#and I know I'm probably just overreacting because talking to other people doesn't mean I mean nothing to you

[theloveinc]

any hobie and/or miguel icks? 😟

whoever sent this: thank you + i ADORE you. i hope you don't mind i'm switching up the formatting/style a it in comparison to my older icks... shorter list, more detailed <3

(warning: some fem terms used at the end, such as “mama!”)

-

Miguel O'Hara

- This guy... has some long ass toenails. Type of toenails that poke you at night in bed, and tear holes in his socks.

It's maybe somewhat related to the claw thing he's got going on? Has a lot stronger and faster-growing nails than the average person... but the real problem here is that he's TERRIBLE about clipping them. Claims it doesn't bother him even remotely and that you're the one overreacting when you ask him to... but hardly anything gets through to him about it. You probably even offer to do it for him one day, thinking the offer of a foot massage would sway his thinking and that it'd actually work... but he fought you on that just as easy...!!!

...which is how you came to the conclusion that you have a man who'll even argue w/ you over toenails. Petty boy.

- Miguel is also tired 24/7. AND yeah, it's pretty hard to be un-sympathetic towards that, but he's tired in the... I'm-gonna-prioritize-this-one-last-email-over-saying-goodnight-to-you way. Which gets real irritating when you're asking him to help you out w/ anything, like cleaning up or answering a question or JUST HAVING A DAMN CONVERSATION W/ YOU and he's using "I'm tired" as an excuse when his response is shitty or distracted.

Like one of those stupid guys whose always squinting at their damn iPad when you ask what he wants for dinner... which is ironic given that he'll get snippy at you for not giving him your full, entire attention whenever he wants it. Type of man to start picking imaginary lint off your head when you're simply trying to finish up a text before engaging him so that you aren't distracted.

- Odd about Lyla. Not that he loves her or anything, but she'll like pop up to give him updates about whatever even if you're MID-MAKEOUT session and he won't change that setting. Pulling away from your lips all pouty and squinty only to glare at his watch for thirty seconds before trying to go right back into kissing you.

No. No sir.

(Lyla will also always say something to or-but-usually-and about you, which... Okay, she's an AI and doesn't Get It... but it's still weird because it feels like someone you don't know just walked into the room.)

- Picks his nose when he's too busy to find a tissue, and forgets to sanitize his hands after. Denies this when you tell him.. but you've witnessed this multiple times (he's weirdly kind of whiney for a dude and lazy for a workaholic LOL).

Hobie Brown

- Lovely boyfriend because he doesn't give a crap about your appearance or the idea of needing to "look nice" for a man... but also stupid, nuisance boyfriend because this means he doesn't give one hoot if you try to get all gussied up for him. Nags you about wasting time getting ready because he doesn't need you to do all that instead of just saying "THANK YOU, YOU LOOK NICE." Even probably complains about you feeding into gender stereotypes or w/e when you do something like shave your legs or pluck your eyebrows😭

You try to talk to him about this, ask if he even cares that you tried to look nice, and he skirts around admitting it because he has an argument for everything. "'oughta know I think you're pretty either way"-ass when you just spent an hour trying to look all good for him.

- Tries to share the most obscure music with you... which is like, sweet in concept, but weird when it actually happens since it's never like a generic love song but an eleven minute underground jam session.

Which isn't to say he has bad taste in music, usually it's fine if not fantastic... but you try to tell him you don't want to listen to some dude's first draft of himself banging on a drum set for a full album and he's like: "tsk."

HOBIE. TSK??? FUCKING TSK????????? WHAT ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE LIKE????????

(He'll also use his to get out of listening to your music. Claiming his "inconsistency" is why he liked your playlist yesterday but not today. Stop!!!)

- And you know I gotta say it, he's a punk, after all: absolutely refuses to clean his favorite leather jacket, and it smells RANK. He's genuinely sentimental about it, though... and if you even try to bring up cleaning it somehow (even if very gently), he's acting like you betrayed him. Goes through the five stages of grief over you asking him not to wear it on one of your dates, and teases you by TALKING to it:

"Mumma didn't mean that, jackie. She just doesn't understand our lifestyle, does she?" while giving you a (lighthearted) stink eye.

#miguel o'hara x reader #hobie brown x reader #hobie #miguel #atsv #LOL THIS WAS SO FUNNNN I HOPE ITS OK TO READ #I'M EBARASSED THO SO YEEET #SORRY I BAD AT TAGS LATELY WAHH #caitie things #gen #anon

[666writingcafe]

Barbatos' Birthday Surprise (Part Four)

August 22

To say that I'm nervous would be an understatement. I don't know if I've ever fretted this much over what I was going to pack for a weekend away in my entire life. Of course, some of my anxiety has probably been ramped up by Asmo, who's been hovering all week and believing that I need his input, but that doesn't explain all of it.

The truth is, I don't want to disappoint or embarrass Barbatos. I know what Satan said about him acting differently at metal concerts, but he only got that information from other people. For all I know, they may have been lying, and Barbatos actually remains subdued, and I really cannot afford to look like a fool in front of him. It may be a weekend away, but both of us still have reputations we have to uphold.

"MC." Lucifer's voice snaps me out of my mental spiraling. "Barbatos just told me he was on his way to pick you up. I think it might be best if you head downstairs so that you're ready when he arrives. I'll carry your suitcase."

"Lucifer?" I ask as he steps inside my room and grabs the suitcase handle. "Do you think I've made a mistake?"

"Regarding this particular trip, no. Being away from all this for a few days will benefit both of you." He begins walking away, but then pauses and turns back around. "It might comfort you to know that Barbatos has been talking to me about this trip pretty much nonstop since you gave him his early birthday present. I've not seen him this excited about something since the last Three Realm Tea Exposition, and that was centuries ago." Lucifer pauses. "Of course, it may have less to do with the concert itself and more to do with the fact that he gets to spend uninterrupted time with you. He's grown rather fond of you."

~~~

"Nice car." These are the first words that come out of my mouth as soon as I'm alone outside with Barbatos. While part of me wishes I could have been more eloquent in that moment, the car truly shocked me. I never would have expected him to show up in a sleek black convertible, let alone one that looks straight out of the 1950s.

"It was gifted to me many years ago by a human sorcerer," Barbatos replies as he opens the passenger door for me. Once we're both in the car, he adds,

"Before you ask, no, it wasn't Solomon. His gifts are far less tasteful." I snort in amusement. "I'm glad someone finds that funny."

"Was I not supposed to?"

"You're fine, MC. Don't think I took offense, because I didn't. I'm just over Solomon's so-called presents." He starts the car and begins driving away from the House. "One time, he got me a taxidermied rat for Christmas."

"Okay, that's messed up. If I know that you despise rats, then Solomon most definitely should."

"It was dressed up as a butler. At least, that's what he told me. It's not like I studied the damn thing. I ended up chucking it in the fireplace as soon as I realized what it was."

"That must have upset Solomon, assuming that you threw it in front of him."

"Oh, it upset him, alright. He wouldn't talk to me for a few days."

"Serves him right. I mean, what was he expecting you to do, turn cartwheels over the idea of having a beady-eyed rat staring at you?" I glimpse a faint smile on Barbato's lips.

"Believe it or not, some of Solomon's friends thought I was overreacting."

"Somehow, that doesn't surprise me. His behavior gets worse when he spends time with shady people."

"Which accounts for basically everyone he chooses as company. In fact, I'm a little surprised he likes you as much as he does." Okay...did not expect that.

"Really?"

"It's not a knock against you. Quite the opposite, actually. You have a strong moral compass. He doesn't." He pauses as we reach a red stoplight. Once it turns green, he resumes speaking.

"I don't want you to get the wrong impression of Solomon. At the end of the day, he's more often on the side of good than evil. However, he can be easily influenced into causing chaos, which gets him in a lot of trouble."

"Like Mammon?"

"Yes and no. Mammon doesn't always think before he acts. Solomon does."

"I see." I really did not anticipate him revealing this much information. I thought we'd just talk about our trip and maybe get to know each other a little bit, but this...this is new. I don't want to make Barbatos uncomfortable, but at the same time I like this candid side of him. It makes him more relatable. Softer, even.

"Anyway, the point is, I thought that Solomon would take advantage of you being his apprentice, but he seems genuinely interested in teaching you, which is good for him. He needs someone like you to help keep him focused. In a way, so does everyone else."

"Even you?" The question escapes my lips before I can fully register the thought in my head. Unsurprisingly, Barbatos doesn't answer. I pushed him too far.

Dammit.

In an attempt to hide my embarrassment, I turn my head towards the window and passively watch as we drive past different buildings and trees.

At least it's early enough in our trip that we can still enjoy ourselves later.

Doesn't help me out now, but still.

