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laniemae · 6 months

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The sexualisation of Mikoto, stalking, and how the fandom is repeating this.

CW: Stalking, sexual harassment, fanservice, murder

I’ve been thinking a lot about Double’s thumbnail, and especially the stalking theory. And if you think about it a lot basically everything fits up and that his victim was likely his stalker. Although a lot about what happened I never really have seen discussion on the why or how it’s been happening, so I just want to give my thoughts and theories on this all before Double.

The fanservice in MeMe:

The fanservice in MeMe has always felt really off to me. Milgram never has any fanservice-y stuff, minus Yuno in Tear Drop, but it’s only just her revealing outfit and nothing to do with strange camera angles or whatnot, and it’s very important to her character. For me and what I’ve think the consensus in the fandom has been, is it’s nothing more than that. That the fanservice is only there to appeal to thirsty fans or whatever. But I’ve been thinking a lot, and with the music videos extracted from prisoners minds, everything has a meaning in one way or the other. So for the creators to just throw a bunch of fanservice scenes in MeMe with no meaning apart from just plain fanservice feels really counter intuitive to the whole point of the MVs. And especially how this has never happened before makes it really strange to me. And with this idea in mind and going back to the stalking theory I mentioned earlier, I think it’s disgustingly clear what has happened to Mikoto.

Mikoto being watched:

I think what’s going on is that Mikoto was stalked for sexual reasons. The constant scenes of him in embarrassing moments (taking of his shirt, having a shower, having a bath) is what the stalker has been seeing and this subconsciously put itself into MeMe from Mikoto’s POV. Camera imagery in MeMe is very prevalent, from at the beginning him grabbing the camera and at the end him picking it up and punching it. I think this is supposed to represent him realising he’s being stalked and trying to hunt down who’s been doing it, and the destruction of the camera at the end to represent him killing the person.

Also around the middle of the song, we see security cam footage of him entering his apartment and crying on his couch, with Mikoto hyperventilating and gasping in the background. I feel like with everything I’ve said before this scene makes it extremely clear, that someone put up a bunch of camera around his house to catch him in those moments, if we’re taking that scene literally.

Then it cuts to him laughing at the screen in darkness, and the aforementioned fanservice scene right after this sequence of events really makes things scary to what was happening in his house. And also like I said before about the hyperventilating during this scene. I could mean multiple things such as him having a panic attack, being actually attacked or worse.

And the imagery of being watched doesn’t stop at just the camera stuff. At the beginning of MeMe in the scene at the train station, the camera moves around from behind a wall to reveal Mikoto sitting there holding a bat, like someone is watching him directly. To further back this up there’s a vignette around the edge of the camera and wee see it blink, like from a POV shot. And after the blink Mikoto disappears, and then we see him outside swinging a bat at the POV (just want to note this is outside and is probably in a different place than the train station, but I don’t know what to make of that right now, and how also the vignette I pointed out before isn’t present here). Then it cuts back to the scene in the train station, now with Mikoto holding a bat and walking towards someone on the ground, attacking them. Noticeably the vignette is still here in this scene, so the person Mikoto was attacking likely wasn’t his stalker, perhaps he just thought they were.

Wait I suddenly just got a theory from this. I just mentioned how the vignette in the scene I just mentioned likely means that Mikoto attacked someone else and the stalker was watching on. Me and basically everyone else has assumed that guy was his victim, but then what about the stalker? I’ve always strongly believed that Mikoto only killed one person but now I’m just starting to doubt that. If MeMe is to be taken in chronological order in this part, he probably killed that guy then realised that he was continuing being stalked. And as I said at the beginning of my analysis I mentioned that Mikoto punching the camera at the end could be representative of him killing the stalker and ending it (also to mention he gets the death card right before hand). And I didn’t think of it when I wrote that but what if he did actually kill multiple people in an attempt to kill his stalker. Hmm.

And going back to what I was talking about before, he probably entered his apartment afterwards and switched to Bluekoto after it was assumed everything was safe now. (Just saying I’m using Mikoto interchangeably to refer to all of the alters as it’s not clear who’s doing what, but this takes the theory of that blue was the murderer and not the other/s into account, because there’s a part of me that feels it wasn’t him attacking those people as red/green has a strong desire to protect blue and hide him from the traumatic events taking place).

I feel like I’ve gone way off track with what I’ve been saying here because while writing this I just keep noticing more and more stuff to write down and I just thought of someone thing again.

Every time it appears that Mikoto killed someone (the train scene, the garbage scene although the bag doesn’t look like a human body just saying), it cuts to a fanservice-y scene right after, maybe implying that the person he killed wasn’t the stalker, and he’s still being watched afterwards. Although this makes the bath scene kinda out of place as it doesn’t take place after a murder I think, and someone mentioned it was before the shower scene which kinda debunks this but I just wanted to mention this because why not.

