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dervampireprince · 8 months

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[dni minors, dni blogs that have no 18+ age listed in their bio] astarion x trans man! reader/tav /// smut, dysphoria comfort, reader's chest is un-described and untouched, reader has a vulva, soft dom top astarion, bottom reader

whenever there's a day when you feel off, wrong, you're hyper aware of your body and how it doesn't feel right to you, he'll notice. perhaps not at first, but the way your posture is different, the way you reject and shy away from his touch, don't flush or scowl at his flirting.

it's late when he decides he has to ask you what's wrong, him not being used to having others to care about, to worry for.

"have i done something wrong?" his voice is quiet and yet it startles you from your thoughts.

"no? no, of course no," guilt festers in you. "i'm sorry."

"there's no need to apologise, darling. as i've been told by someone quite dear to me, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to be touched."

"it's not that. i do, i," you breathe. "i want you to touch me quite badly."

"then i don't understand."

his fingers twitch, wanting to reach for you as your eyes flicker to the mirror across the room.

"when you look at me... what do you see? that is, i mean... you could have anyone you wanted, and i know what you'll say to that. and i believe you. that you want me. i just, sometimes it's hard thinking about the men you've been with, hells just men in general, and then... how they compare to... me. because sometimes, sometimes it's hard to see myself as... as..."

you trail off, aware of your shaking breath, aware of the wetness on your eyelashes, aware that you want to bury yourself against him but find yourself scared.

just as you start to wonder if you've ruined something, his hands hover by your face, not touching, waiting. and so you nod, and his he cups his palms against your cheeks, tilting your head to look at him.

"my sweet boy."

those words and his voice make everything the smallest bit better, you hold back a sob and place your head into the crook of his neck. him calling you a boy both soothing and comforting, but also always slightly arouses you.

"you know i love you? exactly as you are, because of who you are."

"i know."

he raises one of your hands to his lips and kisses it.

"would you let me show you?"

he's not used to being so careful with someone else, not that he hasn't been gentle before but it's never been out of his own desire to cherish the person he's with. but perhaps he can understand, in his own way, feeling disconnected to your own body.

"you're such a handsome man, such a pretty boy. and aren't i ever so lucky. when i was a child i would fantasize about some dashing prince, but i could have never imagined i'd find one like you. you're far lovelier than any dream. you're real. and for some unknown reason managed to see something good in me. you're the most incredible person i've ever met, and i'm going to help you see that."

your shirt stays on if you wish it, as much as he loves every inch of your body, and will continue to regardless of if it stays as it is, or if parts of it change. but he wants you to be comfortable.

he kisses you, trailing down from your lips to your neck, never meaning to get carried away there but always does. you find it hard to mind though as he kisses, teeth nipping but not drinking, leaving faint little marks. he likes leaving marks on you, a reminder that you're here, that you're proud to be with him.

his hands slide down your sides, over your stomach, they pull at the laces of your trousers, sliding them off you legs, leaving your bottom half bare, waiting for his attention.

you flush as he maintains eye contact with you as he slides a hand under your ankle, then down your leg as his mouth moves with it, kissing you calf, next to your knee, up your thigh. and if there's more to grab there, he reveals in it, adoring any curves, your softness. he pauses when he reaches the top of your thigh and chuckles, smirks to himself

"such a sensitive boy, i haven't even touched you anywhere intimate yet and look," you gasped as he glides a couple of fingers between your folds and then holds them up. "already wet for me."

he slides his fingers back against you, teasing around you before thrusting in, curling them upwards as he lowers his head.

"we get be neglecting your cock can we darling? it's straining so hard. and just because it looks different than mine, doesn't make it less of a cock, does it?"

he stays blinking up at you until he realise he wants an answer and you shake your head no.

"good boy, that's right," he purrs and you want to feel condescended, but you just whine, flushing hot, wanting to be good for him, wanting to be his good boy, wanting him to call you that again. "and what shall we do with your pretty cock? shall i suck you off?"

you nod your head, eyes pleading with him and he laughs, not to make fun of you, but because your neediness, your eagerness for him endears him.

"very well then," his lips close around your cock, sucking and suctioning while his fingers continue to stroke inside you, your hands slip into his hair and tug accidentally and he moans around you.

"cheeky boy," he pulls back. "do you wish to come like this or..."

"fuck me," you say, and then. "please? please, astarion, i need you."

astarion always flushes when you tell him you need him. he slides up your body, "i suppose i shouldn't tease, you've been deprived of my touch all week, my poor boy thinking he didn't deserve this. don't worry, i'll fuck you like need."

his cock slips between you, holding you close, kissing your neck, hands stroking your waist as he pushes inside of you,

"that's it, such a good boy. always taking me so well," he loses control of his voice as he fucks you, murmuring praises as his hips snap against you, letting you tug him up to kiss you, pressing one of your hands down into the pillow so he can hold it.

he tells you that you're a good as you both come, he tells you that you're a good boy as you twitch, oversensitive, as he cleans you off, and he tells you that you're a good boy as you drift off in his arms.

#after learnings theres lines in the game where astarion says as a young boy he fantasized about a handsome prince well #also this was caused by the gender affirmation cameo i got from neil newbon #because hearing astarion say "well hello boy arent you a strapping young lad' has cured my gender dysphoria /hj #astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #y/n #reader insert #male reader #trans man reader #ftm reader #imagine #imagines #the vampire writes

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deerspherestudios · 4 months

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📖FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS📖

Regarding asks, I typically avoid:

stacked questions (asks that have more than one question, so honestly, sending them one by one is better than writing a bunch in one go)

hyperspecific scenarios (while I enjoy answering these, some can get incredibly specific to the point where it doesn't even feel fun anymore)

questions that have already been answered (obviously)

To manage the blog, I usually queue up asks instead of posting them instantly, so it might take several weeks for me to respond. Please be patient! And while I appreciate the time and thought taken to writing me a message and the growing interest in the game, understand I'm still one person and will sometimes leave a message unanswered. Thank you. ❤️

Below is a compilation of questions I get a lot, so if you have a question feel free to check if it's already been answered! The list will update as needed:

🎮 F.A.Q ABOUT THE GAME 🎮

1. What is Mushroom Oasis❔ What is the rating❔

Mushroom Oasis is a visual novel made in Ren'Py that was initially released for the 2023 Yandere Game Jam. It's currently still in development as a solo project. I post updates almost exclusively on this tumblr so if you're interested in the game, you're in the right place. The rating is 16+. How did I come up with the concept?

2. How many days will the game have❔ When will it release❔

I initially planned it to have 4-5 days! But with some new ideas and routes I'm considering, it might extend to 5+ days. As for a release date, it's done when it's done. So please allow me the time to develop it at my pace <3

3. Will the game be translated to other languages❔

I'll be honest, I had no plans to. However, a few people have reached out volunteering to. I'll say for now I'm open to the idea, but I prefer people asking permission first. First and foremost, ask first.

4. Will the game be available for mobile❔

For now, a hard no. I have zero clue how to make it available for mobile. Maybe I'll consider it once the game is fully released, but it's only for PC and Mac for now, as those are the default builds in Ren'Py.