~~~

I don't remember drifting off, but I'm nevertheless jolted awake by the car stopping. Glancing out the window reveals that we're parked in front of a convenience store. I wonder if Barbatos got thirsty or something. In any case, it's a good opportunity for me to stretch, so I get out of the car and begin doing exactly that.

"Everything okay?" The question startles me, as I was not expecting Barbatos to be done so soon.

"Yeah," I respond. "My muscles were just starting to tighten up, that's all." Barbatos nods his head.

"Well, I wasn't sure how hungry you would be, so I grabbed you a couple of things." He hands me a plastic bag containing a sandwich, a banana, and a bottle of water. "All human-friendly."

"Thanks." I grab the sandwich first, which is in a brown paper sleeve. As I take the sandwich out of the sleeve, I end up pulling out a folded-up piece of paper along with it.

"I wasn't sure if you'd be awake when I finished, so I left you a little note," Barbatos explains. I bite into the sandwich before unfolding the note and reading it.

MC,

I apologize for not answering your question earlier. It caught me off guard, and I didn't want to sound jumbled in my reply. I was able to think about it, however, and I was reminded of when I helped you study for your speechcraft exam. Specifically, what you had said to me as you were charming me.

To put it simply, I do need you. Maybe not as much or as intensely as the others, but still. You help me relax in a way that no one else has ever been able to. I feel calm around you.

#obey me shall we date #obey me mc #obey me barbatos #obey me lucifer #obey me solomon

[macgyvermedical]

Curious if you know much about food sensitivity testing. My cousin's SIL is purportedly a wellness NP and has their whole family getting their sensitivities checked every 3-6 months with lab draws. I always thought allergy testing was done with scratch test on skin. And like how do you cast a wide enough net to test for everything? I didn't think labs really worked like that? I thought you kind of had to test for specific things and almost like a process of elimination.

It seems as though every time cousin gets tested there is a whole list of foods she should remove from her diet because she is "sensitive" to them. It always feels like that list is whatever she's been eating most recently (and usually that food is something that she used as a replacement for something she was sensitive to last time) for example she cut out cow's milk and went oat because oat was ok on the list. Then all of a sudden oat wasn't ok anymore and she went coconut. Now coconut is supposedly causing trouble. Cousin said she didn't think she was having issues with it but is now looking for alternatives and I'm just worried about her.

When I asked the SIL what the sensitivities mean the response was that it causes inflammation which can lead to skin conditions, weight gain, problems in the digestive tract, or cancer.

Obviously I know food sensitivities exist and that there's a lot of processed garbage in our food the whole thing just feels off.

No worries if you don't want to answer thing or if you don't know. This is partially me venting in your askbox

Before we can talk about what your SIL is probably doing, we have to talk about food allergies, food sensitivities, and how we test for them.

A food allergy is an inappropriate immune reaction to a chemical that is present in a food.

The first type is the "immediate" type. When the food is ingested, the body's immune system misidentifies one or more proteins in that food as dangerous and "overreacts" by creating an antibody called immunoglobulin E. Immunoglobulin E (aka IgE), triggers the release of histamine and other chemicals that, in the extreme excess caused by IgE, cause symptoms like itching, swelling, hives, low blood pressure, difficulty breathing, vomiting and diarrhea. These symptoms can be life threatening. Less severe versions of this can trigger gastritis, brain fog, asthma, and non-life-threatening versions of the symptoms listed above.

Proteins from peanuts, tree nuts, cow's milk, eggs, fish, shellfish, soy, wheat, and sesame cause about 90% of these allergic reactions.

There are other immune reactions and other Immunoglobulins. For example, there is immunoglobulin G, which serves as a "memory" and helps protects against viruses and bacteria. IgG essentially makes an impression of everything that comes into the body. When you get titers drawn to determine whether you're immune to something (a test you might need to get if you work in the medical field), the test looks for specific types of IgG to determine whether your body still remembers the virus or bacteria you were immunized against or exposed to. More about this later.

IgG, along with IgA and IgM can contribute to autoimmune conditions like MS, graves disease, rheumatoid arthritis, and lupus (which are very technically allergic reactions to oneself).

A food sensitivity or intolerance on the other hand is a condition caused when a person doesn't have the necessary enzymes or microbiome to digest a particular sugar or protein in a food. Food sensitivities do not have anything to do with the immune system. Instead, they have to do with digestion. A food sensitivity often results in bloating, gas, diarrhea, and abdominal pain. While unpleasant, you won't die from an intolerance or sensitivity.

While not technically an allergy or a sensitivity, people also may have conditions that are exacerbated by certain foods, such as sugar or wheat exacerbating arthritis.

Now onto the testing. Allergy testing comes in several forms. You can do blood testing for specific allergens by looking for specific IgE allergens. For example, if you suspect you are allergic to peanuts, you can have blood drawn to check for peanut IgEs. You can also do a skin test, where a section of skin is marked with a grid and small amounts of allergens, along with control solutions, are injected into each section. A welt forms if the substance triggers histamine, and means the person is allergic to the substance. Another test is simply to give the food (in a controlled setting) in increasing amounts until the person has an observable reaction.

For non-dangerous allergic reactions and intolerances, an elimination diet can be done, where a person limits themselves to foods they know are completely safe, wait for symptoms to go away, and then start adding in foods one by one and documenting responses. This can take several months but can be worth it for someone who feels they have many foods that trigger unpleasant symptoms.

What your SIL is probably doing:

There are many companies that offer home allergy testing. This is usually done with a card, where someone places a few drops of blood on the card, mails it in, and gets results for between 90 and 100 different substances.

The problem is, home allergy tests do not test for IgEs. They test for IgGs. Remember that IgGs don't have anything to do with allergic reactions- just the presence or absence of a recent ingestion. All IgG testing does is say "yup, dude ate some peanuts recently".

You might then connect "hey, when I eat wheat my arthritis gets worse, and you said arthritis is partially caused by IgGs" well yes, but your arthritis is caused by IgGs that have identified your cells (among other things), while the antibodies tested for in the test are the ones which have identified the wheat proteins. Just any ol IgG won't do- it's gotta be specific. Wheat may be doing something to aggravate your arthritis, but wheat IgG's aren't what that is.

To be clear, this isn't just my opinion. Every allergy-related organization in the world is in agreement- IgG testing does nothing to determine what you're actually allergic to. We have lots of tests that work for that. IgG testing just tests for what you've eaten or been exposed to recently. Which sounds exactly like what your cousin is experiencing.

R E F E R E N C E S

#reference #allergies #medical

[barbiegirldream]

Related to Q/T (not very Dream sympathic even though I'm a big fan) : I doubt it's for clout, Tommy has always been pretty consistent about doing what he likes.

I think it's just simply what happened for all the streamers (Q, Slime, Phil, Tommy...) and that's why the skit is like that, bc it's what happened for them. Because I really don't see Tommy just switching on his friends, especially not for clout.

BUT, and that's what is so terrible about this situation, they just don't get how much hatred is throwned at dream fans and Dream himself ? Like, for them it was a "Q didn't say anything bc he doesn't have to say anything. Dream copied, he deal with the accusations it's his own bed." So Q not saying anything is OKaying the USMP and Dream is a drama queen for airing public messages and overreacting. In that vision, Dream is the one breaking the friendship, creating drama for nothing, and overreacting. Not continuing the USMP is Dream's decision (and that's something so many people are saying against it !).

But that's completely disregard the amount of hate and vitriol the USMP got because they can't know, you don't know how hard someone can be harrassed. The space with at least 1k of people doxxing Dream ? The ss where there was a coordinate effort to attack him ? I remember externs mocking us for speaking about "sending assassins" before realizing that oh, actually it happened.

So I do get Tommy's video : Dream should have stayed silent about everything and just went "the USMP will not happen yet, wait for it". But I dislike how that take completely disregard that he was pressed by very real hatred both online and IRL, and that's something that people love to ignore about Dream and his stans.

So yeah. Dream made his bed, but I'd like for once to have those guys have the same pressure put on them and see how they react.

PS : absolutely hate to see people discard that T made his own reputation and that he should be thankful for Dream's friendship. I can't bother to watch him anymore, but he is talented and has always been pretty straight about himself. It's also more than getting on the QSMP.

