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#and all of this is stressful and I just wish I could be somewhere else and not give a shit about this
actuallysaiyan · 16 hours
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Waiting For The Miracle(Villain!Nanami Kento x Fem!Reader)
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I dreamed about you, baby It was just the other night
Let's see if we're that strong Yeah let's do something crazy, Something absolutely wrong
warnings: Dark themes, murder, violence, abuse, blood, smut, unprotected sex, weapons, swearing, choking, rough sex, Yandere themes pairings: Villain!Nanami Kento x Fem!Reader word count: 3.5k summary: Nanami Kento has a rage that builds deep inside of him for years. The minute he finds out that you are the victim of abuse, he snaps...and what ensues is the madness that you both descend into. taglist: @beneathstarryskies @seireiteihellbutterfly @an-ever-angry-bi @benkeibear @namikyento @adharadotcom @anonimusunnoaniswriting @erebus-et-eigengrau
I cannot stress this enough, this is a VERY VERY VERY VERY dark piece of writing. I do not condone these actions, but I just want everyone to know that this isn't for the faint of heart. If you cannot deal with any of the warnings mentioned above, please you should skip this. Heavily inspired by the film Natural Born Killers.
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Nanami was outraged. He’s been holding these feelings deep inside of himself for years. They threatened to spill over so many times, but he was so good at keeping himself in check. So many times he clenched his fist and bit his tongue. Losing his best friend and watching his upperclassman defect, it made the fire deep in the pit of his belly become even more heated.
Kento took lots of comfort in knowing he always had you. You, the bright eyed smiling girl of his dreams. You worked hard to become a sorcerer that was at his own level. Both of you became Grade One sorcerers in no time. But what Kento never knew was that you were hiding your own secret. He had no idea that you harbored just as much pain as he did. Maybe you harbored even more pain than him.
For years, you endured the abuse of your family. The minute they found out that you could see curses and that you weren’t just mentally ill, they found it so repulsive to keep you around. During the summer vacation, you always wished you could go somewhere else but home. They tried to hide you like some dirty secret, but you always found solace in coming to school.
Meeting Kento and Haibara has been your saving grace. Having two best friends who would do absolutely anything for you made you feel like a normal person. It’s why you hid your secret from them for years. Neither of them had any idea that your family was treating you like some sort of pariah.
After the loss of your sweet friend Yu Haibara, something broke deep inside of Nanami. You watched him shift from calm and collected to sullen and deep inside himself. Then both of you felt so helpless losing Suguru as well. You, Satoru and Kento tried to pick up the pieces, but it all just seemed to be too hard. Gojo became too strong for any of you to match him, and Kento grew increasingly angry at the world.
It started with one mission gone wrong. Kento found himself in a conundrum where he could save someone at the cost of losing the curse. The curse taunted him one too many times, and so he allowed the victim to be hurt to be able to exorcize the curse. 
The blood that splattered from the victim ended up on Kento’s face. He shuddered at the way it suddenly excited him. His eyes rolled back and he smeared that blood. The victim watched in horror before their life was snuffed out. He used his Ratio technique, hitting them right in their weakest point.
From that moment on, Kento finds himself growing addicted to the spilled blood. He knows it’s wrong to allow innocent people to die, but he also knows he can’t stop the anger that fuels him. He’s gone too far down this path, and he doesn’t think he could ever deviate from it.
So the moment he found out that your family had been abusing you, Kento grew even more angry. It was like his whole body was crying out to end this madness. You were his everything. The apple of his eye. His sweet angel. He knew he’d kill for you if he had to. And he would stop at nothing to keep you safe…
It’s late one night when he knocks on the door of your family home. You open it to see him, and you swear you’ve never seen this look in his eyes. It’s pure rage that you can see. It excites you in a way that is confounding and eerily comforting. 
“Are you home alone?” he asks, his fists shaking from being clenched so hard. 
“N-no.” You reply in a quiet voice. 
You know that you shouldn’t let him in, but you feel it in your heart that this could be your way out. As you shut the door behind him, you hear your father calling out from his spot on the couch.You wished that he would just leave you alone for once in your life. 
“Who the fuck is here?”
You shudder and cower when you hear that tone of his voice. Tears sting your eyes, and Kento is quick to notice the way you’re reacting to this. He gently cups your face in his hands and he leans in closer.
“I’m here to deliver you from this pain,”
His words make your heart skip a beat. Your eyes widen and you try to understand just exactly what he means when he says he’s going to deliver you from this pain. What does he plan to do? Your heart races as you watch Nanami pull the carrying case from his back and unsheathes his blunt blade.
“K-Kento, what are you—”
But you’re interrupted by your father coming in to investigate what’s going on. His eyes narrow at the blond standing in front of you. You can tell your father is beyond pissed off at this point. You make no move to intervene.
“I knew it! You really just let any man into this house,” your father spits out. “Who’s this scumbag anyway?”
Kento sneers, “You’re never putting your hands on her ever again.”
Your father is about to laugh in his face, but you watch in surprise as Kento uses his ratio technique on your father. There’s a split second where your father doesn’t quite realize what’s just happened. Then the blood begins to gush from his throat.
You blink and squeal in surprise when some of the blood splatters on your face. With shaking hands, you try to wipe it off your face. Yet all you manage to do is smear it, and just like Kento some time ago, something changes inside of you. You look at the man you love.
“You…you killed him,” you say in a matter-of-fact tone.
“I did it for you. Nothing’s going to take you away from me. Never again,”
Kento wraps his arms around you, ignoring the gurgling noises that your dying father makes. Then you feel Kento’s lips on yours in such a heated kiss. Neither of you know where this passion has come from, but it feels like it’s growing with every second.
“I don’t know why you hid this from me,” Kento says as he rests his forehead against yours.
“I was ashamed. I was scared you wouldn’t see me the same way.”
Kento growls, “You are my one and only, do you understand me?”
You’re about to reply when a blood-curdling scream interrupts you both. Your mother is pointing at you, trying to convince you to move away from Kento. Then her eyes widen in horror as she sees the blood splattered and smeared on your own face. You begin to laugh as she’s piecing it all together.
“Oh sweet mother of mine,” you coo mockingly. “How many times did I ask for your help or for you to lay off me?”
“I-I-I-” she tries to get the words out, but she’s so terrified.
“I-I-I…what? You’re too scared to fucking talk to me now? After all this fucking bullshit?!” You cry out. 
Then you grab Kento’s blunt blade, imbuing it in your own cursed energy. It glimmers with red energy, pulsing and glowing. You spin it around, catching it with a scary precision. 
“Go on, darling. Show her just how strong and powerful you are,” Kento coaxes you, knowing you’ll do what you need to.
Your eyes flare with rage as your mother begins trying to reason with you. She tells you that she never meant to hurt you. She gets down on her knees and begins to beg for forgiveness. You slowly slide the blunt blade down her cheek, making a cut from the imbued cursed energy.
“What kind of mother hurts her own flesh and blood?” you ask her, tears in your eyes. “What kind of mother lets her little baby become the victim of years of abuse?”
Your mother tries to defend herself, but it’s too late. Kento watches you proudly as you slash the blade. Blood pours out of her wound, and she grasps at her neck pathetically.
“You let him hurt me for years. You let my own father— you let him touch me. You let him do anything he wanted, and all you did was watch.” You finally tell her.
You hand Kento his blade back, and he can see it on your face. You never knew that you’d be capable of doing something like this. But after being hurt so deeply by the two people who were supposed to protect you and raise you, your heart had been filled with so much rage.
“You’re free now,” he whispers softly before kissing you.
“We’re free.”
You hold his hand, and he leads you out of the house. You look at your childhood home one last time before Kento lights a match and throws it at the building. It goes up in flames within seconds, making you cheer loudly. 
Then he guides you to the car he managed to acquire. You jump into the passenger side, and Kento gets behind the wheel. He starts it up, winking at you. You never knew you could feel so liberated in your entire life.
With the music cranked up, Kento drives you far far away from all of this…
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈
In the hotel room, Kento’s hands are all over you. After a long shower to clean the blood from your skin, you feel new. He kisses you hungrily. His tongue wrestles with yours for dominance, his saliva filling your mouth sweetly. You moan at the taste of your lover. When he pulls away you watch the strings of spit keeping you both connected.
“You’re my angel,” he whispers gruffly. “Nobody will ever take you away from me.”
Your eyes widen, “Nobody will ever take you away from me either.”
His hands pin your wrists above your head. You let out such a cute moan for him as his knee spreads your legs. Kento’s eyes are alight with passion as he leans in to kiss you once more. Your lips meld together with heat and desire. Your whole body shudders as he tightens his grip on your wrists.
“I fuckin’ mean it, angel. Nobody’s taking you away from me,”
Your heart races at the sound of his voice. His words are genuine and true. He’d do anything to keep you safe. One of his hands comes up to your throat, squeezing just a little to have you gasp for him.
“You are all mine,” he growls in your ear. Then he squeezes your throat harder. “I’d rather fucking die than to be on this earth without you.”
You let out a strangled moan as you feel his hand dragging down your naked body. He smirks as he tweaks one of your nipples, then the other. Then he presses a kiss to your breast, his teeth gently biting down on it. 
“Shit!” you cry out, your hands gripping his hair.
Nanami chuckles darkly as he licks the deep bite mark he’s left on your sensitive flesh.His eyes flicker up at you as his large, calloused hands cup your breasts. You let out passionate gasps and whimpers as he begins to suckle on your nipples. His teeth graze them, making you jolt into his touch.
Eventually he gets fed up with waiting. He spreads your thighs wide, spitting onto your already wet cunt. Using two fingers, he smears your arousal and his spit all over your weeping hole. Then he stuffs you full of his fingers, making you buck up.
“That’s it,” he coaxes you. “Think you’re ready for me?”
His cock rests against your mound and he pulls his fingers out of your cunt. You nod eagerly, begging for him. With one fluid movement, Kento bottoms out inside of you. He doesn’t give you a chance to adjust, slamming into you over and over.
The air from your lungs is forced out, making you gasp and pant from the intense pleasure. You’ve never seen him look at you like this. It’s like he’s trying to bound your souls together. His hands grip your hips, pulling you down with each harsh thrust. 
“Don’t worry about anything,” Kento growls against your ear. “Never going to let anyone touch my fuckin’ angel ever again.”
You cling to him, wrapping your arms and legs around him. “I love you so much. I never want to let you go.”
Kento picks up his pace, nibbling at your neck. With every thrust, he tells you about how he’s never letting anyone come near you anymore. You’re always going to be right by his side where you belong.
“You belong to me, and only me…” he pushes his cock deeper inside of you.
The coil inside of you snaps and your orgasm comes crashing down over you. You cry out, your nails digging deep into the muscles of Nanami’s well-toned back.
“Fuck that’s it,” Nanami grunts as his hips go faster. “Good girl, my good girl.”
He grips you even harder, his fingertips surely going to leave bruises into your skin. His eyes are boring into yours, a flame of desire building between the two of you. It’s going to consume you both.
“Nobody’s taking my baby away from me!” Thrust. “All mine, you got it?!” Thrust. “Gonna claim you and keep you safe!” Thrust.
And with the final thrust, his cock is nestled bruisingly against your cervix. Shots of his thick potent cum begin filling your awaiting womb. You let out another sweet cry of love, making Nanami growl loudly.
“Mine!”
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈
The days and weeks that follow are a whirlwind of pain, pleasure and killing. You and Nanami find yourselves unable to contain the bloodlust that seems to have infected the two of you. The rage that built so deep inside both of you has become uncontainable. It grew so fast.
Each and every little village you go to, you find yourselves unable to stop killing. With you seducing the worst types of people, Nanami is right there ready to attack them. Doesn't matter if they are men or women, you two get your fix together.
One night you’re in a small bar together, enjoying each other’s company. To anyone looking at you, nobody would be able to tell you’re the infamous curse users. Nobody knows who you two are. 
The music starts up on the jukebox and your eyes light up with excitement. You get up from your seat, getting closer to the source of the music. 
“This is my favorite song!” You exclaim, losing yourself to the music.
Nanami watches you, his eyes full of nothing but pure love. This soon turns into something else as a few men begin to take notice of you. His eyes are narrow and precise as one of these scumbags approaches you and tries to place his hand on you.
“Hey fuckface! I’m just tryin’ to dance here!” You spit out, pushing him off of you.
“What’s your fucking problem!? Stupid cunt!”
He’s about to hit you, when you slam him into the wall. The man’s eyes are wide as he notices how you are much stronger than you appear. Everyone is looking at the display, but Nanami’s got his eyes locked on just you. He thinks to himself how proud he is that you’re his girl.
“Now, now…let’s settle this calmly, little miss.”
You spit in the man’s face, “I told you, I was just dancing. You’re the one who got fucking handsy with me!”
The man’s eyes widen when he sees you pulling back his fist. Nobody in the bar can see the cursed energy imbued in your fist. The guy tries to reason with you, but it’s much too late when your hand connects with his fist. Everyone screams in horror as the blood comes flying out of the guy’s nose and eyes.
“Holy fuck!” Someone from the crowd exclaims.
Before anyone else can do anything, you watch as your true love pulls the blunt blade from his harness concealed beneath the cream blazer. Everyone watches you both as you begin attacking the people in the bar.
“Think you can just watch as a couple of scumbags try to take advantage of a young woman?” Kento asks the scared patrons. “Is this really what you want to see happen right in front of your eyes? How disgusting!”
One of the men comes over and tries to reason with him, which makes Nanami swing his blade while pairing it with the Ratio technique. You squeal in delight as you watch your lover dispatch these evil people.
Soon it turns into an all-out brawl. The bar was packed with so many people, and here you and Nanami are trying to teach them all a lesson. All you wanted was a night out for fun, but they showed you their ugly side. 
“Don’t even think about touching my pretty little angel,” Nanami sneers as he grabs someone by the back of their neck.
And he holds the person steady for you, causing you to use your cursed energy to set their nerves alight. They foam at the mouth from the intense shock to their system. Their eyes flutter shut, and then you strike them with your fist.
The last person alive is a writer named Genevieve. She pleads for her life, telling you she’s nothing but a lowly writer. You look over at your lover, smirking playfully. Then Kento sheathes his blunt blade back into the holster.
“Take your swing, honey.”
The last thing the writer sees is your fist coming straight for her face…
-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈
The car slows down on an empty bridge. You’ve been driving for a long time. Kento looks at you when he cuts the engine. Then he gets out of the car, coming around to open your door. He takes your hand in his, leading you towards the railing.
“Look at that beautiful river,” Kento whispers in your ear. “The water flows endlessly…just like our love.”
Your pupils are blown wide with love. Kento cups your face gently, kissing you so tenderly. It’s been such a wild ride already, but you’re ready to continue this life with him. You know you’d happily die for him. You’d happily kill for him again and again and again…
“Let’s do this properly, yeah?”
You nod your head. Kento leads you back to the car and you gather up some stuff from your past life. He helps you push it off the side of the bridge. Mementos, pieces of clothing you’d never wear again and even family photos scatter in the water.
“Goodbye bitch,” you say to your former self. “I’m a free woman now!”
You climb onto the railing, raising your arms up and letting out a loud cry. Kento looks at you like you strung the stars in the sky just for him. He places his hand protectively on your back, keeping you steady.
“Let’s get married,” Kento finally announces.
You look back at him, your eyebrow cocked when you finally take in what he’s just said. You laugh wildly.
“Right here? I mean…we got no priest. No officiator. No church…no temple.”
Kento helps you down onto your feet, pulling you into his arms. Your face nuzzles in the crook of your neck as he begins to play with your hair. He then leans in to whisper in your ear, his voice deep and full of desire.
“No need for any of those things. Our church is right here. We are our own officiators. Our own redeemers.”
You look deeply into his eyes, your heart thumping wildly in your ribcage like the wings of a hummingbird. Then you nod, unable to properly form the words just yet as you are overwhelmed with so much happiness.
“Give me your hand,” Nanami asks, and you do as he says.
You watch as he pulls a small buck knife. Then he makes a small incision in his hand. You gasp when you feel the cold metal on your palm next, whining softly from the pain. Then Kento clasps your hands together, holding it out over the flowing river.
“There we go,” he whispers huskily. “Now we’re husband and wife.”
You tear up, “Y-yeah! Yeah we are!”
Kento then uses his other hand to cup your face. He kisses you with all the love he can muster. Then he leans his forehead against yours, keeping your hands together and dripping blood into the river.
“And there we go…flowing in all the rivers and oceans and lakes and seas of the world. We’re everywhere all at once.”
You look into his eyes, then you wrap your arms around him completely, kissing him so sweetly. You never knew that life could be so free. You know that things aren’t going to be the most normal with this relationship, but you wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.
“I love you forever, Kento.” 
He smiles, “And I love you forever, darling.”
