#and I chose 'secret dating' because it was closest to them secretly sharing a bed in the latter stages of that verse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines · 3 years

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FP//The Midnight Club (part 4)

hey! thats right, after the long awaited return, its back!!! and because i feel so terrible about leaving it for so long, the rest of the series is written too (and edited!!!), it just needs posting. anyway, i hope you like it!! and i hope it was worth the wait. seriously, thank you for being so patient, i love you all. (part 3)

In movies, Saturday detention always looks fun. Sneaking around, pouring your heart out to people you see everyday but know next to nothing about and making new life long friends. In reality, its spent doing a whole load of nothing.

You rest your chin in your hand and stare at the blank board ahead. You were the second one here, after Penelope Blossom and as soon as you walked through the door she sent you a disapproving look.

You and Penelope get on almost as well as you and Alice. She’s an annoying teachers pet that likes to write you up when she catches you and FP so much as holding hands.

The seat you chose when you got hear was a good one, near the back and away from Penelope. But then the rest of the your classmates turned up and suddenly you found yourself sat between FP and Alice, both of which were trying to kill each other with just looks.

“Leave me alone FP.” You whisper. It’s the third time he’s tried to talk to you since he got here, and every time you’ve told him to go away. It seems finally he gets the hint and huffs loudly before leaning back in his chair.

You glance behind you to see Alice already looking at you and you send her a small, unsure smile. She just scoffs and looks down at her gloved hands, leaving you to stare at the top of her head.

“Welcome...to Saturday Detention.” Principal Featherhead’s loud but tired voice draws your attention the front of the class again and you force yourself to try and listen to whatever’s he’s droning on about, but in the 2 seconds its taken for him to let out a breath, you’ve tuned out.

It’s weird when the closest thing you have to a friend is Alice Smith. The rest are just acquaintances...and FP, who right now could be dead for all you care. You’re still not over last night.

There’s clearly something going on between him and Alice, the more you think of it, the more it makes sense. And you’ve thought about it a lot, all of last night in fact.

Your boyfriend knocked up Alice Smith...and then you. It makes you wonder if anybody else is expecting, you could make a little football team at this rate.

It’s bad enough having Saturday detention, but it’s even worse that he’s here, especially when you’re running on less than an hours sleep.

It’s just one Saturday. Eight hours, seven people with nothing in common.

Well, almost nothing.

The bad girl

“Alice Smith?”

The rebelling Catholic

“Hermione Gomez?”

The teachers pet

“Penelope Blossom?”

The artist athlete

“Fred Andrews?”

The political animal

“Sierra Samuels?”

The good girl

“Y/n Y/ln?”

And the ladies man

“Forsythe Pendleton Jones, Jr?”

You piece together the reasons everyone’s here. Alice and Penelope are here for fighting, something Alice told you about in detail last night, despite you wanting to sit in silence and watch Winona and Johnny fall in love. But you will admit...she did deserve it.

Sierra and Hermione are probably here because they were in the bathroom just before you left, so they got caught in a wrong place, one time thing like you. The friend that you’re covering for isn’t even here, instead she’s probably in bed, or at Pop’s while you’re sat here taking the fall for her.

Fred and FP were caught streaking, which was funny at the time. Seeing FP and Fred run down the corridor with no clothes on was a sight, made even funnier by Principal Featherstone catching them. But now you just want to slap the smirk that seems to permanently reside on FP’s face off. You have never hoped he has a hangover more.

“While you’re here today you will not talk.” Featherhead starts while making his way around the desks, handing out paper as he goes and you have to hold in a sigh. “You will not play” He says and snatches Fred’s drumsticks away, making the boy huff quietly and sit up straighter. “You will not move. I don’t even want you to breathe.”

“Charming.” Alice mutters and you stifle a laugh. Sierra clears her throat and everyone looks at her.

“Yes?”

“What if we have to pee?” She asks.

“You hold it, Miss Samuels. And at the end of the day, you will deliver a 1000-word essay as to why you’re here today.” He replies and you all let out a collective groan. “I will be right down the hall, in my office, all day long...cause I have nothing better to do.”

The clock reads 11am, meaning you’ve only been here for two hours and they’ve been the longest two hours of your life. Staring at the blank sheet of paper in front of you for so long has made your vision go weird so you focus on the clock instead. You know why you’re here, ‘caught smoking’ is what you’ll have to write, despite the fact you were just holding it. But how are you supposed to stretch that into 1000 words?

A scratching behind you distracts you from your thoughts making you look behind you. Alice sits on the windowsill with a knife in her hand as she scratches against the wood.

“Dude, can you not?” Fred asks annoyed and she stops abruptly.

“Dude? Can you bite me?” She retorts. Fred rolls his eyes before turning back around.

“Oh, my God. Shh.” Penelope says loudly and now its your turn to roll your eyes.

“Psst. Sierra.” A different voice is a welcome distraction for all of you and everyone looks at the door, hoping and praying that its something exciting.

Tom Keller peeks his head round the door, a smile growing on his face when he spots Sierra and she quickly stands up, making her way towards him.

“Sit down. We’ll get in trouble.” Penelope scolds but Sierra ignores her.

“Tommy.” She smiles and the two of them kiss. Your eyes widen at the sight and you hear a few muffled gasps from the other students.

“Brought you some sustenance.” He says and waves a paper bag at her. She smiles again and grabs the bag from him, holding it close to her chest.

“Thank you.”

“I love you. I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

“Okay.” She nods and kisses him again before he leaves as quickly as he came.

“Sierra?” Fred is the first to break the stunned silence. “You and Tom Keller?” She nods and he lets out a short laugh. “Guys we’ve been going to the same school since kindergarten. How do we not know anything about each other?”

“We’re not friends. Cliques don’t cross pollinate.” Penelope replies. “Haven’t you seen Heathers?”

“Well, we’ve got six or more hours to kill, and no one to impress. How about a round of Secrets and Sins?” Sierra says, a small twinkle in her eyes as she looks at each you.

You gulp and share a look with the rest of the group, yours and Alice’s lingering for a little longer than the rest.

Sierra is the first to sit down, an excited smile on her face as she watches the rest of you reluctantly sit. Fred’s next, and then Hermione who sits beside him. Penelope sits on the other side of Sierra, FP sits next to Fred and you sit beside him, making sure to put a good amount of distance in between you. Alice is the last to sit, doing it as dramatically as she can and earning an eye roll from Sierra and FP.

“I’ll start!” Sierra says. “Tommy and I have been secretly dating for a few months now.” She admits.

“Why secretly?” Hermione asks.

