#and alex fulfils a lot of gay stereotypes

[bopphackslife]

A Few Thoughts on Toxic Masculinity

I was called a faggot in 6th grade because I had my ears pierced. It was an 8th grader named Charlie who would occasionally bully me throughout middle school and high school. He’d mostly insult me, but there was one time he was in my gym class for some reason when I was in 9th or 10th grade and he forced my head down between my legs while I was standing up and pulled my arm behind my back. My form of mental resiliency during this incident was to question his own masculinity and self-worth in a sarcastic tone as he physically assaulted me. I asked, “Wow, you must feel like such a man right now, huh?” and said things like, “You’re such a cool guy. Good job. I bet you feel really tough right now.” This is the same guy who, in high school, started a fight club at Pinkerton Park, filmed it, and put it on Myspace. Where is this guy now? Well, he did a bunch of psychedelics, wears t-shirts with Alex Gray paintings on them, has dreadlocks, and owns his own farm. I remember there was a time after high school when I was hanging out with my friend McKinley and he wanted to go over to Charlie’s house. Charlie was renting a trailer with his pregnant girlfriend at the time and had ascended to his alter-Phish persona at this point. I remember seeing him and talking to him. I mentioned that we knew each other from middle school and high school and he didn’t remember me. He told me he didn’t remember a lot from that time. I remember after talking and being polite for awhile that I eventually said to him that he had been an asshole to me in high school. He said he didn’t remember that either. I don’t remember if he apologized or not, but even if he did, would it matter? Does an apology count if the person doesn’t even know why they’re apologizing?  Here’s what I would have liked him to have said: “I’m really sorry I was so mean to you in middle school and high school. I didn’t even know you and you didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry for calling you a faggot and making fun of you. I’m sorry I held your arm behind your back and pushed your face between your legs. That was wrong of me.”  There are many other instances where I was bullied by other hyper-masculine guys in high school. It was usually your stereotypical jock meathead who would talk shit to me, but then also try to copy my homework. I’d usually take the anger that boiled inside of me and release it through music or playing paintball. But I’d also sometimes displace on kids who were easy for me to pick on or make fun of. It created this persona I’d sometimes slip into in order to regain my own sense of self-control or power. I’d put on a tough exterior in order to shutdown being made fun of for how I dressed or looked. Eventually, I found my way to writing poetry and stopped the need for displacement. It also helped that I had tons of friends at my school, other schools, and in my paintball community. The bullying was traumatizing for me, but I at least was able to move on from it without receding into isolation or suicidality. I remember these three sophomores surrounded me in the parking lot when I was a freshman after I had just gotten on my motorcycle. Rather than engage them, I said, “I’m not doing this,” quickly started up my motorcycle, and got out of the situation. They were just beginning to intimidate me and who knows what they would have tried to do. They’d either just verbally assault me for a long time, potentially physically assault me, or try to get me to fight back so that they would feel okay about beating me up. Of course, all three were the stereotypical jock alpha male types. I think at this point in my life, I just feel sorry for them. I feel sorry for the fact that they bought into this gender programming. I’m sure they had dads who were asshole misogynists who taught them this was acceptable behavior; that this was how you proved you were a man.  Toxic masculinity is this idea that anything that’s deemed feminine, related to emotions or feelings, homosexuality, or breaks stereotypical male gender norms is wrong. It’s wrong to show your emotions; it’s wrong to cry; it’s wrong to wear bright colors; it’s wrong to have long hair; it’s a threat to another man to tell him you’re hurting because that’s gay; it’s gay to have feelings; you’re a woman if you cry. We teach boys from an early age that it’s wrong to be a female or have traits associated with being a female. Yet, at the same time, we teach boys to attract as many females as they can. Why? For sexual gratification or to complete tasks we don’t want to. Women work in the kitchen. Women clean the house. Women do the dishes. So on and so forth. The best way to smash the patriarchy is to start teaching boys it’s okay to feel and show their emotions, it’s okay to cry, and that there are no narrowly defined parameters for what it means to be a man.  Boys and men are taught that aggression and violence are the only ways to handle conflict. Whether it be cursing someone out, fighting, or intimidating others into subservience, there’s no room for looking “weak”. Vulnerability and communication are the antithesis to a manly identity. “You don’t want to be a “beta male” do you? Women won’t want to fuck you and men will walk all over you. If you can’t assert yourself, you’re nothing more than a little pussy.” This is the mentality fostered behind maintaining this semblance of manhood, dominance, and power. If you’re powerful, people respect you. The only way to be respected is to gain this power, which means being better than other men in physical activities, getting more women, being able to drink more/do more drugs, and protecting this identity if it’s threatened by another man. And if all boys are taught this, it just perpetuates this constant fighting; constant defensiveness; constant war. FIGHT. FUCK. WIN. The toxic masculinity mantra.  Honestly, there’s so much more to be said on this subject. There’s so much to unpack with toxic masculinity that I’d have to sit down and write a book to even scratch the surface of it all. As a future mental health counselor, I want to work with young and adolescent boys to deprogram this idea that they need to fulfill this misogynistic role in order to be respected. I want to show them a compassion and male tenderness that breaks them out of this social conditioning early so that they can fully actualize an authentic representation of themselves as men. One that shows strength through compassion, understanding, communication, and respect of others. We need to start teaching our boys emotional intelligence as soon as possible. Then, and only then, can we begin to shape the harmonious society we all are seeking.

