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#and I love this so much this might be permanent
lowkeyed1 · 1 day
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my friend's putting out her debut novel, and it's available for ebook pre-order (print edition forthcoming)... i was lucky enough to get to read an advance so i'm gonna put the summary below the jump an also my own ravings about it. short version, i really recommend it -- it's a space adventure, a moving meditation on grieving, and chock full of lesbian rep.
summary: After pirates kill her three crewmates, Sam decides it's time to sell her ship and get out of the space business altogether. She hasn’t got a clue what she’ll do instead, but anything’s got to be better than captaining a kraken-class cargo cruiser haunted by the memories of her friends. The problem is, just when Sam’s supposed to be meeting a buyer, she finds herself enacting a rescue instead. Of a woman who might be an entirely different kind of problem. Kate knows what it’s like to lose someone. But having lived her entire life on planet, she can’t understand why Sam would want to sell her escape to the stars. It feels like incredibly good luck when the slightly surly captain agrees to assemble a new crew take her up for one final job. But when they end up kidnapped by a space mobster and forced to track down the same pirates that killed Sam’s crew, it’s starting to look like retirement might be permanent for them both. my rant: okay. sam. i love sam so much. she's repressing and trying to stay distant, trying to stay self-contained, full of loss and fear of further pain. circumstances force her into all the situations she wants to most avoid and she slowly, despite herself, ends up engaging again. it's like watching a beautiful, very grumpy flower unfold and soak up the rain and it just moves me so freaking much. the adventure is compelling and exciting and twists and turns throughout some amazing futuristic locales. i don't want to give away too much plot but it's fun and suspenseful and the side characters are also really interesting. i loved this so much i read it in every spare minute over two days, because i had to know what happened next. i love when a book grabs me like that :) preorder link!
reblogs appreciated <3 <3 <3
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catsteeth · 3 days
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The Caged Bird & The Leashed Dog
Sandor Clegane x reader
+:✿ Chapter - 7 ✿:+ Fork In The Road.
1-2-3-4-5-6
Summary: You are the daughter of Jon Arryn, you and your father travel to King's Landing with the intention of arranging a marriage for you. You catch a glimpse of The Hound during your first night in Kings Landing and it creates a mutual fascination even if he won't admit it. 
CW: SMUT MDNI, afab reader, cock warming, P in V sex, unprotected sex (Wrap it up), Fem Dom (if you squint), VIOLENCE, misogyny, angst, emotional unavailability, emotional vulnerability, The Hound being abrasive, mention of death, blood, threats of violence, mentions of arranged marriage, 
A/N: this was part of a much longer chapter so the next chapter should come out pretty soon too teeheehee. 
Word Count: 4437
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You remembered the first night at kings landing alone. without your fathers protection, you missed, no matter how futile it might have been. 
you wanted to scream and cry “father keep me, father stay with me, father hold me” but you couldn’t. you couldn’t make a sound. you felt numb, if someone had sliced your hand open with a blade you’d not have noticed. sometimes tears would fall from your eyes straight into the ground and you’d not even noticed you were tearing up. 
that’s the hardest part of being so hard was that when you cracked it shattered more than you noticed. more than you’d be comfortable admitting even to yourself. 
when you mother and brother died your father feared you’d be turn mute for good. 
that’s what intrigued Sandor most. 
you suffered silently. you suffered with expertise. 
once he’d known your heart. your loyalty, devotion, and your fearlessness was when his fascination turned into something deeper. He thought it was obsession and maybe it was, but it was more personal than that too. Poets would call it love. He’d call it nothing. He’d never spoken of it therefore it had no language. It was just what he felt, he knew he cared that was it and that was all he’d admit. 
A day had past since your escape. You both were hungry, he especially. 
You were beginning to enjoy the freedom that came with this new way of life, however. There were downsides. The constant exposure to the elements, the lack of food, hot water, and the lingering fear. Fear of being caught, fear of what was happening now to your cousin, and what Loras would think of you leaving. 
But you had freedom, no more hand maidens pawing at you the moment you woke up to the moment you fell asleep. You no longer had to endure the torment of the Lannister's. No longer had to marry a man you didn’t love, not really anyway. 
As you rode that day, you stopped to water the horses. As you did, a group of five men were riding down the trail behind you. You looked back at them as you heard the sound of their horses trotting. 
“Don’t look at em’” Sandor grumbled, not looking at you. You looked back to, Lika. 
You pet Lika, trying to distract yourself as you felt a pit in your stomach. A pit of dreadful anxiety. You always felt that same anxiety every time you knew something terrible was coming. 
“Don’t fuckin’ look at em’." He grumbled even lower this time as the men came closer. You looked at him and he was looking right back at you. Until his gaze went back to the water Stranger was drinking from. 
It was a large watering hole, so it wasn’t surprising to Sandor when the five men stopped there as well to water their horses. 
As soon as they did, Sandor walked closer towards you, guarding their view of you with his form. 
The group of men were a little rowdy, and they looked over to you and Sandor. 
“Hello there, friends!” A bald man shouted, and your stomach dropped. 
Sandor looked over at the man, show him that permanent scowl on his face.
“I know you, you’re the hound, Joffrey's Dog.” A man with longer hair shouted again.
“How far til Saltpans?” The hound asked ignoring the mans comment. 
“I reckon a day. Maybe another if you’re unlucky.” The bald man said. 
Sandor took the answer and left it at that. Looking away. 
“What’re you doing out there? Far from Kings Landing.” The Stout man said.
“I heard Joffrey's hound ran from the battle of the blackwater.” A tall and dark man said, he seemed angrier than the other men. 
His tone made Lika spook slightly.
“Easy.” You whispered to Lika, stroking her snout. 
“Pretty creature you got there.” the stout man said, you had the feeling he wasn’t talking about Lika, his eyes were on you.
Sandor stepped in front of the mans view of you, “You’ve got food there?” The men had sacks of what looked like food, and a lot of it. “Bring me it.” 
“You got something to trade for it?” The tall man asked
“Not a thing.” The Hound said, it made you want to roll into a ball. He was aggressively confident. 
“Now Dog, we know that ain’t true.” The tall man said tilting his head to get a better look at you. 
“Your cunt friend speaks like that again and I’ll cut out his fucking tongue.” The Hound hissed
“Oh but he’s right the crowns offering a pretty penny for you my friend.” The bald man said.
“And you think you’re the ones to collect it?” The Hound asked with his eyebrows raised.
“Five of us, one of you, and the girl.” The taller man taunted.
“Tell you what, we’ll make a deal with you. It’s been a long journey for the five of us. We don’t want the trouble. We’ll let you go even give ye’ some of our food… for a go at your pretty friend there.” The stout man tried to ‘reason’ with the group.
“Fuck you.” You said with the same ever present venom in your voice. 
The group of men began to laugh at your words, but when the Hound stepped forward with his grip on the tilt of his sword made their laughter falter. 
“Ye have any fuckin’ sense you’ll drop the food and leave.” The Hound spoke coldly.
“You don’t seem to understand the situation.” The tall man spoke. 
“I understand if any more words come pouring out any one of yer cunt mouths, I’m gon’ have to kill each one ye.” He stepped forward once more
“You gonna die for some broken in whore-” The stout man wasn’t able to finish his sentence before The Hound stormed towards them. The men caught off guard were late to draw their swords. 
The first to go was the closest to him, the bald one. Unable to draw his sword in time, the Hound cut him down, nearly in half with one blow. You’d never seen anything like it, no, you had. It was like when Gregor cut his horse in half with one blow. You could stew on that thought long before he moved on to the next man.
The tall one, who at that point was able to draw his sword. Their swords clashed together, the Hound kicked his knees in, making the man drop to the ground. That's when he plunged his sword into his chest. He huffed as he retracted it from the mans body. 
He moved forward to the next man, a man with long hair. He seemed startled by the whole scene unfolding. He threw his sword to the ground and raised his hands up quitting. Sandor rolled his eyes and huffed in frustration, he lowered his sword and punched the man so hard his neck must have snapped. 
As the man hit the ground Sandor approached the stout man who said the final words that broke him. The stout man tried to climb his horse but Sandor pulled him down to the ground. Sandor loomed over him as he began to beat him with his hands.
“Say it again!” he shouted again and again as his fist plummeted into the man’s face again and again. 
You were so entranced by this violent dance unfolding in front of you, you’d hardly realized he’d only killed three men, the fourth was under his fist now, and the fifth was… 
“Sandor!” You shouted as the fifth man jumped onto his back. The man was able to cut the Hounds cheek with his nails, deeper than one would expect. The man tried to strangle him from behind, but Sandor was too tall and too wide for the man to. Sandor got ahold of the man, as he did Sandor managed to snap his neck. 
He turned his attention back to the stout man who was still breathing.  
Sandor took out his knife and stabbed it into the mans heart, wiped the blood on the mans sleeve. 
He approached you, he was covered in blood. Huffing and puffing, he put his blade back in its sheave. He picked you up by your waist and sat you on Lika. 
“Sandor…” You mumbled as you looked down at your clothes that he inadvertently smeared blood on. 
He grumbled something that sounded something like “Sorry”, as he walked back over to the bundles of food still attached to the abandoned horses. As he untied each one, and carried all of them back to your horses, you couldn’t help but admire his strength. One man would struggle to carry just one but he could called all three without struggle.
