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magenta-embers · 6 months

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My Jikook Journey

Part 2 of my intro.

From "multi-shipper" to "...wait a goddamn minute."

This will be a messy and detail-lacking overview because I could easily do an individual post on each thing I mention here and delve deeper (AMA!).

When I became an ARMY in 2018, I was excited about the treasure trove of fanfics now available to me. The ship didn't really matter, but my bias was/is Jimin (bias wrecker Tae then) so the very first fic I read was a vmin camping one (there was only one sleeping bag, gasp!). For me, shipping meant I'd read fanfics or save fanart of certain pairs together because in a fictional sense/in another universe, they make a good couple. I think this is a healthy approach, keeping that boundary between reality and fiction.

When I mentioned to my k-pop fan step-sister that I was reading vmin, she gave me a weird look. She said taekook is THE ship of BTS, which confused me because vmin seemed to be closer and have better chemistry than Tae and JK. Turns out, she was right. Searching by most kudos on ao3, you get a shit ton of taekook. I accepted it readily and just thought I must be missing something since I was a baby ARMY, so I read those super popular fics and started to enjoy taekook too. I started to focus more on them because... it felt like that was what I was supposed to do.

It's a common problem, isn't it? Baby ARMY who are open to shipping are quickly found and "guided" to taekook before they have a chance to glance in another direction. If they try, taekookers, who are the majority in the shipping sphere, will convince them that taekook is THE ship. Even if they aren't ARMY (my step-sister), they know that much. As a new fan, you just want to fit in, so you'll go along with what's most popular. Some people eventually find their own way, but many don't. Asking questions is vital, but if you do it aloud, you risk getting attacked by a small but extremely aggressive portion of the most infamous fanbase.

Even back then while just innocently reading any well-written fic I could get my hands on, I noticed that Jungkook was usually portrayed as a lot edgier and darker than he really was (manifested the 2023 JK aesthetic) and Taehyung was constantly portrayed as... Jimin. Especially in fan art. For some reason, a lot of the time, the appearance/vibe/personality of Taehyung was truer to Jimin than to himself, and that confused me. "Why not just make it Jungkook x Jimin?" I kept seeing them trying to force Taehyung into the dynamic that Jimin has with Jungkook when their own dynamic was perfectly fine.

Slipping down the pipeline, I started to watch taekook moments/analysis videos because I thought gotta be missing something, right? That's how I found out people are convinced they're dating, and it wasn't just a fun fic/art thing. The videos themselves were... something. There were just way too many red circles, too much slow-mo, and too much mind-reading going on for me to take any of it seriously. Plus, the moments that weren't exaggerated were just close friend skinship. Hell, Taejin were doing more sus shit together than taekook.

And yet people insist on taekook even when taekook do nothing to insist on themselves.

At this point, it was deep into 2019. Jikook were wilding in 2019. Even I was noticing all the... little things that made me raise an eyebrow. The touches that lingered just too long in rather intimate areas, the fond/awed looks at each other, the shameless flirting, the complete lack of physical boundaries, and the normalness of it all between them. That's telling. Even though I was mainly a taekooker with a shit ton of fanart and fics saved to my phone, if you looked at my liked YouTube videos around that time, I had jikook moments videos saved, not taekook, because their moments were just more fun/juicier to watch overall. They just interacted differently than they did with other members.

A quick example would be a video compilation of taekook holding hands. Sure, they're holding hands, maybe even interlocking fingers, but they're usually standing side by side and looking in different directions or just having a neutral expression. But if you watch a jikook one, not only is it much longer, but it's just different. I feel like I'm interrupting sometimes. Even in such a simple action like holding hands, there's a softness, an intimacy there that doesn't exist in taekook. Jikook wouldn't just be holding hands (usually for absolutely no reason), they'd be looking into each other's eyes, smiling sweetly, fully turned toward each other, attention completely captured by the other. How can I explain the look in their eyes? It just doesn't exist with vmin, yoonmin, jihope, etc.

Sidebar: All of those pairs have flirty/sus moments as most really close friendship dynamics do, but they're lighthearted to me and never invoked a true sense of.... whoa whoa whoa, hang on. If Jungkook and Jimin were my close friends IRL and I saw the way they are together, my alarms would go off. As either, "Oh my god, they're fucking," or "Oh my god, they wanna fuck each other." People always say, "Oh, Jimin's like that with everyone." No. No, he's not. Pay attention. Really pay attention to the differences in the dynamics between members. None of them have the "same" relationship. Especially pay attention to how the rest of the members react to Jikook.

Anyway,

So here I was noticing this... deeper intimacy in simple interactions with those two (because I'm a human being with eyes and life experience), and yet my Twitter timeline would just dismiss them entirely. "I love their friendship," "Wow their brotherhood is so beautiful," and "They're all so close," and normally these statements wouldn't bother me because technically they're true, but I started noticing that taekook or yoonmin would brush shoulders and everyone would be like, "Omg taekook/yoonmin married/boyfriends/real," over nothing. Their moments are cute/sweet/funny, but never more than that. The blatant hypocrisy did frustrate me a little, but ultimately I didn't overthink it; I didn't want to be delulu or look too deeply into anything because I still thought I must be missing something. Taekook is the most popular for a reason, right? Right?

But Taekook died for me when Tae told Taekookers to get out of their imagination. I respected that from him and took it at face value. It was the most aggressive shutdown of shipping we've ever had. I couldn't brush him off. It's disrespectful. He's uncomfortable.

Meanwhile, over the next couple of years, Jungkook and Jimin only got more suspicious in the minor interactions and in the big staple moments. Rosebowl. Hickeygate. Etc. Everyone was bending over backward trying to explain away the things these two did with each other, and it's always the same excuses. I was also trying extremely hard to think of any reason other than the simplest one because I didn't want to be delulu.

Because there was no way two members of a boyband were actually in a long-term relationship together. Especially in a conservative country.

Ridiculous. Unrealistic. Delulu.

I was basically telling myself in a mirror that they were just extra super duper close friends with muddy boundaries that meant sucking ears and giving neck hickeys was okay. I did allow there to be the thought that, maybe they're friends with benefits and that unavoidable intimacy now bleeds through into their regular interactions.

That opinion carried until 2023.

Isn't that funny?

2023.

The year so many jikookers gave up and bemoaned that those two weren't close anymore or had broken up is the year that finally convinced me.

What tipped me over?

Jungkook's vlives.

The way he kept watching videos of Jimin when he could just phone him. It reminded me of me watching Jimin, but I'm just a fan; I watch those videos because it's the only way I can appease my yearning to be close to and connected to Jimin, and absorb everything that he does or says or is.

Jungkook doesn't have that limitation, so why's he sitting there like a lovesick puppy with the fondest/most loving eyes when he could have Jimin over with just a call? Why's he sitting there looking like he's also yearning for something he can't have like us, the fans, when he can have it? He has Jimin's number. You don't need to watch yourself tease Jimin. You can just go do it. Just text him, bro.

It felt like he just wanted to bask in Jimin without interruption, without distraction, without having to force his attention elsewhere. Beyond being incredibly sweet, it also felt like Jungkook was making a statement, a point, because he kept doing it. Why? Is he somehow obsessed with his friend and bandmate whom he's seen almost every day for over a decade? If it was to promote him, he really didn't have to do all that? He didn't do it for the others, not to that extent.

Watching Jimin, talking about Jimin, singing Jimin's songs, fkn playing Letter on guitar. (The naked vlive flirting session? Lord, what.)

The man kept having vlives with a significant Jimin focus. He insisted on it enough times that it felt like he was trying to slap some sense into me. His insistence bothered me enough for me to finally do a deep dive into jikook.

Down the rabbit hole, I went. The more I learned, the more my jaw dropped. Where the fuck was all this info on my timeline when these motherfuckers were celebrating the most basic kpop boy interactions as if they were wedding vows? I even ended up seeing pictures/info we as fans were never meant to see at the bottom of that hole. If you know, you know.

Eventually, I ended up on this video (bless this fucking channel).

youtube

I want everyone to understand that I had zero knowledge of established relationship timeline theories. I went into this video blind, just trying to find the point in time when JK started to warm up to Jimin. That's not what I found. I found something so much better.

Especially 2013-2015 had me in awe. I think I cried. Jimin and Jungkook had a fattest, cutest mutual crush on each other. Absolutely. And because they were young, not that famous, and still rookies with media and camera training, we get a lot of insight into those two that we wouldn't get in later years when they learned how to mask and behave more "idol"-like. Jimin was especially loud, almost sadly loud. If you haven't watched the timeline of at least those early years, I implore you to. It actually blew my mind and broke/healed my heart. It's really bittersweet to see two teenage boys with little to no experience in anything romantic trying to come to terms with themselves while also coming to terms with each other. It's like watching a coming-of-age romance movie.

I saw clear shifts from when the relationship hit turning points in certain years. I proposed a timeline in my head based on that. Imagine my fucking surprise when I found out other people have also come up with timelines, and more surprising yet, they were all unbelievably similar to mine, down to what changed in what half of the year. I, who had no previous knowledge that this was even a thing. I just noticed it all on my own. We were all seeing the same thing. The same changes. No red circles, no slow-mo, no mind reading. It's all in the body language.

I panicked a little because overall it seemed too good to be true, so I reached out to a taekooker friend to send me her best evidence videos and receipts because I just had to make sure I wasn't going totally delulu here. I needed to see that the other biggest ship had interactions and moments on the same level with that same consistency, maybe even their very own relationship timeline to bring me back down to Earth. But... there's nothing. Really, there's nothing between taekook. Not one moment where I was like, oh? You'll find hours-long jikook content videos that are absolutely jam-packed with content, significant content, but that sort of depth just doesn't exist for taekook. Instead, you get conspiracy theories.

I watched most of the videos on that best of jikook channel and several other staple channels. It wasn't as if I bought into everything presented. I still rolled my eyes at many things that were blown out of proportion by some creators, and jikook isn't free from red circles and slow-mo and bullshit. And yet, I was still overwhelmed by the mountain of crisp receipts dumped on my head.

Jikook have much, much more solid evidence supporting the theory that they are together than evidence against it. I took the facts as they are, took my social experiences for what they are, took my psychology background for what it is, and concluded that they are most likely together, probability-wise. At the very least, they are the ONLY pair in BTS that have ANY legitimate possibility of being romantically involved. If jikook isn't real, then none of the other ships have any hope whatsoever, let's not kid ourselves. It's them or none of them.