#writing #toxic masculinity #mental health #mens mental health #toxic #mens issues

[signoraviolettavalery]

I’m new to the Roswell New Mexico fandom and I have noticed people,you, don’t really like the creator Carina and I was wondering why.

Ooooh boy. Would you like those answers in alphabetical order, chronological order, order of egregiousness, or order of how much they piss me off? 

I have a lot of issues with Carina, as do a lot of other people. Obviously, not everyone agrees with me, and some of my answers may be controversial (they’re the subject of biiiig debates in fandom). I have no intention of re-opening those debates, so what I write below is a summary of my opinions (many of which I know are shared by at least some others in fandom) for the purposes of answering your question. I’m also putting it all under a cut, because it’s a lot of negativity that some people may want to skip. 

I mention a lot of tweets and interviews in the answer below; I, frankly, don’t want to go searching for and linking to each interview and tweet (and also, Carina has me blocked, for reasons I’ll get into), but everything below has a source that I can find if you super want to read it yourself. 

So, here goes.

Firstly, Carina pisses me off because she is a white, straight woman who is writing about oppressed and marginalized minorities and, quite frankly, doing a bad job of it. She brags constantly about how progressive her show is, how much she wanted to include people of color and comment on things like immigration, how important the Malex storyline is to her, etc, etc, but doesn’t seem to be capable of (or care about) the delicacy, nuance, and care such issues require.

In a panel she did on Roswell (at ATX or NYCC, I think?) she talked about how she had qualms writing about marginalized people from identities she didn’t belong to; she said she was plagued by the question of “should I even be doing this?” Which she then immediately answered with, “but we’re doing it!” and that was that, and that seemed to me to be such a flippant way to answer the question. Like, you’re writing about people whose experiences you don’t share and your response isn’t “I’m going to do research and talk to people,” it’s “eh, I”m doing it anyway”? 