꒰ ୨୧ ─・┈ ꒱꒱
You had washed your pants, your wool sweater, and Sandor's armor, in the water after the attack. They laid out on a near rock as they dried. You two sat beside one another in front of a warm fire. 
Sandor sloppily shoveled meat and bread into his mouth with his large brutish hands. You watched him, in awe. How he could have killed five men and less than an hour later be eating like a king. 
“Eat.” Sandor said with a mouth full of food. you shook your head, “Fuck-” He hissed under his breathe, ripping a piece of meat off and holding it up to your mouth, “I’m not that imp lord, I won’t let you starve. You can eat it or I'll make you eat it.” You pouted a little, looking from his eyes to the piece of food in his hands. You took his wrist and moved his hand closer to your mouth as you ate in as he wished, from his fingers. 
As you chewed it your face scrunched up, “It’s-” 
“Shit” He said shoveling more into his mouth.
“Hardly worth dying for.” You said as you grabbed some bread, hoping it’d be better than the meat.
“Those cunts didn’t die for the fucking food.” Sandor grumbled, 
You stopped chewing for a moment and looked at him. His words, brutal but in some indecent way romantic. He’d kill five man for simply insulting you.
You watched him eat, in... adoration? Awe? Who knows. You watched him eat, and noticed the cut on his face still bleeding.
“Your face-“ You said reaching out to touch his cut cheek, he grabbed your wrist stopping you, “Stop it.” You rolled your eyes as you commanded and he actually gave in, letting go of your wrist. You ran you hand against his cheek, he looked down, avoiding your eyes. He pushed away his food, “come here.” You spoke softly. Instead of him coming closer he pulled you onto his lap. Wrapping his arms around you.
You used your sleeve to tap the blood away from his cut. Dapping at it trying to stop the bleeding.
“I told you… no one is ever gonna hurt you again.” He whispered, looking into your eyes.
“I don’t want you hurt either.” You said still trying to stop his bleeding,
“Too late for that.” He grumbled.
You leaned in and kissed his lips incredibly gently, running your hands against the sides of his face, letting them run down to his neck.
“I don’t deserve this,” He rasped as your lips parted, 
You kissed his nose, “Too late for that.” You gently rubbed your nose against his own just before you kissed him again.
You kissed him deeper, but softly. His hands ran through your hair. He admired the length of it, the texture of it, the color of it, and the smell of it. 
You moved you leg over his lap. He kept at petting your hair, his hands traveled down to your lower back, the other to your thigh. You knew he was going to push you onto your back. So you stopped him, moving his hands to your hips. “Gentle” You whispered into his mouth. 
You began to rock your hips back and forth against his now stiffening cock. He groaned into your mouth. Your kisses still soft and gentle, but now increasingly sloppy. 
You felt his hands begin to ready himself to flip you on your back again. So once again you stopped him. “A mans meant to fuck his woman.” 
“I’m your lady?” You teased him with a subtle smirk as you kissed his jaw
“Well, youre not anyone else’s that for fuckin' sure.”
You pulled his cock out, grinding your clothed cunt against it, rocking your hips against it making his thighs flex involuntarily. He began to paw at your small clothes. 
“I’ll fucking rip these off you if you don’t take em off.” 
You grabbed him by his jaw with both your hands forcing him to look you in the eyes. “I told you to be gentle.” Your grip softened as his hands wrapped around your back. “Let me be sweet for you.” You whispered into his mouth. 
You moved your small clothes to the side and pushed his cock inside of you, slowly. You were wet, but not wet enough for it to not sting a little. 
You winced a little, “Nphm” You whined a little. 
“Thats what happens when you don’t let me-” You cut him off by kissing him again, 
Once his cock was in you, just barely brushing your cervix, you stopped moving. You just held him while you kissed him. 
He bucked his hips, hitting your cervix in a way that made you arch your back.  
“Don’t move,” You whispered in his ear, licking and nibbling on it lightly.
“The fuck are you doing-” he growled but then let out a small moan from your tongue on his ear.
“Shut up.” You said into his ear in a breathless moan as you felt yourself getting wetter. Fitting him better, molding around his now familiar shape. 
It made him growl under his breathe, gripping onto the plushness of your hips. 
“You’re playing a dangerous game, woma-” You cut him off again kissing him deeply, sucking on his tongue. He moaned into your mouth, and he bit your lip. 
You lifted your tunic over your head, tossing it beside you. You still had on the top half of your small clothes. 
Sandor leaned down and began sucking at your breasts through the fabric, his hands caressing them gently. But his grip tightened as you let out a moan and he felt you tighten around his cock. 
He growled into your breasts, the vibration from it made you even wetter, soaking his cock and only making it easier for him to sink in deeper, pushing against your cervix. 
He then discarded his own tunic, “Take that off-” His voice rumbled, so you did. You took off the top half of your small clothes. His mouth returned to your breasts, swearing against your skin, you could feel him pulsing inside you. You couldn’t take it anymore, you needed to fuck. Not be fucked, but you needed to fuck.
You rolled your hips and it made him bite down on the plush skin of your breast which made you mewl. You stopped after moving just the once, 
“You want more?” You asked petting the hair on his head
“Fuck do you think?” You grabbed him by his jaw and chin, forcing him to look at you. 
“I won’t do it if you don’t ask.” your hand trailed from his chin to his throat, squeezing it a little before dragging your nails down his chest. He bit his lip smirking a little, not letting allowing himself to ask, his pride stopping him. “No? Alright then.” 
“Please..” He said through gritted teeth, 
“What was that?” You teased him,
He grabbed your throat and pulled you to his mouth, “please…” He said again this time biting your lip.
You began to grind yourself on his cock. At this point you were so wet you did it with ease, it was all pleasure. You moaned into his mouth as he kept his grip on your throat. 
“Fuck” He cursed into your neck as he licked and nipped at the skin, “At’s it-  fuck me-” He whispered against your bruising skin. 
“Nmm- Ah! Sandor-” You moaned into his ear as you clawed at his back. 
“Taking me so-” He grunted, gritted his teeth “So fucking good!” He struggled to say without grunting. 
Your legs began to feel weaker, and weaker, shaking. Fucking was a new skill you’d obtained and this part was just as new. You knew you couldn’t keep bouncing yourself on his cock alone. But rather than admit failure, you licked his ear, and moaned into it “Sandor, mmmphm, please, I need you to fuck me,” 
Without hesitation his hands went to your ass, bouncing you on his cock. “Ah!” You moaned again and again, your breasts bounced against his chest, making you only that much wetter. You pressed your cheek against his, constantly moaning directly in his ear. It drove him mad. You could feel yourself coming undone, “I’m cuming!” You whined against his face. He turned his head slightly to kiss your cheek sloppily, 
“Good, do it, cum on my cock, Birdy.” He groaned into your ear. 
You felt your legs spasm, and you wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders, squeezing down his shoulders tight, digging your nails into his skin. You buried your face in his neck as you reached your peak, you moaned so loud, it could’ve been a scream. 
He took your face from his neck, holding it so you’d look him in the eyes, he brushed the hair from your face, “How’d that feel, Birdy?” Strangely gentle. You kissed his lips sloppily, 
“Keep going,” You panted into his mouth. To which he obeyed, pumping in and out of you with an increasingly erratic pace.
He looked down at your cunt sucking him back in, the thick ring of cream you created around his cock, the way your thighs were shaking, it was beginning to be too much for him.
His hand tangled in your hair, foreheads resting on one another, moaning into each others mouths, the way his hands made you feel safe. 
“Sandor,” You couldn’t stop the words from coming, “I love you.” You moaned breathlessly, you hoped he didn’t hear but he did, it sent him over the edge unexpectedly. 
He melted in you, you felt the heat spreading in your core.
As you laid against his chest, sweating, panting, exhausted, he said, so quietly you almost didn’t hear it, “Love you..” 
꒰ ୨୧ ─ ・┈ ・ ─ ・┈ ─ ・┈ ─ ・┈ ꒱꒱
The next morning you woke in his arms. You both got dressed, and no real words were spoken.
As you readied Lika, Sandor came up behind you. 
He put a piece of bread in your hands. As you looked at it, he wrapped one hand around your waist and leaned down to smell your hair.
You just smiled to yourself, looking at the piece of bread. 
He patted your behind quickly, “Hurry up, got a long ways to go.” 
Just as you were about to mount Lika, you and Sandor heard the sounds of at least twenty horses galloping closer and closer, and the sounds of men. 
Sandor wasted no time picking you up and putting you on Lika.
“Go, take off that way and don’t stop-” He growled at you 
“I can’t leave you-“ You tried to plea with him, 
“Did it sound like a fucking question? Get the fuck out of here!” He shouted at you,
“No!” You shouted back with the same ferocity as he did. 
“Stubborn bitch.” He said under his breathe, “Take this,” It was his dagger. “That ways North, keep going til I get you or you get to the Starks.” He said,
“Sandor-” You began but he hit Lika and yelled, making her take off with you on her. You couldn’t get her to stop, all you could do was look back and watch as a group of men surrounded the man you loved. 
꒰ ୨୧ ─ ・┈ ・ ─ ・┈ ─ ・┈ ─ ・┈ ꒱꒱
It was miles til Lika was calmed enough to respond to your commands. By then it was no use. No point in going back, you knew if he needed help you weren’t able to give it. 