They also have much, much more evidence that they are together than with any random man or woman you wanna throw at them. There needs to be valuable evidence or a total shutdown for me to tip the scale. I'm going to need Jimin or Jungkook to state, "I am not dating anyone at all," or "Get out of your imagination," or a bighit relationship announcement, or a clear video of lip-on-lip action or very intimate interaction with someone else.

Frankly, I don't give a single fuck about a grainy pic/video when it's 2023 and there's no excuse for that. I don't give a fuck who owns the same vase or cooking pots. I don't give a fuck if either of them hugged a woman. These are not evidence. These aren't even as good as the worst Jikook evidence.

At this point in time, Jikook is still the only viable option with the information we currently have available to us. This is my opinion and I stand by it.

At the end of the day, the thing I want most is for Jimin to be happy. Currently, it seems that Jungkook makes Jimin the happiest (as Jungkook says). As long as that holds true, I'll be here. If that changes at some point in time, I'd accept it.

But until that day comes, what the fuck else am I supposed to think?

#Jikook

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asimplearchivist · 9 months

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‘ 𝓾𝓷𝓽𝓲𝓵 𝓶𝔂 𝓿𝓸𝓲𝓬𝓮 𝓲𝓼 𝓰𝓸𝓷𝓮 . ’

𝐂𝐇. 𝐈 𝐨𝐟 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒.

[𝓪𝓼𝓲𝓶𝓹𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓬𝓱𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓼𝓽'𝓼 𝓶𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽] [ 𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍 𝐊𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓 ] AO3 | SPOTIFY | PINTEREST summary ☾ ⤏ steven, unbeknownst to him, meets the love of his life at one of its lowest points. pairing(s) ☽ steven grant/reader word count ☾ 15.7k a/n ☽ [gif credit] ⤏ aka my personal love letter to one steven grant (and myself, because I want to be loved like I love just once). ⤏ i am going to be completely honest on this one, guys: this is a borderline self-insert fic that is 100% self-indulgent on my part bc i have felt like shit the last two months and want to treat myself. ⤏ i kept it as a reader-insert because a) some people (including myself) enjoy experiencing different ‘pov’s of reader-inserts, per se; b) it’s easier to be kinder to and romanticize myself when it’s ‘not me’; and c) i feel that it’s still vague/inclusive enough to be counted as a general reader-insert versus labeling it strictly as a self-insert/original character. i really only describe personality traits and the reader being petite, really (bc nothing comforts my 5’0” ass more than knowing i would actually be able to kiss the boys without craning my neck all the way back tbh). i use a few southern colloquialisms, too, just fyi. :) ⤏ typical moon knight fanfic disclaimer: I don’t claim to know very much about did beyond what I’ve gleaned from both the show, the various meta posts I’ve read on tumblr, and from other fanfics themselves, so please forgive and correct me on any glaring discrepancies/issues I may have presented here (or link me any posts that discuss more accurate representations of did, perhaps—that’d be greatly appreciated). some of the terminology/technicalities escape me. I tried my best to get their voices and characterizations just right, and I sincerely hope I succeeded bc they’re very special to me. ☽ MASTERPOST ☾ ☾ ☥ ⤏ NEXT CHAPTER ☽

The first time Steven met you, it was strictly by happenstance.

He had always considered himself a man with many friends. Although his routine was relatively simple compared to other Londoners who thrived in social settings and spent all of their free time anywhere but home to mingle and chase tail, he had familiar faces he saw frequently. He committed their names to memory when they’d give them off-handedly, he made a point to speak to them in passing even if he or they were otherwise occupied, and he kept a mental list composed of all the details he was able to glean strictly from observation when they didn’t readily volunteer the information.

Perhaps it was a little silly. All lot of them had trouble remembering him, sure, but he couldn’t hold it against them—tons of people had trouble keeping track of faces and people. Sure, JB never quite got his name right even after Steven had worked at the museum for a couple of months by now, but he was a busy man monitoring the security cameras all day long and stayed distracted (with his infatuation with otters, no less—as endearing of a trait as any for someone with a secret soft side). Donna stayed in a tizzy, always worked up over something beyond her control (Steven couldn’t imagine how difficult it must be dealing with the higher-ups trying to meet goals and attempting to exceed them). He didn’t really dislike them for it, even if it had grown rather grating as of late. (Even if it would only take them both a moment to look at his conveniently given and placed nametag.)

Crowley didn’t talk much, all part of the gig, so Steven didn’t hold their one-sided conversations against him, either. The gentleman with the broom cart (whose name Steven never had managed to catch, as gruff as he was) seemed only to ever respond with grunts. The security guards, the tour guides, the usual suspects on the morning and night bus rides…Steven interacted with them all, and they had enough good graces to acknowledge it most of the time.

Over time, however, as his dreams (or perhaps more aptly named nightmares) grew more vivid and more bizarre, as he seemed to lose track of time more and more (how exactly does one manage to miss an entire weekend when one isn’t a blackout drunk?), and as Steven’s anxiety led him into taking more and more precautions to make sure his self-diagnosed sleepwalking disorder didn’t strand him on the other side of London (again), it became more readily apparent that those people with whom he took such care to converse did not seem particularly inclined to return the favor. Sure, he’d accidentally nodded off a few times leaning on the other passengers in the morning bus, ran a little late at times getting to the museum (much to Donna’s ever-increasing ire), and maybe got a little carried away with his nattering when he got invested in something he was excited to share information about, but…would it really kill someone just to respond long enough to reassure him that he wasn’t virtually invisible?

It was one such morning after he overslept, convinced he was late, and worked himself into a right and proper state trying to get to the museum on time that he realized that it was, in fact, Sunday, not Saturday. Much to his bewilderment but proven by his phone, the museum stood barren and closed, doors locked and lights off. He stood at the entrance staring at his dumbfounded expression in the glass for a good five minutes, thoughts racing as he tried to recall anything about the previous day. There was no way he slept an entire day, right? He hadn’t been staying up too late trying to manage his disorder, even if he had been running a little tired lately.

His distress was punctuated by a fat, chilly droplet landing right on his nose. The early spring weather was unseasonably cold this year, leading to an abnormally wet season (as if rain could ever be abnormal in London, but the meteorologists remained convinced), and within seconds of Steven turning and trotting down the steps the skies parted and released their torrential downpour as if just to spite him specifically. Everyone else in the immediate vicinity, if they weren’t holed up in their cars or the myriad establishments bordering the museum district, already had their umbrellas up to shield themselves from the frigid onslaught, ambling along and circumnavigating the puddles lingering from the storm the night before..

Steven shrank into his coat, tugging the collar up and over his head as best he could as he crossed the street and aimed for the first building he saw with its neon, ivory OPEN sign glowing against the gloom—on the corner directly across from the museum entrance. The door was heavy, the handle cold enough he was surprised his palm didn’t stick to it, but he managed to pry it open and tumble inside.

A few people glanced up from their tables to give him a range of skeptical to humored looks before going about their business. Steven hedged to the side of the door in case someone else came in, dripping onto the old hardwood with no small amount of regret.

It was a coffee shop. Comfortingly warm against his numb face, he basked in the scents of espresso and sweets permeating the place. His attention was caught by the bookshelves on the wall to his right, and he was entranced—all until a barista slipped out from the kitchen and addressed him with a croon. “Oh, goodness, look like the weather caught you!”

Steven almost accidentally ignored you thinking that you were talking to someone else (for so rarely did someone speak to him in a tone that wasn’t irritated or dismissive). After his cursory glance in your direction, he did a double-take, realizing you were looking right at him.

“Yeah, I—looked at the forecast wrong, methinks!” he responded sheepishly (and he had—he’d been expecting Saturday’s overcast mist, not Sunday’s shower). “I’m makin’ a right mess, aren’t I? I should probably go before I warp the stain—”

“No! No, just wait a second.” You raised a placating palm before dipping below sight behind the counter. You emerged and rounded the corner next to the display case holding a towel, walking right up to him and offering it to him with a sympathetic smile. “I can’t count the number of times I thought I could beat Mother Nature,” you joked. “It sucks that it’s been so cold on top of it. I’m surprised I haven’t gotten sick.”

Steven accepted it graciously, muttering his earnest thanks as he went about mopping up his sopping curls. Once he’d wiped all the rain he could off of him, he handed it back to you. “Hope I don’t get one, neither,” he responded. “It just wouldn’t do to catch cold in the middle of all this, would it? No.”

You chuckled a bit, eyes glittering with mirth. “Maybe it’ll help if I get you something hot to drink?”

Steven glanced at the menu hanging on the wall behind the counter, eyes rounding a little at the prices. He’d overspent on books again after payday, so he was having to be a bit more frugal this week than usual. “Oh, no, don’t go to the trouble, I’ll just call a cab and get a ride home before it gets too bad.”

“It’s no trouble at all,” you assured him, wringing the towel between your hands. You hesitated only a heartbeat before you leaned in a little closer, smile turning a bit bashful. “I’ll make it on the house, how’s that sound?”

Steven normally considered himself one to give where charity was concerned, but he had to admit that the sound of something warm on his urgently empty stomach was divine at the moment. He cleared his throat, glancing towards the other customers still wrapped up in their own little worlds. “No, I couldn’t—wouldn’t want anyone jealous that they’re not gettin’ the special treatment, you know.”

“It can be our little secret,” you offered quietly, winking conspiratorially at him.

He blinked, heat creeping up into his face. “Oh, well. If you insist, then…just this once?”

“All right.” Your smile lit up your entire face, and you headed back behind the counter to deposit the towel in an unseen hamper.

Steven followed, training his eyes on the menu—the standard fare was reasonable, with alternative options for dietary restrictions. A lot of the custom concoctions did seem lovely, and he was a tad surprised to discover that they served breakfast and lunch, also—with vegan options, most notably. “Wow, I never even knew this place existed. I must’ve been walkin’ right by it this whole time.”

“Do you work at the museum?” you inquired, folding your arms over the counter and propping your chin up in your palm.