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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#the thing about me is i hate making decisions#im literally worrying myself up and down over things i literally cant even make decisions abt now bc i dont know that ill actually be#accepted into the programs. like im just stressing bc for the program in the uk i have to try for scholarships#bc i dont wanna have to pay to go to school over there when i have equally enticing oppertunity here that will pay me for like 5yrs#so i have to get a full ride scholarship and to do that i have to collaborate with the guy and im gonna feel so bad it it flops#and im gonna feel even worse if i get the scholarship and then get sniped by another school#bc right now my heart kinda wants to go to this school in [redacted] bc i could get a 4-5yr phd in ecology and Evolution#the lab is set up with a bunch of other evolutionary genetics ppl. its near a rad national park. and the reasearch is sick as hell.#like it sounds so good. my heart wants to go there. if theyll have me which i wont kno for literally months. but the uk thing is like#if i get the scholarship i cant say no. like i mean i cant. it would look insanely good on a resume. id get to do directed evolution and#photosynthesis stuff with a guy who has controversial photosynthesis ideas lmao. but idk hes just starting out so it feel more like a leap#of faith. and ive done uk courses they r not as soul crushing as american courses and i want them to crush my soul#and its like a wanky good school. so like i cant say no to that. ugh but the [redacted] school also has nasa and astrobiology connections#and then theres the Canadian guy who's reasearch also sounds sick as hell. and again this is all stupid bc i havent even applied to any of#them yet and idk who will even take me but ugh i dread the decision making#ugh i just need to shut up and work on my applications. but i dont wanna think abt the present bc im not happy doing what i do now#id rather think abt the future where im somewhere else#but i guess ive got time to write this weekend bc our sampling plans were busted by the rain rip#so idk we have to go back at some point. sigh..#i wish everything could just be easy haha#unrelated#also ive possibly been exposed to covid thru my boss who got an alert that she was in close contact with someone who test positive rip
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kenzie-ann27 · 5 months
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I genuinely don't know what this medicine did to me but it feels like someone punched me in my neck so I'm not taking it again
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asundine · 10 months
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#so ive spent the past several days moving from my apartment to a new townhouse and tbh literally everything is as bad as i was worried about#like first of all its kind of in the middle of nowhere#like the neighborhood is in the middle of an industrial park with nothing around but offices#which is great for my roommate who now has a 5 minute commute. but not great for me who has to commute 30 minutes on the highway#its also a lot smaller#like the house itself is bigger and all of the spaces that are my roommates are bigger#but my bedroom and bathroom are a lot smaller and theres no storage#so ive had to go through everything i moved here just to see how much i can get rid of just so i can have space to live#like i asked my roommate if i could store some of my yarn and fabric stash in the office#and she technically said yes but i know she really meant shed rather i not#so ive spent the past several days panicking because i dont know what to do about any of it#the worst part is that the day we move out i leave for a cruise which should be fun but instead its just another thing to be stressed about#i hate this place already and i wish i had a choice to go somewhere else#i wish id at least been able to see it before coming in to get the keys#cause the pics online were really shitty and i had to dig to even find a shitty walkthrough video#it doesnt help that theres been a bunch of drama with my guild that might mean i end up leaving and quitting the game#im just so tired of it all and i just wish that i had *anything* to look forward to right now
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absentlyabbie · 10 months
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i'll tell you what converted me to being all-in on keeping cats indoors only:
living for a year and a half in a rural area with a sudden feral cat colony explosion on the property.
i moved in with my folks for a bit and at that time, one (1) stray cat mama had taken up residence on the property, but was too feral to let my mother anywhere near her. but especially after she brought three kittens around, mom fed her and the kittens in hopes they'd grow trusting enough she could catch for spay and neuter at the minimum. momcat stayed mean and hella wary, but the kittens would hang around a little nearer and play with my mom via long stick, but still wouldn't come close enough to touch or catch.
unfortunately, two of the three kittens were girls and started having kittens of their own before further progress was made, shortly after i moved in. and that was pretty much instant doom.
there were so many kittens. SO MANY. multiple litters. every time we turned around, more kittens.
we fed them. we hunted for and located the kittens every time anywhere on the property and would move them to a repurposed doghouse anytime a mama cat had them somewhere else, so that they could grow up human-socialized and we could spay/neuter them when they were old enough. (also it was a handy tactic to push the issue of the mamas getting more used to/trusting of us themselves. only really worked with one of them, though.)
and we watched them die.
we watched litter after litter of kittens never make it to the age they could be spayed or neutered. the moms stayed, for the longest time, too skittish to more than briefly touch, much less catch and crate for a vet visit.
it sounds like a silly joke to say i have kitten-related ptsd, but i absolutely do.
too many goddamn times i'd walk out of the garage and find the carport and gravel drive strewn with tiny bodies. others simply went missing, never to be found.
one in particular, i wish i hadn't found, and the visual literally haunts me still, almost a decade later.
i saw so many kittens die of snake bite, spider bite, wild dogs, birds of prey, hit by cars, respiratory illness, covered in fleas and eyes crusted with infection.
and we loved them all. scrimped for antibiotics if the vet could be convinced to give it to us despite our being unable to bring them in. bought flea collars and ointments. we cared for them and fed them and petted them and played with them, brushed their fur and cleaned up their little faces, put ice in their water in hot summer, rigged a heating lamp in their house in the winter.
and they died. horribly. that property is pocked with unmarked graves of kittens and cats.
all the best intentions, not enough resources, and it didn't matter anyways because the population went from three to almost twenty (at times, over thirty) in the blink of an eye.
they died and died and died. our hearts broke over and over again. the stress and anxiety wore us down like sandpaper. i think, by the end of it all, we managed to find less than 10 of them all homes, including batman the disabled kitten i found a home across the country through tumblr.
it was carnage and tragedy, frankly. and we were helpless.
it only ended because they started dying faster than they could be born, and because we finally caught the two remaining mom cats in traps and got them spayed.
the points about outdoor cats being invasive predators devastating to local wildlife populations is true and valid and important.
but i know cat people, and cat people who don't know better than to let cats outdoors. what matters to you is the cat itself, generally. the cat being happy and taken care of.
keeping cats outdoors, letting them outdoors, is not taking care of the cats. it's not protecting them. it's not giving them any happiness or invigoration that couldn't be provided to them as indoor-only pets with just a little research and effort.
they die. they get ill. they get hurt. they're at risk of predators, and cars, and disease, and carelessly cruel children and deliberately cruel adults. they're at risk of disappearing on you because someone else saw a cat outdoors and intervened to give it a better, safer life not in conflict with the local environment.
and if that offends and angers you that someone would just take a cat they saw roaming outdoors, even collared, and that it sounds like i'm endorsing that, i am, but not if you intervene and be that person yourself for your own cat.
if what matters to you is doing right by your cat because it's family and a living creature whose happiness and health and safety is important to you,
keep them indoors. not part time. always. exclusively.
edit: since apparently i need to clarify this, i'm saying cats should live inside, that they should not live outdoors, even part time. visiting the outdoors supervised on a leash or in an enclosed catio is not the same as even part-time living outside, and i am certainly not advocating against it.
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helluvapoison · 2 months
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Could I get Adam, Lute and Lucifer and how they 'court' the reader? Like how birds with court each other, little gifts, wing 'dances', nesting, etc...
Also, could I be your 🐌 anon? <3<3<3
Birds of a Feather
Adam, Lute and Lucifer courting you
ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ
˚✧₊⁎ Adam ⁎���˳✧༚
• Peacocking has nothing on The First Man
• His personality is amped up to the highest level when he sees you walk in a room
• (Overcompensation for how fucking nervous you make him)
• Adam gets cocky when he knows he has your attention
• Tossing grapes high in the air and catching them in his mouth, bragging louder than usual about something or the other
• Heaven forbid you laugh at any of his antics, (His smirk is dangerous, “Oh you like that?”) he’ll start singling you out in front of everyone, calling your name before he acts up
• Performances include inviting you to watch his band play and miraculously getting more energy
• Casually tosses guitar picks in your direction— and when he finds out you kept one!? He’s over the moon
• He won’t go out of his way to get you food but he’ll order you something if he goes somewhere
• Adam hates nesting. He doesn’t like being stressed in general and nesting is really fucking stressful!
• The very fact seeing you pricks the urge in him to nest drives him insane
• (AKA, he likes you a lot more than he thought he did!)
• Seeing you in his space does something he doesn’t particularly hate though
• “It’s whatever if you don’t like it.” Adam shrugs
• “No, I think it looks nice! Very you. Tell me about these pictures?”
• He’s fucking done for
˚✧₊⁎ Lute ⁎⁺˳✧༚
• Like they have a mind of their own, her wings stretch out and audibly fluff up when she makes eye contact with you
• Mortifying is an understatement
• She picks out trinkets to give to you at first, something small that could be waved off as insignificant
• Later, when Lute realizes her affections are returned, she brings useful offerings or something you offhandedly mentioned needing
• She wishes she could tell you about the exterminations solely to brag
• See how fierce she is, how skilled she is, how good of a protector she could be for you
• Lute will ask you to arm wrestle as a compromise. She gets to hold you hand and show off her strength!
• Nesting was fine, it was the judgment part that drove her up a wall
• Watching your eyes roam over her apartment, deciding whether or not it was good enough for you? Gah!
• “What, uh—“ Lute clears her throat, she’ll hate herself for even asking later, “What do you think?”
• You smile knowingly, something else that makes her absolutely mad, “It’s perfect.”
• Lute beams with pride like she’s won a great victory
˚✧₊⁎ Lucifer ⁎⁺˳✧༚
• Never before has he felt the need to actually flaunt.. anything?
• With you it hits him like a fucking train and it’s even harder to supress it
• He’s Lucifer! That’s supposed to be self explanatory, that’s supposed to be enough
• Suddenly he’s checking every mirror on his way to you, making sure he looks better than he feels
• He tries to find other ways to steal your attention or show that he would be a worthy partner
• …But showing off his wings couldn’t hurt, right? He has six after all. If you needed to get to the other side of town he’d be more than happy to fly you over!
• Nothings too good for you! If Lucifer thinks you’ll want or like something, he’s buying it!
• Did you notice he can make things too? He’ll make you something— or fix something for you!
• Quick, break that so he can show you he can fix it!
• Lucifer pulls all the stops trying to prove himself, nesting is no exception… he’s just not great at it
• He starts! However a little after beginning he realizes just how big his mansion is and gets overwhelmed so he closes all the doors and focuses his energy on the only room that matters; his
• “I mainly stay in here,” Lucifer explains while squishing a duck in his fist, watching you explore his room, “I cleaned it up for you! N-Not for you, not for that— I mean not that I’m opposed! I just meant so that you could, uh, see?”
• “I see why you like it, I’d never wanna leave.”
• You’re gonna kill him saying shit like that
~
╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ 🐌 CAN I GIVE YOU A KITH BECAUSE THIS WAS SO FUN!!!!!
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thebubblemaster · 1 year
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#i need to like vent somewhere and this is as good a place as any bc tumblr hides long tags so pple can just scross past but#having chronic fatigue is so frustrating because im either asleep or exhausted and basic tasks feel impossible#during a fatigue spell i just cant function and i lose track of the time and the day and the world feels like it just moves around me#i have to save the little energy i have for feeding myself and maintaining my hygiene so sometimes i just lay in bed half asleep#i can either scroll through my phone or watch a video or something else that requires little movement or thought#bc if im not i might cry from how frustrated i am and how heavy my body feels and how sluggish my brain is and how slow my words are#and i just#comparing the really bad days to the really good ones brings a lot of melancholy bc the difference is so stark#on my best days i wake up early and clean my room and work out and get my hw done and go to every class and walk on campus#ill keep up with my laundry and dishes and ill go out with my roommates or meet with a friend or make it through a work shift#these are all such ordinary things that i take for granted when im well that i wish i could do at least one of when im unwell#i used to think it was laziness or stress or lack of sleep#i used to push myself to the point of feeling faint and get mad at myself for not being able to handle everyday life#i used to have breakdowns over my inability to function and have my parents list off all the things i was doing wrong that made me tired#i asked my mom if maybe i should go to the doctor and get some tests and she would tell me that theres no magical cure#that if my tests came back with nothing wrong then what would i do#even now knowing im developing a thyroid issue i find myself angry that there are days i cant do anything because of my fatigue#i would give anything to be functional even 80% of the time#ive never known what its like to not be slightly tired and unfocused and uncomfortable#its depressing
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matrixbearer2024 · 1 month
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Vox x Reader Headcanons: Fiancé Edition
Fiancé!Vox x gn!Reader
A/N: MY BRAINROT IS BRAINROTTING OKAY I JUST NEEDED TO DUMP THIS STUFF SOMEWHERE AFTER SEEING ALL THE WIFEY ALASTOR AND LUCIFER STUFF- LIKE I LOVE THOSE TWO BUT LEMME YEET IN MY BELOVED SAMSUNG TV NOW YALL- THIS COULD MOST LIKELY BE OOC COMPARED TO CANON BUT LIKE- LET ME DREAM I WANT THIS FLATSCREEN SO BAD P L E A A A S E-
A/N: This little thingy would have both an SFW and NSFW portion, mostly because I'm a depraved little shit and I am downbad for a 7ft bipedal television with issues-
SFW HEADCANONS:
Now first off, y'all probably would've been dating a long long while before this mans would pop the question.
I feel like he'd know that he wants to marry you, but he's so unsure of it plus he's concerned about how that would affect you in all of it.
Like, oh great if this gets out suddenly you've got one of the biggest targets on your back because you're the technology overlord's fiance and soon to be wife/husband.
As if you hadn't already when you both started dating-
Vox is a perfectionist so I'd imagine he would try so so hard to get everything completely flawless for his proposal.
But nothing goes his way that day, none, nada, zilch-
That's just his luck, totally not because it got screwed over by a certain radio demon for shits and giggles.
But he ends up asking you anyway, though a bit indirectly because it slips during his irritated rant.
"I can't believe they managed to spill wine all over me back there! All over one of my best suits as well!"
"Hun, we could always send your suit to the professional cleaners. It's okay! We can always just go someplace else next time too-"
"No! That- ugh! I had all these plans today and they were just ruined! I wanted everything to be absolutely perfect for when I was going to propose to you-"
"You were gonna what-"
Vox immediately shut up once he realized his screwup then.
So much for keeping it a surprise!
That's kind of how you ended up with a diamond ring on your finger that night.
And that's how Vox ended that really stressful day with an extremely satisfying night.
He ditched work the next day and just spent it being all over you.
Yes he admires the ring on your hand from time to time, this man just stares.
You can betcho ass that ring is expensive as fuck too.
Like as if this man didn't kiss your hands enough, that new accessory marking a new chapter of your afterlives just makes him do it more.
He's actually kinda housewife material if you squint-
This man can cook and clean, and as a bonus he's filthy stinkin RICH.
Bro I need me one of these holy shit-
If he wasn't clingy enough before, oh boy get ready for this.
He will always have an appendage on you at all times, a hand on your lower back, your hip, in your hand-
Or he'd just have you in his lap while he worked on stuff in his office.
Also, Vox being possessive as all hell if someone so much as just stared at you too long-
Please that goes straight up to 1000% when you agreed to wear that ring.
You guys planning to get hitched doesn't stay secret for too long though.
With Valentino and Velvette sticking their noses in Vox's business as a daily pastime anyhow-
Hence why a lot of sinners started shipping you two.
And oh goodness the ship wars.
Sometimes Vox wishes the internet wasn't really connected to his brain-
The magazines went wild with that one too-
Cuz imagine, the richest and the pride ring's probably most esteemed bachelor-
Aside from Lucifer probably, Vox's marketing and PR team are insanely good at their jobs-
Was now off the market and due to get hitched with you.
I'd imagine even if Vox doesn't post anything on social media, you or Vel would-
Literally like those married couples on TikTok or something with a whole bunch of cute shit.
You can best believe the most cracked out shit happens while you're both engaged though.
"Oh this is Vox, he's my ex-boyfriend."
"... You have got to stop saying that. I'm their fiancé."
You did not stop saying that.
Actually you wouldn't stop saying that even when his title upgraded to husband.
Not that Vox cares, your shenanigans were what caused him to gravitate towards you in the first place.
And until now they're what keep your relationship fun and interesting.
"Hey hubby, ooooh~ you're looking like the hottest thing in all of the pride ring despite having just rolled out of bed."
"Hahaha, good morning to you too doll."
It doesn't register what you called him at first until he's had his coffee and then it clicks.
You play it off attempting to be coy until he replays the video of you greeting and calling him that on his face.
His. Face.
Sneaky little shit that's what-
He doesn't really respond to any other petname now, you've dug your grave.
"Vox."
"Vox."
"Vooooooxxxx-"
"What? What?? What do you want???"
"Can you peel this orange for me?"
"Really? That's it? Why don't you peel it yourself?"
"Because it tastes better when you do it?"
He does it eventually, hell if he's in a particularly good mood he'll even feed you.
That's always kind of how it goes when you ask him for things.
If it's something you want/can buy though?
You're already in possession of his credit card, just get whatever tf you want HAHAHAHA-
He's still a busy bastard though so it's not really much different from how it's like when you guys were dating-
But he genuinely tries to balance his work a little better to spend more time with you.
This man is such a workaholic though you end up having to drag his ass out of his office to rest anyway.
Again, nothing new from when you were just dating.
You guys jokingly throw around your soon to be marital titles in private.
Vox kind of feels like a kid in a candy store when you do, just giddy and excited for what's to come.
Not to mention he now has a partner in crime when he riffs on Alastor!
He'd be over the MOON if you just joined his chaos.
The radio demon probably wouldn't give a shit, he's just built different like that-
You both get so comfortable that you almost forget that you have a wedding to plan and set a date for.
Until Velvette asks about it and you're both just: "Oh. Right."
Your fiancé's schedule is so fucking packed though it was nearly impossible to.
This guy was going to work himself to death before you could tie the knot lmao-
But eventually you both got a date and venue settled, so that was one step closer.
NSFW HEADCANONS:
Okay so like, I know sinners can't actually copulate unless you're Lucifer but that's besides the point-
And Vox isn't really a family man at all-
But boy oh boy if he didn't have it before-
This man would have an insane breeding kink after you both got engaged.
This man wants to see you stuffed.
Literally doesn't matter if you're riding him or he's just impaling you on his cock-
This guy just wants to fill you up so bad.
I'd also think that you guys would be screwing around a lot more often after he popped the question-
Something about emotions constantly running high and dopamine being one hell of a drug.
I think Vox is a switch, so I'd also imagine he'd be more inclined to let you dom him every now and then.
Or when he just wants to be a bratty little shit please go ahead and tame him, he likes it.
You can kind of get away with more stuff when you're both engaged.
Like tease him a whole ton and he just bites hook, line and sinker.
It's already gotten to the point where the power in the tower would die often enough that Velvette herself has gone through some crazy lengths to cockblock her colleague.
Speaking of, Vox would probably use you as a stress reliever after work if you let him-
Like he will just fuck you stupid until all you say is his name because this guy is addicted to hearing it.
Or he'd let you fuck him stupid until he's so far into sub space he forgets about his shitty day.
Cuz if it's rough, it's rough with you two.
But on the gentler side-
It's just as addicting and if not probably a little worse.
Though you would probably be the one taking initiative/domming whenever you both have gentle rounds.
I'm all for Vox being able to switch some of his parts cuz he wanted to/can.
So y'all have fucking choices when it comes to wrecking this idiot.
Like a multiple choice exam, literally shotgun the fuck outta those answers like you deteriorate his mental.
And consequently the entire city's power grid.
"GODDAMNIT! VOX! (Y/N)! NOT AGAIN!!"
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dalliancekay · 28 days
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Aziraphale does NOT need to suffer MORE
Can't believe I have to say this. TW: grief, mourning, death (sorry) I have, since falling into the fandom 6 months ago to escape real life, seen many takes on how Aziraphale needs to suffer in S3 to match Crowley's suffering. Mainly as the counterpart to the moment Crowley thinks he lost Aziraphale as he's looking for him desperately in the burning bookshop.
