow without him.
I keep telling myself that it’s silly to be so hurt over something fictional, and that I can just treat it as a mcd fanfic and move on, but nope. Brain’s stuck in the bad stuff. It’s a bad habit of mine to let something like this affect me so much, but well. Logic vs feeling and all that.
I really did find so much comfort in Soap this last year, that I severely needed. It feels a little like losing someone I know, someone who helped me through a rough time. I related to something in him and felt inspired. I only started writing after getting into ghostsoap, I started working out and I got back into art after a very long burnout. It may be fiction, but the impact is not.
So that was pretty much the worst case scenario of what mw3 could be to me. I always knew the risk, but, once again, ow. But there also seems to be plenty of good stuff in the game that I enjoy. I’m happy with the Ghost and Soap dialogue, the whole team working together and seeing Laswell and Farah and Alex and Nik. I hope I can be inspired by some of the new content once I’m calmer.
And I was worried they would ignore Ghost and Soap’s relationship after their development in mw2, but they genuinely seem to have gotten real close. It’s nice. I thought the shipping might scare the game devs into never having them appear in a scene together again, so that’s a plus.
Bottom line to all this is: I probably need a little break to get my head sorted. The grief is surprisingly real, it’s triggered some old stuff for me (haven’t been sleeping or eating, been stuck in some old thoughts). I’ll need to calm down and become a bit more normal about this again. Part of the grief isn’t so much about Soap himself, but also just the safe space that this account has been. The very nature of how the fandom is going to interact with Soap and Ghostsoap is going to change now, and man… I liked how it was, y’know? Could’ve used a little longer in that bubble. There’s going to be plenty of new fics and art, lovely stuff as always, but many of them will be tinged with grief, and I’m not in a place where that won’t break me a little.
I will hopefully come back to posting and making stuff once my brain settles down. I have so many drafts for fics and ideas that I hope I can return to. I’ve gotten so used to drawing these lads that I doubt I can stop tbh
The version of Soap that we love is already evolved from the games due to all the time and care the community has put into the character. The games may have killed him, but luckily, he’s fictional. We can do what we want, same as before.
I’m not even saying that I wish they hadn’t killed him. The games are crafting a story that fits their audience. It makes sense.
But I will choose to live in one of the many universes we’ve created for Soap, where he is alive and cared for, with a found family and a spooky lieutenant with a soft spot for him. Good for him.
Hope you’re all taking care of yourselves. RIP canon Soap (again). Thanks to Neil for a wonderful portrayal. And no matter where we go from here, thanks for a wonderful year of creating with you lovely folks. Seriously, some of the kindest people I’ve met in fandom. <3
Lastly: fuck you Kevin O’Reilly, but more importantly, sincerely thank you. (CallMeKevin video about mw2 got me into this mess. Otherwise I was keeping cod at an arm’s length, but he’s my fav youtuber, so I watched it. And here we are!)
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pillarsalt · 1 month
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hi Im the same ex transmasc anon who sent you that aask about rhe tumblr ban thing, I did a lot of reading without forcing myself away this time. (I used to look at radblr sometimes bc I got curious, but when it started making too much sense i would make myself stop reading and tell myself I was being manipulated and try to forget about it..looking back that probably wasnt normal haha,)
I have mixed feelings tho. I don’t regret looking closer, the amount of sexism in the trans community was horrible. I think even radfems don’t understand how bad it was because it was all subtle styff. But seeing it constantly irl and online was terrible for me as a female. It gave me so much internalized misogyny, it made me hate myself and I felt worthless and stupid! and whiny! and annoying! all the time!! unless I was able to be perceived as a man. I felt like I had to be a man to have any respect in the community. I remember being so amazed to see abortion be covered by trans people I followed in even a reblog because it was the first time I saw people in the community talk about female issues at all. Even then it was covered with disclaimers and terfs DNI banners. male,opinions were always prioritized.
I thought this was dysphoria and a sign I was really a man. then I started reading radfem things and its like that feeling instantly lifted. I felt respected, listened to, even though I wasn’t speaking. It was also like all this stuff I’d internalized from being female, all the trauma around sex based oppression, was actually being addressed. in trans circles you get called a terf for acknowledging females face any kind of oppression (they acknowledge sex when it’s to talk about how hard male loneliness is on young trans women, and how the incel to trans woman pipeline happens, though…)
but the reason I have mixed feelings is bc I now feel….dumb? And afraid. And angry. I spend well over a decade being part of this community, half my friends are in the community, I’ve been trans since I was 9. My typings not the best… dyslexia sucks lol. But I like to think I’m smart. Now I don’t know,
And it makes me think totally different of these people I saw as progressive cis male allies, who were so loud about trans rights and hating JKR and terfs. Now they just feel like the same flavor of anti-feminist man I hate.
And the community is so huge and it’s so widely accepted and I don’t know how to deal!
But I am happy to be a woman now. In a healthy way I haven’t been for a long time. thats all that matters.
I'm sorry for everything you were put through. Many girls and women have been sucked into this thinking it will provide a solution for their distress at the social ramifications of the body they're born in, only for more people, namely men, to take advantage of their distress and gain power over them. As you mentioned, even "cis" men get in on the action when they justify intimidating and threatening women with violence in response to perceived transphobia. It's a terrible situation to be in. Made worse when you can't openly talk about with people you're close to for fear of alienating them.
I think you should give yourself more credit. You ARE smart. You questioned what you were told was never allowed to be questioned and realized you were being misled. And what you said about trying to make yourself forget the realizations you've had, that is normal. It's a difficult and scary thing to hold opinions that conflict with those of the majority of your peers. I think it's like the climax of cognitive dissonance -- when what you know is true clashes so hard against what you want to believe, you find it impossible to justify anymore, so you just resort to pretending you never learned the information in the first place. Been there.
