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#and I've already MANY IDEAS for my other submission :D
amysubmits · 10 months
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Hello! ^^
I've been quietly following your page for awhile and I love your content, i was wondering if i could ask some advice...
I had to break up with my very first (now ex) daddy today, just a couple hours ago, and to say my heart is absolutely shattered is an understatement.
I didn't want to... i desperately wanted to keep things going because he was so wonderful and kind and caring, but my needs were different from his and he admitted he couldn't provide what i needed and it was better if we went our separate ways.
How does a sub get over this kind of thing? I feel so lost.
Hello :)
I am sorry that your heart is shattered. That sounds so difficult. I hope you're able to recognize how powerful it is that you've stepped away from a relationship that wasn't meeting your needs even though a big part of you didn't want to leave. It's such an incredibly healthy thing to do that to take care of yourself even though it's so hard. So many people try to cling to relationships that don't meet their needs and that just isn't very healthy to do longterm. So I hope you're proud of yourself for taking good care of yourself. <3
The main resource that I know to suggest is linked below. I share this one because in the past I've seen multiple subs say this resource was really helpful to them.
I think heartache usually takes time as much as anything else, and focusing on taking care of yourself and finding ways to bring happiness in your life through friends, hobbies, or other ways of 'finding purpose' seem like a good route to take.
I've seen some subs say that when single, they like thinking about self-care as something they're doing in honor of a future dom, and they find some meaning in self-care feeling submissive while single as a result. If that idea appeals to you, you might try on that perspective. I've seen other subs say that perspective just really doesn't work for them, and when they aren't with someone, they just have to see themselves as unable to submit for a time. And that's valid too. I assume it may just be a matter of figuring out what works best for you, personally. And that might take some trial and error.
I saw that @cherishedproperty answered an ask on this topic this morning, and so my first guess would be that was you, and you already will be checking out her answer. But on the off chance that it wasn't you and her ask was just a coincidence, I'd suggest that you go to her blog to find that ask because she has experience with D/s breakups and being a single sub, and gave a better answer than I can, not having been in that situation. She also pointed to some resources that you should find helpful.
Best of luck to you! And again, great job of taking care of yourself. Seriously such a good thing. <3
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gently-yours · 27 days
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about me:
I'm 26, single, european and I use he/him pronouns. Cis-gendered and very bisexual. This blog centers around my desire to be dominated. It usually comes out very femdom-y, but I'm very gender-inclusive. My posts are tagged as 'yours'.
Feel free to call me whatever you want (especially pet names), but if you want my real name you'll have to get to know me first. Or just figure it out from my main blog that I follow/like from. More info below!
I'm mostly a bottom (maybe a service top if you promise to be mean about it) and very submissive, although I haven't really gotten much IRL experience in that second part yet.
I'm not really looking to roleplay online but I'm a friendly easy-going kinda guy who's trying to explore various kinks so feel free to reach out if you wanna chat about hot scenarios and ideas and such. Also if you wanna talk about movies or something, I'm very nerdy (I love D&D and Star Trek and so many other things) and I'd be happy to make some like-minded friends on here.
Please don't follow this blog or try to engage with me if you're under 18, I will block you. And tbqh i'm probably not gonna follow back or interact with you if you're under 20 either. I'm not gonna make a detailed DNI because I feel like if you're already an asshole you're probably not polite enough to follow one anyway, but just for reference this blog is pro trans and queer rights, sex workers rights, racial equality and a free Palestine. Any sentiments against that and I'll block you.
pfp and banner is by @DizzyAndFeral on twitter and it makes me go crazy because it's pretty much the only femdom art I've seen that features my bodytype
I might make a list of kinks eventually, but the key take-away is probably that I'm a notorious people-pleaser who's very open to trying new things and will bark for you if you ask. My hard limits are ab/dl, age-play, in/faux-cest, scat and actual harmful violence
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snarkyship-main · 3 years
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🖐️🖐️🖐️
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bettsfic · 6 years
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i was wondering, and apologies if you have been asked this before, but how do you keep track of what stories you've submitted to what journals/magazines/etc ? i've been struggling to keep track of my poetry submissions because i don't always send in the same poems to different places, and there are often long response turnarounds so it is easy to forget what has gone where and when and so on.