Sorry if it cloggs for asks, it was a bit long and not very positive. Feel free to ignore, your blog just made me feel free enough to share this.

None of this is true tho... like no one thinks Dream aired private messages there were no private messages. they made fun of the long twit longer because they can't genuinely comprehend someone stalking and committing crimes bad enough for the FBI to get involved. They genuinely think Dream is lying out of his ass unaware this isn't even the first time it's happened to Dream. You know who's more than aware? Tommy more than any other random CC on the internet knows exactly what happened to Dream because Dream talked Tommy through the same debacle. Tommy just had an entire livestream tour around England telling everyone how Dream protected him and prepared him because of Dream's experience with criminals trying to ruin his life. This round of doxxing happened because they wanted Dream scared enough to not do the USMP which it worked he didn't they won. But it's still not enough. These freaks spend all their time tweeting about Dream because he's all they care about. QSMP is just their new camp from which to throw grenades at Drean.

Tommy's reputation is as a Dream SMP streamer it's all he ever wanted his reputation to be. Tommy's youtube channel is based off the DSMP. Tommy literally said with his own mouth you can thank Dream for everything about his channel because Dream told him how to do everything from thumbnails to video descriptions. I remember during Minecon Tommy going I had a brilliant idea and by that I mean Dream had an idea and I went oh yeah that's good. Tommy has never ever in the past shied away from giving Dream and anyone else who inspired him their flowers. The simple truth is he probably thought he could get away with the joke and being a teenage boy comes with an inherent cruelty to it 🤷‍♀️

[zilabee]

- OH GOD Paul surrounded by adoring men at the piano. The shiny love of it. I watched it five times, putting off everything that comes after. Paul Bond is glowing out of his fucking skin, and how is he even meant to cope with Paul McCartney looking at him, and telling him things and his hands and his hair. Fuck. Is this the bit that made David Hepworth wax lyrical about Paul's hair? I feel like it is, because I feel like all men watched this bit and wriggled helplessly the way Glyn Johns does when Paul plays and sings right at him, forcing him out of his moodiness and into love. Fucking hell Paul. It is insane that nobody is screaming at him. When Ringo said he would just watch an hour of Paul playing the piano... honestly 12 hours straight.

- When Paul Bond smiles and nods and looks genuinely like he is going to f l o a t away, and he says 'Yeah, sure', but his voice means ''oh god look at you, I love you, anything you say is fine, please don't notice that I'm hard".

- Glyn Johns not at all sure he can manage another day of sitting about with angsty Beatles. I bet he's been sobbing to George Martin overnight, begging not to go.

- The great thing about a piano is there it all is, there's all the music ever, that's it, you know?

Tiny Kevin!

- Paul deciding they should write a script and make a film, and I know he's just filling time, but oh god inside his head must be a ride. "We're in a band who peddle drugs." I love that Ringo is going to be the kindly schoolteacher who inspires Glyn to lead a better life.

- Ringo wants to do a silent film sped up. We could have had a benny hill beatle chase through twickenham, everyone running from MLH who's trying to herd them onto a plane for africa.

- It's the first thing you ever said to me. At Chiswick Park, years ago, we did something. You said what kind of a tree is that, and I said it's a Yew, and you said no it's not, it's a Me.

- And then another fabrication of a conversation, cut into the wrong times, with all the wrong rhythm, and unreliable reactions. But even without that it's an awful dragging thing, too forced and tired, suffocating them, pulling them down even while they try to make fun.

- Peter Sellers shows up and then quickly shows himself out, because he doesn't want to be part of whatever weird thing it is.

John: We'll hold some sanctions against George. Very tightly. Paul: Wheat- John: Yes Paul: And coal. John: Wheat and coal. Bread loaves. Meat. Biscuits. Cardboard cutouts.

- How beautiful if they'd just gone to a quiet surreal war with him. MLH wouldn't have had the necessary imagination to turn it into a lovely odd little film, but maybe Denis O'Dell might have called someone.

- Honestly I just find the whole conversation hard to look at and I don't want to think about it. I know lots of it is joking around, some of it should be just fine, but there's no life in it. It's exhausted. It's physically painful watching Paul having to be still and surrounded by people who are sick from drugs and drink and stagnation. I don't know how he wasn't tearing his face off. They need to open all the windows and drink a lot of water.

(If I'm overreacting here it's because I find it so hard to be near people who are in that space, all muted and stagnant. I can't deal with it at all. It makes me claustrophobic in my own skin. I can feel it wrapping around my brain, pulling me down. Somehow John's constant chatter and joking makes it worse not better.)

Paul: To wander aimlessly is very unswinging. Unhip. John: When I touch you, I feel happy inside. I can’t hide, I can’t hide... Ask me why, I’ll say I love you. Paul: What we need is a schedule. John: A garden shed-ule.

- LSKDJfoijweojsdflsdf. Everything about how they talk to each other. SHWSdjfjkwjefuisjdfsdf. No words. (I mean, it's not like Paul wouldn't love a garden shed! Almost as good for him as a schedule probably. They could just get a little one and put it in the corner for him.)

- John stroking his hair when he's talking about how he's late because he stayed up getting stoned and high and watching films. He's so soft with his words about it being wrong to get in late, and it's awful because it's meaningless and they both know it.

- So much of John being kind and tender with Paul through Get Back is meaningless and they both know it, and that itself is this soft close thing between them.

- And then eventually getting up, taking his coat, and having to pull Paul towards the music. "I'll even sing you half a song I was writing, come on." Luring Paul to work with the promise of a new song, like holding out a treat to the dog. It's a lovely softness. I think in real life it comes sooner after Paul's 'we can't carry on like this', as though John does notice then that he's half killing him by being blurred and not quite there, and pulls himself up.

Well there's a madman a-coming, gonna do you no harm, he's wearing pink pyjamas and he lives on a farm, he's gonna get you, got to get to somewhere to be alone [...] Fifteen raw potatoes standing all in a row, don't you try to count them, you just got it to go, you've got to get somewhere to be so glad to be on your own, and nowhere to go, nowhere to go, because you're going alone, nowhere to go because you're feeling alone, feeling alone, go home...

- Is it the little rock and roller he was hoping to write on Sunday? It's about feeling alone and having nowhere to go which is fine. Paul sits turned away from John and curled deep in his music which is also fine. Everything's fine. So that's good.

#get back #get back january #long post again I know I know #I'm sorry #but it's the hardest couple of days for me #couldn't word it but I didn't mean to suggest that John is only moving them to do some work for Paul's benefit #I think it's something he very much needs #and usually Paul would be urging him into and he's confused that it's just not happening #and realises he'll have to do it himself #a bit like Paul talks about how they are cross if he's bossy but then confused if he isn't #get back words

[marshmallowprotection]

Hey Kait, do you think it would be overreacting if MC suddenly passed out at the hospital after the events of Saeran's AE? I just finished playing it and it caused me great amount of pain and suffering throughout the 4 days. And truth to be told, if I were in MC's position, I would probably fainted right then and there after all the fatigue have caught up to me... I don't have the best physical stamina and I just know the reason why my body were able to keep up is to ensure my own safety first. But then I would feel guilty because I don't think I'm contributing that much to even feel that exhausted compared to Jumin or the twins, for example. I don't know my thoughts are a bit jumbled now

GE Saeran wouldn't be surprised.

He understands that the situation has been difficult for everyone, and you have been putting on a brave face for him and everyone else. He could see underneath the mask you were putting up to try and take care of him and everyone else. He knew it was going to catch up to you eventually because he knows you just as well as you know him.

He doesn't like it when you push yourself like this, but he can't tell you how to live your life. He can be there for you through the misery and suffering, but he can't tell you to do anything you either don't want to do or aren't ready to do. If you can't rest in the middle of a tragedy, he knows there's not much he can say because he's not getting that much sleep, either. 

Of course, the only thing he doesn't like about this is that you worked yourself to the point of exhaustion where your body made you rest. He would rather you allow yourself the opportunity to lay down willingly instead of forcing yourself to keep moving no matter what. But this is one of those situations where there's not much you can do but scream. He understands why you handled it this way but that doesn't have to make him happy. 

Listen, you do not need to diminish your suffering in this situation because you are going through just as much stress as everyone else. Pain and Trauma are not a contest and you do not need to be in a position where you feel quote unquote worse, to experience your agony and hardship outwardly.