5. Is NSFW content allowed❔

Considering the main love interest is an adult, that's fine. However I'd appreciate proper filtering of NSFW content considering the game's age rating means there's more than a few minors in the fandom. NSFW questions aren't allowed on the blog.

Keep it where it's meant to be with proper tagging separate from the '#mushroom oasis vn' tag. Using '#mushroom oasis nsfw' should be enough? I hope.

NOTE: Now, I understand some people are really passionate about Mychael being asexual, but I can't bring myself to police people for mischaracterizing his asexuality, nor would I want to gatekeep him either.

He's a fictional character first and foremost, and while representation is important!!!/gen /srs I don't want to bring attention to any such content in case it brings unwanted harrassment on that creator for posting such content.

Please don't do that. Let people make what they wanna make. It's unfortunate, but fandom will be fandom.

6. Will there be other love interests? Will it have multiple endings❔

Due to project scope, the only romance-able character for MO is Mychael himself. The game will have multiple endings however, ranging from romantic ending, platonic ending to creepy/bad endings (because, y'know, yandere).

7. Will there be official merch?

As a college student and soon-to-be fresh graduate, the income would be nice haha. As I keep working on the game (and once I'm done with college in March) I'll definitely look into making them someday!

🍄 F.A.Q ABOUT MYCHAEL🍄

1. What are his pronouns and sexuality and age❔

He identifies as male, uses he/him pronouns and is a panromantic asexual. He's older than you think. ::-)

2. What is his height❔

He's 6'2. He used to be 5'8.

3. When is his birthday❔

Initially it was 15th February! Simply because I happened to start designing him that day, hence his 'creation'.

I might pick another date though; for now, his birthday is undecided.

4. Favorite food and drink❔

He loves fried mushrooms and tomato juice! He hates spicy food though, as the smell and taste makes him physically ill.

5. Do you have a voice claim for him❔

Initially it was Jonathan Groff, specifically his role as Kristoff in Frozen. But nowadays I'm not sure. Feel free to give suggestions! Do note I imagine him sounding as an older male in his late 20s.

6. What is Mychael's love language❔

I explain it in-depth here!

TL;DR: He likes giving gifts, and likes receiving words of affirmation.

7. How is Mychael's affection towards MC (blog-centric only)❔

So for context, as I manage the blog sometimes Mychael makes an appearance in answered asks. His answers can change depending on when you ask at the current state of the demo:

Day 1:

Day 2:

It's just something for fun as I manage the blog when answering asks. (Though don't expect a solid implementation of this anytime soon, as I'm busy with college until March 2024. Until then!)

EXTRAS:

Mychael's Character Ref

Firefly (MC)'s Character Ref

Mychael's Playlist

Mushroom Oasis' Playlist

Bad Ending 1 Explained

#mushroom oasis vn

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ask-spiderpool · 10 months

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Ngl ,i love your work,but it rubs me wrong how Peter's discomfort w venom doing sexual things without Peter's consent or knowledge is treated as a joke,or just generally kind of dismissed. Also- I'm autistic and love love love autistic peter parker hc,but the fact he was called 'on the spectrum' soley because he got upset at venom for this and 'couldn't put himself in venoms shoes' also kind of felt really bad.

ough, bless you anon! I really appreciate you vocalising your thoughts and concerns in a really sincere respectful way. I want to respond so you don't feel unheard!

I'd also like to take this chance to say that the actions of one Wade W. Wilson do not reflect the thoughts of the ask-spiderpool moderator. The ask-spiderpool moderator does not condone his words or actions. He is a bad man. The words he's saying are bad.

Deadpool is definitely playing the role of a villain here, and he's kind of intentionally choosing his words with the intention of punishing Peter and invalidating him. He knows what he's doing. And Spider-man knows it too.

I know it's something a lot of people don't like to see from Wade – but it's a part of his character that I find interesting to explore and to see him eventually overcome. His ability to weaponise everything, and his instinct of self-sabotage. It becomes dangerous territory to write sometimes because people generally want to side with Deadpool and believe he'll do no wrong, but - I don't know, to strip him of all his ugliness would be untrue to him. Similarly with Peter – I guess I'm just really interested in parts of Wade and Peter that you don't really get to see explored in fanon very often.

It's kind of a problem though that yeah - when you write this sort of a thing there's the risk of people who don't look at it critically - so you get people idolising or siding with Deadpool when what he's doing is really bad actually. It's kind of a miracle, the sorts of things Wade gets away with, while Peter's attacked for it - and that's something I kind of like to examine, too.

I think I do have a responsibility to make this blog feel safe, but also challenging and interesting - and I think I'll be working hard to kind of find a balance between the two. I'm still trying to figure it out - to write what I find interesting, knowing my own intentions but knowing it probably will be misinterpreted – or writing something else that is easy and pleasing to everyone (not really my bag, and also near impossible!), or just not write at all (also impossible for me! Got a brain-itch to scratch...)

I really appreciate when people read my writing and see what I'm getting at – but it doesn't always happen, and it isn't really anyone's fault. I kind of like to offer explanations and further meta, and the fics, because I love to be understood - and the server where I love to have discussions with people about how they receive these posts. The reason I love running this blog is the discussions I have with people about it. The back-and-forth, and so I really do love people to look at Wade and Peter a little deeper.

I have a genuine interest in autistic Peter and it's something I want to explore further in a sincere light, this is kind of just the first tease of something I want to explore more later, if the asks permit. I think every Peter Parker is autistic-coded - I've written a little bit about it here! I'm no expert on diagnosis - but as fantastical as ask-spiderpool can get sometimes - I kind of always want what Wade and Peter are going through in their heads to feel real and tangible and understandable, and come from a place of sincerity.

The consent issue is a complicated one – (as is the way with applying real-world-logic to the realm of alien sex with what you thought was just a slick space-age onesie...) Peter's relationship with the symbiote occupies more of a realm of metaphor than anything - and I don't think there's any sort of 1-to-1 comparison to the real world. (Has your sex-toy ever gained sentience and passed judgement upon you? Peter Parker's worst nightmare!)

There is a running theme of Peter kind of having his boundaries crossed - and the symbiote is sort of tied to that theme. The symbiote was entirely responsive to Peter's thoughts and didn't do anything Peter didn't will it to do - the real issue is the mortifying ordeal of being perceived. And it's a running theme with Peter - he hides so much and very often his privacy is violated.

It's often played for laughs, because Deadpool doesn't always take Spider-man's boundaries seriously and likes to push him – but it's something that will come to a head, and Peter will be laying down the law very soon.

I'm really thankful for your message anon, and I really hope this response reaches you with similar sincerity that you reached out to me with and that I'm understood! - I love you so much anon! My DMs over on @sciderman are also open if you'd like to talk to me more!

#mod speaks

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ask-whitepearl-and-steven · 7 months

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I want you to know I respect your opinion and at the end of the day you can do whatever you want on your own page, which I love all the art you do. Your White Diamond AU is so remarkable I've added it to my own headcanon idea of Steven meeting his alternate selves.

With that said, why are you responding to posts or asks that talk about blatant shattering of other gems? Real SU fans don't immediately go "death to the enemy." Real SU fans understand that SU is about love, acceptance, second chances, and pacifism. I'll admit, there have been more idiots in the fandom since the show's end, but in my humble opinion, it's best to not give any of them attention, even if they are annoying.

