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#and Idk that feeling scares the living crap out of me

anzulvr · 9 months

Note

i really like your writing so i was wondering if you could write karma with a s/o who appears to be super soft and shy but is secretly a huge delinquent. like maybe someone insults karma and they just go off on that person with insults till there crying, idk i just thought the idea was silly. take your time and feel free to ignore this request if you’re uncomfy ٩(｡•́‿•̀｡)۶

Karma x sweet (secretly delinquent) Reader!

Thank you for requesting and thank you for liking my writing!! You’re so sweet! This was super fun and sorry this took so so long!! (I have a lot to get to still so to anyone reading im sorry if I haven’t written yours yet!!)

— Your kindness is one of the things Karma likes the most about you, he admires it in a way.

— It’s one of the things the entirety of class E admires about you really.

— It wasn’t often you got into big arguments and fights and no one had really seen you like that, not until today atleast.

You and Nagisa walked past the main campus on your way home together. Even though you were an class A student you and Nagisa hung out frequently, it was something many of your peers looked down at you for; they didn’t understand how you could still be friendly with people after they dropped to end class. They especially didn’t understand how on earth you could be dating Karma Akabane- the end class student with undoubtedly the worst reputation.

Like all relationships, dating Karma didn’t come with only good and you had your issues along the way. What’s surprising though, is most of the issues didn’t even come from Karma himself but from the nosy students of the main campus.

They’d make up lies about how you’re only dating him because you’re scared or gossip about how sad it is to see an A class student so desperate they go for one of the school’s rejects.

You never really say anything not wanting to argue; that was until today.

“Right? [Name] has to be an total idiot to believe that psycho actually likes them.”

“Karma is such a pain, he’s E classes wannabe savior. Can you believe he beat Ren up for messing with some E class girls.”

“That entire class is worthless to society [name] needs to get their boyfriend in check.”

That was enough to drag you off the ledge but before you could confront them Nagisa stopped you

“[Name], who cares what they think lets keep going.”

“Yeah I guess you’re right.”

You were about to drop it until they mentioned you directly “look there’s [name] now with another Eclass low life.”

“Guess the Psycho wasn’t enough for them.”

at this point they’re laughing about it until you walk up to them and they get serious.

20 minutes later you’re all still fighting and everyone is down eachothers throats. Minus Nagisa who is awkwardly looking around as if he were a lost puppy talking back once in a while to back you up.

(I know Nagisas a little crazy too but he’s letting you take this one. He had a long enough day already 😭)

“Hey what’s-” Karma who seemingly appeared out of nowhere is now behind you both and stops mid sentence when he notices you’re arguing with someone.

Before he can finish his sentence one of the girls goes “we’re done keep living your miserable ass life and stay away from us [name].” They both start to leave before anyone else can reply and when Karmas about to say something you stop him

(NOT IN A : this isn’t you😕😕 way LMFAOO JUST IN A “let’s go it’s a waste of time” way)

“Damn.. just as I was about to start recording..”

➤

On you’re way back Karma asks what that was all about.

Nagisa replies for you “[Name] got into a fight over you.”

“Over me?”

“Yeah they were talking crap about you and [Name] got all heated.”

You can practically see the devil horns form on his head

“Really [name]? I didn’t know I had that effect on you! That’s so cute.”

Nagisa shuts up again ambling along wondering what Karmas definition of cute is.

“Oh please, it wasn’t over you! They were being so arrogant it pissed me off.”

“Rightt and it had nothing to do with them talking about you’re precious boyfriend?”

“Precious is the last thing I’d call you.” You say feeling your face heat up

He spends the rest of the way poking fun at you for getting angry on his behalf calling you his “knight in shining armor”.

He thinks it’s cute you’re willing to stand up for him. He’d do the same for you any day.

(<3 sorry for any typos I try to edit before posting but I always miss something haha)

#ansatsu kyoushitsu #karma akabane #akabane karma x reader #assassination classroom x reader #karma akabane headcannons #karma akabane x reader #karma x reader #assasination classroom #assassination classroom #assclass

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yanderes-galore · 13 days

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holy crap i'm really glad your allowing requests today for tomorrow cuz surly i would've forgotten ^^; can i request a sans prompt 1 and 24 from yandere-daze's prompt list? here's a little plot for you if you wanna follow it :3

darling has done a genocide run NOT because they wanted to or hated/was afraid of monsters, but to get rid of sans and live on without killing asgore and anyone else (maybe idk, they would probably erase the world to out of guilt) in the judgement hall, that's when the prompts come in? like i said, it's up to you to follow the plot! also, answer this in dms, are we allowed to send more then one request? i wanna make sure before request more. keep up the good work btw! :)

Ahh... so if they just want to kill Sans it's more like a neutral run? Either way, I hope I take this in a good direction, friend :)

A/N: I was screenshotting the original fic to send to the requester for editing... only to delete it and have to rewrite the fic from screenshots :')

Prompts Here

Yandere! Sans The Skeleton Prompts 1 + 24

“ I love you so much you have no idea.”

“ It’s okay for you to love me.”

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Heavy manipulation, Violence, Possessive behavior, Angst, Isolation, Yandere attempts to "redeem" himself, Kidnapping implied, Murder implied, Dubious turned forced relationship.

Sans partially understood your behavior. Despite this, he still thought he kept you happy. You two finally had a true pacifist run after so long.

Only you and Sans were aware of your resets... which was a reason he was close to you and loved you.

He thought you wanted to be happy together. You two were finally able to be together in that timeline. However... even Sans had to admit you didn't seem happy about it near the end.

Perhaps he was too selfish. Near the end of your perfect run he had become more and more... possessive? Controlling?

He loved you... when he saw that look in your eyes, he begged you not to reset. He'll better himself. He's obsessed with you... don't throw this way.

However, Sans didn't get better. He got worse. When you noticed him lock you away in a room, away from everyone else, you reset the run in hopes it will fix things...

It doesn't.

The multiple times afterwards doesn't fix things either. Sans retains that odd anomalous behavior towards you. Why was he the only one that was wrong?

So you figure out there's only one way to try and fix things....

Sans can sense the change in atmosphere when you greet him in the Judgment Hall. He sees the knife in your hand, he sees the dust on your clothes. His smile falters... what were you hoping to accomplish?

Were you that scared to love him?

"Human... you-" Sans tries to say, sockets locking onto the tears in your eyes. What was he feeling? Fear? Sadness? Guilt?

He thought he made you happy... why do you treat him as though he's done something wrong?

"I need to fix things, Sans." You try to say, stepping forward. "I don't want this, neither do you, but you won't let me go."

"Let you go?" Sans echoes, sockets narrowing. "I love you so much you have no idea... why would I let you go?"

"You don't love me. None of what you've been doing is love." You seethe, but Sans can tell you're pained. "I'm going to end this... I haven't hurt that many... I can fix this if I just remove you."

"You don't want to do that." Sans sighs, a sadness in his tone. "You're just... scared. If you just abandon this run now, we can be happy again!"

Sans steps forward this time, watching as you back away with tears streaming down your face. Why won't you let him comfort you? This isn't you... why won't you let him love you now?

"It's okay for you to love me." Sans continues, stepping closer. "We can make things work. I'm... not mad. I'm not mad because this isn't you. Don't you remember when I made you happy?"

"You locked me away! You hurt my family and my friends! You wanted me all for yourself!" You counter, going to swing. Said swing of your blade misses and you see Sans vanish from your sight.

"And I'll do it again," Sans whispers in your ear, using his power to shove you against him. "Because we belong to each other. There's nothing to be scared of, you know I'll take care of you."

There's a deafening silence between you two. Your grip on the knife trembles and you try again. However, Sans moves and snatches your knife.

"You couldn't even do the whole Genocide Run." Sans hums. "You don't really want to hurt them or me, hm? Even after all those other runs?"

You stare at the skeleton as he holds your cheek. His grin is haunting and his eye flares blue. He oddly looks smug... but pleading.

"You still love me... I know you do." Sans whispers, pulling you in for a tight hug. "Just reset one more time... and we can make things just like they were before. You know you can't get rid of me... you know you need me."

His manipulation seems to have worked as you begin to sob into his hood. You've tried so hard to make things right. Yet it appears Sans will always haunt you... and he will always remain the same.

You can't get rid of him just as he said...

In the end, you'll always belong with Sans... just like you did before.

#yandere undertale #yandere sans #yandere sans the skeleton

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souryogurt64 · 1 month

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Something that really irks me about livestream culture is that everyone is sitting here criticizing concert attendee behavior from behind their screen while actively encouraging people to livestream the show which imo is extremely annoying concert behavior both for the people around them in the audience and the artist (regardless of who’s playing)

I get that it’s expensive and hard to get to shows now but the biggest proponents of this behavior are people who talk about seeing them on every tour so… idk maybe I’m just, like, old… but I’m truly not a fan :/

Yes, I 100% agree, it is so rude.

I feel like it’s now seen as rude to sing/scream/dance at all (within reason). Yet I feel like I see people on bandom absolutely crapping themselves in rage over “concert etiquette” that doesn’t affect anyone at all like people sitting down between sets or “looking bored” during the opener.

And I DON’T understand the livestream things. Like yes. I support people taking a handful of videos during the show and posting about the show is normal. And of course everybody is going to talk about the show every night.

But I DON’T understand how I have been seeing these bands live for literally 10 years, everyone has had smartphones all 10 years, and suddenly only now livestreams are a ginormous deal. I don’t understand how seemingly everyone has time to watch a 2.5 hour shitty phone video of a concert 5 nights a week and the site becomes actually unusable whenever there’s a MCR or FOB concert, which is every night. I don’t understand why people get so worked up and upset if they have to miss a stream because of work or because there isn’t a streamer. Who fucking cares. People will post videos after the show if something cool happens. I don’t understand why this is the world now. I think it has to be because so many people can’t go due to the insane prices.

I also think artists (including FOB) are actively encouraging streaming culture and these insanely high “demand prices” by constantly needing people to be scared of missing out so they’re always trying to do new things every show and like. Some of it is cool but with FOB lately I feel like they’re running out of ideas and people are paying way more for an actively worse than “normal” FOB concert because they’re scared of missing out on these gimmicks. Like I don’t need 20 people nobody cares about performing their solo music onstage at a FOB show plus also 20 covers by Fall Out boy. Just fucking have FOB play FOB songs. Also I feel like the “demand pricing” is part of why MCR continue to taunt an album for 5 years because everyone paying 5 trillion dollars for a MCR show is banking that they will be the first to hear a new song or whatever.

I also think most people in bandom (not anyone specific) are all lying about how much they paid for concerts because concerts are so expensive it’s completely socially unacceptable to admit you can afford it, and in order to be popular on Tumblr you have to cosplay being as oppressed as possible. Like I’m not going to judge someone for saving up for something nice or making a dumb financial choice but it’s deeper and more cultural than that. I feel like so much of bandom is suburban white american teens making and reblogging posts about how FAKE PUNKS on TIKTOK wear $20 lipstick, unlike REAL PUNKS WHO are POOR LIKE THEM, and they could NEVER AFFORD $20 DESIGNER LIPSTICK and we need to EAT THE RICH, then they see MCR or FOB barricade ten times in a row or whatever.

Like one pit ticket to Fall Out Boy costs almost my monthly rent. I have now paid this much for FOB tickets 3 times. I always have to buy a friend’s ticket because nobody has this kind of money to go to a concert so I pay like $1300 every fucking time. I also have a credit card (which, by the way, requires “excellent” credit to have) that allegedly gets me these tickets at a discount. Yet every single person online says they got lucky and got front row tickets for $40 or whatever. What is going on.

Like I am able to afford to see FOB when they tour because I grew up privileged, have a well-paying office job, have never traveled in my adult life, and do not own a car, partially to afford concerts. I’m also in the top .001% of Fall Out Boy listeners and top 1% of Spotify listeners overall, so like, of course I will pay this because I’m not the average fan. But not every single fucking person at these shows is also in the top .001%, so they just like. Can afford this crap for random bands they like.

Anyway, I don’t really think I get “unlucky” when buying FOB tickets, I think this is just what concerts cost now and everyone is lying about it so they can continue fitting in with like all the social justice posturing and because it’s rude to admit in public but people need to talk about it because it’s crazy and it’s not okay for Livenation to be doing this and its not okay for artists to be participating!!!!!!!!

I also feel so bad for teenagers because when I was a kid going to concerts at all ever was a huge battle with my parents and they cost like $40-100 a ticket for like. Pit tickets to bands like All Time Low and Green Day. I never, ever would’ve been able to experience a concert as a teen if they cost back then what concerts do now, and it’s just really sad because those are important experiences.

Anyway I think the fact that people can’t afford to go to concerts anymore HAS to be driving the weird livestream obsession and the emotional dependency people develop on these shitty obnoxious 2 hour phone videos. I also feel like the financial shift in who is going to concerts is driving a lot of the weird meltdowns about “concert etiquette.”

Also as a final tangent, I feel like the livestream stuff is so immediate and impermanent too. Like everyone needs everything right that second and once its over it doesn’t matter? When I was younger it felt like people just blogged about the Tour and Tour Stuff as one big event for months/years, but now if videos are posted hours or days later its like they aren’t relevant and no one cares because everyone is panicking over finding a streamer for the next show. IDK i hate it

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sagezere · 10 months

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We Were Too Close To The Stars| Scaramouche x Reader | Part 1

wanted to do something a bit fun/different so have this apocalypse AU :)) (Fluff? Idk just a story that will have more parts.)

It’s feels like it’s been a few years since the apocalypse started. The zombie outbreak- You weren’t even sure how it started, but you knew one thing and it was that you needed to live. To live for your friends and family members so they can survive through the memories you have of them stored in your brain. Its grueling and tiring to survive in this day and age-you went from a giant group in the beginning to now roaming the world to survive by yourself, nothing but the wishes of friends and family to keep yourself sane and living.

It's what lead you here now, in some abandoned building rummaging for anything that can help you survive for even one more day at least. Most of the cabinets were broken, dust seemed to fill the air and grime coated the walls.

you continued to scavenge for anything- food, medicine, bandages, weapons. Yet nothing was found. You sighed and held the straps of your bag, holding it close.

Turning around your eyes in defeat, widened in slight surprise and you almost jump back from the scare as you're met with a knife right in front of your face.

"Who are you? State your purpose." A cold voice, sending chills down your spine as you follow the knife with your gaze, eyes trailing and finding a hand, the hand leads to a wrist and the wrist connects to an arm and then finally your eyes meets the holder of the knife in your face. Eyes cold and dark- yet they almost seem to glow in the darkness of the building.

“Hello? Answer me.” Your observation was cut off by the sound of his voice, the words slice through your brain sharper than the knife he’s currently holding. You can almost smell the caution and anger seeping off of him in waves- or was it just the fact that nobody really has any time to care about hygiene these days?