Pain is not a contest and you do not have to treat it like one. People are going through difficult situations all across the board, but just because your situation is different from another person's does not mean that you need to tell yourself that your pain is less and you do not deserve to feel it. 

People of all backgrounds can know what it feels like to suffer but if you beat yourself up to the point where you don't allow yourself to experience anything because “you don't have the right to experience it”, you’ll only hurt yourself. I give a firm example here. Jumin often talks about his privilege.

He is well aware of the status he has in life, and he likes to say that everything he's gone through that is far from okay, is not something he deserves the right to talk about because he has had way better opportunity in life than other people and that means he shouldn't complain or talk about his suffering.

It's good for him to understand that people go through difficult things and to empathize with their plight because they deserve a voice to share what they're going through. However, just because he was born into a situation with more privilege does not mean that he doesn't deserve to talk about his suffering. 

He diminishes his own suffering in the name of bringing light to what other people have gone through. He doesn't let himself talk about what he's experienced as somebody who was emotionally neglected his entire life and sexually harassed from a very young age. It hurts him in the long run because he doesn't have the opportunity to talk about what he's gone through to anyone.

It's great that he loves and cares about other people to the point where he wants them to be able to experience their feelings, but he shouldn't neglect his own feelings in that situation because he is just as entitled to what he's feeling.

You know, he's doing the same exact thing that you're trying to do to yourself in the after ending. He puts everything he's feeling on hold because he wants to be brave for everyone around him. The two of you seemingly have that in common, and it's definitely something you should talk about as friends. 

But, as far as Saeran goes?

He would be right at your side. They would make sure to put you in a bed next to him so you could probably get some rest, and any fluids you need since this means you might not have been taking care of yourself properly. He'll make sure to hold your hand and rest with you. You don't have to work yourself into the ground for his sake.

Please, allow yourself to cry and know that it's okay to feel that way. You were the one that taught him that his feelings were justified in every way imaginable and he deserved the opportunity to feel them instead of snuffing them down. It looks like you need to learn your own advice. 

#ask #mystic messenger #mod kait #anon #saeran choi #mysme #mysticmessenger #choi saeran #mm

[onehundredandeleventropicalfish]

All Nada did was refuse Dream and she got condemned to hell for ten thousand years.

Meanwhile, Kilala quite literally cheated on him, yet she got away without a scratch.

The only way I can make it make sense is that either Dream was younger and less vengeful, or since Kilala was under another cosmic entitys protection he couldn't really harm her without consequences

okay i wanna preface this by saying i do not agree with or approve of dream's decisions or logic, i'm just explaining the thought process from his perspective

but ohhhh, there's another way

desire.

which is the great irony here. there's no actual proof desire was involved with the killalla situation (more on that here), but dream was sure they were, so convinced of it he literally never forgave them, and their relationship was never the same again. he doesn't blame killalla, he writes killalla off as something desire took from him

nada, on the other hand, we know for a fact desire had their hands all over that one. but if dream ever knew back then, or ever suspected, he ignored it, because nada had done what no one else had ever done before - she loved him enough to seek him out, no matter the cost. she found her way to the heart of the dreaming in a way mortals are not meant to do, and because the endless are kinda symbolically literal like that, that meant she found a way to his heart. he sees her as having agency in this situation in a way he never saw killalla (who was never sure what she and dream were to each other). so when nada did what he interpreted as a total betrayal, all that hurt got directed in her direction, it was her fault, and hers alone

and that game between desire and dream is a dangerous one. desire's someone who just doesn't see mortals as people, they've admitted to themselves that they can't, or it would drive them insane. they have to believe that they are better than everyone else because being one of the endless is honestly kinda hell and this is the way they feel better

dream... is usually the opposite. it's their one main difference. but he is so shortsighted when it comes to his sibling, and easily riled up, it's extremely easy for desire to pull him down to their level. when dream's on his own, he does care about mortals, in his own way. he has his moments of cruelty for sure (especially when his ego is involved), but on the whole he is at the very least empathetic, and attempts to be kind and understanding

when desire's involved though, especially prior to the main story? he forgets anyone else even exists, mortals just become game pieces between them

(he's a little more aware after his imprisonment and his talk with death, but like... early dream just got total blinders on to anyone else's situation as soon as desire challenged him)

so when killalla hurts him, well that wasn't her choice, she doesn't matter, desire's just being the annoying younger sibling that likes to break your toys (and he can't punish desire, because the rules say he can't, and the rules matter more to him than anything else)

when nada hurts him, she must have done that on purpose, couldn't she see how much he loved her? he literally made the entire world dream of her, probably not even deliberately

and because he's sort of a repository for the entire universe's subconscious, trying to tie that down and repress all of his emotions (when it's physically impossible to repress emotions in a dream), is not an easy job. and while he manages most of them, unfortunately two tend to slip through the cracks the easiest - the first is how quickly he falls in love with people, and the second is righteous anger that can be easily justified

which means if you hurt him, especially if you're hurting his heart and his pride at the same time, as was the case with nada, he has a tendency to. overreact.

#sandman comic spoilers #dream of the endless #killalla of the glow #nada #mine #meta #ask #the sandman

[raijin-tribe]

Hello, i'm huge fan of Raijinshuu and I notices something about Evergreen.

My english sucks, do not worry about it :)

So, when we first saw the Raijinshuu they were bad people. When they were beaten and Laxus kicked out, they were trying to talk with the guild (bcs they made a big mistake and would say sorry). I mean, this is logic, no problems about it...

(thanks the Anime) when Evergreen talk there's sometimes, she act like a mean girl (she's keep saying she's a fairy and she is strong and all the stuff). And why a person who know she's strong will scream that they are strong ? Honestly, maybe it's what we think, she like to people to know she is...

But why she cried on Tenrou ? (How do i write dis sh!t ????) I'm not a psycologist or something like that but i know this : when a person believe they near to death they open their true them. While Elfman is just a little more sweet and calm, Evergreen was crying bcs if they lost, it's was HER fault. Not strong enough. She was sorry. Maybe I do not interpret has other do...

But remember, when she was a kid she was lonely and had no friend. This thing, especially when you have a young age can break a person for the rest of his life. Evergreen have insecurities. Evergreen is a woman, who want to hide the little girl who's broken and sad behind a strong personality. They're sometimes it's the real her (with the filter). She has feeling.

Maybe it's bcs i'm adicted to her, maybe i overreact to all we see and know about her. But maybe Evergreen want to be love and don't know how to say it.

Again, i'm sorry for my english and all. So if you want to throw a dictionnary at my face you can ;)

It’s okay! No need to throw any dictionaries! I get what you’re saying.

And— I agree!

We don't know much about Evergreen's past, unfortunately. We do know that she's always loved fairies, and even though translations can vary, it's also pretty widely accepted that she was rather lonely growing up, probably due to her eye magic. (Something I think Freed and Bickslow also dealt with given their anti-social attitudes and self-isolation from the rest of the guild before the BoFT— but that's a conversation for another time.)

I've noticed this before, but there are times when Fairy Tail characters will look down on themselves and their abilites, believing they are not strong enough compared to their guildmates. Regardless if it's true or not, it's how they feel and what motivates them to become stronger. I can see this with Evergreen, too.

On Tenrou, Evergreen let her insecurities get the best of her because she felt it was her fault they lost to Rustyrose. She didn’t think she was strong enough. Her fairy magic was ineffective against him and she wasn't able to land a single attack while Elfman contiued to fight. Even after Elfman went through the trouble of getting Rusty's glasses off, he just summoned another pair. She wasn't able to turn him to stone, and they lost because of it.

I think Evergreen has a strong personality because she wants to convince herself she is strong. She's scared to be seen as weak or vunerable and that's why she will sometimes come off as vain or arrogant instead. Those who can see past this (Laxus, Freed, Bickslow, and Elfman) are the ones who are closest to her, and despite how she acts sometimes, she does care very, very deeply for them as well.

So, yes. Evergreen does have insecurites and does want to be loved, but it's okay that she doesn't know how to say it because her friends already know and share her feelings.

I don't go on character rants very often because there's just so much to say and I often get my thoughts all mixed up trying to type it out, but hopefully this makes sense! I love Evergreen so I'm glad to share some of my feelings on her character! <3

#ask #textpost #fairy tail evergreen #エバーグリーン

[hyacinthian-chateau]

Hi, can I please have a match up with a male character for genshin?🙏🏼

For my personality : I'm definitely a big introvert, I need time to open up to someone but once you know me, I can be quite playful & I like teasing my friends/family.