Sorry if I sound rude, I just didn't get responding to that one ANONYMOUS comment.

It's not rude at all! And it's a great question! One I understand the reasoning of.

But I have my own reasoning for doing the things I do.

Mainly, I think that while ignoring SOME behaviors is definitely good.... talking about OTHER behaviors actively is the fastest and healthiest way to immunize the greater community against them.

Let me explain.

I've been in this fandom a long time now, and I agree with you - there's a solid possibility, a real chance that whoever sent that message is just a passing non-fan who decided to be weirdly edgy in my inbox. No big deal. It happens.

But in my experience, the SU fandom is.... wide and varied. There are people of all ages, and many opinions. It would be easier, of course, if the only 'true fans' were those who perfectly understood the show's themes. But to me, that veers dangerously close to a No True Scotsman type of thinking. The reality is that many different people watch SU. And while many of them do inherently agree with the message and understand the nuance, many more just watch the show because... they like the surface level graphics and cool fights and interesting worldbuilding. In fact, many of the show's fans are edgy teens (sorry edgy teens) who are in a life-stage where violence and being strong and cool and decisive in a morally black and white manner is the only way they can possibly imagine solving any problem. And... that's kinda the opposite of what SU teaches! But that's also the point. SU teaches those things on purpose.

And yeah, I can absolutely just ignore this part of the population. But ignoring a behavior does not actually make it go away 100% of the time. If a child in a supermarket comes up to you and starts smacking you with a wooden spoon from Aisle 4, then... sure... you can ignore them and see if their parent comes to get them, or they go away, especially if it's a very small child and they're not hurting you a lot.

But that's not the only option. You can ALSO opt to teach them - and any other spoon-wielding children watching - what COULD happen if they are crude or cruel to a stranger in public. Namely, you can snap 'stop it' and at the very least glare at that child. This is a lesson that will arguably teach them more about the interaction than a complete lack of reaction would.

Now, I'm not saying people who send me asks are all children and I'm doling out some moral lessons here. This is just a metaphor.

I'm simply a person in a social space (tumblr) who is driving my own blog. And while I DO ignore a very large part of cruel/rude asks I get (trust me, I do ignore many!) I sometimes also just post a reply to show what ELSE could happen if you say a borderline silly and arguably tonally inappropriate ask to a person. You could get replied to! In a sarcastic or snappy manner!

And maybe - just maybe - the other people reading my blog can learn something from the experience, and think 'ah, so doing it like THAT will maybe make people kinda annoyed, now I know and will not do that'.

I cannot deny that overall I agree with you, though. I don't think that these types of messages deserve attention on the regular. But I'd hope that my replies to these things are not really... regular. I ignore probably... 80% of these sort of things? I guess maybe it just feels like a lot less, since, well. The public ones are 100% of the ones you get to see!

#chekhov answers #it is a scientifically proven fact that people learn not only by experiencing things directly #but also by watching things happen to others #idk you could disagree with me #i try to space out the weird asks with the nicer ones and the lore ones #but no matter what i do no one is 100% satisfied #that's life i guess!

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pictureofdoriaaaaaangay · 8 months

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chaotic book ramble so I can stop spiraling into the abyss: dark academia books you've heard of and probably already read edition

I need to talk about books I love to stay sane please stand by <3

Bunny by Mona Awad. I love this book SO MUCH. it's beautifully written, the characters are all unhinged women, there's murder, there's creation, there's a creative writing class. it drips with insanity and eroticism. reading it is like living a fever dream. you can picture the events of the book perfectly, but could never hope to explain it to anyone.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt. this book is the entire world to me. I love the characters [they're all terrible and irredeemable people], I love the story [they kill a man then they kill their friend and also worship Dionysus], and I absolutely want a friend group just like the Greek class [to reiterate: they are all walking red flags]. it's a book you have to read once, then again, and again, just to notice more and more so you can analyze it and make deductions. at the end of the day, it goes beyond the age-old "moral implications of murder" and delves into "moral implications of love". don't ask me how many times I've read it. that's my red flag.

If We Were Villains by ML Rio. it was only recently that I read this over the course of twenty four hours, and I honesty have yet to recover. I'm not a Shakespeare girlie, but I still loved the way his work was so inherently and intricately woven into the story of the iwwv characters. it was transcendent. it was a tragedy, it was a love story, it was a comedy. it depends on your perception of it, I suppose. but I digress - it's a really good bloody book. expect the ending to make you cry.

The Picture of Dorian Gray, by our lord and savior Oscar Wilde. this, technically, can't really be classified under the textbook definition of "dark academia" since there's not exactly any academia (can Harry even read let's be honest here), but it goes in this list because VIBES. this is one of my favorite novels of all time, and another one I've read one too many times for it to not be a red flag. I mean, the name of my damn blog is my red flag. I love it so much. it's got everything, from art to obsession to murder to gay people to the most heartachingly profound lines you've ever read. I mean, why wouldn't you read it if you haven't already?

These Violent Delights by Micah Nemerever. this one snuck up on me. towards the beginning, I wasn't sure if I'd like it, but by the middle, I was hooked. by the ending, I was shooketh. reading the author note, I was sitting silently in abject horror. more gay people, more obsession, more murder - what else do I have to say?

this has been a chaotic book ramble. thank you for being here <3

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weebsinstash · 9 months

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Ohmygod your thoughts on Yandere Miguel give me life

Idk how your blog works so feel free to ignore and delete this ask but I have some thoughts I'd like your take on

So platonic yandere Miguel with a teen reader who's crushing on a villain from her universe (im a sucker for the enemies to lovers trope </3). And villain reciprocates feelings but is obviously evil (i can't fix them I'll love them for it) so Miguel HATES it even more.

And I'm imagining that villain is also a yandere so there's just gonna be so much drama like AHDISHDUSHD

But yes this idea has been bouncing around in my head alot

If you give me permission I shall come in here with more thoughts on this if I get them

Anygays have a nice day or night make sure to stay hydrated!!!