Once you found a small creek you decided to stop let Lika drink.
As she drank, you sat there, wondering what to do. 
Who were those men? Where they Lannister men? Raiders? Should you wait for him? He said he’d come, was he trying to give you hope? Unlikely, he wouldn’t be so cruel. As you were contemplating, 
“My Lady Arryn!” It startled you, no one had referred to you as a Lady in so long, much less your house name. 
You turned to see a older but handsome knight, in pretty silver armor. He had a blue cape. And was riding on a large Brown horse. 
“Who are you?” You held out your dagger at him,
“Ser Varys Cole of the Vale, my Lady. I didn’t recognize you in those clothes, but how could any knight forget such a vision once he’s seen it.” 
“Ser Cole? You served my father.”
“Indeed I did, My Lady.” You eyes still watched him like a… well a falcon, “So perhaps given the circumstances, you could lower your weapon?” He said with a smile,
So you did, trying to play the cards in your hand. “Ser Cole, I require your assistance, I need to find Robb Stark.” 
He looked down regretfully, “My Lady, I am afraid I cannot assist you with such a task.” 
“Why not?” You pressed, 
“I am under the order of Lord Baelish to bring you to him directly.” 
“The Vale is under the direct protection and order of the Arryns as it has been for generations, and you take your order from Baelish, not I?”  You asked with furrowed brows and beady eyes,
“I am afraid so my lady.” 
You looked at him with disgust, you walked back towards Lika. “Leave me then, I shall find my own way.” 
“I am afraid I cannot allow that, my Lady.” He said, you looked back at him with a harsh gaze.
“You can, leave me. Just go and I won’t speak a word of it.” 
“My Lady, your father would want me to see you to safety.” 
“You believe safety is with Little Finger?” You questioned him like he were a child. 
“It’s not out here.” He said looking around, you hoped Sandor would ride up and cut him down. “My Lady if you do not come willing I have orders to take you ropes. I’d prefer you untied. So would your father.” It only angered you more that he mentioned your father so much. 
You wanted your dog.
“I will not go to Kings Landing.” You said sternly, gripping on to your dagger. 
“No my lady, I’ve been instructed to take you to the Eyrie.” He said as if it were an improvement. 
You held the dagger in your hand. your thumb brushing the handle of the blade. You contemplated it. You could kill him. maybe. steal his armor, his sword. Travel north until you got to Winterfell. But that’s all to say you could take the armored man in combat, and that no one else along your journey would try to kill you either. 
“How far?” You asked, hoping he’d say two days journey. So you could run at night. 
“Lord Baelish is occupying an Inn near by. He had a feeling you’d be around this area.” He was lucky you got separated from Sandor in that case.
He got off his horse and walked towards you, “You can go on your horse, My Lady. Or you can go in ropes.” 
“Ropes.” You said, you pulled your dagger our and stabbed him in his leg, but he grabbed your wrist before you could remove it. 
He gritted his teeth, “That was not necessary, my Lady.”
He pinned you on your back and tied your hands together. Placed you on your horse, then tied your horse to his own. All the while limping. 
“Forgive me, My Lady.” 
He said as he rode on, you prayed to all the Gods, old and new, for Sandor to be around a tree. For him to come up the rode, for him to kill this man, for him to untie you, and be in his arms again. 
But no.
꒰ ୨୧ ─ ・┈ ・ ─ ・┈ ─ ・┈ ─ ・┈ ꒱꒱
As you arrived at the Inn, Ser Cole carried you off your horse. You wanted to kill him for even touching you. He placed you on the ground and guided you to Little Fingers chambers. 
“What is this? Untie the girl!” Petyr ordered,
“Yes, My Lord.” Ser Cole did as he asked. 
“Leave us,”
“Yes, My Lord.” 
Ser Cole left the room.
You rubbed your wrists and stared daggers at Baelish, you wanted to kill him right then. 
But the knight outside the door would have killed you too, you’d have to wait til you had your dog.
“A sight for weary eyes, my lady. Even in rags.” He said with a twisted grin. 
“Don’t take me back there, to Kings Landing.” You asked, but it sounded more like a command.
“If you wished to escape why wouldn’t you have asked me, you know I would have done anything-” 
“You had ample time to help me and chose not to.” You interrupted him,
“You and Lord Tyrion seemed contented.”
“And you seemed contented to watch.” 
“I know he has been positively bereft in your absence.” You felt your stomach drop. You’d wondered on him, for a moment, but you assumed he’d be fine.
“Lord Tyrion is a decent man,” You said with concern in your voice.
“Then why not marry him?”
“Because I am not a decent woman.” You blurted out with venom,  “I rather you kill me then go back there.” You threatened. 
“I’d never do such a thing,” He ran his finers against the skin of your forearm. Sandor would have cut his fingers off for it, you thought. You raised an eyebrow at him. “I asked your father for your hand, did you know this?”
You swallowed, “I did.” 
“Do you know why I did?” You felt sick, a pit in your stomach, that same pit of dread.
“You want the Vale-”
“I wanted you.” He said as he leaned in and kissed your lips. Your lips did not move and your eyes stayed open. Sandor would have cut his throat for that, you thought. 
As he pulled away you pressed your lips together and looked down. 
“You aren’t taking me to Kings Landing are you?” You whispered. 
“No, no my lady I am not.”
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NOTE: Hey all you cool cats and kittens, sorry if you had to wait a little for this one. It is a longer chapter so I hope it satisfies you or a lil.  Also I know, I know, the ending is a bit of a bummer, reading angst is never as fun as writing it but distance makes the heart grow fonder or whatever.  I also gave you sub Sandor so like…. You're actually so welcome. 
Beloved Tags: 
@dontfollowjuststuff
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jeanbie · 2 days
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WORDLESS #5 ★ masterlist.
pairing: levi x reader
genre: sugar daddy & contract killer au | warnings: implied violence, establishing feelings, mentions/references to john wick & the continental | wc: 6.8k
note: who expected me to actually finish this? (answer: no one) i'm so glad that i got to finish "wordless" and put these two losers in a place they deserve to be in! this chapter is the finale and also almost entirely from levi's pov, and this one flows in a chronological order :)
★ ch1. ch2. ch3. ch4. ch5
⏤ Sometimes, saying “I love you” is inappropriate, and given your circumstances, you think it might send Levi over the edge if he hears them again. But maybe he's ready now.
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(41) Giving them space when they express wanting to have some time alone.
It’s been a hot second since Levi saw you — and it’s killing him more than he’d care to admit.
Since the blow up in the shower over girls he wasn’t fucking in the first place, Levi hasn’t heard from you, and he hasn’t made much of an effort to reach out either.
Why did he even lie? There was no benefit from telling you he was seeing other girls; the only reason he said that so often was to manage the healthy boundaries between you, to remind you not to get too close, to remind himself that being with you is a risk.
Not that pushing you away has made his life any easier. On the contrary, he thinks it’s made everything worse.
It is almost dehumanising to admit it to himself, but he misses you. Since your rather unconventional first meet — which was a far cry from any ‘meet cute’ that normal situationships had — Levi has been telling himself that the circumstances surrounding you being in his life were unique at best, and that you weren’t permanent.
But now, he lives his life around a ghost of your body, making room for you in his home, making time out of his schedule, making arrangements to keep you happy. 
Okay. Maybe it’s a little bit too late to acknowledge the feelings he has for you. Levi knows they’re there — he’s not an idiot. But making those feelings real is something he just can’t afford to do. Not yet. Not while there’s too much going on in his life.
Still, he stares longingly at the door every night when he staggers back home, as if hoping you might take him by surprise and crawl back into his arms. Not that you do, at least not for a while; not until Levi grows fed up of waiting and finds you first.
But for now, he’ll grant you he space that you need, the space you deserve. And in the meantime, he’ll try and make peace with the waging war in his head.
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(42) Holding their hand while walking, even if there isn’t a crowd.
“This is nice.”
The neighbourhood Levi now lives in is much smaller than the last one. It pales in comparison to the condo it took forever to finally move out of, but having consistent security breaches just for a tiring view of the river didn’t feel worth it for Levi anymore. It made no difference to him if the apartment he all but owns for you is much farther away — you’re barely ever there, anyway.
Since putting his angst to rest, and since making it known to you that you’re quite literally the only woman he likes enough to keep buying houses for and invite over, things have been calm between you.
There’s still a strange unspoken thing, the remains of an agreement made out of convenience so long ago, to feed both the lust and pride Levi wanted and the safety you craved; but in general, Levi acknowledges that what he has with you right now feels like the closest thing he’s had to a partner in a long, long time.
Levi looks over at you, feeling your hand tighten in his as you cross a cute little park covered in flowery bushes and beds of tulips. 
“I’m glad my neighbourhood has your stamp of approval,” he replies, tightening his fingers around yours before pulling up slightly to stuff your joined hands into his pocket. Though it’s spring now, there’s still a bite in the air, a chill that Levi is determined to shelter you from.
“Technically,” you start, and Levi can predict, like a robot, what you’ll say next, and mouths the words as they fall from your lips, “it’s mine, too.” Your eyes turn piercing as you scowl at him, “Hey! Don’t…predictive text me.”
“Then stop being so predictable.”
“I think we spend too much time together,” you mutter, looking back at the flowerbed you’re currently passing by.
Levi scoffs to himself and playfully scratches a nail against the hand lodged in his pocket.