I'm just being a stereotype now, but there's a classic Dworkin quote for this:
"Many women, I think, resist feminism because it is an agony to be fully conscious of the brutal misogyny which permeates culture, society, and all personal relationships."
Anyway my point is, don't beat yourself up. I'm really happy to read that you're accepting your womanhood, it's a hard journey but it's worth it to have a good relationship with yourself. And in my experience (at the sage and wisened age of 25) that it gets easier as you get older. You work through mistakes, and that prepares you to handle the next mistake better. You're right, your health and happiness is all that matters, keep striving for that and it will steer you right.
I wanted to give you some reading recommendations, you mentioned you have dyslexia but I believe these two are available in audiobook form if that's up your alley:
Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference by Cordelia Fine
Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez
There are tons more great books on feminism but these two are my go-tos for hard facts on gender, socialization, and the systematic discrimination against women worldwide through biases that are built into society.
Well uh; TLDR thanks for gracing my inbox, anon :) Hope you keep well.
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hero-israel · 5 months
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I used to be anti Israel and anti Zionism back when I was in leftist-only spaces and only consumed pro Palestine media and narratives. I have taken a very long break from instagram (my main social media outlet) and it was really great for me, and helped me see past my views and change my perspective on things and politics. I’m not anti Israel anymore, nor am I anti zionist. In fact I’m so ashamed that I use to blindly believe the narrative against Israel and Jewish people. I realize now so many “anti Zionists” are just anti Jewish hiding behind a mask. I’m ashamed I never said anything even when I felt uncomfortable in their narratives. Recently logged back to insta and it’s so bad. I don’t really know where I’m going with this, I feel bad I’m such a coward but I support Israel and Jewish ppl, and I’m glad accounts like yours exist that tell the truth, even when it’s exhausting.
I know others like me are out there, who are just too afraid to speak out. The pro Palestine/anti Israel movement is very reactionary and cult like. Speaking out even against lies will get you labeled a imperialist settler-colonialism supporter.
I remember getting hate even back in 2021 when I was anti Israel for saying I didn’t see anything wrong with China trading with Israel.
Sorry for ranting, I’m sending so much love and support 🫶🏾
You are not a coward. It takes a lot for people to reconsider their views and to spot the signs of toxic behavior / demands from their "allies." You should be proud of yourself for taking that step.
I have had many anons tell me they have to keep their Judaism / don't-kill-Jews beliefs secret on their main blogs or else they'll be ostracized from their online communities and fandoms, their IRL friend groups. It's not just you. Eventually there will be important literature and art depicting those pressures and demands for silence. It will look like how depictions of the Red Scare look now.
Thank you for any voice of encouragement you can give.
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swiftispunk · 4 months
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Am I strange for wanting to get off tumblr and discord and everything cause I can’t take more of Pedro? Like don’t get me wrong, I love Pedro with my whole heart and I’ll always will but I’m seriously hyper fixating on him in an unhealthy way exactly like I did with one of my last celebrity crush. So bad that if I ever was to find out that he has a girlfriend/baby/ or anything I feel like my world would literally end even if I know deep down that I’d never have a chance with him. Also him receiving all this attention makes me sort of sad (?) cause I’d really like to become an actress and be in the same world and life that he is in, I don’t even know how to explain it, I just feel like I really should take a break from everything even from him. Maladaptive daydreaming is real and a fucking bitch its even ruining my real life and my uni grades
hey nonnie,
i don't think there is anything strange about recognizing when fandom is no longer bringing you joy, and knowing when it's time to log off.
i have...been where you've been. when i was about uni age, between the ages of 18-20, i was very deeply entrenched in the one direction fandom. i was also going through a difficult time personally, specifically in my second year of university. with so little good in my real life, fandom became one of my only sources of joy. the boys became everything to me - i mean, i originally sought out a career in communications before transitioning to journalism with the sole intention of being a social media coordinator FOR ONE DIRECTION.
i can recognize now how attached i had become to the boys themselves, their lives, how i imagined they were feeling at any given moment...just as one example, my roommate in second year recalls the moment zayn announced he was leaving one direction as one where she thought someone in my life had DIED - that's how intense and emotional my reaction was and how strongly connected i felt to them.
i don't know if it was a conscious choice or purely circumstantial, but it wasn't long after that i stopped using tumblr altogether. i moved to the UK, focused more on real life experiences, and even when i came home, i remained more or less Out of Fandom. i had interests! certainly a hyper-fixation or two. but i was also simultaneously falling in love, graduating from university, working, living etc. and all that held my attention more than any celebrity ever could.
having that space was really beneficial for me, in hindsight, because it gave me perspective, and reminded me that when i am not actively thinking about these celebrities 24/7, they don't have to be real to me. it can feel like a burden lifted, tbh.
i didn't return to fandom until this year, drawn back to tumblr as a way to express my interests, because i was finding less and less opportunities to do so irl and on twitter, which was and continues to be a depressing, maddening cesspool. i think i'm finding it easier this time around to separate myself from pedro the person - as much as i love him - by hyper-fixating more on his characters, if that makes sense.
all this to say, that i understand where you're coming from and encourage you to step away if you need to. it's just not worth it to stick around if you're finding it's affecting your life negatively. i did, and i feel better for it now.
i love you, and i want you to take care of yourself, whatever that looks like. <3
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gravedigginbbydoll · 3 months
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FELIZ AÑO NUEVO MIS AMORES
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This year has been insane for me. I started writing on this app, met some amazing people, formed amazing friendships, got accepted to grad school, got married, and much more.