“Our parents don’t want their children dating someone so...different. To use their euphemism of choice.” She replies, the previous happy smile is long gone. It’s replaced by sadness and she looks at the old, faded carpet, trying hard not to think too much of it.

“My mom’s all up in my relationships, too.” Hermione adds. “You know Hiram Lodge?”

“Uh, yes.” Fred replies and a few of you giggle at his response. “Dude is ripped.”

“And a petty criminal.” Penelope mutters.

“He’s a self starter who provides for his family.” She defends. “But to my mom, he’s a scrub. ‘Thats the way to to the American Dream, mija.’ But what dream? She cleans hotel rooms in that stupid Five Seasons, 16 hours a day. Hiram’s got the right idea. Get out of Riverdale. No matter what you have to do.”

“Yeah.” Fred starts. “Except...Riverdale’s not the problem. Me? I wanna stay here my whole life.” He says making Sierra laugh and you shake your head. You can’t think of anything worse.

Although now, you just might be stuck here. You’re destined to live in a crappy trailer, barely keeping it together and watching your friends move on with their lives. Oh god, the thought alone makes you want to cry and throw up all at the same time and you let out a shaky breath. Your hand automatically moves to your stomach as you try to slow your breathing.

“Are you okay?” Fred asks and you force yourself to look at him, faking a smile and quickly dropping your hand to your thigh.

“Yeah, I’m good.” You nod. FP moves to hold your hand but you quickly pull it away, sending him a scowl and he quickly retracts his hand back. Fred notices of course, but decides to stay out of it, instead looking at the old carpet. Alice rolls her eyes at the two of you and looks straight at Fred.

“Is that how longs its gonna take you to decide between music or baseball?” She asks and Fred flips her off.

“Our minor league is solid. And we’re close enough to the city to play music gigs. This towns got it all. Could even see myself running for mayor one day.” He says, and he’s the only person in this room that you believe could actually do that.

Fred Andrews is something different. He’s friendly to everyone, no matter where they come from or what they are. He’s somebody you wish you could be more like, and you can see him changing the world someday.

“Ugh. Nightmare job.” Sierra huffs. “Why not shoot for something bigger? You can do all those things in a real metropolis.”

“Yeah. Except look after my dad. He’s sick. Real sick. And he took care of me my whole life, so, now it’s my turn.” He replies, his expression saddening and a frown appears on your own face. Tears well behind your eyes and one rolls down your cheek. It lands on your hand and your curse your hormones for making you cry.

FP reaches out again but you just shuffle further away from him, wiping your tears as you go and he lets out an annoyed sigh.

Hermione places a comforting hand on Fred’s knee and he looks at it for a few seconds, seemingly getting lost in his thoughts for a while before quickly changing the subject.

“Alice, you’re up. What’s your deepest, darkest secret?”

The tension in the room shifts. Penelope, Sierra and Hermione share a look and you watch as FP and Alice glance at each other.

“Um...”

“Lets skip her.” You interrupt and she sends you a glare.

“I don’t need your pity Y/n.”

“Alice just tell them about the time you lit a dumpster on fire on the southside” FP says bored.

“Wait, that was you?” You ask, earning a few confused looks from the rest of the group. You remember that fire, it caused quite the rage on the Southside because the serpents thought it was a rival gang seeing as though it was right outside of the Wyrm. “...FP told me.” You add quietly.

“Why don’t you tell them that you actually live in Sunnyside Trailer Park?” She replies and for a second you freeze, thinking she’s talking about you.

“I thought you lived on Elm Street.” Penelope says shocked and you realize she was actually talking to FP.

“Yeah, of course. Because it’s what Forsythe wants you to believe. You parade around the school in your varsity jacket like a Northsider. You even got yourself a northside girlfriend to help you fit in.” She says and looks at you. “But don’t kid yourself. You’ll never escape the Southside. You’re gonna end up just like your dad.”

“Alice.” You warn. He may have pissed you off, gotten you and some other girl pregnant, but he is not his father. He never will be and you feel yourself jumping to his defense quicker than you probably would have liked.

“Downing six-packs in your double-wide.” She continues, staring straight at him.

“Maybe, but I’m not gonna hit my kid. Not like my old man hits me.” He replies and looks at you, his eyes glancing at your stomach for a split second before looking back at her. The group goes silent, no one daring to look at each other and even you avoid eye contact with him.

“Oh really? Which one?” She laughs and you quickly look up. Everyone looks up surprised, but before they can question anything Alice storms out, slamming the door behind her.

Its quiet for a few minutes, before FP takes a deep breath and continues his story.

“I told him I didn’t wanna join his gang. That I wanted to be the first Jones to go to college. He didn’t like that.” He holds up his broken wrist. He hates the way they’re looking at him, like he’s broken, like he’s a victim. But he feels better when he feels your hand resting on top of his. “I guess he sort of got what he wanted. It looks like I won’t be going anyway.” He whispers the last part, turning his hand over and holding yours as best as he can.

“Okay. I guess I’m next.” Penelope interrupts the moment you’re having but you don’t let go. Instead you shuffle closer to him, you’re still pissed, beyond pissed even, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve a hug. “Fair is fair. The Blossoms. They’re...terrible people.”

“But, Penelope, you’re a Blossom.” Hermione replies confused.

“No, I’m not. Not really. I grew up at the Sisters of Quiet Mercy orphanage.”

“Oh, my God, Penelope. That place has like, violated every humanitarian code.” Sierra says.

“When I was eight, the Blossom’s came and asked to see all the red-headed children. The next thing I knew, I was leaving with them. I was so excited. I very quickly realized this was not an altruistic adoption. I was being groomed. To first be Clifford’s sister. Then, eventually, his life companion. Every second away from that house, even today, is a relief.”

“Why are you still living there?” You ask, genuinely curious as to why she would stay there.

“They’re my family.” She replies.

“That’s not family. It’s basically incest. It’s disgusting.” Hermione adds.

“At least I’m not cleaning other people’s toilets like your mom.” Penelope argues and Hermione stares at her annoyed, trying to think of an insult.

“Well, at least she has class. She’s not stealing child brides out of orphanages.” She spits and Penelope gasps.

The two of them start fighting and you hear Fred and Sierra complain before moving to separate them. FP stands and helps you up, quickly moving you out of the way and you end up backing into something much worse that an accidental punch.

“Congratulations. You all just upped your sentence from Saturday detention...to four.”

