#and I have seen this same level of everything rn with other updates and there has not been a single one that tumblr has then reversed as a

[candygalaxyyy]

It’s 4 AM for me rn, I should probably go to bed because my sleeping schedule is a mess… but I’m dead set on understanding the timeline for the eighth sense. Sorry in advance for any misinformation or plot holes :) I’ve been rewatching episode 6 since Wednesday and I’ve just finished rewatching all six episodes again, safe to say things are becoming clearer. So first of all, it’s not a dream. The whole of episode 6, the drowning scene, jae won pulling ji hyun out of the water, it’s all very real. Even though the gas station scenes felt very surreal and almost mystical, especially with the lighting, blurred polaroid effect and music, but it’s still real?! People have already mentioned that on here; about it being real, time being warped with future events and other theories. And idc if this is obvious but I need it in writing to come back to.

Here’s my understanding of the past/present/future theories. Everything in episode 6 is the present, up until the trauma kiss. After the trauma kiss scene the screen fades to black, I believe that indicates a shift in the timeline being shown (it happened before but i forgot when exactly I’ll update later after I’ve watch it again). So the eighth sense is centered around jae won’s therapy session! How do I know this? Well after the opening theme in episode 1 the first scene we see is jae won at his therapist’s, and she says ‘tell me about your worries’. And so the story begins. He mentions in either episode 4 or 5 that his current worries kicked in after leaving the military so we meet ji hyun exactly when jae won’s been discharged. We still get ji hyun’s focus sometimes because as much I feel this story is jae won centered, ji hyun’s perspective gives a full picture of their relationship (have not grasped the whole story of why yet, probably to give depth to ji hyun and his importance in this story).

Jae won’s present day therapy session only appears after certain triggers are brought up, and the most telling one is him getting wasted, and his dad smashing the camera his brother gifted him (episode 5). I think this is the trigger that causes the whole therapy session, cause he mentions him putting up a front (his fake friend taehyung talking about his family), his dad aggression (broken camera) and other things we’ve seen. Furthermore, it was the longest snippet of the session we’ve seen thus far. It’s also all one session, we know this because they’re wearing the same clothes and hair in every therapy scene. Anyways, as he lets all his worries out and she asks what makes you happy these days. He thinks of ji hyun, tells her and then she says she should further their relationship if that’s the case. So he decides to take ji hyun to the beach, following the advice of his therapist and since ji hyun told him to rely on him. (present day leading to episode 6). So now we are in episode 6, going to the beach and all that good stuff, Jae won opens up because he’s just been advised to deepen his relationship with ji hyun and he feels comfortable to do so. They surf and give each other trauma through kisses… THE SREEN FADES TO BLACK.

We’ve jumped to the future, the lighting, tones and atmosphere after the trauma kisses has totally shifted from the rest of the episode, so it’s fitting to say it’s future events. To me that hotel scene is another trip in the future because they clearly say that they are only staying for that one night on the beach, because they don’t have clothes (and after them getting close on that trip it is safe to assume they will definitely go on more boyfriend trips). One reason I think the writers might have done this is to remind us of jae won’s current relationship with well deep relationships. All of his relationships after his brother and up till ji hyun were surface level. Why? Because he lost someone who he loved so deeply in such a traumatic way, he couldn’t protect his brother, he couldn’t protect his love so he chooses to disassociate from human relationships. But he can’t do that with ji hyun, he’s on his path of loving ji hyun. HE TOLD HIM SOMETHING HE’S NEVER TOLD ANYONE EVER BEFORE, HE WANT TO BE A PHOTOGRAPHER AND ONLY HIS YOUNGER BROTHER KNEW THAT. JAE WON IS ALREADY TRUSTING AND LOVING JI HYUN ON ANOTHER LEVEL THAN ALL HIS CURRENT RELATIONSHIPS. And of course after this we cut to them getting even more intimate and in their boyfriend era in the hotel, that’s their future. The drowning scene is also their future. And how will jae won react to *potentially losing another loved one after just starting to open up again (JI HYUN WON’T DIE THOUGH). How will he handle the guilt and pain he feels when ji hyun ends up in a hospital bed because of them surfing together in deeper water when ji hyun can swim that well? How will ji hyun handle it this time around?

#idk if this makes sense #it’s 4am #and I’m sleep deprived #so this is probably not the most coherent post #but I just had to write this down before it completely escapes my mind #sorry for any grammar and spelling mistakes #but they definitely hit the mark with this one #it’s such and interesting and compelling story #even the the plot is nothing new #but the storytelling is refreshing and exciting #i love it here #i love these two #jaewon x jihyun #jae won #ji hyun #the eighth sense #Korean drama #korean bl #lgbtq

[michaelgovehateblog]

Maybe this is controversial, but surely the most effective way of showing that you don’t like post +, far more than than any protest log offs, is to just not use the feature. Don’t implement it on your blog, and if anyone does use it on their blog, don’t pay for their posts, and even encourage others not to use it, if you want. Yeah it’s a kind of dumb feature, but people seem to be forgetting that its also entirely optional - none of the risks involved in monetising fan work or in giving tumblr access to your card details really matter if you just don’t do that and I’m sure that posts warning about it have been spread far enough that anyone who uses tumblr regularly enough to in theory be part of the demographic who would use monetisation features must know about it now. Tumblrs done a lot of updates over time that people dislike, and this is one of the few that are possible to just entirely ignore

#I thought we were just making memes I didn’t realise people were genuinely angry about this #i think I’ve just been around for so many updates people hate at this point that I’m kind of numb to them now lol #and this one is genuinely dumb compared to some other updates everyone hates but actually did make more sense #(​like changing the post format) but also unlike some of those which you couldn’t avoid and just had to get used to #we can all just ignore this #and I have seen this same level of everything rn with other updates and there has not been a single one that tumblr has then reversed as a #result #and I doubt it will happen on this one either but again we can all just ignore and forget about it and there’s every chance tumblr will #forget it too and neglect it and who knows maybe even remove it later down the line if it’s completely unsuccessful #but then again maybe not because fanmail has been gone for years and they only just removed mention of it in the inbox #but yeah idk I’m just not putting my energy into being angry about yet another dumb tumblr update #post plus #and I’ve also seen these protest log offs before and probably even taken part I don’t actually remember and I doubt the website has even #noticed a single one #post+

[reporterleroux]

The Hybrids Society

Characters: c!hybrids x gn!striderhybrid!reader (/p)

A/N: Yet again suggested by my friend my ideas are on a low rn lmao

UPDATE AFTER WRITING:

I have been made aware that Ranboo is uncomfortable with x readers, I am trying to privately save any to find things that may possibly be uncomfortable for him in the future and avoid them, however I cannot do that with asks. This can be read as a friendship if you please, I personally don't think it's weird for friends to hold hands, but if youre uncomfortable please scroll.

-------------------------------------------------------

The hybrids of the SMP always seemed to be pretty innocent, doing their own things, living their own lives. But behind the scenes there was a secret society for them. A society away from normal humans. A society built for them. It simply went by the Hybrids Society, that's all. It was a group for everything, from healing and support, to meetings for when it came to more serious times. When it came to meetings, everyone had to attend, but otherwise it was open for any of them to stroll in and get what they need any time. The main people you would normally see there would be Ranboo, Tubbo, Fundy and Phil, Techno and Foolish would appear from time to time when needed, but otherwise the others were barley seen at all. It was content, quiet enough for them. They had all the support they could need, right where only they could find it. It was only these lot, until you came along.

It was just a normal day for you, strolling around the lowest points of your home on the lava, checking in on all your friends and family, even if they were full Striders and not Human hybrids. That was until 2 people saw you.

"Uh, Phil? That's a person, right?"

Ranboo asked Phil. They were out looking for some Quartz, it would usually be Phil and Techno or Ranboo and Techno, but he was busy today, so the 2 of them went instead. Phil looked awfully confused, so Ranboo pointed in your direction, both seeing you playing with the smaller Striders in the middle of the lava pool.

"Oh yeah mate, it looks so. How are they not burning?"

Phil said. Ranboo just shrugged in confusion. They stood in silence, careful to be aware of their surroundings, watching you trying to figure out how you weren't burning.

"Why don't we go down and talk to them?"

Ranboo suggested. Phil took a moment to look in his inventory for cobble, if they were going to head towards you, they needed enough.

"Got any spare cobble? I think I'm just slightly short of it."

Phil asked Ranboo. You didn't have to ask him twice, as he pulled out all the cobble in his inventory and passed it to Phil. You could tell he was excited to meet you.

It wasn't long until they were at a suitable level and started bridging towards you. About halfway through their bridging, you noticed them, and decided to walk towards them to help them save resources. They somehow didn't notice you, not until you started talking to them.

"Hello."

You simply stated. The bridging blonde was taken by surprise and fell from the shock. If it wasn't for you catching him, he would've fallen into the lava.

"Sorry about that, here, pass me that, I'll help you."

You said as Phil passed you the cobble, and you began to build a bigger platform for them to stand on.

"Thanks... Wh-whats your name?"

The bi coloured boy asked, clearly nervous about meeting you, now that it was happening in person.

"I'm Y/N, how about you guys?"

Ranboo looked at Phil, and Phil looked at Ranboo, both clearly confused on who's answering first.

"I'm Phil, and this is Ranboo."

Phil finally spoke up, pointing at Ranboo as he said his name. He waved in response.

"Nice names! Would you like to stay and chat for a bit? Obviously if you're not busy, it's just nice to talk to someone since noone here speaks English."

You said. The 2 looked at eachother, remembering what they came for.

"We gotta get some Quartz, but you can come with us if you can walk on land?"

Phil asked. You thought about it for a moment. You'd never been on land before. Would you drag them behind their schedule? Striders are infamous for walking slowly on land, is it the same with you?

"Yeah, sure! I'm not sure if I'll slow you down though, I've never walked on land before."

You answered, excitement dying down slightly in the second sentence. Ranboo looked at you in slight disappointment of your excitement dying down.

"Don't worry kid, it's fine. There's a first time for everything, isn't there?"

You nodded in responce, and Phil held out his hand to pull you up, as the platform was one block above lava level. You placed your bare feet on the cobble. It was cold, rocky. But nice. It was different, you liked that. Phil started walking back, Ranboo behind him and you behind Ranboo, surprising you as you were walking at the same speed as them.

You were next to Ranboo, the 2 of you walking behind Phil, talking while he looked for Quartz. Ranboo would unconsciously stop talking at times to study you and your hybrid features. You had pale red skin, dark red hair, and wore a raggy shirt and trousers.

"So,"

Ranboo began.

"What other hybrid features do you have?"

You thought for a moment. The issue is you didn't really know. You never went outside the lava, never tried something new before today.

"To be honest, I'm not sure. I've never left the lava before today. All I know is that I like mushrooms, it's the only edible vegetation here for me and it's quite nice."

Ranboo let out a slight laugh at your honest opinions, which made you smile. You didn't know what you did or how you did it, but it felt nice.

You were all there for a while, you got to know Ranboo quite well and he got to know you quite well. You got back to the portal, kinda upset that it was time for them to leave. They both looked at you, before looking at eachother, and back at you again.

"Would you like to come with us? Y'know, like live in the overworld with us, meet out friends?"

Your eyes visibly lighted up.

"Yes! I'd love to!"

You called out. Ranboo offered you his hand so he could help you through the portal, which you excitedly took. You all stepped through the purple swirls, and before you knew it, you were somewhere you've never seen before.

It was indoors and decorated like your home, granted, but you cod tell it was different. You felt scared. You gripped Ranboos hand tighter, he looked over to you confused until he realised how scared you looked.

"Hey, it's ok, it's a nice world out there, trust me."

Ranboo told you with a smile. You smiled back but still didn't let go of his hand fully, you just released your grip a bit. It was all fine until you got to the exit of the building. It was pouring down with rain. Phil looked over at Ranboo and handed him a coat. You looked confused.

"He's an enderman hybrid, so he can't go into the rain. Wait, since you're a hybrid from the nether, does that mean you can't go out into rain?"

Phil said. You shrugged before you stuck the back of your hand out into the rain. It only took a single drop for you to pull your hand back in pain. You could see where it landed, it was physically sizzling.

"Ah. In that case, wanna get under with me?"

Ranboo asked, lifting up the coat so you could get under. You edged closer to him, as he released your hand and rested it across your back and looped his hand to hold onto your stomach. You reached up for his hand with one of yours, the other pulling the edge of the coat down. It wasn't overly comfortable, it wasn't the biggest coat, and Ranboo had to bend down to your level due to his height. But it was whatever it took for you both to be safe. The issue is you assumed you were running and didn't know where to go.

"Uh, Phil? I guess we're running, right? I have no clue where were going."

Phil looked at you, before looking at Ranboo and turning back around.

"Don't worry, Ranboo will show you. Now, ready? Let's go!"

Phil said before running into the rain, the 2 of you close behind. Ranboo held you close, making sure you weren't hurt at all. He was used to this by now, but was aware you were new to rain, and wanted to make sure you get back in one piece.

You finally reached where you were heading to, and Ranboo stood at his full height, letting the wet coat fall off both your backs. Phil was aware of why you both didn't touch it and picked it up for you. You followed Ranboo into the place.

"This, Y/N, is what we like to call the Hybrids Society. It's a place open for all hybrids whenever they need it. It's hidden away from the non-hybrids, so please don't tell them about it."