“I do, actually,” he beamed, though it was dashed a tad with his next confession. “I want to be a tour guide one day—you know, I’ve been studyin’ up for it and all—but they’ve got me in the gift shop. For now! They said they’d move me up with a new position becomes available.” They said that they would consider him for the role, but Steven clung to his hope that they’d soon realize how bloody good he’d be at it, as hard as he’d been working for it for so long.

“You always have to start somewhere,” you replied warmly. You gestured to the shop around you. “This is just to hold me over ‘til I’m finished up.”

“Are you a transfer student?” Steven asked.

Your brow rose slightly, but your smile didn’t waver. “How observant. Most people ask me how I got lost on this side of the pond.”

“It isn’t often I see Americans anywhere but in the more touristy spots,” he agreed, “but the university is quite prestigious. You must be very academically successful if you landed a transfer scholarship like that.”

“It took a lot of work,” you admitted, “but it’s been worth it. I never thought I’d do anything like this, and I would’ve laughed at you a couple of years ago if you’d told me I’d move this far away from home. I’ve never really been the traveling type, but I’m so grateful that I’ve had the opportunity to do so.”

“What are you studyin’?” Steven inquired. An English major, perhaps—you struck him as the literary type with your articulation, despite your soft, southern drawl.

“Oh.” Your face darkened and you fiddled with the hem of your sweatshirt—dark gray, warm flannel, with a silver astronomical design embroidered into the front. “Well. I went to a university back home and got a degree in writing—” Nailed it! “—but I was notified at graduation that I qualified for this so I thought why not? It’s a bit self-indulgent, really, as I’ve always been a history nut, but I’m, um…” You reached up and scratched the nape of your neck, glancing away as though embarrassed. “...focusing on Egyptology?”

Steven’s brows shot halfway up his forehead. “No kiddin’!”

“Nope,” you confessed, a bit sheepish. “I picked up a book with pictures of King Tutankhamun’s treasures when I was three and I’ve been in love with it since. Maybe it’s a little niche, but it makes me happy—I’m taking other history classes, too, so I’ll end up with an Ancient History major with a minor in Egyptology—that’s just my main focus since I always wanted to be an Egyptologist when I was little. I don’t know that I could ever stand the heat, though, so I’m happy with writing in the comfort of my own home.”

“No, that’s great!” he raved, grinning from ear to ear. “I’m a bit of a history buff meself! The museum has a huge Egyptology exhibit coming up next month, so I’ve been brushin’ up on it all. You know, in case I get to audition.”

“Oh, yeah?” you tried, emerging from your shell just a bit. “Do you have a favorite period?”

“New Kingdom, definitely,” he said immediately. His heart was thrumming, and he was trying (in vain) to contain at least the majority of his enthusiasm. “There’s just so much material to go through. All the texts recovered from Deir el-Medina fascinate me to no end!”

“Yeah, Paneb was a right bastard,” you joked. “He had the whole town stirred up all the time. But we’re not going to talk about Ea-Nasir.”

“Oh, yeah—imagine keepin’ all your hate mail for posterity,” he returned, strumming his fingers against the inside of his sleeves. “What about you?”

“Oh, I’m an Old Kingdom gal,” you said with a chuckle. “Pepi II’s letter about the pygmy won me over. Not to mention all the drama with Teti’s assassination. The workmen’s village at Giza? Oh, how could I pick one thing?”

Finally! Finally, it felt like Steven was talking to someone that spoke his language!

“It’s really hard to, isn’t it?” His stomach was starting to grumble. He cleared his throat, tamping down his anticipation just enough to concentrate on the matter at hand. He glanced up at the menu again, a little remiss with some of the unfamiliar choices—most of those displayed were coffee, but he’d been trying to curb himself off of it in favor of cutting out caffeine altogether for a better sleep schedule. “I, um…sorry, got a little sidetracked there. What would you recommend that’s decaf?”

“Oh, I love chai,” you told him. “Most of the teas we carry are decaf, though we do have decaf coffee, too. We’ve got all the usuals like chamomile, mint, Earl Grey…” You tilted your head slightly. “I’ve been avoiding caffeine since I was a teenager—it makes me antsy.”

“How do you normally take your chai?” he queried, curious.

“As an iced latte,” you said. “Cold foam, cinnamon, whole milk. I like it warm, too, especially this time of year, but there’s something about it iced that I can’t seem to part from—maybe that’s the southern upbringing in me.” You gestured to the equipment behind you. “Would you like to try it?”

“Yeah, sure! But with oat milk, please?”

“You’ve got it, darlin’,” you beamed, and set to work immediately. “I usually drink a small since it’s a bit sweet, that okay?”

“Certainly.”

Never would Steven have thought that he’d find such a deeply kindred soul a stone’s throw away from his workplace he’d never even noticed before today. He had to confess that he was charmed by you almost instantly. It had been a while since he’d met someone so engaging and open—not to mention generous and drop-dead gorgeous to boot! Ironic, really, that the foreigner was treating him more kindly than his native kinsmen. What did the Americans say about southern hospitality?

“Thank you so much,” he said when you returned with the cup and set it in front of him. “It looks great!”

“Go ahead and try it,” you suggested, “and if you don’t like it, I’ll replace it for you with something else.”

Steven had absolutely no intention of telling you to your face that he disliked your favorite beverage, even if he did decide it wasn’t to his taste—much less make you go out of your way to make him another free drink. But as he sipped the heady, sweet mixture the spices melted over his tongue. Despite being served cold, the flavors warmed his mouth and settled cozily into his belly.

“Oh,” he suspired, licking the foam from his lips, “that’s lovely. You’ve won a convert.”

Your smile was nearly blinding with delight. “I’m glad! It’s not for everyone, certainly, but those who do like it always seem to love it. No in between, I guess.”

Steven resisted the urge to suck the entire thing down, folding it between his hands instead as he committed more details of your appearance to memory. Your black apron was a bit big for your frame, dwarfing you a bit, but your sweatshirt did, too—your jeans were well-fitted but not snug. You were wearing very little makeup, just a touch around the eyes, but it emphasized your lashes like a fawn’s. While comfortable, if a bit plain, your ensemble made you seem like the epitome of homey.

“How long have you lived in London?” he asked after another delightful sip.

“Since the start of spring semester,” you said. “It was a big adjustment to show up at the tail end of winter, but I think I’ve gotten the hang of it now for the most part. I still get lost occasionally, but that’s why Google Maps was invented. I’d be up a creek without a paddle without it.” You leaned against the counter again, bracing yourself on the stained surface and gazing up at him as if there existed no other person in the world. “I live right next to the campus, but I work here to get away even though my scholarships carry most of my bills and fees. Ironic, though, ‘cause I don’t exactly consider myself a socialite.”

“You’ve fooled me,” he said with a chuckle. “Bit odd bein’ an ambivert, yeah?”

“I really only talk a lot when I get excited or when I’m with people I’m comfortable being around,” you confessed shyly. “I’ve been told I talk too much about stuff nobody really cares about, so I try not to bother anyone.”

“Now who on earth would have gone and told you that?” he pressed, heart aching all the while. How many times had he been told the very same thing, sometimes with less polite wording?

“Oh, not exactly like that,” you rectified in a hurry, “it’s just…you can tell, you know? When someone isn’t really paying attention to anything you’re saying. I usually get interrupted anyway, so sometimes I find it easier just to keep quiet.” Your skin darkened again, and cleared your throat as you dipped your face to conceal it with a hand. “Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I went into all that. See? Rambling too much—words got away from me.”

It was like looking into a mirror—so much so that Steven almost felt a bit of deja-vu.

“No, don’t be sorry,” he said softly. “I understand completely—really, I do. Better than you might think.”

You raised your gaze back up to him, and he understood at once why the philosophers and poets both waxed so romantic on the concept of windows to the soul. He could see your tenderness, your diffidence, your sincerity all there in your jewel-like eyes.

“People talkin’ over you all the time,” he continued with a low murmur, looking down at the cup when the intensity of your stare grew too much—just like looking directly into the sun, “actin’ like you’re invisible or somethin’. Gets frustratin’, yeah? Couldn’t even bother to act like you’re there, could they? No. Seems like too much to ask.”

“Yeah,” you said somberly, but when Steven dared a glance up at you, your expression was one of complete understanding. Never before had he felt so seen. “It doesn’t help when you’re really not a people person to begin with.”

And now that Steven considered it more deeply, he realized that you were right—why did he prefer to stay home rather than go out? Keeping company with a goldfish certainly wasn’t an extrovert’s definition of a good time. Hell, the only reason he really went out of his way to engage with those on the fringes of his daily routine was because he felt it was rude not to because of constant exposure, not because he was itching to have the conversations themselves. He worried constantly that he’d overshare or annoy people, when most wouldn’t even think of it.

He let out a soft laugh, pressing a palm across his forehead.

You quirked a brow, your expression perking up just a bit at the sound. “What?”

“I just realized I’m not really a people person, either,” he said, shaking his head. “Thought all this time everyone else was just awkward at social interaction.”

“Oh,” you chuckled, and there was that ephemeral sparkle of mirth back in your eyes. “Well. Better late than never, right?”

“Right.” He paused, then set the drink on the counter to fish around in his pocket for his wallet. “Here, since you’ve been an absolute angel—”

“Oh, no, please,” you said, waving your palms at him in an attempt to dissuade him, “it was my pleasure. Finding someone else as big of a nerd about Ancient Egypt was tip enough, thank you. You’ve made my whole day.”

And even though his morning thus far had been an utter disaster, Steven believed that you had made his entire day, too.

“Well, all right.” He pointed a finger at you with a wry, toothy grin. “But next time you won’t be able to talk me out of it.”

“Next time?” you echoed, and the unadulterated hope in your eyes made his heart clench.

“Yeah,” he said, “where else will I be able to order the ambrosia of the gods? And nerd out about ancient civilizations? Not all baristas carry a double-edged sword like you do.”

You bit your lip, rolled the hem of your sleeve between your fingertips, and looked down and away. “Oh, stop it. It’s really just a hobby.” You gave him another cheeky smile. “But, if it would make a difference to you, since you seem the type…” You leaned in across the counter, and Steven found himself copying the action as though you had magnetized him. “...there’s a bookstore upstairs, too.”

Oh, bloody Nora, as if you weren’t already perfect enough.