Mikoto’s mindscape in MeMe:

Another thing I’ve been thinking about a lot is every character’s “mindscapes” as I call them. Yuno has an empty pink void with a tower, Fuuta has a fantasy land, Mahiru has a room inside a birdcage ect. And all of these places represent an aspect of their characters. Yuno’s representing her feelings of emptiness, Fuuta feeling that everything he’s doing is for justice and that he’s a cool hero, Mahiru being trapped and sheltered in an ideal concept of love and stuff like that. I’m going to make a theory on this in the future as it’s very interesting to me but Mikoto’s mindscape is always something that’s confused me.

Mikoto’s mindscape is a parallel of his apartment. Down to the couches, tables and everything, but lacking the bookcase and tv being buried in the water for whatever reason.

(Also I just noticed but there’s a blue thing behind the couch that Mikoto laid his head down on before which could be a bed or whatever. But in the mindscape and this other shot we don’t see it???)

(Actually maybe we do if we squint, oh well)

Okay, okay back to what I was actually going to say. The furniture from the apartment appearing in the mindscape makes sense, but what about everything else? The broken, tiled walls, the mirror, how everything is covered in a thin layer of water, the clear blue sky. There’s a bunch of this stuff I could analyse in my future post about mindscapes but I’ll just say the stuff that relates to what I was talking about earlier. But to say it right now, I think all that other stuff is supposed to be the bathroom we see him in.

Notice here the tiles are exactly the same, and we even see the same mirror he looks at himself in, in real life then Mikoto in the mindscape.

Also to point out how the Mikoto we see looking into the mirror here is wearing a sleeve and likely in the mindscape and as someone mentioned, since the ahoge is backwards it’s likely a reflection. Although it’s strange that it has the same green filter both ways.

After this we see bluekoto (presumably) fall backwards into the water. And another strange thing I noticed is that this mirror is behind the couch, but when he falls down the couch is tipped over.

Don’t know what it make of this but again I’m just constantly pointing stuff out I notice as writing this.

So basically I think the mindscape is a mix of the living room and the bathroom. The furniture from the living room and the water, mirror and tiles from the bathroom. But this makes things confusing, why the bathroom? Why would Mikoto project imagery of his bathroom into his own mindscape? This brings me to what I was saying before. The walls in the mindscape are completely collapsed, providing no closure or privacy to this “room”. The sky is also out, so his mindscape feels very exposed. And what I said earlier about my staking theory. It’s likely that someone placed cameras up in/around his bathroom to record him naked, a complete breach of privacy and that’s why this mindscape is so exposed and has elements from there. Even in this world that he created, he still doesn’t feel safe at all.

The audience and the repeating of Mikoto’s trauma:

Basically to sum it up from what I’ve said. Mikoto was being stalked and sexualised by someone. Cameras were placed up around his house to record him in embarrassing situations and he figured out, and attempted to kill the stalker.

But here’s one thing, that story we likely see in MeMe is happening again. But with the audience.

When MeMe came out everyone went ballistic. Lots of people were very surprised in how violent it was, how compared to the calm preview we saw it instantly started off with death metal and destroyed every idea we had about him, and kept switching between being calm and violent. But what I want to walk about right now is the reaction to the fanservice.

As we all know, when MeMe released a horde of thirsty tiktokers came over and started absolutely obsessing over Mikoto and all the fanservice scenes we see. Things got so out of control that people tried to vote him innocent just because he was hot and even jackalope bought this up. But thinking about this, it’s getting dangerously close to what I think happened in his story. Being filmed in embarrassing moments without consent, and having people obsess and sexualise you for that. The music videos are representative of the prisoner’s minds, and in no way would have Mikoto known how he was shown naked and shirtless for a huge chunk of MeMe. Same as him being stalked and recorded in his story if I’m right.

The fandom here is doing exactly what his perpetrator did to him down to a T. It’s almost like what happened with Amane when people tried to reverse her brainwashing by showing her tough love by not forgiving her, exactly like what the cult did to her to try and make her obey them more. This thing is happening to Mikoto as well as Amane and repeating their traumas. And also to mention how Mikoto has DID which is a result of repeated childhood abuse so it’s likely this has been happening to him alot and just can’t escape from this reality. And for the alters to take in all the trauma and leave the host blissfully unaware of everything’s that’s happening.