Ranboo said. You nodded when he said not to tell the non-hybrids, as you both approached a corner. You tugged on his jacket to grab his attention.

"I'm not sure about this mind..."

You said nervously. Sure, you were excited to meet hybrids like you, but it was also nerve wracking.

"Don't stress, you'll be fine."

You grabbed Ranboos hand and walked behind him as he walked around the corner. Phil had already walked ahead.

"Hey Fundy, Tubbo, Techno! Were back!"

Ranboo said as he walked in. You hoped his tall figure would hide you since you were considerably shorter than him.

"Hey Ranboo! Why's your hand behind your back?"

Fundy asked, as Tubbo nodded in agreement to his question. Techno was looking through chests for potion ingredients, not paying attention to them. Phil was in the corner smiling, looking for some clothes for you to wear. Ranboo looked at you, as you looked back up at him. He smiled at you softly.

"Remember what I said, it'll be fine."

You slowly poked your head out from behind him, before showing your whole self, waving at them nervously, still holding Ranboos hand.

"This is Y/N. They're a Strider Hybrid and we met them in the Nether earlier."

Ranboo introduced you. Techno perked up at the fact you were found in the Nether and finally looked at you both.

"Hello Y/N! I'm Tubbo, I'm a Goat hybrid!"

Tubbo introduced himself as he waved at you excitedly. You smiled and waved back.

"I'm Fundy, a Fox hybrid. Nice to meet you."

Phil had finished looking for clothes by now and was watching you all. He could see Techno looking at you in curiosity as to your hybrid abilities. He made his way over to him and nudged him.

"Go on then mate, introduce yourself!"

Phil whisper-shouted to Techno.

"Uh, yeah right, sorry. I'm Technoblade, but you can just call me Techno."

He said in a monotone voice before turning back to what he was doing.

"Y/N, here, go put these on, it's probably more comfortable than what you're wearing now."

Phil said as he handed you the clothes he picked out, baggy jeans and a red shirt. You took them before Phil pointed towards where you could go change. You walked off to go change, while the others continued the conversation.

"So, about you guys,"

Fundy began with a smirk on his face. Ranboo instantly cut him off, knowing what he was going to say.

"Were just friends. They were nervous about leaving their long time home, and I don't blame them. We talked alot during the trip so I suppose we got quite close and they started clinging to me for safety? I'm not sure, we'll just see how it goes."

Ranboo said. It was a simple response, with a simple theory, he just didn't know if it was correct.

You later walked out of where you were changing in your new clothes, happy with the selection.

"These are nice, thanks Phil."

You said. Phil simply nodded his head slightly.

"Hungry? There's some mushrooms over there if that's what you fancy. They're overworld ones though, not ones from the Nether."

Ranboo asked. You headed towards where Ranboo pointed and looked at the mushrooms. They were way different to ones you were used to, they were beige or red and white spotted, rather than blue and orange. You looked back over as if to say "Are these safe to eat?" and they all nodded. You simply shrugged before taking one of each and trying them one after the other.

"Mm! These are nice! Different from the usual, granted but it's nice that they are different."

You sealed the approval of the mushrooms.

You hung out at the base of the Society for a bit longer, meeting more hybrids and getting to know others better. It was getting late, and there was just one problem. You didn't have anywhere to sleep. You started getting tired, and they all noticed.

"Hey, we got beds here, want us to stay here tonight and we'll find you somewhere to sleep tomorrow?"

Tubbo asked, praying the others wouldn't mind what he put them up to. All you could do was nod, before you physically went out cold.

"Damn, they are tired, huh. It's been a long day for them I suppose."

Phil said, while Ranboo picked you up before taking you to one of the beds and staying until you felt comfortable.

"Goodnight Y/N. See you tomorrow."

He said before walking out. It was a different life, of course it was, but it was going to be a nicer one for you, with more people to talk to, and a best friend you would trust with your life.

-------------------------------------------------------

A/N: a place for them would be nice where they just do stuff yeah

#dream smp #ranboo #philza #tubbo #fundy #technoblade #ranboo x reader #philza x reader #tubbo x reader #fundy x reader #technoblade x reader

[wizkiddx]

the worst case scenario part 4

Finally! Sorry it took so so long I’ve just been mad busy! I’m really not sure how much I like this, but deff this is the second last part (if people still want another) so not much more to endure and suffer through if your stuck in it ahah x

tomhollandxreader

Warnings [please check before reading!!] : mentions of death / hospitals and ICUs / bit of lack of childhood love (have no idea how to phrase that rn wow)

Tom had silently cried again when saying goodnight to Y/n for the evening. Harrison hadn’t a clue what to do, except stand back helplessly and watch, giving his friend a bit of space - but at the same time not letting him go it alone. It took a painfully long time for Tom to collect himself before he could straighten up and turn toward Haz.

“You sure you don’t mind staying with her?” Harrison nodded pitifully at Tom’s glassy eyes, the way his eyebrows were furrowed downwards.

“I’ll stay till 10, I got her”

“I owe you bro” Mumbling, Tom launched himself to wrap his arms round his taller mate - squeezing extra hard because that was a way of distracting him from the emotions still threatening to overtake him.

“Nah I’m not doing this for you div…. I love her too ya know?” That made Tom scoff laugh a little, nodding his head as he leant away.

“Yeh she…she has that effect. Just-“ Tom momentarily looked back at the bed, watching the ventilator pump air to mechanically inflate your lungs. “Just call me if anything happens, please promise me.”

“You already know I will…. but- and I know this is hard for you- but you have to promise me you’ll give the baby a chance?” Tom gulped at the mention, looking away at the blue curtains for a minute, his jaw clenching. “Come on Tom just give her a feed or something… you know it’s what Y/n would want.“

“Can we not speak about this in front of her please?” Tom's voice was short and teeth were gritted as he gestured at his unconscious fiancé, giving the clear impression to H that it wasn’t really a question. The nurse pretended to busy herself monitoring all Y/n’s readings, feeling incredibly awkward. She was the one who had mentioned to Tom that Y/n might be able to hear, at the time meaning to be a comforting and possibly hopeful gesture, now she was deeply regretting it. This wasn’t the first uncomfortable situation she’d been in, working 1 on 1 with patients in ICU meant you were automatically privy to some of the deepest conversations between patients and relatives - though this was the first time it was a celeb too, especially one who valued his privacy so much. It was more than obvious Tom wasn’t uncomfortable just because his fiancé might be conscious enough to hear.

“No Tom I…” Harrison lost control. He snapped “No not at all! Because I know she’d want me to give you a good bloody shake! I get you haven’t landed on a name yet but at least see your daughter! I bloody hope Y/n hears this… if that’s what it takes for you to realise that, to be honest she’d be heartbroken and betrayed that you haven’t been loving your baby!”

Silence, except for the beeping and whirring of the various machines.

And the silence stayed for a painfully long time - Tom and Harrison holding each other in intense eye contact, whilst the nurse bit her lip in the corner. Harrisons breathing was slightly ragged from the whisper-shouted words that he’d let slip out. The atmosphere was tense, the nurse was inwardly preparing calling for help if and when Tom ultimately started throwing fists at his friend.

It took literal minutes for Harrison to concede, his friend's dark eyes painfully boring into his skull. Again he hadn’t meant to go off like that, he really didn't want to hurt his friend who was literally going through hell and back. Now wasn’t the time for tough love really , and Harrison instantly felt an insurmountable level of guilt.

“I-I didn-“

“-her names Aurora.”

“No Tom I’m sorry I really didn-“

“Her name is Aurora. Aurora Christina Mary Holland.” Tom wasn’t joking. He was so deadly and sincerely serious. Harrison had no trouble believing this, believing that Tom had been ruminating all day on this - just by the look of his brown eyes.

“It’s beautiful.” The blonde almost was gasping, inwardly repeating the name as a chant inside his head, correlating it to the memories of earlier that day when he was cradling the girl. There was no doubt about it- Aurora was an Aurora, it suited her perfectly. Yes, it wasn’t typical but it was beautiful. “What’s it mean?” He only asked because nobody picked a name without looking into it and Harrison knew that the couple had yet to name the little girl when she was first born as they were still torn between a few carefully considered options.

“Dawn like sunrise I think and-and, you know… the auroras that me and Y/n saw in Iceland the night I…. The night I proposed.”

The word held an awful lot of emotion for Tom. Y/n had always been one of those people - the ‘look up’ type or the ‘smell the roses’. Underneath her sarcasm and wit, she was one of the purest people, in the way that all she needed was the little things in life. It was a ball ache to Tom sometimes but Y/n always would drag him out of bed at stupid o’clock in the morning on a beautiful day to see the sunrise. He’d moan and groan all the way, only to grow silent when he gazed deeply at the sunrise sparkling her eye as she peered out at the horizon.

Of course, the aurora borealis was important too. You can probably already guessed; Y/n loved the night sky and stars too. She also loved the snow, the winter, the cosy log fires, the walks spent launching the freezing powder at Tom’s face - only to get it returned twice as bad. So when Tom was ready and oh so certain he would spend the rest of his life with her, a trip to Iceland seemed a pretty good opportunity to do it. No expense was spared on their little cabin in the woods, wrapped in cosy blankets staring up at the sky through the transparent roof that was the reason this cabin was so incredibly expensive. They’d spent the evening after they’d got back from exploring the frozen forest wrapped in the thick white duvet, chatting pure rubbish while cradling a luxurious hot chocolate, complete with marshmallows and whipped cream. Then these almost otherworldly green and blue ribbons grabbed their attention, dancing and waving across the deep midnight sky. Whilst she was transfixed, hair billowing round her on the pillow while staring upwards - that was when Tom leaned over, pulling the little black box out of the bedside table.

And then there was the new connotation to the word. The new situation that had him so incredibly hesitant to label her just yet. If Aurora meant a new dawn and meant life without Y/n he didn’t want it. More than that, he refused. No matter how impossible it was, Tom refused to think about life without her. It just wasn’t an option. It couldn’t happen.

Yet without much control over his own mouth, when Harrison had asked, it had just slipped out. He knew it had to be her name. But the fact he’d spoken it… that was terrifying.

“Well go see Aurora Tom… please.” This time they’d swapped, Tom was stoney faced and Harrison knew he was about to cry, which really Tom didn’t need to witness. What he needed to do was get him with his daughter. So again, for now, Harrison's emotions would wait.

And with only a small nod of parting, off Tom walked. The man left in the bay released a breath he didn’t know he was holding before turning and all but collapsing into the armchair next to Y/n. Unsurprisingly, this still was too much to process and shut his eyes, squeezing the bridge between the nose as he tried to slow down all the blurring thoughts in his mind - simultaneously trying to bring each one into focus and shock … that wasn’t very easy.

It was in fact at least two and a half hours he sat there, the white noise of the ward whirring dully in Harrison's head while he spent the time just… thinking. He looked asleep, eyes closed and slumped in the chair but he was painfully awake. All the remaining energy that dwindled in him from before this whole nightmare had started was spent trying to organise his thoughts; process all the medical explanations and jargon he’d heard; everything he’d seen, all the wires and tube; the advice on how to feed a baby with a bottle.

That was until a voice got progressively louder from the background crackle, slowly forming into intelligible words.

“Sir… Sir?” Blinking forcefully Harrison's eyes lazily focused on the nurse that had been stationed next to Y/n for certainly as long as he had been here, her black hair pulled tightly into a low bun and kind eyes smiling at him. “Sorry for waking you.”

“No no I was just ehrmm… just thinking.” She nodded with a gentle smile that kind of suggested she didn’t believe him but relented all the same.

“It’s just getting late and I thought you’d like an update before I clock off for the evening?” Nodding frantically, Harrison’s eye quickly shot over to Y/n - just to check she was still there.

“Okay well it all seems really positive actually. The doctors were in just before…” Alright, so maybe H had fallen a little bit asleep because he definitely didn’t know that the doctor had been in. “… they’ve withdrawn the sedation and her GCS has started to improve slightly, which basically is a measure of how unconscious a person is.”

“She’s waking up?” Haz was now bolt upright in the chair, looking between the nurse and the still apparently unconscious women lying in the bed.

“Very slowly… but it is looking good, maybe, the doctors are keen to see her condition tomorrow. I thought you might like to help me do her last GCS check of the evening?”

Just maybe the nurse had already taken these set of observations before she’d stirred Harrison but it was a nice way to demonstrate improvements that couldn’t really be seen to a patient's relative - who couldn’t interpret results like qualified health care professionals could. Hopefully, Y/n’s response would be the same as before and then maybe Harrison could report back to the heartbroken fiancé that maybe things weren’t so bad. Standing in front of Harrison, the state of him was more than evident and she had a sneaking suspicion Tom would be worse. Instantaneously then, Harrison nodded vigorously; jumping out his chair with sprite that even he didn’t know he had.

“Okay so in GCS we test eye responses, verbal responses and the motor - so movement…” The lady talked through it all to Haz who listened intently, nodding his head every so often. She then went through the process of first asking Y/n to open her eyes - nothing. Then applying light pressure to her forehead, still Y/n lay still. She then moved on to trying to rouse her with words, getting Harrison to join in but still receiving nothing back. It was starting to feel a bit hopeless to Harrison, yet he still entertained the lady, going through all her steps.

“Okay so now we test movement so first hold her hand and ask her to squeeze it.” Following her directions precisely Harrison tried, still receiving absolutely no response. “Okay so now we add stimuli, trying squeezing between her shoulder and neck, like your pinching her just not too hard.”