Read the rest of the chapter here! :)

#fisara's codices #fanfiction #moon knight #steven grant #reader insert #steven grant/reader #steven grant x reader #steven grant x you #moon knight x reader #moon knight fanfiction #steven grant fluff #steven grant fanfiction

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ijustthinkhesneat · 6 months

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I am about to be so real.

I fucking hate DC comics.

Like have they given us Dick Graysons butt? Yes. Jason Todd’s thunder thighs? Yes. Damian being teeny tiny? Yes. Tim being a bi gremlin? Yes.

But you know the fuck what. I simply cannot get over their aversion to men having problems and like dealing with it in a healthy way. Why is modern Bruce literally the worst person ever?

And I don’t mean in WFA or fanfic or cute little cartoons. Why in the Batman Comic series is Bruce one of the worst people ever? Bruce “I care about kids who were hurt like me and want to try and give them a better life” Wayne has fully morphed into Bruce “Teehee I beat my children and blame them when sociopaths that I enable hurt them” Wayne.

Like literally fuck off. It’s not even just that. The whole Red Robin arc when Dick is just “wow my brother is having a really hard time. I’m gonna call him crazy, take away the thing that’s been helping him to stabilize and give it to someone who tried to kill him multiple times and is consistently verbally abusive towards him. That will be really good for him.”

Literally what the fuck. Don’t even get me started about tarantula or Damian dying or any interaction between Bruce and Jason.

Like I’m just so fucking tired of this company peddling media about how it’s normal and right to forgive people who habitually abuse you. How it normalizes unsafe and unstable relationships between men.

And a huge part of this is because they just write this shit for shock value. Like what horrible thing can we run these characters through and never talk about ever again just so people will talk about it. Remember that like 3 comic long shit show of Dick getting brainwashed by the fucking Joker? Like it’s literally Dick beating the shit out of his brothers and being like I don’t know you and I don’t care and then it’s just like haha back to normal everything is great now.

I fucking hate it. It’s bad writing, it’s an irresponsible narrative about how trauma effects men and I’m just tired.

I really do like the fandom too. I think DC fans have created a lot of safe spaces for queer people, people of color and people with disabilities. But so much of what the fandom runs on is just so far from canon. I know tons of people irl who have never read a release post new 52. And I know some people who have never read a DC comic period cause they saw a glimpse of the toxic waste in there and noped out.

Like I know I’m just some guy on the internet but seriously if your canon comic material is so bad that a very large portion of you fanbase feel they can’t read it or would rather write there own story that just completely changed your characters you need to take a long look at what you are producing. Dick maybe being bi in Gotham Knights is cool. The rep for a character that has been coded as queer for a very long time is cool. But representation is in fact second to writing a good story and having good characters and DC is failing spectacularly at both right now.

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cobwebcorner · 9 months

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Hey there, are you new to the Resident Evil fandom and want to know more about this weird blond guy with the sunglasses? Maybe you only play Dead by Daylight and want to know what his deal is without having to comb through a 20+ game series for his appearances? Are you trying to write a fanfic and can't think of anything for him to say, outside of constantly proclaiming his right to godhood?

Then have I got the resources for you!

(don't trust the fan wikis. They do things like claim that a man with one of the most Irish surnames in the world is Italian, just because his parents have some implied organized crime connections)

Ok now that you're in here I will reveal that the real purpose of this post is to spread the good word of original flavor Wesker, who I think is a really interesting villain with more complexity than people might expect. It doesn't look like Capcom is ever going to remake code veronica, which has a significant portion of his story, and there's a ton of his lore locked in a rail shooter most people never played, so I'm here to help fill in some knowledge gaps.

To start off, here is Wesker's Report 1. This is Wesker himself summing up the first 3 games for you, with glorious footage of the original playstation graphics:

youtube

Don't panic it's actually only 22 minutes long, the rest is an untranslated interview with the game directors.

Bam boom, you know what Wesker was doing from 1998 through 2000. Now let's step back in time a little and talk RE 0, the prequel game that explains how the outbreak that started it all happened in the first place. This is the story of Wesker and his buddy Birkin's past mistakes coming back to haunt them with a zombie-leech army (the past mistake in this case is disposing of your mentor's body improperly):

youtube

Stepping even further back in time we have Wesker's Report 2, which talks about his early years at Umbrella. This was only ever released in Japan, but fans have done a translation and gotten it voice-acted. This video has both the report and a compilation of all Wesker's scenarios in Umbrella Chronicles (the rail shooter this-is-the-story-so-far game):

youtube

It's long because it includes the gameplay footage. If you just want to read the report instead, google project umbrella Wesker's Report 2. You can also find UC's cutscenes separately on youtube. Wesker's scenarios are Beginnings, Rebirth, and Dark Legacy. UC condensed a lot of stuff and made some…odd story changes (especially to RE 3. Poor, poor RE 3), but it also added fun new stuff for Wesker to do, like beating up his creepy masochistic ex-boss. Godspeed, Wesker.

Now rumor has it that we are going to get Ada's campaign added to RE 4 remake eventually, but we don't have it yet, so until then here's their interactions from the original (lovingly updated to HD by fans):

youtube

RE 5 was Wesker's last (chronologically) and probably most significant appearance in the series, not to mention the version of him that's been everywhere since, but I'm not actually going to talk about him. To my eyes, RE 5 Wesker is a fun villain in his own right, he just isn't Wesker. He feels like a completely different character to me. If you've watched these videos you might have noticed this already.

RE 5, if you wish to give the writers the benefit of the doubt, is a story of Wesker having a complete mental breakdown after finding out certain retcons truths about his past. He's not usually like that. For one thing, count how many times he mentions being a god in any of this footage. Go on. I'll wait.

Classic flavor Wesker is calm, cold, and calculating. He loves pitting enemies against each other and then running off with the spoils. He does very little grandstanding and he's not all that hammy. He's pragmatic to a fault, and a master at shifting his plans around to work on the fly. He also doesn't give a flying fuck about eugenics, or "saving the world", he's in it for power and money and building better monsters just because he can. There. I said it. I feel better for it.

#resident evil #albert wesker #I also want to note that the bit about Wesker having Sherry has since been retconned #lore dump

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therealloopylupin2099 · 6 months

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introductory

Let’s start from the very beginning. Since you guys did one might as well do one for mine!

My name is TheRealLoopyLupin2099, and I’m this Blog’s one and Only Miguel.

Cordinants 11-01-04.

I have a ton of likes and dislikes and I have obsessions also in other fandoms.

I also do roleplay in posts,do memes,rant and share thoughts, share my art I did (online or paper) and some fanfics for the masses!

Current song obsession: Here they be witches by Creature feature

I am also a multi fandom blog,but it’s just mostly Spider-Man posts. Markiplier,Jacksepticeye,Dawko,Voltron,Fnaf, Ghostbusters,ect are my main fandoms. My header says it all I have Autism so bear in mind!

If you want to send asks then send them my way! I’ll answer them!

But do not interact if your anti LGBTQ+ (friends with people who are LGBTQ+), ship minors with adults (talking to you people shiping miles and Miguel!),toxic,ect!

My blog is a safe place for EVERYONE! (But not the bad guys that did wrong there Anomalies!)

So feel free to come visit spiderlings! I’m nice! And if you wanna share something with me mutuals or not just @ me! :D

All I ask in return is respect and if you break the rule I set I block you! (Haven’t blocked someone yet but I will if necessary!)

#miguel o'hara #blog intro #intro post #introduction

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isa-ghost · 1 month

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Btw I am affectionately squeezing everyone who's given me Pomme, Missa, Pac, and other characterization tips for AMFMN to death for their help. I hope they know they've contributed to making the fic the best it can be and if Tumblr doesn't fuck me over, I'll definitely at some point in the future find the URLs on the posts I made and make a sappy af post thanking everyone who helped me do research to write things accurately.

I'm determined to make sure every single character that appears in the fic is done right no matter how brief their appearance is, even if it's not a flawless reflection. I'm very confident in Most of my characterizations so far (I've been told I've got Phil and Fit's mannerisms down PERFECTLY and that means SO MUCH to me ;-;), but I've been super conscious abt doing everyone justice throughout the entire planning & writing process. I'm determined for there not to be a single He Would Not Fucking Say That moment in the fic about ANYONE.

And despite being a little antsy about the characters I'm writing who I haven't seen tons of in streams, I'm having so much fun turning the compensation I'm doing to make up for lacking the knowledge into a group effort. To me THAT is peak QSMP.

The fact that I've had community members talk to me in Spanish abt characters, then consulting a completely different person to translate those things for me, then passing on those translations to other people who need a good reference for characterization. Getting to let people infodump about their faves in general but esp in their language. Asking someone to work with me throughout the process of writing the fic to translate the Spanish correctly rather than lazily relying on shitty translations from Google. Hell, my translator for Spanish dialogue taught me a Spanish culture thing and I deadass changed a conversation in Chapter 3 to include it!! The fic, a FANMADE THING, is LITERALLY doing what Actual QSMP's entire goal is: bringing groups together and sharing bits of their cultures!! That's fucking awesome!!

AMFMN has been a community effort FROM THE BEGINNING, honestly. Someone asked me for certain qPhil headcanons, then those sparked me to make other qPhil headcanons, then someone else asked me to elaborate on one I made, then I saw an entire group of people voicing a desire for more Phil-centric fics, then THAT all spiraled from there.

I never was like "Hm. Me want write Phil fic." I got inspired from the fandom and the people I interacted with. I'M NOT A FIC WRITER. I HAVE NEVER WRITTEN A FANFIC BEFORE NOW. I only ever wrote short OC things. And here I am writing a 20 FUCKING CHAPTER longfic for a fandom!! And I'm consulting people for Spanish translations for Missa, and I 100% intend on consulting a native French speaker I know and a native Portuguese speaker I know if Etoiles or Bagi have dialogue in their languages too (I plan to fit it in where I can, I've been focused more on Missa speaking Spanish bc he/Phil use the translations more together while Etoiles & Bagi tend to just speak English if they're not on their own or with other FR/PT speakers so I haven't been as focused on them lmao)!! And I'm so fucking hyped that I get to make that happen because of something I created, the same way Quackity gets to watch collaboration and sharing through something he's created.

TLDR I fucking love this community and I'm so thankful for the people who have been involved no matter how briefly.