*Tyler the creator voice* ok ok ok ok ok

so, I was thinking of something earlier, and, I forgot to grab a screenshot of it, but, extremely incredibly minor ATSV spoiler, when Miles is being shown the holograms of the Spiderverse, another series of canon events that is shown is every Spider having some sort of Symbiote experience (as in Venom, which, I have to admit, I'm uh, not extremely knowledgeable on Spiderman lore, I've been out of the game with this series since like grade school, I used to be big on DC and TMNT and hero shit, so, yeah)

Reader is just crushing on like, some evil Eddie Brock or some bad boy with a Symbiote, and dedicated/obsessive Papá Miguel instantly recognizes when your moods and behaviors start to change, more rebellious, more moody, you're becoming a bit more assertive, but not always in the good way, you're hurting people, maybe even stealing and other petty crimes. He presses you on who you've been hanging out with because APPARENTLY you've been sneaking off your watch so you can't inherently be tracked or spied on or contacted

Some drama ass shit like, Miguel has been trying to reach you because you both have some sort of really sentimental or important date coming up, maybe the anniversary of when he first met you or your birthday or his birthday where you both were supposed to do something nice together, something that's been planned and talked about for ages, and then, this rebellion stuff begins and, the date comes and you completely ghost him, he can't find you, contact you, he's frustrated and angry but also worried because what if you're hurt? What if his baby girl is HURT 🥺 SURELY that's the ONLY reason you wouldnt show up and break your poor stressed beloved daddy's heart liks this 🥺 and he finally finds you and you're totally fine, it's just like "haha sorry 'dad' I was getting railed by my evil big tall hunky villain boyfriend and also I have a Symbiote now, look at my spooky black costume, im evil now :)" and here's Miguel like "NOOO PRINCESA 😭😱✝️", but, technically he's only able to interfere in certain ways, like, maybe he can pressure you to break up with this guy but your Symbiote is canon and whether you defeat it and get rid of it or somehow master it and befriend it like say Ghost Spider, that isn't up to him, he can only pressure you but he can't MAKE you do anything, at least, not directly

You're running around having your rebellious Evil Girl Autumn and he's trying to, you know, steer you back onto the path of righteousness and all that and the harder he tries to control you the angrier you're getting until you're even losing your temper and throwing things at him or eventually physically attacking him (to which he's forced to overpower you which, you two have sparred before but this is different and it breaks his heart). You throw your watch at him and tell him to go fuck himself, that you hate him, that you never want to see him again, but you're crying and he takes this as a sign you aren't serious (which, you aren't, not 100% completely, you kinda lowkey ARE having a huge temper tantrum and rebellious phase and being a criminal brat, but, like.... spiderverse babyyyy we got Spider powers, shit has no consequences, or so it feels like to you at the time, and the Symbiote is maybe questionably evil and corrupting your thoughts)

Oh I just realized you said teen reader and here I am talking about getting railed 💀 maybe the villain is a teen too or just a few years older than you but either way like. Miguel doesn't want his sweet innocent pure virginal baby girl having sex! With anyone! Especially before marriage! (Although i was hearing he's kind of a slut in the comics?) He ever finds that shit out it's like, A CRISIS EVENT. He's like that one stereotype of brothers/fathers who hate seeing their sister/daughter date because that's the baby the raised/grew up with. Picture having an argument with him and you're just trying to piss him off and like, it's true but in anger you say "OH YEAH? oh YEAH??? Well, well, you know how you hate Hobie Brown so much?! We've been dating JUST TO MUTUALLY SPITE YOU, and you know what, i actually like him, and he likes me! Maybe we'll hook up for real! Maybe I'll FUCK HIM, DAD :) maybe we'll HAVE A BABY TOGETHER, DAD :)"

Like girlie nooooo you're getting put into The Biggest Time-Out The Multiverse Has Ever Seen. You think getting locked up in a room would be bad, NO, because at least you'd have some vague sense of privacy and personal space. You're now on 24/7 Daughter Duty, with him literally all the time except for, bathing and that stuff. He's dragging you around, making you accompany him, controlling what you're allowed to do, really an extended prolonged punishment. Hss making you sit in his office or whatever while he works and you'll be absolutely fucking bored out of your mind because you're basically given nothing to do, have no phone, no tasks really. He's not outright hurting or abuse you but it's a kind of psychological burden for you, but from his perspective he's just, basically guarding you like a dedicated father, protecting his baby from tarnishing her reputation, her body, and otherwise when he isn't there. CLEARLY he has a lot more fathering to give you than he originally thought

#yandere spiderverse #yandere miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #yandere x reader #yandere stuff #sinprompts #and yeah sure homie youre free to send ideas whenever i just might not always reply #im working 40 hour weeks and kts third shift and its really uh messingup my sleep after all these months #also weed. tons of weed lol

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csuitebitches · 6 months

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I really enjoy your blog and was wondering if you have advice on one of my biggest mental blocks. I'm 23 but struggle to feel like an adult and being independent deeply scares me even through I want to be "chasing my dreams". I've lived with my close knit family my whole life and still spend a lot of time with my parents. I'm almost going to move away(in the next year) and so I've began the process of getting a car/saving money, etc. But then I find myself subtly sabotaging these efforts because the idea of being alone/moving away also terrifies me. I really want to experience moving to a city and working and traveling and doing things I want and at this point I'm finding it draining being my parents "stay-at-home-daughter". But I also get anxiously sick when I try a push myself for more independence. I've put so much on hold going through school and then living in my home town w. parents and it's kind of scary to imagine dating (never prioritized men + parents didn't let me date in highschool= never had a bf or anything) or living alone even though I'd love to have the experience. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Basically I still feel like a 15 year old when it comes to my personal life and that feels a bit shameful.

I want to tell you that we all feel what you feel. You’ll only ever feel like an adult when you’ve exposed yourself to the outside world, regardless of whether you can handle it or not.

independence scares you because it’s unfamiliar territory. Often when we look at people who are independent and on their own two feet, they seem to have a sense of self identity, purpose and responsibilities to handle.

I’m always in favour of people moving out of their parents homes for a couple of years at least (the culture where I come from also emphasises on the whole family living together and there’s no move out at the age of 18 concept) because I see the pros and cons of both situations of living in/ out of your parents home.

No book, YouTube video, friends’ experiences will teach you about being an adult. You have to step out and experience it yourself.

Start doing exposure therapy. Basically, slowly, bit by bit, immerse yourself into the traditional adult experiences.

I’ll give you examples. Understand fully how your insurance works. Keep all your medical records in both a physical and a digital file.

Understand how your car functions as a product - which means guarantees, warranties, insurance, emergency numbers, mechanics nearby, etc.

Start tracking all your spending expenses, even if you’re using your parents money at the moment. The earlier you start this habit, the better. Create a monthly budget for yourself and stick to it.

Start doing your own laundry in the house and learn that not all clothes go in the washing machine, some go for dry cleaning etc.

Make it a goal to learn to cook at least 5 dishes properly before you leave. If your parents are good cooks, ask them to teach you or go to every introvert’s favourite site, YouTube.

Pretend that your room is a mini apartment and try to keep it clean at all times.

Start socialising more. Not just with known friends. Sign up for a random hobby class like a book club or a running club where you can meet more people. Yes it’ll be difficult, yes you’ll have moments of awkwardness but don’t give up after just one meeting - go and meet new people to get used to the idea of interacting with strangers.

You can’t rush into feeling like an adult. It takes time. Exposure therapy is the best way to get into it. The more responsibility you can healthily shoulder, even if you fail at times, you’ll still start feeling more confident.

We weren’t born with the knowledge of car tire changing mechanics, insurance, cooking or tidying up. We had to learn them as we grew up. It’s perfectly alright to not know how to do something. The beauty of living in today’s world is that the answer to nearly every question is one google search away.