Hesitantly Harrison reached up to her shoulder adding a small pressure between his thumb and first and second finger. Again nothing happened but the nurse encouraged him to go a bit harder - he was being light as he just didn't want to hurt her. With a nod and a small mumble of “cmon Y/n/n” he added strength. It took a moment or two but then sure as Harrison standing there himself, Y/n’s opposite right arm limply twitched upwards - making a small almost pathetic, yet still very clear attempt to remove the pressure on her shoulder.

Looking up at the nurse pleadingly Harrison received a confirmatory nod back at him - communicating the fact that this was indeed progress. In fact, just seeing Y/n not completely limp and almost vegetative - made his adrenalin soar.

“It’s baby steps but in the right direction okay?”

Letting out a breathy and relieved laugh Harrison nodded jerkily, wiping his cheek on his shoulder just because there might’ve just been a tear or two there.

/////////////////////////

For Tom forcing himself to leave the ICU was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. Why he had ever agreed with his mother was so ridiculously beyond on him, yet he felt he had somewhat lost his choice thanks to his well meaning best mate forcing him down the children’s floor. It wasn’t that he hated Aurora, physically that was an impossibility. And yet he hated what she’d done to Y/n, he hated that he was alone in this, he hated the whole situation. Which ultimately was his fault 9 months ago- which just made him hate himself even more.

Also in some weird and convoluted way, he felt as though he was betraying Y/n by seeing their baby. And that was exactly why… it was their baby. She’d been so excited, so so over the moon when those two lines appeared on the stick - it was cruelly unfair that he was physically capable to see her and Y/n was paralysed in an unconscious state.

Again his body seemed to be on autopilot, Tom was confused as to how he knew where he needed to go - having skilfully avoided the children’s ward for as long as possible. It was like a homing instinct, as much as he consciously was almost terrified to see her - he still appeared to need her near him. Seeing his parents in the hallway, Nikki cradling the little bundle wrapped in blankets, both of them making small talk to the nurse opposite. It was his dad who noticed him first, looking over the cautious look in his eyes and the way his fingers clutched nervously at the bottom of his hoodie.

“How is she?”

“The same I guess… she okay?” He nodded toward the little baby, Nikki looking up excitedly.

“She’s beautiful… a little bit stressed out but…” Nikki referred to her slight fussing, which was clearly far from full blown scream, more like tired and muted groans.She didn't really realise her poor choice of words till her son mumbled under his breath.

“Not the only one.”

Before she could apologise and backtrack, the same nurse who had been so kind to Harrison approached them all.

“Ah… Mr Holland right?” He nodded passively, receiving yet another sympathetic smile back. So many of them had been chucked about today, each one becoming less and less helpful and more and more infuriating. Though Tom was not about to fly off the handle since in all honesty, he was too drained for that. “ I just need to get you to sign some paperwork in private with me before we can formally discharge baby Holland. Would you mind bringing her in here?”

Almost even before finishing the statement she had already disappeared through a door into another hospital room, as if demanding him to follow immediately in order to comply with her busy schedule. Still stood a little dazzled, Tom watched the door swing shut while his brows furrowed, until eventually turning back to his mum. Aurora’s groans and general discontent had somewhat escalated during the small interaction with the nurse lady, her immature lungs producing an impressive level of volume. Nikki was doing the best she could, bouncing the little bundle up and down though it had little effect.

So wordlessly and as if in slow motion, Tom took the two steps necessary to be inches away from his mum - now able to completely see Aurora’s distressed face scrunching up with each sharp inhalation. He didn’t want to but Harrison had betrayed him by telling Y/n; the nurse wanted her in the side room; and he did…. He did want to. Wanted to have her pure and soft skin nested into his chest not Nikki’s; wanted to be her safety and her comfort; wanted to do Y/n proud.

In silence, Tom scooped the girl out his mum's grip, both Dom and Nikki watching his with cautious and shocked eyes - as Tom kept his gaze completely on the little thing. Then, he whisked the two of them into the room, away from the prying eyes (even if they were his own parents and Aurora’s grandparents).

As soon as he walked in the nurse pressed her mouth shut, sensing the need to be an invisible entity for a short while. Dom and Nikki had expressed their concerns about Tom’s feeling toward the baby girl before he’d arrived on the ward. She was acutely aware this was the first time he’d held his child in the last 18 hours.

Tom sat down, the girl silent now as she blinked open heavy eyes in confusion, probably because she recognised these arms but couldn’t place where. That was the first time Tom had seen his daughters eyes and all he saw was Y/n. Her Y/e/c eyes with the little darker flick in the bottom half of each iris. Aurora was his little piece of Y/n, which in that moment Tom realised was perhaps what he needed all day. Tears were tracking steadily down his cheeks while Tom used the back of his first finger to gently stroke up and down Aurora’s little chin- enjoying the way she leant into the action, uncoordinated movements of her head wiggling herself within the crook of his elbow.

The two of them and then the nurse opposite just sat quietly for five or so minutes, till eventually - lulled by her Dad’s regular stroking action, deep breaths and scent- Aurora let her eyes close again.

“She looks very happy with you Dad.” The nurse thought now was the safest time to speak, voice low, then taking the time to wait for Tom to respond. When eventually he did, it didn’t really fit the conversation but it was all Tom wanted to - and could- say in that moment.

“She’s just like her mum.”

The two then went through all the various forms Tom had to sign, all of which he did carefully so as not to disturb the little girl in his arms. It didn't take long before the nurse woman was ushering him out back into the hallway, where his parents were waiting anxiously for him. Dom saw the tear tracks Tom hadn’t bothered to wipe away, putting two and two together to realise maybe he’d come to his senses. So with the question of are you ready to go, Dom was more than delighted by the response he received. It wasn’t actually directed at him, more a breathy rhetorical question the sleeping child securely nestled into her dad’s toned arms.

“Let’s get you home Aurora.”

Because like it or not; no matter what the outcome was with Y/n there was doubt that this was a new start. A new dawn. It was terrifying, stressful and hard but in the same way you can’t fight the coming sunrise; Tom knew he couldn’t fight this event. It was happening, dawn was breaking and it was Aurora, him and Y/n. In whatever way fate chose it to be. A new ‘dawn’.

Aurora.

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #dad!tom #tom holland angst #Tom Holland angst

[just-stop]

From AFLW to roller derby, experts say its time to take concussion in women's sport seriously

When the Crows chase their third AFLW premiership on Saturday, captain Chelsea Randall will be watching from the sidelines.

A concussion from a collision during last week's preliminary final left her ruled out of the match.

It's a bitter sweet way to end a season — but as Sarah McCarthy knows, a concussion can have much longer consequences

In 2016, Sarah was the jammer for her Sydney roller derby team, skating at high speed in the league's Grand Final, aiming to get past the opposition and score points.

Risks of contact sport

Sarah McCarthy received a knock to the head during a roller derby match.

"I was a few feet in front of the pack, looking over my shoulder," she tells ABC RN's Sporty.

As she skated, a competitor's elbow hit Sarah's neck and jaw hard and she crashed to the ground.

She doesn't remember if she passed out or not, but recalls feeling briefly sick.

She got up, sat out for awhile, but later re-joined the bout, feeling reasonably ok.

It was Sarah's second concussion that week, having had an earlier blow at training.

The next few months passed in a blur of sickness, dizziness and ringing ears.

"I could barely make it past lunch time without falling asleep. My head felt like it was in a vice 24 hours a day," she says.

What was worse, says Sarah, was the memory loss, heightened emotions, and constant haze in her mind as she struggled to manage a big work project.

Sarah's experience is not out of the ordinary. Experts say sportswomen are at higher risk of concussion than male athletes, and the effects of concussion in women tend to be more severe.

Sarah still lives with the ongoing after effects of her concussion even today.

Almost five years on, Sarah continues to live with the implications of Post Concussion Syndrome.

"I struggled verbally, and I still do now if I have a poor night's sleep," Sarah says.

"It's almost like I'm sitting on a chair in a room with a curtain around me and all of my vocabulary is just beyond the curtain. And I can't reach it or I use the wrong words. I forget people's name all the time," she says.

"I'm fatigued every day. I still can't exercise. I can't handle stress, I can't handle light, I can't handle sounds."

What happens when you're concussed?

Dr Adrian Cohen, an emergency and trauma physician who researches concussion prevention, says concussion is not as simple as was once thought.

He says concussion results in less blood flow to the brain.

This means brain cells, called neurons, don't get enough oxygen and glucose. They also suffer a "structural deformity".

Basically, Dr Cohen says, the brain has a "metabolic crisis" and neurons stop working properly.

Why is concussion more common in women?

We don't have enough data on the size of the problem, Dr Cohen says.

But research and scrutiny of concussion in women in sport is growing — largely in the wake of developments in elite men's sport such as the AFL and NFL.

"Doctors like myself who work in this area are definitely seeing it more often and we're seeing it with more severity," Dr Cohen says.

He says women sustain more concussions than men in high-impact sports such as rugby league, rugby union and Australian rules football. Women also take longer to recover.

One possibility is that women may be more likely to report concussion.

But Dr Cohen says there are complex physiological factors at play.

"There are structural differences between men and women's brains," he says.

"They actually have a slightly faster metabolism than male brains, and they have slightly greater oxygen flow to the head.

"The cells themselves can be thought of as being slightly hungrier. So in the context of an injury that disrupts the supply of glucose and oxygen, it can help explain why they suffer more damage."

He also says women are joining high impact sports without years of tackle training and have had less opportunity to build up the strong neck muscles crucial in protecting against impact.

Dr Cohen says these factors are not an argument for reducing women's participation in contact sport — the benefits, he says, far outweigh the risks — but he is urging for new ways to minimise those risks.

"We have to outlaw illegal play that causes damage, we have to get people off the field when they have an injury, we have to recognise concussion," he says.

He is part of a team developing a new device which he says can quickly and accurately assess a player for concussion.

"Instead of just asking somebody whether they're okay, and putting [them] through a 10 minute test, which seems fundamentally flawed at the moment, we have got to put this in the field of objectivity."

Concussion and migranes

Dr Rowena Mobbs, a Macquarie University neurologist who researches and treats the effects of concussion in sportspeople, says there is truth to suggestions that women experience concussion symptoms more severely.

"But there is this really important overlap of chronic migraine after trauma, and the term for this is post-traumatic headache," she says.

"When we talk about migraine ... they're the same multitude of symptoms that can occur in concussion.

"So you can be dizzy and clouded in your thinking, lethargic and have double vision. And we know that women are at three times the risk of chronic migraine than men."

A woman on roller skates playing roller derby can be seen flying up the court.

Experts say more research is needed into concussion in sportswomen.(Liam Mitchell Photography )

She suggests there could be an association between chronic migraine syndrome and concussion, a kind of double whammy for women.

"It's really a complex area," Dr Mobbs says.

"It's fairly new to research because, unfortunately, there's been so much preferred research in men in sport, and we're only just now approaching female concussion."

In Australia, the Sports Brain Bank works on diseases such as chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) and other brain disorders associated with previous concussions or head impacts.

Dr Cohen says there are several Australian sports women who've pledged to donate their brain to the Sports Brain Bank.

"But in general terms, these women won't have been playing the games for as long, and at as high a level," he says.

He says concussion and its long-term consequences "are a numbers game".

"The more impacts to the head you have, the more likely you are to suffer short, medium and long-term consequences. Therefore, the more likely it is to show up as CTE. But we're going to be seeing it in women unfortunately, in the not too distant future."

Invisible injuries

Concussion rules are changing in Australian football codes — the rules that mandated Randall miss the AFLW grand final were brought in earlier this year.

Dr Mobbs welcomes these new rules, but hopes the conversation in elite sport will extend to how concussion is managed at training and in community sport.

In 2019, the Australian Institute of Sport released an updated set of concussion guidelines to improve player safety and address rising concerns in the community around the links between concussion and CTE, which has been linked to dementia and behavioural problems.

Dr Mobbs wants measures like restricting heading the ball in soccer training to be considered.

"We must look after people's brains," she says.

"We can preserve what we love about the sports, they can still be played hard, but it just means that we've got to all get together and think of ways we can preserve brain health for these players."

Sarah McCarthy wishes she'd been stopped from returning to play in the 2016 grand final, and regrets not taking time to immediately rest after the injuries.

She has advice for other people who experience concussion.

"First and foremost, stop everything - stop," she says.

"If you can, stay in a dark room, don't do anything that's too mentally taxing. Don't exercise.

"If I had taken that four to six weeks to rest [and] not have too much mental and emotional stimulation, I think my recovery would have been a lot quicker."

[lovesaadiqa]

BBL Costs, Prep + Recovery

Im booked!!  I talked to a few friends who I know either got this surgery or is getting this done.  I wanted one since forever but I wanted my teeth done first.  The deciding factor came down to my birthday plans.  

Originally I was going to do a birthday tour.  First weekend of October in Miami for carnival, 2nd weekend in Atl for Freak Nik, 3rd weekend in Bahamas and finally Nola for the finale.  Well Nola was just hit with a storm so yeah that’s out. Once I totaled up the flights, hotels, food and spending money.. I was like hmm, I can get a fat ass and started this process.  Immediately looked into surgeon and Dr. Pena was my favorite, his bodies come out so mf snatched, he’s located in Columbia.  Columbian surgeons can take out way more fat than American doctors however, the fatality rate is stupid and ultimately the factor that made me choose an American doctor.  

