#and I recognised this morning I've been in a vicious cycle of thoughts lately

[crayonurchin]

Mental Rituals are a dramatically understudied area of OCD, and until recently was viewed as ‘resistance’ to treatment

Generally, the pattern is you experience an unpleasant thought, usually taboo or a predition you don’t like, and in order to stop feeling upset and anxious, you perform counter thoughts to either dismiss the thought, or to bring you temporary relief.

This is prime OCD, because your obsession is the awful-ness of the thought, thinking you’re bad for having it, being scared at how it makes you feel, and compulsively, you must do these counter-thoughts to stop it because it’s ‘bad’

It can be hard to recognise this because thoughts are so nebulous. Sometimes you will just have a nasty thought and it feels awful. Sometimes those same thoughts come back again and again and again. And because nobody can ‘see’ the compulsive behavior, it can go unchecked for years.

The only way to combat these mental rituals is, sadly, to just experience the though. This can be terrifying, depending on the thought itself. You could be thinking of sexual assault, of death, of existential dread and other nightmarish things I don’t even want to write down. 

But all they are, are thoughts.

They are not, and have never been, a reflection of your character.

They’re the result of an illness messing with your brain chemicals to sabotage you. They are not you.

Even elements of yourself in these thoughts, are not you. I constantly have thoughts of abandonment and going on a genocidal rampage ending with suicide. It’s valid that I worry abandonment, it’s valid I’m afraid of suicide, it’s even valid I can feel petty and angry over the fake scenario playing in my head. But it’s not me and never will be. I am safe from the mental scenario. I will never experience the thought. And the thoughts of scenarios that genuinely might happen? Truthfully, are rarely as horrid as you predict they’ll be. They may be awful, but your brain can think things up worse than the world can play out.

Let people know you’re suffering negative thought. You do not need to tell people what the thoughts are, but just that you suffer dark thoughts and they are not intentional. if nothing else, you’ll feel less alone, and it’ll make experiencing those thoughts to prove they’re not going to kill you, just a little easier

#ocd #mental health #mental health recovery #ocd recovery #in the days leading up to my period my ocd flares up #and I recognised this morning I've been in a vicious cycle of thoughts lately #this is for me as well as for others #cuz I had no idea about this being a thing for yeeeaaaaars