I'm an INTP, which means I'm often stuck in my own head, when I'm with my group of friends, I don't talk a lot since I'm more focused on my own thoughts. I usually prefer to listen than talk.

I can be quite talkative when I'm interested by a subject & I can be rambling a lot because of my excitement.

I always need to analyse everything, like I need everything to make sense & if a little detail doesn't make sense then it's going to disturbs me.

I'm stubborn & prideful, probably my 2 worst traits.

My love language is probably acts of service, I'm not very direct & open with my feelings but I think actions speak louder than words so I like to do little things for others.

My dislikes :

I hate big crowds or loud places, they make me uncomfortable, I prefer quiet & chilled places.

I don't like clingy people, I need my personal space & I can be easily annoyed if someone doesn't respect it.

I don't like people who are too extravagant, like when they're too loud or when they're overreacting, I feel like they just need attention or they're not genuine.

Physical affection for me is also a no or it needs to be minimal like holding hands for example.

I'm a very picky eater so there are a lot of aliments I don't like.😅

I hate judgemental people, who are judging when it doesn't concerned them or without knowing the full story.

I don't like it when I'm ignored or when someone is interrupting me when I'm speaking.

Bugs...🤐

My likes & hobbies :

I love anything sweet, I have a huge sweet tooth!

I'm whipped for animals, I just can't resist them! I'm definitely more confortable with them than with humans.😅 (I'm a cat mom by the way!)

I love poetry, sometimes I try to write poems but I don't think I'm good at it so I prefer to just read some.

I like writing in general, like I said before, I tend to be stuck in my own head so writing my thoughts helps me emptying my head & organize my thoughts.

I enjoy nature, so I like to take a break & just walk in some quiet & peaceful places like forests for example.

I like talking about random facts, if I think something is interesting then I want to share it with others.

I love baking & cooking! It's probably my biggest love language! It always makes me happy when I see my family enjoying my food!

I think I'm a good listener so I'm always honoured when someone comes to me too seek for my help. I always like helping people by listening & giving advices.

I'd love to travel & discover the world, it's probably my biggest dream.

Thank you in advance.🤗

Diluc, ｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

You and Diluc unknowingly find yourselves involved with one another.

The young master of Dawn Winery is a popular figure among the people of Mondstadt. Most of those who interact with the Ragnvindr heir best describe him as a courteous gentleman who tends to come across as either quite frank or, according to the young Klee, grumpy. But regardless of what people perceived him to be, there was more to the aloof and handsome noble than meets the eye.

The first time he notices you is when he volunteers to pick up the weekly order in place of Charles from the nearby bakery. Despite being dressed plainly and covered in a bit of flour, your quiet comeliness catches his attention as you greet him. The stoic man had never been one to make small talk but finds himself learning that you travelled quite a bit after taking note of the knickknacks decorating perched on your store's shelves. By the end of the visit, the nobleman returns to Angel's Share with an extra box of pastries and a quiet liking to you.

As the years passed, the two of you gradually became good friends. It became customary for either of you to visit the other's establishment occasionally. Your workers would catch a glimpse of the uncrowned king and you within your back office, nursing a cup of Valberry tea as he tries your latest pastry creation. On the other hand, you would be occasionally found on one of the high stools at Angel's Share while providing some feedback regarding the new items on his menu. It was much to the surprise of everyone when the two of you collaborated on a set course meal during the Windblume festival, an endeavour which received praise from the residents.

Speaking of the citizens, a growing number of them had taken note of the Pyro-user's change in demeanour. Yes, Diluc had always been a gentleman, and yet no one can deny how the usually intimidating man's gaze would turn soft upon settling over your figure. From hanging his coat over your frame to protect you from a gust of cold wind to going as far as to keep you company as you stop to pet every cat or dog that crosses your path when during the walk home and putting aside a small dish of imported sweets from Inazuma or Sumeru to go with your cocktail, courtesy of Diluc when visiting the tavern. It doesn't take a genius to see that the said man has grown fond, if not quite infatuated, with you. And Diluc very well knows this.

Over the time the tavern owner has known you, he has gotten a better idea of your mannerisms. He knows you to be a dedicated and tenacious individual when it involves your profession as a patissier. Or how you prefer to splurge on kitchen equipment which would ease the workload for your employees. And like any average person, the Claymore user knew you to opt for a short walk around the city to clear your mind after dealing with people after a busy day. But like many, there were also times when you pushed yourself a little too hard…and in those trying days, you would sometimes end up at the tavern for a drink or two.

One summer evening, the Winery owner happened upon your bleary-eyed figure sitting between a mirthful Kaeya and Venti at Angel's Share. It doesn't take long for the Pyro-user to realize that the two must have bugged you to drink a little more than usual, leading to the point where you were in no condition to walk home alone. Handing the towel to a nearby Charles, Diluc can only glare at the two troublemakers as you bid both the bard and captain a good night before escorting you home.

Typically, you had always been a talkative person when alcohol was involved, but Diluc becomes somewhat self-conscious when you stare at him with a silly grin as he walks you home. With a well-posed question, It doesn't take much for you to share what was going through your lovely head. There was a saying that drunken words were honest thoughts, and Diluc was no stranger to them as he was used to dealing with intoxicated patrons…But the usual stoic expression on the Pyro-user's face is quickly replaced by a flustered one when a confession tumbles past your lips.

With his mind running, the Pyro-user's is well aware that he doesn't need to even look at a mirror to know that his face must have been the same shade as his tresses. The seconds must have turned into a few minutes, and Diluc pauses when he catches the tight-lipped smile on your face as you attempt to change the subject when you two finally reach the door to your home.

That's the thing words; once a person starts measuring how much to tell, they keep everything to themselves, leaving others to misunderstand. Diluc was never one to act upon his emotions. Yet, when you begin apologizing for making him uncomfortable and urging him to forget about it, he finds himself reaching for your hand. The young tycoon has never been good at expressing himself, yet he finds himself determined to respond in kind to your feelings.

Archons, the man has never met a stubborn person like you whose contagious smile and presence lit up his dreary existence; He fell in love with you a long time ago but just never found the resolve to tell you in fear that it would be too much of a burden. For years he's maintained friendly relations, as you deserved much better. And yet his feeble attempts to distance himself from you never works out as he constantly reminds himself of you as he goes on with his everyday life.

And yet love, the elusive mystery that is it, seemed intent on finally catching up to the Ragvindr heir when he witnessed the red blooming over your cheeks. The tension in Diluc's frame dissipates as he notes the faint grin on your lips as he meets your gaze, only then finally noticing how close the two of you stood next to each other. He watches as you reach toward his face, tentative fingertips grazing his jaw ever so slightly.

At that moment, he lets himself indulge, letting you feel his cheek before finally leaning into the touch while staring into your bright gaze with utter fondness. In the quiet darkness, the Pyro-user rests his gloved hand over yours as he affirms his affections. And being the witty person you had always been, you dub the red-haired nobleman a mischievous rascal, to which he reciprocates with a small laugh.

The two of you would have stayed wrapped up in each other but found yourselves slightly shaken at the sound of the nearby bell chiming. Finally taking note of the late hour, the winery owner slowly is prepared to bid you goodnight but is beaten to it when you press a chaste kiss against his cheek. Flashing the winery owner an affectionate grin and bidding him a good night, the Pyro-user can only gape as you swiftly disappear behind the safe confines of your home.

Sleep takes its time as Diluc lays awake in bed that night. His thoughts drifted towards you and the events that had transpired that evening. Ever since his father's death and his adoptive-brother's revelation, he's been adamant in keeping people at arm's length to spare both himself from becoming attached and getting hurt. Unfortunately, you had effectively wormed yourself past the high walls of his heart, and now he cannot seem to find it in himself to distance himself from you any longer. Ultimately, he's decided to hold and cherish you despite not knowing what the future holds.