The next step was choosing the surgeon for the body I have and the one I want.  I weigh 151 and im 5′6″ I’m considered a “skinny bbl”.  I started researching doctors in Atlanta (so I could recover at home) and Miami (like duh).  I chose to go with Dr. Desouza in Miami with CG Cosmetics for a few reasons.  First, I love the look of his skinny bbl’s on other women with the same body type, weight and height as me.  Secondly, he was having a special for the end of the year (lipo 360, bbl, jplasma for $6500 for the surgeon I wanted) this almost sold me but it was the surgery date!!  Jplasma is skin tightening procedure to help with loose skin, you can only get this with lipo.  When they perform lipo they created canals under your skin to remove the fat.. well those same canals are essential when getting Jplasma.

Ok so I decided on the surgeon, contacted the cosmetic group and had a consultation which is pretty much just front, side and back view pictures.. I think they use this to make sure you don’t need a tummy tuck prior to surgery.  They also asked me questions about previous surgeries and if i’ve ever had anesthesia.  The next step went pretty quickly, we talked about what would be lipo’d (abs, waist, back.. I wanted inner thighs, an additional 2k, but was advised to wait on my pre-op to decide), when I wanted to book and how I'd pay.  My consult was on August 30th.. I bitched up when she attempted to take my payment.  I am a money hoarder and spending that much money made me feel like I was being financially irresponsible.  I called one of my Aunt’s who I felt wouldn’t judge me and also give me sound advise.  We talked about my fears, why I was getting the procedure and of course money.  My Aunt gave me excellent advice, reassured me and is a professional CNA who offered to accompany me so yeah I dare not turn that down, lol.  August 31, 2021, I called my coordinator (the contact between me and my surgeon) and told her I wanted to book, she asked me when I’d be ready and I requested first available which was 9/20/21!! Excited is an understatement.. I'd be 24 days post op on my birthday.  After I calmed down I paid in full for multiple reasons:  had to in order to secure the date, all surgeries book in this year had to be paid in full, it was the only way to get the discount.. My coordinator gave me so much information I couldn’t see straight (I was also high as shit off life thinking about a fat ass and me in the same sentence).. she emailed + texted everything, congratulated me and we hung up.

I get the emails:  “raise you hemoglobin with these vitamins” I purchased vitamin C $2, folic acid $2, iron $3 and floradix $35 - amazon, I take them as directed on the bottle and start eating my ass off (just to give my surgeon more to work with, lol).  Talking to one of my gf’s I realize I have to be cleared for surgery?!?!  What?  I open my email and sure enough I have to have blood work done 15-20 prior to surgery, it was 9/3 and a Friday.. SHIT!! I fly over to an Piedmont Wellstreet urgent care facility as recommended by my friend (she started this process as well so I was crazy grateful for her experience and that she shared it with me).  Urgent care was full but opened the next day, my ass was in that line at 7:32 am, I was the 13th person in line and they opened at 8.  I get to the desk and my appointment is at 10:30 and I'd have to pay the office visit fee to be seen, it was $155.  I came back at my allotted time and was told how much all of my labs would be.. $302.  My labs were to be processed and faxed to my surgeon by 9/9 because Labor Day weekend so.. yeah.  

I discuss accommodations with my Aunt and realize it’s cheaper, safer and more beneficial for me to go to a recovery house.  I search high and low baby and most of them were booked.. found one regardless with lymphatic massages included called Flawless Recovery House.  This wasn’t my 1st-6th option but the one with availability on my surgery date so I paid a deposit to hold onto my spot.  Total was $1312 for 5 days with 5 massages, I paid a $200 deposit.  Next, I booked my flight, round trip $116 with Delta.  My surgery date is on a Monday, I have to have my pre-op done on the Saturday prior so I booked a hostel from the 18th-20th on booking.com for $66.  I know I could have gotten an airbnb or hotel room but I wanted this experience.  I want to go to Amsterdam and stay in a hostel so I need to know what to expect.  Also I cannot party, smoke, drink or eat before surgery so fuck it.. a hostel will do, lol. 

I smoke big fucking weed and watched someone else’s bbl journey today and realize if I fail the drug test, my surgery will be cancelled and it’ll cost me $1500 to reschedule.  Boy the shit sent me into panic mode like I've never experienced before, only to find out the weed isn’t the issue nicotine is, it slows down your heart rate.  I can smoke weed just not out of a wood or a rillo and nicotine takes 3-4 days to get out of your system so a bitch barely made it.  I just won't be smoking until I get back home lol.  Just to be super informative no alcohol, diabetic meds, cocaine, pcp or anything that will fool with your heart or makes your bleed.  Today is 9/11 and im one week out from my pre-op... my body is a joke cause I haven’t gained a single pound and normally it’s nothing for me to put on weight.  I took my acrylics off, when you’re put to sleep they monitor your oxygen levels with those clamps they put on your fingers and they aren't the most accurate when you have on dark polish or acrylics.  I also cannot wear lashes cause when they go to fill this ass in I'll be laying flat on my face.  I mean my hair didn’t have requirements but I figure since im naked I might as well be bald.. y'all should see me rn, I look very much like a young man but im hype.  I’ll be back later to tell y'all what I pack and purchase prior to my flight.  Imma put the dates at the end of each update.. today is 9/11/21

My surgery group send me list of supplies  that I would need and the cost came to roughly $1100.  Naive me was definitely going to purchase everything on the list from them until I saw Leslie’s (@prettyhaute - on ig) bbl vlog.  I went on amazon and got away with murder.  Below I’ll list what I purchased and the price I paid versus what the surgery center was quoting me.

Faja - I paid $74.69 - Quoted $160.50 || BBL Pillow - $26.99 - Qouted $42.80 || Arnica pills - $8.95 - Quoted $37.45 || Compression socks - $13.99 for 3 - Quoted $10.70 for 1 || Foams - $17.99 for 3 - Quoted $64.20 for 3 || Scar Cream  $$29.82 - Quoted $80.25 || Arnica Gel - $7.92 - Quoted $21.40 || 

There a shit ton of items on the suggested list that I didn't purchase but way more items that wasn’t on the list I still need for instance:

Crocs, benadryll, robe, adult diapers, straws, earplugs, liquid iv, stool softener, antiseptic body wash, avocado float, back board, urinal, pineapple juice, throat calm, 3 moo-moo’s and a massage roller (the crocs are the only thing on this list that cost more than $20).  My flight is at 7:15a tomorrow and im so damn nervous but excited.  I will spend Saturday and Sunday gallivanting around Miami and then body , ody, ody, ody, ody, ody.  I still have to send my entire itinerary to my aunt but I think im all set.  9/17/21

Pre-op was packed but I went on Saturday and was in and out in an hour.  I was charged for a covid $80, 3 post-op massages $150 and a drug test $20.  I went over my clearance paper work with a medical assistant who also took 9 before pics of me.  Keep in mind, your surgery can be cancelled or reschedule if all of you labs aren’t at the surgery center on pre-op day.  I cannot stress how important it is to take your labs with you!!!  Mine were faxed over from urgent care but I was also provided copies which I took with me.  The photos were sent directly to my surgeon to analyze before surgery.  From my knowledge, I was also to be fitted for my faja but that never happened, do NOT leave pre-op without a faja!!! I paid for 3 massages from CG totaling $150 which I regret badly.  I do NOT recommend getting massages from the surgery center.  There are 4-5 different surgeons performing surgeries on any given day and they do at minimum 4 surgeries per day, that’s at least 15-20 different girls with the same surgery and post-op date.  CG had 2 massage therapists to drain 15-20 girls.  I was drained for 9 mins, your drain massages should last at least 45 mins for maximum drainage.  I only used 1 of the 3 massages I paid for and was denied a refund.  That is a huge downside to CG once they have your money good fucking luck getting it back! Ps. Ellie was a royal fucking cunt!!!!!  She told my medical assistant that I didn’t need a faja so I was never fitted for one and woke up out of surgery with a binder on versus a faja like I should have.  I wanted to slap the shit out of her and took the charge on the chin but I wanted my surgery so I refrained.. I was put on a 12 hour fast and contacted an hour after pre-op with my surgery address and time.  My fast started at 7pm the day before surgery and my surgery time wa at 6:30a, there was a $300 for showing up to surgery late.  All I could bring to surgery was compression socks and a faja (that I didn’t have), I was instructed to bathe with dial (the orange one) before surgery to make sure my incisions weren’t infected, no lotion, perfume, deodorant, makeup, nails, lashes, no jewelry/piercing or hair products and no personals ie, purse money, wallet also you will need a companion or surgery will be cancelled.  I’ll upload all my paperwork at the end.   Surgery day arrive at the surgery center at 6:15 am how about the entire fucking staff was late!  Bitch I was outside in Miami alone with compression socks on and a moo moo, LIVID.  No one arrived until 7:10 am, baby I wanted to kill everyone but fuck it, it was go time.  I’m escorted to a room, changed into a paper gown, piss tested, my labs were reviewed again and finally my surgeon comes in!  We were in the exam room alone which was weird cause I was asshole naked but he kept it 1000% professional, he asked me what I wanted and I say “the fattest ass” he looked me dead in my eyes without a single hesitation and said “it’ll heal like a diaper”  LMAO.  I showed him areas that I wanted lipo’d to death and he marked me up, I didn’t aka e picture of my mark ups but shit was rolling by then, he walked out I put my paper gown back on and the anesthesiologist walked in.  I expressed my biggest concerns to him, I didn’t want to die and I didn’t want to wake up during surgery.  He explain why the drug test was so important because certain street drugs will have adverse effect with the anesthesia.  My anesthesiologist walked me up to the surgery room and I hopped on the table, they put massage boots on both of my feet and inserted an iv, the mask was put on my face and my heart rate went to heaven, I wanted to shit myself bro.  The anesthesiologist told me to make a tight fist, I asked what time it was, 8:08am.. I woke up to a nurse helping me into a wheelchair with a binder around my waist and I was scream crying because my entire body ached, I didn't know where I was and the anesthesia is no hoe.  I was escorted to my recovery house’s transportation van and taken to my damn bed.  

I chose Flawlesss Recovery House with Ms. Opal.  I paid a $200 deposit before 2 weeks before surgery and the balance the day I left.  I opted for a 5 day stay.  I loved it there bro and couldn’t imagine trying to recover at a hotel or air bnb!  There were nurses there 24-7, I was roomed with one other girl but the house had a total of 4 bedrooms, one of which no one occupied and the door was always shut but my room was the only room with 2 beds, the others had 3 beds.  I had a call button, it was love, the nurses came expeditiously when I rang it.  They made 3 home cooked meals per day and I don’t eat meat, they accommodated me with no hesitation.  I loved it man.  So couple hours after surgery I attempted to use the bathroom on my own and blacked out, the anesthesia is really fucking strong and took an entire day to wear off (for me), the nurses helped me pee in a cup until then.  Post op day 9/21/21, I went in to make sure I looked good, got a faja finally and received that lousy as drain.  Back to the recovery house I was able to walk finally w/o passing out and in went my foams, I also could pee by myself with the use of a urinal.  I was constipated for 2 days, first bowel movement was on post op day 2. I paid for an independent massage therapist named Tatiana, she used a ultrasound machine to massage me so I cancelled her.  When I took my faja off for my massage it was washed and dried by the time I was done, I took a shower and put my faja on with my foams.  I cancelled Tatiana because don’t let nobody use no machine on you until you are at least 2 weeks post op, hand massages only.  All the girls were getting massaged by the literal best massage therapist (in my opinion) her name is Brittany, I could cry she was EVERYTHING, I was tender but she put the painful massage theory to bed!  She taught me how to drain myself and how to open my incisions without the q-tip looking thing.  In 45 mins she drained 5 of those doggy pad things worth of fluid off of me.  I received 4 massages in 5 days.  I left on Saturday 9/25/2021 on Sunday, back in Atlanta, I received my 5th massage and that when I was told I have not one but 2 seromas.  I swear on everything I love it was because everyone wakes up from surgery with a faja on but not me (Fuck you Ellie, lil bitch) I had on a binder (its what they use for tummy tucks).  The lady who did my 1st massage in Atlanta was Bri, not gone post her ig cause she did a damn good massage but when I asked her to syringe drain me the good sis stuck this long ass needle in my seroma but could get the fluid out, cancelled her too (the massage was good asf tho but nah).  Tired and tried I bit the bullet and booked a packed with Dream Body ($455 for 5 massage, I think, don’t quote me look it up on there site and follow them on ig)  because they are the biggest name in Atlanta, Jayda Wayda goes to them.  The  most painful massage yet, yes Michelle lil ass is so strong but she will get the fluid up off you.  She made me tear up bad and no matter how much I screamed or even tried to push her off of me she understood the assignment, Michelle helped me get back into my faja after my massage and told me my faja was too big and to have it altered.  She recommended a lady on ig @siri2sir but to know me is to know I altered my shit myself.  Allow me to tell y'all, I look good asf!!!!!!! 10/4/2021 

[purplesurveys]

1153

survey by septictankyank

What song are you listening to right now? I turned off my Spotify like 2 minutes ago because it was interfering with my focus on another survey (which I ultimately saved in my drafts to take for another time lol) but the last song I played was Always in My Head by Coldplay.

Have you heard of the band Repeat Offender? Never heard of them.

Are you currently talking to/texting/instant messaging anyone? No, not talking to anyone at the moment.

Whats your name? Robyn.

How old are you? 22.