I’ve struggled a LOT this year with family and irl friendships and depression, along with imposter syndrome and anxiety over what the rest of my life will look like…
But through it, I found this website and so many stories, I got back into my passion for writing… hell working on fanfiction and some of y’all’s own writing inspired me to start an original romance novel ! (It’s very shoddy but I still love it)
I’m so grateful for so many of you but I have to call out of a few of you…bc Jesus Christ id lose my head without y’all.
@eddies-house for always talking to me, understanding me SO DEEPLY, and rambling with me over headcanons. You’re one of the most beautiful, sweetest, big hearted, and creative people I know. Also your imagination and headcanons never fail to get me feeling so emotionalllll. You deserve the world and I hope this new year brings you that and more.
@xxhellfirebunnyxx for always talking to me and listening, fangirling with me, and embracing the cringe. You’re so gorgeous and hilarious, and your smut writing is beyond words. You’re an insanely awesome person and mom (literally how do you do it?!?).You consistently have me dying of laughter as well as giggling and kicking my feet at your smut. The new year better treat you right or I’m kicking its ass.
@cryingglightningg we mostly just recently started talking but I really love our conversations and your wit and outlook on things. I always find our conversations interesting and you’re such a supportive person. I really hope we continue to talk and everything, and I hope the new year is kind to you.
@ghost-proofbaby wellllll I’ll be honest… I was a huge fan of you before we spoke, I obsessed over 24 hours and then The Shire is Burning. You inspired me to actually start writing on here ! And you’ve been nothing but kind AND hilarious every time we speak. I can’t thank you enough for helping me re realize my love for writing. <3 may you have the most wonderful new year.
Some honorable mentions (we may not talk often or at all but I wish you all the best and you’re all literally so amazing and talented): @hellfire--cult @munsonology @reidsbtch @spookykoolkat @eddiesxangel @chrrymunson @bettyfrommars @babygorewhore @lokis-army-77 @trashmouth-richie @blueywrites @storiesbyrhi
And many more (if I haven’t included you, please know this also goes out to every mutual, every person who reads my writing, and everyone who follows me and anyone who may stumble upon this post, I just am super bad at names and I don’t want to drag this on too long): have an amazing new year and an incredible night! You’re all so wonderful and sweet and I can’t imagine life without this fandom and community!
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milksockets · 11 months
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i recently had a very heartwarming exchange… about a typo.
to start at the beginning, at some point during my first couple of weeks at this job, i stopped by my supervisor’s office to mention that i’m very good at spotting typos if that’s something that would ever come in handy. i was referring both to the blizzard of daily emails as well as the information system program we use for documentation. he laughed and said he appreciated it, but also that a lot of people - including himself - are writing emails and whatnot all day and don’t necessarily have the time or ability to catch such errors. i remember thinking “yeah, that’s something i hadn’t really considered” and went on my merry way. note: his office door was open during the exchange because the discussion was not super private or confidential so why the fuck wouldn’t it be.
so the next day, i am summoned into his office, with the door closed this time. turns out some lurking busybody cunt with nothing better to do was hovering around and overheard the conversation, and decided to report it to both him and the supervisor above him that it was inappropriate and “who is this nurse who just started here talking about typos.”
i was flabbergasted at the time, but since then, it’s become apparent just how many things of that nature happen in offices (or mine at least; i’ve never worked in one before). when it comes specifically to pointing out a panoply of constant typos, i am not doing so in a manner that translates to “you’re a fucking idiot and i want to make you feel bad about it.” i guess i foolishly thought people might be open to hearing about ways they could improve their writing to avoid miscommunication.
there have been other instances of this ilk, namely that this woman moved into the office with a door next to me (the rest is an open plan type deal) and never has her door closed, whether she’s screaming into her phone, having an irl meeting, or blasting a podcast. like go figure, that’s sort of distracting and wearing headphones is not a solution because then i can’t hear if someone is trying to get my attention (or sneaking up behind me while i’m online shopping). it soon became very apparent that simply asking this lady to close her fucking door because other people do work here - but in nicer words - had the potential to cause a dramatic upheaval in office politics. i also had said that i would hope anyone in the office with a similar issue with me or my team would feel comfortable simply bringing it up for resolution.
it’s insane to me that these instances of direct communication about practical matters affecting other people are almost taboo and that i’ve been considered “inappropriate” on several occasions for relaying such remarks. also don’t say you value feedback if you actually don’t. let’s not play pretend here.
anyway, yesterday i passed a piece of street art that said “fight facism” and the artist tagged their IG handle so i just messaged them to say i thought they might like to know it’s misspelled. they were so fucking grateful, and said they’re glad someone pointed it out so nicely so they can fix it for the next batch. truly the antidote to the fragile, wretched office bullshit and evidence that i am doing god’s work.
so the moral of this story is that i need to find a way to get paid for finding typos. i mean, i spot them in just about every published book i read, too. and, friends, there is a solution: me.
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(i don’t know if OP is autistic or not, but) i really wish people stop generalizing level 1 autistic experiences & research on level 1 autistics to all autistic people…
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[id: an instagram screenshot with the OP’s irl blurred out. the post image reads “research shows that autistic students do NOT need “social skills” training.” the caption reads: “This week I'm going to be diving into social skills therapy and how we can ensure it's neurodiversity affirming. / But let's start with this very important idea : the Double Empathy Problem! / Here's an explanation for why I do things a bit differently than I was first taught” end ID]
i am angry. this is vile. that probably sound like exaggeration overreaction but i see this countless times and i am let down again and again erased spoken over treated as if don’t exist shouldn’t exist treated as if monster. —not saying this creator is vile or a bad person, but saying this trend is absolutely vile.