“Then go away,” he says. No chance, is what runs through his head, and the coy smile you flash him is as equally predictable as the word he knows you’ll say next, starting with n and ending in o.
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(43) Holding shopping bags that are too heavy for them.
Ever since Levi figured out how to share locations, he’s become obsessed with watching you move around on the map on his phone. Numerous times, he’s slipped up on spending hours watching your little circle move, sometimes not even moving at all.
If you had any complaints, he hasn’t heard them, though he very much doubts that you’ll complain in the future now that his stalking has worked out in your favour.
You might have initially thought that bumping into Levi outside the supermarket was a rather delightful coincidence — that was until he moved across the city, and has no real business in your area unless it concerns you.
“Perfect timing,” you say once you see him crossing the small car park in your direction. He has half a mind to pretend he hasn’t seen you and keep walking, but watching you struggle with your shopping is painful enough.
He grunts, reaching for the bag that is squeezing the blood from your fingers. “Don’t get proud about it.”
Sniggering, you happily let Levi grab the overweight bags and fall into an even step beside him. 
“Why do you have so much stuff?” Levi huffs. To be fair, the bags aren’t that heavy, but he can’t see any reason for you to have bought so much considering you live at his house more often than you do your own. “You gonna share this shit?”
“If you want,” you reply. “You paid for it.”
His tongue clicks. Levi hasn’t paid you a penny since he last felt guilty about the fact he rarely paid you, despite that being the very foundation of your relationship in the first place, but even with what he paid you and hasn’t since that point, he knows your bank account is more than comfortable. Paying for all of this has barely made a dent, but that’s what the money’s there for.
He makes his way to his car pulled up outside the car park turning in a layby and struggles in his pocket for his keys.
“I live five minutes away,” you remind him, steps slowing. 
“No, you just said you’d share it, so we're going to mine.”
With a sigh, you’re left with no other choice but to follow him to his car. “You know, the romance of you carrying my bags is lost now you’ve only walked it to the car.”
Before he pops open the boot of the car, he turns to you and sneers, “You want me to walk back and let you do it yourself?”
There’s no argument to be had. You get into the car.
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(44) Standing between them and a busy road.
Habits. Levi hates to keep track of how many he’s developed since you entered his life almost two years ago. Time has gone by so quickly since the day he first met you, in the worst way possible, but since then, he’s transformed into a whole new person, a whole new paranoid man who overthinks everything because there’s no other option.
His habits as of late include worrying about you whenever you’re not around — whenever he’s at work, he’ll think of you. Whenever he’s in a different city or country, Levi will obsessively worry over what you might be doing, who might be on your trail, scenting your every move while you’re vulnerable. Another habit includes feeling like an overbearing parent even when he’s in the same five mile radius, but at least he’s self aware of it.
If you’ve noticed Levi becoming more clingy, less like who he swore he’d never change from, you haven’t mentioned it yet. Perhaps a small mercy to save him the mortifying task of admitting that he has feelings stored away for you. 
Today, Levi has fallen victim to his habits of worry and has walked himself all the way to your university just to walk you all the way back home. His home, not yours. In a sense, your home, too. In an unspoken way.
Levi stands waiting for you in the overhang, gaze trained on the thick grey sky until he hears your class file out of the building in a chatter. Sasha is who he sees first, followed by another one of your friends he’s never met but has seen on Instagram once or twice, and then he sees you, looking thankfully in good spirits, and all too beautiful for your own good.
When you see him standing with his hands in his pockets, he allows himself the pleasure of pride when you break away from your friends just to join him, the smile on your face so genuine and radiant that he has to scoff in amusement.
“Hey, you,” you call, falling into his arms. 
“Hey, yourself.”
“I didn’t know you were coming today,” you confess, pulling away to stare curiously at his withdrawn expression. Levi is already twisting an arm around your waist to walk you down the step and across the lawn. “I told Sasha I’d go to her café and wait for her shift to end. Didn’t you have that thing today?”
“What thing?” he mutters.
“The thing with Erwin. And some deadbeat called George, or something.”
“How many Korean men do you know named George?” Levi deadpans, though his arm does tighten around you in caution. “You shouldn’t even know about that. How do you even know?”
The busy road widens into view as you leave the closed campus. Levi’s pretty much counting the days before you graduate and never have to come here again, and the time is passing strangely slow in that department. It feels like it’s been ages since you enrolled, and he wants nothing more than for you to leave and become the greatest journalist in the world — or whatever it is you even want to do when you’re done. 
As you walk, you lean into Levi’s side, furthering the distance between yourself and the road bustling with cars and buses. He frowns.
One of your habits since the accident on the bridge with your family had been to avoid busy roads, as if convinced something might happen again. You’ve told him numerous times that it’s irrational, but Levi doesn’t think so. It’s a very normal thing to feel afraid of everything, even when those things are a little on the unrealistic side.
Naturally, it results in Levi sliding his arm from around your waist and replacing it with his other one, positioning himself between you and the chaotic lines of commuting cars going home.
His heart flips when you smile at him for it, linking your arm around his while moving your waist out of his grip. Levi tries not to let it get to his head how much you trust him, how much he cares for you. But by the minute, he’s losing the will to keep it hidden.
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(45) Rubbing the back of their hand with a thumb.
Back to habits, there are some that Levi has that he’s not particularly as proud of. But, as expected, you’re as good as it gets, and any habit he thinks he might have gotten away with hiding, somehow you pick up on it.
Levi flicks through a blueprint laying flat over his kitchen table, his hands nervously drumming the edge of the tabletop as he tries to memorise the elaborate labyrinth of a building he’ll be breaking into later to find his next hit. Usually, Levi has you at his home before and just after taking a job, just to eliminate the threat of you being hurt as a punishment. 
He wishes that the company gave you unrestricted entry and protection without him being there to clear it, but in order for that privilege, Levi needed to address you as his partner, which just felt like an even larger target on your head. So, he settles for his home, though the worry does not cease.
This building is riddled with passageways and vaults, basement levels with so many access points that studying them feels intense. One wrong recollection could come at the cost of his life, and at the minute, his life has increased in value. Things are finally going right for him, it would be a shame to have it all taken away from him again.
A text from Erwin sounds next to him, and Levi all but glances at the screen to see what’s happening. All assistance available should he need it — he almost sighs with relief at the words.
In the past, Levi had thought he could never work in cohorts with other hitmen, but becoming partners with Erwin and his henchmen has been working in his favour. 
Still, it doesn’t hurt to learn the layout off by heart. So, Levi pours himself over the blueprints and maps, memorising every detail, becoming so engrossed in it that he barely even hears you letting yourself inside of his apartment.
Your shoes hit the wall with a noise that makes him suddenly aware of your arrival, and he glances up to see you peeking into the kitchen, eyes scanning the room for any unfortunate signs of Elio before you approach him.
He notices the street market bag and inhales the smell of spice before looking back at the maps. “Hope you’re gonna share that.”
“Of course,” you reply, offended he even thought you might not. You place the container of tteokbokki on the table before sliding around to his side, eyes glued to the rolls of paper. “Where’s this?”
“Less you know, the better,” he mutters, leaning his head into your mouth as you kiss his jaw. 
For a while, you say nothing, letting Levi memorise what he needs to while you assess the prints for yourself. Eventually, you shift your hand over his and squeeze, making him glance at you sideways. 
You’re looking at him already, though you can’t see his eyes from the way he’s hunched over. Spotting Levi’s signs of anxiety must be incredibly easy, because somehow you’ve caught on, and begin to rub the back of his hand with your thumb, nose pressed into his bicep. 
“Come eat,” you suggest quietly, after a while of basking in the silence with him.
He grunts, a typical Levi sound, and nudges you away. Though, you only shuffle to the drawer to fetch two forks — forks! He scoffs, rolling his shoulders as he rounds the table to take one from your fingers. 
“Easier to stab with a fork,” you offer as an explanation.
“If my mother was here to see me eating tteokbokki with a fork, she’d lose her goddamn mind.”
“Well…” You start, trailing off after a moment. You’ve got nothing to say; he’s won the argument just by bringing Kuchel up, and both of you know it.
Scowling, you stab another wedge of tteok and chew it furiously, meanwhile Levi smirks to himself, victorious.
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(46) Giving them a back massage when they flop on the couch or bed.
“I need to retire. I’m getting too old for this shit.”
“No way. How old are you now, like, twenty eight?”
“…I’m thirty.”
“Best looking thirty year old I’ve ever seen. Roll over, I’ll massage your back, if you want?”
If he ever refuses a massage from you, he’s an idiot.
Levi rolls over ungraciously, hitting the mattress on his stomach with a low groan. He rolls his shoulders, the bones cracking comically loud, and as you shuffle up to straddle his back, he groans again.
“Oh fuck off, I’m not heavy.”
Levi sniggers into the pillow, though as soon as your hands start to work their magic, he moans, the pleasure instantaneous. 
“Make a house back there, if you want. Just don’t stop.”
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(47) Staying up half the night to finish a game with them.
“I can’t do it if you’re not here, Levi. You need to get over here.”
“Do you not see that I’m trying?”
“You’re terrible at this game.”
Levi scoffs. He wouldn’t be so terrible if he actually knew how to play properly. His character begins to run in circles without him even asking him to, and Levi growls angrily.