If you could do anything right now, what would it be? I wish I can do some arts and crafts right now, honestly. I have a 4-day break thanks to Holy Week and I have no clue how to spend it. I don’t feel like embroidering at the moment; buying art kits online right now would be useless because they’d most definitely arrive after my break; and the arts I do have rn were bought by Gab and I have no intention to pull them back out anymore.

Are there any words that you just absolutely hate? I don’t really like the word fluids, but I get why it’s sometimes necessary. Gunk can also be icky depending on the context.

Are you hiding something from someone? Yes.

Have you ever been looking for something and it was already in your hand? It was either in my hand or I was already wearing it, yeah happens a lot.

Is there anything about you that not many people know? Probably. I don’t know how much people know about me.

Who was the last person you commented on MySpace? I’ll use Facebook for this instead; it was Clarisa, an old friend of mine from high school. I shared a post from her small business’ social media page and she commented basically saying thank you.

Is the last person you texted your friend? No, I only use text for work purposes now. And actually, the last person I texted is this super popular local influencer, as in millions of followers and goes viral every week levels of big. I was honestly surprised they returned my text, and even though they had to decline the thing I was pitching for them, I felt starstruck for like 5 seconds haha.

Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided them? This has happened many times. And for a variety of reasons, too; it can be because I don’t like them, can be because I know of them but not close enough with them to say hi, or just because I don’t feel like talking that day, etc.

Have you been to the mall in the last 2 weeks? Nah, it’s been around 3 weeks to about a month, I think. Shortly after that Covid cases began to surge again and now we’re stuck in the same community quarantine imposed this time last year while the country gets 10,000 cases a day.

What was the last movie you saw? I can’t remember the last movie I watched all the way through to the end; but I looked up and watched the final scene from Portrait of a Lady on Fire last night because I wanted to feel things.

What was the last song you listened to? See first question.

What do you like best about yourself? Continued from this afternoon. I really like how I’ve always managed to pull and claw myself out successfully from any terrible situation. There’s been a lot that I’ve been through and I love myself a whole lot more for being able to survive everything.

How long until your next birthday? 20 days.

Are you mad at anyone right now? There’s resentment perpetually brewing towards one person in particular, but I keep it tucked away at the back of my head.

What was the last book you read? Not sure, probably a memoir of some sort.

Do you like summer? I hate it.

Are you single or taken? Single.

Have you ever kissed someone with braces? Yes, for a time. It was very tricky lol, but fortunately there were never any accidents.

If you could change your eye color, would you? No, I think my current one suits me already.

Do you buy songs on iTunes? I never did. If I wanted to update my iTunes, I’d go to YouTube and look for the song I wish to add, convert it to MP3 on some third-party site, then upload it to my iTunes once it’s finished downloading. And then I’ll get the album cover and other details from Wikipedia to make it look really legit lol.

Are you overly sensitive sometimes? Yeah I am pretty sensitive.

Do you smile at people you don't know? Only whenever I’m with one of my dogs because they’d usually want to pet them, especially Cooper. Otherwise there’s really no reason to smile and say hi to everyone I come across; that’s not a common practice here and people usually like to keep to themselves.

Do you feel guilty right now? No reason to be.

Have you ever had a crush that you tried to stop having? Sure.

Have you heard of the band Nina May? I don’t think so. It doesn’t ring a bell.

Do you think long distance relationships are worth it? It can be, given the right amount of effort and commitment put into it.

Do you tend to judge people? Only if they make a Karen-esque scene in public. I understand people have bad days sometimes and that’s fine, but I won’t hesitate to judge someone who consistently berates service staff, makes side comments at a restaurant, etc.

Valentines Day: Love it or hate it? I don’t mind it. I would celebrate it too; I’d just keep the festivities lowkey, like having dinner at home or having an unconventional date. Going with the rest of the wave is exhausting – most restaurants are fully booked and it usually ruins the vibe.

Are you American? No, thank you for asking first.

Have you ever been made fun of for being weird? Probably while I wasn’t looking.

Who do you want to see in concert? Beyoncé is at the top of my list. Then Paramore, over and over again. It would be neat to watch a Hozier gig too.

How many songs are on your iPod?

Do you play any sports? Table tennis.

Are your parents together or divorced? They’ve been together for 28 years.

Do you prefer black and white or color photographs? Color.

Do you eat breakfast? Only during weekends. I’m usually too busy during weekday mornings to be able to fix myself a plate.

Do you still trick or treat? Not anymore, but I’d be game if any of my friend groups wanted to.

Do you use metric or imperial? I use metric in most contexts but because of wrestling, I got used to using pounds for weight.

Have you ever skipped class? Definitely many times during college. I was cautious in high school though.

Did you like this survey? It was okay.

#survey #surveys

[babyyatusabes]

what kind of friendship do you have with each of your mutuals

omg this is gonna be so long. I’m only gonna do mutuals I interact w often (most of these I talk to literally every day) so it’s not too bad but I talk to so many ahsjejksjeek

my girls: @lostinzabdielito @papichriscnco @cncosangelita @brightdarkeyes @smoljoelito - our conversations are SO funny. honestly the content would make great reality tv. literally could never be bored. just hyping each other up, talking trash, vlogging, meming— anything you could ever want or need.

gotta do them individually too

@lostinzabdielito - my literal soulmate. can talk to her about actually anything ever and I do. we comfort each other, yell at each other to take better care of ourselves, give advice, make fun of one another— the whole nine yards. my everything. we even have each other as our phone backgrounds 😬

@brightdarkeyes - has my whole actual heart. our friendship is just filled with understanding. I know her and she knows me in a way that usually takes a lifetime to gain but somehow we managed within like five minutes. and that’s all we need.

@papichriscnco - 👀. no I will not elebroate.

@cncosangelita - my babyyyy. we have the same brain for some reason ?? we lowkey a lil shady together (especially paired w @smoljoelito) but we love to see it. can and will throw it back with her ✊🏼

@smoljoelito - a girl got me laughing. always brightens my day with the funniest stuff but we can also be serious and help each other w assignments and personal things in a way that’s kinda incredibly seemless?

💫 ♡

@cncopmhoe - erick to my chris 🤧 literally idiot duo but boy do we have fun doing it. know for a fact that we would make a lil too much trouble together lol. talk almost every single day since we met and have probably discussed everything under the sun. kind of friends that can talk about nothing and still feel like we know what’s up. insults 24/7 but I know she loves me 💅🏼

@cnc-oh-boi - private friendship but super loving. also talk basically every single day since we met. mostly we talk about our creative endeavours over text but when we call we give every single update on life and random ideas we have that we can think of lol. soft for them in a special way.

@yatusabess - ummmm my wife? always makes me laugh and we both know we always there for each other even if we don’t always bring up our personal issues. always check in w one another if we worried and honestly, we cute as heck together. I take her on dates because she can’t go out rn but it’s gonna be less adorable when we meet up. I just know we’d be the exact right kind of messy together and y’all just gotta deal. got a special kind of love for you

@marveling-under-many-skies - somehow I’m the big sister but she acts like my mom?? don’t really get it either but it works. our calls always go ridiculously long and we talk about everything from clubbing to mental health to just blasting random music to listen to together. made her a playlist but she didn’t appreciate 😔

@zabdielmuch - mostly we just scream at each other? but I love it.

@glossedchaos - either we are arguing about her view of me or we’re talking about p heavy stuff/being very supportive of one another and there’s no in between

@jaehdeyun - we just Get™ each other. have a level of comfort that feels like we’ve been friends for years. always know how to calm each other down ♡

@just-another-cnchoe - literally her constantly dealing w me being dumb and yet she always hyping me up?? I mean get you a friend-

@anninhiliation - lol our convos would probably make about like zero sense to anyone else but we always be vibinggg

@peachyvinyl - literally probably the cutest friendship you’ve ever seen. she sends me animal videos when she knows I’m down or wants to make my day. I tell her when music reminds me of her 🥺 basically we adorable 💅🏼

@zabdielsprincesa - ok honestly we just met recently but we already hella tight. always laughing together. she might— dare I say it— make me self aware 🥺

@virgato - canadian duo. 🤍 either discussing important topics in depth, giving compliments, talking about how incredible yoandri is or about who we’re gonna fight next 👀

@ctrlcnco - talking about things that annoy us lollll. relate a lil too much on gay topics, knowing too many languages, thoughts on chris 👀 and being non commital 💀 but always there when I got questions that only she can answer. a real one ♡

@im-justatrashcan - talk literally every single day for like a year now. ready to fight together at any time. discuss important issues but also get really angry together about someone stealing a half drunken bottle of cola 💀

@laleylaw - our friendship consists of us affectionately roasting and/or talking about global issues. get you a gal who can do both 😤

@hoelpimentel - we both yell at each other to sleep. neither of us do it. we stay up talking. 💜

and yes I can and will fight for every single one of the people on this list and many others too 😤💕 i love y’all and sorry to people I missed

send me asks

#the few i dont talk to every day i still feel like i should mention because theyre v important to me etc #anyways i love yall #sorry this is Long ™ #😬 yikes a bxtch too affectionate #anywayyy #yall can send me more asks but im gonna sleep for now #night #asked

[riskeith]

i couldn’t stop smiling reading your last message i’m literally so happy atm. you’re so cute and i’m SO happy. i reread it three times and giggled so loud my brother asked why i was laughing... 🥺 he’s in the next freaking room 🥺

sappiness aside: YES!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE? i wish i could give my luck to you as you deserve it much more ): it’s true but it’s still important if you wanna do well in combat sadly haha dhdydbjdnd like you said it’s very inconvenient to have a unbalanced team but i decided that i’m just gonna switch around with the characters i have when it’s needed yk? they’re all mostly around the same levels so it works fine rn.. or it will until i have to focus on who i want to focus on ascending when i get to higher levels bc payments and materials and all.. sigh there’s so much to think about with too many cute characters... anyway how many rolls have you done since you started playing? do you remember?

OH???? is it easier on pc? i’ve always enjoyed smaller consoles tbh (like switch or even phone) bc it’s easier to focus so it wasn’t that difficult for me. but like you said it might just be a ‘getting used to it’ thing. also now that you’ve seen both; which differences are there in the game? are you gonna have two different accs?

i did restart it from the first ep!!! i figured i might as well get the ~full~ experience. it’s been a while too so it’s like a new experience but not rly? it’s like traveling back to your home country and you’re like wow... i belong here even if i’m not here all the time dhsjsjdhfh bad example but you know what i mean?i’ll keep you updated! rn i’m at training camp part of s1 and it’s great!!! just having a blast tbh. needed this especially now that school is back... :(

i guess we are talking about voltron in 20fucking21. i don’t know if i love that for us or not.... (our honeymoon can be whenever you want babe pick a date and i’m There 😏)

pls unrequited love is soo good. it hurts but it’s good too? haha, maybe if one has experiences with it it just hits different yk? but i’m with you—watching voltron i always always had the headcanon that keith first started to feel smth for lance in the ‘we did it’ scene and actually thought ‘i’m in love’ during the black lion scene. like the proof is all there... s8 and the sunset scene just proves his longlasting feelings nobody can tell me otherwise. keith is the type to cherish the people he loves a lot because he barely has anyone and that means putting their happiness above anything else and lance’s happiness was allura for a while and he just... accepted that despite yearning . god . i always think about is bittersweet smile while having his speech. it’s like; i know that you’re great and you should know that you’re great too and if she can’t see it she doesn’t deserve you.

you freaking out over the leave the math to pidge scene... losing my fucking mind. girl they’re literally in love fuckinf crying 😭😭😭😭😭 they depend on each other SO much like the show runners always push the ‘hunk and lance bffs’ agenda ok sure but in the show hunk was never there for lance the same way keith was. they just eased each other’s anxieties without having any expectations on each other at all? yet they surpassed all of them. the other was just.. there. always. remember the ‘we all miss shiro’ scene too???? the entire team looked at lance and wanted him to step up!!!!!! like HELLO??????? and the second lance spoke keith just calmed down... kill me now. if that doesn’t show much trust and appriciation and respect there was between them idk what does. and the fact that the others know that despite their differences they still need each other just..... yeah. *cries*

YOU SHOULD YOU SHOULD YOU SHOULD YOU SHOULD. i get you tho klance is just... comfort ship but the ship that leaves you depressed too. i’m sure you could still write them perfectly but i’m absolutely in no way pressuring you at all you truly don’t have to if you can’t. i know how hard it can be to write when the motivation is just not there... :/ anyway idk what i’d prompt i just love your fics babe hsjdhdjdjdk. that’s so boring of me to say help but everything you write i love so.. surprise me? i can’t believe you have a final klance fic tho that sounds so sad.... ): i’m curious what it’s about but maybe it’s better to keep it hush hush.. hm?