This brings into account how the guilty prisoners can hear the voices of the audience judging them. Fuuta completely broke down as he was constantly harassed with strange voices judging him and denying his actions. And he’s mentioned a lot of times how he can’t stand this feeling of being watched and this manifests through the eyes in Backdraft. And with Mikoto from everything I’ve been saying before it’s very likely he has trauma from this. And now feeling like he’s being watched and hearing the voices of the audience, who we know constantly sexualises him. It’s likely he’ll have to relive his trauma once again that he thought he finally escaped…

Conclusion / TL;DR

To sum this whole theory up I believe that fanservice in MeMe actually has importance besides just fanservice. And it’s likely Mikoto was being stalked by someone and recorded in those situations, and he ended up hunting the person down and killing them. And now because of the audience’s constant thirsting over him and how the guilty prisoners can hear everything we say about them, Mikoto will have to relive his suffering again.

Other things I’d like to briefly mention but didn’t have any space to put in, Is how since Mikoto rides a bike instead of a train to work as he said but we see lots of train imagery. And I think what happened is that he was probably being harassed on the train and switched to going to work alone. And the thumbnail in Double we see him looking depressed, on a train surrounded by destroyed mannequins.

#milgram #Mikoto kayano #milgram theory #cw stalking #cw s3xual harassment #After writing this I’m becoming more and more scared for what we’ll see in double #I’ve never really seen this theory talked about in much detail and connecting it to the stalking theory and this is my thoughts on it #I kept getting off track writing this and came up with a bunch of mini theories I just shoved in there that were somewhat related #ADHD brain working again #I also wanted to point out the parallels with Amane on the audience repeating the character’s traumas #I find it really interesting how milgram does something like that which I have never sen in any media before #I just want mikoto to be happy #I never usually write stuff on this topic but the more I kept thinking about it the more likely it seemed #Repost because it didn’t show up in tags #Also for something I want to note after I posted this is that mikoto is always shown sitting with his legs spread out #To the point we never see him sitting normally #I hope this doesn’t mean anything but I felt like it could possibly be related but I don’t want it to #LanieMae’s theories #To note I had to censor the Tw tag because it blocked my post if I wrote it normally sorry about that

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mumblesplash · 4 months

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man i’ve had pretty serious art block before in the past but it was always more a lack of inspiration/irl stuff draining all my energy, currently Not having art block but getting hit by my first bout EVER of feeling like i just straight up can’t make anything that’s good enough and oh my god how do people deal with this

#i have zero mental defenses against this bc it’s never happened to me #like i know i’m being stupid here bc i feel like everything ive ever drawn is somehow worse than anything anyone else has ever drawn #which first of all cannot possibly be the case bc art is subjective and also i’m not that special #and second of all ‘this means i’m bad at everything’ is not a reaction i have EVER had to art i consider ‘better’ than mine #i’ve always just been excited by the opportunity to learn how to do a new cool art thing i couldn’t do before #like what is happening here why did my brain broke #on the bright side this doesn’t seem to be even slowing me down from writing and drawing things and posting them anyway #but i could really do without the accompanying dramatics in the back of my head #‘you can’t post this you are an affront to art history and the whole of humanity’ shut Up brain it’s literally minecraft fanart for fun #anyway all this to say. thank you everyone being nice in the notes of my silly lil poems you’re gonna make me cry #mumbling

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what-even-is-thiss · 7 months

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#I think it’s nearly impossible to shake the feeling that I’ll never be anyone’s first choice #for anything really #friendship or family or in writing competitions or like anything in life #my friends always have better friends than me #I’m always just barely below the cut in competitions #there’s always someone that needs more attention than I do #and it’s not the sort of thing you can just bring up #because it just comes across as whining #idk I’m going through it tonight #no amount of logic or prayer is helping #it’s just one of those days I guess #I feel horribly inadequate #and I’ve felt this way for a very long time #and I’ve found no way to get rid of it

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itsalwaysforyou · 3 days

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jay not asking coach about letting lonnie onto the team bc he doesn’t want to do anything coach might disagree with…….

#‘coach trusts me…’ like what if i cried #man i wish they made more of a thing of jay being TEAM CAPTAIN #<- i’ve made a post before abt how easily he gives it up & jay not liking positions of power etc etc #but i do think he treats the role like it could be taken away at any moment #coach TRUSTS him. holy shit coach trusts him #the first positive adult figure in his life trusts him to take care of the team #train them and critique them and lead them to victory #and coach probably wouldn’t have cared abt lonnie being on the team #but jay is sooooo hesitant to ask #coming from the ‘if you want it take it and if you can’t take it break it’ guy #like this is the one thing he doesn’t want to risk breaking…….#and then obviously he gives it up!!!!!#he gives up the thing coach TRUSTED HIM WITH bc it was the only way to let lonnie on the team #& mr ‘my only dislike is women being unhappy’ was like I CANNOT REST UNTIL LONNIE IS ON THE TEAM #it’s suchhhhh a sweet gesture not only from a hashtag feminism standpoint #but also character wise for jay #like this precious thing that coach has trusted him with but didn’t really want that much anyway…..#it’s going to mean more to lonnie if she had it. even though it means everything to jay #oh it makes me crazy #damn my mum was right. i think too deeply about things #im like i analyse things a normal amount and then i’m writing essays about 1 line from descendants 2 #I AM UNWELL #anyway. jesus christ #descendants #jay son of jafar #EDIT i’m not finished actually #do you think jay fears the repercussions? what would happen if he went against coach’s word?#bc sure. he knows coach is nice. he knows auradon isn’t like the isle #but. ‘you don’t want to be at my house at dinner time’…….#he is still scared of his dad. you know. he can never get the lamp he can never do anything right