i’m so happy you asked!
this was a major problem for me for a long time and tbh kept me from submitting. it was just too much work figuring out what went where and who rejected me when and so on. 
i have two methods, which is kind of invasive and which i recommend maybe doing one or the other. so first i keep a spreadsheet:
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this keeps track of where i submitted (A), what kind of submission (B), what piece i submitted ©, how much it cost (D), when i submitted (E), when they responded (F), how many days* (G), and status (H).
*the formula for how many days is =if(F2=0,today()-E2,F2-E2)
then to the side i keep a totals chart:
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it’s important to keep track of how much you spend on submissions so you can deduct it from your taxes. 
i use countif formulas for the totals. for example, to count how many times i submitted A Wet Man, the formula would be =countif(C:C,“A Wet Man”). 
the spreadsheet is really easy to use and maintain, but it doesn’t do everything i need it to. for example, i want something that can keep track of open and closed reading periods, when submissions to certain mags are due, what specific personal rejections say, and how many things i’ve sent where. 
to handle those problems, i keep two trello boards.
i hear a lot of bad things about trello, and maybe it’s not good for major projects, but for my purposes it’s divine. 
i’ll start with the writing board:
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i have a bad habit of starting more stories than i can finish, so i keep track of my projects on this board. the lists tell me what project it is. the color tags tell me what the thing is (short story, novel, other), and what stage it’s in (not started, started, first draft, submitted, accepted). 
on the left we have my MFA thesis, a short story collection. each entry is a story.
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the number next to the name is how many words the story is. when you click on any of them, you see details i need to know about it.
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i’ve attached the final version of the story, as well as the link to where it got accepted and a copy of the publication agreement, so everything is in one handy place. i also keep a RocketBook notebook so here is where i’d put my handwritten notes about the story too. (i can go over my RocketBook methodology at some point if anyone is interested).
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then i keep a checklist of where all i submitted it to and i check them off when i get a reply. 
and remember: don’t lose hope just because you get a rejection. my story Lien got sixteen rejections before it was picked up.
in the comments, i copy and paste any nice rejection emails i receive.
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it’s important to keep nice rejections not just for the morale boost, so that next time i submit to Fence, i know to say something like, “i recently submitted my story Lien to your publication, and while it was not accepted, Ms. Wang encouraged me to submit again. i hope this story is more to your liking.” or if you get a personal rejection, it’s a good idea to submit again and email that person directly so they know to look for your submission.
the restriction with the writing board is that i don’t have a full image of, say, what i’ve sent to Fence already, nor does it help me in deciding where to send work in the future. i made a career board to keep track of publications, contests, workshops, fellowships, jobs, etc.
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here i can post “due dates” for when certain journals open again or when they close, and i use the tags to keep a handy visual for who accepts what.
for example, yellow means i’m waiting on a response. green means they’re open for submissions, red closed. blue means they accept long work, purple short. etc and so on. teal means i received a nice/personal rejection. this way when i have a story ready to be sent out, i can pick out my first ten mags pretty easily.
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i copy and paste the submission guidelines in the description, and put the link to the site in the attachments. the due date in this case was that they reopened for submissions March 1. 
