#and I hate venting about being. not myself because I hate not being myself I hate telling myself I’m falsifying my statements

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

I feel the need to say something. Whether that's because someone might need to hear it, or I just need to get it written down, I don't know and likely never will. Be warned that this post might come across as a little vent-y despite that not being its purpose.

Moral of this post in case you don't want to read it all; the gods are patient. They are kind. Sometimes, in ways you don't expect.

Currently, I am overthinking something. Badly. I can feel it boiling over, and at first I tried to keep it hidden from Loki because I deemed it cringe or bad. Unlovable in some way. (even though I make a point to never label anyone else cringe, this label is often applied to me when I feel self deprecative.)

Eventually I just gave up, because I figured they'd already seen it, and I admit I vented about it. They sat with me and listened, and I could feel that he's just... Distraught. Horrified that I think this part of me is unworthy of existing. He hates that I won't let him help, either.

But the reason I say that the gods are patient is this; I have yet to do a reading about it. I don't allow much in the means of direct communication when I'm talking about it, because I "could just be imagining it" and no matter what stance they take it's either what I want to hear or what I'm afraid of. Both of which I could see myself imagining.

Loki WANTS to help. I can feel him getting antsy, kind of. I almost finally grabbed my cards to do a reading with him tonight, but I'm too tired right now and, admittedly, I'm procrastinating. This is something I am actively beating myself up about, and Loki could absolutely be cruel. They could be my worst fucking nightmare. I know they won't, logically, but emotions are not often logical.

And yet they wait. They're sitting with me right now, I can feel it- and they're going to give me all the time I need. They're a deity, they have all the time in the world. If this were a human friend, and I had vented about this but not been willing to listen to their opinions, I know damn well I would not be given the time I need to prepare myself for that conversation. But Loki isn't human. So they wait until I can pick up those cards and face the fear head-on.

I'm reminded of someone saying that Loki will push you to be far more than you ever knew you could be. I think that's true. But I also think that there's something to say about how patient they are, just... Letting us grow ourselves, walking alongside us while we're fucking terrified, and understanding that these things don't happen overnight.

#witchcraft #paganism #witchblr #pagan #pagan witch #witch community #deity work #eclectic pagan #paganblr #witch blog #loki #loki deity #norse loki #loki devotee

[iamnotphantomswallmarkshipchild]

"

"No germs!! I think. I hope."

what a fucking coolass border

Hey so uh mod here

Whenever the text is bold or in quotes then I'm probably in-character

also i have to specify VERY clearly that i am slightly uncomfortable with people treating this character like a child

if i see you trying to make me play along with the "Lampert is Mark and Wallter's child" i will consider strangling you!!

not like i hate it but

people with the headcanon tend to treat this character a bit like a child at times and that makes me feel icky since i somewhat see myself in this character

not like I'm a fictionkin or anything but

more of just a general kinnie

and i fucking hate the feeling of being treated like a child

for reasons i won't specify.

no asking about that shit or I'll strangle you

also yes i AM aware there are other Lampert blogs btw

i just wanted to make one because of shits and giggles

This blog will mostly be mod just trying to be faithful to the character and just suffering

also mod does not have adhd but luckily has a few tabs grouped together that is just ADHD symptoms and Lampert interactions with the npcs so i don't fuck up his personality

Mod goes by she/her (basic fucking bitch) and in-character Lampert uses He/they

also if you send weird shit or break my boundaries i will close my ask box and start venting about my awful life

yes I'm fucking serious

anyways sorry i didn't let Lampert utter a single word in this post other than one of his canon lines. i didn't want to fuck up a portion of their personality due to my stupid idiot brain being stupid

Lol

#Regretevator #lampert regretevator #regretevator lampert #lampert #ask blog #AskLampertfromthehitrobloxgameregretevatorwhichisaveryepicgame!! #ask blog introduction #mentions of strangling

[genericpuff]

vent post

#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once” #i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO #anxiety is a hell of a thing #and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever #i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up #and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken #but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship #i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it #i am cringe and i am free #self post #vent post #altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read #too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll #i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made #i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol #i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim #i think both things can be true #i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like #while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium #“perfectly balanced as all things should be”