Then there’s the fact that when it comes to representation, Roswell has done a really really shitty job, engaged in harmful tropes, and thrown its characters of color under the bus. Carina insists that she consults with a lot of advocacy groups when writing about the experiences of undocumented immigrants and Latina characters, and yet. Liz simply forgives Max in the span of two episodes, even though he covered up her sister’s murder and was responsible for subjecting her family to racially-motivated hate crimes for a decade. Max, a white man, at no point acknowledges his privilege; he just pouts and whines when she rejects him until the Latina who was fucked over by his use of privilege just...forgives him. It is, in my opinion, incredibly indelicate and kind of insulting. She made the south Asian man (the only Asian character on the show, in fact) the borderline pedophile serial killer who violated Isobel for years, was creepily grooming both Isobel and Rosa, and murdered a bunch of women. She made the only black woman on the show (Maria) the plot device for an entire season: Maria had no storyline. She was there to give information to Liz when Liz was solving Rosa’s murder. She hasn’t known about the aliens all season and was thus excluded from the major show narratives. Her one defining character trait (her loyalty to her friends) was completely thrown away in order to make her a plot device for Malex (because let’s face it, Miluca won’t last and Malex will get back together). Narratively, she was thrown under the bus. 

And then there’s the queer representation, which...don’t get me started. She keeps talking about how much she loves Malex and how they’re her favorites, but she’s also very explicitly said that she finds happy relationships boring and that she uses fiction to work out her own trauma, which means that she’s essentially likely going to put the only same-sex ship on the show through an interminable amount of tragedy (because that’s what queer viewers absolutely need in this day and age). 

Plus, the idea of a straight woman using a fictional same-sex relationship to work out her own issue makes me really, really uncomfortable, because she’s made it clear that she fundamentally doesn’t understand the queer experience. She says she consults with advocacy groups when she’s writing queer characters (she won’t actually name these LGBT advocacy groups, which doesn’t make me sideye her at all), but I have doubts about whether she listens to them. I mean, she said, after the season 1 finale aired, that Michael going to Maria has nothing to do with her being a woman, even though she also explicitly said Michael wants something “easy,” and a same-sex relationship in Roswell, as it’s presented in canon, can never be easy. Roswell is canonically a homophobic, bigoted town, and Malex’s trauma stems largely from homophobia. Their relationship issues stem (not entirely, but largely) from them being the victims of homophobic abuse and a homophobic hate crime. Being with Maria means Michael never has to worry about any of those things, and the fact that Carina doesn’t seem to conceive of this is mind-boggling to me. 

Then there’s the fact that Maria...basically outed Michael to Liz, and this doesn’t seem to be a problem. Of course, maybe they’ll address it in season 2, I don’t know. But, Carina basically wrote a woman who has been best friends with a gay guy for more than a decade as casually outing someone (when she tells Liz that Michael is Museum Guy). The fact that this is a problem doesn’t seem to cross her mind for a second when she tells Liz, even though this is information Michael has never told her himself and they’ve known each other for a decade. It’s not something Carina’s ever mentioned in the numerous post-finale interviews she did. And frankly, it doesn’t matter who Maria outed Michael to; the fact that she’s capable of it when best friends with a gay guy in a town like Roswell, when Maria has been written as a loyal and understanding friend up to now, again suggests to me that Carina just does not comprehend the queer experience. 

(Also, technically, all the Isobel/Rosa hints, then it turning out that actually Noah was possessing Isobel, screams queerbaiting to me)

And then there’s the mess that is the love triangle. I’m of the camp that things that it’s complete and utter bullshit that contributes to the stereotype of bisexual people as promiscuous, though I know there’s people who think it’s good representation. It shows that she’s more interested in her particular (and frankly, kind of esoteric) storytelling preferences more than she cares about representation or continuity. The love triangle is, frankly, really badly written, and nothing about Maria developing “feelings” for Michael (or him for her, honestly) is in any way believable. Maria getting with Michael behind Alex’s back requires throwing out Maria’s only character trait (her loyalty and commitment to being a good friend). But Carina ~has~ to have her love triangle, characterization or continuity be damned. 