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sanasanakun · 3 months

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Since people are discussing Larian’s “people pleasing” updates with this latest hot fix, I’m gonna add my two (unnecessary) cents to this as well. I really love Baldurs Gate 3 for the choices and agency it affords me as a player. That’s its main draw to me. However, when comparing it to its main inspiration (i.e BioWare games), the writing in BG3 is far worse.

And I think this shines through the most with the companion content disparity. I do think Astarion is a very well written character, but I also think his popularity partially comes from the other characters being far too underwritten. This isn’t even touching on Karlach’s lack of depth and the shocking disparity that is Wyll’s entire storyline/character. But other companions like Shadowheart and Gale, while well written, lack the same attention and suffer for it.

And god, the villains. I think that’s another egregiously bad area of the writing. Kethric gets a whole act! Meanwhile, Orin is interesting but crammed into sharing space with Gortash. And Gortash is given an incredible backstory that ties to another villain, but nothing is done with it and it’s mostly hidden in notes. And the story overall is just ok. Act 2 is easily the most compelling. But compared to BioWare, the story is lackluster imo. The Dark Urge plot line is the most interesting part of the overall main storyline, but it’s not afforded enough detail or content (imo).

And none of this is helped by Larian removing bits and pieces of their characters in these hotfixes. I really wish they’d just start adding content to flesh out these problem areas, especially Wyll and Minthara.

#also I feel like some fans are getting bitter about the Astarion content disparity #I know I’ve been bitter about it cause he never really hit off with me #so maybe it was more noticeable for me? but yeah I think people are like ok come on now #esp cause it’s taken Larian so long to devote that same attention to other characters #but that’s just meeeee so don’t get mad since it’s just all my opinion on that matter #anything I write here is honestly inconsequential #but Larian’s involvement within the fandom and their need to respond to it #has always made me side eye and question their writing ability #larian critical #I’m also just a really harsh person when it comes to consuming media #so I could be overly mean with this one but like…#if I like something I will criticize it more harshly idk why #baldurs gate 3 critical

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chibishortdeath · 4 months

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Ok stupid rant, but I’m sick of looking up a game and only being able to find guides and wikis made by people who obviously hate the game they’re writing information about.

I was looking for guides for the hedge maze portion of Castlevania 64 because I was stuck in it and couldn’t visualize what the layout of maze looks like (turns out, it’s not technically a traditional maze, aka one route to the exit, which helps a lot) and the only guide I can find is one on gamefaqs or something where the person cannot contain themselves from constantly interjecting to say how much they don’t like Malus cause “ugh overdramatic cutscene, his parents are dead who cares, he looks like a girl” or how they hate the game cause it’s too hard and annoying and “oh boy as if this game couldn’t get worse”.

And like dude! Sincerely! Shut up! I don’t care! I just want to know what I’m supposed to do! You are allowed to dislike the game and express your opinions, just please keep those to a little ending opinion section or a review!!! Stop breaking up actual instructions I can’t keep track of what you’re telling me to do!!!!!!!!!!!

And I saw something similar happen on a different smaller wiki-ish sort of website (it might have been the Castlevania Dungeon, I’m not sure. Definitely not Fandom tho.) on the Castlevania: The Adventure page when I was looking for some facts. Again, the person writing was constantly being all “not that this game is important anyway” and like! I literally don’t care if you don’t like the game that’s not what I’m here for!!! Heck the website even had some misinformation on the page too saying that Christopher was Simon’s grandson in that “or whatever, it doesn’t matter” kind of tone! Like!!!!! Shut up!!!!!!!!!!!! I am here for factual information! Not a review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s just absolutely annoying and now I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do in CV64 cause I can barely process what this guy is saying ugh.