[pansyfemme]

im having anxiety so bad right now that im overwhelmed by noise but quiet is making me so paranoid i cant not have my headphones in

#ive been venting on tumblr since day one of this account but this feels different now #i dont know where to go sometimes i dont want to wake up friends or therapists or parents or even really talk one on one #i just want to speak and people to read it i guess #but ive become really obsessive about being a bad person and its ruining my life lately #there was an incident at home that made me go back into this old thought process i have #and the roomate struggles have made it worse #i feel needy and constantly needing attention and validation and it makes me sick #i want to tell people i love them constantly because i need to but then i convince myself thats also bad that must be manipulation #everytime i dislike someone they must know it and hate me and find me disgusting #im like so tired of obsessions #of not being able to hear words i cant make out without becoming obsessive about how people must be talking about me #and i hate the aftershocks of shame of assuming im even important enough to be talked about #vent tw

[jankwritten]

yall wanna know how fucked up my anxiety is about some shit

i scroll past a post that's about a topic i don't like. whatever, it's fine. i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't care about. that's normal.

i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't like or care about but the person presenting it is a person of color? i IMMEDIATELY feel immensely guilty and need to "compensate" by "proving" it wasn't because of race by also skipping other random posts, JUST IN CASE someone thinks I'm racist because I didn't want to watch a video on a topic I didn't like or care about, that happened to be presented by a person of color.

this just in on: the police in my brain are loud and i'm scared of them

#this is also because i grew up in a racist area and in that culture and my own ignorance i also Was Kinda Racist #but like in that way where you don't realize it's racism until you're out of it and now feel so ashamed that you forcefully block all #those memories just so you don't ever have to associate yourself with them ever again? #(mind you I was like. 15-16 and closeted and scared scared scared all the time so I acted like the Crowd and that was awful of me to do) #BUT NOW that i've grown and am learning and have taken classes on anthropology and all kinds of stuff I just feel like I notice my own shit #like TENFOLD now #it's my anxiety overthinking thing plus if anybody ever knows I could have done anything SLIGHTLY problematic the world will explode #plus my constant paranoia that someone is always watching me and just Knows that I'm Secretly a Bad Person (even though I don't think I am? #also I feel like I need to clarify that the kind of racism in my town wasn't like. klan shit. it was like very hidden racism? #it was like. kids casually doing black accents and making jokes with racist undertones. the kind of racism where race was always #the butt of the joke instead of an outright HATED thing. and I think that's why it was so hard to unlearn #it's like that thing where in order to stop wanting to kill yourself you have to stop joking about wanting to kill yourself #this has become a vent post accidentally i'm so sorry #this is just. one of my Major anxieties that engulfs me every day because of 1) anxiety 2) potential OCD 3) being a bad person in my past #this is another reason I fucking hate florida #because I just know if I had grown up in my home town in MI I would not have been raised in that environment #and it's my own fucking fault for falling into the crowd like that. #all this to say i traumatized myself and likely some people around me by being A Fucking Idiot when I was a kid #and now adult me is doing everything in their power to not ever be that person ever fucking again #tw vent post #tw racism #tw past racism #but im better now and I know my mistakes and I refuse to make them again #fuck florida for every fucking reason under the sun

[prick-love-for-arting]

... Mhm

#haikyuu!! #fan art #sketch #yahaba shigeru #traditional art #haikyuu art #vent art #idk if it actually is but its there in case people dont want to see that kind of stuff #anyway im going to rambling about projecting for a bit because im not feeling so hot rn #1 its low self esteem hours for... reasons I'd rather not disclose because i dont need others feeling bad about it anyway blah blah blah #constant feelings of being undesirable and like im not valuable for just myself throwing that onto Yahaba and his relationship to oikawa #2 i feel very guilty about the way I'm feeling atm because other people are very happy and i just feel like im making things about me being #sad if i say anything to those involved #3 i hate asking for attention and feeling like I'm going out of my way trying to get it when everyone else seems like it just fucking #happens to them instead of searching for it #man maybe getting bullied in middle school did have a lasting impact on me #drawing my boy crying keeps me from crying!! #screaming and crying and whatever else goes with it #anyway... #mutuals please dont ask me about this i just needed to throw it out into the void

[starfleetwitch]

Friends, country men, women and they/thems of the court. It was with great leave of my senses that last week I considered closing this account, destroying all my artwork, deleting my fanfiction and never uttering the name Bernie Wolfe ever again.