“Oh! Sorry about that.” You try to lean you head away from the knife subtly. Staring into his cold blue-ish eyes. You raised your arms and opened your palms for his eyes to see. “Just passing by. Didn’t know that this place was already taken.”

You tried to stay calm in this situation. Assessing that the guy in front of you was probably just scared as you were.

“Likely story” He rolls his eyes, his face morphing into a scowl. He keeps his knife up in front of your face, slowly moving it down to point at the middle of your neck. His movements causing you to swallow whatever spit had accumulated in your mouth.

“What?-“ You mumbled, but he cut you off immediately. “Cut the crap. I know you were sent by those bandits.” The knife was touching your throat now, but you could see the subtle shake of his hand as you continued to stare into his eyes- not wanting to make any sudden movements but also not wanting to show him any sign of weakness.

You attempted to take a step back, but his glare at your little movement made you pause. “Look, I’m being serious here. I wasn’t sent here by anyone. As I said I’m just passing by-“

He removed the knife from your throat but just as quickly grabbed your forearm and pulled you forward, making you stumble from the sudden action. He moved quickly behind you and all of a sudden you were at the entrance of the building, getting pushed out.

“uh- Hey!” You shouted in protest, turning your head to meet his eyes. The sun was out- the sudden contrast from dark to light stinging your eyes as you glared at the guy who still had a grip on the back of your clothes and kept pushing you away from ‘his’ building.

With a final push, he let go and you stumbled forward, luckily finding balance and turning around to see him already walking away. You quickly thought about your next courses of actions as you glared at his back. ‘What the hells up with this guy? He won’t even let me speak-“

You shivered, a sudden chill running up your spine as a sense of dread filled your veins. Freezing you even though the sun was beating down on you. Feeling a but of cold sweat as you remembered why you even ran this way.

Before you entered that building and met the strange man, you were running from a hoard of zombies.

“oh fuck.” You whispered to yourself as you stared into the direction you came from, even though zombie sightings has declined a lot recently it didn’t mean that they were going away. They were all just clumping up in a location and traveling in one giant hoard- a hoard that you might have lead in this direction.

You sucked in a breath as you saw a single zombie in the distance, then another and another and another and another and another-

You ran towards the male who dragged you out here and grabbed his wrist, he turned and glared at you about to shout something but you used your free hand to cover his mouth in order to not alert the zombies you saw.

He used his other hand to try and rip your hand away from his mouth, he was glaring at you but you simply shushed him and used your head to point in the direction of the zombies- however he didn’t seem to get the hint and used his strength to remove your hand off of him.

“The fuck?! Do you want to die?!” The moment he shouted, you swore you felt your world shatter. ‘Why did he have such a big mouth??’ cursing him in your brain as you heard the sudden growls and fast footsteps of the oncoming hoard.

You gripped onto his wrist and sprinted away, almost dragging him as he now saw the zombies chasing after you both.

“What the fuck what the fuck??” You bit your tongue as you ran, trying to stabilize your breathing as you felt yourself getting tired from having to hold onto his weight behind you. You managed to hear a bit of his mumbled cursing as you both were running away.

You examined the buildings you were passing by as you let go of his wrist, unsure of why you even pulled him along with you- but it wasn’t a time to think at the moment.

He seemed to run faster, catching up to your pace and even leading the way a bit. You turned your head to look back and saw the hoard quite the distance away- safe enough but if you were to stop then they’d catch up in no time.

Suddenly a tug on the clothes you were wearing caused you to fall into an alley. You hissed in a breath as you felt the sting of the harsh alleyway ground scrape your arms and legs.

“Shh!”

You looked up and saw him- the man standing against the wall, tilting his head and pointing somewhere further into the alleyway. You get up as quietly as you could and follow him, he lead you to an almost broken and rusted looking ladder.

“Come on, climb. It’s safe.” You turned and gave him a disgruntled look, before trusting him in the end and climbing. Trying your best to stay quiet as you heard him follow you up. It lead to the top of the building, you pulled yourself up and quickly went onto the roof, examining in case of any zombies or even humans up here. Nothing.

You heard a huff behind you and you turned, finding the man staring at the edge. You keep your distance from him and also look over the edge. There, you see the hoard of zombies all running along- filling the alleys and running over each other mindlessly.

“ahh, fuck.” You let out a laugh of relief as you continued to watch them- it seemed like it would go on forever. Turning over, you gazed at the man who brought you here.

He had indigo hair, obviously not in its best shape as it looked sloppily cut and dirty- but you probably didn’t look the best either. Although, despite the current situation- his skin looks unharmed. No scares or cuts in sight besides a bandage wrapped around his neck. Your eyes meet his own, his dark and dead eyes captivating your own.

“What?”

“hm?” You tilt your head, lost in thought. He rolls his eyes and looks back down at the chaos beneath us.

“You really aren’t a part of those bandits. Right?” You shook your head, even though he wasn’t looking at you.

“No. No I’m not.” You removed my gaze off of him and stare below as well. Watching them- imagining the zombies as ants. “As I said before, I was just passing by.” You heard him hum- now noticing that he was closer to you than before, it sort of put you in edge as you thought he might just push you off the building.

It seemed as though he read your mind however, “stop being so tense. If I wanted you to die I would have just left you to run from the hoard and die from exhaustion.” Hearing that, you sighed and nodded to his words, ‘Relaxing.’

“sorry…” You mumbled and leaned away from the edge, getting bored of the sight of zombies running in a single direction. You stared into the sky, the fogged grey stealing your attention even though it was probably the middle of the day.

“Why’re you apologizing?” Despite the question, his voice is still cold. Harsh.

You glanced at him, a guilty feeling passing through your body for a second. “The hoard, I’m probably the reason why they’re even here.” You gripped onto the straps of your bag, probably for comfort or just out of habit, you weren’t sure.

A full soft breeze passes before one of you speaks again. “Don’t bother. It’s not like anything can change the fact that they’re here now.”

His words causes a sigh to slip out of my mouth, bringing my head down from its raised position to stare at him. “Yeah. You’re right.”

He stares back blankly, almost awkwardly as you see him glance away from the eye contact a few times and you notice him subtly shifting his weight from one foot to another.

“Alright, since we have nothing else to do but wait is it alright if I asked for your name?” You asked, blinking a few times from the now awkward and slightly uncomfortable atmosphere between the both of you.

He only seemed to laugh dryly at my question. His laugh felt empty- almost hurt. “Do names even matter now? I simply don’t find the point in such insignificant things now in our current situation.”

His words only made you roll your eyes, but he was sort of right. What use is a name when you barely even use it now? But you shook your head and gave him a small smirk.

“Okay, but it’d still be nice to know the name of the person I’d be sticking with.” He seemed to process what you said before glaring at you.

“What?” You could sense the disdain in his voice.

“yeah, I just made the decision that I don’t feel like traveling alone anymore- and you haven’t killed me yet so now I’m sticking with you.” You smiled up at him, enjoying the annoyance that he expressed on his face.

“What if I kill you right now?” Despite the words, his tone held no malice.

“hm, I think I’m more valuable alive than dead.” You shrugged, laughing at him quietly.

atmosphere seems to change, it was uncomfortable before but now it’s just slightly calm. You hold out a hand for him to shake.

“My name is (Name). What’s yours?”

He pauses and stares at your hand for a few seconds. The brings his hand closer to your own and gently holds it- he seems a little bit uncomfortable but still gives your hand a little shake.

“Kuni-“ He stopped himself while you look at him curiously. His eyes darts off to the sides and back at your face, even traveling back towards your interlocked hands. You notice that he takes a small gulp and stares into your eyes.

“Scaramouche. My name is Scaramouche.” His voice seemed a but shaky when he first uttered his name, but it straightened up the more he spoke afterwards.

This only causes you to laugh, looking at him with a raised eyebrow. “Okay Scaramouche. Did you just come up with that on the spot?” You let out a few more giggles before shaking his hand once more and letting go, placing both your hands on your hips as you stared at his flushed face- embarrassed from getting called out probably.

“That’s fine. It’s not like I need a reason to know your birth name.” He seemed to calm down at that, glaring off to the side but you can still see the smile he’s trying to fight off of his face.

—

Alright, this is the end of this part 😘 Sorry about not making a part 4 for my other series things i jst dunno what to do or how to even continue it. Might actually just scrap it and start all over. Abyways hope u liked this little thing I started like last year in december but onky finished now 💀💀 also made a little tag thing for this so it can be viewed more easily 😣😘

also just be warned this story has a bittersweet ending ☹️ expect maybe like one or two more parts to this.

#genshin impact #kunikuzushi #x reader #wanderer x reader #genshin impact scaramouche #scaramouche x reader angst #scaramouche x reader #wanderer genshin #genshin impact wanderer #Zombiewanderer.lol

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dolce-cavill · 1 year

Text

wish you were here

captain syverson x fem!oc

12.8k words

summary: after an unexpected phone call from her best friends brother, not even thousands of miles of separation can stop new feelings from developing

�� Click here for the fic playlist

warnings: mentions of war/deployment (idk if that needs a warning), language, fem!oc but no physical description given, small age gap (6 years), use of pet names (mostly darlin), mentions of alcohol/drinking, angst, implied smut, if i missed anything let me know!

i headcanon his first name to be travis so that is the name i will be using

closing my book and tossing it onto the nightstand, i rubbed my eyes as i flopped backwards onto the bed. glancing to the left, the red glow of the clock stared back at me displaying 1:57 am. i’d always been a night owl, but i’d recently fallen into the habit of staying up far later than usual, sometimes being chased by the sunrise by the time i finally got ready to sleep.

swinging my stiff legs over the edge of the bed, i padded down the hall to the bathroom. after brushing my teeth and washing my face, i switched off the light and began to walk back to my bedroom, when i heard my phone ringing. i thought it was odd, as it was seldom that anyone ever actually called me rather than just texting, nevermind the fact that it was two in the morning, and immediately worried that the strange occurrence meant something was wrong. moving faster towards the ringing phone, i noticed the number wasn’t saved in my contacts as i picked up the call, bringing the phone up to my ear.

“hello?” i greeted the unknown caller, pacing nervously around my room.

“hey…layla?” the voice was familiar, but not one i had heard in years, nor expected to be on the other end of the call.

“…travis?” i asked. travis syverson was my best friend beths older brother, who was currently (at least as far as i knew) stationed in iraq; perhaps one of the last people i would’ve guessed to be calling me at this hour, if at all.

“yeah,” he laughed. “sorry- i …. beth didn’t answer and yours is the only other number i could remember, ya know, from you an’ her always hanging out,” he explained. it had been about six months since i had last seen him, at one of the going away parties beth insisted on throwing every time travis was deployed.

“no need to apologize,” i assured. we had never been super close but we did spend a lot of time together considering how growing up i basically lived at their house with how much i hung out with beth. “it’s nice to hear from you.” i admitted. “how are you? is everything okay- i mean all things considered.”

“i’m alright- you know me. same old same old here; we’re tryna help and we’re getting shot at for it,” he sighed heavily. “sorry, i don’t need’a scare you with that crap.” the anger in his voice leaving as he spoke. “what did you get up to today?” i laughed lightly.

“i’m gonna bore you ta death,” i teased, thinking of how mundane my day had been.

“darlin’ lemme tell you somethin’- i am surrounded by nothing but sand for fuckin miles,” he insisted, and i laughed again.

“okay okay,” i surrendered. the nickname probably would’ve made me blush if we weren’t from the south; it was just something i’d gotten used to him calling me. “i did the dishes, i went to the grocery store-“

“what’d ya buy at the store?” he asked.

“uhh just cereal.. coffee creamer… fruit. do you regret asking yet?”

“no- over here things are so crazy it’s kinda nice just to hear about everyday things ya know?” i smiled sadly.

“i hadn’t thought of it like that.” i admitted. there was a comfortable silence for a moment before he spoke again.

“shit i didn’t wake you up- did i?” he asked, as if he had just considered the almost ten hour time difference between us. “what time is it where you are?”

“it’s around two in the morning,” i laughed. “but no you didn’t wake me up; “remember beth used to always fall asleep first at sleepovers and i’d just be stuck sitting awake by myself.”

“yeah i remember- you’d come bother me, wanting to see what i was doin,” he laughed.

“you make me sound like an annoying little kid,” i replied, and he laughed again. i pictured him in my mind, at least how he had looked when i had last seen him, his hair cut short since he was shipping out but his beard still intact. i thought about how his blue eyes crinkled when he laughed, and imagined they were doing that now.

“you were; you and beth,” he snickered. “you grew up to be tolerable at least,” he teased, and i could tell he meant nothing mean by it.

“yeah well you’d stopped bein’ fun to bother when you stopped playing video games and started working out all the time,” i countered.

“yeah but ain’t i more fun to look at now?” travis had always had an aura of confidence to him that i admired, and i had to admit; he was damn good looking. around the time i was 17 i had started developing a little crush on him. nothing too serious, but i definitely noticed that he had been putting more work in at the gym. however, if the fact that he was my best friend's brother wasn’t enough for me to never mention it, the fact that he was 23 at the time and probably thought of me as his little sisters friend and nothing else was.

before i could agree or disagree, he spoke again.

“hey i gotta go- other people gotta use the phone, but it was nice talking to you, layla.” i found myself feeling slightly disappointed that he had to go so soon, but i understood.

“yeah; it was nice to hear from you,” i admitted. it wasn’t a long conversation, but i enjoyed it nonetheless. “if beth ever doesn’t answer again…”

“i’ll call you,” with that the line cut off, leaving me wishing i could’ve told him to be safe at least, although kind of redundant considering where he was.

i sighed contently as i set my phone down, switching off the light and crawled under the covers. thoughts of travis flooded my mind as i tried to fall asleep, secretly hoping that i would hear from him again soon.

it was only a week or so before i heard from travis again, this time around 9pm as i was getting ready to leave work. there were only about 15 minutes left in my shift when my cell phone started to ring in my pocket, and i glanced at my coworker who was stood at the counter next to me. she nodded as if to say “take the call,” and i gave her a smile as i walked to the break room so customers wouldn’t see my on the phone.

“hello?” i answered as i shut the door and sat down at the small table.

“hey darlin,” travis’s voice drawled through the phone, and a smile spread across my face. “how was your day?”

“it was alright, i’m just finishing up at work. how about you? are you having any luck winning over the locals yet?” i teased lightheartedly, knowing he wouldn’t take offence to it. he laughed deeply on the other end of the line.

“na- no such luck just yet,” he admitted. “we’re tryin though, that's what matters. is now a bad time? if you’re at work i don’t wanna keep you-“

“no it’s okay- you’re more important. we’re just about closed up anyway.” i answered honestly.

“i’m flattered,” he chuckled. “you still working at that cafe- the one on main street?” i was a little surprised he’d remembered.