Today's been busy, especially when the Ludi Harpastum is just around the corner…Ah, it seems you have someone waiting to be served! And it doesn't seem like any regular customer…

╰ ☆☆☆☆╮

#Have Fun! #Genshin Impact x Reader #We don't mind info dumps at all teehee #diluc ragnvindr #Diluc x Reader #Hyacinth 🍮 #Catharia Writes #Catharia's Match-Ups #Genshin Diluc #Genshin Match-Ups

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw talk of nail biting? and stimming ig? i dunno wtf to tag this with, sorry.

okay, this is gonna sound really stupid. like. ik this is me overreacting but i feel like i just need to talk about it. advice would be great but if you just want this to be a vent, that's fine. im Xra.

i bite my nails ok? i bite my nails, i like, gnaw on my hands, pick at my skin, shit like that, I always have. the gnawing thing is a stim, like, i'm autistic and sometimes i just have half my hand in my mouth trying to comfort myself or contain my feelings. which sounds gross, i know it does, trust me, i've been told, you don't have to tell me. i've tried to stop. i briefly stopped biting my nails. long nails are sensory HELL and something bad happened and i just fell right back into it and i never stopped any of the other stuff.

but i have a sister, who i avoid, bc she's mean to me most of the time. i don't mean like, 'ooh my sister is just annoying :/ i hate not being an only child', i mean she's always telling me shit like she used to hate me, and stuff i need to work on so that i'm not so "abrasive" or "weird" or telling me stories about every time i messed up when i was little and how stupid i looked, which is realy fun because some of those incidents i didn't even realize i was looking stupid! she makes me feel bad. ANYWAY. she also likes to point out and kind of pick on me for my nail biting shit.

but she pointed it out when my mom was in the room. and most people don't say anything about it bc they know im very self conscious about it. but my sister was going on and on about how i needed to get a handle on it and how it looked nasty and then she turned to my mom and she was like right? and my mom, who usually says nothing at all about it! and has never been mean about it like this! went off on a tangent about how my dad bites his nails, his mom bites her nails, and how its a "generalational curse" from his side and how i'll probably do it all my life and chip my teeth and wear down my nails and have all sorts of complications that i'll have to deal with because she can't handle trying to convince me to stop. it was just. i was straight up crying. it was awful.

i guess it was meant to be a wake up call for me. and i guess i get it. its disgusting. and i'm fucked up or whatever. but i can't stop. especially bc of the whole autism and stimming shit. i know it's stupid to get upset because. she's right, i SHOULD stop, it is bad, ect ect, but i can't stop feeling really hurt about it because like-she never even apologized and she just pretends it didn't happened but now i feel even worse about it all and even more anxious, which makes me do it more. :/

Hi Xra,

I'm sorry to hear about what you've been going through. Please know that you're not alone.

While biting nails may be a destructive behavior depending on how serious it is, the way your family has approached it seems to be exacerbating it. It sounds like your family shames you for doing this, which may be making you do it more, or feel more secretive or shameful about it. But feeling shameful about it or wanting to hide it is not really going to address the situation or make you feel comfortable enough to work towards a healthier substitute.

It sounds like your sister is constantly criticizing you, and not in a constructive way. It doesn't sound like she necessarily wants you to improve or do what she can to foster a supportive environment in which you feel encouraged to work on improving, rather it sounds like she makes snide comments like that she used to hate you and just overall making you feel insecure. Though your sister may be frustrated with your nail biting, there are far more considerate and helpful ways to address it.

While I don't know the exact extent of your nail biting habits, it's worth considering that biting one's nails is actually extremely common, and though some people may see it as gross, it's mainly just seen as a sign of stress. It's essential to have healthier coping mechanisms in place that provide comfort and help you manage stress and anxiety. Exploring alternative stims or finding calming activities can be helpful in redirecting the need for stimming through nail biting.

It's important to remember that changing a long-standing habit takes time and patience. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects, try to approach this with self-compassion and understanding. Know that you deserve support and encouragement in finding healthier ways to manage your stress and emotions.

If you feel comfortable, you may want to discuss your concerns with a therapist who specializes in autism or anxiety. They can provide guidance and strategies specific to your needs. Additionally, seeking out online communities or support groups for individuals with similar experiences might be beneficial. Connecting with others who understand what you're going through can provide a sense of validation and support.

Please know that you are not defined by your nail-biting habit, and it doesn't diminish your worth as a person. Focus on self-care, finding healthy coping mechanisms, and surrounding yourself with understanding and supportive individuals.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #xra #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse

[khaleesiofalicante]

I don't usually write asks like this but it's been a weird day so yeah

I have this friend. Let's call him Rafael (i'm not creative enough to come up w my own names). He's straight, and we both had a crush on the same girl. She's gorgeous. Let's call her Anjali. We used to talk a lot about how stunning she was. I also came out to him bc i felt comfortable enough.

A while ago he and anjali started dating and they look hot together so i was happy for him. (anjali and I are only acquaintances. idk her very well but she's really nice.)

Today Anjali told me out of nowhere that she's straight. Like i said before we aren't close enough so it was weird for her to just tell me this randomly. i felt weird and didn't know what to say so i just said 'that's nice. i'm definitely not straight' and she said 'i know' and she gave me this look and i realised that she was trying to let me down easily.

I asked Rafael if he'd said something to her and he admitted that he had and didn't think it was a big deal bc i seemed cool with my sexuality. And i AM but that doesn't mean I'm okay w telling about it to everyone, especially people i don't know very well. When i told him this he said that he genuinely didn't think it was a big deal, that i was overreacting and was probably jealous.

I'm not jealous and it was a really shitty thing to say. I'm not sure what to be more angry about- that he told a private detail about my life w/o my consent, assumed that i was jealous or said that i was overreacting.

Anyway sorry for the rant. What do you think? Do you think it was an overreaction on my part? (i want to mention that i hadn't EXPLICITLY asked him to not tell anyone about me)

Love, Yana

ps. i HATE it when people tell me i'm overreacting (especially when i'm not).

first of all (and I cannot stress this enough) fuck Rafael. What an asshole. (sorry if i am being rude to your friend but i speak facts here).

the second most important thing - you are NOT overreacting at all. your friend violated your privacy and disregarded your consent. that shit is NOT okay.

Consent cannot be generalized. Just because you were comfortable telling him, it doesn't mean you are comfortable telling everyone. Even if you are, that goes not give him the right to tell everyone. And it's pretty evident that he was not telling her out of allyship or support. It didn't benefit you in anyway. In fact, it put you in an uncomfortable position. So, please don't feel bad about feeling bad about this.

FURTHERMORE. Not only did he out you, but he also blamed you for it. What kind of gaslighting, victim-blaming bullshit is this?

i am so sorry this happened to you. especially by someone you felt comfortable with. i hope this doesn't prevent you from confiding yourself in others.

It doesn't matter if a) you are 'comfortable' with your sexuality b) explicitly didn't tell him to not tell anyone. It was still wrong. You have every right to feel angry and hurt about this.

The right on your friend's part would have been to apologize, to make sure you don't feel unsafe or uncomfortable again. Instead, he got defensive and pointed fingers at you.

As Max would say, this is peak cunt behavior.

I hope you are feeling better, Yana. Always here for you. 💙

PS - There is always a first time for everything. I'm glad you reached out and vented about this. Proud of you for that. Even prouder for calling out that cunt (i renamed him sorry but it seemed more appropriate).

#support

[bookwyrminspiration]

Response to an ask from Ophelia:

Ophelia! Hello! Glad the message I forgot is fine, it's an unfortunate thing I do all the time but there really is nothing behind it. Just forgetfulness--the moment the notif bubble is gone if I haven't responded to it it's getting forgotten.

That being said, on to the issue. I can tell you that what you're experiencing is not normal and you're not overreacting. Some people may experience what you do in small doses, but not to the extreme you're describing.

I'm not a mental health expert, so keep that in mind, but based on what you're describing and what I do know about mental health, the two things it might benefit you to look into further are OCD and psychosis/psychotic disorders (suggesting these may seem intimidating at first, but it's okay). I don't have the authority to say "oh you have these!" but some of what you're describing matches the symptoms as I'm familiar with them, so it may be worthwhile to investigate.

My reasoning is that they may be obsessive thoughts (If I don't do this, I'll die. If I don't do this, people can read my mind) that cause you distress. That distress leads to compulsively doing something to alleviate it (repeating sentences of thanks, checking home pages). That doesn't mean doing it makes you feel good, it might just temporarily get rid of the obsessive worry. Here's a link to the International OCD Foundation's explanation and examples, which is one of many sources you can review.

The second part you describe also seems to match descriptions of delusions in psychosis, believing something very strongly that's untrue (I know the typical thought is psychosis=hallucinations, but that's not strictly true). You aren't aware that these things you believe aren't real and to you they're absolutely true. It's a disconnect from reality and can lead to fear and confusion when you try and figure out what's true. Here's a link to a site covering some symptoms you can look through. You may notice on that list is the thinking someone is planning to kill you, and it's not listed but the thinking you're being recorded is also a fairly common one as far as I'm away. There are more sources, that's just one I found.