(some) level 1 autistics may not need “social skill training,” (some) level 1 autistic’s social troubles may be explained entirely by double empathy problem.
but what about me? what about us? what about those with level 2/3 in DSM criteria A “Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction”?
i’m so upset i don’t have tangible thoughts
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xenonsdoodles · 2 months
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Dimimi!
DIMIMI!
(first of all I have to note that this was sent approximately one second after I reblogged the post. incredible. thanks so much)
    First impression:
I was obliquely aware of throuses long before I actually played it, so on my first actual playthrough it was something like “oh right it’s this guy. people are weird about this guy. surely I won’t be weird about this guy.”
    Impression now:
I cannot overstate how weird I am about this guy.
    Favorite moment:
So the thing is that if I try to pick anything that’s a major part of the plot I am just going to end up picking like. half the scenes in the entire route. Instead of doing that I’m going to say I liked the support where he tricked Ashe into telling him which sweets to buy him. That was cute.
Honorable mention: in my VW run when he killed my (comically over-leveled) Byleth in one hit and I had to go back in time and do some Actual Strategical Thinking to keep him from doing it again. I was yelling in real life.
    Idea for a story:
I have simultaneously a lot and not enough :)
One of them is a potentially multi-chapter mess in which he and Felix gradually repair their friendship using Byleth as a go-between, which might end up being good. Or I might never get it to a point where I like it enough to post. idk. explodes in a silly way
    Unpopular opinion:
I love curating my fandom experience so that I barely ever see bad takes about him and I don’t have to engage if I do :)
Uhhhh unpopular opinion: I love him so much (it’s unpopular because my irl friends keep bullying me for it) (I use the word “bullying” lightheartedly here ofc, we all love mimi in this house)
    Favorite relationship:
I mean do I really need to. do I really need to say what it is. I think we are all well aware of my favorite relationship for Dimitri, by this point,
��ok honestly though I am actually pretty picky about what variety of dimileth I actually like. The deeply weird version of their dynamic that exists in my head Compels Me and I am doing my absolute best to communicate through my art and fic what the hell that actually means. So far I don’t know if I’ve been successful but I sure am going to keep trying.
ALSO. I am not exclusively a dimileth enjoyer, and I LOVE so many of his relationships that aren’t necessarily romantic. Dimitri’s arc is about, among other things, learning to recognize that people love him and that it’s okay to lean on them if he needs to, and god do his friends really love him so fucking much. I got his paired ending with Dedue in my og run, and they are. So important to me. I can see them as platonic or romantic and it doesn’t matter because either way they love each other and they save each other’s lives all over again every single day and I am Definitely Not Crying About It.
    Favorite headcanon:
I have a lot of small and mostly unspoken headcanons in mind when I write and draw him, but it’s hard to articulate any one of them on its own. I’m gonna serve my own All Of You Are Weird Aspecs character agenda and say I think he’s grey-aro, grey-ace, bi, and Not Normal About It and no I’m not projecting in any way who said that
obligatory Him
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boyworstie · 2 years
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So…………………. is Misha straight or not? That tweet just left me even more confused.
honestly, i dont know. even now that ive slept on it and am looking at the whole situation without a “wtf just happened” filter, it’s still absolutely mind-boggling. ive seen a lot of people accusing misha of irl queerbaiting and using his ambiguousness to misrepresent himself as “one of us”, and i’ve seen people saying that he backtracked to protect his family. and while i want to reiterate what i said yesterday that any queer fans who are upset with misha are completely valid and have every right to be upset, i do see where both sides are coming from.
like, say what you want about misha but out of the main cast he has been the most normal about lgbtqa+ fans and how they view the show. he’s never belittled us, he’s never invalidated us. he’s proven himself to be supportive of the queer community both in and out of the fandom space. BUT. for someone who is so involved in socio-political/socio-cultural issues, who has (imo) proven that he does reach out and educate himself on things he may not be knowledgeable about, who has been SO CAREFUL not to make many concrete statements about cas’ sexuality bc he doesn’t want to invalidate fan interpretations of the character, misha should know better than to make a joke like that. esp since there’s already such a stigma around bisexuality and people “lying” about being bi. if it really was just a bad joke like he says it was in his twitter thread, then he should fucking know better and that’s disappointing. he was in the wrong, and it’s his own fault and he should - and did - apologize. whether queer fans accept that apology is entirely up to them.
on the other hand, so much of what we know about misha does point to him not being straight and considering that the show is now over and he’s starting to branch out past the little spn bubble he’s been in for over a decade, i don’t think it’s unreasonable to think that he might be backtracking to protect his privacy. misha’s always been a “fuck around and find out” kinda guy, and when he was on a show where tongue-and-cheek allusions to queerness was practically integral to the fandom experience, he might have felt more comfortable discussing his sexuality/lifestyle with the understanding that only a certain group of majority-queer people would talk about it. but with the show ending the way it did, and the controversy of cas’ “coming out” and subsequent death, plus misha going on to release a book and a pbs show and now a new cw pilot, he’s opened himself up to a wider audience. i don’t think it’s any coincidence that his tweet thread came out after the gay times/people magazine/just jared picked up the story - with articles that mentioned his children and exwife by name. coming out, no matter who you are, is scary and to see it blow up like that could be overwhelming. like i said, he mightve assumed this offhand comment would stay within the spn fandom sphere of influence, and when it didn’t he had to take into consideration how this affected the people in his life. (absolutely do not agree with people who say he backtracked to protect jensen tho, like. get a grip.) (also i’ve seen people saying that he shouldve retracted his statement earlier instead of waiting, which. true. but i do think for all that misha puts his foot in his mouth, when he does fuck up and want to apologize, he takes his time to make sure he apologizes correctly. he also might have been waiting to see if the whole thing died down, idk. i personally dont fault him for not clarifying sooner.)
idk. it’s messy, even by misha’s standards. my heart goes out to all the queer fans who were genuinely upset by this whole situation - as a bisexual myself, i’m not gonna pretend like someone i admire rescinding his coming out like this doesn’t hurt. and whether or not he’s straight or bi, i also feel bad for misha bc i do think he means well, whatever his reasons were. so to answer your question, i truly dont know. at this point, if he says he’s straight then i’ll believe him. if he decides to come out (again) later down the road, i’ll believe him then too.
