#and I sympathise with people who have been through bad family situations and see their experience in this film

[i-bring-crack]

To be fair I did have a lot more expectation on the mother daughter relationship that could have been shown between Chameleon and Zhen because the past three stories have always been about father and son relationships, which had been well done, so I kinda expected their first female one to be done just as well. In some aspects I liked the concept but it also lacked a lot of scenes that would have fit well with the stablished quota. In my part it would have been nice to see it as a reverse Soothsayer and Shen dynamic, but explored through a different complex dynamic. As if, instead of the child turning evil due to their rebellion, it is the parent(and master) who has become corrupted with trying to achieve as much power as possible in order to protect their children. Someone who had at first a noble attitude and was resilient to the struggles she faced (she was short, she was weak. I dont mean to completely take away her backstory in kfp 4 , especially with how much the people on the team tried so hard to put aomething out there), no matter how much it hurt she was still going to become strong enough to protect those she loved, but she slwoly started to succumb to the ambition of power that her own reasons dissipated with time and greed over what others had that she didn't.

And Zhen could have followed on her footsteps for a long amount of time, thinking that well, Chamaeleon is her protector so of course she should be grateful despite the horrible things she does to protect them, just like in the og kfp4 (but not just looting or being the boss of a gang but maybe actively being just as bad as Lord Shen in a different way. Like, Chamaeleon killing so many heroes because she saw them as a threat and they saw her as a threat too, that entire villages lost their protection and even their lives against her troops.) And whenever or not Zhen should be redeemed is another case of its own so ill leave that out of the window. (Mainly bc that new dragon succesor could be interesting, but i feel like it should have been executed later faaaar later and not broken so many plot holes.)

If she gets to be redeemed then (for me for me) i think the trip would have been the last knot or the breaking point to the suspivion that Zhen would have had a long time ago. Maybe her resolution to go against her mother would be sealed when she started to notice that Chameleon no longer cared for her or the family she had protected for so long, even going so far as endangering them for the sake of obtaining more power.

That betrayal would not only reinforce the fact that Zhen would have been so loyal to her mother that not even the dragon warrior would have changed her ways in a simple trip, but also the fact that she had to expirience the horrible side of her own mother to understand even just a hint of what so many people had been afraid of for years. I wish Zhen could have been able to sympathise with someone over that; over having a strict parent who was the only person that wanted to care for you and you owned them the world for that (cough Tai lung cough—) but at the end of the day it felt crushing that you wouldnt be able to meet their expectations (in the case of zhen she didnt become a sorcerer and instead a martial artist, and also betrayal). It would have hurt, and well maybe Po or Shifu himself (in the kidnapped situation they had planned before im going way too divergent) would have told her that the actions of her parents are not her own fault.

Chameleon had chosen to go on a darker path on her own. (I would either like to put it that the chance was there but also wasnt, like she was already strong enough to be respected at some point but her descend to madness blinded her to anything but getting revenge on everyone who thought she was weak. Maybe showing the story of the chameleon through Zhen's eyes and slowly getting to doubt something as time goes on but never truly questions it. As a watcher you CAN see how she is slowly becoming evil, but Zhen had lived with the idea that this was how it always had been.)

But Zhen, probably throught the story finding out the extent of the horrible things her mother had done and not being able to excuse it, as well as being shown the possible chances that there were in life which her mother couldnt afford, realized she had to break that cycle right where it started and put an end to her mother's schemes before anyone else got hurt in the same way they both did. (Because like, Chameleon incidentally letting innocents die for her gains, had become the things she resented and trjed to destroy.)

(Im probably going to do another long post of things i would like to ramble about kung fu panda four, and no hate to the artists that worked on the show. Just like a pinch of salt thrown mostly at certain people but i still get it. From the beggining it was going to be a mess. BUT i liked the pitched in ideas in the interview with the co director and my little dumb brain likes expanding upon weird niche topics so—

I could be nitpicky of other things but the first 3 had been so centered around the relationships of fathers, from strict to spoiled to wise to absent and more, that well, i did WANT to expect a lot of the mother relations when its a trope that has so so many ways to be explored and it DID have a chance through the concepts (a chameleon, supoosedly weak and short and not being able to do kung fu trying to spraise a child [who knows kung fu where did she even learn it??] In a horrible enviroment who doesnt care for them both LIKE PLEASE. Of course i would be interested.)

#kfp 4 #kung fu panda #kfp chameleon #kfp zhen #tai lung #cough cough #huh both shen and tai lung would have been able to “help” zhen escape from that bubble of never questioning her parents #since tai lung could understand what kind of unyeliding devotion zhen had to chamaleon would lead #and because lord shen had become so awful that chameleon will likely suffer the same way as her. dooming herself by fate as she keeps #hurting others more and more for the sake of survival #no like please please hear me out when i said it would have been FUN

[sebmulciber]

–– did you hear that [ SEBASTIAN MULCIBER ] will be attending the Black Ball during the coming weekend? They recently arrived in London for the social season and we will be excited to see if they make a splash this year. I heard that they are currently working as an [ UNSPEAKABLE ] and that they have been quite successful. They always reminded me of [ BLOODY KNUCKLES, HALF EMPTY WHISKY BOTTLES, THE SOUND OF THUNDER IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT, A COLD EMPTY APARTMENT ] and I heard that they can be [ DARING + CONFIDENT] but also [ UNSTABLE + COLD ]. Rumor has it that they are [ A SUPPORTER OF ] Tom Riddle, but you know that you can’t believe everything you hear. As far as I know, they are a model member of pureblood society.

stats.

full name: sebastian mulciber

nickname(s): seb, bas, mulciber

fc: sean teale

dob: 6th february

age: 26

gender: male

sexuality: straight

blood status: pureblood

occupation: unspeakable

other: (?)

info/hc.

the mulciber family have always felt like they were just outside the top tier of pureblood socielty. always just not good enough. always a reason for them not to be classed as sacred. rather unfairly, infact. or so Sebastian has been told since a young age. his parents would try and fill him with their hopes and dreams of him marrying into one of the sacred 28 and lifting their family up to their class. and he knew even from a young age to try and not fight it. it was never on the top of his list of concerns anyway. love was always foreign to him. not that his parents were ever cruel, but they were never really around either. he spent more time alone than he ever did with his parents. and he grew used to it. the quiet. and he never truly grew out of that.

but growing up that way meant he could never bring himself to understand others emotions, if he even cared at all. in fact, he always found joy in other people's pain. and he never really knew that wasn’t a “normal” thing until he got to hogwarts and got into trouble for pushing a girl down the stairs. he had thought it was funny. but he had to sit through a long and stern conversation about why it was bad and why he should apologise. he has never once apologised for anything in his life up until that point. and though he did it reluctantly he went back to the same girl later that week and made sure she knew he was not sorry.

blood status is something he also doesn’t care much about. sure, he sees mudbloods as lesser just because he has been brought up that way. but he himself doesn’t care who anyone is outside of his circle. even to the point where he had managed to grow close to mary macdonald during his younger years at hogwarts. he had became friends with her even before he knew that she was a muggleborn. and she was the only person that has ever made him feel...warm inside? he could never quiet manage to make himself understand why he felt the way he did around her. and he always found some excuse for them to hang out in secret. but, secrets can’t stay that way for long and when his slytherin classmates learned what he was doing he was given hell for it. they accused him of being a sympathiser, a mudblood lover, weak. and the rage he felt being spoken too that way lead him to the only thing he has ever regretted in his life. harming mary was something he wished he could take back the second he had done it. the sound of laughter from the other slytherins made him feel sick and knowing he had hurt the only person that brought him joy...he hated himself for it. so much so he couldn’t bring himself to ever look at mary. and he pushed his emotions down by acting out against others until he once again found that quiet inside his head that made all his feelings go numb.

from a young age, he’s been obsessed with the unforgivable curses. and in particular the imperious curse. it fascinates him. and if he can get away with using it in a situation he will. he likes to think he has mastered that curse already. though hes always studying the dark arts to learn more.

sebastian is very much the type to act first and think later. which has gotten him into some troublesome situations but he just shrugs it off and lets someone else deal with it. aslong as he got the job done he doesn’t care much past that. and it makes it hard for him to even attempt to get along with anyone he is having to work with. 

wanted connections.

exe: they dated for a while but it ended on bad terms. could have been due to his involvement with the death eaters. or they could just have not been compatible in general.

tormentor: sebastian usually tries to ignore people as much as he can but this person just gets on his nerves so much that he can’t. the level of torment can be totally up to you and also for how long it’s been going on!

babysitter: the unlucky person that has to try and keep sebastian in check when they are out doing death eater jobs together. 

childhood friend: they have been friends since they were little and there is just too much history between them to not be in each others lives. they could be on the same side or opposite sides. but there is a bond there that just won’t break and neither of them wants it too. sebastian has so few people in his life that he genuinly cares about that he needs them.

family connections: could be cousins or i would love to have a sister for sebastian just saying.

#(intro)

[0zzysaurus]

you're literally the only person on the 'weeeeehhh goncharov is propaganda, blocking the tag is not enooouuuuugghhh' post who is making any sense and i thank you for that. i sincerely cannot believe the bad faith takes i've read from other people thinking that everyone should agree w their blatantly faulty reasoning because they have personal trauma

I’m putting this under a cut because the topic is rather sensitive and I have a lot of thoughts - but I don’t entirely agree with your feelings on this. I don’t want to be dismissive of the people who are upset about Goncharov.

I mean - to be very fair - the personal trauma of Ukrainians right now is quite literally having missiles being shot at their houses and their family members being killed. Like, in no way do I want to take away from the gravity of the situation and the degree of trauma that Ukrainians who have been impacted by the war have. The response some people are having to Goncharov is honestly reasonable considering what Russia is doing right now. Wouldn’t you also be immeasurably frustrated if your country was going through what is essentially a genocide, and people on the internet are playing around with some made up characters from Russia and empathising with their made up story more than your real experiences? Like, it’s not difficult to sympathise with where the sentiment comes from. Their feelings cannot and should not be dismissed as trivial.

However - My thing is that people who like Goncharov shouldn’t be called “pro-Russian terrorists” or be told that they deserve to have their families killed and houses bombed - which is a legitimate argument I have seen in that reply thread.

There’s an element of perspective here that’s been lost. This isn’t like russiaboo Reddit + 4chan political memes that actually do cause harm because of the implicit messages they convey. Memes like that are often carefully crafted to spread a political message, be it a conspiracy or a propagandist argument. Refer to all the pro-Nazi memes out there that people post on Twitter and Tumblr without even realising that they’re Nazi memes. It’s a very complex craft of disinformation that specifically targets online circles and fosters the facilitation of online hate groups.

Goncharov has no comparable political message. It has themes about anti-violence, the passage of time, interpersonal betrayal, and Mafia culture (this is while remembering that this is not a real piece of media, and these themes were not orchestrated by a specific group or individual). If Goncharov is supposed to be pro-Russian propaganda, it does a bad job at being that. I don’t think people who like Goncharov are a part of the problem.

I think people who engage in consuming Russian news media in a biased way, who actively spread Russian disinformation, who are encouraging empathetic responses to the Russian military or government, who are travelling to Russia to fight for Russia, who are committing hate crimes against Ukrainian refugees, who are taking advantage of the war for financial or political gain, or who are perpetuating eugenicist conspiracies about Eastern Europe are actually contributing to the problem.

People who post about Goncharov - the fake mafia movie - are not even a cog in the wheel. Saying some shit like “if you like Goncharov you’re a pro-Russian terrorist” is the most unhelpful thing you could possibly be doing to support Ukrainians. You could be doing so much more, so much better in your activism for Ukraine. You could be doing protests, you could be organising food and clothing drives for refugees, you could be conducting research and debunking disinformation that you see online. You could be talking about actual real pieces of media/television/movies that are funded by Russia and have pro-Russian military messages.

But I guess since fandom discourse now counts as political activism, what the fuck did we expect was gonna happen?

#tw #war crimes #war #Goncharov

[knighting-vale]

look i’m all for discussion and criticism and totally happy with extensive analysis/imagination around pieces of media, but there is a painful comedy in seeing people online discuss movies and shows for CHILDREN with very clear lessons about nuance, empathy, and kindness and completely missing the point in very painful ways

#*presses fingers together* #a 1 and half hour children’s movie is going to have a happy and safe moral lesson because that is it’s genre and purpose #if you want long complex emotional breakdowns of trauma please watch something else #like a say a nice recent movie has come out which is fun and bright #and has the overall message ‘family is complicated but if you accept and love people and communicate clearly you’ll be happier & stronger’ #it’s great to discuss and enjoy the movie and there’s probably a lot to relate to in that BUT #it isn’t gonna be a super in depth analysis and break down of generational trauma and the long-lasting damage from loved ones #it will deal with those themes in a way which is accessible to 5+ year olds and teach them to talk to their siblings rather than get angry #and like the movie is very clear that this is a nuanced complicated situation and it has exaggerations as a CHILDRENS FANTASY FILM #and I sympathise with people who have been through bad family situations and see their experience in this film #(it’s designed to be relatable and I definitely see myself and family who I’m close to in some of these dynamics) #but if your satisfying end/healthy move with your family is not reflected in a children’s movie then it’s not automatically bad #media isn’t your therapy - it can’t be: it can be valuable but you need to take care of yourself first in ways not to do with movies #I have a friend who asks me to vet things for endings with all happy forgiving families as she doesn’t talk to her parents #and it will make her sad and guilty. so she avoids them as it’s her trigger - but not an evil movie or lesson #like teaching an 8 year old arguing with a sibling or under pressure from parents that they are a good person as themselves #and that love and communication are good options and that family can be a little complex but that’s ok #it’s not going to ring true for someone in their 20s who doesn’t speak to homophobic family and #that is entirely fair and fine. sometimes media won’t work for you or the clumsier aspects of a topic will sting too much to enjoy it #but spending hours on the internet venting about how a kids movie doesn’t deal with very complicated topics in a way that satisfies you #is not healthy at all #(also disclaimer: this is not about discussions about culture or commercialisation which are very very valid) #like take all media seriously and you can read into it and see yourself as well! #but step away when needed and don’t spend hours calling characters abusive and getting furious when they aren’t punished by the narrative #and don’t fucking send me asks about supporting abuse cause I reblogged some art from a fun film I watched with friends #passion around media is wonderful and I support those discussion but it is just media and it’s scary how people cannot switch that off #like perspective and genre and deciding a thing is Not For You are VERY NECESSARY when engaging in fandom #also I’ve seen people getting so fucking nasty about a kids movie teaching kindness and that’s a wild sense of ~irony~ there #like the most vitriolic critics of kids shows and films in general are often the ones that really need the base lesson being taught

[blu-joons]

When You Don’t Want Him To Meet Your Family ~ BTS Reaction

Jin:

You couldn’t help but sigh in relief as you got back in the car after meeting Jin’s parents. Things couldn’t have gone more perfectly for you, his family was so warm and friendly, everything that you’d ever wanted.

Jin could tell too that the whole experience was pretty overwhelming for you too, reaching across the car to rest his hand against your thigh. “How did you find it? I hope that they weren’t a little too much for you.”

“It was nice to feel like I was back in a family dynamic, I wish I could bring that to you from my side of the relationship,” you frowned, smiling weakly back across at him. “I guess it sucks sometimes.”

His head shook instantly, “from what you’ve told me about your family, I don’t want to meet them anyway. If you feel a part of my family, then that’s all that matters to me. I just want you to be comfortable with everything.”

“I’m happy with your family,” you quickly assured them, “they’ve shown me a lot about what I should have had growing up. You’re very lucky to have had them by your side Jin.”

“It’s a good job they’re by your side too now,” he smiled, “you’re our family now.”

Yoongi:

His body froze as you finally cracked after he asked yet again when he’d get the chance to see your parents. It took him a moment to even bring his eyes across to look at you, hating that he’d ever been so pushy about things.

You could see him struggling, placing your hand against his shoulder. “For so long I’ve begged to see your family, and I never thought for a moment there would be a reason why you always said no, I’ve been an idiot.”

“You weren’t to know,” you sighed, pressing a kiss against the top of his head. “Maybe I should have told you sooner so you didn’t spend all of this time wondering what the problem could have been.”

His hand reached out to rest over yours on his shoulder, “I’ve probably made you relive so many memories by constantly bringing up your family. I shouldn’t have been so blind to what was going on right in front of me.”

“Please don’t blame yourself,” you pleaded with him, “I’ve learnt to cope just fine Yoongi. It doesn’t bother me anymore like it used to, I guess it’s just one of those things.”

“You’re so strong,” he whispered across to you, “I’ll never mention it again.”

Hoseok:

The moment you heard his parents ask about your own family, your body tensed up. Hobi’s eyes darted across the table to look at you, taking a large sip of his drink before asking his mother to stop questioning you.

He smiled weakly in your direction before opening his mouth. “Things are a bit complicated for Y/N, so I won’t be meeting her family. Let’s just leave it as that shall we? I don’t think we need to go into things any further.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, feeling her cheeks turn a bright shade of red. “If I had any idea then I wouldn’t have even mentioned them around the table. I wasn’t thinking at all.”

Your head shook back at her, “it was impossible for you to even know that anything had happened, there’s no need for you to apologise. One day, I’ll properly explain to you the reason why, when I’m ready to do so.”

“Well, if nothing else, you’re a part of our family now,” she mused, “we’re very thankful that Hobi has found such an amazing girl like you, and we promise we won’t abandon you or give up on you.”

