#and I’m kinda sad it’s over but also

[androidboy]

-

#ive got this awful feeling i just want to scoop out #i feel stupid and sensitive #like ive hardened myself to all this shit so the fact that i’m being affected by it is also making me mad at myself #my family didn’t want me around for thanksgiving and didn’t want me there for the family christmas party and didn’t want to #spend christmas with me because my mom doesn’t want me around the extended family because of how far in my transition i am #and my gf put off asking her fam about bringing me over for christmas for a month #and barely just asked and it sounds like they don’t want me there either #and tbh i kinda knew they wouldn’t #but also i feel like my gf also didn’t actually want me there which is why she put off asking for so long #and idk #i felt like with how far along i am in emotionally and physically recovering from stuff #and then also having a partner for the holidays for the first time #i would’ve left my sad sandra bullock era. but i have not #the only person who wants me around for the holidays is my dad and ive got such a weird relationship with him #and it literally would just be me and him alone #my dads side of the family doesn’t want me there either bc of the trans thing i just feel really fuckin #disgusting #feeling very goop monster

[janiedean]

two episodes of nervous crying your brains out for longer than one hour in the span of three days were not in my bingo card for 2024 when I graduated ten years ago and I would like to frankly get the fuck over myself

#personal for ts #one day i’ll be able to put into words #the absolutely hateful feeling of thinking you got over your shit #and then finding out that NOT ONLY you aren’t #but KNOWING you’re falling back into shitty coping mechanisms you STILL let it happen #honestly my self loathing is off the roof because fifteen years ago i didn’t know i was shitty coping #now i KNOW i am and guess what here i am doing the whole isolating myself and forgetting to reply to ppl song and dance #christ i thought i was okay with handling that kinda shit guess not #and yeah ofc i need to fix it for myself but this time is so much worse i’m just #my kingdom for waking up one morning and feeling some level of mental clarity #and for some goddamned financial stability #and for the force of will to keep the house tidy enough that i dont feel sad just looking at the state of the living room #guys also honestly sorry if i forgot to reply to your ask or pm or anything i’ll get to it at some point #i swear i’m not ignoring people on purpose i’m just completely overwhelmed sigh

[bilestat]

.

#I wish I could stop caring as easily as her #but unfortunately my feelings are just going to constantly get hurt over and over forever #when it’s obvious she doesn’t value our friendship as much as I do #I’ve learned to stop texting beyond holidays for the most part because it hurts getting disappointed when I don’t get answers #but it really fucking sucks she saw my insta story about my birthday but couldn’t bother saying anything to me #good to know where we stand #but again: idk why I’m surprised when she has not told me directly when she: #moved to my state from the opposite coast #set a wedding date and also got married #and moved a half an hour away from me #had to find that all out from the internet #so why would my birthday matter? lmao I’m an idiot #like at least she’s remembered in past years and does answer on holidays but #she hasn’t texted me first beyond my birthday last year in like two years #anyway wish I didn’t feel like crying rn #personal #to be deleted #and I feel conceited for caring but I know it’s not #and it extra sucks to still be hurt about another ex best friend that ghosted me years ago that shares my birthday so the sadness is just #inevitable #especially when combined with the fact that my dad’s birthday is in five days #so I’m just kinda sad around and on my birthday every year

[rotomartsblog]

To be honest. The news has kinda killed my motivation to create Camp Camp content.. I’ll bounce back eventually but this feeling is new and idk how to deal with it

#like I was working on finishing the first part of tocs and now. idk I just kinda feel dread looking at it #engaging in camp camp content makes me sad so until I’m over it. I’ll indulge in a different short project #I’m working on monster high redesigns #and I also have those rainbow brite redesigns I started a long while ago #rotomtalks #camp camp

[kicktwine]

Oh Sharlyan is MUCH smaller than I thought it would be. and it’s abandoned??

#what happened here…? #there’s certainly. magitek. And also a giant space owl holding a staff I’m not provoking That #oh. And knocked over aetherytes. that makes me actually kinda sad ahagh same as seeing a broken down train on the tracks #play game #oh! Well. The goblins have done a wonderful job keeping Idyllshire clean

[h8ani]

I should not be this chronically exhausted both physically and mentally at this age.

#today I have been put thru the ringer and I am not ok #I’m tired of everyone and their momma istg #I wanna cry but also have no right to cry #I’m venting now in the tags just ignore me please #but FUCK #when do I get a break with this shit show I call my life #have no money yet whenever I’m sad I spend my savings to make me feel better #I hate my job and wanna call out but also know I can’t because it’ll reflect my rent check #Cali is too expensive and health insurance is a joke #kinda wanna sell all my funkos now because I’m over my bad spending habits #wanna go to school but that costs money #kinda wanna get a one way plane ticket and not tell anyone #and then there’s my mom crying her heart out because of her pos husband who wants to say mean vile things to her #hearing your mom cry is not a good feeling

[hottest-fromsoft-monster]

sorry for posting about capra demon sheath…………..