“yeah- it pays the bills. they’ve expanded the menu since you left to have some deli sandwiches and stuff so i even got a pretty good raise earlier this year.”

“i’ll have to try them when i come home,” he replied.

“you talk to beth lately?” i asked, wondering if she ever answered his call after last week. i hadn’t told her that i had talked to travis; there was no specific reason- it just hadn’t come up when i saw her last.

“yeah i called her yesterday and she actually answered,” i could hear the smile in his voice as he teased his little sister. “you see her recently?”

“i saw her the other day- she’s picking me up from work any minute now actually,” i explained.

“she doing okay? i mean- she tells me she’s fine, but i know it’s always been hard for her when i leave,” he asked, in a sincere manner; as her older brother he had always been protective of beth, and me as well by association.

“she sure does know how to worry. but she’s good-honestly. she got her hair dyed the other day; it’s kinda of a copper colour now,” i smiled. “and we both worry about you when you’re gone.”

“you worry about me?” he teased mischievously. i felt heat rise to my cheeks.

“of course i do.”

“i appreciate it but i’ll be fine- always am.” he said, trying to reassure me; but as much as i wanted to believe him i couldn’t shake the anxious feeling in my chest. i thought of how last time we spoke he had to hang up rather quickly, so i decided to say what i wanted to say before i missed the opportunity again.

“just- stay safe okay? as much as that’s possible i mean?” i pleaded. he chuckled softly.

“i will darlin’ - since you asked so nicely.” he promised, and my chest tightened again knowing that it wasn’t something he could really guarantee. i didn’t have many people in my life that i cared about, or that cared about me, and i couldn’t bare the thought of losing any of them. “i gotta go- i’ll call you soon.” he said, and once again i found myself wishing we had more time to talk.

“i’ll look forward to it,” i replied.

“goodnight darlin,” he said, before hanging up the phone. i set my phone down on the table and ran my hands over my face, letting out a sigh. my eyes snapped open at a knock on the door, and my coworker lisa, peeked her head in.

“i’m locking up- can you come count the till?” she asked. i nodded, putting my phone in my pocket and following her back to the front of the store. she locked the front door and closed the blinds as i counted the cash in the till, making sure it had the correct amount and taking out any cash we received today.

“not that it’s any of my business, are you seeing someone and you haven’t told me?” lisa asked playfully. she was one of the nicest people i knew, and wasn’t someone to pry, so i knew she was only trying to make friendly conversation. i shook my head, slightly confused.

“no- what makes you think that?” i asked, curious as to what gave her the idea that i, who had been single the entire time i had known her, was dating someone.

“i was just wondering, since your eyes lit up when you got that phone call earlier. i thought maybe it was someone special,” she explained. i blushed- had i really seemed that excited? of course i was happy to hear from travis, but i hadn’t realized it had been written all over my face.

“just an old friend. we reconnected recently,” i answered truthfully.

“mhm.” she hummed teasingly. “if you say so.”

“lisa-“ i protested, although i knew she was only joking. “he’s just a friend.”

“i’m sure he is.” she smiled. somehow, even though she was only a few years older than me, lisa always seemed to know more than me, her few years of seniority she had over me making her wiser than i was. “it’s nice to see you happy though.”

“you say that like i’m usually not,” i laughed.

“i didn’t mean it like that.” she defended, and i think she was worried she had offended me. “i just meant i’m happy for you if you’ve found someone, and even if they’re just a friend, they must be something pretty special for you to look that happy just to hear from them.”

“i know- it’s okay lees.” i smiled. “and yeah- he is pretty special.” deciding that i needed to stop thinking about him, i tucked the now counted cash into an envelope and carried it back to the office. when i returned to the front of the shop, i saw beth’s car outside, and glanced at the clock- 9:02pm; perfectly on time. i grabbed her a muffin from the display case (they would be thrown out tomorrow anyway) and said goodnight to lisa, as we both left the shop.

“you can tell me more about this mystery man tomorrow!” lisa called as i opened the passenger door to beth’s car. i silently wished she hadn’t said that, since i knew beth would ask me about it if she heard, which to my dismay, she indeed had.

“hey- how was work!” she asked enthusiastically as i shut the car door and did my seatbelt.

“it was good- not too busy but not slow enough to be boring. the last hour was pretty quiet though,” i answered. it had been a pretty good day, even if i wasn’t sure i wanted to tell her what made the last 10 minutes so enjoyable. i knew she wouldn’t mind me talking to travis- that wasn’t the issue, since deep down i knew lisa was right- and my teenage crush had never truly gone away. how was i supposed to explain to my best friend that i thought i might have a crush on her brother? and that he had been calling me from across the world instead of her?

“what’s this i hear about a mystery man?” she teased, and gone was any false hope i had that she hadn’t heard was gone. i shook my head.

“nothing- i was texting my cousin and lisa got the wrong idea,” i lied, and she seemed to believe me.

“nathan? is he asking for money again?” i laughed at her. it would not be unusual for my cousin to ask for money, but i didn’t want to throw him under the bus and have her call him out; i would get too caught up in the lie and not be able to dig myself out.

“no, not this time actually.” thankfully she didn’t ask anymore questions, and the rest of the car ride was spent listening to her talk about her day. i didn’t mind, but beth tended to talk more than she listened. i tried to pay attention, but as i stared out the window, looking at the stars whizzing by as we sped down the road, my mind couldn’t help but wander, thinking of a different syverson sibling than the one sat next to me.

three months went by, with travis calling me almost once a week, as he still called beth as well. a few weeks after he first called, it came up that i hadn’t told beth that we had been talking.

“i haven’t mentioned it either, now that i think about it.,” he replied when i told him it hadn’t come up. “maybe for the best- she might think i’m tryna steal you from ‘er.” i wasn’t sure what he had meant by it, but regardless, it made my stomach flip with butterflies, and i was grateful he couldn’t see that i was blushing.

“are you trying to steal me from her?” i decided to tease him a little, our conversations having become perhaps the slightest bit flirty recently.

“if i wanted to i think i could, don’t you darlin’?” i laughed. yes, you could, i thought, feeling slightly guilty that i had spent more time lately talking to him than i had my best friend.

“i don’t know, you know how protective she is,” i argued.

“you think i’m not? i’m worse than she is.” that shouldn’t have made the blush on my face darken, but it did. “remember when you were dating that guy- what was his name?”

“ben?” i groaned, remembering my first boyfriend from high school. he ended up being a total arse who dumped me after i wouldn’t sleep with him.

~ flashback ~

beth and travis had been throwing a party since their parents were away, and i had brought ben as my date. we had been together for about a year, and when i wouldn’t go with him to one of the bedrooms upstairs he flipped. the alcohol in his system made things worse, and when travis heard him yelling at me, he had threatened to kick his ass.

“oh look, layla, your boyfriends here!” ben yelled, shoving travis, which didn’t even make him stumble.

“what are you talking about?” i asked, tears threatening to fall from my eyes, the liquor making me a little more emotional.

“oh come on, i’m not stupid, you’ve obviously got a crush on him.” ben spat. “i bet you’d fuck him if he asked, or maybe you already-“ travis swung his fist into bens face before he could finish his sentence, sending the smaller man crumpling to the floor.

“travis what the hell?!” beth yelled, not having heard the conversation, only coming in from the backyard in time to see the fists start flying. travis picked ben up off the floor by the front of his shirt, slamming his back into the wall.

“you shut the fuck up- you don’t talk to her like that. get out of my house before i really kick your ass,” travis threatened, and ben sniffled, a trickle of blood coming from his nose as he huffed, before turning and leaving with his ego bruised to match the one that he would surely have on his face tomorrow.

“are you alright? what happened?” beth asked, coming over and wrapping her arms around me. i nodded, looking at travis who still stared towards the door after ben.

“thank you,” i said, and travis finally looked at me, with an anger in his eyes i had never seen before. his gaze softened when his eyes met mine.

“i’m gonna get some air,” he said, before walking out of the house, the door slamming behind him.

“what happened?” beth asked again. i sighed.

“ben was being a dick, and travis punched him,” i explained, leaving out some of the details since i was embarrassed. “i’m okay beth- i promise. i’m just gonna go check on him.” she let me out of her grip, quickly getting pulled away by some of the other guests as i went after her older brother. i found him sitting on the front step, and cautiously sat beside him. he glanced toward me to see who it was, and seemed to relax a tiny bit. his eyes locked on something down the street, and i looked to see ben drunkenly stumbling down the sidewalk, not having made it very far from the house yet, but far enough that any conversation had wouldn’t be heard.

“what are you thinking about?” i asked. travis sipped the beer he was holding before speaking.

“i’m thinkin’ about whether or not i should go after him and beat the shit out of him for what he said to you,” he answered, and i appreciated his brutal honesty.

“he’s not worth it,” i said, trying to convince him not to get himself in trouble, especially on my behalf. “is your hand okay?” i asked, gently grabbing his large hand in mine and inspecting his knuckles, a layer of red forming over them already.

“you’re worried about my hand?” he laughed. i couldn’t help but laugh with him. “are you okay?” he asked more seriously. i nodded, placing his hand back in his lap and tiredly leaning my head against his shoulder.

“thank you,” i hummed, my eyes closing, suddenly exhausted, and the alcohol starting to give me a slight headache. his arm pulled me closer and i felt his press a kiss to the top of my head.

“anytime.”

~ flashback end ~

“yeah i remember- he turned out to be a dud, huh,” i joked.

“i’ll say.” there was a hint of anger in his voice, as if he was remembering the same night you were.

“i’ve never seen you as angry as you were that time you punched him in the face.”

“he deserved it,” he said, defensively.

“i don’t disagree, travis.” i assured him, worried i had given him the wrong idea. i’m not sure if i was just feeling vulnerable, but what i said next was something i never thought i would share. “he was right though- i did actually kinda have a thing for you back then.” that seemed to change his demeanour for the better, his voice no longer angry, now more surprised.

“you did?” he asked. “shit, that would’ve been nice to know at the time,” he mumble the last part, so quiet i barely heard him, and assumed i heard him wrong, and decided not to ask him to repeat it.

“yeah, i mean i was like 16 and you were my friends cool older brother,” my face was red as a started to regret mentioning it, but thankfully he didn’t make a big deal of it.

“are you saying i ain’t cool anymore?” he laughed. “oh shit, times up darlin’- i’ll call you soon,”

“okay- stay safe, travis.” i said. it had become a habit of saying it every time he had to hang up, as pointless as it was to say.

“will do.”

as i set my phone down on my dresser, i realized just how deep of shit i was in. i was falling head over heels for my best friends brother, who was halfway across the world; with no idea when (or if) he would be home again. the thought of travis never coming home, of getting the news from beth that something bad had happened to him kept me up at night. what made it worse was that no one knew how much i had grown to care for him in the last few months. what had started as friendly conversation had quickly developed into playful flirtation, or at least i thought it had. maybe i was delusional or maybe he was just bored, and he would come home and pretend it had never happened, or he’d tell me i got the wrong idea all along.

these thoughts kept me up most of the night, and i surely had dark circles under my eyes when i walked into work the next morning. lisa, never one to miss anything noticed right away and gave me a worried look.

“honey, have you been sleeping alright?” she asked, pouring me a coffee from the pot she had already made for the morning rush. i knew it would be useless to try to lie, as it was quite literally written all over my face.

“not really. i’ve just had a lot on my mind lately,” i answered honestly, just leaving out any details. i sipped the coffee, clocking in on the till and tying my apron around my waist.

“i won’t pry, but if you want to talk about anything you know i’m here for you,” she offered. usually i would’ve brushed her off, but considering the person i would usually talk to about this kind of thing was beth, and i couldn’t tell her, i actually thought about asking for lisa’s advice.

“thank you. i really appreciate it, lees. maybe after work?” i think she was surprised i actually wanted to talk about it, but she smiled and nodded.

after we closed down the store, the door locked and the blinds closed, lisa took off her apron and carried two coffees over to the table i was sat down at. i thanked her as she placed one in front of me and sat down.

“what’s on your mind, layla?” she asked. i took a deep breath.

“you remember a few months ago, i said i had reconnected with an old friend?” i asked, not sure if she would’ve remembered. she nodded, paying close attention.

“well, we’ve still been talking all this time, and i think maybe it’s becoming more than just friendly,” i explained, omitting details once again. she didn’t know a ton about my friends outside of work, but i didn’t want to reveal too much and have her figure out who i was talking about; it was unlikely but i wanted to be careful nonetheless.

“is that a bad thing?” she asked.

“not necessarily, except we have a mutual friend who … i’m not sure how they would react if things became romantic between us,” i explained. “and this person is also far away, so it would be long distance, at least for now.” lisa nodded, considering what i had said.

“i see. this mutual friend- don’t you think they would want the two of you to be happy?” she asked. i thought about it. beth was one of the most understanding people i knew, she could be feisty at times, but she always seemed to want the best for others around her. however, i still wasn’t sure if she would like the idea of me being romantically involved with her brother, especially after we’d been talking behind her back for months.

“i do- but the circumstances make it… difficult. this friend doesn’t know we’ve been talking again.”

“did the person you’re talking to do something to hurt your friend?”

“no- nothing like that,” i sighed. “i don’t know how to properly explain without you knowing all the details.” i admitted.

“you can tell me as much or as little as you want, i promise i won’t judge you and it won’t leave this room. i won’t pressure you for more details but i agree- it is difficult for me to understand the situation completely without knowing more.” as much as i didn’t want her to be right, i appreciated her honesty.

“you swear you won’t tell anyone?” i pleaded. she promised again, and i took a deep breath.

“okay. so the guy, he’s… beth’s older brother,” i admitted, my eyebrows scrunching together as i winced, saying it out loud made it worse i decided.

“i see,” she replied. “is that all?” i laughed audibly.

“isn’t that enough? i’ve known beth since we were 5, and now i maybe have feelings for her brother.”

“did you ever have feelings for him before now? or is this completely new?” lisa asked.

“i mean i had a crush on him as a teenager but it was nothing serious- he was too old for me at the time. but things are different now and - ugh i don’t know talking to him just makes me feel so warm inside. is that weird?” she giggled.

“no, it’s not weird. how did you two start talking again? you said he’s far away?”

“he’s stationed in iraq,” i explained. “which means that i worry about something happening to him all the time,” i sighed for the millionth time; it did feel good to finally get some of this off my chest. “he called me one night a few months ago. he said beth didn’t answer and my phone number was the only other one he could think of - from when beth and i would hang out all the time and call each other. that was about a week before he called me here that day and you asked about it.” i felt a weight off my shoulders, now that i wasn’t keeping all of this inside, and i knew that i could trust lisa not to tell anyone. she seemed to be taking in all the information for a moment before she spoke.