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absolutebl · 2 years
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10 BL Scenes I Wish We Had Translator Notes On
Inspired by a discussion in this post. Here are some BL scenes I really wish we had extensive notes from translators to read. Or that a language coach or linguistics professor would analyze. 
(Note: I don’t always have a picture of the scene in question.) 
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1. Daisy & Touch’s Date in Secret Crush On You 
I did this one myself but I am nothing but a dilettante, I’d love someone more experienced with Thai nuance and the queer community do a full on analysis of the language use. 
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2. Phun coming out to his dad in Love Sick 2
I haven’t rewatched in a while and I would probubly understand more now, but at the time this scene was SO confusing. The translated pronouns are all over the place and I wasn’t at all sure whether he even was actually coming out or not. 
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3. Thun talking to his mom on the phone in He’s Coming to Me 
There a whole subtle thing that goes on when Mes overhears Thun on the phone, to do with “ter.” I think I got it, but also, I think I missed a bit of the nuances that’s insightful to their mother/son relationship. 
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4. The ex-girlfriend, the boys, and the balcony in Precise Shot
A VERY odd choice as this is a Chinese censored bromance but I am pretty darn sure there is a whole subtextual dig at Taiwan and Taiwanese spoken Mandarin in this scene that went WAY over my head. I think it’s so rich for China to take a dig at Taiwan in an CENSORED BL. I want to know more about what’s going on.
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5. The gendered(?) register code switch in the office kitchen in Old Fashion Cupcake 
Honestly the translations are just really really bad for this one (on Viki for Japanese in general) and I am super grateful I have at least some ear for Japanese because I can tell when they mess up (which they keep doing). It’s a marker of how good this show is that I adored it despite this. Still, I would like the nuance of this scene explained a bit more. I get that he switched into a feminine register but how exactly? To what degree? What are the additional implications of this? How rare is that for a man of his age? How mocking was it? Or does mockery not come into it? Is there a queer of gay coded implication to this behavior? I HAVE QUESTIONS.
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6. Nuch’s speech in Not Me
We don’t get speeches in BL very often, especially not subversive ones from a queer person addressing a crowd. The language is by necessity completely different under these circumstances and I really really like to know how and why certain choices were made. 
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7. Paitong’s speech of protection in La Cuisine  
I love the way this one is translated but I am not entirely sure that translation was accurate. The supportive way Pai talks about his sisters (including Kitty in that) made me so happy, I want to believe it is honestly translated but I am not 100% certain that the queer implications of that translation were thought through (in English). 
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8. The frozen register usage from Prince’s mom in Sky in Your Heart. 
I did not like this BL but the language use going on when Sky visits Prince’s house mansion is CRAZY cool. There is a dialectic switch but also a register switch and I am pretty sure they are speaking in frozen (which no one really does IRL unless they are/are with royalty). I’ve never heard anyone speak Thai the way she does. 
* Note: Anytime you see Thai script subbed it means the characters are probubly speaking in a heavy dialect. So there are a few shows set in the north, like Siew Sum Noi that I would have liked a lot more linguistic info on, but the fact that I managed to find them translated at all, is kinda a miracle. 
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9. Yaja time in Semantic Error
I think I fully understand the concept and I got the implications of the drunk conversation before the kiss. But I’d like to know, in that particular version of yaja time, if there’s anything else more subtly queer going in with these two. I mean we all known and could hear that JaeYoung executes the sluttiest “hyung” on the goddamn planet but is there something else happening linguistically? 
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Often with KBL the culture around queer is so coded and so subtle I feel like I am missing a lot of the linguistic hints. Or maybe it just really is that repressed.
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10. Mr Cinderella and the pronoun negotiations
I can’t pick a specific scene off the top of my head, although I am sure there is one. I understand from @squeakygeeky​ that Vietnamese I/you pronouns are pretty gender and power dynamic coded. This makes Mr Cinderella (the least Seme/uke of all VBLs) one of the most challenging on the actors and translations. I’d love it if they, and me, were given more information about this. Not just translation, but script choice, why those pronouns at that point in the narrative? Why the switch? Why NO switching? That kinda thing. 
(source)
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aroaceconfessions · 1 year
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I know that other aro or acespec people are queer, because of how I mentally define the term and it’s relationship to the heterosexual alloromantic norm.
However, I can’t stop obsessing over the fact that I “don’t count” because as an aroace person I am non-participatory in romantic or sexual relationships, and THAT is what Being Queer Is About. I have no irl queer friends, I feel just as excluded from queer community as I do from straight community.
This really hurts, and I feel really alone. And then when I feel bad I get mad at myself for “choosing” not to date, because that means that this is really all my fault after all.
I feel so broken and alone, all of the time. I wish people knew I didn’t choose to be like this, but bringing it up is too embarrassing to contemplate.
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imnotoverlyobsessive · 6 months
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Alright anon, I blocked you because, as I’ve said, that’s what I do with anon hate, so. But I’ll respond anyway.