#adulting #q/a

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feyascorner · 2 months

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please skip this if you don't want to read me being a sap 😭 it's not about astarion (ik very surprising!) but about my personal life

I'd rather not go into specifics but, I've worked very hard for something in my life and the results are not as expected. And by hard I mean I skipped everything else others are doing at my age to pursue this goal, spent countless nights just sobbing, and lost a lot of what I loved and things just ugh…everyone else around me seems to be doing a lot better with their luck and as happy as I am for them (because they really do all deserve it!!!!), I'm also sad because things aren't working out as much for myself 🫠

Im trying to remain optimistic but it's very very hard. I have a history of completely shutting everything out for months if things get too bad and I'm hoping it doesn't get to that point because it's very damaging 😞

Id talk to my friends about this but they don't take me very seriously because I'm always joking around so I have no idea how to cope but spill my feelings onto this silly blog bec at least here people won't judge me for this!!!

I'm just getting very hopeless about everything and it’s also reflecting on my hobbies!! Like this blog and other aspects of my life, it's a lot harder to do things but it’s also the only things that bring me joy so it’s just a repetitive cycle💀

I hope this doesn't sound like I'm asking for pity, because I'm not!!! I really just don't have an outlet for things like this and I'd rather not just bottle it up until everything comes down ten times worse 🫠 ive already lashed out at two people and I felt so bad about it after when apologizing and I'd rather it not happen again!!

For anyone who's going through something similar or just aren't feeling their best please know you are not alone!!! Life sucks sometimes but there is joy in it too! Like this blog and my thousands of other social media platforms, games, and hobbies I like to take up :) and as corny as it sounds this game and this character really do make me feel better 😭 seeing people react to what I write and interacting with random people on the internet truly does make my day and makes me forget what’s happening in my actual life :)

so genuinely, thank you all for being here ❤️

#feyascorner

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darkbluekies · 4 months

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Information about the account — updated/2024 version

Information

This account is run by one woman as a hobby, which means that post can come irregularly and can contain mistakes. I have gotten requests about becoming an editor for me or help me write the stories, and although I'm very touched by that I'm a bit too protective over my writing and want it to be completely mine.

With that said, do not plagiarize my writing, I've had people do that before it's honestly not worth it, you will get caught eventually and have wasted time that you could have used to improve your own writing.

Limitations

This is a yandere account, which means that things in stories won't always be very ethical, but I do not condone any of it, please don't ever think that. There are things I'm not comfortable to write, however, such as:

smut (semi-sexual scenes could be fine, but in my way)

physical abuse from the yandere that feels too realistic

rape, incest, pedophilia and all things that way

darling dying/getting killed/taking their life (I get this request a lot)

This account is just for writing and interacting with people about writing, nothing more, and I would like it to stay that way, apolitical and friendly.

Characters

These are my characters, who I own and love. If there's something you don't like about a character, don't come to me, demanding that I should change them. They're my characters, not yours.

That being said, do not use my characters for your own personal gain, that isn't fair for me. People have asked me about uploading a character to character ai, and I don't want you to do that. And I would like you to respect that.

Fanart is always welcomed, I really admire your drawing styles, but if you decide to draw one of the characters, please don't make it sexual or revealing.

Audience — minors

As I've stated, this blog is a yandere one and will contain heavy themes. Part of my stuff isn't suitable for a younger audience and since its a pretty good mix of both sfw and nsfw (in this case quite dark themes), i have had a harder case knowing what to tell minors, but now I've come to a conclusion. Dear minors, please stay away. I can't force anyone to listen to me, and I can't know who's lying about their ages, etc, but I am advising you to stay away. Before, I've advised you to be careful while scrolling through this blog, because there are certain stories that potentially could be okay, but I think now that it's better not to take the risk and just tell you to leave all together.

If you happen to stay, because I know people will decide not to listen, you are responsible for your own consumption. Remember that.

Asks and requests

Unfortunately, I cannot do/answer to all asks and requests, even if I'd like to, so please don't think I am ignoring an ask, they get easily lost in the inbox and sometimes I do not have the time and need to select a few.

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rogersideup · 11 months

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Nice to be Kneaded

Chapter 5:

Absdoughlutely

Series masterlist

Previous part: Captain-what’s-his-butt Next Part: Sunflower

Word Count: 5,675

Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI.

Three knocks on a door got you nothing but silence.

Four more knocks got you more silence.

But a ring on the doorbell and about twenty more knocks got you the sound of locks clicking and a door swooshing open with urgency.

On the other side was a disgruntled Georgia, out of breath because she ran to the door. "Child, if this isn't an emergency-"

"Why haven't you spoken to me in a week?" You questioned with a vocal drawl and a feigned playful yet sullen expression.

She stared blankly at you as the hot summer breeze mingled with the cold air from the AC in her house. "You've been busy with that boy."

"You know his name" You raised an eyebrow. "Just because I'm friends with him doesn't mean I'm not friends with you. Are we back in middle school, Peach?"

"You aren't just friends with him." She shook her head and leaned against the doorframe. "The two of you are getting really cozy."

"Even if we were, would that be such a bad thing?" You asked feeling confused. "Weren't you the one saying I should be dating?"

"Of course i'd love to see you happy, but not with him." She wagged her finger back and forth.

Your playful energy deflated, this was no longer a ploy to spend time with the friend you missed, it became personal.

"Why?" You crossed your arms. The sun directly over head stung your skin as you furrowed your brows.

"I don't like him." She said in a tone you've never heard her use before, completely taking you back. "He's the kind've boy that's going to take your heart and stomp all over it. You've said it yourself, there's something about him that's a little odd."

"And you're the one who said that he just needs time to warm up." You threw her words right back at her. "I gave him the time, he's nice and warm now. You've given him nothing but judgement and momentary uncomfortable interactions, of course you'd think he's a little cold."

"I also said he could be a murderer or a stalker, didn't I?" She crossed her arms too, both of you feeling defensive over yourselves. "And why do you feel such a strong need to defend him, baby doll?"

"Because you're being rude to a very sweet man who's done nothing but try to be nice to everyone in Greenwood." You scoffed. "He's expressed to me that he really wanted to be your friend but backed away because you were being cold and short."

"Well then he's very good at reading body language, now isn't he?" Georgia offered a fake smile, batting her eyelashes.

"This is ridiculous." You scoffed at her behavior, completely taken aback. "You really aren't going to speak to me because you don't like Steven?"

"No. I just want to stress that I don't like him, and I can see your heartbreak coming from three miles away." She explained. "I care about you and your precious little heart, I can't stick around to watch someone play with it before stomping all over it."

You audibly chuckled at the hypocrisy of her words. "If you really cared about someone messing with my heart, you wouldn't be dangling it over the edge of a cliff by being a shitty friend over your opinion of a man that's been nothing but kind to me"

"Watch your language, young lady." Georgia scolded.

"No. I'm not a child. I'm not your child either." You refused to let her walk all over you like that.

"Even Michael agrees, you need to stay away from that boy." Georgia let slip.

"Is that what this is about?" You questioned. "Your husband forms an opinion so you have to go along with it for the sake of keeping the peace?"

"This has nothing to do with him."

"Well I think it does" You insisted. "Because the Georgia I know is a loving, kindhearted lady that would take anyone under her wing if they needed it. You used to love everyone, but ever since the sokovia accords you've been letting Michael get in your head, and now you're both turning into judgmental know-it-all's"

"It also has nothing to do with the civil war" Her voice was dripping with warning.