“layla, i think you’re worrying too much about this. worrying about his safety is understandable, and unfortunately there’s not much i can say to make you feel better in that regard. however, i will say- i don’t know beth very well but from what i’ve seen and from what you’ve told me about her, she loves you very much, and i think she would be happy for you. can you think of any reason she wouldn’t want you to be with him, other than the fact that he is her brother?” i considered what she said.

“no, i can’t. if he was just a guy i’m sure she would be happy for me. he’s funny, protective- and i think i’m really falling for him, lees.” i admitted.

“does he know you feel this way about him? and does he know you’re so worried about beth finding out?”

“no- i mean maybe he knows i’m interested. the last few weeks we have definitely been a little more flirty when we talk, but we can never talk for very long, usually just 5 minutes or so. i told him last night that i used to have a thing for him and i thought he said something like it would’ve been nice to know at the time but i may have just heard him wrong,” i sipped my coffee again. “then after we got off the phone i couldn’t stop thinking about the likely possibility of him never coming home-“ i choke on the words as i said them, and tears fell from my eyes.

“oh honey,” lisa said, getting up and coming to my side of the table, wrapping her arms around me in a hug. i cried into her shoulder, as she held me in her arms. “i can’t imagine how hard this is, but i think you need to tell him how you feel. keeping this inside isn’t good for you, and as much as i appreciate you trusting me enough to tell me, there isn’t much i can do to help, that’s up to you and him; and beth.” i nodded.

“you’re right, of course.” i laughed, as she once again proved she was wise beyond her years. “what if he doesn’t feel the same way?”

“that’s unfortunately a risk you have to take, but from the little bit you’ve told me, he sounds like a great guy, and i’m sure even if he didn’t feel the same way, he wouldn’t be a dick about it.” that didn’t make me feel a whole lot better, but i knew she was right; if travis thought it was weird for me to have a crush on him, he probably would’ve said something last night when i mentioned that i had a thing for him before. at least, that’s what i was telling myself.

“thank you lisa, i feel better now that i’ve talked to you about it,” i admitted.

“you’re so welcome, layla. feel free to keep me updated if you want, but i think you’ve got this.” she smiled. “do you need a ride home?” she asked. i shook my head.

“no, i drove today. i’m supposed to hang out with beth tomorrow; maybe i’ll work up the courage to tell her. i think it might be better to wait until i know for sure what’s going on between travis and i though.”

“he has a name!” lisa teased playfully. i giggled.

“if you ever need to talk, i’m here for you layla.”

“thank you. the same goes for you- but i think you’ve got your life together way more than i do.” we both laughed, and i hugged her one more time before heading out to my car and driving home.

three weeks went by with no word from travis, and it was safe to say i was losing my mind. the endless possibilities of why he hadn’t called had me pulling my hair out; had something happened to him? did i freak him out when i said i used to have a thing for him and now he didn’t wanna talk to me? any confidence i had gained from talking to lisa had dwindled away as i sat waiting for the phone to ring every night.

beth had invited me for dinner tonight, and as much as i didn’t want to go, i knew i needed to get out of the house. i finished getting ready, not putting too much effort into my appearance, but enough that it looked like i had been sleeping like a normal human. i drove the short distance to her apartment, and after she buzzed me into the building, ai took the elevator up and knocked on the door, a bottle of wine in my hand.

“hey! come in,” she greeted with a smile on her face. i shut the door behind me as beth took the wine from my hand so i wouldn’t drop it. she pulled me into a hug, as she always did, and i reciprocated it happily. “how have you been?” she asked.

“i’ve been okay,” i answered. i couldn’t really tell her that i’d been stressed about her brother for the last few weeks, so i decided not to elaborate. “how about you!”

“i’ve been good- just working as usual. i finally got a huge project finished at work this week, so we’re gonna celebrate!” i smiled as she opened the bottle of wine and poured each of us a glass. “the project at work was a nightmare- i’m so glad it’s finally over. what’s new with you?” she asked, sipping her drink. i shook my head.

“nothing, just working as well. there’s one regular who keeps trying to ask me out, he won’t get the message that i’m not interested.” i rolled my eyes. he wasn’t an unattractive guy, just not my type; besides the fact that i was interested in someone else already.

“maybe a date wouldn’t be a bad idea,” beth said, which took me by surprise.

“he’s not my type-“

“no i didn’t mean with him- but when was the last time you went out with someone? or were even interested in somebody?” she asked. she was right, i had been single for a while. there were a few guys i had dated in my early twenties, but never anything really serious, all of the relationships fizzling out after just a few months, if not less.

“i don’t know- i don’t know if i’m really looking for that kind of commitment right now,” i tried to brush off the subject.

“i didn’t say you had to marry someone, i just thought it might be nice for you to meet someone,” beth clarified.

“i know. i’m just not really looking right now.” i answered honestly, leaving out the tiny detail that the reason i wasn’t looking is because i had already found someone i wanted.

“what about you? how are things with you and jacob?” i asked, once again thing to change the subject from me to her; which with beth, always worked.

“things are going well actually. he’s really sweet, and he’s a good listener, which we both know you need to be to put up with me,” she laughed at herself and i smiled, happy that my best friend had seemingly found a good guy. they had been seeing each other for months now, and i had met him once or twice before, but never had any extended conversations with him. “i’m gonna order pizza- i think i have a coupon somewhere,” she said, as she got up and began to dig through one of the kitchen drawers.

“sounds good,” i sipped my wine again, not wanting to rush through the glass as i still had to drive home and i didn’t plan on drinking more than one.

it was around 20 minutes later when the phone rang, and beth got up to grab it off the counter.

“it’s probably the pizza- i told the guy to buzz this suite when he gets here,” she explained before greeting the person on the other line with a simple “hello,” a surprised look came over her face, before she spoke more cheerfully. “hey! god it’s really good to hear from you, i was starting to worry,” she said, and my heat skipped a beat. “i’ve been good, how about you?” i couldn’t hear the person on the other side of the call, but i was pretty sure it wasn’t the pizza delivery guy. whoever she was talking to, they carried on a short conversation before beth’s phone buzzed in her hand, signaling that she’s received a text. “oh shit, i ordered pizza and the guy just texted that he can’t buzz up to get in the building since the line is busy- i’ll have to run down and grab it.” she said, after glancing at the message she had received. “sorry to run away on you travis- i would make him wait out there but it’s cold outside. layla is here, i know you guys aren’t close but do you wanna talk to her?” suddenly i was being handed the phone as beth called over her shoulder that she’d be right back, before running out the door with her keys in hand.

“hello?” i answered, putting the phone to my ear.

“hey darlin.” travis’s voice sounded through the phone, and i felt the butterflies in my stomach again.

“hey travis. it’s really good to hear your voice,” i said honestly.

“yours too. i’m really sorry i haven’t called, baby, things got a little crazy over here and we had to go silent for a few weeks.” he explained, and i was so in shock to hear from him i almost didn’t catch the nickname.

“i’m just really glad you’re not hurt… or-“ i trailed off, not wanting to say it.

“i’m sorry to put you through all this. i hope you haven’t been too worried,” he sighed. “what have you been up to?”

“just working mostly, nothing too exciting. beth and i were just having a girls night to celebrate a project she finished at work, but i’ll let her tell you about it when you talk to her next.” i didn’t want to steal her thunder, since i knew how excited she was to have done it.

“is she back yet?” he asked, lowering his voice a little.

“not yet, but i’m sure she will be any minute now- why do you ask?”

“does she know about us yet?” he asked, and i froze.

“us?” i asked hesitantly, not sure if i was reading too much into his choice of words.

“layla, i really like you. i’m sorry if that’s weird but-“

“it’s not weird.” i assured him, feeling like i was on cloud nine. “i really like you too, travis.”

“that’s a relief.” he said, laughing slightly. “believe me, i am so happy to hear you say that, but i don’t think we should tell beth, for now at least.”

“i agree- i don’t know what she would think,”

“i think she would tear me a new one, for stealing you from ‘er and all, but i think eventually she’d come around,” he joked. i could see that, but i still worried about how she would react. “i mean it though, layla- i wanna give this a try,” he said seriously.

“so do i, travis,” i heard the door opening down the hall, and beth walked in with the pizzas. “your sister is back, i’ll let you say hi to her again.” i said, getting up to trade the phone off to her. she was still far enough away that she wouldn’t hear travis on the other end of the call, which i was grateful for as he spoke softly.

“alright, darlin’. i’ll try to call you tomorrow,”

“okay,” i smiled, as beth turned the corner into the kitchen and i handed her the phone, taking the food from her as she used up the last minute or two travis had with the phone.

“i hope you didn’t bore her while i was gone.” i smiled to myself as beth teased her older brother, my back thankfully turned to her so she couldn’t see the blush creeping over my face. i tuned out the rest of their conversation, before she said goodbye and set the phone on the counter again, as i turned around with plates from the cupboard.

“sorry to leave you stuck talking to him, but he doesn’t get to call very often, so i didn’t want to just hang up.” she joked, and i couldn’t help but feel extremely guilty. i was part of the reason he didn’t call her as often, and i wondered what he had told her if she had asked why his calls were less frequent. i knew he used to call her almost every week, but now that usually i heard from him once a week, i wondered if he still got to talk to her as well.

“it’s okay- it was nice to hear from him actually,” i said honestly, although she didn’t know just how happy i really was to talk to him.

“it’s been a few weeks since i heard from him actually, i was starting to worry a little.” she admitted, putting a slice of pizza on her plate. i felt the guilty feeling again, wishing i could tell her i knew how she felt. it was kind of funny, in a sad way; here i was sat next to my friend, both missing the same person, and i couldn’t talk to her about it. i wanted to comfort her, and tell her i understood, but i knew that it was for the best to keep what travis and i had a secret, at least for now.

“i’m glad he’s okay,” i agreed. “do you have any idea when he’ll be back?” i asked, but she shook her head.

“not really. when he left they said anywhere from six to eighteen months, so it could be tomorrow or it could be a while longer. i guess we’ll just have to wait and see. he’s been gone almost a year now.”

“that’s a long time,” i commented, not knowing what else to say. she nodded.

“enough talk about travis though- i don’t wanna be bummed out all night. i’m just glad i finally heard from him. and it’s nice he got to talk to you- i think he gets bored of talking to me sometimes, which is fair. sometimes we don’t have anything to update each other on when he calls.” she laughed. i smiled, feeling a little better knowing that she was happy with the idea of us talking; without the romantic feelings at least.

we both finished eating our pizza and chatted about our lives, just catching up and joking around, until i had to get going.

“you’re sure you don’t wanna just stay over? i don’t mind.” beth offered, and i considered it, but eventually shook my head.

“i would, but i have to work early tomorrow and my uniform and stuff is at home. next time.” i promised. she smiled and hugged me goodbye. i drove home, feeling conflicted. i was very happy with how things were between travis and i, but i felt even worse now about lying to beth, since i had now done it straight to her face. i sighed heavily as i pulled into the garage of my apartment building before heading up to my suite.

i crawled into my bed, still in my jeans and sweater, and started to cry. i cried because i missed travis, and i cried for my best friend, who was also missing her big brother, and for how awful i felt for keeping secrets from her.

my eyes were puffy when i looked in the mirror the next morning, my makeup from last night in streaks down my face. i hopped in the shower, the hot water helping me relax a little. i washed off the traces of makeup that the shower didn’t, the cool cloth thankfully taking down the swelling of my eyelids at least a little. i managed to cover the rest of it up with some concealer and mascara, before grabbing my gab and heading out the door.

lisa thankfully didn’t comment on my appearance when i arrived, just said a friendly hello as i walked to the back to get my apron on and wash my hands to start working.

it was pretty steady with customers for the first few hours, and i didn’t notice one of the regulars lingering around the counter even after getting his order. i looked up to see that it was the guy who kept asking for my number, and i sighed.

“was there anything else i could get for you today?” i asked, in my best cheerful customer service voice.

“actually, i really want to order your number, but i don’t see it on the menu….” he trailed off, and i had to fight the urge to roll my eyes.

“i guess you’ll have to order something else then,” i would usually politely decline, but i particularly wasn’t in the middle to entertain his advances today.

“damn… i was really craving a date with you.”

“i’m flattered really. but i’m not interested.” i said finely but still polite enough to hopefully not piss him off too much. lisa seemed to notice him not leaving, but was with a customer and couldn’t come check on me, so she gave me a glance as if to ask if i was okay. i nodded at her, and turned back to the customer, who was still trying to convince me to go out with him.

“again i’m really flattered, but i’m just trying to do my job. and not that it’s any of your business but i have a boyfriend.” i told him, getting annoyed with him at this point. he looked a little shocked at how stern my voice was.

“you could’ve just said that at the start.”

“me saying no should be a valid reason, i shouldn’t need to be with someone for you to accept that i’m not interested.” i defended. he seemed to finally get the message, and took his coffee and left, shaking his head as he walked out. the store was basically empty now, as lisa wrapped up the transaction with her customer, who thanked her and dropped a small handful of change into the tip jar.

“why don’t you go on your break? the store’s quiet enough and you deserve a breather after having to deal with that guy,” lisa suggested, walking over to me. i nodded, grabbing a cookie out of the display and heading to the break room, sighing heavily as i sat down. with impeccable timing, my phone started to ring in my pocket, and i saw travis’s name flash across the screen.

“hey!” i answered cheerfully, my mood improving greatly just from his call.

“hey baby, how is your day goin?” he asked. i smiled at the nickname once again, deciding that i liked the way it sounded coming from him a lot. my smile faltered slightly as i thought of how my day had been so far.

“it’s alright; i’m just on my break at work after one of our regulars kept asking for my number.” i sighed.

“do i need to come back home and kick his ass for you? because i will if you ask me to,” he said, and he almost sounded serious.

“no- it’s okay. i told him i had a boyfriend and he finally got the memo that i wasn’t interested.”

“boyfriend huh? what’s he like?” he joked, and i could tell he knew damn well that i had meant him, and i was grateful he didn’t make it weird that i had called him that. we hadn’t officially put a label on things yet after all, having only confessed our feelings last night, but i don’t think he minded.

“he’s tall, very handsome, built like a tank- but he’s very far away right now,” i replied, and travis laughed.

“he sounds like a keeper,” i could hear the smile in his voice. “and i’m sure he can’t wait to get home to see you. did you have fun at beth’s last night?”

“i did. i definitely didn’t expect to hear from you while i was there. we talked about you afterwards- she really misses you. i wish i could tell her i miss you too.” i admitted. i didn’t want to make him feel bad for keeping our blossoming relationship a secret, but i also didn’t want to lie to him and give him the impression that i enjoyed lying to her.

“i know darlin’- i want to tell her about us too, i just don’t know how or when. i hate lying to her too.” he said, and i felt a little better knowing he felt the same way i did. “i have some news- and i don’t know anything for sure yet so i don’t want to get your hopes up, but it sounds like we might be finishing things up here soon. maybe just a few more weeks to fix the pump station and then the village’ll have water again.”