“Thank you,” you whispered, “that means a lot more to me then you’ll ever know.”

Namjoon:

His hand slipped into yours as soon as you walked out of the restaurant, waving goodbye to your cousin who you’d met for lunch. Namjoon was very aware of how big a deal it was for you, and how important she was too.

She was the only family member of yours Namjoon would meet, and luckily, he adored her. “If there’s one person in the world you’re able to call family, I’m so glad that it’s Y/C/N, she’s just like you are Y/N.”

“She’s the one that stuck beside me,” you hummed, biting down on your bottom lip. “Growing up people always said we were like two peas in a pod, and now I guess, we really are.”

His hand squeezed against yours a little bit tighter. “I wish I could say that I understand what you went through, but I don’t. I’m just glad you have Y/C/N with you who can support you in ways which I can’t do it.”

“You do support me,” you assured, smiling up at him. “Just because you weren’t physically there, doesn’t mean that you’re any less sympathising towards the situation Joon.”

“I’ll be there for you now,” he hummed, “even if so many others haven’t been.”

Jimin:

Once you finally finished talking, Jimin had been rendered speechless. After declining his suggestion to meet your family several times, his question yet again was the final straw before you finally told him everything.

As you finished, you sunk down to the floor, tears streaming down your face. “Y/N,” he whispered, kneeling down in front of you. “I am so sorry,” he added, wiping underneath your eyes. “I had no idea it was like this.”

“That’s because you’d never expect anyone to live the way that I have,” you sighed, staring across at him, feeling his thumbs underneath your eyes. “It’s not the way that most people get to live.”

His eyes closed momentarily, letting go of a shaky breath. “I shouldn’t have been so pushy; I should have realised that there was a reason for why you always said no. I never thought that things would be as bad as they are.”

“I always wanted to tell you,” you admitted to him, “but there just never really felt like there was a right time. It’s a lot for someone to try and comprehend so suddenly, a huge lot.”

“I get it,” he smiled, stopping you from worrying. “Don’t worry anymore about it.”

Taehyung:

As he looked around and saw that you were no longer in the room with the rest of his family, Taehyung panicked. He excused himself from the table, walking out into the garden where he saw you sat by yourself.

You smiled softly as Taehyung sat himself down at your side. “Hard?” He questioned, knowing all about how you were feeling. Your head nodded back at him, feeling his arm drape tightly around your shoulders.

“I’m happy to have met them all, but it makes me realise what I miss out on,” you frowned, resting against his shoulder. “It’s something that you’ll end up missing out on as well Tae.”

He glanced quizzically back at you, “it’s not something I’m going to miss out on at all. Why on earth would I want to meet your family? I’m much happier just having you here with mine and making sure that you’re happy.”

“They’re all great,” you quickly assured him, “your siblings have made me feel like I’ve always been a part of your family. It’s just stirred up quite a few thoughts in me.”

“It’s understandable,” he comforted, “just cope with things however you want to.”

Jungkook:

He’d never listened so intently to you as you explained to him why you didn’t want him to meet your parents. You’d noticed as soon as soon as you started speaking that his fists balled up, gripping tightly against himself.

Once you’d finished, Jungkook let go of the biggest sigh of relief. “Maybe it’s a good thing that I’ll never get the chance to meet them, as I really don’t know what I’d do. How can anyone ever treat you so badly Y/N?”

“I wish I had the answer,” you chuckled lightly, “but there’s nothing that can be done about it. And getting angry won’t help either,” you added, resting your hands over his clenched fists tightly.

A frustrated groan came from him, “I don’t ever want to meet your family. Because you have my family as your family now, and we’ll always treat you like you deserve. You’ve got the perfect family with all of us instead of them.”

“I’m thankful that I have you guys now,” you whispered across to him, “I just hope that you understand why I don’t have anyone on my side of the family for you to meet Jungkook.”

“Of course, I understand,” he assured you, “don’t ever worry about it all.”

---

Masterlist

#bts #bts imagine #bts scenario #bts reaction #bts reactions #bts scenarios #jin imagine #yoongi imagine #hoseok imagine #namjoon imagine #jimin imagine #taehyung imagine #jungkook imagine #jin #yoongi #hoseok #namjoon #jimin #taehyung #jungkook #bts drabble #bts one shot #bts fluff #bangtan #bangtan sonyeondan #kpop #kpop imagine

[carrotkicks]

Honestly i think red robin is very interesting because it has everyone explicitly reaching out to tim with good intentions to help him and get shut out by him.. i feel it wouldve been easier for the writer to have everyone act like tim is crazy for pity points or whatever but that…. doesn’t really happen in canon. Like i feel it was written to be viewed and analyzed in a more neutral way considering you can also see tims desperation and delusion in his own internal and external monologue but fanon took that and twisted it so bad that it ends up villainizing either tim or his friends/family to an extreme extent to the point that its really hard to talk about it without taking sides now

No yeah you totally have a point. If we were to look at the whole tim-and-everyone-but-mostly-dick situation from a totaly neutral stance, both of them messed up and hurt each other.

Tim was very understandably hurt by losing his position as Robin and having that coupled with all the trauma and stress building up because of losing like,,, everyone he loves with Bruce's death being the final straw, I think his resulting breakdown is pretty warranted? It makes sense that he's hurting and pushing everyone away, and lashing out to those who come too close, but it's not okay? It wasn't fair for him to lash out at Damian(completely unwarranted bad tim), Steph, or Dick because they were trying to help him and they didn't deserve his crappy attitude.

(briefly gonna mention Steph's persepective in the whole ordeal b4 i go on to Dick's perspective, but like, she ALWAYS gets the worst treatment by the writers, and the issue where she and Tim have their falling out really doesn't paint her in the best light. But she and Tim did a mutual hurt each others feelings. With an extre kick in the gut by Tim bc he was being an asshole. and might not have realised it was Steph at the moment.)

MR DICK GRAYSON on the other hand was overloaded with like A LOT. It makes sense if he's not dealing with things with the most grace. Like, he's got to take care of his dead dad's new kid, and also manage his dead dad's crime-ridden City of Gotham. and his dead dad's shady childhood friend is trying to take over the company, and his dead dad's not-dead son is back and insane and making a bunch of people dead. Oh and his dad is dead. It's so understandable that Dick is stretched thin, and you can sympathise with him (esp if you actually read the Batman titles from then not RR), BUT!!!! Dick is the adult in the situation, and it's pretty not great if you, being one of the only adult figure in your teenage brother's life, let him screw off to another country whilve very obviously having a mental breakdown.... uhh things could have been handled better?

So like, the reason so many peope are really sympathetic to Tim's side is that he's a kid who needed a better support system when he was going through some really bad depression and Dick and the gang left him high and dry. And the people who think Dick is right think that Tim was being an unlikable jerk who ditched his repsonsibilities to protecting the city or whatever and left Dick and the gang high and dry.

And yanno, when you put it like that, why is Tim responsible for helping them protect the city? Why are they responsible for protecting the city? Well, then the fingers point to Batman, but Bruce is dead. Then again, you could argue that their sense of responsibility was instillled in them by Batman, but that means the "Robins are child soldiers" take hold some water which is absolutely NOT TRUE. If anything, the fam are emulating Bruce's tendencies and attitudes towards Gotham, and the fact that Gotham desperately needs them is because the city's security was somehow landed on Bruce's shoulders. But then WHY does the safety of Goth rely so heavily on Bruce? If we ask that then the entire logistics of superhero media is called into question, and our suspension of disbelief is effectively shattered.

huh. ok i get why people pick sides now.

#meta i guess? #so like the rundown is everyone is an asshole we'll call it a day #pepper pepper pepper

[fakeikemen]

Katara's Grief

(This is my first attempt at a meta post and I know that this has probably been already done but I just needed to get it off my chest and go on a little rant and it kinda got long so bear with me.)

A lot of the hate on Katara stems from the fact that she keeps on mentioning her mother's death at every chance she gets and invalidates other people's pain to assert that her suffering is the worst of the lot.

And even though everybody is entitled to their own opinions, I'm gonna point out why I think the aforesaid claims are not exactly correct.

First we'll take a look at; Katara's Backstory:

We know that Kya is killed in a fire nation raid and that Katara had been the last person to see her alive before she leaves the tent on her mother's insistence. Only to come back a few moments later and find her dead body. This, in itself is a traumatising event.

So yes, her mother died. Other people in the story go through far worse. You're not wrong when you say that.

But what is more important in Katara's story is the aftermath of her mother's death.

As Sokka says while talking to Toph in "The Runaway" in B3 Ep7:

Sokka: When our mom died, that was the hardest time in my life. Our family was a mess, but Katara? She had so much strength. She stepped up and took on so much responsibility. She helped fill the void that was left by our mom.

As an eight year old, she had to force herself to grow up to step into her mother's shoes and raise herself and her elder brother and simultaneously look after the entire village after her father left to fight in the war. She had to do all of it by herself.

In face of all her responsibilities, she never really had the chance to simply be a grieving child lamenting the loss of her mother. She habituated herself to caring more about others than herself (We see this trait in the entire series as she acts as the stand-in mom friend for the entire Gaang with an exception of Suki and Zuko). She ended up bottling her feelings of grief, resentment, guilt and rage deep within herself.

She had to give up an extensive part of her childhood where most children focus on figuring themselves out, to become a mature and responsible person who was working as the immovable pillar holding up the family and even the whole village not much later.

She put up a strong front to help others and pretended to be fine even though she was hurting inside the whole time.

She could never find any closure from the situation. She never got over it.

Moving on to the criticisms:

1. Katara keeps on mentioning her mother like a broken record:

Here are the number of times Katara mentions her mother's death (not sure if that's all of it, lmk if there are any others):

1. In her first scene with Sokka

Katara: Ever since mom died, I've been doing all the work around camp while you've been off playing soldier!

2. A short while after she meets Aang

Katara: Well, I just want you to be prepared for what you might see. The Fire Nation is ruthless. They killed my mother, and they could have done the same to your people.

3. A short while after she meets Haru

Katara: I lost my mother in a Fire Nation raid. This necklace is all I have left of her.

4. A short while after she meets Jet

Katara: Sokka and I lost our mother to the Fire Nation.

5. In the swamp after she sees a vision of her mother

Katara: I thought I saw Mom.

6. In the Crystal Catacombs with Zuko

Katara: I don't? How dare you! You have no idea what this war has put me through! Me personally! The Fire Nation took my mother away from me.

7. A short while after she meets Hama

Katara: We completely understand. We lost our mother in a raid.

8. Repeated mentions in The Southern Raiders episode

(Most of the episode basically)

The first mention with Sokka is in the middle of a siblings' spat where she tells off Sokka for trying to act as if he were superior when it was obvious that in the face of the gaping hole that was left by Kya's sudden death, Katara had shouldered much more responsibility.

When she tells it to Aang, she uses it as a proof that the Fire Nation is capable of immense cruelty and destruction.

The Gaang travel all around the world and meet different people affected by the war in different ways. So when Haru, Jet and Hama narrate their own stories, Katara sympathises with them and talks about Kya's death in lieu of "I understand, the Fire Nation hurt me too."

After they got separated, Aang, Sokka and Katara each had their visions and after they get back together, they all mention their visions and so does Katara.

When left alone in catacombs with Zuko, whom she considered as the face of the Fire Nation— the same Fire Nation that had her mother killed and forced her father to leave to fight in the war, she has a meltdown where she rightfully accuses him of all the bad things he's done and then breaks down while talking about how the war has cost her i.e., by causing her mother's death.

The Southern Raiders is the episode where Katara hunts down the man responsible for her mother's death. If you think mentioning Kya repeatedly in this episode is uncalled for, then I don't know what to tell you.

In all the incidents mentioned above, Katara mentioning her mother's death is a very natural occurrence is the respective conversations. She mostly talks about Kya's death to either extend her sympathy or to use it as an example of the ruthlessness of the Fire Nation.

Another fact to be noted is that 70% of the Gaang's storyline is followed via Katara from a narrative point of view. Plus, being the mom-friend, she acts as the spokesperson. Considering that Kya's death is a major event that played a huge role in shaping Katara's life and is also the source of her severe, unresolved trauma, which acts as the driving force of her story, it is only natural that she brings up this topic whenever she is engaging in a deeper conversation.

It is us as the viewers who have seen her from the start and already know about her mother's death and we see her talking to multiple people about it. Which is why it might come across as repetitive to some people.

While, Kya's death is not necessary information that everyone needs to know, Katara talking about it never comes across as a forced or unnatural.

2. Katara invalidates others' pain because she thinks she has suffered the most:

First of all, if anything, Katara is the most empathetic person of them all. As the mom-friend of the group, not only is she their constant moral support, she also helps them untangle and sort out their own feelings. She is also able to tap into issues that aren't said out loud.

Instances of Katara helping and supporting Aang, emotionally are uncountable.

She is the first one to notice Sokka's sour mood in B3 Ep4 "Sokka's Master". And even though his insecurities seem baseless, she validates him (by saying "I'm sorry you're feeling so down" instead of something like "That's a dumb thing to say") and knows exactly what to do to cheer him up.

In B3 Ep7 "The Runaway" she has the insight to understand that Toph's unruly behaviour is caused by the mixed feelings she has about her parents even though Toph's herself never talked about it.

She even reaches out to Zuko in B2 Ep19 "Crossroads of Destiny" even though she used to think of him as the face of the enemy.

But then there's The Southern Raiders.

Ah yes, that episode where Katara is extremely OOC and a total b*tch.

Agreed that she said some things that she definitely shouldn't have said. But like, she's just 14?? And has been hurting on the inside since she was 8?? And pretended to be fine just for the sake of other people?? Like, there's a limit to how much she can have her shit under control?? And she did a real good job of Sokka's upbringing and taking care of the village and taking care of Gaang on her own?? Some people out there are really willing to forget everything she has ever done just because she was mean for 5 minutes?? A traumatised 14 yo shouldn't be villianised and called toxic because she got mad and lashed out at people that one time??

But here's my take on the scene anyway:

When Aang gets to know that she's going to go face her mother's killer:

Aang: Um ... and what exactly do you think this will accomplish?

Katara: I knew you wouldn't understand. 

Aang is a non-confrontational person who prefers running away from difficult situations as opposed to Katara who firmly stands her ground and is never afraid of confrontations. Katara had approached Aang only hoping that he would understand. But going by his dismissal, he obviously doesn't understand the burning need that she has to confront the man who had single-handedly destroyed her childhood. (Most people infer that what Katara means is that she thinks that Aang doesn't understand the pain of losing people. And so does Aang, I guess)

But things start getting even more tricky when:

Aang: Katara, you sound like Jet.

In all honesty, this is probably the most insensitive thing that she could've heard from anyone right then, let alone one of her closest friends. Hearing herself being compared to a homicidal maniac just because she wants to avenge her mother's killer. (No, I'm not justifying murder but there's a clear difference between homicide and avenging someone's death. And Aang may not be my favourite character but I do love him but this wasn't really a good thing to say either. And he wasn't even mentally distressed in the very least to be completely lacking tact or a filter.)

And then the situation escalates:

Sokka: Katara, she was my mother, too, but I think Aang might be right.

Katara: Then you didn't love her the way I did!

After 6 long years of Katara bottling in her dark feelings and letting them fester inside herself, she is finally letting them out and the first things she faces in a span of few minutes are outright rejection, invalidation of her feelings, comparison to a homicidal maniac and nothing akin to the unconditional support that she has provided to everybody. Her own brother tells her that he is siding with the boy who just compared her to a homicidal maniac.

Yes, accusing your own brother of not loving your mother enough is a very cruel thing to do. But both Sokka and Katara know that she doesn't entirely mean it.

But also, there is one very important factor in here:

In B3 Ep7 "The Runaway", Sokka says to Toph:

Sokka: I'm gonna tell you something crazy. I never told anyone this before, but honestly? I'm not sure I can remember what my mother looked like. It really seems like my whole life, Katara's been the one looking out for me. She's always been the one that's there. And now, when I try to remember my mom, Katara's is the only face I can picture. 

Katara overhears this conversation just as Sokka had meant her to.

This dialogue lets us know that Sokka's coping mechanism has made him suppress all memories of Kya and replace them with memories of Katara in order to attain a semblance of normalcy.

Both Katara and Sokka had very different ways of coping with Kya's death. Katara pressed down her feelings and tried her best to pretend to ignore them while Sokka partially succeeded in forgetting her.

When Katara first hears these words she is shown to be crying. But if she were to remember these very words while she was justifying herself infront of her own brother and a close friend for wanting to avenge her mother, it would've had a negative impact on her.

In her rage, she would've thought: "Of course he doesn't want to avenge mom. Because he doesn't think it's worth it and that's because he doesn't even remember enough of her to be mad about her death."

And for someone who has spent each day of the last 6 years trying to fill in the shoes of her mother and experiencing her absence everyday, the idea of forgetting her mother is a ridiculous concept to her.

Her thoughts would have quickly derailed to: "He didn't love her enough to remember her."

In light of these thoughts, saying "Then you didn't love her the way I did" doesn't feel out of the blue.

No, I am definitely not justifying what she said, I'm just laying out a possible explanation to why she said what she said.

Yes, she should've apologized to Sokka for this and I think that they definitely should've had a long conversation about their mother's death and how it affected them. Between Katara supressing her feelings and Sokka supressing his memories, i don't think they ever had this conversation.