#host posts #every time it gets rb’d i’m like #i rly broke my own rule fr #jk i’m not sorry #i’m shitposting rn sorry #excited bc there’s not much left to go of the tournament #but also sad bc it’s almost over #mixed feelings 💔💔💔💔 #i kinda wanna run one for armoured hotties

[petrichorium]

Happy anniversary of the time I wrote 20k words in a week and got ghosted by the artist who was supposed to make art for the fic lol

#it’s been a year I can be bitter now right #for a SINGLE DAD BAKUGO FIC r u kidding I should have had artists lining up to make the art and instead I get shafted #I don’t fully blame the Big Bang staff. I think it could’ve been handled better but it’s mostly on the artist #but wow that rlly happened huh LMFAOOOOOO #shoutout to Shay for being the most supportive friend through all that truly #I got to live vicariously through her assigned artist who was amazing && also she drew me some stuff that was adorable 🥺 #if anyone wants to know why sleeping is taking so long to write it’s bc I was fueled by spite and a deadline for the first chapter and now #I am just. kinda bitter and sad abt the rest #which sucks bc I love the fic I rlly do #hopefully I can get over it bc it’s silly to let something like that ruin the fic entirely #SO insane tho. the way I was the only one who made the cut and didn’t get art too #not even bc I didn’t get picked but bc my artist was a sham. nice. love that truly #the staff was okay. I’m not gonna pretend I felt supported but I get that it’s a complicated and stressful event #and it was a difficult situation bc my artist insisted they were working on stuff. never got an official ‘sorry I’m dropping out’ message #so I get it. but I’m also still pissed :) abt the whole situation not. at any singular member or staff or anything #mostly at the artist #but again could have been handled better fr

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

i had a dream last night where i was trying to put together a piece for an art final in one afternoon (because apparently i was taking an art class? i kept having lucid moments of hey i’m not even taking a real art class but i was content to still do the project) and actually i remember very clearly what i was planning and i have all the stuff for it i think i should recreate the dream art final piece

#i was doing a giant collage and i was cutting up bits of colorful + textured paper and running them through a printer over and over #again so that the words were overlapping to make an interesting texture and i was moving them around to make an image and i don’t #remember exactly what it looked like but it was an underwater scene and i can remember a few of the fish and coral structures in relative #detail so i think i’m gonna do it why not i do not have a big enough canvas (it was bigger than me in my dream) but i do have some #30in x 40in canvases (originally bought for giant self portraits of me bc i’m vain lmao) but perhaps one could be spared for this? #i also do have a giant sketchbook but i’m unsure if the paper could hold the weight of what i’ll need to do to it. hmmm #i also have a wall….. but i think i was only granted permission to paint over it smoothly and i hate painting smooth i need texture and i #doubt glued paper would be easy to take off if needed. sad. i really do want to do something to a wall some day. maybe i should just build #myself a giant canvas so it can be moved? it would have to be able to fit through the door though :/ #what about a bunch of smaller canvasses that slot together to fill the whole wall? that would be kinda cool i can work with that #maybe not for this project though that would be a lot of work bc if i’m gonna do a whole ass wall i’ll need to measure it n shit and then #i wouldn’t want the canvases to fit as squares i’d want them to be cool and interesting shapes so i’d have to build them myself #hmmmmmmmm. i will think about that later perhaps when i get my own place . it will be epic though i assure you #so i can add some supports to my giant sketchbook paper to keep it sturdier or perhaps i could use a giant canvas. decisions decisions #i will think abt it after i get her up how much colored/printed paper i have (a lot bc i get some every time they’re on sale at micheals #because i have a problem) and i should cut them all to like 8x11 so they’ll slot through the printer so i can cut them up after? #or perhaps i will cut them up before so i can get the vision right? there will be a lot of layers to this i know the pov of the one in my #dream was from the sea floor but near a reef so i will need to work on perspective a bit so maybe a nice big preparatory sketch for a rough #placement of everything then extra details i can come up with as i go? the fish and things will need to be layered a lot but once the base #colors are on i can’t really sketch it out. hmmmmm. i’ll contemplate some more i think

[mer-se]

I vaguely mentioned in conversation the other day while making a sandwich how bread at the store has a bunch of gross shit in it and how fresh would be better whatever and I went to the kitchen and saw my dad made a loaf of sandwich bread today and it was on the counter…..made sure it was ready before I went down to make sandwiches for work………love is real.

#made me emotional actually lol #he’s not a super lovey huggy dad but he does really cute thoughtful stuff #was so pretty too I’m excited to go on break and eat #been a lot of stress and worries going on but been shown so much love lately #I’ve also had a lot of self reflection #like a lot of it #and I’ve been realizing things like actually letting them sink in #and making new private goals that for the first time in a while idk.. #make me feel inspired to tap back into parts of myself I feel I’ve abandoned #back to old goals but also new ones #last year was really bad and put my life to a standstill in a way and I’m kinda over it and myself being the same #I feel like I’ve grown a lot more than I did in year(s) and changed #in some ways worse in ways I can’t control but also better #it’s been no easy feat but I’m stronger #it's probably time to use that growth and I deserve to have my wants and goals and dream life to come to fruition #this isn't the year to be stuck l've wasted a lot of time #idk this year feels like it's going to be important #the growing pains are real #so for now l'll continue to be scared but brave and sad but thankful and stressed but motivated #I’ve felt all the things at once lately #but no matter what my eyes are more open than they’ve been in a long time #and there’s people who want to be apart of my journey whether it’s happy and fun or sad and hard #and everything in between #the rest is confetti

[whistler-king]

I think ‘don’t let this get tangled again’ will stay with me forever

#all of us strangers #I kinda just wanna be run over instead lol #I’m so confused #god fucking damn it that hit so close to home #I have so many questions but also I’m so sad #all the missed opportunities

[revelations-mp3]

What should I talk about in therapy this Tuesday I need ideas .