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Then drinks, we suppose, to dull his pain, waiting for the Armageddon. Also, the way Crowley suffers at the bandstand argument, the 'I Forgive You' moments, which many people find utterly devastating and incredibly heartless from Aziraphale. Not to mention when he doesn't react in the 'right way' to Crowley's confession in the Final 15. And then on top of that, 'abandons' Crowley. Oh and also for, and I quote: "The smug and entitled way Aziraphale went around in S2 assuming Crowley would love and follow him everywhere." And for all this pain that Crowley endured for him, Aziraphale should suffer in S3, to I assume, even out the scores. Some people want to see him lose it, show his emotions, to cry or beg or otherwise show how much he misses Crowley and how very sorry he is for what he's done.
Now for the TW grief content I motioned above. You can skip to the next sentence in bold.
WE ALL SUFFER DIFFERENTLY I was on holiday late September last year, visiting my mum, stepfather and my two younger brothers. We went to a cousin's wedding. It was great. The day after, as I was hanging out reading a book my mum got a call. The kind of call every mother fears. My youngest brother (he was 27) died in an accident. We needed to speak to police and the coroner. She cried and cried. She's still crying. She asks questions. She gets no answers. I did not cry. I talked to the police. I googled a funeral home. I bought my brother his last set of clothes. He lived in a hoodie and torn black jeans. Mum wanted a suit. But he died in the one he bought for the wedding. I texted a lot of people. I bought snacks for the many friends who came to the funeral and wanted to speak to us after. My grief feels like a vice. I am not sad. I do not appear sad. Contrary to what people expect. But I am ANGRY. I am furious. But nobody can see this. I am not fine and I wish no one would ever* ask how I was again. TW/Personal content over. Since I was small (because I am weird like that) I genuinely wondered if, finding myself in danger, I could scream like people in films do. I don't think I could. I cope with hard situations, fear and stress and anxiety by shutting down, sometimes by retreating too, by furiously trying to find a way out. And I think Aziraphale does the same. And that's why I love him so much. And why I feel get him and understand that people sometimes can't tell how much he's actually feeling. I also express love the way Aziraphale does - by organising things for people I love, inviting them places, making plans. When Crowley said you call me for three things (and it's basically any old reason) I felt SO SEEN. This is what I would do with a friend who I know is feeling unmoored, sad, stuck. I'd text them with any old thing. I'd never actually say I love you, how can I help though, I would try to get them to talk, meet me, go somewhere. Aziraphale does not express emotions the same way as Crowley.
But his emotions are valid nonetheless. He is worried for Crowley from around 3 minutes into their acquaintanceship. And he NEVER stops worrying.
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And are we quite sure he has never lost Crowley?
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How many times did Aziraphale's heart freeze in horror when he realised Hell has taken Crowley and he had no idea if he'll ever come back and what is happening to him?
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Why else would he be so worried about working on the Arrangement? Was he worried just for himself? Do we really think that?
Crowley thinks he lost Aziraphale, yes, we saw that, but do they ever talk about what happened to the angel then? Do we?
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That he got blown into atoms which I bet wasn't pleasant and when he arrives in Heaven he limps? Why is he hurt? Why is he quickly pretending he isn't? Why is he always hiding how he feels? Also, he immediately deserts, wants no part in the Holy War and quickly finds an extremely unconventional way to get back. It's not a grand gesture, there's no pomp around it, he thinks this and then does it. No hesitation.
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Is this coming from an angel who just can't leave Heaven behind and longs to be a part of it? Who loves to follow rules? And let's not forget in those moments Aziraphale thought Crowley was gone. That he very likely left for Alpha Centauri. Last he heard from him he was told he was talking to an old friend and had no time for him. Why we NEVER talk about how that might have felt for Aziraphale?
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Things are not as simple as Aziraphale has been supressing his emotions and lying to himself about how he feels and he should get over it and become free. That's not how this works. His trauma and his personality are deeply intertwined and he'd never be the kind of person who is open in showing their grief or stress. He will learn to be more open, with his love especially, we see him reaching for and touching his demon in S2. Openly being with him, looking at him without guarding himself. That's HUGE. He's trying. So. Just because Aziraphale is not crying and screaming and I dunno, tearing his hair out or whatever some people would have him do, does not mean he isn't overflowing with pain, fear, uncertainty, doubts, worries, and so much anxiety that if he let it all out, half of the solar system would turn to ashes.
Aziraphale does not need to suffer in S3 to level out Crowley's suffering. They are, unfortunately, equal in their pain as they are in love. If there is one thing Crowley would never abide, it'd be this take from the fandom. * A note on grief (obviously from my personal experience) As initiated by @anthony-crowleys-left-nut in a comment
It's not that I mind to know people care and worry etc, but asking how I am can only end in me lying (fine, thank you) and both of us knowing it's not really true and feeling awkward or not lying (I feel like shit, mostly cos I can't sleep and think the world is a stupid unfair place) and both of us feeling awkward anyway. Does that make sense? I wish I could tell friends/colleagues to ask what I've been up to or something similar instead. What I've been reading (um, AO3, but I'll make something up), watching, do I want to go see some spring flowers bloom (I do).
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swiftispunk · 11 months
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use me | javier peña x f!reader
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part one 
pairing: javier peña x inexperienced!female!reader word count: ~6.3k rating: 18+ minors dni summary: part two of let me | that first night with javi is just the beginning. now he’s really getting to know you - you just wish you could say the same.
warnings etc: SMUT SMUT SMUT, some suggestion of a plot (javi being javi and engaging in some secret sketchy police work) but mostly filth, surprise angst at the end, fairly soft!javi, gratuitous thigh riding, oral (m + f receiving), unprotected p in v sex and coming inside oop -, dirty talk, fingering, masturbation (m), body worship kind of, multiple orgasms, javi being a very generous lover as a means of distraction, light spanking (not with the intention to cause pain), smoking, alcohol, discussions of virginity, established situationship, pet names. as always please (respectfully) correct any poor spanish. NO USE OF Y/N.
A/N: here she is folks. thank you to everyone who has already read on ao3. i stressed about this for the longest time. a while back i conducted a poll asking what y’all would want from this and i think we might have hit everything? anyway hope you all like it - i know a lot of you asked for this <3 
Two weeks gone since that first time. Your first time. 
That night hadn’t been the end of it - of course not. Javi had made sure of that. He’d promised not to use you, and he’d stayed true to his word. Instead of abandoning you after “fixing your little problem,” Javi’s turned your relationship (no strings attached, naturally) into something of a game - discovering everything he can about you and indulging in the chance to give you as many new experiences as possible. You think he likes that it’s him who gets to give you them, staking his claim on little tidbits of your sex life.
You have no regrets about choosing him. All that attentive care he’d offered you that night has seeped in to everything he does for you now, every new sexual adventure just as thorough and patient.
Of course, you’re not totally naïve. You know he gets something out of it too, namely pussy he doesn’t have to pay for. You’re in control of the situation, for the most part, but you’re well aware of what it is. Javi’d put it pretty well once, during one of your now-standard drives home from work. That particular drive had also come with yet another new experience:
“You’re like a dream, cariño,” he’d sighed while you’d discreetly sucked his cock in the front seat of his car, an intoxicating rush unlike anything you’d ever felt before, to do it somewhere so public for the first time. The windows of his car had been open wide, unashamed where he’d parked down a side street. He’d clutched a cigarette between his fingers over you, hauling away absently with an arm leaning on the window frame. “I help you - ” a choked groan as your lips had made contact with the thick base of his cock, the tip scratching at the back of your throat - “And you help me.”
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
Desk duty is a slog on the best of days. Today, it’s absolute torture. Javi hasn’t shown up at the embassy.
It’s not necessarily uncommon but it still makes you nervous. Especially considering Murphy’s in; it’s rare to see one without the other. You’re well aware that Peña’s methods aren’t always the most...above board. You don’t know all the details - no one really does - but it’s no secret that he’s gotten himself into hot water in the past, caught up in the chaos that was hunting Escobar. So when you don’t see him at his desk, typing away clumsily on his typewriter, panic takes hold. 
Hours pass in stressful agony till you finally decide you won’t be getting anything else done today. Frustrated and tense, you escape the grey confines of the embassy the second the clock on the wall strikes five. 
The sun hasn’t set yet, the sky still a reddish-pink hue that would normally bring about a sense of calm, but does nothing to pacify your cloying dejection. You strain your ears in the parking lot - as though from a distance you could overhear some lethal shootout involving Javi and the narcos, miles away from here.
That’s how Javi finds you - brows furrowed in concentration as you listen to the orange sky, eyes squeezed shut so tight you don’t see him pull up.
“Hola, querida,” his soft voice cuts through your focus.
“Javi,” you breathe, relief coating your voice as your lids fly open to find him leaning out the window of the front seat of his car, eyeing you dubiously. “What are you doing here?”
He glances at the time on his dash. “Giving you a ride. What are you doing?”
You blink, confused. “Nothing, I - ”
“Your shift’s done, right?” he cuts you off. 
“Y-yeah, but - ” 
“Vamos, then,” he interjects again, cocking his chin towards the passenger side door.
With a timid nod, you round the front of the car and hop in the front seat beside him.
The door’s barely slammed shut behind you before you turn on him.
“Where were you today?”
Javi sighs.
“If it’s alright with you, querida,” he says. “I’d rather we just talked about you.”
His voice is perfectly level (deceptively so), but you notice the taut line of his jaw, the way his eyes look a little tired, stress painting the bags beneath them.
Now you understand. Whatever Javi’d been up to today, it’s not for you to know.
You’ve seen this Javi before - the overworked, overtired, overloaded Javi. The more you get to know him, the more you see it. This Javi is full of dark secrets you can’t begin to comprehend; he holds mysteries behind his fatigued, brown eyes that you know should send you running.
Instead, you give him what he wants, what you’ve started to think he always wants: A distraction.
“Sure,” you agree easily.
“How was work?” he asks.
Stupid. Boring. Panic-inducing without you there.
“Fine.”
Javi glances over at you, unsatisfied. 
“That all?”
“I was worried about you, I guess,” you admit with a shrug. 
Javi frowns. “I’m okay.”
It’s quiet for a moment as you will yourself to believe him. You can’t expect him to tell you everything. And you know how dangerous this line of work you’ve both chosen is, but still - 
He doesn’t need you to protect him, you remind yourself. 
“That’s a nice dress,” he proclaims lightly then, easily steering the conversation away from work as he looks you up and down from the corner of his eye. Your skin tingles hot at the simple compliment, the casual attention. “Bonita. Sweet girl.”
He throws in a wink for good measure to accompany the endearment he usually saves for the bedroom. You smile sheepishly back at him, the corners of his own mouth turning up deftly, the expression not quite reaching his eyes.
“Thanks,” you mutter, working, as always, to maintain your composure. “You look...tired.”
That wipes the budding smile off his face and you instantly regret mentioning it. His eyes focus back to the road ahead of him, although he keeps his hand resting on your leg. 
It’s then that you notice the street you’re turning onto, confusion taking over your expression when you realize it’s not your own. Javi notices the reaction.
“I thought you could come to mine, if that’s okay,” he murmurs.
He’s hardly given you much choice but still, “Of course.”
Like you’re ever going to say no.
-
The first time you’d found yourself inside Javier Peña’s apartment, you’d been completely at his mercy, fighting for your life to keep it together as he’d run his lips over your neck and jaw, stealing your breath with each measured graze of his fingers over your skin.
Since then...well, not much has changed.
He’s doing what he does best - driving you wild with a series of intimate questions and a crystal glass of whiskey to inspire your answers. Any remaining anxiety over his absence at work melts away as he focuses his attention solely on you. 
You sit close beside him on his leather couch, the place he’d given you your first real orgasm, the usual aroma of cigarette smoke and sex lining every corner of his apartment and, as ever, making your head spin.
This time the conversation’s landed on past relationships - yours, exclusively, of course.
“So you had boyfriends?” Javi asks, hauling on a cigarette, the question coming out amid a cloud of smoke around him.
You’ve teetered around this topic before, what you’ve tried and haven’t tried with all the men you’d loved before. Javi’s perpetually mystified by it all, how you could have made it this long without indulging your desires.
“Sure, I had boyfriends,” you shrug.
“A lot of boyfriends?” His brows furrow in that recognizably Javi way, that earnest need to understand evident in the befuddled glint in his dark brown eyes.
Of course, you hear something else entirely in his line of questioning.
“Do you really wanna start comparing body counts, Peña?”
He shoots you a familiar disapproving look.
“Sorry - Javi.” You shake your head, still not entirely used to the frank rapport you’ve established since that first night.
A nod, another long drag off his smoke. Then a hand on your knee.
“I’m not judging you, querida, I’m trying to figure you out.”
There’s that quiet Javi sincerity again, the genuine care in his voice, the honest need to know you.
You wish you could know him half as much as you let him know you.
Your hand flies to cover his on your thigh, its presence not quite as stifling as it had been the first time his long fingers had felt their way along the skin there, under a table at the bar, many days ago now. Still, having Javi’s hands on you is always somewhat distracting.
“Figure what out?”
“What did you do with them?” he continues, eyes squinting as his gaze fixes on you.
“What did I do with my boyfriends?”
He brushes your hand away with no resistance from you, gliding his up your thigh, over your hip and up your back, not in any rush, almost absentmindedly. Your skin prickles when his fingers find the bare skin on your upper back, snaking their way under the edges of your hair.
“They didn’t fuck you and - according to you - they didn’t make you come, so what then?”
His voice is as unhurried as his touch, both lulling and exhilarating.
You roll your eyes, always trying to hold sway over him, even as his gentle hand at the nape of your neck and the reminder of that conversation in the bar are sending shivers down your spine.
“They tried.”
“To fuck you or to make you come?” he presses.
A breathy exhale, almost a laugh. “Both.”
Javi nods, like he’s putting the information into some kind of you-shaped filing cabinet in his brain.
“Then what?” he asks, rubbing the hand he has on your neck up and down your spine in slow, careful motions, a simple thing that makes your tummy flutter, while his brazen line of questioning about your sex life has a hopeless wet spot growing between your legs. Typical. 
“What do you mean?”
Your voice comes out thick, and god, you can’t even look at him when he’s like this - so heedful, so deliberate with his touch, his legs spread wide on the couch beside you, tight jeans straining over his thighs, his red button-down partially exposing his tan chest beneath.
“It didn’t last with any of them?” he goes on, around another drag off his smoke even though the answer is obvious.
You take a deep breath and try to focus.
“Not when I told them I didn’t want to have sex,” you admit frostily. “Men don’t exactly take kindly to being told ‘no,’ as I’m sure you’re well aware.”
“Yeah, shit,” Javi curses, instantly appearing contrite for making you think about it. He removes his hand from the back of your neck - much to your dismay - and puts out his cigarette in the ashtray on the table beside the couch. “Sorry, cariño.”
You just smile tightly, not really bothered by the memory of those men, but not exactly keen on thinking too much about them when you’re with Javi. Because Javi makes it easy to forget them all. Javi had been worth waiting for, worth every bitter exchange with lesser men who’d chewed you out - or worse - for turning them down.
“Ven acá,” Javi suggests then. You’re all too familiar with that phrase by now.
Still, just to hammer his request home, he beckons for you to climb onto his lap and, somewhat ambivalently, you oblige. Only, he doesn’t maneuver you so you’re straddling him properly. Rather, he carefully positions one of your knees between his legs so you hover over his thigh, thick denim colliding with the delicate cotton of your underwear as Javi coaxes you downward so you’re flush against his leg. 
“They all just wanted to use you, didn’t they?” he purrs as his palms slowly drift up your sides and land on either side of your face. “Probably heard the ‘V’ word and lost their minds?”
“Y-yeah, pretty much,” you stammer, breathless at the pressure of your clothed cunt on his thigh and his big hands burning hot on your cheeks.
“You deserve better than that, hermosa,” he breathes, pulling you into his chest to press his lips to yours.
You’ve grown accustomed to Javi’s kisses but they still manage to take your breath away every time. Somehow soft and strong all at once, Javi kisses like he wants to eat you alive, holding you close against him as his lips consume yours, that familiar flavour of tobacco and bourbon taking up your mouth even before he flicks his tongue eagerly between your parted lips. His hands stray from your face and explore your body, trailing over your bare thighs as his fingers snake up under the hem of your dress and grip your ass. Arousal spikes through you when he moans softly into your mouth, his moustache scratching at your upper lip as his thigh beneath you twitches upward pointedly, rubbing against your heat and making you gasp against his mouth.
“Úsame,” he says then, tearing his lips from yours once he can tell you’re good and lost in him, peppering more heady kisses over your neck and shoulders, just to be sure.
Maybe you’re just out of it - but you’re pretty sure you don’t know that one.
“W-what?”
“Use me, cariño,” he repeats, pulling away so his eyes are boring into yours when he says instructionally, “Stay right there and rub that gorgeous pussy on my thigh. I - fuck - I want to see you come like that.”
Fuck.
“Javi I’ve never...”
He smirks, relishing in the confirmation that this is new for you.
“Never done it before?” he fills in, visibly elated, yet still so maddingly relaxed. In control. “It’s okay, baby. Try.”
You feel like a deer in the headlights over him, the wet spot in your panties leaking onto his jeans now. Javi’s seen you every possible way at this point, but something about the proposition feels...embarrassing - almost crude. 
Javi just smiles at the nervous look in your eyes.
“Don’t be shy, hermosa, not with me,” he hums encouragingly, cupping the side of your face with one of his hands so the tips of his fingers graze your hair. “Ride it. I want you to.”
You swallow harshly, as you rest your palms on his chest and experimentally grind your hips down into him, gasp catching in your throat at the way the friction feels against your swollen cunt. 
“Así,” Javi lauds you adoringly. “Keep going.”
He doesn’t let you do it alone, his hands gripping your hips and guiding you as he helps drive your motions, rocking you gently into his thigh, cotton clashing with denim clashing with your wet folds; small, careful movements that are still enough to make your pussy pulse, your breath stuttering once again at the steady contact. Javi’s hands wander up under your dress again as you begin to hesitantly take over, mimicking the motions he’d just demonstrated. 
“Is that...is that good?” you ask nervously, undulating your hips into him a few more uncertain times, hands balling into fists against his chest as the gentle friction against your cunt begins to make your head feel fuzzy, your tummy fluttering at the way Javi is watching you.
“You tell me, cariño,” he growls, leaning back and leaving you on your own, his hands interlocking behind his head - audience to your pleasure. 
So you keep going, eyes squeezing shut as you roll your hips onto his thigh, trying to let go, to think of Javi’s intent gaze as a reassuring thing. 
You can’t argue with your body anyway - you’re soaking now, can feel your slick smearing Javi’s jeans as it soaks through the cotton of your underwear. A couple more strokes of your cunt down into him and then he’s gripping your sides again, flexing his thigh under you, this time eliciting a high-pitched moan from you. Your eyes snap open.