“Fucks sake, this bitch is pissing me off.” Then, he wrangles the controller from your hands as you protest and says, “You be him instead.”
“But I don’t want to be Cody.”
“Me neither.”
As soon as you start moving little Cody around, Levi peers in scrutiny at the controller in your hand and how it so suddenly has stopped drifting on its own. There’s a circular dent in your inner cheek where your tongue is, and Levi scowls in your direction.
“You were sabotaging me,” he accuses, eyes focused back on May as she stumbles around uncoordinatedly.
“I think you’re just really bad,” you reply. Cody is moving fine, and finally, the mechanism moves and the story can progress. Hm.
Levi’s eyes bore into yours as you shift to face him, elbows snug in the blanket bundled around you both. Levi has been laying low for around two weeks now — he’s surprised with just how much he likes not having to work. Though, there have been a few times whilst playing this infuriating game where Levi has wished to be anywhere else. 
“You’re good at a lot of things,” you tell him sincerely, “but just not games. And that’s okay. You tried.”
“I’m good at games,” he replies, offended.
You raise your eyebrows, “Like what?”
“Your animal living game.”
“Animal Crossing?”
“Sure, that too.”
All Levi has ever done on Animal Crossing is make a character and proceed to hit everybody with his fishing net, not to mention dig holes around your front door so you can’t get out. Still, you say nothing — the look of disbelief speaks volumes to Levi and he rolls his eyes, turning back to May as she wanders off to the side of the screen and falls off.
Okay. He’s bad at games. That he’ll admit. But you like it, and by the time he’s gotten the hang of the controls, it’s already four in the morning.
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(48) Getting them a coffee just the way they like it.
Remember those habits?
“You remembered!”
If not just to see your smile, Levi likes to bring you one of the expensive bags of coffee from Erwin’s studio. You could quite easily buy the bags yourself, but there’s no thrill in ordering something and having it arrive in due time, not like there is in making Levi steal three at a time as he leaves a meeting or training session.
Levi sets the bags with a loud thud by the coffee machine and hums. 
“And you got me a drink!”
Yes. He has also become a barista and familiarised himself with the exact way you like to drink your coffee. The takeout cup he also borrowed from Erwin is placed down by your laptop as you relentlessly type away at an assignment at Levi’s kitchen table, and he presses a kiss to your temple and mutters under his breath.
“Thanks, babe,” you say, already sipping at the steamy contents.
“It’s hot,” he points out. “You’ll only cry when you singe all your taste-buds off.”
“I will not—” You slurp, then hiss, “Ow!”
“I warned you.”
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(49) Buying them a special treat when you go out shopping.
You know what? No. Levi has given up on pretending like he doesn’t enjoy you being in his grill all day, every day, which is the reasoning for why he ends up in an expensive jewellery store with Erwin one day after a long haul of inspecting an upcoming raid location.
In all honesty, Levi wants to put his work to rest once the raid is all over. It will be their riskiest ploy to date, and quite frankly, Levi’s tired. He’s been killing people for years, cutting at the humanity he has left, and back in the day he would have been very comfortable with being a monster, killing until he was killed.
But now he had you. Now, Levi had someone to care about, so deeply and so passionately that it often left him feeling sick.
“That’s called love, Levi,” is what Erwin had said when Levi chose the rare option of opening up when he tried to explain why he wanted to retire early. 
“Love,” he scoffed. But then Erwin had said something profoundly wholesome, leaving Levi with a bitter taste in his mouth.
“You’re not unloveable just because you loved nothing for so long. I know it took you awhile to get back to where you are now, but just because love went wrong once before doesn’t mean it has to again. Besides, almost two years of your bullshit and that woman is still there — I don’t think you need to be worried about her pulling away from you once you tell her how you feel.”
Which roughly translated to: Buy her something nice and quash until you can’t any longer.
Once Levi gets home, he hears you giggling at something and finds you with a book over your face, your legs kicking as you squeal like a goblin. His face twists and he asks, “That book got jokes in it, or something?”
You peer around the spine and look at him. “They kissed. They. Kissed!”
“Who kissed?” Levi makes his way to the couch and takes a seat where you were just lying down. The cushions are warm — you’ve been here a while, and the thought makes him smile. 
“Evangeline and Jacks. It’s all so perfect. I didn't like most of the book, but what matters is that they kissed,” you tell him, a little too excited. You plant your feet in Levi’s lap. “I love love, Levi. It is the greatest. I love books. Men written by women!”
“Why are you giggling over other men in my own house?” 
“I giggle over you when you’re not around, too.”
He hums once from the back of his throat, watching as you mark the page with your bookmark and close the book before crawling into his lap and curling into his arms. He welcomes you instinctively, the blocky shape of the ring he bought in his pocket.
After smooching your lips for a long fifteen minutes, Levi pulls away and reaches for the box. “Got something for you.”
“Ooh, show me!”
He produces the little box and hands it to you, but when your eyes round and you hesitate in taking it, he worries.
“I’m not proposing,” he says quickly.
“Thank god. I was about to be very upset,” you sigh dramatically, finally taking the ring box. “Most unromantic proposal ever.”
“The fact you think I’d be that lousy with a proposal is actually really offensive.”
The genuine grumble in his voice puts a flutter in your stomach, though soon after, it simmers into a cool pit of shock when you flip open the box and see the most delicate, gorgeous ring that you’ve ever seen in your life, not counting ones you ogle in shopfronts.
Cautiously, you lift your head to peer at Levi’s expression. It’s not a proposal — he’s just told you so, and considering you’re not even his girlfriend in official terms yet, it seems unlikely that anything like that will be happening soon. But it has to be more than just an offhanded purchase, and you’re determined to figure out.
Levi’s eyes tremble as he looks between you and the ring. “Is it ugly?”
You immediately shake your head, “Of course not!”
“Put it on, then,” he urges. The steady beat of his heart stutters out of tempo. Suddenly, he feels quite nervous as he watches you take out the ring and study its appearance up close. “Need help?”
“Yeah, it’s so hard, I can’t figure out how to put it on. Needs instructions.”
Levi tuts and gently takes the ring from between your fingers, grabbing your ring finger whilst trying to look as casual as possible. Somehow, he manages to slide the ring on without making a fool of himself, but when he looks back at your face and sees gemstones of your own lining your waterline, he frowns.
“I’m not gonna sit here and give a speech,” he starts. By now, you know him better than that. He’s never opened up about his feelings to you, at least not without feeling regretful of it the morning after, and you nod simply, eyes catching the glint of the diamond. “But you know why I’ve bought it. I don’t need to tell you what you already know.”
And he doesn’t. Somehow, despite Levi being tremendously unromantic, having no manners, and in general being a terrible companion, you at least know that he cares. And with his upcoming job creeping up on you both, it doesn’t require an above-average intelligence to work out why this ring came when it did, what it means if things go south, what it means regardless.
“I know,” you tell him. “Thank you. It’s beautiful.”
Instead of saying anything, Levi curls you tighter in his arms and presses a kiss to your forehead, closing his eyes when you snuggle your face into his collar and relax. 
His mind has been made, his plans set. As soon as the job is over, he doesn’t want to look back. Only forward, with the woman who has made him feel alive again.
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(50) Giving them a tight hug that makes them lose their breath.
Something is wrong. Something is horribly wrong, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
It has been days since Levi told you he’d touched down in New York, working out some stuff in the very famous Continental until he was set to join Erwin on whatever mission they had planned and prepared for. Levi hadn’t told you the details this time because the risks were too high, and now, it feels like a major setback. 
New York is on fire, and Levi barely kept his life getting out of the Silver Sword compound. An entire mob wiped out by two guys with no backup — it was practically unprecedented, unseen or unheard of since John Wick was knocking around. 
The Continental had done everything right in the aftermath, including keeping Levi in their small infirmary for days whilst tending to his excessive wounds. Fuck, he had been so reckless, so vengeful, so stupid. It had almost cost him his life ensuring that no leads followed him and Erwin back to Seoul, and although he had succeeded in destroying every last bit of incriminating evidence, the risks had been too great. 
When Levi finally gets discharged from the infirmary, it is almost eleven in the evening, and New York has finally calmed down and settled in for the night. Erwin greets Levi in the lobby, a frown on his face, holding a destroyed black bundle of phone parts that bear a striking resemblance to Levi’s missing device. He swears.
Levi hasn’t heard from you since he got here. Since the last risky job he took in Gwangju last year, you’ve never been lax while he’s been away; he can almost imagine your fear, your paranoia, and before he can even hear Erwin’s well wishes, Levi’s crossing the lobby for the customer payphone and dialing in your number.
The line rings twice before someone picks up.
“Baby?” Levi asks, after three attempts of saying your name and no coherent response. He cranes his head around the curly wire and glares at the clerk, though she looks less than pleased being interrupted by Levi, “Is this a global line?”
“Obviously, sir. It’s a telephone.”
“I fucking know it’s a telephone, but if it’s global, then why the hell isn’t it working?”
The girl gives him grief about his manners and Levi is forced to give up on calling you, slamming down the phone angrily and feeling his body growing hotter and hotter with worry.
He knows you're fine, in his house with the big cat you hate to love, but he knows you. He knows how you operate, how you worry, how you love him too much.
“Look, we’ll catch the first flight we can,” Erwin assures him as soon as Levi has caught his breath and taken a seat on one of the black leather sofas. His hands are shaking violently. “She’s fine. I promise.”