#qsmp #AMFMN things

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gemgirl28 · 10 months

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How do you make friends in zutara fandom? It’s been really hard for me because I seem to find myself in bigger discords where it feels like everyone is in a clique and it’s hard to connect, and they talk so badly about people they don’t like to the point I’m afraid to say anything because I don’t want them to do that to me too. I don’t know if it’s gotten worse lately or if I’m just looking in the wrong place

Hello anon! First off I'm sorry you've struggled to connect with other people in the fandom. It definitely can be difficult when we are all interacting with each other online, but I hope you do make some genuine connections 🫂

I will say, making fandom friends in 2023 feels VERY different from 2020/2021 when I first got into fandom, and that is very much due to shutdown vs things opening back up. When I started engaging with the zutara fandom in August/September 2020 I was working full time from home doing a job that was often dead (read: I was online during working hours) and a part time job on the weekends that was soooo slow it allowed the brainrot to really sink in as I daydreamed about zk while working. Now I work in office a minimum of 3 days a week and while we are in our slower season, we still have a ton of work to do to prep for our busy season.

And that's just me! I know people who are engaging in other fandoms, have also had work ramp back up, have had family stuff that pulls them offline, etc. It's a different space than it was when I was first making connections with people (and I would be curious to see if anyone who was already online pre-Covid has written a dissertation about the waves of online engagement due to shutdown).

Also, I do struggle to make connections in larger servers, mostly because I get overwhelmed at the nonstop activity and end up muting them. I do think they are great places to keep up with fandom activity, like events, fanart, fanfics, etc, but for initially making friends I find it tough.

So all that to say, here is my personal method for making fandom friends (results may vary):

Engage with the same person over and over. Like their posts, comment on them, reblog with commentary/additional tags, just over and over engage with them.

They slowly start to engage back (liking your posts, responding to comments, reblogging your reblogs, etc.).

Slide into their dms and ask them how they are doing, then tell them what about them made you slide into their dms (I legit messaged someone that their vibes seemed nice and it worked).

Talk about fandom stuff but also about your interests outside of fandom (IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: DON'T SHARE IDENTIFYING INFO. I'm talking about things like fave foods and music, not where you live or your mother's maiden name).

Be friends forever.

Now that I'm reading that back it sort of reads like instructions for getting to know someone on a dating app. But also, if you aren't trying to fall a little in love with all your mutuals, what's the point?

tl;dr: It can be tricky making friends now that real life has ramped back up, but if you give it a little time and effort, you can make some great connections in fandom.

#i hope this helps anon #and in case I haven't made it clear #I am always down to scream about zutara #it might just take me longer to respond these days #anon asks #my asks

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kittzuxp · 3 months

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Cut for insanely long vent/rant and also questioning my place in the twomp fandom ( if u wanna skip 2 that go 2 the green part)

I feel like I haven't made a big enough contribution to the twomp fandom. Like I get that I am certainly not 'celeb level' famous like an, pax or macha. And I'm not asking to be! But it seems like I used to be mentioned every once in a while in twomp posts, and now my twomp posts are being reblogged more often, but other than that nobody really interacts with me... Idk I feel like I'm being selfish, but I've been at Tumblr since April of 2023 and I don't really have a place in the twomp fandom yet,, do I just have to make more posts? When do i get to be 'that person that is known for that'..?

And how do I change that? How do I make a contribution to the fandom? How do I get noticed? I'm not looking to cause any trouble, I don't want stigma..

I'm not asking for that much honestly.. am I? But I just want to have a place in the fandom, it's not the same if i'm just mindlessly posting about twomp, given attention (likes, reblogs, replies etc.) and then ignored. Have I not made a big enough contribution to the fandom to have a place in it? Am I really that forgettable?

Any twomp posts that I've made that have gotten 'famous' are just screenshots. Is that really all of my worth in the fandom.. screenshots? Usually I'm fine with just being a lurker in fandoms, but this is the only fandom I feel like I've made a contribution to and yet.. it's not much of a contribution..is it?

I see talented people post beautiful (and certainly better) fanart and I question if my art will ever be enough to be noticed like theirs is. I don't want to bring them down or anything, no, there are tons of underrated artists here that deserve more attention because they are also trying to make a contribution like me!

And yet, I'm also questioning my place in the fandom. Labratgurlz is on break from the fandom because of twompcord (and other drama), I'm in the server but don't know what's going on but I'm too scared to find out. The recent drama about meat man's user, the mpreg, (Is wide billy considered a controversial thing in the fandom?).. I look at my "contribution" and the fandom and I think: ' is it really worth it to keep going, and keep enjoying this? I am not acknowledged so it's not like anyone will notice my disappearance..." I feel like in a month or 2 the fandom will start being toxic and it would be better if I just left. But I'm too invested now. I started an art challenge and a fanfic and by god am I going to finish them. But it also feels like the fandom is slowly poisoning itself.

I feel selfish for asking to receive attention, in a pathetic post like this, but. Please interact with me, please tell me that I've done good enough and that I've made a good enough contribution to the fandom. Don't do it out of pity if, but- actually, if anyone were to praise me, not out of pity, they would have already done it. Oh god I'm spiralling into a hole of madness.

#kittzuxp #twomp

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laurasauras · 8 months

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Careful on that last post there's tons of proshippers in the notes blindly praising him

oh hon, are you lost? i really don't hide what i write!

i'm going to take you in best faith and assume you meant this as a kind heads up. i also want to assure you that this very long post is not meant to make you feel bad and please don't take it as me starting an argument with you personally. it's just something that's been on my mind lately and you've given me an excuse to articulate it!

seriously. it's not you, it's me.

i think the labels of pro/anti-shipper are very stupid and they're a very fandom-centric thing. not because people don't get up in arms about what professional authors write, because of course they do, but because when they do, they don't identify themselves as doing so exclusively on the basis of the romantic pairings in the work.

you wouldn't get someone saying "jamie x cersei writer george r r martin is bad because he wrote incest", you'd get someone saying "game of thrones is bad because it contains incest, graphic sex, rape, gratuitous violence, fantasy themes" or whatever it is they have problems with. or they might say something along the lines of "game of thrones is immoral". and that judgement is based on the work, not on martin as a person.

pro/anti is not based on a person's creative work, because people identify with these labels when they've never created fanfic/fanart. it's a personal identity. "i believe it is bad for someone to create/consume works with romantic pairings based on x" or "i believe people should be allowed to create/consume whatever they like". the "x" in that is usually incest/age gap/power inbalance of some kind, but people can come up with all sorts of things to fill in the blank.

"antishipper" is a convenient label because it isn't defined. it's like saying "moralshipper", where you never say what the morals are. those on the outside of the label are automatically bad, and those on the inside get to be anxious about whether any of their actions or thoughts are going to be called out.

it's the equivalent (and there's a large overlap here) of having a pinned post saying "freaks dni" or "dni if you're a, b, c, or any of the other bad things". it's the safe thing to do, because you can't get called out for forgetting to publicly declare that you don't want racists to interact with you, but it's also an exercise in anxiety.

not for the people who label themselves as proshippers or gladly fly the freak flag! those people either block (sensible) or argue (pointless) or hatefollow (genuine self harm), but they don't panic about the fact that they're being excluded. they might feel sad and they might have anxiety over the potential of being included on a blocklist or callout post, but they know who they are. no, those posts--and to an extent the label of antishipper itself--create an "in" group. and wherever there's an "in" group and those inside hate the "out" group, those inside either Don't Think About It or they live in fear of being kicked out.

and the same is probably true of some proshipper circles. some people would view a member having a personal squick as a betrayal of the group.

by putting a label on it, you're making it into a club.

that's my criticism of the labels. there is some horrific bullying behaviour on both sides, so i won't bother to criticise that. if you think it's okay to tell someone they should hate themselves or they should be harmed due to their opinions, i don't want to be your friend. i don't think that is ever productive. the only thing it does is make the person saying that kind of thing feel that they have done their civic duty. it doesn't change minds, it doesn't soothe victims, it's just nasty.

in terms of what the labels represent, here are my main criticisms of antishipping (because proshipping is defined as "not antishipping" so is useless to talk about). and i'm focusing on incest here because it's easiest to choose one thing rather than go broad:

it implies that it's impossible for a work of fiction to be about a topic without also condoning it.

it states that liking or disliking a work of fiction is a moral action. by liking something, you are actively doing something bad. by disliking something, you are actively doing something good.

it specifically fixates on the ship--i already mentioned this, but it bears repeating. two siblings kissing is not allowed; explicit torture is, so long as it's not tied to a romantic relationship.

it talks about "normalising" concepts, and to normalise is apparently to make them acceptable in wider society. which is ridiculous:

because if incest didn't exist before supernatural shippers, we wouldn't have had a word for it;

because fanfiction is not something that the majority of wider society is aware of, let alone consuming;

because there are 33,509 fics in dean/sam (supernatural) as of the time of posting, and i promise you that none of those authors are kissing their siblings because they enjoyed writing about fictional brothers kissing. i promise you. because ...

because incest is a very real and very illegal and very fucking bad thing. the vast majority of incest is paedophillic and rape. the vast majority of the offenders are not reading fanfiction. they did not learn that incest existed because of fiction and decide that it was an okay thing to do to someone else. the argument that they would is fucking insane.

it can be comforting to say "people who consume this kind of media are bad, and i don't consume that media so i'm not bad."

it can be comforting to say "i don't associate with anyone who consumes this kind of media, so i am not in danger of being hurt."

it can be comforting to say "by saying that i'm an antishipper / proshipper / terf / terf hater / whatever in my bio, i am signalling to those on the outside of my group that they are unwelcome on my blog and unwelcome in society. i am cleansing my space and the world of those people."

and it's all bullshit.

it doesn't matter.

here's a list of things that you can do that do have a positive impact in the world:

plant a tree. call your mum. smile at the baby in the line in front of you. attend local council meetings and advocate for equality. start a book club. compliment someone's art and reblog it. learn how to say thank you in your country's sign language. buy your mate a coffee. assume people are trying their best. put your pronouns in your email signature. take your dog for a walk. write a story that will make someone feel something.

just be kind.

#fandom wank #long post #discourse #tagging those for people who block them not seeking to be found #i'm a small blog please be cool

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love-bokumono-fics · 2 months

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I was awake too early and had more time to think about blog ideas than usual as i laid in bed in denial about being awake.