“that’s great, travis!” i exclaimed. “does that mean you might be coming home soon?” i asked hesitantly.

“it’s possible- i don’t know anything for sure yet, though.”

“keep me updated?” i asked.

“i will, baby,” he assured me. “i really miss seeing your face. i know things were different before- i mean things are different now, but…”

“i really miss you too,” i confessed.

“i gotta give up the phone now, but i’ll try to call soon, okay? and if that guy gives you anymore trouble you tell me okay?” he added, causing me to laugh.

“i will, i promise.”

“good girl,” he said, before hanging up. i couldn’t help the smile that was plastered to my face. travis had a habit of calling when i needed to talk to him most, and he definitely cheered me up. i quickly ate the cookie i had grabbed before heading back out into the store, which was still pretty quiet thankfully; i would’ve hated to leave lisa on her own during a rush.

“hey, you look like you’re having a better day already- was the cookie really that good?” she asked as i joined her behind the counter again.

“i talked to travis-“

“that explains it,” she smiled. “you finally heard from him?” she asked, knowing that i hadn’t heard from him for a few weeks.

“yeah, i actually talked to him last night too. i was at beth’s and he called her, but she had to run out so she passed him off to me. she had no idea how happy i was to talk to him, and we kinda confessed our feelings for eachother.” i admitted.

“that’s great- does beth know yet?” she asked, and i shook my head. “that’s okay; one step at a time, right?”

“exactly. and travis knows how i feel about lying to beth, he feels the same way i do. i’m sure we’ll tell her soon,” i explained. “i called him my boyfriend,” i blushed.

“what did he say!” lisa prodded excitedly.

“he didn’t seem upset about it,” i smiled, and she hugged me.

“oh layla, i’m so happy for you,” she insisted, and i couldn’t stop smiling. i felt like a teenager again, talking to her friend about her crush at a sleepover or something, and i had to admit, it was kinda fun. “now hopefully he comes home soon, so you can introduce me to him.”

“yeah, hopefully he does.”

two more weeks went by, and i was counting the days obsessively, since i had received the news from travis that he would be coming home in a month. that meant i would only have to wait three more weeks until i would get to see him. he had told beth as well, and she had told me, not knowing that i was already aware.

“what kind of cake do you think we should get for the party this time?” beth asked. i was at her apartment, helping her plan the welcome home party.

“hmmm - what kind is travis’s favourite?” i asked.

“i think just vanilla- he kinda stopped eating junk food and stuff when he started working out to join the military,” she recalled. i remembered when he had first mentioned it, beth and i had thought he was joking, or at least wouldn’t actually go through with it; we realized pretty quickly he was actually serious about it. we were about 19 when he actually left for the first time, and it was really hard for beth, and it was difficult for me, even back then.

“i think that’s a pretty safe choice. there won’t be too many people, right?” i asked. usually when beth threw going away / homecoming parties it was only a few close friends, and i was hopeful that would be the case again this time. i was nervous about having to hide the fact that travis and i were dating from more people, and i knew that the fact that i would have to act like we weren’t together was going to be a little difficult. regardless, i was still looking forward to the party, and i had offered to help beth with it this time around. thankfully she was happy to have my help, and wasn’t suspicious of why i was interested.

“no, the same as usual. i’m considering inviting jacob, but travis doesn’t know him, so i’m not sure if it would be awkward,” she admitted.

“i don’t think he would mind. have you told travis about him yet?” i asked, knowing that i had mentioned that beth was seeing someone to him, but i wasn’t sure if she had told him herself.

“yeah- he gave me the whole ‘if he hurts you i’ll kill him’ speech,” she laughed. “i swear i’ve never met anyone as protective as he is. i wonder what he would do if you started dating someone,” she said. i puzzled look crossed my face.

“what do you mean?” i asked her.

“well he’s always been just a protective of you as he is of me, maybe even more. he never punched any of my boyfriends in the face to defend my honour.” she said lightheartedly.

“i’m sure he would’ve if they deserved it,” i laughed, kind of surprised she remembered that.

“ya know, i actually kinda thought maybe he had a crush on you after that night, but i guess not; i’m sure he would’ve said something about it if he had.” my heart was beating incredible fast, and once again i was happy to be turned away from her so she could see how warm my face was getting.

“i doubt it- i’m sure he was just being a good friend,” i tried to brush it off.

“regardless, i know he cares about you.” she said. “and i hope he finds someone someday, i know his job makes things complicated, but i want him to be happy, you know?”she said genuinely, and i smiled at her.

“i’m sure he will; he’s a great guy. any girl would be lucky to have him.” i replied.

“you will find someone too, layla. i know you said you’re not looking right now, but one day i mean, when you’re ready,” she assured me, and i pulled her into a hug.

“thanks, beth. i hope you’re right.” she wiggled out of my grip and continued looking at the website of the bakery she had found online, at the various cake options.

“hey, if you both get really desperate, maybe you and travis could get together,” she teased, and i tried to just laugh it off. “you guys might actually be a good couple, now that i think about it.” i was more than relieved to hear her say that, and at that moment i really did think about telling her about travis and i. i ultimately decided against it, not wanting to let the secret out without asking travis first. i’m sure he wouldn’t have been mad, since we both wanted to finally tell her, but i figured better to be safe than sorry.

“you think so?” i laughed.

“yeah actually,” she said, more serious now. “oh! look how pretty this cake is!” she said, thankfully changing the subject as she pointed to a cake on her laptop screen.

“that is really pretty- wow,” i agreed. it was a white cake with plain white frosting, but there were cherries on top and space to add writing if you wanted to.

“i think i’m gonna order it,” beth stated, and i nodded.

“i can help you pay for everything- i’m sure with all the food and everything these parties can get quite expensive.”

“you don’t have to do that-“

“i want to, beth. what can i pay for?” i insisted. she seemed to think for a moment.

“actually, there is something you could do.”

“for sure-“

“my boss wasn’t able to give me the day off for when travis gets home, so would you be able to pick him up from the airport? i know it’s a lot to ask-“

“it’s not a lot to ask beth. i’ll do it.” i smiled.

“thank you so much, layla. it’s only about an hour drive so it shouldn’t be too bad.” she explained, although secretly i was happy that i would be getting at least a little bit of time alone with travis. it would maybe make it easier to pretend we were just friends if i got to see him one on one first.

“i’m sure it will be fine,” i assured her.

“you’re the best,” she smiled.

“anything for you,” i replied. little did she know how happy i was with the task i had been given.

it was a few days before i heard from travis again, and i got to tell him that i would be picking him up at the airport. i would’ve kept it a surprise, but i hate surprises, so i decided not to just show up when he was expecting his sister.

“hey baby,” travis’ voice sounded through the phone, bringing a smile to my face.

“hey you,” i replied, sitting down on my bed.

“what are you up to?” he asked. i always appreciated how he was interested in my day.

“i was just looking through my closet for something to wear for when you come home.” i answered honestly. i wasn’t planning on dressing too fancy or anything, but i obviously wanted to look nice.

“yeah? whatever you choose you’ll look great, darlin’. what are the options so far?” he asked, and i was surprised that he sounded genuinely interested.

“i’m trying to decide between a dress or jeans and a sweater. did beth tell you the slight change in plans?”

“she didn’t; should i be nervous?” he laughed.

“no need to be nervous. she wasn’t able to get the day off when you come home so she asked me if i could pick you up from the airport,” i explained. “if that’s okay with you- i mean.”

“of course that’s okay, darlin’. in that case, as much as i’d love to see you in a pretty dress, you’d probably be more comfortable driving in jeans, yeah?” i blushed, and agreed.

“you’re right. thank you,” i replied. “beth and i had an interesting conversation the other day actually.”

“you’re scaring me again, layla,” he teased.

“we were talking about relationships and stuff; she’s worried about bringing her boyfriend to the party when you get home- since you don’t know him,” i explained.

“i’ll have to ask her if she’s bringin’ him, then she won’t feel weird about it.” he noted. he really was a good big brother, and i could tell he really cared about beth having jacob there if she wanted to. “was that all?” he asked.

“no, actually. she started talking about how she hopes both you and i find someone someday, and then said if we don’t we should just get together- she’s decided we’d make a good couple,” i smiled.

“that’s great- maybe she won’t be too upset when we tell her we’re already together then. unless you already told her?” he asked.

“no, i thought about it, but i didn’t want to without asking you first. i didn’t think it would be fair.”

“i appreciate that. she’ll find out soon enough; i don’t know how i’m gonna keep may hands off you when i get home,” he admitted, and i felt my face getting warm.

“yeah? well, we’ll have an hour in the car on the way from the airport….” i trailed off.

“you’re killin’ me, baby. i don’t want you to get the idea that that’s all i care about, but you’re not making it easy to not think about,”

“don’t worry, i’m thinking about it too.” i confessed. i wanted more than anything to be able to kiss him, to touch him, just to have him close to me.

“how many days we got left?” he asked.

“seventeen,” i said. “sixteen if you don’t count today,”

“the longest sixteen days of my life,”

“i know,” i sighed. “i can’t believe it’s almost been five months since you first called me,” i admitted.

“has it? best decision i ever made. in a way it feels like longer, but shorter at the same time,” he said.

“yeah, i know what you mean.”

“but hey, if four months can fly by, so can two weeks,” he said, and i tried to be as optimistic as he was.

“you’re right. i just really miss you,” i admitted.

“i miss you too baby,” he said; and i decided i would never get tired of hearing him call me that. “i gotta go, i’ll call you soon, okay?”

“yes, sir,” i replied, to which he was silent for a moment.

“lord, you really are tryna kill me,” he groaned, and it sent a shiver up my spine.

it was gonna be a very long two weeks.

it was finally the day, travis was coming home. i had talked to him the night before, and he let me know when and where to meet him at the airport. his flight was supposed to arrive at noon, so i was out the door by 10:30 in the morning to make sure i was on time to pick him up.

getting dressed in a pair of comfy jeans and a dark red sweater, and just doing some casual hair and makeup, i had breakfast and got on the road. i had spent the majority of yesterday stress cleaning my apartment; as travis and i had decided that after the party we would sneak back here, since his house had been empty the whole time he was away, and wouldn’t be in a state to host guests; not that i cared.

my hands hurt from gripping the steering wheel so tight as i parked at the airport, about 30 minutes before travis’ flight was supposed to arrive. i sat down outside the baggage claim area and checked my phone to see a text from beth.

let me know when you’ve picked him up! and thank you again! 💖

i smiled, replying to let her know that i would, and that once again, i didn’t mind. i tried to calm my nerves as the minutes ticked by, travis’ flight now only supposed to be 10 minutes away. i had to remind myself that while things were different between us now, he was still the same travis i had known almost my whole life, and i didn’t need to be nervous around him. it helped a little bit, and i managed to turn my nerves back into excitement; finally i was seeing the person i dreamed of being near for months.

when finally about 20 minutes later he came into view, his large backpack over his shoulder, i felt my eyes start to water. i had promised myself i would try not to make a big scene in public, and i intended on keeping that one. when he was finally within reach, he set his bag down and pulled me into his arms, picking me up off the ground, and my arms looped behind his neck.

“hey baby,” he said softly, and i found it incredibly hard not to cry; finally being in his arms after so long. it felt like home.

“hey,” i replied, not letting go of him for a solid minute. he finally set my feet back down on the ground, and pulled away to look at me. i’m sure i looked like a mess by now, my eyes wet with tears that i was trying desperately to keep in. his hands went to the sides of my face and the pads of his thumbs gently wiped the droplets from my eyes.

“don’t cry darlin’- im here.”

“im just really happy to see you,” i confessed, hugging him again, this time my arms around his torso. his large biceps almost fully encased me against his chest, as he kissed the top of my head.

“i love you, layla,” he said softly into my hair, and i could’ve melted on the spot.

“i love you too, travis,” i spoke, my voice muffled by his muscular chest, but i could tell he heard me, since his arms tightened around me. he loosened his grip on me enough that i could look up at his face. his eyes were even more blue than i remembered. his beard was longer than when he left, but it looked like he had trimmed it recently, probably before flying home. his hair starting to grow out as well, no longer buzzed short, and i could start to see the start of his curls coming back in. “can i kiss you?” i asked timidly, and a smile broke out on his face.

“of course you can, baby,” he answered, and tilted my chin upward with his finger gently, until my lips met his. i had kissed people before, but it was never like this, and i realized that i had never felt for anyone the way that i felt for travis. when he kissed me it felt like i was breathing air for the first time, like our lips were perfectly molded to fit together. when we separated, travis placed a gentle kiss on my forehead.

“ready to go?” i asked. he nodded, swinging his backpack over his broad shoulders and taking my hand in his. “i have to text beth and let her know i found you.” i said remembering that i told her i would message her once i had picked him up.

“any chance you could tell her we can’t make it to the party?” he joked, and i smiled, hitting his chest playfully. “i’m only joking- sorta.”

“there will be plenty of time for just us later. your sister and your friends missed you too, ya know,” i teased. the guest list for the party included beth, jacob, and a couple of guys travis had been close with in high school and stayed in touch with after graduation.

“i know, darlin’,” he said, dropping my hand as we got to the car in the lot. “can i drive?” he asked.

“you don’t wanna just relax? i don’t mind driving.” i assured him.

“i haven’t gotten to drive a normal car in over a year, and you already drove all the way up here. you get to be the passenger princess from now on,” he smiled, extending his hand for me to give him the keys. i smiled, placing them in his hand and letting him open the passenger door for me to get in, making sure i had all my limbs in the vehicle before shutting the door. he adjusted the seat to accommodate his height and got in the driver seat, quickly adjusting the mirrors before placing the key in the ignition. “ready?” he asked, to which i nodded.

the drive was nice, an old lynyrd skynyrd cd playing quietly through the speakers, as travis drove with one hand on the wheel, the other placed on my thigh just above my knee, occasionally giving it a gentle squeeze.

“have you thought up a lie for why you need to take me home yet?” i asked him. “do you think people will be suspicious if we leave together?”

“not since you picked me up, no. we could just say you’re driving me to my own place. no one’s gonna check if i’m actually there or not.” he suggested.

“we run the risk of beth offering for you to spend the night at her place though.”

“that’s true. we could tell them the truth,” he suggested. that was always an option.

“it’s up to you. i’m fine with what you want to do, but if we tell them there’s gonna be a million questions… meaning we’ll have to stay longer…” i let my sentence trail off. “which seems like a shame, when there’s other things we could be doing instead.”

“fuck- yeah we can’t tell them-“ he decided quickly, and i giggled. “that’s the most beautiful sound i ever heard.” he stated, looking at me and smiling. i kissed him quickly, so he could turn his eyes back to the road. we were nearing beth’s apartment now, and i realized it meant for the next few hours, travis and i would have to act like we were just friends. it was definitely doable but that didn’t mean it was gonna be easy, especially since now he was looking at me like he was about to pull over and tear my clothes off, which i honestly wouldn’t have minded.