But sadly we are given neither of these scenes.

Tl;dr: Everytime Katara mentions her mother, it's with good reason and I don't think it's fair to call a character toxic when they lack a mind to mouth filter for 5 minutes and say some mean things. And considering all that Katara has done for everybody, it isn't fair at all.

Peace out!

#antis really be out there ignoring everything she does to hate on her because of two lines she said #nvm katara is one strong badass girl stan her for good grades and clear skin #katara #atla #atla meta #meta analysis #avatar the last airbender #water tribe #kya #sokka #hakoda #gaang #atla gaang #avatar gaang #zuko #aang #toph #ira's posts

[balillee]

okay im compiling all of my opinions on the finale before i forget them

i think elliot isn't as awful as everyone says he is. he's fine. i like his character a lot and i didn't mind the song for rue because it was clearly about rue and him acknowledging that he likes her a lot but his presence overall was bad for her and he feels guilty being an enabler. i hope elliot returns next season and starts to recover in his own way and i hope we get a little more backstory for him. i like him a lot, although the song did go on a little too long for him to say he's still working on it. they could have shortened it and released the full thing later - they could have even done both a labrinth version and a dominic fike version. could have been sick. irdm tho lol

despite all of nate's flaws and the awful things he does, he is still someone very deeply traumatised by his father's actions and he wanted justice for that. he deserved to get justice against cal. that doesn't mean he's being let off the hook, it just means that he's got justice for what cal has done and the type of person cal turned him into. cal admits that nate is his biggest regret and who he made nate is his biggest regret, but nate is too far gone to want to hear any of it. i hope next season starts to explore that trauma lingers even now that his dad is in prison.

the show does now have a decision to make. the spirit of euphoria is empathy, and if they go that route fully they would have to in some way bring peace to nate's character. i just wonder if they go the route of rehabilitation and kindness being the way to help someone heal from trauma and the awful person it's turned them into how well that would be executed and/or received by the audience. not to say they have to do that, nate is an awful person and it wouldn't be right to have the main cast accept him as a friend after all he's put them through and it wouldn't make sense, but like everyone else he is still someone who needs help more than he needs anything else. what they do with nate from now on is a big decision, whether they decide to redeem or condemn him is up to them and in a very vague, prospective sense i wouldn't be angry about either of those decisions unless they were poorly executed.

cal isn't a pedophile, at least the way i see it. jules was seventeen but he was clearly unaware of that considering jules told him that she was 22. he's the product of repressed sexuality and rigid conservative and family values and in it's own way it's a story of very dark and disturbing queer generational trauma versus the idea of the nuclear family and toxic masculinity. a gay man was repressed very young because of unfortunate circumstances and because of that he became a toxic father imprinting very toxically on a young son that he ruined the life of. they are all fucking AWFUL people, don't get me wrong. aside from aaron and that mystery son we don't know about really, the jacobs spawn have GOT TO GO. yuck.

cassie has dug herself into a hole and has become a very hateful, spiteful and quite frankly embarrassing person. she embarrassed herself and she's so allergic to self-reflection and retrospection that she can't see it yet. she's shown the truly ugly person inside of her for everyone to see. i think it's interesting that cassie and maddy are the stereotypical popular mean girls that we would kind of hate in high school, but we learn their perspectives, we learn that there's a reason they are the way they are and that even if they are kind of cunty they're still people, and especially we learn to sympathise with maddy (which is important, because in a lot of situations it would be flipped to where the blonde white girl is the victim and the girl of colour is the asshole in the situation which doesn't happen here.)

people don't like the fact that elliot got more screentime than jules this episode but i think they just skipped over the fact that rue herself found it a lot easier to talk to elliot before jules. there's a lot more discomfort there and having a longer scene with elliot that lays his and rue's dynamic out flat together compared to a short scene with jules is a kind of perfect way to pause things with them. rue leaves to focus on herself because if we're being honest, rue and jules weren't healthy together and they still can love each other and admit that. just because these characters are minorities doesn't mean they're the pinnacle of morality and it doesn't mean that showing that they too can be bad, messy and downright fucking annoying at times is bad writing or any sort of bigoted and sometimes things aren't right for them. it's just portraying humans as they are - beautiful.

ashtray is definitely dead. people are speculating because of the golden rule that if you don't see the body, they can always come back, but like this isn't pretty little liars, you know? they probably didn't show him dead because as far as euphoria will go, there's a line that can be drawn showing a literal dead child on the screen. the laser pointer slowly moving up to ash's forehead and fezco's haunted expression are enough for me.

ethan got the screentime he deserved. and also more appreciation from suze fucking howard than he did from kat. kat, be nicer and a little less gaslighty next time.

lexi isn't a bad person for putting on the play. cassie seems to think that her coping mechanisms for all she's been through are more valid than lexi's, whose form of coping and self expression is the play (because she's under the illusion that she's had it the worst, which to her excuses how awful she is, when we've literally seen the trauma of all of these characters - rue loses her dad to cancer and turns to drugs, lexi and cassie's dad leaves them because he's an addict, maddy's parents fight, she was abused by her ex, and she was stopped from doing pageantry which was her dream, nate was exposed to very traumatising sexual material at a very formative age which warped his ideas about sex and sexuality, fez and ash were brought up by a drug-dealing grandma who they later needed to become full time carers for.) cassie's background is no less traumatising and frustrating than anyone else's which makes her a much more frustrating character to deal with because she deals with her trauma in much more destructive and unhealthy ways than she would like to admit. lexi deals with the trauma of her dad leaving her and her best friend ODing by putting on a play and talking about it for once instead of caring for everyone all of the time. sure, i don't think EVERYTHING needed to be put on display and some of it was definitely questionable (such as nate's gym scene which makes fun of the homoeroticism of toxic masculinity and cassie's carousel moment, which again is just cassie embarrassing herself), but when talking about someone expressing the trauma they experienced, especially for the first time, i don't expect that expression to be the most sensitive or perfect in any way. fezco was right to say that sometimes, some people need to get their feelings hurt, and lexi has a right to be very fucking angry at cassie for making everything about herself all of the time when her little sister is right there, struggling all the same.

faye was in a bad spot. custer was a damn rat and she was stuck between two different places - loyalty to her bitchass boyfriend who was co-operating with the police, or loyalty to ashtray and fezco who had housed her and fed her and taken care of her when she was hiding from the authorities and when she was struggling with her own substance abuse. in the end she chose to stay loyal to fezco, telling him that he needed to be quiet about mouse because custer was wired. she waited a little too long and in the end her indecisiveness was probably one of the reasons ashtray died, but she isn't an awful person and there's no way that she could have predicted what ended up happening. she was stuck between some very difficult decisions to make. stay quiet for her own safety and throw fez and ash under the bus, or try to protect them. faye and fez had a good friendship from the little moments we saw of them together, and chloe cherry in her interview about the s2 finale talks about faye as the last missing piece that ash and fez didn't know they needed.

rue ends the season in a better place, and i'm very happy for it. the season 1 finale ended with rue relapsing after jules leaves her at the train station because there was still a heavy codependency there, and jules talks about that in her special episode, and then we get the all for us scene with rue back in her red hoodie like a safety blanket. this season, rue decides to leave jules this time but on much healthier terms, and instead of a big dance number and a big song we instead get rue staying clean from drugs for the rest of the school year and heeding ali's message that the promise and the hope that one day you'll be a good person is enough to keep her trying to be one. lexi's play gave her hope and an outside, more sympathetic perspective on her life and i hope we get to see them be better friends next season. we saw the lows and the messiness and the ugliness of recovery from drug addiction and we saw rue through her relapse. i think now we see definitive hope for rue, and next season i want to see her get better and her family heal. i want to see her repair relationships, i want to see her clean and happy and i want to see her become better friends with the main cast. give me more of rue being friends with maddy and lexi. i need that trio in my life bc they would kick ass together. zendaya talks about rue being like a sort of mirror of sam levinson himself, and in her interview knows that there's a good ending for rue and that she'll end up recovering and becoming a happier, healthier person because she knows sam's writing from experience.

i liked the finale a lot. some people hate euphoria and, having seen a lot of the negative takes, i think it is just down to people wanting to have bad faith interpretations of the show and people saying 'oh but this doesn't get explained' as if that didn't happen during season 1's finale and those things weren't talked about in season 2 and as if season 3 isn't happening. i'd give the show a chance, and hey, if you don't like it you don't like it, that's fine and not everything is for everyone, just please - and i am fucking begging you - shut the fuck up about it. nobody cares that you hate it. i think some euphoria fans definitely interpret a lot wrong about the show because of their own biases and that's on them. but if you're the type of person who needs warnings before you watch something, seek them out. there is a lot of fucked up shit and fucked up imagery and euphoria Will Go There. it's just not as conventional as you would expect and a lot of people who criticise it want it to be. nobody is a stereotypical villain or bad guy because that's realistic and for all of the almost goofy surrealism the show has, it's grounded in real people and real stories, all of which are deeply complex and should be seen with a critical eye.

#euphoria #euphoria s2

[nctsjiho]

Heart-to-Heart

warnings: mentions of the pandemic and about mental health, but we don’t go deep into the topic (I hope you are pulling through loves🤍💚🤍 Stay healthy!)

❀  JiHo opens up about her past and how she’s currently feeling

JiHo waits a few seconds for the comments to roll in to make sure she’s live before bringing her hand up and waving at the camera. She looks a lot more tired than normal, but that could be because it was currently 3 in the morning.

It looks like she’s sitting on a couch or maybe even her bed with her knees close to her sweater clad chest. The hood of the sweater hiding her hair and ears with the strings tied tightly at the neckline.

“Why are you awake this early?” She hums after reading the question. A smile starting to form on her lips before she answers. “I’ve been up all night playing games with Haechan, Chenle and Jeno.” She chuckles.

“Everyone. My hair has become so long.” JiHo starts to undo the strings of her hoodie and uncovers her head. Her hair is pulled back in a loose ponytail, which she also undoes to show her hair longer than it had ever been (during her time in NCT at least). The strands of hair fall to her chest and she cards her hands trough it. “I would usually cut it by now, but I’m too lazy to go to the salon.” She sheepishly grins. “And I’m actually starting to like it a little, what do you guys think?”

It’s been a while since the fans had seen JiHo’s hair like this. Messy with her natural curls much more visible. “I love your hair unnie!” JiHo laughs at the comment before thanking the fan. “I like your short hair, but the long hair is also really pretty.”

“Did you celebrate Ten’s birthday?” She reads out. “There’s a lot of birthdays in February so I tried to do something for every birthday boy. I’ve already wished Ten a happy birthday and gave him his gift, but this year I could only really celebrate with the boys who I live with.” She nods to herself, hoping the fans would understand.

While reading comments on her phone a creaking noise could be heard, JiHo’s gaze moving to her side. “Is there something?” She asks, followed by footsteps that become gradually louder. “I saw the light from the hallway so I wanted to make sure you didn’t fall asleep with the lights on.” It was Taeyong’s voice. The girl nods and then looks at the screen in front of her. Taeyong moves into frame while asking if she was live on V App. “Yes, I was playing with the dreamies earlier and then wanted to go live for a little.” She explains and the leader hums in reply. “Don’t stay up too late okay? Bye everyone.” Taeyong leaves, but not before patting JiHo on the shoulder, somewhat using the girl’s shoulder as leverage to help him stand up.

“How are you today?” An English comment catches JiHo’s eye and she reads it out loud. A deep sigh leaves her lips and she looks back into the camera. “It’s not that I’m feeling bad, I’m just really tired lately. I got sick before our gimme gimme comeback because I was so exhausted. But don’t worry I’m better now. I just think the situation we’re in right now with the pandemic is taking a toll on my body and mental health. Luckily I have NCT with me and they all try to help each other feel better.” A genuine smile covers the slight frown she sported while talking. “I’m not an expert and I’m pretty bad at giving advice, but if you’re feeling down please reach out to someone. They might not be able to help much either, but just talking about how you feel is so much better than keeping everything to yourself. I also hope that NCT can be a light in your day whenever you feel down. We still have a lot of content going out on YouTube and our music is always there for you to listen to.”

The live stream had really taken a turn. With JiHo reading out a lot of comments and sympathising with the fans, every now and than trying to lighten the mood by cracking a dumb joke. The jokes were never funny, but JiHo was slowly getting sleep-drunk and everything started to seem funny to her. Despite that she couldn’t change the overall mood of the V Live, with comments still as sombre as before.

“I live with my roommates but I still feel lonely, sometimes I just miss my family.” As she reads the comment, something in JiHo’s eyes changes. Her soft expression falls into almost a frown, the word ‘family’ coming out as only a whisper. It’s quiet for the next minute or so, the fans clearly picking up on something as comments flood in about her family or asking if everything was alright.

It’s clear that the girl is trying to hide her true feelings as she forces a smile back on her face.”Don’t worry everyone, I’m fine.” She laughs softly. “I’ve never talked about my family right?” JiHo can’t even keep her eyes on the camera. “I don’t really talk to them a lot.” She realises how people could misinterpret the meaning behind those words and shoots up in her seat. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not on bad terms with my family. I’m just not really close to them either.”

“I moved to Korea on my own when I was almost 14, I spent that birthday here with some of the trainees I used to live with.” She smiles at the fond memory and the fans in the comments seem to be more at ease after seeing her smile so genuinely. “Before that I used to live with my grandparents for most of my life. So I’m closest to them, and I call them at least once a month. It used to be a lot more but now I usually just message them.”

“I have a lot of friends in France though and we video chat a lot.” She laughs and tells a story about a late night video call session where they played Jack Box together. “I do miss them a lot, so I hope I get to see them in real life after the pandemic is over.”

“What about your parents? My parents? It’s a bit complicated.” She takes a deep breath before speaking again. “I lived with them for 4 years before my mother got really sick. She needed special treatment, and my dad got a big job opportunity. The moved together because she’d be closer to a hospital where they could help her even better. That’s when i moved in with my grandparents and I could stay close to my friends and the rest of my family.”

“When I was 11, my mother was healthy again and so we all moved back in together close to my grandparent’s home. It was a little awkward at first.” JiHo brings her hand up to scratch her scalp, her head drooping down for a second. “I only lived with them for 2 more years before I got scouted, so we didn’t get really close again. But they were always so supportive of me, so they still feel like my real parents.”

“They even host parties every now and then to celebrate new albums or milestones NCT achieves, and then they’ll send me pictures and tell me that they are proud of me.” The fans who were all listening intently had resorted to spamming the comments with hearts and an occasional ‘aww’. “I sometimes think that if I didn’t get scouted I’d be really close to my parents now and I’d have such an amazing childhood. Not that I haven’t had a great childhood already.”

That last comment had just left her mouth without much thought and people started to fill the comments with questions again. “Don’t say that, otherwise NCT wouldn’t have you in it” JiHo laughs before explaining herself. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I think getting scouted is the best thing that ever happened to me. NCT and Czennie are like my second family. Please forgive me.” She brings her palms together in front of her face and bows, a bright smile clearly visible. JiHo then moves her hands away from each other before twisting her fingers into 2 finger-hearts. “I love you guys.”

Though she didn’t tell the fans everything about her past and her life in France was still a big mystery, everyone seemed pleased to know more about their neo girl. JiHo, herself, even felt a bit relieved like she lifted a big weight off her shoulders by telling her about her past and how she was feeling.

She knew now that she could trust her fans with a few more personal things. What she didn’t know though, was that her roommates had also been watching her live stream and just as she was about to end the stream on a high note, 4 boys barge in her room, with the tallest and the youngest of the four launching themselves on the girl.

“Ack-” She shrieks, surprised by the sudden appearance of her roommates. “What’s going on?” “Hmm, I’m so proud of you!” Haechan had JiHo’s shoulders locked in his arms and he was squeezing her tightly. “We’re all proud of you.” Doyoung had said from behind the camera.

The girl rests her head against Johnny’s chest, acting as if she was trying to get as far as possible from her same-aged-friend who was still holding on to her. “Okay! Okay! I think we’re good now. You guys can leave.” JiHo shoos the boys away and Johnny takes the hint, ruffling the girls hair before leaving with the 2 men who weren’t trying to suffocate the youngest. “Haechan~” She whines and the boy mutters something about letting him do his thing a little longer.

She had managed to wedge her hand out his hold and started to push him by his chest and head. When she realised he wasn’t budging she just gave up, her body going limp and now she was almost leaning into his embrace. “Czennie, see what I have to live with. He only hugs me on camera, otherwise he’s only bullying me.” Haechan gasps letting the girl go. “The audacity! JiHo is a liar.” He places his hands on his chest where his heart would be and feigns being hurt. He gets a shake of JiHo’s head in response before she ends her stream by telling the fans that they should take care of themselves and their loved ones.