i hope you’ve slept well!! you make me so happy!! kisses! xxxxxx

FHSJFKDS that makes /me/ so happy to hear!!! i was sitting on my bed smiling like a FOOL reading this ahahahaha. and soz to your brother but what can i say 🤪🤪

nooooo im so glad you got a 5 star already pls it’s fine im just gonna use all my primogems on xiao banner and it’ll end up okay fhskjdfds. yeah just switching charas in when needed totally works too! it’s just annoying when you accidentally get caught up in combat and it’s just ‘oop im level 1 against level 50′ AHAH. (tho i guess you won’t run into that issue yet?) honestly yeah there’s so much to do with the characters like ascending, constellations, talents, weapons, it’s just like.. what do i do first.... and who..... afhdskjfhsjf sometimes i just want to use character bc pretty and that should be enough 😔

hmmmm for the character event banner I believe i’m at 60 or 70 rn? so i’m reaaaally close to pity which is why when xiao comes 🙏🙏🙏 and for the standard banner i have no idea, maybe 40? so yeahhhh LOL... i keep saying this (and i better not be jinxing it BUT) im hoping it’ll all pay off...... i hope it’s all been building up for xiao... c6 xiao.. come home FHDKSJHDS

i definitely prefer it on PC! controls aside i just like the bigger screen tbh (my laptop is 15″). mostly the differences are the controls/buttons! since you can’t hold down multiple buttons at once on mobile, they’ve got more to cover all the functions (pc doesn’t have an extra dash button, we just right click or press shift; if we’re in the air i think one of the buttons turns into the drop down/plunge, rather than showing like 3 on mobile? i can’t remember precisely but yeahhh; there’s also the joystick on the left side of the screen on mobile that obviously isn’t there on pc bc we have the keyboard. it’s also harder to move the camera around whilst doing things on mobile i feel?) 

and nah i don’t think i’ll make another acc, esp since i’ve gotten so far into game already but i did definitely think about it as a possibility ahahah (bc of my bad luck... i was wondering if i did a reroll (second) acc i might be able to get diluc FJKHSKDFS)

omg it feels like coming home what a good description 😩😩 haikyuu is just such a fun warm experience! legit so comforting and light-hearted but also get deep when it needs to be. oh yes training camp <33 gosh they were so young then :’) HAHAAH. and noooooo school has started up for you again? rip i wish you the best of luck 😔💪

maybe 2k21 is the year of revisiting old things...... god voltron ended in 2018 can you BELIEVE that (😏😏😏 i was gonna mention playing genshin co-op together (even back when you first started) HAAHAH but i assume you play in europe server? im asia rip 😥)

WE DID IT WE ARE A GOOD TEAM!! THE FUCKING PURPLE AROUND THEM!!!! THE SMILEEEE OH MY GOD THE BONDING MOMENT THE. fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk every time you mentioned a single line or scene im just. all the memories come flooding back fhdsfkhsdjf. hang on a second.. they are red and blue.... the scene was purple... surely i knew this back then but im thinking about it now and?????/ oh my god

the sunset scene!!!!!!!!!! that is Peak pining keith unrequited love and pain scene... my goodness. “that means putting their happiness above anything else” NOOOOOOOOOOO you are so right tho 😭😭😭😭😭 please keith deserves the univerise <333 :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( the fact that lance seeked him out for that too.. just like old times.. “you can sure be a hard guy to find when you wanna be huh” the way i still remember that ugh they really were my everything 😔

YES!! like they pushed the whole lance+hunk+pidge thing but then in the actual show had hunk+pidge treat lance like shit and belittle him so often?? like ?????????? (once again where fanon saves us 😩) and oh my god yeah.. when everyone turned to him and lance like walked up to keith and then said all that.. we actually had so many moments?? god. *cries with you*

speaking of shiro.. s06e05 the black paladins!!! “shiro.. please.. you’re my brother.. i love you..” “just let go, keith” 😭😭 keith suffered so much AND FOR WHAT my god i miss him so much oh no

FSHFKJDS “surprise me” the only reason im asking is bc i have no ideas!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭 but i shall think.. (and if you want to think and help me out too.. 👐) & i’ve actually posted about that final fic a lot! LMAO that’s how you know i know i’m never gonna finish fdskhfksjd but in case you do wanna see, here are some links: one, two, three

thank you!! i stayed up to 4am like an idiot LOL but i swear today.... and same 😭 im so so happy to have met you 🥰❣ muah! xoxoxox

#we're really taking a trip down memory lane damn #marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

[spiftynifty]

LGBT representation in Voltron

UPDATED: I realized I wasn’t coming off as neutrally as I’d like and there were hints of shipping peeking through. I also didn’t feel I had expanded properly on certain aspects. I’d like this particular post to be as neutral as  possible so that it’s accessible to people from all ships and headcanons.

I’ve seen a lot of discussion lately about LGBT representation in Voltron. From shipping wars to insistent demands that headcanons be fulfilled, it’s all getting a little bonkers. I wanted to step back, encourage everyone to take a breather, and discuss the potential of any LGBT on the show, including and excluding popular expectations. So here we go, a post on LGBT representation in Voltron and in cartoons, and why it's not as simple as we'd like it to be. It’s a little long but don’t worry, there are pictures! AND A COMIC!

DISCLAIMER: I do not work on Voltron, nor do I work for Dreamworks or any of its properties. I'm just an animator who's worked on dozens of cartoons for a number of studios and the following is based on my experience in this industry. This post is NOT meant to indict any of the parties involved in the creation of Voltron or other cartoons. Making cartoons is a complicated, collaborative process and no one is a villain.

Here we go:

Before we can talk about LGBT rep & Voltron, we should probably talk about LGBT representation in cartoons in general. In case it isn't clear, I'm speaking specifically about Western cartoons that primarily air in Canada/US. Anime is a whole other category and one that Voltron does not fall under. I'm also removing cartoons that were made explicitly for adults.

LGBT in cartoons is a really recent development. If we include adult cartoons it can date back as far as 20 years (South Park showcasing some SUPER GREAT gay stereotypes :|) but if we're including cartoons geared towards kids (age 5-17)... we're talking this being a thing in the last FOUR years. And the number of times it's been done is so minimal, it can be summed up in these few images:

(left to right, top to bottom) 6Teen, 2010 CANADA ONLY - An incidental female character revealed she liked women. I don’t think this show ever aired in the States but it ran on Teletoon for years. The show also had an episode with an incidental gay character in 2008. Gravity Falls, 2013 - The sheriff and deputy are repeatedly hinted at being in a relationship. I believe in the series finale their relationship is more clearly identified. It was later confirmed by the show’s creator.

Legend of Korra, 2014 - The two female leads, after having previously dated the same male character, are strongly implied to now be dating each other as they hold hands and walk into the Spirit World together. This was as explicit as they were allowed to get with their relationship. The comics continue their relationship romantically and also highlight other characters from both series who are (or were) LGBT). Steven Universe, 2013 - The show doesn’t shy away from its LGBT romances, in particular Ruby and Sapphire and Pearl and Rose.  Star vs The Forces of Evil, 2017 - in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it panning shot, two background male characters are seen kissing.  Clarence, 2013 - The main character has two moms. In one episode, a handsome male background character is shown greeting another man for a date by kissing him on the cheek. Initially they were supposed to peck on the lips until other countries’ censors demanded the change. Loud House, 2016 - The main character’s best friend, Clyde, has two dads. 

I’m also going to toss out an Honourable Mention to Adventure Time for Princess Bubblegum & Marceline, whose past romantic relationship was sort of hinted at in the show but only confirmed outside of it. 

If we take that list and cut it down to just (broadcast TV) primary or recurring characters, we're left with this: Korra, Steven Universe, Clarence

I should also mention that while I repeatedly use the term LGBT, what I’m really referring to is more LGB. I would love to see a trans character in a broadcast cartoon. I’ve heard Amazon’s Danger & Eggs has a trans character, which is AMAZING and a solid start. However progressively speaking, broadcast cartoons tend to lag a little behind live action TV and movies aimed at older teens and adults, and those genres are still struggling to feature trans characters. 

So why is this?

Firstly, and more importantly, a lot of these shows air in countries that aren't nearly as open about LGBT as USA/Canada are. To say "screw those guys! They should keep up with the times!!" is to cut out a major consumer base and most companies are unwilling or unable to take that financial hit. This doesn't make them evil. Animation, just like filmmaking, may be an artform but it is first and foremost a BUSINESS. Major companies like Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network won’t lose money, but the production studios they hire to do their shows will suffer the brunt of it and could lose the business of these powerful corporations. It’s happened time and time again that a show initially animated in the US or Canada has been taken away from that studio in favor of a cheaper, overseas option. In some cases they’ve closed. 

Second, even in 2018 there is still a lot of pushback from homophobic or “family-oriented” groups with decent clout and numbers. Also, there is a strange pervasive idea that LGBT is something that is Not For Children, likely because too many foolish people still associate heteronormativity with love and everything outside of that with sex. 

Additionally, you may have noticed that on the list of the three shows showcasing LGBT relationships in a primary or recurring character way... ALL of them feature women. The social discussion about why that is honestly merits an entire other post (or 5) so to put it plainly, broadly speaking, people tend to be more comfortable with female queerness over male queerness. We have yet to see a m/m relationship that has any iota of history or character development behind it, or a recurring queer male character.

With this in mind, Voltron, which features a primarily male cast, and thus has more chances of featuring a male LGBT character, has its work cut out for it.

___________________________________________________

Fresh off the heels of Korra, a series that in the 11th hour featured the two female leads ending up with each other, it's no surprise that showrunners Lauren Montgomery and Joaquin Dos Santos( along with other cast and crew) have fielded a barrage of questions about their intention to depict LGBT on the show. At NYCC when asked about it, this was JDS & LM's response: "It's very important to us... we’re fighting to create as open and as broad a spectrum of characters as we can."

Which is a pretty interesting way of putting it, and a pretty understandably CAREFUL way of putting it. Again, I want to reiterate, I don’t work for any studio involved in the production of Voltron so this is largely conjecture.

So here's how the hierarchy works, as far as I can tell. 

I'm not sure who approached who to get a new Voltron made, but primary creative decisions would fall to JDS and LM, who are in charge of things like major plot points, characters, and arcs. When they've figured this stuff out, they pitch it in a multitude of sessions with Dreamworks People... and that's when the battle begins. Pitching a show is always a tug-of-war. Let's be clear: No creator has ever gone in with a show and walked away with every single aspect that they wanted. Compromises and concessions are made because while the Creatives are focused on their story and character, their client is concerning themselves with budget, timelines, audience targets and $$marketing$$. Before they even got to the matter of LGBT, JDS/LM had lost and won battles over some plot and character decisions. You can actually feel it sometimes when you watch the show; key emotional moments that never happen, or character stuff that gets shaved in favor of action or the reuse animation of the lions forming Voltron. 

This show is still aimed at a young, male, market Dreamworks wants to believe is going to buy their incredibly limited line of related toys, and that is a market that is difficult for executives to see as being interested in romance, let alone a queer one.

The point is, as much as JDS/LM seem to want LGBT in their show, it is a negotiation that I'm sure has been on the table since Day 1 and probably one that is ongoing. Here's a vague idea of what MAY have gone down:

Dreamworks: We will consider the idea of two of them in a relationship, but the third has got to go. JDS/LM: .....we appreciate you considering the relationship aspect. Dreamworks: In addition, we feel that to balance the scales so to speak, at least one character needs to be overtly heterosexual. You know, hit on a lot of female characters, maybe even fall for one of them.

(sorry would have finished the comic but I sprained my wrist and I’m not supposed to draw rn but I cheated a little, also can you tell I love Saga)

This is very probably not what happened, but it is an example of what could have. I know there is a lot of support for a certain character in Voltron being bi, not least of all because of something LM drew. 

I think the placement of the characters holding the signs were less about associating the character with the header and more about making sure neither of the two warring ships were represented; it would have incited a new level on the shipping wars and the message and intent behind this art would have been lost.

There is a weird association with relationships and how they define a show if they aren’t hetero. Have only one relationship on a show about space battles and if it’s LGBT, people will start associating Voltron with being “the gay space battle show”. I don’t want to get into Discourse about This Thing because debate gets lost quickly in favor of toxic insults, but I think it’s important to touch on Bi!Lance. To be entirely neutral about it, it is possible that Lance was originally intended to be bi. But if there was the potential for other characters to be LGBT, the showrunners might have been asked to “strike a balance” so to speak, so that Voltron wouldn’t just be “the gay space battle” show since its hetero relationships would outnumber the queer ones. I don’t think Lance’s character has changed at all since his inception; the show needs a funnyman for levity and ridiculousness, and he is absolutely the charmer of the Paladins. He may have been intended to hit on just about any attractive being in his orbit (there are shades of what one might call a “man-crush” in regards to his Shiro hero-worship). While it would have been awesome to have a bi male character in a cartoon, changing his attraction dial from “all” to “female” doesn’t really affect his storyline, especially since it’s hard to contest that the show has been angling in potential for endgame Allurance in seasons 3&4. I realize that sounds dismissive of the bi experience, that’s really not what I’m trying to get at. I’m saying that in the grand scheme of things, it may have been easier to sacrifice an LGBT Lance in order to win another LGBT representation battle. Like I said, making cartoons that maintain the creative, storyline, and character goals you walk in with is a tug-of-war, and you’re going to lose something along the way. 

But it’s not all about Lance, and again, that’s all theoretical. It’s also possible that Pidge was at one point NB or even trans. There are hints of Coran having a close friendship with Alfor. The original blue paladin is hinted at flirting with a fellow male character in a “did he just--” moment that most people missed. Lotor surrounds himself with female generals but never seems particularly attracted to them. Keith’s undying devotion to Shiro could be interpreted as romantic. There are a dozen main characters whose orientations are nebulous at best and thus have potential to be queer. 

So what does this mean for the future of LGBT on Voltron?

The short version is: I'm actually, really, really hopeful. For a number of reasons.

1) JDS/LM as they've said, are fighting really hard for this to be a thing. Jeremy Shada has said "You'll be really happy" when asked about LGBT on the show. People may feel he’s referring to his character Lance, but I think he’s just hoping that people will be happy with any character who could be explicitly stated to be LGBT. 