#the midnight club #fp jones #fp jones imagine #fp jones x reader #fp jones x you #fp #fp imagine #fp x reader #fp x you

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volleyball-dontknowher · 4 years

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1 picture = 1000 words Oikawa Tooru x reader

Words: 2140

Warnings: fluff

A?n: sorry guys I had an off day and I wanted to go ahead and tell you that I have the other requests for the event and I am planning on doing them either when I climb into bed or tomorrow!!! I also only have a few requests left so please bare with meee

Going to Aoba Johsai was an easy choice for you, they had an amazing art program that was one of the best in the prefecture as well as being well...the closest to home. You walked maybe five minutes to school which was absolutely perfect when someone walked home with you, it was just long enough that you got to chat but never got into something too deep. Another wonderful reason that you decided on Aoba Johsai in the first place was a beautiful man named Oikawa Tooru. You and OIkawa had been in the same class now for five years, and you had had a crush on them since day one. It was something you would never ever admit to anyone, you wouldn’t even risk putting it in your journal because of all of the what if’s involved.

You found yourself taking little peeks at Oikawa throughout the day and just admiring how beautiful he was. You loved how he was easy to talk to, even though you had only done so a handful of times, how his smile never faded, and you especially loved how his heart never strayed away from what was right. You had seen him go from just some boy playing volleyball to someone who was regarded as one of the best setters in Miyagi. Oikawa was always cool, calm and collected traits that you could only admire.

You had gotten a simple assignment for your art class, paint a stranger. Without trying your brain went to Tooru and you were set on painting him. The task was that you should paint a stranger, but a stranger you could watch so it would be perfect. You sketched him later that day in class before taking it home and starting to paint. You had been working hard on getting every little tuft of hair correct as you tried to imitate the boy you had secret feelings for.

Today was the day you were supposed to turn the projects in and you were fretting more than usual. You didn’t like how lopsided his lips looked and wanted to fix it up but ran out of time. You were one of the first in the classroom, as it was about five minutes before class actually started so you decided to set your stuff down and head to the bathroom. On your way back from the bathroom you suddenly didn’t feel so well. Halfway down the hall you stopped and took a sip from the water fountain before slowly sinking down next to it. You couldn’t help but see that the world was spinning and you couldn’t help but watch as it went black. When you woke up you were in the nurses office, quickly being asked a series of questions. You sat up and scratched the back of your head as you figure out what exactly had happened to you.

Oh shit.

You forgot to eat breakfast this morning, you were up late working on the painting, then this morning woke up so late that you had to sprint to school and you’d spent the whole morning stressing. You passed out.

Double oh shit

You left your painting on your desk, exposed to everyone and your next class had already started in that room. THe class you shared with Oikawa Tooru. He was going to see your painting and there was nothing you could do about it. Luckily for you the nurse decided that you were not feeling well enough to continue on with the rest of your day. Your mother came to pick you up. She walked you to the car before going back to the school to grab your backpack.The car ride home was short and you had to admit that you were relieved to put off the inevitable for at least another day. You felt sick just thinking about the rude things that the girls that hung around him would say. They were the meanest, and the prettiest, in the school and you just practically cast yourself as even more of an outcast than you already felt. You liked to keep to themselves and that was something these girls knew nothing about, you heard stories of all of the guys they liked and dates as well as gossip about everyone else in the room. Once you were home you shook off these uneasy feelings as you ate some leftovers and went to bed. You slept the rest of the afternoon, waking briefly to have dinner before going back to bed in a mindless slumber.

Getting ready for school in the morning felt like the most tedious drag and you found yourself dragging your feet more than usual. You grabbed your backpack and quickly made your way to school. You got to school, passed the gates and went straight to your first class, ready for this day to be over already. You sat in your chair with your head on the desk hoping to get a little bit of shut eye before you had to go to start your day. Class started and came and went as usual, lucky for you this was just home room and OIkawa didn’t share this part of the day with you. Next was art, oh shit. Art. You didn’t have your project. No. It wasn’t with your backpack, it was probably in your mom’s car. You couldn’t imagine turning it in two days late, that was completely unheard of and unacceptable. Walking into class you tried to think of the best things to explain to your teacher but she just smiled and told you welcome back. You sat through the lecture with a lingering worry as you tried to figure out where your stupid project had gone.

At the end of class you decided to suck it up, “Mrs. Paddich I’m sorry about missing yesterday and about my project, I-” you start, nervously.

“Oh dearie, a young boy turned in your project for you yesterday clamining that you left it in the class. I do have to say that your painting looked awfully like the boy, it was incredible”

Your heart sank.

“Oh, um thank you,” you stuttered before leaving the classroom quickly. Oikawa had seen your painting and had turned it in for you. That was the only explanation for this, you had never seen him near an art room, even if he was dating an artsy girl he didn’t meet them down here. Why did he do it, how did he do it, all of these questions were a mystery but you had to deal with it. You went to your shared classroom today and instead of using the bathroom you went straight in and say down. When Oikawa entered the classroom you didn’t bother to run and look at him because you didn’t want to have him notice you. Little did you know that when he saw you in class he smiled just a little bit before getting drawn into talking to the same girls as usual. The entire class you were focused on avoiding Tooru while he was focused on ways to catch your attention. He wanted to ask a million questions about the painting, it was beautiful and he wanted to know how and why you made such a beautiful thing of him. Even though he seemed to be the most confident in the room Oikawa wasn’t. He wasn’t even the second or third most confident, he was closer to the end of the list but seeing you capture him and make him look so happy, so alive made his heart flutter. Tooru couldn’t help but stare at the painting when he first saw it and tucked it quickly away before the other’s could say anything about it. He knew it had to be returned to you, except you never came back and he had no idea what to do. Oikawa decided to bring it to the art teacher in hopes maybe you would show back up there next period and get to have it back. Secretly he wanted to keep it and treasure it forever, it was the most sentimental thing anyone had ever done for him, and the sad part was it wasn’t for him. Your painting stuck with him for the rest of the night and he found himself constantly daydreaming about it, about you. He had to confront you and talk to you, but he didn’t know how. He knew that you were in the same class for many years but you were always shy and even if he was interested you two were sat on the opposite side of the room.

The class was over before he had even finished his day dream and you both tried exiting as quickly as possible, for complete opposite reasons. He had barely missed you but was determined to get to you but you rounded the corner into the mass of people before it was possible.

It was now the last class of the day and Tooru had the same thing happen three more times to him, he had no idea why or how you escaped him so perfectly every time, but you did. This time was going to be different. He was going to get the advantage and get to talk to you once and for all. The bell rang and he jumped from his seat faster than anyone else in the room, and instead of trying to get you to talk to him right there in the busy hall he followed you just a few steps outside before catching up to you.

“Y/N,” wait,” Tooru tried calling, but it came out as more of just a whisper. You turned back to look at him, both worried and confused, this was the first time he has ever said your name.