#jiho.video #nct 24th member #nct addition #nct fluff #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct female member #nct extra member #nct additional member #kpop!addition #kpop!oc #kpop imagines

[bondsmagii]

omg you read we need to talk about kevin? what did you think? i went through a whole range of emotions, most of them bitter & negative, bc i saw too much of my mum & brother in eva & kevin, something i’m still working through. i started off hating eva bc i projected my resentment towards my mum onto her, but i found myself sympathising with her a bit more towards the end. it’s helped me sympathise a bit with my mum too. this book has probably had the most lasting effect on me than any other!

man, I love that book. I first read it years ago and liked it then, but I recently reread it and I loved it even more. it's such a brilliant book -- profoundly uncomfortable and incredibly bleak, but I think it asks so many important questions that, face it, most people are too scared to even acknowledge. it simultaneously asks the huge taboo of a question -- what if you regret having your child? what if a child is just born bad? -- and also combines it with that other big question: why do kids shoot up their schools? the nature vs nurture debate has been absolutely raging for years regarding children who commit violence at school; as someone with an academic interest in this particular crime, it's one I've banged my head up against multiple times. people seem to always be firmly in one camp: the parents are to blame, or the kid is just evil. nobody seems to consider the interaction between these two things, and how it's always ultimately a choice.

the book is a pretty intense read for me, as I'm sure you can relate. the difference is that while you can see your mother and brother in Eva and Kevin, I actually see myself and my mother in Eva and Kevin. I was an unwanted and a resented child. my parents did not want to have me. I was what my parents referred to as "a surprise", said in the same tone as you would describe a sudden house fire as a surprise, or bad news at work as a surprise. the major difference between my parents and Eva and Franklin was that they had me very young (they would have been 19 and barely 20 when they found out, and 20 and barely 21 when I was born) and this most certainly added to the resentment. my father was always away for work, often getting to go to some pretty interesting destinations; my mother wanted to be the kind of woman who wanted to be a stay-at-home mother, but she hated it. like Eva and Kevin, my mother and I were very, very alike in personality and what we did and did not want out of life, and we were engaged in some level of warfare for my entire childhood. while I wasn't quite on the level of Kevin in terms of blinding my siblings and whatnot, I was quite the terror as a child. by the time I reached my teenage years I was uncontrollable and my parents had given up trying. I could not be punished. I did not care. any punishment they did hand out, I was maliciously compliant to the point of infuriation. I'm sure my parents could argue that I was born evil, and indeed that's what they told the extended family. I admit I was not an easy child. however -- I was a child.

I did not ask to be born, and when my parents made the choice to have me and then resent my existence, that was on them. a child knows. a child can tell when he's not wanted, when he's an inconvenience. I knew it very well, from an early age. my parents' resentment of me resulted in them abusing me right up until I left home. I was like an unwanted pet, except they couldn't dump me off at a shelter. no, they never laid a finger on me physically, so they can claim they didn't abuse me -- but emotionally and psychologically they were abusive, and especially in my teenage years, they neglected me severely. (think along the lines of being left at home alone for extended periods with no food, no money, and no way to get supplies as we lived in rural Ireland and the closest supermarket was 30 minutes away. this was not something they did out of malice, but rather something they did because they did not consider me at all. they forgot my existence, most of the time, or they deemed me so inconsequential that making provisions for me was a task that could be forever put off.) understandably this made me hate them in return, and I took great pleasure in being a little shit. it was all I had. nature vs nurture, which is it? my parents weren't exactly nurturing, and they taught me very bad behaviour -- but at the same time from the moment I was born I had my mother's personality, predisposing me to being a little shit. even now, grown up and after many years of working on myself, I still find myself fighting the urge to be as cruel and as judgemental as she could be; likewise I see those positive qualities she had, that she could have shown more of if she had put the work in like I had. we went from being furious carbon copies of one another to an example of the best and the worst case scenario.

basically what it comes down to is choice. Kevin and I had a similar situation going on, but Kevin chose to try and find what he was looking for in mass murder, and I chose to try and find it by getting out of my house and never returning. I mentioned earlier that I have an academic interest in the kind of crime that Kevin committed; since the age of 17 I have been researching these things, and now have expertise in several specific incidents. I bring this up to illustrate that this crime was on my radar when I was around Kevin's age, when I was suffering from the same problems as he was. thousands of kids find themselves in this position, yet so relatively few commit the act. why? it's choice. nature, nurture -- it doesn't matter. there comes a point where you have to make the choice, and honestly? it's chaos theory, baby.

as well as researching this kind of thing I'm also an amateur meteorologist. I love weather. I love trying to work out what makes it tick. and weather is a good example of what I'm trying to say here. weather cannot be predicted. we can get decent ideas, but at the same time we never really know for sure and also weather acts differently every time. there are too many variables. it's the entirety of the earth's atmosphere we're talking about here. identical weather conditions can arise time and time again, and each time the weather is different. a sunny afternoon one day is a washout the next. this is because -- and I broadly sum it up here -- there are so many tiny variables that we cannot possibly predict how they will change the weather. and I mean it's tiny variables. I'm sure you've heard of the butterfly effect -- this comes from the idea that a butterfly somewhere on the coast of Africa can flap its wings, and this tiny reverberation can spread through the atmosphere, creating a bigger and bigger ripple, until a hurricane smashes into the Gulf of Mexico. tiny atmospheric changes all interacting in ways we cannot imagine. this is why some kids shoot up schools. it's easy to look at psychology broadly, but no two people are ever the same. siblings growing up in the exact same house are not the same. identical twins, genetically identical to their very DNA, are not the same. tiny, tiny events, microdoses of chemicals in the brain, exposures -- they all change us in subtle ways. two people -- Kevin and I -- can grow up with almost identical familial issues and outlooks, but Kevin shoots up his school and I study my ass off and get myself to university to escape my parents. why? I don't know. I don't know what tiny little things might influence me one way and another kid in the other. personality, brain chemistry, waking up that morning and having enough or not -- I don't know. it's chaos theory. the variables are too small to say. nature vs nurture are only two variables out of millions. it's an oversimplification.

so to go back to the book -- who do I blame? neither of them. it was a perfect storm. we could say Eva didn't help, but I know of plenty of kids with decent parents who still committed such a crime. we could say that Kevin was just born bad, but there are plenty of people with his resentful outlook on life who don't commit mass murder, or any harm against anyone whatsoever. it's like how every tornado comes from a supercell, but not every supercell will spawn a tornado -- that final genesis point is unknown to us. we just can't predict it. there are no easy answers. there is no simple formula. we just don't know, and that's what makes Kevin's story -- and its real-life counterparts -- so terrifying.

#sorry for going off but this combines two (2) of my Major Academic Niches so you got the full 1hr lecture with slideshow i'm afraid #anon #asks

[ae0nx]

FRUITS BASKET S3 EPISODE 1 + 2 RECAP!

Yayyy! Season 3! Finally! I’m hoping this season will make me understand/sympathise with Akito and maybe even Shigure a little bit more because... honestly? My opinions on episode 2?... I might get some flack for my opinions on them...  😬

But, first: I’d like to appreciate how on the Funimation app we got a little interview/message from a few of the english dub VAs! Specifically Colleen Clinkenbeard, Jerry Jewell, Eric Vale, Ian Sinclair and Brina Palencia (Akito, Kyo, Yuki, Kureno and Isuzu). And it was nice seeing some of their opinions of the characters they play and how much they’re emotionally invested in the story. (Ian’s such a nerd ‘I wanna see giant mechs later this season’ 😂 - I lowkey stan him lol)

You should definitely check it out if you’re interested in what they would have to say!

ANYWAYS, let’s get into it...

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EPISODE 1

I really love this depiction of the original zodiac and how you can just tell from the tone of the scene how desperately the God of the Zodiac was clinging on to these connections that they had with the participants in the banquet. How much they clung on to and loved the cat... Also, interesting how Tohru’s narrating this scene... almost like she can relate to the desperation of wanting to keep things the same... but we’ll get to that later. But also, Tohru is a God

This new opening is beautiful, I love the way that camera moves around the still illustrations and how the general tone just hammers down that... this season is gonna be some real shit lol (which makes me nervous for the opening for the second half 😳). It’s so warped and the general blue, grey and black tone that follows around every Akito scene we get in the anime has bled into every scene in this opening concerning the rest of the zodiac. Almost... like something is decaying. It’s great, it’s just very sad lol. I love the song tho, issa bop.

One of my favourite things in stories is when we get a bigger villain than the ‘pronounced’ villain of the story. Ren’s introduction through a manicured outstretched hand towards Kureno and Hatori is so weirdly gross in what it insinuates (especially when you apply her connection with Shigure) but again... I wanna know why she’s such an asshole to Akito specifically besides the bad mental health management within the Sohma compound. I have an inkling of what it is through memory of the manga, but like Akito and Shigure... I just wanna understand why.

Also, Ren is gorgeous and I’m sorry for simping. 

I mean... she’s kinda got a point? She just didn’t need to be so mean about it lol. It’s pretty clear that the connection the zodiac have to each other is real and something they cannot control. BUT, wouldn’t it be easier if this connection wasn’t perpetuated by outer circles of the family and if Akito herself wasn’t so cruel about it? But, I guess Akito - through her relationship with her mother - kinda doesn’t know how to genuinely show love and affection. (Which brings me into my thoughts of how the manga ends and how I kinda... have a few problems with it which I will get to... when that comes lol)

Lol - weeeeeeeee! (flashes back to Tohru being yeeted into the river). Is this a part of Akito’s god-like powers?!

Again. She’s got a point! They’ve both got a point. But, they’re both the source of the problem. It’s really painful to see two mentally ill people duke it out. This whole institution is just rotten.

- I am super curious about what Akira’s relationship was like with the zodiac and if it was just as dark. I’m gonna assume it slightly already was, as the exclusion and degradation of the cat curse is already dark in itself but maybe the rest of the zodiac were just fine with how things were? I dunno if we actually will get the full backstory of Akira and his zodiac but I’m definitely intrigued

Ok, but if four crying children came up to me after I’d just consummated with my partner to reach out at my stomach chanting ‘we’ve been waiting for you’. That would disturb me and scar me for a while too so... 😂. I know it’s supposed to be ethereal and spiritual but... dude, wtf lol

...I don’t like how much I’m into Ren being such a Villain™  😅

- Akito being seen as a crying child by the older zodiac members has always been interesting to me because yes, they could see her as that through mainly the age gap, general empathy and the way she sometimes irrationally acts out. But, also the depiction of Gods being seen as children having tantrums has being reflected in many different beliefs and myths (especially Greek Mythology) and I just like the fact that this all powerful, all knowing being would be compared to a child. It gives you a different perspective on power.

- Is the paper note in the CD case that Kureno gave back to Tohru an extra addition or was it always there?...

Mannnn... I really wanted Isuzu to fuck shit up after seeing Tohru so upset but... *le sigh* (outfit’s still on point)

But, I’m so glad we get an equal Ethereal Goddess to save Tohru! HANAJIMA! We love her, we stan her. <3

- ‘Tohru will be in my custody’ 🤣 I personally think Hana’s bluntness was a kindness in her conversation with Yuki because if I found Tohru upset? I’d automatically start firing metaphorical shots at everyone in that house

- Shigure fearing Hana makes me sleep better at night <3

Hana’s just like ‘hmm... sounds like someone I know... 👀’ I’m here for this parallel between Tohru and Kureno in the hopes that Tohru doesn’t ever get in as bad a situation as Kureno. Ahhh... Kureno... (Also, Laura Bailey was killing it in this scene as always)

- Hmmm... there’s something terribly poetic about Kyo saving Tohru’s scarf from oncoming traffic... but also, Kyo can’t help himself aha

KWEEEN! I love this look for Uo, it’s very Kyoko. I already said this in Season 1 but I STILL need to get wool-lined jacket. Outfit Appreciation goes to her - 3.5 stars.

<3<3<3 Friendship is magic!

- Megumi is such a good egg as always! From him going to get Uo to him being so wise with his outlook on love and how it takes time to really flourish. The best!

- This whole episode ends really nicely from Tohru’s return home and Kyo washing and returning Tohru’s scarf and Yuki being happy to see Tohru and Shigure being somewhat decent. It was nice to get a bit of relief after the tornado of emotions

Also, this was a nice screencap! Even Kyo is smiling!!! :))))

EPISODE 2

*takes sip of wine* ...ok.

👀... later lol

This scene really highlighted how Tohru is starting to see Shigure and the whole zodiac curse in a new and darker way. For the first time, it felt like Tohru was a little bit more guarded around Shigure and I hope they delve more into this season. Her description of her feeling around the curse being like a ‘dark well with no bottom in sight’ is pretty spot on. Ugh.

Aw! Is this the last we’re getting of Small!Momiji?! I love them :3 (Momiji’s shorts look a little shorter too, like he’s growing out of them ahaha)

- I haven’t found the Yuki fan club funny since their first scene in the anime but their poor disguises made me chuckle

- Yayyy! Kyo has an obsessive fan club too? ...Yay?? 😅 haha

- ‘I won’t kill them but they can go to hell’ why is Kyo speaking like me?! 😂

The fact that we got a scene of Yuki kinda admirably looking at a group of friends (boys and girls) playfully physically interacting and he unconsciously reaches out to Machi almost like he forgot about the curse? Heart eyes... 🥰

Again. Relatable. 😂 God, Yuki. You really are an airhead. Bless your soul. <3

And that look says it all. Damn. Kyo’s sense of hopelessness is heartbreaking but I still stand by it being understandable considering his circumstances.

Kyo freaking out about Tohru being visually upset was super cute but I couldn’t even appreciate the fluff because the whole scene had such a morbid tone to it, despite it being so visually romantic:

KYO’S FACE!!! 💔 Ahhh, my emotions!!!! Also, that shot from Tohru’s perspective under her bangs is great.

- Poor Mitsuru, I’d ask for extra pay just for dealing with Shigure’s ass.

Hahah - what a great metaphor!

- Now that Shigure’s ‘true form’, so to speak, has been fully exposed all his comments that are supposed to be teasing come off so much more awful. Him insinuating Mitsuru wasn’t ‘upper class’ enough for Ritsu was awful

COLLLDDDD. AS. IIIIIIICE. But seriously, Shigure this whole episode was cold in many different ways but I definitely felt this personally since I’ve been told something like this by a family member before... 😕 Also, it’s just gross how both Shigure and Akito are taking their own personal issues and mistrust of each other out on to other people. The curse and the institution behind the curse complicates a lot of feelings for sure, but there’s a difference between wrong and right and I get the general feeling that they both are just using the muddy waters to their advantage. Although, I feel like Shigure is taking more advantage of this than Akito but I’ll get into that in a bit.

- There’s also something about this episode that made me sympathise a lot more with Kureno in a more understandable way. But, it also makes me question the ending of this whole story and the resolutions that happen and what life for the whole Sohma institution/family looks like after the curse has broken.. I guess, I should read ‘Fruits Basket Another’ after this, huh?

😳... Shigure is so petty, man. Really?!

So...

I hate this relationship. I’m sorry. I know there are loads of people who like this relationship. And I’m still giving myself space for the show and the story to convince me why it’s worth it. But... I really don’t like this relationship. It’s so toxic. In so many ways. And in a weird way, this scene made me feel a LITTLE bit more for Akito than Shigure. It feels like Shigure gaslights everyone in his life but none no more than Akito, herself. I hate the fact that he keeps saying he loves her while hurting her or disregarding her. You know, almost like he’s treating her like a child. But on the other hand, I hate the fact that Akito has lowkey gaslighted herself into thinking she can treat people however she wants because she is ‘God’. I understand this is part of the way she was brought up and it seems like life in the Sohma compound has been very isolating for her so there’s been no one really to show her better (or have the confidence to show her better). But, at least I can be a little bit more sympathetic on her side than Shigure’s. I dunno... it’s just all very ugly and toxic and I’m hoping that it’ll turn around somehow.

I just hope it’s not one of those relationships that are ‘so good cos it’s so bad’.

...I’ll briefly talk about the ending theme to end this on a good note lol:

I really like this ending! I dunno if they’re gonna have two endings and two openings for this season but this ending definitely feels like it should’ve gone in the second half as it’s almost spoiler-y? But, then again what anime opening and ending isn’t packed with spoilers lol

All the illustrations are gorgeous, I’m assuming they were drawn by Takaya-sensei herself as it seems very much in her current style of artistry but my favourite illustrations are definitely the ones shown above! <3

---------------------------------------------------------

Ahhh! Fin! Sorry, about this one being super long and you probably having to scroll past a whole lot on your dash 😝 As usual, I had a lot to say. I’m open to hearing from people who actually like Shigure and Akito’s relationship btw, it’s just that everything before and episode 2 just really didn’t sail the ship for me, personally. I do want to understand! Haha

See you soooon!

#fruits basket #furuba #fruits basket season 3 #fruits basket 2021

[fatalezr]

Secret State - Part 10

"How's hotel life treating you?"

Rebecca rolled her eyes and invited her guest into her room. "I'm bored, Kate, really bored". She had been sitting in her suite at the Savoy. It was late December and already dark outside at 4pm, let alone the 8pm it was now showing. Rebecca felt tired - she had been moving from hotel to hotel for the past 5 days, finding new ways to change her appearance back and forth when she went into the office for work. The weekend had been particularly rough - whilst the hotels she was in were comfortable, she felt trapped inside them. She wanted to go outside, see her friends, do some last minute Christmas shopping and experience all that she loved but the threat to her life was still real. After the excitement of Friday and the potential arrest of the Prime Minister, the weekend had been relatively uneventful. She had moved hotels twice now, deliberately now picking the Savoy to be closer to her office.

Sullivan had asked the team to take work with them over the weekend whilst urgent discussions were had with his superiors. George's testimony and the fake photographs she had presented had been enough to release a statement to the media that whilst there was still an active investigation, no arrests would be made imminently. There was still wild speculation in the press and the PM's befuddled look and unkempt hair seemed to be plastered on the front pages every day but he was surviving. Monday had been a better day as Coulter's private bank found the disputed transactions and had proved that they had been faked by an employee who had since disappeared. Rebecca had spent her hours in the hotel room looking over every detail she could but there was no proof she could find of the Home Secretary's plot. The security reforms seemed to move apace as well and there were reports of mass suspensions at MI5 whilst a merger with MI6 was contemplated. The stress of the situation was making Rebecca's head spin and she missed her family and her comfortable flat.