So I'm going to float an idea towards y'all.

I've been toying with the idea of a Would You Read That Fanfic? sort of blog. The general idea being people would submit story ideas they have but might feel tepid or nervous about writing/posting and then people would vote on a scale of "I would absolutely read that!" To "I would not read that." Just to generally provide the writer an idea of if there is an audience for their story.

Right off the bat I can already see the idea turning sour because people would interpret poll results as the only reason they do or do not write. Poor results or lack of (potential) audience enthusiasm before a story is even posted or written can kill a story before it's given a chance. I can also foresee it becoming something of a popularity contest, whether that be for certain ships or games. Or poll results would be used as justifications for presumed slights/favoritism. And the thing I definitely don't want it to do is become a source of discouragement for writers. Like I said before. I don't want it to be the reason someone decides to not share a story they were otherwise very excited about. It could very easily become a source of disappointment for a writer if ao3 stats/interaction don't reflect poll stats/interactions.

But at the same time I can see a lot of good coming from something like this. It could inspire so many more stories to be written in the fandom. It could give someone the courage to share a story they were very excited for but nervous about sharing. It could even help a writer temper their expectations before posting so they don't build up to something that will leave them disappointed and discouraged. It could help writers prioritize what story they want to work on. (I know personally that I have a ton of half-finished or barely started wips that might be worth putting the time and effort into finishing if I know others would be interested in them)

And there's a thousand other tiny nuances one way or the other that I know will crop up the more I think about this.

Even I'm personally in 2 minds about the idea. Because I am and firm believer in Writing For Yourself. When I have a story idea I am my first and sometimes only intended audience, and sharing stories with others is just a lovely bonus. And so having a poll that helps me see if there is a potential audience for a story I'm working on feels kind of contradictory to that. But also, as I said before, I have a TON of WIPs that are half-finished or barely started. And sometimes I'll go back to the story and pick at it and think "I wrote the parts I was inspired to, but if I filled in some more scenes I could post it. I wonder if anybody else would like this story?" And just knowing that someone else might be interested could be the inspirstion I need to finish it. Or if there isn't much interest, it could also be nice to know that this story can just live in my brain and that's okay too.

I've rambled a lot. It very much is just an idea at this time, but I'd love to hear if any of you have thoughts/opinions on the matter. And realizing the irony about my mixed feelings on polls telling someone whether they should go ahead with an idea, I'm making a poll. So...

#rambling ideas on 3 hours of sleep babey #polls #i think if this did become a thing if would become a side blog. and not part of this blog #but then again since i would want it to stay within the bokumono fandom it could work to stick the polls in this blog too #idk. I'm still brainstorming at this point.

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cryinginthefkncorner · 7 days

Text

Look, i know I’m about to kick a wasps nest, but I need to say it.

I don’t really care for fandom shipping discourse, I don’t take Sides religiously as both have good points, and ultimately I’m just anti-censorship…

…but that doesn’t mean I think the pro side is all right and the anti side is all wrong

Both sides harass the shit out of each other, both sides extremists are bad and need to go touch grass

But y’all also need nuance in these discussions your having

Because let me tell you, as someone who was groomed by multiple predators (one would go on to abuse me Irl for 7 years of my life btw, starting when I was a tween) because of fandom, the pro side of the debate has made it quite clear that they don’t actually care to understand the ramifications of the type of abuse I went through, or to actually listen to survivors of CSA who’s abuse occurred through fandom.

The pro side will be quick to point fingers at adults of kids in fandom, but the adults in charge of me were told by therapists I was seeing at the time that I was “being a normal tween” for believing I wanted to be in a relationship with an adult at 13/14. That I was “over dramatic and should be responsible for what happened” at the hands of this adult when I disclosed the first time about the abuse. I also got in trouble for the evidence of the grooming that was found by my parents, instead of them realizing I was being targeted by a creep.

Part of this was because I was a lonely, bullied, and ostracized kid.

It’s almost like sexual predators bank on adults failing to act and blaming young girls for the abuse. It’s almost like they’re right when they tell young girls that no one will believe them when they disclose. The pro side proves this too by how they justify their romanticization by pointing fingers at parents “not parenting kids” as if they can never do anything wrong, or miss the signs.

My parents missed the signs because they assumed a teenager (who was 17-18 when he started abusing 13 year old me) could not be a pedophile. They were happy their daughter “had finally found someone to talk to” because my own peers hated me and bullied me every chance they got at that age. To the point where I was actively suicidal for years.

All of this grooming happened because I dared to interact with the MLP fandom at 13. And trust me that fandom was filled with pedos at the peak of its popularity. Like I said multiple full grown men groomed and RPG’d in a sexual way with me, even after I disclosed my age. Because I dared to like pastel colored pony’s and I wrote some (PG-13) fanfic, and drew some fanart.

And trust me, I saw the romanticization of my own abuse in that fandom, and seeing it being defended still is disconcerting.

Like, an actual survivor saying “hey, please don’t portray the abuse that ruined my fucking life as a good thing please” shouldn’t make y’all so fucking mad. But it does. And it’s fucking weird.

I’m not going to name call or anything, won’t even tell you what you can or can’t post but just know I’m one of those people where if you are posting that crap and I stumble upon it, or are vocally defending your right to romanticize it, that I’m silently judging you.

And I’m just going to block you if you try to defend it on this post.

I’d say that if you want to avoid drama maybe just get a fucking sensitivity reader if your discussing CSA, and aren’t trying to romanticize it. But apparently sensitivity readers are just “enforcing censorship” or whatever so I know I’m just talking to the equivalent of a brick wall.

Before you bring up not reading this stuff- I don’t, I’m just kinda sick of a real problem in fandom being dismissed and victims being blamed for their abuse

Before you bring up Lolita as a “gotcha” defense- I have reading comprehension abilities, evidenced by how I have a minor in creative writing (which btw involves a metric fuck-ton of reading and discerning meaning and intentions of the author from those readings) Lolita was not defending predators, it’s meaning was twisted by people who want to defend grooming and csa, and since I can tell the difference between condemnation and romanticization, I’m sure a lot of people who share my opinions also can as well. Not everyone with “anti” opinions is uneducated like you think they are, some of us are just expressing why we have limits and why we find certain portrayal distasteful. If you think I’m still wrong i reccomend going back and reading the prologue in Lolita that you obviously skipped.

Before you say I’m advocating for censorship- I’m not, I’m just saying you don’t get to shout at abuse victims who were affected through fandom to shut up. Write insensitive portrayals of traumatizing shit, and then get upset when someone tells you your portrayal is making the traumatizing shit look like it’s a-okay. If you post something on this vein be prepared for someone to say that what you wrote is portraying harmful stereotypes (ie that CSA isn’t harmful if an often repeated myth, it’s akin to saying rape victims were “asking for it” because they were drunk).

Also I’ve never harassed anyone about this in my life, in fact the people who defend romanticization of my abuse are usually just blocked on site, because I just don’t want to deal with the shit-stirring that occurs.

And finally for those who think this is me being against harm reduction- I’m not against harm reduction, maybe these thing are harm reduction for awhile, but eventually, just like alcohol or painkillers, these little fanfic stories aren’t going to be enough for would-be predators forever. They will build up a tolerance where imagination and text isn’t enough anymore, and that’s when they start to actually do the real illegal shit.

If you have reading comprehension you’ll realize I’m am not saying fiction=reality, but to spell it out more clearly, the fiction isn’t making them offend, the inability for the fiction to be enough to get them off is what leads them to offend. It’s like someone who can’t get oxy turning to heroin out of desperation.

When the harm reduction doesn’t work anymore, is it really reducing harm, especially when the stuff they now turn to is the illegal stuff they were supposedly trying to “avoid” in the first place.

Anyway, that’s my thoughts on this shit, I’m tired of seeing it debated or people with the same trauma being told to shut up because the truth is inconvenient. I needed to just get it out.

Anyone who openly defends this crap in the notes or reblogs will be blocked.

#rant post #personal #anti proship #anti radqueer #anti prat #anti map #tw csa mention #tw rap3 #tw rape mention #tw grooming

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sotwk · 10 months

Note

Hi! I'm kinda new to the Tolkien side of tumblr, I wanted to ask if you had any recommendations of who to follow?

Hello my dear Anon friend! Welcome to our wonderful fandom--we are so happy to have you! <3

And oh my goodness, I am indeed flattered that you've come to me with this question. There are so many spectacular writers and artists in our Tolkien community and I am fortunate enough to be mutuals/friends with many of them, even though I've been on Tumblr less than a year myself.

"Who to Follow" really depends on which characters you are most interested in, what kind of content you want on your dash (fanfics? headcanons? artwork? gifs?), and other personal preferences or restrictions (sfw only? triggers to avoid? okay with RoP?).

I will recommend just a few to start; these active, Tolkien-centered bloggers are good ones to start with because they either 1) post terrific original Tolkien works; 2) interact with/are friends with a lot of other fans; or 3) regularly reblog a lot of varied Tolkien content (or even all of the above).

Below are some Mutuals of mine who are wonderful people to interact directly with! Check them out and see whose content answers your interests! I varied them as much as a could:

@fellowshipofthefics (a community to support Tolkien fanfic writers)

@lordoftherazzles

@fizzyxcustard

@lathalea

@heilith

@middleearthpixie

@scyllas-revenge

@friendofthefellowshipsnerdblog

@entishramblings

@minaturefics

@brain-empty-just-vibes

@asianbutnotjapanese

@wordbunch

These are just a FEW of the Mutuals I love. I could name more or all but I don't want to overwhelm you. ;) There are also a TON of other terrific blogs that I don't follow, but I am choosing to introduce folks I personally know and interact with. If you follow these guys, they will lead you to the many, many, other great Tolkien blogs out there, guaranteed.

I feel I must explain how I am weird in my method of choosing whom I follow; I follow people to make friends, and not just to access their content. (Because most Tolkien content gets reblogged by my friends anyhow and gets to my dash either way.) I usually wait for someone to follow me first, and if based on their engagement with my posts, if they seem like they want to connect with me, I follow back and we are Mutuals! I treasure each and every one of my Mutuals very much and really try to engage with them.

Again, thank you for trusting me with your question, and I hope you have a wonderful time enjoying the Tolkien fandom!