“ready to pretend to be platonically acquainted?” he teased, as if reading my mind, and i sighed.

“yes- but not looking forward to it.” i admitted.

“we’ll tell them soon, i promise. okay?” he said, i knew he wasn’t happy about it either.

“okay,” i said, defeated. i finally had him and now i had to act like i wasn’t head over heels for him.

“good girl,” he hummed, squeezing my thigh again. okay, that definitely didn’t help, i thought. we pulled into the parking lot at beth’s apartment complex, and travis kissed me softly before we got out of the car and headed inside.

the party was now nearing an end, and as happy as i was to see beth and travis reunite, it had been as anticipated; very difficult to act like we weren’t together. the food and cake had been great, and i was feeling the tiniest buzz after the wine cooler i had earlier, but i had to pretend i was too drunk to drive home so travis had an excuse to give me a ride. we had decided that was the best option to get us both out of here.

“you okay, layla?” travis asked, walking over to me, where i pretended to sway a tiny bit where i stood. i nodded.

“yeah, i’m okay. i think i’m gonna head home though. it’s really nice to have you back,” i said, which was the truth. he gave me a friendly looking hug, and i walked toward the kitchen to say goodbye to beth. i found her tidying up some of the snacks left on the counter.

“hey beth, i think i’m gonna head home - it’s been a long day,” i said. she smiled.

“thank you for coming! and for picking travis up for me, you’re a life saver.” she pulled me into a hug, which i returned; i truly loved my best friend.

“it was no big deal,” i assured her. i turned around to see travis walk into the kitchen from the other entrance and leant against the doorframe, smiling. “he insisted on driving on the way back here anyway, so i only did half the work.”

“i appreciate it regardless, darlin’,” he laughed. i said goodnight to the siblings, and pretended to stumble a little as i walked toward the front door to put my shoes on.

“are you okay to drive, lay?” beth asked, and i assured her i was, but bumped into the wall lightly to sell that fact that i was supposedly a little tipsy.

“let me drive you home, layla.” travis offered. i started to protest, but he interrupted me. “it’s the least i could do, after you picked me up today.”

“thanks travis,” beth said, deciding for me that it was a good idea; thankfully she didn’t suggest me staying the night like i worried she might.

“ready to go?” travis asked, sliding his boots on and taking the keys from my hand. i nodded, saying goodbye to beth as travis led me out of the apartment, a gentle grip on my shoulder as we walked down the hallway. once we got in the elevator, travis barely waited for the door to shut before pressing his lips to mine, and i returned the kiss eagerly. my back hit the wall with a soft thud as he stepped toward me, effectively pinning me in the corner of the small elevator car.

“i swear, that was the longest 6 hours of my life,” he breathed, forehead resting on mine as his hands fiddled with the bottom hem of my shirt. “you’re a pretty good actress, you actually looked tipsy for a minute there,”

“i’m motivated,” i answered, pressing my lips to his again, only separating when the elevator beeped to say the we had arrived at the main floor. the door opened and he led me to the car, before driving to my apartment with the help of my directions, his hand on my thigh once again, this time higher than before, causing my heart to beat quickly. after the longest 15 minute drive ever, we pulled into the parking lot of my apartment building, and travis parked the car before walking around to open my door for me. taking my hand, we walked to the front door, his lips dancing across my neck and shoulders as i fumbled with the keys trying to unlock the front door.

“you’re very distracting,” i chastised, finally unlocking the door and leading him inside. it was just a single flight of stairs up to my unit, and i quickly unlocked that door as well, before we tumbled inside. i dropped my purse to the floor and travis shut the door, my body positioned between him and it as he locked the door and kissed me again. my hands found his chest, sliding his jacket off his shoulders and letting it fall to the floor, and pulling him closer by the belt loops of his pants. he groaned into the kiss, before pulling away slightly.

“you’re not actually drunk, right? i don’t want to-“

“no, i’m not. i only had one when we got to the party.” he nodded, before his lips found my neck, leaving lazy kisses up to my ear, as he toyed with the bottom of my sweater again, silently asking to remove it.

“travis…” i whined as he gently nipped at the skin on my jaw, his tongue soothing the sting of his teeth.

“are you sure? it’s been a while, darlin’- i can’t promise i’ll last very long..” he hesitated, his hands at the button of my jeans, waiting for permission to go further.

“i’m sure travis,” i reassured him. “i need this.” with that he kissed my lips again, and let me guide him to my bedroom.

i laid next to travis, our legs entwined under the sheets keeping our bodies covered, my head on his chest that rose and fell quickly as we both caught our breath. his arms wrapped around my waist as i moved to face him, placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

“i love you,” i said softly.

“say that again darlin’” he smiled, his eyes closed.

“i love you,” i repeated, and he looked at me, before kissing me deeply. i laid my head back down on his chest, and one hand gently caressed my hair, the other delicately drawing patterns on the bare skin on my hip.

“i love you too baby,” he replied, and i felt more content than i ever had; in the arms of the person i loved most in the world after being apart for so long. a thought crossed my mind, which made a sinking feeling grow in my chest.

“do you know how long you’re home for?” i asked him quietly, afraid of what the answer might be. he sighed.

“you really want to talk about that right now?” he asked.

“i knew going into this that your job wasn’t gonna make this easy. i want us to be honest with each other. and i want you; that means everything that comes with you,” i explained. he held me tighter.

“i don’t know for sure, but usually 3-6 months.” he said. i obviously wished it could be longer, but i was just happy to have him home with me for any amount of time. “we can worry about that later though. we gotta worry about something a lot scarier first-“ i looked at him, my eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, not sure what he meant, but he just smiled.

“we have to tell beth about us.” he said, his tone serious as if he had said we had to climb a mountain.

“i think that’s doable,” i laughed, the happiest i had been in a very long time. “but not tonight; i want you all to myself for one night.” travis kissed me, and i smiled against his lips as his arms held me close to him, and i could feel his heart beating against mine.

“you’ll have me for as long as you want, darlin’”

#henry cavill #henry cavill characters #captain syverson #sand castle netflix #sand castle #captain syverson playlist #syverson imagine #syverson fic #captain syverson imagine #captain syverson fic #henry cavill fic #henry cavill imagine

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clonerightsagenda · 4 months

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It is Wolf 359 day (also known as Christmas for some) and since I saw a stoat photoset on my dash I feel compelled to post about daemon hcs.

Eiffel - Word of God is raccoon, and it fits. The poor thing probably looks like she has mange during the season 2/3 timeskip, since there's no way astronauts are stuffing their daemons in spacesuits - they must have to go through some kind of pre-mission training to lengthen their range. They are not trained to get blasted lightyears apart though, rip. That's gotta hurt. Once he's recovered from his ordeal though I'm sure he takes advantage of their massively extended range to cause problems. There's no way I stole those donuts from the Urania's stores, commander! I was here in the comms room the whole time.

Minkowski - white-tailed eagle. This bird is found in Poland, and some versions of the Polish flag have a white eagle. It's also similar to but not exactly like a bald eagle - showing how Minkowski aspires to assimilate into Americanness but can't completely abandon her Polish heritage. Plus pilot = bird, it tracks.

Hilbert - rosencrantz-draws-things did a series of daemon paintings for the characters and while I don't agree with all their choices, I did like chameleon for him. He changes roles and faces when he needs to, whatever helps him survive.

Lovelace - The painting series I referenced gives her lioness, which I don't hate, although the logistics are a bit messy for a space station environment. Given the backstory I've envisioned for her I kind of want to spend more time reading about Puerto Rican fauna and get back to you on this one. How does the daemon situation work with her being a surrogate? Unclear but it sure keeps her up at night!

Maxwell - Ferret! The wonder twins have mustelid vibes to me, and I am always charmed by the story of the ferret who cleaned out the tubing of a particle accelerator.

Jacobi - Stoat to match Maxwell. They are the mustelid twins now. It just feels right.

Kepler - idk I don't care about him.

Pryce - Coconut octopus. Something a little bit unusual and unexpected, requires specialized care and upkeep, and octopi are extremely intelligent, with this species actively modifying its situation via tool use. She can carry him around in his own special tank.

Cutter - I never settled (lol) on anything for him, but given I like the idea of him bodyhopping (this has been thoroughly debunked by Word of God but oh well) I imagine that he keeps around the old body's severed daemon as a smokescreen. This leads to a very animated, lively guy with a strangely inert, unfocused daemon which makes him even more unsettling to everyone. He's impossible to read.

Hera - I saved her for last because she's a special case. When AI reach sentience a block of code just pops up in their programming, and that's their daemon. They're not physical in the same way humans are - why would their soul be? However, product testing indicated humans preferred to see something daemonlike, so customer-facing AIs get holographic projections of cute, non-threatening animals like puppies or songbirds. Hera has a bird until Hilbert takes her offline. When she comes back, she has control over the projection and can make it look however she wants. It's not actually her daemon but she can use it to express herself in a similar way, including projecting her humansona, which scares the crap out of people the first few times they see a random stranger on board.

Daemons in microgravity would be their own headache. I imagine crewmembers get velcro pouches on their uniforms or toolbelts sized for their daemons to keep them from floating away. Smaller daemons are preferable in the same way that there's a height range for astronauts - this is why I'm conflicted about Lovelace. Also, you know I am a #hater of 'daemon touching = sex' in AU settings and believe there are multiple kinds of intimacy, and spaceflight involves everyone getting real cool about a lot of stuff real quickly, so I think by season 3 Minkowski and Eiffel at least are hanging on to each other's daemons when they're out on spacewalks both for convenience and emotional support. (Eiffel is still stressed out about it but more because he is really bad at holding a raptor and scared of getting slashed by talons.) Hera occasionally perches her projection on their shoulders which again doesn't mean the same thing to her but gets the message across. If Jacobi is working on something fiddly Maxwell will be wearing both their daemons around her neck, and vice versa.

Bob does not appear with a daemon while wearing his Eiffel suit. The alternative would probably be more upsetting.

#wolf 359

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ehh-is-the-name · 2 months

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iii 19 spoilers part 3: Now in technicolour!

Ran out of images AGAIN and I STILL refuse to have a rant without screenshots so here we are, part 3.

- - -

I wish I could magic a number in my brain for how long "some time later" is in this context- A week? A month? 3 months?? A year???? I genuinely don't know, but I'm assuming a month to 3 months- somewhere around there. Maybe not. Idk. I think he probably needed some time to work all this junk out. Also, him just like making homes essentially for the contestants (this library and hotel OJ) is making me think about his role to the contestants. (continuing that thought later)

Now.... I know I recently rb'd the hc that "Mephone's like at least 30 to me" post, and I still stand by it. I'm taking it as a joke. I don't care.

However, I'm not taking the "grandpa" comment fully as a joke. That's getting filed into the "Walkie and Mephone are related via Meeple and Cobs shenanigans" folder.

I can't be the only one who feels this reads as like... Parental, right? Like him making a place for them to stay, giving them all their needs, being "responsible" for them, wanting to help and better their lives... Hell even giving Walkie another chance and asking her to watch over them while he does s2. It all just feels parental to me. I could just be looking into things too hard, but... Idk I guess it's just another one of the reasons I align with that oldhead mephone hc. He feels older, mature, but not flawless.... Like, this was his midlife crisis. (And I guess in the tech world it kinda would be, 'cause the tech industry doesn't really like tech staying working too long, but that's a topic for a rainy day).

Maybe I'm looking into this too much, but the expressions on him in the portal are just so perfect I can't not talk about them. The first one where he's looking around like "Oh god, I'm really doing this huh-" then the second frame being "Yeah, I- I guess I am doing this!" - and the last one with his eyes scrunched being a hopeful and optimistic "Alright, let's do this!" is so much to me. THEN CABBY TOO SENDING HIM OFF??? AGUIKGJKK- KILLING ME. MURDER. HOMICIDE.

If 3 posts about this ep weren't enough, I don't know what would be. MAN, I loved the way this ended. It was like everything was topped off with a little bow- a melancholic, butterflies in the stomach, bow. I am SCARED for s2 continuing. I am HOLLOW over s3 ending. but I am also so excited and happy. I hope we see Cobs again in s2 though. I kinda want answers for the possible "corn places spy walkie talkie on gamshow island" play at hand. Oh, and here are part 2 & part 1 of this rant in case this is the only one you're seeing.

Anyway, thanks for trudging through my crap. This finale really did animate my insanity.

#It took 2 hours to write all 3 parts of this btw #i am inanimate insane #iii 19 rant/reaction #iii 19 spoilers #ii spoilers #inanimate insanity #ii mephone4 #meeple ii #osc #ehh exaggerates

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wolpertinger-prince · 6 months

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Kinda wanna make a Captain Laserhawk version of Cookie? So like? Here's me throwing some thoughts out there.

He's a mole hybrid (part of me really wants him to be part dog, too, but idk is it possible for a hybrid to be both humanoid and a mix of two animals? Can one of his parents be a dog hybrid and the other a mole hybrid? Can hybrids even procreate?)

Obviously he works as a mechanic, although mole hybrids are usually designated miners. He gets to be a mechanic because he's just that good I guess.

Of course he's sick of all the discrimination he faces due to being a hybrid, and he gets it even worse because of his chronic illness resulting in pains in his body - especially his back - and fatigue. It causes him anxiety and God knows what other disorders. But he's too scared to actually rebel against it, join any resistances, etc.

He has been institutionalized at a mental health institution at least once in his life. He has had to wear the dreaded grippy socks.

He's on, like, a lot of medication.

He dreads seeing any kind of doctor, but after his being committed he's forced by Eden to see a therapist. It doesn't usually get him anywhere.

Probably lives with Lac-Mac. They're close friends, and he's the closest thing Lac-Mac has ever had to a guardian. They both feel at ease in each other's company.

Some bonus Lac-Mac hcs

An ordinary rabbit hybrid, much unlike the strange rabbitlike creature he is in The Animated Series. I can't decide if he's a Rex Rabbit (for his spots) or a Vienna Blue Rabbit (for his blue color).

He, of course, works as a performer. Probably has an abusive boss like Rigatoni that lovebombs him one minute and yells at him for mishaps or for generally having expectations about how he ought to be treated the next. Actually, screw it; this is Rigatoni. That's right, pasta man is here, too, and he's a human.

Would genuinely love performing and making people happy if not for Rigatoni's abusive leadership. He especially loves children.

Him and Cookie don't agree on the quality of the propaganda that is The Late Night Eden Show with Rayman. Lac-Mac, naive as he is, loves it and hopes he can rise up just like Rayman has one day whereas Cookie sees it as boring at best and a complete load of crap at worst.

#rayman #rayman the animated series #captain laserhawk #captain laserhawk a blood dragon remix #might add more later

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constellama · 1 year

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i think something’s happening now!! Uh oh !!!