Fuck.
Javi’s own eyes look back at you smoldering, hungry.
“Tell me,” he commands firmly, a reminder of a request you’d at first thought rhetorical. You should have known better.
“It’s good - Javi - fuck,” you choke, and it’s true. 
“There’s that mouth,” he grins approvingly, his hands all over you again, this time to lift your dress up over your head, undoing your bra behind you.
“Don’t stop, sweet girl,” he orders you, taking one of your nipples into his mouth. Your head falls back at the sensation and you do as he says, maintaining the heady strokes of your hips, now nearly totally exposed above him.
But Javi doesn’t keep his mouth on you for long, pulling away and reaching over to the side table. You watch him with furrowed brows as he retrieves a cigarette before lighting it and leaning back into the couch again.
Fucking hell.
You falter for a moment, breath hitching as he drags on the smoke, his gaze fixed on you and the steady grinding motions of your hips against him. 
You’d be forgiven for thinking he almost seems bored, but the hard line of his cock in his jeans paired with the ravenous gleam in his eyes is enough to tell you all you need to know - Javi is enjoying this. 
Instinct kicks in when you’re reminded of his neglected cock; one of your hands on his chest drags over his front to palm his bulge through the fabric. But Javi swats it away.
“Don’t,” he instructs you gently. “Leave it.”
“But - ” you begin to protest, genuinely eager to touch him, for him to share in the ecstasy with you. Javi silences you with a firm hand on your jaw, his thumb gliding over your lips.
“Just let me watch you, hermosa,” he pleads, voice dripping with lustful candor. “My perfect girl.”
He leans in close to kiss you and it’s all the convincing you need, his tongue flicking over your lips, teeth dragging over your chin when he eases back after a moment. He takes another drag of his smoke, gesturing at you encouragingly to continue. 
You begin to feel yourself letting go as he watches you, your movements picking up speed and intention now - confidence finding you at the same time the pleasure mounts and your inhibitions begin to fade, euphoria taking over. It feels ridiculously filthy - like high school - rubbing yourself against him frantically, eyelids pressed together as you grip the fabric of his shirt for dear life. Javi’s gentle voice tethers you to the moment as nicotine clouds your mind and the space around you. 
“Faster,” you hear him say. “Fuck.”
“Shit - Javi,” you gasp then, eyes shooting open to find him gazing back at you with that same voracious stare. The hand that’s not clutching the cigarette finds the small of your back, heat emanating from his palm as he tenderly aids your quick, little movements, more soft praise pouring from him and making heat rise in your core. 
“That’s it, baby - say my name when you’re riding me.”
That’s easy enough, he’s all you can think of anyway. 
 “JaviJaviJavi - ”
“You look so fucking sexy, cariño,” he groans admiringly. “Bonita.”
His voice is so enraptured; it makes that newly familiar tightness settle in your tummy, the pressure building, longing to snap -
“Javi, I - I’m close.”
“I know.” Of course he does. “Can you come like this for me?”
You nod; you can, you’re going to, Javi’s gentle hand on your back continuing to push your hips down into his thigh as your knee nudges at his bulge, now prodding angrily against his jeans zipper, so inviting you could cry.
“Go on, sweet girl.”
It’s all you need to send you over the edge, your rocking coming to an abrupt  stop as you come with a noisy whine, your head falling back behind you. Javi supports you with the palm still on your back, feeling each shuddering wave as they pass through you, egging you on with breathy little, “yeah yeah yeah”s.
“That’s good, baby, that’s so fucking good,” he growls while you come down, pulling you in to crush your body into his. He hasn’t taken a drag off the smoke in a while; it’s gone out in his fingers. You’re distantly aware of him chucking it into the ashtray so he can loop both his arms around you and hold you close, his nose in your hair, yours buried in his neck, hot breath condensing on the skin there.
“Fuck - thank you,” you say breathlessly - for the praise or the orgasm, you’re not sure.
“That was all you, baby,” he chuckles. “Mi chica mala,” he adds through gritted teeth, squeezing your sides and eliciting a tiny laugh from you too. You pull away after a moment to find him beaming back at you, stroking your hair before claiming your mouth with his own.
You’re dizzy with him - almost too dizzy to focus - but when you’re this close you can feel how hard he is under his jeans; you know he must be desperate to get off himself. You break the kiss after just a brief moment. 
“Can I - Javi?” you ask, one of your hands once again reaching between you to hover over his imprisoned cock.
He seems to consider it for a moment but then -
“Wait - just - stay right there for me for a minute,” he instructs you, tapping your sides and bidding you to stand, surprising you again when he leans forward to gently shift you down onto your knees in front of him. “Right there.”
“Like this?” you whisper, sitting back on your heels with your hands in your lap in just your soaked panties, staring up at him fervently, if not a little unsure. 
“Yeah, just - shit - just...let me look at you.”
You do as you’re told, planted on the floor in front of him as Javi unzips himself to free his cock at last. Your lips part intrinsically at the sight of it hard and leaking before you, eyes flitting between Javi’s fist around the length and his covetous gaze, forever fixed on you. 
He swipes his thumb over his bottom lip as he begins to stroke himself in slow, scrupulous motions, never taking his eyes off you, little breaths beginning to leave him shallow gasps.
When he doesn’t instruct you further - just maintains that same even pace of his hand on his cock - you make a move, crawling forward on your hands and knees to help him, lips making contact with the tip of his cock and moaning when you taste the drops of precum collected there.
Javi groans too but then he’s suddenly getting to his feet, holding out a hand to help you to your own.
“What’s wrong?” you demand concernedly, brows furrowed in confusion. You swear it feels like you can’t keep up with him tonight. 
But Javi is quick to put you at ease, his big hands cradling the sides of your face and holding you still, tilting his face towards yours. 
“Nothing - nothing, querida,” he vows. Then he smiles. “I’m just...I’m not done with you yet.”
“What do you - ” you start but Javi cuts you off when his thumbs graze over your lips.
“Let’s go to bed, okay?”
You nod easily. “Okay.”
Any remaining hesitation is put to rest when he kisses you again, lips moving against yours with intimate assuredness before exploring your cheeks and your jaw and your neck, setting your skin on fire as his cock presses into your bare skin insistently. 
You let him lead you to his bedroom, Javi stripping off his shirt and wiggling out of his jeans and briefs on the way, giving you an expansive view of the muscles  of his back, those broad shoulders you can never get enough of.
He guides you towards his bed, stealing your breath again when he nudges you down onto all fours on the mattress with a hand on your upper back. You feel him standing over you as his fingers linger on your skin, tracing their way along the curve of your back and over your ass, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. He slides your underwear down your thighs, haphazardly tossing them to the floor. 
“Javi...” you whisper faintly, craning your neck to see him stroking himself behind you, one of his hands still splayed over your ass.
“Hm?” he presses you with a gentle squeeze of your flesh. “Words, mi cielo,” he reminds you. 
“Fuck me, Javi,” you plead. “Aren’t you going to fuck me?”
You catch him smirk, his hand on your ass lifting off you and coming back down on your skin in the form of a gentle slap. Javi’s eyes darken when the contact makes you moan.
“You like that, baby?” he asks, his hand rubbing caressing circles over the place he’d slapped.
“Fuck...yes,” you whine, surprising even yourself.
Javi grins. 
“Bueno saber,” he says to himself. Good to know.
But he doesn’t do it again, instead he moves to situate himself on the bed behind you, bracing both hands on your thighs as he ducks forward to bury his face in your cunt.
“Fuck!” you cry out when his tongue darts invasively into your centre before splaying out over your folds and nudging at your clit. Your arms give out beneath you when he moans against your heat, tongue finding your core again as he fucks it into it with tender force. 
“I want to make you come again like this, hermosa,” Javi tells you huskily when he comes up for air. “Wanna feel you come on my mouth.”
You can barely form the words to respond but then his hand makes contact with your ass again - a slightly sharper slap this time. You fist the sheets under you as a string of curses fall from your lips.
“Let me hear you, baby,” he implores you as his mouth finds your heat again, wetness dripping down your thighs, Javi’s fingers digging into the flesh on the sides of your hips.
“I want - I want to come for you again, Javi,” you manage while he licks his way over your folds, focusing his efforts towards your clit. His grip on your waist holds you steady as you squirm under him but then your desperate writhing seems to give him an idea.
“Fuck my face,” he orders you and now you’re too far gone to argue, the invitation too enticing to worry about feeling any kind of shame. Javi loosely guides your motions with his hands on your sides, but just as before on the couch, lets you do most of the work, to use him for your own release.
“Mmm, good girl,” he murmurs against you when you begin to roll your hips more deliberately, angling yourself so his tongue glides over your clit again and again. You can just picture his face, glistening with your slick, his eyes fluttering shut with pleasure because, by now, you’re learned he loves this as much as you do. The image alone is enough to have you start quivering under him, heat building in your core for the second time.
“Javi - more - ” you choke, feeling the release coming, needing him to help get you there.
He seems to understand. His hands on your hips grip you in place firmly now, snapping back into action and consuming your cunt with urgency, his expert tongue lapping over your clit in quick, meticulous strokes while he experimentally lands another hard slap over one or your ass cheeks.
It’s what ultimately snaps the tension and you come for the second time with a raucous cry, your spine arching as Javi keeps his face pressed into your cunt, coaxing you through the waves as you soak his lips.
You go slack against the bed spread as Javi finally eases off of you, laying one last gentle smack on the side of your thigh. It’s more of a signal, you realize - turn over - and you’re quick to respond, flipping onto your back, hazy and pleasure-drunk. Javi stares down at you with veneration, wiping away the wetness that coats his moustache with the back of his hand, his cock stiff and red at the tip. You work to catch your breath.
“Fuck, you’re amazing, Javi,” you sigh earnestly, running a hand over your face and feeling a thin sheen of sweat on your flushed cheeks. You hear him chuckle lightly in response. Sometimes it really hits you that for years no man had ever made you come. Javi, meanwhile, can coax as many as he wants from you with ease.
He’s already moving up the bed to hover over you, casually pulling at his cock as he does, his eyes raking over your form ardently. Despite how hard he is, he’s patient as he ducks down to kiss you, letting you taste yourself on his tongue when he runs it along your bottom lip.
You’re still trying to breathe but it’s nearly impossible when his mouth is locked with yours. He drops his grip around his cock to plant both arms on either side of your face, holding you captive against the mattress as his dick prods at your tummy. You can’t wait any more. 
You reach down to wrap your fingers around his length, smiling crookedly when the contact makes Javi groan against your mouth. 
His size still catches you off guard, but it doesn’t scare you as much as it had the first time. It’s not that you’re used to it (how could you ever be?) but at least you know what to expect now. You know how good it will be. 
“You want this cock, sweet girl?” he whispers as his lips kiss along your chin and down your neck, grazing over your chest so his teeth scrape against your perked nipples. 
“Please,” you reply, a quiet sigh.
His face falls into the crook of your neck as you stroke him languidly between your bodies, seemingly overwhelmed at your touch. He quickly regains his composure though, patience finally running out as he pulls your body into his by your hips and wraps your legs around his waist. You’re still soaking wet - more than ready to take him - but Javi nevertheless takes a moment to sensuously lick three of his fingers and sink them into your waiting heat, just to be sure.  
You arch into them with a moan, still a bit sensitive from your last orgasm. Javi’s lips part at the sound, his cock twitching against your thigh. 
“Are you ready for me, cariño?”
You nod silently. You’re tired of not being full of him. 
Javi smirks, his fingers pulling out of you and raking over your folds, bringing you back to that very first time when he leans in close to your ear and purrs, “Need to hear you say it, mi amor.”
Your heart skips a beat at the reminder and you’re about to give him the okay - until a better idea comes to you. Your hands interlock behind his head, lacing into his soft curls as you close the space between you and press your lips to his. 
It hits you, when your mouths collide, that you don’t think there’s ever been a time where you’ve kissed him. 
You’re not quite as confident as he is of course but Javi still melts against your lips, the tiniest of whimpers slipping from his mouth into yours, endeared by your attempt to take control. 
Now it’s his turn to get lost in you, at least until you unceremoniously break the kiss after just a heartbeat or two. You keep your hands securely interlaced around his neck, eyes boring into his as you instruct him simply, “Fuck me.”
Javi gawks back at you, expression vaguely awed as he finally nods and lines himself up with your centre. 
He still doesn’t rush it, keeping his eyes on yours as he slowly sinks the tip of his cock inside you, one of his hands tangling in your hair bracingly as your expression contorts at the stretch.
“Estás bien?” he checks in. Just like the first time and every time after - always checking in.
But this isn’t your first time.
“More,” is your only answer. 
Javi doesn’t need to be told twice. He eases his cock further into your heat, groaning as he fills you, sliding nearly all the way out before pushing back in to the base in one fluid thrust. 
“Fuck...so tight. Swear it just gets better and better with you, hermosa,” he sighs raggedly as he begins to leisurely fuck you in earnest, his one hand still knotted in your hair while the other feels its way over your breasts, pinching your nipples lightly as he explores your skin.
You can’t think of what to say to that because the truth is that it’s always been this good for you. Right from the start.
So instead you let your own hands wander over his shoulders, feeling your way along the smooth skin of his arms, fingers squeezing at the thick muscles there.
“Think you can you give me one more?” Javi muses into your hair as he drives his cock in and out of you rhythmically, his pace steadily increasing now. 
“Fuck - yes, oh my god - just - don’t stop,” you plead as he skillfully starts to hit that spot inside you.
“Touch yourself,” he orders as he kisses your jaw. 
You moan as you reach down to circle your clit with your fingers, the dual sensation almost too overwhelming. But then Javi’s whispering a string of filth into your ear, bringing you even closer to the edge. 
“Come for me, mi cielo, just one more...come on my dick, sweet girl...I want to feel that pussy come around me.”
His thrusts come faster still, your fingers rubbing with intent over your clit. His hand in your hair tightens and your eyes roll back into your head as heat builds in you for the third time, the unwavering snap of Javi’s hips into yours fucking you through it when the pleasure finally erupts.
You and Javi groan in unison as you come again, this time around his cock, squeezing his length as your pussy constricts around him.
“Good girl, baby, that’s so good,” Javi praises you as he peppers kiss after kiss on your cheeks, your lips, your neck, anywhere he can reach.
He grips your sides then, holding you still as the aftershocks pass through you, chasing his own climax. His low grunts ring through his bedroom like a lascivious symphony.
His hands snake under your body then and he pulls you up against his chest, fucking up into you as you straddle his lap. He clutches you by the back of your neck, his dark eyes in line with yours, foreheads colliding. 
“Can I come inside you?” he gasps, breathless but convictive as his movements turn frantic and all you can do is nod against him, humming a quiet, “Sí, Javi” before his release finally overtakes him. He clutches you into his chest and curses into your collarbone as his dick convulses inside your walls, filling you with his seed with a final, punishing thrust.
“Fuck me,” he chokes, holding you against him and keeping his cock inside you, both of you breathing heavily as you slowly come down.
“Better and better, right?” you pant into the skin of his shoulder, your arms coiled around neck, not quite ready to unravel yourself from him yet.
“Cada vez,” he agrees with a throaty laugh.
-
Eventually, you do come undone from each other. You lie back against the headboard together, Javi quick to light a smoke once he’s got his breath back. He’s not much for cuddling, you’ve come to discover, but he usually still lets you lean into his side after he fucks you - just like right now - occasionally pressing tender kisses to the top of your head, as a reminder that he’s still there.
But the mystery of his whereabouts today still hangs over you like an anxious rain cloud. And in the haze of the afterglow, bravery takes hold.
“Javi,” you whisper, reaching out with two fingers so he hands you the cigarette bemusedly; you don’t smoke. But now you take a long drag, Javi’s gaze focused on your lips around the filter.
“Hm?” he presses when you don’t go on right away.
“If you were in some kind of trouble, you’d tell me, right?”
Javi sighs, snatching the smoke back from you and running the heel of his palm over his brow line.
“We don’t have to talk about work.”
“I’m not asking as a - a colleague, Javi. I’m trying to…‘figure you out.’”
You mimic his words from earlier, trying to emulate the same genuine curiosity that he always does, maybe sounding a little too snide instead. Because it’s frustrating. You’ve given so much of yourself to him and it feels like you barely know him at all.
“I make you come three times and you’re still fucking worried about this?” Javi scoffs around a drag of his smoke.
Your frustration pools over as you sit up and away from him.
“Those things aren’t mutually exclusive, Javier,” you snarl combatively. “I’m trying to look out for you.”
“I don’t need you to.”
His voice rings out with finality, edged with a coldness he rarely addresses you with.
“You don’t want me to,” you amend his statement self-deprecatingly. You can read between the lines.
It’s quiet for a moment, as Javi sighs again. He almost says something, but catches himself, finally looking down at you with an almost wounded expression. 
“It’s better if you don’t know everything,” he says at last, that same fallacious calm from earlier infecting his tone. “It’s...safer this way, mi amor.”
You nod back at him, for once refusing to lose the upper hand when you shoot back,
“Safer for who?”
END.
javi p taglist (crossed out if i couldn’t tag you sorry bbs) - 
@cowgirl---bebop​ @its-hyperfixation​ @joelisdaddy​ @asirenbyanyothername​ @flash2412​ @sadbloatedegg @patzilla @theelishad​ @wmsfornumberone​ @thatgeminigirlx​ @jettia​ @stvrlighttsworld @darlingjeon @totallynotastanacc​ @xxmr-potato-headxx​ @omlwhatamidoinghere​ @dreamingintwodimensions​ @double-leo​ @therealcap​ @serenaxpedro​ @casssiopeia @starving-soulzz​ @pedritolover​ @was-he-ever-even-there​ @hotchlover​ @westeros-needs-me​ @bestpretend @pertinentpostmortem​ @huffle-punk​ @bellaramseymyluv​ @sexygaypalpatine @h1ghinmiami​ @burningnerdchild​ @jpbplvr​ @casual-obsessions​ @youbetterstopstop @eggnox​ @tinygarbage​ @detectivedaughter​ @midnightswithdearkatytspb​ @worhols​ @livinxdeadxgrl @tieronecrush​ @pedrostylez​ @imyourlittlescarlet​ @moriartyyouwhore​ @pinkpersonatyrant​ @obsessnstress @bearsbeetsbeskar​ @lavenderslace​ @str84pedro​ @pedritosdarling​ @joelsversion​ @weirdsociology​ @doodles-and-hedgehog​ @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog​ @wednesdayday​ @addictedtotlou​ @milla-frenchy​ @ethereal-soft @blockysheep @itsgiorgiaz
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neptuneiris · 4 months
Text
Behind the Scenes (04/05)
Behind the Acceptance
pairing: actor!aemond × fem!reader
summary: there are new changes for you and Aemond, he wants to rectify himself for past mistakes and you get used to your new life with the father of your son present.
word counter: 10.2K (consider it as a christmas gift, love you all❤)
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I'M SO SORRY!
i know the wait has been too much and you don't know how sorry i am. i experienced stress during my last week of uni before leaving for vacation and i got a new job, which consumes my time and i couldn't edit or do any writing, but i managed to find small times to write and that's why it's taken me so long. i appreciate your understanding, really🥺
I would like to wish you all merry christmas and a happy new year, my best wishes to all of you and also to your families, have a great time and God bless you all beautiful people, you are amazing and truly thank you for so much🥰
now yes, enjoy!
warnings: aemond dad melting our hearts and that's it:)
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When Aemond told you to please go back to work and stop running away so that the two of you could face all this together, you didn't quite understand what he meant by 'go back to work'.