#sotwk answers #anon asks #welcome to the tolkien fandom #i have the best mutuals #blog recs #lotr #tolkien

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condomatsu · 5 months

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LOTS OF HOMESTUCK FANDOM RAMBLING AND COMPLAINS

[this is my view, this is my opinion, idc if you disagree, idc if you agree, i just wanna talk about it and hopefully never touch the subject ever again] [english is not my first language, pardon my errors]

"Kanaya and Rose are lesbians!!!" that's a cool and valid headcanon, but you recognize and treat it as what it is - a headcanon - right?

You recognize that people who ships Kanaya and Karkat are not 'homophobes' nor are 'trying to erease Kanaya's sexuality', right?

I like rosemary, I really do, but I'm TIRED to see people writing "DNI IF YOU SHIP KANAYA/ROSE WITH BOYS". You're entitled to do that, sure, that's not even the biggest problem. THE problem is when 'fans' see the ship and not the characters and don't go over that. They see rosemary as "the lesbians uwu" and nothing else.

Rose and Kanaya used to be very complex and unique characters. Sure, Act6 ruined them, but Act6 ruined EVERYONE, so what's the difference? Why so many people headcanons Karkat as 'gay' but still recognize him as his own character? Why it's not the same with Rose and Kanaya?

They basically don't exist outside of their relationship anymore, they exist as a whole that consist in just "the sapphics, the lovers, the wives" and that's it.

Mind you, I would still say this even if their canon sexuallity was lesbian, but the fact they're not and people are so aggressive about it makes it so much worse.

Rose has shown interest in men, Kanaya - as EVERY troll - doesn't even know wtf 'sexuality' means. Basically, if we HAVE to give the a sexuality, Rose is more bisexual and Kanaya pansexual - maybe omni since Hussie said Kanaya's interest in women is "a fetish"; something horrorific that I seriously don't know how fans (indireclty) accepted (by making Kanaya as "the lesbian uwu").

I feel like repeating myself, but YOU CAN HEADCANON THEM AS THE FUCK YOU WANT TO! You can even feel uncomfortable if people ships them with the opposite gender! You can post/talk/reblog/etc about them only when they're paired together, I do it too! But don't go after people who sees them differently; don't go after people who doesn't buy the 'canon rosemary bullshit' (remember they interacted very less and very less romantically than other famous ships like grimdorks after all); don't geniunly think about them as "the lesbians" and nothing else. This is why wlw ships and woman characters are so less relevant and seen in fandom spaces. Yeah, they're in every Beta kids/troll draw, but them ALONE as themselves, without making their sexulity/relationships the centre of the thing? How many character analysis there are about homestuck boys - sometimes even without mentioning their relationships at all? How many there are about girls character? And I used rosemary as an example but Jade suffers a lot of this too.

Have you seen Jade outside of the "best girl" or "autistic girl" or "cute girl who can beat your ass" context? Much less, right? The last one - "cute girl who can beat your ass" - is even less present then the others somehow. Jade in general is very less present in the fandom in general.

"It always has been this way" I disagree. VRISKA is the perfect example for this. If you go further back into the fandom, you'll see tons and tons of Vriska-solo content, lots of analysis, fanarts, fanfics, etc. But since she became the "Terezi's moirail uwu" she stopped existing so much outside of her relationship with Terezi. Even Vriska's relationship with Tavros didn't do that. Gosh, not even Vriska's PAST relationship with Kanaya did that! I'm not even sure this people even KNOW Vriska and Kanaya were moirails and that Rose was supposed to 'replace Vriska' and become Kanaya's moirail herself.

But times have changed and now Vriska too is the "butch lesbian" and nothing else. Well, in her case, she still have lots of solo-moments in the fandom, but I think that's because of her HUGE part in Homestuck, were you simply cannot talk about it without mentioning her and the stuff she does. "That's valid for Rose and Kanaya too", yeah, but significantly less, you understand that? You *can* summorize Homestuck without mentioning Rose's role in the Beta SBURB session and so it's for Kanaya, but it's more difficoult to do so without mentioning Vriska's numerous interventions and fucked ups. Also, Vriska is a much more controversial character, of course people are going to discuss her more outside of her relationships.

I'm happy that this fandom considers characters as Nepeta and Feferi, even if they have such a short screentime. Still there are plenty of problems with how they're portaied in the fandom.

Nepeta's "cat-girl >w<" moments are more or less stopped; old fandom already saw this and contrasted this. The same can't be said for Feferi.

I'll say this once here and only once and (hopefully) nowhere else: Feferi is not a good person, and she's not a bitch either.

"But she stopped Eridan from committing genocide!" she still wanted to keep lowbloods as pets.

"But she used Eridan and broke up with him!" she forced herself in a relation with him to keep his morderous intentions down.

Do you see what's the problem here? It's not the ships, it's not the screentime, it's not the misscharacterization, the problem is the white-black mentality people have in fandoms; the belief that one character can exist in one context and nothing else (one ship, one way of thinking, one characteristic, ...). Characters can and should be more complex than one characteristic they have which is a little fraction of themselves. AND this is especially true for girls/women characters, who are STILL viewed less and less complexly than boys/men characters, and THAT'S what kills complete girls characters and kills variations and fertilize misscharacterizations.

—sincerelly, a solkat lover who berally can see them outside of their relationship and doesn't like other ships with them

EDIT: some people have read the incipit as lesbophic, I'm very sorry for that! here are two posts (post n1), (post n2), where I clarify it. Feel free to send an ask too if there's some doubts about my statements or if you disagree on something (and explain why of course).

#homestuck #homestuck fandom #fandoms #in general cuz it's still true for other fandoms #women characters #rosemary #Rose Lalonde #Kanaya Maryam #Jade Harley #Vriska Serket #Nepeta Leijon #Feferi Peixes #long post #ramblings #complaining

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rollercoasterwords · 1 year

Note

the “we need an atyd/choices but for wlw” always gets me because why do wlw fics need to be compared to fics about men? i love love love the hand that feeds but would never read it as the wlw version of a mlm fic. It’s special in it’s own lovely way.

your little rants here are keeping me sane and i do wish all the people who post about this on tiktok would stumble over to tumblr for a moment to understand that no one is entitled to someone else’s free writing.

oh god i do not want them to stumble over here i think they would draw and quarter me lmao

no but u are very correct honestly for me it's not even about gender like it's not so much "why do wlw fics need to be compared to mlm fics" bc i feel like that's more just a product of the only viral fics rn being about men it's more just. why are you incapable of viewing anything in this fandom outside the framework of a handful of fics that have gone viral. like don't get me wrong i love choices i love atyd i love crimson rivers BUT. we already have those stories. y'know? so what people are really saying when they say "we need atyd for the girls!!" is just "we need a wlw fic to reach levels of virality previously unheard of!!!" and it's like uhhhhhhh why. literally why. are u incapable of enjoying something if it doesn't go viral?

and i feel like the response to that is "no but wlw fics just deserve more attention!!" no they don't. sorry if that's harsh but nobody deserves attention and i think placing so much emphasis on it is not a good thing. virality isn't some ultimate goal that every fic writer is trying to reach--i mean. jesus christ, do u guys see how people treat writers when their fics go viral??? it's nightmarish!!! i think there are plenty of wlw fics out there that deserve love and respect for their wonderful writing, but nobody creating fanfiction is entitled to like. a shit ton of readers. and i think most fanfiction writers understand that, and are not writing fic with the goal of amassing a huge online audience. like i know for myself and for most of my friends who write fanfic the goal is just to create a story we like for ourselves and then perhaps attract a handful of people who like that story enough to talk to us about it as like. icing on the cake.

so to say stuff like "we need atyd for the girls" to me just translates to "we need to perpetuate the model of interacting with fanfiction wherein we treat fic as if it exists in a consumer economy, where amassing the broadest possible audience is the ultimate goal and the Highest Honor to bestow, and then creates a self-fulfilling prophecy where there are only a handful of viral fics at a time and we then feel as though there is no diversity amongst what is being written because we get stuck in an echo chamber where everyone on tiktok is just posting about the same handful of fics because they know that's what will get them views, and then people are only reading those fics because that's all they see on tiktok, and then people are only posting about those fics because that's what people are reading, and then--hey!! why is no one writing wlw!!!"

#was JUST discussing this w a friend lmao #but yeah the whole 'we need atyd for the girls!!' is just. so annoying #also that is a HUGE demand like???#'oh is it so much to ask for a 500k fic with marylily or dorlene' YES.#YES THAT IS SO MUCH TO ASK #are u fucking insane #500k words is a monster u absolute troglodyte #jfc #ranting and raving #ask

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aylacavebear · 1 month

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Stockroom Antics - Chapter 19

Maria had changed jobs numerous times over the last five years, more to keep herself safe than anything else. Her mother had told her she was a fairy but she thought it was just her mom being weird. Honestly, though, she had no other way of explaining what had happened to her that stormy day before she'd gone into a coma for two weeks.

Please don't take my work. I'll post warnings for each chapter. Will probably be 18+ I haven't decided yet!

Word Count: 2524

Pairing eventually Dean Winchester x OC

Warnings: Angst

A/N: This one's written a little differently than my last one. Let me know what you think. It's the first time I've tried this type of writing. Chapters will alternate viewpoints as well. I also looked into an actual area so this one could feel more realistic. This one is taking on a life of it's own in a turn I hadn't anticipated, so adding a new tag.

----------------------------------------- Stockroom Antics Chapter 19

When the dragon crawled into your lap, it helped you relax a little. Plus, it felt nice to see it come over to you instead of interacting with Dean.

You still weren’t sure why it bothered you as much as it did. This whole “getting to know each other” thing made you nervous. Yeah, you enjoyed being around people, making them smile and laugh, but somehow, this felt different. So, you were nervous. Pinpointing why you were nervous was still something you couldn’t quite figure out.

The idea of adding to their grocery list felt strange. You even debated helping to pay for some of the groceries, but for now, keep that to yourself. When Sam mentioned you just going with them to the store, the idea was appealing. Then you thought about the dragon and how that would work. Would it stay at the bunker? It wasn’t like you could take a dragon out in public, no matter how small it was. People would freak out.

It was fairly embarrassing to tell them personal things about you, like reading fanfics on Tumblr. The thought of the things you enjoyed reading on there made you blush slightly, and you just hoped neither of them noticed. Thankfully, though, at least Dean had focused on baking. Although you couldn’t list specific things, so you generalized.