#castlevania #castlevania games #akumajou dracula #text post #incoherent rambling #Castlevania 64 #castlevania the adventure #other Castlevania games get this treatment too sometimes these are just very recent examples I’ve run into #if I find the pages for both of them I’ll reblog this and link them idk #I don’t really wanna put anyone on blast or anything #anyway AUGH #Like literally don’t write an informational article if you can’t keep it informational #making a couple jokes or something is fine just please do not break up the instructions for it #the one Adventure page also said some stuff about promotional material saying Chris was Simon’s grandson and nuh uh man #I’m not taking that as fact until you put some scans or some sources #I would understand if they had any mention of the development stages where Chris and Trevor were almost the same character #that was a weird developmental period where they then figured Trevor is 200 years before Simon and Chris is 100 years #but they didn’t even mention that???????#nor did they mention any of the advertising with Simon instead of Christopher??????????????#idk man I’ve seen a lot of advertising and media for the older classicvanias and never have I seen ‘Chris is Simon’s grandson’#idk it’s weird if anyone can confirm or deny that claim I’d love to see it!!!! :3 #editing to add this here but like man we need a new wiki so bad

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dahldahlbills · 1 month

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just hit 50k in cryptids wip :’)

#chugging along but the book is getting WRITTEN #I have 12.5 scene left btw…#technically in my outline I’m a little past the halfway point #but I think I have ~30k left to go 👀👀#it’s always so funny when you reach a milestone like this bc despite the agony of writing the thing you get all tingly and sappy like..#oh yeah :’) I wrote all that!! I’ve made it so far!!#ive got weird feelings abt this story but i am quite proud #it’s also been a while since I’ve progressed this far with an original project and ngl.. I really missed this feeling 😭#creating is cool!!! we love writing!!!#and just you wait until I reach the end. I’m gonna be so annoying about it (<— will most likely feel too shy to even say anything)#I wrote 5 scenes in like.. twoish weeks. which doesn’t seem like a lot but with the little time I have it honestly is #so if I’m consistent I could finish this draft in ~4 weeks???? 👀👀👀 like.#in a month I could have another book done. that’d be crazy.#anyway. yeehaw :D #blahblahbills #lol I know this means nothing to most people bc I literally never share anything abt this project lol #ew I used lol at the beginning and end of that tag but I don’t feel like retyping all that 💀

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sassmill · 3 months

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“If a lot of men get killed at one go, does it make the killing of one man less of a crime? I don’t know, Andy, I don’t know. I’m only twenty and they say today the world is ours, but Pa was twenty once and felt the world was his, and long, long ago Mad was twenty too, laughing at applauding audiences, smiling from picture postcards, and when I am as old as she is nothing will have changed…”

Daphne du Maurier, Rule Britannia (1972)

#think about the context of this woman writing this right #she was born in 1907 #so by the time she was 20 she had lived through one world war with the next right on the horizon #as well as at this point witnessing the effects of so many other 20th century conflicts #she’s 65 at this point and this is what she sees ahead for future generations #which I’ve no doubt others saw coming as well but just like everyone for USUK in the book is acting #I’m sure plenty read this and thought but that could never happen not now not here not to us #but look where we are today #look at the genocide being enacted in Palestine #I want people to read this book in 2024 and think hard about it #because the events of the book are happening to white people in England right #I’m not at all trying to say she described anything on the level of the real world atrocities currently happening #but the slowly building anxiety of ‘but what could really happen they won’t do that’#then overnight all these new restrictions and retaliation #phones cut power cut water cut travel ban #just because it’s happening to people far away from your life #doesn’t mean it could never happen #you wouldn’t see it coming or think it was all that bad until suddenly it was too late #obviously I am reaching to apply this book to today but I think it could make certain people reexamine their mindset #daphne du maurier #rule britannia #quote #this book is making me think so much about imperialism and occupation and military states and civilian cruelty #through such an interesting lens considering what I know of Daphne du mauriers life up to the point she wrote this #this was her last novel #and it’s so different from her other novels #like this to me is her equivalent of a Connecticut Yankee in king Arthur’s court #except it’s just the ending where everything becomes terrible so fast

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thestobingirlie · 10 months

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NSFW (so feel free to delete without answering)

It's really easy to notice the weird characterization in fandom when I read smut fics. Because fandom has this homophobic view that sex position preference has anything to do with personality and looks. The bottom is usually portrayed as delicate, feminine, weak, and an unstable mess that sobs if anyone looks at them sideways (hello misogyny!) And the top is usually portrayed as commanding, tough, physically strong, robust (which is why Eddie are usually given magical muscles that appears with no exercise or physical labour).

And it's so silly! You can be the burliest, most mean looking bear of a man, and enjoy bottoming, or a shy little twink and absolutely loathe it. Looks and personality has nothing to do with it, and I don't get why fandom seems to think it does.