Llama reads TRC: Chapters 22-25 of The Raven Boys

Chapter 22

Omg helicopter time

Loving the Helen and Gansey sibling banter

“That’s all.” WOOO GANSEY FINALLY RECOGNIZING HER VOICE

“Blue. Do you know Gansey?” OHOHO UH OH

This reoccurring triangle istg

Oh they’re ley lines. Why didn’t I realize that before.

“I’m always straight” “Oh, man, that’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told.” PFFFFT HAHHAAHA

oh my god A RAVEN !! I SURE HOPE THIS DOESNT MEAN ANYTHING !!! <- in fear

Chapter 23

I’m sorry the clocks are what.

Uh oh

“Noah?” WAIT. IS THIS. IS THIS WHERE WHELK DID THE RITUAL?? I COULD BE GETTING THIS COMPLETELY WRONG BUT !!! ITS MAKING ME THINK !!!

WHY ARE THE FISH RED WHATS HAPPENING

Do NOT stand in the tree cavity PLEASE

BLUE

Is she gonna get eaten by the tree

UHHH. WHAT

“Blue, kiss me” WHAT. WHAT WHAT WHAT WAIT WAIT HOLD ON

Adam :((( WHAT DID HE SEE

“I saw Glendower” everyone is having traumatic visions in the moldy tree meanwhile Gansey is living his Glendower kinnie fanfiction dream 😭

Chapter 24

What do you MEAN they were only there for 7 minutes WHAT

“Not that it’s not a cool name. Just that it’s…unusual.” Ok Richard Campbell Gansey III

Ronan chewing on his leather bracelets completely nonchalantly why is he like this /pos

“I’ve always liked the name Jane.” Gansey has too much audacity someone needs to humble him /lh /hj

“Although he couldn’t seem to stop teasing her.” Kanej thoughts are still plaguing my brain and this dynamic being in this book is Not helping /pos

Blue laughs for the first time at something Gansey said!!!

Chapter 25

Blue hanging out more with the Raven boys :D !!!

Adam describing the way Ronan swears at him in the most loving and affectionate way possible,,,

Blue Sargent 🤝 Zoya Nazyalensky Smelling like wildflowers and their love interests being obsessed with it

“He looked joyful and adoring, like a Labrador retriever.” NOAH IS A DOG BOY IM GONNA CRY

“This is precisely why I didn’t want to have a baby with you.” GANSEY?? COULD YOU NOT HAVE WORDED THIS ANY OTHER WAY???

Noah is such a creature I feel like if he was described to be hunched in a corner eating a live bird I wouldn’t question it. I love him sm

Noah Czerny 🤝 Inej Ghafa Appearing out of nowhere and scaring the crap out of their friends

Oooo creepy stone with writing on it

Uhh Ronan

“In case I didn’t recognize my own handwriting.” WHAT

Sorry for the long wait, finding time to read while also putting my thoughts down is hard BUT we’ve passed the halfway mark :))) I have a feeling something is about to go very very wrong and idk if I’m ready

#the raven cycle #the raven boys #blue sargent #richard gansey #adam parrish #ronan lynch #noah czerny #llama reads trc #constellama talks

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mpregfrance · 5 months

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Alright to start this ask off I'm just gonna say my interactions w/ you have genuenly been one of the funniest ive had in a long ass time. I've read ur recent post and I empathyse a lot. You seem incredibly funny and genuine. Idk your situation and your background and even your age, but I think you can and are pulling through. Things will get better even if you dont actively want them to. Im not saying this in a vague hope to make the situation you are in better. Im telling you, as a person who from the age of 14 went from therapist to therapist, somehow been on meds that dont fuckin exist yet in croatia, someone who feels trapped in the very /country/ she lives in with no means of escape, someone who is "waiting" for things to finally financially/academicaly/politicaly be better so that I can make something of my life. As it did for me, you will feel joy again in what you do, in what you have, and in what you can achieve. I think it's ok to be down, its ok to feel like "if a bus hit me tomorrow i wouldnt protest" but the thing about people is we adapt rather quickly. So putting yourself out there, going to places you are scared to and believe yourself to be an outcast from is exactly what gets you to meet people and see things that youll remember forever. And after a while the outcast will stop coming to these places, the person there will be someone who belongs. Apathy is a way of saying "fine whatever i dont even care anymore" but youll see how much you care.

I started getting ok after a full decade of *trying* and what I've always found is that for me the saying "don't take anything seriously" is no.1 rule. I get worked up, anxious and overwhelmed with so much so many times.

You may have problems with people at work with friends and whomever, but the main thing you gotta remember is *you cant change anyone but yourself*

And its not a change of personality, hair color, interests, its how much something will get to you, how willing are you to give something up thats not working out and how you will percieve something.

I have no doubt that you know all of this crap but i guess i wanted to say all of that just bc there is no greater pain for me than when i see someone feel like i did regardless of the reason or situation.

Keep on truckin and doing what u love even if its mpregfrance posting. I will always be here to send you to liking-france-jail, mwah <3

hello my sweaty angle <3 i'm sorry i'm just replying to this now. i had to sleep on it because your thoughtfulness deserves a sincere reply.

first of all - thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being so kind, sweet and insightful and offering your support.

the fact that you would take the precious time out of your day to write this out for me is, in a word, unbelievable. i really appreciate you checking in, it's an incredibly caring thing to do. to be honest i'm a little overwhelmed by the magnitude of this unexpected message and i wish i knew how better to express my appreciation.

i really do love to hear that i made you laugh. i live to shitpost. i've always prided myself on my sense of humor and sometimes i feel as if it's slipping away, so it's reliving to hear i've still got it.

unfortunately i still haven't had the strength to eat. i'm heading to work in a bit. things are pretty rough right now, but when have they not been? obviously my present circumstances aren't the root cause of all my problems. in fact my life has improved since moving here.

extensive bianca lore and vulnerability under the cut, apologies in advance.

basically, in so few words, my current situation is that i'm nearly 25 and have nothing to show for it. i've lived in different cities across the US, had great jobs, apartments, friends, roommates, relationships, etc. i have done a lot of living in a short amount of time. but then, in retrospect, it feels like it stopped.

about 3 years ago i was in a very bad place mentally due to the isolation of the pandemic, and i met my husband online. in early 2022 i gave up everything, saved over $10k for the visa and moving costs, and relocated from the US to australia to live with him. our relationship itself has improved from how it used to be, but since the beginning we've had seemingly endless bad luck and financial setbacks.

last year, not long after our (very disappointing) wedding, i suffered a devastating miscarriage. ruptured ectopic, massive internal bleeding, required emergency surgery etc. not only was that traumatic emotionally, but i wasn't eligible for healthcare at the time bc of my immigration status, so we're still paying off the medical bill.

we share a house with my mother in law who is a domineering, emotionally incestuous single mom and an emotionally abusive narcissist. i don't throw that term around lightly, as so many people do these days, but i honestly believe she's devoid of empathy. she's admitted that she dislikes me and thinks i'm stupid because i don't talk much, and goes out of her way to make me feel unwelcome.

so i'm stuck in an area that feels, to me, like the middle of nowhere. i'm not homesick, i love this country. it's just that i'm not used to suburbs. i feel most comfortable in a city where there's people and places and things, neon lights and background noise and stuff to do.

i'd would be happy to live anywhere as long as it's not with her. it honestly feels like a prison sometimes. that sounds dramatic but she's cultivating an unbelievably hostile environment that causes me to feel on edge whenever she's around.

needless to say we need to move, desperately. it's our #1 priority. more than anything else i want a place of our own and eventually a family. we've been actively househunting for the better part of a year, but the rental market is catastrophically bad right now. it's not even about the money, since we're both working we can afford a decent place. it's just that it's so competitive. every showing i've attended, there's been like 30 other prospective tenants. we've been turned down from every apartment we've applied for.

on top of our living situation i have complex health issues that are just getting worse. my energy is zapped. trying to balance work work and housework leaves me with almost no free time to write.

this barely scratches the surface of why I Am The Way That I Am™. i'm not saying any of this to evoke sympathy or brag about 'having it hard'. simply trying to explain. my upbringing was abusive and dysfunctional in a number of ways. i just barely graduated high school. i never had traditional opportunities, i was raised in a way where there's basically no assumption/expectation that you'll ever be successful or fulfilled. i'm diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD and bipolar 2 - haven't been able to get my proper meds in australia. i've been addicted to hard drugs and alcohol. i'm not pleasant to be around. i will probably always look like and act like the lower class, white trash girl that i am. i have spent my entire life in survival mode.

i'm always in the midst of some identity crisis or running away from something. so yeah, i've been hurt and downtrodden. i've also experienced the beautiful side of life from time to time. i've gained a breadth of knowledge and met incredible individuals who introduced me to new perspectives and i'm forever grateful for them. with the way i've lived, i'm very lucky to not be dead or incarcerated right now.

ok, pity party's over. for real this time.

you're pretty much describing exactly how i feel. you know the struggle. the part about waiting to live my life; that's precisely where i'm at. i don't necessarily have a desire to fit in, i just want to get away into somewhere that i can adjust better to.

my isolation is partially due to a lack of energy but also i don't seek out interaction because i'm afraid no one else can understand me. not because i believe i'm too 'complex' or 'damaged' to be understood. that's a load of self-pitying bullshit. it's just scary to be truly seen. or vulnerable. or genuine. bc the results of such openness are unpredictable and uncomfortable.

it's hard, but i know i have to find it within myself to take that push. what's holding me back right now is mainly my material conditions, circumstances out of my direct control. i have no doubt i'll feel at least 50% better when i stop living with this woman.

i certainly have no problem with starting over if something doesn't work for me. contrary to what i might've described, i believe i'm pretty well adjusted, self aware and rational. as is obvious i don't take many things that seriously lmao. i went from caring wayyy too much about everything, being overly emotional and sensitive, to going entirely with the flow and accepting what i can't control or predict.

also i am well aware that you can't change people, that's never been my goal lmao i've never needed someone to tell me that <3

tl;dr, thank you. so much. this really uplifted and inspired me meli, thank you so much for being so thoughtful and compassionate.

it sounds like you're also stuck between a rock and a hard place in your own environment, and i'm sorry to hear that. it's a wretched feeling but i believe you you will thrive no matter the setting, because in all seriousness, you're incredibly talented. i hope you know you should follow your dreams. hell, it looks like you already are and you're giving us the privilege of witnessing it. your art is stunning, the passion and care you put into your work is obvious. your matthew is absolutely beautiful - like his maman.

from a rabidly devoted france woobifier to the designated france hater, i'm only going to say this once but you are validated in your distaste. i understand. you gotta admit though, he is a MILF.

if one thing is certain i will never stop frussyposting. in fact right now i am thinking about france hetalia big fat juicy boobies mmmm milky squishy. i'm giving her a teensy tiny little slut waist and childbearing hips. i would give him a brazilian butt lift but he doesn't even need it!!!

if that is a crime then lock me up. please. strap on the handcuffs and throw me in the crate for naughty little freaks teeheehee >:3

be careful tho. if you keep sending me gay ass love letters like this they're gonna start shipping toxic yuri melianca even harder <3

#this made my day #this ask gave me bottom emoji eyes!!!#DM me if you want babe #ask and ye shall receive #tw vent

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lego-man-speer · 7 months

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More of a personal post. Feel free to skip this one, guys.

Kennedy try not to drop out of university challenge *nightmare mode*

I genuinely don’t know if I can stay here much longer. It’s not even just the homesickness. I am fully aware that I am eating significantly less.

I tried to eat leftover pasta tonight but I really just couldn’t. My sensory issues wouldn’t allow it. I wanted to gag. I’m currently sitting in my bathroom waiting until I know for sure that no one is in the kitchen so I can clear my plate and cook something else. Literally all I’ve had today is two slices of toast and half a tube of Pringles. (I have a history with eating disorders for context)

I’m significantly limited in the amount of food I can even hold in my kitchen at one time. I share a kitchen with 7 other people. I share a fridge with 2 other people. All I have is one overhead cupboard and a box of cereal doesn’t even fit in there properly. Any snacks I buy have to stay in my room, meaning they just sit on my desk.

Speaking of things sitting on my desk. Fucking laundry. Doing the washing itself isn’t the problem. It’s the fact that I am forbidden from hanging my wet laundry in my room (most of it isn’t dryer-safe). I can’t have a clothes airer in my room. I am forced to hang it on my radiator and my shower. My window won’t open either for some reason and I’m too nervous to go to the front desk and ask for help because I technically should have said something when I first got here because “fire safety” and all that crap. I also haven’t tidied my room properly because I just either forget or I try to avoid it. I’m perfectly capable of doing it, but things aren’t like the way they are at home and it’s just harder to live?? Idk if that makes sense.

I feel significant anxiety just heading into town for things. I have put things off for about an hour because I’m not comfortable walking around a new city just yet. At one point I was scared of going into town to buy toilet paper. FUCKING TOILET PAPER.

Also my fucking course timetable hasn’t been given to me. I only have 2/4 classes given to me, and I haven’t been assigned a reading group. They promised it would definitely be fixed by Friday but that hasn’t happened. So now I have to go there first thing tomorrow.

I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want to drop out because I really want to do my degree in history, but I also just can’t keep living like this. My mum is trying to move down here but I don’t think that’ll be possible before Christmas.

#personal #i wanna fucking drop out #me not eating is so Hess coded #genuinely don’t know what I’m going to do #my autistic ass can’t live like this anymore

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crackedramblings · 30 days

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Notes from 24.3.24

I've been trying to analyze myself and why I got drawn into CA's channel and the group. The logical part of my mind never really believed some of what she talked about; as you know I even left the group at one point as life got really tough and it wasn't serving me. But I came back because I really did hear the group in my mind calling me. I still feel that I know some of you on a soul level. You, K, a few others feel familiar (not Mort though haha). Even if none of this turns out to be real (I never saw any alien ships, I'm still salty about it) I still believe in a HS. Even if none of this is true, part of me that wanted me to follow this road for some reason. Why? What was it?

I never even cared about a recall, tbh. I don't think I ever told anyone in the group this but I took the first two doses of the thing. It wasn't even necessarily that I was scared of getting sick. I just ... didn't care if the thing hurt me. I really, really didn't. I decided to be a willing guinea pig because, if it turned out to be toxic, who cares? I'm ready to go. I felt that way three years ago, and I still feel that way. Sure I have moments of fun on this planet, moments of enjoyment; music and food, cute cat antics, etc. But if I got a bad diagnosis tomorrow and I was given the choice of treatment, I'd likely just say 'no thanks, give me pain pills and leave me alone.' This world is not my home, like they used to say in my church. So many people in the group were worried about whether or not it would hurt people and for me, for myself, I just didn't care in the least. So I took the first two and never got any more. Ironically it was my mom of all people that absolutely refused to take it. It even irritated me at first. She was already in poor health, what did she care? She kept talking about infertility, as if she was in her 30s or something. I'm pretty sure she thought (and still does) that it's the mark of the beast or whatever.