“I-I just wanted to say that I saw your painting and I really liked it and I wanted to know how you did it,” he caught himself stuttering out. That was weird, Oikawa never stuttered.

“I don’t know I just did,” you shrugged trying not to let your heart beat out of your chest.

“It looked amazing Y/n, I just can’t stop thinking about it, I have never felt that way about something before. Why did you choose me?”

“If you want it, you can keep it. It was just for a project, I had to paint a stranger and I just guess I chose you,” you were looking down at your hands now, unsure of where this was going and trying to keep the heat from rising to your cheeks, “because we were supposed to paint strangers and I thought you would be a good subject,”

For reasons unbeknownst to Oikawa those words stabbed him directly in the heart as he felt himself suddenly breathless at the word. Strangers. Nothing in the world could have ever prepared him to have such a reaction, after all it was the trust, you were strangers. “If you don’t mind Y/n, I would like to change that,” Oikawa tried his typical flirty boy thing with you, but you could both tell that he was faking it, “I mean, I would like for us to not be strangers anymore,” he quickly corrects himself. You look up at him in almost disbelief, had the Oikawa Tooru just stuttered in front of you and messed up his words. You took a second to process it all before nodding at him. The butterflies that arose in both of your chests was something that promised happy days to come.

You exchanged phone numbers before he left for practice and before you knew it texting an old friend. Oikawa was funny and flirty but also real over texts, he sent you dumb picutes of what he was doing and you felt comfortable enough with him to do the same back. Girls in your class quickly noticed the change in their king and when they attempted to approach him about it, he was already engrossed in a conversation with you. It had been almost a week since you turned in that project and you had totally forgotten about it, moving on to other portraits. You got the painting back and walked to class with it behind your back hiding it from Tooru until you gave it to him as a gift.

He gave you the goofiest smile as you found yourself smiling back at him. He told you he had a surprise for you too, when you asked what it was he refused to tell you. All throughout class you kept bugging him and all he would tell you is that you would have to go with him and see.

“But Tooru, where are we going?” you found yourself shyly asking him.

“On a date silly,” he beamed back.

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gottlem · 4 years

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the best type of chaos. (1/?)

a/n : here is the season 12 highschool au nobody asked for !!! there’s a few different ships going on, so you’ll have to keep reading to find out who ends up with who!

summary: twelve teenagers at one dinner table may sound like a recipe for disaster. and maybe it is. but they girls love it and love each other, so who can really complain? it’s their junior year, and they’re ready to take it on together. (chapter 1, 2k words)

A group of 12 teenage girls at one dinner table in the cafeteria sounds like it would end in disaster, but for the past few years, The Gays Plus Gigi (as they had deemed themselves) have managed it quite well. It’s like they have their own little family - sometimes they fight, Dahlia usually being the one to start an argument, but they would always make up in no time. They make the most out of their lunch hour each day, allowing themselves to take a break from the often stressful school day. The group just worked together, each person a cog in the machine they had built up during their time at school.

They would sit in the same seats at the same table each day, their routine hardly ever being broken. The only two girls who weren’t there everyday were Gigi and Nicky, both being ‘popular’ girls and sitting with their other friends most days. They both preferred their little family of twelve though, loving the ability to be authentically themselves.

The first day of school always seemed to bring up a different emotion in each student. On the first day of junior year, Crystal woke up early, her alarm marking the start of a new day. She wasn’t usually a morning person (not many students were) but sometimes she could appreciate the way the morning sun would shine brightly through her windows, brightening up her mood in the process. She was ready for the school year. She knew it would soon get stressful and something would absolutely go wrong at some point, but right now she was looking forward to another fresh start.

Gigi hated the first day of school. She had a hard time letting go of summer, each year it seemed to get better, which meant reality came crashing back to her harder and harder each time. When she woke up, the only thing that could motivate her to leave her bed was the thought of seeing her friends again, even if she had seen them a million times over summer anyways. She could never get tired of them. Soon enough, she made herself a coffee and set off to Crystal’s house so they could walk together.

Crystal didn’t wait for Gigi to knock on her door, she swung it open the second Gigi arrived at her doorstep, quickly giving her a bone-crushing hug as a ‘hello’.

“I’ve missed you so much Crys” Crystal giggled at the way Gigi’s breath tickled her neck, both of them staying in the tight hug.

“Gigi you saw me, like, three days ago” Gigi stepped back to look Crystal in the eyes.

“I know! I know, but it was summer then and now it’s not and we’ll still see eachother but it won’t be the same because now we’ll be worrying about school and we can’t just hang out. We’ll have like no spare time!”

“G. I will always have time for you. Now let's go, we can’t be late”

The walk to school took them the best part of half an hour - too long for Crystal’s liking, but at least it gave her time to chat with Gigi before the day gets too hectic. The girls walked side by side, shoulders bumping with every other step. The contact was not unwelcome. They had always been close, both emotionally and physically, not being scared to show any affection. They had even shared some friendly kisses from time to time. They were just pecks. And Gigi was straight anyways so it couldn’t mean anything, right?

Crystal couldn’t help but steal glances at the girl next to her on the way to school. She had always found Gigi beautiful. The way she walks, the way she talks. Crystal would never admit this aloud, not like it wasn’t already painfully obvious to everyone but Gigi, but she was in deep. It didn’t help that Gigi had started interrogating her on their walk.

“So how are things with your girlfriend? I feel like you haven’t mentioned her in like months. You’re not keeping something from me are you? You didn’t like, secretly elope over summer did you? That would be rude Crystal Elizabeth. Not inviting your best friend, horrible” Crystal knew she was joking, but she also knew she had to explain why she hadn’t mentioned her.

Crystal stopped walking. Gigi was right, she hadn’t mentioned her girlfriend in a while because she hadn’t even thought about her. She broke it off at the beginning of Summer, when she began to realise she had rising feelings for someone else. She wasn’t even that bothered by the break up, which was surprising because Crystal felt every emotion so strongly she would often get overwhelmed.

“We uh… we broke up. At the start of summer. I didn’t tell you? I thought I had.”

Crystal knew for a fact she hadn’t mentioned it to Gigi - the less she talks to her about her love-life, the better. She can’t have Gigi find out about her feelings for her. She knew she wasn’t the kind of girl to instantly assume every lesbian has a weird crush on her. She has been the most supportive of Crystals’ sexuality ever since she came out. A true ally. Hell, Gigi had joined her for pride a few times, and didn’t flinch when people assumed she wasn’t straight. Sometimes she would even forget to correct them. But still, no matter how cool Gigi was with her closest friend being gay, Crystal was terrified of exposing her feelings. She didn’t want to be the lesbian who crushes on her striaght best friend. She doesn’t want to make Gigi uncomfortable, especially with how close they can get at times.