However, the next morning after waking up and starting to prepare breakfast for Aenar, you received an unexpected call that answered your question.
It's an unknown number so you accept the call with some caution.
"Y/N speaking? This is Michelle Watson, from the Warner Bros studio production department," she says and your heart jumps.
"Hello?"
You speak on the other end of the line, holding your phone to your ear.
It's HBO, who Aemond is working with right now and where you left your job thrown after unexpectedly meeting him again.
Nerves soon set in and you hold your breath, already feeling ashamed for leaving the shooting set like that without saying anything to anyone and creating a complete circus the moment Aemond called your name in the trailer in front of everyone.
"Yes, she speaks," you reply nervously.
"We want to inform you that despite what has happened, we understand it and the circumstances that led you to leave unexpectedly during your working hours," she tells you in a soft and formal voice, "And we will expect you tomorrow without any problem to resume work."
You frown completely, hesitate a little and blink several times in disbelief, not quite understanding.
"I'm sorry… what do you mean by resuming work?" you ask, barely able to contain your own surprise and disbelief.
"Some conversations took place," she explains, "Mr. Targaryen was quite insistent on convincing the production team to reconsider your situation. He advocated on your behalf, explained the circumstances and your entire track record as an excellent professional makeup artist so that you could continue to work with us."
With your lips parted and your eyes wide open, you are speechless for a moment, staring at a spot in your living room with your heart pounding, definitely not expecting to hear any of this after everything that has happened on this day.
You didn't even expect Aemond to decide to do this for you after everything that happened with him and Criston.
And just when you were starting to worry about how you were going to pay the rent for this apartment and even started to make a schedule in your mind to go get a job somewhere else tomorrow or even today.
"So if there's no problem and everything is fine with you, we'll expect you tomorrow at 7:00 A.M."
Completely speechless.
You can't even control your own heart rate.
But in spite of that, you can't help but feel a huge relief run through your entire body, where you still feel overwhelmed by the generosity and gesture of trust they are offering you, but you definitely feel completely relieved and grateful.
"Yes, yes, of course," you hasten to say, trying to control your emotions, "I'll be there. Thank you so much."
They give you a few more details, you ask few more questions and finally end the call, which leaves you with mixed emotions as you silently contemplate that you still have this new possibility of a better life for you and Aenar.
But you also think about Aemond.
And you will also wait to see how Aemond's integration into your son's little life will be now.
You really appreciate this gesture, you know that only he can do something like this with his influence and connections.
And in fact it gives you the confidence that he will keep his word that no one else will interfere in your and Aenar's life, only the two of you will make the decisions.
Arriving at the recording set, you leave Aenar in the nursery and then you enter the corridors of the whole big production, which is buzzing with its usual atmosphere with its twinkling lights, technical equipment with the huge cameras, microphones and all the sets ready.
You honestly feel nervous knowing that tomorrow you and Aemond will be working in the same place again, like in the old days.
But that's why you try to be as prepared as possible and you won't let all kinds of personal matters interfere with your work.
And once you arrive, you take a moment, take a deep breath and push open the door, where that familiar atmosphere once again envelops you.
You don't even know why but your heart is pounding as you walk down the halls and every step leads you to your area, the makeup and wardrobe trailer.
You assume it's out of shame after what happened yesterday.
Unfortunately your entrance doesn't go unnoticed and as you close the door behind you as you walk just a little into the trailer, some curious faces turn to see you, including Jess, who stops her usual routine and rushes over to you, her eyes wide with surprise.
You hug her back gently, feeling relieved and less tense by the warm welcome from Jess who, even though the two of you don't know each other very well, she actually seems like a very nice person and her personality shows you that.
"Ah Y/N, what a relief to see you again!"
She exclaims with her tone full of joy.
"God, I thought you wouldn't come back," she says as she hugs you excitedly, providing you with some comfort.
"I'm so sorry about yesterday," you say with a regretful gesture and you both break the hug, "I shouldn't have left like that and you don't know how embarrassed I feel. I'm really sorry."
"Oh no, don't worry about it," she assures you instantly, making a nonchalant gesture, "That's all in the past. The important thing is that you're back and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it," she comforts you with a small smile, "We have a lot of work to do today and we need to get you up to speed right away."
Jess, full of energy, ushers you further into the trailer while you greet your other co-workers. Then she explains the day's itinerary precisely, pointing out schedules, wardrobe changes and other important details.
All the while you nod, thanking her for her guidance and trying to keep up. In the midst of all the preparations, the huge door opens again and Aemond is now the one who makes his presence known.
Your gaze meets his and you see the obvious and unexpected surprise in his eyes at seeing you again, but there's not much reaction from either of you as instantly the makeup artists call him over and guide him to start prepping him for today's filming scenes.
And Jess also takes your arm, guiding you to the back of the trailer where the dressing rooms are located explaining what you will be doing, forcing you to look away from him.
And you can only feel Aemond's gaze on you until he loses sight of you.
Jess continues to explain to you, but you can't help but think and wonder certain things, like if everyone here, even Jess, knows about you and Aemond... what you once were and that you have a child together.
The behavior of both of you yesterday was very obvious, that's what you would think if you were an expectant one, so surely there must be some speculation.
And at that moment you remind yourself that your priority right now is your work and that the personal should be kept out of your work environment, so you shouldn't even think about it.
Finally you focus on following Jess's directions, putting aside distractions and preparing for the day.
Jess leaves you alone to take care of her own work and you start with yours, where you spend about an hour still in the back of the trailer, where you check and prepare the costumes that already have to be ready for the scenes that will be filmed soon.
When in the middle of everything, you hear some footsteps approaching behind you and thinking it must be one of the other actors or one of your co-workers, you turn around and the first thing you notice is that silver hair.
Aemond enters this section of the trailer a little unsure, without saying anything, while you also watch him without saying anything.
He is ready to record his scenes with that scar on the left side of his face that his character has and he only lacks the costume.
Until finally he speaks first.
You knew that having a conversation with him again would happen soon, so you're not surprised.
But for a moment there is a tense silence and a slight nervousness and insecurity on the part of both of them, where a clash of emotions is reflected in each other's gazes.
"Hey," he says in a soft, low voice, taking a couple of steps towards you.
You try to smile a little in his direction, not knowing exactly what to say or what to do.
"Hey," you wave back.
There is an awkward pause before Aemond again takes the initiative, taking a few cautious and slow steps towards you.
You bite your lips and lower your gaze for a moment, as he puts a hand to the back of his neck and looks so insecure and nervous standing there, surprising you a bit, as that behavior in him is unusual.
He usually always has that confident attitude in everything he says and does.
"I'm glad you're back," he admits to you, his low tone full of sincerity, "It's good to see you around again."
His words and that friendly gesture take you a bit by surprise, and although you still feel overwhelmed by the unexpected situation, you appreciate the way he is leading in handling all of this to start working together for Aenar's well-being, leaving past tensions behind.
"Thank you," you reply, feeling that sense of relief in your chest again, "Oh, hum… and thank you for talking to production so I could come back," you say a little shyly but gratefully, "You didn't have to."
He lets out a scoff in a nonchalant and also absurd gesture, frowning slightly his nose and forehead.
"Please, it was the least I could do," he tells you softly and with a warm tone, "Besides, it was nothing. I was just afraid you'd decide not to come back."
You hum in understanding.
"I thought about that," you confess to him, lowering your gaze for a moment, "But things were going to be easier for both of us with Aenar if I came back here," you explain, "Still, it was a very kind gesture of you."
Aemond nods, his gaze conveying a mixture of emotions that reflect both relief to see you back here, understanding, and also regret for the past that still haunts him. But he doesn't let those thoughts invade him too much at that moment.
Again there is silence in between for a few seconds, when he speaks again.
"How is Aenar?" he asks in a voice charged with a mixture of happiness, nostalgia and longing for his son.
"He's fine," you say in a soft voice, "He's in the studio nursery. Mary takes very good care of him," you add, wanting to reassure him that his son is being properly cared for.
He nods slowly, humming in response, trying to hide the intensity of his emotions in his gaze.
"That's good, I'm glad to hear that," he replies, vulnerability in his tone and gaze.
The air between the two of you still lingers, charged with emotions that neither of you dares to express openly. However, taking advantage of the conversation, Aemond decides to propose something.
He just met him yesterday and can't wait to see him again, to be in his company.
Yesterday's hours were simply not enough. And knowing that his son is well brings him relief and a feeling he hasn't experienced before since he found out he is a father.
"If you want, I can pay for a trusted babysitter for him," he offers and this gets your full attention, "I'm just saying… so you don't always have to bring him with you to work," he says with a hesitation, his tone betraying his insecurity about his proposal.
You remain silent for a moment, not knowing what exactly to say, in fact processing the unexpected offer. And Aemond can't help but feel even more unnerved by your silence.
"I-I… I don't know," you murmur, hesitant.
This nursery in the set is at least in the same place as you and that gives you relief that whatever happens, you can rush to him right away.
The idea of a babysitter strikes you as a mixture of relief and concern.
In the morning you'd have more time getting ready to come to work and it wouldn't be as much of a burden on you, yet you've never left someone to take care of Aenar while you're away.
But leaving him at home and coming all the way here to work, that causes you hesitation, besides the fact that you have to know the person who will take care of your child perfectly, as well as have confidence in her, above all.
"Only if that makes you feel more comfortable," Aemond adds softly, "But if that's not what you want, that's fine."
You bite your lips, feeling uneasy at the thought of someone else caring for your son and having him away when you're working.
"And you know someone who might be trustworthy?" you ask attentively and still with hesitation in your gaze.
"Yes," he tells you immediately, softly, "Rhaenyra has an army of babysitters to take care of my younger nephews. I can ask her for help with that and I know she'll say yes," he assures you.
"And they are professional babysitters?"
"Yeah, yeah, Nyra is also very careful with the selection and the babysitters she has hired have years of experience and so far several of them have worked with her for a few years now."
And after a moment's reflection, you agree.
And as convincing as the information is, still a mixture of worry and resignation envelopes your body.
But you knew that sooner or later you would have to face the situation of balancing your job with the responsibility of caring for your little one, accepting the idea that you won't always be able to have him with you.
"All right," you nod to him, "But I'd like to do some interviews first."
"Yeah, of course. I'll take care of that, don't worry," he says softly, nodding to you and you nod back.
"Thank you, Aemond."
"You don't have to thank me, Y/N, it's for our son. And if he or you need anything, please just let me know."
Seeing Aemond so willing to be a present father and his desire to be involved in his son's life, to some extent relieves you and surprises you a little, clearly because of what happened at first when you found out you were pregnant.
But so far… he has really shown you that he wants to be present and without having Criston and all his team around anymore.
The slight tension in the air is felt again as you and he continue to navigate the terrain of this new dynamic, which feels a little weird and you feel very nervous, though you don't even know why, while he at all times seems unsure.
And in an attempt to diffuse the tension, now you're the one who speaks first.
"Okay," you nod, "And if you…" you try to say a little nervously and with some caution and insecurity, "If you want to go see Aenar at the nursery or even at the apartment, you can," you assure him with a soft tone, "I never said you couldn't visit him and I don't plan to take that right away from you."
Vulnerability is reflected both in your words and in Aemond's expression, who with his soft face and with his gaze full of various emotions, places a small gentle smile on his lips.
"I'd love that."
Your words mean more to him than you probably realize. That sincere gesture of openness on your part, Aemond deeply appreciates.
Just as he appreciates that the conversation has reached a level of understanding and cooperation that neither of you had anticipated, but that you definitely appreciate. It doesn't end there yet, though.
"Can I ask you something?"
You nod, with no problem.
"Sure."
"What will you be leaving work on when your shift is over with Aenar?" he tells you interested and attentive.
"Um… well, yesterday I took the bus," you explain, considering that just yesterday was supposedly your first day, "And I had already planned that if I finished late, I'd take an Uber. Like now in the morning I was running a little late and took an Uber," you reply, trying to explain your transportation routine.
In fact there is nothing wrong with moving this way, many people do it, besides you don't have many options.
But that's what Aemond doesn't want, he wants to make your life a little easier, especially since Aenar lives with you and he doesn't want to risk something bad happening to both of you one day with public transport.
"Well, if you want, I can take the two of you," he also offers without hesitation, "Or if it seems too much, I can ask my driver to pick you up and take you wherever you need to go, without problem," he assures you, "I just don't want you to move that way with Aenar or by yourself."
This new unexpected offer from Aemond also surprises you, that you even think about turning him down, telling him it's not necessary.
Mostly you see it from Aenar's safety side.
But his concern is genuine and also you know that then moving you will start to be a problem.
You know you can't afford Uber every day, the fares aren't exactly cheap and there are other needs you have to take care of, besides taking the bus late could be dangerous.
"Well…" you look at him hesitantly and a little embarrassed, "You won't have a problem with that?"
"No, of course not," he answers you instantly.
You nod in his direction, grateful for his consideration.
"Yes, it's fine and seriously thank you for this too," you can't help but say, "Sometimes transport is complicated."
"Don't worry, it's fine."
He is about to say something else when a third voice interrupts him, entering the same space as you.
"Yeah, I know, sorry, I'm already on it," he assures her instantly.
"Aemond, are you ready now?"
Enters one of your co-workers, watching him intently and instantly with concern at the sight of him still in his civilian clothes.
"For God's sake, why aren't you dressed yet? Your scene is going to shoot in less than fifteen minutes!"
"I'll be back in ten minutes. Hurry up, please," the worried girl says and hurries away.
You instantly at that moment decide that the two of you can talk later and hand him his clothes from the scene he'll be shooting soon and he thanks you, heading for one of the small dressing rooms quickly.
When he finishes putting on his clothes, you quickly help him look perfect for filming the scene.
"I'll be seeing you," he tells you before leaving and you nod.
"Sure."
And from that moment on, over the next few days, everything changes as much for Aemond as it does for you.
He kept his word to drive you and Aenar back home every time your shift ended. And if he was still filming scenes, he would send his driver to take you instead of him, also to bring you in the mornings.
The relationship is cordial and collaborative and while there is no romantic reconciliation involved, there is a determination to build a more stable and secure future for Aenar, as well as prioritizing his well-being above all else.
At work, too, the dynamic between the two of you changes completely. Communication is professional, as it should be, but in every interaction there is a complicity that seems to have evolved.
There is a quiet understanding, a new focus on cooperation and mutual respect that is taking shape.
Also Aemond kept his word to hire a fully trusted babysitter and while he took care of that, sometimes you found him in the nursery with Aenar, keeping him company and playing with him.
At first this caused you some noise and also confusion, since Aemond is under the public eye spending quality time with his son and doesn't bother to hide it, so you wondered if already everyone working here, also Aemond's co-workers, knows that he has a son with you.
Again that sight couldn't help but make you smile with a certain nostalgic look, watching the interaction of those two silver-haired heads in their own world.
But it made you feel happy to see your little boy laughing and playing with his father.
And if so, you doubt that it will come out soon, because working in this production of whatever position, there is a confidentiality contract for everything, even for the personal life of the actors.
But when the shooting of this show is over, everyone is probably going to know about it. Although it seems that Aemond doesn't even think about it and doesn't really care.
So you decide not to ask him anything about it and how Criston and his whole team is going to take it.
You honestly don't know what Aemond has done with him, what they have talked about and what exactly happened for him to leave you and Aenar alone.
And you don't want to know. You've had enough of him and everything he did to you. And fortunately you live in peace and feel safe to have Aemond on your side this time.
And before you can say anything, Aemond steps forward with a soft little smile.
When one day on your day off you find yourself making dinner while Aenar watches his favorite cartoon in the living room and you supervise him occasionally from where you are, there's a knock at the door.
You're traumatized with the thought that maybe it's Criston and something bad is going to happen, but when you open the door you find Aemond with a woman by his side.
"Hey."
"Hi," you try to smile, a little confused.
"Are you busy? I-I didn't know and thought I'd just come over," he says, "And I'd let you know but I don't have your number or-or something."
"No, no, it's fine, I'm just making dinner," you hasten to say.
"I came because I wanted to introduce you to Elinda Massey," he tells you, pointing to the woman next to him and she looks at you with a warm smile, "One of the babysitters Rhaenyra recommended to me to take care of Aenar."
"Oh," you nod, now understanding.
You watch Elinda and she radiates warmth and assurance in her gaze, instantly feeling comfortable with her presence.
"It's nice to meet you, Elinda," you say with a small smile, extending your hand to her.
"Same to you, Y/N," she replies, shaking his hand with yours, "Aemond has told me so much about you and Aenar. I'm very excited to meet him as well."
Aemond beside her nods, his expression calm.
"Elinda is professional and very experienced. I wanted to introduce you to her and thought maybe we could do a little interview together, just to get to know her and see how she gets along with Aenar."
You instantly nod again.
"Oh yeah, yeah, sure, come on in," you step aside, allowing them to pass, "Aenar is watching his favorite cartoon," you say as you close the door behind you.
Aemond instantly walks towards him, making a sound of surprise, catching his attention and Aenar instantly notices him, smiling big at the sight of him, his huge blue eyes lighting up and reaching out his little arms towards him.
Both you and Aemond know Elinda better and you realize that she is a woman who has all the necessary experience and training. Besides the fact that when she approaches Aenar, he instantly laughs and plays with her.
Aemond laughs and takes him in his arms, starting to leave a bunch of kisses on his huge chubby cheeks, making him laugh as he holds him against his chest and speaks to him in a honeyed tone.
And you again can't help but smile as you watch the scene.
There is still that feeling of worry in you knowing that you will have to leave Aenar in someone else's care.