But nevertheless, I took it, and I'm still here, and maybe I've had ill effects (all the heart fluttering? idk) but maybe not. Maybe I've just lived an American life fill of crap food and crap soda and sitting on the couch and now that I'm almost fifty freaking years old, it's caught up with me. Maybe it was all just another one of the stupid endless games my HS plays to keep itself entertained. Similar to the stupid endless stories my mind makes up to keep myself entertained. Because this world is just crap. I've heard spiritual people say 'Oh your HS is thrilled to be here' but I call BS. I can't find joy here. You know with all this free time I have not working (and boy does that trigger some people) I've not done anything worthwhile (and that triggers people even more). My latest idea is I want to start getting into whisky. Such a 3D thing. I mean several of my ancestors were alcoholics so, why is this even crossing my mind? What is my HS playing at?

Did I make the idea of my HS up? Is life here so incredibly intolerable that I created an idea of an HS just to make it more bearable? I don't think I did, I think it's real. And I really don't want to part ways with my HS, I really don't. But for whatever reason it wanted me to believe in what CA was telling us. Even if it turns out to all be a story to entertain us for three years.

Maybe I'm just resisting. IDK. Maybe not. But I can't make any sense of it. All I can do is keep eating, sleeping, doing laundry, all the crap human stuff that I have to do every day. I can't even stop, like I told myself once. I can't stop doing this stuff. I'll need an outside force to stop me. Or what I perceive as one.

IDK. I'm in a mood. Maybe it'll become clear. Maybe not. Maybe this was all an exercise to get me writing, which I'm supposed to be doing anyway according to my QHHT session. Blah.

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iamgrape · 1 year

Text

➴AM♡UR ✧*。01

Warning: suicidal tendency?? Cannibal mentioned?? Death? Suggestive incest feelings or nah idk???

Previous || CH01 || NEXT

꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦˚꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦˚꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦

You stared at the post in the odd website about people who wish to be use at least one last time for other people. When they given up trying to find their pair or life is too tough for them.

[ Yuu: hi I'm new here! Does anyone want a organ or two. Ahaha.

(mod)KingDice: welcome! welcome~

BeelzebubButaChef: are you sure you wanna do it? There's more in life you know.

(Mod)KingDice: it seems @BeelzebubButaChef want me to hit you in the head. Why would you bring that up as first thing you'll say?

BeelzebubButaChef: @kingdice, if they find this site. It only mean that they wanna unalive theirself. That's not a good thing!

(Mod)KingDice: AHAHAHha. What a hypocrite you are BeelzebubButaChef -chan~ don't you eat the last one too?

BeelzebubButaChef:...

BeelzebubButaChef:... I won't do it if it's not my nature! Stop being it up, Rinne!

... ]

You wonder what's up with those two as you watch them chat away and arguing now and then. Your unable to response as your not sure what to say about the topic.

[ Adorablecutie: hello, @yuu! I'm hiiro!

Yuu: hello! I'm Yuu!

Adorablecutie: Yuu? Oh! I found your name in the list! But I don't think it's your time yet! Are you sure you wanna do it? I can guide you to your next life if you want to do it. ]

You pause trying to understand what this person is talking about. You thought they are the sane one but turn out people in the website called "wealldielikeeichioneday.org" is not normal. Well the fact you did find this site is the most abnormal thing too.

[ (Mod) KingDice: oh no! Even my adorable hiiro have scared off the customer! @BeelzebubButaChef you better remember that @daddyibanyan won't pay us if we scare one off!

BeelzebubButaChef: the audacity you have rinne! I'm only encouraging humans to live another day!

(Mod) KingDice: well, damn you really using names now huh, Niki? Do you wanna die?

BeelzebubButaChef: I'm the one feeding you, you piece of crap. You will not have dinner tonight!

(Mod) KingDice: well, well. It seems the seven sins of cycle give you wrath this year, well damn.

BeelzebubButaChef: I hope you remember that Beelzebub other name is Satan. I will end you existence if you try to approach me rinne. Go and try to and punch me. I will pierce my hands through your chest and ripe your hearts out.

( BeelzebubButaChef have logged out )

(Mod) KingDice: ...

(Mod) KingDice: that's kinda seggsy tbh.

Adorablecutie: niisan! Niisan! Did you get lust this year?

(Mod) KingDice: what makes you think that, my adorable lil bro?

Adorablecutie: well your flirting with Shiina-san... Even through...

(Mod) KingDice: well, if isn't hiiro who's effected by Envy this year. Well. People are acting very out of character! AHAHAHA.( ´◡‿ゝ◡`)

Yuu:... Wow. You guys flirting in front of my salad?! And here I thought I can find a place without lovebird. WHY IS EVERYONE PAIRED. I WANNA KMS. ]

You quickly wanted to delete the post but cannot, it seems no one is allowance to delete anything here. Oh shit.

[ (Mod) KingDice: oh!oh! So your a loveless human who wanna end themselves cause couple those days are getting popular!

Yuu:...

Yuu: you have no right to judge me! My mom want me to be married off but I refuse! I refuse to marry someone that's isnt my soul mate! I would rather jump off this bridge.

(Mod) KingDice: damn...

(Mod) KingDice: and here I thought I could ask you out for a date. (´ε｀ )

Adorablecutie: NIISAN! WORK ENVIRONMENT! WORK ENVIRONMENT!

(mod) KingDice: geez, hiiro you need to chill with that envy on you.

Adorablecutie: niisan your not allowed to flirt with people who isn't Destined for us!

(Mod) KingDice: "us" you say. Geez. I swear your a brocon that won't allow your niisan to have a babe for himself! Or be away from niisan, huh? I'm gonna think you have a incest feeling for ya niisan.

Adorablecutie:...

Adorablecutie: what if I am.

(Mod) KingDice: ...

Adorablecutie: through...what's is incest, niisan?

(Mod) KingDice: damn you almost made me have a heart attack.

Yuu: same.]

Those people are fucking weird. You quickly try to exit the tab but it won't shut at All.

"Holy... Why isn't this closing, I don't wanna chat with weirdo before I die !". You fondling on your phone as the strong wind current on where you are blow stronger in the night, almost pushing you off the edge of the bride where your standing.

[ (Mod) KingDice: oh my, the customer wanna cross the chatroom huh? You see you cannot do that. Once your in, the only way out is death or your a mod in this place!

Adorablecutie: why would you wanna leave Yuu? I thought your cool to chat with! You feel nice to be chatted with! Like niisan!

(Mod) KingDice: oh my, my younger brother have a thing for customer ? Oh lala. This can't do. As far as I'm concerned. Our dear customer suddenly haver their name written in the list! You really are in the bridge arent you?

Adorablecutie:... What bridge? I'm close to one! I sense something here! Something nice! So I was flying around!

(Mod) KingDice: something nice? Oh. Let me see your coordinate...

(Mod) KingDice: oh! Your quite close to the location!

Yuu: whay rhe duxk]

You don't understand what they are about as you try to stood up properly but it seems there's a storm thats going to fall in the city today.

You suddenly lost your balance and then you slowly fall to your doom. But as you die you look at your phone one last time.

[Adorablecutie: NIISAN, NIISAN, I FOUND THEM! I FOUND THEM!!

(mod) KingDice: and their life ends in few seconds... Damn.]

the wind seems to yell loudly in your ears as you close your eyes accepting your fate with open arms. Beside chatting with some weirdo before your death seems something nice to go too.

"I FINALLY FOUND YOU!" you heard someone yell and you open your eyes a bit to see a blurry image of red and black wings, feathers falls everywhere as a warm hand reach out to you. You wonder if your seeing an angel of death as you give one last chuckle.

"Angel of death is such a cutie..." You mumble as engulf you in a tight embrace as the two of you dive into the cold water.

Your heart stopped beating at that very moment from the shock but as life comes to an end. It starts a new as the angel of death held you tightly and swim up to the surface and fly away to a location where he can make sure your safe!

#ensemble stars #ensemble stars x reader #Hiiro Amagi x reader x Rinne Amagi #➴AM♡UR ✧*。#Soul mate Au with a Twist #enstar x reader #Hiiro Amagi x reader #Rinne Amagi x reader #Rinne Amagi x reader x Hiiro Amagi

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mozart-the-meerkitten · 1 year

Note

Hello there! I have been a fan of the Wingfeather saga series for 3 years, (and the animated series since they where aired on YouTube) and I found your fanfics on Ao3 about a year and a half ago. I just wanted to tell you that I think you are an amazing writer, and a really great Wingfeather fan :)

One thing I was wondering, what exactly was it that made Artham your favorite character? For me, it probably would've been his dynamic. Or maybe the way he was written. I'm honestly not sure lol

Hi and first of all THANK YOU SO MUCH. I’m so happy to hear you like my stories and think I’m a good Wingfeather fan. Just, just trust me when I say that means a lot to me, I always feel like I'm not doing enough, so thank you <3

Okay so I’ve been ruminating on this question for a while, because it deserves a good answer and I love my boy a lot. (also I just really appreciated the nice comments and wanted to keep staring at the ask for a while) I am going to attempt to answer it tonight though!

So, first, Artham is just very much the kind of character I like. Tragic backstory? mentally ill? loyal to an absolute fault? loves children? kind? incredible fighter? He’s all of these things and many more and these are traits I love a lot in characters.

Second, Andrew writes him really, really well. He feels so human and so real, like he’s an actual person I could be friends with (and hug). His struggles remind me of my own- he gets better and then slides backwards, he tries so hard to help the people he cares about but doesn’t always know how to do that. He wants so badly to be with his family and to be loved but doesn’t feel worthy of any of that. I love, love, LOVE that he doesn’t lose his mental illness after his transformation. I was so scared that it was just gonna disappear in book three AND THEN IT DIDN’T and I was so happy, because that’s something that happens a lot with characters in media these days- their trauma/mental illness just magically disappears and that’s not how real life works! But Artham doesn’t have that happen even though magic is involved and I love that.

Related to that second point is that I find him both relatable and encouraging. I relate to his struggles with anxiety, depression, trying to cope with past mistakes, blaming myself for things I can’t control or fix… and I find it comforting that the books show that as Sara puts it, “even the noblest soul can be broken”. We are all broken, we have all made mistakes and fallen, even those of us with noble hearts and the best of intentions, and we can come out of that. We can go on living and still find love and kindness and support from people. It’s both solidarity and a reminder that there’s some good in the world, and it’s worth fighting for.

Idk, I just draw a lot of hope from Artham and what happened to him- which sounds silly because he’s a fictional character, but human beings often process real life experiences through stories so- I keep repeating this phrase to myself, it’s kind of become my mantra, “don’t give up before you get your wings”. Because, in book 2, Artham is ready to give up, he DOES give up, and it is at that very moment that he sees Tink and all of a sudden he has a reason to live again and he FIGHTS for it, and it turns out that he was meant to be there all along to save Tink AND to be transformed and have his mind restored. And I try to remember that because I’m going through a lot of crap and I feel like giving up a lot, but remembering that maybe I’m right where I need to be, maybe if I just keep holding on a little longer I’ll get my wings- that something good will come from this- and that helps.

So, uh, yeah. I could probably go on but I think that covers most of it.

TLDR: Artham is a character I love a lot because I relate to him and I love the kind of character he is (loyal, kind, brave, and somehow so, so soft despite everything). I’m drawing a lot of hope from this fictional character and his story. He is the best boy <3

#the wingfeather saga #the wingfeather saga tv show #peet the sockman #artham p wingfeather #thanks for the ask!#this got long and deep #if you read this whole thing then thank you for listening to me ramble :)#probably more of an answer than you were looking for but once I get started talking about artham I don't stop easily #he's one of my absolute top favorite characters ever #he's just below lucy pevensie and sam gamgee #with like zuko and rei from yukikaze #he is very very high on my list #loving artham wingfeather is a thing that can be so personal #(also just to clarify I don't mean 'love' in a romantic way I am hardly ever romantically attracted to anyone #but I do really passionately love characters)#ANYWAY #thank you again!#I love to talk about my favorite characters ask about them any time

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theinnermeyoullneverknow · 8 months

Text

omg shaving with a safety razor is so easy??? Like why tf have I been struggling with disposable plastic crap all these years?

I was afraid to try it because I was worried about cutting myself, but like once the blade was securely in the razor I don't think I could've drawn blood even if I wanted to.

I haven't tried it anywhere by my face yet, but I feel like worst-case scenario for my legs & pits would be if it just *doesn't work*, which would just be if I can't maneuver to get it at the proper angle.

So like, pros of a safety razor:

Shave in the direction of hair growth -- super helpful for around my mouth (I can't tell to how many times I've nicked my lips with plastic multi-blade razors trying to go against the hair growth. That's actually why I finally bought this thing), might turn out to be a draw-back for other parts but it's worth it for this alone.

Environmentally friendly -- no plastic, and the only part you ever have to dispose of is the tiny little blades (idk, some brands may have plastic parts, but even if they do, it wouldn't be a part that you throw away). The one I got is even packaged completely in paper and the blades are technically recyclable (although a lot of recycling programs won't accept them because, y'know, blades).

Easy to clean -- my multi-blade razors always get gummed up super fast with hair and shaving cream (or soap or lotion) and there's so little space between them that even the full pressure of my bathtub faucet often can't loosen it. Not a problem with the safety razor: if you get a bit of stubborn build-up around the blade you can loosen it just a bit so that there's more space for it to rinse out, and then tighten it was back down.

Adjustable -- idk if this is something all safety razors and have, but mine you can reverse a piece when you insert the blade to control the curvature (and maybe exposed length?) of the blade. I used the one it said was for sensitive skin, which may have contributed to to the fact that I couldn't have cut myself even if I wanted to.

Cost-effective -- I started to say cheap, but I decided that could be misleading, since you can get the disposable ones at the dollar store and I paid like to $25 for my safety razor (and that was on sale). But that includes 5 blades, each of which will probably last me as long as 2 of the plastic ones. And I can get 100 more blades for under $20 (or 5 more for $3), and that's if I get them from the razor manufacturer's website;there's a good chance there's cheaper ones elsewhere. So in the long run, I'll be spending less (assuming it works for everything). There are some expensive safety razors out there but hell there are expensive multi-blade ones also.

Cons:

You need to be careful when handling and disposing of blades (honestly not a big deal at all for me)

Not widely available in physical stores (but we all live online anyway right?)

?????

So yeah, if you've ever thought about trying a safety razor but were too scared, do it! (What I've got is a Rockwell 2C, if you're wondering, but this isn't a plug for any specific brand, just for safety razors in general).

#Shaving #Adulting #Why did no one ever tell me?#things I wish I knew sooner #Safety razor #Tw razor #tw blade

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