“You guys broke up?! Oh my god, do I need to kill her? Because I will. Are you ok? Because all summer you seemed to be ok and, I mean this with so much love, I kind of expected you to be a mess if things didn’t work out”

Crystal was at a loss for words. How could she even begin to explain this? ‘Yeah it didn’t work out because I’m kind of in love with you’ No. Absolutely not.

“Yeah um, I guess we both kinda lost feelings for eachother and decided we’d be better off as friends. I really am ok G, promise. Thanks for checking though. Anyways! Are you ok? I know you never really talked about your breakup much. That guy rubbed me the wrong way”

Gigi froze. There was a reason she didn’t necessarily want to talk about her breakup - especially with Crystal. But she didn’t even know if she could admit that to herself yet.

“Yeah I’m ok. I don’t wanna talk about it” Gigi cursed her voice for cracking at the end. Crystal’s face softened at her friend’s vulnerability and chose to respond by intertwining their fingers together and giving Gigi’s hand a squeeze. The action probably wasn’t good for either of them.

Jan and Jaida caught up that morning when they both visited their lockers, which were conveniently right next to each other. Both girls were stuffing their basketball kits into their locker, idly chatting about the yeah ahead of them. They had always enjoyed each other's company, and their friendship was built on trust and love - they trusted one another with their life. And their secrets. Which is why Jan wasn’t surprised when Jaida brought up Jackie.

“Ok, chile, what is up with you and Jackie? Y’all better sort yourselves out and get together this year or so help me God-”

“Oh my God Jaida! Shut up! You're being so loud what if she like, walks by and overhears you?”

“That would be great! Maybe one of you would finally actually acknowledge your feelings towards each other instead of staring at each other and drooling from across the table”

“I don’t drool. And neither does she! She doesn’t like me that way Jaida, just let it go”

Jans voice lost all enthusiasm in those last few words, and it set off alarm bells in Jaida’s mind. Sometimes she surprised herself with how well she could read the girl despite how happy she acted all the damn time. If this was getting to Jan of all people, it needed to be sorted out. She was quick to engulf the blonde in a tight hug, trying to convey that no matter what happens or doesn’t happen with Jackie, she would always be there for Jan. Always.

“It’s weird I talk to you about this. You’re technically my ex” Jan laughed as she stepped away from the hug, trying to hide the sadness in her voice.

“Maybe. But you’re my friend first. Besides, I think I am the best person to talk to about this because I have personal experience” She gave a comically over exaggerated wink, just to get her point across.

About a year prior, the two had dated for a bit, being the only two out gay girls on the team, they figured it was how things should go. However, they quickly realised they were better as friends, though they couldn’t dent that they enjoyed their time together. Their ‘fling’ was short lived, and while they were both more than happy to stay friends, neither girl let the other forget what happened, taking any opportunity to poke fun at their past relationship. It was their own little way of preventing it from getting awkward - if they didn’t acknowledge it, it would get weird, so they opted for the odd joke. If they could laugh it off, it meant they didn’t take the whole situation too seriously. They didn’t want to make lunch awkward.

The first few lessons of the day passed painfully slow for everyone. Crystal spent most of her time sneaking looks at Gigi. Jan spent the day looking forward to the first basketball practise of the year. Dahlia managed to start two rumours by accident (both about herself, somehow). Brita and Aiden had already fallen out and made up twice before the end of third period. Rock M doodled through all her lessons, hoping the teachers wouldn’t call on her - most classes were doing start-of-the-year admit tasks anyways.

When lunch rolled around for the first time that year, the girls found it easy to fall back into their usual routine. It was comforting really, having that one constant no matter how crazy school could get. Yeah, they might get loud, or they might fight, or fall out, but they all loved each other and made the chaos of high school so much more bearable (despite being chaotic themselves). The ten girls (Gigi and Nicky sat at another table for the day, but not without a quick hello at the beginning of the lunch hour) talked about everything under the sun, and eventually the topic of relationships came up. Crystal shied away, leaning back into her seat and hoping that she wouldn’t be asked about her love life. She was.

“You have a girlfriend, right Crystal? What was her name again?”

“It doesn’t matter, we broke up at the start of summer and before you ask yes I am ok no you don’t need to ask any further questions ok thank you!”

Crystal’s attempt to stop any more questions was feeble, at best, and definitely didn’t work, because now she was being flooded with questions from nine other girls about if she’s really ok, and who broke up with who, why didn’t you tell any of us, are you still friends, did she break your heart, did you break her heart? She didn’t answer any of them. Until Dahlia piped up, somehow always being up to date on the drama (even if Crystal hadn’t told anyone)

“Does it have anything to do with your crush on Gigi?”

The table fell silent. Crystal turned red, but refused to acknowledge it - if she acted like the question was nothing, then it would seem like nothing. She took a deep breath.

“My what on who?”

“You heard me bitch! It’s obvious you like her”

Was it that obvious? She thought she hid it well. After all, she didn’t want anyone to know, especially Gigi herself. Thank God she wasn’t here.

“I don’t. She’s straight - I don’t fall for straight girls. There’s no point”

Crystal wished it was that easy.

#i hope you like this #chapters might be longer or shorter pls tell me what you want!!!#if you want chapter 2 pls tell me!!!#i have some ideas on what could happen its gonna be fun #gigi goode #crystal methyd #just jan #jan sport #jackie cox #jaida essence hall #the essence of beauty #i love jaida #rpdr #rpdr12 #rpdr fanfiction #the best type of chaos #nicky doll

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artificialqueens · 4 years

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The Best Type of Chaos, 1/? (S12 Group Fic) - Lau

a/n- welcome the the s12 highschool au that nobody asked for but i’m writing anyway! this is my first time submitting anything here so i hope y'all like it (and i did it right) there will be plenty of ships so keep your eyes peeled!!

summary - twelve teenagers at one dinner table may sound like a recipe for disaster. and maybe it is. but the girls love it and love each other, so who can really complain? it’s their junior year, and they’re ready to take it on together.

A group of 12 teenage girls at one dinner table in the cafeteria sounds like it would end in disaster, but for the past few years, The Gays Plus Gigi (as they had deemed themselves) have managed it quite well. It’s like they have their own little family - sometimes they fight, Dahlia usually being the one to start an argument, but they would always make up in no time. They make the most out of their lunch hour each day, allowing themselves to take a small break from the often stressful school day. The group just worked together, each person a cog in the machine they had built up during their time at school.