You sighed and shook your head. "I'm over this, if you want to keep trying to work it out you know where I live." as you started to unfold your arms and walk away, one last thought came to mind. "And by the way, Steven has been way more careful with my heart recently than you have."

As you walked down her porch steps and out into the street, the only response to that statement was the sound of a door slamming.

You hadn't seen Steve since you told him you knew he was Captain America. It had been a few days, but they were days you usually wouldn't see him anyways. But ever since you pieced the puzzle together, you couldn't help but to start feeling anxious for him.

Through just a tiny window of his eyes, you could understand why trying to settle down for a little while was risky. Anyone could find out who he is at any given moment, and people like Georgia were a constant threat to his well-being.

Although you were upset that she was being so harsh and critical towards Steve at the moment, a tiny part of you felt relief that she didn't already know what you knew. She still felt far from the truth, and in the long run, limiting the interactions between Steve and Georgia will be better for the both of them.

It gave her less of a chance to stare into his big blue eyes and charming toothy smile to recognize him the same way you did. Because if Georgia or Michael found out Steve's true identity, both you and him would be toast.

You could barely come to terms with how fast and often he had been running around in your mind. All you wanted to do was go check in on him, wanting to wrap him up in a big squishy hug, confess that you genuinely starting missing him in your short few day breaks apart during the week.

What you didn't know was that in those few days, Steve felt the same way. He'd stopped himself a few times from going over to your place and knocking on the door just to see your smile and thank you once more for everything you've done for him. But he didn't want to overwhelm you, and he also knew it wasn't your responsibility to carry the weight of being his constant safe space.

However, he did feel like he owed you a grander gesture of gratitude beyond what he could ever say with words. So in his time away from you, he painted you a picture of the grassy field in the pretty park the two of you had gone to together the first time you'd ever really hung out.

After finishing off some very important details, he popped it in a frame he thought would match your house. Since he knew he would be seeing you tomorrow, he ventured outside of his house to find you the prettiest flowers he could from anyone who would sell a bouquet to him.

When he settled on the perfect ones, he brought them home to cut down the stems and put them in a vase. It almost made him a little sad. In any other situation, he would be courting you. As he arranged them perfectly in the vase, he had a silent moral debate in his head.

These flowers are to say thank you and that was it. You wouldn't take them as a romantic gesture, because they weren't. All friends get each other flowers for all different occasions, and this was totally normal. They would do nothing to hurt you in the long run.

Considering he was devoted to keeping to himself, he unfortunately had a whole day to overthink his choices.

Maybe it was too much, he should just jump ship and keep the painting and flowers to himself. It would spare him a lot of embarrassment if you took it the wrong way, and maybe you were only nice to him because you felt bad. Maybe you didn't want them in the first place.

He eventually snapped out of it, because the version of him he once knew was more confident than this. Old him would never second guess the thought of giving a gift, so maybe this version of him shouldn't either.

Besides, if it went terribly wrong, he already had a lot of reasons to leave Greenwood. There was always an exit plan.

His decision to go through with his original plans were set in stone when he got a text from you at around noon.

'Hey, I know you usually come hang out on Tuesday's but I stayed home today. Just really needed a break, but i'd still love to spend time with you today. Want to come over?'

He let you know that he'd be there soon before quickly taking a shower and getting dressed. It was only after he had tied his shoes and grabbed his keys that you texted him a very strict dress code of only the coziest clothes he owned.

So just for you, he changed his outfit, and fixed his hair one more time before heading over to your door with flowers and the painting in his hands. He settled on some cozy running shorts and a t shirt hoping it would meet your standards for the comfort you had in mind.

As he made the very short walk over to your front door, he could feel Georgia's eyes on him from her living room window. Then as he knocked, she found it a very convenient time to walk outside to get the mail from her mailbox. He gave his best attempt at a wave, but he was met with a glare.

Yikes.

When the door swung open, your eyes immediately landed on Georgia sticking her nose into your business, then right to Steve who was standing there obviously uncomfortable with flowers in his hands.

Annoyed at Georgia and keen on protecting your sweet Steve from her wrath, you quite literally pulled him in your house by his arm before closing the door in an absolute whirlwind.

"Woah!" He stumbled on his feet, quick to balance himself.

"Sorry!" You let go of his arm and smoothed the sleeve of his shirt down. "Georgia was staring, I don't want her anywhere near any of your business"

It took him a second to process all that had happened in such a short amount of time, then he realized he was just awkwardly standing there. "Oh! Uh, these are for you. I just- you've done a lot for me since I've been here and I wanted to say thank you."

"Stop it, you are so sweet!" A puppy dog expression smeared across your face, pouting at the thoughtful man in front of you. "You didn't have to do that."

He set the painting down on the table next to him, and before he even got a chance to put the flowers next to it, you had jumped up on your tippy toes to wrap your arms around his neck.

You could hear his giggle in your ear before one arm wrapped around you and held you close, the other held the bouquet behind your back.

"But I wanted to." He insisted. "I really appreciate you, I'm lucky to have you in my life."

"I think I'm the lucky one here, honey." You gave him a good squeeze before letting him go. "Did you paint this?!"

"... depends on what you think of it." Steve's lopsided smile poked through.

"It's so beautiful! I love it so much" You picked it up to inspect it further. Immediately recognizing the setting, you were highly impressed with the detail.

"Okay, then yes I painted it" He claimed his work.

"You're so talented, this is going to be worth like... a billion dollars."

"Keep dreaming, sweetheart." Steve laughed

"Well it's worth a billion dollars to me! I'll cherish it forever. "And the flowers are so pretty!"

"I grew those myself" Steve joked.

"Oh did you?" You laughed. "You must have a really impressive garden in your backyard."

"Yep, I've been working on it for years."

"You're stupid!" You laughed. "It's a good thing you're so pretty."

"You think I'm pretty?!" Steve enthused.

"Honey, you're just about the prettiest thing Greenwood has to offer."

"Second to you" He playfully winked.

You smiled and shook your head at him as he mentally beat himself up. He shouldn't be pulling you along like this. Playing around with you like a toy until he had to leave you high and dry, it was wrong.

"You are just too much" You grinned with a blush stippling over your cheeks.

He knew you were playing around, but you were right. He was being too much.

"Thank you, Steve." You said sincerely, completely shutting off all his brain noise.

"You're welcome." His heart skipped a beat as you called him Steve for the first time. But then he saw it, the tiniest deflate in your mood, and a tiny twinge of sadness in your eye.

He started following you through your house to the living room, then he watched you plop down in the couch with a subtle sigh.

"What's wrong?" He questioned sadly.

"Oh... it's nothing," You shrugged it off as he slowly sat next to you. But as he examined your body language with his big concerned eyes, you knew there was no use in pretending. "It's just- Georgia."

"Is that what the whole door thing was all about?" He questioned softly.

"Yeah" You tucked your hair behind your ear as you nodded, trying to find a way to tell him the situation without making him feel bad. "I think we need to find better ways to hang out without her knowing."

"Is she onto me?" He asked nervously.

"No, I don't think so. But she's smart, Honey. She doesn't like that we're hanging out and for some reason she wants you far, far away from me." You explained. "I think the more she sees, the more curious she will get and the more digging she will do. That's not good for either of us, is it?"