“I know she’s fine,” Levi grumbles.
“Then get a hold of yourself,” sighs Erwin, his frown low and face tired. “There’s nothing you can do but wait. I’ve got people waiting on me, as well, you know.”
“It’s not the same thing.”
“Dogs miss their owners just as much as girlfriends miss their boyfriends,” Erwin protests, because that’s all he has back home these days.
There had been a time where you had offered to set him up with your friend, Sasha, who deserved to be with a man who could handle her energy but also make her feel safe after her last terrible relationship, but Erwin is basically married to his work, and had got a dog despite Sasha being deathly allergic.
Still, Levi’s not heartless enough to know that Erwin isn’t missed by his dog, and probably other people in his life. And he’s right, there’s nothing he can do about the connection problems. All he can do is reign in his worries and wait.
The earliest flight they can find is the next morning, and Levi spends every second up to that point and up until he pulls up outside of his house in a complete state of panic. Would you be there? Did you leave, thinking he’d never come back? 
Levi abandons his bag and leaves it in the backseat as he sprints from the car up the stairs, past his front door, and into his house. He kicks off his shoes once he’s in, the door hitting the wall with a booming slam.
He hears what he thinks might be scuffles, potentially even Elio’s claws, and right as Levi calls out your name, he sees you round the corner with a blotchy red face and feels his arms stretching out for you.
“What the fuck is wrong with you!” You slam into his chest, almost taking him to the floor, and encircle your arms around his neck so hard that the breath knocks out of his lungs. Still, he isn’t even annoyed; he squeezes you so tightly, tighter than he’s ever hugged anyone before, and shoves his face into your neck, inhaling the smell, feeling the way your body felt in memories while he was away. 
“I’m sorry,” he says in a whisper, his features tugged in displeasure as you whimper into him, no doubt crying over his shirt. “I’m sorry, baby.”
“I thought you were dead!” you blurt, “I even cried on Elio’s back because I thought you had died! What’s the point in having a phone if you never pick it up or charge it?” You snatch yourself from his arms and gently beat against his chest with your fist. “I’m so pissed off at you!”
“I’m sorry that my phone got crushed,” he says, affronted that you would even think he’d ignore your calls on purpose. “I was in a hospital bed for three days! And then the bitchy receptionist got smart with me about their shitty phone, and I called but the line cut out. Sounded like a goddamn robot, I couldn’t hear a word you were saying.”
Your jaw drops, “That was you? I thought you’d died and some enemy gang guy was trying to call me to kill me!” Levi has to laugh at the look of worry on your face. He hasn’t been cared for in this way in a long time. Never been loved to this volume. “I unplugged the landline, I was so scared! Jesus Christ, Levi!” Then, like you never left, you rush back into his arms and let out a shaky cry. 
“You did the right thing,” he tells you. Unplugging the landline was the silliest thing he could have ever thought of, but then he realises that you’re still here, and that you made peace with Elio just because you thought he had died.
Levi strokes the back of your head and shushes you, feeling your heartbeat hammering furiously against his chest. His is most likely the same, though he’s not so eager to acknowledge his own feelings.
After a while of standing there, and after Levi’s stroked behind Elio’s ears when he prowls towards them and rubs his head on Levi’s trousers, Levi looks back at you softly and takes everything in.
He has missed you more than anything, grieved the missing piece of his soul that is shaped like you. And, while he’s at it, yes! Fucking hell! He loves you!
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” you tell him, and Levi kisses you, his hands cradling your face. The kiss is firm, desperate, though he has no intention of walking you backwards towards the bedroom like he normally does after a job.
Instead, he pulls you in for a hug again. 
“I missed you,” he mutters. “So fucking much.”
“Me too.”
He says with his mouth pressed into your head, “I’m done with this shit. I’m not taking any more jobs.”
You twist out of his arms, eyebrows raised. “Really? Why? You love your job.”
“I hate my job,” Levi confesses. “I have too much to lose. I just wanna live my life. And make it all count for something.”
For a moment, you stand there, looking at his face so intently that he almost feels uncomfortable. But then, as a smile spreads over your face, Levi feels like he can finally breathe again, finally feel like himself.
“Alright. If that’s what you want, babe, then let’s do that.”
And we can do it together.
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(51) Getting adjusted.
Levi forgot what it was like to be normal.
He now wakes up at whatever time he wants to, feeling next to him for the lump in the bed where you sleep. Once he knows you’re still there (because despite being retired, he doesn’t think the habit of making sure you’re safe will ever go away), Levi wakes up and starts his day. 
Coffee for one becomes coffee for two. Levi never has to eat breakfast on his own, never sits alone on the sofa or sits in silence at the kitchen table. Levi has lost half of his sink counter space to your belongings, lost half of his wardrobe to your own clothes. There are so many shoes by his front door that it looks like a storefront. 
Elio has a mother, in a strange, estranged, visitation-hours-only kind of way. Levi has made room for you in his life and you fit perfectly, so perfectly that he barely remembers what it ever felt like to live alone.
The shower is always filled with two people. Levi finds your things all over the house in the most bizarre places. He has candles on every coffee table, pictures in frames, finds your cardigans hanging over every chair. But he loves it. He loves it so much. He can’t imagine ever not having it, having you, having this life.
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(52) Finally saying the words.
“This is my first time using this thing.”
“What?” you gasp as Levi comes to sit next to you on the balcony.
Elio yawns inside, sleeping on the couch. It is partly his fault that Levi’s out here in the first place, though the thought of being tucked beside you on the outdoor couch in a blanket, watching the sun sink behind the skyline, is thankfully rather appealing, and he voices no complaints.
Levi takes a swig of his whiskey and abandons the cup on the table, throwing an arm around your shoulder and pulling you close. It’s not exactly cold tonight, but he knows you too well, and knows that within an hour, you’ll be dithering next to him.
“Imagine having a balcony and never using it.”
“I’m using it now,” Levi huffs, pinching your neck. You squeal, “Fuck off, it didn’t hurt.”
You’ve been officially living in Levi’s home for two months now, although sometimes it feels like you’ve always been here. Still, despite you making yourself very much at home on the inside, neither of you have once come out to sit on the balcony, to bask in the lovely sun as it settles for the night, not until today. 
“When’s Erwin coming?”
“Bout an hour or so,” Levi says in a low drawl, his head tilted back and hand massaging the side of your head. It had been your idea to invite a bunch of people over to your house — the house you now shared — and frightfully, Levi hadn’t opposed. It would be nice to share the wealth of simply being alive with people he now had the patience to care about. 
You shuffle to look at him, and Levi picks up his head at the sound of you moving. Like always, Levi thinks you look beautiful, but since he’s made you his girlfriend, it has felt like every time he looks at you, he can’t breathe properly.
“I’m excited. This is our first time hosting a party together,” you grin, while Levi thumbs your ear and smiles. “Do you think Elio will eat Erwin’s dog?”
“No. Elio’s moved back onto a pescatarian diet, so I think Erwin’s mutt will be safe.”
“Good. I bought him a bone, do you think he’ll like it?”
“He’s a dog. Yes, I expect, why are you asking me this?” Levi asks, eyebrows scrunched, though he pulls you close to where his mouth is and kisses you straight on the lips. “Stop stressing.”
“I can’t help it. I’m nervous! It’s all so serious! What if nobody likes our house?”
He shrugs. “I don’t give a shit who does or doesn’t like our house. It’s ours.”
“Hnnngh. And I want you to have a good time!” you whine. “You deserve a bit of fun in your life.”
“My life is always fun now that you’re my girlfriend.”
He’s instantly won himself brownie points by saying that.
“Just tell me if it gets too much,” you mutter, lips on his, mouths together. “Okay?”
Levi hums. “Yeah.” Then, after he’s kissed you three more times and felt his heart shake, he nudges his nose against yours and says, “I love you, y’know that, right?”
You pause, eyes rounding wide as you take in the sight of him. Levi has never said those words before, not explicitly. But now is as good a time as any, right?
Levi has spent far too much of his life withdrawing from his emotions, hiding away from what matters most out of a fear of caring too much. In the past, he had cared too much and lost it all. You were never supposed to be something he cared about, but when it had happened, it happened so fast he hadn’t had the time to make sense of it all.
But now, now that he’s been through it all with you, ticked every box imaginable, become comfortable being vulnerable again, Levi thinks he’s finally ready to accept the love he deserves and dole it out to those who mean the most to him.
Your mouth moves against his, though he can’t understand the words coming out. He laughs, confused, and somehow manages to pull away and ask, “What’re you even saying?”
All for you to blubber out in a laugh, “I’ve been waiting for ages for you to say that!”
His heart bursts, chest soars. “You could have said it first.”
“I’ve said it before,” you protest, “in actions.”
He scoffs, “So have I.”
And he has, you really can’t deny it.
“Say it again, won’t you?” you ask sweetly, kissing the corner of his mouth, and Levi sighs, like asking that of him is simply too much.
“I love you. You make me very happy.” Levi groans when you cackle and squish the breath out of him with a hug, but this time, he sniggers too. Why waste the moment on pretending to be indifferent when he’s actually the happiest he’s ever been?
Levi Ackerman can finally say that he feels good. He feels safe, he feels content, he feels comfortable — and most of all, he feels loved. And in love. And totally at peace in the world with the person who makes him the happiest.