And it's not a Steddie exclusive problem either, I remember someone having an absolute meltdown in the Stonathan tag, because people dared to write Jonathan as a top. When according to them he clearly was a delicate flower, a sweet and caring guy, so he had to bottom, and it was wrong to write otherwise. And Steve, as a "mean jock", had to top😂

I'll admit I pretty exclusively read Steve as a bottom, because for me to enjoy reading about someone's butt, I need to find them hot🤷‍♀️ But the weird characterization in most of these fics is really testing my patience. (I don't write smut myself, and I usually wouldn't complain about something I don't personally do anything to change, but this is not one author's preference, it's a huge chunk of the fandom, which makes it more fair to complain about, I feel)

I just want to read a confident Steve, who is still physically fit and a bit of a bitch, who is the same height as his partner (or taller in the case of Stonathan), and who just happens to enjoy bottoming. No personality changes needed😭 How can that be such a rare find?

#sorry. i’ve never had a submission before. so i don’t know how i’m supposed to respond lmao #but yeah i totally agree!!!#the disgusting mix of homophobia and misogyny that seems to come out when people write gay sex is insane #sex positions don’t define anything about a person!!! it’s just a sex position #bad smut really does contribute to ooc characterisation in the fandom #people read bad smut. and seem to decide that that’s how the character should act #and it just spreads and spreads #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #jonathan byers #stonathan #stranger things #submission #anon

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gatorlovebot · 4 months

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not really having a problem with writing but moreso a problem with coming up with ideas. like i don’t even have any little puppy simon ideas even though i have constant puppy simon brainrot :/

#idk if it’s the autism #but i’ve just never really been creative #and i’m not sad about it or anything its just how i’ve always been #but trying to write with this boring brain is hard lol

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archduke-enver-gortash · 4 months

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posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh

#god i am trying so hard to just have fun and be myself #but when i do that i'm immediately a strange outsider creep #and since i can't really mask my version of masking is just not talking and then obviously you don’t find any joy in fandom spaces either #i will always be a shitty unlikable freak no matter how much i pretend otherwise. it was obvious from the start that getting involved in #fandom spaces was a fucking mistake. it's always a mistake because you're some laughing stock at best and a horrifying freak at worst #i don't blame people for not liking me i've realised what an awful person i am long ago #but it's always so hard witnessing something like fun social groups from the sidelines knowing you'll never be a part of it #this is why my mental state has been deteriorating so severely in the last few months. that Realisation once again nothing fucking changed #i know it's stupid to get so upset over fandom but it's only a pattern for me #i stopped trying to be friends with people when i was a teenager because it hasn't worked a single time #this attempt at integrating myself into the wotr and bg3 fandom by sharing my shit was just one mistake #gortash/zeke is so different from anybody else’s work and i wish i could find joy in something that it isn’t fucking deranged but i can’t #like yes it’s just fandom bullshit! gortash/zeke is a fucking oc x canon ship! why am i getting so upset over it!#i love writing them. i’ve never been this happy writing anything. and it’s entirely indicative of a common pattern in my life #when i earnestly share parts of myself/things i’m passionate about people get creeped out. and honestly? rightfully so #i would leave the discord servers i’m in because it’s fucking crushing me dude. this is so petty but i’m so jealous of what you people have #but in one i am server owner and i don’t want to just dump that responsibility onto someone else and then dip #and in the other two i’m not sure anyone would even notice that i’m gone but i still worry about being rude #though i’m not entirely sure i didn’t get invited to one of those just so people could laugh at me. idk probably just being paranoid but i #it’s been gnawing at me #ok no if i’m being this vulnerable on tunglr.com i can also say that part of me staying is also still having the hope that i could fit in #one day. logically i know it won’t happen but it’s nice to have hope sometimes #watching you all from through the window having fun like a creep #so yeah. i’ve always felt like this but it’s been rapidly getting worse with my failed attempt at the bg3 fandom #idk just been crying non-stop for the last few hours. went through an entire pack of tissues in an hour it’s very disgusting #they’re all lying around me as i’m typing this like a pillowfort of snot lmao #so yeah. idk. if someone could come over and lobotomise me that’d be nice. orin where are you when we need you most #i never had any friends irl so i foolishly gave this a shot. i’m sorry #also doesn’t help that i can see someone dropping me for people that are easier to be around in irl rn #it just hurts because it’s always like that. someone you are around when you have no other option at best. not even that sometimes

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gnomefreak · 7 months

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Splatfest Blues

Frye looks across the open lobby. The Splatfest is bustling, bubbling and boiling, all words indicating a successful Splatfest. Out of the corner of her eye she spots Shiver, in a tense Tableturf battle. Frye squints, trying to clear the ink from the last Tricolor Battle out of her eyes to better see her bandmate.