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i make a checklist that shows what i already submitted. so i know what i’ve sent already. 
i keep trello and my submission spreadsheet up in a tab all the time, so when i get a notification of a rejection, i can update all three pretty quickly. the benefit of the trello boards is that they extend beyond publication – the writing board helps keep track of necessary research and files for composition and editing; the career board keeps me focused on all CV-boosting things. for example, this year i chose to apply to the New York State Summer Writers Institute instead of the Breadloaf Conference or Antioch, but now i have a place to remember a year from now to apply to Breadloaf or Antioch or wherever else. it’s also a good place to keep track of fellowship and grant opportunities.
this is really kind of an intense way to go about tracking submissions, but once you get it set up, it’s pretty easy. i imagine with poems you’ll have to adapt this a bit, because you have to do a lot more legwork on the submission front. like i only have 3 stories out at any given time which keeps the assembly line of submission pretty cut and dry, but i imagine you have dozens of poems. i hope this can at least give you some ideas for tracking.
and for those interested in the assembly line, it basically goes:
write the thing
edit the thing
pick out 10 places to send the thing
send the thing
wait for 10 rejections
repeat steps 3 through 5
after 20 rejections, consider repeating steps 2 through 5
get the thing accepted
make edits based on editor feedback
sign publication agreement
bask in glory for ~30 seconds
write another thing
if (plural) you found this helpful at all and want to buy me a coffee, here’s my ko-fi. my other advice articles can be found in my writing advice tag, or you can check out a collection of my advice, Drunk on Writing. (it’s spring break so i’m hoping to get the 2017 edition out soon).
and if you have any other questions about writing or publication, feel free to shoot me an ask 
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amysubmits · 1 year
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What advice do you have for someone who has just started to figure out themselves in reference to BDSM and is already married to a vanilla partner?
That's tough! I've never been in that situation, I've just talked to some people who have been in that situation and read some blog posts from people who were in situations like that.
I guess first, I'd suggest making sure that you really know your partner is exclusively vanilla. I have occasionally seen people say things like "I know my partner is vanilla because they've never tried to dominate me" or "They're so sweet to me, they could never be a dom" or similar and I don't think that your partner not showing obvious signs of dominance, or trying to dominate you, or requesting kinky things from you, necessarily means there isn't any interest in there. Some people repress their desires because they see BDSM as bad or they assume it's extremely rare and not realistic to even hope that their partner would want to explore it...and sometimes people aren't repressing it, but just had no idea that they would like it, but their partner suggests it, they try it and find that they really love it.
I never mean to suggest that everyone is capable of D/s or that every vanilla to D/s journey can be successful because I think it not working out is more common than it working out. But sometimes it does work out, and sometimes people are kind of afraid of even trying so they tend to just assume their partner couldn't do it or isn't interested, which I think can be making a false assumption sometimes.
When the person just really isn't into D/s or kink then that's really tough, and I really struggle to give any particular advice, honestly. I have talked to people who tried D/s with a partner, realized it wasn't the right match for their partner but they didn't truly need D/s so they were able to stay vanilla and have a good marriage.
I've talked to other people who eventually got divorced because their partner wasn't able to meet their D/s needs and it was something they really needed, so the lack of D/s made them too incompatible to continue the marriage.
I don't think I could ever possibly know which of those paths would be right for someone else. I think it really depends on how fulfilled you can be without D/s, basically. Which might partially come down to how important d/s is to someone but also might come down to how far their "vanilla" is from meeting their needs, too.
I've talked to people who are okay without having intentional D/s because their partner still makes them feel very seen, cared for, protected, and they're able to show care to their partner through some service kinda things that make them feel useful etc so although it's not explicit D/s, they still essentially have some of their naturally-submissive needs met, their day to day marriage is very authentic and still has lots of emotional vulnerability and intimacy.
Where for others it's like...their vanilla marriage is almost the opposite of what they want. Maybe they feel like they're the one in charge, and they have a habit of 'managing' their partner when they'd rather be the one getting managed and so it's almost like their marriage is an unnatural feeling role that they're playing, or a mask that they put on, so they're acting more so than being really true to themselves, and their needs aren't being met, there is sort of a wall between the partners.
I'm sure there are lots of in-between scenarios, too. But yeah there are just way too many different scenarios for me to feel like I could give meaningful advice as it really just depends.
If the person who is into BDSM is open to non-monogamy and their partner is too that may be an option, too. Sometimes people stay in the vanilla marriage but their life partner gives them the go-ahead to also have a dom or sub.
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