(It was a very brief leave of my senses, a split second intrusive thought. Let's be real I've put too many years into this blog and I REALLY cant draw any one else at this point)

It is not a short story but story time is coming whether you asked for it or not because I need to write this shit down somewhere least I somehow someday make peace and forget the absolute BAT SHIT CRAZY bullshit that has been occurring up to this point involving Bernie.

HELL I MAY EVEN WRITE BAD FANFICTION ABOUT IT.

An actual picture of me realising I'd fallen victim to Bernie trolling.

Story is here: I have regrets

#this is a reminder to me to vent into the void later about the possibly of being given PTSD by bernice bloody wolfe #im not going to delete anything #im more rational than that #but i was VERY mad at Bernie and if im to get over it i need to rant about it #so story time is coming lads. #once i finish work some stories will be occuring #because wow #TALK ABOUT KICKING A GIRL WHEN SHES DOWN #this is an angry man yells at cloud type of situation #having said that if my eye twitches anytime shes mentioned for a little while just know its justified #for the record... i brought this on myself. im fully aware #please dont cancel Bernie Wolfe until you know the deets #you can still love a person whos tormented you #its not healthy but you can still absolutely do that #idek how to put this. i dont hate Bernie im still a bernie stan. will be till the day i die #but at the same time she almost made that day come A LOT quicker 🙈😅

[itspileofgoodthings]

.

#Early morning Maria vent post #my anxiety the last couple days has just been so high it’s like walking a tightrope #and I saw a friend yesterday and talked about a lot of the under the surface stuff #and it was good but it also brought so many things into this sharp clarity #that made me dizzy #and made me hate my own desire to have everything just laid out so clearly and so starkly in words #like why can’t I just leave things to cliches. Leave my own psyche to cliches. There’s a reason they exist!!! #but the hunger to understand and articulate is always so strong but when it’s for the big stuff you can’t really put into words #doing so always just leaves me so raw and vulnerable and wretched afterwards #and gosh it’s just been building and building the last few days #and I’m just so tired and so fraught and so tired! Of my own overthinking and circling round a problem #but never being able to talk myself into a clear understanding of what I want to do #I am just. Wrecked and wretched! #which is dramatic because I will be fine and things will keep going #but it’s five in the morning and I am completely taut with anxiety #and it’s awful and everything is awful and I need to cry and sleep #but clearly it was time for my early morning vent post that will be deleted later #the hallmark of me on vacation I guess #so this is me [ screaming into the void ] #this is me trying to get some of that out #thanks for listening etc.

[anaalnathrakhs]

people won't fucking FORGET me i can't handle this anymore there's always a friend who wants to go someplace a friend who needs someone to go to the store with a friend who hasn't seen me in a while who wants to hangout, and i can't let those friendships decay i just can't i can't be this kind of asshole again, but it feels so shit it feels like i can't fucking relax cuz there's always something tomorrow something next week and something to do at school between classes and holy SHIT leave me ALONE please fucking stop talking to me i just want to relax and do things i enjoy.