2) Netflix isn't a TV broadcaster, which means they can operate under somewhat different rules. Sort of. They certainly don't shy away from LGBT content but they may be regulated under rules of "what is appropriate for children in certain age groups" which frustratingly, for kids 12 and under, does not often include LGBT content. Netflix notoriously doesn't release their viewership data so this is just speculation; but I wonder if the biggest audience taking in this show is actually people, primarily women, aged 14+. Taking this into account won't influence the plot, but the bumped up age could show an increased likelihood of LGBT rep as it pushes the show outside of the "content too sensitive for young children" zone.

3) It would be really nice to see explicit, unambiguous affection between two same-sex characters. However there can still be canonical queer romance without it, shades enough of “just friendship” that they can get past the censors and bigots while those who are more aware of what’s going on can recognize the relationship for what it is. Remember, some people still refuse to believe that Victor and Yuuri kissed in Yuuri on Ice, all thanks to the clever placement of an arm. Furthermore, LGBT doesn’t have to be portrayed through relationships but just the character itself. A character could make a passing comment that alludes to their sexuality. It’s not quite as satisfying as having it out in the open, but DW’s hands may be tied by the stipulations of the contract outlined by Netflix.

4) Despite what certain world events would have you believe, people are becoming more progressive and supportive of LGBT rights and content. We've seen it happen in movies and live-action television. More and more cartoons are going to be including LGBT content, in broader and more overt ways. There will be other cartoons who feature main characters who identify as LGBT, recurring characters in LGBT relationships who are allowed to be affectionate and cutesy with their partners, who are represented no differently or reverently than hetero cartoon romances. Voltron will likely end within the next two years, and within those next two years more and more cartoons will be taking "risks" and more and more broadcasters will feel emboldened to allow them to do so. If Dreamworks keeps its content steadfastly heterosexual while fellow producers embrace LGBT, it's going to reflect badly on them. 

People are desperate for representation in this show and it’s not hard to see why. It is not only one of the few serial cartoons out there, but one that deals with surprisingly adult themes considering it’s aimed at elementary schoolers. I think it’s really neat that people have so many headcanons about the LGBT rep in this show, and I think it’s great that it’s an element that has sparked a lot of passion in people. However, everything is still conjecture, the series is but half over, and putting all your LGBT demands onto one character or one relationship is unhealthy. It’s also pretty insidious to attack or harass crew, cast, or fellow fans whose views on how the LGBT should happen don’t align with your own. The show’s arcs and plot points have been written, the characters decided, but the internal fight over LGBT rep could still be going on. The creators aren’t going to cave to pressure from people who really want their ship or their character to be the sacred cow. Ship what you want to ship but recognize that while LGBT on the show may not happen the way you’d like it to, it’s still important to support its existence no matter what form it comes in. 

In the next part I’m going to cover one relationship in particular as neutrally as possible and whether or not it has potential to become canonically romantic.

#anim vld #meta #voltron #vld #voltron meta #voltron legendary defender #klance #sheith #sorta #lgbt

[tenscupcake]

the null hypothesis (3/?)

fitzsimmons. teen. ~3.9k this ch. woo! a fast update this time. hopefully i can stay on a good schedule with ep so i can keep that up. i seriously just want to post the whole fic rn bc i love it so much. hope you guys enjoy. summary: roughly one out of every six people can't feel touch; that is, until their soulmate touches them. fitz and jemma are two indignant contributors to that statistic, content to devote their lives to science rather than searching for their supposed 'other half.' both too clever for high school, they head off to university at sixteen, completely unaware their fates are about to become intertwined. but in a world where soulmates don't always match, it's not always easy to confess to a stranger. a soulmate au with a twist. this chapter on ao3 | back to chapter 1 on ao3

As much as Jemma wanted to enjoy her first week at Uni, for the most part it’s been profoundly boring. By Friday, she’s finished the reading and assignments for the next two weeks, even started on projects that haven’t been assigned yet. There’s only one class where she actually learns a few things the first week: physical chemistry. Relatively speaking, it’s always been one of her weak points. 

The non-science, general education requirements on her schedule this semester have got to be the worst: world history and psychology. Two subjects that, admittedly, she hadn’t taken courses or AP exams for during her high school/community college years, too busy filling out her schedule with as many biology and biochemistry courses as she could. But in retrospect, she really should have gotten some of these out of the way early. The subject matter mostly feels like common knowledge. She’s learned everything they’ve covered so far just by visiting a couple of museums, watching the occasional documentary on National Geographic, and having bloody common sense.

Still, the most boring course of all has got to be general chemistry. Now there’s a class where the syllabus contains nothing she hasn’t learned already. But the university simply wouldn’t let her transfer those particular credits from community college. What a waste.

She’s hoping her major-specific courses will pick up a bit as the semester goes on: microbiology and genetics. In fact, she’s confident they will; it just happens that the first week entails a substantial amount of review of basic biological concepts.

More than anything else about attending university, she was looking forward to the labs: a chance to apply some of the skills she’s acquired. As it’s uncommon to let prepubescent children play with caustics or BSL-II microbes, there haven’t been many appropriate settings to practice her laboratory skills. It was always her favourite part of her community college courses, so she’s positive that the absence of labs during the first week of class is contributing to her sense of disappointment.

So, going into the second week when the lab portions of her courses will finally be meeting, her hopes are still high.

Her first one of the week is Gen Chem, Tuesday afternoon. Though it’s the least stimulating science course by far, she walks into the chemistry building with purpose and optimism. Though it’s unlikely any of the concepts will be new to her, perhaps she can learn a new laboratory technique or two.

She’s the first person into the lab, aside from the TA, and she takes a seat near the front of the room, against the wall, ready to tackle whatever protocol they throw at her.

But when turns to the page in the lab manual that’s written on the whiteboard, it takes everything in her not to sigh.

Reactions of copper.

How utterly elementary.

Still, the lab portion of the course is not optional. She pulls out one of several fresh lab notebooks from her backpack, designates it with a label for CHEM100A, and starts writing out the title, objective, and methods anyway.

The rest of the students in the section slowly trickle in as it gets closer to the class start time, and Jemma grows increasingly anxious as they all pair up with one another without hesitation. Roommates, met at orientation, knew each other in high school: whatever the backstory between the pairs may be, they all seem to already know each other. Jemma should have expected as much. Being a minor, she’s not allowed to have a roommate, but even if it weren’t against university rules, who would want to room with a teenager? And, in the same vein, who would want to have one as a lab partner? None of them know her, or the fact that she’s nothing like a typical sixteen-year-old.

She finds herself torn. On one hand, she hoping there’s an odd number of students in the class, because she’ll probably finish the experiment faster on her own. But on the other, she sort of hopes it’s an even number. Even if she has to spend all three hours in here with a chemistry amateur, perhaps she can make a friend. That’s one thing she desperately needs.

But the minute hand on the clock ticks to two, and the TA leading the lab starts his introductory spiel on laboratory safety before anyone takes the empty stool next to hers. She supposes it’s for the best.

As the TA – Jason, his name is – rambles on, Jemma’s thoughts take a turn for the worse. What if he notices she’s alone, and decides to rope her into another established group of two, turning her into the world’s worst third wheel? (Well, chemistry-wise, she’d probably get all of the work done, but socially speaking, a third wheel.)

But at eight minutes past, before she can dread such a possibility any longer, an out of sight door swings open, and someone comes stumbling in.

With all the shelves and ventilation shafts above the benches, she can’t properly see them, can only vaguely see a figure and hear their shuffling feet and panting breaths, as though they’ve been running. She wonders whether there’s an unpaired student across the lab after all, an empty seat out of her sight that the late stranger will occupy.

But the mystery person circles around to the front of the lab, heading straight for the TA in his search for an empty stool. He’s a pasty-looking bloke with short, curly hair, a striped tie in glaring contrast to the chequered shirt tucked into his kahki trousers. His fair cheeks are flushed pink, and he’s quite out of breath, presumably from running here. He looks so… young. Like he should still be in high school.

What sort of college student runs to class?

“I just finished explaining to the rest of the class,” Jason addresses the late boy. “Being more than five minutes late to a lab means you can’t participate in that lab, and you’ll have to take a zero. You’re all right for today. But starting next week, be on time or don’t come at all.”

“Yes, sir,” the boy responds, barely audible to her. She thinks she sees him roll his eyes.

“Anyone missing a partner?” Jason raises his voice, addressing the entire lab, and Jemma’s stomach sinks.

The boy pauses at the front of the lab, glancing around. Oh, brother. Like Jason hasn’t already seen her sitting by herself? Must he draw the entire section’s attention to the fact that she has no friends?

Holding her breath, she tentatively raises her hand, only just next to her face. Hoping that at least the students on the other end of the lab won’t see her, or have this introductory memory of her. The boy takes a deep breath as though he’s disappointed, and ducks his head as he hurries to the empty stool beside her.

“Excellent,” the professor exclaims. “The two young geniuses get to work together. This’ll be interesting.”

Huh? ‘Two young geniuses?’ Is he her age, after all?

Her gut instinct is to be excited. Someone else her age might be nice, an opportunity to make a friend. But right now, she can’t seem to maintain any level of excitement about the boy now approaching her. He clearly doesn’t have the same priorities. Late to the first laboratory? Rolling his eyes like he’s too good to be here? She doesn’t need a smart arse.

He slumps onto his seat, dropping his backpack so loudly it drowns out a couple of Jason’s next words. Not that it matters; she’s already written down the entire protocol and she’s well aware of both OSHA and university laboratory safety guidelines, thanks very much.

The irresponsible mystery boy rushes to catch up, scrambling to put on his coat and gloves, and pulling out a notebook and pen, scribbling down the protocol in chicken scratch. She looks away, realizing she shouldn’t care what his handwriting looks like.

It’s only a couple more minutes before Jason gives them permission to begin, and Jemma sighs while the rest of the students hastily rise to collect their materials. Her partner isn’t quite ready yet.

She supposes she should give him a second chance, though. He could have an excellent reason for being late, aside from laziness. A car accident, a sick grandfather. She should give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, she’s stuck with him for sixteen weeks now.

“I’m Jemma,” she offers with a smile. “Simmons,” she adds. Pausing his mad scribbling, he glances over at her in surprise.

“Leo,” he replies. Putting far less effort into his returning smile, he turns back to his notebook. “Fitz,” he adds.

“Right then, Leo,” she says, not caring if he’s finished or not. No time to waste. “I’ll get the reagents. You can get the other supplies.” She heads for the table at the opposite corner of the room where their reagents have been pre-prepared without giving him time to respond.  

It’s one of the hardest things she’s ever done, watching these technically-adults try to use the safety pump on the nitric acid. She barely stops one of them from using the same pipet for sodium hydroxide as sulphuric acid, and another from diluting their acid solution by adding water to it. “Acid to water, never water to acid!” she can’t help but shout, and it captures the attention of the roaming TA. As Jason approaches to give the hapless student a repeat lecture on safe practices for corrosives, Jemma seizes her window to access the reagent bottles she needs.

When she returns to the other end of the room, Leo already has a pre-1982 penny, a hot plate, a crucible, and extra glassware set up in their fume hood. She’s not sure how he found everything so quickly. He missed the walkthrough of where each of the items were located in the lab.

“Found everything all right, then?” she asks.

“Hard to misplace a hot plate,” he quips.

Oh. He’s Scottish, then.

In an instant, she finds her heart softening to him a bit. It was not easy transferring here during high school, and she can’t help but wonder whether he just moved here. His accent seems unmistakeable now. She doesn’t know how she didn’t notice it before. Not expecting it, she supposes. She can’t remember ever meeting a Scottish person since she moved to America. Assuming he was American, she thought he just had an unusual pronunciation of his name. But glancing over at his now-closed notebook resting on the lip of the hood, she sees ‘Leo Fitz’ and finds herself thinking it’s a bit cute. Fitz.

Her curiosity gets the better of her.

“Not from around here, I’m guessing?” she asks as she places the penny in one of the beakers he got.

“Glasgow,” he answers, pouring the correct volume reagent into the beaker without being prompted, with neither a splash nor a dribble.

“Sheffield,” she volunteers, spirits lifted that so far he’s not completely incompetent at chemistry.

He’s not terribly talkative yet, and she’s not sure whether to chalk it up to nerves or an ego. But she can’t help trying to engaging him a little more; it’d be so nice to have a friend her age.

“What’s your opinion of America so far?” she ventures as they watch their penny dissolve.

“Lives up to the stereotypes.”

She chuckles. She could say the same thing.

Still, it’s not the detailed answer she’d hoped for. There’s got to be some way to get this boy to talk, but she’s not sure how to find it out. She surreptitiously looks to his backpack and the lanyard sitting at his station, but they’re both utterly plain and black, no stickers or themes to be found. She’s starting to second guess whether she wants to be friends with him at all.

To her surprise, after the following step, he asks her a question.

“When’d you move here?”

“About three years ago, now.”

“Hmm. Me too.” As though it’s a trivial thing, immigrating to a new country.

“Though we didn’t move here, specifically to New Jersey, I mean,” she qualifies. “My parents are in Los Angeles.”

“Ah,” Fitz nods. “Yeah, my... my mum, she’s in New York.”

“How old are you?” she asks, since the can of worms has been opened now.

“Sixteen,” he says, shrugging just slightly like he’s a bit proud of himself.