"Well let me see if I can find something to cheer you up" Kate said cheerfully, pulling Rebecca back from her melancholy. "Come on, let's have a walk".

"Do we have to?" Rebecca asked. It was Tuesday evening now and she didn't even know where she could walk safely.

"Yes we do, now get up" Kate said. Her friend marched across the room and threw Rebecca a wig and a coat.

Rebecca knew better than to argue with a determined Kate. She put the wig and some glasses on, then wrapped the coat around her. "We're just going for a walk?" she queried.

"Something like that" said Kate. She led Rebecca out of the room and to the elevators but as they stepped into an empty one, Kate took out a small key from the pocket of her jeans and placed it into the panel. She turned it and pressed the basement button before winking at Rebecca. The elevator rumbled down below the reception floor to the basement level.

"What have you got planned?" Rebecca asked, now intrigued.

"We're going on a little adventure" Kate said. She led the way through the basement, passing service corridors and through a kitchen that was bubbling with activity until they reached a back door that led to a small underground parking garage. Rebecca recognised the black Mercedes that awaited her and the bald-headed man smiling at her.

"Good evening Ma'am" he said as he saw her.

"Fraser!" she exclaimed and she found herself running to him and giving him a hug. She realised it was nice to see a friendly face. "How are you?"

"Doing my best" he said, "enjoying some extra time with the family that seems to have arisen. But come, we must be quick". He opened the door for her to get into the back seat and Kate joined her inside the car. Fraser drove out of the garage and onto the streets of London.

"What's been going on?" Rebecca asked, "are you OK?"

"It's been an interesting few days," Fraser admitted as they drove, his Scottish accent still calm and his driving smooth. "As you know, they've placed a lot of us from the service on administrative leave for a while but we've always had ways of keeping in touch and my wife isn't sick of having me around the house just yet".

Rebecca smiled. "That's good to hear. I..." she found her voice breaking, "I'm sorry Fraser, I feel like it's all been my faul-"

"None of that now" he said, interrupting her. "We've been betrayed, we all know that and thanks to you and Kate we still have a fighting chance". He returned his focus to the road and Rebecca sat back.

"Where are we heading to?" she asked.

"You'll see" he said. The car headed into Chelsea and Kensington before Fraser took a sharp left and went into another underground garage amongst a regal looking set of flats. He parked and opened the door for Rebecca. "Quickly" he said, ushering her towards an elevator and swiping an electronic keycard inside.

"We'll see you soon" Kate added from her seat in the car as the elevator doors closed with her and Fraser on the outside and Rebecca on the inside.

Rebecca was sad to see them go but her thoughts soon turned to where she might be heading. It was evidently somewhere important. The elevator was plush, much like the exterior to the Victorian building it was in. It pinged when it reached the floor and opened directly into a reception room of an apartment with a grand chandelier hanging from the ceiling. Rebecca stepped out and tried to take in all of the details in the room. There were columns around the edge of the large windows, a brightly coloured rug and detailed furnishings. It felt like being in a stately home.

"Good evening Miss Davidson" a distinguished female voice to her right said, "I trust it is you under that wig?". Rebecca turned, startled a little and saw Dame Lucy Grosvenor walking towards her, a drink in hand.

"Good evening, my lady" she said, curtseying unsuredly and cursing that she did not know how to formally address the head of MI5. She fumbled and took the wig off her head.

"Now what did I tell you about curtseying?" Dame Lucy chastised her, having already told her at her first meeting that it should be reserved for members of the Royal Family. She chuckled and gave Rebecca a warm smile. "I'm very glad to see you, Miss Davidson".

"Thank you ma'am" Rebecca said back, "it's a beautiful place you have here".

"And currently the world's most beautiful prison" Dame Lucy said, rolling her eyes and sighing. "I always believed house arrest wouldn't be so bad, but it is rather dull after a few days".

Rebecca remembered that Dame Lucy had been in this situation for about a week now and whilst Rebecca could sympathise with being locked in a room, she was at least able to get let out and work. She wondered how the older woman must be feeling. "Ma'am, I'm sorry, I feel like I'm responsible for this mess" she admitted.

"We got dealt a bad hand, Miss Davidson, a very bad hand. You weren't to know and look, we're still in the game and now we know who sits on the other side of the table. Come," she beckoned Rebecca to join her on a sofa, "let's sit".

Rebecca did so, taking off her coat as she did so. She felt like her jeans, t-shirt and cardigan were inadequate amongst Dame Lucy's finery. She was still dressed in a blouse and trousers that accentuated her power. "I want to help where I can Ma'am, but..."

"But you're currently in a hotel for fear of MI6 assassins" Dame Lucy finished. "Yes, that's why I've asked Fraser to drive your friend around town for a bit - throw them off the scent if they've been following you". She took some of her drink. "Some intelligence does still reach me" she said slyly, "I do have one or two friends left in our establishment to help out".

"Have you had chance to speak with George, ma'am?" Rebecca asked.

"Indeed, we spoke over the weekend. I'm aware of your actions on Friday. Well done, Miss Davidson, sterling work indeed".

"I just wish we knew about what came next" Rebecca admitted, "I get the feeling this isn't over yet".

"Your intuition is correct" Dame Lucy told her, "and that is why we are having a discussion. I received word today that the slimy bugger Colonel Umarov has changed his flight to leave London. He's staying in town for another couple of days".

Rebecca looked at her. "What do you suspect?"

"I suspect they are moving up their plans before we can re-establish ourselves" Dame Lucy said, "there are so few people I trust at this moment, Miss Davidson, which is why I must turn to you". She picked up a folder off the table in front of her and handed it to Rebecca. "Do you recognise this man?" she asked.

Rebecca opened the folder and stared at the face - she immediately did. It was the thin man who had been the partner of Petra Grigovic at her flat in Tooting where they had found the evidence of doctored photographs. She saw the file contained his name - Uri Balakov. She nodded at Dame Lucy.

"We believe he may be our best lead as to the current plans. After you left him on Friday he was picked up by MI6 and taken to one of their safe houses".

"MI6? What are they doing with him?" Rebecca asked.

"We do not have many allies in that building. There's always been a friendly rivalry" Dame Lucy explained, "but their current leader has always been an ally to the Home Secretary and there have always been rogue elements prepared to focus on their self-interest, hence why I believe you're within a hotel at the moment".

Rebecca sighed. It was true, she was in fear of any future assassins MI6 might send in her direction. She had already killed two - how many more could there be? Dame Lucy seemed to read her mind. "There's a particularly soulless unit they operate, codenamed Wolfmouth, who have been active in trying to disrupt our plans. It's a Wolfmouth safehouse in Clapham where Mr Balakov is being held now".

Rebecca steeled her nerves. "OK" she said, "I'm on it". She sighed again.

"I do hate to put you in this position, Miss Davidson" Dame Lucy said sympathetically. "But I believe we can still win this war and this country will be all the better for us doing so. You can go home, feel safe again".

Rebecca knew she was right - they did need to win or else she could never be safe again. She nodded and took the rest of the file. It contained details on the address where Balakov was being held. She started to formulate a plan of attack in her head whilst Dame Lucy fetched her a box. She opened it and saw some all-black clothing and more ammunition for her Walther P99. "Thanks" she said.

"My pleasure" Dame Lucy said, "but I'm afraid it's time for you to go. Fraser will be back soon to take you to a place you can prepare". Rebecca stood and Dame Lucy shook her hand vigorously. "Good luck, Miss Davidson" she said earnestly before Rebecca turned and headed back to the elevator door.

------

"Fraser, tell her I'm right"

Kate's voice was stubborn and Rebecca knew it would be useless to continue to argue. "I'm staying out of this" Fraser said from the front seat of the car.

"Because you know better than to argue with me, right?" Kate urged.

"As you say, Miss Belmont" he replied quietly.

Kate turned to Rebecca and crossed her arms. "So that's settled then".

Rebecca still felt uneasy. She had told Kate of her plans for breaking into the Wolfmouth safehouse and her colleague had immediately insisted that she join her. Rebecca had protested - she didn't want her friend joining her in a potentially deadly situation against MI6 agents but as predicted, Kate had argued her point that the two of them would always be better as a team than as one.

"OK" she said, relenting and watched as Kate pulled her Glock 17 from her bag and suppressed it. They were sitting in the back seat of Fraser's car down an alleyway near the street in Clapham where the safehouse was nestled amongst the terraced houses. They had both changed into all-black outfits and had balaclavas ready to put on their heads. It was 1am and the streets were quiet. Rebecca knew they had to be quick - they may only have one opportunity to grab Uri Balakov from the house. "Fraser, we need you to keep the engine running" she told him, "go to the main road".

"Of course" he said. Rebecca took a deep breath and opened the car door. The night was freezing cold and she could see her breath in front of her as she stepped out. She set off, jogging towards the house with Kate behind her. They stopped a couple of houses along the terrace. There was no-one out the back of the property but there were two cameras.

"Get the cameras, I'll go for the roof" Kate said. Rebecca looked to argue but Kate was already jumping onto the window ledge of the neighbouring house and clambering up, using a drainpipe to crawl up. Rebecca had forgotten how athletic she was. She turned to the house and took careful aim with her Walther P99 at the camera. Pfft. The first shot was a direct hit on the camera. She turned to the next. Pfft. Her shooting was accurate and she saw it spark as it died. She hurried to the back of the house and waited, putting her balaclava on. The door opened and a man appeared at it, wearing a shirt with a shoulder holster and carrying a pistol. He looked at the camera and Rebecca took her chance to fire. Pfft-pfft. She hit him twice in the chest and he crumpled.

The adrenaline was kicking in within her. She felt no guilt - this was a rogue element that needed to be stopped. She stepped over the body and entered the house. The lights inside were off. There was a movement as someone came down the stairs but as soon as they turned the corner -pfft-pfft- Rebecca gunned them down with two shots. She kept her pistol raised as she walked upstairs slowly. She saw two shadows on the landing above her, both with pistols raised and aiming at the top of the stairs.

Pfft-pfft, pfft-pfft. Rebecca heard the sound of suppressed gunshots and the shadows crumpled to the ground. She sprinted up the stairs to see Kate, gun in hand and looking satisfied. She nodded at Rebecca and pointed to the bedroom door the men had been standing outside. Rebecca covered it whilst Kate turned the handle and pushed the door open. They saw a bed and a figure sleeping within it. Rebecca recognised his curly long hair and thin face as that of Uri Balakov. He stirred and Rebecca ran to him, grabbing him by the neck and muffling his shouts with her mouth.

"Shut the fuck up" Kate hissed at him, pointing her gun at his torso. He was wearing a t-shirt and shorts to sleep in. Uri stopped struggling a little and together the two women forced him down the stairs and out of the front door. Rebecca looked down the street and saw Fraser pulling up by the front door. They bundled Uri inside and Fraser drove off quickly with all of them in the back seat.

The car was warm and Rebecca pulled her balaclava off. She smiled and took some deep breaths to slow her heart rate. She looked at Kate who was grinning back at her - they had done it. Uri had stopped struggling and was instead looking frightened as the car sped through the streets. He looked from Kate to Rebecca. "Wait...I...I know you!" he said, sounding frightened, "you were....the other day...".

"That's right" Rebecca said, "so you know what we're capable of". She showed him her gun. "Now we're going to go have a nice little chat".

"You're going to kill me!" he said, "please, please! No, do not!"

"Then it's time to start talking" Kate said softly.

"I talk and you will kill me" Uri said, "why...why would I do this?"

Rebecca shook her head and tried to put on an empathetic voice. "Co-operate with us and we can work something out" she said. He still looked like a scared rabbit. "Come on Uri, I know you're not a true believer to this. Who got you involved? Was it Petra?" He nodded. "She was your lover?". His eyes filled with tears.

"She was my....my world. I would do anything for her. I begged her and begged her to not have me forge those documents but she....she insisted" he said, his voice breaking slightly, "and now she....."

"She chose to take the easy way out" Rebecca said, leaning closer to him and putting her arm on his shoulder, "but you, you don't have to do that. You can start again Uri. Use your talents for good".

"We just need to know what Plan B is" Kate said, changing her tone to being more sympathetic. "We know that they want the PM gone. How are they going to do it?"

Uri cried a little more but Rebecca let him do so. The emotion was a sign that he was giving up. Eventually he sat up. "I...I want to live" he said, "I want to be free".

"You can be" Rebecca assured him, "we'll help you get out Uri". She was being sincere and felt some pity for him.

"OK" he said after a pause, "OK, I will tell you what I know". He dried his eyes. "If we could not remove the PM by stealth, the plan was to use force..to...to kill him" he said.

Rebecca felt her heart skip a beat - could they really assassinate the Prime Minister? "How?" she asked.

"I do not know all the details, I swear" Uri said, "but I know they have a man in the PPU".

"The Personal Protection Unit?" Kate asked, a look of concern on her face.

"Yes" Uri nodded, "they have someone and they have a shooter too. They want...they want to do it in public I know...make it look like a terrorist attack".

"Where?" Rebecca asked urgently, "When?"

"I do not know, I swear!" Uri said, "soon...I think, but I never knew all the details" He looked at Rebecca and Kate. "Please, that is all I know. You said I could be safe".

Rebecca was deep in thought. "We've got to get back to the hotel" she said to Kate. "Fraser..."

"I'm on it" he said, turning the car around and heading for Central London. "I also know somewhere where Mr Balakov can be safe". There was a stoic calm to his voice that relaxed everyone in the car as it drove through the streets.

------

"What...what time is it?"

Simon Selwick was rubbing his eyes as he stood on his front porch in a bright pink dressing gown. "And who are you?" he said, looking at Rebecca and Kate in their wigs and dark glasses, "how did you know I live here?" He was starting to sound frightened.

"Relax Simon, it's only us" Kate said. She took off her wig and glasses to reveal her blonde hair, "and for the record, it's 8:30am. When normal people are awake".

"Kate?" he said, rubbing his eyes, "what...what are you doing here?"

"Can we come in please?" Rebecca asked, taking off her glasses.

"Rebecca!" Selwick was starting to wake more now, "of course, of course!" he said, ushering them in. "I must say, I've been so worried ever since I read about last week. I'm so happy to see you're OK". He led them into a large kitchen area. "Or....are you not? Why the wig?"

"It's been an interesting week" Rebecca said, chuckling a little as she considered the absurdity of the situation.

"You must tell me about it" Selwick said. "Coffee?" he offered, going to a pot that was brewing.

"Please" Rebecca said, and he poured a cup. She felt exhausted and sleep-deprived.

Her and Kate had been up for most of the night trying to work out the Russian plan until at 3am while looking at the PM's schedule for that day Rebecca had spotted something that made her shriek with excitement. "Fuck Kate! Fuck!" she had shouted, "I know where they're going to do it!" They had worked together to confirm their suspicions before coming up with a plan. It was a long shot but Rebecca knew it was their best chance of keeping the PM alive. They had both grabbed a short two hour nap before waking early. Kate had already called into their office to give excuses for her and Rebecca chasing down potential leads. DSI Sullivan had given her an earful and demanded that the results they bring in the next day had better be worth the trouble but it had at least bought them 24 hours. Rebecca had also been in touch with George and Marcus as she brought their plan together.

"This is bonkers" Kate had finally said as they left The Savoy, both wearing disguises to avoid being followed by any rogue Wolfmouth operatives. Rebecca wasn't sure if that was an insult to her plan or a compliment.

"So" Selwick said, placing the coffee down, "what brings the two of you to my door?"

"We need a favour" Rebecca said and Selwick sighed. "Please Simon, it's urgent".

"I thought last week was a favour!" he protested, "and aren't I hosting your Christmas party next week?" He sighed again. "What can I do?" he asked.

"I need to see Arkady Romanov" Rebecca said.

"No!" Selwick immediately said, "no, no, no". He looked frustrated. "The trouble you caused last week...." he stopped himself from saying more, "no Rebecca, I have a business to run here".

"I wouldn't ask unless it was life or death" Rebecca said sincerely, "and it is Simon, it really is. I need to see him and you're our only way in".

He paused. "Life or death?" he asked, "surely not?"

"Not his life no, nor yours" Kate said, "but this is serious Simon. We're trying to stop something big". Selwick looked from one woman to the other, considering. He sipped on his drink. "And after this" Kate said, "we owe you a favour at last". She laid her hand on his. "Please" she said sweetly.

"You just want to talk with him?" Selwick asked, "nothing more? I have your word".

"You have my word" Rebecca said, "but we need to see him straight away".

Selwick considered for a few seconds. "And you owe me?" he clarified.

"Anything you need," Rebecca replied, sincerely. "please, Simon".

He sighed again. "OK" he said, "let me see what I can do. Wait here". He poured them both some coffee and left the room. Rebecca sipped her drink and waited. She noticed Kate shifting in her chair uncomfortably. Silence passed between them and the minutes felt like hours until a few minutes later, Selwick reappeared.

"I've booked an appointment for 10am" he said, "will that do?"

Rebecca leaped from the table and hugged Simon. "Thank you Simon, thank you!" she said. She kissed him on the cheek and he blushed.