I think you're already doing well describing your experience and putting it to words. To the doctor I would probably say something like: I am consistently struggling to connect to reality and have intense periods where I believe things that aren't in any way true (and give an example or two). It's severe enough that other people in my life notice and it stops me from being able to live normally. I also get intense distressing thoughts (give an example) I can't get rid of until I soothe them with repeatedly doing something (give an example), despite knowing those thoughts aren't rational.

The examples you've given are very helpful, so I'd also suggest including them when talking to the doctor. Another thing that could help is telling them that this isn't coming from you, but instead making sure they know someone else (in this case me) is aware you're looking into things and involved. Saying like "my friend suggested looking into OCD and psychosis, do you know anything about that?" can make doctors treat you more seriously because it's not just you and them. And because it's not you introducing the avenues to look into, it's me, so they're less likely to think you're overreacting.

None of this makes you seem weird or dumb, and I hope some of what I've said/linked can be of use. I'm not an expert, so these are just things to look into that have the potential to be useful or lead to something. I'd be more than willing to help further (look for resources, help you figure things out, etc), but I also don't know how much use I can be.

Either way, emotionally i am preparing a picnic as we sit in the grass :)

#quil's queries #ophelia nonsie #colored text #i hope you're doing alright #and also just in case you were worried: none of this changes anything for me #i still like you and enjoy talking with you and think you're great :) #mental health issues don't make you unlikable or a burden or anything like that. I know you can get worried about it #so I just wanted to clarify #regardless of what's going on I support and care about you

[fxntxsix]

I think your post about Austin is a little bit of an overreaction. Vanessa’s interview was very fun and talked about the new phase of her life. She had one comment about past relationships, nothing more. And all the announcement of the Priscilla movie would really do is show how influential the Elvis movie is because clearly there is an audience that Austin and Baz capitalized on. Austin’s biggest awards worry right now is Brendan Fraser. Not his ex or Nate from Euphoria.

Okay hold up nonnie imma address this point wise lmao,

About the "overreaction" - yes it could be true that I am overreacting because I have been told by some people who know me irl that I have a flair for the dramatic so I don't put it past myself lmao. But, and I've said this to a few people in my messages about this post, the only reason I wrote 'For Aus' is because all those thoughts were weighing on my mind since yesterday and honestly I just had to get them out in words for my sanity more than the purpose of making a statement.

I really enjoyed the red and green flags video interview she did for the same magazine I though it was adorable and I'm glad she's thriving in her current relationship and some of her recent roles have done tremendously. However, if you read the written article there is more than one backhanded comment about the time when she was dating Austin.

“The public only sees so much. I’ve been through two very long life-changing relationships, and no one really knows what happened except for me. When I write my memoir, it'll be amazing." - like she just butchered her own 'it was a clean mutual break up' narrative because clearly it wasn't as clean as they said it was.

“I woke up at 27 like, ‘I have no idea who I am, what I want, or what I stand for,’” she says. “I realized how much of myself I gave away to others, when I actually was giving away and turning off pieces of myself,” she says. “When you get older, the sexier boundaries are.” - she was very much in a relationship with him at 27

“I always thought I would be married at 25, because that’s when my mom got married, and then when that didn’t happen, I was like, ‘Oh, OK. So we’re just going to shift everything back a bit.'" - again very much dating him at that point but he was 22 so like?????

His concern with Brendan Fraser is healthy Hollywood competition, it's fair and straightforward. With award nominations there's always that kinda competitiveness as there should be so that's okay. My concern is that all the shit seems to be hitting the fan when these actors are doing their BTS Oscar campaigns and I just hope the Academy/other juries can look past all of this to judge him only on his performance because that's all that matters.

As for the actual film, I'm not saying I'm cheesed off that there's a new film (I mean it's Elvis there would have probably been another film at some point anyway), it's the timing. It is straight up disrespectful and wayyyyy too soon. As peers in the same industry, I would've expected Sophia to let 'Elvis' (2022) run its course and maybe wait for at least the award season to pass before making this announcement. That would've been the right thing to do also any movie about anything Presley will gain traction regardless of the timing just because it's association with Elvis so that shouldn't have even been a concern.

AGAIN, to come back to my point of the original post - we all know that Austin is shy and he has been very very open in sharing his insecurities over the course of this press tour. So, I just wish there was a way to check up on him and make sure that he doesn't give in to those insecurities, as someone who gets panic attacks like they're going out of fashion I understand how easy it is to give in to even half a second of doubt. This was just my very long and twisted way of saying I love Austin even though I know he wont ever see this post or any post on here really.

-Fantasia <3

#answered

[twilight-blaze]

when I went to reblog that last post I started talking in the tags a bit, but then it ended up as a lot more of a rant than expected and I'm not gonna just leave that on someone else's post

so I'm gonna put the rant here instead, because I need this out of my system.

I didn't really edit this, I just finished it, so this is not a well thought out and articulated post. it's just me pouring my thoughts and emotions into a post and maybe some of them make some amount of sense

I used to try to teach my parents about queer history and current queer issues. I used to want to teach them, to meet them more than halfway if I had to. but their response is always that I'm overreacting, or being too cynical, or being self-centered, and I can only take so much of that.

I brought up the AIDS crisis to my mother once (and only once, because of how it went over) and she said I was being over-dramatic for saying the queer population was left to die by a government that did not care about our lives, and said it was a cynical view of the epidemic to even consider that it was malicious in any way.

(that's about when I had to leave the room because of how upset I was. I never brought this up again. I don't think I could handle it a second time.)

when I told her about the gay panic defense and trans panic defense she said I was overreacting because, and I quote "it can't be that bad" (yes, really, those exact words) and "that could never hold up in court." she refused to believe me when I said it has, even when I offered to point to some specific court cases.

(this woman is a lawyer. she works at a law firm as a paralegal (she prefers that over being a practicing attorney) and therefore handles court documents frequently. you'd think a court case would be a compelling enough source in her eyes, but that would require being willing to read it, which she is not.)

if I bring up queer specific issues around my father, even when they're directly relevant to the current conversation, he'll tell me not to make it all about me. he also doesn't want to talk about anything political, and any queer history is politics above anything else to him.

if I bring those same issues up to my mother, she's told me to "stop bringing down the mood" (we were literally already having a conversation about hate crimes when she said that one. so talking about other hate crimes is fine but mentioning transphobic hate crimes is where she draw that line?)

she also told me "you shouldn't worry about the negatives" when I mentioned the higher rate of violence against trans people (also in a conversation where it was relevant, not out of the blue). and I get it, nobody wants to think about getting assaulted or murdered, but the unfortunate reality is that for me, experiencing some form of violence is more likely than not, so not thinking about it at all isn't really an option.

(telling her this did not make her change her mind on how I'm being "too negative." and then she brought out the "self-fulfilling prophecy" line and I realized that if she thinks I'm at a higher risk of hate crimes because I'm acknowledging they could happen to me and thinking about how to protect myself, then I should probably stop trying to reason with her about these things.)

and the thing is, my mother is constantly saying that she wishes she could do more to help stop human rights abuses and discrimination. my father is politically active in election season and donates to progressive primary candidates. both of them consistently vote for progressive candidates in every election down to the local level. they donate money to organizations they think will help. these are well-meaning people (at least on a societal level).

but they can't be assed to learn, so the only issues worth caring about are the ones they already know about.

they can't admit that queer rights weren't solved in 2015 once and for all because they never learned anything that suggested otherwise, so they aren't capable of recognizing that there are any issues to learn about.

they're "supportive," but only as far as that can go without putting in more than just a token effort.

and unfortunately at this point I don't think they'll ever be better than this. I don't think they'll ever do more than this. I don't think they'll ever even try to understand, because they're clearly not willing to put in any effort.

so I've stopped trying and putting in effort, too. I've accepted that the most support I'll ever get out of them is basically just lip service, that I'll never have parents who truly support me and my queerness, that I won't ever have parents who understand or even try to understand that part of my history and the history of my community. and I realized that even if there is something I could do to change their minds and get them to care, I don't think I can handle trying to get through to them anymore.

so I gave up.

