#and I'm doing a test on like intelligence which is cool because I've never done it before :) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sentientgopro · 3 months

Text

My parents are currently trying to figure out a way for me to not have to share a bedroom with my brother, to the extent of considering a room in the garden. I said its probably just not worth it, Ive managed living in the room with him for many years, Im sure I can make do for another year and a half, and she said to me "You can't just put your life on hold like that for a year and a half until you move out". And she has no clue that had an entirely different meaning to me.

Yes, I DO have to put my life on hold until I move out, in a much more severe and damaging way than she realises, because of her transphobic ass.

But regardless of the twat saying it and the irrelevant context, I've been dwelling on those words. Its already getting kinda difficult a month into cracking doing nothing. Ive still got about another 20 to go before I even START transitioning and thats far from an instant problem fix, isn't it.

And I already wanted to think more in detail about how it will go when they inevitably find out, but this has presented a nice opportunity to think about it a bit more. My Dad will be absolutely pissed, plain and simple, to the extent that I'd have to make sure he finds out from a long distance for my own safety. He's gotten very aggressive over alot less. My mother, on the other hand, is a much more complex question.

She's the only one I've really ever talked to about issues (particularly issues relating to Dad, as well as mental issues), shes a psychologist so she kinda has a bit of idea what shes talking about. and she has said, on many occasions, that she thinks I'm very emotionally intelligent. She thinks I know myself very well. So if I told her about something I know she fundamentally disagrees with, will she just forget all that?

The thing is, she's been locked into conservative beliefs, but she can be reasoned with. One example was of a general discussion over the existance of gender dysphoria and validity of trans people, and I convinced her that gender dysphoria is real, there are scientific explanations behind why trans people feel the way they do. And she cannot find an argument against me so she resorts to "Okay, people like that exist, but I think most just do it because they think its trendy" cool, an entirely unmeasurable, impossible to back up claim that I cant even outright disprove so it pretty much ends up as her being right because she just knows better apparently. But, up to outright convincing her to change her beliefs, she can be reasoned with.

And besides, if Im so emotionally intelligent, surely I should belong to the group of people who aren't faking it, by her logic?

Honestly, if she was just outright never going to accept me like him, itd be easier. But the fact that theres a genuine question here makes it so difficult. Like, her helping cover for me and keep it a secret from my Dad and Brother while I start HRT is a genuine, possible outcome. Its also very unlikely.

But, if I could convince her Im not making it up, which should work in theory, and if she holds the belief that I can't just put my life on hold, its a forseeable outcome. And I don't know how I feel about that.

(Short bit of context for the next bit) One of my Sixth Form teachers has gotten extremely ill, we don't know the details but basically, hes disappearing for a while and we dont know if hes ever coming back. He is the ONLY member of staff in the school capable of teaching the subject. So, my mother arranged a meeting with the head to ask what happens next, and raised concerns over my education. In return, the head tried to ignore it by pinning it on me, saying I'm struggling already, and basically turn it around on me as if our only teacher isnt disappearing.

So I tried defending myself in a few ways, one of them being, since the last round of tests, Ive been feeling like, ALOT better, better motivated, to an extent that is affecting me on a day to day basis and making it easier to get work done, so there should be a massive improvement since my last tests. So after the meeting, naturally, my mother wanted to know what it was exactly that changed, and I realised I fucked up. The thing that changed was realising I was trans and realising that, eventually, I could be happy, and I have something to look forward to and work towards. So now shes gonna keep asking and wanting to talk about what it was. She keeps asking to go on a walk and talk about it.

And it keeps making me imagine, far into the walk, after she keeps poking and prodding, just going, "Fuck it, leap of faith". Because the more I dont tell her, the more suspicious shes probably gonna become.

idk, theres no real end point to this. This is more of a vent than figuring out my feelings. Supportive relatives are great, unsupportive relatives suck, but questionable relatives are fucking anxiety provoking. This is nothing new Im discovering here, really, this is a trans experience thats older than time itself. But I've never been a big risk taker, so Ill probably just take the long route and make sure they find out as late as possible.

#196 #transgender #transfem #personal logs

4 notes · View notes

humandisastersquad · 2 years

Text

Gonna attempt a Book Review bc holy shit I just need to Yell about this series. Anyway:

Remade/Plague Land Series by Alex Scarrow: A Review™

(I haven't written a book review since 2010 so hopefully the following rambling is coherent enough for at least one other person to read this series.)

"Leon and his younger sister, Grace, have recently moved to London from New York and are struggling to settle into their new school, when rumours of an unidentified virus in Africa begin to fill the news. Within a week the virus hits London and a pandemic has begun. The siblings witness people turning to liquid before their eyes, and they run for their lives. A month after touching Earth's atmosphere, the virus has assimilated the world's biomass.

But the virus isn't their only enemy, and survival is just the first step."

Now, I know this sounds like Literally Every Other Post Apocalyptic Book Ever and it certainly does use many of the tropes associated with the genre because, well, it is a post-apocalyptic series. The plot does follow a similar pattern to most pandemic/zombie outbreak stories and starts off with two main branches: tracking the initial outbreak of the virus through various unconnected segments interspersed with the Calm Before The Storm of the main protagonist, Leon. The build up is done rather well and even though you Know what's going to happen, the background radiation of dread permeating Leon's side of the story really gets you. Not to mention reading this during an actual pandemic where most media outlets are downplaying the severity of the virus and you're told you're being paranoid for taking it seriously is uhhhh Too Real™.

Leon himself is alright I guess. Typical dark haired nerdy autistic-coded white teen protagonist, with more precocious and social sibling, Grace, to boot. Freya, the other main protagonist who joins them in the latter half of the first book, is a tad more interesting as she has MS (multiple sclerosis) and her disability is not just a throwaway line for diversity points but a key part of her character and how it affects her in this new post-virus world.

Tbh not many of the characters really stand out but are still interesting enough to be invested in their fates etc, even the more one off side characters. While there is the usual 'people turning on each other and not sharing/being able to trust each other' stuff that's rife in post-apocalyptic stories, it never fully drowns out how much of a constant threat the virus is, even those who are apparently immune. This is because the virus is not just like your typical kill-you-dead or zombification virus,, but seems to be developing a hive mind, slowly becoming more and more intelligent and developing strategies to target the remaining survivors. There's even several chapters from the virus's POV where you can watch it develop and test said strategies. I'm trying very hard not to give more of the plot away but trust me when I say it's cool as hell.

The pacing is well done and makes you never want to put the book down (unless you're like me who sometimes needs to take a Mental Break during a major Shit Is Going Down™ scene just to catch your breath. The major plot twist is also absolutely fascinating and not something I've really seen before and it honestly takes a while to wrap your head around and think about it.

That saying tho I do have to warn that this series may not be for everyone due to the obviously dark and gory themes associated with the main plot etc.

Content warnings (there are. A Lot): death, child death, body horror (so much body horror), immolation, sexual assault (one scene in the first book which is thankfully short and the assaulter is interrupted before he can go further), frequent mentions of needles and medical procedures. probably more but i devoured this series in just a few days so it's blurring all together

There's 3 books, all around 400-500 pages each:

Plague Land: Remade

Plague Land: Reborn

Plague Land: No Escape

(Also known as Plague Land, Plague Nation and Plague World in newer editions like the ones I read, but the neon covers are a bit of an eyesore as you can see below)

Anyway, thanks for reading to the end of this incoherent mess and hope this may have put this series on your To Read list. And if you have already read these books: Please Contact Me Immediately I Need To Yell

#alex scarrow #plague land #plague nation #plague world #remade series

3 notes · View notes