Wait a second. Is she looking at that kid’s cards?

No, it can’t be. Shiver is a talented Tableturf player, she wouldn’t cheat-

“Is Shiver looking at that kids cards?” A deep voice booms behind Frye. The aquatic version of Judd stands tall behind her. Despite Big Man’s massive presence, Frye knows not to fear his size or volume, he is a gentle nonjudgemental giant.

“Oh my judge, she is looking at that kid’s cards!” Big Man maneuvers his way past Frye to the table covered in cards. Frye can’t believe her eyes. It’s almost as if her eyes feel… wet? She blinks hard, thinking there might be some ink still in her eyes.

“It’s not cheating, it’s knowing the rules, and sleight of hand-“

“Shiver I saw you looking at his cards. Frye saw it too.”

A cold chill rattles Shiver’s metaphysical bones, her ears ringing loud as she turns to meet Frye’s line of sight.

Frye knows that look. It’s a look she’s seen Shiver use to get out of sticky situations. Frye has taken that as a sign before to evacuate Shiver from the premises. But a Tableturf battle? That is ridiculous.

Shiver holds her look at Frye, her eyes staying wide, the shining of her eyes begging and pleading for Frye to help her out of this spot. For a brief moment, Frye can feel Shiver’s panic.

Frye blinks hard, and looks away. Why do her eyes feel like this? It feels as if her world is shaking around her.

“Frye? You saw right? I would never cheat!”

Liar.

“I don’t play with cheaters.”

Frye looks back to Shiver. Her expression has completely changed, a mortified look paints her face. Her mouth hangs open and it looks like she’s trying to think of something to say, but no words come out of Shiver’s fanged jaws.

“Frye lets calm down… it’s just a game.” Big Man whispers to Frye.

“It’s not just a game!” Frye fires back. Her iconic loud recognizable voice carries through the room. The lobby goes silent and the crowd waits to listen to their favorite Frye speak. If a pin were to drop in someone’s locker, you could hear it over the low hum of the speakers in between songs. There does seem to be a collision glitch happening in someone’s locker, but that’s a typical and tangential observation. The octoling sitting across from Shiver sits unspeaking, a polka face Shiver still can’t read through. Why hasn’t he said anything?

Everyone is looking.

Shiver is visibly chilled. Big Man’s eyes dart around the room. “Let’s wrap this up, okay?” He says to Shiver and the other octoling at the table. Shiver nods and she silently rises from her seat, quickly shuffling to the green room. Big Man comes towards Frye, mumbling something Frye assumes is to calm her down, but right now she refuses to hear any of it.

Frye makes a break for the green room. She enters to see Shiver sitting on a padded chair, still shaking.

“What was that?”

“Frye, listen, I can explain-“

“No! There is no reason to do what you just did!”

Big Man squeezes himself through the green room’s door. They’ve gotta make that thing bigger. “Guys, lets just calm down first-“

“No! You disrespected me! You disrespected my family! My grandfather taught us everything we know about Tableturf and told us to always play fairly! He said if you just believe in the heart of the cards you would never have to cheat!”

“Frye, we’re thieves.” Shiver states, unable to deny she was caught red handed.

“Yeah, we steal TREASURE, not wins from kids in Tableturf during the Splatfest!” Frye’s fingers curl into fists.

“Big deal. You tried to fame-bomb me! You know how bad that would be for my image? And during the Splatfest?” Shiver sits with a wide posture, holding onto the arms of the chair as if it were her throne.

“Fame bomb you? Fame didn’t even win last Splatfest, and it’s all gone to your head!” Frye wiggles her finger at Shiver as if it were one of her eels, a dangerous move, considering Shiver’s tendency in the past to bite people’s fingers off. Shiver snarls and her teeth poke out from her lips, her hands tightly gripping the arms of the chair, her jaw clenched tight, refusing to take the literal bait.

“Guys…” Big Man tries to get the attention of his band members, his voice shaking timidly. The two ignore him.

“You know what? I’m starting to see how it is. You’re all obsessed with this money and power! Then you have all these people that adore you and you won’t even respect your own friends!” Frye slinks closer to where her seated duelist stares. Shiver shakes, the emotions changing the color of the ink keeping her hydrated, flashing red and white, an ancient warning telling Frye to back off. Shiver bares her pearly white megalodon teeth at Frye, shivering in rage. Anyone else would have had their head bitten off by now. It’s not like Frye couldn’t cook Shiver alive, she thinks back to the last annual Fry-cook game, and how Shiver didn’t stand a chance. This situation is getting hotter, and Frye knows the heat like the back of her hand.

“Frye… slow down… let’s not superjump to conclusions…” Big Man manages to interject.