"No, it's not." He shook his head with a sigh. "I can't be around you if it's going to put your safe-"

"Shut it" You cut him off, and smiled when he pouted once more. "Nothing on this earth can convince me you're bad to be around. All I'm saying is we need to get more creative than the front door."

"But what if-"

"I don't care."

"I'll hop the fence?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Can you do that?" You giggled.

"I free dived off a plane with no parachute" Steve shrugged. "How difficult could one fence be?"

"You know what? We can figure out the logistics later." You nodded. "My point is, just be careful around her. That's all."

"Okay, and my point is that I really care about you. If this starts putting you in danger, I'll never be able to forgive myself."

"I care about you too, which is why we're going to find a way to keep us both safe and happy? Okay?"

He sunk into himself at the thought of everything you're putting on the line. "...okay."

"Cool, now that we got that out of the way, I was thinking we could order some food and watch a movie?"

"Sounds fun to me!" Steve enthused. "I'm starving"

"You're always hungry" You giggled. "Probably because you run a marathon a day."

"It's not my fault" He pouted, slumping onto the couch. "Stupid serum. My metabolism is really fast. And if I don't move, I start to get restless and anxious."

"Don't worry, pretty baby, I'll feed you." You laughed at his grumbly explanation, ignoring the way his cheeks turned pink. "What do you want?"

"...Can't even get drunk" he mumbled again.

"Okay, so we're not drinking vodka for dinner..." You spoke to yourself, scrolling through all the options on your phone.

The two of you eventually settled on an ungodly amount of Chinese food that you'd eat on the couch. The boxes littered the coffee table well after both of you had finished eating, and you sprawled out on the couch, hand resting on your happily bloated stomach. You found yourself in a blissful food coma after trying to out eat Steve. He warned you it was a bad idea, but you took on the challenge anyway. He beat you by two crab Rangoons, but you claimed it didn't count because you definitely ate more fried rice than him.

His evidence that he won was that he felt perfectly fine, while you were one wrong move away from tasting your dinner all over again.

That comment resulted in you flipping him off, and tossing the TV remote at him. "Put something on, I can't even think." You complained.

He laughed at you and caught it effortlessly. "What do you want to watch? Action? Romcom? Oh! I know! A musical"

"If you put it on a musical, I might actually throw up. I'm already too nauseous for that." You joked.

"Okay, how about a Disney movie? Ratatouille? Tarzan?" He questioned, scrolling through all the options.

"Ratatouille is Pixar." You poked.

All he did was glare at you with narrowed eyes in response to that statement.

"Monsters Inc." He continued.

"Also Pixar" You smile. "I want to watch a Captain America movie"

"Okay that's it" He shook his head. "I'm putting on Cars, and you have no choice but to watch it"

"Another Pixar movie" You laughed.

"I miss the bakery" He sighed.

"Wow. You only like me for my cookies." You feigned an upset expression.

"Your sourdough is phenomenal as well." He nodded.

"Jerk..." You smiled.

"Feeling squisher..."

You gasped and clutched your chest, then the fake tears started to fall.

"Noooooooo!" Steve sprang up and made his way over to you, leaning over and wrapping his arms around your upper body to reverse the damage. "Don't cry don't cry don't cry" His face shoved into the crook of your neck made you giggle with every word as his soft beard tickled your skin. "Soooooorrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyy I won't call you that ever again. I love it here, I love spending time with you, don't cry! Please don't cry!"

"If you squeeze me any harder I'm going to throw up all over you" You laughed as he quickly let you go and took a big step back.

"I can handle blood, gore, violence even, but if you throw up I promise I'll be throwing up too." He defensively put his hands up as if you were pointing a weapon at him.

"Somehow, that makes you even more human, Stevie." You giggled as he grabbed a blanked off the couch and wrapped it around himself and the top of his head so just his face was poking through. It was as if he was now trying to hide from the threat.

As he got cozy on the couch once more in his blanket cocoon and your legs thrown across his lap as he payed attention to the beginning of Cars playing on the TV, the warnings from every news broadcast played in your head. It took everything in you to not physically laugh out loud at the words 'if you see any of these individuals, do not approach. They are dangerous.'

You fell into more than comfortable silence as the movie played. It was hard not to let your mind wander around, thinking about how nice it was to take a step back from work for even just the day, and how nice it was to have someone like Steve to enjoy it with.

The silence was broken every once and a while when the two of you would laugh at a joke that not even an 8 year old would find funny, and sometimes he had a question and you had some pretty general commentary on the movie. He also kept letting out quiet little yawns.

You'd catch him out of the corner of your eye, his eyes would fall heavy then he'd blink them open super fast and shake his head to try and keep himself awake. Eventually the blanket slipped off the top of his head, and he'd kick his legs over the arm of the couch and scoot backwards to get a little more comfortable.

Taking into consideration all the information he provided you about his lack of sleep, it warmed your heart to see he felt comfortable enough around you to even feel this sleepy in the first place. You knew most nights he could barely even get himself to try closing his eyes before the sun rose. Now here he was, struggling to stay awake at 9pm on your couch.

He made it another fifteen minutes before his arm relaxed to his side and his head slouched to rest on the couch back, completely knocked out. You couldn't help the smile on your face every time he subconsciously made himself more comfortable. It didn't take long before he was sprawled out across the couch, his head landing on a pillow you placed right next to your lap as you already knew that's where he would inevitably wind up.

You kicked your feet up on the coffee table as you admired the way his hair had flopped over onto his face when he curled up on his side. Your mind and all its racing thoughts were far gone from the animated film on the screen in front of you as you wondered if he would have ever grown out his hair this long had it not been for the circumstances he was under.

You wanted to pull it back off of his face just to feel the soft strands running through your fingers and to admire his facial features a little better, but that was not a step you were willing to take while he was asleep. Besides, if you accidentally woke him up you'd never forgive yourself.

Regardless of the golden strands of hair obstructing your view, you did get to notice all the different colors that lived in his beard. Mostly brown with a twinge of blonde, a bit of red along the side of his cheek and a just a few grays that decided to make a guest appearance. Just as you noticed how long and beautiful his eyelashes were, he sucked in a big breath as if he was waking up.

Suddenly, a movie about silly little cars became the most interesting attention grabber in the whole world. But that big breath was accompanied by a stretch of his arm that so happened to land right on your lap.

Just as you looked down at it, he had stirred into some sort of half conscious state. He looked around and blinked a few times.

"Oh shit" he mumbled, barely being able to form words. "I should go home."

Yet he didn't move his arm away, nor did you think he even had the capacity to make it to his own bed at this point. If he did go home, you knew he wouldn't sleep.

"It's okay" You told him quietly, with a reassuring grin. "You're safe here."

His hand in your lap caught your eye again, but this time it was because it was moving, navigating the area trying to find yours. Your heart skipped a beat once it did, and you interlocked your fingers with his.

There was a small smile on his face as his eyes closed again. "Didn't mean to fall asleep."

"You're okay." You reminded him once more, gently squeezing his hand. "I'll keep you safe"

He used it free hand to remove the pillow from underneath his head, and in one swift movement he rested his head in your lap. Your stomach filled with butterflies and your heart was now beaming with golden rays.