#there’s so much but at the same time morning #I just feel empty rn #but also sad and irritable over every little thing #also feel kinda like weird about bringing up my concerns cuz what if it’s fake and I’m fake and this is all normal .

[nicoscheer]

#welp folk this is it i guess it was an amazing tour filled with amazing moments and I’ll be forever grateful that I got to see them twice #but the emptiness of their calendar kinda describes the emptiness I’ll be feeling once I’ve fully realized that this is it for the next few #years but I’m glad the boys are getting their well deserved break and hopefully they’ll be back rather sooner than later #mr schwarz finally doesn't have to stay strong for the crew anymore. he can take his rest #feel like the general mood is that the band and co are glad they can rest now but also sad that the adventure is over #or so it seems wegen looking at their faces and posts from tonight and the last weeks #just like us we’re sad they are gone and the car left the car park but also happy for them to catch up on some z’s

[seaoreos]

the funniest thing about being bi and having a self-shipper partner + qpp who are both mainly/exclusively attracted to men is that when they see a neat woman they immediately look at me and go ‘bee you should selfship with her’ I love it

#sea thoughts #I’m some form of Demiro I think so crushes are hard to come by and especially ones that stick #so it makes me kinda sad in a way bc I wanna have fun and kiss fictional guys too! #I mean I already kind of do. Moxxi Borderlands is… c.cool #and also Holly and Butler :o) it’s polyamory btw. So cool #also I kind of wanna make an oc to kiss Mama amnesty?? That would be fun. I like her #why do I have like. A specific thing for women with thick southern accents who have butch swag. #I could also kiss Aubrey n Hollis too methinks. #also weirdly enough I have the instinct to ship my adventure time oc Princess wizard with raggedy princes?? #she deserves someone who will listen to her poetry #I think it’s pretty neat :o) #also the Mad Moxxi kissing would be ESPECIALLY FUNNY considering my boys selfship with HANDSOME JACK LMAO #The image of two couples walking side by side and the one person from each looks over at each other in absolute disgust with the #bisexual flag overlayed on top of them and an arrow pointing to them that reads ‘exes’. It’s that #the oc concept I have is a . I don’t remember the name for mushroom specific biologist rn but they’re that #That almost fucking died and fused with a sentient mushroom colony. Normal Pandora moment #they met Moxxi (before almost dying) because they went to her bar for (and guess what) #A PLACE TO WORK WHERE THEY WOULDNT BE BOTHERED LMAO #THEY JUST LIKED THE BG NOISE AND WERE LIKE “ok well I mean. It’s moxxi’s. People are here for… reasons. If I just sit all the way in the #back here where it’s dim people will leave me alone.” #And I think they end up staying til closing and moxxi almost misses the fact they’re there before she’s like “???who tf is this lanky littl #nerd doing WORK back here?? AT MAD ME’S?? HELLO?” #ohbmu god they’re rhack but yuri and less toxic. That was on accident. Oh my god #anyways something something a line from a fic I read once #”the only people allowed in the back room at Moxxi’s were either very generous donators or people who were as cute as a button” #Um. Yea #If you know what fic it is don’t look at me #I’m 18 now I do what I want. Bitch #Anywaysss back 2 work

[writingpostmidnight]

hell yeah i got tagged in something that lets me share my music thanks @snapbackdad 10 most recently played songs, tag 10 ppl

imma tag ten ppl bc i love following directions but as always no pressure to participate. also if u see this & i didn’t tag u but u wanna share ur ten songs tag me anyway i love to find new music :3

@detrasystem @impulsive-astrophile @ur-cute-so-i @canvas-the-florist @icedchaigirllove @whateverwarrior @treesofgreen @girls-and-honey @lourek @carryitthru

#if u like scene music Vanity Dies is so fucking good it’s So Good. i can’t stop listening to it #and the rapture is just so fun #a little more is like my fav soft boy bop rn #robbers may in fact be my fav 1975 song at least right now which is wild #it reminds me of my blorbos tho so that helps #oh and PVRIS is such a good band but their first two albums are where it’s at and they’re so underrated #just great sad girl soft rock i love it so much #snow is such a fucking good song too ugh #my music taste has been all over the place lately #lol #arys rambles #tag game #also fr if ur reading this and wanna participate do it i kinda wanted to tag more ppl but i’m limited by my desire to follow the rules