"Just let me shower and change," he said, "some of us do not keep to normal working hours". He gave the women a smile and headed upstairs.

Just over an hour later they were in the back of his car, Selwick in the passenger seat whilst his driver took them to North London and the Emirates Stadium. It was now Rebecca's turn to shift nervously. She wondered how Romanov would react to seeing her - she had made a large assumption in coming here but for their plan to succeed, it had to work. She chewed her lip as the car pulled in front of the main entrance to the offices in the stadium. Her and Kate followed Selwick into the building reception where they were directed up two flights of stairs to Romanov's office.

She swallowed her fears as they approached his door. "Wait" she said softly to Kate and Simon, "let me go in alone". Selwick gave her a puzzled look and Kate put her hand on her shoulder.

"Bec, we're a team" she said.

"I know" Rebecca said, taking her hand and squeezing it, "but trust me. I've got this". She found that she instinctively knew what she would have to do and walked confidently to the door and knocked.

"Da" his voice came from inside.

Rebecca entered and saw Arkady Romanov sitting behind his wooden desk, reading a newspaper. He was wearing a dark grey suit and an open white shirt. His hair was still short and his beard typically scruffy. He glanced up at her and his face looked confused for a second before he recognised her face. "Harmony!" he said, sounding surprised. He stood up. "I...What....I..." He was speechless but he seemed happy to see her.

"Hello Arkady" she said, smiling politely at him.

"But....you are spy" he said, his face contorting, "you spy on me, yes?"

"No" she said, looking him in the eye with sincerity, "not on you, Arkady. On Colonel Umarov".

Something about Umarov's name made Romanov bristle for a second. Rebecca took a step towards him but he put his hand up. "No" he said, "no, I trust not". His voice lacked conviction.

"Can we talk?" Rebecca said, "I want to help you".

Romanov looked to the sky and whispered some sort of curse but nodded and invited Rebecca to sit. "OK" he said.

"Your English is better than you let on, isn't it Arkady?" she asked. She had noticed an awareness about him when they were together at Wembley. He understood the language perfectly, even if pretending to not do so helped him at the negotiating table and with the media.

"Maybe" he said, but he grinned. Rebecca smiled back.

"Then let's start with the truth" she said, "My real name is Rebecca, I'm a police detective and yes, sometimes I do some work for MI5". She studied his reaction as he took it all in.

"Rebecca" he said finally, "it is still a pretty name".

"Do you know what Umarov's plan is?" she asked. Romanov bit his lip but said nothing. Rebecca glanced around the room. It was full of English footballing artifacts, from old trophies to photographs of famous games at both Arsenal and beyond. She decided to change tactics. "You like it here, don't you?" she said, smiling at him.

"Da" he affirmed.

"More so than Russia?" she asked.

He paused. "In Russia, there is too much politics, too much hunger for power and domination" he said. "Russia is run by bad men. Here" he looked around his office, "I can be at home. I love football, I love the passion, I love the people, the taste, the smell".

Rebecca nodded. "You've built a home here" she said.

"Yes" Romanov said, "but always there is trouble. There are.....debts.....debts I must pay".

"To Umarov?" Rebecca asked.

He nodded. "When the Soviet Union collapsed it was chaos. A lot of business to be had, a lot of bad people to do business with. I....am not proud of some deals...I had to make".

Rebecca nodded - she knew that there were a number of corrupt dealings around the end of the USSR. Romanov had emerged with control of a large oil and gas company. Umarov had obviously helped him to that position and now held that over him. She reached across the table with her hand. "You did what you had to do at the time" she told him, "but now..."

"Now he still controls" Romanov sounded frustrated, "I want...I want to live in peace, live happily, enjoy my life here! But no, he must always be wanting more and more and more. Bastard" he swore softly.

Rebecca kept nodding. "Arkady I want to help" she said. "I want to get Umarov, and help you get free of him, with a clean slate here to enjoy what you want to enjoy".

"There is no help" he said, shaking his head.

"No Arkady, there is" she reached for his hand and held it in hers. "We can do this. We can help you. I can help you". He did not look convinced but she held his hand for a bit longer. It was time to ask the key question. "Do you know what the plan is for today?" It had been the appointment that had made Rebecca sit up and notice when she looked at the PM's schedule for that day. He was due to be appearing alongside some schoolchildren who had taken part in a fitness initiative run by Arsenal and the appearance would be at the Emirates. Even more intriguing, she saw that the event had been suggested and booked by the Home Secretary only a couple of days prior, presumably under the guise of helping his friend to get some good publicity. It made too much sense for the attempt on the PM's life to not be made then. It would be a closely controlled environment, but one where Umarov could pull the strings.

Romanov paused. "I do not know, I swear. He, Umarov, he simply ask me to move the event here and hold in front of stadium, that is all I know. I want to ask more, but he say no".

Rebecca felt her heart racing. It was here. "I think....I think they're going to try and kill the Prime Minister".

Romanov looked incredulous. "No!" he said loudly, "no, he cannot! He...my God" his voice changed as he saw the pieces slotting into place. "The Home Secretary...he will win any new election....and if Umarov control him...."

"Then he controls the country. Our country. Our home" Rebecca said, nodding.

"What must we do?" he asked her.

------

"So this is now the point in the plan where we really don't have a clue?"

Rebecca was a little annoyed by Kate's question despite the truth within it. "It's the point in the plan where we use that famous Kate Belmont intuition" she retorted. "Look, we've come this far, we can go a little further, right?". She said it as much for herself as for Kate. There were so many points overnight when it seemed like their plan could fall apart. What if Selwick couldn't get the meeting? What if Romanov wouldn't co-operate? And yet they were here, outside the Emirates stadium wearing press passes and having managed to retrieve the guns they had stowed in Romanov's office.

He had organised for them to have access to the event and agreed they could store their weapons inside but was still none the wiser about the plan that Umarov had concocted to target the PM. That was the predicament that Rebecca knew her and Kate were now in - they had to work it out before it could be executed. Romanov was sure that he would be safe inside the stadium itself and the PM had arrived for a quick tour 10 minutes ago.

Rebecca surveyed the surroundings. She asked herself how she would do it - how would she kill the PM if she was a Russian sniper? The stadium was relatively far from any of the high apartments nearby and sheltered so there would not be an advantageous place from which to shoot nearby, so they would need to be closer. She looked at the group of young schoolchildren, laughing and joking, some running around and trying to be corralled by their teacher. They were at the foot of a large set of concrete steps going from outside the stadium to the upper level entrances. There was some press milling around near the bottom, a couple of photographers and TV cameramen who had arrived in various press vans with their media outlet name on the outside. Nothing caught her attention. "How would you do it?" she asked Kate.

"Hmmm" Kate's eyes were wandering about and doing the same thing as Rebecca, "I'd steer clear of the children at the bottom - too unpredictable there. Best place would be as he comes down the stairs, but his security will be covering that".

Rebecca's eyes widened. She knew what was going to happen. "Of course!" she said, "that's it!" Kate frowned at her. "Remember what Balakov said - one of his personal protection unit is Wolfmouth".

"Oh fuck" Kate said, realising that would be the case, "so at the right moment..."

"Exactly" Rebecca said.

"We've got to find the shooter" Kate said. There was a clap from the top of the stadium and they looked to see the PM waving, his blonde mop of hair blowing in all directions. His security surrounded him in a diamond formation. "Fuck" Kate said. They might be out of time.

Rebecca turned again towards the media vans, her eyes scrutinising every detail. She saw Kate set off towards the stairs. "Kate!" she called, but it was too late - her colleague was marching towards the steps. Rebecca turned back to the vans and one caught her eye - the RT van, with it's green logo on the outside. All the other vans had satellite dishes on the top but it did not and there was no cameraman outside it. She looked harder and glimpsed a small opening at the top of the van and something black and cylindrical poking through. There were cheers and claps from the schoolchildren as the PM descended towards them but Rebecca set off towards the van. It was now or never, she knew. She glanced towards the steps. The PM was halfway down and Kate was pushing her way through the crowd.

Rebecca drew her pistol, the suppressor already on and aimed at the back of the van's door. Pfft. Her shot hit the lock. There was an "ooh" sound from the crowd in surprise and she saw the front of the PM's security detail tripping and falling down some steps, exposing the PM's chest. She flung open the door with one hand while her pistol was raised in the other. She saw two men in black inside, one with a set of binoculars and the other with a large sniper rifle standing up. Pfft-pfft-pfft-pfft-pfft-pfft-pfft. She fired rapidly in his direction and he fell before she turned to the man in binoculars who was drawing a pistol of his own. Pfft-pfft-pfft. She put him down too and clambered into the van. Both men were struggling to move. Pfft, pfft. She put bullets in each of their heads before opening the back of the van and holstering her pistol.

She heard sirens blare and two large black vans pulled up to the stadium, the doors opening as they did so and a squad of armed officers emerged. "ARMED POLICE" she heard Marcus shout as their leader, and other members of his team did the same. "ARMED POLICE, GET DOWN!" he shouted some more and the crowd screamed and scattered, people falling down or running out of their way as he and his squad rushed towards the PM. Rebecca saw Kate at the foot of the steps, kneeling on the back of the personal protection officer. The rest of the PM's security were in a daze, and the PM himself looked confused by the situation. Marcus grabbed him and together with his squad rushed him back into their van. She got down on the floor herself but was certain she saw Marcus flash her a smile as he passed. She saw the PM being bundled into the van with the team but she also saw a pinstriped trouser leg from another person who had been sitting in the van.

She turned onto her back and looked up at the sky. 'It worked' she told herself, 'it worked!'. Tyres squealed and the vans screeched away. She looked over and saw cameramen and photographers capturing the scene and the confusion. She peered through the crowd and saw Kate picking herself off the protection officer and apologising as if she had fallen on him by accident. Rebecca grinned and got up off the floor. She walked away from the stadium, ditching the press pass as she went. She walked towards Finsbury Park and it was not long until she heard Kate jogging up behind her and jumping on her back.

"Fuck yes Bec, fuck yes!" she said. She got off Rebecca's back and the two hugged tightly.

"All go OK with you?" Rebecca asked.

"Yeah, made it look like an accident when I fell on him" Kate said. "I even...got his number". She held up a card on which a mobile phone was scrawled. "I figure a quick hack on this could be quite interesting"

Rebecca laughed - only Kate could help stop a terror attack and then get a number from one of the accomplices. "I'm glad you were here Kate" she said.

"I'm glad you're a fucking badass Bec" her colleague replied, "what now?"

Rebecca already had that part figured out. "Now we go find that bastard Umarov" she said, "and we finish this thing once and for all".

#secretstate #story #hitwoman #femme fatale #silencer assassin #silencer hitwoman #female assassin

[wickedmilo]

SOUNDS LIKE A YOU PROBLEM | MILO & CHLOE

PLACE: A dive bar TIMING: 10:49 PM SUMMARY: After realising he has run out of money, Milo approaches Chloe and asks her to pay for his drinks. WRITING PARTNER: @chloeinbetween ​ CONTENT WARNINGS: Addiction, alcohol, references to emotional abuse, drug manipulation (Leanan-Sidhe kiss), chronic illness

There were a lot of things Chloe hadn’t done for years, banned because the only thing allowed to be a detriment to her health was the fae feeding on her. There were a lot of things she wasn’t supposed to do now either, against medical advice or the general opinions of the town on what wasn’t and wasn’t safe. Drinking a glass of whiskey by herself in a bar that was too dingy to have a crowd on a weeknight probably fell into all of the above. Which was why she was doing it. Her fingers drummed against the sticky linoleum of the bar, looking at messages on her phone that she had no plan of answering. Her old messaging app had kept all the old messages from before she’d been taken, so in her worst moments she scrolled through the texts she’d received demanding to know where she was, and why she’d abandoned them. 

It was hardly surprising in pits like this that she didn’t notice the young man sidling up to her curiously. Not until he was much too close. “Can I help you?” Chloe asked, looking him up and down. 

Until very recently, Milo had no reason to concern himself with boundaries. The circles he usually ran in had far more important things to worry about, like who had the drugs, and where they were going to use them. He was too used to stumbling, getting close to strangers, or sharing paraphernalia with people he didn’t recognise. Being forced to avoid people, Humans, was new. A habit he was being forced to form. That didn’t mean his other habits, the ones he had been establishing for years, weren’t demanding his attention though. Which was why he had made his way over to a quiet bar, a bar he knew didn’t often draw in the crowds. As depressing as it was to drink alone in a shadowy corner, that’s exactly how he had been spending his night. Up until the moment he had reached into his pocket for the crushed bills he usually kept there and realised they were no longer present. He shouldn’t be surprised, he had been handing them over for hours. But everybody knew running out of money was anxiety inducing, even when you didn’t have habits to maintain. 

His bank account was empty, that had been the last of it. He wasn’t stupid enough to assume he counted wrong when he had withdrawn the remainder of his funds. And he hadn’t been to work since his official time of death. He could make a run for it, but even in his inebriated state he knew being chased down and potentially tackled by a bartender would only end in said bartender being drained of blood. There didn’t seem to be many options ahead of him. So instead of eyeing the door, he began to eye his fellow patrons. It was very easy to single out the person least likely to punch him in the face, and he pushed himself out of the booth he had been slouching in, getting far too close before he could hold himself back. His limbs felt heavy, his entire body clumsy, and uncoordinated. But he pushed on. “Yeah, actually-” He insisted, a familiar rush of longing creeping up on him as her scent began to permeate the space. Taking a hesitant step back, he swallowed his craving, willing himself to stay where he was. “You can pay for my drinks.” Maybe it wasn’t the smoothest way of asking the woman for money, but his brain wasn’t functioning at full capacity and pathetically, it was the best he could do. Maybe she would take pity on him. “I mean- I’ve probably had the worst fucking month of my life, and I… shit, I mean I have no money. What do you want me to say?”

“Excuse me?” Chloe replied, twisting in her seat to look him over. There was a buzz in her head, but it did nothing to numb the immediate annoyance at his request. If anything, it removed any social insecurity, Chloe was no longer interested in being careful with her words. A fae would be more eloquent than that anyway. She pushed her drink further onto the counter so that she would not knock it, and looked him up and down. There was a loose, chaotic way of his movements, like he didn’t quite know how to hold himself together. He was drunk, drawling, obviously. Her lip curled in disgruntled annoyance. “Why the hell are you at a bar if you haven’t got any money?” Chloe snapped back, looking right back up at him. 

“I really don’t see how that’s anyone’s problem except yours. And the bartender’s. How disrespectful do you need to be to expect something like this from other people?” She rolled her eyes pointedly at him. There was another thought, biting at the corner of her mind, after another moment of looking at him, the sentence slipped out before she could stop herself. “Can’t have been too shitty a month if you still have the capacity to make bad life choices.”

Milo knew the moment the woman turned to face him that she wasn’t about to hand over her credit card. Even if it hadn’t been obvious in her tone, it would have been obvious in the way she was looking at him. Letting out a huff of breath in response to the question, it was a sharp reminder of how important it was to take shallow breaths. He didn’t need the oxygen, and breathing in too deeply was only going to put her in danger. Each intake brought with it a wave of tantalising scent. “I had money.” He countered, an edge to his own voice. “I drank it.” Honestly, he wasn’t sure what he would do if somebody approached him and asked him to pay for their drinks. Maybe in the morning her reaction would feel reasonable, and valid. Right now though, in this moment, it was infuriating. It didn’t make any sense. 

“And it isn’t disrespectful to be a total dick when somebody asks you for help?” He demanded, twisting the situation to frame himself as someone to sympathise with, someone to feel sorry for. He fell silent again, his eyes narrowing as she carefully observed him. Even with so much alcohol in his system, it made him feel vulnerable, and exposed. He didn’t like it. Shifting awkwardly on the spot, he felt a spark of genuine anger when she eventually commented on his life choices. Did he really look that bad? “Oh, yeah?” He snapped. “You’re here drinking alone too, you know? Seems like we’re both making shitty decisions. I’d like to see anybody go through what I’ve been through and not want to drink themselves into oblivion. Haven’t you ever heard of coping mechanisms? Fucking crutches? Maybe I just need a fucking break.”

“Sounds like a you problem,” Chloe replied, matching his edge just as harshly, even though her voice croaked with the effort. There was a way he looked at her that made her skin crawl, like he knew more about her than he should, or that he wanted more than her money. Perhaps what was left of her life, she though, and shook the thought away. He didn’t have the charisma to be like Lydia. He was pitiable. Still a threat, maybe, but under her anger she understood just want this looked like. 

There was a knife edge difference between drinking to cope and drinking to lose herself, and Chloe was terrified of landing the wrong edge of the line. 

Then he opened his mouth again and her sympathy was quashed immediately. “Only if they’re not a dick in asking for it. You didn’t even ask! You demanded. You look young but not too young to know the difference.” If nothing, her barbed comment only seemed to raise his hackles even further, his voice raising. Her hands curled tightly around the edge of the barstool. “I’m not pissing off anyone else though, am I? I don’t think you’re in a place to throw rocks, dude. Oh fuck off, do you really think you have a monopoly on suffering?”

Milo glared at the woman, irritated by the tone she was taking although he had a feeling he might look back on this conversation and feel it was entirely justified. “I’m trying to make it an us problem.” He muttered, thinking of every time Dani had ever called him a smartmouth. “I didn’t ask for shit.” He added, his glare only growing in intensity. Clearly it had been a mistake to approach her. She must have known he was likely going to ask her for money regardless of how she chose to begin their initial interaction, but technically he was being honest. “You asked if you could help me, and I said yes, you could pay for my drinks. If anything, you offered.” 