Okay so first of all, and read this very carefully: this is my blog and I can do whatever I want on it. Just to reiterate in case you didn’t understand, this is my blog and I can do whatever the fuck I want on it.
Bullies attack people directly. Am I voicing my opinions to her? No. My opinions shouldn’t have any effect on her. That’s how I like it. If I saw her irl, I honestly would not bother her. Not because I don’t like her, but because I have a policy of not being a dick to people (I keep my opinions within my “stupid little community” as you call it) unless they’re a dick to me first. Even then, I’d probably just walk away from her, honestly.
I don’t think me voicing my opinions about a billionaire on my private tumblr blog with less than a thousand followers is me being rude. She won’t ever see it. Me messaging her or saying it to her face, that would be rude. And I have no doubt people have done that to both her and Timothée. And unless those people know either of them personally, I do not support those people choosing to do that.
Oh, I accept her for what she is. Sometimes, what someone is, is a bad person. Sorry 🤷‍♀️
Sure, it matters that she’s confident and happy. But she is aware that she promotes harmful beauty standards to people like her own daughter. She is aware that she is a public figure. And not only did she get that stuff done anyway, she wasn’t open about it. She lied about it. I wouldn’t mind half as much if she hadn’t lied about it. Someone getting surgery to feel better about themselves, that’s absolutely fine with me and I won’t mock them for it if they’re being honest and not hurting anyone. But she is hurting people. Her behavior has given people eating disorders. Does she care? No. If she did, she’d change her behavior. So yeah, I’m gonna say how I feel on my own blog. If you dislike that, the door’s right there.
Sure, he can date whoever he wants. Absolutely. And guess what? I can say whatever I want on my own blog. I’m not breaking any laws, I’m not contacting either of them with this or saying it where they can see it. What I think and say here has zero impact on them or their lives, which, again, is the ideal situation in my mind. So… I don’t really care if you think I’m a bully, anon. If I was, I’d be bothering them with my opinions. I’m not. However, you came onto my blog and brought your opinions about me up with me. It would not have affected me if you had voiced your opinions on your own blog without interacting with me. Notice the difference?
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pleasantmsp · 1 year
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So the most recent CR episode had a lot of talk about the gods of Exandria and I have a lot of thoughts on this. This got longer than I expected so I’m putting it under a cut. 
TLDR: I love all the different takes on the deities. As someone who loves the dynamics between characters and deities and the world, I am so excited to see where this leads. My one wish is that we had someone in this campaign that had a connection to their god similar to Pike or Caduceus. I think that perspective is something that we’re missing. 
I will preface this by saying that I am NOT religious AT ALL irl. I actually really don’t like religion for my own personal reasons that I won’t go into. HOWEVER, I LOVE the inclusion of deities in fantasy settings like dnd. I think the relationship between the public and a pantheon that they know is real in some way is so fascinating. 
Obviously gods can be good or bad or neutral or shift between these. Deities can be the creators of all life, they can be empowered by life, they can be manifestations of life. They can be beings so powerful, so technologically advanced, that ‘mortals’ can’t understand them beyond being gods. There are so many possibilities, so many explanations, to how and why gods exist. 
To me, some of the most interesting dynamics to think about and rp are the relationships between characters and their deities. Even building out how npc’s and communities worship and/or show respect to deities in different aspects of their lives is fascinating to me. 
So let’s get into the Critical Role of it all. Now, I am still not caught up on the whole of campaign 3 but have been watching the last few eps. Because of this, I probably don’t have all the information that the characters and people who watched the entire campaign so far have. So, I’ll just focus on tonight’s discussion using what I do know as well as my own worldbuilding and rp experience. 
Watching tonight’s discussion on the gods was interesting. As someone who thinks very negatively about the idea of a higher power/god in real life, it was interesting to see characters in a fantasy setting speak negatively about the gods. I like F.R.I.D.A.’s comparison between the gods and aeormatons. I think it’s incredibly interesting to think about whether the gods would want to rest if they could. I think they and/or Deanna also mentioned that the gods gain power from worship and that they give power to certain acolytes because it helps increase the reach and breadth of worship they receive. I think that’s probably correct. I don’t however think that’s always a bad thing. Something that none of the members here mentioned was the good that gods do for and through their acolytes and champions. 
It’s easy to look at one or the other, good or bad. It’s harder to look at both. And it’s even more difficult to determine whether gods not existing would really improve anything or if things would be a bit different but ultimately the same. I think in a world where deities have been proven to exist, where the average person can pray to the Wildmother or to the Dawnfather for a good farming season. Where a sailor can pray to the Stormlord for safe travel. Where a leader can look to the Lawbearer for guidance. Where a bunch of librarians can take the ideals of Ioun and use that as a force for finding truth and routing out corruption. I think in that world, deities can play many roles beyond giving adventurers fun abilities. Or helping to prevent a death god from roaming free on the material plane. Or stopping Tharizdun from being freed. The gods are evil selfish arrogant betrayers looking for more power. The gods are neutral parties looking to protect nature and life and death. The gods are noble beings looking to protect the world and its people from harm. 
Seeing so many different takes on the gods is so fun. I am not at all saying that Deanna or F.R.I.D.A.’s or even Ludinus’s view on the gods is wrong or that the aspects of those character shouldn’t exist. I think they 100% should exist. Characters that despise the gods are just as fun as characters that worship them same as characters that lie somewhere between. 
I’ve reread this and added to it and edited it and I think I only have one more thing I want to say. I think I’ve found myself missing having someone like Pike or Caduceus in this campaign. Someone with a deep connection and love for their deity to provide a different perspective. FCG, while a cleric that follows a deity, does not follow Avandra in the same way that clerics in past campaigns have. I think because of this, we are lacking a voice in favor of the gods and their acolytes. As someone who really likes that dynamic, it kind of leaves me wanting. Probably one of the few reasons why I didn’t really connect with Bells Hells when the campaign started. 