Speaking of storytelling, Carina is kind of...a bad writer. Look, I love the characters on Roswell, and I love the world she created, and it had some truly beautiful moments. But let’s just admit the season 1 plot was a mess. There were so many plot holes. Who knows what? Does Alex know Liz knows about aliens and vice versa? Does Alex know about Rosa, or just about aliens? Why did they spend episode 9 establishing that Alex is taking over project Sheppard to find the alien serial killer, only to have him be missing from the episode (1x11) where they find the alien serial killer? Does Alex know that it’s Noah? If Michael’s hand got broken right before he went to cover up Rosa’s murder, why did Liz think it couldn’t have been Michael “because his hand was broken then”? If Isobel is an event planner (a busy and demanding job) how did they manage to cover up her being missing for so many weeks? If Malex went straight from the museum to the toolshed, when did Alex have time to tell Maria about Museum Guy? What is Alex’s rank? (it changes from the pilot to the show). I could go on. Like, I just don’t have a lot of trust in the narrative going forward, in character and emotional continuity, in a fulfilling story for the characters I love, given that Carina seems to have a basic inability to so much as google (”my entropy changes”? that makes no sense), let alone write a story that makes sense. 

Part of the reason she’s not a very good writer, though, is because she doesn’t seem to like criticism. She insists she listens to it from people who matter and whose judgment she trusts, but, um, the mess that is the narrative suggests otherwise to me. The fact that she wrote in the love triangle suggests otherwise; it screams to me that it’s something she just had to have, regardless of whether it made narrative sense. She also literally blocks fans on Twitter who give her any kind of criticism. I don’t mean hate and vitriol, I mean criticism. She complains about how she, a public figure, a showrunner with a show that has millions of viewers, wants to log in to twitter and only see positive things and have fun interactions with friends. And I get it, criticism can be exhausting. But her job is literally to bring viewers to the CW. It is to tell a good story, and, if she wants to be as woke and progressive as she insists she is, it is to listen to different people - including fans. If she wants to shoot the shit with friends on Twitter, maybe she should get a private account. But I personally believe that she can’t use queer and marginalized characters to work out her own trauma, with no understanding of those people’s experiences, and then demand that people only ever praise her for it. It reminds me of the debate about criticism in fic comments, actually: some fic writers don’t want any negative comments. Which is fine if you’re writing fic for fun. Carina’s a professional writer with a TV show, who is getting paid. Insulating herself from literally any and all objections from the audience she’s writing for is, in my opinion, stupid, and also incredibly self-centered if she’s writing about people who’s experiences she doesn’t share. 

Honorable mentions, probably not worth getting into: 

She has like, a really creepy crush on Michael Vlamis, and even though she’s technically his boss, she’s constantly basically...thirsting over him on Twitter and Instagram in very uncomfortable ways

Max’s little speech to Michael in 1x11 about how he felt “everything,” every part of the abuse Michael suffered, and how guilty he felt about it, was just absolutely horrifying and tone deaf. Max, a character with great privilege, basically making all of Michael’s abuse about himself and how guilty it made him feel and acting like he can in any way share or understand Michael’s experience was just in every way gross, but clearly intended to make Max ~compelling~ and get the brothers to start talking and become closer and it just again shows a complete misunderstanding of the experiences of people less fortunate than her. 

Which, in short, all means that I have absolutely zero faith in Season 2. I’m not in the least bit excited for it. I think she’ll completely let us down, and I expect a lot more of the same tone-deafness and lack of nuance in relation to complex issues and marginalized characters. I think she’ll put us through the wringer, emotionally, for the sake of writing angst rather than telling a good story. 

Anyway, hope that answered your question, anon. 

#carina adly mackenzie #ask #roswell new mexico #negativity #roswell negativity #roswell wank #Anonymous

[zoebernardi]

How Modern Family Uses Stereotypes

For this assignment, I chose to talk about the show Modern Family, and how the show highlights many types of people and specifically how stereotyping is used in each character. Each character holds many types of stereotypes. I have listed six different stereotypes that the show uses. However, I think the best part of this show is how relatable and true the characters are. While it is scripted, there is a very similar way the characters live that is similar to each of our own lives. The use of stereotypes in this show reinforces both a historical and semiotic reality of people. They are true and tend to be real in the large scheme of things. I believe that since the show is also a comedy that the stereotypes help with the humor in the show. Overall the stereotypes are mostly reinforcing the way these types of people are in real life, without violating them in a negative way.