You took that as permission to pull the blanket up over his shoulders to assure he'd stay warm in the air conditioning, but after that you still weren't sure what to do with your free hand.

"Honey?" You whispered just in case he was already back in dreamland. He responded with a little grumble you could tell was his attempt at acknowledging your call for him. "Can I play with your hair?"

A smile immediately stretched across his lips as he lazily nodded. You're pretty sure he fell asleep again after just a few swipe throughs of your fingers in the growing length.

Somewhere between the warm weight of the soldier in your lap and the comfort of a Pixar film on the television, you had fallen asleep too. That wasn't something you even realized until you had woken up to the sound of your phone ringing.

You peeled your eyes open to see the sun had risen to its full potential, and somehow, some way, you were now laying down and pinned between the couch cushions and Steve's body.

His face was shoved into the crook of your neck and one of his strong arms was holding onto you nice and tight as if you would run away if he loosened his grip.

Unfortunately you had no time to bask in the glory of being cuddled by a big strong man before you had both been woken up by the sound of your obnoxiously loud ringing phone. The second he popped his head up and squinted his beautiful blue eyes to adjust to the sunlight, you were internally cursing whoever was trying to contact you with a eternal damnation. Surly if they knew just how long it had been since you felt a man's touch, nobody would've contacted you ever again.

Steve reached over behind him to grab you your phone as he mentally cursed himself for putting you in this position after he told himself to not act on his romantic feelings for you. He was walking you both down a dark and dangerous path of pain and heartbreak but he just couldn't get himself to stop.

You thanked him as you grabbed it from his hand, and immediately picked up as it was one of your bakers.

Steve sat up and sung his legs over the side of the couch by your hips. He slumped over and his face fell into his hands while he listened to half a conversation about how to troubleshoot the rack oven and what to do with all 13 trays of destroyed snickerdoodles for that one really important order.

He had to take big deep breaths to calm himself down as the sound of waking up to a phone ringing caused him an astronomical amount of anxiety. For just a few moments he was positive he was getting a call that would get him back in the suit to shut down an alien wormhole or delay the end of the world.

Somehow your supportive and calming words to your employees calmed him down too.

"Hey, don't worry about it. Things happen, I understand." You cooed over the phone. "I don't want you to stress about it. I can stay all night to bake whatever is left for that order, okay? It'll get done, I promise. There's nothing that we can't fix."

He could hear your employee stress-babbling something on the other end of the phone call, but none of that mattered. Not when you sat up and got right next to him when you noticed his body language.

You made sure there was no empty space between the sides of your bodies. Leg to leg, side to side, and your arm traveled up the plane of his back and gently squeezed the nape of his neck to try and comfort him while you sorted out whatever was happening at Nice To Be Kneaded.

Steve appreciated your efforts, but he also couldn't help but to feel like his lack of self control around you was also a source of his pounding heart and racing thoughts. Knowing he should probably provide an explanation for the cuddle fest last night led him to believe it might be time to set some boundaries with you.

His little slice of heaven would have to be put at arm's length away, on the highest shelf he couldn't reach even if he was on his tippy toes. If he had you out on the counter, he knew he would come back for a little more of you every time he passed by because just one more bite wouldn't hurt. But one kept turning to two, two to four, and before he knows it the both of you will be on complete opposite sides of the world as you harbored pure resentment for him.

Right now he might've looked like a bucket of sugar to you, but sugar and salt looked exactly the same the only difference being sugar doesn't sting when it's rubbed into wounds.

His mind ran away fast, the only rope he grabbed onto to pull him back into reality was your calming voice.

"Hey, Sweet Stevie." You squeezed his shoulder, trying to catch his attention.

He finally snapped out of his trance and his big eyes met yours. "Huh?"

"Are you okay?" You questioned although you already knew the answer.

"Yeah, sorry. I'm fine." He faked a smile.

"Really? I said your name three times before you responded." You raised an eyebrow.

This time Steve's lips pressed together in a straight line before a real grin spread across them. "I keep a burner phone in my pocket with some of the Avengers being the only ones with the number to it in case they need me." He explained. "Every day feels like a waiting game for the phone to ring- it's like sitting in a room with a bomb that's about to explode but you don't know when it'll be detonated."

"Ah-" You understood, your hand continued to rub circles on his back. "You thought there was an explosion?"

He nodded in confirmation as he thought about what to say next- how to let you down gently.

"False alarm" You stated, earning a hum in response.

All he wanted to do was let his head fall back onto your shoulder, pull you down onto his body and cover the both of you up so that you could get a few more hours of sleep. He wanted to avoid this gaping hole he always felt in his heart, he wanted to enjoy your company without guilt.

"Are you okay?" Steve reciprocated the questioned.

"Yeah" You giggled. "Sometimes the oven at the bakery likes to shoot up in temperature for no reason and bake cookies at 600 degrees Fahrenheit. That led to a snickerdoodle disaster and now we're about 320 cookies and six hours of work down from a huge order that's picking up tomorrow."

"How are you not stressed?" Steve questioned.

You shrugged your shoulders. "I'll get it done. I might be there until the sun rises but I'll get it done. I'd go in earlier but we only have so much space for so many people to be working at the same time, it would be more useful to just get there later and work in an empty kitchen."

"You're going to need more butter" Steve thought out-loud. "And eggs."

"And flour. And sugar. And cinnamon. But hey, at least I slept well last night!" You giggled and nudged his shoulder with yours.

It earned you a pretty smile and a shy blush on his cheeks. "If I had any intention of falling asleep I would've warned you that I'm a chronic cuddler." Steve defended himself. "All of the Avengers learned that the hard way, they all knew to avoid the general area I was sleeping in."

"Awwww. I'd like to imagine a time in which you and Bucky Barnes were spooning to keep nice and warm on a cold, cold night." You smiled as you teased.

"Oh, no, Bucky would not hesitate to push me onto the floor." Steve laughed.

"That's so mean! I could never!" You screeched. "Did you at least sleep well?"

"Scary good" The blush on his cheeks burned brighter. "Sorry for holding you hostage all night."

"More than fine by me." You smiled, still enjoying the lack of space between his body and yours. "I'm sorry you had to wake up like that. What a shitty way for you to have to start the day."

This time you let your head fall onto his shoulder, and your arm squeezed him into a delightful side hug. He reciprocated by wrapping his arm around you too and letting his head rest on yours.

Okay, just one more bite.

"I think this is the best way for me to start my day." Steve said. Now you were the one blushing, and that extra bite was worth all the sugary sweetness that made the endorphins bounce around in his brain. But could you blame him? You were just so damn scrumptious, maybe even addictive.

You so wished you could stay and enjoy the temptation snuggling you on the couch, but then a really depressing thought was at the forefront of your brain. "I have to source ingredients and make hundreds of snickerdoodles" You sighed.

"And teach your apprentice how to master the art of a snickerdoodle" He offered his help.

"Really?" You questioned, almost in disbelief. Not a day went by without you being so very appreciative of his ability to walk alongside you exactly when you needed him.

"Abs-dough-lutely" Steve joked.

"Oh you're a loser" You held back your smile.

Next part: Sunflower

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