#ash.txt #a well-ventilated tumblr post #I tried #I really tried #and it hurts that they wont #also how the fuck did this get so long? #how long has this been building up without me even noticing? #(shit I really need to get back into therapy huh)

[queer-as-used-by-tolkien]

Thoughts on EoD, Part 2

Gorrik is adorably fierce. I'm slightly concerned about him, though. Is it his pride that was injured? Is it the betrayal of Ankka (whom he did seem to like a lot)? Was he or was he not "tortured for information"? (I feel like that was a white lie on Gorrik's part to make himself seem braver, and I'm fairly certain that's the Commander's interpretation, too, or she'd also be fiercer. We saw what she did back in IBS....) Or is he just trying to show he won't be bullied around, that he's fiercer than that?

I mean, he's always been fierce. He fought off five cavaliers in S4 to protect Blish.

But it also might be that he's overreacting because Blish isn't around anymore to help him. He always protected Blish because Blish's weakness was that he was inside a golem, and Blish always protected Gorrik because Gorrik's weakness is the fact that he's on the autism spectrum and easily misunderstood. Gorrik now feels like he has to protect himself from that and prove he isn't going to let himself be pushed around.

I don't know. But I look forward to watching Gorrik's character develop further.

Anyway. I enjoyed looking through the Aetherblades' records, learning what they've been up to since S1. I was quite curious at how... distressed Mai Trin seemed to be after learning of Scarlet's death. We also had two new characters introduced: I forget their names already but I'm fairly sure one is an asura (the pilot, though his name doesn't sound super asuran) and the other is a Flame charr. He sounds vaguely charr-ish and the asura called him a "former slaver," so there's not much else I can think up.

I suspect this charr might be the person Gorrik, Marjory, and the Commander interrogate afterward? Not sure. It probably would have been mentioned if he was, he seemed fairly important. Also it's hilarious how clearly foreign the non-humans are. "Pointy hands"?? Really?? I swear the other races didn't get this reception in Elona. Wait 'till somebody sees a norn. I'm suddenly regretting playing this on a human character, I wonder how many insane dialogues I'm missing.

I was insanely intrigued by Ankka's last message: she won't be a rounding error. I think I like her as a character. She's well-developed. Can't wait to see how things go.

ALSO, can we please talk about how apparently our comm frequency is highly compromised given Canthan tech?? I've already done some thoughts and compiled a comprehensive reference to almost all the times the comm is referred to (aka a wiki page that I can't publish because my account is locked) and it clearly operates similarly to a radio frequency, with channels and etc. Other comm systems exist throughout Tyria and Elona, but they usually work off of radio towers and access to Taimi's network is strictly limited.

But I don't put it beyond Canthan tech to have developed comms along the same lines as Taimi (she used Rata Novan ley-line information/tech, but since it's leylines I'm perfectly willing to believe anyone could use the leylines). Taimi insists on calling Detective Rama a hacker, though. I'm not surprised, I'd take it personally too.

Taimi put a lot of work into her comms. I think that's the canon explanation of our mini-maps and how she and Gorrik can just. "mark it on your map" without even being there. Also the comm can pick up and transmit physical samples? And Blish was considering using it as a receiver for his Kralk tracker??

Like, Taimi, this is some insanely accomplished stuff. To come to a continent where it's so easily 'hacked' that Rama blows her off like that - just ouch. No wonder she takes pride in being a dragon expert, they've already stolen her comms!

Now, I would like to point out to Taimi that she's talking to a guy in the Ministry of Security. It's his job to hack stuff. It's easy for him, but don't worry, Taimi, it's probably unthinkable for most people.

Also, can I say Akane behaves... like an RL teenager? Commander is not impressed with her at all. She hasn't had to deal with these people since she killed Zhaitan and became famous.

Ah. Oh yes, "Mother." Soo-Won. I am begging you PLEASE expound on what you mean by "balance"? If your affinity is for water how could you have created beings with affinity for the other elements?

THIS DOES SOLIDIFY MY THEORY, HOWEVER - that all the Elder Dragons are associated with an element. All of them. Even Zhaitan. Even Primordus. (I'll make that a separate post.) But so far, newly-revealed canon magic lore seems to line up with my magic theory pretty nicely. Amazing!

And what WAS that? I understand Aurene and Soo-Won may have been speaking through the Mists before now, but what was THAT we were just drawn into? Off the top of my head, given all the bubbles and the weird surroundings, I'm going to say it's a mindscape of Soo-Won's, like we saw with Mordremoth, or else it's a vision, like the time Aurene drew us into seeing through her eyes to scout out Rata Primus. Of course, Aurene's given us a bazillion different sorts of visions, no two the same, so this could just be a new type. So, since Soo-Won is Aurene's great-grandmother, perhaps she has the same power to give people visions? Or at least to give Aurene visions, and Aurene can in turn share the visions with us.

I'm still stuck on how Soo-Won could have created beings aligned to the other elements when she's not? ??

To be fair I haven't done a single thing after that instance so I may be missing something.

Oooh, also, the constant references to the "Zhaitan Disaster." This is brilliant, since it gives precedence for me referring to the Mordremoth Disaster. I was already doing that but this way there's a sort of harmony there.

#soo-won #detective rama #zhaitan disaster #joon #aurene #akane #gorrik #marjory #caithe #taimi #ankka #blish #mai trin #gw2 #eod

[charleslebatman]

Then you have your opinion and I have mine but I just think that certain people opinions about his relationship and how he should be and act a bit parasocial ? If you get what I mean ? Saying things like decisions hurt or touch or even writing a whole paragraph from that anon overanalysing things just because he wasn’t very keen to take a pic for once even tho he took a lot of other pics in Lisbon feels very parasocial/intrusive ? That’s all but the essential and most important point I was talking about is maybe not overreact if he is trying to “disappear” a bit and maybe not appear as much as before considering he probably now understood that lost of people know him and “track” him ? Maybe he genuinely tries to finally set boundaries as he didn’t do before even when lots of people were crossing the line with him ? Sorry for the ranting

When I said touched, it's not like it was a parent who did something that was redhibitory. 😂 But yes, I think some fans may have been hurt when he unfollowed that Palestian account (even if it was connected to Ferrari). Touched that as a French person, he's not interested in who he dates and that she has ideas that I consider abject as a concerned person. And racist ideas. It's his problem and his life, and fortunately so.

My whole life isn't ruled by Charles' life, his career or him. Just writing that makes me very uncomfortable... 🙃 Yes, that would be really parasocial and very unhealthy.

I'm shutting down the blog and quietly getting on with my life, with my worries and my joys. I assure you that even in the world of gossips, I find some very problematic stuff, but I'll keep quiet.

I love F1, I'm a fan of drivers, I just want to know a bit more and really question myself about the person behind it and their personal evolution.

At the moment, I think Charles' fans, even if many of them keep quiet and you don't read it, are confused about the turn he's taking and his evolution. Everyone has their own way of expressing it, and I know it's a lot to read several opinions. I know that the accumulation effect quickly wears you down, and it gives a feeling of too much and exaggeration.

But I think it's also complicated for many people to express themselves in native english, when many of us aren't native either. The number of synonyms I want to use, and particular turns of phrase specific to my language, are often impossible in English. So you keep it simple, and it quickly loses the essence of what you wanted to say in the first place. Anyway, don't forget that too. I'm talking about gossip with native speakers, of my language, it doesn't sound the same at all. And that's just blabla.

Talking in another language put quickly a very neutral filter, too neutral perhaps. It also sounds immediately dramatic.

So, as I said, I can understand your point of view. I've seen more parasocial behavior coming from "purists", from kids and from people bashing on gossips than people interested in gossips. I think it’s more this kind of people who took the disrespect to ring at his door. Not people into gossips honestly.

As I said, gossips are both negative and positive at the moment, and are a good reflection of the networks at the end.

They put the human side of drivers back into perspective, and put an end to this very creepy idealization. And yes, I admit that some behaviors are too much. As with everything, in the end.

We use parasocial for everything and nothing I find, I think in the end each fan has a kind of parasocial relationship on a tiny scale, in the sense of a fan relationship that is created. It's still parasocial whether you like it or not. You're a fan of someone who doesn't know you at all. 😂 And the completely enlightened and creepy parasocial, where there you get into dark places. Often called erotomania, I think. Anyway another topic, another debate. I'm not a psychologist so well. 💀

Charles does what he wants obviously, but it's simply all these contradictory behaviors that raise questions. And as a fan I wonder, the person I've come to appreciate over the years just seems into something I don't really understand or support. After all, it's his life. Whether people bounce back or not is another matter.