Anyway that’s it for now I think. If I have anything I want to add, maybe I will! We’ll see. I’m basically just talking into a void so why not? LUL 
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lakehare · 7 months
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I’m sorry but I think the idea of racism, transphobia, and bigotry and such not ‘belonging’ in pagan communities is such horse shit. I know that sounds off, but hear me out - because you may feel that way and hold those values, you may denounce fascists, but like… I know first hand my experience with progressive and leftist pagan and spiritual spaces have been anything but devoid of bigotry and microaggression, if not outright aggression, and I am not the only one. Spiritual and religious spaces in 2023 will claim to be progressive and leftist in one breath and with the same one say you are too sensitive.
They sleep in the middle - they follow political trend. I have rarely met a pagan or spiritual person who truly knows themself or their politics enough to not enact some sort of bigoted violence against me or my kin, whether out of ignorance or malice, and then be unwilling to learn better and insist upon your guilt because you dared point it out - no matter the manner you did it in. Firm or gentle - you are being aggressive. And I know I am not the only one with this experience. So saying “fascism / bigotry has no place” is great and all, but a bit of an empty statement, and I only wish to see MORE come from it. Perhaps a denounciation of the falsity of all of this, of the liberalism, an encouragement of self reflection and how you treat others. It’s why I gave up on a large scale, and fight the big fights quietly - I can change no one who doesn’t want to, and I don’t need to, nor is it my job nor my business. I don’t actually want or need people looking at me for guidance, as some authority figure. I don’t need people looking at me as the new herder for their political slogan to parrot without actually making meaningful change within themselves, the slogan this time being “fascism/bigotry has no space in pagan spaces”.
I don’t need centrist/liberal, puritanical, democrat neo-spiritualists parading and masquerading as the most progressive leftists on the market to help me boot fascism out when they are unwilling to stop sleeping in the same bed as them or attempt to change their own ways, or do anything helpful towards the communities they’re in or even towards their IRL communities.
(Disclaimer inb4 bad faith - sure, some pagans and neospiritualists get this and do try. But they are not who I’m talking about here).
Calling out fascists changes nothing about how people act. Changes nothing about transmisogynistic, racist, sexist microaggressions (which is what actually reminded me of my position on this topic - given that it’s NOT the first time I’ve said this before, that just saying uwu there’s no place for bigotry in MY paganism) if you want a good example of what I’m speaking of, the best connection I can give you, this post by my mutual can inform you of performativity in regards to community acts against transmisogyny while snubbing trans women (and doing nothing of value for them) & maybe give a little insight into what I mean.
It does not stop people from lugging their own religious and spiritual baggage into the space and spewing it around to all who will hear, and those are really the things that I think should be focused on, not public smack downs in order to laugh and giggle with your buddies about such a serious thing. Clowning privately is one thing, I think clowning to thousands in order to get praise for your wit and cunning is quite another.
You can only change your actions and show others how to act by how you act in these spaces - and of course, I do not know others nearly as well as I know myself. But I, as a younger person, did the whole righteous crusade against bigoted people, in order to feel like I was doing something significant. And YES. Fascism needs to be pushed out of pagan spaces! I agree, allowing them to get a foothold in any country in any manner but especially a wide scale is NOT acceptable.
But the way it seems virtue signaling to me, the way it seems to push yourself into a space of authority, and rankles me, as someone who realized the exact issues with what I was doing. It is quite an ego boost when people listen to what you have to say and get to defend your moral and ethical stances, yes? And I was on an even smaller scale than some of these (now) BNPs.
I’m not saying people have to do their good deeds quietly, that’s Christian bullshit. But the manner of which I see a lot of (now) Big Name Pagans do this ruffles my feathers in an unnerving way. I can’t quite articulate exactly the way this is unnerving and unnecessary and how there are other ways and middle grounds (at the moment - I took an anxiety pill last night and I’m surprised at my coherency here) that don’t involve the grand standing, but if the lines are read between in good faith I have hope that my point comes across clear.
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Vent post below the cut about being aroace and amatanormativity. Yes I’m okay nothing happened im just mopey.
Thoughts I am having:
- I do not feel comfortable with the idea of me having a romantic partner
- I don’t even really enjoy the idea of just one best friend I’m dedicated to, like a QPP; I don’t think I have that attraction either
- I like my roommates well enough, but I won’t be in college here forever; I have grad school, and then internship, and then. Being a neuropsychologist. All of those things cannot be at my current college, because they aren’t taking students or employing people in that program.
- I was completely on my own in my current apartment for the first week and I didn’t like it. It was very lonely and I had a lot of anxiety about being alone if something bad happened. I don’t think I want to live alone in the future.
- I absolutely do NOT want to live at home if I can avoid it. I love my family very much but I would honestly rather be alone, with the loneliness and anxiety, than be at home 24/7.
- I also didn’t enjoy living with roommates I wasn’t close friends with. I got lucky in sophomore year that I made fast friends with my roommates, but freshman year sucked, not least because I felt alone even with two other people living in the same 2 bedroom dorm suite.
- It doesn’t help that I’m autistic and ADHD, which doesn’t make me the best roommate in general. I struggle to remember to clean up after myself, I don’t make new friends easily, executive function makes it hard to do chores around the apartment, and I’m not the greatest at communication. Heck, sometimes I just fully forget to shower for a week. I try my best to be a good roommate but like. I’m never not going to be disabled. I’m not going to magically be a great roommate to get people to like me more or to make friends faster.