But Elinda shows you so much in so few hours, she tells you about her experience, shows you letters of recommendation, first aid certificates, as well as other care and Aenar has fun with her.
Aemond stays a few more moments in Aenar's company, playing games and watching the cartoons he likes, while you finish dinner and cleaning the kitchen.
The three of you establish a work schedule for her, as well as you tell her some recommendations and observations regarding Aenar.
And once everything is ready and clarified, she leaves and Aemond tells you that he has already taken care of all the payment details with her.
Every now and then you hear how Aemond asks him questions in a honeyed tone and repeats the same expressions he does when he sees his favorite character on TV, and then both start laughing.
Those sounds, the sound of your son's laughter and also Aemond's expressions, unconsciously make you smile and you watch from the kitchen as Aemond makes funny gestures or faces to make him laugh and attacks him with a lot of kisses all over his face or tickles.
Then you walk him to the door once he is ready to leave.
And there the two of them make themselves comfortable on the couch, eventually Aenar falls asleep on Aemond's lap, his back and head against his chest. He cautiously gets up holding him gently and puts him to sleep, while you thank him.
"Oh, right, I almost forgot," he says stopping in front of the door and turns to you, "This is for you."
You see him take his wallet from his back pocket and inside it, he pulls out what appears to be a black card and holds it out to you. This catches your attention and also confuses you, taking the card with that confusion, not understanding.
And only when you take a good look at it in your hands do you realize that it is a bank card.
"It's yours."
He says and you frown more, then raise your gaze to him asking for an explanation.
"I can only send money to it, I don't have direct access. You'll get the PIN from the bank, tomorrow after the shoot, I'll take you to activate it," he tells you, "You know, it's in case you need money to buy something for Aenar or for you, whatever you need."
Then when you fully understand the explanation and the purpose of this, you start to panic.
"Aemond—
You try to say feeling the lump in your throat and your heart starting to pound.
"I know I didn't tell you about this, but please, I want to do it," he interrupts you with a pleading tone so you won't reject him or reproach him about it, "Besides, this is necessary. Sometimes I will have to travel to other cities for shootings or events and I won't be able to see you or him and I want to make sure you don't lack anything. So just accept it, please."
"But—
"Please," he insists.
This really seems too much to you and you have an idea of the amount of money the card must already have. And no… in spite of everything, you don't want to accept this and feel that you are taking advantage of him.
You watch him still with hesitation and worry on your face, tension hanging in the air as you and he stand in complete silence, saying nothing for a few seconds.
You look back down at the card in your hands and Aemond follows your gaze, both of you standing face to face.
And it just seems that Aemond reads your thoughts by the hesitation and insecurity on your face.
"If you don't want to use it to also buy things for yourself, use it just to buy Aenar whatever he needs," he tells you softly, "After all, I was going to do this sooner or later, wasn't I? It's my responsibility to make sure he doesn't lack anything and that's what I'm going to do."
You let out a long breath, beginning to feel less of the weight of the luxurious and clearly exclusive black card in your hands, with his words beginning to soften your chest at the mention of Aenar.
"Fine," you mutter finally, letting out a sigh and raising your gaze to him, "B-but I'll only use it for things that Ae-
This gesture from Aemond is a clear sign of concern and responsibility he feels towards you and his son. And you truly feel that genuine desire that he wants to contribute for the welfare of both of you.
You try to clarify but he quickly speaks up.
"Yeah, okay," he nods at you, "Don't worry. Just… use it."
You nod again.
"Thank you, Aemond."
A slight flicker of concern appears in his gaze and he quickly tries to be able to struggle to find the right words to be able to explain himself so you don't misunderstand him.
"I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to—
"No, no, I don't think so," you tell him softly, with understanding, "This…" you look back down at the card in your hands and let out a sigh, "This is actually necessary and very helpful…. you really don't know how much I appreciated it."
He nods, his expression relieving a bit as he sees your behavior and also as you accept his support.
"Easy, it's okay," he assures you in a soft murmur.
"Also…" he starts to say with some nervousness but definitely more confident, "I wanted to ask you if you have social security for Aenar and you," he says with a serene expression, looking directly at you.
Again silence settles between the two of you but the air is different, calmer and less tense, feeling the mutual understanding.
And Aemond, after the two of you say nothing for another long few seconds, thinks it best to talk at this point about another plan he has in mind.
This also immediately catches your attention and you watch him warily, tilting your head to one side and starting to get an incredulous look on your face.
"You're not seriously thinking that—
"Y/N, please," he interrupts you, "This is no problem for me, really," he insists, "I just need to know."
"But—
"This is also important and I can pay for it."
"But it's a lot of money and I don't think—
"Do you really think I'll let you and Aenar go through life without being covered?" he asks you incredulously, "I can handle this. I really can."
His words continue to reflect that genuine commitment and you, despite your concern, feel something warm invade your chest, especially the gentle and willing way he is looking at you.
After all that has happened, seeing Aemond so determined to contribute to your son's well-being gives you a new hope and opportunity for Aenar's future.
The costs are too much, nothing you could really afford, not even for Aenar, since your salary was not much and had to cover other needs. You couldn't even afford it on your current salary.
You have always worked very hard to try to give Aenar everything he needs. Among them, paying for a social insurance for him, in case of anything.
But you could never afford it.
And that suddenly Aemond is offering it to you so easily, clearly because he can afford it, you feel somewhat overwhelmed and also feel that it is too much.
"And you're completely—
"Yes, I am," he interrupts you again, being very clear and honest with you, "This won't be any trouble, really," he assures you.
You want to tell him thank you, but the words get stuck in your throat. However, Aemond sees the gratitude is visible in your gaze, along with your concern and how you find yourself overthinking it.
So he just gives you a look of understanding and total reassurance.
"I'll be leaving. You need to rest. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
You let out a long breath, bite your lips and nod in his direction.
"Okay."
"Good night," he says softly as he opens the apartment door again.
"Good night. Drive safe."
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Lately the days have been more… peaceful.
But as the days progressed, you realized that it was useless to feel that way because when you returned to the apartment, everything was absolutely fine. And also everything is easier when you transport yourself with Aemond's help or with the help of his driver.
Having Elinda as a babysitter, your mornings are easier and she does an excellent job with Aenar, so you have nothing to worry about.
At first you would leave home feeling horrible and your whole body tense, always alert to your phone and exaggeratedly paranoid.
Aemond also one day told you the same thing, that lately things have been quiet, even the recordings have not been heavy for him compared to other days or other jobs.
And for the same reason that he is busy filming, he hasn't attended any events or interviews, that happens rather after he finishes filming a new show or movie and there is still time left for that.
Aemond drives in silence and the soft background music on low volume fills the entire interior of the car while you watch the city through the windows and Aenar sleeps secured in one of the back seats.
So on this one day and for one occasion only, Elinda had an important commitment that she couldn't postpone, so she didn't show up for work and you didn't have any problem, since you can bring Aenar to the nursery on the set.
And now it is Aemond who is driving them home after your shift ended almost at the same time he finished filming his scenes.
He and you haven't talked much during the whole drive, only about work, but even so the silence is comfortable and you can't wait to get home to cook a nice dinner.
The cityscape soon transforms into familiar and somewhat… careless streets, as you approach to your apartment.
He parks in front of your building and watches you.
You know this isn't a luxurious area and there's a lot of detail to look at, but it's what you can afford right now.
And that's just what Aemond thinks as he looks around the neighborhood, hating to leave you and Aenar here when he can get you a much better place. But he knows you'll say no.
"Will you stay here any longer?" he asks you softly, "I mean, will you continue to pay rent?"
"For now yes," you nod to him, "I'm saving up to move to a better place, to an apartment in a different area and that's close to work," you let him know, "It's just taking time because of my paycheck."
Aemond stares at you intently for a moment, thinking and pondering your words, with a thoughtful look on his face, while you make sure you have all your belongings with you before getting out of the car and carrying Aenar.
And just as he is about to speak, a familiar sound interrupts him and his son's crying is heard throughout the car.
You follow him too with all your things in hand, walking over to both of them.
You quickly turn to him to attend to him, trying to calm him down, while Aemond reacts and quickly gets out of the car to open the door to the back seats.
It takes him a little while to unfasten the seat belts, but once he's finished he takes him in his arms and whispers comforting words in his ear to make him stop crying.
"Shh, my little one," Aemond whispers, holding him against his chest and stroking his silver hair, "Hey, it's okay, it's okay," he murmurs, leaving a soft kiss on his forehead.
You move to his side and run one of your hands over his wet cheeks, watching you for a moment with teary blue eyes only to close them tightly and continue crying.
"Either he wants to sleep in his room or he's hungry," you say, stroking his face to try to calm him as well.
"He didn't eat?" he asks you attentively.
"Yes, Mary said yes."
"Then he wants to sleep," he says, trying to wipe the dried tears from his cheeks, "Come on upstairs, I'll take him," he tells you and you nod.
All the while Aemond tries to comfort him until they reach the door of your apartment, but when he lays him down in his crib, Aenar cries more and he carefully holds him in his arms again, trying to soothe him while you quickly stop in the kitchen and prepare a baby bottle, hoping it will help.
And when you hand it to Aemond, he stands gently pacing around the room holding Aenar with one arm while the other hand holds the baby ottle for him against his mouth, hoping it will soothe him and he will fall asleep.
You take the bottle and Aemond carefully lays him down to sleep in his crib, leaving a soft kiss on his forehead to finally let him rest.
Aenar eventually calms down as he drinks from the baby bottle and watches with his blue eyes Aemond above him, who is still gently walking him around the room.
And little by little, wrapped in the safety of Aemond's arms, he falls asleep.
He sits up and turns to you, where you both look at each other without saying anything for a moment, sharing a silent connection.
"Thank you," you whisper to him.
"Don't worry," he says back to you in the same way.
Together you leave Aenar's room without a sound and gently close the door.
That night Aemond drives to his apartment with a new thought in mind, one of which is to always provide a better life for you and Aenar.
That's why, without telling you anything and taking advantage of the fact that it's your day off, he manages to leave the recording set early, he tells you to accompany him to the mall to buy new clothes for Aenar and you accept without thinking about anything else.
During the ride, so far you haven't questioned him about anything and that relieves him, but when you finally pay attention to the streets he is driving through, that's when your confusion appears and Aemond is thankful that you are about to arrive at the real place he wants to take you.
"I don't think there's a shopping mall around here, Aemond," you tell him confused, watching the streets carefully.
You realize that he is actually driving through a private residential neighborhood, with the streets lined with luxurious homes or rather mansions that would catch anyone's attention and you are clearly no exception.
And remembering your locations, you can tell that this neighborhood belongs to the Visenya Hill area, the most exclusive and prestigious area of King's Landing.
"Aemond, where are we going?" you look at him completely confused and questioning.
"I want to show you something," he tells you without giving you any more detail, generating more confusion and despair in you.
"But you said we were going to the mall."
"I know, but I lied to you," he says with some regret and you frown, "If I told you I wanted to show you a house where you can live with Aenar, you wouldn't have come."
"What?"
You inquire in your completely incredulous, serious and questioning voice, watching him with your eyes wide open.
"Surely you're joking," you tell him absurdly, shaking in his direction and watching him completely intently and seriously, really wanting to believe this is a joke.
"No, I'm not," he says letting out a small laugh, watching you for a moment to turn his gaze back to the road.
"Aemond," you start trying to warn him, serious.
"We're here," he announces out of nowhere, alerting you more fully.
You watch with your lips parted and completely attentive at all the windows, as the car comes to a stop in front of an impressive house, whose high ceilings and elegant white columns stand out in the neighborhood.
The front garden with the green lawn, a beautiful fountain and flowering bushes only make it stand out more, besides the elegant entrance, its huge windows and the dimension of the whole house that makes you continue to stare at everything with your mouth open.
In comparison, Aemond looks at the house with a hopeful expression and feeling genuinely happy and excited. But at the same time, he is worried about your attitude and what you will tell him about all this.
At first you refuse to get out of the car, still incredulous and surprised, telling him this is crazy, but Aemond makes you get out and also gets Aenar down from the back seats, instantly on this rare occasion preferring your arms instead of his father's.
"Aemond," you try to say, worried and still unable to believe it.
"Easy. Come," he tells you completely unconcerned, leading you to the entrance of the house.
You observe everything, unable to help yourself, as there is even furniture and everything looks too expensive but too beautiful at the same time.
You watch as he holds the fucking key in his hand and opens the beautiful, gigantic door for you, without giving you a chance to say anything else.
And as you enter, the entire interior of the house spreads out in front of you, illuminated by the daylight filtering through the windows and highlighting every majestic detail of the property.
The simple entrance is large with a crystal chandelier above you hanging from the high ceiling, the living room is spacious and there is also a small decorative fountain. Further on there is another living room that you can observe from the spacious and eye-catching kitchen.
And the entire upstairs also completely grabs your attention, having three huge bedrooms, the master bedroom being the largest of them all, each with its own bathroom and closet.
The bathroom down here is ridiculously large for a bathroom. The pantry is also a ridiculously large room for a pantry.
The garden is lovely and has a swimming pool which, according to Aemond, can be automatically closed off for Aenar's security. There is a laundry and drying room as well.
"It's perfect, don't you think?"
Aemond tells you slightly excited as you walk down the stairs behind him, with Aenar in your arms and who also looks at everything around him with a twinkle in his eyes.
"Work is nearby, my apartment is nearby and Elinda has come to this area to work before, so it won't be a problem," he tells you with that little smile, turning to you, looking with that gleam of hope compared to you.
He clearly expects the same reaction from you and even having already seen the house, you let out a sigh and look at him with a serious and confused expression.
"Aemond, what do you think you're doing?"
"Well, it's for you," he tells you, pointing to everything around him, still not seeing how much this is costing you, "It's perfect for you and Aenar. And a chance for him to live and grow up in a nice, spacious, safe place."
You are speechless for a moment, feeling that heaviness in your chest and your heart pounding as you press your lips together and briefly observe everything around you again.
"Everything will be taken care of by me, you won't have to worry about anything," he assures you softly, "Aenar's room is big, the kitchen is big, there are two living rooms and..." he shrugs, "Like I told you, everything is close by."
"Tell me you haven't already bought all this," you say slightly concerned.
And then all emotion from Aemond slowly fades.
"But why? What is it that—
"Aemond, this is too much," you interrupt him incredulously, shock in your eyes, "How do you think I'm just going to accept this just like that?"
He steps closer, with the slight concern in his gaze, trying to convey calm, but his eye reflects the urgency of his purpose.
"Y/N, please. I only want what's best for you and Aenar. Besides, you said you're moving soon and—
"Yes but to an apartment, not a house that costs millions of dollars," you tell him absurdly.
"Yes, I know, but—" he bites his lips, nervous, "I wanted to do this. I wanted to give this to you and Aenar," he says insistent, "A safe place in a quiet neighborhood, where you can also have your space without having to worry anymore."
You shake your head.
"But—
"Look, just..." he tries to find the right words, trying to work on your willing attitude for not accepting this, "Consider it, yes?" he insist, "You don't have to make a decision right now, for now I just wanted to show you around, nothing more," he says calmly, though you know that behind that calmness is an obvious longing.
"But it's just that this is too much and... no," you look at him with slight concern, "I don't need to consider it because no matter how much I think about it, my answer is no."
"Aemond, this..." you begin to say with restrained sadness, hesitating, "This won't change the past. This won't make it so I can forgive you," you tell him resignedly, "This isn't about me and Aenar, it's about Aenar nothing else and her well being," you tell him in a broken voice, "But this... this house... it's too much."
"Y/N..." he says, taking a couple more steps towards you, wary, "Two years ago, I was the worst shitty boyfriend," he says with sadness and regret, "I had to support you, be there for you completely, I shouldn't have let Criston talk me into his plans, accept in the beginning to hide you and hide my responsibility."
He says as he looks nostalgic at Aenar in your arms.
"And now that you've given me this second chance, I just want to make things right....I want to do what I should have done in the beginning."
Aemond's expression, although he himself tries to remain expressionless, still feels as if he has been hit hard in the stomach when he hears your words.
And all illusion disappears, as well as his enthusiasm.
He resignedly steps back, leaving a space between you and him, not wanting to overwhelm you any more than he already has.
He thought this would be a good idea, that by the time the three of you were here, looking forward to the idea of a new home, you would understand and accept.
But there are still many open wounds from the past and he knows they cannot be healed with these sudden gestures.
"I know, it's just that I-I..." he tries to say with his voice laden with regret and deep remorse," I didn't expect this... a house or an apology to just fix things," he says sincerely and with disappointment, "I just wanted to give Aenar stability and offer you a safe place for the both of you, give you a better life."
Silence envelops you both, dense and charged with mixed emotions.
Aemond tries to find some sign on your face, wanting you to see his true intention, longing for some small indication of hope or acceptance.
And you feel the overwhelming weight of responsibility and emotions inside you. All of this is tempting, though your heart is still scarred by past pain and also distrust. And you are torn between caution and the opportunity to give Aenar the stability he deserves.
Aemond remains silent, respecting your space and your time to process the situation. But the indecision in you is all too obvious.
"Y/N, I promise you that all this is for Aenar and nothing else," he tells you seriously and sincerely, "I promise I won't try anything, except to take care of him and make sure he lacks nothing," he insists, "At least stay in this house until he grows up a little more and if you still think it's too much, we can find a smaller place," he proposes.
His words are left floating in the air, while you continue to think too hard. His proposal echoing in your mind, plunging you into a sea of thoughts, with indecision.
Aemond seems to have put his heart on the table, but your emotions continue to struggle between caution and hope, as you cannot ignore the possibility of offering Aenar a more secure and stable life, which is all you wish for him since you could not give him that at the beginning.
And it is also what Aemond desires, that is why he is so insistent and you see his true intention to give this to Aenar, without any other intentions in between.
But is it right to trust him again? What if Criston and his team try to intervene again? This time they would do it more easily.
Maybe it can be different this time.
You honestly feel like you're taking a big risk by agreeing. It's a big bet to open your life and Aenar's to this new opportunity, but you also see how he's striving to give you something better.
And that's exactly what has you questioning and wondering: should I give this a chance?
"All right," you finally say in a soft voice with a mixture of nervousness, "But only for Aenar."
Aemond looks at you with surprise and hope.
"Really?"
You nod, swallowing hard and Aemond lets out a long breath, visibly relieved and then, avoiding smiling big, takes the house key from his front pocket and holds it out to you, to which you take it a little confused.
"Don't you have to give it to the real estate agent?"