Noting her voice growing in volume, the last thing he wanted to do was cause a scene. But he also felt as though he had every right to be angry. He hadn’t done anything wrong. “I didn’t come over here to piss you off. I actually have better things to do.” He snapped, running a clumsy hand through his hair as he struggled to reign in his frustration. “You know what? Yeah, I really fucking do have the monopoly on suffering right now. Why do you think I’m even here? I had friends, and a fucking family, and I’m really fucking tired. So forgive me for not realising I was nearly out of cash. And forgive me for thinking that maybe someone might actually take pity on me and offer to help me out. It’s whatever, okay? I’ll fucking go-” 

“I’ll remember next time to be clearer with my sarcasm as you don’t seem to get it. I fucking doubt that,” Chloe snarled back, eyes creased in a frown, back straight. She couldn’t say whether it was the alcohol or the attitude that was giving her a headache, but she was pretty sure he was the problem either way. But somewhere in his furious tirade, Chloe heard the hints of something that… well, nothing justified treating people shittily, but something awful, something Chloe understood a little too well. 

No friends. No family. Alone in a dark place with an unhealthy coping mechanism and a need to drown your thoughts in a buzz. Chloe hadn’t had access to alcohol for the last few years, but… well, there had been something available to take the edge off. Chloe shivered. “Wait.” She said curtly, jaw flexing, unable to believe she was about to say this. Maybe because in the biting harshness of his features she saw snippets of Todd and Sammy, young lost men who had found the wrong source of comfort in their troubled lives. Chloe already knew it was fantastical to think she could fix things, but if there was a kindness to be offered…. On the other hand, he was an asshole who had pissed her off, so she almost let him walk away just to teach him a lesson. “Just this once, okay? So you don’t end up in jail on top of whatever other shit you have going on. Now get the hell out of here.”

“Maybe don’t engage strangers in conversation and you won’t have to.” Milo countered. She had spoken to him first. He wasn’t about to take responsibility for something that wasn’t his fault. He was just turning to leave, his hands balled into fists, when he heard the woman call out to him. Surprised, but too irritated to show any gratitude, he faced her once again, a frown still fixed firmly in place. He hadn’t been expecting her to change her mind, and he was in too bitter a mood to be honest about just how much the gesture meant. Taking the bills she was handing out to him, he was careful to only take the amount he needed, leaving a few of them behind. There were other ways to find money if he became desperate. Right now, it seemed like the very least he could do to acknowledge she was offering him help. Crumpling them in his hand, he sheepishly caught her eye. He knew he should say thank you, but he was stubborn. Too stubborn to admit he might have been unfair to her. So he left, instead. Without saying another word. Maybe one day he might feel guilty about that fact, but it wasn’t as though he was ever going to see her again. Something, he thought, that might very well be for the best.

#addiction tw #alcohol tw #emotional abuse tw #drug manipulation tw #chronic illness tw #milo & chloe #alcohlism tw #c:chloe

[zuzuslastbraincell]

fun world-building facts about the eyeliner incident:

so the main canon divergence is that roku killed sozin, instead of just chilling in his cottage for ~50 years. he ended up leading a coalition force against him, in prep for civil war, although was able to bait him out to an erupting volcano and kill him at the age of 40 or 50 or so. roku then lived for another 100 years (hardly out of character for an avatar to do so).

roku went further, though, and after killing sozin, declared there would be no more fire lords in the avatar state. this split the fire nation into monarchists and anti-monarchists, essentially, and there was still a fair bit of civil unrest/war after sozin’s death because not everyone agreed.

a lot of monarchists ran off to the colonies after sozin was killed, to protect their assets, to protect their lives, as a place to hide out until the storm blew over (it did not blow over) and to regroup for a next assault (which did not succeed).

this was fine, until a second phase: roku wanted to give the radicals in his coalition a leading voice in the next government to be. a lot of people disagreed. in the colonies (many of which had officially been handed back to the earth kingdom), there were riots, lots of dissent, etc. amongst fire nationals.

when the north western earth kingdom became the site of resistance against radicals in the fire nation (as roku’s opposition to sozin was based on a coalition of liberal nobles and bureaucrats & emerging radical workers syndicates), a lot of monarchists & ultranationalists ended up emigrating with the initial wave of noble émigrés, and eventually, some of the more liberal nobles supporting roku turned against them as well. (this is also how roku’s youngest daughter, rina, who was married off to a sozin loyalist in a hostage situation organised by sozin, ends up in the earth kingdom - she and her husband defect, and initially support roku, but seeing the radicals that he is genuinely helping and supporting, they move to the earth kingdom). the reputation of this second wave depends on province - ex-soldiers are always hated, and the north west & regions in close proximity despise the fire nation, but the east & ba sing se has always been quite hospitable, & many have dual bases in ba sing se and the northwest. the ba sing se nobility, over time, mingle more and more with high profile fire nation émigrés who have property.

fire nationals in the earth kingdom are thus culturally different, usually, to fire nation citizens in the modern fire nation. more likely to be monarchists, more likely to hold sympathetic sentiment to azulon etc. (though most agree - publically - that sozin went too far, even if they think azulon should have his crown in private), and a lot of their styles of fashion, music, art, dance etc. is based on a lot of “antiquated” “old fashioned” fire nation traditions with some earth kingdom ideas mixed in. to fire nation residents, they just look at least 80 years out of date.

fire nation descendants in the earth kingdom are more likely to be involved with particular organised crime syndicates (the triads, as opposed to ones with other names). this is because after the war ended abruptly with sozin’s death, a lot ex-mercenaries and ex-soldiers stationed in the colonies/northwest began to find work/business through protection racketeering (in absence of organised govt. in the north-western earth kingdom). even in the modern day, the north west has problems with corruption, control, and is economically quite deprived despite having massive resources and that’s an after-effect of colonialism and attempts by the national government to ‘penalise’ the officials in that region for colluding with fire nation nationals/ex-colonists (very exasperating for genuine earth kingdom officials, and earth kingdom locals). roku did try and help the region but he’s generally disliked for lots of reasons & was trying to stop the fire nation from collapsing after supporting the radicals (a controversial decision!) and facing counter-revolutionary violence. i think roku felt like he neglected the fire nation for the earth kingdom in his youth and that’s why sozin was able to get as far as he did, so i think he made the very difficult decision to prioritise trying to sort out the fire nation. hence why yu dao is in a bit of a state. i imagine yu dao (republic city) is a big buzzing city but has those same problems with organised crime we see in lok.

the sozin dynasty, as azulon & his descendants are called, aren’t an exception to this involvement in organised crime. a lot of people were actually quite sympathetic to a young azulon after his father was killed at around the age of fifty or so, including fire nationals in the earth kingdom, but also the nobility in the earth kingdom, themselves staunch monarchists, who saw sozin as the problem and not the system of monarchy itself. all of this allowed azulon & his family to flee the caldera & manage to transfer a number of their assets with relative ease; they were never penniless, despite the sob story you might here.

azulon set up links with local businesses who were run by sympathisers, as well as organised crime syndicates, and through wise purchases, good advisors, & some savvy of his own, shifted from aristocracy to bourgeoisie with relative ease, & bought/negotiated their place at the negotiating table, to eventually come to be considered the lead stakeholder in those crime syndicates (with enough distance, though, as not to be suspicious). very much saved his name from being a laughing stock through his own ability there, but if you’d hear the story told, people who say that folks were deferential to him in part because of his lineage (sometimes, but not always true - the revolution had caused people to doubt).

regarding his sons, iroh had far more involved in organised crime and illegitimate business than ozai, who essentially looked after the more boring legitimate side of things (but took that role seriously and expanded it beyond being a simple front). iroh actually had a worse reputation up until azulon died, and was just considered a very competent but cut-throat political/business leader/general player with a lot of very very shady links that couldn’t quite be proven, but also like, was famously quite charming and well-liked in the high society ba sing se network. like, i want to be honest to show iroh here - he was bad! in the show, he was a war criminal! i mentioned he was a war profiteer (largely because ‘war criminal’ doesn’t make as much sense imo), and that was almost definitely regarding civil wars/coups that have been attempted in the fire nation & earth kingdom. this stopped when lu ten ended up being shot in the crossfire during a turf war and rather than pursuing a violent vendetta, iroh stepped out of the spotlight and let ozai take over the reigns more.

anyway, after zuko was burned for attempting to stand up to ozai, iroh basically faked his own death and completely ditched anything left of what he’d spent his life building in order to whisk zuko away and invent new identities for themselves in the fire nation (ironically) where they worked as tea shop workers (yes. li and mushi, still canon). i don’t think they live in the caldera, since cameras/photos mean it’s easier to be tracked, and zuko probably lives somewhere quiet-ish like ember island. zuko has a decent adolescence, considering, after he’s estranged. no “find the avatar” in this universe, for fairly obvious reasons.

i’m not an expert in organised crime by any means but hopefully this all makes sense. a lot of what azulon/iroh/ozai is doing, through the purchase of land, the control of business, the use of organised crime as an illicit form of govt. essentially is a form of colonisation, where the region is deprived due to fire nation business interests and in earth kingdom control in name only. corruption and close ties between ba sing se and fire nation émigrés mean that centralised govt is underfunding & turning a blind eye to it (which, in canon, ba sing se does, ‘no war in ba sing se’ etc.). most of the colonisation efforts are centred in the north-west, but azula is brought up in ba sing se given it’s far more reputable/prestigious, though she’s undoubtedly been to both places.

as for what’s happening in the fire nation, i feel like aesthetically it’s a little different - ba sing se is ancient buildings with sky trains, lots of urban sprawl & a very wide and endless city, whereas i imagine the caldera is a very tall city due to limited space available, more skyscrapers in the fire nation due to limits in islands. also, the fire nation has sea trains and submarine trains/tunnels, because. politically? haven’t quite decided but they’re some flavour of anarchist-communist (was reluctant to use that word in the fic itself because people have all kinds of interpretations of it, often very negative knee-jerk responses to it, but essentially: community-owned services and businesses and spaces instead of privately-owned ones, with egalitarian principles enshrined into the culture & identity now) over there if i’m honest, with lots of democratic councils. obviously i don’t think it’ll be perfect and i imagine ‘the national question’ is something that comes up a lot, with some difficulties between national & regional identity (imo the fire nation is very diverse, we see the sun warriors and then the sages who help korra in s2 are from different groups/cultures than the militaristic one that rose to prominence in the 100 year war and i hc a lot of that regional diversity was steamrolled for sozin’s imperialist project).

ANYWAY

there’s a reason i made this post on my main last week:

this is getting very long but hopefully this is some insight into what i’ve been thinking about when i made this AU

#very long and lots of politics #disclaimer: i am a leftist and that informs how i look at these issues #(if that wasn't obvious already)

[callmemythicalminx]

The Last Of Us 2: We Need To Talk About It

*Spoilers ~ ye have been warned!

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I’ve held this off for as long as I could, but I’ve given up resisting- we need to talk about The Last of Us 2. It’s an incredible masterpiece, there’s no doubt about it. The graphics are beautiful and incredibly realistic, and the gameplay has made bounding leaps in progress since the first game, offering a more exciting and intense experience for the player. The actors have of course done incredible jobs and the sound design is amazing. Altogether, a pretty amazing game… Except for one thing- the story.

The first game was widely loved for many reasons, but most prominently, and I’m sure many will agree with me on this, the story and the characters are what made it stand out and still hold up to this day. Joel and Ellie are amazing characters, incredibly complicated and realistic. The former was a man we as players grew to love, after seeing the horrible pain he had to go through and the hardships he faced. We saw him do unspeakable things, hurting and killing many, all in the name of survival. But still, we cared for him, because we saw him grow to love too, risking all to keep his new daughter safe. Ellie was a young kid, forced to grow up too soon in a world that didn’t really care about her. Faced with the fact that she was the possible saviour of humanity, she had the weight of a brighter future on her shoulders. In each other, these two characters found someone to care about again. Joel saw the daughter he lost and couldn’t protect. Ellie saw a father who wouldn’t leave and would help keep her safe.

After seeing the bittersweet ending of the first game, we waited for 7 long years to see Ellie and Joel return to our screens once more. Trailers promised new adventures with the pair, as well as the much-anticipated impact of Joel’s actions after taking Ellie from the Fireflies and stopping the creation of a possible cure. Even when leaks about the story were released, the majority of fans held strong to the belief that Naughty Dog would lead us well and would give us a great sequel to finish off an incredible generation of progress, leading us into a new age of video game storytelling.

Oh, how wrong we were…

Make no mistake here- I know Joel isn’t a hero. What he did at the end of the first game was incredibly selfish. I’ve always seen him as an anti-hero because of his sometimes cruel and violent actions and that can’t be forgotten. Undeniably though, he is still such a beloved character, who we can’t help but connect too because he’s human and vastly complicated. He was also living in a world where people are doing much worse things to survive. Darker, more evil actions that weren’t close to anything Joel ever did. Can he really be blamed for some of his actions, when seeing what other surivors had done? When I first played The Last of Us, I couldn’t help but sympathise with him, especially as I saw him slowly become more caring again after meeting Ellie. He’s incredibly interesting too in terms of characterisation because he’s neither good nor evil- he’s just human, trying to survive in a nightmare world.

Obviously, playing as Joel made a world of difference as to how we perceived him and whether or not he was a hero or villain. If we’d been playing as a completely different character, perhaps a Firefly, we would have most definitely seen him in a different light. This is where Abby comes in. I’ll give Naughty Dog credit here, it is a really interesting concept to introduce a playable character who’s seen the other side of our famous duo’s actions. It’s a great way to make us think even more about the consequences and the effect we have on our environment. As the daughter of the lead surgeon meant to operate on Ellie, Abby has seen the negative effects of Joel’s actions first hand.  This opens up a widely explorable concept for the player to experience, offering a new complicated character who has seen her own pain and hardships just like Joel and Ellie did. She’s sure to be liked… Right?

Unfortunately, no.  

In the span of two weeks, Abby has become one of the most hated gaming characters of all time. The reason why- bad storytelling.

I understand what the game was trying to do, I really do. I see what the story was trying to tell and portray, but the writing and pacing ruined this before the game had barely even started. I know I can speak for most when I say that I was expecting Joel to die, either it be naturally or inflicted by someone (or something) else. Naughty Dog know how to tug players’ heartstrings, as we saw at the start of the first game when Sarah was killed. It was bound to happen, though I didn’t really want it to. Joel deserves a worthy death, one befitting of his character which would complete his arc and bring a conclusion to his story. What we got instead was single-handedly one of the worst character deaths ever presented in a video game.

Joel dies at the hands of Abby, less than 2 hours into the game after we’ve seen him for only 10 minutes or so. He and his brother Tommy willingly walk into a very suspicious situation, in the most stupidly uncharacteristic way, revealing their names and where they’re from. They say this to a group of 10-20 strangers, in a building where they can easily be ambushed and restrained. Abby is at the helm of this group, driven to Jackson for one thing- the need to avenge her father who Joel killed. After hearing who they are, the group is obviously more alert and ready to strike. Joel then says, and I quote ‘Y’all act like you’ve heard of us or something’… Bear in mind here, that our Joel from the first game knew he was a wanted man and that he couldn’t trust anyone. Hell, he didn’t even trust Ellie for a good while before he started to care for her. But here he willingly gives his name and acts shocked when it’s recognised? This is not the Joel we know, who’s incredibly smart and can see a trap a mile off.

In one of the most sickening occurrences I’ve ever seen in a video game, Abby then shoots Joel in the knee with a goddamn shotgun. Tommy, of course, jumps into action to help his brother but is quickly restrained and knocked out. While listening to Joel’s horrific groans of pain as he lays wounded on the floor, Abby then has the audacity to ask him to ‘Guess’ who she is? Other than the fact that this is incredibly cringy, there’s no way in hell Joel would have the faintest clue who she is. He doesn’t run a family check on everyone he kills, does he? She could be the daughter of a random soldier he killed or some other nobody.

Ever a badass till the end, still having no clue who she is, Joel tells Abby to get on with whatever she has planned. She gets someone to tourniquet his leg while she collects her weapon to end his life- a golf club of all things. After calling him a ‘stupid old man’, something that both upset and pissed me off too much, Abby then begins to start beating Joel to death. You play as Ellie now, as she tries to find him. She enters this group’s hideout to see her father hunched on the ground, curling in on himself, spasming because of numerous brutal hits he’s received to his head. His face is bloody and bruised, his eyes barely open as a pool of blood spreads around him. We feel the horrendous pain Ellie does as she’s quickly restrained and forced to watch Joel meet his death. She begs, rambling for him to get up and leave, but there’s nothing she can do.  Ellie’s horrified cries are ignored as she begs for mercy and with a sickening crunch, Joel receives one final brutal blow to the head.

And he’s gone. Like that.

If this was written true to the character we know and love, Joel would have never entered that building and given his name that easily. Neither would’ve Tommy. These are two seasoned veterans of a zombie outbreak, who have seen the horrid measures people will go to when provoked or desperate. Is the game really trying to tell me that they’d trust a bunch of suspicious-looking kids, walking willingly into a crowded area with no weapons, standing apart instead of together? Joel didn’t trust anyone in the first game, why would this change?