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alexxncl · 20 hours
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‼️NIGHTBRINGER LESSON 39 SPOILERS‼️
masterlist
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this was hilarious until i remember that satan is indeed the avatar of wrath and has destroyed the house of lamentations more tines than i can count on both hands. then it got slightly less hilarious, but it's still hilarious
ik we all joke about lucifer being satan's dad bc he technically is but this is PEAK father-son behavior 😭 satan throwing a temper tantrum, no pun intended, over not being able to adopt a cat is one of the funniest things ever actually
y'all know i love me some angst but dear GOD am i happy that we're getting something lighthearted after the emotional rollercoaster that was lesson 38
also we got our room back hehe 🫶🏽
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aaaaand now they back to brothers
"nuh uh" "uh huh" DAMN just let him have the cat 😭
shithead lucifer my beloved 🫶🏽 and it's even more heartwarming bc we can see how much he's relaxed and recovered from the incident in cocytus. him smiling and laughing and joking with his brothers freely after the fear of losing them has finally been dissipated has to be a weight off of his shoulders, and a weight off of his brothers' shoulders, too. he's probably been less of himself since the fall, and this is probably more reminiscent of the lucifer from back in the celestial realm
i hc that mammon's familiars/crows just roam around the house freely, so this is even more frustrating for satan bc he's like "well if mammon can have pets, why can't i?"
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oh baby :(((
just when i thought we'd gotten away from the angst, i was reminded that we are (i am) indeed on lesson 39 outta 40...ykw at least i was happy for a little bit
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10/10 storytelling and writing. i love it when siblings ACTUALLY act like siblings, bc some media doesn't do sibling dynamics justice
granted, solomon isnt their sibling, but lucifer said it once AND doubled down bc he saw that it pissed satan off the first time. the older sibling in me smiled
ik i've said this before but...
lucifer says he hates when his brothers pester him like they don't get it from him 😭 oh no, if it isn't the consequences of your own actions!
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now i feel like mammon might be onto something...what if he actually is stronger than lotan? but he doesn't want things to go past empty, playful threats bc hurting lotan would devastate levi, and he adores his little brother too much to do anything that irresponsible. more on this here
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the brothers ever 🫶🏽 petty sibling dynamics always get me
satan reusing asmo's phrase after lucifer and solomon used it against him is peak comedy
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ADHD TWINS
i can't do long, complicated shit for the life of me without getting sidetracked or overwhelmed
...unless it's these long ass posts
but that's different...kind of
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so THAT'S why he was giggling and kicking his feet the whole time?? "hehehe" my ass you sly bitch
also, you can see the amount of pride lucifer feels towards satan just by the way he's acting throughout this entire lesson. he also knew wholeheartedly that satan would, one way or another, find a way to summon the white dragon. he egged satan on and teased him on purpose, which probably made his powers stronger. but i feel like the teasing also was a mask for encouragement
it was obviously still teasing at the heart, but there was a little more to it that reflected how proud lucifer is of his baby brother for coming into his own
also satan initiating the family picture at the end ??? I SOBBED
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the lucifer from our timeline would NEVER allow a pet into the house. but the lucifer from our timeline also didn't get to heal the way this lucifer did, so now i'm kinda sad just thinking about that
maybe he thinks having a pet would mean that they're permanently staying in one place? and he still doesn't feel secure enough in his place in the devildom even after all the time he's spent there, even after making a home and a name for himself and his brothers. maybe he considered letting satan get a pet once mc came into the picture, and still toys with the idea, but keeps deciding against it for some internal reason that he won't address
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MY WIFE MY BELOVED THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS BACK
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they really do invite any and everyone into the family. i love them so much it makes me insane
completely unrelated but i never realized that the kiss sounds are different for each brother ??? is thus just a nightbringer thing or am i just too far removed from the og game
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ruporas · 1 year
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i’ll find you again in every universe. let us be a little more honest, let us have a little more time.
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#despite it all though badlands rumble is like. the only universe where we get wolfwood thinking vash died first... and i think that means a#lot to their relationship and how it may bloom if there was more to badlands rumble considering vash literally saw wolfwood carrying a piece#of vash after his supposed death. u know! despite the short time they were together vash still meant so much to wolfwood that he couldn't#just move on or forget him in anyway. needed to keep a piece of him for himself and the rest of his days. but ofc vash lives and wolfwood#was like ill beat ur fucking ass into tomorrow. there's just so much honesty in vash being able to see that gesture bc he wouldnt know#otherwise just how much he might mean to him. ANYWAY. trimax with with the eternal pining featuring the two chapters where imo#where the both of them really fell for each other... i wrote my thoughts about this on another comic i did before#but vash solidifying his feelings during the hospital arc -- ww solidifies his when he realizes his allegiances are permanently with vash#98 my lovelies but also to me they are so one-sided bc ww pined like no tomorrow and vash only realizes after ep 23?24? his heart did tickle#whenever ww complimented his smile though#and tristamp vw my beloveds. it really just feels like they get the  chance to be closer and closer and more honest with each other#with every version that comes about. in trimax they knew how little time they had but struggled so desperately to get closer. in 98 ww felt#more willing to forsake for vash. in badlands rumble theyre Angry but as mentioned earlier ^ more blatant truth... due to circumstances#mainly but has the chance to lead to discussions and tristamp literally. first day of knowing each other ww saves vash - 2 days later vash#saves ww like. Man. AND NOW THEY MAY POTENTIALLY GET EVEN CLOSER!!!! with s2....#ruporas art
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cherriko-art · 14 days
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Ok more alnst rambles.
I think my favorite interpretation of both Sua and Ivan's deaths is that their self-sacrifice was less about saving their loved ones than it was that they themselves could not live without Mizi/Till. Like this belief that yes, we're choosing our loved ones over our own lives, but also with the belief that Mizi/Till would be able to live past their (Sua/Ivan) deaths.
But for both Sua and Ivan, they could not find any reason to live if Mizi/Till were to die instead in their rounds. Both are absolutely obsessed with their partners - their entire reason for living revolves around Mizi/Till, bc for both Sua and Ivan, their lives were empty husks until they met them.
Ivan calls Sua out for being a self-sacrificing idiot, calling her selfish bc it'll only leave Mizi traumatized over her death. According to him, her choosing to die was not out of love for Mizi, it was a purely selfish choice bc Sua cannot live without Mizi. But in the end, Ivan is the exact same.
So dying for their loved ones? Easy. But ask them to live with their loved ones' deaths? Over their dead bodies.
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puppetmaster13u · 7 months
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Continuing to think about This AU idea and just, slowly rotating it like a microwave.
@phoenixcatch7 had the fun idea of xenomorph-inspiration and the dollhouse being replaced by the Hive instead and I am here for that. A large cave that feels utterly wrong to anyone not part of their colony, if they can even find it. I am thinking something similar to Gemini Home Entertainment if anyone has watched that, with something between plant and flesh growing across the walls. Where one can't tell the difference between the two, or realize that it's already gripping onto them. The caves are already dangerous after all, nevermind the depths that It doesn't let anyone else into.
Also made me think about Jason, and like, so he doesn't die in the cryptid au, and definitely wouldn't in a world where he has a flesh puppet. But that still makes me think about how badly said puppet would be utterly maimed, right? Not to mention the explosion that would burn a lot of it too alongside whatever affect that'd have on his mind and human body. But now I am thinking of how the tunnels are everywhere under Gotham, how the bits of tendrils can reach through that ash, can meld with it, can for a cocoon of sorts. Turning a little robin into something else, letting it evolve into something new.
I am also rotating on if they'd be known to the Justice League like in the Doll au or if only Clark knows about them like in the Genesis au. Tempted for the second if only so there can be fun distinctly Not Human moments. Maybe the Justice League even getting concerned for their friend Superman because there's times he'll whistle or chirp under his breath (he might have picked up a few habits from his friends from Gotham) or literally snap his teeth if he's startled.
But oh the lil robins would probably be so adorable. Very fluffy and downy and brightly colored in a clear warning, but still unsettling. The way they move isn't right, like a jerky contortionist, but can also go too fluid or completely inhumanely still within a heartbeat. Not helped by the fact they don't need to breathe. O h, the batfam could most definitely be venomous. What with how in both Aus they use paralytics and sedatives on their claws and spikes, It could definitely include that within the secondary bodies.
#what's out there au#possessed doll au#y'know what I think I might call this the Meat Marionette Au lol#Meat Marionette Au#Batman Au#Cryptid batman#Cryptid batfam#body horror#rambles#I like to think that if their gifted bodies are damaged too much It takes from their human bodies#Bruce wakes up with a spine of metal partially ripped into his back one day#Jason finds ones of his arms becoming rough & clawed like a bird's-the same one that was obliterated in the other body-#It means there's still stakes for the bodies & that they can't just tank everything#They're lucky that it's been things easy to hide so far but there's always that worry of *what if* in the back of their minds each battle#Thankfully it has to be like permanent damage to effect both of their bodies#like straight up maiming#Smaller injuries just mean horrible migraines or phantom pains depending on the type of wound & the severity#They might struggle with humanity slightly because they forget that normal humans can't make certain noises or hear that well#or that they can't *smell fear*#Gotham is both terrified of and loves the bats#The babies are adorable but the parent is terrifying & can unhinge its jaw and open up its ribs and *yeah*#But that's Gotham for you they suppose#Honestly also pondering Jarro because like his body shape is very different compared to a human lol#I do like to think that they all have bits of black veins across their bodies over their hearts and such#Honestly perhaps Alfred is more mentally effected than the others seeing as he's right on top of the cave all night#I'm just saying he also deserves a second body#Tumblr plz don't eat my tags thank you
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datcravat · 10 months
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Batch 1 of Ghost Trick Stickers ✨
Currently only available on my patreon as part of the July $30 rewards tier (they come with other stuff the stickers alone aren't $30 ahah) but will be on my shop too eventually.