The first day of school always seemed to bring up a different emotion in each student. On the first day of junior year, Crystal woke up early, her alarm marking the start of a new day. She wasn’t usually a morning person (not many students were) but sometimes she could appreciate the way the morning sun would shine brightly throughher windows, brightening up her mood in the process. She was ready for the school year. She knew it would soon get stressful and something would absolutely go wrong at some point, but right now she was looking forward to another fresh start.

Gigi hated the first day of school. She had a hard time letting go of summer, which seemed to only get better each year, meaning reality came crashing back to her harder and harder each time it ended. When she woke up, the only thing that could motivate her to leave her bed was the thought of seeing her friends again, even if she had seen them a million times over summer anyways. She could never get tired of them. Soon enough, she made herself a coffee and set off to Crystal’s house so they could walk together.

Crystal didn’t wait for Gigi to knock on her door, she swung it open the second Gigi arrived at her doorstep, quickly giving her a bone-crushing hug as a ‘hello’.

“I’ve missed you so much Crys” Crystal giggled at the way Gigi’s breath tickled her neck, both of them refusing to leave the tight hug.

“Gigi you saw me, like, three days ago” Gigi stepped back to look Crystal in the eyes.

“G. I will always have time for you. Now let’s go, we can’t be late”

The walk to school took them the best part of half an hour - too long for Crystal’s liking, but at least it gave her time to chat with Gigi before the day got too hectic. The girls walked side by side, shoulders bumping with every other step. The contact was not unwelcome. They had always been close, both emotionally and physically, not being scared to show any affection. They had even shared some friendly kisses from time to time. They were just pecks. And Gigi was straight anyways so it couldn’t mean anything, right?

“So how are things with your girlfriend? I feel like you haven’t mentioned her in like months. You’re not keeping something from me are you? You didn’t like, secretly elope over summer did you? Because that would be rude Crystal Elizabeth. Not inviting your best friend, horrible” Crystal knew she was joking, but she also knew she did actually have to explain why she hadn’t mentioned her, Gigi was just using humour to get round it. Maybe to try to make it less awkward.

“We uh… we broke up. At the start of summer. I didn’t tell you? I thought I had. Funny.”

Crystal knew for a fact she hadn’t mentioned it to Gigi - the less she talks to her about her love-life, the better. She can’t have Gigi find out about her feelings for her. She knew she wasn’t the kind of girl to instantly assume every lesbian has a weird crush on her. She has been the most supportive of Crystals’ sexuality ever since she came out. A true ally. Hell, Gigi had joined her for pride a few times, and didn’t flinch when people assumed she wasn’t straight. Sometimes she would even forget to correct them. But still, no matter how cool Gigi was with her closest friend being gay, Crystal was terrified of exposing her feelings. She didn’t want to be the lesbian who crushes on her straight best friend. She doesn’t want to make Gigi uncomfortable, especially with how close they can get at times.

Crystal was at a loss for words. How could she even begin to explain this? ‘Yeah it didn’t work out because I’m kind of in love with my straight best friend. You.’ No. Absolutely not.

Gigi’s mind suddenly went blank. There was a reason she didn’t necessarily want to talk about her breakup - especially with Crystal. But she didn’t know if she could even admit that to herself yet.

Jan and Jaida caught up that morning when they both visited their lockers, which were conveniently right next to each other. Both girls were stuffing their basketball kits into their locker, idly chatting about the year ahead of them. They had always enjoyed each other’s company, and their friendship was built on love - they trusted one another with their life. And their secrets. Which is why Jan wasn’t surprised when Jaida brought up Jackie.

“Ok, chile, what is up with you and Jackie? Y’all better sort yourselves out and get together this year or so help me God-”

“Oh my God Jaida! Shut up! You’re being so loud what if she like, walks by and overhears you?”

“That would be great! Maybe one of you would finally actually acknowledge your feelings towards each other instead of staring and drooling from across the table”

“I don’t drool. And neither does she! She doesn’t like me that way Jaida, just let it go”

Jans voice lost all enthusiasm, and it set off alarm bells in Jaida’s mind. Sometimes she surprised herself with how well she could read the girl despite how happy she acted all the damn time. If this was getting to Jan of all people, it needed to be sorted out. She was quick to engulf the blonde in a tight hug, trying to convey that no matter what happens or doesn’t happen with Jackie, she would always be there for Jan. Always.

“It’s weird I talk to you about this. You’re technically my ex” Jan laughed, void of any actual humour, as she stepped away from the hug, trying to hide the sadness in her voice.

“Maybe. But you’re my friend first. Besides, I think I am the best person to talk to about this because I have personal experience” She gave a comically over-exaggerated wink, just to get her point across.

About a year prior, the two had dated for a bit, being the only two out gay girls on the team, they figured it was how things should go. However, they quickly realised they were better as friends, though they couldn’t deny that they enjoyed their time together. Their ‘fling’ was short lived, and while they were both more than happy to stay friends, neither girl let the other forget what happened, taking any opportunity to poke fun at their past relationship. It was their own little way of preventing anything from getting awkward - if they didn’t acknowledge it, it would get weird, so they opted for the odd joke. If they could laugh it off, it meant they didn’t take the whole situation too seriously. Besides, they didn’t want to make lunch awkward.

When lunch rolled around for the first time that year, the girls found it easy to fall back into their well-loved routine. It was comforting really, having that one constant no matter how crazy school could get. Yeah, they might get loud, or they might fight, or fall out, but they all loved each other and made the chaos of high school so much more bearable (despite being chaotic themselves). The ten girls (Gigi and Nicky sat at another table for the day, but not without a quick hello at the beginning of the lunch hour) talked about everything under the sun, and eventually the topic of relationships came up. Crystal shied away, leaning back into her seat and hoping that she wouldn’t be asked about her love life. She was.

“You have a girlfriend, right Crystal? What was her name again?”

“It doesn’t matter, we broke up at the start of summer and before you ask yes I am ok, no you don’t need to ask any further questions, ok thank you!”

Crystal’s attempt to stop any more questions was feeble, at best, and definitely didn’t work, because now she was being flooded with questions from nine other girls about if she’s really ok, who broke up with who, why didn’t you tell any of us, are you still friends, did she break your heart, oh my god did you break her heart? She didn’t answer any of them. Until Dahlia piped up, somehow always being up to date on the drama (even if Crystal hadn’t told anyone),

“Does it have anything to do with your crush on Gigi?”

The table fell silent. Crystal turned red, but refused to acknowledge it - if she acted like the question was nothing, then it would seem like nothing. She took a deep breath.

“My what on who?”

“You heard me bitch! It’s obvious you like her” Dahlia was laughing. Crystal didn’t think it was very funny. She looked over to the table where Gigi was sat, Gigi was already looking at her, smiling.