Regardless of the fact that he’s in Jackson now, which is ‘friendly to travellers’, and that he’s grown ‘softer’, he’s still not gonna be trustworthy of strangers. By and by, Joel is still a wanted man and he knows this, he took away the world’s chance at a cure for Pete’s sake. Secondly, this is plain and simple a terrible death for Joel. Not because of how he died (because this is a zombie apocalypse, after all, it’s going to be brutal even if it’s awful to see) but the fact that this happens the way it did and the placement of it. There’s no closure to his character arc or to the rift between himself and Ellie that’s, at this moment, unknown to the reader. He didn’t die saving Ellie, which as cliche as it sounds, would have juxtaposed beautifully with Sarah’s death at the start of the first game. Imagine how satisfying it would have been to see that Joel would be willing to die for Ellie after he’s been focused only on surviving and himself. Imagine if he’d died in Ellie’s arms just like Sarah did in his…

The timing is also really bad considering we’ve barely seen any of him in the two hours we’ve played. When we see Joel die, it doesn’t feel as impactful as it could’ve been. We haven’t seen any new or old encounters with him and Ellie, except for the small seconds at the start as he retells the end of the first game. We haven’t had a chance to fully reconnect with him. His odd actions further distance us away from him because he’s not acting like he usually would. Therefore we’re left with a horrifying death that feels hollow, strange and disconected.

Abby does not help make this scene any better, which is a shame, because I think if different choices were made to push this death further in the game, we could have had a chance to care for her or at the very least begin to like her. Instead, we have no clue as to who she is or what her motivations are before this. All we know is she’s looking for someone. To then see this new character kill someone so beloved, in the most brutal way… Players are gonna hate her immediately! I hated her immediately! And like I said, her dialogue in this scene is atrociously bad, especially when she insults Joel. That really felt like you were adding salt to the wound there Naughty Dog.  

Imagine if you will, what a better death or a change in chronological order of Joel’s death could have done to help the story. If we’d got to know Abby more, playing as her for longer than two hours, she might not have been as hated. The player could have begun to like her and sympathise with her, slowly realising who she is and at the same time, seeing the damage Joel has caused in his selfish decisions. She could have still killed Joel, but towards the end of the game, so that the player would have felt more conflicted about her doing it after seeing her past, seeing the pain that she went through. The game could have reminded us that Joel is still an anti-hero. Imagine that? If the game had made us admit to ourselves that, though it’s painful to watch, his death might have just needed to happen to make up for the loss of everyone he killed? It could still have fit the environment they’re in too, with a brutal and harsh death that could’ve come out of nowhere, but still felt justified in the story. Tess in the first game had a brilliant death, befitting of her badass character, yet still shocking and realistic to the world she lived in. Instead of becoming a zombie, she instead let herself be shot after bravely standing outnumbered against the enemy while Joel and Ellie escaped. It was a great death and Joel had every right to one of his own. 

Maybe he didn’t even need to die for his actions at all though? Let’s not forget that he’s not the only one who has done bad and unspeakable things in this broken world the characters live in. He’s not irredemable, he’s a complicated human being who has had to adapt to the world around him. Think about some of the groups we came across in the first game- is Joel really worse than them? Yes, he took away the world’s chance at a new begining, but did it even deserve to start again after seeing how horrid people had become? Imagine if your loved one was sacrificing themself for a world that didn’t deserve it? Imagine if the cure might not even work or be possible to create, would you really just let them die? Joel’s only human, he acted with his heart instead of his mind. I have no doubt that Abby would probably do the same, or Ellie, or any other character who had those same choices ahead of them. Joel’s actions were selfish, yes, but he shouldn’t have to die for it. I wouldn’t want to lose someone I cared deeply about, just for a possible cure that would save an unworthy world.This is why we aren’t finding fault with the fact that Joel died, it’s HOW and WHY it happened that’s got us so pissed off.

What makes his death and the story even worse is the ending of the game. All the pain and trauma Ellie goes through killing all of Abby’s friends to find her becomes worthless. Why- she lets her go free. After fighting her twice and losing her fingers during one of those fights, Ellie suddenly has an epiphany and realises that revenge isn’t the answer. She lets Abby go. Once again, I understand what Naughty Dog were trying to do here and once again it could have worked.

‘Revenge is bad’. It’s been in many games and this message has worked beautifully in most too, like in Red Dead Redemption 2 for example. It worked beautifully in the game because it’s something that Arthur makes reference to a lot, reiterating the fact that ‘revenge is a fool’s game’. We see that pan out when John gets revenge at the end of the game and pays the price for it. The reason it fails in The Last of Us 2 is that this message comes from nowhere. Ellie has killed hundreds of people leading up to her final fight with Abby and she’s lost even more in the process too, including friends, her family and now her ability to play the guitar which was the final big thing linking her back to Joel. She’s brutally murdered many, torturing others so badly that she turned into a shell of herself afterwards. She suffers from PTSD because of Abby’s actions, seeing the death of Joel repeatedly, leaving her physically and emotionally weak. It doesn’t make any sense that after all this traumatising violence and pain, she suddenly gives up on the notion of revenge when she’s just about to kill the murderer of her father. The most disappointing thing is this message could have still worked if done correctly. If she could have realised revenge is pointless sooner, this wouldn’t feel as out of place as it does. Why does this one person, the murderer out of all people, change Ellie’s mind, after killing so many? Sure, you could say she has a family now and she was reminded of them, but then why would they have such an impact at the point of Abby’s near death, when Dina begging Ellie to stay didn’t work in the first place? It’s. Bad. Writing.

Abby and Ellie have both hurt each other equally, killing family, close friends and their fathers. Instead of killing each other, the story could have led them to realise together that Ellie is still the key to saving humanity, and with Abby’s link to the fireflies, they could somehow still create a cure.

Imagine. That. How fulfilling that would have been? Instead of the horrid, pointless ending we got instead.

Joel’s death could have brought the two together, connecting the Fireflies once again with the cure to right the wrongs he did. He could have realised that Abby was looking for him and willingly sacrifice himself to make up for what he did, completing his arc like I mentioned while also dying a fitting, badass death. He could have left a note for Ellie to read, explaining his actions, to say sorry and to show that he knows this is the only way to fix what he did. At the end of the game, Ellie could have looked out on a recovering world, singing her own rendition of Joel’s song, this time full of new beginnings in the face of great sacrifice.

That’s how you finish a story and a character’s arc. I’m no world-class writer, but I could imagine many different ways this same story and message could have panned out but with better writing, pacing and time, telling a tale of angst and sadness, while opening up a new chapter of hope and healing. The real end of the game leaves you feeling hollow and depressed, unfulfilled in the journey you’ve just experienced. Games are at their basic principle means of enjoyment, we play them to escape our lives and to have fun. They can be dark, harrowing and painful but still an absolute pleasure to play. What doesn’t help in defence of the game’s story is that the game director Neil Druckman said himself ‘For us, with The Last of Us specifically (Uncharted is a little different in our creative approaches), we don’t use the word ‘fun’. That feels… wrong to hear. If video games are not enjoyable, then what is the point in playing them?

I think it really says something in particular when the most enjoyable part of the game is a flashback between Joel and Ellie where there’s no real action. It’s just them, exploring a museum for her birthday, talking and joking and it’s the best part of the game hands down. It doesn’t include any of the new brilliant gameplay and while stunning, doesn’t really have much visual impact either. What makes it so special is just seeing the characters we love interact and have fun like it’s a scene cut straight from the first game. After 7 years, us fans were yearning to see more of Joel and Ellie’s cute relationship, so to only have that and a few other small scenes is so… unsatisfying. If we had more of their adventures before Joel’s death, I know that many people would have been much more accepting of it. It would have definitely been more impactful, having given us the chance to reconnect with them both again. Going back to Ellie on her revenge path after that museum scene was so depressing. It’s such a shame that further interaction between them was just forgotten about and thrown aside. They were such a big factor in the first game’s success, so to see them barely together felt too strange. Though we play as Ellie for the most part, it began to feel less and less like Last of Us and more like some new zombie game. Playing as Abby so suddenly too and for so long just further implemented that weird feeling. It’s a real shame because I really can’t stand her at all now. But she could have been a great character if the story was much different.

I can’t help but feel that the story feels patronising and degrading to its audience in some ways. Some of the choices and plot lines feel very disrespectful to the characters and fans, simply because of what it expects of you after forcing you through unwanted pain and misery. Let’s not forget also that we were lied to in the trailers. Showing numerous clips of Joel as his oldest self to reel us in, then change them to be flashbacks? Flashbacks which happen to be the only good pieces of storytelling in the whole game. It’s just wrong. And quite frankly it’s disgusting. Video games are expensive nowadays. We already knew many fans were gonna buy it anyway because we’re loyal to what we love. But to intentionally make that push, using lies, to secure sales for an expensive game from a huge fan base… it’s disrespectful.

As a whole, I can see what Naughty Dog were trying to do. They were trying to create something different, do what they wanted instead of what the fans wanted. That’s not a bad thing at all, it’s ballsy and creative to do something like that with a well-loved franchise. Rockstar took that same leap when they created Red Dead Redemption 2, forcing you to play as Arthur instead of the beloved John. It worked for them because they wrote the story well enough so that you’d have time to explore this new character and grow to love him, especially when faced with his actions and his mortality. Arthur dies brutality but fans still love the game because it was a fitting and wonderful way to finish his character arc.

This idea fails with The Last of Us 2 because the player isn’t properly engaged with the story before shit hits the fan and their favourite character is dead. I have no doubt that if it was written differently, if we’d been able to see more of Joel before his death and had more than two hours played with Abby that this story could have actually worked. The message that ‘revenge is bad’ could have worked. Ellie and Abby both have the same arc, experiencing something traumatic, being consumed by revenge, then ultimately realising it’s worthless to kill. We could have followed the same arc with a much better version of the story we actually got.

Instead, it feels like the game is intentionally pissing us off, continuously ruining that idea, first by making us watch as Joel is brutally and stupidly killed so soon, then secondly, by then forcing us to play and connect with Abby for 50% of the game when that seed of hate for her has already been planted. This is another one of the moments in the game where I feel like we’re being patronised. Is it really fair to paint us in such a bad light for not wanting to play and grow to like Abby, when we saw her as a stranger brutally kill our favourite character? Is it really that bad for us to hate her after she has caused so much pain when we’ve only known her for two hours? It’s such a shame because she could have actually become a new well-loved character.

I’d just like to say that while I think the story is bad, no one who was involved in the making of this game should be attacked for it. Video games, especially in this age, are such hard things to make because so much goes into them and I don’t want to discredit anyone’s work. Regardless of my or anyone else’s opinions on the game or its story, the team at Naughty Dog have still poured hours of time and effort into making it. They shouldn’t be receiving attacks or hate, we can still discuss the game and our opinions while being respectful. The actors shouldn’t be receiving hate either, they acted brilliantly with what they were given. Ashley Johnson and Laura Bailey especially should be credited for their work. And Troy Baker, though he was only in it for a short while, deserves an award just for that final ending scene between Ellie and Joel- it made me cry buckets. He made this character come alive beautifully and he deserves all the praise for it. And so do the rest of the cast, who did exceptionally good jobs.

In my eyes (though it sounds bad) The Last of Us 2 doesn’t exist as a game. In my own perfect world, it’s actually just badly written fanfiction posted to Tumblr or Wattpad. As goes in my made up ending, Joel and Ellie move to Jackson and restart their lives after the end of the first game. Eventually, he tells her about what happened and there’s a rift between them for some time, which is, of course, to be expected- it was a momentously selfish thing for him to do. Over time though, Ellie learns to forgive him and the rest is history. Because there’s no real canon ending, anything can happen. So… Did they eventually create a cure? Who knows. Did they stay in Jackson, happily living out their lives? Maybe. Did Joel die a badass and sacrificial death protecting Ellie? Possibly. Or did Joel die eventually in old age, surrounded by his family, holding his daughter’s hand as he passed away?

I hope so…

He may have been a complicated anti-hero. He may have even been a villain. Regardless, he still deserved a respectful death and in my perfect makebelieve ending…

He got it.

🌟🌟/5

Photo Credit ~ some from @ inora_miller on Instagram

#the last of us #the last of us 2 #joel miller x reader #joel miller #ellie williams #tlou #tlou 2 #tlou part 2 #tlou ii #tloudaily #tlou2 spoilers #the last of us part 2 spoilers #the last of us part two #the last of us part ii #naughty dog #dailynaughtydog #gaming #dailygaming #dailyvideogames #joel #ellie #gamingreview #video game review #troy baker #ashley johnson #video games

[jensenknowsdeanbetterthanyou]

My previous post here addresses how Dean has been written as the caretaker of Sam and sometimes blamed (by the writers) for not being responsible enough towards his younger brother when he’s only four years older. Or how the general lack of age difference is not properly addressed, which means either the writers genuinely think it’s healthy and normal for a person who is only four years older than their sibling to have that level of responsibility and don’t think Dean being pushed into that role was abuse, or they know it’s fucked up but choose to force the caretaker!Dean issue anyway and ignore its implications. 

The (good) writers did actually address it in the early seasons, through flashbacks of their childhood where we see a very young looking child!Dean with a shotgun, left by John alone with an even younger Sam, and when adult!Dean blames himself for not protecting Sam all those years ago, he has now older Sam beside him saying it wasn’t his fault. We see the horrifying truth of their childhood.

Then, for some reason, (possibly inferior writers replacing the old good ones) as the seasons progressed, Dean’s caretaker roles started to become more romanticized. Even in episodes like Bad Boys, when Dean chose to go back to his family, putting Sam above his own happiness, it’s painted in a romantic light. And then we got Just My Imagination, which had the audacity to paint child!Dean in a bad light because he wasn’t taking care of Sam enough when they were both children!! (The only thing I took from that episode was that not only did Sam have Dean to take care of him, and John constantly worrying about him, putting Sam first ahead of Dean, he also had an imaginary friend whereas Dean had no one. And yet this was supposed to be Sam’s tragic childhood story.)

Whenever we get a situation where Dean is overly protective towards Sam, the lack of age difference seems to be this unaddressed elephant in the room. 

And when the writers chose to ignore the elephant, they’re trying to force the audience to do the same...and that’s why we’ve got their bullshit casting choices in the later seasons. 

Because they’re trying really hard to force the idea that Dean is Sam’s caretaker, that’s just the way it is and we should not be questioning it. 

I made some points about the casting of child!Dean and child!Sam the other day on twitter and feel like this needs to be repeated. 

Just copying and pasting because my brain is mush.

copied from my twitter account: 

“I swear the reason why they keep casting actors who look nothing like bb!Jensen for young Dean is because an actual lookalike would not fit the writer's (wrong) narrative. 

Young Jensen had big eyes and an angelic face, so a kid who actually looked like him would be too "soft" looking when they want young!Dean to be "tough" - no only young!Sam! is allowed to be soft, he's the one we're supposed to sympathise with and was apparently the only brother to have a terrible childhood. 

Look at the victim-blaming Just My Imagination, they actually cast a kid who looked more like YOUNG!JENSEN with big doe eyes to play YOUNG!SAM!! That kid looked NOTHING like young!Jared/Sam but that didn't matter...the whole episode was a "poor Sam/mean Dean" bullshit fest and to ram it home they deliberately cast this cherubic child to play young!Sam so we would sympathise with him more, meanwhile, Dean is now being written as this "tough bad boy" so again they cast to suit. 

The last kid was great acting-wise, but he looked nothing like Jensen, it's blatant that the writers/producers/casting people are denying Jensen's and therefore Dean's angelic looks when he was a child because they don't want us to look at young!Dean and go  Not Dabb and co anyway. This is probably why they keep casting child actors who are far older (teens and even twentysomethings) to play young!Dean and yet cast much younger child actors to play Sam to enhance the age difference. 

We get it, Dean was never a child....except he was, he was a sweet, angelic-looking child (had to be if he had Jensen's face) who was soft and scared inside, as much as any child would be under the circumstances he grew up in, and he had to be strong and brave, he had to look after Sam, he followed John and his orders because that was the only way he could get his Dad to be close to him. He was fighting monsters while still a baby. 

But the writers these days only care about Sam's childhood not Dean's. They now write young!Dean as just an extension of John, or as a "bad boy" who was irresponsible and wasn't there enough for Sam. Even when they created Bad Boys, the last real sympathetic look at young!Dean, they still enhanced the age difference by making Sam look about 6 years old, when he was supposed to be 12 because Dean was 16. 

It's obvious bias, the writers are denying Dean's traumatic childhood, they're denying that he was as much of a victim of his upbringing as Sam was, if not more because while Sam had Dean...who did Dean have?”

These are the casting choices from s4 onwards. I’d be interested to know if the episode writers have any say in this because the first one After School Special was written by Andrew Dabb (and his treatment of young Sam and Dean in this particular episode is a whole other discussion). 

Anyone who says you don't judge a person by looks is missing the point. TV is a visual medium, it's visual storytelling and this....

Dean aged 12-14? (Just My Imagination)

Sam aged 8-10?

...this...

Dean aged 16 (Bad Boys) 

Sam aged 12

and this...

Dean aged 17 and Sam aged 14!!! (After School Special) 

tells a very different story than the reality which would have been something like this.....

Yeah, no agenda there at all. 

#dean and sam #supernatural #all the seasons #wee dean and sam #my opinions #wanky for ts #anti-supernatural writers #dean feelings #bitter dean girl blogging