Gay Men: Modern Family has a gay couple that includes many gay stereotypes and tropes about homosexual men. For one example playing on the overly dramatic and very flamboyant characters like Cam. He tends to be very dramatic in the show and making things much larger issues than they really are. He also loves to dance and express his body in a more feminine way. The stereotypes that Modern Family uses are that gay people are dramatic, overly flamboyant and tends to be more feminine. In this gif that I placed also is of Cam dancing and jumping around saying a pun. He is dress in a bright yellow and is very showy. Another stereotype about gay men is their fashion sense and how they dress. So when Cam is wearing a yellow sweater and matching his outfit to the event he is going, this is an example of a stereotype used in the show.

Latina Women: Gloria is a Colombian woman who is married to Jay in the show. She is also a very large stereotype based on latina and Colombian women. She has a very strong accent, and all her clothes are mostly tight and show off her curves and breast. Latina stereotypes that are used in the show are that these women are very sexualized, hot and are loud. In the show, her body tends to be mentioned a lot and her clothes are flashy as she wearings bright colors and walk around in high heels. She also speaks of her home country and how her life in America is better, a stereotype about being an immigrant and how they talk about life prior to America. The gif I used for Gloria is her yelling because she was angry. Latinas are often portrayed to be angry and hotheaded, and this gif feeds into the idea that she is mad and therefore needs to be loud. 

Teenage Girls: Haley and Alex are Claire and Phil’s daughters. They play on the girl stereotype. They are two different types of stereotypes- the stupid pretty girl and the super smart girl. Haley is a pretty girl, with a slew of boyfriends, she is a straight white woman and tends to lack common and book smarts. While her sister is another straight white women but does not focus on her looks or having the attention of the male gaze. She is very focused on her grades and is always stressing about school. She falls into the stereotype about being a bookworm. Rather than hang out with friends, Alex would rather write an essay and do homework. Her stereotype has to do with being a lame smart person who is boring and only does homework. While Haley gets a lot of attention and doesn't care about her grades or college at all. Their clothes also are different. Alex is much more conserved while Haley isn’t afraid of showing some skin. The gif I chose for Haley is about being a very social media savvy person. Stalking someone on the internet in the hopes to hunt someone down.  Very stereotypical girl, someone who can stalk someone online and find everything they need to know.

Straight People/ Couples: Out of the three couples on Modern Family, two of them are straight couples, and all of the children in the show are also straight. So heterosexual stereotypes are heavily in this show. The roles that girls pay too much attention to boys, like Haley. And the relationships that all the children have throughout the show and all the seasons. Phil and Claire are romantic and talk about how they met and fell in love. As well as Jay and Gloria who is also romantic and make jokes about that. Luke has a girlfriend in the later seasons and that also shows the masculine and feminine binary that these couples have to fit in. The boy has to make the moves and be “dominant” in the relationship. Although there is no clear dominant person in the show the stereotypes are present. The gif I chose is with Phil talking about his wife.

Families/ Sisters: Alex and Haley are sisters, and they fill the stereotypes of having to share things and the fighting and bickering that sister tends to do. On the sister stereotype, the gif where they are yelling for their mom is a classic example of if sisters can’t agree so they call for their mom. The fight over silly things and fulfill that stereotype. The family of Phil and Claire also drives a minivan. The children have sports practice and go to school. They worry about school dances and family dinners. The stereotypes about what a family is, they are very present in the show. The entire show plays on stereotypes about what a family is. They are more modern and have real issues besides running out of soap. The parents work and the children get in trouble, the house is a mess. They are not clean cut and perfect, the stereotypes are realistic and relatable.

All in all Modern Family has a lot of stereotypes throughout the show but they reinforce the reality of society and adding the humor makes the show liked by many.