Was it that obvious? She thought she hid it well. After all, she didn’t want anyone to know, especially Gigi herself. Thank God she couldn’t hear this.

“I don’t. She’s straight - I don’t fall for straight girls. There’s no point”

Crystal wished it was that easy.

#rpdr fanfiction #crystal methyd #gigi goode #jackie cox #jan sport #jaida essence hall #nicky doll #dahlia sin #aiden zhane #brita filter #rock m sakura #high school au #lesbian au #the best type of chaos #lau #concrit welcome #submission #s12

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na-na-namine · 7 years

Text

What you’ve given me - Ch. 3

Summary: Akko and Diana are secretly dating each other, but this forces the latter to confront some ugly feelings about herself.

Chapters: 1, 2, 4

Characters: Diana, Hannah, and Barbara

Words: 1,019

Genre: Romance, Angst, Friendship

A/N: I need sleep. Why the hell am I writing and editing dank fanfiction past midnight? I need to get my priorities together.

Speaking of which, did anybody ask for a fresh helping of ANGST? I DID. YAY.

Diana was always an early riser, and the same held true for Sunday mornings. Like usual, Hannah and Barbara were still soundly asleep on their bunk beds, the former snoring quite loudly.

As she sat up to stretch her arms, memories from the day before were flooding back.

The warmth she felt from kissing Akko.

The bliss she experienced in Akko's arms.

The hurt in Akko's eyes when she was pushed away.

It was Diana who pushed her away.

It had been a simple act, but it hurt nonetheless. Especially as it wasn't the first time that happened either.

Back when they shared their first kiss, Diana believed she knew what they were getting into. Where had she miscalculated?

As a Cavendish, she was supposed to excel at everything. Every day, she would stifle her inclinations and don a mask called 'perfection'. Maintaining a secret affair should've been child's play by comparison.

Except it was anything but.

A mask wasn't difficult to wear if one became it. As for a secret relationship? It was never quite as simple as 'becoming'. You couldn't 'become' a secret lover; it was an entirely separate identity one had to make from their 'true' self.

It was different for Diana. Whenever she was with Akko, she was her true self. But her true self - who she really was - clashed with who she needed to be.

So while she chose not to lie to Akko anymore, she was now lying to everyone else - her teammates, her family, and the entire academy. All to protect her reputation. All to protect Diana Cavendish; the perfect, pure-blooded witch of Luna Nova.

Diana felt sick to her stomach. Did she really value her social standing more than she did Akko? Was it her fault the girl now wore a fake smile?

"Diana?"

Her thoughts screeched to halt. She saw Barbara emerging from her sheets with a yawn.

"You're up earlier than usual. Did you get much sleep last- D-Diana?! Are you crying?!"

Her voice raised all of a sudden, causing Hannah to jump out of bed.

"Huh? Diana what now...?"

The blonde witch brought her hands up and felt wet streaks running down her face.

"T-this is... I-I..."

A wave of sorrow stuck her all at once. She turned away as her sobs grew more noticeable.

Wasting no time, Hannah and Barbara were soon seated on either side of her.

"Why are you crying? Did something bad happen?"

"Please talk to us, Diana. Is there anything we can do?"

"Girls, I-I assure you... t-this is none of y-your concern..." Diana muttered between uneven breaths.

"This totally concerns us!" Barbara proclaimed unexpectedly.

Their leader was taken aback. Even Hannah was surprised at her friend's outburst.

"We're teammates, aren't we? Of course we'd be concerned if one of us was hurt! S-so, um... what I'm trying to say is..."

"Let us help you, Diana," Hannah interjected. "That's what friends are for, right?"

Diana was at a loss of words. She had no idea how to respond to such kindness. She usually kept them at a distance, even when she never meant to. As such, casual interaction between the three had typically been of the awkward, stilted sort.

But at this moment, whatever distance that existed between them vanished entirely. They were being the friends they always hoped they could be.

Touched by the two's concern over her wellbeing, Diana finally opened her heart.

"Hannah, Barbara... the truth is, I am having a... a secret affair..."

Her teammates blinked at each other in mild shock.

"Was that why you were crying?" Barbara questioned.

Diana shook her head. "The person I am seeing... well, she is a commoner... and a girl." Her voice wavered as she spoke. "I was... I am afraid to be seen with her... and because of my selfishness, I... I hurt her."

She was expecting them to overreact, but was met with a group hug instead.

"Oh Diana," Hannah soothed, "we could've helped you if we knew sooner."

"I-I know, but I was afraid..."

"But there's nothing to be afraid of!" Barbara proclaimed. "Dating girls is totally normal. I mean, Hannah and I-"

She was met with a swift elbow to the stomach, Hannah giving her the stink eye.

Diana looked up to face her friends. "A-are you two really okay with this? Even though someone like myself is seeing a commoner?"

"Why does that matter? Commoner or not, who you love is who you love, right?" Barbara beamed.

"Yeah! Besides, you're Diana Cavendish! Whoever you're dating must be happiest person in the world!" Hannah followed up.

Diana giggled, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. She then pulled her friends into another hug.

"Hannah, Barbara. Thank you."

They smiled at her, and Diana couldn't help but do the same.

After what seemed like forever, the three roommates broke finally apart. Since Diana was feeling better, Barbara figured it was time to a

ddress the obvious.

"So, um- who's the lucky girl?"

"Barbara!" Hannah shouted as she smacked her.

"Ow! Okay, okay, maybe this isn't the best time-"

"Akko," their leader said flatly. "Atsuko Kagari."

"Eh?"

Hannah and Barbara were processing what they just heard. Their next response came as no surprise.

"EEEEEEEEEEHHHHH?"

The blue team eventually left their room for breakfast. Amongst all the chatter, Diana was feeling much more relieved than she had been in weeks. It felt like she had left behind most of her fears and worries. But not all of them. Not yet. There was something she still needed to do first.

She glanced over the cafeteria, hoping to catch a glimpse of Akko, but only saw her teammates at their usual spot.

Diana was slightly saddened but assured herself that there was still tomorrow. She could do what she needed to do then. Even if it meant scorn or disapproval from her peers and parents, it was a small price to make things right. To stop living in regret.

Moreover, she no longer desired their approval. Her closest friends had already excepted her. That was the only approval she really needed.