#part of that is of course that ''going home'' isn't relaxing it's just waiting around for the next big anxiety-inducing event #and weekends aren't relaxing either because it's just more parent time #i do think my social battery would increase a little if i ever fucking get to live alone finally #but in the meantime i'm stuck doing community service because if i don't then nobody will #i can't refuse to do something helpful or nice for people when the alternative is going to binge and hate myself in my room #i just want to be far far away so badly #then i'll have an excuse #im well and truly stuck. either i go and i have a dreadful time before during and after. #or i don't and im missing out and im an awful friend. #before you hit me w the ''you're allowed to skip on an event your friends won't hate you!!!!'' #i want to skip ALL OF THEM #and friendships are watered like plants okay my friends are legitimate not being friends w somebody who never hangs out #jesus christ i want a pause button i want to be stuck in a time loop for a little while #thinking about tomorrow makes me want to rope #i can go to school 9am to 3pm. but technically there's no class. #then my friend wants to go to the night museums for her birthday #which leaves like. five hours at least in the middle. in which we'll have to hang out. #and she wants to get food. #if at any point of that i go home it's the day my mom doesn't work so. i have to spend some more incredibly unsatisfactory time with her. #god it's making me want to rope even more than usual #vent #broadcasting my misery

[vse-kar-vem]

how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)

#sorry tumblr is like a diary to me idk what i'll do w this blog after i (sigh) inevitably move on #either way #im convinced everyone hates me again :3 but realistically no one cares about me even enough to hate me im just stupid and self centred 💔 #if anything me TYPING these posts is actuvely turning people against me #again with the assumptions that people care enough to read these 😭 fhskfbhsjfkg #i hate that i care so much what people online think of me cuz irl it's like. whatever #but here there are so many cool people who i admire and would love to be friends with im always hyperparanoid of everything i do #and still i manage to overstep and come off as annoying #like obvs you're allowed to hate me even if you're someone i look up to like that's your perogative #but i hate worrying about IF anyone hates me #oughgh this is easier irl because usually people send off pretty clear signals if they dont like you #but online (esp with how prickly this fandom is) i don't know whether im being insecure and reading into things or whether people just don't #like me (which again is fine i would just rather know if anyone gets it) #i figure art is the one way i can get people to like me 💔 which sounds kinda pathetic because irl i KNOW im liked and capable! #fandom has just become such a big part of my personality that i cant detach my self worth from it #and i do love art and drawing and such i hate that even if i know people my stuff EYE dont and it doesnt mean anything or act as a signifier #of my friendships #wow .... i really am my own therapist ..... i should shut up #the industrial revolution and its consequences (jofandom) #i think these posts are half self exploration half ... almost self harm? because sometimes im so derogatory about myself on purpose in a #'you're worthless' way. but at the same time it's cathartic and i always feel better having probed at my feelings and gotten them in order #not to do a complete 180 but it's MY post and JO LONDON IN *12* DAYS!!!!!!!! AHH i'm sooo excited if it doesnt live up to my expectations i #may cry a little. and there will be another vent post from me ! #sometimes i wonder if anyone actually reads these 😭 #vee rambles

[puppyeared]

adhd comix

#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired #like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability #and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors #i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working #isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol #if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you #need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid #im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher #to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll #go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms #AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis #theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were #comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run #and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make #a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!! #im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need #to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh #yapping #vent

[fembutchboygirl]

Does everyone's moms hate their daughters bodies or is it just mine

#she could not think i'm more disgusting and damn i'm glad she's only being honest about it since i was 14/15 #because if it had happened earlier at all i would hate myself so much #also it's decided #i'll never ever ever tell her i'm genderfluid #she would institutionalize me i think #vent tw #imagine telling your daughter everyone thinks she's disgusting but you're the only one who says it bc she doesn't want to shave. lol #i hope my parents get divorced so i can visit my dad all the time without having to see her outside of the holidays

[mishapen-dear]

I read that same fic earlier and I just straight up muted the person so their works don't show up for me anymore lmao

there was also another one like that posted yesterday because the person was mad at something qBad did a couple of days ago while not at all in his right mind and amnesiac, it was odd (not shitting on the person just confused and slightly concerned)

yeah there’s. a lot of misconceptions around qbad rn lmao. It’s one of the reasons Im so obnoxious about him, tbh, so that it’s not JUST the negativity that gets spread. He’s a really good target for the hate rn, because he has a smaller fanbase and his pvp playstyle + lore lead him to all that antagonizing during purgatory, and that gets vented out into fics.