“Seriously?” she asks, not able to help herself from beaming at him a bit.

“Seriously.” He nods.

“I am too,” she says. “Couldn’t stand another day of high school,” she adds.

He chuckles a bit, at that. And though she doesn’t understand why, Jemma finds herself quite happy she’s at least capable of making him laugh.

They’re both quiet as they carry on the next step of the experiment. Jemma is more impressed by the minute at Fitz’s knack for chemistry. She doesn’t know if she could’ve asked for a better partner. Despite being late and having hardly any time to read the manual, he seems to have memorized the protocol. He helps her setup each new step before she has to ask.

“What’s your major?” she asks, trying to sound as casual as possible, if only because she doesn’t want to seem desperate for someone to talk to.

“Engineering.”

Of course. A numbers bloke. It’s all math and physics to them, it’s no wonder he can barely hold a conversation.

“Biochem,” she counters, without prompting.

Despite their mismatched fields of study, they work surprisingly well together. Still, worried they may not have much curriculum in common outside this wretched lab, she narrows her inquiries into ones strictly related to it.

“When are Dr. White’s office hours, again?” she asks. Just to get the ball rolling.

“Er… I dunno,” he responds, looking at her like she’s mad for asking. “Isn’t that in the syllabus?”

She tries a different avenue a few minutes later.

“Have you done the textbook readings yet?” He probably doesn’t need to read it, from the looks of it, but perhaps they can discuss how easy this course is together. Have a laugh at the first chapter of the text explaining the properties of water.

It takes him a moment to answer. “I’ve sort of been busy with other classes, actually.”

Jemma is growing frustrated. The more she tries to engage with him, the more he seems like a self-absorbed knob.

“Yeah,” she says, nodding along. “Me too.” In an attempt to salvage her dignity, she adds: “Never know what could show up on an exam, though.”

Discouraged, she decides to makes one final school-related attempt.

“Have you been to the library yet? Or logged onto the online database? There’s more journal subscriptions than I could ever read. Molecular biology, physiology, pharmacology… and I know they’ve got lots of engineering ones, too.”

“I’ve been meaning to but, not yet.” He pauses, taking a deep breath. “The truth is, I spend most of my free time working on projects of my own.”

“Really?” Whether or not he meant it, she interprets it as him throwing her a bone. “Like what?”

“Well, right now I’m working on this sort of, drone. It’s multifunctional. Designed to gather intel in places that are too dangerous for humans. Contamination sites, outer space, that sort of thing.”

Here it is. This is what will get him talking. She should’ve led with this, asking him about machines and things. She hasn’t heard him string together sentences like this the entire hour and a half she’s been by his side. And more than that: as he’s pouring sodium hydroxide and outlining the functions he has planned for his drone, she realizes he’s smiling as he does it. Properly smiling. She should steer the conversation toward engineering more often. His smile is quite lovely. And he’s clearly passionate about this project, and that’s something she can relate to. Perhaps their friendship isn’t doomed after all.

“Sounds fascinating,” she offers. “And you do that all on your own?”

“For the most part, yeah.”

He reciprocates by asking what sort of projects she’s been involved in for biochemistry. She decides to tell him about the pharmaceutical internship she did before she arrived here. She leaves out the fact that, due to her age and inexperience, she was not allowed to directly conduct any experiments and was instead responsible for dishes and paperwork, thinking the genius doesn’t need to know. It’s not quite fair, after all. The only reasons she doesn’t have a side project of her own at the moment are logistical in nature. It’s not as easy for a biochemist to keep their own experiments, unless she wants to go capture some animals and keep them in her dorm. Or grow a garden inside of it.

But just then, Jason walks up behind them and asks where they’re at.

“We’ve just finished precipitating the copper metal –” Jemma begins.

“We’re just about to dry the sample –” Leo begins at the same time. They glare over at each other, but neither truncates their sentence.

Jason merely laughs, and continues his rounds.

They can’t agree on how to collect the copper solids, either. They both want to go off-protocol for increased accuracy, but disagree on how. They end up flipping a second (undissolved) penny, and Jemma loses.

Jemma is starting to think it’d be a terrible idea for them to work together on anything outside the confines of this painfully easy laboratory. With more complicated problems, they’d surely find even bigger things to squabble about.

They finish up fairly quickly after that, without any more small-talk. They record the mass of their copper and turn in the carbon copies of their methods and observations.

But once again, they disagree on how to dispose of their leftover acids and bases. He wants to walk them over to the corrosive waste storage; she wants to neutralize them and place them in the general non-halogenated waste bin.

At least this time, Jemma wins the coin toss.

Once they’ve finished cleaning up, Jemma remembers the beginning of the lab. The fact that he walked in eight minutes late, and Jason’s stern reminder about not being able to participate in the future.

“I hope you don’t make a habit of being late,” she warns Leo, trying to sound stern. “It’s not only your grade that’s dependent on your punctuality.” She might be coming off a bit rude at this point, but she doesn’t care as much as she should. He’s been a bit rude on a few occasions already.

“Couldn’t find the building, that’s all,” he mumbles through his teeth, his face slowly going red.

It’s absolutely not the excellent excuse she anticipated, and Jemma isn’t pleased that he hasn’t given her any assurance he won’t be late in the future.

Still, as they take off their PPE and pack up their things, she starts to feel guilty about her brusqueness. She does have to spend dozens more hours with him in here, and he’s far from the worst lab partner she could have. He’s very clever, at least, and they completed the experiment without any errors or holdups.

“Looks like you guys make quite the team,” Jason says, coming up behind them by surprise again. “I’ll have to come up with some extra experimentation for you two next week, since this was clearly too easy for you.”

She definitely hears Leo sigh.

Jemma can’t let them leave them off like this.

“Well, it was nice meeting you, Fitz,” she says before either of them can leave.

It’s too late when she realizes she called him ‘Fitz’ instead of ‘Leo.’ He doesn’t comment on her fixation with his last name, and she’s too embarrassed to acknowledge the slip-up and correct herself.

“Yeah,” he says, slinging his backpack on. “You too.”

Before he can turn away, she holds out her hand in a gesture of goodwill. An olive branch.

“See you next week?” she says, gently smiling at him.

For a moment he’s frozen with surprise, just staring down at her hand. But eventually he reaches for her extended hand with an equally apologetic smile, almost as though he realizes they’ve both cocked it up a bit.

But as soon as his hand touches hers, she forgets about all that. Him stumbling in late, their disagreements, his thinly veiled irritation with her questions. Because this is not like any other handshake she’s ever had – a vague pressure deep under her skin to indicate the other person has squeezed her hand sufficiently hard.

This is so much more than that.

A million dead neurons resurrect beneath his hesitant touch, flooding her brain with signals it’s not nearly prepared to receive. Callouses on his palms from working with his hands too much, the layer of slick moisture coating their hands from hours of wearing gloves. Every individual metacarpophalangeal joint pressing into her palm, the whispers of hairs on the back of his hand against the pad of her thumb. The extra strength tucked away in his larger, thicker grip that really only comes from having ten times the circulating testosterone.

It’s him.

Oh, God, it’s him.

It doesn’t matter that he’s a reticent engineer, that he was late or that they seem to love to annoy and interrupt each other. Suddenly all that matters to Jemma is that this endearingly pasty hand feels like it was meant for hers. That this clever, slightly grumpy, painfully quiet boy is the soulmate she’s spent her life waiting for. The boy she’s supposed to be with forever.

She realizes she’s still staring down at their linked hands, and that this conciliatory handshake has gone on far too long. She glances back up to his face, to find him staring blankly down at her hand, too. When he meets her eyes it’s only a fraction of a second later, but it feels like a lifetime.

Okay. Don’t panic, she tells herself. Assess the situation.

But he doesn’t look like he’s just experienced what she has. She’s heard stories, watched films, even seen it with her own eyes a handful of times. There’s almost always shouting, squealing of some kind. But Fitz – damn it, Leo – is silent.

Suddenly, he yanks his hand away.

She inhales sharply at the rush of friction across her skin, sending zings all the way up her arm.

Paralysed with shock, all she can do is watch Fitz as his expression turns grave, like he’s both confused and disturbed by this lengthy episode of physical contact.

An image of Uncle Jeff still in tears over Aunt Emily six months after she’d left flashes in her mind.

This can’t be a match, either.

Tears welling up in her eyes, Jemma quickly concludes she can’t let on what’s just happened. He’d transfer himself to a different lab section in an instant if he found out.

But before she can figure out a way to improvise a professional farewell, he gives her a quick mumbled affirmative to whatever she’d asked (what was it???) and practically leaves skid marks on the linoleum as he turns around to head for the nearest exit door. In what seems like a fraction of a second, the door is slamming into its stopper and he’s out of sight.

#fstag #fsfic #fitzsimmons #aaaaaaaaaaa #time to do a lot of reading on almonds #oh yeah #sexy stuff be jealous #written by yours truly

[fudeh]

Since I’ve got nothing better to do for the next half an hour while I wait to see the doc I’ll do that life update thing now

Long post /// bc mobile still don’t got read more

I’m picking up where I left off like… A month ago

-typed out at the end of jan- [I don’t even know where to start like so much time has passed since i started the service and i still feel like I’m being thrown around. My routine changed when military started so I’m gonna be up at 5am everyday until i fuck right off this hellish 2 years. Which means 1. I’m gonna be too exhausted to draw 2. I gotta sleep early so i can get a decent amount of sleep 3. I can’t stay up late to do anything like what the fuck. My skins gonna be complete shit as well bc of the lack of sleep and the new train station construction near my house for the next 6 fucking years. And I’m so afraid of losing touch with drawing bc of this and i only have 3-4 hours when i get back to do EVERYTHING before i go to bed it’s just not enough time and I’m so fucking pissed that this goddamn shite country is robbing me of 2 years of my life I’m basically a prisoner of the government for 2 years or an actual prisoner for a longer period plus the 2 years i gotta serve after like… Fuck

And within those 4 hours everyday i want to draw and catch up with everyone and tumblr and i don’t even have the energy to wash my goddamn lunch box once i shower let alone draw so i feel like i have to force it or I’ll fall into the shitty brain rot routine that my seniors have acclimated themselves to. I’m so afraid of not doing anything and falling behind bc of this i don’t want to forget all the ideas i have i want to be able to create as much content as i can DESPITE of this really suck situation but i can’t bc i don’t have the goddamn energy. Everyone in the office is like “oh youre gonna end up just sleeping, watching movies and playing games like the rest of us during our days” and I’m like “UM FUCK NO” bc i spent so much time accumulating momentum i don’t want to lose that, i don’t want to get rusty, i don’t want to waste my time more so than i already am??

Not to mention that everyone here is a sexist racist homophobic ignorant fool and we’ve got 2 extremely loud assholes who don’t shut up i swear one day one of us will die and it’ll not be by accident. It’s like going back to the /lovely/ environment of secondary school being surrounded by 16 year old boys who punctuate their sentences with slurs without batting an eye]

For most of January and the beginning of February I dealt with what I assume was depression and at this point I’ve decided to take a break from art mostly bc the more I feel that I have to do it the more stressed I get so idk I’m still fucking pissed but I tired myself out

Now for some good things

The past 3 weeks I’ve been… Incredibly busy tbh too busy to feel shitty even tho I’ve been on like 4 hours of sleep 6 days a week. I’ve been super involved in my Kristang group and they’ve literally saved me I’ve never met such a great bunch of people. I feel engaged and reconnected to my heritage and I have something to look forward to and friends who I feel safe around. They’re also so mature and such great critical thinkers it’s it’s hard to keep up at times but I’m gonna catch up and I’m gonna grow and I’m so excited. I’m facilitating one class and going for another and eventually I’ll be a teacher, of my own heritage langauwg and honestly that’s fucking cool ok. We’re creating a board game as well and I ended up being in charge of it?? The art aspect anyway

I’ve gotten so much closer to the group over the past 3 weeks I admit its a bit scary bc I’ve spent less time with my other friends and I’m afraid of losing them but I don’t think it’ll be a problem. Even tho I’m the new kid, the youngest with the least experience they still treat me the same and its both an honor but also scary bc they move so fast I cannot keep up. They think on their feet on a level I’ve never seen nor expected of 23-31 year olds. The age range is pretty diverse too bc with me it’s now a 10 year range. Also racially diverse (there’s me, eurasian, a Chinese girl, Malayali guy, javanese guy, Portuguese guy and a Chinese eurasian and its that typical diverse friend group that universities try to sell to students ) sbut only 2 of us aren’t linguists.

I feel like I belong there. I’m not in some weird liminal space. They get me. They energize me. I cried when I told my mum about them tbh

There’s gonna be a Kristang language festival in May too and its the first in the country??? The first festival to celebrate the language of my people??? And I’m a part of bringing it to life like?? It’s so unreal. I’ve also learnt that both the government and our race support group organization are a shitty bunch of ppl so that kinda sucks but lol what to expect

I’ve finally picked up embroidery and I’m enjoying it so much. it’s a good alternative to drawing bc I’m still creating in a sense. I’m looking forward to this I can’t wait to customize my shit like catch me with personalized jackets and shit

I told my parents about religion, came out to my cousin, had my first kiss with a friend and nothing got messed up emotionally (still Platonic and we’re both so thankful) ( I also rlly like kissing and we’re cool doing it again)

That’s p much all there is to it rn, national service is shitty, language saving my ass and I’m making progress on being open with my family

#Andre talks