"Actually, I already bought it," he says with a nervous but innocent gesture at the same time, scratching the back of his neck, "Well, I haven't paid the whole amount, but I've paid most of it. So it's yours."
Seven fucking Hells.
You can't help but think as you close your eyes for a moment and let out a sigh, unable to believe it.
The new house soon began to have that warmth the moment you started settling in with Aenar. Every room radiates a sense of peace and comfort that you haven't experienced in a long time.
The move wasn't difficult at all, the only thing you had to transport from the old apartment with the help of Aemond and his driver was your clothes, Aenar's clothes, her toys and her crib, nothing else.
The house already had furniture, beds, decorations and even televisions already installed.
The high ceilings allow natural light to flood in, while the white walls set off the black and gray furniture and Aenar toys, creating a warm and cozy atmosphere.
Aemond builds Lego block forts together with him, buys him toy dragons, cars, stuffed animals and they both watch Aenar's favorite cartoon or movies, getting cozy on the shag carpet or on the couch.
Because Aemond's apartment is close by, his commitment is more accessible, so there is never a day that goes by that he doesn't visit Aenar.
Special moments between father and son are spent in the living room, where toys scattered on the floor become Aenar's playroom area.
Also some evenings the three of you have dinner together, where Aemond offers to feed Aenar and eventually the dining room fills with laughter and smiles as you focus on him.
The backyard also becomes a realm of adventure, where they both even plan picnics and invite you over.
They also both sometimes spend afternoons exploring with laughter and playing with the plastic cars on the lawn where Aenar imitates the sounds Aemond makes from a car.
The new house is filled with happy and warm moments, forming the perfect setting for Aenar to begin to grow up, having both of his parents looking after him.
The proximity of work and Aemond's apartment made the daily routine easier. The routes are short and convenient, allowing more time to enjoy time together.
And above all you definitely feel more at ease having Elinda taking care of Aenar while you are considerably closer to home from the set.
When one day at night, you had already received a message from Aemond telling you that he would be a little late to visit Aenar, as usual, and you replied that it was fine, even though tomorrow is your day off and you have no problem with sleeping late.
But the clock is almost half past eleven at night and you think he is not going to arrive, when just at that moment you hear the doorbell ring and you go to the door, checking from the IPad the cameras of a program that Aemond installed to record Aenar while he sleeps and also monitors in case of anything and so you can make sure he is okay.
And finally you open the door, watching Aemond carefully.
"I thought you weren't coming anymore," you tell him in a low, warm tone, but also worried.
Aemond nods, letting out a sigh.
"I finished later than I thought. It was a hard day," he tells you heavily.
You nod softly and understandingly, stepping aside to let him pass.
"Aenar is already asleep."
"Yes, that's what i thought," he says calmly, "But it doesn't matter, I won't wake him up, I just want to see him," he watches you with tired eye, "You should go to sleep too," he says as he places one of his hands gently on your shoulder, "I'll lock up and set the alarm when I leave."
Hesitation shows on your face for a moment, watching him intently and with a flash of concern.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, don't worry," he nods at you with a small soft smile, "Go get some rest, I'll take care of it."
"Fine, but anything tell me, no matter what it is, okay?"
"Okay."
With a soft nod, you both head up the stairs and down the hallway to the rooms, you wave goodbye to him before entering your room and he enters Aenar's room.
And once in your room, you cover yourself with your sheets and thinking that you would fall asleep the moment you were in the comfort of your bed, you suddenly stare at the ceiling for a long time unable to close your eyes and clearly unable to sleep.
He hasn't left yet, as you haven't heard that soft 'click' of the door or his footsteps in the hallway walking away.
You try to find sleep any way you can, but the thought that Aemond is still in the house is what keeps you awake.
And it's not because you don't trust him, on the contrary, you look at the time and feel remorseful and worried that he has to drive back to his apartment so late.
Minutes pass and suddenly you find yourself restless, sleep refusing to invade you. So with quiet steps, you approach Aenar's room, where the dim light of a night lamp reflects through the frame below the door.
Carefully and determined, you gently open the door, first peeking your head and then your body, catching the attention of Aemond who turns his head towards you, sitting near Aenar's crib and gently and very lightly stroking his hair so as not to wake him with a look of affection that does not leave his face despite the interruption.
"Can't you sleep?" he whispers to you, watching you with a soft gaze.
You nod softly, folding your arms as you look down at sleeping Aenar with palpable tenderness.
"It's late and I thought maybe... if you want, you can sleep here," you say with a warm tone but your hint of shyness in your voice is noticeable, as well as your hesitation to suggest such a thing.
It's no problem for you, it's just that he's never slept over before and you don't know what his reaction will really be to you proposing that, whether he'll say yes or no.
"And you're okay with that?" he observes you thoughtfully and softly.
"Yes, of course I am," you assure him completely nonchalantly, "It's totally fine with me."
He nods at you with a gesture, without wiping away his soft little smile.
"Thank you."
And then both his gaze and yours return to watching Aenar asleep in his crib. And Aemond resumes the smile of tenderness on his lips, again sliding his hand over his hair.
"He's beautiful, isn't he?" he whispers with a flash of pride in his gaze.
You hum in assent, slowly moving closer toward them both.
"Yes, he is," you reply, gazing at your little one with indescribable love.
A brief silence envelops you for a moment, only hearing the soft hum of the spinning lamp projecting images on the ceiling, creating a peaceful low-light scene of animals and stars for Aenar.
This usually helps him sleep and also calms him down a bit if he wakes up crying in the middle of the night while you wake up and rush over here.
"For a while I imagined how he would looked like, whether boy or girl..." he murmurs in a soft, warm, low, wistful tone, "No matter what you decided to do when you left, I always thought about it," he gives you a meaningful look, guilt on his features and you nod, watching him with understanding.
Aemond clenches his jaw and looks at Aenar again, while you remember those days, where fear and uncertainty lived inside you every day.
You wish you had them, those happy moments that a new mom should experience, but that was not the case for you and yet... you cannot imagine a life without your little boy, it is impossible.
What is supposed to be happy news, was not happy for you and Aemond.
There was no single moment of joy at the beginning, when you learned of your pregnancy. Nor did you experience that feeling the first few months, when you ran away and went back to building a new life.
And Aemond feels the remorse most in these kinds of moments, when Aenar is asleep and he looks at him, not being able to believe and wondering over and over again how it is that from the beginning, he supported the idea of just getting rid of him.
And now he sees only him and cannot imagine a world without him.
Shame overcomes him, guilt also and he even wants to cry with anger as he thinks of all that you must have gone through, without his support, trying to make a living for you and his son, all alone in a new and unknown place.
And he knows that this, allowing you to be in Aenar's life, is a great opportunity that he doesn't deserve and yet you have given it to him.
"I know you said you can't forgive me but... someday can you? For how I reacted and for the decision I supported in the beginning?" he asks you, unable to help himself and needing to know.
His tone is charged with a mixture of regret and longing as you feel a pressure and a slight sharp pain in your chest at his words.
Silence stretches for a moment throughout the room, Aemond respects your silence and though there are many reasons why you should never forgive him for what happened, you still decide to be honest.
"I don't know," you whisper in a low, sad and vulnerable tone.
The words echo through the room, enveloping the space with palpable tension.
Aemond feels his heart pounding, filled with overwhelming regret. He lowers his gaze, unable to bear the weight of his mistakes and your words are like a dagger in his heart, but still, he understands you completely.
He nods with compression, letting out a regret-laden sigh, still gently stroking Aenar's hair.
"I understand," he murmurs with a tone of melancholy and fragility, as well as in his gaze full of pleading and remorse.
"Does your family know about him?"
And you with your sad eyes full of regret, you watch him out of the corner of your eye.
And you see all those emotions in him, all his thoughts reflected in his gaze, trying to stand firm and on the sidelines as he continues to watch Aenar.
You can't help but ask, trying to calm the atmosphere a little, though it's useless, as that slight tension is felt and also that physical and emotional distance from both your side and him.
"I've wanted to tell them, only Nyra knows but I asked her not to say anything," he confesses to you in a low voice, trying to speak firmly but the nostalgia is clear, "Even though I know my mother and siblings will be disappointed in me when I explained what happened two years ago, yes I have wanted to tell them," he nods, "But first I wanted to discuss it with you," he says looking briefly at you over his shoulder.
And now it is remorse that comes to you.
"Tell them, Aemond," you tell him firmly with a soft tone, "They deserve to know."
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@hypocritic-trash-baby
573 notes · View notes
chastiefoul · 1 year
Text
he said something hurtful
characters: childe & zhongli genre: hurt and comfort wc: 1.4k
Childe
it’s been such a stressful day for the eleventh fatui harbinger. all these paperwork but no place to let out his pent up frustration to; battles. he’s been stuck to the duty for too many days now and when he said it was not going to get to him, perhaps that was overconfidence.
 “here, i made you tea hope it helps you to relax a little,” you said as you put the glass on his desk at a reasonable distance away from his work. he hummed a lazy response as gratitude. you’d learnt not to take these gestures to heart since he’s palpably stressed and you all of people knew that childe is the most loving man you’ve ever been with. “anything else i can do for you?” you asked, genuinely wanted to assist him in any way you could. he just shook his head, “it’s fine,” he said curtly.
“massages? back rubs? need me to get anything from somewhere?” you tried again, seeing his not so good expression at a particular part of the paper he’s looking at, wanting to at least ease him a little.
“gods, (y/n),” he said with the most exasperated tone that it made you a little nervous. “can you be quiet for a second? what the hell do you think you can do for me?”
you gasped quietly at the outburst and childe regretted the words as soon as it came out from his mouth. “(y/n), baby i’m sorry i didn’t mean th-“ but you quickly cut him off, wanting to get out of the room as soon you can. “i’ll just leave,” you whimpered, voice clearly holding back tears. at this childe’s heart twinged with even more guilt, he swiftly chased you and brought you close to his chest. “i’m sorry, that was stupid and horrible of me, sorry (y/n),” he repeated the apologies as he rubbed circles on your back. you held back a sob yet to no avail tears still fell to his shoulder. “i just wanted to help,” you mumbled. “i know and you do, my baby always does the best things for me,” he kept you in his hold as he planted kisses on your forehead. “i always worry over you, childe. if i bother you i wish you could’ve just tell me nicely.”
“i’m sorry, i took out my frustration on you, ‘m sorry baby. won’t happen again, i promise. please don’t leave.” childe’s hold on you got tighter, he wished he could turn back time and hit his past-self for running his mouth like that when you’ve been nothing but kind to him. he brought your face close to his, wiping your tears with his thumbs. you looked at him, the apparent raw regret painted all over his face. “stay? please?”
“mhm, but none of that again, okay? ever,” you warned him. “promise. sorry again, you’re too good to me.” he continued embracing you.
Zhongli
you had promised zhongli to assist him with his work, he asked you to bring over a document from clerk zhao 9 a.m. sharp as it is was a very important task to do. he told you that a few days prior about it saying that he would have no time to do it himself thus asking for your help since there’s nobody in the world he trusted more than you. and of course you were more than happy to do it if it helped him even just a little.
the said day was approaching. you felt that your body was slightly sluggish the night before as you prepared to go to bed yet you thought nothing of it and assumed would get better if you just slept it off, but you were wrong. you woke up feeling extremely sick along with a terrible headache. but that wasn’t your biggest concern, you looked over the clock and its hour hands clearly showed: 9.30 a.m.
with your best ability at your current condition—which was very limited, you quickly forced yourself up and rushed to do the task zhongli has entrusted you in. you were struggling as you arrive at feiyun slope area that even clerk zhao showed concern and asked if you were okay which to you answer that you were just fine, when in fact you were clearly not. yet your bigger worry that minute was getting that document to zhongli as he said that it’s a very important matter and you must not be late. however with such a sick body, you arrived at the wangsheng funeral parlor a little over ten a.m.
you burst open his office, “zhongli, i’m so sor-“
“where were you?” he cut you off rather rudely, and he does not do that. “sorry, i-“ you tried again.
“i had told you that this is a very important matter, yet here you are being carelessly tardy.” his usual gentle tone was nowhere to be found, you found yourself in a very bad state, it took everything out of you to just even stand up right that second and he couldn’t see that. even clerk zhao immediately noticed it. you were not even going to make excuse, you just wanted him to listen. “zhongli, please listen-“
“this was such a mistake. i regret relying on you.” he swiftly took the paper on your hand, his back turned and faced you as he sort out his business on his desk. it wasn’t until he heard a sniffle that he had realized what he just said. mistake. regret.
“dear, i-“
you were already started to leave his office, one of your hand was on the wall supporting your own weight as you felt extremely weak and fatigued from all the running around a sick person should not be doing.
“(y/n), wait please i—you’re very warm!” he claimed loudly as his hand touched your arm. “sweetheart, do you have a fever?” he reached out a hand to feel your forehead but you swatted it away. “it’s nothing, just get back to your work.” you attempted to release yourself, but zhongli had another idea on mind as the former god of rock suddenly carried you to a room where there’s a bed as he lied you there and tucked you in a blanket. you who barely any strength just let him did whatever as you turned your back on him the moment your body touched the bed. the wound from his words still fresh on your mind as you cried. you knew that it was your fault that you’re late, however zhongli acted way out of line. his tone and harsh words were very unfamiliar to you.
zhongli looked at your back as he was eaten away by guilt. if only he could just listen. to think he was very adamant to not listen to you when all you wanted to do was to explain yourself and he said that crap instead which he didn’t mean at all.
he truly meant it when he said he would entrust even his life to you.
zhongli was late on realizing the severe damage he just caused over the harsh words he spouted in the heat of the moment. whatever the reason, he should have not done that, not to anyone, especially not to the love of his life. but in reality was he did.
“love, i apologize.” he knelt beside the bed. when that met no response he continued, “that was very foolish of me. i didn’t know what i was talking about. you’re my whole world, i rely on you the most. how very stupid that i could even have the nerve to say that when i do nothing but lean on you everyday in my life.” his voice heavy with remorse as he hesitantly rubbed your arm, trying to soothe you. “to think i just made my sick lover running around like that... i apologize.”
“i wasn’t trying to make excuses, zhongli. i did not choose to be sick.” your voice was meek, zhongli’s chest squeezed in pain, how could he make you say things like this. “of course not, even with your condition you still did your best for me and i reacted like that, i really deserve your anger.”
he saw that tears still ran across your face and it broke his heart. “dear, please, what i don’t deserve is your tears.” he gently turned you to face him, wiping your tears with his fingertip. you slowly stopped crying as zhongli kept whispering apologies and sweet words. “why don’t you get some rest first? we’ll talk again after you feel better,”  zhongli said softly. you who had no complaint over that only nodded, getting the sleep you’ve desperately needed.
seconds before you fell into your slumber you could feel a kiss on your forehead. “(y/n), i love you very much.”
3K notes · View notes
uplatterme · 1 year
Note
i want to eat diluc pls 👉👈
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a/n: i combined these two, i hope y’all don’t mind
cw: sub!diluc, dom!reader, transmasc!diluc/ftm!diluc, amab!reader, cunnilingus, breeding | use of female anatomy terminology
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Diluc watches.
He stands there behind the counter, watching you as you laugh with another. He watches how you place your lips on the wine glass, the alcohol evident in your expressions.
The glass in his hands is near to shattering with how stressful he’d been holding it. 
He then stops himself, remembering that this is his choice to begin with.
To the people of Monstadt, he’s never been with another. Diluc is seen as a lone wolf, someone that can never be locked down. One, who prioritizes his business rather than romantic relations.
He knows the wall that he’s built around him, the kind of expectations that people expect of being the Ragnvindr heir… and that’s exactly why he chooses to keep your relationship with him a secret.
He will never let you suffocate with that burden.
“Are you tired? We can just eat in if you want.” You ask Diluc, sitting on one of the stools in front of him.
He doesn’t answer, his mind seeming to be somewhere else.
“Diluc.” You call out.
He continues fixing the bottles on the shelves, not responding to your words. 
You’re not new to this side of him, the way Diluc copes with his problems by shutting everything out. It does, however, result in him being unaware of his surroundings whenever he focuses on them too much.
You sigh. “Love?”
That’s when he finally turns around, worried that someone else might see you two. Once he realizes that there’s no one else in the tavern, he relaxes, calling out your name and bringing the back of your hand to his lips.
“Are you alright?” You question him, even knowing the fact that he won’t share his feelings with you, preferring to keep them to himself.
“I’m fine.” Is what he says, despite his right eye obviously twitching when he says it.
“Is it work?”
“The Knights?”
“Is it that guy from earlier?”
Diluc stops his slow pacing behind the counter, about to reject your accusations until he realizes that he’s accidentally revealed it himself with his actions.
”It’s not…” Diluc fumbles with his words, trying to think of an excuse and while he does, he sees you smirking, trying to hold yourself back from laughing. 
“You—!” He shouts, embarrassed. 
Diluc wants to crouch under the counter but knows you’ll tease him even further if he does.
“I swear, Diluc. You’re one of the smartest men I’ve ever met and yet you…could be so stupid sometimes.” You say, reaching out for the glass of water he’s set for you.
“You know I’ll never let you go, right?” You remind him.
Diluc doesn’t remember how many times you’ve said those words to him.
He’s starting to believe it.
You really wish you could keep Diluc for yourself. It sounds a bit obsessive now that you think about it, but having your head between his thighs, watching him squirm, trying to not get ahead of himself, makes you jealous of the idea that someone else might get to see this as well.
Diluc’s hair is a mess, the hair tie snapped by your fingers earlier. The feeling of his own hair on his back sends shivers throughout his body. 
He knows how wet he is, already so pleased by your attention and littered praises.
With your tongue on his cunt, his nerves are on fire, something that his pyro vision could never do. He’s left thoughtless, holding on to the sheets of the bed, his juices leaking all over it. His face resembles the color of his hair, his cheeks heating more and more, the cold breeze of Monstadt not being a bother despite his bare legs.
“How’s that, my prince?” You tilt your head up to look at his needy eyes, waiting for you to continue.
“V–Very well—” Diluc’s words are cut off by a loud whine, your tongue focusing on his clit, his mouth is left wide open, his legs quivering within your hands.
Diluc closes his eyes, taking in all the pleasure you’re giving him generously.
Diluc tastes so sweet, the alcohol you’ve consumed earlier pales in comparison. It’s so rewarding, like the patience you bore not being able to do anything when girls flocked all over your man is finally being rewarded.
The Darknight Hero sings your name repeatedly, begging you to keep going. His words slurring, climax at its reach.
He cums with a pitiful whimper, his body trembling against the headboard. His head rolls back, thighs unable to stop themselves from shaking.