Frye snaps her head to meet Big Man’s line of sight with her eyebrow furrowed, frustrated at him using puns at a time like this, then her gaze softens as she realizes his distress.

“This is just like what happened during the Callie and Marie Splatfest so long ago… I told you guys this was an awful idea…”

“Listen we don’t make the Splatfests we just announce em, okay?” Shiver says to him, hoping to avoid some blame. Frye’s anger heats up in her chest, wondering how Shiver who she thought was her friend could say something so heartless, and before Frye can think of the nastiest thing to say…

“Well… what are they trying to do then? Break up our band?”

The green room goes silent. Frye unclenches her fists, and Shiver’s grip on the arms of her throne loosen. The sound of the Splatfest current outside is low, only the bass from the speakers barely leaks into the space. Big Man is gazing down at the floor, avoiding eye contact with his bandmates. He’s missing the look of heartbreak on both of their faces. The love that they won so long ago. Shiver’s ink stops flashing colors, her tone returning to her usual deep purple and her eyes gloss over. A shining in her eyes so bright only Toni Kensa could see through.

“Maybe Big Man was right. Maybe… love was more important.” Shiver says quietly, her tone sheepish. She wonders what a sheep is, and why she sees white spirals in her vision.

“Did you just admit you were wrong?” Big Man bellows.

Shiver’s face flushes. “M-maybe! I said maybe!” She sputters in response. The corners of Frye’s lips curl up into a smile, and she can hear Big Man let out an aquatic purr.

“I’m sorry, Frye. I shouldn’t have cheated. You and your grandfather taught me the game well. I was having doubts… I stopped believing in myself… and I forgot what was important. Please, let me redeem myself.”

Shiver looks up to make eye contact with Frye. Instead of the look Frye’s seen Shiver use to manipulate her way out of situations, she sees true shame. The sparkle in Shiver’s eye beats with the heart in her chest. Frye feels her eyes are wet again, the feeling similar to falling into the water during battle, and she’s losing, hard.

“Frye? Are you okay?” Big Man gazes in Frye’s direction.

“Yeah, yeah, I just got something in my eye.”

“Yeah, I can see it.” Big Man swims over to her. “The whites of your eyes are like, red?”

“Red?” Shiver stands from her throne, now just any other empty chair, and walks to the aide of her partner. “Hopefully you don’t have conjunction-itis.” She cups Frye’s cheek with her hand and uses the other to push the tentacles out of Frye’s face to clearly look into her eyes. Shiver smiles, and Frye can’t help but smile back. Through the shines in their eyes, Frye knows Shiver truly meant what she said.

In an instant, Frye shoots forward, arms wide open, before latching onto Shiver. “Oh, I can’t stay mad at you!” Shiver laughs, and hugs her friend back tight. She looks to Big Man and smiles. He lets out a big sigh of big relief. Crisis averted, once again, Big Man thinks to himself. Splatfest is almost over, and no matter who wins, he knows none of them are truly in charge.

Theres a knock at the door. Before any of the three can answer, the door opens. The door to the green room usually stays locked, but in the frenzy of the moment, it was left unlocked behind them. Before any of them can sweat if they are in any danger, Big Man steps up to plate. “Be not afraid.” the visitor says, his blank expression unchanging. Shiver swears she hears bells, but there is no where they could be coming from. She wonders if Frye can hear bells too.

Though Big Man might not be a Judd traditionally, he retained the ability of being a good judge of character. He takes a look at the stranger, and knows they are in no danger. “Uh, can we help you?”

At the door stands the octoling Shiver was just dueling in Tableturf. He wears a Big Man Splatfest shirt and a pair of Grizzco shades from several seasons ago. Frye can’t help but notice he’s wearing the freshest kicks out of Crush Station. “I hope so. You promise not to freak out?” Shiver notices his voice… is missing something. He doesn’t sound like a kid, his voice is… dry… or no, horse? Shiver doesn’t know what a horse is, but she envisions it’s similar to a Reef Slider, or maybe even her Meg.

Shiver smirks. “They call me Shiver for a reason. I ride sharks without fear.” Her previous opponent grins at her, not caring about her attempt at cheating in Tableturf.

“Good. Then maybe you can help me.”

He takes off his Grizzco glasses, his pupils stare back at the trio in slits like a cat, and fuzzy ooze pours from his eye sockets.

Shiver shrieks in terror so loud, the world shakes with her.

#splatoon 3 #frye #shiver #big man #splatoon #splatfest #fanfic #my writing #i’ve never posted anything like this before ok . splatfest just makes me really emotional ok?#splatoon deep cut #toni kensa #mr. grizz #fuzzy ooze #grizzco

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