It’s genuinely really interesting, the dichotomy that seems to exist between tumblr and twitter regarding him. Ive heard nothing but slander about bbh from twitter (again, he is not faking his illness, that is a lie), but he’s got a solid enough foothold on tumblr that ive seen more hate towards the fans that the cc, here. which makes sense, given how we take over the tag almost ever day when he logs on. genuine o7 to people who find that obnoxious but thats one of the reasons i overtag so much, for blocking purposes.

anyway i think all the bbh mischaracterization means that we just need to write about him more >:D please this is a call for more bbh centric fics from people who do not hate him/know a little bit about his lore. blease he’s such a fun pov to write i promise

#mishapen answers #discourse #<- discussion of it anyway #idk maybe people are spreading lies over here too but i block anyone who doesnt filter their neg/go out of their way to make bad faith #arguments. #i think ita REALLY interesting how seeing all the hate towards bad had me finding myself saltier towards other fans/creators too #so i can understand why these vent fics are being put out yknow sometimes its just really fun to hate a guy #but that’s what neg tags and bashing [character] tags on ao3 are for #on tw/itter where a lot of this gets spread you dont really. Have that #dont mind me ive just been ruminating on this a bunch the past two weeks #ive never been so active in a fandom where discourse had the opportunity to actually reach me #its been p interesting to observe how thats effected the way i say and clarify things #<- rhats the main point of my other post ig because if my gifter is someone who has been seeing nothing but bbh neg after bbh neg comes her #*here and sees me swooning about bbh’s ‘only egg protector’ and ‘no one helps him’ complexes Getting Worse during the end of purgatory #then they dont have the context that im doing so strictly for fun and not putting it on other characters/blaming them for not also swooning #we have media literacy in this house i promise #i would like more characters to have flaws and feel alone and commit incredible sins #anyway. excusez-moi im verbose when im tired and procrastinating #anonymous

[chaoticgouda]

#nonbinary #(saved this bc the first tweet op posted felt mean and made me uncomfortable) #but I still wanted to vent about this because what is restraint and boundaries online amirite #so here we go again: #I feel uncomfortable being called my irl name everywhere except at work and I feel like that’s bc the worksona i crafted #is so irontight that I’m fine being a Lady there but it low-key rankles me anywhere else #idk if that’s a gender thing or just a case of apathy and extreme alienation from myself though #I’d rather die than ever talk to my co-workers about other pronouns or anything though bc the gossip would spread throughout work within- #the hour. and it’s not like people would be really awkward about it (I hope) because I think I’m generally liked by my coworkers. but I’d #hate to be pitied or misunderstood. and it’s not like i have dysphoria or anything so I don’t personally feel justified in calling myself #trans. I’m just alienated from womanhood. but that could also be because i don’t have an interest in most socially-expected ‘woman things’ #and bc I’m not mentally well or het. and that inherently separates you from the expected Girl Experience. #this is really rambly and nonsensical okay I guess if I really thought about it I’d love to be called Krill by everyone because it has less #baggage and feels more like me. but i’m not necessarily upset at being called my RL name. I don’t have dysphoria I just have mild ick. #like I’d prefer being considered a They and not being expected to be any gender at all. but it doesn’t kill me inside y’know #it’s fine. #if you read through this weird personal ramble then thanks ig?

[alicethebard]

.

#vent #ignore or don't I'm not a fucking cop #dysphoria is a fucking bitch and a half #I don't talk about it much on here but I am genderfluid and I have days that are fem masc both neither etc #and most days I don't mind that I look very masc #but I just opened my camera and it was front facing and I almost burst into tears because I saw a man looking back at me #I was feeling very very fem and just the sudden reality slapping me in the face fucking sucked #FUCK I WANT TO START HRT SO FUCKING BAD BUT I CAN'T FUCKING SUPPORT MYSELF SO I HAVE TO LIVE WITH MY PARENTS #and I'm not out to them about being bi let along trans #and though I HOPE they would be supportive #if they aren't I'm literally fucked #I hate it here