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aphelion-art · 9 months
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some traditional hxh doodles i've been drawing! :] (more under divider!)
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fox-moblin · 3 months
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Hi, sorry to bother you but that sphinx art is so lovely, would you let me get a tattoo of it? It wouldn't happen for a minute and I'd also be able to pay you for it if you have a price in mind. If you'd rather not that's okay too, it's just such a lovely piece
Yeah, sure go for it. All I ask is that you let me know how the tattoo turns out and that you point people my way if they ask. :>
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goldkirk · 10 months
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I AM SO GLAD I'M STILL ALIVE FOR ALL THIS
#personal#really thought the blob full of nothing but terror and grief stage was permanent for a while there#and i wasn't even suicidal anymore i thought i had just permanently borked my brain#no!!!!!!! it just needed time! and my body needed more health!!! and i needed more community again!#DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!!!! if you're seeing this and you're exhausted beyond your bones or being eaten alive by a black hole#please know that you don't need to have hope and you don't need to be gung ho about it to survive#just keep going through the slog and take any opportunity that seems vaguely better each time you can#and rest rest rest i guarantee you that you need unholy amounts of rest that you're not getting#and just hold on. just hold on. it might take years but god everyone was right it was worth it to stay and keep going a while longer#you can give up on life. just don't give up on yourself. you keep hold of yourself and don't let ANYONE convince you to let go including#your own brain. you are SO much cooler and braver and wilder and livelier than you think you are and you're only going to improve over time#i love you and i'm here if there's anything i can do for you#don't be afraid to change your mind and don't be afraid to demand your right to live#those are my two rules for life at this point besides the cardinal rule of 'everyone is suffering and traumatized so be as kind as possible#and watch what happens in a snowball effect around you'#i love you. i love you. i am so glad i am alive to love you.
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aeb-art · 3 months
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i was trying to make up side characters for @8um8le's space friends and thought "every show needs a grump"
i'm not gonna finish this though, so y'all can have it now o7
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phoenixcatch7 · 11 months
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If there's one thing I like more than time travel it's crossover reincarnation, so.
Botk link reincarnated as Damian Wayne.
An incredible weapon master of all types, but especially prodigious with a sword - he was beating knights at the age of 4 and with his memories as intact as they get for him I can see that goalpost moving even further (probably with traps and tricks, a 3yo doesn't exactly have great bodily control).
He's an excellent survivalist, agile, strong, durable, cunning and creative. He can move like a feather in the breeze, strike from behind with ease. His first kill, an animal, did not stir him as it did the other children. With his poise, grace, skills, obedience, he ought to be ra'as' finest assassin in the making, a jewel in the crown of the league.
Except he never speaks a word. Half his targets escape unscathed. He skates by true punishment on the merit of his skills and achievements in other missions. Testing has shown it is not a physical deformity that prevents his speech, but not even talia has been able to coaxe a word from him past his second birthday.
It is a defect ra'as is growing more and more frustrated by, as each attempt to fix these two final flaws ends in resounding failure. Less extreme solutions are running dry.
Talia fears those solutions. Her child does too, she knows. For them, there is a possible solution, more extreme than anything ra'as would tolerate.
She sends him out of the league. To his father.
To Gotham.
#'gee phoenix that sure sounds like that dp x dc you're normally rattling on about' yeah lol I steal tropes and sell them on the black market#Anyway this has been slowly rotisserie-ing in my head for a while I just like shaking canon like a magic 8 ball#I'd love to explore how link would react to Gotham and how he might see getting suddenly dumped in a found family as the youngest#And how that contrasts with both his expectations in the league and his role as the saviour last hope of a whole country#Because that kid cannot have a modern interpretation of killing. Like monsters? Kill with prejudice loot the corpses.#The yiga might have a little more hindsight understanding and he never killed them anyway but zero hesitation blowing them up#And ganon is so far removed from the concept of 'killing is bad' because a) human??? Monster??? B) literally the problem#C) he's been killing people so it'd even out d) everyone wants him dead So Bad e) been killed already like a dozen times what's one more#I get the feeling he'd assign the same role to the joker like 'widely considered the source of all evil. 'died' several times and came back#personal source of absolute misery for several heroes. Killed many' = slay the monster. Straightforward.#Like yes link always chooses kindness and has a strong morality and Opinion on killing people it's just a lot would be solved#By hitting the joker until he stopped making life miserable for everyone and if that means permanently well that's kind of link's job.#And like with Jason the bats understand that a lot better than they pretend to. But that is a 10yo who should not be thinking like that.#I think it'd be interesting to see how that'd change their reactions to 'Damian'. Like he holds a very similar opinion to og and Jason he#Just goes about it completely differently.#And I'd love to explore the differences between two fictional worlds and how they can go from pretty much the most black/white morality#To probably one of the greyest areas while still holding near identical themes and methods of dealing with that.#Found family compassion as a weapon against evil and copious amounts of weapons and cool gear lol#Also link should keep the arm he's earned it. Reincarnating with all his memories knocked a few other things loose I'd imagine#Mostly because all the loz games I've played have absolutely altered the way I view any link and also I love referencing them.#Damian with telekinesis and infinite glue would be great. A tiny 10yo sword master choosing instead to drop a dumpster on you#In between hurt comfort link beginning to bond with his family and begin to speak and learn sign language from cass#There's also the sound of explosives and a small figure clinging to a flying door as it crosses the Gotham night skies#Speaking of cass I bet her and link would be great friends in this au.#batman#batfam#bruce wayne#loz au#Loz#loz totk
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the need I have to give Dorothea a temporary hair dye and her going from sweet blonde to fiery redhead....
(here, lemme show you just a tiny WIP of what is bubbling in my head. Just a tiny one because i am still working on the outfit. Also yes to sport a short hairstyle becausei adore.)
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GODS I KEEP THINKING ABT LIKE. YOU MENTIONED HOLLY ASKING WHEN THEY GET TO GO HOME AND SHE JUST CANT AND
it's so painful to think abt because yes, the spiral is going to be saved because of the prophecy, and all these lives are saved - but ambrose really went "needs of the many" and basically deprived a whole child of their personhood and maybe even their identity outside of "savior of the spiral" with the depersonalization of the wizard and how it starts with literally entering the wizard world. you pick a new name for your wizard and you very much can Tell that most names like that dont exist where the YW came from so their initial identity gets erased and then the NEW identity they try to build gets erased too to the point where i have to be impressed but also severely worried that the the YW is STILL internalizing how they feel and being essentially constantly sent on more quests and
this is complete rambling that probably hardly makes sense but god its just how screwed up w101's plot is deep down
YOU'RE SO RIGHT ABOUT THE ERASURE AND DEPERSONALIZATION, YOUR BRAIN IS ON
Like that's something so interesting to think about like how and why did the YW choose their new name? Did Ambrose choose it for them; did he merely encourage them to take on a more "appropriate" identity to match their new culture?? Did the Wizard ever want to change their name in the first place? How does their name change affect their journey and their personality going forwards?
And you're so right because like in a sense, you're literally CREATING a new character to fit into this new world. Irl you're choosing their appearance, their name and their gender, everything. Build-A-Bear starting from scratch. And even though the character creation bit has no underlying meaning to it, I think it unintentionally has such a heavy metaphor that you are no longer a human from Earth, but a Wizard in the Spiral. You're not "Holly LastName" with regular Earth clothes, you're now "Holly Steelcry" with a bitchin' purple and yellow outfit that is now SUITED for the Spiral. Yippee!!!
Like I don't even think the Pirate goes through this shit; weren't they born in the Spiral? Like didn't they have parents that were originally FROM the Spiral in the first place???? It's just the Wizard that's been yoinked from their original homeland and into a new one 💀
And that's one of the things that Holly learns throughout their life in the Spiral - is that her Earth self, her original personality and heritage... is not enough. What they were before was not what the Spiral needed. The world doesn't want Holly, it wants Holly STEELCRY. Their family, friends, pets, past hobbies and their ultimate sacrifice in leaving them behind is not what matters to Ambrose, to the Council of Light, to the entire universe. What everyone needed was a HERO and Holly was NOT a hero, which is why they made her INTO one. Unfortunately, it was that erasure and depersonalization you mentioned that Ambrose, and later Holly themself, thought was necessary in order to save everyone. Now you have a Wizard who may or may not be an entirely different person than what you started out with and for NO GOOD REASON. It's that "sacrifice yourself for others" trope that I love and hate so much 😭😭😭😭😭
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BTW this is like . so delayed. but ABSOLUTELY feel free to draw/write crossover stuff w my guys if you want!! either cmh or npwd honestly but esp cmh i know the whole Leo Being A Ghost thing makes crossovers kinda hard but not impossible (+ if ur thing has donnie w goggles. those can see him)
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