- So then. I want to live with multiple friends of mine, who understand and accommodate my needs, without being romantically or queerplatonically attracted to any of them, just as roommates who enjoy each other’s company.
- How on earth is *that* gonna happen?
I know I’m borrowing trouble and that it’ll probably work out fine I just feel. Lonely. I’m aroace, and like. There’s no sexual or romantic or queerplatonic attraction at all. It’s just platonic. But to most other people, those other types of attraction matter a lot in who they live with or stay around. And I can’t provide any of that. Obviously amatanormativity is not accurate to human relationships and people can live together and just be good friends and nothing else, but like. Practically. I don’t really have any examples of that happening irl. And I just feel sad about it being a lot harder not to be alone.
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limpfisted · 7 months
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WYLL’S FLAWED PERSPECTIVE. or, how to “read” my replies!
i personally believe wyll is a flawed character and its important to give him the full spectrum of emotions beyond “good” “kind” or “bad” “evil.”
i am personally working on trying to stay “ic” and true to my characters, without pushing the character into saying something that will like, be good for a ship, or like, be an “rp people pleaser” if that makes senses!
i don’t JUST want to have interactions where wyll is perfect. to me, wyll has flaws in the way he communicates and sees the world. this does not mean he is not heroic, or a kind, decent man—it just means i love him as a character for his layers. these things make him more REAL and complex than i think wyll as a PERSON wants to be, in a kind of “hide my truth, hide my feelings, elsa frozen kinnie” way
so without further ado, here are some things wyll might do or want to do or say incorrectly or percieve your character in the wrong way even tho i personally would not behave in the same ways irl On Purpose For Some Of These Things
CONDESCENDING. wyll believes he knows best. wyll believes he can say all the right words and “fix things.” he can make EVERYTHING better. he has a SAVIOR COMPLEX. while never being a perfect martyr, he really does think he can “ahaaha dont have depression ur so sexy” ur ass by being gentle and kind and roleplaying a fairy tale with you. additionally, if you seem “soft” in some way, or “meek” in some way, wyll want to “help you” more.
AVOIDANT. wyll does not want to talk about what he wants, what he notices, what he feels, except in poetryor tall tales or threats of violence. his pretty words sometimes hide an emptiness, a dreaminess. he speaks of things he cannot have and will not ask for. he is embarrassed to want, embarrassed to need, attention, desire, anything but charm and protecting the innocent and meek.
OVERLY ROMANTIC. this ties in with above. he idealizes people, he puts them on pedestals, he treats them like they are made of glass. he does not humanize others or himself enough, and prefers to live in a world of fantasies and pretend.
BOASTFUL. wyll tries to be humble—but this is to match a persona. if you dive even slightly deeper into things, he’s all too happy to tell you how strong and heroic he is, to the point of condescion and vanity. on the other hand, he will not take you seriously if you threaten him! he’ll threaten you back! he doesnt give a single fuck!
BLACK AND WHITE THINKING AND SNAP JUDGEMENTS. to wyll, you are either “hunter” “prey” “hero/villain” the person he needs to protect people from. he will bide his time—but it is difficult for him to trear villains kindly, and he will NEVER truly respect them as people, unless they prove they have changed or are not trying to hurt anyone currently.
WILL WORK WITH VILLAINS. WILL MAKE DEALS WITH DEVILS. WILL ALSO HUNT THEM FOR SPORT. easy to understand, wyll believes he can “control” devils, if they are useful to him. wyll can ally with evil—even if he is just biding his time to kill them later.
VIOLENT. ROLEPLAYER. if you are evil, he will just want to kill you and that’s that! he wanted to kill every goblin at that camp! he relishes in violence as long as it’s for justice. he gets off on the power and pomp of it n his heroism—even when its not actually heroic
WORDS GET AWAY FROM HIM. he will speak with intention, but has a tendency to ramble poetically. when angry, and threatening someone, sometimes he makes no sense at all bc he just wants murder myrder death death justice
A SILLY BILLY!! he can take himself very seriously, but also he is brainweird and skin hungry n loves to touch n be weird and wrestle n write funny poems and get drunk n dance under the stars. he’s a silly ex-(would have been a theatre kid but his dad wanted him to join jrotc instead) kid! he likes big bold gestures. he is EXTREMELY REPRESSED, but the closer he gets to u, the more ull see his joy n not just his “good hero”
DEEPLY LONELY AND APPROVAL SEEKING. wyll really likes it when people pay attention to him. nore than he likes actually doing good things, sometimes. note: there is nothing wrong with doing good things for recognition, everyone deserves recognition of hard work n pain. but it still makes him more interesting to me than generic hero!:
EASILY CORRUPTABLE / MOLDABLE / MANIPULATED. he approves of killing for auntie ethel n them immediatley goes. oh. fuck. oh no…. i fucked up. im trash…. he got i. cahoots with mizora and thinks he CHOSE that bc hes so so good!
NOT IN TOUCH WITH HIS FEELINGS. wyll doesn’t always know wgat’s going on his beain/heart, n honestly he doesn’t want to think abt it too hard! but i will! i always will, wyll.
SMART, BUT DOESN’T CARE ENOUGH TO QUESTION. i dont feel like writing anymore god free me. free me from the sin of my hubris. free me. no more writing
THERE ARE MORE THINGS PROBABLY BUT I DONT FERL LIKE WRITING THEM. LOOK AT MY PRETTY HC BANNER ITS SO PRETTY. GOODBYE FOREVER
something so,ething hes traumatized and pushes people away n puts them on a pedestal so they can never know how scarred and scared and unworthy he feels bc of the deep loneliness inside him from his family’s emotional instability coupled with being homeless as a teenager with only an abuser to guide him thru his late teens, etc
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