Why did he have to look so damned adorable when he smiled the way he did, you thought to yourself. And the way he chuckled made you want to smile. Then, every time he’d called you sweetheart, it made your heart flutter a little. You pushed it away, though, as best as you could. No point in getting attracted to him, even if you would be staying with them while they figured this whole thing out. You’d already convinced yourself that you were weird, especially after your accident and these two hunted monsters.

Finding out that Dean loved pie like he did gave you an idea. There weren’t many ways you could contribute or show your gratitude for what they were doing for you, so you decided to bake for them. It was simple enough, and it was something you loved doing. Now, with your powers increasing, it might even be easier.

Finally finding a little courage, you asked about the sigils. You understood Sam's reasoning; it made tons of sense. But what Dean said made you smile a little; you just couldn’t help it. Plus, he looked really, really good with how he leaned back in his chair. Again, you shook the image from your mind, trying to focus back on the conversation.

Watching the interactions between the brothers was adorable. The little things where they were different and how they would get playfully frustrated with each other made you giggle or laugh internally, though. Their laughter was pleasant. Laughter was something you’d been missing over the last few days. Sharing why you were nervous was more nerve-wracking than anything.

It wasn’t until Dean said you were their kind of weird that you finally began to truly relax and genuinely smile, even if it was small. The two full beers and now your third were also helping you relax more. The dragon stayed asleep in your lap the entire time; its presence alone helped you relax further.

A half-hour later, Sam was picking on his brother about books, “You’d rather watch something than read, and you miss all the little details. The books are far better,” Sam insisted.

Dean leaned forward in his chair, “I don’t need all those things. The show is fine, and I get the important stuff,” he argued.

“It depends on the book and the show. What one are you two arguing over?” you asked curiously. This was clearly something they’d argued over before.

“Game of Thrones. The books are far better,” Sam insisted.

“I’d still rather have the visuals,” Dean chuckled.

You did your best not to laugh at both of them, “I can understand both sides. Although, having read the books and watched the show, you do understand more than if you only do one or the other,” you told them, giggling a little before taking a sip of your beer.

“That’s a lot of books, Sweetheart. I’ll stick to the show,” Dean replied, and his playful smirk made you smile again.

“See, that’s what I mean. You just dismiss reading, so you’re missing out,” Sam argued, and you could tell it was playful.

“I’ll read all day, for a case, but if I can watch something, I’d rather do that,” Dean stated, attempting to end the conversation on the matter.

You couldn’t contain your laughter at that point. Both of them were adorable, and so was their brotherly bond. As the conversation continued, you shared a bit about yourself. Yeah, you were still a little nervous about it, but alcohol was called liquid courage for a reason, and it was helping greatly.

“So, how come you live in the house you do?” Dean finally asked you, sounding curious.

The question threw you off, and your smile faded, “It’s been my home for so long, I don’t know, I just didn’t know where else to go,” you answered a bit quietly. Part of you felt embarrassed about your home, especially after seeing how the brothers lived.

“Why not use your powers? Change it up?” Dean asked her.

Sam looked between the two. He had only seen the outside, although you were pretty sure that Dean had told him how your home looked on the inside. “I didn’t want to bring attention to myself. Only having a part-time job, I wasn’t sure how I’d explain the changes to the few friends I had.” You tried not to sound embarrassed, but it came out anyway.

“Makes sense. What about your family, though? They know you have powers,” Dean asked.

You shrugged a little, “I like my job and the people I work with… but…” you began, then trailed off, looking down at your beer. “With the King of Hell after me, not sure there is a safe place anymore.” Your tone had gotten quiet as the realization hit you. Where could you go at this point? You didn’t want to endanger your family, so that was out.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to make you sad,” Dean told you softly, leaning a little further forward.

When you saw him slowly reaching his hand toward yours, you held onto your beer and leaned back in your seat, putting more distance between the two of you. You did notice how he sighed and leaned back, though.

“It’s just… I don’t want to put them or anyone in danger because of me,” you replied, sipping your beer.

“Well, you’re welcome to stay here as long as you’d like,” Dean told you, making a smile play across your lips.

Part of you did miss your home, your friends at work, and the solitude your home had given you. However, you also began to enjoy being at the bunker with the brothers. You weren’t used to living with people and were still in the adjustment phase. With getting to know them more, you were hoping that things might feel less tense. After another half hour, your sides hurt from laughing so much. You couldn’t figure out how the dragon was sleeping through it all. Five beers was your limit, and you were on your fifth. Things were going amazing up until Sam said what he did about someone called Rowena. Your mood instantly tanked, excusing yourself to bed the moment you finished your beer.

You scooped up the sleeping dragon and made it to your room, only slightly wobbly on your feet. Once your door was closed, you set the dragon on the side of your bed and changed into pajamas. Climbing under the covers, you just sat there momentarily, wrapping your arms around your legs.

Could Rowena get into the bunker? Am I even safe here anymore? Am I putting the brothers in danger just by being here? Would the witch do the spell without consent? What would I even do if she did that?

Too many questions raced through your mind, even allowing a couple of tears to slip from your eyes. You wiped them away and turned off your lamp, then got comfortable on your side facing the sleeping dragon.

“I don’t want them to be in danger because of me,” you whispered, setting your hand on the dragon’s back.

An image of bubbles played in your mind. All kinds of different bubbles: soap bubbles, the kind that kids make with those bottles of bubbles from the store, bubbles in bodies of water, bubbles in a boiling pot of water, bubbles you make when you blow in a straw in chocolate milk. You furrowed your brow and looked at the sleeping dragon.

“Bubbles,” you said quietly, then rolled your eyes, remembering earlier. Dean had called her that after he’d given her bacon. If you weren’t as emotional as you were at the moment, you might have gone down a different thought path than the one that took over your mind. Anger hit you first, along with jealousy, all aimed at Dean. With all that had happened over the last week, you really weren’t thinking clearly; right now, anger was easier. The alcohol wasn’t helping either.

Bubbles shifted a bit in her sleep, stretching some and getting comfortable again, closer to you. You wanted to talk to Astaria again but at the same time, you didn’t. Then, you wanted to cry but didn’t do that either. The anger was easier to hold onto, almost making you feel grounded.

Morning came far too soon. You hadn’t dreamt that night, and it was only after five in the morning, according to the clock on the night table.

“Why can’t I just sleep in,” you grumbled just as Bubbles jumped on your chest, looking down at you like a happy puppy.

You giggled and began petting it, “What? Are you hungry?” you asked her, smiling a little.

You were still angry, but not like you were the night before. When Bubbles tilted her head, and you had an image of a forest come to your mind, you realized what she needed.

“Ohh, you need to go outside,” you said quietly, wondering if you could even do that.

Bubbles vigorously nodded her head, making you giggle again. “Can you use the toilet? I’m not sure I can take you outside or if it’s safe.”

She tilted her head as if she had no clue what you were talking about. “Come on. I’ll show you.”

You used your powers, changing into jeans, a tank top, and a red flannel, leaving it unbuttoned, then headed down the hall to the bathroom, Bubbles flying and keeping up with you. The idea of showing a dragon how to use a toilet had only come to mind due to funny cat videos you’d seen of cats using the bathroom.

Bubbles watched you, her head tilted, and she looked puzzled and curious. You could barely stifle your laughter at the entire situation. When you finished, you flushed the toilet, then looked over at her as she was perched on the countertop.

“Your turn. Think you can attempt it?” you asked her.

She looked from you to the toilet and then back at you, making you giggle quietly, “Want me to wait outside?” She nodded, so you waited out in the hall, trying not to laugh.

The toilet flushed moments later, and then the door opened. You glanced over as Bubbles hopped down off the counter and joined you in the hallway, “Feel better?” you asked, stifling another giggle.

Bubbles nodded, so you headed to the kitchen, figuring the brothers were still sleeping, with her flying alongside you. While the coffee brewed, you began writing out a list of items that you’d need for baking. You still wanted to do that, even if you were still feeling annoyed at Dean knowing your familiar's name before you did.

When you got up to get a cup of coffee, Bubbles hopped onto the floor, went to the fridge, and looked at you. The word “food” came to mind, but you weren’t hungry, so you sat back down at the table, returning to the list you had been working on.

Bubbles got annoyed at your stubbornness, but you missed the dragon roll its eyes. She walked over to you and tugged on your jeans, causing you to look down at her. “What?” you asked her, having no clue what she wanted.

She looked over at the fridge and then back up at you, “Are you hungry or something?” She nodded at your question and went back over to the refrigerator, then waited for you.

As you joined her at the fridge, opening it up, you peered inside, wondering what dragons even ate. What you didn’t notice was that Bubbles was already opening one of the bottom drawers and pulled out a green apple. She held it in her hands as she flew over to the bench seat next to where you’d been sitting earlier.

“So, what do you want?” you asked, looking down.

When you didn’t see her, you got a puzzled look and glanced around the kitchen, barely seeing her head above the edge of the table. Closing the fridge, you were still puzzled but shrugged it off and went back to the task of the list. Bubbles had been watching you as you wrote down items on your list. Then, it jumped up on the table and took the pen from you, setting its apple on the table.

“It’s a pen. You use it to write things,” you told her, chuckling a little.

Bubbles flipped over the piece of paper and attempted to write. It was clear that writing was something she had never done before, as it looked like the scribbles of a toddler. She glared at you, and you did your best not to laugh, no matter how cute she looked.

“It takes time to learn how to write,” you told her, then thought for a moment, “Come with me into the library.”

With that, you got up, grabbed your coffee, and headed into the library. There were still books strewn across the tables, so you used your powers, stacking them up neatly in a few piles. Then, you created some things to help Bubbles learn how to write. You weren’t quite sure how much she could understand, so you went with the basics: the alphabet and kindergarten stuff, along with a pad of paper and a pencil so she could erase.

You sighed and sat in one of the chairs, wondering why she wasn’t communicating with you telepathically. Then, the anger flared back up because she’d communicated with Dean the day before, at least her name. You didn’t know about the other stuff. Using your powers, you retrieved the list you’d left on the kitchen table, along with the pen. Then, you continued your list while having coffee, and Bubbles taught herself how to write.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 20

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