#little witch academia #lwa #diana cavendish #hannah and barbara #hannah #barbara #fanfic #fanfiction #diakko #dianakko

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musingsofawastedgirl · 7 years

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3:48am thoughts

- What am i doing here? - You don’t write as much as i thought you would - I wish you were touching my skin - There is something so physically painful about feeling ‘ditched’. One minute it’s constant attention and then when that’s taken away, there’s a definite emptiness. I do feel a little empty. - I like being alone, but the smoke from the candles I’ve just blown out that i lit only for myself made me sad. I preferred when their pretty flames gave the impression that I lit them to please myself, and not because i needed to see the warmth when your touch couldn’t replace it - mum - i’ve been thinking about death and what it would be like for everyone else if i …went. Too many hearts would be broken but for how long? how much do i mean? how much do they care? how hard would they grieve? how deep would the sorrow run in my friends? - i feel so awake. i feel so alive. i do not want to move. - how often does he cry? or him? or HIM? does it hurt? - i still get the urges to slash my skin. - I remember how bitter sweet it used to feel to see droplets of blood. feeling them was so… essential. I don’t know what i have replaced that feeling with. Maybe i just survive without that now. But i used to crave it. In fleeting moments, i still do - i wonder who is watching me - was it bulimia or anorexia? - I will miss her more than i know. she… - i paused too long. it felt like i couldn’t end the sentence. i don’t think i understand how much she has meant to me over the past two years. i dread the fact that i am going to find out. - am i a pessimist? - people tell me their secrets. its always been that way. even the little things. in infant school, one girl, Charlotte, used to come and find me when she was feeling ill. She would whisper that she felt awful, and always insisted that i couldn’t tell anyone. I would sort her out with the nurse and she would thank me, and i would go back to my day at school (colouring, from what i can remember. i was always colouring). But that was our little secret - she didnt want anyone else to see her being weak, even when we were that young. we hardly spoke otherwise. a secret friend. W came out to me as gay. T told me about her one night stand. the time she cheated. the time she couldn’t control the anxiety. the times she fell in love and didnt mean to. the fact that she was scared. h told me about his girlfriend’s mental health issues. and his abusive father figure. the way he treated his mother. the letters. the fear. my sister told me when she was cutting. when she wasn’t eating. when she was scared of not getting better. when she wanted to die…and when she was trying to. sasha told me when she couldn’t cope with the bleeding through her school shirts anymore. we got her help. K told me she was pregnant. we got her salt and vinegar crisps that she had been craving…and i made her a card on the day of her abortion. sam. just sam. he was a secret in himself. theres still padlocks there. i worry about him…probably too much; i probably care far too much but there’s a look in his eyes…he’s not done telling. i don’t think he’s ever started really. k told me about her spirituality. her genuine fear of boys. her sister and how they fight and how, although she seems tough and bitchy, it breaks her to pieces. thats the closest i have ever seen her to tears. A used to tell me countless secrets…they’ve all…idk, fuzzed up into a ball of memories. her first time was a big deal. that was a big secret. that was rushed. because her best friend had and she somehow needed to keep up. i never wanted to be that best friend…its funny how people perceive me when i tell the few secrets i have the guts to share. L told me about when she was sexually harassed in a classroom and then mocked for reporting it. she hadn’t told anyone how much that had hurt her. I hadn’t talked to C in months when she came to me as her boyfriend dumped her. i dated him two years later. He hurt me worse than she got hurt, but i didnt go to anyone that time. my cousin told me when she got her tattoo. innocent me managed to accidentally spill her secret…it didnt occur to me at the time that she would have chosen me as the only person she told. J told me about her panic attacks and her struggles with anti depressants. J was suddenly weak to all outsiders, but stronger than ever in my eyes. M was another sam. one big secret. he told me everything over the three years that we dated. the bipolar. the sleep paralysis. the man in his room at night. the nightmares. the way his dad hit his mum. more nightmares. his mother’s insomnia. the shakes, the incessant shakes and the scars that would suddenly itch all at once leaving him with unbearable prickles all over his skin. the mugging. his mother’s rape. his father’s debt. his cutting. his depression. his smoking after i left. and the drinking and the drugs and the anything to take the ‘pain’ away. its ironic that he hurt me most. B told me that he hates himself. that one stuck hard. he said it so casually. just another thought through his head. he told me about how he struggles with emotions. he told me about his ex and how she made him suffer. G told me how she literally lost her virginity at the back of the bike sheds. I so clearly remember holding E’s wrists, standing in the sea, swimming at dusk, and she just looked at me and the tears fell - an explanation for the scars i hid beneath my fingers. R told me he doesn’t have favourite things and that he knows that’s weird. he told me he has asperges. B used to tell me every boy-related secret that she had the second that it entered her life. she would rush from her room to mine to tell me, like it was far too much to carry on herself. it was always the tiniest things, but you could see how much they meant to her. how much it meant that someone cared. i wish she hadn’t have gotten so hurt by him. A told me about how she slept with abbey. and the bisexual phase. she told me about her worries with her boyfriend. could she really go the rest of her life having only experienced his love? i hope she does. that love suits her. F came to me when she was having problems in bed with her boyfriend. so did A, actually. alice would always come to me with woman’s health problems too. i guess they saw me as experienced and i never felt entirely comfortable with that. the only thing i am experienced in is falling for the wrong guys and making promiscuous decisions. they deserve better advice, really. E told me when he was in trouble. big trouble. that boy had a misplaced heart of gold. i wish he had found a way to realign it. he still hasn’t. L told me secrets….secrets about the things he thought about me…and then tainted that with the way he cheated. he could always redeem himself when he secretly told me about love, and lust, and how emotional the man was. his mind truly is and was beautiful. conan. he was a shining example. a year seven who told a year eleven that he threw himself into a road trying to end it all. he was covered in cuts and bruises, deeper and bluer than i like to recall. he was so damaged. he chose me and i don’t know why. i had met him perhaps twice when he told me. and then he wanted to share about how his mother wanted to move countries. he told me how lonely he felt. i later kicked myself as the trust broke when i got him proper help. he resented me for that therapy. J told me about her abusive ex boyfriend. that time she was locked in the closet. it makes my skin crawl. and then, years later, another J told me about the way her ex boyfriend used to treat her and my skin crawled again. C told me secrets about boys. i still remember the sinking feeling when she fancied the same boy that i did. she dated him for over a year after that. cathcart told me about his obsession with fire and burning himself. the holes in his skin from cigarette burns made him feel whole again. at the time, neat lines of razor blade cuts were my remedy, and the only help i could offer was to listen. S told me a secret about myself. about those stupid stupid photos i sent…and he kept…and he told her he kept. i was so proud of myself for being strong in class - she announced it so publicly (i guess to humiliate him, but she punctured me) - but i cried and cried when i got home. it was one of those times that you cry and you don’t forget about it. the times when you cry to get the poison out. - people have told me lots of secrets, but my own still out number them - its nearly 5am now and i cannot sleep.

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