“Should we take a break?” You ask, fingers intertwining with his, watching his entire body crumble and waiting for him to slowly relax.
“No,” He breathes out. “We can keep going.”
Diluc’s back is arched, his soft ass all up for you to admire while you slam his tight and wet walls. 
It’s times like these that you swear the Archons blessed Diluc far too much. 
It’s sickeningly amazing how good he feels, the temptation to fill his insides getting to your head. 
He writhes and moans, his face down on the pillow, drooling at how good you’re fucking him. The way you hold his waist, keeping him in place as he’s forced to take your rough and pleasurable thrusts.
Diluc muffles his whines with the pillow, unable to control his own body and how it reacts when combined with yours, sobbing at how deep you push yourself in.
“Ah, fuck–” You swear worriedly, knowing you’re nearing ejaculation, Diluc’s insides clenching on your shape.
You pull yourself away, something you’re used to doing when having sex with Diluc. Something that you just accepted without a question. 
That is, until Diluc’s shivering hand reaches for your wrist.
“Love?” You ask hastily, upset that you’ve somehow done something wrong.
He buries his head deeper into the pillow and answers your concern, his voice quiet but clear.
“What?” You say, not sure if you heard him correctly or if your mind had finally lost its screws.
“It’s fine.” He says.
You tilt your head to look at Diluc’s flushed face, wanting to confirm again if he said what you think he said.
“What if—”
“I said, it’s fine.” He blushes even deeper than possible. 
“Must you really make me be direct and say even more embarrassing things?”
With that, you continue to thrust inside Diluc’s cunt, uttering out praises such as “You drive me crazy.” and repeating your affection for him. “I love you so much, Diluc.”
You finish inside him and Diluc collapses on the bed. It’s different. It’s raw, these emotions of his, unlike the emotions he’s shown when you first met, filtered by what he thinks he should show you.
Your cums leaks out from his walls and while he’s still embarrassed, he loves it.
He loves how warm your seed is. He loves how you make him scream his throat dry. He loves how deep he’s fallen for you. It doesn’t matter how many troubles come his way.
He loves it because it’s you.
So laying there breathless with you on top of him, he pleads.
“More.”
It’s stupid how he thinks he can get away with saying that without paying for it.
Diluc pants heavily, he doesn’t know how many times he’s climaxed nor does he know how many times you’ve filled him completely.
He hears it when you pound inside of him, your cum dripping down his thigh and yet you continue to wreck his walls and replace that waste.
He doesn’t want you to stop.
“Mmh–Like that! Please!” 
He begs you, any ounce of shame seeming to have gone away.
“Well, try harder to keep it in. Why don’t you? Such a waste, spilling all my hard work…” You tease, the man whimpering as you hit his sensitive spot.
Diluc’s trying. He really is, but with how much liquid you’ve spilled inside…
It would be a miracle if he doesn’t get knocked up after this. Not that he minded if it’s with you.
“I’m c-close!” He sobs out.
His lower half is heavy and he can’t tell whether it’s because of the amount of cum inside of him or because you fucked his cunt so bad that his thighs numbed.
He believes it’s both.
Diluc moans out your name with a rasp in his voice as he cums for the nth time, his entire body weak and shivering.
He lays down on the bed, his stomach bulging from how much cum he’s managed to keep inside.
He stares at your wicked eyes, wondering if that grin of yours is to be taken positively or not. Diluc sees you visibly bite back your words.
“Let’s get you cleaned up.”
He wonders what else you had to say.
Diluc sits on the edge of the bed, waiting for you to finish behind him.
You’re currently on your knees, braiding your lover’s hair. 
“Your hair would be prettier with some flowers.” You suggest.
He chuckles, tilting his head back to meet your face.
“That sounds bothersome.”
You shake your head at his antics. It was worth a try, at least.
“Hey, if something happens…” You say, concern evident in your face.
“If something happens, I’ll tell you.” Diluc answers before you even ask.
“I see.” You reply.
You tie the end of his hair, the long braid suiting Diluc more than you anticipated. It’ll get curly tomorrow but hey, maybe he’ll start a new trend with the people of Monstadt.
“Next Windblume.” He says.
“What?” You stare at him confused.
“You can put flowers in my hair next Windblume.”
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yourlocaltreesimp · 6 months
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Heyo! Can I request how the boys would react to the reader/their crush complimenting them?
- 🥣 anon
Yes you may, and welcome to the Anon list officially, officially!
PT 1: Time, Twilight, Wild
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*
Chain getting complimented by their crush!
Time
Stone faced on the outside- buts that’s because he’s a windows error page
But when he resets it’s literally just him melting with adoration.
He’s thinking about that for the next week, whenever you’re next to him, whenever his mind gets to quiet, whenever he’s close to falling asleep.
“Hey Time?” Your curious voice was hushed as most other members of the chain were sleeping, and judging from your own sleepy voice, you weren’t too far.
“Yes?” He shifted over slightly to get a better look at you, sprawled out over your bedroll and propped up by an arm. The fire’s glow did you well, painting your in warmth and gold.
“That’s it- I just wanted to see your face. G’night” And just like that, you were peacefully asleep. He, however, could do anything but. He was unaware of courting in your universe, unaware of what that ment for him and his yearning for which he thought was one-sided. But he was glad the others couldn’t see the smile he let crack his face, hand the way he carefully tucked you in.
Twilight
He skips the mental reset and goes straight to panicking.
Look, he was down bad before- he’s worse now.
Twilight couldn’t find anywhere else to rest his eyes except on you as you sat, a colony of stray ordon cats gathered around you. You tried your hardest to give them all equal attention, much as you did the group, but one crawled it’s way into your lap, garnering your attention. He didn’t know he could be jealous of a cat.
“I love being here.” His head soared to hear that you to loved his home, its charm outweighing any possible doubts you had in your mint
“Glad to hear that” He so badly wanted to say more as the silence lingered, but your content smile persuaded him into simply letting it be.
“I wanna live somewhere like here someday. Hell- I even might stay here if you aren’t sick of me by the end of all this” You looked up and his heart caught, he managed a shy smile as he wringed his hands out nervously. As if he could ever be sick of you- the mere thought was atrocious. “I wouldn’t mind staying here for you” If his cheeks weren’t red before, he could guarantee they were now.
Wild
There’s a few things you compliment him on that he’s suave af about. His scar, however is not one of them.
It makes him feel lesser. Reminds him of his shortcomings
Compliment that and this man is sold. Not only are you interested in him, but you’re interested in all of him. Not just the champion that he was dubbed
It was the forth or fifth time he caught you staring, your eyes lingering on his face. Now that’s not so say he didn’t like your attention, no, but he was starting to wonder.
“Why do you keep staring at me”
“I’m not staring at you” Your unassuming response gets an amused huff out of him “I’m admiring” The way you stressed the word made adrenaline deep into his blood in a way he was familiarly unfamiliar with- something only you could do to him.
“What is there to admire?” He looked down at himself, he was in his usual ensemble of clothing, his hair done the same way as usual, so what was it that caught you?
“Your scar” Oh? Oh. His mind was quiet, you were quiet. Of course the most radiant thing to walk the earth finally noticed his normality. Finally noticed his insufficiency. Finally noticed he’s a fa- “I like it” What? “It’s so… you. I hadn’t realised how well it fits your face. I wish whatever happened didn’t happen, yeah…” Your voice trailed off in an enraptured trial. Enough to leave his mind drawing blanks “But I think I like you more this way” You smiled, satisfied with your words and went back to what you were supposed to be doing while he could do anything but. The most precious person he’s met not only appreciates his most ugly and unworthy parts, but loves him more because of them… That was a concept he’d need to ponder.
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sharkboywrites · 24 days
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Hello! May I ask for the BG3 gang with an autistic gn Tav who is. Very Very Large but also quite young (think like... Older teen.) who just decides that Astarion/Wyll/Halsin/Gale etc is their new favourite person and WILL NOT leave them alone.
It would be very funny if they just... didn't realise Tav was actually A Kid™ and thought they were just a weirdly clingy grownup. Except Halsin. Halsin would know Immediately.
Inspired by my dumb ass being enormous and this having happened to me irl many times.
Bg3 Characters With a Young Older Looking Autistic Tav
A/n: This idea is so silly I love it. This is obviously written as platonic because reader is younger and baulder's gate characters are older and I don't write weird stuff like that lol although I'm sure that's expected. Also also i did all of them together because I do not have the energy to write sperate headcannons for each of them, dont worry they all get their moment
Gn Reader, Child/teen Reader
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This was an... interesting situation
Everyone on the team assumed you were just assumed you were a bit childish for an adult
I mean could you blame them? You were massive, anyone would assume you were an adult
Except for Halsin
He could easily tell your age, but it's something he kept between the two of you, mainly for safety
Halsin takes more of a dad approach if you cling to him
He's very protective of you and teaches you new skills
He also keeps anyone else on the team from hitting on you, for obvious reasons, but wouldn't say why
He's also the most attentive when it comes to your autism, he's always keeping an eye out for you and helping when he can
It took the others longer to find, though
Wyll was the second to put two and two together
Once he realized, he grilled you about why you didn't tell anyone about it
He isn't too harsh though, and takes a more "fun uncle" role
He always makes sure to entertain you, he's the guy who's got fidgets on him just for you incase you need them
He also decides not to tell anyone for your safety after consulting with Halsin, but he does wish you said something sooner
Gale is the second to last to find out, after trying to teach you something about magic
He had questioned why you didn't know any of this, it was supposed to be common knowledge for someone your age
Or someone he thought was your age
He just stared at you blankly for a good minute after you told him how old you actually were
He's more upset at himself for not noticing to be honest
He realizes how that actually makes a lot of sense
Gale, like Halsin, also takes a more fatherly approach
he teaches you things you may have not known before, and is one of the most helpful when it comes to working through your autism
He's a knowledgeable man and can tell what you need, probably before you do
He's very protective, often insisting that you stay out of battles, but it's not like you listen to him in that department
For comedy's sake, Astarion is the last to find out, and he is pissed
He's mad that no one told him, even if it wasn't too long Gale found out and most of the party knew
He looked so dumbfounded when he found out and like Gale, was more mad that he didn't realize sooner
He's upset, but he gets over it quickly after a day or two of snarky comments and like Wyll, takes on a cool uncle postion
The whole party suddenly wants to protect you and it's suddenly become one of their top goals to return you to your parent/guardian if you have one, next to y'know, getting the worms out of your head
If you don't have somewhere to go they may or may not argue on who takes you once it's all over
Generally, you're taken good care of from then on, much better than you were before
Everyone's very attentive to you and tries to be aware of what you may need at any given point
Since they all have some type of trauma, they want to make sure the same doesn't happen to you, especially so young
Being in this situation is stressful for anyone, let alone a child, and a child with a disability
They do their best to make you happy and keep you safe
They may struggle, but they do their best, and now you have people to call family
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writerslittlelibrary · 6 months
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Ok so blackhill x daughter reader
So Natasha and Maria have been stressed lately and on a mission we keep calling them lil mama and mom (I don’t know which nicknames you want) and some agents (avengers don’t because they are used to) snicker about that. (Don’t get me wrong they love when we call them that no matter the situation and will beat up anybody who laughs at that but now due to the stress they can’t) so they kind of snap at us telling us that we have to adress them with respect.
Now the angst 😈 then some days after that mission we get kidnapped and HYDRA got a device that made us see that our mothers were torturing us. So we got tortured irl but saw that Natasha and Maria did it.
Then when they finally get to where we are (some time has to pass) we start to back up frightened and start saying things like “please miss romanoff please don’t hurt me more miss romanoff” (yk like begging but calling them that) and Natasha is startled and says “what did you call me?” So we get even more frightened and kind of scream “I’m sorry black widow I’m sorry please no more please” also when we are in the compound every time we see them we get duper frightened. And they have to make a lot of effort and rehabilitation to get us back to our past shelf.
I don’t know if this makes sense at all. I’m sorry if it doesn’t
-🦈
We are your mothers
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masterlist requests masterlist
part 2
pairing: Blackhill x daughter reader
warnings: yelling, Natasha and Maria being stupid for a second, torture
genre: angst
words: 1370
a/n: I finally finished a fic, yay😎 hope you like it :)
You do not have my permission to repost, copy or translate my work 
-------------------------------------------------------------
Going on a mission with your moms seemed exciting at first. You and Natasha had spoken about it a lot, and while she was unsure of you joining them, she was proud of you.
Two days in and excitement had died down, now walking on eggshells every time you talked with your moms. They were stressed. Very stressed. The past couple of days hadn’t been easy on them and they carried a lot of responsibility and had a lot on their plate. You tried to help them, but Maria had just ended up telling you to go somewhere else.
You knew it had nothing to do with you, but it still hurt.
To make the whole situation worse, people had been laughing behind your back, and sometimes right in your face due to the fact you called your moms by their names, mom and mama. The other agents made fun of it and you found it annoying but mainly ignored it. You knew they were just some stupid agents, you just wished they’d shut up. 
Today wasn’t any different. All of you were working on finding information, hacking into computers and trying to find out where Hydra was going to hit next. 
“Hey mama, I think I found something,” you said, typing something in the laptop while you tried to secure a location. You heard an agent snicker, and you knew Natasha had heard it too, but she seemed to ignore it. She walked over to you, leaning down to look at the laptop. 
“This proves nothing, y/n. Please take this seriously,” she said, walking back to your mom. You sighed in annoyance, and leaned back into your chair. 
“I am taking this seriously mama. Why wouldn’t I? I know it’s serious, but I really thought I had something-” “Well you didn’t, and you need to start being more respectful. We are not at home. Address us properly,” Natasha interrupted, typing something into her own computer. 
You looked at your mom pleadingly, but Maria just shook her head and went on with her own work. “You could’ve just told me that. No need to yell!” you replied back to Natasha, who looked at you really pissed. “Go take yourself for a walk, and don’t even dare coming back until you’ve remembered your manners!” Natasha replied angrily, and you could hear some agents snickering. 
You stood up aggressively, pushing your chair back and storming out of the room, ignoring your moms scolding you heard. 
You walked outside for a while, the cool autumn air helping to calm your nerves. You felt odd, though, but you couldn’t really explain it. You kept looking behind you, feeling as though someone was following you. When the feeling got worse, you reached for your phone, dialing your mom who, stupidly, ignored your call. You cursed yourself quietly, calling your mama, who, surprisingly, picked up. 
“What?” you heard your mama say, hearing the annoyance in her voice. “I think I’m being followed…” you replied softly, checking behind you again. 
“Where are you?” you heard Natasha ask, her voice suddenly sounding concerned and panicked. “I’m at-” “Hello? y/n?! Answer me!” Natasha yelled through the phone, but you were knocked out cold. 
Natasha immediately grabbed Maria’s attention, explaining what happened. The entire mission was thrown around, now solely focussed on finding you.
Meanwhile, you were being dragged into a van, which drove you to a Hydra base. You were still knocked out when they placed you into a dark room, strapping you down to a chair and quickly injecting you with a serum.
Once you woke up, the room was dark, and your mind felt foggy. You couldn’t remember what happened, but when you went to reach for your head you found out your arms and legs were tied. You panicked, frantically trying to get yourself loose but to no avail. Once you stopped struggling, the door opened, and two figures walked in.
You blinked a few times, not trusting your mind, before you realized it was your moms standing in front of you. “Mama! Mom! Please help me!” you pleaded with them, tugging on the restraints.
They didn’t move from their spot, instead who you thought was Maria lifted her arm, a strike hitting you in the face. “Address us properly,” she demanded, waiting for your answer. Your head swept to the side and tears stung in your eyes. “What?...” you questioned quietly, barely above a whisper. Another strike hit your cheek, this time Maria grabbed your hair, yanking your head back.
“Address us properly,” she demanded again, Natasha now stepping closer too.
You shook your head to the best of your abilities, tears running down your cheeks. “Mom please, don’t get it…” you cried, another slap landing on your cheek. 
It had been days, and you were beaten and bruised and barely alive. Every few hours, a guy would come to inject you with a blue serum. It didn’t hurt, but it made your brain feel foggy and made you see things that weren’t really there. 
Your moms had been coming into the room constantly, torturing you and laughing at you, making fun of you. 
You were terrified, but completely obedient to whatever they told you. You had been moved into another room a few days ago, this one with a bed, or rather a mattress, a very thin mattress, on the floor. Your ankle was attached to a chain, which was attached to the wall.
You were shaking and starving, your wounds hurting more than anything you’d ever experienced. 
Little did you know your real moms had been doing anything in their power to try and find you. They had gone over every possible Hydra base, skipping sleep and going through every possible file and document to try and locate you, and tonight, they did.
It was late when your cell door opened, and your moms once again walked in. “y/n,” you heard a relieved sigh, but you didn’t dare look at them. 
You kept your eyes on the ground, sitting up straight and keeping quiet, just like you’d been taught. Natasha ran up to you, laying her hand on your shoulder to try and assess the damage, but you flinched away from her touch, trying to make yourself as small as possible.
“Please…” you cried out. “No more… please miss Romanoff no more…” 
Natasha hesitated in her movement, making eye contact with Maria, who was slowly approaching. “What did you just call me?” Natasha asked surprised, and she, nor Maria didn’t miss the way that sentence made you flinch and made yourself even smaller. 
“I’m sorry Black Widow. I’m sorry, please don’t hurt me. I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” you cried out, tears violently streaming down your face. 
Maria tried to approach you as well, but you flinched away from her as well.
Natasha had tears running down her cheeks, seeing you so afraid of her, too terrified to even look at her. Meanwhile, Maria called for back-up. Soon after, Yelena entered the room, followed by Clint. Natasha was sitting against a wall, her head leaning on it as she cried soundlessly, Maria sitting next to her, tears in her eyes as well.
You were sitting across for them, still covering your face with your arms and you tried to shield yourself.
Yelena slowly approached you, her hands raised as she crouched down next to you. “Baby spider…?” she asked carefully, taking note of your form relaxing slightly as you heard her voice. “Baby spider it’s me. It’s auntie Yelena. Can I help you with your wounds please?”
Seeing as though you made no move to get away from her, she came closer, hugging you tight as she checked your wounds. You finally broke down, feeling safe in the familiar arms of the russian.
Clint helped Natasha and Maria, getting them up and then breaking the chain you were attached to. Yelena lifted you up, taking you to the Quinjet, while your moms were left in that room. They saw your terrible state as Yelena carried you away, and silently cried, knowing this happened only because they got mad over you calling them mom, knowing you’d probably ever call them that again. 
a/n: I might rewrite this ending or make a part two cause, yikes.
part 2
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